How to avoid rejection and get connection: Marisa Peer at TEDxGoodenoughCollege
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- Опубліковано 27 тра 2024
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I only recently discovered Marisa Peer & the work she does, and in the short few days that I've spent listening to her talks on UA-cam, I can honestly tell you that I feel a lot more reassured & grounded in myself. I am enough. Thank you Marisa for sharing your wisdom w/ us all 🙏💖
I just wanted to let you know that I showed this video to my 15 year old son with Aspergers that has suffered from bullying since elementary school. What prompted me to seek for practical help (outside of the paltry assistance offered by counselors and schools) was right after the Parkland, Florida school shooting tragedy when my son asked me in a very concerned voice "how long, mom, before I become a shooter?". That was it for me and I knew I couldn't leave my son's mental health up to "professionals". The very next day he called me as he was getting on the bus to come home..."Mom!! It worked!". Now, my son could only remember the 1st three statements you put out but he used them calmly and with composure, repeated them as the bullying continued and found that eventually they gave up. What a huge, huge relief that was for him! Thank you , Marisa. Your work matters. You know that, of course, but I wanted you to know that it mattered to my son, to our family. Thank-you a million times!
Marisa Peer that would be terrific! Let me know when is a good time to connect with you from Bel Air, Maryland. 💕
Awww, good on him!!!👊👊 I hope he's still continuing to apply himself in that manner!!! 👏👏👏
Marissa Peer You are a class act ..just love the wisdom you empart to those like this boy who was bullied. Your humility to have replied to this mother proves to me what an amazing heart you have for the broken.
Bless your precious soul.
Wow!!! I can't believe it!!
@ Marisa, what would you say in Italian? Is it the same as "Grazie per avermelo detto"? I'm not sure about what it would stands for!
This was my one of the best 18.33 minutes spent on youtube.
Agreed
She's amazing. The best coach in the planet these days. And she is so beautiful, classy and pleasant.
What a lovely voice and aura this lady has! Fantastic advice!
Do you know that pple who criticise the most, reserve the worst criticism for themselves.. They do not even like themselves..
I love this... Thank you😍
Very true...!!
🙏🥀💛🥀🙏
Oh my god,,,,, I’m from orthodox family and community , and I was punished to be rejected 12 years ago, homeless no family no community, and now when I’m back to ISRAEL where I was born I can understand massive trauma! And to be disconnected ! And god sent me this speech in the minute I needed it! And I felt such a pain, thanks so much!!! Now I feel connect, I love you all!!!!
Marisa Peer has many amazing teachings, check out Mindvalley Academy ♡
I hope you’ve found happiness and meaning with new people who accept you for all the reasons your old community rejected you.
Welldone for standing up for your self
You are such an amazing encougemet to ...me. I have had a similar experience.
Know....how how brave you are to share
Your journey with us. God bless and keep you....❤
I worked in an orthodox school. I know how you feel. Sending you love 🤗
Hello Marisa Peer, I’ve just saw this video you made regarding what to say, the 5 comebacks to not be affected by rejection. Wish I knew it early in school years as I have ADHD, and normally affected by other comments, and was bullied and still am at times by my manager and today I’m 50 yr old.
I’ll try the first one on her but I have to say it in French. Hopefully it will have the same impact: « Merci d’avoir partagé cela ». Thank you, you’ve given me some tools.
I can not say how grateful I am for this video.
I am exactly going through this right now.
And my reaction without knowing is that of not leting it in.
All my life I have missed out on blessings due to taking peoples opinions in.
But no more!
Ever since I have decided that I am number one in my life I feel fantastic.
Right now I might end up homeless with my tow kids.
But I can not and will not let it in.
Time is of the esence.
I am growing and I am succeeding.
Thank you so much Marisa
thank you for sharing that
I have over 150 books. Her book is amazing and in my top 10. Its a multiple read book as well. If you want better confidence and self esteem then its well worth getting.
I am bulletproof to rejection!
I am enough!
The fear of being judged is acquired!
I am enough, I am lovable I am damn awesome!
Critical people have much more critical of themselves!
If someone gives you a gift, and you rejected it, it is still their gift, it doesn't belong you!
I am bulletproof to rejection!
U r awesome.. I am from India, living in UAE.. n i can feel everyone faces more or less similar challenges in life. These techniques are well framed n will certainly assist every individual.
Thanks a lot,
Anupam
don't let OPINIONS in. 1. thank you for sharing that. tell self- I don't have to let that in. what's the point in arguing? 2. I am sorry, I didn't hear it all, can you repeat that? 3. are you trying to hurt my feelings? why would you say that? I am not going to let that in. 4. well that's not going to work? I am not going to let that in. 5. while we are sharing, did you know the most critical people don't like themselves. their inner workings of themselves are projected outward. so, when you are critical, you are showing everyone your criticisms of yourself and your internal bitterness. IF YOU DONT TAKE THE REJECTIONS THE PERSON IS LEFT WITH THAT.
