Boyfriend Wants To "Test-Run" Living Together! (He Will Propose If I Do Well)

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  • Опубліковано 19 лют 2023
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КОМЕНТАРІ • 817

  • @ak8990
    @ak8990 3 місяці тому +140

    I got married at almost 30 yrs of age. One of my values was remaining a virgin until I got married. I can't tell you the amount of men who I dated who tried to talk me into sex, and then quickly dumped me after they realized I was serious about remaining a virgin. The ONLY guy who never tried to cross boundaries and was very respectful of my values was the man I ended up marrying. I never had a moments trouble with him during our dating. I asked him about that one day and he responded, "Well, I'm planning on marrying you anyways, so there is no problem with me waiting, and what is important to you is important to me." We have been married for over 8 years and three kids later, he is the best partner I could have ever asked for. If a man really wants to marry you, he will make your beliefs and priorities important to him.

    • @amznmmdprncss
      @amznmmdprncss Місяць тому +9

      That was so touching!

    • @brendapeterson2576
      @brendapeterson2576 Місяць тому +7

      This was beautiful ❤
      May your marriage and family continue to thrive.

    • @bobbylibertini
      @bobbylibertini 17 днів тому +2

      I can't tell you how many women dumped me because (In their own words) I "didn't do anything"...on the first date no less..with a veritable stranger! Bless you for staying a virgin till marriage.....it's a rare commodity these days, but worth holding out for; and it serves as a good tool to automatically weed-out the rejects who do not share your values/who would not work for you.

    • @thebelissima64
      @thebelissima64 3 дні тому +1

      I loved your comment and I wish you the best in your marriage ❤ My dear 26 year old nephew has been attending med school, where met a lovely girl. She straight up told him on their first date that she was a virgin and was set on waiting until marriage. Like yourself she had many guys who thought it was a deal breaker and walked away. But it was no problem for my nephew. They got engaged over Christmas 2022 and are going to marry in May 2025. As we have an open conversation I asked him how he has been able to wait as he is not a virgin himself and very handsome, with many girls giving him the eye. He said his fiancée has many amazing qualities and he didn't need to go to bed with her to fall in love. He added that if waiting until marriage is important to her it's important to him, that he sincerely loves, respects and admires her for her values. She is a sweetheart and our family adores her. I am so thrilled for them ❤

  • @cita_m
    @cita_m Рік тому +468

    Girl, I would run like the gingerbread man. He's essentially asking you to interview for the position of being his wife.

    • @genxx2724
      @genxx2724 Рік тому +32

      Suggested edit: audition for the position of wife.
      Read that somewhere. Wants you to audition for the role of wife, without auditioning for the role of husband.

    • @beesknees213
      @beesknees213 Рік тому +9

      YES..the gingerbread man...run like him.... don't get caught!

    • @MooMoo69556
      @MooMoo69556 Рік тому +20

      What’s wrong with that?

    • @SnerMerNer
      @SnerMerNer Рік тому

      Do you realize how dumb and entitled this comment sounds?

    • @dontworry1568
      @dontworry1568 Рік тому +14

      thats what dating is... but it also goes both ways.

  • @brandya.g.1401
    @brandya.g.1401 Рік тому +444

    Never do wife duties at girlfriend prices.

    • @elizabethallen4353
      @elizabethallen4353 Рік тому +12

      perfectly said

    • @ralegade7710
      @ralegade7710 Рік тому +24

      Blessed is the man that findeth a wife.
      She needs to be a wife before he decides to marry her. In any other aspect of life, we train for the role we wish to fill. Why act like a girlfriend when you ultimately wish to be a wife?

    • @hornetguy9063
      @hornetguy9063 Рік тому +1

      @@ralegade7710 correct.

    • @boxesbinslidsllc
      @boxesbinslidsllc Рік тому +25

      @@ralegade7710 You need to be a husband before you can expect to get a wife.

    • @steelcastle5616
      @steelcastle5616 Рік тому +6

      I can't count how often I've heard guys complain about wishing their wives would act more like "girlfriends".
      Seems sometimes you don't get (or get less of) what you pay for when you get married.

  • @alphafemale7904
    @alphafemale7904 7 місяців тому +60

    Take it from a woman who moved in with her boyfriend 24 years ago while he was living in the basement of his brother's house. He proposed, we bought a house prior to getting married. Everything was 50/50 then and it still is now. All transactional, void of intimacy, emotional fulfillment just blah. He is a roommate to me today. Don't do it. Men become dependent on your half and don't care what it takes for you to meet your end. They just need a willing partner. Let him handle the bills AFTER he marries her. He is supposed to be a provider. These 50/50 relationships become very neglectful in the future and her naivety is what he has on his side right now. I was young and dumb, too. I can't get the years back but she can save herself the trouble now. I wouldn't even pay a percentage. Noooooo

    • @ClearOutSamskaras
      @ClearOutSamskaras 2 місяці тому +7

      This is an absolutely _priceless_ comment you've made here.

