Sounds like all that love and respect was only one person's responsibility and feeling. The other person just doesn't care and the sooner people realize that, they can then separate from that type of person and find someone mature and caring
@@RealCoachLee hi Coach Lee , i did not see any video on Cheating girlfriend trying to monkey branch before she dump the bf..Do we take back a Cheating Girlfriend...?
hi coach, 2 yrs of no contact after 22 yr relationship & I'm okay. He said at the time of the breakup that there was not anyone else, but that wasn't true & they're still together. I'm done, but you got me through the worst time of my life. I'm forever grateful! people PLEASE listen to this man!!
Usually, when someone says there is no one else or that they are not looking for a relationship at the moment, it’s not true. I’m sorry that this happened to you.
Curious, do you still consider yourself in "no contact" or have you moved on and are now just single. I ask, because some people remain in no contact thinking there's still a chance when there isn't
Every word Coach Lee is saying in this video is a brick in the wall of mutual understanding, respect and knowing one's place in a relationship that had come to a point where you realize you were wrong and his breaing up was his decision. In fact, I had followed CoachLee's advice and decided to apply the no contact rule and all the while, listening to his numerous most interesting and reassuring video's. In fact, I am feeling confident and stronger after six months of separation, and was surprise when he sent me a Holiday Card. Nevertheless, I'm still casual with my answers, never ever forgetting that he had broken up with me, and that we both have a long way to go, if at all, to break that long, odd and painful silence he had imposed on me/us. Thank You Coach Lee for I couldn't have done it all by myself!
My 14 year relationship ended in February and i have been in no contact sinch March. Was i counting days yes i was tbh. Only to realise my ex got married in the end of April. Who is more sick No contact is not to get your ex understand that it is for you to heal and prepare yourself for the future
thats fked up man.. remember its her loss.. it is people like that you dont want in your life.... stay strong king, you will have the right one come into your life..
@@Suroshi89 how do you know it's her loss when you don't know anything about their relationship or what led up to her leaving or what type of person he was? I'm curious how you came to thay conclusion?
@@sloanmagnum5009 it was a really complicated relationship right from the beginning. We belonged to different religions, one year after our relationship she got married and later she came back from it within 3 months. Her narcissistic mother forced her to get married into the same religion later we started working together again for about 6 years and then we went into a long distance relationship for about 6 years. Finally 2 years ago she wanted me to move on because she said she couldn't justify staying in it because she could give what i wanted. She broke the news after her birthday that she seeing somebody from her workplace for the past 7 months I couldn't really believe it after the time we've spent together. I really wanted to work this out because i felt she came back for me after she got married. Slowly for the past one year she was going indifferent which lead to constant argument and inspite staying in the same city for the last 3 years she met me once. I really assumed her of being many things but i was wrong and last thing i ever wanted was she seeing somebody else while i was crying every night. I prayed alot for us but god had different plans for us and probably he didn't see that too
Love Dave's coaching. I have noticed something with all the dating coaches, the no contact is tricky. They have you to do this no contact as if you were or are trying to get your ex back well all along you're the one who's healing & moving on. What a smart idea 😊
There could be many reasons, and I was blaming myself for the reason of the Breakup, but the main thing is if they do not love you, it's done. simple as that
If you've wronged them and you want them back send this message - "Hey, I know I hurt you and for that I'm truly sorry. You didn't deserve that and I hope one day you can forgive me and we can try again because I love you and have been working to improve myself in the following ways ---- but I completely understand if you can't forgive me."
I disagree ..if you’ve wronged them badly ..then this is the mature response ..she should understand that you truly know that you wronged them. After that one text ..it’s up to her to decide ..she has nothing else on you bc you finally did the right thing. She may still be getting high off the relief but later it will hit her that maybe you aren’t the bad guyafter all. She will think it over ..may take weeks or months but she will always remember that last text as you doing the right thing anything else will be seen as you being weak. She wants a strong man that has the balls to walk away especially bc you wronged them.
The fault of the break up is on the person doing the breaking. If that’s you yes it’s your fault. Some people are able to work through their issues and forgive past mistakes instead of punishing the other person with loneliness.
Imagine being deeply invested in a long-distance relationship with someone you adore. You've been thoughtful, sending gifts on special occasions like Christmas and Valentine's Day to express your love. But then, when her birthday arrives and you're facing financial constraints, she decides to call it quits because there's no gift from you. It leaves you bewildered, questioning whether the relationship was more about material things than genuine connection. You had big plans together, envisioning a future where you'd build a life together across the world. But her reaction makes you realize that some people prioritize gifts over shared dreams and experiences. It's a painful lesson, but you come to understand that true love isn't about presents; it's about the depth of connection and mutual respect for each other's aspirations.
Why torture yourself? If you and her didn't have a clear set plan for one of you to relocate permanently to where the other person is then more than likely the long distance relationship won't work.
Right on time .. i treated my ex like crap for years and i honestly regret it when she told me over and over about the same problem and whats funny all i had to do was put my pride to the side it hurts not being around her but me treating her like that was hurting her more.. i just have to accept she’s moving on but she still texts me
Don't understand this. In my case, I am 27, been there for 3 years, the last 6-7 months, I was busy due to setting up my business and the same things as you listed, I couldn't pay attention to the relationship, but still managed to meet up twice/thrice a month. And even during no meets, we did talk almost every day on calls, vc etc. I wasn't exactly cruel to her, I did love her and reassured her to work on all the issues that were coming up, but I truly couldn't focus there when I am establishing a business. but I think that I disappointed her during a big fight(which I admit, that I was being an asshole in, since I hadn't slept after a night of travel and no sleep. No hitting or abusing, it did include yelling though) 2 months ago, after a month of which, the breakup happened and she went distant for the month before the breakup. Even before that, we were having small fights at times, but they were at the most, 10 happy moments : 1-2 fights, in that ratio. I don't understand as to how 2.5 years of happiness and constant support can be forgotten by 5-6 months of me literally just being busy(I also gained 6-7 kgs of weight during this time). I literally used to prepare her for interviews, get study materials for her and really look after her(and no, I was not a simp about it, for me to do all these things for someone, it takes around 1.5 years of a happy relationship to get me assured that they are taking this seriously) She thought I kept delaying her concerns, but what am I to do when a new problem in the business stole my attention away, every time? Yes, I could have paid more attention to her, but by the end of the day, all I wanted to do was to get back home and relax. So much so that I was not even in contact with my best friends for months. I got a little lazy in paying attention to the rest of my life, and was/am willing to fix these issues since my business stabilized and became profitable, surprisingly at the same time of the breakup, last month since I was working hard at it. It is frustrating because I am a prideful person who keeps his priorities straight. I am 27 and I know that if I work on myself, I can get far better options than her. But as of now, I don't want to. I am the type of a person who tries to fix things if they get broken and I want to repair this. I don't know if any of this will be worth something. I feel like crap, abandoned and betrayed because I had really started to believe in all those promises and words. Who did she think that I was creating the business for? I am not even into material things, all I wanted to do was to retire early, ensure that my future family never had to be desperate for things, like I was.. and live happily since I had a crap childhood already and wanted some years of happiness. I thought that I had found an adult who was above these petty issues and would try to fix things at least. And now, it feels like a slap in the face to wake me up and remind me about our value based world where people rarely keep their words and can change at the drop of a hat. How do you even trust someone again after something like this..
Don't understand this. In my case, I am 27, been there for 3 years, the last 6-7 months, I was busy due to setting up my business and the same things as you listed, I couldn't pay attention to the relationship, but still managed to meet up twice/thrice a month. And even during no meets, we did talk almost every day on calls, vc etc. I wasn't exactly cruel to her, I did love her and reassured her to work on all the issues that were coming up, but I truly couldn't focus there when I am establishing a business. but I think that I disappointed her during a big fight(which I admit, that I was being an ass in, since I hadn't slept after a night of travel and no sleep. No hitting or abusing, it did include yelling though) 2 months ago, after a month of which, the breakup happened and she went distant for the month before the breakup. Even before that, we were having small fights at times, but they were at the most, 10 happy moments : 1-2 fights, in that ratio. I don't understand as to how 2.5 years of happiness and constant support can be forgotten by 5-6 months of me literally just being busy(I also gained 6-7 kgs of weight during this time). I used to prepare her for interviews, get study materials for her and really look after her(and no, I was not a simp about it, for me to do all these things for someone, it takes around 1.5 years of a happy relationship to get me assured that they are taking this seriously) She thought I kept delaying her concerns, but what am I to do when a new problem in the business stole my attention away, every time? Yes, I could have paid more attention to her, but by the end of the day, all I wanted to do was to get back home and relax. So much so that I was not even in contact with my best friends for months. I got a little lazy in paying attention to the rest of my life, and was/am willing to fix these issues since my business stabilized and became profitable, surprisingly at the same time of the breakup, last month since I was working hard at it. It is frustrating because I am a prideful person who keeps his priorities straight. I am 27 and I know that if I work on myself, I can get far better options than her. But as of now, I don't want to. I am the type of a person who tries to fix things if they get broken and I want to repair this. I don't know if any of this will be worth something. I feel like crap, abandoned and betrayed because I had really started to believe in all those promises and words. Who did she think that I was creating the business for? I am not even into material things, all I wanted to do was to retire early, ensure that my future family never had to be desperate for things, like I was.. and live happily since I had a crap childhood already and wanted some years of happiness. I thought that I had found an adult who was above these little short term issues and would try to fix things at least. And now, it feels like a slap in the face to wake me up and remind me about our value based world where people rarely keep their words and can change at the drop of a hat. How do you even trust someone again after something like this..
This is exactly what happened to me. I’m coming up on a month post break, and first week of no contact after discovering coach Lee. I have very little hope that I will get her back, but after seeing coach lees videos I realized the only option I have is moving forward to the future and what ever is supposed to happen, happens.
I lied and emotionally cheated on my ex. We both sat down and discussed what happened and why I did what I did, I owned it. I owed her that much. She said our relationship was over and she needed her space to process and heal, she didn't want me involved in her healing process or there as support as it only reminded her of what happened. I've respected her wishes and haven't made contact, it's been just over 3 weeks. Her birthday is coming up very soon, but I'm staying no contact. I chose to block her on social media. Seeing her all the time reminded me of the pain I put her through, the guilt I felt was very deep, I was ashamed of what I did. I need to heal and rebuild myself. I will respect her wishes and stay no contact. But deep down inside I want her to contact me when she's had time to heal, and say we can try again. Am I holding onto an impossible chance again, or should I just move on? Thank you coach. Everything you said in your video was spot on and made absolutely 💯 sense. Thank you for your messages of guidance 🙏
But why did you tell her? I would have just changed my behaviour, forgive myself and start treating her like you wanted to from that point on. She will never trust you again after that.
