To kid or not to kid? | Podcast E3
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- Опубліковано 18 чер 2024
- We Were Told We Should Do A Podcast - Episode 3
To kid or not kid? That is the question. One of us has two kids, one of us are potentially keen for them and the other doesn't want them at all. We chat about the choice to have kids through our differing perspectives.
Listen to episodes 1-15 wherever you get your podcasts! New episodes drop every Tuesday 10pm NZT / 1am PT.
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This morning my 4 year old kid told his pregnant mother to take care of the baby and told the baby to take care of mom (talked to the baby bump)...I was bringing him on a small trip to my parents for a sleepover (I went back home after an extended dropoff). Hearing that and the love and care this child showed for mom and the unborn sibling...it made me immensely proud and hopeful for a better future.
I think the most exhausting thing that chips away at new parents is that most people really dont comprehend having to be "on" 24 hours a day. You go from having parts of your life running autonomously to needing to micromanage every detail of another life. It was jarring for me.
Yes. It is often either the lack of such knowledge (as you mentioned) or way too much wariness based on the acquired knowledge > Leading to either having families that are living on the edge (budgets on budgets, debts on debts, and such…) or falling birth rates.
That's my biggest fear about having children. You can't take a short nap without another adults help
You think that you are first to have children? How TF you figure that most people don't know?
Thats literally the most well known and adressed factor
@@marckoolwijk2913 she used empty words to thicken a shallow comment and lump more people in with her own ignorance
There’s no better parent than somebody with emotional intelligence, a fertile imagination and a great sense of humour.
22:20 if you’re gonna pull in Ellie, make sure she has a mic 🎙️
Yeah that was pretty painful to listen to. I really wanted to hear what she had to say.
This ^^
and a camera filming her
@@alnmike just turn your volume up lol
The quality sounds better on Spotify.
When my daughter, just able to walk, saw me get home from work and came running over arms wide for a hug and a joyful cry of "Daddy!" my heart exploded.
My daughter is now doing this. First time yesterday. Honestly I just melted.
This goes back to the conversation about friends as an adult. Its so hard to maintain my friendships with my friends because nearly every single one of them now have kids and they just never have any free time to hang out anymore.
Its not just that ‘women are expected to have a career’ its also that economically, it is REALLY hard to sustain a family on a single income now without quite a lot of sacrifices.
and if you both work you gotta pay the nanny to take care of your kids
so you work more to get more money but gotta spend more to pay the nanny... so at the end is it worth it to have kids? to then both work? pay a nanny? nowdays its really bad to be honest...
This is definitely the thing. Capitalism has created a situation where men couldn't really do the whole sole breadwinner thing, so women entered the workforce. But nothing else on women's plates went away when they did it. And meanwhile men are told their self-worth is centered on their earning potential, and so women have to do more and men -- if they buy the traditional paradigm -- feel like they're not doing enough. But women are conditioned that they're supposed to "do it all" in the same way that men are told their worth is how much they earn. So unless they communicate both sides of the coin are miserable.
Seriously. Divorce (in America at least) is above 50% and the amount of single parents I know is too much. To raise a child with two adults is hard enough-- having to raise one alone sounds terrifying.
My friend's wife quit her teaching career when they realized her pay was basically going to daycare. So she took 10 years off and raised her own children. Yes, there were sacrifices but you can do it. She maintains it was the best decision she ever made and I'll tell you one thing - their 2 children are the most well-adjusted, well-mannered kids I've ever met in my life. They excel at everything and why? Because mom was home when they came home from school and spent the time needed to properly nurture and raise them.
Give Ellie a microphone 😊
I have 4 kids, 18, 16, 14, and 10. They are all into sports so that is a fun thing to experience. And my 2 oldest is a senior and a sophomore and they are both so much smarter than I was at that age, it is a very proud moment for the parents when your kids are doing or accomplishing great things.
Awesome. Keep up the good work. Kids are a blessing
I do think having your children burn out energy in sports makes parenting 1 million times easier especially if you enjoy sports. I also believe on the flipside if your children aren’t sports inclined, or the parents aren’t very sports inclined and don’t know how to get the kids into sports it can make parenting a lot harder.
The kids get so much from physical activity and also from being around peers outside of school. But for kids who don’t fit this glove… it doesn’t go well for the parents or kids. It’s a LOT harder. Wish I would have understood this now that I’m 44 with two growing kids.
Thanks for releasing the videos on these podcasts at a quicker rate than the new podcasts come out so that eventually they can catch up! Makes me want to watch these a lot more
2:25 As a dad to an 8 month old baby boy that's teething and propably going through a sleep regression, I felt Alan's sentiment there.
