Відео

Be honest and tell the truth. There is no self.

Amazing video. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom❤️

This is very good, great hair too.

The only key for unconditional self-esteem is separating yourself from your ego. When you oporate outside of your egoic state, self-esteem, confidence, contentment, are just the natural state of yourself.

Damn. You gotta dig deep to find videos like this. This is exactly what ive been looking for.

How did this play out over the last 4 years. Seems to me the minority who were authentic, stood up for themselves, said what they thought were ostracised, criticised and made into scapegoats by the majority who preferred to conform to authority. I was in the minority and it did not feel good initially, but over time yes I do now feel more confident in myself regardless of what other's views are. But I wouldn't say expressing my own views would make me more attractive to others. I still have to censor my own thoughts & opinions to retain a number of relationships that I would prefer were unconditional. But they're not. Most people are conformists. If your views align with the majority then it works. If it doesn't, prepare to stand alone. I have expressed my authentic opinion many times and felt terrible afterwards because of worrying about damaging the relationship. A number of relationships/ friendships have been lost because I've been authentic.

There’s a bit of a circular argument here. Or rather an incoherent take on the cause and effect of self confidence. If the key to being self confident (the effect) is to just be authentic (the cause) you will notice that to start being authentic… you have to be self confident. Which came first, the chicken or the egg? You need to not be afraid of rejection to be comfortable being authentic. Not being afraid of rejection requires a belief in your own abilities to a degree where it doesn’t matter who is or isn’t in your life. This requires self confidence first. All this to say that, ultimately self confidence comes from achievement. Attitude plays a small role but it’s knowing that you are good at something that gives you the confidence to be authentic. That it doesn’t matter if you are rejected because you know you will be ok either way.

I think humans made to see. Not to hide.

Eel testicles?

I'm not even 2 minutes in and I'm already seeing mumbo jumbo that I'd never understand nor have the opportunity to say when I shake so nervously when talking to girls I could just hold a mixer bottle and have a perfect protein shake ready by the time I've said Hi

well explained, thank you. greetings from turkey

Being true to yourself is important, not letting what others think make you compromise your beliefs.

Fascinating

This was incredibly powerful. Love the takeaway of this video, lead with warmth and kindness ❤

Good stuff. Thank you. This one is on loop mode.

I love the fact that you title a video about giving self-confidence 'you've been doing it wrong' and 'if you understand it'. Genius.

Being true to self at its core is not comparing yourself to others! Todays society is based around competition and constant brainwashing that better stuff equals better life. People are taught to think making everyone happy and conflict aversion. Resulting in people not being authentic.

Best video ever!!

Know thyself, love thyself and be thyself. Perhaps Socrates knew a thing or two about what confidence is. This video is pretty good, but it's approaching from the psychology point of view. In reality, though, there's no self. Confidence is a subjective concept, similar to happiness. When he mentioned that confidence is something that's attractive. If you desire confidence to be attractive to others, your ego arises, and you're heading down a delusional path. You don't need confidence, just see reality as it is without projecting your opinions on it.

