Can I Touch Your Hair?
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- Опубліковано 18 жов 2024
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Some people are just curious. I don't think it makes them rude, it's just they are not educated and the best way to educate is through communication. I would simply say no if a random stranger asked to touch my hair, but the offensive feelings aren't necessary. I have friends of all different races, (and have my entire life) and I just think we should all stop being offended by everything all the time and just communicate. It didn't sound like she was being intentionally rude, it just sounds like she felt you were approachable and thought she could ask questions. It's better than making assumptions, and direct communication is better than Google. It brings the human aspect back into communication. Feel free to answer what you want, and also feel free to let her know if something she says is offensive, otherwise she will never know. Basically, my point is let's communicate, stop being offended so easily, but be honest enough to express (directly) when you truly find something offensive. We can all learn from each other.
T Ridd this is an interesting perspective. I appreciate you writing it out and giving me smthg to think about.
I hope it didn't come across as though I was offended in the video. I was mostly weirded out by being touched by a stranger, which was really my fault bc I should have said no. And I was also uncomfortable (not offended) with the "shock and awe" factor she had. I felt it was an inappropriate (not offensive) response to ... hair. I've had others, outside of my race, come up and say "your hair is awesome!" "Your hair is darling on you!" And these are fine. Rubbing my locs between your fingers like it's some strange thing that fell from outer space is uncouth and alienating (no pun intended).
JoyceMD I like rubbing my hair also. It's fascinating to me as well. Lol! It's amazing how I had relaxed hair through college, went natural for about 6 years, and have been locked for a year, and each change is exciting. I agree, having a random stranger touch your hair is weird but at least she asked and you can (as I would) say no. I am just saying understand the curiosity, as I like touching my hair as well, of course it's my hair so I can. 😊🙏🏾
JoyceMD nah, to be 100% I wouldn't put that on you. She is more than welcome to speak to you about your hair but also I feel that you're letting that woman off the hook too easily. Three things that put the responsibility back on her are:
1) Relationship. I don't know you, you're a stranger engaging in dialogue.
2) Body language. As the conversation went on am I actively reading what this person is telling me non verbally?
3) Environment. We are in a restroom and I'm asking to make physical contact with a complete stranger.
Sure she can reach out to learn about locs but read the situation. That lady should have picked up on the cues that you were giving to know that what she was doing was not okay. BUT I DO APPRECIATE YOU SHARING THIS STORY! Shout out to the black collective experience, ha ha!
JoyceMD Joyce you are right to be weirded out by that woman. This poster is us just as insane as that woman for thinking that behavior is okay. If you were a white woman....everyone in the room would think asking to touch a strangers hair is inappropriate. But because non-black people are curious about our hair....WE should be made to feel uncomfortable....we should be willing to allow another to invade our space...I am sorry Joyce, but this T Ridd is a buffoon.
T Ridd I appreciate your perspective, as well! I have had people make wild assumptions about my locs and how I maintain them. I definitely like to use that opportunity for education. I think there are even some black people who don't understand the locking process and can possibly benefit from hearing about it as well. I have known people of different races (including black) who didn't know that locs could even be washed. Personally, I think locs are interesting, and I don't blame questions (I think most of the time, no one has meant to be offensive when they have asked me about my hair), but I definitely don't like feeling like an exhibit. So I feel better when I ask what their perception is and clarifying any misconceptions and let them know that my hair care routine is not too different from anyone with loose hair.. I wash and dry it (and can even brush, if necessary). I appreciate Joyce for bringing this topic up to help us consider what our approach may be. I know I do not want some random stranger touching my hair, but I do know that when it comes up, it is my choice to decline and educate the person on locs when they ask questions.
I notice a lot of non-black people associate hair washing with showering in general. For black people they're 2 separate processes.
And I generally don't like people touching me, especially if I don't know them.
You are 100% right. I always say no but thank you for the compliment. Then smile and slowly back away. Lol
Brandi Jackson Wellness LOL at slowly back away
JoyceMD y'all look like twins.
I equate "can I touch your hair" to "can I hold your baby". I wouldn't want a random person asking to hold my baby, so I don't want a random person asking to touch my hair. Lol.
Binxx_ yes!!
Binxx_ shout out! I'm using this. Thank you!
On point!