Edit: I think that kids are both a huge source of mental strenght and wellbeing, but parenting is also very hard and it really taxes your mental health. Like for example you might have a day when your child cries all day, doesn't sleep well and wakes up at night a lot. That makes you as a parent very exhausted. But then the next day the first thing you see from your child in the morning is just this big and honest smile that just radiates with happiness. Then you feel just so much better.
Two kids and 4 years of sleepless night later I fully agree there. Everything stems for sleep deprivation actually. Kids crisis are yells are much easier to withstand if you have 8h sleep. Thing is we are around 3000h sleep down ^^
@@floriangailliegue6760 This excactly. For me it's still only the one child (although me and my wife are planning for more) but I also have my studies and master's thesis going on which is another full day job where you don't have clear work hours
This podcast is amazing. Listening to them talk about personal stuff like this gives me different perspectives in life and I am learning so much.
29:30 Growing up, I spent most of my time at home, by myself. My parents worked all day long, not by choice but because they had to in order to provide for the family. It was a lonely childhood I had. And I am surely not the only one. I wouldn't want to bring a child into such a world, where they barely get to spend time with their family, barely get to be loved.
This is awesome! 11:00 - As a woman it's very hard to say I don't really want kids, growing up I was the only girl I knew who didn't want kids. And I didn't really feel comfortable saying I didn't, so I said I probably would want to sometime in the future. And now I'm 32 and I'm still waiting to want to have kids. 😂 I like kids, I grew up babysitting cousins and nephews, but I don't want my own. And my husband doesn't either.
That's fine. You don't have to want kids.
My lady of 26 years HATES kids and is the one to convince me not to have them. Actually most females I know don't have kids, smart ladies.
How long have you been on Birth control?
Thank you, that leave more ressources for mines.
I never wanted kids and my husband was neutral on it, so we didn't. I was not programmed by evil feminists, subjected to hormonal supplements, or brainwashed by the boss babe ethos. I simply was uninterested in having kids and being a mom. I think most women probably do want kids, but it is fine if you don't, as long as that is really how you feel.
I feel you Alan.
I'm a dad of a 1 year old and 3 year old. The best parenting time I've experienced is when I've been able to go all in and truly put parenting above all my other ambitions and needs.
The worst is when I've been trying to do everything I did before while being a parent at the same time and stressing about not being able to anymore.
I think this partly explaines why parents of earlier generations and those of this struggle to understand each other in conversations about parenting hardship. It used to be you ( usually the mom) could parent as you main ambition and not being expected to excel in anything else but nowadays we are pressured to do it all and parent at the same time.
🎉Also we are a more spoiled generation referring to everyone having a big ego and ambitions and time to do what we want. Meaning we lose more of our identity ( or at least need to rebuild it) if we become committed parents. Older generations had less freedom and therefore less to lose when having kids.
Did you mean we "were" a more spoiled generation?.. Because millennial and GEN Z got F*CKED.
Interestingly the generations of women who were fed the line of "you can have it all" are statistically the least happy women there are.
You don't wipe away 100,000 years of evolution by lying to women and pretending they are super hero's and/or can have a career and raise kids and be good/great at both.
My kids are way more important to me then my job but my job allows my wife to be a mother and a wife and not chase corporate nonsense is pursuit of some silly ideal that even most men can't achieve and/or don't want.
I worked very hard in my 20's and 30's and am glad I did so I can provide for my family ... My wife also worked in corporate America and she realized how ridiculous and shallow it was and how little meaning her "career" had... Thankfully she was still in her twenties when she had this realization and now she cannot fathom going back to generating TPS reports for Bill Lumberg. She will go back to work when our kid is older but it wont be some corporate ladder climbing bs job.
Im sure there are women that have rewarding jobs but the fact is most PEOPLE don't have rewarding jobs (men included) and working in a cubicle 8 hours a day even if you are making good money is soul crushing and that is the reality of 80% of the workforce today. They do near meaningless low effort jobs for corporations that see them as disposable "human resources". Being a parent is the oposite of this it is very hard, very rewarding work that is invaluable for no pay.
Definitely feeling that trying to do everything I did before vibe. Came out the other side of it and just dropped most of my desires and looking back at things, I've done all of what I wanted to do anyway, be it Music / UA-cam / Martial Arts / whatever else.
The focus and appreciation of life has changed altogether and it's more about the quiet moments now, recharging to have another great day with the family. That's what counts and actually, it's what would have mattered earlier on too, had I taken on the responsibility 10-15 years ago.
