beardedfatloss First thing I can't develop communication with new people and don't want to share more thing . I want to communicate with but I cant communicate seem like I lost my confident
To start convos I try something called the osa method. Observation: Make an observation bout anything. Share: share a bit bout yourself w the relevant observation somehow a part of the story. Ask. Ask a how when where who or why type question to get a response that’s more than one word. It doesn’t always work n it won’t exactly keep a convo going but it definitely was a step in the right direction for me. Still shy af tho lol
Love the strategy here! I’ve gotten a bit better at small talk stuff being in sales for a while but this will definitely come in handy. Thanks for sharing!
I spent about 5 years from when I left school to about 2 years ago inside playing video games, and I kid you not, I went out less than 10 times in those 5 years. I'm absolutely terrible when it comes to anything involving people, a year ago, I wouldn't even go into a store and buy something, but now I'm volunteering and talking to people daily, I even went to see Ross Noble (British Comedian) in a packed theatre last week. Still suck at meeting new people, but I'm getting better. I'm always thinking everybody is staring at me, but in reality nobody gives a f**k. One reason I think that is because I'm fat, buuuut, your videos made me start a diet, it's been tough for the last year, kinda on and off my diet, but I'm down about 50lbs. And I'm starting it properly as of yesterday actually.
First off, congrats on 50lbs lost and getting things up and running again! You're absolutely right though, no one is looking at you or cares and it's just something that's usually in our own heads. I think we all to some extent blame our weight loss on other problems or use it as an excuse for things, losing the weight really forces confrontation for those feelings (it definitely did for me). Keep up the good work though, glad to hear things are falling back into place!
Good tips. I am a very quiet person myself and shy when first meeting people. I always found my day job as a CAD designer hard when having to do virtual meets for a number of reasons but with starting to do some youtube videos and such I have started to just focus more on what is happening in front of me and not focusing on the fact that others are going to be watching later on. Also the fact that they can only see what is on my screen and not actually see me has also helped with my meetings. I do think losing my weight has also helped me a little to. I used to be the out of breath fat guy and now I don't think about being that guy or thinking that is what others are thinking while in my meetings. Have a great week Josh.
The screen vs. in person helps a ton I'm sure! Almost similar to me with talking to the camera vs in person. Losing weight can help, but for me it was more forcing myself to confront and 'fix' the situation mentally because I didn't have the weight to hide behind or blame it on anymore. Appreciate you sharing and supporting as usual this week, have a good one also!
I always like to ask questions, people like to talk about themselves Even if it's something as inane as 'have you come far? How did you get here?' This can lead to 'where do you live I've never been to that part of town what's it like - do you have a flat? do you live alone?' and soon you can be comfortably asking quite personal questions + maybe they've started living alone after a breakup or still live at home or have moved in with a partner or just got married and you can get on quite a deep level quite quickly I've never had anybody ever say to me "why are you asking all these questions??" or if they do say that they say it as a joke and I'm quite a nosey person! But like I say most people enjoy it
Haha, all good advice! This is something I've been trying to get better with myself too, I love hearing other people interview and ask questions to interesting people so I've been trying to emulate and be the question asker. Thanks for sharing, hope you're doing well!
Thanks so much! Meeting friends has been pretty tough for me these past couple of years since moving away from my close group back in Michigan. Feels like my wife and I are dating again, it's exhausting sometimes! That being said, we've met a few really great people out in Portland so at least it has been worth it.
I'm extreme introvert but work at talking to folks in social situations - takes a lot of effort, some days more than others. Reading people can be an issue for me. Awkward periods of silence is really tough for me ---get two introverts together and both look at their feet w/ nothing to say LOL.
I totally understand that! I wish I could just ask if they're okay with the silence or not, haha. I don't mind sitting quietly with people but I'm usually worried about making them feel awkward or uncomfortable. Thanks for sharing and supporting!
I am so awkward in social situations. I feel like I completely alienate myself from people. When I try to get to.know someone, i tend to interrogate them.
I can definitely appreciate that! Just continue to work on it and try and remember most of that assumed judgement is just in your head and not what most people are actually thinking. It's really been a 'practice makes perfect' sort of thing for me. Keep at it and hang in there!