Not gonna lie, as a neurodivergent person with god-tier adhd, that self-fidelity is not easy to cultivate. It's really, really hard to fully own yourself when the vast majority of people out there find you off-putting in a way it's often hard for them to put their finger on at first meeting. As the relationship goes on, they find your behavior (both social and task performance) irritating, inefficient, objectionable or even intolerable, they can become highly critical, mocking, and withdrawn. And if one person in the clique out-groups you, you can be sure the others will follow suit. It's a pretty bitter pill to swallow when you realize that in order to value yourself and feel right inside, you somehow have to incorporate and own being the person very nearly everyone dislikes, or at least has feels like you're a thorn in their side. Instinct seems to demand that you shouldn't celebrate things about yourself that cause the group to sideline you. There's a constant external and internal pressure to self-monitor and conform, not to just shrug it off and say, "well, that's just me and things are always going to feel icky". There's almost always a subconscious narrative that the neurodivergent person is the subordinate trying to become worthy of the typical person's approval by fixing ourselves. It seems like there's a burden on me to always remember that because I'm like this, I'm only ever on probation and I need to understand that I'm part of the group only because they're graciously putting up with me. Honestly, keeping friendships by playing the role of tag-along, charity case, the 'lucky to be included' one has done a lot of damage to my self-esteem. It's hard to value yourself highly when no one else around you does, and they can't really conceal their true feelings in that regard. What I've had to do is put the shoe on the other foot and start seeing a great many neurotypical people as narrow minded groupthinkers with rigid, unreasonable standards for themselves and everyone else. They make mountains out of molehills, judge too harshly, and reserve empathy only for those in their insular little club as if we're all still in primary school. They have their own distasteful behaviors, shortcomings, and biases. It's just that they're the majority, so my traits have been declared undesirable. I've had to purposefully become more critical and judgy myself. I have to see the negative aspects of their behavior as how they're equal opportunity offenders. Their shunning, bullying, and constant harping being offenses, not 'constructive criticism'. I am just an albatross trying to fit in with a flock of chipper robins, and they don't understand why I can't pull worms up from the grass like they do. The truth is, there's nothing wrong with being a robin or an albatross. Sorry for the lengthy spew, but I really feel like neurodivergent people have a few extra steps to reach that state of self-fidelity.

This is kindergarten stuff. Everyone knows that confidence, goodwill, humor, rocket a person's attractiveness upward. Doh!

“To thine own self be true.”

Hi Thomas! When I think of a mature and healthy INFP, I think of you and this video. Thank you for sharing. You lift up my mood.

For me, this boils down to: Speak when you know; ask when you’re ignorant, provide help when you can, ask for help when you need it.

I think that smoking weed during adolescence might accelerate development of this in me in some way. I don’t smoke for many years. Hopefully I can reverse at least a little bit this mechanism in me.

Brilliant video, thank you.

Simple? Knowing who you are is simple? Most of the people I know don't know who they are, including myself. We work 12 hours and sleep exhausted on the weekend not being able to afford a vacation. How would you ever discover who you are if there is no time to breathe in the current day and age?

I went from always always avoiding eye contact, to forcing myself to do it. I am now addicted to it, I feel closer to people, read them better, more confidence. When the other person breaks eye contact first I also feel more powerful and dominant for some reason

0:45 Self-esteem isn't self-confidence

This video really flips the traditional idea of confidence on its head. I love the point about how true confidence isn't about trying to project a certain image but about being faithful to yourself. The idea of "self-fidelity" as a deeper, more authentic form of confidence really stuck with me-it feels so much more sustainable than the "fake it till you make it" approach that often leads to burnout or insecurity. I also found it fascinating how the video connects confidence to warmth and kindness, rather than dominance or flashiness. It’s refreshing to hear that being approachable and authentic is actually more attractive in the long run. The "chocolate cake effect" was such a good analogy for why overconfidence or narcissism might be appealing at first but ultimately falls flat without substance. It makes me rethink how I evaluate people’s confidence, as well as my own. The discussion about balancing authenticity with the human need for acceptance really hit home. It’s so easy to sacrifice your own needs to fit in or avoid conflict, but the reminder that staying true to yourself actually strengthens relationships is so powerful. The example of the guy who thought he was showing love by always saying yes was such a relatable moment, and the idea that self-fidelity is a deeper form of love really stuck with me. Finally, I appreciated the practical tips, like practicing disagreeing honestly and making choices that align with your values. The idea of living up to promises you make to yourself really resonates-it’s such a clear way to build trust in yourself, which is the foundation of confidence. This video makes me want to start paying more attention to how I can live in alignment with who I really am, even if it feels uncomfortable at times.

In fact, in Spanish the literal translation of self confidence is self trust, autoconfianza. So you need to be someone you can trust.

3:46 😂😂😂 fun facts

Be authentic, be open, learn and do stuff. That way you build up proof that you are who you think you are.

The part at 2:35 about the psychological impact of confidence is so insightful! It's amazing how small mindset shifts can change how others perceive you. Thanks for sharing this!