I'm in a much better place for it. All of those things I was chasing, all this time, were just small little kicks of fun. Nothing lasting. Now family is where my energy goes and taking on a spiritual path down Zen and Eastern philosophies along with softer martial arts like Qi Gong, has made it all flow rather nicely into this next phase of life.
Exactly.
This is a great podcast. Im a stepdad to 5 awesome kids aged 5-12. And we are currently pregnant with twins due in July. I am super excited yet super panicked. I have no idea how to handle babies, i didnt even think i was going to have kids. Now that its happening, im overjoyed. It gives me more motivation in life and something else to work hard for.
A bit off topic, but Alan laughing or grinning is radiating so much joy for some reason. It‘s like he’s turning on a little sun or whatever. Anyone else see this?
Thanks for making this into a video!
I’m a parent of 1 (so far) and I love the quote you gave. “Give a way a part of yourself now to get a whole person then”
I love how balanced and civil this discussion was. They were genuinely interested in each others' perspectives and experiences.
I have four kids, and there is nothing comparable to the thrill of watching them learn and grow. It is indescribably beautiful to see them blossom.
Thank you guys for being so open en honest about youre thoughtproces guys. Very nice to listen to you all. You nailed it with a balance between fun video's and these deeper podcast episodes.
A lot of thanx!
Me and my wife will never want kids, nothing about that life appeals to us. We like free time, we like being able to go to the cinema at any time. We like our schedule, neither of us see any reason to change that we a smelly, messy expensive sleep depriving machine.
I envy you for finding a woman with her mindset. Most of us are not so lucky.
I was betrayed by my husband when we learned of our miracle baby after 20 yrs infertility. Dude, I miss my freedom, and sleep, and hanging out with friends
Great thing to wake up to. Thanks guys, all the best!
Geniunely love the podcast, the chit-chat and all. Can't wait for new episodes!
My kids are grown but the best part for me was getting to know each one as a person. Even when they are toddlers they have a personality. Just watching them grow up into two wonderful, kind, caring, thoughtful, funny, and interesting young men has been an absolute delight. I wouldn't trade it for anything.
I’m not having kids because life is already unaffordable without them 🫠
I’ll have the robots take care of me 🤷♂️
Phenomenal chat, guys, loved this conversation.
This is the podcast that got me officially hooked on the podcast series. I just wish I could be in the room talking with them 😂
Love you guys! you always make my day ❤️
You guys are the greatest. Thanks for making the podcast
I live halfway across the U.S. from my folks, and I can confirm it’s really tough for two people with no support. We’re in a comfortable enough position that my wife can stay home, but she is conflicted with wanting to get back to her career. There’s always something to balance. It’s valid to be resistant.
IM LOVING THE PODSCAST!!!!!!! thank you. Keep it going boyz!
So happy you get these podcasts on UA-cam, it feels so nice to have you discussing this way, acknowledging each other, listening, being honest... Hum, on that note, I might suspect Adam to be bad at 'would you rather' on purpose for the entertainment, but I'm such a suspicious nature y'know... 😉 Definitely a feel-good moment with you.
You should have added Adam's face to the thumbnail from the skit about kids in games 😂
Raising kids without the village is definitely the biggest reason that I have experienced and am considering in my own life. As my family are all over the globe so it's not even a drive to be able to see each other we have to fly! Such a good discussion guys!
Great podcast! It was nice hearing this topic from men's perspective, and from different angles and I love seeing how supportive you all are of each other's choice. It really shows there isn't one right way. The choice is right for that individual.
As a woman (in her 30's) who is childless by choice, it's an interesting road to take, especially when you've got people around you telling you your main purpose in life is to have kids and not having them is wrong/there's something wrong with you for not having a desire to have them (No lie there, I have had people tell me I'm wasting my one purpose in life).
One thing I think that missed but important to talk about was during the topic of why people aren't having kids as much, and it was something that was hinted at right in the beginning of the episode: people (especially women) now understand they don't have to, and have far more reliable means of preventing pregnancy.
You guys mentioned growing up it was an "expected" concept you grew up and had kids. I'd say this is the normal pressure almost everyone experiences (I think it's skewed heavier toward women, based on my experience as a woman, to take that as anecdotal). But once people realize they have a choice, that changes a lot of things. I feel like, more people would have opted to not have children in the past, if that choice had been more readily available.
I think people also being more open about what really happens during pregnancy, the bad that also comes along with the good (or not so good, because there are plenty of women who don't have good stories of their pregnancy and they're not as shamed now to talk about it) along with the actual legitimate dangers of pregnancy, and the true difficulties of what it takes to be a good parent (even with a good support network) instead of hiding it behind this pretty deceiving package of 100% awesomeness with no downsides, makes people take more time to think about what they want. People are more likely to make sure they're ready for something as life changing as kids, when they have the important information of what that truly entails.
