It's particularly poignant too, Katara telling Toph she's pretty--because the reflexive thought might be that she's just saying that to make Toph feel better--but Toph can tell when people are lying. Toph knew that Katara was being genuine--and she was telling the truth.
Meanwhile Toph grew up in aristocracy with parents that were overly protective, so she more than likely had a lot of disingenuous compliments about her looks. Those mean girls might have been one of the few times strangers called her ugly and validated that uncertainty she had. So her tear was her because after all the disingenuous compliments she's recieved, and her inability to verify her appearance in the mirror, the mean girls basically told her "everyone's been lying to you to spare your feelings". Which is why Katara's genuine compliment reassured her.
@@JoseSerrato0420 you can also add on top of all that that katara is the first sisterly figure shes ever had, so having an older sibling genuinly tell you that youre great, especially if you look up to them can mean the world to someone
I love the line that comes right after this. When Katara says Toph is pretty, Toph says “I would return the compliment, but I have no idea what you look like.”
@@Dehi1313As another comment stated, Toph probably grew up around fake aristocrats complimenting her but dishonestly. So her being totally honest was a compliment.
it is super difficult to find that balance between giving a shit about looking good but not giving a shit about whether other people think you look good.
rewatching ATLA as an adult really showed me how mature and empathetic katara is! she's always verbally affirming or defining how someone feels (mostly aang) and she tells him its ok to feel the different pains and shame that he felt! And with toph, in this moment when she said "you're really pretty", I felt like she really understood that although inner strength and confidence are things that you should base your self-worth on because these are things you define for yourself, by affirming toph as "pretty" she, as someone toph trusts and values, gives toph that extra validation that I guess you normally get from a best girl friend, sister or a mom, all of which toph doesnt have at the moment
Katara was always my favourite character. That she can be both so kind and so strong, while also having realistic or relatable flaws, is just kind of a marvel to me, usually this kind of ‘feminine strength’ is something that seems to fly over most people’s heads, like they just sort of don’t get it. It would be so easy for a less competent or thoughtful writer to mess her up, but instead she’s reliable enough to essentially tie the whole story together.
Totally agree. And I noticed this too with Katara. She’s incredibly mature and compassionate and never shames anyone for feeling big/vulnerable emotions. In fact she often encourages it like after Ang loses Apa and is struggling with how to feel. She’s really good at making people feel validated in how they’re feeling.
I read something recently about trying to boost a kid's self-esteem, and the paradoxical effect that compliments or affirmations can have. These affirmations, like "You're beautiful", can make kids with low confidence feel worse because it engenders an uncomfortable self-awareness. They're taken out of their own head and experience of the world, and made to look at themselves through another person's eyes. Think of the dissonance that comes from seeing yourself through another person's eyes, the extra mental load of predicting their perspective. Add to that an uncertainty in what the onlooker's true impression of the person is or what their intentions are. I think this is the burden of beauty, that you cannot simply exist in your own head, but must see and reconcile others' impression of you.
Honestly this response really made me think. I would get complimented a lot - but I always deeply despised it because I hated getting noticed in that way, even if it did make me feel pretty for a moment. Fast forward a few years, now I’m 19, and have crippling body dysmorphia (which I’m now in therapy & on meds for). It’s terrifying tbh. The only thing I think about is how I’m perceived. Not only that, it’s mentally exhausting. Since taking meds those thoughts have calmed to an extent where I can think about myself being perceived in a negative way and not instantly cry over it, but my BDD definitely stemmed from people complimenting me and me looking at myself and wondering what they meant. Then I got obsessed with the idea of them pitying me. Then before I knew it I had been sitting in front of my mirror for 3 hours, and my camera roll was filled to the brim with pictures of me from all angles. And then it just spiralled out of control, to an extent where some very dark thoughts entered my head and I became a danger to myself. And how did people initially respond? More compliments, just extra piled on now that they knew I was deeply self conscious. Or even worse, anger and annoyance because they believed I was being vain or looking for attention.
I just have some difficulty with this because as social creatures it’s impossible to escape the gaze of others, ‘being seen’ will always be terrifying but it’s also unavoidable as long as we have to exist alongside other people. Like I’m gay and one of the oldest homophobic jabs is something like ‘two men together looks ridiculous or embarrassing’ or something to that effect. Obviously you can’t live your life out of concern for that or what people would say, but (some) people are still going to say it, or even if not, you’ll still internalize it on some level and think it yourself sometimes. I guess my problem is just that, as much as this might offer some insight, it’s not really actionable. You can’t do anything about the potential pain of ‘being seen’ but people at least trying to affirm you with whatever kinder words aren’t leaving those harsher ones as the last being said about it.
Dang, not only the challenge of thinking about what others think of you but also the burden of wondering if it’s even true. That is quite the load on one’s mind.
I learned about this before going to college and when I worked retail, I always tried to remember to compliment kids on their actions (Aren't you so helpful? How thoughtful! What a kind thing to do, ect) instead of physical traits like appearance or strength. Even with adults, I try to compliment things they have control over (what a nice dress/earrings/shoes/hair). I think that sort of attention is a little easier to handle. Though maybe I'm wrong.
@@Radhaun I think you must be right, if something doesn't express my agency or values I feel like it barely has anything to do with me. Though in my own practice of complimenting people, I feel like the essence is simply sincerity. Like if the stars or fortune aligns and I happen to think or notice a very sincere and kind thing about someone, I will simply say it, whatever it is, because to do anything else would feel like a horrible waste of that thought. But I do find that compliments borne that way tend to be less on the shallow side, whether that's by some kind of magical coincidence, or it's just more naturally or immediately expressive of a kind of fraternal or sororal love, I don't know.
I think its especially impactful for Toph because she doesn't fully understand beauty on account of being blind from birth. She has no idea what she looks like and needs outside help to doll herself up. This thing that is a big part of many women's lives is a complete mystery to her. And that must be really painful for someone like Toph who is used to being exceptional at everything she wants to do despite her disability
This is just a minor point but specifically at the spa, I cannot get enough of the two of them validating and reveling in each other's quirks and eccentricities. And then the way the two of them take care of each other moment to moment. A perfect microcosm of the greater themes of mutual care and aid that the series does so well.
You hit the nail on the head on why the girl's Ba Sing Se story is so special. In most episodes, the girls often fight because of a lawful vs. chaotic personality clash. Their spa day is a rare occurrence of them not only getting along, but actively supporting each other.
This is an interesting conversation. As a kid I was usually the person in the middle of "girly" and "tomboy", and I grew up with a more tomboy/athletic mother who never encouraged or made me think I needed makeup. It wasn't until I met this girl who was more on the alternative side that I thought about makeup more artistically, especially since a boy told her she'd look better without it and she didn't seem to care. For her makeup wasn't about impressing boys, which was probably my main impression of it at the time.
when anyone says they look better without makeup, what they really meant was their makeup skill was bad. no one would say that to woman that knows how to put make up properly and make them looks better with make up. and if anyone say they look better without makeup when they're actually looks good with makeup, it means they're just buttering you up. depends on how it is said, it can mean either good or bad. putting a make up needs effort, and to say they look better without it means they look down on your effort to make yourself looks better.
I have no idea what point you're trying to make, but my story was meant to point out that makeup can be a form of expression for some people, not just a tool to fit societal beauty standards. From memory the girls makeup looked good/she did some modeling. It just didn't appeal to the teenage boy in our class. @@azumi5459
I love this last scene of them two as well. Not only for Toph and her showing vulnerability but also because of the extremely empathetic reaction of Katara. She doesn't just say "well I think you're pretty". She puts it in a way that will help Toph accept her compliment and her comforting. "I know it doesn't matter to you, but I think you're pretty." Allowing Toph to stay in her shell if she needs to but getting the warmth of Katara caring for her either way. ❤
Also, a compliment from Katara is non-objectifying in nature, just because of who Katara is. Toph is so used to the idea of beauty meaning objectification, but it means something different when you're called beautiful by somebody who is your friend and cares about the other aspects of you first.
I relate to this a lot. As a kid, I always felt like I wasn’t the ‘kind of girl’ who COULD wear makeup (even when I really wanted to) - not so much in a ‘I’m not like other girls’ way, but from fear that wearing makeup/dressing ‘girly’ would seem incongruous with my personality, that it’d make people think I’m just doing it to fit in or impress others. It does sometimes feel like two different voices inside, one who wants to have fun dressing well and experimenting with makeup, and the other wondering why bother, as it just makes me massively uncomfortable and self-conscious when I do leave the house done-up. Bit of a lose-lose! Thanks for touching on this, it’s nice to be reminded that we’re all in the same boat in terms of beauty standards and having our worth reduced to just our appearance. Characters like Toph remind me that confidence, skill and self-knowledge are the most charismatic and admirable assets!!
Its funny, but as a guy I had a similar experience. I was kind of nerdy, but had a 'good kid' image. I was kind of jealous of the goth and punk types who just had the confidence to wear crazy stuff and act so cool and laid back. I was worried that if I did it, it would look fake or like I was trying to be something I was not. Looking back on it, I wished I had taken more risks and gotten out of my comfort zone.
You didn't really hit on this too much, but I think the disability plays into it in a huge way as well. I'm a physically disabled woman. I have been since birth. I'm not blind, and I can walk, but have extremely limited mobility in my right leg, and walk with a pronounced limp. I had a very similar experience, and a very similar response to it, as toph at a very young age. I came away with the philosophy of, "because I'm disabled, I'm never going to be seen as attractive. So why bother trying?" I was also just naturally a bit of a tomboy. I decided not trying hurt less than trying and always failing. And I'm ok with it. I do like a spa day every now and again though.
