How to ask for more-and get it | Alex Carter | TEDxReno
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- Опубліковано 14 жов 2024
- What do the top 7% of negotiators have in common? How do they simultaneously ask for more - and get it - while actually strengthening their relationships? In a time when more than half of us avoided negotiating our last salary, Professor Alex Carter reveals 5 secrets to confidently asking for what you’re worth.
Alex Carter is a Columbia Law School professor, mediator and negotiation trainer to the United Nations. For the last 20 years, she has taught hundreds of thousands of people how to take lessons from the world’s highest-stakes negotiations and apply them to their everyday lives. Professor Carter’s first book, Ask for More: 10 Questions to Negotiate Anything (Simon & Schuster), was published in 2020 and became an instant Wall Street Journal Business Bestseller. As a keynote speaker, Alex helps companies around the world secure larger deals, prevent losses and retain top talent. Her work has been featured in The Wall Street Journal, Good Morning America, The New York Times, MSNBC’s Morning Joe, The CBS Early Show, NPR Marketplace, CNBC, Fast Company, and more. She is a contributor for NBC News’ Know Your Value, a news site devoted to helping women grow in their careers and reach their full potential. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
I loved how she tied personal stories into her lessons. It made the whole talk feel more relatable and actionable
As the man in that kayak, I can assure that this story is 100% true. And I can also tell you that Alex's advice is 100% accurate. After 18 years of marriage, I should know ;)
You are great. And she is too 🎉
I'm the kayak, I can confirm
As your marriage, I too can confirm
Loving this for you guys
I've learned so much on negotiations from Alex Carter. I am drawn to everything Alex teaches, through her book, her TED talk or her virtual/in person presentations. I use her teachings now even in everyday conversations personal or professional. Steering a relationship is my starting point in pretty much any situation. And the right words ("what", "how" and "tell me..." ) are powerful tools to achieve optimal outcomes. That and the silence moment. Boom!
The diplomat story was eye-opening... Sometimes we forget that empathy can be a game-changer, even in high-stakes negotiations. Something to keep in mind for sure.
I never realized negotiation could be so laid-back. I always thought it was just about arguing, but this idea of steering the conversation makes way more sense
Yes - it won’t always be laid-back, but many times it can be if we take an open approach.
I was intrigued by the idea that most negotiations fail because people don’t ask the right questions. This is something I’ll be more mindful of moving forward, thank you!
Glad you enjoyed - I can't wait to hear how it works for you!
Steering conversations in everyday life... didn’t realize I was already negotiating so much! This really gives a new perspective on daily interactions
I’ve always hated negotiation because it felt like a confrontation. Thinking of it as steering a relationship could really help! Thanks for the insightful talk 🫡
I hope it does help! Good luck and keep me posted 💪
right??? like it always feels so tense and like there's a lot of pressure!
The kayak story was a perfect metaphor. It’s a reminder that sometimes we need to trust others and work together rather than trying to control everything ourselves.
Yes! I found that out the hard way 😂 Thanks for watching!
@@alexandrabcarter thanks for speaking😀😀
On my way to a salary negotiation in an hour! This video provided some great talking points - feeling confident. Thanks!
Same here...perfect timing. Thank you so much!
You've got this! Send me a note and keep me posted!
So...how was it?
I hope you got it!
Taking this as a reminder to slow down in negotiations. I tend to rush in, but asking more questions and listening might be the real key to getting what I want.
“Curious people make more money.” That will be rattling in my head for a while.
“I don’t request, I recruit.” I love the idea of this, that you really do set yourself up for better outcomes when you view the people you’re negotiating with as partners rather than adversaries.
Your work is not just getting people to think differently about negotiation, but also how they approach all their relationships. I love it so much!
The concept of negotiating with yourself first is powerful. It’s a reminder to build confidence and clarity before going into things with another person
The story about the diplomat was inspiring. It shows that empathy and listening can resolve even the toughest conflicts. This is a lesson for both professional and personal life that I'm very happy to have come across!
thanks for sharing it belle, got a lot out of this one
The kayak story was such a great analogy! It really highlighted how sometimes it's about working with others, not against them, to reach a common goal.
Asking genuine questions in negotiations is key to get things done.
Thank you so much for these outstanding speech and valuable advices.
Blessings to you 🙏
Loved the idea that negotiation isn't about arguing but about guiding a conversation. It makes it seem way less intimidating and more like a skill I can actually improve.
Salary negotiation is such a struggle for so many. So glad that you're tackling it here with such powerful insights. Well done!!!