Hey Coach! This video have been really helpful! My ex broke up with me for the 3rd time around 7 months ago. Prior to the breakup, we decided to go to couples therapy, whenever we had disagreements he would breakup with me, and I wanted us to break that pattern. I don’t know if the breakup was my fault, but he went with it anyways. About a month ago, we met and exchanged our stuff, it was really a friendly meeting, and he mentioned that he was battling with his heart and mind about us. I texted him and told him how I felt, and that I feel what he is going through and if he wanted to meet and talk about it. He said that he didn’t mean to mislead me and wanna continue with the breakup. Now I am lost and I don’t know if we have a chance to work on our relationship, or if it’s really over.
Look, i wish i had a girlfriend like you, who would give me a chance, and even would consider couple counceling. You did everything possible. More than once by the way. Your only choice seems to be no contact, even if it'll be hard.
My ex told me three weeks ago that I’m a good guy but she doesn’t feel we can recover from disrespecting each other. Fast forward three weeks later and she’s saying she wants to start back talking and miss goofing around with me. Is this a sign of breadcrumbing?
What if I broke trust and that set off her dismissive avoidant side? We were dating for 2 months. I apologized and tried to make things right but she grew very cold. She said she forgave me but it’s not easy to forget. 3 weeks later she ghosted me. I’ve been in no contact for about 2 months now. Is there any point to apologize again? I mean I don’t see her coming back. She’s kept me on her Instagram for some reason. I’m at a loss
My break up was mainly my fault. I apologized and took accountability. We talk and text occasionally. But I am in NC mode. Giving him space to process and take accountability for his part. I am not doing anything for him because then he will expect it.
My ex broke up with me and said he lost feelings with each fight we had. I was very insecure, we were LDR, and I always wanted to know how he was because he had a medical issue. So whenever he won't send a message when he wakes up, the worst case scenario pops up in my head. He said him chatting me in the morning and evening felt like a chore and me loving him too much was suffocating him. He was so used to being used and not being taken care of that he said he was just wired that way. He was a good man but he was a bad boyfriend. He ghosted me after offering friendship when he dumped me but I didn't reach out after a day. The only time I sent him a message was to tell him that I was finally letting him go and hoped him the best.
you honestly didn't even have to tell him you were letting go. i had this almost exact situation. he ghosted me after a fight and i never looked back because i was so so so done all i wanted was for him to get lost. he came back realizing i wasn't going to chase. he became kind of a stalker. don't say anything anymore. just show him. it speaks louder than anything else
My ex actually wrote me after 5wks of No contact but was still pissed by how he left & decided not to respond back even when I actually still love him.
What if it was my fault because she upset I didn't show her the level of affection she wanted from me, and clocked out. Broke up with me. I said I want to able to show more if she'd give me a chance. But she said the feelings arnt there anymore. I told her that if she ever feels differently down the line to reach out and see where I'm at. She did asked to be freinds but I said i wouldn't know how to see her differently so it wouldn't be a good idea. I left it that, becuase i can't compete with how she's feeling.
Ngl our relationship was toxic, she will never come back. To much silent treatment and guilt tripping between us. She left after 2 weeks of silent treatment, i tried to apologize, she was to proud to forgive me cause it wasn't the first time. I was to hurt and proud to stop her, because it was a very dark time in my life, with depression and unemployment and i somehow expected to go through it together and not beeing abandoned. I went to her after a month of no contact to reconcile, she was cold as ice, told me even she met another dude 2-3 weeks after the break up, they are only getting to know each other...she sees no future with me, and this dude even talks about marriage(a thing that i didn't do in 7 years), she has no time to grief and just wants to be happy and feeling loved... I was very hurt. Now i couldn't take her back, even if i wanted to... I know i made mistakes but she ignores hers. She has to have the moral high ground.. She moved on very quickly.
You never know seriously, it has been only a month, you never know if this rebound would fail. I am a woman but if a guy told me that he wanted to marry me after 3 weeks of dating, I would think this guy is crazy and weird.
I’ve asked my male friend to apologize and talk about a subject that is sensitive to him in regard to his behavior towards me one particular night. Regarding this subject, I feel as if I have the right to ask questions. He refused, and just gave me no contact.
I apologized to my ex, her cousins and tried to apologize to her family. All together she let me go. And now im no longer contacting her again. Im working on myself. Shes unapologetic for her behaviors as well and i won't wait on that
What if she said she needs time to think and I ended it? A week and a bit later I asked if she wanted to catch up for coffee and she said she would be busy as she just moved. I miss her so much 😢
So 2 weeks of strategic no contact living in a friends warehouse office my wife just said to me I need to find "somewhere better to live long term" we have 2 young children so I go to the house to take them to school and grandma's house early mornings so she can go to work (i go to work after) and late night so and I'm there putting them to bed when she comes home. Am i doing to much for her still? I don't know. I'm in such a mess here. Please help 🙏🙏😓
Thank you so much for your videos,it's been almost 8 months since the break up,but it was my fault,at least this is what i think,that's why i begged her to stay and try to fix it but she didn't want to,so i listen to your videos and go no contact, she tried to reach out more than 20 times and being flirty, i never try to fix the break up,i think she wants me to apologize again but i don't think i can do it,now it's on her to do it,
Well i left him for a ridiculous reason and i I realised after 5hrs what i did was wrong and i made a mistake so i went and apologised. He told me he needed time to think about it. I gave him about a week and then sent him a massage and apologised for the second time and told him it was a mistake and I tried to talk to him alot but, he left me he said he couldn’t forgive me even tho I didn’t left him even a day it was a stupid mistake and I regret it so much and I’ve learned my lesson but he couldn’t give me a chance. Idk what to do It’s been 2 weeks of no contact and his birthday is in one month please tell if i should send him anything on his birthday or not.
Sounds like what I'd do if I were fed up with a girl. In my case I took advantage of the opportunity to break up bc I was already considering it. I got what I wanted and didn't risk anything....hope that's not what happened to you.
Coach Lee, do you have a no contact video, that I haven't seen yet, that has to do with a mutual breakup and both people mutually agreeing to break up again??
The problem is I really DON'T KNOW if that was my fault. 10 years. She is diagnosed with BPD. She ghosted me, I came to ask what is happening, she called me 'stalker', said that she is mentally unstable, feels 'paranoid' when I'm around and wants to be on her own. She didn't tell me, but it turned out she MONKEY BRANCHED. I went no contact and never chased. Then, suddenly, after 6 month she started posting tiktoks with hints that I'm 'abusive', 'narcissist' etc (say what??) Like... no one is bothering you, why to post things like that after such a long period? So yeah, I really don't know what is real and what is her distorted perception.
No way it could be your fault, if she does not listen to you, then you have no authority and obligations towards her. i can understand, similar situation, leave her brother, find someone you can rely on and who will stay with you when you need her. The fact that she monkey branched instantly after breakup shows her true self and that she is not suitable for long term partnership. What can you expect from a person who is not mentally stable to see what is right and what is wrong Move on and find a better person brother
@@ritikgupta7781monkey branched BEFORE the breakup conversation, to be more correct. Not after. She didn't tell me, because she didn't want to look guilty.
@@mariotibbrine1I am in no contact so I'm not defending anything since I have no communication with her. Am I what she says? I don't really know. I never offended or raised my voice or physically assaulted her. Never ever. I simply was in strong position in relationship. Some radical feminists say that this your "strong position" is abuse itself. There's trend nowadays to call everything with this fashionable word 'abuse'. So it's hard to say. I would say NO. But it is a textbook BPD behavior to call everybody 'abusive'.
Out of curiosity, are you one of those people who think they can help or save her from her self at the expense of your own sanity? You're clearly still following her on social media and know what she's doing. Is she wrong to accuse you of some of these things she's said?
was 3 weeks of begging & pleading too much if she dumped me because of something i did? we were only together for 2 1/2 months & she broke up with me because I would get anxiety & insecurities whenever i noticed her feeling distant or depressed. i said some hurtful things to her at the end due to being so anxious & it was very self centered of me, which made her very angry & she blocked me. Now i’m about 5 weeks into no contact. Did I ruin any chances of her regaining her attraction/feelings back for me?
Apologizing can be quite powerful as long as it's done from the heart, with full accountability and no buts. Im currently writing my ex a letter after giving her some space and time for myself to reflect and heal.
@LinusLarsson-t9v She responded positively and thanked me for the beautiful message and asked if I could give her time to think about everything. I definitely recommend sending a letter, I added a box of chocolates with a hint of her favorite cologne I wear on the paper. This is the first time I've ever had an ex reply positively after a breakup.
So i have broke no contact alot and told my ex for 14 years how i felt etc etc she is with another guy and intimate have i ruined my chances of getting back together
Hey Coach Lee, can you please make some videos about On-Off Relationships? Can they work? If yes, how? Should no contact still be applied when you already had multiple break-ups?
Now that she's with someone else, I realize no contact was a mistake. I should have reached out sooner to properly reconnect and reconcile. Now it's over. I dont know all the details. I do know this person has been in the picture since before the breakup but I don't know if there was involvement or not. Probably was. But I'm trying to not assume and react like I used to. I have to be different. But different now may as well be dead as a future without her is miserable
Too many people are duped into blindly relying on no contact, myself included. I empathize with your struggle but try to recognize and appreciate that you did the absolute best you could with what you had at the time.
@forthebigwin yeah. We were together 10 years. Engaged and everything. I just thought she valued it like I did. That time would allow safety for us to find each other again and communicate. It's clear now that faith was misplaced and my life has been a lie. I'll give myself another year and if I feel no hope or happiness I'll just acknowledge my run is done. Even with all my effort beyond just her it just keeps falling apart.
Try accepting that your current situation was meant to be for a reason and move forward knowing you're supposed to be doing something else with someone else. Stop living life looking thru the rear view mirror
@sloanmagnum5009 rear view or forward nothing is panning out rn. I've been doing everything I'm supposed to. Dieting, focusing on career, cleaning up, working out. All it's landed me is likely being fired from my insecure job and health problems severe enough to leave me bedridden a couple months. I'm still trying for now. But no point in bothering with this after a certain point
@@tena2013 I understand. It's hard. But there's a way out of it. You have to learn to disconnect from the past and focus on the future. It may be more difficult for you given your circumstances but it is is possible.
She cheated on me, I tried to forgive her but after a few weeks in a drunken, angry state I broke up with her via text. The problem is she did apologize repeatedly, had started going to therapy, everything I asked of her. And so it took just a few days before I felt intense regret. What she did was wrong, but I know she's trying to improve. Additionally, no contact forced me to reflect on my own actions in the relationship. Prior to the cheating I had become cold and distant for months. We barely had sex. I'm not justifying her actions but I do understand them. I reached out to her asking if we could meet up in a few weeks or month. She's speaking to her therapist about what I said tomorrow. I hope her therapist encourages her to talk to me about this. I was in therapy too and CBT did wonders for my ability to display affection and warmth.
I am girl and i can understand her girls never cheat without reason i also cheated on my ex because he first ghosted i want him back but i am afraid it is too late
Coach Lee generally I am asking you,I heard from the social media that some one put the court case against wanna because he borrowed some money .is this true? He should tell me every thing I have no mind.
