I’ll never understand a hateful MIL. My wedding was outdoors in our little forest of a backyard. It was perfectly beautiful until it started raining. Not just a little shower either. A full blown typhoon in South Arkansas. During our vows I glanced over at my now MIL who looked like a miserable, drowned rat with mascara running down her face so dark that it would make any raccoon jealous. As our eyes met she mouthed the words, “I love you”. The next morning she made me pancakes and bacon, and it’s been laughter and love since. I am so grateful to have that woman in my life.
@melissakrein Omg that gives me such life and hope 💖💖💖💖💖 That's beautiful, give her lots of big ass hugs from all of us!!!!!!!! Omg sweet soaking wet mama, letting you know that she's with you regardless of the situation 😍😍😍🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 Not to mention, after that, I would have a zero problem calling her with issues or asking for help with decisions about the kids. She raised her son amazingly, and showed him how to actually act. He's going to pass that onto the people in his life, and his kids. Just fantastic 💖
The "blood is thicker than water" full quote is 'the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb." Meaning the relationships you choose are stronger than the ones you were born into. For those wondering.
Weirdly it is usually used without full quote and in the opposite meaning, like relatives come first, family and relatives should or will stick together, nepotism, mothers are blind to their children's faults and so on.
@@moonhunter9993I'm pretty sure it's not in the Bible but it does date back to 12th century Germany. It's hard to tell exactly where it came from because so many languages have a saying that's like that
For that last story - I LOVE that idea of “I’ll get a paternity test, but on the condition that so will husband. You accuse me of cheating, I’m going to accuse you. Let’s fight fair shall we?” Her response would be everything. 😂
Tell MIL that OP will agree to the test under the condition that MIL sign papers saying that she will not be allowed any contact with those grand children.
“Not all mother in laws” compleeeeeetely agree! My MIL is SUUUCH a beautiful woman! When she comes to visit she cooks, cleans, shops, and says “you need to relax!! You work so hard all day” I love her so much
my MIL is a Saint. when my mom died she told my mom that should would do her best to try to step up to the plate and be a good mom to me. they never got along, but she understood a mother's love and has stepped up to the plate ten fold
My MIL is the devil till BIL married a Russian woman, she took no shit from MIL and destroyed her psychologically and even slapped her in private, now MIL is on medication lol she blames her russian DIL for it while SIL says that her brutal treatment pushed MIL into treating her pre existing mental illness and that she will thank her later lmao my SIL favorite quote is that the Russian people take pride in their cruelty towards the scum and she repeats at family gatherings while giving MIL the death stare.
My husbands mom passed away before he and I met when he was 17 (we met when I was 21 and he was 22 and we’re both now 34 and 35) so I never got the honor of meeting her but from his stories and pictures I’ve seen of her playing guitar I know I would have loved her ❤😢
I'm so so happy my monster in law showed her true colors before we got married. Him and I were together for almost 3 years, engaged for 2, we set a wedding date and we're excited for our future with kids. He bought us a home, and everything was... not really okay but those rose colored glasses I had on made me think we were happy. His mom came for a visit and for the most part we got along, I thought she liked me. She asked her son to go for a "just them" lunch. He came back and she had left without a word to me. He sat me down and said "my mom says we don't have her permission to have kids. She also wants a prenuptial agreement (he was broke as f), and he had to be honest, he never wanted children and couldn't hide it anymore and his mom told him to tell me the truth." I then found out, she had bought the house we lived in and she told him that I had to get rid of my dog if I wanted to stay there. Things got very VERY bad, and we broke up and I moved back home. I still have the dog and my own place 💅🏻
His mommy told him... Dodged a bullet! I love how these mommies control Sonny not and then when he's approaching his 50's want to know when he's getting married and giving her grandchildren to control😂 I was counselor and had this elderly lady who sounded half dead call me to help her baby but. I guess she realized on her 80's that maybe it was time for baby boy to get out on his own. Lady, that's a hole way too deep for me to fill. Should have thought about that 30-40 years ago~
Im married 37 years and our kids are grown. I come from a family of 10 siblings & husband from a family of 5. Both sets of parents did not stand on ceremony about who goes where, when. All were happy to see any of us when we could make it to any event. My dad, FIL & MILare gone now and sadly missed. Just my 94 yo mom and most siblings left and try to connect often.. Life's short. Quit pissing in each other's wheaties and lighten up.
The best advise someone gave me when I got married was: do not spend the 1st holidays with any of your families. If you are not there on the 1st, they will never expect you to be anywhere. So, after that, you can share any festive days with the side you choose at the time, and they will be glad to have you there.
Great idea ! 💡 but I’ll always find my parents home on holidays . They cook the best 😂😂 hands down . Don’t want no unseasoned chicken & basic foods on my boyfriends side
I thought of this for my husband and I also last December. So glad we kept our first Christmas just to ourselves. No expectations for sure 👍 works for us👌
Yes. I blew that big time but young (19) and stupid. My brother and SIL had no excuse. The came to our parents house for Christmas for their daughter’s 1st Christmas, they were in their 40’s so should have known better. Mom threw a fit when they informed her the next year they would be over after Christmas since Santa will come to their house. Valid ♥️ I finally had to point out to Mom that they were doing EXACTLY the same thing they did with us as children back in the day. Brother actually lived where our Grandma used to so exact same route just reversed. 🙄
Currently I am battling depression and Charlotte is the only thing I look forward to seeing. Thank you for all that you do. You never know how much some of us really appreciate your work.
I won the family lottery. All four of my parents (divorced and remarried get along very well) and my in-laws all do Holidays together! So we have one big extended gathering for every holiday and they just take turns hosting. It’s seriously the best thing ever!
My family is kind of similar. My father was married 3 times. Wife 1 was his high-school sweetheart, who tragically died in a car accident while my father was serving in the Navy, and my eldest sister was a year old, if not barely. Wife 2 (refering to her as mom #2 from here on)ended in separation on mutual grounds, she had my second eldest sister and my only brother. Then my mom is wife 3. At first, things were awkward for my mom around mom #2, and my parents didn't get along with her new husband. Long story short, we all got closer as I grew up; hence why I call her mom#2. Any family functions she's invited to, we've included her in vacation plans from time to time when everyone can afford it. The ones who originally set this standard were my grandpa, grandma, and step grandma. Growing up I got to often hear about the vacations that my grandpa and step grandma went on with my grandmother. All three were alway present in the same house for holidays. My family's weird (that's a different story), but they set a good healthy standard for a broken but fused family. My one aunt even married a man, got divorced from him, and we still call him Uncle. We still get holiday card and hear from him; I'm pretty sure my godmother (youngest aunt, not same aunt) still tries to invite him to family functions. I've learned as long a the person isn't unhealthy for the family unit, even when divorced, they are still considered family. My favorite line from my favorite TV series very much meshes with my family, that line is, "Family don't end in blood" - Bobby from Supernatural. I was blessed to be born into a family that unknowingly follows this quote. We don't need to share blood to be family, and blood doesn't make a family. (We have a branch of the family that's cut off from us because of how unhealthy they are, again different story for another time.) I was blessed to be in a family like this.
We did that for a while with my brother's family in law and ours. It was pretty cool, a lot of people, lots of food. His mil was a pastry chef and deserts were sooooo good. Bro split with his wife and that ended.
Attention to those that had a messy upbringing! You are NOT your parents. It's up to YOU to end the cycle, and anyone who thinks they know you because of your parent's habits are full of bull crap and know NOTHING. Here for you❤
I was a single mom for a cumulative total of 10 years. I made it an iron rule that Christmas morning was always at home with my daughter. We would travel wherever before or after that. That continued during a 9-year marriage, and after divorce. My now adult daughter tells me she is incredibly happy that I created and stuck to that tradition for us. I'm glad, too..
As a daughter, my boyfriend knows I will chose my mother over anyone else when it comes to holidays or even weekend plans, and he is cool with it because he would chose his mother too! 😊 mother's are so important and I don't want to put anyone else before her when it comes to family time. Both our moms are very sweet though and would easily rearrange plans so we could go to both ❤ you did a good thing and now your daughter can do the same for her children
Christmas is cool because it has almost 3 days all in all, then between the 27th December and New Year´s Eve there are some more days which many people take as holidays (here in Germany they do, at any rate), so one has ample time to visit all relatives and/or relax a bit. The treadmill begins only on 2nd January for most of us.
You were also very lucky to have co-parent who seen the value in it and didn't try to ruin it. Others aren't as lucky and only wish co-parenting could be easier and a united front.
We do Christmas Eve at my parents, and Christmas morning at home as a family, and then Christmas dinner at husbands family. Easter is at my parents, and thanksgiving with husbands family.
Cheaters genuinely believe that everyone cheats, but the actual data out there suggests that only about 13% of women and 20% of men cheat in a committed relationship. So that's still a very strong majority of people who take committed relationships seriously. I LOVE the petty energy of the "I'll get a paternity test if my husband gets a paternity test to see if his dad really is his biological father"
That's not what some psychologists say. I heard one say she sees up to 50% of men cheating in her practice and believes the stats are actually higher than 20%. Stats can be a tricky thing.
@@saltycat662 well that’s likely bc she doesn’t have that many patients so depending on how male patients yk- obviously if you see/ask less people than another statistic you’re gonna end up with higher percentages than the statistics with more; that said, I’m not sure that proves much of anything but it’s interesting to know I suppose, that one lady must be a couples therapist or smth to hear about a lot of their patients relationships
@@saltycat662 That sample is biased on itself. 50% of men cheat **in couples seeking counseling**. That doesnt' make it 100% of the total marriages and couples.
In such a situation I wish I had the the quick wits to take a paper tissue, snot in it and hand her the snotty tissue with the words: here is my DNA, have your test as you see fit. If she does not take the tissue at once, I would drop the topic, because it is obviously not THAT important after all ;)
@@saltycat662that’s completely anecdotal to her experience though. But 13% and 20% as a state or national average or something is very different and much more researched and done by professionals than a single person’s perspective which may or may not be exaggerated.
I did a paternity test for my oldest because my exes mother tried convincing everyone I'd cheated 🤣 best feeling ever watching their smirks drop off their faces
My 23 year old son & his gf come over whenever they’re available, usually I get Christmas afternoon & night, her family gets Christmas Eve & morning. To me, it’s about the time together, we used to do Christmas every other year after he came back from his dad’s (until he was 18) so the exact day has never been *that* big of a deal, the moments & memories always are ❤
In the last story the bride should ask the mother in law to get a dna test for her son at the same time that she gets one for her baby. I would love to see her expression after saying “ I will get one once you get one for all your kids too”.”
Oh my gosh! How has this never occurred to anyone before?? This is such a brilliant response! I read this type of paternity test story so often. I’m gonna start suggesting it.
I was literally about to say this, why do they think they get a say in them having a kid or not like what😂 the only people who have control over if they have kids or not are the couple and that’s it, yes they can give their opinion and advice but not an actual say in it
My MIL was absolutely God sent. She could be aggressive at times, but it was w/love. She would put you in your place, but you stood back and listened. She was kind, caring, giving, and just welcoming. I miss her. I was blessed with seven years with her. It wasn't enough. The cancer came and took her fast.
For the record, a Lavender marriage is a marriage where one or both partners are homosexual and are marrying either out of convenience or to hide their sexuality. They were extremely common pre-legalization of gay marriage. Their marriage included other men bc OP's dad was gay, not because they were poly (although it sounds like they were also polyamorous)
Kids are the ultimate excuse not to go anywhere on Christmas morning. It's about them waking up to the magic in their own home. Grandma and grandpa can get their asses up early and come over if they want to be a part of it. Win.
I don’t know why my comment box is not popping up again! So I’m commenting here. We made it pretty clear right from the very first Christmas that we were going to alternate Christmases. Husband’s family for the first four years of our marriage lived on Vancouver Island, and we were on the mainland. After that, his family and our family lived within the same block. We made it clear from the beginning that we would alternate one year at my parents house the next year at his parents house and so on. This way each grandma knew she didn’t have to share the day or her grandchildren with anyone else they were all hers And my father, let’s not forget the grandfathers. Christmas Day, Christmas Eve boxingday, all of it. It worked for us. Less running around, kids were less stressed, and cranky. Every second year our parents knew they could count on having their entire family together. Our sons are grown now and that tradition continues. I always let my son’s girlfriends or wives families have the first year. Just to get us off on the right foot.