    • @simplyelvi5676
      @simplyelvi5676 Місяць тому +4

      Thank you for your vulnerability! You are a queen and deserve the world

    • @Dean543-cc3fd
      @Dean543-cc3fd 27 днів тому +1

      How dare your husband make you carry some financial responsibility in the household, the audacity😱

  • @James_Hough
    @James_Hough 4 місяці тому +13

    A "test run" shows shows a lack of commitment. Plain and simple.

  • @lmcg....
    @lmcg.... Рік тому +388

    He's a tester, it will never end, there will be tests til the bitter end and you will hate it. You don't want a tester, there's no trust and constant scutiny.

    • @drunclecookie216
      @drunclecookie216 Рік тому +13

      or maybe he's just cautious. I see so many people who are blindly "in love" and think they're gonna be together forever and everything is perfect and not even a year later they're divorced. I just described half of my friends.

    • @zoraster3749
      @zoraster3749 Рік тому +19

      Women are constant testers, so by extension of your logic…

    • @KENTUCKYUSA1
      @KENTUCKYUSA1 Рік тому +14

      I know what you mean by tester. I had a boyfriend like that a very long time ago. He always set up these "tests" and I could see right through him. It was stressful. Breaking up, which he instigated, was almost a relief.

    • @facelessman5362
      @facelessman5362 Рік тому +2

      Why is it okay for women to be 'testers' though?

    • @zoraster3749
      @zoraster3749 Рік тому

      @@facelessman5362 Biologically, women have the larger investment, risk and insecurity in relationships because of child birth and rearing so they instinctively ”test” their men for strength. If a man can’t handle them how can he be relied upon to handle the environment or defend against other men?
      Not that this testing is productive or even beneficial in modern times but it is a byproduct of our evolutionary past.

  • @kerryfitting6070
    @kerryfitting6070 Рік тому +216

    She knew something was up or she wouldn't have called. Follow your gut, girl! We wish you the best!

  • @prudencek7087
    @prudencek7087 Рік тому +187

    To the caller, the advice they gave you is not an ultimatum, it is a boundary. Set the boundaries you want; your boundaries are there for your protection.

    • @mobileclips7737
      @mobileclips7737 Рік тому

      Definition-a final demand or statement of terms, the rejection of which will result in retaliation or a breakdown in relations. It’s both… It’s her demand that they get married before she moves in with him or their relationship will end. She’s stating her terms and they are telling her not to compromise at all and if he doesn’t agree breakup. That’s literally the definition of an ultimatum. Not defending the guy it sounds like he’s doing the same thing but worse. However the advice was an ultimatum and sitting down and talking about it and maybe finding some agreeable middle ground would be better and if they can’t find agreeable grounds then it probably is a sign things won’t work.

    • @mobileclips7737
      @mobileclips7737 Рік тому +6

      To my point above if she doesn’t want to move in before marriage and he does then it sounds like their morals don’t line up with each other and they probably shouldn’t be dating in the first place. But I also don’t know them so what do I know or anyone in these comments lol

    • @prudencek7087
      @prudencek7087 Рік тому +5

      @@mobileclips7737 what they told her was not an ultimatum. It wasn't "a you better marry me, then I'll move in or else we break up." It's "my standard that I've set for myself is that I will not move in with someone unless I am married to them." What the guy does with that information is up to him. He can wait for marriage to move in with her, or if he doesn't want to do that then he can find someone else who agrees to live the way he wants and the caller is free to do the same, find someone that shares her values. There is a difference between an ultimatum and a boundary.

    • @illhaveanother8173
      @illhaveanother8173 3 місяці тому

      That isn't her standard though. That is the ultimatum these two men proposed her to pitch.

  • @beverlyweber171
    @beverlyweber171 3 місяці тому +10

    You're not a car. RUN.

  • @larissaalcorn3406
    @larissaalcorn3406 Рік тому +218

    "He will propose if I do well." This dude is already treating her like a child. Run.

    • @texan903
      @texan903 Рік тому +6

      He is doing the right thing. Does she cook, do laundry, clean, attend to other household tasks?
      She's vetting him out, rest assured. Does he have the right career, does he earn enough money? Does he elevate her socially? People are allowed to state their standards. It's up to us to determine whether or not those standards are acceptable.

    • @kbthegoat824
      @kbthegoat824 Рік тому +6

      He will propose if they get along living together...get it right. He clearly said he wants to see how compatible they are to each other, that goes both ways.

    • @larissaalcorn3406
      @larissaalcorn3406 Рік тому +24

      @@kbthegoat824 The show literally quotes her in the title, sweetpea. It's not about seeing if they are compatible. Dude is dangling proposal over her head like a parent dangles an allowance over a child. Ladies, run from these dudes in these replies. Find a man who treats you with dignity. Not someone who views you as child or worse a dog to be trained.

    • @larissaalcorn3406
      @larissaalcorn3406 Рік тому +15

      @@texan903 It's not about standards when you're dangling proposal over someone's head like they are a dog begging for a treat.

