Відео

Way back when I was just a little bitty boy Living in a box under the stairs In the corner of the basement of the house Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop You know the place Well anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast Aww, big bowl of sauerkraut Every single morning It was driving me crazy I said to my mom I said "Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?" And my dear, sweet mother She just looked at my like a cow looks at an oncoming train And she leaned right down next to me And she said "It's good for you" And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut Until I was twenty six and a half years old That's when I swore that someday Someday I would get outta that basement and travel to a magical, far away place Where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer And the towels are oh so fluffy Where the Shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel Wacka wacka doo-doo yeah Well, let me tell you, people, it wasn't long at all before my dream came true Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest To see who could correctly guess the number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize That's right, a first class one-way ticket to Albuquerque Albuquerque Oh yeah You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before And I gotta tell ya, it was really great Except that I had to sit between two large Albanian women With excruciatingly severe body odor And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died Except for me You know why? 'Cause I had my tray table up And my seat back in the full upright position Had my tray table up And my seat back in the full upright position Had my tray table up And my seat back in the full upright position Ah ha ha ha Ah ha ha Ah So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag And my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel But finally I arrived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn Where the towels are oh so fluffy And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna It's OK, they're clean Well, I checked into my room and I turned down the A/C And I turned on the SpectraVision And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow That I love so very, very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door Well now, who could that be? I say "Who is it?" No answer "Who is it?" There's no answer "Who is it?" They're not sayin' anything So, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock-Of-Seagulls haircut and only one nostril Oh man, I hate it when I'm right So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel And I'm like "Hey, you can't have that" "That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me" And he's like "Tough" And I'm like "Give it" And he's like "Make me" And I'm like "'Kay" So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation Yes indeed, you better believe it And somehow in the middle of it all, the phone got knocked off the hook And twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice And you know what it said? I'll tell you what it said It said "If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again" "If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator" "If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again" "If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator" In Albuquerque Albuquerque Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel But I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest I would not sleep for an instant until the one-nostrilled man was brought to justice But first, I decided to buy some donuts So I got in my car and I drove over to the donuts shop And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter And he says "Yeah, what do ya want?" I said "You got any glazed donuts?" He said "No, we're outta glazed donuts" I said "Well, you got any jelly donuts?" He said "No, we're outta jelly donuts" I said "You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?" He said "No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts" I said "You got any cinnamon rolls?" He said "No, we're outta cinnamon rolls" I said "You got any apple fritters?" He said "No, we're outta apple fritters" I said "You got any bear claws?" He said "Wait a minute, I'll go check" "No, we're outta bear claws" I said "Well, in that case, in that case, what do you have?" He says "All I got right now is this box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels" I said "OK, I'll take that" So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over Oh man, they were just going nuts They were tearin' me apart You know, I think it was just about that time That a little ditty started goin' through my head I believe it went a little something like this Doh Get 'em off me Get 'em off me Oh No, get 'em off, get 'em off Oh, oh God, oh God Oh, get 'em off me Oh, oh God Ah, aah, aah I ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my face Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin' Like a constipated wiener dog And as luck would have it That's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams Her name was Zelda She was a calligraphy enthusiast With a slight overbite and hair the color of strained peaches I'll never forget the very first thing she said to me She said "Hey, you've got weasels on your face" That's when I knew it was true love We were inseparable after that Aw, we ate together, we bathed together We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss The world was our burrito So we got married and we bought us a house And had two beautiful children, Nathaniel and Superfly Oh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me She said "Sweetie pumpkin? Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?" I said "Whoa, hold on now, baby" "I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment" So we broke up and I never saw her again But that's just the way things go In Albuquerque Albuquerque Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler I even made employee of the month after I put out that grease fire out with my face Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that I was gettin' a lot of attitude Ok, like one time, I was out in the parking lot Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil When I see this guy Marty Tryin' to carry a big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself So I, I say to him, I say "Hey, you want me to help you with that?" And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes "No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw" So I did And then he gets all indignant on me He's like "Hey man, I was just being sarcastic" Well, that's just great How was I supposed to know that? I'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname, Torso-Boy So what's he complaining about? Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote This guy comes up to me on the street And he tells he hasn't had a bite in three days Well, I knew what he meant But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over And I'm like "Hey, come on, don't you get it?" But he just keeps rolling around on the sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming You know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know? Anyway, um, um, where was I? Kinda lost my train of thought Uh, well, uh, OK Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is I hate sauerkraut That's all I'm really tryin' to say And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up And find yourself in an existential quandary Full of loathing and self-doubt And wracked with the pain and isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that Somewhere out there in this crazy ol' mixed-up universe of ours There's still a little place called Albuquerque Albuquerque Albuquerque, Albuquerque Albuquerque, Albuquerque Albuquerque, Albuquerque Albuquerque, Albuquerque I said "A" (A) "L" (L) "B" (B) "U" (U) "Querque" (querque) Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque Albuquerque

Did you know that New Mexico do not have a real international airport?

All cons. Excons. Convicts conjobs all bullshit. Please don't move here

Now talk about the bad stuff about the state 😮

Yo yo yo 148 3 to the 3 to the 6 to the 9 representing ABQ what up biatch Leave it a tone

very inaccurate description of real life living there. The homeless, drug and poverty problem is rampant and everywhere. From the gas stations to wal-Mart it is easily spotted and large encampments under bridges amd in public parks.

I don’t like the strong Catholic culture.

how far is it from las cruces?

Not bad. I live here. Okay video.