It's your hair. If you don't want others to touch it, that is your personal choice.
I get this question asked a lot and I always say no, but feel free to look... then they automatically try to say my locs are fake... 😂 some even go as far as saying that "oh, I guess it's also a black women thing... yall don't like no one touching y'all hair." These come from both black and non-black people. I just always blank stare and hair flip in slow motion hahah....child I don't have the time to explain anything to you, let me live.
Strangers can't touch my hair. Friends might be able to, but not strangers. I just don't like it when people touch me in general.
Most of my life I've had natural hair, big long fluffy hair, locs for three years, then very short natural, and a new set of locs now. I grew up in a neighborhood that does not have a lot of black people, let alone black people wearing their hair natural so that question of "can I touch your hair?", I've heard my entire life. The answer has been a resounding "NO." since elementary school. It's been my standard response for so long, that it is never awkward for me. If someone attempts to touch regardless or without asking, my ninja reflexes go into action and I very firmly grab them by the wrist and return their hand to them while maintaining incredulous eye contact. This usually results in nervous laughter from them, sometimes accompanied by an apology-in which case my standard response is, "don't let it happen again". But it usually gets the point across.
I've been asked that a time or too myself and even if the question came from out of the blue, I ALWAYS say no. I'm not a pet and I don't know where your hands have been. Ewe 😖
I totally agree with you. I remember when I had my first set, i would always be approached by someone asking to touch my locs or asking if it was my hair. It didn't sit well with me either. Now that I'm 7 months into my second journey, I get the looks and stares as if they're trying to figure it out.
Now that I have locs, I don't get "can I touch your hair?" at all. When I had loose hair people used to ask or not ask and just touch!! One time at a bar, this White girl did that, she just touched my hair without asking, and then I touched hers back, and she looked so confused and asked, "Was that wrong?!" I was like see it's weird as crap. LOL I don't mind genuine curiosity or small talk, but don't ask to touch people you don't know. "Can I touch your hair?" is uncouth and an invasion of privacy but I think it speaks to the beauty and intrigue of our hair.
Some Lady Yes to the clapback 😅✊🏾
Hahaha!!!! I love your response to her extremely rude action! 😂😂😂
I hated when people would do that back in grade school when I had an afro, and then I'd be walking around with half of my Afro all flat the rest of the day...and their dirty germs...like whyyyyyy 🤣😂
Great topic @JoyceMD
I'm pretty amicable to anyone who shows genuine interest and is receptive to information about natural black hair styles. ( Locs for about 1 year. ) The optimist in me hopes this helps break down some racial barriers by promoting truths and dissolving misinformation.
But on the other hand, it's really hard to gauge if that intrigue is admiration and warm curiosity or biases. I really let the relationship of the asker dictate how I respond. In regards to encroaching your space and wanting to TOUCH YOUR HAIR, strangers on the street will/should most definitely get a NO. In contrast to most situations your lucky she even asked you, which is unfortunately a reality for most of us. There is a feeling of belittlement when someone you don't have a close relationship with ask you or even dares to touch your hair.
On top of that some people have the nerve to be offended that you refused them the "right" to touch your hair. Continuing to shut it down even at the risk of awkwardness is the right thing to do to protect yourself. If they have any level of respect for you as a human they will humbly accept your request.
Asians can be passively intrusive when they want to be. I don't like random people touching me either, regardless of color.
No you can't not touch my hair when asked my response is I don't know where your hands have been now the look on their face is the same as mine when they asked.
Jeanette Wilson 😂😂🤣🤣🤣
Jeanette Wilson yup! Same here ✊🏾
I think "hell no" you cannot touch my hair. it's so weird when other races are obsessed with our hair... but we still get discrimination for it in the work place. the irony
jasmin Pierre I have worked you corporate all my life and I know when I started my journey I would get why did you do it??? Me: because i wanted to!
jasmin Pierre "You don't need to touch it if you're not fighting for it in the workplace." Imma start saying that 😂
I completely agree with you. No, please don't touch/fondle my hair. Some people too bad mind (may hold hidden feelings of malice towards you). Definitley not a science experiment.
It's polite to ask instead of having them just reach out and touch it. I've never had a non-black ask to touch my hair.