That’s exactly what my mom and dad do. They have spent 30 years coming to my house. Every year, snow or not. Papa will nap in his chair, kids will still play. This will be our first Christmas without my dad. 😢. This will be hard, the chair will look empty
@@Newbuzz04 that would be nice, I have had the opportunity to do that a couple of times now, especially for my own children now grown adults. But I didn’t always have the most comfortable home the largest home to accommodate a lot of people so we went to grandmas for Christmas sometimes. I like your way it does sound magical.
As someone who's dad has been in jail since she was 16, mom passed unexpectedly at 27, first set of grandparents gone by 11, second set gone by 2021 (but really much earlier due to dementia), and who never saw her grandparents more than a handful of times... I SUPER feel that lady avoiding her toxic MIL. It's why I avoid my toxic maternal aunt like she has the plague, after years of verbal abuse. That shit hurts so, so much. On the bright side, though, my MIL, while not perfect, is still very lovely and supportive of me. And she will always have my love for that.
@JediLoreen Apologies, written when I was a bit emotional. All the ages are mine. The reference to 2021 was because I was not aware of that event until last year due to being disconnected from the paternal side of the family, so it's listed a little differently as it's not an actual memory.
I totally agree with you, Charlotte has always been beautiful and to me has had a glow since meeting Mike but since becoming engaged she is positively radient, she'll be an absolutely stunning bride. ❤💍👰
So when I was growing up my parents had a hard rule about not driving on Christmas with us kids as we were little and people drive weird on holidays and all kids want is to play with their toys on Christmas so no traveling. My parents also got married on Christmas eve which is it's own lovely wholesome story. So Christmas Eve we spent with moms parents and celebrate their wedding anniversary before opening Christmas eve presents from moms family. Christmas morning we'd open presents and enjoy our toys in the morning. Around Lunch dad's family would come over and we'd enjoy the rest of Christmas with them sometimes my moms family would stop by. But that was how we did it and I have always loved this process.
100%. So many of the parents too are trying to act like victims because their kids are cutting contact. Like... they would not have had to cut contact if it weren't for the parents actions, but they're not ready for that conversation....😂😂
Married 25 years, 5 kids (ages 26 to 11), 5 grands from my eldest 3 kiddos. They bring their families to our house Christmas Eve and then they spend Christmas Day with their own little families at their own homes because that's where Santa comes. We decided long ago when our kids were all small that we were too exhausted ot enjoy the day so we took a hard stand to stay home on Christmas, no visitors. It has worked well for us! For the last 3 years, we have taken the youngest 2 (11 and 15 now) on vacations the first week of December as their big Christmas event and we love it. Ultimately, you do what you want and people can kiss it
The first one is EXACTLY how my mother is. I was a single mother with my first and she favored me and my child. My sisters were married and mom had nothing to do with them. Fast forward I get married and my sisters get divorced. I had more children with my husband. My mother has nothing to do with them but tries to see my oldest child whose father isn't allowed around. She also flipped the script and starting being grandma to my sisters kids. Needless to say me and both sisters and all the grandbabies have nothing to do with nana. Its weird how broken ppl can be.
People really are broken. My parents had no parents and they raised us all in the best way they knew how. Yes, we got beaten. They were incredibly strict. But I know for sure that they did the very best they could. We all love Nana and grandfather.
@@boogermaidenthey just want control over the grandchildren, because it’s hard to have it if the other parent that she didn’t raise is around. Most of these controlling monster of grandparents usually started with their own kids and their kids are used to them behaving poorly and narcissistically so they prefer only having their kids and grandchildren to control not the spouse who had another experience growing up
My MIL is absolutely amazing! I couldn't ask for a better woman in my life! She is probably the most patient person I have ever met. I have been with her son for 19years, since I was 15 and he was 17, and she and the rest of my in laws have always made me feel as part of the family. ❤❤
I remember when my oldest son had his first serious girlfriend at 16. She was 17. It was hard letting go of being the most important female in his life. Now 20 years later he’s married to a wonderful woman and I’m happy when he protects her as he should. It takes balance and humility to get along with a daughter in law who was raised differently. I’m so thankful that we have a great relationship. 😊
I look forward to the day I get to meet my son’s future girlfriend (or boyfriend.. I’m not assuming either way). I hope they are someone I vibe with, because it will be fun to add another person to our little family. I’ve had a rough road with my MIL, she just isn’t very present or helpful in our lives and that’s hard for me bc my own mom died when I was really young. I always dreamt of having a wonderful MIL, and what’s even sadder is my partner before my current partner had an absolutely amazing mom, I desperately wanted her as my MIL. The only consolation is that I still have her in my life. My ex died, which is horrible and tragic, but it does mean there’s no weirdness about staying in each other’s lives. We didn’t really get back in touch with each other until his funeral. I wouldn’t have felt comfortable inserting myself into his family even after our relationship ended… It’s kind of weird how things have worked out in that way… I’m not grateful he died, but I am grateful he left me his mom. RIP Chris. ❤️🩹
I’m really glad someone mentioned this. I’m the only female sibling in a big family, and while my Mom took them getting married in stride (she has a terrible MIL and was determined to be the best MIL ever), it was hard for me. Not because of inappropriate attachment, just because we’re a tight-knit family and when they got married, everything changed quickly and it was a hard adjustment. All of us were demoted to second priority (I know this is normal, but I was confused and hurt at the time), and my brothers never went anywhere without their wives, which my mother not only encouraged, but practically required. Her MIL tried to cut her out of everything, so she went the opposite way. Again, I understand that it’s normal for couples to do everything together, but please understand- I was still a teen when my eldest bro got married and I had no idea that when that happened, it was expected that I would never be able to spend bonding time with him and my other sibs with just us, again. It was a total shock. And no, I wasn’t treated like a “princess” as the only sister, but I have always struggled with feelings of inferiority to other girls because I am less “feminine” than most (my mom was also a tomboy), so it was also kinda hard when these ultra-feminine, gorgeous, fashionable ladies joined every intimate family gathering. It was so obvious that the concept of what a woman could/should be was being replaced in my brothers’ minds and I was being judged by this new standard, when I never had that feeling when I was with family before. I never got that sense from my SIL’s themselves, btw. They are lovely people and I am so lucky that my bros married such great women. It felt like my bros became more sexist as they grew up, after they went to very traditional universities and were exposed to that, and my SIL’s were raised with something of an expectation that they should be submissive. Not that they let their husbands walk all over them, but they did put up with crap they never should have had to, IMO, and my influence with my bros suddenly disappeared, so they wouldn’t listen when I told them to cut it out. Because my mom has so much baggage about being a MIL, even though she was also disappointed by some of her sons’ new behavior, she wouldn’t back me up. I should mention that my bros all moved far away bc my mother told them that a man should cede to his wife and live near her relatives as she would want her mom around when she was pregnant and such. Which means my bros reluctantly left (tight-knit family, remember), and now I have to watch the sadness of my parents who rarely get to see their grandkids. It’s too hard and expensive for my bros’ now-big families to travel to us much, and my mom now has cancer and can’t easily travel to them. Which puts more pressure on me to get married and provide grandchildren. But I digress. Things have gotten much easier over time, as me and my SIL’s have gotten closer. And I want to stress that I NEVER was unkind or unwelcoming to them, btw. I went way out of my way to be the opposite. I only ever expressed my sad/hurt feelings about the change to my mom, who shut me down HARD. I wish someone had told me back then that it was alright to think that it was a difficult change, that it was normal to grieve the old dynamics of our family while doing my best to welcome the new. It would have made things a lot easier and less painful if I could have accepted and resolved those feelings with understanding rather than pushing them down and hating myself for being a bad sister and SIL for even having them.
I will never understand these people. My mom has made it her mission to always be the best mother figure to my SIL. They have similar backgrounds in dealing with toxic parents (to put it lightly). My mom also went out of her way to help my SIL through her extremely tough pregnancy. Now, we have a beautiful little addition to our family and both of my parents always offer to help as much as possible so the new parents can get rest and time to themselves. My SIL, brother, and their baby have an army of helpers at hand whenever they need us. We all feel blessed to have SIL in our lives. She’s a gem!
My mom is the same, my grandma is also an angel with her daughters in law. Unfortunately I have a monster in law as a MIL. But at least I know what to do in the future to not be terrible to any in laws
I’m so grateful I have an absolutely amazing relationship with my mother in law. She is a saint. She treats me as if I was her biological daughter and she has completely accepted, loves and treats my two kids from my previous relationship, the exact same way she treats her biological grand kids. This woman has been more of a mother to me and grand mother to my kids, than my own mother has ever been. I’m sorry all these women have insane mother in laws to deal with daily. I’m very grateful I got lucky with my mother in law
That first story is EXACTLY what happened to my kids. They were treated like second class and got garage sale toys while my SIL's kids got spoiled with top of the line everything and they were never punished. We cut ties after a cookout gone bad.
@ReyK_47 it's a matriarchal family. The women call the shots and the men are beaten down. They are also the types to only accept kids from single parents.
Same! I remember my evil grandmother gave us a David Hasselhoff diary, a set of plastic bed sheets, and a shirt. Everything but the shirt looked straight out of dollar tree or goodwill. My cousins got gorgeous sweaters and necklaces. My brother did get a cool toy, but that was because "he is the spitting image of your Daddy! Shame you girls take after that woman. "
Same. My kids were always criticized and left out. Today neither of them has anything to do with their grandma and she wonders why. I often want to tell her in a way she can't ignore, but I guess I know it would make no difference and change nothing, so I let an old woman make up her own stories to get her through the night. I fully support my children and always have, but there's no point to revenge and karma has already delivered its payload in the six beautiful great grandchildren she will never know. They, on the other hand, will miss nothing.
I had a wonderful relationship with my MIL before she recently passed. I have a daughter from a previous relationship and she always treated her like her own grandchild. I also have a pretty good relationship with my daughter’s paternal grandmother so while I understand monster in law stories it is a reminder that I am blessed as hell with the woman I’m surrounded by.
I have realised over the years People who (knowingly/willfully) give crappy gifts, are always the one who lose their minds when they are given "cheap, un-thoughtful, non-personal gifts. They know what they are doing but are insulted and hateful when they are given the same treatment
This is a running joke in my family! If you say you don't know what you want, lord have mercy on you XD you get all the random funny and semi useful gadgets and gizmos. One of my favorite things I got was a journal that said "hr approved ways to tell your co-workers they're stupid" XD
My parents told me when I got engaged that they we were so excited for us and that we should never be worried about holidays going forward. We can celebrate with his family and then find another time to celebrate with mine. The biggest thing is my parents want to see us and have us be stress free. We’ve had a year of multiple Thanksgivings and Christmases, and it’s just extends the time with loved ones. 💕
We Do the same thing...my DIL mother is like a psycho about them coming over(with FOUR children btw!!l on Xmas morning with their matching Xmas jammies so she can take pics!! It stresses them out so much!! Eff that!! I can remember the nightmare of dragging our children here and there for holidays so we have gladly taken the attitude that we can celebrate a few days before or a few days after it doesn't matter! And I gotta say they appreciate that sooo much!! 😊
Charlotte!!! At some point after having kids (when they are old enough to be like, “wow, Christmas!”) you have to stand your ground and make your own traditions!! If you want your kids to open their presents on Christmas morning and then enjoy their toys for a bit… do that! You family can work around that! Their childhood is more important than whatever family member forcing you (or everyone) to be together at a certain time! Do what is best for you and your family!!! Once you get married and/or have kids… that is you family!!! That family comes first!!!
Amen! When I was a kid, I had within a 20 minute drive of our house 3 sets of grandparents (my mom’s parents divorced and then married other people), one set of great-grandparents, and a single great-grandmother still living. Except for the single great-grandmother, all the grandparents/great-grandparents demanded that we visit them sometime on either Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. They wouldn’t stand for negotiating spreading out the visit times over the month. It was a lot of running around in two days in fancy clothes that made me feel uncomfortable. The single great-grandmother was still working as a nurse in a major hospital, so she would have Christmastime off every other year. Instead, we would visit her on one of her days off in the week leading up to Christmas. It was a far less stressful visit. She passed away when I was 8yo, and I still frequently think of her. She was a sweet, chill woman. I still like Christmas far less than some other holidays like Halloween or Thanksgiving because we spent those holidays when I was a kid at home. I think the “grands” kinda ruined it for me. Thankfully, it’s a far less stressful holiday now because the “grands” have all passed away, and my husband’s parents live out of state. We spend Christmas one year at one house with my family who live nearby and the next year with his family. Far, far less stressful!
