This popped up on my algorithm because I have VERY similar struggles. What might help is exploring the reasons behind your parents' anxiety (and take yourself out of the equation, at least at first; are they the type of people to worry about everything, or does it genuinely seem like a 'you' thing? have they experienced hardships as a result of similar actions that they took in the past?). You may find that it's not tied to their beliefs about you but about the future in general. If that's the case, then there's no reason to take it personally. If that's not the case, there's still no reason to take it personally, because it would ultimately be about your parents' IDEA of you, and not who you actually are. It sounds like there are some issues with parent/child boundaries (which is understandable at 23). Be firm in your decisions, and tell yourself "that's just them" when they say something upsetting to you. It really will help. Keep being ambitious and positive. You know what's best for you at this point. When things fall into place for you, your parents will stop worrying so much... But their feelings/perceptions are not your responsibility nor are they a reflection of who you are.
@@womanintheradiator thank you. you make a very good point about not taking it personally. their fear and anxiety does not belong to me and i have a hard time remembering that. much love💕😇✌🏼
godamn soooo relatable. especially, the "minding my own business and people yelling out of nowhere". and like every single sentence that you said. funny that there is not a single sentence that i could not relate to. exact word for word describing my experience.
I found this video on my youtube front page, I don't know who you are but just know that I am so proud of you for what you have accomplished. I am not sure if you are religious and I am not trying to force my religion upon you but my favorite quote through tough time is "So, surely with hardship comes ease." - Quran 94:5.
thank you so much. this means a lot to me. i always remember the brighter days ahead when my days are filled with darkness, i love this quote. wishing you only love and blessings :)
hey girl-- lots of love from london. i can relate sadly, not sure why its extremely difficult for my parents to uplift me/say nice things about me like fucking ever?? i've gone through a couple periods where i've had to cut contact from my parents bc it was genuinely upsetting me so much. my friends and teachers who have believed in me have meant the world to me and have helped me through this period, but it didn't make no-contact easy for sure. i've recently also lost hope that they will ever change, but what soothes me the most is believing that our family is our family to teach us the most important lessons in life and we are destined to break the cycle
hi :) thanks for sharing this personal story. it's always been a mystery to me too. the best explanation i could come up with, is that they simply don't know any better. i want to believe our parents are doing their best even if their best isn't good enough for us. i'm glad you have a community of people to support and uplift you, that's been huge for me too. breaking the cycle isn't easy, and it's something we can be proud of :) xoxo
I understand how you feel. I think a lot of people deal with this so you aren't alone in any way. Our family tends to just have these views that they push onto each other and if you don't follow suit then you're treated like an other as well. When you say things, you're drowned out that even if you scream they shout you down as well. I totally get you, 1000% It's just "do as I say" from them and it blows for sure. We understand what it's like to have people who don't support us, who don't support our thinking, who are supportive of anyone else except for us. I get it, and I can only say that whatever your support system is or coping mechanisms are, I am glad you have them as it sucks to hope that our own family will change. It blows to hope they will change or even just offer you a "good job" but they won't. they just wont. anyway, I'm sorry you had to deal with this in your life and as long as you don't give up on yourself, I think you will win. I think you're a winner. I believe in you.
@@glassforever 🥹🥹🙏🏼 thank you so much!!! you’ve described how i feel so well. i have to believe that in order to be a winner, i have to endures a lot of losses😂 and reframing the idea of a “loss” has helped me tremendously with my confidence. sending love :)
You are your own being .. and we can come into this awareness through an inner event ( spiritual awakening ). The generational trauma is highly probable in your situation based on what you've shared. The world languishes in ignorance. How can there be a resolution to it, if there isnt even the awareness of that ignorance. At least your bright enough to see that its not something you need to put energy into .. but you dont have to completely shut them away. You deserve to have all the support in the World !! You are brilliant, gifted and visibly capable. Thank you for sharing .. and i hope you can move forward with assured progress that finds you thriving! ❤
@@Webblewobblewisdom your comment truly made me feel seen and understood, thank you🥹 i think i’m just so tired of being strong all the time. it feels like, no matter what i achieve, there’s a child in me who just wants to feel unconditional love and support from her parents. ugh, growing pains!!!😂❤️🩹🫠
@sanityisacozylie .. your not suppose to endure their ignorance. You deserve all of the support you have been yearning for. If they truly understood what a gift you are .. and how they are missing the mark on strengthening your relationship, and helping you to build confidence through their support, it would benefit everyone. Your wonderful .. what's not to love. Keep acknowledging the good and saying yes to it, so more of it will fill your life. ❤️ M.