I tell people having kids is great because I genuinely want them to experience that joy in their life. Nothing above it, even through all the shit that comes with it it is... like being high. And it truly makes you selfless. At least it did for me, but I'm guessing it's different for moms and dads.
Audio sounds so much better on this episode than the last one.
No joke. This is so precious. I can't tell if you're still in your Board characters or if this is really you and the characters are just hyperbolically exaggerated 😂
After the first month of my daughter's life (when I seriously thought I might die of exhaustion and stress), she suddenly started sleeping through the night and every single day for the next 25 years were improved by having a child. I don't know if she was just super easy or it might have been colored by my being older when I had a baby, but it was honestly absolutely wonderful to watch this tiny, murderous newborn grow into the amazing person she is.
Agreed the 1st 2 months I kept thinking "what have I done" .... "this is a f-ing nightmare".
But then she smiled and laughed at me and her vacant souless eyes that starred at me as she screamed at me every night started to follow my movements and react to my voice and sleep gradulaly returned. Now I miss her when she is in the other room, or out with my wife and not around and I still wake up to check on her even when she is soundly sleeping through the night... I look forward to changing her diapers, feeding her and playing with her and seeing her learn and grow.
I am fully a dad 100%. I do get annoyed sometimes with them sometimes, but overall, my kids are definitely fun, entertaining, and loving most of the time. I also know they can get annoyed and you have to treat them like an adult in the sense you need to take their frustrations seriously. I think that is the hardest part to understand. They have wants and needs where if you treat them as though they should just honor you and ignore them, it is extremely damaging.
Granted, I know there are things like, "I want to watch my favorite show for the 1000th time." That is more of a thing that kids do. That is easy to throw to the side. What most parents I rhink ignore is saying, "What do you want from us. We are your parents, but we also need to know how much space or together time you want."
As for having kids. Definitely be you and choose. Do not let others say you have to have them. You can definitely go without having kids if that is just not what you want. I knew for a fact that I wanted kids and to be a dad.
The other thing is, looking at the outside world definitely impacts your feelings. What your concerns are will always be different from someone else's. Those parenting guides are mostly just straight up stupid. They also have views that you are not likely to agree with and the crap people try to push on you. My great thing is that I work from home. So, it is easy for me to cut away and spend time with my kids in most cases.
It is not that different from couples life. I am a husband that never wants to be away from my wife. If it is not work, we are always at the same place together. That does not mean always in the same room, but I do not want to be at the store if she is at home. Slightly different if I am just going to get food to bring back, but if I am going to be walking around in a store, I want her with me.
What a great podcast, and discussion here! New dad here of a charming and vocal 4 month old. Some of the comments here really hit home with me based on the experience of my wife and I. There is simply no way to prepare yourself for the change that occurs when you cross that threshold: when that baby is born, the door to your old life slams shut for good and you set out into something completely new and unfamiliar.
I will also say, reading the supportive and insightful conversation here brightens my outlook a bit. Frankly guys (and I do mean to direct this at my fellow dudes) we’ve got a ton of catching up to do when it comes to conversing with each other and supporting each other in parenthood. We need to learn from our better halves how to create networks and how to talk to each other. We need more conversation like is taking place right here!
I don't want kids because: this world, the responsibility, the loss of freedom, the cost, I don't like kids at all. Everybody who wants them: I hope life gives you what you want, I just don't want it myself. Never did, never will (31 years right now)
Kids gave my life a new purpose and I my depression never came back after them. It can be hard, but its so fullfilling, and frankly, fun :) My older son is 6 and its great having somebody to play games with, watch fun shows, go skiing, spar with foam swords, race with RC cars, going to zoo... Everything is so much more fun with kid around, watching them enjoy everything for the first time and discovering world :)
You used your kid to stave off your depression? I strongly suggest you might want to see a therapist to sort the issues before it reemerges.
Cause that sounds to me like inside, there's a ticking time bomb waiting to go off.
@@noiJadisCailleach nah, my depression was fully under control before that, and all remaining traces disappeared after kids 😊
@@noiJadisCailleach I think you missed the point... Life without purpose is depressing... Many ppl do near meaningless jobs and occupy ourselves with meaningless pastimes like video games and sports which unironically are manufactured experiences that artificially/superficially generate "purpose" for faux lives lived by proxy.
