Magical Mushroom Man (That Ain't Portobello)

Lyrics:
[Chorus]
Oh Steve, my magical mushroom man
That ain't portobello in your hand
(That ain't portobello)
Every weekend you're on another plan
Talking to plants, making spirit friends
(God damn it Steve)
[Verse 1]
I come through to check on you at your place
You're sitting cross-legged with a stupid face
Telling me the carpet's speaking ancient truth
While you're petting patterns that ain't there, you goof
Man, I brought some pizza for us to share
But you're convinced the pepperoni's giving you a stare
"Bro these toppings got me feeling so profound"
While you're crawling on the kitchen floor and making weird sounds
[Verse 2]
Listen up motherfucker, this intervention's overdue
You spent three hours yesterday conversing with your shoe
Called me at midnight talking bout some spiritual shit
Said your cat's an alien and your walls don't quit
Preaching bout enlightenment while you're high as fuck
Can't even find your keys but claim you're struck
With universal wisdom from some fungi friends
Meanwhile your apartment's looking like a pig pen
God damn Steve, get your shit together
You think you're Buddha but you're light as a feather
Floating through space in your living room
Thinking every houseplant's got something to prove
[Bridge]
(Watch him go) He's spinning round and round
(Oh no bro) Face planted on the ground
(Here we go) Another mystical night
With Steve the shroom philosopher, ain't nothing right
[Verse 3]
Called your mom last Tuesday speaking in tongues
Tried to teach your hamster about ancient ones
Posted online that you've solved existence
While eating fruit loops with zero persistence
I'm your best friend gotta keep it real
These ain't the answers that you trying to steal
But here you go again with that stupid grin
Telling me your toaster's got a soul within
[Chorus]
Oh Steve, my magical mushroom man
That ain't portobello in your hand
(That ain't portobello)
Every weekend you're on another plan
Talking to plants, making spirit friends
(God damn it Steve)