The advice on staying silent after you speak is brilliant. It's remarkable what a bit of stoicism can get you
I'm going to be negotiating a salary soon so this was great info. does anybody else have tips or resources on salary negotiation?
Multiple competing offers always worked for me.
Using leverage is the best fail proof negotiation tactic. if you don’t have any then you accept what they offer or risk losing it. If you are too afraid to lose then accept what they offer and look for another job meanwhile to leverage your current offer.
Ask if the negotiation is firm or if there is room to negotiate. If the company wants to hire you they will try to find a way to make it work. If it's a firm offer then you are already at the top of the range or you're reaching the max they are willing to pay you.
I used to calculate what could be a good salary for me and also reasonable for that position and company and, when they ask me for my salary expectations, I say that that is the amount I'm earning at the moment, that I'm not changing because of money, but I would prefer to not lose money, if possible. 99% of the time, if they go further with the process it means that they find your expectations reasonable for them and are offering the same or a bit more.
Be willing to take an L. Meaning, be willing to job hop, if they won't give you what you want.
I think this just speaks to the importance of honesty and compassion, even in a business setting
The silence part was tough to grasp at first, but it makes so much sense. Sometimes we talk too much when we should just let the other person speak.
I love her approach here, to think that negotiation isn't just about getting what you want but how to better guide relationships is actually a super helpful reframe. I'm going to keep this in mind while navigating my in laws over the holiday season
I never actually thought of using "tell me" in negotiations. It seems like such a simple way to get more info without being confrontational, thank you!
I appreciate the emphasis on open questions. It’s so true that saying “tell me” can lead to deeper insights and better outcomes in any negotiation.
yeah and people love talking about what they want so I imagine it'd be pretty effective
It's kind of really wonderful to think that every conversation is a chance to steer things in a better direction ❤
Lesson four really hit home for me. I often talk too much and lose the deal. Learning to embrace silence is something I need to work on. Great advice!
Born in New York City, so me too 🙋🏻♀️ I’ll keep practicing alongside you!
I have a job interview tomorrow, and this talk just gave me the confidence boost I needed. Definitely going to try asking more open-ended questions.
I never thought about negotiation as something we do every day in our relationships. This really reframes how I approach conversations with my colleagues and family.
neither! definitely true thou, all relationships have an element of give and take
Loved the research-backed insights, especially the part about how silence can be used strategically in negotiations!
Thanks! Silence is an amazing tool. I tell my introvert negotiators to use it to their advantage! Try it and let me know how it goes 🙌
I love the story about your kayaking experience in Hawaii. There is a reason those double kayaks have earned their reputation as 'divorce makers'!! I'm so happy to hear you and your husband have gone on to defy the odds and celebrate 18 years together. As for your negotiation tips, the two that resonate most with me are 'Curious people make more money' and 'Land the plane'. I tend to talk too much when silence would likely be beneficial (and have more impact) and I definitely think there is an opportunity to reframe my questions for better success. Thanks for the great advice!
Alex Carter is the best negotiator we have ever know! This is a brilliant TEDx Talk that EVERYONE needs to watch! As people, we spend every waking moment negotiating with others (and ourselves); let's take Alex's tips to steer our relationships in a win-win-win direction!
Thank you! We sure do negotiate with ourselves all the time, don’t we?
The idea of ‘tell me’ being the biggest question you can ask is brilliant. It’s such a simple yet effective way to get more information and build trust. I’ll definitely use this in my next negotiation, thank you!
Thank you 😊 Please come back and let me know when you do! It’s magic.
@@alexandrabcarter thanks, just waiting for the right time
Making your adversary your partner is such a powerful concept. It shifts the whole dynamic and fosters collaboration. I see how this could really transform workplace negotiations!
absolutely. we don't make peace with our friends
Really loved this! The concept of negotiating and how it exists in all aspects of our lives if we are just willing and open to see it . What a different world we would live in for sure.
I was skeptical at first, but by the end, I was ready to negotiate my way through life. Watch out, world, I’m coming for you with my new "tell me" superpowers!
This video is so helpful for all negotiators- and we are all negotiators! Be curious, ask open ended questions, check in with yourself, psych yourself up with reminders of ourselves at our best, use silence, and more. Practical “pro-active” tips for business persons, employees, parents, and more. Alex is a natural coach and speaker and expert negotiator. This is amazing!
Thank you so much!
Love the positivity within this message! We should all be encouraged and empowered to ask for what we think we deserve!