The crown on your head is special girl! You are a spectacle. The more I travelled the more I realized this about myself. I take it as a positive. They are just in awe of us. Take advantage of it.
i like this perspective
Okay it weird me out if anyone wants to touch me in general when they are a stranger. I've had it happen to me before and I just reciprocated and touch the person's face. Then when they looked at me crazy, I explained that touching a person's body which includes their hair is just plain rude and deeply personal. It's the same as grabbing my but. I didn't like when guys did that when I was younger. The funny thing is that I'm used to the hair thing because I have had people do it a lot more years ago when I was getting braids all the time. It was almost a running joke among family and friends because I would say that "you didn't put in on this so you have no right to feel on it". I'm sorry but a compliment is fine and good but I get a really crazy look when you touch me. I think some people genuinely don't understand how I have to curb my instincts. When I'm flinching back, I'm trying to get out of arm reach so I can't hit the person. Sorry long rant but this really stuck in my mind from a month or so ago when I was in the waiting room at the doctor's office and so many people tried me that day. I finally decided that I must have been having a really good hair day or either there where an abnormal amount of people in the world that act like they have never seen locs before. Smh I swear my uncle about fell out of his chair when I asked loudly who's germ infested child this was touching me. I mean a kid of about 3 or 4 should a) know not to touch/talk to strangers and b) not be left alone while the mom runs to the restroom. I mean come on sticky fingers and locs don't mix. Plus hello it's a doctor's office so my mind jumps to contagious diseases lol. Apparently my facial expression was priceless as my uncle just got up and walked about. He told me later he went to pray in the hallway because he just knew I was going to go off. I was relatively cool when I told the parent that she needed to talk to her kid about " stranger danger".
Shante you had me dying laughing girl! Especially when you said you touch their face when they rudely just touch your hair. I'm like do I know you well enough for you to put your hands on me? Touching someone's face is an intimate act just like touching their hair and hopefully they get the correlation. I wonder if it's always girl wanting to touch girls hair. Do strange men ask if they can touch your hair also? If I had to guess, I'd say probably not so much. They never know if a boyfriend or husband is around who will jack them up for touching their girl. I'm starting my locs tomorrow. I'll remember all of this stuff you guys are saying for the future.
reallychewie you know I have to say I agree. It's usually women for just reasons of admiration. I've only really had guys touch my hair when we were already really close to each other and they just wanted to play in my hair. Also usually a person near my age or someone that has entered the older generation and seems to think it gives them permission to say and do what they want. Though admittedly it's true I'm usually more likely to step away and not say anything too crazy to some geriatric great grandma who has apparently lost her mind and started touching strangers in public.
Shante' Monique I'm. Out. 🤣😂✊🏾
I've been talking about this everyday this week with my mom. Everyone loves her Afro and some people have the nerve to touch it without asking her. I constantly say "uh no don't let them touch your hair" you are not a pet. She finally asked one of her coworkers what's the fascination with wanting to touch African Americans hair and the women responded with "it's so different and unique and my hair doesn't do that or look like that". 🤔 I'm so glad I don't wear my hair out anymore because I had to constantly deal with that exact problem. It's too much at times.
As a hairstylist and colorist in a diverse salon. I tend to take for granted that outside of the salon people aren't touching our hair nor are we touching theirs. In the hair industry everyone touches my hair at an event. Especially if I'm doing platform teaching. However outside of those venues it is off putting. I am also a painter and I usually vend at festivals etc. This woman came into my booth and went on about black art and loving black culture then while I was wrapping the art she purchased without permission touched my hair. The whole transaction was very uncomfortable. Even others customers were stunned.
Its your hair 😂😂🙌🙌 flapping in the wind. It looks SOOO LIGHT
I would probably ask them why do you want to? Then I would say, "ciao Felicia" 😉
Joyce, I completely understand, However it depends on the situation. When I was in Honduras teaching, I had one student who came in every day asking to touch my hair because it was different to him (the view black students at the school had relaxers in their hair). He had no idea, they had no idea about black hair. They wondered if I was hed my locs and so on. I took that time to educate them. I finally let him touch it (but I made him wash his hands first) and he never asked again. But I also realized in the culture of the school, that the students would run their hands through each others hair and it was just another expression of affection for them. I had some of my students, that were closer to me, who would come and touch my hair in a loving fashion and it was not problem. Lots asked, all were educated. Only one dared to JAM her fingers in my hair and try to flip it like it was number 1 hair like hers. After almost breaking her hands (God bless her, and i still love her) I politely educated her...."you need to ask...and then I can show you how to touch my hair). So overseas its okay for me, Here in the US...no one has dared to ask yet. But i have had random requests while away. Like one day someone asked me to leave them one of my locs as a souvenir ....Strong side eye, joke or no joke=NOT FUNNY! You already know my answer!