Not even just physical disability either! I’m depressed which I’ve worked really hard not to be but it’s really difficult. For a while I wasn’t trying to look happy or look nice because I thought I would just look depressed anyway and I didn’t want to look more or less depressed, but wearing what I want makes me feel better most of the time. I want to wear what I want more.
Oh fuck me girl, you put into words what I never could. I’m not exactly physically disabled but I am Autistic, and have a noticeable toe-walk that is common among autistic folks. I’ve lived with that idea for years and had come to accept I’d never be physically attractive. It’s hard to reconcile that when people do say I look beautiful.
I’m a short guy and I’m bombarded with messages that no matter how much I work on myself, I’ll always lose out to a tall guy who doesn’t put in effort into himself. These days I keep a slim physique and focus on the benefits of a life without romance, but sometimes I do wish I get to experience being desired by more than just crusty middle aged men who want to squeeze my shoulders or cup my cheeks. When I do sports or work on myself, I always give an excuse that it’s for something else. E.g. i do martial arts for self-defence, commute by bike or run to get groceries, but deep down I’d want to work out and get results like most other guys.
I am blind. The beauty bullshit used to fuck me UP. Never knowing if people are lying (unlike Toph I can't tell) you feel like of COURSE people are going to say nice things about your appearance when you can't see it yourself. The anxiety of people seeing obvious fixable flaws about your appearance can ruin your day. Like Toph I find it better to not think or care about being ugly. Having a couple honest good friends can help tremendously. I also have found that people close to me experience some sort of healing from me never caring about their appearance, the pressure is there for EVERYONE
@@prettybyaccident That's a beautiful story. I'm glad you can liberate others from that pressure, even as they spare you from it too. That's what life is all about. 🙂
I feel so connected to Toph as a masculine person myself trying to be feminine does make me feel weird, I feel like I'm not good at it even when I try, it's a vulnerably of stepping out of your comfort zone, even if femininity is expected of me, of us, it never feels like I'm good enough at it, so Toph here, opening herself up and being girly with Katara (someone who is naturally feminine) was scary, then when she was bullied it hurt even worse BECAUSE she was trying something that didn't come naturally even if she had a good time. Hearing Katara say that, and knowing that her friend thought she was beautiful and confident, despite trying something that doesn't come naturally to her, and being so vulnerable (which she's not good at and doesn't like too much) made her feel like she has a true friend who loves her even when Toph herself feels like she's not good enough. It love this story so so much.
I’m a young woman, I love wearing dresses, I love cute things. I also avoid shaving because I find it tedious and makeup because it makes my acne worse (it’s basically nonexistent when I don’t wear makeup) I feel comfortable in my own skin, and when I look in the mirror, I see someone strong, healthy, and beautiful. Yet I still get comments from my sister about how I should wear makeup, or from my dad about how I should shave my hairy legs. I know they’re well-meaning and love me. They want to protect me from being judged or to include me in the things they enjoy. But that’s just not for me. And that’s fine.
One thing I love about this exchange is how Toph gives Katara a punch on the arm. We learn later in the Ember Island Players episode, when she does the same to Zuko, that this is a sign of affection for her.
That's a really interesting topic to discuss regarding Toph! I personally always saw it more as her as a blind girl struggeling with feeling comfortable in her skin because of the beauty standards, especially with her not being to actually see what she look like. So I always saw her healthy layer of dirt as her "make up" equivalent since she can feel/see it, she feels comfortable with earth in general and its subtle in colore (so it goes "with anything"). All aspects that dont apply to acual colorful make up. No matter how confident you are, you arent immune to the insecurities of not knowing if you look ridiculous/ ugly to others, especially when you have no way of finding out on you're own if you're environment isnt genuinely letting you walk around looking bad which could result in comments like the ones from these mean girls. For all her powers, Toph has no way to defend herself in that. Before, Toph's appearance was defined by her family's background. Not just in the sense that she was told what to wear to be 'pretty', but also that she knows exactly that her being told that she looks good wouldnt necessarily need to be truthful bc of her family's status or her parents cuddling her. Katara telling her in the end that in her eyes she IS pretty, in my opinion, means so much to Toph because she trusts Katara to truly mean it and 100% not secretly play a cruel prank on her by taking advantage of her disability to let her walk around like a clown. And therefore Toph values her opinion and is comforted by Katara's words.
Visually impaired tomboy here and you may as well have been reading directly from my soul. The piece about becoming vulnerable once you start to care about beauty hits hard, I definitely lived through that. Thank you for a great video (about my favorite character ever!)
Your video made me cry holy shit. It’s so true when you start to put effort into your appearance, the opinions of others regarding your visuals carry more weight. When I wore makeup and bleached my hair, people started giving me their opinions unsolicited, telling me they could see dark circles or that I looked ugly. And despite the positive feedback most of the time, it’s always the negative ones that stick with you and make you insecure when all you wanted was to look pretty like anyone else.
growing up, i never felt beautiful because i didn't fit into conventional femininity. i was super tall, cracked jokes, and no boys ever showed romantic interest in me because im not super pretty. this caused me to try to completely reject my feminine side. i still liked feminine things secretly, but i saw it as a weakness. i tried to take my masculinity to the extreme to (1) to get male validation and (2) to hide my vulnerable side like toph did. when i first saw that episode, it hit way too close to home; pretending not to care about my appearance and being scared of ridicule if i tried to look pretty. fortunately, now i've grown and i have embraced my femininity much more on my own terms. i own a lot of pink things! thank you for making a video about this 💞
At the end when you mentioned how girls should be able to be tomboys without being ridiculed and girly without being assumed vain really struck me. I am not particularly insecure but doing my makeup does make me feel pretty and complete in my outfit. I also tend to wear bright feminine colors and feminine like clothes. I am also pretty well off, with a nice home and a good family. One of my biggest fears in regards to my physical appearance is being seen as vain. My family is not outstandingly rich by any means but when compared to others lots of times people assume I don't understand what it's like to struggle or have real problems. When you pile on how I like to dress it becomes an especially sensitive spot because I feel like people just chalk me up to be your classic "pretty, rich, mean girl", though no one's ever said that to my face. Overall, I very much agree with what you said and I really love this show.
I really appreciate you making this video. It was really thoughtful and well done. As man I can't fully understand this experience for women but as a single dad with a daughter I appreciate the insight this provides. I know societal expectations are brutal and I want to have the tools to support her the best I can as she grows up. This was very helpful. Also, while my experience again is different this helped me better understand feelings I have struggled with my whole life. As a tall objectively attractive guy I was expected to look good but not too good and to be a player. If not you were made fun. Women also thought it was okay to touch me without consent because all guys want is sex. Having experienced grooming as a kid it was always like nails on a chalkboard in my head but would be ridiculed for setting boundaries and made to feel irrational. Lastly, something I have learned in therapy is that being self assured does not mean people cannot hurt you. It means that you are able to experience and connect with your emotions and process them with out the need (wanting help is normal and healthy) of external validation. Then move on. People will always be able to hurt you, and there is nothing wrong with that. We are not our emotions and feelings. We are the actions we take to address and respond to them. Thanks for coming to my Ted talk. Need to head out again for some cigarettes. See you all in another 10years.
Dude this is wild that you post this because I JUST rewatched this episode and realized that I think the tale of Toph and Katara might be my favorite despite how impactful the tales of Zuko and Iroh were to me when I first watched it 😭 there’s just something nice about it :)
I find one thing to also consider- there is a cultural impact here. Katara grew up in a community that we know had many women, and I think because of this despite how Sokka acted at the start femininity was never a bad thing. It was an integral part connect Katara back to her roots and her identity. For her, her femininity is as much of a power and benefit as is her fighting seen with the Painted Lady. Toph however, was never given a choice. She was treated as an object because of her blindness and cultural strictness to beauty, femininity, and expectations. While Katara had the options to embrace femininity as a connection to herself Toph was simply expected to embrace is, and Toph is known to hate what is forced upon her. Toph is a tomboy, but she does so partly as a rejection for the life she was forced into- being loud, ‘gross’, and not caring about how she looked is partly in defiance to control her own idea of self. I think through all of this people want to be accepted. Toph through what her family expected in a literal sense of appearances of noble daughter and blind girl has always known herself. Even when she was dressed up and wore makeup Toph had an understanding of who she is and it’s not the outside that shapes this but people who do see have a level of perceptions of everything that gives us other judgement of others. Toph’s comments remind me that even I know I know who I am, it’s nice to feel validated in your looks and self. Suki’s comment “I’m a warrior, but I’m also a girl,” points out that many things can be true at once. Toph can be confidence and tomboyish and want to be validated in her looks sometimes, that she wants to be an object of affection and has a complex relationship with femininity/beauty that even though it’s a short bit of an episode deeply convey’s so much about Toph while exploring positive character traits for Katara that I think balance out when they do fight later on.
huh this is interesting but kind of opposite of how i became interested in makeup. i was never okay with how i looked, and i thought it was because i was asian. i thought asians were just inherently ugly, and that as an entire race, we couldnt wear makeup because it wouldnt do anything. (yes i know how crazy it sounds) but thats only bc i grew up with 0 asians around me, and my family is white. one of the prettiest girls told me "you look...ok" when i sent a pic of myself. id wear hoodies and jeans and graphic tshirts even though i hated it. i would androgenize myself even though it didnt feel like who i really was. i remember once, these white girls who i looked up to did my makeup and they kept complimenting me while giggling, just like the girls in the episode. girls would always specifically point out features that were "asian" and it reinforced my insecurity. and then i found asian beauty youtubers and it completely changed my life. suddenly, i didnt need their white validation anymore. i realized id internalized eurocentricism to the point where femininity was only something white girls could emulate. so when i heard about hyperfeminization of asian women, it didnt make sense to me. i feel like i dress super girly and wear full face makeup now because thats the type of person i always was, i just didnt know how to embrace it. sometimes i do feel like i changed into a different person and that my old self is someone i dont recognize anymore.