Yaaas... you learn more outside of your bubble! Even a baby step out side is a step.. eye contact and nod hello... say hi... hold open a door... tell someone thank you... smile... till next time BFL
Oh my goodness, this is me 100%. I just turned 40, and I have only recently finally realized that I'm an introvert. I've always wondered what was wrong with me. Small talk is a very big struggle for me and does not come naturally at all. I have to make a conscious effort to say good morning and ask my coworkers about their weekend when I arrive to work, otherwise, I would probably not say much to anyone until they say something to me. I've gotten a little better in that I can ask an initial question, but then I can't keep the conversation going. I'm jealous in a way of those that can do this effortlessly. But on the other hand, I see small talk/idle chitchat as pointless, so I would never truly want to be good at it. Yes, I am aware of how crazy that sounds. 😂 Obviously, the 'fake it' part is the way I get by. I would much rather just sit and listen to other people talk than actually add to the conversation...unless they're a close friend, obviously. I had a work friend teasingly call me an 'elitist' once because I told her I preferred our small group of friends to going to a big work gathering. I was bothered by that for years!
Yeah, that effortless flow is something I wish I had, there's a level of smoothness and I don't usually hit it with the conversation, haha. I've gotten way better at work with this, but in sales I'm usually a bit more 'in control' of the conversation and it's more education-based talking and explaining so it makes things a bit easier compared to casual chat out of work with someone I don't know very well. I'm in your boat though where I'm okay with no small-talk and don't mind the silence, but it never seems like the other person is okay with it, haha. Thanks for sharing and supporting!
Been actively meeting new people since I moved out to Portland a couple years ago, it's exactly like dating! haha. Very exhausting sometimes, especially with my unique and busy work schedule, but we've met some nice people at least. My wife is pretty extroverted so I lean on her to get through situations sometimes.
Yeah, it's tough sometimes but I think the job forcing me has really helped me get out of my shell in general. Still always prefer quite alone time though, haha.
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What's your best conversation starter or ice-breaker? Let everyone know! 👇👇
beardedfatloss First thing I can't develop communication with new people and don't want to share more thing . I want to communicate with but I cant communicate seem like I lost my confident
beardedfatloss Even I am afraid to talk to new people can't build communication with them
To start convos I try something called the osa method.
Observation: Make an observation bout anything.
Share: share a bit bout yourself w the relevant observation somehow a part of the story.
Ask. Ask a how when where who or why type question to get a response that’s more than one word. It doesn’t always work n it won’t exactly keep a convo going but it definitely was a step in the right direction for me. Still shy af tho lol
Love the strategy here! I’ve gotten a bit better at small talk stuff being in sales for a while but this will definitely come in handy. Thanks for sharing!
I spent about 5 years from when I left school to about 2 years ago inside playing video games, and I kid you not, I went out less than 10 times in those 5 years. I'm absolutely terrible when it comes to anything involving people, a year ago, I wouldn't even go into a store and buy something, but now I'm volunteering and talking to people daily, I even went to see Ross Noble (British Comedian) in a packed theatre last week. Still suck at meeting new people, but I'm getting better. I'm always thinking everybody is staring at me, but in reality nobody gives a f**k. One reason I think that is because I'm fat, buuuut, your videos made me start a diet, it's been tough for the last year, kinda on and off my diet, but I'm down about 50lbs. And I'm starting it properly as of yesterday actually.
Well done on 50 pounds weight loss! Also volunteering for an introverted person is a really brave thing so you're obviously making great strides
@James thanks ☺️
First off, congrats on 50lbs lost and getting things up and running again! You're absolutely right though, no one is looking at you or cares and it's just something that's usually in our own heads. I think we all to some extent blame our weight loss on other problems or use it as an excuse for things, losing the weight really forces confrontation for those feelings (it definitely did for me). Keep up the good work though, glad to hear things are falling back into place!
Good tips. I am a very quiet person myself and shy when first meeting people. I always found my day job as a CAD designer hard when having to do virtual meets for a number of reasons but with starting to do some youtube videos and such I have started to just focus more on what is happening in front of me and not focusing on the fact that others are going to be watching later on. Also the fact that they can only see what is on my screen and not actually see me has also helped with my meetings. I do think losing my weight has also helped me a little to. I used to be the out of breath fat guy and now I don't think about being that guy or thinking that is what others are thinking while in my meetings. Have a great week Josh.
The screen vs. in person helps a ton I'm sure! Almost similar to me with talking to the camera vs in person. Losing weight can help, but for me it was more forcing myself to confront and 'fix' the situation mentally because I didn't have the weight to hide behind or blame it on anymore. Appreciate you sharing and supporting as usual this week, have a good one also!
I always like to ask questions, people like to talk about themselves
Even if it's something as inane as 'have you come far? How did you get here?'
