Hello Subscribers: Thank you for checking out my videos and posting such thoughtful comments. It's inspiring to read your self-reflections and insights. I love how we grow from each other's sharing. One thing I have learned after years of reading comments is that we are not alone. Many of us have the same experiences when it comes to relationships. We are all trying to make sense of attachment trauma and learn better skills of relating. Great job everyone - keep going and keep learning! As I'm sure you can understand, I'm not able to respond to all the comments and questions here on UA-cam. I know this can be disappointing sometimes. Please forgive me. It is challenging to find the time for the careful consideration that is needed in order to respond to your heartfelt reflections. Even so, your vulnerability shines through. I know behind each comment is a real person with real feelings who's hurting or who’s reporting a triumph. I know you are doing the best you can while trying to make sense of life’s suffering. We are all grappling with what it means to be human. I’m sorry that I’m not always able to respond to your comments directly. That being said, I'm sharing this post to offer you a few resources in an attempt for us to stay connected. Keep in mind that I do read most comments here on UA-cam. Your words are received. I review comments daily, which serves as a way to organize content for future videos. If you have a question or an idea for a video that you think is important to explore when it comes to learning about relationships and healing attachment trauma, then I want to hear about it. Please submit your questions and ideas here: www.alanrobarge.com/questions ____ Many of us want to know how to heal, how to change, how to be more secure in our relationships. This is why I created the course The Four Attachment Distress Responses. Many of our behaviors in relationships are habitual - meaning we act out of autopilot. Our autopilot Response comes from past conditioning of negative experiences. When attachment injuries go unaddressed, we become insecure in our relationships. The Four Attachment Distress Responses Course describes each specific type of guardedness, which is how we try to protect ourselves from getting hurt again, while also attempting to get our attachment needs met. While we cannot change the past, we can change how we respond in the moment and in the future. This course offers you insights and tools as new ways to respond in your relationships. The Four Responses are Poking, Running, Hiding, and Submitting. You’re invited to take the quiz to learn more about your Response. Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz ____ I created an 8-week program and membership community based on the guiding principle of Self-Directed Healing Work #selfhealers that I want to share with you. The community is called Improve Your Relationships. The focus is about healing attachment injuries in the context of relationship repair in all areas of our lives. When we look at the big picture of how attachment injuries and attachment trauma occurred in our lives, we are able to begin seeing our relationship choices from a whole new perspective. We gain access to inner resources that shift how we relate and respond to old hurts. It's a process. It's layered. It requires commitment. This is what the community is all about - committing to your healing work. You are invited to join us. The community members are kind and supportive. We are an established group. The feedback and testimonials have been overwhelmingly positive. Please check out the link for more information: www.alanrobarge.com/community ____ Also, in addition to checking out my course and/or joining us in the Community, please consider becoming a Sustaining Supporter by making a financial contribution. Your contribution helps guarantee continued quality and accessible content. If you benefit from my videos and want to show your support for the value offered, then please make a donation: www.alanrobarge.com/donate ____ Thank you for being a channel subscriber and watching my videos. And remember, we invest in our healing work because “Emotional Connections Matter!” Best regards, Alan Robarge Attachment-Focused Psychotherapist www.alanrobarge.com/
Sitting in the fire! to sit in your situation works! I used to Flee, to travel, to fly all over. When I decided to not flee and sit in my situation I became much stronger and able to heal.
I really like the model of "working in the garden" for a committed practice of self healing. In my garden, I find i have a certain amount of BS that I have to plough through. Regularly. But I keep on.
Alan, I am a surfer and a pretty good one (affirmation). I have actually used a similar surf example in my ACA meetings. Sometimes, the waves of emotions come in as nice, manageable waves that I can catch and ride. Other times, it’s as if a hurricane hit and the waves come in massive, disorganized and I’m unable to catch a wave. I try, but wipe out and get taken down. I come back up, but sometimes it’s exhausting and scary.
"sitting in the fire of the intensity of emotion" hope i remember that phrase.... like idea of "emotional surfing".... orienting with time as always in present though working w past and/or future
You explained this extremely well, I took lots of notes. I just learned that there's a name for the complex-PTSD that I'm suffering as result of narcissistic abuse. I'm at the healing phase, and your approach has encouraged me and provided a process to follow. Thank you!
I truly believe that our distress comes from our oversized children we called our "parents" who conditioned us to not be seen so only they could be seen. We then have the same behaviors of adapting which are the only tools we've ever had and are "vics" due to our history. It's amazing how long it took me to see my role in my failed relationships. It's truly horrible what some parents do to their kids. But children who never grew up and became parents were the reason for our frustration. We are trying to grow up but we unknowingly were set up by children. That was the Truth. I was the scapegoat set up by by my own child mother. Many times, what you see is is not what you "should be" seeing. You have to be careful what you settle for and accept. The problem is, though, we don't and can't question it till later. My child mother always said "Because I said so". And I think that possibly many of us out there have accepted this as their destiny. It's horse crap.