💖💖💖💖
Asking open-ended questions is so critical!
Everyone needs to watch this video before any important negotiation (professional OR personal). I'm going to share this with my entire newsletter list tomorrow!
High compliment from someone who's at 2M views and counting!
That peace deal story was intense. I can’t imagine that kind of pressure. It makes my work deadlines seem like nothing
Thank you Alex for this inspirational video. I love your negotiation strategy that relies on building partnerships rather than "beating the opponent", which is in accordance with my own personal style and values. Can't agree more that listening and "landing the plane" are crucial in any negotiation.
One of the strongest, most impactful speakers I've ever watched!!! I've never felt more empowered to ask for more then I do now!! YOU KILLED IT ALEX!!
Thank you so much!
This was so good! "Tell me" is such a great question and I never thought to ask it that way. I 100% plan to use that strategy on a call I have right now. Thanks Alex!
I’ve always thought negotiation was just about getting the best deal, thinking of it as a way of building relationships is a nice new approach though, thank you for broadening my understanding!
same, thinking it can build up goodwill or understanding of the other person is really cool!
Definitely gave me a new perspective on negotiating. The point about listening and asking “Tell me about” was really impactful. I am going to put these points into practice!
Thank you! I hope it works out for you!
It is Intriguing how the powerful use of storytelling maintained my engagement until the very end. Well done Alex 👏👏👏
This means so much to me. Thank you!
The point about understanding your boss’s priorities really resonated with me. It’s something I’ve overlooked but will definitely be using in order to improve my workplace relationships.
yeah I thought this was a great point to, much easier to bargain with someone when you know what they want
The idea that negotiation starts before the actual conversation is so true. Prepping yourself mentally and knowing your worth can really change the outcome. This is a lesson I need to apply more in my own life.
You’re worth it, Valerie! 💪
definitely resonate with that, "knowing your worth" part of things
yessss like we've already made assumptions about the other
@@alexandrabcarter 🥰🥰 oh thank you, that's so nice
@@venmfate I think it's a big lesson!
Hi Alex! So happy to meet you, watch your talk live, and to continue to connect with you after our TEDxREno debut!
What a powerful and practical talk, with excellent, easy to implement tips for anyone wanting to negotiate a better salary that they deserve.
I especially love the idea that really, it's about building and strengthening relationships - because once you get that raise/promotion, you're going to be working with the person you got the salary boost from.
This talk is a must-watch for anyone who wants to build more meaningful connections with people they live and work with. You can learn to advocate for yourself with integrity and confidence by knowing your worth and respecting and valuing others, too.
Clear, easy to follow tips from which everyone can benefit in almost every aspect of their lives! Amazing job Alex!! 🔥
I love how stories are woven through the presentation. This content is very helpful information!!
Thank you!
Thank you Alexandra Carter for inviting me to this public discourse
Huge congrats, Alexandra- a great, pragmatic and accurate watch for promotion seekers!
The 'tell me' technique is awesome, will definitely be using it
Awesome!! I hope you get great results!
💯🎯Thank you Alex Carter
TEDx talks🤝
Amazing, Professor Alex! After watching this video, I really need to reread your book.
Obrigada and hope to see you again soon!
Great insight on negotiation especially for the last 3 points for self- practice and documented evidence to help achieve the raise, being respectful of the other party, and ultimately turning it from adversarial to a partnership!
Amazing story Alex.
The brilliance of your excellence is recognised with appreciation.
Thank you for sharing your empowering insights and knowledge.
I’ve always avoided negotiations because they seemed daunting. But thinking of it as steering a kayak makes it feel more manageable. Great analogy!
Thank you for sharing this incredibly beneficial talk, Alex!
I particularly appreciated the advice on negotiating with oneself first. It’s so important to have clarity on your own goals!
Did anyone else get emotional when she talked about that peace deal? I mean, imagine being that diplomat, thinking it’s all falling apart, and then BAM! You pull it off with some killer negotiation skills. It really makes you realize how much impact this stuff can have.
Five fantastic tips with real-life examples of how they work. Thank you, Alex Carter!
Be (authentically) curious. A great talk on steering, Alex!
Alex revisits the concept of negotiation with insights and practical advice that could make you change perspectives and increase consciousness about any negotiating process. Thank you!
loved this!
Great information. So helpful in many areas of life, business and family. My kids need to watch this for sure. I can relate to the kayak situation, had a similar experience with my middle child! Great Ted Talk Alex!