thank you for sharing this video. i needed something to relate atm, i feel everything you're talking about from the bottom of my heart. i just hope that we will get out of this crap in the best way possible. i'm rooting for you, for me and for the people like us ♡ you're so pretty btw🥹🥹🥹
I unfortunately don’t think it’s something you CAN understand and come to terms with. It really sucks, but sometimes we go through things that we will never completely move on from. The best thing we can do is remove those triggers in our lives that, as you said, take you back to that dark place. If there is no capacity at which you can stay in touch with your family, you don’t have to. This is the only way to find closure. Maybe not closure in the sense that these things won’t still affect you, but in the sense that you’re closing that chapter of your life. Your life is yours and yours alone. ❤
that is the hard lesson i’m learning now!!! boundaries have saved my life. the older i get, the less tolerant i am of “bad” behaviour, even if it comes from family members. 🙏🏼🕊️
Very relatable girl. I just had a breakdown and basically every breakdown of mine comes back to my relationship with my family >< I recorded my breakdown on my channel also where i cried hysterically, so watching yours truly feels like im not alone ^^ Keep going girl, we getting there 🌻
I've heard people say personality is formed at an early age and your relationship with your parents can help define how you deal with conflict as an adult A friend from work is trying to date a woman who has a traumatic relationship with her mother, for example... The answer my friend is distance - basically cut them out of your life but not completely and when you have to talk to them just smile and tell them what they want to hear when they try to trigger you when someone is trying to provoke you - laugh its the last thing they are expecting and make a joke - then just smile and leave, in extreme cases I highly recommend an extreme use of sarcasm to mock them there are better things to think about there are better things to put your energy into like living in the present and putting your focus on what is interesting creative and positive like focusing on making your dreams come true you can put the focus of you mind on what happened in the past or you can put the focus of your mind on the present and dream about what you want to do tomorrow 0:37 who I was, I've lost that person maybe a good friend reminds you of what you are incase you forget ?
WOW your words are powerful -- thank you for sharing this beautiful perspective that is exactly it, there is so much more to be grateful for / happy about than to complain about i am just happy to wake up in the morning and live another day on this planet it's heartbreaking to think that even our parents can forget that and i suppose it breaks the illusion that they "have it all figured out"
I love this video so much bc it resonates so much with my situation. I have no answer for the things you were asking in the video but I just wanted to let you know you made me feel less alone and I hope you keep documenting this process ❤️❤️
thank you for your kind comment🥹❤️🩹 i’m glad you were able to connect with my message. i have no idea what i’m doing either but i recently heard someone say, “the black sheep always turns into the GOAT” 😌🐐🙏🏼⏳✨
“It took many years of vomiting up all the filth I’d been taught about myself, and half-believed, before I was able to walk on the earth as though I had a right to be here.” - James Baldwin
idk if it means anything but i wish u the best, u seem very perseverant and know who u are which is important over everything. disconnect from parents/family hurts the most bcs they are made to be our closest ones. sometimes its like ur missing part of urself. but only good will come soon
Just wondering if you’ve looked into “attachment theory”… Our earliest relationship with our parents form the way in which we interact with others. We may be Avoidant if we were dismissed as a child or Anxiously Attached if we were given mixed signals (sometimes loving and sometimes not). You seem to be repeating the same need for approval as you lacked as a child. It becomes a repetitive unconscious pattern that bleeds into all our relationships (albeit mostly without consciously being aware of it). So if you have not delved into attachment theory take a look if you have some time. Your parents are only repeating the poor care they received as children and have passed that down to you. Sometimes understanding that they’re not choosing to mistreat you can help start your own healing. It’s hard to stomach, but you are responsible for how you feel. This vid is great because you’re opening up the lid on why you’re feeling this way. You’re a special kind of person…as I see you opening your Heart up here. Life will help you when you stay open… Sending you lots of good energy… Keep digging. You will find your answers…