Think of all the video games that send you on quests to fetch this and build that, your brain "feels" like its doing work, being challenged , rising to the occasion and meeting the challenge... all the while you acheive NOTHING in the real world. I have no problem with the escapism of watching sports or playing video games for fun but as a lifestyle or sublimation for lack of purpose in life it is depressing.
Having kids gives you a purpose and goals and challenges and rewards the same parts of your brain that artificially created games do. Expect its IRL and the consequences are real and the meaning and purpose are real.
If you fell your life is not that meaningful before having kids you should go to therapy and work on your issues... Having kids wont "fix everything" But I completely get the OPs statement that his depression (or the lingering effects of it) went away after having kids.
It is not a coincidence that rate of depression esp. among women nearing the end of their child bearing years have risin sharplyy as birth rates have declined.
Having kids is not just something we do... it is ingrained in us from 100,000 years of evolution and "not" reproducing esp. for women has obviously taken a toll on the mental health of our societies.
@@grumpycat5991If there is an actual statistic for this I think it's important to consider other major factors in depression among women. Depression can be heavily influenced by fluctuating hormone levels at perimenopause and menopause and women go through a lot of changes in their body, which can take its toll both physically and emotionally. Estrogen typically energises us and progesterone calms us, both of which really start to decline in perimenopause, which typically begins in the mid-40s for most women. If there is indeed a link between depression and declining birth rate we should also look at society's current and historical practice of shaming and/or socially excluding women for not being mothers, which I know from my own experience and from engaging with other childless women (circumstances both by choice and not by choice) can have a massive impact on someone's mental state. Loneliness is also a factor as there is limited community for women without kids, whose friends are often busy with their families. Not being a mother is of course a depressive factor for those who really wanted it and were unable, but there will be so much more nuance to it than that. To really get an idea of the bigger picture for women we should also consider any statistics for the mental health of mothers, who are increasingly suffering burnout as they try to juggle work, life and parenthood. It would be interesting to know how rates of depression compare for mothers at the end of their childbearing years.
Alan, wait until your kids are teenagers. I miss the days when I could just pick mine up and carry them somewhere even though they were fighting me on it.
You guys were right. I listened to the whole podcast in my car
@8:52 Speaking as a parent... The reward outweighs the sacrifice.
Im a stay at home for a 8 and 4 yo while my wife manages a restaurant working 50 hours and dont get home till midnight. So ive woken up every morning for the last 2 years with my kids, no sleeping in. Parenting is awesome and awful. Take the punches and roll with it. The difference between the newborn years and now for me. I have less time now with them at 8 and 4. Sports, schools, homework, appointments, learning issues, etc. If i wasnt a stay at home dad my son would be so much worse, but because we were able to barely swing it but we could and brought him to bring my 4 year to behavioral therapy, home specialist, teacher aides and i could keep that up at home. He was to much and behind after covid. A year later hes so much better an caught up. It was hell but now? Hes a very sweet 4 yo boy who cares about people but also throw tantrums of breaking his door off its hinges. The 8 yo girl way to smart for her own good and have to challenge her with chapter books already. Don't take parents venting that serious 😅
Adam's "Would you Rather" are the best
I really hope this is a bit that they continue. It would be so funny
I was born in 1985, I have been married for over 10 years, and not only do we not want kids, but I got myself sterilized to make sure of it. We can barely take care of ourselves. There is not a sliver of doubt in my mind that, if we were to have kids, it would be a complete catastrophe. Someone else would have to take them from us, because it would kill us trying to find a way to care for ourselves as well as these little people who need so much more than we could ever possibly give. We cannot even take care of houseplants. Letting us have children would be terrible for everyone involved.
Wow, so talented. I imagine you could easily do some real nice comedy sketches
I had the realization I don't want kids with 13. It was so intense, that I still remember it to this day. In my class, after the teacher asked which of the students out of my class would have kids the earliest I was mentioned immediately and first, I was very confused and in that moment I had the realization, that despite them suggesting it- I never really wanted to have kids. I said that out loud and the older I got, the more I felt right in that decision. I am almost 34 now and never wanted kids. Not even in the slightest. I don't even have the biological urge to have them. It's insane how many people question you at that, when you're female (you're not taken seriously, the age doesn't matter). It's not like you have a trial at having kids. So it's only for the ones who truly want kids and take the responsibility. And I really don't want to argue about this. Believe me, I had my fair share, and nobody can come up with a question/accusation I didn't already hear.
It's perfectly fine not to have kids. There are a ton of good reasons not to.
@@sebastianjost Absolutely. Better leave it to people who flourish in it and are raising good human beings.
When did you start birth control? Not at 13 I hope
Thank you, that leave more ressources for mines.