We let it be known that as soon as we had kids, we stayed home. If grandparents wanted to come, they were welcome. My parents made the 4 he drive. MIL didn’t want to (she had other grandkids that came to her) but was totally great about seeing us some other time in December.
My paternal grandmother hated me cause my grandpa died 24 days before I was born so for some reason that was my fault 😢. She also believed that only her daughter's daughter was her real grandchild, the rest of us were questionable. Let's say I didn't cry a lot when she passed away.
My great grandmother was like this. She hated me because I had the audacity to be born a girl and be born out of wed lock. She died and her funeral was on my 17th birthday. I could never decide if this was the old lady's final gift or revenge
@@theresemccrossan9646 oh, I'm so sorry, that's horrible. My grandmother did something similar, she passed away 2 weeks before my wedding, no one from that side of the family came to it.
I like my in-laws more than my own parents. When they started inviting me over for the holidays, I jumped on it and only went to see them. They are awesome and they genuinely like me. It's crazy. My parent's, when they were alive, couldn't care less, if I was there or not.
I’m so sorry to hear that. Far too many people who had kids, definitely should not have. Some get over having had bad parents, some don’t. You sound like you did, so congrats!
Same here. The first thing my mil told me was that she didn't care who or what I was because I made her son happy and it was all that mattered. I'm still unsure what it is she wouldn't like about me as she never even hinted at anything beyond that first sentence. Since then my in laws have all been a better family than I ever had, more accepting and supportive in all kinds of ways than my own. My side is still alive (as far as I'm aware) but they are dead to me. They were invited to the wedding but I've gone no contact since and it feels liberating. Happy for you to have found a better family❤🎉
Same I already went no contact with the people who had me when I got into a relationship with my boyfriend, so I didn't have to choose that much. We had a rather rough start due to multiple reasons, but after almost 9 years they'd be the only people I'd consider my parents and I enjoy spending time with them. I promised to myself that if I ever should have children, I'll make sure to give them and their partners the best place to visit and feel welcomed at, at least as much as I have with my in-laws right now.
Very true with the whole concept that cheaters accuse others of cheating. My oldest brother is constantly saying that my mom cheated on my dad and that all six of her children are by different men than my father. For one, BS, because we all share strong family similarities to both sides of the family, but also, HE is a cheater. He's had at least a half dozen affairs and it's beyond me how his own wife has not skewered him yet.
@@shirleymalley5420 My sister-in-law once threw out all his clothes on the lawn when she caught him years ago. Problem is, she came from an Amish upbringing, so she has this 'death do us part' mentality rather than just divorcing him.
@@robertgronewold3326 Ahhhh ok ya that makes sense. I firmly believe in fighting for your partner and family. I can see maybe once even twice but I mean at that point your with them for the wrong reasons cause can't be love. And for him to keep doing it knowing she won't leave says alot itself. Mean while others see human beings as things get bored of and hurt smh.....
Cheating even 1 time means that person 100% doesnt love you. They will never change. Your partner should be your best friend. If they really love you they will never hurt you in any way
I'm so thankful for my MIL. Especially since she still loves all of us unconditionally and treats us well despite her being religious and we're agnostic. She's got the biggest heart and I love her like my own momma
My MIL was an amazing, sweet lady. Christmas was always at my IL's until our son turned 2. After that, Christmas morning we stayed home, no negotiations. We wouldn't be able to be anywhere else until after noon. It made our lives soooo much less stressful. Christmas is for the little kids and they are not little long enough for there to be compromises. It worked for us. Setting boundaries made my relationship with both sides of our families so much less drama infused. Set boundaries people--and don't take any crap.
My MIL is one of the kindest, funniest people I've ever met. After I lost my Dad, my then-bf-now-hubby took me to stay with his family for Christmas (Dad passed a couple of weeks before). His Mum was wonderful, comforting, funny, and made me feel welcome with the family. My bf and I had been together for a couple of years at that point, and it was getting to a point where we were thinking about moving in together. On Christmas Day, she told me, in front of the family, "You're going to be my daughter-in-law." She made what would otherwise have been a miserable Christmas, wonderful.
I'm so lucky, my MIL is amazing to me, I had to go to the hospital yesterday, she drove me there and stayed with me the whole 4 hours I had to wait, got me a drink and treats to cheer me up ❤ I think it's the universe rewarding me for some worst monster in laws I had
To the bestie that does not have FOMO ... Girl your energy of peace and tranquility is so strong I got healed listening to your words!!! No joke ❤️❤️❤️❤️🙏🙏🙏
My MIL is great! First time I met her was at a Phillies game. She was his dad and her best friend and her kids. All us kids at the youngest were in our late twenties. As soon at my boyfriend introduced me to his mom her best friend screamed omg it’s baby (insert my last name!) She knew my parents really well from the youth sports program we were involved In growing up. So she had know me since I was born basically. She was so excited to see me and she instantly vouch for me and my entire family! Needless to say we had a blast and it’s been great ever since ❤
For the last one: MIL clearly didn’t expect OP to fight back if she chose to do it when she knew the other family members were close by. She expected OP to just agree to the test and not make a big scene about it.
My husband is an active duty marine for about 8 years now so we had to move from the east coast to the west. And all of our family is back home so we go to my family’s first and then spend the rest of the day with his family. We’ve been together for 10 years now and it’s always worked for us. But we always make sure to communicate with our families to see what works for them too. I can never understand when others get mad at you for spending time with family.
Married 18 years here..when we had kids here is how we started doing Christmas. We do Christmas eve with my parents who live about 2 hrs away. Christmas is here at home for our family. The kids wake up christmas morning, open presents, we make dinner, we spend the day after with his momma. That has been the best way.. and the kids love 3 days pf food and presents..lol
For the first time ever I stood up for myself and am now no contact with my mother in law. I tried to set boundaries and tried to express the hurt and disrespect I felt from her during our recent get together. I was met with laughter and attacks towards my upbringing, my culture, and my mental health. I feel so free and hope someday to be able to be at peace and heal from the 12 years of trying to people please a narcissistic person. I’m nervous and scared about my decision but I have full support of my husband and my family. The people pleaser in me is in a panic but in time I know I did the right thing. Gotta stay strong.
You have my support as well!! Protect your peace! Also, as the granddaughter of a narc who loved belittling my mom when we were with her, protect your babies from her as well. At first it made me cry, how much she disrespected my momma, or made comments that "what a shame I look just like my ugh mother" it wasn't worth it. I loved my grandfather. He was an amazing man, with an amazing smile, and a wonderful personality. Was he a good husband. No. My grandad had a whole other female that he saw for YEARS while being married to that woman. Did I blame him? Nope. He deserved what little bit of happiness he could get. Burn in hell Mom Mom (hated calling her that.) Rest in Paradise Pop Pop! Edit to add: I smiled a little when I heard she passed after YEARS of NC. I cried like a baby when he passed.
You did what was best for you, change is hard being a people pleaser ( working on myself too)and saying NO for the first time, can cause some anxiety ,whenever any doubts come to your mind know that even her son knows she's evil and supports you! All the best!!
So my parents are divorced, I had 4 sets of grandparents and so holidays were CRAZY. The thing my stepdads father taught me was that a holiday is just a day and you can celebrate it whenever you want. Two of my grandfather's and one of my grandmother's served in the armed forces. So holidays were literally just that, whenever they saw their family they celebrated whatever they missed. It was sweet. So don't think of Christmas morning as a single day, you can celebrate it on multiple days if you have the time to take off or even when you get off work. Sometimes the sweetest Christmases are those spent cuddled up on the couch with your family (chosen or blood) just watching something. ❤
Xmas Eve we dine with one family and open presents at midnight. That’s it. Xmas Morning is SACRED. We spend it at home. Kids wake up at dawn, wake the adults, open gifts, eat a nice breakfast, sleep a little more (if needed). THEN we do lunch at the other family. The evening is family time to enjoy presents at home wit a light dinner. This formula keeps me sane.
My maternal grandparents were divorced and my grandmother remarried, my paternal grandparents were married the rest of their lives. We often had Easter, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas with my dad's family mostly because Nana's house was just minutes down the road, while we would find a day between the two major holidays (during the 2 weeks away from school for Christmas} to go to Mimi's or Pawpaw's with my mother's brothers and sister and sometimes my great grandmother because they were further away. They would often all come together for mine and my brother's birthdays.
I am so happy that my future mother-in-law is the absolute sweetest ever. My grandmother said something to me once. When she married my grandfather they lived with grandfathers family for two years. Those two years were so traumatic for her it left a permanent emotional scar. When I started dating my partner and I met his family who were so incredibly welcoming and lovely and immediately made me feel part of the family my grandmother was so relieved she had tears in her eyes. She told me that no matter how much I love someone if their family didn’t accept me I was to run far and run fast. She’s now suffering from dementia and every time I visit I tell her about how lovely my partners family is. I don’t mind telling this over and over.
My husband and I have been married for 10 years and we've been together for about 15 now. We have three wonderful children, 6-year-old twins and a 3-year-old. My husband's family has always done Christmas on Christmas Eve so it's always worked out for us but now that we have kids it works out even better. Now we do Christmas Eve with his family and then we do Christmas morning with just us and the kids and then my parents and family come over for dinner at our house since my mom and dad are no longer physically capable or able to cook such a large meal. I was fortunate enough to have such an amazing woman as a mother-in-law. Unfortunately she passed 3 weeks after our wedding but his family has always been wonderful.
@@christlikesoon you don't have to be rude. no I wasn't rubbing it it. She asked.. I answered. But don't assume that my life has always been this precious. My childhood was shit so to have what we have now is my greatest achievement. To sort of quote you " you have no idea what some of us have gone through"
Your MIL sounded like a lovely woman. I’m so sorry that she passed away. I believe that the people we knew and loved in life become our guardian angels when they pass away before us.
@@samanthac.349 she was. And I also believe that she's not far. Sometimes I swear I hear her giggle and see her in my peripheral. She would have loved our kids. And they tooo would have adored her. We are grateful for the time that we had. And there are days that I wish that they could have met her and have known her. But when they get a little older they will know about her and who she was.
With our daughter as a small child we all gathered at my house on Christmas Eve, went to early Mass then home. Christmas Day was spent during the afternoon at my parents. His folks are both deceased since his childhood. Still we often met the in laws early or later than the actual days.
I spend Christmas in my own. I'm disabled and don't drive. My family does. They don't visit. My daughter has been spending Christmas with her boyfriend. So Christmas is quiet for me. And you know what. I LOVE IT! NO STRESS WHATSOEVER ❤
I truly feel sorry for these people. My MIL is fantastic. Scatterbrained and a little neurotic, but a wonderful lady. She stayed with us for an entire week after my husband and I came home from the hospital with our first kid (her first grandbaby) and took care of basically everything while my husband helped me through my PPD. She did the same with our second kid, and I didn't even have PPD that time.
Watching these, and reading the comments, is so validating of my experiences for the last twenty-five years (experiences I'm afraid to speak about publicly, for fear of retaliation if any of them see it). Thanks to everyone for sharing these stories.
I was blessed with a wonderful mil. She taught me the things my mom never did. Things like cooking, how to dress in style, how to wear makeup, etc. Then my hubby has the best in-laws ever. They passed away. My mom passes before we got married, and my dad passed about 3 years after we were married.
My mother in law hates me because I can't have kids. Then my sister in law made insensitive comments about me possibly being pregnant and aborting my baby and keep it a secret. Who the hell even says something like that to a woman who can't have kids? I have so many stories about those demons.
I love my Mother In Law, she's so sweet and kind and we see them weekly. I got lucky. 💜 (Adding) We're the only ones with kids. Christmas Eve is spent with my in-laws (they celebrate then anyway) and Christmas Day is spent at home. My family members will sometimes come over, but we stay home.
It’s been 25 years since we divorced, but my exMIL was awesome. So was my exh, we were just super young. I knew even then how fortunate I was she was kind and decent.
She should do the paternity test just to hold it over her head as an end all be all for any future disagreements with her. Then make her apologizes before she gets to see your twins “Yeah well remember the time you insisted I get a paternity test? You were wrong then.”