I’ve cheated with 2 of her friends and she found out I regret it now but I’m willing to be sober and not hang out with a certain crowd so I don’t get tempted but this only happened when I was drunk does the same rules apply for no contact
She broke up with me we fought a little n thn she blocked me its been 15 days of no contact till now should i find a way to apologise her for the fight n continue the no contact or should just continue no contact without apologising please help
@@AvaalhaY i apologied to her after 3 months we met alot of time we are still meeting but she doesn’t wanna get back together while in 3 month i completely transformed myself physically and i got my dream job and i am leaving the country to work on a cruise ship in few days and she says she can’t do long distance and once i move out of the country it will be over for us i mean its weird and torturing
I hope this works in my situation or former friend. I have apologized and gave her money over and over again we were friends with benefits, but unfortunately she has me blocked. I want to get back with her.
I was long distance with my ex 6 months and we finally met for the first time 25th of June. I went to meet him in his country.We met for 2 weeks and it was perfect. I still have 10 days here left and the break up was because i upset him when i was on my period. He misunderstood me and got angry and said he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore and he doesnt see it working. I apologized twice. What should I do before I go??
Can you make a video on how to act when your ex is someone you can't avoid (colleague in my case)...Does no contact still apply? Thank you for all you do!
I spent 28 days with my former fiance during the holidays. I had to come back home to finish cleaning out my mom's home to sell and downsize my things to move permanently out west to be with him. We had a few rocky moments in that the holidays were very rough on him, but we were great before I left. I was home exactly 2 days and he was posting on social media how he was lonely and was all alone to garner sympathy from females. I missed him too, but women also making comments and him responding to them made my blood boil. I blocked his social media so that garbage wasnt in my feed so he proceeded to hiroshima the relationship. I went no contact and havent spoken since. Im working on things here. I dont have time or energy for childish behavior. We are both in our 60s and have dated over 3 years. Im just letting things be. Im just posting here as I dont feel that the break up is my "fault". I will take responsibility for my part, but that stuff was really uncalled for.
Sounds like the break up is nobody's fault. The man likes having options with women and you were just one of those options. You either accept that you're in a harem of his women or you move on. Some men just don't want to settle on one woman.
Need advice. Very surprising breakup. Done 15 days of NC and I still desperately want her although the distance and silence has helped a lot. After 15 days I get a snap of our favorite smoothie spot. Nothing more. 1. Do I respond? 2. What does it mean? Am I “breaking NC” if I respond to a snap like that?
What happene s when you unexpectedly see them & believe they saw you in public but you quickly leave so he doesn't think I was stalking him. He's already accused me of stalking his ex... I did Not
I like Lee and his style, but he completely misses the true question here that every dumpee who knows it was their fault is thinking - because I was the main cause of the breakup, it seems VERY unrealistic to expect the dumper to feel obligated to reach out. They have a higher value + you fucked up the relationship(in my case, just bad communication and some abandonment issues). So I ruin a beautiful relationship… and then go into NC and wait for them to reach out? I don’t think so, Id even want them to respect themselves more than that, I know she does. How is it not a case where the dumpee does the work here, I’m almost certain your psychology is broken on this one Lee.
Im in the same situation. I fucked up royally with a great woman. I sent a sincere apology owning my shit and truly expressing my most sincere sorrow for the things I did . It's all you can do. It's up to the other person to accept your words and forgive and reconcile or not. It's at that point you move on. Any further apologies and/or gestures will not convince them.
@@giovanni122 perfect, taking accountability for your part in the breakup is important, validating and empathising with their feelings and experience is absolutely key for guys like us who’ve ruined a good thing. I did the same and my ex said she respected me for sending the message, so rebuilt a bit of emotional trust. Being aware of what lead to her drop of attraction and fixing those issues is all you can do, along with NC. Words alone will not change their decision, true, only if they gravitate back your actions will pull them back in. That’s if you want them back - I’m moving forward, rather than moving on, I still want my ex. It’s been 3 months, not perfect NC but whenever I have reached out she has been very positive and even interested in meeting up - she hasn’t initiated anything, I know she feels guilty, sad, but also seems worried I’ll be angry… she’s also slightly avoidant, but enough that she might not reach out even though I know she wants to. Almost 2 months NC now and I’ll ask her if she wants to have a walk and a catch up - I’ve done a lot of work and have changed a lot in my life. Good luck to us both.
@@norswil8763 can i ask for your advice yeah i messed up with her and i apolozied to her during break up but that wasnt clear i will send her text when it will be 2.5 months of no contact ..... but there is the influence of her family she said we cant marry because her family will not allow but after break up she said i will try to convince them and then i go no contact for 3 weeks but tht wsnt proper no contact then she said i cant do this i will not go against them stuffs like this and said im talking to u with emtionless obviously her emotional attachment dropped .... i know its fucked up in a big way and told me to move on and find someone else and later i called her , i asked her do u want to marry me she said yes and cried than cuted call and sent me a text i love u and im letting u go before all of this she said we were good and compatible but wasnt happy ... becz we have faced a lot of issues and prblms as in our school they dont allow dating and her parents got to know abt our relation 2 3 times i hope so u can give some advice ....... yeah im working on myself and moving forward it will be one month of no contact on 3 july
You miss the true point of NC: to shift your focus on yourself, away from your ex, which also gives you the best chance to reconnect with your ex, if that time ever comes.
Hi Coach Lee, My current girlfriend said she needs space but I'm eager to set the record straight about a complicated roller coaster from my past. I don't want her to dwell on the wrong version of what happened. Is she only saying she needs space because she wants me out of her life? Do I give her the space while she only dwells on the wrong version or explain the truth asap?
I hope you or Ken eventually touch on the makeuo breakup cycle and what happens when you push too hard too fast once you actually make up and they leave again. Im sure many people wonder about this
Is it better to meet up and apologise face-to-face or is it better to do it through text/letter? I had a bad connection with his mom and hace said some really nasty stuff about her. It is not why we broke up, but it played in his mind. We have been in NC for 2 weeks.
Hey Coach! Unrelated to the specific topic of the video, but I would like to ask: If I went no contact since day 1 and blocked my ex, after 47 days, should I unblock her?
it was my fault. towards the end of our relationship I lacked in meeting her needs. I didnt treat her how she wanted to be treated. after some reflection though I realized she didnt really communicate it and that she'd tell me to "figure it out" and its not her responsibility to explain something that i should already know. now shes with someone else under 2 months since the breakup. hes treating her better and i dont think she'll ever regret leaving me. i sent her an essay saying im sorry and that i wanted to fix it and that was it. now i think im going to live in guilt for what I did to someone I love and care about. i wish i'm the one treating her better. I wish. been no contact ever since the essay.
It’s been a month now, 2 weeks since i sent the apology letter. No response, no contact for 2 weeks. No contact from her for a month. I lost a job a year ago and she had to use her savings to cover the bills for a month while i looked for a new job. She claims i destroyed her finances even though I said id pay her back. She never forgave me as she stated in the break up. Also not keeping my word about weight loss and that a lot of my jokes crossed boundaries that hurt her self esteem. I wouldn’t do anything to hurt her on purpose!!! She was a horrible communicator and kept everything bottled up. I had no idea about the issues until the day she left! Plus her family didn’t like me because of our age difference (13 years). She’s 21 and I’m 34. We were deeply in love at one point, i have the pictures and videos as proof! She told me she no longer trusts me or anything i say and that there’s no chance of reconciliation. Im still reeling a month later, i love her so much still and want her back. What can i do? Help coach Lee!
What about from the other side. If they broke up with, many of the dumper WANT the other person to come back, if they broke up with you because of your poor behavior, not because they were not in love any more. But they aren't over you, Then the dumpee NEEDS to reach out and show change. Maybe more than once. But they have to appear to want you to fix things.
I have betrayed my friend, my female friend with benefits she doesn't want nothing to do with me. She blocked me on all social media. I apologize to her and her boyfriend the last time I spoke with her she told me never to call her again. Is there anything I can do to recover, I miss her and love her back in my life I haven't spoken to her in a week can these principles work?
Coach Lee, in many of your videos you indicated not to ignore your ex if she reaches out to you while you're doing no contact. In other videos, you mention the power of time. What do you do in a situation where your ex breaks up with you but consistently reaches out after breaking up with you only after a little bit of time just to try to get back together. It's a tricky situation because they're not getting the effects of time without you, and you also don't want to ignore them if they're reaching out. I don't know what to do.
@@thegearman I hear you. The issue is that it helps them in my opinion. They don't suffer the feeling of loss. They're using you being responsive as a crutch.
Exactly how i feel because the relationship ending was my fault but she texts me from time to time but she wants space but i feel like if i don’t respond im ignoring her idk
I made a mistake anyone would understand and forgive. He’s extremely avoidant and I noticed him pulling away long before it happened. It became the perfect excuse for him to exit. He blamed everything in our relationship on me and left. No apology was enough. He tried to leave as friends, kept me on his socials but never reached out again. Rebounded immediately post breakup. Worst heartbreak ever.
He most likely didn't rebound. He was probably in that relationship with the other person long before he actually left you. You were just the last to find out. He was looking for reasons to break up with you and finally did. It's comment and happens all the time.
@@sloanmagnum5009 Could be. But she is his neighbour and she didn’t live there all the time. However, now that I think about it; she had just moved there when he started pulling away from me and picking fights about literally (!) everything. So it could be that he monkey branched…
@@sloanmagnum5009 Maybe. But she is his neighbour and she didn’t live there the whole time. However, now that I think about it, he began pulling away and picking fights with me about literally (!) everything around the time she moved there so it could be that he monkey branched.
Yes I saw warning signs and then made a mistake and that was the last straw so I agree they may have already been working on other prospects and used that to exit
Hi Coach Lee, I am from India and I recently had a bad breakup. I could have said very bad but I am aware everyone who has had a breakup thinks that theirs is the worst one and nothing can top that so that’s why. It was a 2-year and 7-month relationship. Now the day she dumped me was normal as usual. She works in a company where she needs to go to the office whereas I am mostly working from home. Her company has a no phone policy so she has to keep her phone in the locker. I am aware of this fact so I just sent her a good morning and then there was no communication between us. When she got back home, she told me that she had a fever so I called her and we talked for like minutes then her nephew came in and she disconnected the call. But then we were texting each other but there was a gap in reply from both parties. Post dinner, texted her to check on her and she told me that she was okay. I asked if she had taken any medicine, and she told me she was fine and then I told her to tak
I asked if she had taken any medicine, and she told me she was fine and then I told her to take some medicine. Now comes the important part, now the response she sent was “I have cheated on you with someone. I don’t deserve you. I am sorry”. I immediately replied to what she meant by that but there was no response from her end. I called her up in seconds and she disconnected the call and replied that She meant what she said, that I don’t deserve her, and that she was sorry. I blocked her number immediately and blocked her on WhatsApp and Instagram. I had created a playlist on Spotify that both of us could access. It was created so that we can share songs and listen to the songs shared by each other. I have deleted that playlist. It’s been 5 days since I started following the No Contact Rule rather it’s a silent treatment. I have removed my existence from her life. I even went ahead and deleted her photos so that I don’t have to see her whenever I use my phone because I knew that if hav
I knew that if have her photos in my phone then I wouldn’t be able to resist the urge to look at them and then in no time I would try to contact her which I did in the past for a girl before her. I am not sure what I did was right or wrong or if I could have done something better but I just did what I did. Now the problem is that my brain cannot process this situation. I cannot believe that among us she is the one who could cheat on me. We used to talk about this a lot that in the long run, I would be the one cheating on her, and I kind of agreed with her because I always had this thought in my mind that I might be the one cheating on her in the future.