Thankyou for taking the time and making the effort in doing this.
Thanks for this beautiful and concise summmary
this note helps a lot, thank you so much
Nae Ru thank you for the summary i just made notes
Thank you for the summary! Very helpful!
Wow, so many nasty negative bitter people on here. Your lives must be so so shit and sad to come on here hating on a successful well educated woman with a lot of knowledge of the human mind. Well done marisa, your advice is a godsend, and true as. Please continue with your amazing speeches. Can't wait til your next vid.
well said, I love her !
Thank you all negative people for sharing 😊
This is for every person who struggles with rejection. The solutions Marisa give is absolutely powerful and make perfect sense.
Great talk. What happens when the person that rejects you the most is your own self. I am always running myself down and rejecting myself. Maybe I could try thanking myself for the negative self talk. Love Maris's work and one day when I have enough money would love to study her method.
Pretty good info, thanks a million Marisa.
And May I add, one of the most important things to remember about 'not letting it in' is always remember to not let it in.
Going to make sure the young one’s in my family know these steps to make sure they don’t get bullied like I did as a kid!
Rejection is the story of my life. I now see it as a blessing. Most times I’ve been rejected it’s been all for the better because most of them turned out to be dull, rude or totally disconnected. It’s not that I hate people, it’s just that I feel better when they’re not around.
🙏🥀♥️🥀🙏
I've had mean and popular family members and co workers reject me for no good reason in life and cause me upset. I wish I had of someone tell me this many years back, it would have helped with my emotional help in moving forward away from them. Definitely saving this video.
Very good history. ThankYou. “Don’t let in OPINIONS that would hurt you”. 1)ThankYou for sharing. 2)Would you repeat that slowly. 3)Oh r u trying to hurt my feelings? 4)I’m not letting that in. 5)Critical people r expressing outward that they r unhappy.
Gold. Arguably life saving information. I'm not my brain, I'm something beyond it. My brain listens to my intentions. Brilliant.
That was superb- your talk must be listened to at least once a month
Or every day
This was a great talk, you're one of the best speakers I've heard on Ted.
Thank you for sharing that!
This was very informative and some good advice for dealing with verbal comments but I find rejection is more often served in a more subtle way, without words. For example you're with two others chatting, the one talking gives eye contact to the other person but seldom looks at you thereby excluding you
Good point. Maybe you can start doing something else then? Grab your phone, look the other way too. Sometimes they go (in their mind): ah, but that was not my intention, I didn't want to loose her interest, and then maybe the roles turn. (Or, maybe she didn't want to exclude you at all, but was trying to include the other person more, for she felt the other person needed that more?)
I'd say: walk away. Really. Only spend/waste your energy who actually connect with you.
carol cooper z b
Leoni Burge exactly. In childhood rejection is verbal but in adulthood it is usually either inferred but subtle cues in facial expression and body language, or by acts such as exclusion from social events or refusing invitations. In that case, a verbal response such as “are you trying to hurt my feelings” is not only overtly inappropriate, but will make the person sound like a paranoid lunatic and will lead to even more rejection and even ostracism.
Easy... Do step 1 to 5 in your mind.... Non verbal
This is one of the best talks I've ever heard. The little story at the end is so moving; what great parenting! Thank you, there is plenty here to take away and try to implement more in my own life X
I've listened to this about 20 times, and that's only to start with. I think it's the kind of thing one must listen to until it gets deep into the psyche. And to practice it with someone else with different scenarios can really help these phrases be at the tip of one's tongue when needed. What a simple, valuable, and profound way to live. So simple, in fact, that most find it extremely difficult to master. But we can do it! We are enough. Thanks, Marisa :)
Practicing looking in the mirror in the morning/ night
Makes it easy incredibly fast!!!
You got this!!!!
I love you voice, so soothing
Me too! I've just "shared that!" ...in the comment above!! What if I only use it in a positive way, in which instead of being offended and attacked, I've been part of a joyful sharing! Like in the case of this video? What is this case is the positive effect? ?? Is that you will be sharing other good videos?
I love listening to her, I love her confidence and I love her teachings and sharing :) You go go!
"Thank You for sharing that" is the new GoFY
Nice talk!! her words come in to the mind in a smooth and beautiful way, I can listen to her for days without getting bored.