My husband to be doubted the paternity of our child. That should have been a red flag, but love is blind. He thought his first wife cheated too. Neither of us did. We get along very well. Anyway, I told as much to his mother about his doubt of paternity. She said "I don't know how he can say that, look at her feet!" She knew it was his. 🙂
We have an inside joke in our family. After several minor arguments with his ex, where my BIL was 100% wrong, she told him “Don’t ever question me again”. It’s never not hilarious.
Christmas is a mixed bag at our place. We do Christmas eve with his family then spend Christmas day depending on everyone's plans that year. The most chill gathering is usually the Day of plan. We don't do drama for Christmas.
This 1st story is EXACTLY why "you marry the family" is important. If your spouse can step up, set boundaries, and sever ties, that's great, but I'd your in laws are toxic, you need to RUN, no matter how great your spouse is.
At least the spouse did stand up to his mother and cut ties! How many of these stories have we heard where the husband refuses to support his wife or actively takes his parents’ side over his wife’s.
@karencotlar2023 the problem is you don't know if he's going to "break" and run back to family at the worst time. We all know women who have gone through that, and it's seeming like the 5% who STAY AWAY from abusive family for life, are outweighed by those that rip the rug out. I adore that people are meeting and falling in love, but people with abusive/toxic parents need to be fully healed before getting into a relationship; and exposing other people.
To be fair, they don’t always show the toxicity right away. Also, not every kid who grows up in it wants to stay in it. Many who get scapegoated by a narcissist with be truth tellers and see it for what it is, and be up front with their partners. Sounds to me like this guy wanted to go no contact anyways. I’m betting that if she was like this with the grandkids, she also played favorites with the kids.
The third story sounds exactly like my late father’s wife (no, she does not deserve the title of “stepmother”). The universe was supposed to revolve around her and she couldn’t understand why I had to split the holidays with my HUSBAND and his side of the family or rearrange which days to come over due to our work schedules. My in-laws, thankfully, are the nicest and most accommodating people I’ve ever known!
Hey Char, I've been married for 14 years. Things for Xmas have been different over the years due to deaths in the family and moves for jobs. I have one child, the first grandchild on both sides. We usually ended up doing Xmas eve with my mother, big meal, presents, Xmas lights. Xmas morning would be in laws. We'd do our small thing at our house, head to great grandma's for lunch and presents, then to my father-in-law's for dinner and presents. It was a lot, but making Xmas eve as special as Xmas day can help make sure everyone feels included. Congrats on getting a good MIL (treasure her, mine passed and I miss her constantly). 🖤
My parents decided that Christmas was a day just for our family. We would go and visit grandparents another day. It was so nice. No crazy scheduling, no scrambling to see everyone. Just a quiet, happy Christmas where we could take our time opening gifts and enjoying our family time. I'll be doing the same with our kids.
My son was born Dec 19th and we got back from hospital 23rd. Spent that Christmas with his mum because his dad died the previous October. The following christmas we went to my mum. This year our boy will be two so we are starting our tradition of our own christmas day.
We've got 1 evening and 2 days of christmas where I live 😂 So we always split the family up per day. Have had an extra day celebrating last day because some work in healthcare including myself It's way more fun and relaxing
I’ve never met my MIL because she’s a horrible person. She found out that her only son was getting married, she called a relative and asked “Are they with child?” The relative said no they’ve been together for quite some time, they love each other. Never heard from her again, I’m so thankful I don’t have to deal with any problems or pressures from others especially in the breeding/weird mother in law dynamic. Love you Charlotte! 🥔
Yeah my MIL hates me. My husband & I have known ea other for 30yrs, been married for 19yrs, 4 kids, and she still "forgets" my birthday. (In her house it's a thing where she asks you what she should make for dinner & dessert.) A couple years ago it was so bad how she treated me that her husband & mine took her to task. (my hubs is sweet & autistic & I didn't tell him how she mistreated me until he asked how long it had happened bc I didn't want him to feel stuck in the middle of us, and her slights were less direct until that day.) My therapist has said it's not my duty to lessen or change myself for her approval; sometimes people just don't like you & that's okay. She had been helping me to stand up for myself as needed & since that day she has been very cordial. But, I stopped going over for dinners if I didn't feel like being around her. ❤
My first mother in law was a real weirdo. She was racist, judgemental (mainly in whatever I was doing) a mad reborn again Christian. When I ft her daughter after 26yrs of a seriously bad marriage (first 10 were ok) when I was injured on duty she was worse than ever.. blaming me for everything possible..anyway a breath of fresh air with my new mother in law 2 be.. she is warm, friendly, funny and being Eastern European full of mad customs that make me smile every day. Sorry if it’s a waffle but I am in hospital after a ? Stroke and Charlotte helps me through it all.
Not MIL, but my bfs mom is one of the kindest people I know. On the first meeting, she gave me a hug and told me to feel like home and that she already considers me family. She also always made sure I felt comfortable & was very welcoming. She's always nice to me even with a language barrier.
I adore my daughter in law. She’s the best mom to my grandson and I couldn’t ask for better. I make it a point to be supportive and non judgmental. I love her.
My mother in law and I are both very similar... As in extremely hard headed. We've both made mistakes in our relationship but have worked it out (mostly) over the last 15 years we've known each other. She is my 10yo daughter's favorite person in the whole world. Even when she was an infant she was obsessed with Grandma. So, we both agreed that doing our best to get along and bite our tongues was the best route for my kid.
I have met my MIL once. It was right after we started dating in May 2023. She didn't know who I was, because we hadn't told her and she met me at my SILs and my job. I talked to her one other time, at Christmas. We got married in a secret ceremony back in April. We told everyone in July and mother in law and grandmother in law are the only ones who are mad about it. Husband doesn't talk to her very often for personal reasons and she has yet to call him since the reveal. We're okay with her not being in our lives.
I tell my kiddos that they should just let me know what works best for them. Even if it’s not on the day…we can celebrate together on any day. I’m here to make their lives better and easier. Not to cause any problems or stress. We are all happy and healthy that is the best thing ever.
AHHHH this isn’t even my best story about my MIL. I feel like I was rambling & just venting hardcore 😂 thanks for sharing & agreeing with me. I feel more heard & validated about my frustrations ❤❤❤🎉
I was extremely lucky with my MIL’s (yes, plural, don’t judge lol). I was still in contact with all my former MIL’s until they passed. I learned amazing life lessons from how they accepted me and my kids from former marriages and loved us all equally. Important lessons now that I am a MIL. Love them like your own, and mind your own business unless asked 🤷♀️
Just wanted to pop in to clarify that Jesus said to not judge by appearances, but with righteous judgement. He sat with sinners, but He did not sin with them. He told them to sin no more.
It’s videos like this, or stories from friends who have horrible MILs that I really appreciate how amazing my MIL is. I love her so much and from the moment I met her (where she greeted me at the door with a warm hug), she has been nothing but kind and loving to me.
Anyone currently dealing with a toxic mother in law will feel bad if they these comments including yours. You should take it as a normal thing and not brag about it or rub it in the faces of others. Please.
Growing up My dad’s side did Christmas Eve, Christmas Day was just for our family, and then the Saturday after Christmas was with my mom’s side. My aunt still hosts on Christmas Eve for whomever is available.
re Christmas: I so admire my daughter. She flat out told us Christmas morning is for HER family/kids. They go no where/talk to no one, until it's time to have dinner together, usually 4-5pm. SMART1
Christmas isn't very big in my family. Cause my mom is a nurse, and dad also has had jobs that didn’t have breaks during the holidays. So it was a genuine surprise 2yrs ago when I was the only one working and BOTH my parents had the day off.
I’ve been blessed with an awesome mother-in-law. She treated me like her own daughter and all gifts she gave were really nice. And now after her passing they bring very good memories.
My family always had a "Little Christmas" after Christmas, just so that those who can't be there, CAN BE THERE. And the sales are AMAZING!! Christmas is not about a DATE, it's about QUALITY TIME with LOVED ONES. Once we realize this, it's all good. There are lots of Little Christmases to be shared. It's the ones spent ALONE that I would be more concerned about.
That’s how we roll too. We have had too many scares in the family over the years to care which day specifically we are together as long as we get together regularly. MIL has a birthday about a month after Christmas so often we will get together then and hubby and I have no kids but have flip flopped holidays with families, alternating who we spend Thanksgiving and Christmas, pre pandemic, because what is the point if you are so stressed about making it to someone else’s place. Thankfully, hubby’s side has no divorces or remarriages so when we are together, it’s just us.
24:33 if i were op, i wouldve said, "If you pay for the test, and the results are the that the father is my husband, then youre being cut out of my life."
Jesus did judge. He called the Pharisees a brood of vipers and white-washed tombs. That is some serious 1st century shade right there. It was just a righteous judgment. One that wasn't hypocritical.
I’ll never understand a hateful MIL. My wedding was outdoors in our little forest of a backyard. It was perfectly beautiful until it started raining. Not just a little shower either. A full blown typhoon in South Arkansas. During our vows I glanced over at my now MIL who looked like a miserable, drowned rat with mascara running down her face so dark that it would make any raccoon jealous. As our eyes met she mouthed the words, “I love you”. The next morning she made me pancakes and bacon, and it’s been laughter and love since. I am so grateful to have that woman in my life.
I live in Arkansas too so, I totally understand the random typhoons coming through at the worst times 😅
Your mother in law sounds like an amazing woman
@melissakrein Omg that gives me such life and hope 💖💖💖💖💖
That's beautiful, give her lots of big ass hugs from all of us!!!!!!!!
Omg sweet soaking wet mama, letting you know that she's with you regardless of the situation 😍😍😍🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰
Not to mention, after that, I would have a zero problem calling her with issues or asking for help with decisions about the kids.
She raised her son amazingly, and showed him how to actually act. He's going to pass that onto the people in his life, and his kids.
Just fantastic 💖
I love her already!❤
Give her a big hug from an internet randomster! those people make the world a beter place to live.
The "blood is thicker than water" full quote is 'the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb." Meaning the relationships you choose are stronger than the ones you were born into. For those wondering.
Thank you ! I'm french and I didn't know the expression
@@lise7538 it's the Bible, I think
Weirdly it is usually used without full quote and in the opposite meaning, like relatives come first, family and relatives should or will stick together, nepotism, mothers are blind to their children's faults and so on.
@@moonhunter9993common mistake but it isn't, it was a medieval military saying. Essentially your brother in arms are more important then your family
@@moonhunter9993I'm pretty sure it's not in the Bible but it does date back to 12th century Germany. It's hard to tell exactly where it came from because so many languages have a saying that's like that
"Bestie, you sound healed as f*ck." I love this and will begin saying this to my friends when they say/make healthy choices lol
I know right! How most of us should feel all the time. Let people be who they want. But you go here and I will go over here. K? Thanks! Byeeee!
For that last story - I LOVE that idea of “I’ll get a paternity test, but on the condition that so will husband. You accuse me of cheating, I’m going to accuse you. Let’s fight fair shall we?”
Her response would be everything. 😂
Omg this ❤❤❤
Tell MIL that OP will agree to the test under the condition that MIL sign papers saying that she will not be allowed any contact with those grand children.
“Not all mother in laws” compleeeeeetely agree! My MIL is SUUUCH a beautiful woman! When she comes to visit she cooks, cleans, shops, and says “you need to relax!! You work so hard all day” I love her so much
Praise all the good MILs! My MIL sees me as a daughter and I see her a mum. Shes teaching me how to be a good MIL to my future potential DILs!
my MIL is a Saint. when my mom died she told my mom that should would do her best to try to step up to the plate and be a good mom to me. they never got along, but she understood a mother's love and has stepped up to the plate ten fold
My MIL is the devil till BIL married a Russian woman, she took no shit from MIL and destroyed her psychologically and even slapped her in private, now MIL is on medication lol she blames her russian DIL for it while SIL says that her brutal treatment pushed MIL into treating her pre existing mental illness and that she will thank her later lmao my SIL favorite quote is that the Russian people take pride in their cruelty towards the scum and she repeats at family gatherings while giving MIL the death stare.