This can lead to 'where do you live I've never been to that part of town what's it like - do you have a flat? do you live alone?' and soon you can be comfortably asking quite personal questions + maybe they've started living alone after a breakup or still live at home or have moved in with a partner or just got married and you can get on quite a deep level quite quickly
I've never had anybody ever say to me "why are you asking all these questions??" or if they do say that they say it as a joke
and I'm quite a nosey person! But like I say most people enjoy it
Haha, all good advice! This is something I've been trying to get better with myself too, I love hearing other people interview and ask questions to interesting people so I've been trying to emulate and be the question asker. Thanks for sharing, hope you're doing well!
The quality of your videos are amazing, you are very talented
Thanks so much for the kind words and support, I appreciate it!
Best ice breaker. "How you doin'?". Sounds lame, but it works.
Haha, nice and simple. I like it!
I have a friend who asks question after question and lets the other person talk and talk.
Great video! I love to hear your ideas on meeting new friends as an older adult who's an introvert.
Thanks so much! Meeting friends has been pretty tough for me these past couple of years since moving away from my close group back in Michigan. Feels like my wife and I are dating again, it's exhausting sometimes! That being said, we've met a few really great people out in Portland so at least it has been worth it.
I'm extreme introvert but work at talking to folks in social situations - takes a lot of effort, some days more than others. Reading people can be an issue for me. Awkward periods of silence is really tough for me ---get two introverts together and both look at their feet w/ nothing to say LOL.
I totally understand that! I wish I could just ask if they're okay with the silence or not, haha. I don't mind sitting quietly with people but I'm usually worried about making them feel awkward or uncomfortable. Thanks for sharing and supporting!
I am so awkward in social situations. I feel like I completely alienate myself from people. When I try to get to.know someone, i tend to interrogate them.
I can definitely appreciate that! Just continue to work on it and try and remember most of that assumed judgement is just in your head and not what most people are actually thinking. It's really been a 'practice makes perfect' sort of thing for me. Keep at it and hang in there!
@@joshfenn thank you Josh.
1. Stare them down. 2. Stay in the shadows/dark wearing all black. 3. Keep one hand hidden at all times.
Hahaha :)
LOVING this video!! Quick question - what are you using to record yourself while you're walking? Such smooth footage...
Thanks! I used a Sony a7iii on a gimbal to get everything smoothed out 👍
Yaaas... you learn more outside of your bubble! Even a baby step out side is a step.. eye contact and nod hello... say hi... hold open a door... tell someone thank you... smile... till next time BFL
All good tips and points! :) Appreciate the support as always.
Oh my goodness, this is me 100%. I just turned 40, and I have only recently finally realized that I'm an introvert. I've always wondered what was wrong with me. Small talk is a very big struggle for me and does not come naturally at all. I have to make a conscious effort to say good morning and ask my coworkers about their weekend when I arrive to work, otherwise, I would probably not say much to anyone until they say something to me. I've gotten a little better in that I can ask an initial question, but then I can't keep the conversation going. I'm jealous in a way of those that can do this effortlessly. But on the other hand, I see small talk/idle chitchat as pointless, so I would never truly want to be good at it. Yes, I am aware of how crazy that sounds. 😂 Obviously, the 'fake it' part is the way I get by. I would much rather just sit and listen to other people talk than actually add to the conversation...unless they're a close friend, obviously. I had a work friend teasingly call me an 'elitist' once because I told her I preferred our small group of friends to going to a big work gathering. I was bothered by that for years!
Yeah, that effortless flow is something I wish I had, there's a level of smoothness and I don't usually hit it with the conversation, haha. I've gotten way better at work with this, but in sales I'm usually a bit more 'in control' of the conversation and it's more education-based talking and explaining so it makes things a bit easier compared to casual chat out of work with someone I don't know very well. I'm in your boat though where I'm okay with no small-talk and don't mind the silence, but it never seems like the other person is okay with it, haha. Thanks for sharing and supporting!
I am an introvert so thanks for sharing. 👍
Of course, thanks so much for watching and supporting as usual!
I think we should consider the difference between social anxiety, social ineptitude, social deviance, and introversion.
You're absolutely right to mention this, I'd say I fall more into introversion first and foremost but I do have a bit of social anxiety as well.
New friends wanting to hangout is possibly the worst.
Been actively meeting new people since I moved out to Portland a couple years ago, it's exactly like dating! haha. Very exhausting sometimes, especially with my unique and busy work schedule, but we've met some nice people at least. My wife is pretty extroverted so I lean on her to get through situations sometimes.
good thoughts - I'm like you, introvert, but my work required me to be somewhat engaging, outgoing.....
Yeah, it's tough sometimes but I think the job forcing me has really helped me get out of my shell in general. Still always prefer quite alone time though, haha.