I think another point worth mentioning is that Toph comes from a affluent background. She had the fanciest clothes and people to do her hair and makeup and she didn't like it. She also likely spent a lot of time around nobles and it could be argued that she doesn't enjoy having to worry about her appearance because of the association of having to present herself as a meek and helpless girl, especially because she is blind.
I find it interesting that Toph is also the one to tease Aang during the Ember Island play, stating something like "you are much more in touch with your feminine side than most guys". I think she has a conflicted relationship with her feminine side at this point because she made the experience that women are not taken fully. The director of the play decided to cast her role with a macho man, and this is probably because the audience has sexist views and would feel humiliated at the thought that a GIRL would stand up against the Fire Nation and kick their asses. I'm happy that your channel was recommended to me, it's so much fun to hear people of my age commenting on Avatar and rewatching the classic... the live action show was met with mixed reactions but what's purely positive about it is how it reignited the community.
Toph was cast as a man most likely because the fire nation soldiers who were bested and came back didnt want to say they were bested by a blind little girl. Not because the audience wouldnt believe it.
Idk what the in-universe explanation is, but the creators had Toph be played by a man in the play as a nod to the the original concept for her character
@@naturesfinest2408 you're good! I wasn't trying to knock your theory or anything, i just wanted to point out a different perspective. A lot of things in the play are references to the show's production or the atla fandom, but it's also fun to think about what might've happened in-universe for the play to turn out how it did
yes exactly that. conflicted relationship with her feminine side is exactly what It felt like Thank you for expressing it so clearly. I think the truth is and I might be wrong there, but I think deep down every girl wants to be pretty. But some try to push it down for different reasons. Yet it doesn't change this longing to be beautiful wich women have, a longing for beauty is something ever women has to deal with. You have to face this emotions and accept that they are there. Of course beauty can mean something different for every women, every women can express beauty differently and it's not just about the appearance (like hair and makeup and dresses) but inner outlook on the world, how you act to others. It's more than an exterior thing and it's sad that often time this "strength" gets down played as girly or the like. I think to truly be feminine takes bravery just as much as it takes braver to be truly manly (not the toxic version, more like sokka by the end of the show for example) I hope this wasn't to wierd..
Having only fully come into understanding that women are both treated as objects, and scrutinized for objectifying themselves like 8 months ago, this video really opened my eyes to beauty within content that I observed as a kid, but only through the perspective of the male characters that I more so aligned with (as a cis man) so thank you for sharing.
I don’t think she said it doesn’t matter to say that blind people don’t care about their looks, she’s saying it doesn’t matter whether others think you’re pretty or not, but you still are
Zuko and Jin (the girl he meets in Ba Sing Se) are my Roman Empire too! I always think about what could have been if Zuko and Iroh continued with their peaceful life undercover at their tea shop and lived simply. I think they would have been happy, but of course they had another destiny to fulfill. Doesn’t stop me from thinking about it, though.
I would like to point out that being from a wealthy family and pretending not to know how to live without help due to her blindness, probably her father had people do her makeup for her, (you can't wear makeup if you don't see or recognize colors) So the fear of not looking beautiful is less present since it was someone else's responsibility for this
I remember waking up one day, looked at myself in the mirror, and suddenly realizing I didn't like how I look and plenty of kids didn't like it also. I have an artistic eye but I didn't see myself as beautiful until I grew up and changed my definition of beauty.
I had a friend once as a teenager who wanted to do a makeover for me, I agreed to make her happy I didn't like makeup on my face so she gave me just a little bit for a 'naturel look' and the zipped sweater I wore just had the sleeves pushed up, maybe got a hairclip or something it wasn't much but it wasn't my usual, then she asked to remove my glasses I felt weird and my blurry sight made me feel stupid "let's go outside!" she wanted to show it off, not to exclaim that she did this for me, it seemed to be for me, so I agreed afther some hesitation "one lap around the place" noone's outside, I'll be fine this wasn't terrible but it wasn't comfortable then we passed people, I don't remember if they were our age or not only that I was being stared at and got a remark on how this was unusual a few little changes made me into a different kind of weirdo I wanted to cry I hate judement like this you just hear it in their voice or I heard it in my own inner voice I don't recall, but I know I can be my own biggest bully because I reflect how people treated me right back at myself and that's what I feel like Toph had realised already at that age, wich took me longer to figure out because noone ever told or showed me this back then except this episode wich I dismissed because it made me feel bad
As a Tomboy myself this is so relatable I remember not caring growing up and as an adult I still struggle with this. ATTLA was truly revolutionary for it's time and so relatable.
Been a tomboy most of my life, And I've only been around an increasing amount of people who continue to misunderstand it. It also doesn't help that I am half blind and cannot see well enough to put on my own eye makeup, So people are constantly judging every little flaw,. And at the same time judging me for not being confident. They don't realize they are the entire problem... How am I supposed to be motivated to express myself more, When I'm already being hounded for every stupid little thing I'm doing wrong that isn't even hurting anyone? And nobody is actually giving me the help that I need to improve. They are just mad that I don't meet their own selfish expectations, And the funny thing is that I don't have a reason to. I don't owe any of these people any obligation to mold myself to their benefit, Especially since, in most cases, they are not even showing base level consideration for me. If I'm not even being understood as a human being why should I go out of my way to appease other people?
This is the same for transgenders too, (specifically male-to-female,) if we have outlandish male physical traits we can’t escape from and it’s brought out every time we try to be feminine. Some of us feel that we need to over compensate, and it’s never enough. It hurts just as much. 😢
honestly i relate to toph here. when i was younger i never really cared about my appearance. i always thought male clothes were boring and unexpressive anyways. then i realised i was trans and suddenly even though i can hide it really well, any comment about my looks feels wrong.
Omfg, this hit the nail on the head - I was never able to put into words why this part upset me so much and made me feel so deeply. This is exactly it, thank you for working to understand this feeling and for relaying it. This speaks to the little child in me that completely rejected femininity because I wanted to be taken seriously and didn't know that those things could coexist because the world showed me as much
Thanks for this video! It made me think of something similar I recently noticed in the way I dress. I'd say that I found my style. I'm really into suits, neckties, bright reds, colourful eye shadow and combining a more "classic" style with a couple of alt/punk elements. Dressing nicely makes me feel confident and I don't mind when people look and also wouldn't mind negative comments. But years ago I bought this one, absolutely gorgeous pink lolita-ish dress that now spends all its days in my closet, and sometimes I wear it in front of the mirror, but never outside. I thought about why that is and came to the realization, that while I feel confident in extravagant masculine clothing the same isn't true for extravagant feminine clothing. I think that when I dress in a masculine eye-catching way, that people will think that I want to be stylish. And I am, so that's no assumption that could hurt me. If they don't like it, then they just "don't get it". But if I dressed in a fancy feminine way, then people would think that I tried to be beautiful. I feel like there is this underlying assumption that only beautiful women may dress beautifully and that therefore dressing in a feminine way would be seen as an expression of the believe that I am beautiful, something I'm less confident about and less in control of.
Wow, I had never thought about this, but I feel this too! For me, I feel comfortable dressing alt because I think people will think I'm trying to be stylish. But I avoid dressing "normie" (even though I like those looks too) out of fear of seeming like I'm trying to look "beautiful." Ps: I love lolita dresses too!
I can relate to this in some way. I've always wanted to wear something cute and feminine, but I never see myself as one. So instead of wearing cute and feminine outfits, I mostly wear formal and casual shirts. Recently I bought a new outfit with style similar to a seifuku. I thought it's really cute and I was so excited to wear it, but my older sister said it doesn't look good on me because "elegant outfits suit me more". Now I don't think I can wear that outfit anymore
People used to think that i wore make up when i was a.kid because my lips.were super pink.and my cheeks were super rosey. That paired with how often i was called pretty alway felt kind of.weird to me because i just thought of myself as "normal" / "average". Then i got really self conscious when people started commenting on my body hair. I don't grow much, but some really have a tendency to point out the smallest amounts. Currently, i present more masculine, but i also like feeling "girly' sometimes.
Exactly. I got some compliments for being thin before but I never felt comfortable receiving them. It felt like it also meant I was weak or that they wouldn't accept me otherwise. It was also nothing I worked for in any way. As a child I loved candy and I've never been the type to workout regularly. I guess what I would have liked more was to be in the acceptable norm or maybe a compliment for my eyes, hair or face skin as I was feeling like i lacked there. I never wear make up but sometimes i really wish I had pretty dresses and could then dress up with nice boots. But I am shy.