How lovely of your MIL. It's true, a mother's love is an unspoken language mother's understand between each other x
That's amazing. ❤
My husbands mom passed away before he and I met when he was 17 (we met when I was 21 and he was 22 and we’re both now 34 and 35) so I never got the honor of meeting her but from his stories and pictures I’ve seen of her playing guitar I know I would have loved her ❤😢
❤️
I'm so so happy my monster in law showed her true colors before we got married. Him and I were together for almost 3 years, engaged for 2, we set a wedding date and we're excited for our future with kids. He bought us a home, and everything was... not really okay but those rose colored glasses I had on made me think we were happy. His mom came for a visit and for the most part we got along, I thought she liked me. She asked her son to go for a "just them" lunch. He came back and she had left without a word to me. He sat me down and said "my mom says we don't have her permission to have kids. She also wants a prenuptial agreement (he was broke as f), and he had to be honest, he never wanted children and couldn't hide it anymore and his mom told him to tell me the truth." I then found out, she had bought the house we lived in and she told him that I had to get rid of my dog if I wanted to stay there. Things got very VERY bad, and we broke up and I moved back home. I still have the dog and my own place 💅🏻
Better to have reformed your ex than re home your pup👍💯
You dodged a bullet
She tha devil
Keeping the pet is always the better option than the human. The pet loves unconditionally, doesn't lie and is loyal.
His mommy told him... Dodged a bullet! I love how these mommies control Sonny not and then when he's approaching his 50's want to know when he's getting married and giving her grandchildren to control😂 I was counselor and had this elderly lady who sounded half dead call me to help her baby but. I guess she realized on her 80's that maybe it was time for baby boy to get out on his own. Lady, that's a hole way too deep for me to fill. Should have thought about that 30-40 years ago~
Im married 37 years and our kids are grown. I come from a family of 10 siblings & husband from a family of 5. Both sets of parents did not stand on ceremony about who goes where, when. All were happy to see any of us when we could make it to any event. My dad, FIL & MILare gone now and sadly missed. Just my 94 yo mom and most siblings left and try to connect often.. Life's short. Quit pissing in each other's wheaties and lighten up.
The best advise someone gave me when I got married was: do not spend the 1st holidays with any of your families. If you are not there on the 1st, they will never expect you to be anywhere. So, after that, you can share any festive days with the side you choose at the time, and they will be glad to have you there.
ty! I wonder if I can convince my SO to do this lol
Great idea ! 💡 but I’ll always find my parents home on holidays . They cook the best 😂😂 hands down . Don’t want no unseasoned chicken & basic foods on my boyfriends side
I thought of this for my husband and I also last December. So glad we kept our first Christmas just to ourselves. No expectations for sure 👍 works for us👌
Yes. I blew that big time but young (19) and stupid. My brother and SIL had no excuse. The came to our parents house for Christmas for their daughter’s 1st Christmas, they were in their 40’s so should have known better. Mom threw a fit when they informed her the next year they would be over after Christmas since Santa will come to their house. Valid ♥️ I finally had to point out to Mom that they were doing EXACTLY the same thing they did with us as children back in the day. Brother actually lived where our Grandma used to so exact same route just reversed. 🙄
Currently I am battling depression and Charlotte is the only thing I look forward to seeing. Thank you for all that you do. You never know how much some of us really appreciate your work.
@@Ruth9694you hit that on the head. Hope you have a good day ❤️
Hope you'll be better soon.
Sending good vibes❤❤
The fact that you’re still trying means you’re doing a great job!
I hope it lightens up a bit soon so you don’t have to work as hard ❤️🩹
@ruth8964 hope you have support and someone talk too. Sending love ❤️ x
I’m so sorry you are going through this. I have treatment resistant depression, and it sucks. There are happier times ahead. You’re in my thoughts.
I won the family lottery. All four of my parents (divorced and remarried get along very well) and my in-laws all do Holidays together! So we have one big extended gathering for every holiday and they just take turns hosting. It’s seriously the best thing ever!
I'm elated for you! Thank you for sharing that and restoring my faith in in-laws
My family is kind of similar. My father was married 3 times. Wife 1 was his high-school sweetheart, who tragically died in a car accident while my father was serving in the Navy, and my eldest sister was a year old, if not barely. Wife 2 (refering to her as mom #2 from here on)ended in separation on mutual grounds, she had my second eldest sister and my only brother. Then my mom is wife 3. At first, things were awkward for my mom around mom #2, and my parents didn't get along with her new husband. Long story short, we all got closer as I grew up; hence why I call her mom#2. Any family functions she's invited to, we've included her in vacation plans from time to time when everyone can afford it.
The ones who originally set this standard were my grandpa, grandma, and step grandma. Growing up I got to often hear about the vacations that my grandpa and step grandma went on with my grandmother. All three were alway present in the same house for holidays.
My family's weird (that's a different story), but they set a good healthy standard for a broken but fused family.
My one aunt even married a man, got divorced from him, and we still call him Uncle. We still get holiday card and hear from him; I'm pretty sure my godmother (youngest aunt, not same aunt) still tries to invite him to family functions.
I've learned as long a the person isn't unhealthy for the family unit, even when divorced, they are still considered family.
My favorite line from my favorite TV series very much meshes with my family, that line is, "Family don't end in blood" - Bobby from Supernatural. I was blessed to be born into a family that unknowingly follows this quote. We don't need to share blood to be family, and blood doesn't make a family. (We have a branch of the family that's cut off from us because of how unhealthy they are, again different story for another time.) I was blessed to be in a family like this.
We did that for a while with my brother's family in law and ours. It was pretty cool, a lot of people, lots of food. His mil was a pastry chef and deserts were sooooo good. Bro split with his wife and that ended.
Attention to those that had a messy upbringing! You are NOT your parents. It's up to YOU to end the cycle, and anyone who thinks they know you because of your parent's habits are full of bull crap and know NOTHING. Here for you❤
I was a single mom for a cumulative total of 10 years. I made it an iron rule that Christmas morning was always at home with my daughter. We would travel wherever before or after that. That continued during a 9-year marriage, and after divorce. My now adult daughter tells me she is incredibly happy that I created and stuck to that tradition for us. I'm glad, too..
As a daughter, my boyfriend knows I will chose my mother over anyone else when it comes to holidays or even weekend plans, and he is cool with it because he would chose his mother too! 😊 mother's are so important and I don't want to put anyone else before her when it comes to family time. Both our moms are very sweet though and would easily rearrange plans so we could go to both ❤ you did a good thing and now your daughter can do the same for her children
Kids need stability! I know that from my own childhood.
Christmas is cool because it has almost 3 days all in all, then between the 27th December and New Year´s Eve there are some more days which many people take as holidays (here in Germany they do, at any rate), so one has ample time to visit all relatives and/or relax a bit. The treadmill begins only on 2nd January for most of us.
You were also very lucky to have co-parent who seen the value in it and didn't try to ruin it. Others aren't as lucky and only wish co-parenting could be easier and a united front.
We do Christmas Eve at my parents, and Christmas morning at home as a family, and then Christmas dinner at husbands family. Easter is at my parents, and thanksgiving with husbands family.
Cheaters genuinely believe that everyone cheats, but the actual data out there suggests that only about 13% of women and 20% of men cheat in a committed relationship. So that's still a very strong majority of people who take committed relationships seriously. I LOVE the petty energy of the "I'll get a paternity test if my husband gets a paternity test to see if his dad really is his biological father"
That's not what some psychologists say. I heard one say she sees up to 50% of men cheating in her practice and believes the stats are actually higher than 20%. Stats can be a tricky thing.
@@saltycat662 well that’s likely bc she doesn’t have that many patients so depending on how male patients yk- obviously if you see/ask less people than another statistic you’re gonna end up with higher percentages than the statistics with more; that said, I’m not sure that proves much of anything but it’s interesting to know I suppose, that one lady must be a couples therapist or smth to hear about a lot of their patients relationships
@@saltycat662 That sample is biased on itself. 50% of men cheat **in couples seeking counseling**. That doesnt' make it 100% of the total marriages and couples.
In such a situation I wish I had the the quick wits to take a paper tissue, snot in it and hand her the snotty tissue with the words: here is my DNA, have your test as you see fit. If she does not take the tissue at once, I would drop the topic, because it is obviously not THAT important after all ;)
@@saltycat662that’s completely anecdotal to her experience though. But 13% and 20% as a state or national average or something is very different and much more researched and done by professionals than a single person’s perspective which may or may not be exaggerated.
I did a paternity test for my oldest because my exes mother tried convincing everyone I'd cheated 🤣 best feeling ever watching their smirks drop off their faces
My 23 year old son & his gf come over whenever they’re available, usually I get Christmas afternoon & night, her family gets Christmas Eve & morning. To me, it’s about the time together, we used to do Christmas every other year after he came back from his dad’s (until he was 18) so the exact day has never been *that* big of a deal, the moments & memories always are ❤
In the last story the bride should ask the mother in law to get a dna test for her son at the same time that she gets one for her baby. I would love to see her expression after saying “ I will get one once you get one for all your kids too”.”
🤣🤣
YESSSS
This is genius!
And watch her go pale because she’s projecting and has something to hide herself
Oh my gosh! How has this never occurred to anyone before?? This is such a brilliant response! I read this type of paternity test story so often. I’m gonna start suggesting it.
Why do I need permission? 😂 poor babes. They need to run. Far.
Fr, especially when she’s already pregnant. What’s the plan there?
I was literally about to say this, why do they think they get a say in them having a kid or not like what😂 the only people who have control over if they have kids or not are the couple and that’s it, yes they can give their opinion and advice but not an actual say in it
My MIL was absolutely God sent. She could be aggressive at times, but it was w/love. She would put you in your place, but you stood back and listened. She was kind, caring, giving, and just welcoming. I miss her. I was blessed with seven years with her. It wasn't enough. The cancer came and took her fast.
Sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story.
It makes me sad when people lose good in laws. I have evil in laws and they'll never kick the bucket lol. I'm pretty sure they'll outlive me.
For the record, a Lavender marriage is a marriage where one or both partners are homosexual and are marrying either out of convenience or to hide their sexuality. They were extremely common pre-legalization of gay marriage. Their marriage included other men bc OP's dad was gay, not because they were poly (although it sounds like they were also polyamorous)
Thank you.
Thanks for the explanation! I had never heard that term before.
Kids are the ultimate excuse not to go anywhere on Christmas morning. It's about them waking up to the magic in their own home. Grandma and grandpa can get their asses up early and come over if they want to be a part of it. Win.
I don’t know why my comment box is not popping up again! So I’m commenting here. We made it pretty clear right from the very first Christmas that we were going to alternate Christmases. Husband’s family for the first four years of our marriage lived on Vancouver Island, and we were on the mainland. After that, his family and our family lived within the same block. We made it clear from the beginning that we would alternate one year at my parents house the next year at his parents house and so on. This way each grandma knew she didn’t have to share the day or her grandchildren with anyone else they were all hers And my father, let’s not forget the grandfathers. Christmas Day, Christmas Eve boxingday, all of it. It worked for us. Less running around, kids were less stressed, and cranky. Every second year our parents knew they could count on having their entire family together. Our sons are grown now and that tradition continues. I always let my son’s girlfriends or wives families have the first year. Just to get us off on the right foot.
That’s exactly what my mom and dad do. They have spent 30 years coming to my house. Every year, snow or not. Papa will nap in his chair, kids will still play. This will be our first Christmas without my dad. 😢. This will be hard, the chair will look empty
How about grandma and grandpa get their asses up early, stay at home and get liquored.👍
@@hillbillydeluxe27 lmao
@@Newbuzz04 that would be nice, I have had the opportunity to do that a couple of times now, especially for my own children now grown adults. But I didn’t always have the most comfortable home the largest home to accommodate a lot of people so we went to grandmas for Christmas sometimes. I like your way it does sound magical.
As someone who's dad has been in jail since she was 16, mom passed unexpectedly at 27, first set of grandparents gone by 11, second set gone by 2021 (but really much earlier due to dementia), and who never saw her grandparents more than a handful of times... I SUPER feel that lady avoiding her toxic MIL. It's why I avoid my toxic maternal aunt like she has the plague, after years of verbal abuse. That shit hurts so, so much.
On the bright side, though, my MIL, while not perfect, is still very lovely and supportive of me. And she will always have my love for that.
Your mom passed away when SHE was 27, or You? 🤨🤔 The way you wrote with numbers and a year date is confusing. 🤷🤦
@JediLoreen Apologies, written when I was a bit emotional. All the ages are mine. The reference to 2021 was because I was not aware of that event until last year due to being disconnected from the paternal side of the family, so it's listed a little differently as it's not an actual memory.