Thanks for your reflections. I see you were engaged in this content. Really good we are talking about this. Many of us can relate with coming out of this fog. Glad this content resonates for you.
This has been very inspiring and extremely informative. I'm feeling encouraged to continue to self heal and explore Past, present and future self. Thank you
Good insight. It's interesting to reframe focus to the present moment. Glad to hear this video resonated for you. Since you liked this video you might also be interested in taking The Four Attachment Distress quiz to find out your response to relationship stress: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
I love your clarity , it help me focus. ..symentinously as iam clearing my apartment. ..getting rid off old stuff ....its a correlation with whats happen in my life....the thought iam getting is life can support you and you support life ...let carry you ....thank you for you support. its really helping me to trust more off the underlying creative force of life when you allow rather than resist.... listening to you has open up a deeper chancel off trust and exceptance... Iam experiencing a sense off unity within right now ...embracing life's possibilities aas life embraces me in all my intriatity ....even now it feels like an integration ...beautiful thankyou
The stone will appear...what a beautiful metaphor! Thank you for that and thanks for the videos. Inspirational. PS I wrote the previous before you used the word inspiration. So, yes, truly inspirational.
I’ve had access to that part of me my whole life, but the resources I felt I needed haven’t always been available to me like limbic resonance for example. I tried having friends and that didn’t always work as a source of limbic resonance. (My extended family consists of unavailable people where LR is MIA) I tried having boyfriends, but due to my conditioning and the fact that I was walking in sin till recently all my boyfriends were either completely emotionally unavailable and narcissistic or at times we had LR and at other times they were straight forward abusive so that didn’t work either. I tried it with 4 therapists who actually made me feel much worse and as if I’m a freak and still no LR. I have only achieved prolonged and therapeutic limbic resonance living and connecting with my dogs, with children, dead authors, trees and the elements
Alan, I like what you talking about because it helps me. Please, when you present the idea, could you give a practical example what to do. Many things what you said, are so new for me that I don't understand and imagine what exactly I should do. Thank you
You're welcome. If this content was helpful then you may also like taking The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz Thanks for letting me know the video was helpful.
Self-Directed Healing takes time and effort, but is so worth it. Good for you for putting in the work. If this video was helpful, you might also be interested in taking The Four Attachment Distress Responses quiz as an introduction into learning more. Here is the link: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
I missed the beginning of this LoveTuner ad and it looks like this girl is walking down the beach smoking a joint 🤣 sorry Alan, wonderful video as always, thank you so much for your work ❤️
Kaarles, I am glad that you are finding some benefit in the videos. Thank you for commenting and giving feedback. I am glad this material resonates with you. If you would like to deepen your understanding of attachment distress, please consider entering the conversation in the online membership community I started. You are invited to join other like-minded learners who value mapping out a plan of self-directed healing and want to share their insights with others. We are a kind, supportive group of folks committed to changing old patterns of relating. Please know you are welcome to be part of the community. You can learn more and register here: www.alanrobarge.com/community
thanks for valuing my work. glad you benefit from the video. If you would like to become a sustaining supporter and invest in my efforts to offer quality content and also for the creation of new, future videos, please check out the donation options. Glad you find the video helpful. www.alanrobarge.com/donate
Glad you this one resonated. Since you liked this video you might also be interested in taking The Four Attachment Distress quiz to find out your response to relationship stress: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
Hi The Bible says about walking on fire. Don't you think it's mention ing exactly this work of sel healing is about ? I d love your answer Like if we are courageous enough to do it while here on Earth You are an inspiration
Hi. Thanks for the question. There are a couple options I can suggest: 1) You might be interested in checking out the Improve Your Relationships community. It is not a therapy group, but a skills learning community which many people find very helpful. A main foundation of the community is Self-Directed Healing which is all about practicing mapping out your own healing. Click here to learn more: www.alanrobarge.com/community 2) You might like your question considered for a future video. Please submit your question via my website by going to www.alanrobarge.com/questions
Hello Subscribers:
Thank you for checking out my videos and posting such thoughtful comments. It's inspiring to read your self-reflections and insights. I love how we grow from each other's sharing.
One thing I have learned after years of reading comments is that we are not alone. Many of us have the same experiences when it comes to relationships. We are all trying to make sense of attachment trauma and learn better skills of relating.
Great job everyone - keep going and keep learning!
As I'm sure you can understand, I'm not able to respond to all the comments and questions here on UA-cam. I know this can be disappointing sometimes. Please forgive me. It is challenging to find the time for the careful consideration that is needed in order to respond to your heartfelt reflections. Even so, your vulnerability shines through.