@@seekerofthemutablebalance5228 The easiest birthcontrol ever: not having sex. I was on birthcontrol for a few years from 21 to 23? (I don't remember clearly) and then stopped, because no sex - so why bombard my body with hormones, without any reason? (Also I am at least grey-ace (asexual/ but not completely abstinent). No - I am not a virgin, there are also condoms.)
1 video closer to the mental health episode, can't wait!
1) So much thanks to Rowan for not only voicing the "...it's okay to not want kids, right?" but also 2) bringing up endo (and MANY THANKS, ALL THE THANKS, to his partner for letting the topic of endo be brought up in an involved discussion between men).
I knew from the time I was 3 years old that I wanted to be a mom. I have 2 and they're grown now. It's definitely not for everyone but I loved every stage, from baby on up. I never felt I had to have them, I wanted to. Got to be a stay at home mom and even home schooled for several years. I was never interested in a career so my kids were absolutely the best part of my life.
“The grass is always greener”
The term “enmeshment” is a dangerous and slippery slope with family being avail to help. If the family is crazy healthy, it can be wonderful. BUT if there’s any small mental issues or past issues you might not even know exists, it can become a complete nightmare and you will want to move away from family just to be sane and raise the kids your way…
Getting harder to stay in the top of the like leaderboard 🤨🙄.
Atta boy Fellas!
And Ellie😍!
Good work!👍😎
This is awesome guys
I love the Adam fact part. More please.
I've been a Dad since 1997. 3 kids, youngest born 2008. Best experiences of my life. Yes, had a few rough patches now and then; but honestly, it was easy when they were babies and toddlers. Yes, you have to keep a sharp eye on them- jump at every noise they make or don't make. But let me tell you, it was like level 1 easy mode compared to the teenage levels for my daughters. :) My son is easier as a teen, crazier as a toddler.
Based. Good on you m8
29:58 This is so accurate. Thank you Adam.
I was pretty much the same as you here, Rowan, except we went the other way; my wife and I had decided no kids, and then she got the endometriosis diagnosis, and they told us we probably wouldn't even be able to have kids, losing that choice suddenly flipped her opinion and she decided she wanted kids. After surgery we were expecting a long road of trying to have kids, and then got pregnant in the first month. Had our second 18 months later on and then my wife had a hysterectomy to combat the returning endometriosis. We don't regret changing our position.
Now we're in the same situation as Alan, overwhelmed but happy. Similiarly we live in remote Aus, our closest family my side is a 10 hour 860km drive away or on my wife side, that same drive plus a 23 hour flight to the otherside of the world.
My son is my favorite person in my whole life by a country mile. I had a girlfriend that had a baby long before I had my son. The little 18 month old was so happy that she understood I wanted the green socks out the drawer when she handed me a sock-pair-ball holding it with her 2 tiny hands laughing a little. It was at that point, how much I could tell a little fluffball baby how cute they were while still teaching shapes, numbers, colors, objects, feelings that I realized being a dad is absolutely something I needed to do in my life. I wanted him to be, not just so I could feel loved but, so that he could feel loved. We've been a laugh riot for each other ever since.
EDIT: Important point, if you don't feel like you should, then don't. Kids notice the difference between being treated well and nice, or being treated like they are loved.
I knew I wanted kids from an early age, and now that I have two kids I knew I was right to want to be a dad. That said, I would never try to convince someone who doesn't want children to change their minds because it is such a sacrifice and you have to go into it with a willingness to put yourself aside in favor of the needs of these tiny humans. The guys are right that modern societal requirements mean we have so much less time to do the minimum required parenting to create the life kids deserve, so you have to be ok with setting yourself aside a bit for a good chunk of years.
Which is not to say people who don't want kids are selfish. Everyone is different and no one should be looked down upon for having a different set of priorities.
Fantastic comment. I don't have children and never have but it is nice to see a parent being open minded. You are certainly in the minority judging by the comments here.
To be fair, the mugging can give you a lifetime supply of iron.
Nice vibe with the music, nice
Seeing the life though kid's eyes is AMAZING 😊💖 Like, when was the last time you appreciate a plane? A car? A train? It's very exciting 😍
As a parent I will say, people focus on bad things more. Like, I have a friend who doesn't have kids and I share with her good and bad moments and obviously I do not share every smile, every fun joke our kids create and they are so creative and so fun, but after some time she asked me something like - would you have kids if you knew how hard it's gonna be? And she completely ignored the good parts (not intentionally).
As a new parent myself, I found having a child is like the most unselfish thing ever because you give up so much freedom and personal choices for the better of the child, but when the baby smiles back it makes up for all of it.