@@williamhowells7777 i have actually, i think i have one avoidant and one anxious parent lmao. the perfect cocktail🤣 my main goal has been to become aware of this so i would not become like them. and finding the balance between not caring about their opinion but still allowing it to exist. and i definitely think you’re right in that their behaviour is veiled by ignorance so how could i expect them to change something they are so deeply unaware of, you know ? thank you for the kind words :)
@ Yeah, that’s the hard thing… Only in the complete acceptance of the way they are without wanting them to change…can we become free of our own suffering. Suffering is the gap between What Is and what the mind wants to Be. It’s a funny thing though. Once we accept them fully and cut off our own mind’s needy energy- our parents begin to change in how they perceive Us. It’s like the Universe is asking us to take the first step. We give our love without needing anything back- and then the energy from our family changes. It may take some time but we have to decide to free ourselves from the neediness they forced upon us. You are totally on the right Path. It’s not easy but all the work does eventually pay off.😊
i hate the fact that my "therapists" kept telling me to fix things with my family. i just hate that. my therapist kept stopping me mid sentences when i was telling them how their techniques of "explain how you feel" is not going to work out. this video was soo good. i just want to send this to my therapist and tell her like how the hell can you not understand it. lowkey, i spent months banging my head into figuring out how to cancel no contact because my therapist would simply not let me do that.
@@pratyushsudhakar8458 ME TOO LMAOO, i had a therapist who literally told me to just “talk to my dad” ??? like, have you heard anything i have said??🤣 i have never found a therapist who understands the struggle of having a tumultuous family environment. and i genuinely think that a bad therapist can do more damage than having no therapist at all. i’m sorry you went through that, i can tell you have a great head on your shoulders, F your therapist LMAO!!🙏🏼😌✌🏼
the definition of 'black sheep' i go by is something like "someone that branches off", as in "from the family tree one comes from"... and to eventually create/start their own in the future. this may sound negative but if your "family" pulls you down because of sociopathy, manipulation, or just jealousy or whatever, they're not your family anymore. the genetic link is just a biological fact at that point and nothing else, and caring about who _doesn't_ want you well will just make you miserable. it does take a lot of courage to _be yourself_ , to be honest, and to follow who you want to become. Congrats! Also just a note about this "letting go" feeling harder and hurtful than it may seem it should: Maybe it's caused by a sense of losing the prospection, when we think things are fine, making us lose the ability of that specific foresight. In other words, we loved and wanted the best outcome based on that "reality" we always took for granted, but it was just an illusion, a wishful thinking. Letting go of foresight is the exact reason losing love hurts. It feels like hitting a wall and not being capable of seeing what's on the other side anymore. That's why, then, you should _pull yourself_ up so you can see farther again!
@@t01 thank you for these reminders. i think you nailed it about the wishful thinking. the only reason it hurts is because i was expecting them to know better, even though their track record gives them no reason to suddenly change lol. but i guess i’d rather be an optimistic person and be left disappointed than assume that ppl are always set in their ways.
Hi lovely - I so relate to how and what you're feeling x I'd love to support you in your journey because I know this isn't easy. Just know you aren't alone in feeling the way you are feeling and the prices you pay at the start of your journey will return to you later on in your life in the form of personal satisfaction. Believing in your instinct and inner guide will lead you to your higher self.
![Lp. Сердце Вселенной #60 РОЖДЕНИЕ ЛОЛОЛОШКИ [Финал] • Майнкрафт](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/YoR0pAV9FVQ/mqdefault.jpg)
for anyone who has a complicated relationship with their family, please know that i understand your pain on a DEEP level, and we WILL be okay. :)
we will... things will be okay.