I know behind each comment is a real person with real feelings who's hurting or who’s reporting a triumph. I know you are doing the best you can while trying to make sense of life’s suffering. We are all grappling with what it means to be human. I’m sorry that I’m not always able to respond to your comments directly.
That being said, I'm sharing this post to offer you a few resources in an attempt for us to stay connected. Keep in mind that I do read most comments here on UA-cam. Your words are received. I review comments daily, which serves as a way to organize content for future videos.
If you have a question or an idea for a video that you think is important to explore when it comes to learning about relationships and healing attachment trauma, then I want to hear about it. Please submit your questions and ideas here: www.alanrobarge.com/questions
____
Many of us want to know how to heal, how to change, how to be more secure in our relationships. This is why I created the course The Four Attachment Distress Responses.
Many of our behaviors in relationships are habitual - meaning we act out of autopilot. Our autopilot Response comes from past conditioning of negative experiences. When attachment injuries go unaddressed, we become insecure in our relationships.
The Four Attachment Distress Responses Course describes each specific type of guardedness, which is how we try to protect ourselves from getting hurt again, while also attempting to get our attachment needs met.
While we cannot change the past, we can change how we respond in the moment and in the future. This course offers you insights and tools as new ways to respond in your relationships. The Four Responses are Poking, Running, Hiding, and Submitting. You’re invited to take the quiz to learn more about your Response.
Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
____
I created an 8-week program and membership community based on the guiding principle of Self-Directed Healing Work #selfhealers that I want to share with you. The community is called Improve Your Relationships. The focus is about healing attachment injuries in the context of relationship repair in all areas of our lives.
When we look at the big picture of how attachment injuries and attachment trauma occurred in our lives, we are able to begin seeing our relationship choices from a whole new perspective. We gain access to inner resources that shift how we relate and respond to old hurts. It's a process. It's layered. It requires commitment. This is what the community is all about - committing to your healing work.
You are invited to join us. The community members are kind and supportive. We are an established group. The feedback and testimonials have been overwhelmingly positive.
Please check out the link for more information: www.alanrobarge.com/community
____
Also, in addition to checking out my course and/or joining us in the Community, please consider becoming a Sustaining Supporter by making a financial contribution.
Your contribution helps guarantee continued quality and accessible content. If you benefit from my videos and want to show your support for the value offered, then please make a donation: www.alanrobarge.com/donate
____
Thank you for being a channel subscriber and watching my videos.
And remember, we invest in our healing work because “Emotional Connections Matter!”
Best regards,
Alan Robarge
Attachment-Focused Psychotherapist
www.alanrobarge.com/
Sitting in the fire! to sit in your situation works! I used to Flee, to travel, to fly all over. When I decided to not flee and sit in my situation I became much stronger and able to heal.
You're a good human. :) thanks for coming back here to help so many others...
I really like the model of "working in the garden" for a committed practice of self healing. In my garden, I find i have a certain amount of BS that I have to plough through. Regularly. But I keep on.
You truly are a masterful artist of this valuable work.
It was helpful, I feel encouraged especialy when you said that people who are comitting to heal themselves are the strongest one 💪👊
Alan, I am a surfer and a pretty good one (affirmation). I have actually used a similar surf example in my ACA meetings. Sometimes, the waves of emotions come in as nice, manageable waves that I can catch and ride. Other times, it’s as if a hurricane hit and the waves come in massive, disorganized and I’m unable to catch a wave. I try, but wipe out and get taken down. I come back up, but sometimes it’s exhausting and scary.
I love love love what you do. Your so on point. Bless you, i sit in the fire daily. I feel so proud of myself for finally being for myself
"sitting in the fire of the intensity of emotion" hope i remember that phrase.... like idea of "emotional surfing".... orienting with time as always in present though working w past and/or future
Thanks. Glad that part spoke to you.
You explained this extremely well, I took lots of notes. I just learned that there's a name for the complex-PTSD that I'm suffering as result of narcissistic abuse. I'm at the healing phase, and your approach has encouraged me and provided a process to follow. Thank you!
I truly believe that our distress comes from our oversized children we called our "parents" who conditioned us to not be seen so only they could be seen. We then have the same behaviors of adapting which are the only tools we've ever had and are "vics" due to our history. It's amazing how long it took me to see my role in my failed relationships. It's truly horrible what some parents do to their kids. But children who never grew up and became parents were the reason for our frustration. We are trying to grow up but we unknowingly were set up by children. That was the Truth. I was the scapegoat set up by by my own child mother. Many times, what you see is is not what you "should be" seeing. You have to be careful what you settle for and accept. The problem is, though, we don't and can't question it till later. My child mother always said "Because I said so". And I think that possibly many of us out there have accepted this as their destiny. It's horse crap.