I lived in Las Cruces for almost 50 years. The weather is perfect. The climate is great. Almost no natural problems like hurricanes earthquakes or tornadoes. However jobs are mostly those in the medical field or sciences. If you are a doctor or nurse getting a job is super easy. Perfect place to retire also. With a long warm season many with arthritis do not suffer pain as much. Little rain to ruin outdoor activities. As many people retire to Las Cruces not a lot of night life for those that want to live it up as many elderly people go to bed early. also has a high homeless population due to being close to the border as well as scarcity of jobs outside of medical careers. Also because of the closeness of the border there is also a large drug problem. Due to many of these factors (drugs and jobs mostly) crime is a problem as well. The school system is 50th in the nation. And Las Cruces is one of the bottom on the ladder. I moved out of Las Cruces because I did not want to get into the drug scene (selling or using) nor do I have the education to enter the medical field which is (as I stated before) one of the main positions available in the city. I miss the desert not the city.

1:33 that is my dads green truck

Albuquerque is a dump. I grew up there and left at 17. Parents still live there and every time I visit I’m so glad I left (I do miss the food). I worked at the Tram all though high school and had a good childhood there but the crime is out of control and the economy sucks-

How beautiful! I wanna go there! Thank you for sharing. I enjoyed watching it until the end! I hope you have a happy day dear friend💕

NM has a sex trafficking Governor and they will arrest you if you shoot an intruder and the crime on the border huge. SO Skip the MS13 lover governor Michelle LUHAN State of nm. In texas you still in some places can defend yourself. I hear El Paso is woke as F now too.

this used to be a good place to live but it was meant to be a small town now we have a lot of people coming in homeless people with drugs addiction and scammers and old white privilege people and the Las Cruces police department is corrupt detective Torres and officer Montana and you can only get good jobs if you know someone who can pull you in

thanks for this great video review! me and my wife both work for IHS currently outside of ABQ and we're worried that we won't be able to find employment once we move there for school, ur thoughts?

“Yo yo yo. 148-3 to the 3 to the 6 to the 9, representing the ABQ, what up, b*atch?!”

I can't hear you....music in the back ground is too loud

A huge con that's been developing more and more over the last several years is the large population of homeless people, pan handlers on every major street corner and business parking lots, drug use, property crime, and people who don't speak English. I've lived here for decades, and it's never been this bad.

There going to change name to Satan city

I am from California and i want to move to New Mexico , i love California i just can’t afford to live here any longer.

Don't come here, we don't want you to move here!

Been living here since1956. Lots of good churches ( Christian) the University is beautiful. My family likes to go hiking and biking. Lots of places to go . Our Organ Mountains are beautiful. I'm Mexican so I do my own Mexican dishes at home.

Las cruces is!! 👌🏽

Pros and cons huh? Have you ever lived or visited Ruidoso? Recently, Ruidoso has had a bad stretch of luck. My parents lost their home in the Salt fire, and the continuing flash floods are serious, hindering the Village from getting back on thier feet. Stay strong, Ruidoso!!!

awesome video, sad though that they don't try to improve some things . I wish they would string lights in the courtyard ,have mexican bands on the weekend ...also a farmers market . some of the buildings need a a good up grade in paint with a mexican style . I don't know who I could contact to express my views . well you guys did a great job .

Some of the worst drivers in New Mexico and they drive fast, bad combo. Many, many homeless downtown and even in the 'burbs. Terrible health care (don't believe me? look it up yourself). Watch out what area you move to because crime can be rampant.Again, look this stuff up yourself. Schools are terrible with low graduation rates.

You could drop the background music, it is very distracting and makes hearing you very difficult. So many people who make videos add background music thinking it adds something to their video.. well it does not, someone watching has to strain to understand the person talking. Don't stop making videos, it was very well done 🙂

Albuquerque is always in the top 10 most dangerous cities in America. Don't get me wrong, I love it here, but it takes a certain type ❤🕊

Alot has burned down and what didn't burn is now flooding. Climate change.

What about the crime rate?

Labels of which City the video is from would be better because of the jumping back and forth. Otherwise useful information.

Need to take down the crosses and put apentagram and call it the city of Baal state of satan the government building state of the art baby killer at baals alter

i live here.. can't wait to move out. I wanna move somewhere like Seattle. it's just too hot and not a lot of opportunities

How are the medical services in Los cruces

If you’re from California or Texas don’t move here

nice

We have visited several times and had very wonderful experiences. Driving was a bit crazy but it was beautiful and people were really nice.

This aged like milk. Sending everyone blessings

This music is distracting. You don't need it.

The worst cons of abq is. *We need to cook*

We were there 2 years ago and they really needed to do something about the massive number of homeless people. It’s unfortunate but we will not be stopping there again.

I live in California. I feel i would like Albuquerque better. Only been to Las Cruses though

Dude, you can't even pronounce it! It's NOT "Ree-oh-do-so", it's "Roo-ee-do-so". I saw some other video where you were saying you grew up in Southern NM, Las Cruces area I believe, and it's like you are totally uneducated about the area. The name of Smokey, is "Smokey Bear", not "Smokey the bear". Can't even watch this video with your constant mispronunciation of Ruidoso over and over again.

Pro every one on probation cons dont drive a Hyundai or kia

Love this! 😊

Thinking of moving there!

Well written...❤

Ruidoso is a catastrophic fire waiting to happen ,won't exist in the next five years.

Glad 🙂 live in Lincoln county New Mexico since 98.