This popped up on my algorithm because I have VERY similar struggles. What might help is exploring the reasons behind your parents' anxiety (and take yourself out of the equation, at least at first; are they the type of people to worry about everything, or does it genuinely seem like a 'you' thing? have they experienced hardships as a result of similar actions that they took in the past?). You may find that it's not tied to their beliefs about you but about the future in general. If that's the case, then there's no reason to take it personally. If that's not the case, there's still no reason to take it personally, because it would ultimately be about your parents' IDEA of you, and not who you actually are. It sounds like there are some issues with parent/child boundaries (which is understandable at 23). Be firm in your decisions, and tell yourself "that's just them" when they say something upsetting to you. It really will help. Keep being ambitious and positive. You know what's best for you at this point. When things fall into place for you, your parents will stop worrying so much... But their feelings/perceptions are not your responsibility nor are they a reflection of who you are.
@@womanintheradiator thank you. you make a very good point about not taking it personally. their fear and anxiety does not belong to me and i have a hard time remembering that. much love💕😇✌🏼
godamn soooo relatable. especially, the "minding my own business and people yelling out of nowhere". and like every single sentence that you said. funny that there is not a single sentence that i could not relate to. exact word for word describing my experience.
@@pratyushsudhakar8458 ahahahah my family is crazyyy☠️😂 glad it resonated with you:)
I found this video on my youtube front page, I don't know who you are but just know that I am so proud of you for what you have accomplished. I am not sure if you are religious and I am not trying to force my religion upon you but my favorite quote through tough time is "So, surely with hardship comes ease." - Quran 94:5.
thank you so much. this means a lot to me. i always remember the brighter days ahead when my days are filled with darkness, i love this quote. wishing you only love and blessings :)
hey girl-- lots of love from london. i can relate sadly, not sure why its extremely difficult for my parents to uplift me/say nice things about me like fucking ever?? i've gone through a couple periods where i've had to cut contact from my parents bc it was genuinely upsetting me so much. my friends and teachers who have believed in me have meant the world to me and have helped me through this period, but it didn't make no-contact easy for sure. i've recently also lost hope that they will ever change, but what soothes me the most is believing that our family is our family to teach us the most important lessons in life and we are destined to break the cycle
hi :) thanks for sharing this personal story. it's always been a mystery to me too. the best explanation i could come up with, is that they simply don't know any better. i want to believe our parents are doing their best even if their best isn't good enough for us. i'm glad you have a community of people to support and uplift you, that's been huge for me too. breaking the cycle isn't easy, and it's something we can be proud of :) xoxo
I understand how you feel. I think a lot of people deal with this so you aren't alone in any way. Our family tends to just have these views that they push onto each other and if you don't follow suit then you're treated like an other as well.
When you say things, you're drowned out that even if you scream they shout you down as well. I totally get you, 1000% It's just "do as I say" from them and it blows for sure.
We understand what it's like to have people who don't support us, who don't support our thinking, who are supportive of anyone else except for us. I get it, and I can only say that whatever your support system is or coping mechanisms are, I am glad you have them as it sucks to hope that our own family will change.
It blows to hope they will change or even just offer you a "good job" but they won't. they just wont. anyway, I'm sorry you had to deal with this in your life and as long as you don't give up on yourself, I think you will win.
I think you're a winner. I believe in you.
@@glassforever 🥹🥹🙏🏼 thank you so much!!! you’ve described how i feel so well. i have to believe that in order to be a winner, i have to endures a lot of losses😂 and reframing the idea of a “loss” has helped me tremendously with my confidence. sending love :)
You are your own being .. and we can come into this awareness through an inner event ( spiritual awakening ).
The generational trauma is highly probable in your situation based on what you've shared. The world languishes in ignorance. How can there be a resolution to it, if there isnt even the awareness of that ignorance.
At least your bright enough to see that its not something you need to put energy into .. but you dont have to completely shut them away.
You deserve to have all the support in the World !! You are brilliant, gifted and visibly capable.
Thank you for sharing .. and i hope you can move forward with assured progress that finds you thriving! ❤
@@Webblewobblewisdom your comment truly made me feel seen and understood, thank you🥹 i think i’m just so tired of being strong all the time. it feels like, no matter what i achieve, there’s a child in me who just wants to feel unconditional love and support from her parents. ugh, growing pains!!!😂❤️🩹🫠
@sanityisacozylie .. your not suppose to endure their ignorance. You deserve all of the support you have been yearning for.
If they truly understood what a gift you are .. and how they are missing the mark on strengthening your relationship, and helping you to build confidence through their support, it would benefit everyone.