This is a really interesting perspective. Thank you for sharing your experience.
I'm so sorry that person even had the nerve to ask such a question.. Most definitely say no n kindly move along.. if there is a next time.
I absolutely hate when people ask to touch my hair. I feel how you explained when the lady asked you to touch your hair and you said that your body language said no but your mouth said yes. And then to stand there like I'm a dog getting pet... I hate it. People that don't have hair like ours don't understand how degrading this is for us.
For the past couple of months when people ask me if they can touch my hair I reply "can I touch your butt"... the face they make is priceless! And then I tell them how you feel right there about me asking to touch your butt is how I feel when people ask me to touch my hair. No you cannot into my personal space. No you cannot touch my hair.
I love it!
It's an odd question and it's stupid. I live in NYC and am now very apprehensive about rocking my afro for fear of strange fingers. I don't want to confirm or deny any of your ideas of what black hair is or isnt. That is something that should be asked between close friends and family, not an open discussion with strangers. I'm am not a museum, I am not here to educate you.
This resonates with me.
"I don't want to confirm or deny any of your ideas of what black hair is or isn't." *This.* The nuances of people cannot be adequately understood in a brief awkward encounter with someone you don't know.
That shirt is awesome, lol I would definitely buy that
Low-key... I think it is a possibility that she is involved in the black hair community via black beauty supply store owner. Locs are the death of their business. They want to see how they can capitalize from locs.
divauno Can store owners even determine what hair products are made?
Asia DeShay I'm unsure how deep it goes. But since Koreans basically control the black hair market I'm sure at some point they can determine product or at the least clone it. If you haven't already, watch the Black hair documentary by Aron Ranen. You'll kinda understand why I made the statement I did.
divauno I understand what you are saying now.
divauno you know, I was thinking the same thing...lol...lady sounded like she was doing market research. I stopped buying from them years ago....never will again. I'd rather be bald.
I say yes and then I begin to feel their hair in the exact manner that they feel mine. They get weirded out. Then on a subconscious level they begin to see how frickin weird it is to go around touching people's heads.
I completely agree with all of the points you made. Another thing that irks me is when I'm talking to someone and I can just see their eyes rove up to my locs. From the crown all the way down to the ends; and I have shoulder length locs so the eye movement during conversation is very noticeable. I understand it comes from curiosity but it can feel...intrusive.
I've never understood the urge to touch a stranger's hair, regardless of texture.
Hey Joyce Md I got a story. I work in a hospital setting and i had to enter a patients room, who happened to be an elderly caucasion women.She was a sweet lady but she was curious. I could tell cause she kept staring at my then loose natural 4c afro. She was like may i touch your hair.Now brain said hell no thats offesive an offensive question to ask ,but what came out my mouth was sure why not.So as she was feeling my hair i could tell she was more envious if anything.She hit me with the she wished her hair was thick and curly like mine.Since i locked my hair i havnt had anyone ask to touch it Id be like uhhhh no.
I am thinking that she is in the wig business and she wants to make a loc wig, and you are unfortunately part of her research, she just wanted to feel how real locs feel like. Sorry for your bad experience.
It's like you are from another planet.
exactly!
Nice vid. I understand you. One of my locs is unraveling..... I'm freakin out. Starter locs!
I have locs and I let people touch my hair. It's awesome...my hair😉
Can we get into how light and fluffy your locs are? lol Just-a blowin' in the wind! Ok back to the topic - people definitely can't touch without permission. When I had my boutique, customers (mostly white, though sometimes black!) would ask me from time to time. Generally I obliged because they were genuinely trying to understand, and it wasn't from the ignorant standpoint of "ugh what's that?" Or "I hear they feel like cheetos" 🙄. But if I sensed that there was purely a novelty thing going on in why they wanted to touch, answer was certainly no.