I always knew I wanted kids and even ideally a big family. I want to give to others the gift of life, love and education my parents gave me and try and add a couple more good persons in the world.
I used to think it was selfish not to want kids. It looks like the opposite of the selflessness of parents. However, now that I do have kids, I 100% get why people would opt out and respect that decision.
Why is it selfish to not want to bring another life into this world lmao
@@fishinmountaindew543 Maybe it's selfish, but there are also a lot of reasons why it's not. Also the other perspective. You bring children into the world out of mostly selfish reasons. You don't do it for the bigger picture. Or very few parents do that. Both decisions are equally selfish and not. I have mental issues and they are in my family at least for 3 generations - as i know of-... is it selfish if I decide to not give them to a child, because I decided to not get kids?
@@MediocreOrganic uhh I'm agreeing with you?
@@fishinmountaindew543 Yes, I understood. :D I was just agreeing too. Gave a perspective, maybe for other who read this.
As long as people who do not want children do not actually them (and just neglect them), then it's not at all selfish to not want children.
I love this Podcast! Why is there no video on Spotify? I think its possible to put the videos also on Spotify.
Not first, but ya know I think we all learned something today...lol.
100% prefer seeing the lads instead of just hearing!
My daughter slept through the night day one and I thought she freaking died, saw daylight no sounds from the crib…my heart stopped, she was awake but just quietly gurgling to herself. She went on this way and I’d have to wake her to eat, perfectly healthy just calm as hell…then at age 4 night terror hit out of the blue, six months of hell on earth. She wouldn’t recognize me and cried and screamed for her mommy, thank the gods for Disney sing along tapes, the familiar songs would sooth her and bring her out of it.
My kids are in their 20s now and on there own, this was basically my experience with them in terms of how rough each stage was;
BABIES: AWFUL, crying/crapping punctuated with fleeting nice/fun/quiet moments.
Toddlers: HILARIOUS, less crying, more crapping, but they bump into literally everything!
PreTeen: NICE, they ask ALL the questions, but they generally like you.
TEEN: fuck these bastards.
Young adults: SUPER moody still but starting to become an actual person, hope/fear rule your mind cuz reality bites.
“Adult”: finally able to relax and stop worrying…most of the time. And hopefully you raised yourself some bffs.
(WYR: I love sleep. Teleport, I have vertigo. The mugging cuz I am a contrarian.) 😅
love these for sure keep posting them but we need ellie cam and mic
You legit have no idea how being a parent is going to impact you until you're in it! (8:39). So many factors play into it: the baby's personality, any health issues, feeding efficiency, feeding type, feeding schedule, post-partum issues (it impacts mom AND dad!), external stressors (like finances if you are unfortunate enough to live in the US and get practically no time off and only 60-70% of your pay when you're out), availability/proximity of support and resources, your relationship with your partner, etc. I had so many people tell me their stories, and no two stories were the same and mine looked nothing like theirs. The underlying themes were the same, but the details were drastically different.
You just have to adjust that one simple thing - having a "moment" for yourself, some free time or getting sleep before the kids wake up fully energized
Yooooo podcast episode let’s goooo
As a Grandma, there are times I truly miss when my kids were little.
...mommy... I think it's also important to ask ourselves if we're growing as individuals in part to purposely, intentionally, positively impact the next generations. ...mommy... Regardless of the biological decision, or whether we foster or adopt, each of us can have exponential purpose. All of you guys have other people right within your spheres of influence. So. Technically speaking. Technically speaking, guys, you are helping raise millions of children around the world. ...mommy... You're bringing us back to a better time!
I've been on both sides. I had kids before I was ready and we were in an abusive situation (I found out after we separated that he was hurting them). Now they are both adopted and I'm childless. I love them more than anything but situation or not, I was a terrible mother could not give them what they deserve. Even now that I'm in a healthier place, I don't think I would be enough for them.
Those first few months are exhaustion I never expected I was on fumes and struggled to stay awake
So good for you guys you have a woman that shares your believes :) I'm not going to have kids, I was clear with this since the beginning, my spouse agreed, but I know for certain she doesn't share this believe. On one hand, it hurts me to see her struggle, on the other hand, I know she shouldn't have accepted it in the first place if it's too hard for her.
This is my number one deal breaker in dating. I don't want and won't have children so the second a woman I am dating expresses that they want one it is a core incompatability.
It's the worst was when someone "accepts" it thinking they will change your mind...
@@myhandlewastakenandIgaveup Well, in my case she accepted it thinking that she will change HER mind. She knew full-well that she won't be able to change mine (but maybe she hoped I will change myself). However, changing even her own mind proofed to be tricky...