    • @nikolaig1
      @nikolaig1 Рік тому +1

      Thats how relationship work if you do well you continue to date❤❤

  • @queen4u281
    @queen4u281 Рік тому +122

    She’s going to move in because she’s known him since middle school🙄. She’s too invested in this relationship to not do it. She sounds naive.

    • @LovelifeJesusdaily
      @LovelifeJesusdaily Рік тому +2

      I know...

    • @LovelifeJesusdaily
      @LovelifeJesusdaily Рік тому +1

      People change as they grow... but we stay stack on how they used to be

    • @nailatiylluf
      @nailatiylluf 3 місяці тому +11

      So they’re been together for like ten years and he’s still not sure?

    • @DaleC1980
      @DaleC1980 3 місяці тому +3

      Yes, she was naive but she also seemed like some light bulbs were going on. And let's not be too hard on the guy. If she sets the boundaries, and he responds correctly, it could be great for him too!

    • @peacebeyondpassion2
      @peacebeyondpassion2 Місяць тому

      That's what love does sometimes. Deaf, dumb, and blind.

  • @ceecee8757
    @ceecee8757 Рік тому +303

    Don't play house. Don't give wifey benefits when you're not a wifey yet. Soul ties are real!

    • @alinatamashevich3354
      @alinatamashevich3354 Рік тому +32

      Men do not risk your future for a woman that can take half your wealth

    • @reese85
      @reese85 Рік тому +4

      Wth is soul ties?

    • @peteranon8455
      @peteranon8455 Рік тому +6

      @@reese85 That's what previously used to be physical intimacy. Now It's just what non-virgins call the intangible benefits of marriage.

    • @RoyalMasterpiece
      @RoyalMasterpiece Рік тому +2

      🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤

    • @genxx2724
      @genxx2724 Рік тому +1

      Listen to Bishop RC Blakes.

  • @stephenjacquelitle8524
    @stephenjacquelitle8524 Рік тому +35

    Don't give in. Run. He's waving a big RED flag.

  • @JA-zh5xi
    @JA-zh5xi Рік тому +63

    I would leave the guy instantly.

  • @TyB211
    @TyB211 Рік тому +246

    Basically the guy wants you to audition to be his wife... If he doesn't want to marry you now out of love, then why would he 18 months from now.

    • @gumshoe7237
      @gumshoe7237 Рік тому +8

      That's the comment I was looking for .. You move in together with someone when it hurts more to be without them and you find yourself missing them on a daily basis if there not there.. Guy or gal , if you don' have that level of feeling towards your significant other , then don't waste each others time and burn up each other's heart in the process..

    • @Evil-Rod-Farva
      @Evil-Rod-Farva Рік тому +21

      You interview for jobs and promotions. Why would interviewing for the role of wife be any different?
      This isn’t 1920. Women are not frequently raised to be loving caregivers that stay loyal to their families for decades.
      It’s better to sniff that out before she has the power of the state behind her.

    • @TyB211
      @TyB211 Рік тому +33

      @@Evil-Rod-Farva The interview is the dating and courting process. If you need to move in with someone to see if they're worthy of marriage then it's off to a bad start.

    • @I_like_turtles_67
      @I_like_turtles_67 Рік тому +3

      @@TyB211 So where's your husband?

    • @TyB211
      @TyB211 Рік тому +23

      @@I_like_turtles_67 Right now? Currently at work.

  • @tvlergee
    @tvlergee Рік тому +39

    Poor girl, I can tell by how sweet she sounds she’s not gonna take this advice. Hopefully she makes the team 🤷🏽‍♂️

  • @MustardseedMomma68
    @MustardseedMomma68 Рік тому +65

    Do not live with him. RUN!

  • @kaitlinmasten2716
    @kaitlinmasten2716 Рік тому +188

    You can still live separately and spend significant time together and see how he manages a household- see if he wants a partner or needs a mother.

    • @the1anonymouse
      @the1anonymouse Рік тому +37

      There's definitely a big difference between hanging out a lot and living together

    • @rnt45t1
      @rnt45t1 Рік тому +10

      Women ruin men's lives!

    • @nly4607
      @nly4607 Рік тому +17

      This attitude is why 45% of women over 35 are childless lol

    • @elizabethallen4353
      @elizabethallen4353 Рік тому +4

      100%

    • @jeannet7443
      @jeannet7443 Рік тому +4

      Well said!

  • @kokoskokso
    @kokoskokso Рік тому +80

    Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free.
    My ex tried this on me and when I insisted on marriage, he played along until HIS apartment was all fixed up and then THANK GOD cancelled on his "plans" the day before he was to propose (my birthday) and I was to move in after that. I thanked him for the clarity and helping me make a clean break - I never had to doubt us breaking up was right.
    If a guy talks like this already and ignores your boundaries, he's got a whole plan in place and you're just a placeholder in it (who plays house, gives s.x and pays half HIS mortgage) until THE ONE comes along. Sorry, you're not it. All he wants is wife duties for girlfriend prices.
    Loved the advice here, spot on. State your boundaries and OBSERVE. Ultimately, the person you're with should make you feel better, not worse.