When I was a child many people were very insistent in informing me that I was ugly, and that used to bother me. One day, when I was 13, felling very sad, I convinced myself of such, observing that there's no practical difference between an opion everyone shares and a fact. People telling me I was ugly would no longer bother me from that moment forward. Furthermore, I thought of the moral implications of the situation. I didn’t choose this body, I didn't do anything to deserve it, or to be looked down upon or ridiculed. As judgment was brought upon me, I vowed to never bring judgment upon anyone. Ugliness would not be punished and beauty would not be rewarded. About 3 or 4 years later, I recieved the first compliment outside of my family, and it was the weirdest sensation I ever felt. I was sitting down and this random girl just said "you are a hottie without glasses" and I just froze for a good second, holding the chair behind me. You might as well throw a 5 feet long steel bar in a tomato sorting machine to get the same result that compliment had in my brain. It was with some satisfaction that I observed that I was successful in eliminating any expectations of people liking my appearance. This encounter didn't change how I viewed myself, it was an anomaly, and I knew a little of probability and statistics at the time to recognize that. Maybe I don't have self-esteem anymore, maybe I managed to destroy it when I was 13. I honestly think I reached true body acceptance.
I agree with your summary, but the key part that you left out that I felt was incredibly important was the fact that Katara gives Toph a compliment that in a lot of ways could’ve been an easy lie you know white lie to defend her friend. But we all know that you cannot lie to Toph. So when she smiles, you know, it’s a genuine compliment from a friend to a friend and I thought that was beautiful..
Excellent analysis. It's been a long while since I first saw this episode of ATLA, but it always stuck with me. Toph and Katara were both relatable here as well as being great examples of how to be true friends. I would have loved having either one of them as my friend, as opposite as they are.
GENIUS. Toph's background as Earth kingdom nobility undoubtedly influenced her perception of gender and beauty as well. I also suspect that Toph would have been forcibly married off by her family for political reasons if she hadn't run away with #TeamAvatar. #Toph #Beifong
Toph's hair is actually a really fancy traditional upper class hairstyle. She grew up with a family that tried to make her look peim n proper but never cared about anything else. She rebelled against that since she thinks she can't enjoy her appearance anyway since she can't see it, n also the fact that the fancy clothes n make up came to represent her oppression n inability to express herself to her family. Kitara showed her that making urself look fancy isn't about doing it for others but doing it for urself cuz u wanna feel pampered every once in a while. Those girls soured the 1 time all this fancy stuff actually made her feel good. But as she lies to Kitara about not caring, she is still rocking that fancy hairstyle every day cuz as much as we may try to ignore it, it does in fact weigh on us. My friends used to describe my style as having 2 moods, hobo sheek n gutter punk. Having been born a guy n thinking for most of my life that transitioning would cost 10s of 1000s of $ since trips to Thailand n California boob jobs were my only understanding of how to achieve those surgeries to appear feminine but think I'd have to fund it all myself. Then I found out that Canadian Medicare helps for some of that n that the meds aren't horribly expensive (still expensive considering I'm poor). Since coming out n presenting as a woman in my style, I've basically swapped my wardrobe for gym bunny, goth girl, n bubblegum punk. But now that I put in the effort n people see that, n frankly I'm not always passing, so I get stares n comments n I've gotten decent at ignoring the stares but my fiancé gets mad when people side eye me, n last week some transphobic comment from a Costco worker really burned me since I was working (doing irrigation) at that Costco n wasn't wearing makeup (since I tend to get muddy) n had big work pants n a t-shirt but I had to go pee. Like I tried ignoring this lady but when I realized it was an employee that was making these comments not 3 feet from me as if I'm not gonna understand either French or English as a born n raised Québécois, the whole thing hurt extra hard. It wasnt just some transphobic jerk I'd never see again but an employee at that store so if I ever work at that location again I gotta deal with it again, but also it means that she is creating a transphobic work environment for other employees n customers. There was 1 other employee, I think a janitor, whom had tried to stop me entering the wrong washroom but I simply stated that I'm a woman n a quick apology was all he gave n then stuff bothering me cuz that guy is awesome n was just doing his job but understands that not all women fit the standards of beauty that our society has set out.
I’m not a kid anymore, however I began to take interest with taking care of myself better. I do agree lots with this video essay that at times a person works to better themselves, the more easily it is insecurities can be pointed out. The first time I’ve allowed my feminine side to show through in college was when I went wearing makeup to school (as encouraged by my friends in my hometown) since I felt comfortable with my skills. It was nothing much, just simple light pink eyeshadow and lipgloss. However, I kept getting approached by many of my classmates with the same question “Are you oki? What happened to your eyes? Did u get punched?” No malice in them, just concern TT, but the thought of it afterwards rlly made me feel insecure/self conscious .
I totally agree with your analysis but I also wanted to mention JINKO IS ALSO MY ROMAN EMPIRE AND THEY DESERVE SO MUCH MORE LOVE FROM THE MASSES AND THE CREATORS
I loved this story just felt little weird when before this episode Toph pretty nuch used to wear fancy clothes and make up cause she's from rich family, she already looked confident in episode 14 when she and Katara wore make up and dresses to attend Emperor's bear's birthday
It's really a shame how media- [particularly written by men] feel the need to make the tomboy "girly" at all. Toph wearing makeup for a bit and then scubbing it off would really resonate with the gender non-conforming women [or even girls] like myself who opt out of stereotypical gender performance.
I also relate to this a lot but I still think regardless of whether you "play the game" people will ALWAYS be interested in a woman's beauty. When I was 12 I was so similar to Toph, I was such a tomboy, never wore makeup, didn't care about fashion, and I didn't care what people thought of me because I lowkey hated everyone (lol). Because of this, everyone was obsessed with my beauty. My classmates would dare me "I'm gonna post a picture and if it gets x amount of likes you should post a selfie," or "can I please do your makeup," and what finally drove me over the edge to conform to women's beauty standards: "Why are you surprised nobody asked you to the dance? You can't expect anyone to take an interest in you when you don't even try to look nice." At that point, I did not care about beauty, but that comment hurt me so much ever since I heard it, I've been into fashion and makeup. I do think at this time in my life it is a healthy relationship as I use it to express myself but I wouldn't have been sucked into this world if everyone else wasn't so obsessed with me making an effort. It's honestly kinda sad :(
Those people are fuck*ng stupid. Im so sorry you had to go through that. I had a similar experience except I put myself through this without waiting for others to comment on me. I went from the quirky weird tomboy isolated and cold girl to the warm, shining, "popular " ("" bc they were hypocrites lol)fashionista girl because I fell in love with the "sweet and clever popular guy" when I was in middle school/high school and thought he would be ashamed of me if we were together/others would make fun of him for being with me. So I chose a feminine "winner style" aka which neither fall into the "shy virgin stereotype" nor the "slutty girl" one to be sure no one could really criticize my style and I swear those horrible people still found a way to call me superficial and a hypocrite when I tried to be friendly/make friends and hated me on my back. If I have learned one thing is that I regret presenting myself in a feminine way with a feminine attitude because it never reflected who I really was (a VERY masculine but classy person) and I think I prefered to be treated as "the weird agressive unpopular girl" instead of "the superficial barbie when can talk over whenever we want". The two are very bad but at least one is 50% accurate while the second feels even more violent, as it gives me a "I tried my best and you still shat on me so all my efforts go to the bin"-vibes (and the guy was actually a scaredy cat who lied to me about being my friend because "he didnt wanted to hurt me with all the things he saw me go through to become his dream girl") If you accept to receiveany advice from me it would for you to remain 100% true to yourself but be better. Always try to be the best in everything that seems true to YOU and YOUR goals, aka the goals which only is related to and not "someone else" being the goal. Just be the best at being yourself and you will always do better/go higher than trying to merge with another "more accepted" version of yourself . Good luck, you re great. And remember: making yourself "femininely" pretty is NOT the only way to take care of yourself. If you prefer to work out, it s 100% fine. Also, dont fall into the "beauty cream" trap. It does NOT work. Its just a money trap. Cream that are not medicine do NOT work. Beauty cream are 98% of the time real scam, especially the branded one like Garnier. The make up industry is WILD and will always try to make you feel "not enough" to make you buy their products. Be safe, take care ans remember you are already great and its better to be alone than to be around fake people you think are genuine. Be strong and loved by your peers and yourself💪🏻🤍✨️
People usually cannot see if you care but they see your efforts to look pretty. Those mean girls picked on Katara and Toph because they saw the effort these two put into their appearance and said means things out of their own insecurity. You see, if you put no effort and fail it's not the same as putting effort and failing. The latter hurts.
I really loved this video and your take. I cannot express how impatient I am about if you were to make more videos about atla!!! I will definitely watch them all
"in reality [... people's remarks & opinions have] always mattered, it was just easier not to [care] about them when you put on this act like you don't care." The lesson of vulnerability here is important, that things you value hurt the most when criticized, but it misses the fact that one can divorce your sense of worth from the remarks of strangers who are only remarking on one's appearance for a moment of sadistic fun. It's not as fun for them to give a sincere compliment to a stranger, they were always going to look for most glaring imperfection and denounce it in the cruelest way they could think of. Even if you were a perfect elven beauty, they'd probably point out how foreign you look, or at best they'd stay silent. In the vast gulf between photoshopped model and hermit without access to soap, people on a witch hunt looking to be mean *will* find something to decide they don't like. People can care about how they look, and want to feel put-together, without surrendering their judgement to the tremendously biased "rude posh girls" who are actively picking a fight. If you're blind and can't verify with your own eyes that you look good today, it's understandable to lose confidence when some random idiot questions you. Especially when you didn't spend the time from first spotting those girls from across the bridge until you passed them searching for a weakness and planning a scathing insult to launch, like the Posh girl probably did. They even waiting until they were past Toph and Katara to launch their ambush, so they wouldn't have time to scrutinize the Posh Girls in return without causing a scene. The Posh Girls stopped and turned to look down on Toph just long enough to have a laugh and enjoy Toph's shattered pride. Don't internalize the opinions of people who use criticism as a weapon. They're not being honest, they have a vested interest in tearing you down for enjoyment and to puff up their own self-worth. Feel free to take note of their remarks if you want, they might actually have a seed of a tip mixed in with the disparagement, but remember that the rude remark and sycophantic laughter is a ritual between them to confirm "we're the special in-group", it has nothing to do with who the victim is.