When she joined my team, I resisted approaching her because she was my teammate and if things didn’t go well then everything would get messy. I even thought that she might already be in a relationship so there was no point. But then she started giving me signals. And I kind of grabbed them with both hands. We started chatting and meeting in the office regularly. We would even get away from our team just to get more time for us. One day she asked me what I was looking for in this friendship and I don’t know why but I told her that I was looking for more than sex here. Maybe because I want to get laid that’s why I said that. This all happened very fast. Within a month I told her that I loved her whereas in my heart it was just that I was looking at her like an opportunity to have sex. Meanwhile, she told me how she was cheated on in her past 2 relationships. Her first relationship was almost 6-7 years long and that guy cheated on her for at least 3-4 years. She told me that she was devas
She told me that she was devastated, depressed, and all. And it kind of took me back to how I felt after my first breakup. I lingered upon my ex calling her now and then. I was strategizing to make her miss me and send her gifts on her birthdays through common friends and always being available for her. We even got back together after a year or so. But when we got back together, she lied to me when she dumped me earlier that her family wasn’t approving of our relationship whereas she was seeing another guy who later cheated on her. I was shocked but happy at the same time that she got punished for cheating on me and now is back with me. Only to find out six months later that she was now seeing another guy while we were together.
I was devastated and I put up a long post on Facebook informing everyone in the world that we are not together anymore and that it was mutual. I said it was mutual because I didn’t want others to think that I was a fool or something. This girl contacted me asking to delete the post and I deleted the post after 2 days. After 2 months she started calling me and texting me but I ignored her calls and texts for a month. Then when she called again, I responded and we started talking. During this time she was still in relation with her boyfriend and I was aware of it so never had any expectations from her. But she started living alone as her family moved to another town and then she called me at her home. I went there as a friend but after a couple of visits, we started discussing our past and got emotional and had sex. She cheated again on her then-boyfriend and now husband with me.
When its over its over accept that its over what you and this other person had only exists in your memories if this person comes back they are gonna be different know that the way the two of you were is not gonna be the same in any relationship once it ends and there is time and space apart you and that other person are growning and learning and experiencing different things you may change could be a slight change could be major changes in your lifestyle and daily living things change and people change dont expect the person you once knew to even exist anymore when the two of you are "reunited" or come into close proximity.
There is always someone in these videos comment section, that says the cliché "Just move on" or "An ex is an ex for a reason" as if people can flick a switch. I respectfully dissagree. Sometimes couples who breakup and find their way back to each other, result in stronger bond relationships, because they have often times tasted the breakup and didn't like how it felt. The fact that two people despite the odds, manage to understand, that they really can't live without the other person and get back together, is really fascinating and beautiful. Now with that said not every relationship is worth saving, and every relationship is different, and the same goes about breakups. Connection with that certain person will always exist to some extent forever, and the ex wont eber forget you, as if they can't recall your name or sth. And if you manage to get back together with that person only a few months after the breakup, then the damage is not so great.
But if there was a lifechanging thing revealed years after the breakup in a testament. After the last parent passed away. I knew it was something wrong during the last of our 13 year long relation, but not until now I really know what my parents did. It affected me deeply and I think he should know. Because I think it was the main cause of the breakup. Had to do with trust and economy.
There is the case that you do the breakup because they were being disrespectful. You feel the relationship is downgrading by itself, the only move you have is to sacrifice your queen and let them go. You would be prolonging the inevitable otherwise. Andrew Tate talks about this and makes a lot of sense. Its a statement that lets them know that you are willing to step out when you see disrespect.
@@RealCoachLee it’s so hard bc Ive heard you say after 2 months, it might be worth reaching out. Now it’s 2 months today. We were together for 3.5 years. Never fought or anything. I’m so tempted to reach out but I’m gonna hang tuff. The last month she was overseas on vacation so I’m sure she wasn’t thinking about me 😩
If you f’d bit time you should apologize once ..she has nothing then ..it’s on her now to decide to mend things ..do nothing else unless she replies. Also if she replies ..your response is crucial ..this dude has that covered ..go find it Mine went something like this… “This was all my fault not yours ..I gave you more then enough reasons to leave ..I am deeply sorry I failed you. All I can say now is I understand your decision and regret and that I’m working on myself. Im sorry and I do hope you forgive me.”
If you've wronged them but you don't want them back send this message: "Hey, sorry to reach out but I wanted to give you some closure so that hopefully it makes it easier for you to move on. I'm very sorry for what I did to you. Nothing justifies my actions. I did what I did because of my own flaws and my actions are not a reflections on who you are. You are a wonderful person and you deserve someone who can treat you much better than I did. I wish you all the happiness in the world. You are a wonderful person, please don't forget that."
I emotionally / solitarily cheated. I apologized once in person a week after the break up. Then I tried to talk five weeks after. I thought it was going well, asked for coffee, and was told no, which devolved into trying to explain everything. About 3.5 months after the breakup, I sincerely apologized and tried to validate her feelings; which didn't end the way I hoped. I pray she comes back. It's now been four months with her gone. She is the love of my life. . .
She's probably emotionally and mentally moved and already grieved the loss of you already, whereas you hadn't even begun yet. If you haven't done so, you might want to start now.
I broke up with because I wanted monogamy and she wanted polyamory. I think I gave the impression that I was more disappointed in the relationship ending than she is. Obviously because she is seeking other options while I am not. I feel like the dumpee here than the dumper in this situation. I broke no contact after a day, asking if she’d consider monogamy. She’s quite harshly rejected me. It hurt bad when she did. Yes, I do want her back, but under the conditions of at least monogamy as long as we are together. This situation is really messed up.
@@megachristina12ify They are literally addicts. They have a gaping hole in their soul that cannot be filled. They reach out to multiple people to fill needs and desires, because the world and its people exist only to serve those needs and desires. Problem is, when you have multiple selfish people in multiple relationships with each other, you get chaos, just like the life of my ex was pure chaos, except for the time we dated. She missed the chaos….
Simps give gifts for attention and time before and during the relationship. Gift giving after a break up from a long term relationship is just an attempt to emotionally manipulate and create a lm emotion of love and feelings to what was. I would only consider it simping if you were just dating and it wasn't even that long, then it's just pathetic.
I disagree. Men are not perfect either and should apologize when they have done something bad to the other person, but should not apologize if they are not in the wrong or have done nothing. The problem is that a lot of men apologize way too much and/or when they are not in the wrong or when it is just something small and nitpicky. That makes them look weak and unattractive.
Simple if you had mistake then do apologies but at least honestly and while chatting just realize her it’s on you I had mistake and it’s your turn to take any decision whatever it’s I will accept it don’t just beg and then see
Coach Lee I just wanted to ThankYou so much for your video👍❤️ I appreciate them and all the work that you put into them. You're an awesome guy. I can tell that you are one of a kind. Is very hard to go through this pain❤️🩹 but for some reason your videos give me comfort whether he comes back or not. I was married for 32 years We had some arguments hurting each other but I know for sure that he is an avoiding narcissist and he just left the house filing for divorce without a real good reason and my sons are devastated at his behavior And don't want nothing to do with him Because he never answered their questions or give them a real good reason. Thanks for all you do. 🙏❤️
A 100 good things you did are forgotten and that one bad reaction costs you the relationship that was full of love and respect. Love is strange.
Sounds like all that love and respect was only one person's responsibility and feeling. The other person just doesn't care and the sooner people realize that, they can then separate from that type of person and find someone mature and caring
I saw your reply on one of my video comment. You still can’t move on ey?
@@aiya5758 Trying to, a lot better now. Miss her sometimes.
@@FoxSleeping yes. Can’t move on still
Exactly 💯 my situation...I was a kind person that was the reason he loved me...he disrespected me many times...but one time I did it..he left me
I don’t even care anymore, I just love Coach Lee.
Jake, I'm truly honored.
@@RealCoachLee hi Coach Lee , i did not see any video on Cheating girlfriend trying to monkey branch before she dump the bf..Do we take back a Cheating Girlfriend...?
😂😂😂
I agree. He keeps me grounded!
hi coach, 2 yrs of no contact after 22 yr relationship & I'm okay. He said at the time of the breakup that there was not anyone else, but that wasn't true & they're still together. I'm done, but you got me through the worst time of my life. I'm forever grateful! people PLEASE listen to this man!!
Usually, when someone says there is no one else or that they are not looking for a relationship at the moment, it’s not true. I’m sorry that this happened to you.
thanks Coach, I had a feeling, which is why I asked him that question. He's the type of man who cannot be alone & I knew that.
Curious, do you still consider yourself in "no contact" or have you moved on and are now just single. I ask, because some people remain in no contact thinking there's still a chance when there isn't
@sloanmagnum5009 I'm in no contact with him in any way shape or form. I'm living my life & doing what I choose. I would never take him back.
Every word Coach Lee is saying in this video is a brick in the wall of mutual understanding, respect and knowing one's place in a relationship that had come to a point where you realize you were wrong and his breaing up was his decision.
In fact, I had followed CoachLee's advice and decided to apply the no contact rule and all the while, listening to his numerous most interesting and reassuring video's. In fact, I am feeling confident and stronger after six months of separation, and was surprise when he sent me a Holiday Card. Nevertheless, I'm still casual with my answers, never ever forgetting that he had broken up with me, and that we both have a long way to go, if at all, to break that long, odd and painful silence he had imposed on me/us.
Thank You Coach Lee for I couldn't have done it all by myself!
My 14 year relationship ended in February and i have been in no contact sinch March. Was i counting days yes i was tbh. Only to realise my ex got married in the end of April. Who is more sick
No contact is not to get your ex understand that it is for you to heal and prepare yourself for the future
Thats some sick shit!
What caused the relationship to end and why do you think your ex moved on and got married to someone else?
thats fked up man.. remember its her loss.. it is people like that you dont want in your life.... stay strong king, you will have the right one come into your life..
@@Suroshi89 how do you know it's her loss when you don't know anything about their relationship or what led up to her leaving or what type of person he was? I'm curious how you came to thay conclusion?