Your wonderful .. what's not to love. Keep acknowledging the good and saying yes to it, so more of it will fill your life. ❤️
M.
@@Webblewobblewisdom amen🥹🙌🏼🕊️ thank you🙏🏼 much love
thank you for sharing this video. i needed something to relate atm, i feel everything you're talking about from the bottom of my heart. i just hope that we will get out of this crap in the best way possible. i'm rooting for you, for me and for the people like us ♡ you're so pretty btw🥹🥹🥹
@@jibfmv sending you so much love. we WILL get through this. thank you for watching💕🐐✨⏳🕊️
I unfortunately don’t think it’s something you CAN understand and come to terms with. It really sucks, but sometimes we go through things that we will never completely move on from.
The best thing we can do is remove those triggers in our lives that, as you said, take you back to that dark place. If there is no capacity at which you can stay in touch with your family, you don’t have to.
This is the only way to find closure. Maybe not closure in the sense that these things won’t still affect you, but in the sense that you’re closing that chapter of your life. Your life is yours and yours alone. ❤
that is the hard lesson i’m learning now!!! boundaries have saved my life. the older i get, the less tolerant i am of “bad” behaviour, even if it comes from family members. 🙏🏼🕊️
Very relatable girl. I just had a breakdown and basically every breakdown of mine comes back to my relationship with my family >< I recorded my breakdown on my channel also where i cried hysterically, so watching yours truly feels like im not alone ^^ Keep going girl, we getting there 🌻
@@phanh13066 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼 you’re killing it!! proud of us! 😊 choosing to believe it gets easier💕
Thank you for sharing. My family doesn't believe in me either. Much love❤
i believe in you girl. and the only thing that matters is that you believe in yourself. much love💕
I've heard people say personality is formed at an early age and your relationship with your parents can help define how you deal with conflict as an adult
A friend from work is trying to date a woman who has a traumatic relationship with her mother, for example...
The answer my friend is distance - basically cut them out of your life but not completely and when you have to talk to them just smile and tell them what they want to hear when they try to trigger you
when someone is trying to provoke you - laugh its the last thing they are expecting and make a joke - then just smile and leave, in extreme cases I highly recommend an extreme use of sarcasm to mock them
there are better things to think about
there are better things to put your energy into
like living in the present and putting your focus on what is interesting creative and positive
like focusing on making your dreams come true
you can put the focus of you mind on what happened in the past or you can put the focus of your mind on the present and dream about what you want to do tomorrow
0:37 who I was, I've lost that person
maybe a good friend reminds you of what you are incase you forget ?
WOW your words are powerful -- thank you for sharing this beautiful perspective
that is exactly it, there is so much more to be grateful for / happy about than to complain about
i am just happy to wake up in the morning and live another day on this planet
it's heartbreaking to think that even our parents can forget that
and i suppose it breaks the illusion that they "have it all figured out"
I love this video so much bc it resonates so much with my situation. I have no answer for the things you were asking in the video but I just wanted to let you know you made me feel less alone and I hope you keep documenting this process ❤️❤️
thank you for your kind comment🥹❤️🩹 i’m glad you were able to connect with my message. i have no idea what i’m doing either but i recently heard someone say, “the black sheep always turns into the GOAT” 😌🐐🙏🏼⏳✨
@@sanityisacozyliehaha I like that, so cute 😆
“It took many years of vomiting up all the filth I’d been taught about myself, and half-believed, before I was able to walk on the earth as though I had a right to be here.” - James Baldwin
wow…… this quote sends shivers down my spine!🥶 thank you so much💕🌱🙏🏼
@@sanityisacozylie
idk if it means anything but i wish u the best, u seem very perseverant and know who u are which is important over everything. disconnect from parents/family hurts the most bcs they are made to be our closest ones. sometimes its like ur missing part of urself. but only good will come soon
@@saw2 thank you so much🤍🥹
Just so you know, we believe in you!