I didn't think that the employees weren't trying to scrub the dirt off of Toph's feet; I always thought they were trying to sand down the callus on her soles, which would be a sensory nightmare for someone who instinctively feels the world through her feet. Imagine someone trying to scrub your eyes with bleach. I can 100% see why she bashed them through a wall.
i did too. honestly i thought she was defensive of it because she walks around barefoot so having no callus would make every stone she steps on hurt like all hell
I think this kinda applies/shows alot of a male or masculine situation as well. Though i am more genderfluid than most i had never been told whether i was at all attractive and i still don't consider myself to be so, but knowing that i will never be "pretty" is something that adds heaviness to my heart.
Honestly, I dislike the way Toph looks in that makeup. Because it doesn’t look like Toph. The girl in the makeup looks…fine, I suppose. But it’s not Toph. The makeup does nothing to highlight or compliment her natural beauty. It’s makeup that’s meant for somebody else’s face. I do feel similarly about Katara’s makeup in this scene, but at least I still see Katara in there.
Thank you so much for this video I truly related to toph I often find it hard to fit into masculine spaces and when I do find myself in some I often feel vulnerable because like toph I don’t act like my gender I’m different and that vulnerability can be so difficult to face sometimes.
It is actually really good. But, I do understand your reluctance. The first season is only 8 episodes. And they cram a lot of story in. Some story elements got moved around and some forgotten. It worked very well though. I cannot wait until season 2.
I love tomboys and to me Toph will always be prettier as her tomboy self because she is both different, but also real. No mask, no filter, no holding back. Toph says what she thinks and is who she is. Never be afraid to be who you are and flaunt it. And just to be clear if you are the type of person who likes makeup and girly things that is fine too, I am not discouraging it but saying I personally like the more tomboy thing.
0:01 I was going to ask, do we still use the word “aired” to describe a show’s release when it’s made available for instant viewing on a streaming service, rather than broadcast real-time? But then I remembered that the phrase came from back when all tv shows were “on the air” in a literal sense as encoded electromagnetic waves received through antennae and that cable television has been the standard since before I was born, and I realized it was a stupid question
When I was young I decided I was way too ugly for makeup and pretty clothes because that would not make me look better but just more ridiculous. Kinda sad but I guess I saved a ton of money and time this way.
I would really like to see Netflix adapt these scenes or at least the heartfelt messaging from this episode in the upcoming season 2 live adaptation :D
I woudn't say I have exactly a tomboyish style, but I'm also not the kind of person who usually wears make up, or dresses, or skirts. I like to wear comfortable stuff that don't forces me to make much effort, or spend much time getting ready. But sometimes, I want to dress in a more elaborate way, but it makes me feel kind of anxious and discomfortable because people pays more attention and make comments (because it's unusual to see me like this) and I have a lot of difficulty being noticed Does someone relate with that?
Comparing the live action to the original animated series I am struck by how much more depth the animated characters have compared to the rather shallow characters in the Netflix version. Seriously, look at Iroh. In the original he is a multifaceted complex character; in the live version he is only a background character. I expect Toph will not be much different.
Its frustrating that everyone judges eachother first of all on how you look. In some ways it would be better if we were all as blind as Toph. Probably blind people can be shallow as well though I don't know any IRL lol.
I have a theory that in the Legend of Korra, Toph is obviously old but doesn’t look as old in the face as she actually is. Toph wore considerably less makeup growing up, and I believe that has helped her facial skin retain its natural youth.
It's definitely pretty rare for her to do so, comparatively speaking, since she doesn't like to seem vulnerable to others, but it does happen more than once. More precisely, Toph cries five times in the whole show, all in important and impactful moments for her: in her introduction episode (E206) when her parents rejected her secret side and prohibited her first friend (Aang) from ever seeing her again; in this episode (E215) for the reasons this video discusses; twice in her character focus episode in Book 3 (E307), when forced to think about how her running away from home affected her parents; and lastly in the series finale (E321), when she's left completely vulnerable (and blind) to outside attack hanging from Sokka's arm (as you mentioned).
It's particularly poignant too, Katara telling Toph she's pretty--because the reflexive thought might be that she's just saying that to make Toph feel better--but Toph can tell when people are lying. Toph knew that Katara was being genuine--and she was telling the truth.
Meanwhile Toph grew up in aristocracy with parents that were overly protective, so she more than likely had a lot of disingenuous compliments about her looks. Those mean girls might have been one of the few times strangers called her ugly and validated that uncertainty she had. So her tear was her because after all the disingenuous compliments she's recieved, and her inability to verify her appearance in the mirror, the mean girls basically told her "everyone's been lying to you to spare your feelings". Which is why Katara's genuine compliment reassured her.
@@JoseSerrato0420 you can also add on top of all that that katara is the first sisterly figure shes ever had, so having an older sibling genuinly tell you that youre great, especially if you look up to them can mean the world to someone
I love the line that comes right after this. When Katara says Toph is pretty, Toph says “I would return the compliment, but I have no idea what you look like.”
Same, haha. Well, at least she tried
@@Dehi1313As another comment stated, Toph probably grew up around fake aristocrats complimenting her but dishonestly. So her being totally honest was a compliment.
@@DeathnoteBB Yeah, probably. That's actually very cute.
it is super difficult to find that balance between giving a shit about looking good but not giving a shit about whether other people think you look good.
This! 👆
@@cheyenne2.0I had a huge crush on Toph
@@cheyenne2.0I’ve read somewhere that Toph was originally going to be a boy
rewatching ATLA as an adult really showed me how mature and empathetic katara is! she's always verbally affirming or defining how someone feels (mostly aang) and she tells him its ok to feel the different pains and shame that he felt! And with toph, in this moment when she said "you're really pretty", I felt like she really understood that although inner strength and confidence are things that you should base your self-worth on because these are things you define for yourself, by affirming toph as "pretty" she, as someone toph trusts and values, gives toph that extra validation that I guess you normally get from a best girl friend, sister or a mom, all of which toph doesnt have at the moment
She had to grow quickly too
Katara was always my favourite character. That she can be both so kind and so strong, while also having realistic or relatable flaws, is just kind of a marvel to me, usually this kind of ‘feminine strength’ is something that seems to fly over most people’s heads, like they just sort of don’t get it. It would be so easy for a less competent or thoughtful writer to mess her up, but instead she’s reliable enough to essentially tie the whole story together.
Totally agree. And I noticed this too with Katara. She’s incredibly mature and compassionate and never shames anyone for feeling big/vulnerable emotions. In fact she often encourages it like after Ang loses Apa and is struggling with how to feel. She’s really good at making people feel validated in how they’re feeling.
I read something recently about trying to boost a kid's self-esteem, and the paradoxical effect that compliments or affirmations can have. These affirmations, like "You're beautiful", can make kids with low confidence feel worse because it engenders an uncomfortable self-awareness. They're taken out of their own head and experience of the world, and made to look at themselves through another person's eyes. Think of the dissonance that comes from seeing yourself through another person's eyes, the extra mental load of predicting their perspective. Add to that an uncertainty in what the onlooker's true impression of the person is or what their intentions are. I think this is the burden of beauty, that you cannot simply exist in your own head, but must see and reconcile others' impression of you.
Honestly this response really made me think. I would get complimented a lot - but I always deeply despised it because I hated getting noticed in that way, even if it did make me feel pretty for a moment. Fast forward a few years, now I’m 19, and have crippling body dysmorphia (which I’m now in therapy & on meds for). It’s terrifying tbh. The only thing I think about is how I’m perceived. Not only that, it’s mentally exhausting. Since taking meds those thoughts have calmed to an extent where I can think about myself being perceived in a negative way and not instantly cry over it, but my BDD definitely stemmed from people complimenting me and me looking at myself and wondering what they meant. Then I got obsessed with the idea of them pitying me. Then before I knew it I had been sitting in front of my mirror for 3 hours, and my camera roll was filled to the brim with pictures of me from all angles. And then it just spiralled out of control, to an extent where some very dark thoughts entered my head and I became a danger to myself.
And how did people initially respond? More compliments, just extra piled on now that they knew I was deeply self conscious. Or even worse, anger and annoyance because they believed I was being vain or looking for attention.
I just have some difficulty with this because as social creatures it’s impossible to escape the gaze of others, ‘being seen’ will always be terrifying but it’s also unavoidable as long as we have to exist alongside other people. Like I’m gay and one of the oldest homophobic jabs is something like ‘two men together looks ridiculous or embarrassing’ or something to that effect. Obviously you can’t live your life out of concern for that or what people would say, but (some) people are still going to say it, or even if not, you’ll still internalize it on some level and think it yourself sometimes.