  • @traceejohnson290
    @traceejohnson290 Рік тому +11

    Also a Proposal is Not Marriage, wait until married. There are many couples that stay engaged for many years.

  • @carolinemcnulty6169
    @carolinemcnulty6169 Рік тому +44

    After 45 years of marriage, I can say that commitment is key. Loyalty is what keeps you together during the scratchy times until you figure out how to resolve problems.

  • @wenchyfoodwench4098
    @wenchyfoodwench4098 Рік тому +18

    Tell him you want to test run dating someone else. She should break up with him or set him straight. Have their own places until they get married. But I still say dump him lol.

    • @mazzar2739
      @mazzar2739 Рік тому +1

      Dump him for being a responsible adult & not rushing into a marriage which may not be compatible? I think people in the comments are painting this as the guy as "test running her" but isn't it also the other way around? Can't you make an argument that the women should do the same? To you know, see if they are compatible??? Why in the world would you marry somebody before figuring out they leave dishes around the house, stay up really late, etc. Did all that just fly over your head?

  • @melanieb2132
    @melanieb2132 Рік тому +29

    My boyfriend asked me to move up with him. I said no. He said "will you marry me" I said yes.

    • @robloxvids2233
      @robloxvids2233 Рік тому +3

      Unconditional love right there..

    • @melanieb2132
      @melanieb2132 Рік тому +12

      @robloxvids2233 absolutely. Conditional on marriage. I was not interested in loving without marriage.

    • @rhsc2670
      @rhsc2670 Рік тому

      clown

    • @melanieb2132
      @melanieb2132 Рік тому +16

      @rhsc2670 a married clown with a happy husband that doesn't care what you think. 😘

    • @aceyshari
      @aceyshari Рік тому +2

  • @melissakalloway1916
    @melissakalloway1916 Рік тому +14

    There's an old expression: "Why should he buy the cow if he's getting the milk for free?"

  • @ninangako4715
    @ninangako4715 Рік тому +50

    That guy is so smart! He gets all the "goodies" while rating GF's performance each time. And unfortunately she has no idea of self respect/self value. She's not ready for marriage. She should wait.

    • @kokoskokso
      @kokoskokso Рік тому +10

      yeah, the whole deal he proposes is kind of insulting (in addition to completele devaluing her needs and her happiness)

    • @rory644
      @rory644 Рік тому +1

      She’s just a child their brains aren’t even fully developed yet.

  • @bunny1979
    @bunny1979 Рік тому +15

    He wants a roommate not a wife

  • @RMalai
    @RMalai Рік тому +22

    You purchase a home without living in it 😄. The seller will not allow to to test-live before signing the contract. Don't have to live together to know the person better. youth have plenty of opportunities these days to know each other better.

    • @genxx2724
      @genxx2724 Рік тому +3

      It’s too bad about homes, because it’s only after living in it that you discover there light glaring in your windows at night and the neighbors smoke and make noise.

  • @Msteve-nt5bx
    @Msteve-nt5bx Рік тому +15

    You're not a car. Say no

  • @kindredkey
    @kindredkey Рік тому +104

    Morals aside regarding living together or not living together... if you don't feel comfortable with it, if you're not in agreement with the offer, make a counter offer (which is what John + Ken seem to be suggesting) OR walk away from the deal. I know your heart's involved, BUT you will be proud of yourself for sticking up for yourself! - It's painful to lose love HOWEVER it's even more painful to betray yourself.

    • @KanaTron
      @KanaTron Рік тому +5

      Also, with this dudes thinking... if she doesn't lose him now, it will be later. The pain will still be there in both sections of the timeline, but, the longer it takes the worse it will be. It's better to find out now.

    • @Arlene_DOTK
      @Arlene_DOTK Рік тому +2

      Amen 🙌

  • @random-nz7dy
    @random-nz7dy Рік тому +107

    Ken and John did a great job on this call.
    People like to hate on a personalities but sometimes when the right call comes their way they do a really really nice job of answering it.
    Also some pairings just work well with them. John and Ken seem to do really well together.

    • @AmandaRogersarock1988
      @AmandaRogersarock1988 Рік тому +1

      Yeah I actually really agree with this advice with these two (which isn't always the case). But the caller knows what she wants and she should stick to her guns!

    • @WISHBONEL7
      @WISHBONEL7 Рік тому

      He has a 50/50 chance if he does not test her . He may increase his odds by a few points if he takes a test drive , Because , outside of the *fornication* issue , he is exactly right . Hopefully he is not in a state that recognizes common law .

    • @IWillSendMyHunters
      @IWillSendMyHunters 11 місяців тому +1

      @@WISHBONEL7He’s actually not because as statistics show couples that move in together before getting married have a HIGHER chance of divorce.

    • @WISHBONEL7
      @WISHBONEL7 11 місяців тому

      @@IWillSendMyHunters X2 #1 Please state your *sources* . As much as I like listening to Ramsey , that is the main issue that l I have with his show.
      # 2 Did you hear what their ages are ?!? . Does the data that you are going to submit take that factor into account ? .