@@sloanmagnum5009 it was a really complicated relationship right from the beginning. We belonged to different religions, one year after our relationship she got married and later she came back from it within 3 months. Her narcissistic mother forced her to get married into the same religion later we started working together again for about 6 years and then we went into a long distance relationship for about 6 years. Finally 2 years ago she wanted me to move on because she said she couldn't justify staying in it because she could give what i wanted. She broke the news after her birthday that she seeing somebody from her workplace for the past 7 months I couldn't really believe it after the time we've spent together. I really wanted to work this out because i felt she came back for me after she got married. Slowly for the past one year she was going indifferent which lead to constant argument and inspite staying in the same city for the last 3 years she met me once. I really assumed her of being many things but i was wrong and last thing i ever wanted was she seeing somebody else while i was crying every night. I prayed alot for us but god had different plans for us and probably he didn't see that too
Love Dave's coaching. I have noticed something with all the dating coaches, the no contact is tricky. They have you to do this no contact as if you were or are trying to get your ex back well all along you're the one who's healing & moving on. What a smart idea 😊
There could be many reasons, and I was blaming myself for the reason of the Breakup, but the main thing is if they do not love you, it's done. simple as that
If you've wronged them and you want them back send this message - "Hey, I know I hurt you and for that I'm truly sorry. You didn't deserve that and I hope one day you can forgive me and we can try again because I love you and have been working to improve myself in the following ways ---- but I completely understand if you can't forgive me."
That's and apology/clean slate letter. Those never work and even coach Lee says not to do those
I disagree ..if you’ve wronged them badly ..then this is the mature response ..she should understand that you truly know that you wronged them. After that one text ..it’s up to her to decide ..she has nothing else on you bc you finally did the right thing. She may still be getting high off the relief but later it will hit her that maybe you aren’t the bad guyafter all. She will think it over ..may take weeks or months but she will always remember that last text as you doing the right thing anything else will be seen as you being weak. She wants a strong man that has the balls to walk away especially bc you wronged them.
Love that!!!
Kinda wrote that and gave her flowers. She still broke up with me. We're 2 weeks later.
The fault of the break up is on the person doing the breaking. If that’s you yes it’s your fault. Some people are able to work through their issues and forgive past mistakes instead of punishing the other person with loneliness.
True
False
Not true and once you understand why u can say that you understand the whole game
Imagine being deeply invested in a long-distance relationship with someone you adore. You've been thoughtful, sending gifts on special occasions like Christmas and Valentine's Day to express your love. But then, when her birthday arrives and you're facing financial constraints, she decides to call it quits because there's no gift from you. It leaves you bewildered, questioning whether the relationship was more about material things than genuine connection.
You had big plans together, envisioning a future where you'd build a life together across the world. But her reaction makes you realize that some people prioritize gifts over shared dreams and experiences. It's a painful lesson, but you come to understand that true love isn't about presents; it's about the depth of connection and mutual respect for each other's aspirations.
Why torture yourself? If you and her didn't have a clear set plan for one of you to relocate permanently to where the other person is then more than likely the long distance relationship won't work.
Right on time .. i treated my ex like crap for years and i honestly regret it when she told me over and over about the same problem and whats funny all i had to do was put my pride to the side it hurts not being around her but me treating her like that was hurting her more.. i just have to accept she’s moving on but she still texts me
Pretty much same
Don't understand this.
In my case, I am 27, been there for 3 years, the last 6-7 months, I was busy due to setting up my business and the same things as you listed, I couldn't pay attention to the relationship, but still managed to meet up twice/thrice a month. And even during no meets, we did talk almost every day on calls, vc etc.
I wasn't exactly cruel to her, I did love her and reassured her to work on all the issues that were coming up, but I truly couldn't focus there when I am establishing a business. but I think that I disappointed her during a big fight(which I admit, that I was being an asshole in, since I hadn't slept after a night of travel and no sleep. No hitting or abusing, it did include yelling though) 2 months ago, after a month of which, the breakup happened and she went distant for the month before the breakup. Even before that, we were having small fights at times, but they were at the most, 10 happy moments : 1-2 fights, in that ratio.
I don't understand as to how 2.5 years of happiness and constant support can be forgotten by 5-6 months of me literally just being busy(I also gained 6-7 kgs of weight during this time). I literally used to prepare her for interviews, get study materials for her and really look after her(and no, I was not a simp about it, for me to do all these things for someone, it takes around 1.5 years of a happy relationship to get me assured that they are taking this seriously) She thought I kept delaying her concerns, but what am I to do when a new problem in the business stole my attention away, every time? Yes, I could have paid more attention to her, but by the end of the day, all I wanted to do was to get back home and relax. So much so that I was not even in contact with my best friends for months. I got a little lazy in paying attention to the rest of my life, and was/am willing to fix these issues since my business stabilized and became profitable, surprisingly at the same time of the breakup, last month since I was working hard at it.
It is frustrating because I am a prideful person who keeps his priorities straight. I am 27 and I know that if I work on myself, I can get far better options than her. But as of now, I don't want to. I am the type of a person who tries to fix things if they get broken and I want to repair this. I don't know if any of this will be worth something. I feel like crap, abandoned and betrayed because I had really started to believe in all those promises and words. Who did she think that I was creating the business for? I am not even into material things, all I wanted to do was to retire early, ensure that my future family never had to be desperate for things, like I was.. and live happily since I had a crap childhood already and wanted some years of happiness.
I thought that I had found an adult who was above these petty issues and would try to fix things at least. And now, it feels like a slap in the face to wake me up and remind me about our value based world where people rarely keep their words and can change at the drop of a hat. How do you even trust someone again after something like this..
Don't understand this.
In my case, I am 27, been there for 3 years, the last 6-7 months, I was busy due to setting up my business and the same things as you listed, I couldn't pay attention to the relationship, but still managed to meet up twice/thrice a month. And even during no meets, we did talk almost every day on calls, vc etc.
I wasn't exactly cruel to her, I did love her and reassured her to work on all the issues that were coming up, but I truly couldn't focus there when I am establishing a business. but I think that I disappointed her during a big fight(which I admit, that I was being an ass in, since I hadn't slept after a night of travel and no sleep. No hitting or abusing, it did include yelling though) 2 months ago, after a month of which, the breakup happened and she went distant for the month before the breakup. Even before that, we were having small fights at times, but they were at the most, 10 happy moments : 1-2 fights, in that ratio.
I don't understand as to how 2.5 years of happiness and constant support can be forgotten by 5-6 months of me literally just being busy(I also gained 6-7 kgs of weight during this time). I used to prepare her for interviews, get study materials for her and really look after her(and no, I was not a simp about it, for me to do all these things for someone, it takes around 1.5 years of a happy relationship to get me assured that they are taking this seriously) She thought I kept delaying her concerns, but what am I to do when a new problem in the business stole my attention away, every time? Yes, I could have paid more attention to her, but by the end of the day, all I wanted to do was to get back home and relax. So much so that I was not even in contact with my best friends for months. I got a little lazy in paying attention to the rest of my life, and was/am willing to fix these issues since my business stabilized and became profitable, surprisingly at the same time of the breakup, last month since I was working hard at it.
It is frustrating because I am a prideful person who keeps his priorities straight. I am 27 and I know that if I work on myself, I can get far better options than her. But as of now, I don't want to. I am the type of a person who tries to fix things if they get broken and I want to repair this. I don't know if any of this will be worth something. I feel like crap, abandoned and betrayed because I had really started to believe in all those promises and words. Who did she think that I was creating the business for? I am not even into material things, all I wanted to do was to retire early, ensure that my future family never had to be desperate for things, like I was.. and live happily since I had a crap childhood already and wanted some years of happiness.
I thought that I had found an adult who was above these little short term issues and would try to fix things at least. And now, it feels like a slap in the face to wake me up and remind me about our value based world where people rarely keep their words and can change at the drop of a hat. How do you even trust someone again after something like this..
This is exactly what happened to me. I’m coming up on a month post break, and first week of no contact after discovering coach Lee. I have very little hope that I will get her back, but after seeing coach lees videos I realized the only option I have is moving forward to the future and what ever is supposed to happen, happens.
Same. 6 years. Only last year I messed up. All our years were flawless.
I lied and emotionally cheated on my ex. We both sat down and discussed what happened and why I did what I did, I owned it. I owed her that much. She said our relationship was over and she needed her space to process and heal, she didn't want me involved in her healing process or there as support as it only reminded her of what happened. I've respected her wishes and haven't made contact, it's been just over 3 weeks. Her birthday is coming up very soon, but I'm staying no contact. I chose to block her on social media. Seeing her all the time reminded me of the pain I put her through, the guilt I felt was very deep, I was ashamed of what I did. I need to heal and rebuild myself.
I will respect her wishes and stay no contact. But deep down inside I want her to contact me when she's had time to heal, and say we can try again.
Am I holding onto an impossible chance again, or should I just move on?
Thank you coach.
Everything you said in your video was spot on and made absolutely 💯 sense.
Thank you for your messages of guidance 🙏
Update? I am in the same situation😢😢
@vionor2665 The best quote I got handed to me was to "forget about it....roll on"
Any update brother?
@@markcool8750 bro same, i fucked up my relationship, should I break no contact after a some time and both having healed?
But why did you tell her? I would have just changed my behaviour, forgive myself and start treating her like you wanted to from that point on. She will never trust you again after that.
Hey Coach! This video have been really helpful!
My ex broke up with me for the 3rd time around 7 months ago.
Prior to the breakup, we decided to go to couples therapy, whenever we had disagreements he would breakup with me, and I wanted us to break that pattern.
I don’t know if the breakup was my fault, but he went with it anyways.
About a month ago, we met and exchanged our stuff, it was really a friendly meeting, and he mentioned that he was battling with his heart and mind about us.
I texted him and told him how I felt, and that I feel what he is going through and if he wanted to meet and talk about it.
He said that he didn’t mean to mislead me and wanna continue with the breakup.
Now I am lost and I don’t know if we have a chance to work on our relationship, or if it’s really over.
Look, i wish i had a girlfriend like you, who would give me a chance, and even would consider couple counceling. You did everything possible. More than once by the way. Your only choice seems to be no contact, even if it'll be hard.
My ex told me three weeks ago that I’m a good guy but she doesn’t feel we can recover from disrespecting each other. Fast forward three weeks later and she’s saying she wants to start back talking and miss goofing around with me. Is this a sign of breadcrumbing?
What if I broke trust and that set off her dismissive avoidant side? We were dating for 2 months. I apologized and tried to make things right but she grew very cold. She said she forgave me but it’s not easy to forget. 3 weeks later she ghosted me. I’ve been in no contact for about 2 months now. Is there any point to apologize again? I mean I don’t see her coming back. She’s kept me on her Instagram for some reason. I’m at a loss
My break up was mainly my fault. I apologized and took accountability. We talk and text occasionally. But I am in NC mode. Giving him space to process and take accountability for his part. I am not doing anything for him because then he will expect it.
Any update?
