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I am probably having AvPD and I think it was caused by my father and sister having serious narcissistic tendencies. So showing my emotions was never safe, it was used against me. I am grateful I am not alone going through this diagnosis. I really do appreciate you opening up, you are a brave man, and I applaud you how well you can think about all of your childhood. You are so brave, I am not sure if you even know. Thanks for your video

Good man. Very valuable to me

Your father sounds like a dismissive avoidant and your mom a covert narcissist - you are providing an invaluable service by sharing your experiences and insights - so many humans need to be better and places like your channel are where they can find something to think about for their own lives

I see why people just drink because this is hell to live with.

thank you for sharing. it takes a lot of courage. please don’t be too harsh on yourself

thank you for being here

I really admire you, thank you so much.

A Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) Therapist could positively help you. Also look into DBT: Dialectal Behavioral Therapy. It is not just for Borderlines. Inner Child work is also VERY helpful

Wait, did my gym/healthy foods advice get deleted here?, what the hell.

Thanks for sharing your story. I've a similar experience from childhood. My parents used to fight and there was a lot of jealousy. They didn't hit me or something but I feel neglected. I never saw my parents hugging or even speak in a good manner. Whenever anyone showed up at home I was tensed about what was going to happen. I have a AVPD diagnose and for me it feels kind of a relief that someone could listen to me at last and tell me what could be wrong and why I always felt alone. I used to play with my toys and almost never played together with any other kids. I appreciate you talking about your childhood because it gives me something to relate to. Sad to hear about what you've been going through but good that you can talk about it. Take care.

It happens to me. Same things. I thought that was cous medication but i take less and its the same

Thank you for making this video! Thank you

Tysm for creating this <3

Thanks for sharing. Have AVPD diagnoses myself and find it very interesting to hear others with expereiences from their childhood and years in school. I work as a busdriver, not that I intended to become one but I sort of ended up where I am. The best seat in the bus, not having to share room as much with the passengers. I feel very tired when I get home because of all the impressions and people looking at me. I just can't look back easily but try to avoid them. Feel bad leaving this comment because of the fear from each and everyones opinion of myself but I just press enter and hope for the best.

dear jake, your story is heartbreaking. i'm sorry your parents abused you- emotionally, with guilt, a sense of disappointment, never being proud of you or showing you the way. your mom doesn't DESERVE a hug so don't feel bad about not wanting to hug her. she guilts you for your love. find others that will appreciate you and not torment you. leave them behind and i hope you can grow, blossom, and heal.

Hm this is very good to hear for myself. I've tried therapy before and got dropped because i wasn't "progressing." So, i put it off for years. Everyone says to get therapy like it's this simple thing. I've felt so alone because I fellt quite often misunderstood by therapists. Im trying again so 🤞 . Hate being asked about s**cidal thoughts too. I just want to feel normal and live life.

Idk you, but you seem like a gentle, sensitive, and very considerate soul, despite your difficulties.

Thanks so much for sharing. I strongly suspect I have AvPD and I feel less alone watching your vlogs. Please keep them coming 🙂

I'm grateful that I was blessed with this video. It's nice to see someone who has it explain it instead of just a bookish way of understanding it. <3 You're also brave for opening up about this, especially on the internet.

I have social anxiety, which I'm currently in therapy for, and yet also many of the symptoms you suffer from too. . I guess there's a crossover. Thanks for posting your video, incredibly eloquent and very informative. Second hand shame is definitely something i get, also the fantasy element. I'm a visual artist who dabbles with writing, it's actually a great tool for narratives. Good luck x

A lot of anxiety can be solved with weight lifting and proper diet/sleep schedule. (ofc combined with some positive family life and maybe a friend etc) Most people are blind to their bodies basic needs and how much it affects the mind. I could barely function at work/in private before i started weightlifting, now i have no anxiety (it's also due to being acclimated ofc) but when you become physically bigger you will just naturally become more confident/not give a fuck, and people will treat you better/respect you more. Now i still can't handle group conversations and i don't like to interact with employees/extended family/cashiers, neighbors etc. But i will if they interact with me first i will smalltalk a bit. (Yes i sadly believe i have this condition now that i'm about to hit 30) But i will improve every facet of my life before i get a diagnosis and accept it.

I am so so proud of you, keep up with the updates ❤ sending you so much love

You will surprise yourself...and soon, I think. You aren't that bad! Very easy to listen to, organized. Some of the negative stuff is habit and you can walk away from it, learn from it but don't spend time regretting it. You are good for this.

GREAT JOB DUDE!

I have the same disorder and I took one semester before dropping out, too. I can't work either. Walking down the driveway in front of the entire block to get the mail is the worst. Almost every freaking day and lock down from Covid was so awesome and so was all the work from home opportunities. And i know nothing can be done about it except coping and benzos so I just have one kind of benzo for anxiety and one for sleep. You did what you set out to do. I feel better and thank you. (My mind says I'm pathetic and simple minded for feeling relief that someone else is suffering and not just me. How simple minded and pathetic lol) It is the self fulfilling prophecy that the very symptoms of our disorder prevent us from making treatment progress and public awareness... we're so ashamed 2nd hand shame is ridiculous isnt it?!! I cant watch a sex scene from a pg13 movie with anyone else around me. It's so embarrassing. Just typing this now my heart is so loud I hear squeeeking and echoing on the wall

One thing I really admire. Your articulation skills. You’re actually pretty comfortable behind the camera just from me looking in.

I appreciate your courage and perseverance. I too have APD on some level. It was helpful hearing your experience.

Im hearing myself

Daaamn, the thing about having second hand shame watching TV shows with embarrassing moments hit me like a truck.