Yup! The context of how the question is asked is important. Who, What, When, Where, and Why!?
😂😂😂😂😂
@"Cheetos"
I have never heard that b4. And now I'm over here feelling my hair!
I've had this awkward experience. Body saying "No" while my mouth says "uhhh, ok".
For a brief period I was thinking "educate, dispel the mystery". But now I'm more along the lines of "relationship". Is this a person I hug therefore am willing to share my space with? If not, then I say no with no awkwardness.
If we're building a relationship and at some point in conversation it comes up, and you're someone I hug, then I may say yes.
Caveat being black women/teens w relaxed/straightened hair. If I'm asked, I'll generally say yes. Like you said, it's about feeling like a spectacle vs showing a teen, whose mom has always straightened her hair, what virgin natural hair feels like.
xandria20 I love this perspective on nuance differences between relationship vs stranger. I think I may use this as my new rule of thumb bc I do have people in my life, whom I have a relationship with, that are respectful, and are genuinely curious. I also love the note about little black girls.
cute cute shirt lol, and i totally get your perspective. I think I thought of that all the time when I was younger but now I don't, because admiration is different and I can always tell when its coming from a genuine place. like with her I feel like you should of just said "no thank you" lol cuz clearly she aint locking nothin lmao .
I think it's weird and stupid and it makes me feel like I'm not normal. So I feel kinda the same as you. It's just like what makes you think we cool like that to invade my space and touch me...like no. Not to be rude but I would say nope. And let the person know I don't like people touching my hair.
Love your channel!
I don't let ANYONE touch my hair and I get very nasty when I feel some one touching my hair without my permission.
i absolutely agree with you. while i don't think it's necessarily rude to ask, i do not think it is my duty or any black person's, to put anyone's curiosities to rest. just because one is curious about something should not mean that they need to (or have the right to) touch it.
Issa no for me. I have had natural hair for a long time and my hair is big and curly and HATE when people ask to pet me (because that's how it feels). I have never wanted to touch a strangers hair, ever. That's such an intimate thing. I don't understand directing that question toward someone you don't know.
This is interesting. I recently had a white woman ask, as she was reaching in, if she could touch my hair. I ended up jerking away, saying no, and blocking her hand all at the same time. I've allowed someone to touch my hair before and they patted my head like I was a dog. So the answer is HELL NO! with a side eye. I do believe it is rude. They should just be curious secretly.
Yeah that's a no go for me. I had a lady just grab at my locs and say wow it feels different 😳 it happened so fast I couldn't even respond
i think she was looking into being able to do locs. she was likely looking to make money because everyone "knows" black women spend a lot on hair.
i agree, the hair touching makes me feel objectified. i simply say no. i am always surprised that they seem offended when told no. also, your hair looks light and healthy, kudos.
I think everyone has something that bothers them. Whether or not we want to get over it is up to us.
When I think of someone asking to touch hair I think of it as sort of a developmental thing like how toddlers have a need to touch everything. Or even kids. I think as adults we may be filling in gaps to learn more about the people and world around us. Sensory stuff, you know?
I think it was polite of her to ask because some people I have heard just go and touch without asking.
Ok, I am happy again that you presented this question. I have had this to happen to me all of my life, no matter what style or condition I am wearing my hair. I use to say well WTF maybe I should wear a hat. So first off the answer is NO you can not touch my hair No matter what color or race you are. Now I appreciate the comment about curious, communication and education, all very good points. Because in the world we live in most people only see the color of our skin, not realizing that we are all so different and so is our hair, just like trees in the forest. You can ask me questions, and I will try to answer them to the best of my ability. But NO blanket questions: like what do you people like to be called, or how do you people take care of your hair, or how do you people wash your hair. Or for me, it is always where are you from, or are your people all Black (this is the one from other black people) and I want to say WTF kind of question is that. But I did have a crazy experience in the supermarket last year: I was still a bit unsteady on my feet, recovering from heart surgery. But happy to be out. My husband was just a bit ahead of me, and this man who worked there in the market started running toward me, saying oh-oh-oh please can I touch your hair. It's so beautiful curly locks, right right, I love them when they are curly. I must a had terror written all over my face because he stopped right in my face. I was so afraid he was going to knot me over, many of the other customers were just looking, I'm sure wondering is he crazy, I know I was. But once he calmed down, we were able to talk and he apologized for his behavior. Now that was one for the books. But NO I am sorry you can NOT touch my Hair!!!