Sorry you had to loose everyone you loved in your life . ❤
That Dululu lemonade is strong. 😅 Sidenote, fellow Petty potatoes, can we all agree Charlotte has such a glow on her lately!? 🩷 🤗
Being happy does that 🥰💍🩵
OMG yes!!
I totally agree with you, Charlotte has always been beautiful and to me has had a glow since meeting Mike but since becoming engaged she is positively radient, she'll be an absolutely stunning bride. ❤💍👰
Her hair is gorgeous ❤
I am so ready to see her as a bride!! She's going to look gorgeous.
So when I was growing up my parents had a hard rule about not driving on Christmas with us kids as we were little and people drive weird on holidays and all kids want is to play with their toys on Christmas so no traveling. My parents also got married on Christmas eve which is it's own lovely wholesome story. So Christmas Eve we spent with moms parents and celebrate their wedding anniversary before opening Christmas eve presents from moms family. Christmas morning we'd open presents and enjoy our toys in the morning. Around Lunch dad's family would come over and we'd enjoy the rest of Christmas with them sometimes my moms family would stop by. But that was how we did it and I have always loved this process.
Controlling parents like the first video are the reason more kids are cutting off their parents 😂
Right! Then they pretend they dont know why 🤦🏾♀️
@@ladyjpoliteyeah like the mother with her own yt channel, its gross, poor daughter
Honestly love that for them 😂
100%. So many of the parents too are trying to act like victims because their kids are cutting contact. Like... they would not have had to cut contact if it weren't for the parents actions, but they're not ready for that conversation....😂😂
I couldn’t belly ears but this is a sad reality for some people 😮💨
Married 25 years, 5 kids (ages 26 to 11), 5 grands from my eldest 3 kiddos. They bring their families to our house Christmas Eve and then they spend Christmas Day with their own little families at their own homes because that's where Santa comes. We decided long ago when our kids were all small that we were too exhausted ot enjoy the day so we took a hard stand to stay home on Christmas, no visitors. It has worked well for us! For the last 3 years, we have taken the youngest 2 (11 and 15 now) on vacations the first week of December as their big Christmas event and we love it. Ultimately, you do what you want and people can kiss it
The first one is EXACTLY how my mother is. I was a single mother with my first and she favored me and my child. My sisters were married and mom had nothing to do with them. Fast forward I get married and my sisters get divorced. I had more children with my husband. My mother has nothing to do with them but tries to see my oldest child whose father isn't allowed around. She also flipped the script and starting being grandma to my sisters kids. Needless to say me and both sisters and all the grandbabies have nothing to do with nana. Its weird how broken ppl can be.
Obviously some women prefer single moms coz they're more independent from married women, "supposedly."
@@boogermaidenthat makes no sense at all. Try again. Because if they are more independent then they wouldn’t need grandparents help.
People really are broken.
My parents had no parents and they raised us all in the best way they knew how. Yes, we got beaten. They were incredibly strict. But I know for sure that they did the very best they could. We all love Nana and grandfather.
I'm so grateful I turned out gay and never gave my own maternal unit the opportunity to be a psycho grandma. She totally WOULD be.
@@boogermaidenthey just want control over the grandchildren, because it’s hard to have it if the other parent that she didn’t raise is around. Most of these controlling monster of grandparents usually started with their own kids and their kids are used to them behaving poorly and narcissistically so they prefer only having their kids and grandchildren to control not the spouse who had another experience growing up
My MIL is absolutely amazing! I couldn't ask for a better woman in my life! She is probably the most patient person I have ever met. I have been with her son for 19years, since I was 15 and he was 17, and she and the rest of my in laws have always made me feel as part of the family. ❤❤
I remember when my oldest son had his first serious girlfriend at 16. She was 17. It was hard letting go of being the most important female in his life. Now 20 years later he’s married to a wonderful woman and I’m happy when he protects her as he should. It takes balance and humility to get along with a daughter in law who was raised differently.
I’m so thankful that we have a great relationship. 😊
I look forward to the day I get to meet my son’s future girlfriend (or boyfriend.. I’m not assuming either way). I hope they are someone I vibe with, because it will be fun to add another person to our little family. I’ve had a rough road with my MIL, she just isn’t very present or helpful in our lives and that’s hard for me bc my own mom died when I was really young. I always dreamt of having a wonderful MIL, and what’s even sadder is my partner before my current partner had an absolutely amazing mom, I desperately wanted her as my MIL. The only consolation is that I still have her in my life. My ex died, which is horrible and tragic, but it does mean there’s no weirdness about staying in each other’s lives. We didn’t really get back in touch with each other until his funeral. I wouldn’t have felt comfortable inserting myself into his family even after our relationship ended… It’s kind of weird how things have worked out in that way… I’m not grateful he died, but I am grateful he left me his mom. RIP Chris. ❤️🩹
I’m really glad someone mentioned this. I’m the only female sibling in a big family, and while my Mom took them getting married in stride (she has a terrible MIL and was determined to be the best MIL ever), it was hard for me.
Not because of inappropriate attachment, just because we’re a tight-knit family and when they got married, everything changed quickly and it was a hard adjustment.
All of us were demoted to second priority (I know this is normal, but I was confused and hurt at the time), and my brothers never went anywhere without their wives, which my mother not only encouraged, but practically required. Her MIL tried to cut her out of everything, so she went the opposite way.
Again, I understand that it’s normal for couples to do everything together, but please understand- I was still a teen when my eldest bro got married and I had no idea that when that happened, it was expected that I would never be able to spend bonding time with him and my other sibs with just us, again. It was a total shock. And no, I wasn’t treated like a “princess” as the only sister, but I have always struggled with feelings of inferiority to other girls because I am less “feminine” than most (my mom was also a tomboy), so it was also kinda hard when these ultra-feminine, gorgeous, fashionable ladies joined every intimate family gathering.
It was so obvious that the concept of what a woman could/should be was being replaced in my brothers’ minds and I was being judged by this new standard, when I never had that feeling when I was with family before. I never got that sense from my SIL’s themselves, btw. They are lovely people and I am so lucky that my bros married such great women.
It felt like my bros became more sexist as they grew up, after they went to very traditional universities and were exposed to that, and my SIL’s were raised with something of an expectation that they should be submissive. Not that they let their husbands walk all over them, but they did put up with crap they never should have had to, IMO, and my influence with my bros suddenly disappeared, so they wouldn’t listen when I told them to cut it out. Because my mom has so much baggage about being a MIL, even though she was also disappointed by some of her sons’ new behavior, she wouldn’t back me up.
I should mention that my bros all moved far away bc my mother told them that a man should cede to his wife and live near her relatives as she would want her mom around when she was pregnant and such. Which means my bros reluctantly left (tight-knit family, remember), and now I have to watch the sadness of my parents who rarely get to see their grandkids. It’s too hard and expensive for my bros’ now-big families to travel to us much, and my mom now has cancer and can’t easily travel to them. Which puts more pressure on me to get married and provide grandchildren. But I digress.
Things have gotten much easier over time, as me and my SIL’s have gotten closer. And I want to stress that I NEVER was unkind or unwelcoming to them, btw. I went way out of my way to be the opposite. I only ever expressed my sad/hurt feelings about the change to my mom, who shut me down HARD.
I wish someone had told me back then that it was alright to think that it was a difficult change, that it was normal to grieve the old dynamics of our family while doing my best to welcome the new.
It would have made things a lot easier and less painful if I could have accepted and resolved those feelings with understanding rather than pushing them down and hating myself for being a bad sister and SIL for even having them.
@@RockabelleSo sorry you went through this, and glad you came out the other side.
I will never understand these people. My mom has made it her mission to always be the best mother figure to my SIL. They have similar backgrounds in dealing with toxic parents (to put it lightly). My mom also went out of her way to help my SIL through her extremely tough pregnancy. Now, we have a beautiful little addition to our family and both of my parents always offer to help as much as possible so the new parents can get rest and time to themselves. My SIL, brother, and their baby have an army of helpers at hand whenever they need us. We all feel blessed to have SIL in our lives. She’s a gem!
My mom is the same, my grandma is also an angel with her daughters in law. Unfortunately I have a monster in law as a MIL. But at least I know what to do in the future to not be terrible to any in laws
"Blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb." Covenant in this context would be "made family". So yes, I agree to this quote.
Covenant also used to mean contract. And marriage is definitely a contract.
🎤
I hate how this has been shortened to mean the exact opposite of the original.
Wow, I always thought that it meant the opposite, but I love the original better
💯
I’m so grateful I have an absolutely amazing relationship with my mother in law. She is a saint. She treats me as if I was her biological daughter and she has completely accepted, loves and treats my two kids from my previous relationship, the exact same way she treats her biological grand kids. This woman has been more of a mother to me and grand mother to my kids, than my own mother has ever been. I’m sorry all these women have insane mother in laws to deal with daily. I’m very grateful I got lucky with my mother in law
That first story is EXACTLY what happened to my kids. They were treated like second class and got garage sale toys while my SIL's kids got spoiled with top of the line everything and they were never punished. We cut ties after a cookout gone bad.
What small thinkers. They're living in such a sad world!
I'm so sorry that your kids were treated that way, that's horrible.
@ReyK_47 it's a matriarchal family. The women call the shots and the men are beaten down. They are also the types to only accept kids from single parents.
Same! I remember my evil grandmother gave us a David Hasselhoff diary, a set of plastic bed sheets, and a shirt. Everything but the shirt looked straight out of dollar tree or goodwill. My cousins got gorgeous sweaters and necklaces. My brother did get a cool toy, but that was because "he is the spitting image of your Daddy! Shame you girls take after that woman. "
Same. My kids were always criticized and left out. Today neither of them has anything to do with their grandma and she wonders why. I often want to tell her in a way she can't ignore, but I guess I know it would make no difference and change nothing, so I let an old woman make up her own stories to get her through the night. I fully support my children and always have, but there's no point to revenge and karma has already delivered its payload in the six beautiful great grandchildren she will never know. They, on the other hand, will miss nothing.
“Oh, you’re drinking the Dulu lemonade, I see.” 🍋🍹
They immediately skipped the Koolaid and went for the lemonade 😂
That first one and last one were definitely drinking lemonade
I liked the "you're working at De-Lululemon" from Charlotte and Mike's video the other day 🤣
390th like
I love that your MIL-to-be demonstrates both “not all mother in-laws suck” and “not all Karens suck”. We love this for you ❤
I had a wonderful relationship with my MIL before she recently passed. I have a daughter from a previous relationship and she always treated her like her own grandchild. I also have a pretty good relationship with my daughter’s paternal grandmother so while I understand monster in law stories it is a reminder that I am blessed as hell with the woman I’m surrounded by.
I have realised over the years People who (knowingly/willfully) give crappy gifts, are always the one who lose their minds when they are given "cheap, un-thoughtful, non-personal gifts. They know what they are doing but are insulted and hateful when they are given the same treatment
This is a running joke in my family! If you say you don't know what you want, lord have mercy on you XD you get all the random funny and semi useful gadgets and gizmos. One of my favorite things I got was a journal that said "hr approved ways to tell your co-workers they're stupid" XD
They want to be entitled for expensive gifts
My parents told me when I got engaged that they we were so excited for us and that we should never be worried about holidays going forward. We can celebrate with his family and then find another time to celebrate with mine. The biggest thing is my parents want to see us and have us be stress free. We’ve had a year of multiple Thanksgivings and Christmases, and it’s just extends the time with loved ones. 💕
That sounds lovely ❤
We Do the same thing...my DIL mother is like a psycho about them coming over(with FOUR children btw!!l on Xmas morning with their matching Xmas jammies so she can take pics!! It stresses them out so much!! Eff that!!
I can remember the nightmare of dragging our children here and there for holidays so we have gladly taken the attitude that we can celebrate a few days before or a few days after it doesn't matter! And I gotta say they appreciate that sooo much!! 😊
Charlotte!!! At some point after having kids (when they are old enough to be like, “wow, Christmas!”) you have to stand your ground and make your own traditions!! If you want your kids to open their presents on Christmas morning and then enjoy their toys for a bit… do that! You family can work around that! Their childhood is more important than whatever family member forcing you (or everyone) to be together at a certain time! Do what is best for you and your family!!! Once you get married and/or have kids… that is you family!!! That family comes first!!!
