First Line Frenzy: Bonus Episode #1
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- Опубліковано 17 лип 2024
- Editor Rebecca Heyman critiques more viewer-submitted first lines in this bonus episode of First Line Frenzy.
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In British English, we do add an 'and' when writing out numbers; "one hundred _and_ fifty" is perfectly valid.
Was just about to write this myself! I was surprised the other guy (who is British) didn't say that to her.
Obviously it makes sense but the more I about it you're just creating extra steps to obtain the same information. You're essentially speaking in a math function, 100+50 = 150, to get to a the singular piece of information which is just one number. 150. If the number was bigger like 541,659, you can see how it could get very unnecessary to announce all the deci places. 5'416 100's and 59 haha
@@bmoneybby 541,659 would be "five hundred and forty-one thousand, six hundred and fifty-nine" over here, compared to "five hundred forty-one thousand, six hundred fifty-nine", which I assume is how those in the US would pronounce it. I can see how the second way is more efficient if you're used to it, but to my ear it sounds really strange, like you're missing out part of the number, almost like shorthand slang-speak. Just the result of different education systems.
@@metro6567 for sure. I totally get it. That's funny, the way you said it is how I was originally going to type it as well. But as I started I was like this sounds funnier haha. It's actually interesting how many different ways you can break down the same numbers into different groups and speech patterns and be saying the same amount. Tbh I'd say at least half of the people in U.S. say it the same way you do. It's either or. Originally I was going to say a much larger number to accentuate all the ands, but quickly realized I didn't want to type that much. But hey, here I am.
One billion and 100 and 50 million and 300 hundred and 50 thousand and 200 and 30.
@@alliebenson4653 He's got one of those annoying transatlantic accents so he may not know.
I could watch her do this ALL DAY. She is so insightful and articulate. I'm obsessed with these videos.
The greatest piece of writing advice I ever received was from Edgar Allan Poe. It wasn't personally given to me, mind you, but came from his essay - The Philosophy of Composition.
"Nothing is more clear than that every plot, worth the name, must be elaborated to its dénouement before anything be attempted with the pen. It is only with the dénouement constantly in view that we can give a plot its indispensable air of consequence, or causation, by making the incidents, and especially the tone at all points, tend to the development of the intention."
love it- thanks!
I believe the waves have worn her heart smooth till she was emotionless.
How do I submit to these?
Splendid rays of apple green sunlight basked through the window, giving a final sparkle to the hilt of the golden rod, made of pure gold, adorning the topmost tower of the castle, holding its flag in all its royal pride and charm.
How is that opening line?
Here's my critique. First, the sentence is too long and can easily be divided into two sentences for more punch and easier read. Secondly, I would drop the -"apple green"- description and leave that up to your reader to draw on their own memory of what rays of sunlight look like. -Golden rod- aka "goldenrod" which is it? Or what is it? It's too vague. Also, you have said goldenrod, you don't need to tell us it is made of pure gold. Remember, all writing is rewriting. So keep on chipping away until you get it right and well done.
Here's your sentence edited to two sentences. The Flesch-Kincaid readability score has gone from 49% to 65.9%. Splendid rays of sunlight basked through the window, giving a final sparkle to the hilt of the goldenrod. It was a prized possession, made from the purest gold adorning the topmost tower of the castle, once holding its flag in all its royal pride and charm. I do hope this has helped because you have a gift for words.
Purple prosy
Thank you everyone for providing me with constructive criticism more are welcomed!!!
I like the apple green description but saying the goldenrod is pure gold twice isn't needed. 😊
I was so confused by the Jonestown one. I understand the town is associated with a massacre (because there's a band named after it) but I thought 'drinking the Kool aid' was like complying with something, not dying, so I was completely lost - hearing Rebecca respond so positively and 'get it' took me aback
One-hundred ANd fifty feet how the English would write it.
The line in minute 10.06 is imitating the popular line of Dan Brown's novel "the da vinci code"
Who else was cringing at some of the lines before she did and saying: Oh hell I'm doing that, I'm dead. 😂😂😂😂
I disagree about the Yankees logo, just because it's really famous. But if he hated the Yankees it wouldn't be surprising for him to enjoy destroying the logo
I didn't get an email, so I'm worried I might not get a notification for it.
It's because of the COPPA regulations, channels that are marked as acceptable for children can't have notifications
I'm 19
Debbie M Huh?
@@aliomar2912 it doesn't matter if you're over 18 or not. The restrictions apply to the content. If the channel is marked as "for children", nobody is getting notified, neither children nor adults
Debbie M I guess I sort of understand what you are saying.