    • @IWillSendMyHunters
      @IWillSendMyHunters 11 місяців тому

      @@WISHBONEL7 Institute of Family Studies.

  • @skynyrdgirl644
    @skynyrdgirl644 Рік тому +11

    Leave him now!

  • @tspencer661
    @tspencer661 Рік тому +19

    I would say no to moving in with your boyfriend without an engagement or set plans to marry. The rate of divorce goes up. For cohabitating couples. I’ve also heard that the rate of domestic violence goes up as well. I read this in one of Willard Harley’s books. I haven’t done the research, but he has.
    This woman has standards. If her boyfriend can’t respect her standards, that’s his problem.

  • @susannefitzpatrick9955
    @susannefitzpatrick9955 Місяць тому +3

    One additional point John should have said to Celest - DON'T GET PREGNANT!!!
    On a personal note this video is so enlightening as it highlighted that had my ex and stayed together, the 'benefits' would all have been in his favour ie HE would have had the live-in lover, the sensational cook, the great homemaker, the willing companion for trips/holidays/adventures, the empathetic ear to HIS work problems etc but what would I have got out of it? NO engagement ring, NO offer of marriage (he'd been 'burned' by his wife), NO 'equal partners' who are there for one another no matter what. WOW - did I dodge a bullet !!!

  • @Kona_Blue
    @Kona_Blue 10 місяців тому +5

    Girl have more respect. Never move in before marriage

  • @jimroscovius
    @jimroscovius Рік тому +13

    We got married at 23, and we're on year 41. It's been great!!

    • @kokoskokso
      @kokoskokso Рік тому

      congrats, sounds awesome! what's your recipe for finding that one person and for staying together that long?

  • @phillipsouthard8285
    @phillipsouthard8285 Рік тому +41

    I like when these two host together.

    • @yourgooglemeister6745
      @yourgooglemeister6745 Рік тому +3

      We found the simp!

    • @superblump87
      @superblump87 Рік тому +3

      @@yourgooglemeister6745 we found the incel!

    • @phillipsouthard8285
      @phillipsouthard8285 Рік тому

      @@yourgooglemeister6745 Maybe. Beats most of the other hosts of this show, outside of Rachel sometimes.

    • @kasession
      @kasession Рік тому

      YEP!!!! 👍🏿

    • @Dark_Souls_3
      @Dark_Souls_3 Рік тому +4

      @@yourgooglemeister6745 so you insult someone unprompted? That’s so cool

  • @linuxsurfer2002
    @linuxsurfer2002 Рік тому +13

    Great advice here by the Ramsey personalities. Please do not move in with someone before you get married to them. It's a recipe for disaster, and as mentioned by the hosts, it increases your odds for divorce.

  • @vikasd.7139
    @vikasd.7139 Рік тому +14

    where i was growing up, shops didn't have a concept of "returns". People bought what they needed and were mostly happy. Now, here, when returns are free and acceptable, people buy things they don't really need and return a few times and srill don't end up happy with what they got and in the process, devalue the items they returned. Or they just take the advantage of the free returns, without intention of responaibility of paying.

  • @brianlewis8722
    @brianlewis8722 Рік тому +4

    There are too many good men out there who would sacrifice their lives for the women they love...this guy doesn't sound like one of them.

  • @andiclemenza6476
    @andiclemenza6476 Рік тому +27

    I 100% agreed with both John and Kent ❤️. Please don’t let this man walk over you

  • @lav7161
    @lav7161 Рік тому +5

    She sounds super young. She's not gonna listen. She's going to learn the hard way.

  • @denisemckinney3973
    @denisemckinney3973 Рік тому +5

    The fact that he even is suggesting this is a huge red flag! Ditch this dude so fast.

  • @nancyt6895
    @nancyt6895 Рік тому +8

    That's a big nope. Listen to these men. They are absolutely gonna save you heartache and headaches. Ken and John, great advice:)

  • @zacd7094
    @zacd7094 Рік тому +28

    My gf at the time (now wife) found a house for 80k we both had 8k saved up and saw a great opportunity to live together. We sold the house two yrs later for 150k and got married about midway through the two years. We built a home and are very blessed. Doesn’t work for everyone but it made us grow up quick!

    • @jeffb.4800
      @jeffb.4800 Рік тому +8

      This isn't 1980

    • @alfonsosalinas3026
      @alfonsosalinas3026 Рік тому +2

      I call bs that you flipped house almost double the price in two years

    • @brendondowdy5651
      @brendondowdy5651 Рік тому +3

      ​@@alfonsosalinas3026 it's 100% possible depending on when it was and the circumstances they got the house. Especially if it was a good foreclosure around 2019

    • @zacd7094
      @zacd7094 Рік тому +1

      @@brendondowdy5651 no foreclosure house had been rented out it was an extra home starting to grow up I knew the lady called and she made me the deal

    • @brendondowdy5651
      @brendondowdy5651 Рік тому

      @@zacd7094 ah. Yeah I knew under some circumstances it was for sure possible. Great job!