Thanks for your reflections. I see you were engaged in this content. Really good we are talking about this. Many of us can relate with coming out of this fog. Glad this content resonates for you.
Thank you for supporting and empowering the individual!
This has been very inspiring and extremely informative. I'm feeling encouraged to continue to self heal and explore Past, present and future self. Thank you
Thank you millions times !!!
Being in the present moment is one of my pet peeves with faux spirituality. Glad you point out we are always in the present moment.
Good insight. It's interesting to reframe focus to the present moment. Glad to hear this video resonated for you. Since you liked this video you might also be interested in taking The Four Attachment Distress quiz to find out your response to relationship stress: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
Yes very helpful thanks Alan.
I love your clarity , it help me focus. ..symentinously as iam clearing my apartment. ..getting rid off old stuff ....its a correlation with whats happen in my life....the thought iam getting is life can support you and you support life ...let carry you ....thank you for you support.
its really helping me to trust more off the underlying creative force of life when you allow rather than resist....
listening to you has open up a deeper chancel off trust and exceptance... Iam experiencing a sense off unity within right now ...embracing
life's possibilities aas life embraces me in all my intriatity ....even now it feels like an integration ...beautiful thankyou
you are so great.... the way you talk reaches me
I appreciate the kind words.
you're amazing❤
thanks for the kind words.
exactly where I want to go! X scared but hungry! I need to find and free myself! Thank you!
The stone will appear...what a beautiful metaphor! Thank you for that and thanks for the videos. Inspirational. PS I wrote the previous before you used the word inspiration. So, yes, truly inspirational.
Soooo goood
Deep
excellent explanation.totally empowered me
I’ve had access to that part of me my whole life, but the resources I felt I needed haven’t always been available to me like limbic resonance for example.
I tried having friends and that didn’t always work as a source of limbic resonance. (My extended family consists of unavailable people where LR is MIA) I tried having boyfriends, but due to my conditioning and the fact that I was walking in sin till recently all my boyfriends were either completely emotionally unavailable and narcissistic or at times we had LR and at other times they were straight forward abusive so that didn’t work either. I tried it with 4 therapists who actually made me feel much worse and as if I’m a freak and still no LR.
I have only achieved prolonged and therapeutic limbic resonance living and connecting with my dogs, with children, dead authors, trees and the elements
Good insight. I hear you. Helpful to identify this.
Alan, I like what you talking about because it helps me. Please, when you present the idea, could you give a practical example what to do. Many things what you said, are so new for me that I don't understand and imagine what exactly I should do.
Thank you
Yes. More videos with more examples in the future. I hear you. Thanks for the comment.
Thank you so much Alan. This was extremely useful
You're welcome. If this content was helpful then you may also like taking The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz Thanks for letting me know the video was helpful.
It is dense information, now I understand everything but it took time to get here
Self-Directed Healing takes time and effort, but is so worth it. Good for you for putting in the work. If this video was helpful, you might also be interested in taking The Four Attachment Distress Responses quiz as an introduction into learning more. Here is the link: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
Thank you.
You're welcome.
I missed the beginning of this LoveTuner ad and it looks like this girl is walking down the beach smoking a joint 🤣 sorry Alan, wonderful video as always, thank you so much for your work ❤️
Thanks for these videos, they help a lot.
Kaarles, I am glad that you are finding some benefit in the videos. Thank you for commenting and giving feedback. I am glad this material resonates with you. If you would like to deepen your understanding of attachment distress, please consider entering the conversation in the online membership community I started. You are invited to join other like-minded learners who value mapping out a plan of self-directed healing and want to share their insights with others. We are a kind, supportive group of folks committed to changing old patterns of relating. Please know you are welcome to be part of the community. You can learn more and register here: www.alanrobarge.com/community
this is fantastic! thanks
thanks for valuing my work. glad you benefit from the video. If you would like to become a sustaining supporter and invest in my efforts to offer quality content and also for the creation of new, future videos, please check out the donation options. Glad you find the video helpful. www.alanrobarge.com/donate
Great information Alan
Glad you this one resonated. Since you liked this video you might also be interested in taking The Four Attachment Distress quiz to find out your response to relationship stress: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
Hi
The Bible says about walking on fire. Don't you think it's mention ing exactly this work of sel healing is about ?
I d love your answer
Like if we are courageous enough to do it while here on Earth
You are an inspiration
resonate
How do i access the tools, framework for the mapping of the beginning of my healing?
Hi. Thanks for the question. There are a couple options I can suggest:
1) You might be interested in checking out the Improve Your Relationships community. It is not a therapy group, but a skills learning community which many people find very helpful. A main foundation of the community is Self-Directed Healing which is all about practicing mapping out your own healing. Click here to learn more: www.alanrobarge.com/community
2) You might like your question considered for a future video. Please submit your question via my website by going to www.alanrobarge.com/questions