I don't want anyone touching my hair and definitely not asking to touch it. I agree, it's like I'm something and not someone.
Strangers have never asked, but coworkers and fellow students have. I usually let them because I figure they're ignorant to the fact that black people usually have a different type of hair than they do, and I see it as an opportunity for them to learn something. It does make me feel like they see me as an alien or something but they need to learn.
my response to the person asking the question depends on the circumstances. most of the time, if the question is from out of the blue from a random stranger, the answer is an unequivocal 'NO', as i consider touching someone's hair an intimate act. if i don't know you like that, you can't touch me like that. if, however, conversation has taken place and that person seems to be genuine in their interest/curiosity, i may give permission to BRIEFLY touch. i also tend to read the energy of the person and if that energy reads badly, i will not allow the exploration. also, i personally appreciate those that ask permission even if i have to shut them down, as the question gives me the power to allow or deny. those that just take it as their right to touch without asking are like those that sexually assault others--they violate my space and my person and i defend my person and my space rigorously (and sometimes somewhat violently), if needed. example: about a year and a half ago, a man was stalking me--waiting for me after work, trying to walk down the street with me and talking yin-yang to me (i didn't know him from a hole in the wall). after i shut him down (took about five tries to get my point across to him), i didn't see him for a while. Lo and behold he showed up again after some time, walked up behind me and wrapped me up in his arms and began caressing my hair while i was waiting to cross a street at a light. HONEY, i stomped on his foot, whirled around and punched his face, all the while screaming and cursing at the top of my lungs that i would HURT him if he ever did that again (i attracted a lot of attention--2 white men asked if i needed any help LOL). now, i am not normally a personal given to cursing and violent physical responses, but he was touching me--body and hair without my permission. my sweet, calm demeanor and graciousness from before was taken as weakness and hence, he got the surprise of his life. my point--i will, rarely, give strangers permission to touch but i choose when and who to grant the permission to and i WILL NOT apologize for defending my right to do so.
The fact that she asked to touch it makes it seem even weirder. Totally agree with what you are saying.
LOL. I have had those experiences. When I was younger, it used to throw me. Now that I am older I recognize this for what it is. These are power moves. An attempt to objectify you - and much more. Equivalent with "you guys dance so good" Here is my response to them. When I get a compliment on my hair locs, etnic clothes, brown skin, or anything else specific to my Blackness: I complement them back. I do not let them judge me without me judging them. I say things like "you hair looks nice too" or 'wow! that outfit looks nice on you, ( no matter the style or what they are indeed wearing) I take my power back. I let them know that do not have the right to judge or have an opinion about me... understand? I may be saying this concept badly. I hope that you understand what I mean. I never let them touch my hair. Black people, yes, maybe. Black people are coming from a place of family and familiarity. But, others no. It objectifies me. I wont accept that. Please do all responses with a polite, innocent smile. Like you have no idea what really is going on. Try it. Mess with them back. Its fun. Really. LOL
Personally I don't like people touching my hair. When I first started I had comb coils that would come out in a slight breeze and I remember an old co-worker touching my hair at a bar and I yelled at him. Even as my locs matured my grandma and aunt would touch my hair and I just say "I don't know where your hands have been 😒". There was this one time I was at a happy hour and a white woman (I just met) asked "Ok, now let me be a basic white girl and ask..." to which I replied "Only if your let me put it on my Snap 😂".
I don't particularly care for people touching my hair cause it makes me feel ostracised. I do my hair myself and invest my time to care for it, so no you can't touch it. It's annoying. If you want to touch my hair, you need to come up to me and say you're a loctician that's looking to style clients for free 😅
I haven't had a problem with people asking to touch my hair. I get it more often from black women than any other race. I get more questions/curiosity about my hair from other races. The few times that I've been asked (even when my hair was not loc'd), I've been fine with allowing the person to touch my hair. But that could be because I've always had a fascination with hair.
I understand your views completely. I was a loose natural after a big chop and people wanted to touch my hair. I didnt mind my friends touching if their hands were clean. Now I'm locked and people want to tug or pull which I decline 😂. Patch free please
I totally agree with u!