Amen! When I was a kid, I had within a 20 minute drive of our house 3 sets of grandparents (my mom’s parents divorced and then married other people), one set of great-grandparents, and a single great-grandmother still living. Except for the single great-grandmother, all the grandparents/great-grandparents demanded that we visit them sometime on either Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. They wouldn’t stand for negotiating spreading out the visit times over the month. It was a lot of running around in two days in fancy clothes that made me feel uncomfortable. The single great-grandmother was still working as a nurse in a major hospital, so she would have Christmastime off every other year. Instead, we would visit her on one of her days off in the week leading up to Christmas. It was a far less stressful visit. She passed away when I was 8yo, and I still frequently think of her. She was a sweet, chill woman.
I still like Christmas far less than some other holidays like Halloween or Thanksgiving because we spent those holidays when I was a kid at home. I think the “grands” kinda ruined it for me. Thankfully, it’s a far less stressful holiday now because the “grands” have all passed away, and my husband’s parents live out of state. We spend Christmas one year at one house with my family who live nearby and the next year with his family. Far, far less stressful!
We let it be known that as soon as we had kids, we stayed home. If grandparents wanted to come, they were welcome. My parents made the 4 he drive. MIL didn’t want to (she had other grandkids that came to her) but was totally great about seeing us some other time in December.
I just saw this video today and absolutely loved at 14:37 min in you saying, “bestie, you sound healed as …”, 😂❤ Loved that!!
My paternal grandmother hated me cause my grandpa died 24 days before I was born so for some reason that was my fault 😢. She also believed that only her daughter's daughter was her real grandchild, the rest of us were questionable. Let's say I didn't cry a lot when she passed away.
She sounds miserable. I hope she's found peace.
That’s very sad; no grandparent should treat their grandchildren like that. 🫂
My 1st bday was the day after my granddad passed and kinda got the same treatment. Very awkward when around that side of the family.
My great grandmother was like this. She hated me because I had the audacity to be born a girl and be born out of wed lock. She died and her funeral was on my 17th birthday. I could never decide if this was the old lady's final gift or revenge
@@theresemccrossan9646 oh, I'm so sorry, that's horrible. My grandmother did something similar, she passed away 2 weeks before my wedding, no one from that side of the family came to it.
I like my in-laws more than my own parents. When they started inviting me over for the holidays, I jumped on it and only went to see them. They are awesome and they genuinely like me. It's crazy. My parent's, when they were alive, couldn't care less, if I was there or not.
I’m so sorry to hear that. Far too many people who had kids, definitely should not have. Some get over having had bad parents, some don’t. You sound like you did, so congrats!
Same here. The first thing my mil told me was that she didn't care who or what I was because I made her son happy and it was all that mattered. I'm still unsure what it is she wouldn't like about me as she never even hinted at anything beyond that first sentence. Since then my in laws have all been a better family than I ever had, more accepting and supportive in all kinds of ways than my own. My side is still alive (as far as I'm aware) but they are dead to me. They were invited to the wedding but I've gone no contact since and it feels liberating.
Happy for you to have found a better family❤🎉
Same I already went no contact with the people who had me when I got into a relationship with my boyfriend, so I didn't have to choose that much. We had a rather rough start due to multiple reasons, but after almost 9 years they'd be the only people I'd consider my parents and I enjoy spending time with them. I promised to myself that if I ever should have children, I'll make sure to give them and their partners the best place to visit and feel welcomed at, at least as much as I have with my in-laws right now.
Very true with the whole concept that cheaters accuse others of cheating. My oldest brother is constantly saying that my mom cheated on my dad and that all six of her children are by different men than my father. For one, BS, because we all share strong family similarities to both sides of the family, but also, HE is a cheater. He's had at least a half dozen affairs and it's beyond me how his own wife has not skewered him yet.
She probably doesn't know
Umm does she know?
@@shirleymalley5420 My sister-in-law once threw out all his clothes on the lawn when she caught him years ago. Problem is, she came from an Amish upbringing, so she has this 'death do us part' mentality rather than just divorcing him.
@@robertgronewold3326 Ahhhh ok ya that makes sense. I firmly believe in fighting for your partner and family. I can see maybe once even twice but I mean at that point your with them for the wrong reasons cause can't be love. And for him to keep doing it knowing she won't leave says alot itself. Mean while others see human beings as things get bored of and hurt smh.....
Cheating even 1 time means that person 100% doesnt love you. They will never change. Your partner should be your best friend. If they really love you they will never hurt you in any way
25:59 Yes you can! You always have a choice how you react. Every. Single. Time.
I love when she said, “we’re going to wrap this up with one more”, and there was half a video left. What an unexpected treat 🥰🥔
I'm so thankful for my MIL. Especially since she still loves all of us unconditionally and treats us well despite her being religious and we're agnostic. She's got the biggest heart and I love her like my own momma
My MIL was an amazing, sweet lady. Christmas was always at my IL's until our son turned 2. After that, Christmas morning we stayed home, no negotiations. We wouldn't be able to be anywhere else until after noon. It made our lives soooo much less stressful. Christmas is for the little kids and they are not little long enough for there to be compromises. It worked for us. Setting boundaries made my relationship with both sides of our families so much less drama infused. Set boundaries people--and don't take any crap.
My MIL is one of the kindest, funniest people I've ever met. After I lost my Dad, my then-bf-now-hubby took me to stay with his family for Christmas (Dad passed a couple of weeks before). His Mum was wonderful, comforting, funny, and made me feel welcome with the family. My bf and I had been together for a couple of years at that point, and it was getting to a point where we were thinking about moving in together. On Christmas Day, she told me, in front of the family, "You're going to be my daughter-in-law." She made what would otherwise have been a miserable Christmas, wonderful.
I'm so lucky, my MIL is amazing to me, I had to go to the hospital yesterday, she drove me there and stayed with me the whole 4 hours I had to wait, got me a drink and treats to cheer me up ❤
I think it's the universe rewarding me for some worst monster in laws I had
To the bestie that does not have FOMO ... Girl your energy of peace and tranquility is so strong I got healed listening to your words!!! No joke ❤️❤️❤️❤️🙏🙏🙏
My MIL is great! First time I met her was at a Phillies game. She was his dad and her best friend and her kids. All us kids at the youngest were in our late twenties. As soon at my boyfriend introduced me to his mom her best friend screamed omg it’s baby (insert my last name!) She knew my parents really well from the youth sports program we were involved In growing up. So she had know me since I was born basically. She was so excited to see me and she instantly vouch for me and my entire family! Needless to say we had a blast and it’s been great ever since ❤
For the last one: MIL clearly didn’t expect OP to fight back if she chose to do it when she knew the other family members were close by. She expected OP to just agree to the test and not make a big scene about it.
My husband is an active duty marine for about 8 years now so we had to move from the east coast to the west. And all of our family is back home so we go to my family’s first and then spend the rest of the day with his family. We’ve been together for 10 years now and it’s always worked for us. But we always make sure to communicate with our families to see what works for them too. I can never understand when others get mad at you for spending time with family.
Married 18 years here..when we had kids here is how we started doing Christmas. We do Christmas eve with my parents who live about 2 hrs away. Christmas is here at home for our family. The kids wake up christmas morning, open presents, we make dinner, we spend the day after with his momma. That has been the best way.. and the kids love 3 days pf food and presents..lol
For the first time ever I stood up for myself and am now no contact with my mother in law. I tried to set boundaries and tried to express the hurt and disrespect I felt from her during our recent get together. I was met with laughter and attacks towards my upbringing, my culture, and my mental health. I feel so free and hope someday to be able to be at peace and heal from the 12 years of trying to people please a narcissistic person. I’m nervous and scared about my decision but I have full support of my husband and my family. The people pleaser in me is in a panic but in time I know I did the right thing. Gotta stay strong.
You have my support as well!! Protect your peace! Also, as the granddaughter of a narc who loved belittling my mom when we were with her, protect your babies from her as well. At first it made me cry, how much she disrespected my momma, or made comments that "what a shame I look just like my ugh mother" it wasn't worth it. I loved my grandfather. He was an amazing man, with an amazing smile, and a wonderful personality. Was he a good husband. No. My grandad had a whole other female that he saw for YEARS while being married to that woman. Did I blame him? Nope. He deserved what little bit of happiness he could get. Burn in hell Mom Mom (hated calling her that.) Rest in Paradise Pop Pop!
Edit to add: I smiled a little when I heard she passed after YEARS of NC. I cried like a baby when he passed.
You did what was best for you, change is hard being a people pleaser ( working on myself too)and saying NO for the first time, can cause some anxiety ,whenever any doubts come to your mind know that even her son knows she's evil and supports you! All the best!!
So my parents are divorced, I had 4 sets of grandparents and so holidays were CRAZY. The thing my stepdads father taught me was that a holiday is just a day and you can celebrate it whenever you want. Two of my grandfather's and one of my grandmother's served in the armed forces. So holidays were literally just that, whenever they saw their family they celebrated whatever they missed. It was sweet. So don't think of Christmas morning as a single day, you can celebrate it on multiple days if you have the time to take off or even when you get off work. Sometimes the sweetest Christmases are those spent cuddled up on the couch with your family (chosen or blood) just watching something. ❤
You should start a tradition now, before kids. Christmas day is always at your own home. That way the kids can open their gifts and play.
Right on time 🙏🏻 And that first story is already a fucking TRAINWRECK
@@SolènelamigonnelicorneThen stop reading comments sections bc the first amendment is fireee 🔥
@lizatolbert916 You are confused about what "free speech " actually means .
@@lizatolbert9162
🤣🤣🤣
@@divahc1 not really, cops don’t arrest people for saying “fuck you” to them anymore bc it’s free speech 🙂 🥳
Xmas Eve we dine with one family and open presents at midnight. That’s it.
Xmas Morning is SACRED. We spend it at home. Kids wake up at dawn, wake the adults, open gifts, eat a nice breakfast, sleep a little more (if needed).
THEN we do lunch at the other family.
The evening is family time to enjoy presents at home wit a light dinner.
This formula keeps me sane.
My maternal grandparents were divorced and my grandmother remarried, my paternal grandparents were married the rest of their lives. We often had Easter, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas with my dad's family mostly because Nana's house was just minutes down the road, while we would find a day between the two major holidays (during the 2 weeks away from school for Christmas} to go to Mimi's or Pawpaw's with my mother's brothers and sister and sometimes my great grandmother because they were further away. They would often all come together for mine and my brother's birthdays.
I am so happy that my future mother-in-law is the absolute sweetest ever. My grandmother said something to me once. When she married my grandfather they lived with grandfathers family for two years. Those two years were so traumatic for her it left a permanent emotional scar. When I started dating my partner and I met his family who were so incredibly welcoming and lovely and immediately made me feel part of the family my grandmother was so relieved she had tears in her eyes. She told me that no matter how much I love someone if their family didn’t accept me I was to run far and run fast. She’s now suffering from dementia and every time I visit I tell her about how lovely my partners family is. I don’t mind telling this over and over.
The way I clicked on this notification so fast 😭 having a rough day but Charlotte’s videos make everything better! ALL HAIL THE POTATO QUEEN!
Same girlie
Must be that kind of day. Was so excited to see her video today too
Hail the Queen and Duchess of Petty 💕
Me too lady !! 🎉
same!
My husband and I have been married for 10 years and we've been together for about 15 now. We have three wonderful children, 6-year-old twins and a 3-year-old. My husband's family has always done Christmas on Christmas Eve so it's always worked out for us but now that we have kids it works out even better. Now we do Christmas Eve with his family and then we do Christmas morning with just us and the kids and then my parents and family come over for dinner at our house since my mom and dad are no longer physically capable or able to cook such a large meal. I was fortunate enough to have such an amazing woman as a mother-in-law. Unfortunately she passed 3 weeks after our wedding but his family has always been wonderful.
Are you rubbing it in? Good for you but you have no idea what the rest of us go through
@@christlikesoon you don't have to be rude. no I wasn't rubbing it it. She asked.. I answered. But don't assume that my life has always been this precious. My childhood was shit so to have what we have now is my greatest achievement.
To sort of quote you " you have no idea what some of us have gone through"
Your MIL sounded like a lovely woman. I’m so sorry that she passed away. I believe that the people we knew and loved in life become our guardian angels when they pass away before us.