My ex broke up with me and said he lost feelings with each fight we had. I was very insecure, we were LDR, and I always wanted to know how he was because he had a medical issue. So whenever he won't send a message when he wakes up, the worst case scenario pops up in my head. He said him chatting me in the morning and evening felt like a chore and me loving him too much was suffocating him. He was so used to being used and not being taken care of that he said he was just wired that way. He was a good man but he was a bad boyfriend. He ghosted me after offering friendship when he dumped me but I didn't reach out after a day. The only time I sent him a message was to tell him that I was finally letting him go and hoped him the best.
you honestly didn't even have to tell him you were letting go. i had this almost exact situation. he ghosted me after a fight and i never looked back because i was so so so done all i wanted was for him to get lost. he came back realizing i wasn't going to chase. he became kind of a stalker. don't say anything anymore. just show him. it speaks louder than anything else
That sounds sad. He needs therapy. To many unresolved problems.
Hi did he come back
Love and support from Singapore 🇸🇬 been watching all your videos Coach Lee. All your videos has full of insight and wisdom❤️❤️
My ex actually wrote me after 5wks of No contact but was still pissed by how he left & decided not to respond back even when I actually still love him.
What if it was my fault because she upset I didn't show her the level of affection she wanted from me, and clocked out. Broke up with me. I said I want to able to show more if she'd give me a chance. But she said the feelings arnt there anymore. I told her that if she ever feels differently down the line to reach out and see where I'm at. She did asked to be freinds but I said i wouldn't know how to see her differently so it wouldn't be a good idea.
I left it that, becuase i can't compete with how she's feeling.
I was waiting for this video ❤
Ngl our relationship was toxic, she will never come back. To much silent treatment and guilt tripping between us.
She left after 2 weeks of silent treatment, i tried to apologize, she was to proud to forgive me cause it wasn't the first time. I was to hurt and proud to stop her, because it was a very dark time in my life, with depression and unemployment and i somehow expected to go through it together and not beeing abandoned.
I went to her after a month of no contact to reconcile, she was cold as ice, told me even she met another dude 2-3 weeks after the break up, they are only getting to know each other...she sees no future with me, and this dude even talks about marriage(a thing that i didn't do in 7 years), she has no time to grief and just wants to be happy and feeling loved...
I was very hurt.
Now i couldn't take her back, even if i wanted to...
I know i made mistakes but she ignores hers. She has to have the moral high ground..
She moved on very quickly.
You never know seriously, it has been only a month, you never know if this rebound would fail. I am a woman but if a guy told me that he wanted to marry me after 3 weeks of dating, I would think this guy is crazy and weird.
Guys just move on they left , let them be , Respect yourselves, STOP trying to get them back.
Would you just please keep that to yourself, its not like that.
you don’t know our situation
@@ssh2894:)
Agreed, 100%
I think its time you move on from this forum. Move on
I’ve asked my male friend to apologize and talk about a subject that is sensitive to him in regard to his behavior towards me one particular night. Regarding this subject, I feel as if I have the right to ask questions. He refused, and just gave me no contact.
I apologized to my ex, her cousins and tried to apologize to her family. All together she let me go. And now im no longer contacting her again. Im working on myself. Shes unapologetic for her behaviors as well and i won't wait on that
What did you apologize for?
I did the exact same thing and it meant NOTHING!! She didn't acknowledge her own behaviors!!
What if she said she needs time to think and I ended it? A week and a bit later I asked if she wanted to catch up for coffee and she said she would be busy as she just moved. I miss her so much 😢
So 2 weeks of strategic no contact living in a friends warehouse office my wife just said to me I need to find "somewhere better to live long term" we have 2 young children so I go to the house to take them to school and grandma's house early mornings so she can go to work (i go to work after) and late night so and I'm there putting them to bed when she comes home. Am i doing to much for her still? I don't know. I'm in such a mess here. Please help 🙏🙏😓
Thank you so much for your videos,it's been almost 8 months since the break up,but it was my fault,at least this is what i think,that's why i begged her to stay and try to fix it but she didn't want to,so i listen to your videos and go no contact, she tried to reach out more than 20 times and being flirty, i never try to fix the break up,i think she wants me to apologize again but i don't think i can do it,now it's on her to do it,
Why do you think it was your fault?
Well i left him for a ridiculous reason and i I realised after 5hrs what i did was wrong and i made a mistake so i went and apologised. He told me he needed time to think about it. I gave him about a week and then sent him a massage and apologised for the second time and told him it was a mistake and I tried to talk to him alot but, he left me he said he couldn’t forgive me even tho I didn’t left him even a day it was a stupid mistake and I regret it so much and I’ve learned my lesson but he couldn’t give me a chance. Idk what to do
It’s been 2 weeks of no contact and his birthday is in one month please tell if i should send him anything on his birthday or not.
Update?
Sounds like what I'd do if I were fed up with a girl. In my case I took advantage of the opportunity to break up bc I was already considering it. I got what I wanted and didn't risk anything....hope that's not what happened to you.
Also, being left for a ridiculous reason is a big red flag in itself. I'd encourage caution and forethought before doing anything going forward.
Hi Coach Lee,
When ever you find time. I am really looking for guidance right now.
Hi, you can book a session with me at myexbackcoach.com/book-with-coach-lee/
Coach Lee, do you have a no contact video, that I haven't seen yet, that has to do with a mutual breakup and both people mutually agreeing to break up again??
The problem is I really DON'T KNOW if that was my fault.
10 years. She is diagnosed with BPD. She ghosted me, I came to ask what is happening, she called me 'stalker', said that she is mentally unstable, feels 'paranoid' when I'm around and wants to be on her own.
She didn't tell me, but it turned out she MONKEY BRANCHED. I went no contact and never chased.
Then, suddenly, after 6 month she started posting tiktoks with hints that I'm 'abusive', 'narcissist' etc (say what??)
Like... no one is bothering you, why to post things like that after such a long period?
So yeah, I really don't know what is real and what is her distorted perception.
No way it could be your fault, if she does not listen to you, then you have no authority and obligations towards her.
i can understand, similar situation, leave her brother, find someone you can rely on and who will stay with you when you need her.
The fact that she monkey branched instantly after breakup shows her true self and that she is not suitable for long term partnership. What can you expect from a person who is not mentally stable to see what is right and what is wrong
Move on and find a better person brother
@@ritikgupta7781monkey branched BEFORE the breakup conversation, to be more correct. Not after.
She didn't tell me, because she didn't want to look guilty.
Just let her go. don't defend yourself you don't have to prove anything. are you what she says you are?
@@mariotibbrine1I am in no contact so I'm not defending anything since I have no communication with her.
Am I what she says? I don't really know. I never offended or raised my voice or physically assaulted her. Never ever.
I simply was in strong position in relationship. Some radical feminists say that this your "strong position" is abuse itself. There's trend nowadays to call everything with this fashionable word 'abuse'. So it's hard to say. I would say NO. But it is a textbook BPD behavior to call everybody 'abusive'.
Out of curiosity, are you one of those people who think they can help or save her from her self at the expense of your own sanity? You're clearly still following her on social media and know what she's doing. Is she wrong to accuse you of some of these things she's said?
was 3 weeks of begging & pleading too much if she dumped me because of something i did? we were only together for 2 1/2 months & she broke up with me because I would get anxiety & insecurities whenever i noticed her feeling distant or depressed. i said some hurtful things to her at the end due to being so anxious & it was very self centered of me, which made her very angry & she blocked me. Now i’m about 5 weeks into no contact. Did I ruin any chances of her regaining her attraction/feelings back for me?
I did the same thing. You most likely lost your chance. Its time to move on.
Apologizing can be quite powerful as long as it's done from the heart, with full accountability and no buts. Im currently writing my ex a letter after giving her some space and time for myself to reflect and heal.
This is exactly what im thinking of doing! Tell me how it works out:) Wish the best for you
@LinusLarsson-t9v She responded positively and thanked me for the beautiful message and asked if I could give her time to think about everything. I definitely recommend sending a letter, I added a box of chocolates with a hint of her favorite cologne I wear on the paper. This is the first time I've ever had an ex reply positively after a breakup.
Thanks for your powerful counsel coach Lee
He was sending message when he was not speaking when he blocked I was hearing his emotions from the social media,
So i have broke no contact alot and told my ex for 14 years how i felt etc etc she is with another guy and intimate have i ruined my chances of getting back together
Hey Coach Lee, can you please make some videos about On-Off Relationships? Can they work? If yes, how? Should no contact still be applied when you already had multiple break-ups?
Now that she's with someone else, I realize no contact was a mistake. I should have reached out sooner to properly reconnect and reconcile. Now it's over. I dont know all the details. I do know this person has been in the picture since before the breakup but I don't know if there was involvement or not. Probably was. But I'm trying to not assume and react like I used to. I have to be different. But different now may as well be dead as a future without her is miserable
Too many people are duped into blindly relying on no contact, myself included. I empathize with your struggle but try to recognize and appreciate that you did the absolute best you could with what you had at the time.
@forthebigwin yeah. We were together 10 years. Engaged and everything. I just thought she valued it like I did. That time would allow safety for us to find each other again and communicate. It's clear now that faith was misplaced and my life has been a lie. I'll give myself another year and if I feel no hope or happiness I'll just acknowledge my run is done. Even with all my effort beyond just her it just keeps falling apart.
Try accepting that your current situation was meant to be for a reason and move forward knowing you're supposed to be doing something else with someone else. Stop living life looking thru the rear view mirror
@sloanmagnum5009 rear view or forward nothing is panning out rn. I've been doing everything I'm supposed to. Dieting, focusing on career, cleaning up, working out. All it's landed me is likely being fired from my insecure job and health problems severe enough to leave me bedridden a couple months. I'm still trying for now. But no point in bothering with this after a certain point
@@tena2013 I understand. It's hard. But there's a way out of it. You have to learn to disconnect from the past and focus on the future. It may be more difficult for you given your circumstances but it is is possible.
She cheated on me, I tried to forgive her but after a few weeks in a drunken, angry state I broke up with her via text. The problem is she did apologize repeatedly, had started going to therapy, everything I asked of her. And so it took just a few days before I felt intense regret. What she did was wrong, but I know she's trying to improve.
Additionally, no contact forced me to reflect on my own actions in the relationship. Prior to the cheating I had become cold and distant for months. We barely had sex. I'm not justifying her actions but I do understand them.
I reached out to her asking if we could meet up in a few weeks or month. She's speaking to her therapist about what I said tomorrow. I hope her therapist encourages her to talk to me about this. I was in therapy too and CBT did wonders for my ability to display affection and warmth.
I hope both of your hearts are mended with trust
I am girl and i can understand her girls never cheat without reason i also cheated on my ex because he first ghosted i want him back but i am afraid it is too late
Great advice
I’m looking to be friends again. He blamed me. I accept the blame. If he doesn’t want that then I wish him the best of luck.
Coach Lee generally I am asking you,I heard from the social media that some one put the court case against wanna because he borrowed some money .is this true? He should tell me every thing I have no mind.
Thank you for this coach Lee.