TBH if a random person touched my hair without asking, I would touch their hair back and see how they would react but I don’t think it’s ever going to happen.
It's been almost 3 years that I've been loc'd and I've never had a stranger ask me that. I figure it's because my RBF keeps them from engaging me in conversation. If someone did though, my answer would be no. I don't like strange people touching me and I'm not here to be pet.
If you are a stranger, no you cannot pet me.
I have an afro atm and a lot of people will touch my hair bit I dont actually care. I see it more as admiration than a science project.
lol we just got the best hair. Every one knows its. Others are amazed at it because they acknowledge we have the hair of gods.
hate that happens to me all the time with what ever hairstyle i have locs or not im mixed and its a horrible experience
oh yea i forgot to mention after she asked you could tell she felt like she may have offended me.So she backed off a bit and apologized. But at least she realized that may have been offensive
No, she wasn’t looking into them for self-knowledge . She is doing research in how to do them, sell and provide. The loc industry is still mostly African American owned. This happened to things relating to us forever. We are big business to Monetize on the high cash value we spend on hair, beauty and nails mostly owned by them. I can bet you this question has been asked about a few things like; can I see your nails? What products do you put in your hair and how much does it cost. Oh, I just love way your locs move and flow in the wind. That is good health care.
I think it's perfectly fine to politely say, "No, you may not touch my hair". You may also choose to explain why, IF you feel inclined to do so. This way, the stranger leaves with some new knowledge, and you leave feeling good that you didn't adjust your boundaries. Some situations are going to be awkward, no matter what. It's about walking away from the interaction feeling as positive about it as possible.
I would have said no just based on the environment alone, haha. But in my day to day life, I don't let folks feel all in my hair because it just makes me feel uncomfortable. Family and super close friends, yes. Everybody else, no.
Our NATURAL hair is a visual and tangible stimulating fascination. I worked with a woman that was itching to touch my hair e v e r y day! I have compassion because even to me my hair looks and feels AMAZING and I LOVE touching it. From a social standpoint touching a strangers hair is forbidden! Hair, face, skin etc. touching is very intimate. We need to have a relationship. So NO. Just use your imagination until you build that level of trust with someone. I don't even take liberties with peoples pets unless they come to me first, i.e. the trust. Ciao Felicia.
I agree with you. We are not exotic animals and it is stupid. I don't let others touch my sisterlocks.,except my loctician. 😊💖
If you're not my barber, or my stylist you can't touch my hair. That's gonna be my rule once I start my locks. Thanks nobody is giving me the NAS rub to my taper fade, haha!
Don't they know black women don't like there hair touched.. Come on people get with the program 😂👌🏽
I don't actually think its that Black women "don't like their hair touched."
I think its that Black women like personal space just like everybody else.
Its not just black women. Black people in general( black man here) HATE it when other ppl touch our hair without asking
But to answer your question about the topic I myself wouldn't mind people coming up to me asking can they touch my locks. Reason being is because I have something that I've wanted for the longest ever since I was in high school. Now I finally have them and I feel so good about them and it makes me feel even better when someone comes and approaches me about my locks and if they would ask to touch it I'd say yeah go ahead because I'm happy about them and I can see the excitement on their face how they are in awe about it. Of course Id ask are they Hands Clean lol, but when I was a loose natural it would have been oh hell naw LOL because first of all I'd probably just have a perm at that moment and it was kind of half and half I let some of my friends touch it and if it was to be the other half of the time or if people would just randomly put their hand in my head I'll look at them like they really got me f***** up. but yeah with my locks I wouldn't mind.
In Japan they always asked to touch my daughters hair she has blondish hair like my hubby and they don’t see that a lot people are curious 🥰
I have to educate people all the time, especially other ethnicities about the term "dreads", I politely let them know the correct term is "locs" and provide the history of the origin of that name. Some people get it and some don't and those that push the issue due to their own miseducation I ignore and walk away.
No one touches my hair, especially if i dont know you, and even if i do know you at times. Some people come with different energy as well as intentions. SORRY not in my hair you want.
I just moved to rural Japan about a week ago and already I had 4 people ask to touch (or just grab) my hair. It's honestly so uncomfortable, but I kind of let it happen. I wish I were able to say no and explain why, but my Japanese isn't good enough. I suppose I'd rather be offended than offend someone else. I'm sure there's a lesson about something somewhere in there.