@@FaustRSI You both have my sympathy. Its such a core desire that when two people who love each other aren't on the same page its really painful bc one of them will never have their deepest relational desires met.
That being said it is much healthier for everyone to not have a child if one person really doesn't want one than to force the process and have a child hoping you will love them anyway. Thats just a recipe for a child raised with a parent who no matter how much they love them will always be dreaming of what if while they raise a literal human being.
@@myhandlewastakenandIgaveup Exactly, and that's what keeps my wife together, actually. Because she doesn't want to force me, she doesn't want to have a "forced" child - for the child's own sake.
@@FaustRSI I am happy she is so open minded about it and I really hope you make it up to her in ways she will appreciate bc she sounds like a keeper.
I would strongly urge you to make sure she knows you appreciate and love her (as well as see her intentional choice in this issue). This type of internal strain can't be easy for her and just knowing you see her where she is would probably mean the world.
Just to pour in some optimism I will share quote from my manager (anytime I shared info that my kids are sick etc. and I have to go out for an hour or so) - Small kids small problems, bigger kids... you know :)
And I fully agree :D
Ellie needs a mic.
Ayyyyeee good morning from the east coast of United States NY
I mean, to Adam's point...getting mugged is at least a good story and only getting to eat a pill sounds awful.
Getting some real Flight of the Conchords vibes with that intro
As someone who has adult kids, there comes a time when they're no longer your kids (except when the need help, which has its own rewards) and more like built-in friends for life. It doesn't stop you from feeling gut-punched when they're hurt, but they can help you move furniture or debate you on things. It's a very diffferent relationship. I would expect teleporting and flying accidents to be the leading causes of injuries and deaths, but kind of looking forward to the majectic sight of flocks of old people flying south for the winter. Teleporting should only worth within line of sight, but we'd have to get used to the grisly sight of people teleporting into each other by mistake. Mops and hoses would be everywhere.
Are you guys going to do a morning show for a radio in the future? Cheers from Romania!
Going to sleep anxiously, waiting for the next cry... I feel seen.
I think a good "Would-You-Rather" question pertaining to parenting would be: Would you rather have an incredibly fulfilling job, but you *never* get a break from it or have a job that you hate and only have to work 4 hours a day?
I think even if I had a wonderfully fulfilling job that gave me purpose, but I was always on call, missed sleep because of it and never had time to do other things I like, I would tend to complain about it.
For perspective, I am a mom of 3, youngest is 4, have a little support, but not close family, closest is 2 hrs away, full-time mom and homeschooler.
It definitely gets easier over time. For example, we thought we wanted 4 kids, 2 was easier and more fun than 1, but 3 is a circus and i cannot imagine starting over with a baby right now. I have grown into my role over time, which IMO is 100% trial by fire. I'm still not sure im great at it, but other people constantly tell me that I am and how wonderful my kids are. It is hard, but it is wonderful and will be more than worth it in years to come.
I never committed offspring. Still super happy with winning that avoidance check. If you know you don't want kids, don't feel pressured by society to do it. I've met too many parents struggling with regret simply because the hormonal programming that makes it the "most rewarding thing" failed them. Then they feel guilt for regretting. So just say no until you are absolutely sure wanting kids or not wanting kids is what YOU want.
Where can I find a copy of the awesome artwork on the wall behind Rowan?! I need it in my world, even if only as a desktop wallpaper.
Have one, they’re all grown up now thankfully. Never again!
My daughter’s partner is the youngest of seven and they both always wanted at least 4 kids. They planned both their pregnancies. It turned out that my daughter *hated* being pregnant. She didn’t actually mind labor/delivery. But her eldest son is autistic and very challenging. Ozzie doesn’t have high support needs but he has emotional regulation/impulse/obsessive interest issues. The boys are two years apart. By the time Rui was 2 she had pretty much determined that was it. I think her partner would still like another one. I think he secretly would like a girl.
Alan, Rowan and Adam, when is buffed up nerds season 2 coming out? 😉
You def need to bring Ellie in if you want her to answer questions. I could only hear a few words here or there.
Currently listening to 14 on Spotify
No Alan, teenage years are the struggle years.
13:15 - Holy shit I had no idea Rowan was the voice in the pubg skits! I genuinely thought they got a professional Morgan Freeman impersonator
Being tired is really only the first few years. It gets easier as they get older. By the time they're teens, if not before, they need a lot less from you and your time becomes your own again. sleep deprivation is really only when they're little. If that's your main reason for not wanting kids, then buck up. Jeeze. You can manage being tired for a few years.