An Editor Reviews Opening Lines Submitted by Writers | First Line Frenzy #4:
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- Опубліковано 16 чер 2020
- How do you write an effective opening line to your story? Join Rebecca Heyman as she answers that question while dissecting first lines submitted by writers all over the world.
To submit your opening sentence, fill in this form at least 5 hours before the event: forms.gle/GmF1T9n7Qr8s7G2LA
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This video was incredibly interesting. I would love to watch another video exactly like this. Or similar ideas, like first paragraphs or character descriptions, setting descriptions, etc. I love seeing real examples of aspiring writers and picking out the positive and negative points.
I was unable to attend the live broadcast, but I really enjoyed the the show.
Even though I wasn't selected, I found this very informative. Thanks!
Mine didn't make this video, but goodness, some of these really have the wheels in my brain turning. FANTASTIC writers, each and every one of you.
Just my opinions: It seems like the writers are trying to explain too much in the opening sentences. Maybe I'm just hooked on short, active beginning but I would rewrite the sentences as follows: 8:30-- "A constellation boomed over Texas and disappeared." The shorter sentence parallels the quickness of the event and pulls the reader on to what's next. 13:45-- "The winter sunset glowed in Berlin's shop windows." It gives the reader an active visual, and we can get into Jacob's head later. 15:34-- The train, blurry through her tears, pulled out of the station." Then continue with the description and character. 17:20-- "The monitor listed all the flights but one" or something like that so the reader gets an active visual and a hint of the problem. 18:38-- Just describe what the "prettiest girl" is doing and how she looks doing it. Then the reader won't be jarred by the reference, however, prejudicial, to "O.J." and the sentence will not be vague.
These edited sentences aren't very good either. No offense.
Thanks Rebecca for your feedback! And thanks to Reedsy for hosting this -- what a great segment.
Thanks for doing this.
Had to miss this but submitted anyway. Always love these live streams.
I learned about the use of em dash and semicolon from you so far. I appreciate you actually explain the reasons for your changes.
OJ lifted his head at the wrong moment and made eye contact with the prettiest girl he had ever seen. Then he slipped on his gloves.
Here's mine. A little late, perhaps, but I hope that's okay?
When Alice screamed, even the heat from the log fire wasn't enough to stop the man from shivering.
This is a great opening line! Immediately grabs you're interest and hooks you in.
Really found the session helpful...thanks so much.
These are helping me out so much. Would love to see more fantasy starter lines.
I found this series highly educational and entertaining!
I love these streams! Fun and you learn a lot about first sentences.
(But the people in the chat that have no idea what they're talking about annoy me lol)
Agree 100% on the annoying live commenters. I always thought the purpose of a first line was to intrigue the reader so he or she would continue reading, but the judgement they spewed on just a few words was ridiculous.
The big boom Over Texas reminded me of the Space Shuttle that blew up while coming back into orbit and debris was scattered all over Texas, New Mexico and Arizona.
I thought of that too and it made me sad
I really liked her critiques.
Would you guys ever consider doing book cover critiques again? That was my favourite!
We're hoping to book one in for September!
Sammee
Awesome video. I want more :)
Absolutely love this! It's great to hear feedback on the all important first sentance - I just wish I'd seen this sooner to submit mine!
Pop p
This was super informative. I enjoyed watching and learning from Rebecca. Was the link to the books she listed somewhere? I didn't see it in the description..
Very interesting and she is loooooovely.
I have lived in NYC for 26 years. We do call the city the Big Apple. Before that, I lived in Texas, and we sometimes use The Lone Star state.
Darn I couldn't get off work early!!!!
You guys talked about evoking sound, which again brought a question I've had about actually starting with it. My current WiP is in first person and starts with the sound itself. ["*CRACK* The whip's familiar charge"... etc., finished first line.] It's not something I've seen addressed.
The longer I go without seeing anyone else do something quite so direct on that front, the more worried I'm getting that I've broken a cardinal rule I wasn't aware existed. lol
Does anyone have thoughts on that? (AKA - what have I missed? xD)
It's usually bad form to start with a sound effect. As the author, it's your job to describe the sound and give it context, so the reader has a sense of what is going on and why the sound is important.
Does anyone have a list of all the opening lines selected?
Postal service one was great 👍
Robin Smith - Tucson, AZ
I had to get to hell out of Glen Park. (Mystery)
Provenance - R. Harlan Smith
I'm beginning to question the premise that no one is interested in a story without conflict. Why is it that we don't demand that of any art form other than movies and books? While conflict is sometimes present in these, we don't demand it of music, sculptures, paintings, dance, etc. Where is the conflict in The Mona Lisa? In the present time, when we can't go five minutes without hearing about real life conflict, I submit that there may be others, many, who would gladly pay good money for a book that showed a happy family, living a happy life, in a happy little town, from the first line to the last. Or possibly that's just me.
6:53: I honsetly can't tell if the actress is flashing cameras and nosy journalists or if the cameras are flashing
Deidre Brock from South Africa. Hello everyone
The future has no soundtrack. Awesome.
I’m not sure I reached you.
Vekma Austin Barbados good evening to one and all
Splendid rays of apple green sunlight basked through the window, giving a final sparkle to the hilt of the golden rod, made of pure gold, adorning the topmost tower of the castle, holding its flag in all its royal pride and charm.
How is that opening line?
That's interesting. Personally, I don't like the word "woman"; it kinda makes my skin crawl.
I find the word "husband" is awkward. Esp. compared to "wife." Wife is a lovely sounding word, why is husband not?
Too much introductory talk Get to the point!
Honestly! After listening to the woman's advice after the first couple of examples I turned it off because I thought she was entirely wrong. How can you judge a first sentence in complete isolation from the following sentences and page. it makes no sense first and foremost as the story may rivet you after this sentence plus I did not agree with her critiques anyway. She said "Be specific in your first sentence". But there is not a one size fits all writing style. Is she even a good storyteller herself? Unfortunately there is far too much of this 'professional advice' handed out over the internet and it sets writers off on the wrong path and creates a lack of understanding. If you want to be a good writer read, read and read! And understand that some people are just naturally gifted writers and/or storytellers but by reading you can get much better at your craft. Be original and don't sign up to a lot of this BS.