🥹🙏🏼❤️🩹thank you
Just wondering if you’ve looked into “attachment theory”… Our earliest relationship with our parents form the way in which we interact with others. We may be Avoidant if we were dismissed as a child or Anxiously Attached if we were given mixed signals (sometimes loving and sometimes not). You seem to be repeating the same need for approval as you lacked as a child. It becomes a repetitive unconscious pattern that bleeds into all our relationships (albeit mostly without consciously being aware of it). So if you have not delved into attachment theory take a look if you have some time. Your parents are only repeating the poor care they received as children and have passed that down to you. Sometimes understanding that they’re not choosing to mistreat you can help start your own healing. It’s hard to stomach, but you are responsible for how you feel. This vid is great because you’re opening up the lid on why you’re feeling this way. You’re a special kind of person…as I see you opening your Heart up here. Life will help you when you stay open… Sending you lots of good energy… Keep digging. You will find your answers…
@@williamhowells7777 i have actually, i think i have one avoidant and one anxious parent lmao. the perfect cocktail🤣 my main goal has been to become aware of this so i would not become like them. and finding the balance between not caring about their opinion but still allowing it to exist. and i definitely think you’re right in that their behaviour is veiled by ignorance so how could i expect them to change something they are so deeply unaware of, you know ? thank you for the kind words :)
@ Yeah, that’s the hard thing… Only in the complete acceptance of the way they are without wanting them to change…can we become free of our own suffering. Suffering is the gap between What Is and what the mind wants to Be. It’s a funny thing though. Once we accept them fully and cut off our own mind’s needy energy- our parents begin to change in how they perceive Us. It’s like the Universe is asking us to take the first step. We give our love without needing anything back- and then the energy from our family changes. It may take some time but we have to decide to free ourselves from the neediness they forced upon us. You are totally on the right Path. It’s not easy but all the work does eventually pay off.😊
@ amen. working on this now. thank you :)
i hate the fact that my "therapists" kept telling me to fix things with my family. i just hate that. my therapist kept stopping me mid sentences when i was telling them how their techniques of "explain how you feel" is not going to work out. this video was soo good. i just want to send this to my therapist and tell her like how the hell can you not understand it. lowkey, i spent months banging my head into figuring out how to cancel no contact because my therapist would simply not let me do that.
@@pratyushsudhakar8458 ME TOO LMAOO, i had a therapist who literally told me to just “talk to my dad” ??? like, have you heard anything i have said??🤣 i have never found a therapist who understands the struggle of having a tumultuous family environment. and i genuinely think that a bad therapist can do more damage than having no therapist at all. i’m sorry you went through that, i can tell you have a great head on your shoulders, F your therapist LMAO!!🙏🏼😌✌🏼
the definition of 'black sheep' i go by is something like "someone that branches off", as in "from the family tree one comes from"... and to eventually create/start their own in the future.
this may sound negative but if your "family" pulls you down because of sociopathy, manipulation, or just jealousy or whatever, they're not your family anymore. the genetic link is just a biological fact at that point and nothing else, and caring about who _doesn't_ want you well will just make you miserable.
it does take a lot of courage to _be yourself_ , to be honest, and to follow who you want to become. Congrats!
Also just a note about this "letting go" feeling harder and hurtful than it may seem it should: Maybe it's caused by a sense of losing the prospection, when we think things are fine, making us lose the ability of that specific foresight. In other words, we loved and wanted the best outcome based on that "reality" we always took for granted, but it was just an illusion, a wishful thinking.
Letting go of foresight is the exact reason losing love hurts. It feels like hitting a wall and not being capable of seeing what's on the other side anymore. That's why, then, you should _pull yourself_ up so you can see farther again!
@@t01 thank you for these reminders. i think you nailed it about the wishful thinking. the only reason it hurts is because i was expecting them to know better, even though their track record gives them no reason to suddenly change lol. but i guess i’d rather be an optimistic person and be left disappointed than assume that ppl are always set in their ways.
Hi lovely - I so relate to how and what you're feeling x I'd love to support you in your journey because I know this isn't easy. Just know you aren't alone in feeling the way you are feeling and the prices you pay at the start of your journey will return to you later on in your life in the form of personal satisfaction. Believing in your instinct and inner guide will lead you to your higher self.
hii :) thank you for the kind words. feeling alone in this is definitely the hardest part. and you’ve got a friend in me!😊✌🏼