This is excellent advice, practical and shrewd. A characteristic of depressive people, above all, is that if they're alone they not only cease to have value: they cease to exist. In their own eyes, they might as well be dead. Instead they have to seek out company, even if it means endless abuse: "But once a month, he says he loves me!" "Once a year she says we'll stay together, and she stops kicking me out of her flat at 3 am or throwing my stuff out of the upstairs window... She even says she'll stop drinking!" (As you might surmise, Dear Gentle Readers, that bonne bouche is from my own experience). There is only so much, despite your every effort, that you can do to protect yourself or purge the wreckage. So avoidance becomes survival. Creatives in any field tend to be Outsiders, and outsiders more often than not have nervous systems geared to suffering pain more than, evidence indicates, is the norm. Assuming, that is to say, that one even wants to be "normal". As for me? I'll opt for authenticity, truth to oneself. All I ask is freedom from noise, this tinnitus of squeaking voices.
But here is the issue that I now face, the issue that means a book I have been working on for ten years is likely never to be finished. It isn’t just that an eternity of selfish people clogs your mind like a drain; this foreseeable future of having to deal with toxic people, as some describe them. Every time you negate another person's hostility to you, real or imagined, you bolster yourself by engendering indifference towards the human race, even if only one member of it. This is not only self-protection, but sanity. We cannot afford to dote on the human race, or to take its every whim seriously. People talk of wisdom as if it were a vacuous smile, a sense of impunity that falls like a cloak over everybody else and everything. To me, and to every other older person whom I know, wisdom is a form of benevolent yet resigned stoicism towards what cannot be changed, what cannot be made good, cannot be made better. And in the end, one's indifference becomes pervasive, ubiquitous.
I worked for many years in the field of creativity and communication. I know my strengths and my weaknesses. I know, too, as one who was lucky enough to find success, how fickle and fortuitous the whole business is. There are people with five times the talent of your favourite artist or celebrity or television name, whose work you will never hear of. As Marisa reminds us, human beings are part of the natural world; and our affairs are as chaotic as Brownian motion. What justice? What scheme of things? What over-arching natural purpose or order? I believe in two things: universal gravitation and entropy, the Second Law of Thermodynamics.
Yet I have a hope as well. I like to think that each of us should try our best to leave the world a quarter of one-percent a better place than it was when we entered. My problem used to be fear. Now, it is apathy. So here's my question to Marisa: and it a serious question, without hidden agenda. Please: what can you do, what can you say, to help me regain my faith in the human race?
You're exceptional. I hope your wise words spread to all those in need for it.
Great talk. What a woman.
Fantastic speech and delivery. I love the focus on "emotional intention" versus nit-picking a person's words.
Marisa, you are one of my new favorite people to listen to. I'm glad that I stubbled on your talks. I need this advice several years ago. You are right on point!
Best ted talk I've watched yet.
Marisa Peer, you are a genius!
Thanks, I graduated college 10 years ago lol
This lady is amazing!!!! I like how she breaks down the components of rejection and how to effectively respond!!!!!
Wonderful lessons!!! Not only this but yours in general!! You're an example for me and "for us" I think, who listen to your conferences/coaching, don't know how to call them!
Now, I keep stopped writing, since I had this habit to wright and listen at mean time!!! I love hearing your voice, your beautiful peaceful way of speaking!! Thank's because after this lesson I found work for a person!! Been introduced by a friend of mine!!! Thank's Marisa!!! For your help, you made me feel at peace and I found the solution! For this woman!!! Love your work/the way you do it and make it "yours"!!! 👣 living your unique path on it!
Thank you so much Marisa.
I have been scared of rejection all my life and that fear has stopped me doing many things, including pursuing my dream of being a singer songwriter. Especially because of something that my father said to me about a song I had written and roughly recorded over 10 years ago. His comment was very hurtful. It crushed me and made it impossible to continue as I wanted to. I completely understand now why I wouldn't allow myself to follow this dream. If my own father could say something that would devastate me, then I couldn't run the risk of strangers criticising me.
These 18 minutes have changed my life and given me the confidence to pursue what I love. Thank you xx
1. Thank you for sharing that. 2. Can you REPEAT that? 3. Are you trying to hurt my feelings?
💫
"Thank you for sharing that"...right! Love it!🎆
You are one of the most charming, wise and powerful Shakti that I've ever met. Thank you for your geneoursosity in sharing this... the world will be a better place for sure after that. I love your work. kisses from Brazil
I've never heard such a practical talk: thank you!
I would Love Marisa’s way of handling mobbing which is worse than bullying because you never know who will give the hit.
This just confirms and reaffirms that I'm moving in the right direction with my mindset and life, The way she puts it is much nicer than the way I would so I'm going to try it her way.😊😊😊
One of my favorite Ted Talks now. Thank you Marisa Peer for an excellent explanation and simple, actionable techniques.
Marisa is amazing!! I have learned so much from her!! Thank Marisa. You are loved.
One of the best talks on Ted ever. I love this manner of approach towards insults and rejection. Thank you Marrisa.
I've been through a lot of emotional pain and thought that I couln't recover myself from being intimidated for getting rejected. But rejection taught me some lesson, I couldn't achiecve what I am today if nobody told me that I wasn't good enough. It's only a matter of choice on how we view rejection because only two things will happen, it would probably make us or destroy us.