  • @pandabear7177
    @pandabear7177 2 місяці тому +3

    I would run. This is him showing his red flags in a bouquet and seeing if she’ll run.
    🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩

  • @MsMockingbird06
    @MsMockingbird06 Рік тому +17

    I completely agree with John and Ken. Great fatherly advice.

  • @kokoskokso
    @kokoskokso Рік тому +7

    It's sooo ARROGANT of him to have her audition for the privilege of being his wife.. Who does this guy think he is? He was like whatever, I don't care what you think or what your needs are, you need to prove to me you're worthy of my proposal! Yeah no thanks bye. Just saved yourself a whole lot of time and trouble.

  • @nantinee9
    @nantinee9 Рік тому +68

    Love this advice from John and Ken!

  • @queen.kristal8395
    @queen.kristal8395 Рік тому +23

    You guys are still young get to each other more first and wait a couple more years don’t rush to grow up

    • @nly4607
      @nly4607 Рік тому

      Yeah I can't think of any examples of couples the same age with a marriage that doesn't look like slavery for the man

    • @ctb3343
      @ctb3343 Рік тому

      Not if they are going to be living together. Lol data doesn’t lie; it doesn’t work like that and people are going to continue to change throughout life. It doesn’t take 2-4 years or more to figure out if you want to build your lives together.

  • @tanyad3989
    @tanyad3989 Рік тому +4

    Your life is not a used car dealership. No, he can’t take your for a test drive. You’re not a used vehicle. Ridiculous.

  • @wandamajette5000
    @wandamajette5000 Місяць тому +2

    You mean to tell me after all of the years they have known each other that's not good enough. She still has to audition to be his wife.
    OH PULEEZ!!!!

  • @kristopherrainbolt2617
    @kristopherrainbolt2617 Рік тому +9

    The relationship is over already

  • @jercasgav
    @jercasgav 3 місяці тому +4

    Isn't it pretty sick how much our so-called "modern" society has cheapened the meaning and respect that we human beings should have for each other?! The mainstream culture teaches people to disrespect others and treat them as disposable...like objects more than humans with souls really...not cool! We should all value ourselves and others more by having proper boundaries and respect.

  • @yamamancha
    @yamamancha Рік тому +7

    As the saying goes, never pay for something someone is willing to give you for free. Baby girl it is time for you to lock it down. Tell him you're not for lease.
    In fact, go buy a nice little ring and propose to him. If he hesitates, then he's not seeing you in the same way you see him. Then you know it's time to move on.

    • @texan903
      @texan903 Рік тому +2

      Her proposing to him will make her look absolutely ridiculous and desperate.

  • @ethangamer3173
    @ethangamer3173 Рік тому +6

    At the end of the day *NOTHING* can stop a divorce, no magic words, in front of the entire world or paper documents

  • @Elizabeth_lowkeyluxuries
    @Elizabeth_lowkeyluxuries Рік тому +64

    I've seen so many examples both for and against getting married and then living together, and vice versa. Bottom line, if you're not happy with the proposed arrangement (living together before marriage), don't do it. The boyfriend either agrees or he doesn't. There's no compromise for her in this. Likewise for him. If he needs to know and doesn't feel comfortable making a lifelong commitment until they live together and he sees how she really lives day to day, if she helps out or just sits around all day, then it's a no go for him as well. No judgment on either. I've had several girlfriends laugh about how they were on their best behavior until they got married and then they could really be themselves becausw now their husbands were stuck with them I'm like uhhhhh. Not cool.

    • @Elizabeth_lowkeyluxuries
      @Elizabeth_lowkeyluxuries Рік тому +13

      Needless to say, I'm not friends with them anymore.

    • @MNP208
      @MNP208 Рік тому +4

      Agreed

    • @tgar6663
      @tgar6663 Рік тому +6

      You're a Good woman

    • @J03LM1
      @J03LM1 Рік тому +3

      I happy to see someone think soberly about this. There are too many ppl just making hardline judgements about this call. When in actuality nobody has enough info to judge.
      They're bashing this dude like they know who he is. And taking the woman's side like they know who she is.
      My personal opinion is If you don't have conviction about being in a committed union with someone u shouldn't do it. That goes for marriage and moving in.

    • @roberttorres7208
      @roberttorres7208 Рік тому +1

      well put

  • @Venusstar22
    @Venusstar22 9 місяців тому +6

    This young lady does not KNOW and UNDERSTAND her own WORTH. She's essentially being AUDITIONED for the role of wife while he sits there like a king that rules over her and will tell her if she's ""good enough"" and got the part based on what HE thinks. To rely on some one else for your affirmation as to who you are is DANGEROUS. You have given that person such power over your life and soul. Who cares about what he thinks.....what about what God thinks???? I'll say it again, SHE DOES NOT KNOW OR UNDERSTAND HER WORTH. That is how you get manipulated and taken advantage of.

  • @bradwilliams4921
    @bradwilliams4921 Рік тому +27

    Celest sounds like a good person. I hope God blesses her.

  • @9liveslisa
    @9liveslisa Рік тому +4

    Yep. No test runs...................except you can run away from him.