I’ve cheated with 2 of her friends and she found out I regret it now but I’m willing to be sober and not hang out with a certain crowd so I don’t get tempted but this only happened when I was drunk does the same rules apply for no contact
She broke up with me we fought a little n thn she blocked me its been 15 days of no contact till now should i find a way to apologise her for the fight n continue the no contact or should just continue no contact without apologising please help
Yes. Find your words and find it in your heart be honest be truthful with yourself and her find the right place nd time to do so
@@AvaalhaY i apologied to her after 3 months we met alot of time we are still meeting but she doesn’t wanna get back together while in 3 month i completely transformed myself physically and i got my dream job and i am leaving the country to work on a cruise ship in few days and she says she can’t do long distance and once i move out of the country it will be over for us i mean its weird and torturing
I hope this works in my situation or former friend. I have apologized and gave her money over and over again we were friends with benefits, but unfortunately she has me blocked. I want to get back with her.
I was long distance with my ex 6 months and we finally met for the first time 25th of June. I went to meet him in his country.We met for 2 weeks and it was perfect.
I still have 10 days here left and the break up was because i upset him when i was on my period. He misunderstood me and got angry and said he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore and he doesnt see it working.
I apologized twice. What should I do before I go??
Hi Coach Lee! What if he also did something wrong and not admitting it putting the blame on me. Both of us reacted angrily and he broke up with me?
Same thing happened to me. He does not want to take accountability. He only wants me to take all the blame. I took it for my part.
Can you make a video on how to act when your ex is someone you can't avoid (colleague in my case)...Does no contact still apply? Thank you for all you do!
This video should be helpful. Watch all the way to the end: ua-cam.com/video/EcA47MmHP_I/v-deo.html
I spent 28 days with my former fiance during the holidays. I had to come back home to finish cleaning out my mom's home to sell and downsize my things to move permanently out west to be with him. We had a few rocky moments in that the holidays were very rough on him, but we were great before I left. I was home exactly 2 days and he was posting on social media how he was lonely and was all alone to garner sympathy from females. I missed him too, but women also making comments and him responding to them made my blood boil. I blocked his social media so that garbage wasnt in my feed so he proceeded to hiroshima the relationship. I went no contact and havent spoken since. Im working on things here. I dont have time or energy for childish behavior. We are both in our 60s and have dated over 3 years. Im just letting things be. Im just posting here as I dont feel that the break up is my "fault". I will take responsibility for my part, but that stuff was really uncalled for.
Sounds like the break up is nobody's fault. The man likes having options with women and you were just one of those options. You either accept that you're in a harem of his women or you move on. Some men just don't want to settle on one woman.
Need advice. Very surprising breakup. Done 15 days of NC and I still desperately want her although the distance and silence has helped a lot. After 15 days I get a snap of our favorite smoothie spot. Nothing more. 1. Do I respond? 2. What does it mean? Am I “breaking NC” if I respond to a snap like that?
did you got together?
What happene s when you unexpectedly see them & believe they saw you in public but you quickly leave so he doesn't think I was stalking him. He's already accused me of stalking his ex... I did Not
I like Lee and his style, but he completely misses the true question here that every dumpee who knows it was their fault is thinking - because I was the main cause of the breakup, it seems VERY unrealistic to expect the dumper to feel obligated to reach out. They have a higher value + you fucked up the relationship(in my case, just bad communication and some abandonment issues).
So I ruin a beautiful relationship… and then go into NC and wait for them to reach out? I don’t think so, Id even want them to respect themselves more than that, I know she does. How is it not a case where the dumpee does the work here, I’m almost certain your psychology is broken on this one Lee.
Im in the same situation. I fucked up royally with a great woman. I sent a sincere apology owning my shit and truly expressing my most sincere sorrow for the things I did . It's all you can do. It's up to the other person to accept your words and forgive and reconcile or not. It's at that point you move on. Any further apologies and/or gestures will not convince them.
@@giovanni122 perfect, taking accountability for your part in the breakup is important, validating and empathising with their feelings and experience is absolutely key for guys like us who’ve ruined a good thing. I did the same and my ex said she respected me for sending the message, so rebuilt a bit of emotional trust.
Being aware of what lead to her drop of attraction and fixing those issues is all you can do, along with NC. Words alone will not change their decision, true, only if they gravitate back your actions will pull them back in. That’s if you want them back - I’m moving forward, rather than moving on, I still want my ex.
It’s been 3 months, not perfect NC but whenever I have reached out she has been very positive and even interested in meeting up - she hasn’t initiated anything, I know she feels guilty, sad, but also seems worried I’ll be angry… she’s also slightly avoidant, but enough that she might not reach out even though I know she wants to.
Almost 2 months NC now and I’ll ask her if she wants to have a walk and a catch up - I’ve done a lot of work and have changed a lot in my life. Good luck to us both.
@@norswil8763 can i ask for your advice yeah i messed up with her and i apolozied to her during break up but that wasnt clear i will send her text when it will be 2.5 months of no contact ..... but there is the influence of her family she said we cant marry because her family will not allow but after break up she said i will try to convince them and then i go no contact for 3 weeks but tht wsnt proper no contact then she said i cant do this i will not go against them stuffs like this and said im talking to u with emtionless obviously her emotional attachment dropped .... i know its fucked up in a big way and told me to move on and find someone else and later i called her , i asked her do u want to marry me she said yes and cried than cuted call and sent me a text i love u and im letting u go before all of this she said we were good and compatible but wasnt happy ... becz we have faced a lot of issues and prblms as in our school they dont allow dating and her parents got to know abt our relation 2 3 times i hope so u can give some advice ....... yeah im working on myself and moving forward it will be one month of no contact on 3 july
You miss the true point of NC: to shift your focus on yourself, away from your ex, which also gives you the best chance to reconnect with your ex, if that time ever comes.
Hi Coach Lee, My current girlfriend said she needs space but I'm eager to set the record straight about a complicated roller coaster from my past. I don't want her to dwell on the wrong version of what happened. Is she only saying she needs space because she wants me out of her life? Do I give her the space while she only dwells on the wrong version or explain the truth asap?
Always say the truth no matter what.
If you caused that roller coaster or she perceived you as a roller coaster. Yes, apologize.
I hope you or Ken eventually touch on the makeuo breakup cycle and what happens when you push too hard too fast once you actually make up and they leave again.
Im sure many people wonder about this
Is it better to meet up and apologise face-to-face or is it better to do it through text/letter? I had a bad connection with his mom and hace said some really nasty stuff about her. It is not why we broke up, but it played in his mind. We have been in NC for 2 weeks.
Hey Coach! Unrelated to the specific topic of the video, but I would like to ask: If I went no contact since day 1 and blocked my ex, after 47 days, should I unblock her?
he doesn’t accept my apology I tried everything but he hates me now and I cheated months ago because he treated me bad,I don’t know what to do
I guess it's time to move on and let him decide. you've done everything
it was my fault. towards the end of our relationship I lacked in meeting her needs. I didnt treat her how she wanted to be treated. after some reflection though I realized she didnt really communicate it and that she'd tell me to "figure it out" and its not her responsibility to explain something that i should already know. now shes with someone else under 2 months since the breakup. hes treating her better and i dont think she'll ever regret leaving me. i sent her an essay saying im sorry and that i wanted to fix it and that was it. now i think im going to live in guilt for what I did to someone I love and care about. i wish i'm the one treating her better. I wish. been no contact ever since the essay.
It’s been a month now, 2 weeks since i sent the apology letter. No response, no contact for 2 weeks. No contact from her for a month. I lost a job a year ago and she had to use her savings to cover the bills for a month while i looked for a new job. She claims i destroyed her finances even though I said id pay her back. She never forgave me as she stated in the break up. Also not keeping my word about weight loss and that a lot of my jokes crossed boundaries that hurt her self esteem. I wouldn’t do anything to hurt her on purpose!!! She was a horrible communicator and kept everything bottled up. I had no idea about the issues until the day she left! Plus her family didn’t like me because of our age difference (13 years). She’s 21 and I’m 34. We were deeply in love at one point, i have the pictures and videos as proof! She told me she no longer trusts me or anything i say and that there’s no chance of reconciliation. Im still reeling a month later, i love her so much still and want her back. What can i do? Help coach Lee!
Send your apology via registered mail. They must sign to it. If they don’t respond move on!
What about from the other side. If they broke up with, many of the dumper WANT the other person to come back, if they broke up with you because of your poor behavior, not because they were not in love any more. But they aren't over you, Then the dumpee NEEDS to reach out and show change. Maybe more than once. But they have to appear to want you to fix things.
@RealCoachLee my ex is watching my whatsapp status's an views my snap chat thru my sons phone at 5.30am ... is this a sign of curiosity ????
I have betrayed my friend, my female friend with benefits she doesn't want nothing to do with me. She blocked me on all social media. I apologize to her and her boyfriend the last time I spoke with her she told me never to call her again. Is there anything I can do to recover, I miss her and love her back in my life I haven't spoken to her in a week can these principles work?
@BiancaDelerrdd what the numbers
Coach Lee, in many of your videos you indicated not to ignore your ex if she reaches out to you while you're doing no contact. In other videos, you mention the power of time. What do you do in a situation where your ex breaks up with you but consistently reaches out after breaking up with you only after a little bit of time just to try to get back together. It's a tricky situation because they're not getting the effects of time without you, and you also don't want to ignore them if they're reaching out. I don't know what to do.
Just don't ignore them. Treat them like you have no problem with them. That makes you more attractive.
@@thegearman I hear you. The issue is that it helps them in my opinion. They don't suffer the feeling of loss. They're using you being responsive as a crutch.
Not ignoring them doesn't mean you act all interested.
Exactly how i feel because the relationship ending was my fault but she texts me from time to time but she wants space but i feel like if i don’t respond im ignoring her idk
Nobody, including those in the replies should have to go thru this just for a relationship.
I made a mistake anyone would understand and forgive. He’s extremely avoidant and I noticed him pulling away long before it happened. It became the perfect excuse for him to exit. He blamed everything in our relationship on me and left. No apology was enough. He tried to leave as friends, kept me on his socials but never reached out again. Rebounded immediately post breakup. Worst heartbreak ever.
He most likely didn't rebound. He was probably in that relationship with the other person long before he actually left you. You were just the last to find out. He was looking for reasons to break up with you and finally did. It's comment and happens all the time.
@@sloanmagnum5009 Could be. But she is his neighbour and she didn’t live there all the time. However, now that I think about it; she had just moved there when he started pulling away from me and picking fights about literally (!) everything. So it could be that he monkey branched…
@@sloanmagnum5009 Maybe. But she is his neighbour and she didn’t live there the whole time. However, now that I think about it, he began pulling away and picking fights with me about literally (!) everything around the time she moved there so it could be that he monkey branched.
Since he is an avoidant , there should be no regret on your side.