@@samanthac.349 she was. And I also believe that she's not far. Sometimes I swear I hear her giggle and see her in my peripheral. She would have loved our kids. And they tooo would have adored her. We are grateful for the time that we had. And there are days that I wish that they could have met her and have known her. But when they get a little older they will know about her and who she was.
With our daughter as a small child we all gathered at my house on Christmas Eve, went to early Mass then home. Christmas Day was spent during the afternoon at my parents. His folks are both deceased since his childhood. Still we often met the in laws early or later than the actual days.
I spend Christmas in my own. I'm disabled and don't drive. My family does. They don't visit. My daughter has been spending Christmas with her boyfriend. So Christmas is quiet for me. And you know what. I LOVE IT! NO STRESS WHATSOEVER ❤
I truly feel sorry for these people. My MIL is fantastic. Scatterbrained and a little neurotic, but a wonderful lady. She stayed with us for an entire week after my husband and I came home from the hospital with our first kid (her first grandbaby) and took care of basically everything while my husband helped me through my PPD. She did the same with our second kid, and I didn't even have PPD that time.
thank you for sharing that. You have restored my faith in my future MIL haha
Watching these, and reading the comments, is so validating of my experiences for the last twenty-five years (experiences I'm afraid to speak about publicly, for fear of retaliation if any of them see it). Thanks to everyone for sharing these stories.
I was blessed with a wonderful mil. She taught me the things my mom never did. Things like cooking, how to dress in style, how to wear makeup, etc. Then my hubby has the best in-laws ever. They passed away. My mom passes before we got married, and my dad passed about 3 years after we were married.
Imagine needing “permission” from your MIL to have kids with your husband
I know right? Do they have chastity belts and she is the only one with the key or what? 😂
That's just crazy. That lady is crazy.
Like how are you going to tell them when they can have kids or if they can period 😂what kind of power does this lady really believes she has?
Oopsie
My mother in law hates me because I can't have kids. Then my sister in law made insensitive comments about me possibly being pregnant and aborting my baby and keep it a secret. Who the hell even says something like that to a woman who can't have kids? I have so many stories about those demons.
I love my Mother In Law, she's so sweet and kind and we see them weekly. I got lucky. 💜
(Adding) We're the only ones with kids. Christmas Eve is spent with my in-laws (they celebrate then anyway) and Christmas Day is spent at home. My family members will sometimes come over, but we stay home.
It’s been 25 years since we divorced, but my exMIL was awesome. So was my exh, we were just super young. I knew even then how fortunate I was she was kind and decent.
You are so lucky!!
I had wonderful in-laws too.
No complaints. They were kind and loving and never demanded anything
Same here ❤❤❤❤❤
Same, I got lucky. Despite her being pretty religious, she's fine w/her son being in a gay LTR.
She should do the paternity test just to hold it over her head as an end all be all for any future disagreements with her. Then make her apologizes before she gets to see your twins “Yeah well remember the time you insisted I get a paternity test? You were wrong then.”
My husband to be doubted the paternity of our child. That should have been a red flag, but love is blind. He thought his first wife cheated too. Neither of us did. We get along very well. Anyway, I told as much to his mother about his doubt of paternity. She said "I don't know how he can say that, look at her feet!" She knew it was his. 🙂
We have an inside joke in our family. After several minor arguments with his ex, where my BIL was 100% wrong, she told him “Don’t ever question me again”. It’s never not hilarious.
Christmas is a mixed bag at our place. We do Christmas eve with his family then spend Christmas day depending on everyone's plans that year. The most chill gathering is usually the Day of plan. We don't do drama for Christmas.
I am terrible at choosing gifts. That's why i apreciate the gesture for ANYTHING given to me.
This 1st story is EXACTLY why "you marry the family" is important. If your spouse can step up, set boundaries, and sever ties, that's great, but I'd your in laws are toxic, you need to RUN, no matter how great your spouse is.
At least the spouse did stand up to his mother and cut ties! How many of these stories have we heard where the husband refuses to support his wife or actively takes his parents’ side over his wife’s.
@@karencotlar2023been there done that got the T shirt and the heck out of there.
@karencotlar2023 the problem is you don't know if he's going to "break" and run back to family at the worst time.
We all know women who have gone through that, and it's seeming like the 5% who STAY AWAY from abusive family for life, are outweighed by those that rip the rug out.
I adore that people are meeting and falling in love, but people with abusive/toxic parents need to be fully healed before getting into a relationship; and exposing other people.
To be fair, they don’t always show the toxicity right away. Also, not every kid who grows up in it wants to stay in it. Many who get scapegoated by a narcissist with be truth tellers and see it for what it is, and be up front with their partners. Sounds to me like this guy wanted to go no contact anyways. I’m betting that if she was like this with the grandkids, she also played favorites with the kids.
Agree 1000%
The third story sounds exactly like my late father’s wife (no, she does not deserve the title of “stepmother”). The universe was supposed to revolve around her and she couldn’t understand why I had to split the holidays with my HUSBAND and his side of the family or rearrange which days to come over due to our work schedules. My in-laws, thankfully, are the nicest and most accommodating people I’ve ever known!
Hey Char, I've been married for 14 years. Things for Xmas have been different over the years due to deaths in the family and moves for jobs. I have one child, the first grandchild on both sides. We usually ended up doing Xmas eve with my mother, big meal, presents, Xmas lights. Xmas morning would be in laws. We'd do our small thing at our house, head to great grandma's for lunch and presents, then to my father-in-law's for dinner and presents. It was a lot, but making Xmas eve as special as Xmas day can help make sure everyone feels included. Congrats on getting a good MIL (treasure her, mine passed and I miss her constantly). 🖤
My parents decided that Christmas was a day just for our family. We would go and visit grandparents another day. It was so nice. No crazy scheduling, no scrambling to see everyone. Just a quiet, happy Christmas where we could take our time opening gifts and enjoying our family time. I'll be doing the same with our kids.
Well done to your parents to have their own tradition 😊!
My son was born Dec 19th and we got back from hospital 23rd. Spent that Christmas with his mum because his dad died the previous October. The following christmas we went to my mum. This year our boy will be two so we are starting our tradition of our own christmas day.
We've got 1 evening and 2 days of christmas where I live 😂
So we always split the family up per day.
Have had an extra day celebrating last day because some work in healthcare including myself
It's way more fun and relaxing
I’ve never met my MIL because she’s a horrible person. She found out that her only son was getting married, she called a relative and asked “Are they with child?” The relative said no they’ve been together for quite some time, they love each other. Never heard from her again, I’m so thankful I don’t have to deal with any problems or pressures from others especially in the breeding/weird mother in law dynamic. Love you Charlotte! 🥔
Yeah my MIL hates me. My husband & I have known ea other for 30yrs, been married for 19yrs, 4 kids, and she still "forgets" my birthday. (In her house it's a thing where she asks you what she should make for dinner & dessert.) A couple years ago it was so bad how she treated me that her husband & mine took her to task. (my hubs is sweet & autistic & I didn't tell him how she mistreated me until he asked how long it had happened bc I didn't want him to feel stuck in the middle of us, and her slights were less direct until that day.) My therapist has said it's not my duty to lessen or change myself for her approval; sometimes people just don't like you & that's okay. She had been helping me to stand up for myself as needed & since that day she has been very cordial. But, I stopped going over for dinners if I didn't feel like being around her. ❤
I absolutely love charlotte’s pearls of wisdom discussions about soul care that are so unbelievably important to be talked about.
6:28 HEY!!! leave me out of it!!!! Lol!
Poor Megan
If there’s an opposite to an energy vampire, I’d call it an energy IV. That’s you Charlotte! I love all the kindness you put out into the world ❤
My first mother in law was a real weirdo. She was racist, judgemental (mainly in whatever I was doing) a mad reborn again Christian. When I ft her daughter after 26yrs of a seriously bad marriage (first 10 were ok) when I was injured on duty she was worse than ever.. blaming me for everything possible..anyway a breath of fresh air with my new mother in law 2 be.. she is warm, friendly, funny and being Eastern European full of mad customs that make me smile every day. Sorry if it’s a waffle but I am in hospital after a ? Stroke and Charlotte helps me through it all.
Not MIL, but my bfs mom is one of the kindest people I know. On the first meeting, she gave me a hug and told me to feel like home and that she already considers me family. She also always made sure I felt comfortable & was very welcoming. She's always nice to me even with a language barrier.
I adore my daughter in law. She’s the best mom to my grandson and I couldn’t ask for better. I make it a point to be supportive and non judgmental. I love her.
To be called “bestie” in a Charlotte Dobre video is GOALS. ❤
I am forever grateful to have a wonderful MIL 🙏🏻 it’s so important for me personally to get along with my partner’s parents and vice versa
My mother in law and I are both very similar... As in extremely hard headed. We've both made mistakes in our relationship but have worked it out (mostly) over the last 15 years we've known each other. She is my 10yo daughter's favorite person in the whole world. Even when she was an infant she was obsessed with Grandma. So, we both agreed that doing our best to get along and bite our tongues was the best route for my kid.
I have met my MIL once. It was right after we started dating in May 2023. She didn't know who I was, because we hadn't told her and she met me at my SILs and my job. I talked to her one other time, at Christmas. We got married in a secret ceremony back in April. We told everyone in July and mother in law and grandmother in law are the only ones who are mad about it. Husband doesn't talk to her very often for personal reasons and she has yet to call him since the reveal. We're okay with her not being in our lives.
I tell my kiddos that they should just let me know what works best for them. Even if it’s not on the day…we can celebrate together on any day. I’m here to make their lives better and easier. Not to cause any problems or stress. We are all happy and healthy that is the best thing ever.
AHHHH this isn’t even my best story about my MIL. I feel like I was rambling & just venting hardcore 😂 thanks for sharing & agreeing with me. I feel more heard & validated about my frustrations ❤❤❤🎉
I was extremely lucky with my MIL’s (yes, plural, don’t judge lol). I was still in contact with all my former MIL’s until they passed. I learned amazing life lessons from how they accepted me and my kids from former marriages and loved us all equally. Important lessons now that I am a MIL. Love them like your own, and mind your own business unless asked 🤷♀️
Just wanted to pop in to clarify that Jesus said to not judge by appearances, but with righteous judgement. He sat with sinners, but He did not sin with them. He told them to sin no more.
It’s videos like this, or stories from friends who have horrible MILs that I really appreciate how amazing my MIL is. I love her so much and from the moment I met her (where she greeted me at the door with a warm hug), she has been nothing but kind and loving to me.
Anyone currently dealing with a toxic mother in law will feel bad if they these comments including yours. You should take it as a normal thing and not brag about it or rub it in the faces of others. Please.
Growing up My dad’s side did Christmas Eve, Christmas Day was just for our family, and then the Saturday after Christmas was with my mom’s side. My aunt still hosts on Christmas Eve for whomever is available.
re Christmas: I so admire my daughter. She flat out told us Christmas morning is for HER family/kids. They go no where/talk to no one, until it's time to have dinner together, usually 4-5pm. SMART1
Christmas isn't very big in my family. Cause my mom is a nurse, and dad also has had jobs that didn’t have breaks during the holidays. So it was a genuine surprise 2yrs ago when I was the only one working and BOTH my parents had the day off.
I’ve been blessed with an awesome mother-in-law. She treated me like her own daughter and all gifts she gave were really nice. And now after her passing they bring very good memories.
My family always had a "Little Christmas" after Christmas, just so that those who can't be there, CAN BE THERE. And the sales are AMAZING!! Christmas is not about a DATE, it's about QUALITY TIME with LOVED ONES. Once we realize this, it's all good. There are lots of Little Christmases to be shared. It's the ones spent ALONE that I would be more concerned about.
That’s how we roll too. We have had too many scares in the family over the years to care which day specifically we are together as long as we get together regularly. MIL has a birthday about a month after Christmas so often we will get together then and hubby and I have no kids but have flip flopped holidays with families, alternating who we spend Thanksgiving and Christmas, pre pandemic, because what is the point if you are so stressed about making it to someone else’s place. Thankfully, hubby’s side has no divorces or remarriages so when we are together, it’s just us.
24:33 if i were op, i wouldve said, "If you pay for the test, and the results are the that the father is my husband, then youre being cut out of my life."
Jesus did judge. He called the Pharisees a brood of vipers and white-washed tombs. That is some serious 1st century shade right there. It was just a righteous judgment. One that wasn't hypocritical.