Thank you for this. You make the best video on this topic

Thank you so much for this explanation. It was very clear and to the point.

Damn..

Which Antidepressiva could help?

I'm pretty sure that I have this! But my being so overly analytical, thru observation, and looking inward constantly, I feel that I've broken through a lot of those challenges! My dad was very good at making anyone around him feel small. He was better than anyone else in his mind and wasn't afraid to show it! But as I got older and realized that he was not so intelligent, my view of him drastically changed! From then on he was powerless. He could no longer make me feel low! I've had many (almost twenty-five of my fifty-nine) years to deprogram. Plus not having certain family members, friends (?), and bullies that are no longer around to make me feel like afterbirth! I'm still working on being around folks, but that could be the ADHD, autism, c-PTSD (war time), and being an introvert! It will take more than a lifetime to work through.. 😅

Interesting, fascinating video. Thanks for this, very helpful.

Hi. You shines :-) are you having personaly relationship with Jesus Christ? If so , God has the right one for you and you don't have to sell yourself and you are also not in a competition :-) that was something I thought about when I listened to you. Pray and let Jesus instead and let Him take you to the right one. Oh ,and I have discovered that there is a lot of youtobe videoes about how God gived them their wife's/husband's etc. How God talked to them .how they met. "God told me who to marry" "How God brought me my wife". Kingdomspouses ..who has the personality, goals ,dreams ,ways to be , heart ,perpose etc who matches you best of all others in the world. I think this right one is the best and we can have them if we ask God and let Him make us to meet instead of looking around and pic ourself .he already know acactly who. I meen it good. You are fine ! I am glad you make videoes etc. They are very good , thank you for them.

Thanks for this video. It illuminates many aspects of interaction that will come up in a romantic relationship. I noticed the guy I used to like was unable to provide emotional support in some situations and seemed to not be able to comfort me when I shared what I was hurt and bewildered about by someone we both knew. Hearing how very difficult this is for you, helps me see the other side. Thank you.

Diagnosed once but as they refused to offer me treatment I rejected the diagnosis, rejected myself and started drinking the shitty feelings and anxieties away. And here I still am I made it till 40 y/o but I keep being stuck. I've been relatively high functioning in the past but the stress, anxiety and frustration feeling like a complete dumbass all the time and being judged as it made me quit.

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Generic therapy is not what you needed. I am sorry to hear that they were not really diligent in creating a day program which was truly geared toward helping each of you. I am frustrated for you. You worked really hard to accomplish this. They owed you a better treatment program!! You didn't do anything wrong. They don't have a developed program. I think it was a good try. Don't give up. I would hope you could find something better. It's good that you have been crying. It shows that some pain is being released. Keep working on this. I think the crying is really good. You are mourning when you cry. You seem more relaxed in this video. You actually look better and like you are doing better.

Eu, provavelmente, tenho esse transtorno mas meu grau é baixo. É horrível evitar os outros e perder oportunidades diversas a cada dia. Sentir que não sabe se expressar direito, se pegar falando coisas ofensivas a si mesmo depois de um acontecimento vergonhoso (na sua cabeça). Se lembrar de momentos vergonhosos do passado e sentir vontade de se esconder mesmo que talvez ninguém nem lembre ou se importe. É isso, mas eu vou ficar bem, você também vai ficar, entregue esse sofrimento a Jesus. Ele morreu por nós pra que não fossemos mais escravos do medo, e sim, seus filhos.

I am very impressed by your efforts and this very good video! It helping me understand a guy I used to like who has been avoidant. I see how your parents have made life very hard for you in almost every way except materially. They have been caught up in themselves. They are alcoholics. I am glad you avoid alcohol. Your parents are stuck at a younger age and have very little or no self awareness which is common with untreated addicts. I hope what I wrote has not been hurtful. Yes I think they have tried to get their emotional needs met through you kids and that is not right. If you work with a really good therapist you can start to feel some more and more hope. I will check your other videos. I am so proud of all the work you have done! You definitely deserved praise growing up and I see what precipitated your suffering in their blatant failure to parent you from any foundation of self awareness and maturity. I am so sorry this happened. I am trained in psychotherapy and also know depression and these types of family interactions very well. I wish you the very best. Both of your parents had no right to demand the various things they demanded of you. They could not get any needs met with each other so they turned to you kids and that is not acceptable. You needed nurturing and a safe place. I'm so sorry.

Jake, I am glad you did this. I plan to watch your video about your history and upbringing. (Parents, ect) This video is very helpful to hear your feelings about the process and the diagnosis too. Don't worry. This is great and you are doing a good job. I watched the video about your life story today and it was a very good video.

I just heard only your life story video and seeing you smile here is so thrilling. I see you are doing better. I am so excited to hear what you share here. Try not to worry. I will check your other videos to see how these improvements gave come about. Medications do help. Mirtazapine works for sleep for me too.

This has been a good video. I enjoyed hearing your stories. I feel sad that you have these struggles. Even people who enjoy other people become depressed, often because they yearn for relationships or a special relationship. I hope you continue to try to move forward. Don't give up.

around 4:00 you say you don't have ego. Depending on definition what you describe as having no ego could still be interpreted as a form of ego, simply that you are identifying as not being good, not having persistence, giving up and not liking yourself, anxious, etc. Whereas the way I conceptualize ego, if you "don't have it" you do not observe any traits in yourself at all or have no judgment of yourself at all. So I guess my definition is lack of all traits whereas yours can still include holding onto or believing in negative traits about self.

im getting anxiety just hearing every symptom be listed out.. glad im not alone :D