I guess my problem is just that, as much as this might offer some insight, it’s not really actionable. You can’t do anything about the potential pain of ‘being seen’ but people at least trying to affirm you with whatever kinder words aren’t leaving those harsher ones as the last being said about it.
Dang, not only the challenge of thinking about what others think of you but also the burden of wondering if it’s even true. That is quite the load on one’s mind.
I learned about this before going to college and when I worked retail, I always tried to remember to compliment kids on their actions (Aren't you so helpful? How thoughtful! What a kind thing to do, ect) instead of physical traits like appearance or strength. Even with adults, I try to compliment things they have control over (what a nice dress/earrings/shoes/hair). I think that sort of attention is a little easier to handle. Though maybe I'm wrong.
@@Radhaun I think you must be right, if something doesn't express my agency or values I feel like it barely has anything to do with me. Though in my own practice of complimenting people, I feel like the essence is simply sincerity. Like if the stars or fortune aligns and I happen to think or notice a very sincere and kind thing about someone, I will simply say it, whatever it is, because to do anything else would feel like a horrible waste of that thought. But I do find that compliments borne that way tend to be less on the shallow side, whether that's by some kind of magical coincidence, or it's just more naturally or immediately expressive of a kind of fraternal or sororal love, I don't know.
I think its especially impactful for Toph because she doesn't fully understand beauty on account of being blind from birth. She has no idea what she looks like and needs outside help to doll herself up. This thing that is a big part of many women's lives is a complete mystery to her. And that must be really painful for someone like Toph who is used to being exceptional at everything she wants to do despite her disability
This is just a minor point but specifically at the spa, I cannot get enough of the two of them validating and reveling in each other's quirks and eccentricities. And then the way the two of them take care of each other moment to moment. A perfect microcosm of the greater themes of mutual care and aid that the series does so well.
You hit the nail on the head on why the girl's Ba Sing Se story is so special. In most episodes, the girls often fight because of a lawful vs. chaotic personality clash. Their spa day is a rare occurrence of them not only getting along, but actively supporting each other.
This is an interesting conversation. As a kid I was usually the person in the middle of "girly" and "tomboy", and I grew up with a more tomboy/athletic mother who never encouraged or made me think I needed makeup. It wasn't until I met this girl who was more on the alternative side that I thought about makeup more artistically, especially since a boy told her she'd look better without it and she didn't seem to care. For her makeup wasn't about impressing boys, which was probably my main impression of it at the time.
make-up is about hiding your true ugliness
when anyone says they look better without makeup, what they really meant was their makeup skill was bad. no one would say that to woman that knows how to put make up properly and make them looks better with make up.
and if anyone say they look better without makeup when they're actually looks good with makeup, it means they're just buttering you up. depends on how it is said, it can mean either good or bad. putting a make up needs effort, and to say they look better without it means they look down on your effort to make yourself looks better.
nah make-up just hides ugliness
No it doesn't, but thank you for sharing your incorrect opinion. @@hundkebab2433
I have no idea what point you're trying to make, but my story was meant to point out that makeup can be a form of expression for some people, not just a tool to fit societal beauty standards. From memory the girls makeup looked good/she did some modeling. It just didn't appeal to the teenage boy in our class. @@azumi5459
I love this last scene of them two as well. Not only for Toph and her showing vulnerability but also because of the extremely empathetic reaction of Katara. She doesn't just say "well I think you're pretty". She puts it in a way that will help Toph accept her compliment and her comforting. "I know it doesn't matter to you, but I think you're pretty." Allowing Toph to stay in her shell if she needs to but getting the warmth of Katara caring for her either way. ❤
I never thought about that
Also, a compliment from Katara is non-objectifying in nature, just because of who Katara is. Toph is so used to the idea of beauty meaning objectification, but it means something different when you're called beautiful by somebody who is your friend and cares about the other aspects of you first.
Toph can also lie detect, she KNOWS Katara isn’t just saying it
Totally agreed. It gave her the chance to react to it how she saw fit or jusy brush it off while also knowing that it was genuine.
I relate to this a lot. As a kid, I always felt like I wasn’t the ‘kind of girl’ who COULD wear makeup (even when I really wanted to) - not so much in a ‘I’m not like other girls’ way, but from fear that wearing makeup/dressing ‘girly’ would seem incongruous with my personality, that it’d make people think I’m just doing it to fit in or impress others. It does sometimes feel like two different voices inside, one who wants to have fun dressing well and experimenting with makeup, and the other wondering why bother, as it just makes me massively uncomfortable and self-conscious when I do leave the house done-up. Bit of a lose-lose!
Thanks for touching on this, it’s nice to be reminded that we’re all in the same boat in terms of beauty standards and having our worth reduced to just our appearance. Characters like Toph remind me that confidence, skill and self-knowledge are the most charismatic and admirable assets!!
Omg yeah it’s like I’m not wearing makeup to blend in not stand out i totally agree
Its funny, but as a guy I had a similar experience. I was kind of nerdy, but had a 'good kid' image. I was kind of jealous of the goth and punk types who just had the confidence to wear crazy stuff and act so cool and laid back. I was worried that if I did it, it would look fake or like I was trying to be something I was not. Looking back on it, I wished I had taken more risks and gotten out of my comfort zone.
you just described my exact human experience I’m tearing up a little bit
@@brianhowe201it's never too late to change your look! (If you're still interested in those styles)
You didn't really hit on this too much, but I think the disability plays into it in a huge way as well. I'm a physically disabled woman. I have been since birth. I'm not blind, and I can walk, but have extremely limited mobility in my right leg, and walk with a pronounced limp. I had a very similar experience, and a very similar response to it, as toph at a very young age. I came away with the philosophy of, "because I'm disabled, I'm never going to be seen as attractive. So why bother trying?" I was also just naturally a bit of a tomboy. I decided not trying hurt less than trying and always failing. And I'm ok with it. I do like a spa day every now and again though.
Not even just physical disability either! I’m depressed which I’ve worked really hard not to be but it’s really difficult. For a while I wasn’t trying to look happy or look nice because I thought I would just look depressed anyway and I didn’t want to look more or less depressed, but wearing what I want makes me feel better most of the time. I want to wear what I want more.
Oh fuck me girl, you put into words what I never could. I’m not exactly physically disabled but I am Autistic, and have a noticeable toe-walk that is common among autistic folks. I’ve lived with that idea for years and had come to accept I’d never be physically attractive. It’s hard to reconcile that when people do say I look beautiful.
I’m a short guy and I’m bombarded with messages that no matter how much I work on myself, I’ll always lose out to a tall guy who doesn’t put in effort into himself.
These days I keep a slim physique and focus on the benefits of a life without romance, but sometimes I do wish I get to experience being desired by more than just crusty middle aged men who want to squeeze my shoulders or cup my cheeks.
When I do sports or work on myself, I always give an excuse that it’s for something else. E.g. i do martial arts for self-defence, commute by bike or run to get groceries, but deep down I’d want to work out and get results like most other guys.
I am blind. The beauty bullshit used to fuck me UP. Never knowing if people are lying (unlike Toph I can't tell) you feel like of COURSE people are going to say nice things about your appearance when you can't see it yourself. The anxiety of people seeing obvious fixable flaws about your appearance can ruin your day. Like Toph I find it better to not think or care about being ugly. Having a couple honest good friends can help tremendously. I also have found that people close to me experience some sort of healing from me never caring about their appearance, the pressure is there for EVERYONE
@@prettybyaccident That's a beautiful story. I'm glad you can liberate others from that pressure, even as they spare you from it too. That's what life is all about. 🙂
I feel so connected to Toph as a masculine person myself trying to be feminine does make me feel weird, I feel like I'm not good at it even when I try, it's a vulnerably of stepping out of your comfort zone, even if femininity is expected of me, of us, it never feels like I'm good enough at it, so Toph here, opening herself up and being girly with Katara (someone who is naturally feminine) was scary, then when she was bullied it hurt even worse BECAUSE she was trying something that didn't come naturally even if she had a good time. Hearing Katara say that, and knowing that her friend thought she was beautiful and confident, despite trying something that doesn't come naturally to her, and being so vulnerable (which she's not good at and doesn't like too much) made her feel like she has a true friend who loves her even when Toph herself feels like she's not good enough. It love this story so so much.
I’m a young woman, I love wearing dresses, I love cute things.
I also avoid shaving because I find it tedious and makeup because it makes my acne worse (it’s basically nonexistent when I don’t wear makeup)
I feel comfortable in my own skin, and when I look in the mirror, I see someone strong, healthy, and beautiful. Yet I still get comments from my sister about how I should wear makeup, or from my dad about how I should shave my hairy legs. I know they’re well-meaning and love me. They want to protect me from being judged or to include me in the things they enjoy. But that’s just not for me. And that’s fine.
One thing I love about this exchange is how Toph gives Katara a punch on the arm. We learn later in the Ember Island Players episode, when she does the same to Zuko, that this is a sign of affection for her.
That's a really interesting topic to discuss regarding Toph! I personally always saw it more as her as a blind girl struggeling with feeling comfortable in her skin because of the beauty standards, especially with her not being to actually see what she look like. So I always saw her healthy layer of dirt as her "make up" equivalent since she can feel/see it, she feels comfortable with earth in general and its subtle in colore (so it goes "with anything"). All aspects that dont apply to acual colorful make up.