  • @thisisme5323
    @thisisme5323 Рік тому +6

    I appreciate the advice specially coming from a man. It brings a difference point of view that sometimes us women doesn't see. Thank you

  • @allisona6482
    @allisona6482 Рік тому +10

    Thank you so much for providing this insight to this young woman. I hope she is able to put this advice to use and that everything works out for her!

  • @limepiper3650
    @limepiper3650 Рік тому +3

    Leave him. He is using this as an excuse.

  • @limepiper3650
    @limepiper3650 Рік тому +3

    Unfortunately she will probably move with him, waste her youth. I hope she wakes up.

  • @cesaravegah3787
    @cesaravegah3787 Рік тому +5

    Not a good idea, marry or dont, those "playing house" things usually dont end well.

  • @saltedcharm8656
    @saltedcharm8656 Рік тому +3

    Run!, do not walk from this.

  • @ximenahincapie487
    @ximenahincapie487 Рік тому +2

    Love this advice. Thanks guys

  • @dianahardwick9327
    @dianahardwick9327 Рік тому +10

    Great advice you two gave this young lady 👏

  • @brittaj68
    @brittaj68 Рік тому +2

    RUN! Run fast; Run far! NEXT!

  • @TanNguyen-nq9nj
    @TanNguyen-nq9nj Рік тому +4

    The clown was trying to take advantage of the woman. Run away! Find a real man that respect you and can put your benefits in front of his.

  • @Whoiskevinjones
    @Whoiskevinjones Рік тому +12

    FINALLY!!! Been waiting to hear this advice.

  • @blessedfromtx.1910
    @blessedfromtx.1910 Рік тому +9

    Very good advice 👌 👏👏

  • @rhonda8231
    @rhonda8231 Рік тому +8

    I wish that I could have had good advice like this when I was young. Great job, guys

  • @ForAncientKingAndElvishLord
    @ForAncientKingAndElvishLord 3 місяці тому +2

    Some wise guy once said men know from dsy 1 what they want, god bless that man.

  • @randyebastian8186
    @randyebastian8186 Рік тому +25

    Awesome advice, guys! Integrity, Ethics, and Moral Fiber = Character

  • @littleripper312
    @littleripper312 Рік тому +7

    Maybe what they could do is she gets the townhouse and he pays rent to her and she can decide if she wants to marry him? Then he gets his little testing out period and if he's that serious about wanting it he shouldn't mind reversing the roles.

  • @curiouscat3384
    @curiouscat3384 10 місяців тому +4

    This current trend of getting engaged and living together as "fiance'" for the next 10 years is for the birds.

  • @sophiawish9772
    @sophiawish9772 2 місяці тому +2

    Run, girl, run!!!!!!!

  • @Girasoles
    @Girasoles Рік тому +4

    This was a great call. Loved what ken said!

  • @tracygaluszynski1868
    @tracygaluszynski1868 Рік тому +5

    Why buy the cow when the milk is free?

  • @meggold3422
    @meggold3422 25 днів тому

    The guys are absolutely right. Boundaries are there for safety and respect. Anyone who finds reasons to cross them doesn't care about either. The guy I'm engaged to now has gone through a lot to be with me. Things have been difficult, and we're not perfect, but we're a team. If your boyfriend is willing to be uncomfortable for you, as well as go to counseling to learn to be in a healthy relationship with someone, then that's a great sign. If he's unwilling to bend at all, it's probably best to cut him loose.

  • @beautywinsfails8867
    @beautywinsfails8867 Рік тому +3

    She sounds so young and naive.

  • @joshua38410
    @joshua38410 Рік тому +19

    These guys are pitiful
    If the guy is the one that has to buy the Ring
    If the guy is the one that gives her his resources and protection
    If the guy is the one who has to propose…
    If the guy could careless if he even gets married or not and is most likely doing it for his woman
    Why on earth should he not want to see how his woman is like while living with him? Shouldnt he see what he might have to live with for the rest of his life?

    • @janelleg597
      @janelleg597 Рік тому +6

      No matter what, you will learn something you don't like about a person during marriage. You strengthen your relationship by communicating, compromising, and working together towards a solution. If you get married, you work it out. People are frickin lazy and selfish these days

    • @JA-zh5xi
      @JA-zh5xi Рік тому +2

      No

    • @alinatamashevich3354
      @alinatamashevich3354 Рік тому +5

      When it does not work out, she can walk away with half his wealth.

    • @Wuncler
      @Wuncler Рік тому

      It’s all set up for the woman

    • @anthonys7534
      @anthonys7534 Рік тому +3

      You learn all this when dating. Been married for thirty years, we dated for two years prior. I knew she was the one. No need to test run things. You will know in your heart!

  • @shadeekamendez1743
    @shadeekamendez1743 Рік тому +1

    *Very Very Very Good Advice*

  • @cindy_lou_loves_to_stitch
    @cindy_lou_loves_to_stitch Рік тому +22

    Great advice, guys!! 😊

  • @TheAMBULOCETUS
    @TheAMBULOCETUS Рік тому +4

    Sounds like the old proverb. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free!