I can relate. I have always struggled to have clear boundaries with strangers because I am afraid of offending. I have been in other, really weird and uncomfortable situations with strangers because I didnt say "no." This is like the straw that broke the camel's back for me. I am now intentionally practicing the word "no" with strangers bc to not do so is so unfair to myself. All that to say you're not the only one struggling with this.
Wow, where are you that it's cold right now?
#Washington
You are. A beautiful young lady
I love your locs i srarted my locs for the 2nd time
Yea it would be a solid no for me lol normally i ask strangers if I can pet their dog, and I find to be the equivalent of a stranger asking to touch my hair. It's just weird I'm not an animal or a thing to be touched. And altogether it's weird to go to a stranger and ask if you can touch their body...like whaaaa? No lol
i have had this happen to me as well. Usually they don't even ask. It happened more when I used to wear my hair in a large afro puff or an afro pony tail. I think they may just be curious but it still doesn't make it any less awkward for me. I don't like when black people or people of other nationalities do it to be honest. It is an invasion of space and unless I know you well, it is a no no.
No you are not obligated to allow people to touch your hair as if you are some kind of exotic pet.
I live in Asia. They are quite racist. They always imply that our hair is dirty. They also ask to touch my hair. Some have even said I should cut it all off. They can be extremely racist. They just like to seem good. Don't fall for it.
My bf is white and I have been grateful not to have had that experience with them or anyone.... YET lol. His niece loves my hair but I let her touch and play because she is just a kid and she loves my hair. Her mom on the other hand lol.....
I guess I am rude, because I would have asked why. I hate when someone tries and touch my head. I have another race just out of the blue, rubbed her hand on my face and ask me if I was ok. It pissed me off. She did not know me. So she should not have touched my face at all.
I am seen as a friendly person at work by most, so they just come and touch my hair even from behind me. I always want to smack their hands, but try to suppress the desire.
My friends kids wanted to touch my hair and that didn't bother me cause they as so small and learning....
I would of said excuse me i be right back did not come back
I do the same thing...I I love to let people ramble and dig their own holes lol the reality is if you dont know someone you DONT owe them a thing....some dont understand that :-/
I never knew that black women get asked by people to touch their hair, but apparently this is quite common. I could never fathom asking anyone if I can touch their hair! Ugh.
I don't like people touching my dreads at all; even with non dreaded hair I didn't like people touching it. I get a lot of looks wherever I go by people who don't usually see people with dreads. My closes friends don't even understand African textured, and how showering and washing are two different processes. I can see why people want to touch my dreads because you don't see hair like mine too often, but it's very uncomfortable for me and I'd rather just not have people touch my hair. Sorry you had to experience that, I don't blame people's ignorance, but usually their ignorance leads to them just being rude.
FACTS
Love the shirt 😂
And I don't understand people complaining about others wanting to touch their hair. I don't take it as me being a spectacle I take it as they're curious about my hair and want to take a closer look. Just as if I were wearing a nice blouse and someone wanted to feel the texture/material of it.
You are so beautiful 😍 hair and all
next time someone asks to touch your hair say "only if I can touch yours also." read their body language.
To me, this isn’t even ignorance...it’s racist. Why is it that non-black people feel that it’s even borderline okay to ask to touch our hair? I get offended even when I’m asked by a non-black person if my hair is real or not. Why is that YOUR business? We, as black women, are NOT side show attractions. NO you cannot touch my hair. I’m sick of non-black people associating locs with dirty hair. It’s annoying.
Wow attitude is so different than in your newer videos. Not only is your attitude different you also look dressed and talk different.
Next time respond by saying, "Can I touch your hair?"
I haven't experienced that as of yet but you've prepared me to say no.. & I don't want just anyone's spirit all in my hair or on my person. Thats like asking a stranger for a hug & kiss! Eewww😣 No you can't touch my hair!
No, I do not agree with touching my hair, and No, don't ask to touch it-I find it rude and I don't know if your hands are clean; Sisters need not feel any sort of way for replying no to these encounters.
I have lost count of the many times I've heard that damn question. Personally, I do take offense it. I am not your science project or pet animal. I use to let people touch it but not anymore.
Really