No matter how confident you are, you arent immune to the insecurities of not knowing if you look ridiculous/ ugly to others, especially when you have no way of finding out on you're own if you're environment isnt genuinely letting you walk around looking bad which could result in comments like the ones from these mean girls. For all her powers, Toph has no way to defend herself in that.
Before, Toph's appearance was defined by her family's background. Not just in the sense that she was told what to wear to be 'pretty', but also that she knows exactly that her being told that she looks good wouldnt necessarily need to be truthful bc of her family's status or her parents cuddling her.
Katara telling her in the end that in her eyes she IS pretty, in my opinion, means so much to Toph because she trusts Katara to truly mean it and 100% not secretly play a cruel prank on her by taking advantage of her disability to let her walk around like a clown. And therefore Toph values her opinion and is comforted by Katara's words.
Visually impaired tomboy here and you may as well have been reading directly from my soul. The piece about becoming vulnerable once you start to care about beauty hits hard, I definitely lived through that. Thank you for a great video (about my favorite character ever!)
Someone once pointed out that Toph smiled when Katara complimented her, and Toph can tell that Katara was telling the truth.
Your video made me cry holy shit. It’s so true when you start to put effort into your appearance, the opinions of others regarding your visuals carry more weight. When I wore makeup and bleached my hair, people started giving me their opinions unsolicited, telling me they could see dark circles or that I looked ugly. And despite the positive feedback most of the time, it’s always the negative ones that stick with you and make you insecure when all you wanted was to look pretty like anyone else.
How do I like a video twice. Double like, I loved this lil video essay abt my fav character
growing up, i never felt beautiful because i didn't fit into conventional femininity. i was super tall, cracked jokes, and no boys ever showed romantic interest in me because im not super pretty. this caused me to try to completely reject my feminine side. i still liked feminine things secretly, but i saw it as a weakness. i tried to take my masculinity to the extreme to (1) to get male validation and (2) to hide my vulnerable side like toph did. when i first saw that episode, it hit way too close to home; pretending not to care about my appearance and being scared of ridicule if i tried to look pretty. fortunately, now i've grown and i have embraced my femininity much more on my own terms. i own a lot of pink things! thank you for making a video about this 💞
At the end when you mentioned how girls should be able to be tomboys without being ridiculed and girly without being assumed vain really struck me. I am not particularly insecure but doing my makeup does make me feel pretty and complete in my outfit. I also tend to wear bright feminine colors and feminine like clothes. I am also pretty well off, with a nice home and a good family. One of my biggest fears in regards to my physical appearance is being seen as vain. My family is not outstandingly rich by any means but when compared to others lots of times people assume I don't understand what it's like to struggle or have real problems. When you pile on how I like to dress it becomes an especially sensitive spot because I feel like people just chalk me up to be your classic "pretty, rich, mean girl", though no one's ever said that to my face. Overall, I very much agree with what you said and I really love this show.
I really appreciate you making this video. It was really thoughtful and well done. As man I can't fully understand this experience for women but as a single dad with a daughter I appreciate the insight this provides. I know societal expectations are brutal and I want to have the tools to support her the best I can as she grows up. This was very helpful.
Also, while my experience again is different this helped me better understand feelings I have struggled with my whole life. As a tall objectively attractive guy I was expected to look good but not too good and to be a player. If not you were made fun. Women also thought it was okay to touch me without consent because all guys want is sex. Having experienced grooming as a kid it was always like nails on a chalkboard in my head but would be ridiculed for setting boundaries and made to feel irrational.
Lastly, something I have learned in therapy is that being self assured does not mean people cannot hurt you. It means that you are able to experience and connect with your emotions and process them with out the need (wanting help is normal and healthy) of external validation. Then move on. People will always be able to hurt you, and there is nothing wrong with that. We are not our emotions and feelings. We are the actions we take to address and respond to them.
Thanks for coming to my Ted talk. Need to head out again for some cigarettes. See you all in another 10years.
Dude this is wild that you post this because I JUST rewatched this episode and realized that I think the tale of Toph and Katara might be my favorite despite how impactful the tales of Zuko and Iroh were to me when I first watched it 😭 there’s just something nice about it :)
I find one thing to also consider- there is a cultural impact here.
Katara grew up in a community that we know had many women, and I think because of this despite how Sokka acted at the start femininity was never a bad thing. It was an integral part connect Katara back to her roots and her identity. For her, her femininity is as much of a power and benefit as is her fighting seen with the Painted Lady.
Toph however, was never given a choice. She was treated as an object because of her blindness and cultural strictness to beauty, femininity, and expectations. While Katara had the options to embrace femininity as a connection to herself Toph was simply expected to embrace is, and Toph is known to hate what is forced upon her. Toph is a tomboy, but she does so partly as a rejection for the life she was forced into- being loud, ‘gross’, and not caring about how she looked is partly in defiance to control her own idea of self.
I think through all of this people want to be accepted. Toph through what her family expected in a literal sense of appearances of noble daughter and blind girl has always known herself. Even when she was dressed up and wore makeup Toph had an understanding of who she is and it’s not the outside that shapes this but people who do see have a level of perceptions of everything that gives us other judgement of others. Toph’s comments remind me that even I know I know who I am, it’s nice to feel validated in your looks and self. Suki’s comment “I’m a warrior, but I’m also a girl,” points out that many things can be true at once. Toph can be confidence and tomboyish and want to be validated in her looks sometimes, that she wants to be an object of affection and has a complex relationship with femininity/beauty that even though it’s a short bit of an episode deeply convey’s so much about Toph while exploring positive character traits for Katara that I think balance out when they do fight later on.
huh this is interesting but kind of opposite of how i became interested in makeup. i was never okay with how i looked, and i thought it was because i was asian. i thought asians were just inherently ugly, and that as an entire race, we couldnt wear makeup because it wouldnt do anything. (yes i know how crazy it sounds) but thats only bc i grew up with 0 asians around me, and my family is white. one of the prettiest girls told me "you look...ok" when i sent a pic of myself. id wear hoodies and jeans and graphic tshirts even though i hated it. i would androgenize myself even though it didnt feel like who i really was. i remember once, these white girls who i looked up to did my makeup and they kept complimenting me while giggling, just like the girls in the episode. girls would always specifically point out features that were "asian" and it reinforced my insecurity. and then i found asian beauty youtubers and it completely changed my life. suddenly, i didnt need their white validation anymore. i realized id internalized eurocentricism to the point where femininity was only something white girls could emulate. so when i heard about hyperfeminization of asian women, it didnt make sense to me. i feel like i dress super girly and wear full face makeup now because thats the type of person i always was, i just didnt know how to embrace it. sometimes i do feel like i changed into a different person and that my old self is someone i dont recognize anymore.
I see a Lot of good analyses of the men in this show, but this really hit home. Short and sweet!
I think another point worth mentioning is that Toph comes from a affluent background. She had the fanciest clothes and people to do her hair and makeup and she didn't like it. She also likely spent a lot of time around nobles and it could be argued that she doesn't enjoy having to worry about her appearance because of the association of having to present herself as a meek and helpless girl, especially because she is blind.
Nice discussion. Katara was so perfect in her response at the end.
I find it interesting that Toph is also the one to tease Aang during the Ember Island play, stating something like "you are much more in touch with your feminine side than most guys". I think she has a conflicted relationship with her feminine side at this point because she made the experience that women are not taken fully. The director of the play decided to cast her role with a macho man, and this is probably because the audience has sexist views and would feel humiliated at the thought that a GIRL would stand up against the Fire Nation and kick their asses.
I'm happy that your channel was recommended to me, it's so much fun to hear people of my age commenting on Avatar and rewatching the classic... the live action show was met with mixed reactions but what's purely positive about it is how it reignited the community.
Toph was cast as a man most likely because the fire nation soldiers who were bested and came back didnt want to say they were bested by a blind little girl.
Not because the audience wouldnt believe it.
Idk what the in-universe explanation is, but the creators had Toph be played by a man in the play as a nod to the the original concept for her character
@@hazey_dazey oh, i should probably say probably
@@naturesfinest2408 you're good! I wasn't trying to knock your theory or anything, i just wanted to point out a different perspective. A lot of things in the play are references to the show's production or the atla fandom, but it's also fun to think about what might've happened in-universe for the play to turn out how it did
yes exactly that. conflicted relationship with her feminine side is exactly what It felt like Thank you for expressing it so clearly.
I think the truth is and I might be wrong there, but I think deep down every girl wants to be pretty. But some try to push it down for different reasons. Yet it doesn't change this longing to be beautiful wich women have, a longing for beauty is something ever women has to deal with. You have to face this emotions and accept that they are there.
Of course beauty can mean something different for every women, every women can express beauty differently and it's not just about the appearance (like hair and makeup and dresses) but inner outlook on the world, how you act to others.
It's more than an exterior thing and it's sad that often time this "strength" gets down played as girly or the like. I think to truly be feminine takes bravery just as much as it takes braver to be truly manly (not the toxic version, more like sokka by the end of the show for example)
I hope this wasn't to wierd..
Having only fully come into understanding that women are both treated as objects, and scrutinized for objectifying themselves like 8 months ago, this video really opened my eyes to beauty within content that I observed as a kid, but only through the perspective of the male characters that I more so aligned with (as a cis man) so thank you for sharing.