  • @ashlieleavelle
    @ashlieleavelle 3 місяці тому +2

    Run.

  • @JudePi-jx7yo
    @JudePi-jx7yo Місяць тому +1

    Insane to marry someone you haven't lived with. Those stats are totally skewed by groups that never get divorced no matter how miserable they are not living together first either.

  • @bodhisattva2348
    @bodhisattva2348 5 місяців тому +1

    What dr john says at 1:50 really hits hard. U have to work it out when u married 😂

  • @xthebluenitex
    @xthebluenitex Рік тому +25

    It really just depends. My husband and I moved in together almost immediately after we started dating due to some personal circumstances and we're fine. It was a rental though not one of our houses. We got married within the next year too so it wasn't drawn out. It can work both ways.

    • @larissaalcorn3406
      @larissaalcorn3406 Рік тому +8

      But he didn't dangle proposal over your head saying "you need to move in with me and if you do well, I'll propose."

    • @kokoskokso
      @kokoskokso Рік тому +4

      yeah I think you two were a team even before marrying whereas this clown is in it clearly just for himself and just the word "test" tells you everything you need to know (in addition to him blatantly devaluing her needs and her happiness)

    • @xthebluenitex
      @xthebluenitex Рік тому +4

      Yeah it was definitely a different situation than the callers.

  • @TheSkyyIsAwesome
    @TheSkyyIsAwesome 11 місяців тому +7

    I did this with my GF. I asked her to move in with me and ill take care of her entirely (rent + bills). I didn’t have bad intentions but I was overly concerned with our lifestyles merging together living under the same roof. Not that she would be the bad one but more with myself and my behavior. Well we’ve lived together for a year and I’ve learned we have so much compatility and willingness to always better ourselves with each other that now I have married her

    • @umani9983
      @umani9983 3 місяці тому +1

      That is different from what the caller's situation. While I know the host will still be hung up the "relationship without commitment". You covering the bills pretty much means you are doing husband duties in exchange for wife duties from your gf with no commitment on either side. A much even exchange than getting a roommate to split bills who also does wife duties for a gf price.

  • @TheFauve4ever
    @TheFauve4ever Місяць тому +1

    He’s looking for a roommate not a wife. You audition for roommates not someone you are supposed to love and want to marry

  • @codygordon59
    @codygordon59 Рік тому +1

    This is a brilliant idea.

  • @username9999
    @username9999 Рік тому +19

    "If we get along living together"
    People say the first year of marriage is the hardest because you're getting used to living with your new spouse. It's quite the adjustment.

  • @tilicia
    @tilicia 2 дні тому

    I wish we had a follow up on this call

  • @elizabethallen4353
    @elizabethallen4353 4 місяці тому

    She's too sweet. They handled this call very well!

  • @miketracy9256
    @miketracy9256 Рік тому +9

    As the old saying goes, why buy the cow when the milk is free?
    I would advise living at home, saving money, getting totally out of debt, and paying some rent to your parents
    while you live at home until you are at least 25.

    • @alinatamashevich3354
      @alinatamashevich3354 Рік тому

      Like eggs., that milk will only cost him half his wealth.......

    • @aolvaar8792
      @aolvaar8792 Рік тому

      Why buy the pig, when all you want is sausage?

  • @bobbylibertini
    @bobbylibertini 17 днів тому

    One of the reasons I do not believe in living together is because I would only marry someone whom I can not live without and someone who feels the same way about me. If we have to "try each other out" first, it is tantamount to saying "I CAN live without you/will only cohabitate with you on a trial basis because I CAN live without you and just want to see if we can live together". If I can live without you, then I WILL likely be living without you come the first rough seas, because I can. Right? If I can't live without you, THEN and only then will I have the commitment needed to weather the bad times, familiarity, aging, etc.

  • @solomongrundy9735
    @solomongrundy9735 Рік тому +85

    Calling a national show for relationship advice is a big red flag.

    • @1981lashlarue
      @1981lashlarue Рік тому +23

      Seeking help and advice is a red flag?

    • @superblump87
      @superblump87 Рік тому +12

      It's a way to get free advice.

    • @random-nz7dy
      @random-nz7dy Рік тому +8

      I think she already had a lot of the same feelings and concerns.
      Oftentimes you just need to hear somebody third party validate your concerns, And that's totally understandable

    • @knightfox4121
      @knightfox4121 Рік тому +4

      Everything is a red flag to people these days 🙄

    • @peanutbutterisfu
      @peanutbutterisfu Рік тому

      People call alot because everyone has told them they are wrong and they want someone to say they are right. You should never push someone getting married and always live together first.

  • @justinc8707
    @justinc8707 Місяць тому +1

    Break up. Run away. Stop sleeping with your boyfriend before your married.

  • @DaleC1980
    @DaleC1980 3 місяці тому +2

    That one phone call might have just saved her from a life of misery. I hope so. And what's more, it might have saved the guy from a life of misery too! This could make him man up and if so, it could be the best thing to ever happen to him.