Yes I saw warning signs and then made a mistake and that was the last straw so I agree they may have already been working on other prospects and used that to exit
im on day 6 of doing no contact w him. i love and miss him a lot
Hi Coach Lee,
I am from India and I recently had a bad breakup. I could have said very bad but I am aware everyone who has had a breakup thinks that theirs is the worst one and nothing can top that so that’s why. It was a 2-year and 7-month relationship. Now the day she dumped me was normal as usual. She works in a company where she needs to go to the office whereas I am mostly working from home. Her company has a no phone policy so she has to keep her phone in the locker. I am aware of this fact so I just sent her a good morning and then there was no communication between us. When she got back home, she told me that she had a fever so I called her and we talked for like minutes then her nephew came in and she disconnected the call. But then we were texting each other but there was a gap in reply from both parties. Post dinner, texted her to check on her and she told me that she was okay. I asked if she had taken any medicine, and she told me she was fine and then I told her to tak
I asked if she had taken any medicine, and she told me she was fine and then I told her to take some medicine. Now comes the important part, now the response she sent was “I have cheated on you with someone. I don’t deserve you. I am sorry”. I immediately replied to what she meant by that but there was no response from her end. I called her up in seconds and she disconnected the call and replied that She meant what she said, that I don’t deserve her, and that she was sorry. I blocked her number immediately and blocked her on WhatsApp and Instagram. I had created a playlist on Spotify that both of us could access. It was created so that we can share songs and listen to the songs shared by each other. I have deleted that playlist. It’s been 5 days since I started following the No Contact Rule rather it’s a silent treatment. I have removed my existence from her life. I even went ahead and deleted her photos so that I don’t have to see her whenever I use my phone because I knew that if hav
I knew that if have her photos in my phone then I wouldn’t be able to resist the urge to look at them and then in no time I would try to contact her which I did in the past for a girl before her. I am not sure what I did was right or wrong or if I could have done something better but I just did what I did.
Now the problem is that my brain cannot process this situation. I cannot believe that among us she is the one who could cheat on me. We used to talk about this a lot that in the long run, I would be the one cheating on her, and I kind of agreed with her because I always had this thought in my mind that I might be the one cheating on her in the future.
When she joined my team, I resisted approaching her because she was my teammate and if things didn’t go well then everything would get messy. I even thought that she might already be in a relationship so there was no point. But then she started giving me signals. And I kind of grabbed them with both hands. We started chatting and meeting in the office regularly. We would even get away from our team just to get more time for us. One day she asked me what I was looking for in this friendship and I don’t know why but I told her that I was looking for more than sex here. Maybe because I want to get laid that’s why I said that. This all happened very fast. Within a month I told her that I loved her whereas in my heart it was just that I was looking at her like an opportunity to have sex. Meanwhile, she told me how she was cheated on in her past 2 relationships. Her first relationship was almost 6-7 years long and that guy cheated on her for at least 3-4 years. She told me that she was devas
She told me that she was devastated, depressed, and all. And it kind of took me back to how I felt after my first breakup. I lingered upon my ex calling her now and then. I was strategizing to make her miss me and send her gifts on her birthdays through common friends and always being available for her. We even got back together after a year or so. But when we got back together, she lied to me when she dumped me earlier that her family wasn’t approving of our relationship whereas she was seeing another guy who later cheated on her. I was shocked but happy at the same time that she got punished for cheating on me and now is back with me. Only to find out six months later that she was now seeing another guy while we were together.
I was devastated and I put up a long post on Facebook informing everyone in the world that we are not together anymore and that it was mutual. I said it was mutual because I didn’t want others to think that I was a fool or something. This girl contacted me asking to delete the post and I deleted the post after 2 days. After 2 months she started calling me and texting me but I ignored her calls and texts for a month. Then when she called again, I responded and we started talking. During this time she was still in relation with her boyfriend and I was aware of it so never had any expectations from her. But she started living alone as her family moved to another town and then she called me at her home. I went there as a friend but after a couple of visits, we started discussing our past and got emotional and had sex. She cheated again on her then-boyfriend and now husband with me.
When its over its over accept that its over what you and this other person had only exists in your memories if this person comes back they are gonna be different know that the way the two of you were is not gonna be the same in any relationship once it ends and there is time and space apart you and that other person are growning and learning and experiencing different things you may change could be a slight change could be major changes in your lifestyle and daily living things change and people change dont expect the person you once knew to even exist anymore when the two of you are "reunited" or come into close proximity.
Exactly! Most of these people refuse to except the reality of the situation and watching videos about giving them selves hope is only making is worse.
There is always someone in these videos comment section, that says the cliché "Just move on" or "An ex is an ex for a reason" as if people can flick a switch. I respectfully dissagree. Sometimes couples who breakup and find their way back to each other, result in stronger bond relationships, because they have often times tasted the breakup and didn't like how it felt. The fact that two people despite the odds, manage to understand, that they really can't live without the other person and get back together, is really fascinating and beautiful. Now with that said not every relationship is worth saving, and every relationship is different, and the same goes about breakups. Connection with that certain person will always exist to some extent forever, and the ex wont eber forget you, as if they can't recall your name or sth. And if you manage to get back together with that person only a few months after the breakup, then the damage is not so great.
But if there was a lifechanging thing revealed years after the breakup in a testament. After the last parent passed away. I knew it was something wrong during the last of our 13 year long relation, but not until now I really know what my parents did. It affected me deeply and I think he should know. Because I think it was the main cause of the breakup. Had to do with trust and economy.
What if it was a mutual breakup?
Does no contact include not wishing your ex birthday? I guess it’s a yes but just in case
Yes, it includes not wishing them happy birthday
There is the case that you do the breakup because they were being disrespectful. You feel the relationship is downgrading by itself, the only move you have is to sacrifice your queen and let them go. You would be prolonging the inevitable otherwise. Andrew Tate talks about this and makes a lot of sense. Its a statement that lets them know that you are willing to step out when you see disrespect.
thank you Coach
What if it has been three years and they post things on social media to get you to react to get you to a location
Do you have an example? Rarely if anybody would do something like that after 3 years. Seems weird
No contact is to move on for good.
I never did apologize. Should I? It’s been 2 months in NC. I didn’t do anything “bad” per se. Just got lazy and complacent and took her for granted.
Not really something to apologize for if you already said you would change or asked her to work on things.
@@RealCoachLee ok. Thanks coach! So grateful for your reply.
@@RealCoachLee it’s so hard bc Ive heard you say after 2 months, it might be worth reaching out. Now it’s 2 months today. We were together for 3.5 years. Never fought or anything. I’m so tempted to reach out but I’m gonna hang tuff. The last month she was overseas on vacation so I’m sure she wasn’t thinking about me 😩
At 45 I have no level of attraction 😢
That you can't feel atraction towards anyone else or that can't feel atractive?
I m sick. I dumped that woman . When she needed me the most . But she hurt me over an over an over. She went homeless . I left her
Sounds like you dodged a bullet
If you f’d bit time you should apologize once ..she has nothing then ..it’s on her now to decide to mend things ..do nothing else unless she replies. Also if she replies ..your response is crucial ..this dude has that covered ..go find it
Mine went something like this…
“This was all my fault not yours ..I gave you more then enough reasons to leave ..I am deeply sorry I failed you.
All I can say now is I understand your decision and regret and that I’m working on myself.
Im sorry and I do hope you forgive me.”
I brought her flowers… 🤷🏽♂️
Liked done ❤
If you've wronged them but you don't want them back send this message: "Hey, sorry to reach out but I wanted to give you some closure so that hopefully it makes it easier for you to move on. I'm very sorry for what I did to you. Nothing justifies my actions. I did what I did because of my own flaws and my actions are not a reflections on who you are. You are a wonderful person and you deserve someone who can treat you much better than I did. I wish you all the happiness in the world. You are a wonderful person, please don't forget that."
beautiful!!
Don't do this
What happens if you apologized then she friendzones you but then she blocks you after you turn down her friendship offer?
If she blocked you, don’t try and find ways to contact her. Stay in NC. If she wants to reunite, she’ll unblock you and reach out
At the moment, she isn't concerned about you one way or the other.
I’m not sure what the issue is? She said let’s be friends, you said no, she blocked you. You didn’t want anything to do with her so what’s the issue?
I emotionally / solitarily cheated. I apologized once in person a week after the break up. Then I tried to talk five weeks after. I thought it was going well, asked for coffee, and was told no, which devolved into trying to explain everything. About 3.5 months after the breakup, I sincerely apologized and tried to validate her feelings; which didn't end the way I hoped. I pray she comes back. It's now been four months with her gone. She is the love of my life. . .
She's probably emotionally and mentally moved and already grieved the loss of you already, whereas you hadn't even begun yet. If you haven't done so, you might want to start now.
What exactly did you do when you say "emotionally cheated"? With whom?
So I did all of this and I left!😔 I was blocked on every platform I made myself look crazy😭
Not all there 😂
So trueeeee
I broke up with because I wanted monogamy and she wanted polyamory. I think I gave the impression that I was more disappointed in the relationship ending than she is.
Obviously because she is seeking other options while I am not.
I feel like the dumpee here than the dumper in this situation.
I broke no contact after a day, asking if she’d consider monogamy. She’s quite harshly rejected me. It hurt bad when she did.
Yes, I do want her back, but under the conditions of at least monogamy as long as we are together.
This situation is really messed up.
I don't understand why people want polyamory. That's just messed up
@@megachristina12ify They are literally addicts. They have a gaping hole in their soul that cannot be filled.
They reach out to multiple people to fill needs and desires, because the world and its people exist only to serve those needs and desires.
Problem is, when you have multiple selfish people in multiple relationships with each other, you get chaos, just like the life of my ex was pure chaos, except for the time we dated. She missed the chaos….
Burnt cake faster
never give a gift only simps do that...
Right they usually take it than you never hear from them again 🤣
Depends on the woman if she was really down for u how is that simping? Lol
Simps give gifts for attention and time before and during the relationship. Gift giving after a break up from a long term relationship is just an attempt to emotionally manipulate and create a lm emotion of love and feelings to what was. I would only consider it simping if you were just dating and it wasn't even that long, then it's just pathetic.
You should never apologize if you are a man
I disagree. Men are not perfect either and should apologize when they have done something bad to the other person, but should not apologize if they are not in the wrong or have done nothing. The problem is that a lot of men apologize way too much and/or when they are not in the wrong or when it is just something small and nitpicky. That makes them look weak and unattractive.
@@RealCoachLee u should apologize lnly if u did smthg really really really mean to them
You have no grey hairs. You are probably in your 20's 😂
Simple if you had mistake then do apologies but at least honestly and while chatting just realize her it’s on you I had mistake and it’s your turn to take any decision whatever it’s I will accept it don’t just beg and then see
Coach Lee I just wanted to ThankYou so much for your video👍❤️ I appreciate them and all the work that you put into them. You're an awesome guy. I can tell that you are one of a kind. Is very hard to go through this pain❤️🩹 but for some reason your videos give me comfort whether he comes back or not. I was married for 32 years We had some arguments hurting each other but I know for sure that he is an avoiding narcissist and he just left the house filing for divorce without a real good reason and my sons are devastated at his behavior And don't want nothing to do with him Because he never answered their questions or give them a real good reason. Thanks for all you do. 🙏❤️