Love the reframing of negotiation as collaborating with a future partner. Insightful and thought provoking!
Love this talk and Alex's advice on steering things that matter to you every day. Sharing with my newsletter list tomorrow!
This is AMAZING! 🙌 me encanta escuchar a Alex hablar!! More please?!!!
Muchas gracias!!
It's interesting to hear her talk about asking questions first because in my experience that's been received as me being unsure or unprepared... I guess it's situational or maybe I just wasn't doing it right lol
that's interesting... maybe there's a level of confidence to it that you need
sadly I think for us ladies this happens more often than not
Best advice! Will be keeping this talk handy any time I have to negotiate something important. Especially love "Landing the plane"...will lean into those awkward silences to get what I want and deserve :) Thank you Alex!
I loved the analogy with the kayak! It really helped me understand negotiation as steering rather than a battle... It’s a refreshing perspective and makes the whole concept less intimidating
it's all about that give and take...
I used to dread negotiation, thinking it was all about being tough and assertive. But now I see it's more about collaboration and finding common ground.
Wow what an amazing talk and perspective 👏 Loved the first question "Tell me", well not really a question 😊 So powerful!!
no but still helpful hahaha
This is so interesting and helpful. Am going to try some of your tips at work and at home. Thanks!
Thanks! Keep us posted!
LOVE THIS!!! Thanks for sharing, Alex!
Thanks Tatev! Means a lot coming from you 🙌
This video come right in the exact moment .because I have an interview tomorrow and it is about salary negotiation
Great! You’ve got this 🙌
Well done Alex! Great to see you on the big screen in addition to "in the neighborhood" - you rocked this!
Thank you Jen! I often write or practice my talks while I’m walking around the neighborhood! 😂
Wonderful talk, thank you very much!
I love this!!!! Great engagement and story telling 😊
What a great way to think about negotiation. I follow her on other platforms and she is so inspiring! I have used a few of her tips and I have had great success negotiating for myself!
Love to hear this! And so glad you are asking for your worth 💪
Loved the point about negotiating with yourself first.
Alex Carter is the GOAT!!! Love this talk so much.
Thank you! ❤
Loving this advice, thank you! I might actually work up the nerve to ask for that raise now haha
you deserve it! 💁♀💁♀
did anyone else catch how she said negotiation starts before the actual conversation? That’s some next-level strategy right there. Gotta get my head in the game before I even start talking
I enjoyed the kayak metaphor and totally relate lol my husband and I did it once and never again but thankfully we're able to negotiate well in other areas but of course, I never thought of it like that. It was a definite reframe and I think I'll come back to watch this and have more takeaways.
Super inspiring! Great advice for life’s challenges, big and small!
Thank you!
Exact same thing happened to me on my honeymoon in Hawaii!! I never get into a double kayak since then!! Only single kayak from then on. Great talk and loved this different take on the word “negotiate”!!!
Hahaha - I cannot believe we had the same honeymoon experience!! So glad you enjoyed this and definitely keep me posted on how you use it!
The best talk I've listened to on negotiating! Such great advice!
Thank you, so insightful and exactly what I need now.
Need more of this content ASAP!
Excellent speaker and valuable tips! Highly recommend this talk.
Thanks Melissa!
This is a must listen for women in business! Great job, Alex!
Thank you for all the support and mentorship! TEDx Reno is the best.
This all makes a lot of sense... kinda makes me wish I had to negotiate more!
Great Content! I loved the story and all the concepts shared.
*Larry Burkett's book on "Giving and Tithing" drew me closer to God and helped my spirituality. 2020 was a year I literally lived it. I cashed in my life savings and gave it all away. My total giving amounted to 40,000 dollars. Everyone thought I was delusional. Today, 1 receive 85,000 dollars every two months. I have a property in Calabasas, CA, and travel a lot. God has promoted me more than once and opened doors for me to live beyond my dreams. God kept to his promises to and for me*
There's wonder working power in following Kingdom principles on giving and tithing. Hallelujah!
But then, how do you get all that in that period of time? What is it you do please, mind sharing?
It is the digital market. That's been the secret to this wealth transfer. A lot of folks in the US and abroad are getting so much from it, God has been good to my household Thank you Jesus
Big thanks to Ms. Susan Jane Christy❤️✨💯May God bless Christy Fiore services,she have changed thousands of lives globally
How can I start this digital market, any guidelines and how can I reach out to her?
Very useful and she has a good way of speech
Great points for salary negotiation Alex, I learned good points.