Thank you very much, Marisa. You're amazing! Love you!!! ❤
Needed this all my life i could never handle people making snark comments and criticism this will help
"Thank you for sharing that." With sarcasm? Or without? Here without; but I can see that sometimes sarcasm, or ambiguity, might work. But sometimes it might be better to be more explicit, and not use even a hint of sarcasm, but simply agree with the rejecting person in a friendly way. Like dad taking the wrong turnoff can say to grumpy son, "You're right I need to plan things a bit better." This totally deflates the situation, and hopefully lead to friendly re-connection. Then again, maybe just smiling and beaming is the best way... maybe use all three methods if he's a real Kevin...
No rejection no connection, observation, and strategy😊🎉 to get my freedom my self respect and my abundant life🎉
My two favorite responses that work for anything anyone says: If you say so and don't worry about it.
Ur god sent angel 👼 for many of us mam 💐 god bless u
You are so likeable. BRILLIANT. I will now look for your books. Thank you for being you.
Well, that sure helped me!
One of the best Ted´s ive seen!
Thanks for sharing such practical tools we can use everyday, Marisa! I just bought your audible book "I am enough" and love it.
awesome,the words that is used and the clarity of thought.. just amazing...was curious with what the content would be with the title...but it has been just exhilarating !!!
“Thank you for sharing that” dissipate the tension???? I have never heard such a patronising and contemptuous response before... that we amplify the tension with me big time!
Thank you for sharing, Marissa.
You really made me feel better!
Thank you Marisa. You make me feel stronger, confident and beautiful!
Thank you Marisa!
I love listening to you.Thank you for sharing .
On the contrary, let in all the criticism. Cause it is said for better. Accept. But just be aware that this is a signal that you need to look somewhere else in your life. It means you are fixated and people see it, so they begin to criticize and all you should do is to accept and change focus!
Wow what a great talk, look forward to seeing the rest of your material.
Thank you for subtitles 🙏🏽
Charming lady, beautiful and wise talk! Thank you so much!
Superb Superb!!! Super five guides for dealing with Rejection!!! Super thanks for sharing!!!
Wonderful talk - thanks Marisa!
Thank you for sharing that.
Great video, Marisa's advice is relative to any situation you can be put in and applies to all ages! Definitely going to implement "Thank you For Sharing" into my life
It's so important to understand this. Thank you for your knowledge and guidance!
du bist die beste, danke, schön das es dich gibt
Fantastic presentation - thank you Marisa x
Don't let in opinions that will hurt you
Thank you so much, this is the advice I needed, knew you could share, but couldn't find again until now. What a great and simple 5-step process once you have explained it. I'm very grateful to you for sharing this wisdom xx
Amazing paradigm!
Coming from mixed race background and being raised by my mother I've had lots of rejection all around.
i think Marisa is right about rejection.
These are useful techniques for dealing with that kind of rejection - I speak from experience. I hope you are blossoming these days, brother.
Thanks, Melisa. I'll use it in my work with staff members in supported care settings when discussing how to handle hurtful remarks from colleagues and clients. tt's also made me think somewhat about atttitues I adopted towards myself when at school and in my teens.
'Thank you for sharing that' is something you can also say to your inner critic. Interesting to try..
Awesome, I am going to try and practice these methods..thank you I really appreciate this.
Brilliant and sooo inspiring!
Thank you Marisa.
Always relevant. Thanks for this one and your other Ted talk on 4 rules of the mind I keep coming back to remind myself of the power of implementing these simple techniques
Wonderful talk Marisa!
I must practise her tips, because rejection used to be very painful for me and affected my whole social interactions
I’m the opposite. Unless I really have to go, I never ever go to bathroom with group of women. Is something wrong with me? I LOVE the “thank you for sharing that” “could you repeat that.” Nice. Very, very nice. No fear of public speaking but l’ll use it with nastiness around the office. Here’s hoping I don’t have to endure up to the 5th step. Thank you Ms. Peer you are a treasure
Thanks so much for this, love it. Helped so much.
Much love.
Fantastic, professional, encouraging speech, Thank you for sharing
Thank you Marissa
this is give or take what I call the truths of life... As a man (person) thinks So shall they be /The tongue has the power of life & death/ & we can't love ourselves if we don't LOVE others/ there is power in unity. She definitely gave me a deeper insight on what I wasn't getting, which is how I was taking in criticism from others by acknowledging & taking it in by being hurt by "Letting it In"!
Thank you Marissa ..I love this ..
Valuable information, thank you so much!
this talk is really brilliant!
Thank you for these great tips. I will use them for myself and share them with the youth and children whom I work with.
Thank you!! Very Helpful!!
LOVED THIs TALK
I like her approach