This is interesting. 👍

Thanks you Dr. I will definitely use it more often !

19:11 !!!!

17:10

Before even watching this video, I'll say this: I'm a confident guy. I find that true confidence comes from being yourself (authenticity) unapologetically and without fear of the outcomes that it will produce. Practice this relentlessly and you will become more and more confident. Lack of confidence (insecurity) is the opposite. It's caring so much about what others think of you, about failing, about the outcomes of a situation that you start overthinking, overanalyzing and doubting yourself to the point where you drastically change your approach to said situation and you are not being yourself anymore. Confidence is NOT thinking you will for sure succeed or thinking you're the best. It's being yourself DESPITE your flaws and weaknesses and DESPITE the chance of failing. That's true courage (confidence). EDIT: 9 minutes in and I am SO HAPPY to see that my definition of confidence is exactly what Thomas describes. Thomas' definition: Faithfulness with yourself. My definition: Being yourself unapologetically. So cool. As a confident guy, I can say that this video encapsulates confidence perfectly. Bravo Dr Thomas. You nailed it.

Another great video, thank you!

With your on-screen charisma (eye contact, pausing, small gestures, ...), I assume, you have stage experience? Anyways, great presentation style!

Thank you for posting this. Amazing :-)

This is quite profound. I will share it with my friends.

This is really sound practical advice I needed to hear. I’m incredibly visual and big picture oriented which is both a blessing and a curse. On the positive side I get such clear visions for myself way ahead of time. On the flip side I do all the things you are speaking about in this video. Yes I am practicing being in presence and thankfully it is slowing down my projections at level 4 & 5. 🤷🏻‍♀️🧐

Dr Thomas, it’s interesting how people focus on external appearances for what is deemed as “good looking?”…. When in fact it’s more inward such as, self confidence and energy or “the vibe” we project out into the world. Loving the content ❤

Very interesting video. But, in my case - and I talk about this often with my g/f, who does not have an issue with confidence - I have progressed to the point that I know I do not have confidence and I accept that reality. I believe I have been authentic and honest about who I am and the things I know to be true all my life. But in my childhood I was unwanted by my parents and treated like trash and disrespected by older brothers. In adulthood, struggling to have the means to get through college and get my degrees I was out-of-step with the students and the teachers all the time. Because their ideas about politics and religion and their values were different than mine. So I was alienated and disrespected for being who I am. Now that I am old and pretty much disregarded by most people, no one cares if I have confidence; people just care if I have the money to pay for what I want. I can be authentic when I am alone. In social situations I know that when I express who I am, tell some of what I have done in my life and what I believe, everything I say will be used against me; people look for excuses to put me down to make themselves look better. I don't see any chance of becoming confident going forward.

Self-Fidelity is a perfect explanation of self confidence. Having faith within self means being in alignment with all of who you are. Having the courage to face those shadow aspects within and knowing them so intimately that you respect your flaws along with your positive traits. Accepting your wholeness means recognising that you have faith in being able to bring your mental, emotional and physical well being back into balance when you slip out of alignment with your core essence. Your true nature. The soul within. Ego is loud! It is fake and demanding. Action is often taken out of fear needing approval from others! The Voice of the Soul on the other hand is authentic. Your true essence, quiet and when action is taken it is done peacefully and in humility. It has taken me years to deeply understand this. That’s it! I have faith within myself regardless of where I’m at. I don’t follow people. I listen to my inner guidance system. Can I lead myself astray? “yes” and am aware when I’m doing it. This at times has come across as egotistical. I have been labeled so many things by family members simply because I can’t be manipulated or controlled. They have gaslighted and invalidated me countless times attempting to degrade my self worth. I walked away!!! The only voice that matters is your own inner voice. The quiet authentic voice! Surrender to that with Fidelity ☀️💫🙌 Thank you! I needed to hear this right now. Great conversation 🙏

Wow, that's sad! I guess I'm happy to live in Lithuania where I get many eye contacts in the street.

This all very well, but, as a long term people pleaser, I have simply no idea who I am, what I want etc. How can I be authentic?