I loved this, thank you for sharing your take on Toph and her struggle with beauty! Toph is beautiful inside and out
I don’t think she said it doesn’t matter to say that blind people don’t care about their looks, she’s saying it doesn’t matter whether others think you’re pretty or not, but you still are
Zuko and Jin (the girl he meets in Ba Sing Se) are my Roman Empire too! I always think about what could have been if Zuko and Iroh continued with their peaceful life undercover at their tea shop and lived simply. I think they would have been happy, but of course they had another destiny to fulfill. Doesn’t stop me from thinking about it, though.
I would like to point out that being from a wealthy family and pretending not to know how to live without help due to her blindness, probably her father had people do her makeup for her, (you can't wear makeup if you don't see or recognize colors) So the fear of not looking beautiful is less present since it was someone else's responsibility for this
I remember waking up one day, looked at myself in the mirror, and suddenly realizing I didn't like how I look and plenty of kids didn't like it also. I have an artistic eye but I didn't see myself as beautiful until I grew up and changed my definition of beauty.
I had a friend once as a teenager who wanted to do a makeover for me, I agreed to make her happy
I didn't like makeup on my face so she gave me just a little bit for a 'naturel look' and the zipped sweater I wore just had the sleeves pushed up, maybe got a hairclip or something
it wasn't much but it wasn't my usual, then she asked to remove my glasses
I felt weird and my blurry sight made me feel stupid
"let's go outside!" she wanted to show it off, not to exclaim that she did this for me, it seemed to be for me, so I agreed afther some hesitation "one lap around the place" noone's outside, I'll be fine
this wasn't terrible but it wasn't comfortable
then we passed people, I don't remember if they were our age or not only that I was being stared at and got a remark on how this was unusual
a few little changes made me into a different kind of weirdo
I wanted to cry
I hate judement like this you just hear it in their voice
or I heard it in my own inner voice
I don't recall, but I know I can be my own biggest bully because I reflect how people treated me right back at myself
and that's what I feel like Toph had realised already at that age, wich took me longer to figure out because noone ever told or showed me this back then
except this episode wich I dismissed because it made me feel bad
As a Tomboy myself this is so relatable I remember not caring growing up and as an adult I still struggle with this. ATTLA was truly revolutionary for it's time and so relatable.
Oh, damn. This really hit home for me; I’ve never been able to put it into words, myself. Thank you.
Best thing about the live action in my opinion is all the new Atla content 😂❤
YES lmao I'm thriving
Been a tomboy most of my life,
And I've only been around an increasing amount of people who continue to misunderstand it.
It also doesn't help that I am half blind and cannot see well enough to put on my own eye makeup,
So people are constantly judging every little flaw,.
And at the same time judging me for not being confident.
They don't realize they are the entire problem...
How am I supposed to be motivated to express myself more,
When I'm already being hounded for every stupid little thing I'm doing wrong that isn't even hurting anyone?
And nobody is actually giving me the help that I need to improve.
They are just mad that I don't meet their own selfish expectations,
And the funny thing is that I don't have a reason to.
I don't owe any of these people any obligation to mold myself to their benefit,
Especially since, in most cases, they are not even showing base level consideration for me.
If I'm not even being understood as a human being why should I go out of my way to appease other people?
this scene is truly beautiful and i really love the empathy katara shows here!
This is the same for transgenders too, (specifically male-to-female,) if we have outlandish male physical traits we can’t escape from and it’s brought out every time we try to be feminine. Some of us feel that we need to over compensate, and it’s never enough. It hurts just as much. 😢
honestly i relate to toph here. when i was younger i never really cared about my appearance. i always thought male clothes were boring and unexpressive anyways. then i realised i was trans and suddenly even though i can hide it really well, any comment about my looks feels wrong.
My favorite episode, cant watch Iroh's part without crying a river
Omfg, this hit the nail on the head - I was never able to put into words why this part upset me so much and made me feel so deeply. This is exactly it, thank you for working to understand this feeling and for relaying it. This speaks to the little child in me that completely rejected femininity because I wanted to be taken seriously and didn't know that those things could coexist because the world showed me as much
Thanks for this video! It made me think of something similar I recently noticed in the way I dress.
I'd say that I found my style. I'm really into suits, neckties, bright reds, colourful eye shadow and combining a more "classic" style with a couple of alt/punk elements. Dressing nicely makes me feel confident and I don't mind when people look and also wouldn't mind negative comments.
But years ago I bought this one, absolutely gorgeous pink lolita-ish dress that now spends all its days in my closet, and sometimes I wear it in front of the mirror, but never outside. I thought about why that is and came to the realization, that while I feel confident in extravagant masculine clothing the same isn't true for extravagant feminine clothing.
I think that when I dress in a masculine eye-catching way, that people will think that I want to be stylish. And I am, so that's no assumption that could hurt me. If they don't like it, then they just "don't get it".
But if I dressed in a fancy feminine way, then people would think that I tried to be beautiful. I feel like there is this underlying assumption that only beautiful women may dress beautifully and that therefore dressing in a feminine way would be seen as an expression of the believe that I am beautiful, something I'm less confident about and less in control of.
Wow, I had never thought about this, but I feel this too! For me, I feel comfortable dressing alt because I think people will think I'm trying to be stylish. But I avoid dressing "normie" (even though I like those looks too) out of fear of seeming like I'm trying to look "beautiful."
Ps: I love lolita dresses too!
You just described how I feel.
I can relate to this in some way. I've always wanted to wear something cute and feminine, but I never see myself as one. So instead of wearing cute and feminine outfits, I mostly wear formal and casual shirts. Recently I bought a new outfit with style similar to a seifuku. I thought it's really cute and I was so excited to wear it, but my older sister said it doesn't look good on me because "elegant outfits suit me more". Now I don't think I can wear that outfit anymore
You ate this down
This was really well done ❤ thanks for this commentary
The sauna that's one thing I've noticed about anime especially the Harem animes you always have the hot spring episode and the beach episode.
People used to think that i wore make up when i was a.kid because my lips.were super pink.and my cheeks were super rosey. That paired with how often i was called pretty alway felt kind of.weird to me because i just thought of myself as "normal" / "average".
Then i got really self conscious when people started commenting on my body hair. I don't grow much, but some really have a tendency to point out the smallest amounts.
Currently, i present more masculine, but i also like feeling "girly' sometimes.
Exactly. I got some compliments for being thin before but I never felt comfortable receiving them. It felt like it also meant I was weak or that they wouldn't accept me otherwise. It was also nothing I worked for in any way. As a child I loved candy and I've never been the type to workout regularly. I guess what I would have liked more was to be in the acceptable norm or maybe a compliment for my eyes, hair or face skin as I was feeling like i lacked there.
I never wear make up but sometimes i really wish I had pretty dresses and could then dress up with nice boots. But I am shy.
When I was a child many people were very insistent in informing me that I was ugly, and that used to bother me. One day, when I was 13, felling very sad, I convinced myself of such, observing that there's no practical difference between an opion everyone shares and a fact. People telling me I was ugly would no longer bother me from that moment forward. Furthermore, I thought of the moral implications of the situation. I didn’t choose this body, I didn't do anything to deserve it, or to be looked down upon or ridiculed. As judgment was brought upon me, I vowed to never bring judgment upon anyone. Ugliness would not be punished and beauty would not be rewarded.
About 3 or 4 years later, I recieved the first compliment outside of my family, and it was the weirdest sensation I ever felt. I was sitting down and this random girl just said "you are a hottie without glasses" and I just froze for a good second, holding the chair behind me. You might as well throw a 5 feet long steel bar in a tomato sorting machine to get the same result that compliment had in my brain. It was with some satisfaction that I observed that I was successful in eliminating any expectations of people liking my appearance. This encounter didn't change how I viewed myself, it was an anomaly, and I knew a little of probability and statistics at the time to recognize that.
Maybe I don't have self-esteem anymore, maybe I managed to destroy it when I was 13. I honestly think I reached true body acceptance.
I agree with your summary, but the key part that you left out that I felt was incredibly important was the fact that Katara gives Toph a compliment that in a lot of ways could’ve been an easy lie you know white lie to defend her friend. But we all know that you cannot lie to Toph. So when she smiles, you know, it’s a genuine compliment from a friend to a friend and I thought that was beautiful..
Excellent analysis. It's been a long while since I first saw this episode of ATLA, but it always stuck with me. Toph and Katara were both relatable here as well as being great examples of how to be true friends. I would have loved having either one of them as my friend, as opposite as they are.
GENIUS. Toph's background as Earth kingdom nobility undoubtedly influenced her perception of gender and beauty as well. I also suspect that Toph would have been forcibly married off by her family for political reasons if she hadn't run away with #TeamAvatar. #Toph #Beifong
Great video essay!
Toph's hair is actually a really fancy traditional upper class hairstyle. She grew up with a family that tried to make her look peim n proper but never cared about anything else. She rebelled against that since she thinks she can't enjoy her appearance anyway since she can't see it, n also the fact that the fancy clothes n make up came to represent her oppression n inability to express herself to her family. Kitara showed her that making urself look fancy isn't about doing it for others but doing it for urself cuz u wanna feel pampered every once in a while. Those girls soured the 1 time all this fancy stuff actually made her feel good. But as she lies to Kitara about not caring, she is still rocking that fancy hairstyle every day cuz as much as we may try to ignore it, it does in fact weigh on us. My friends used to describe my style as having 2 moods, hobo sheek n gutter punk. Having been born a guy n thinking for most of my life that transitioning would cost 10s of 1000s of $ since trips to Thailand n California boob jobs were my only understanding of how to achieve those surgeries to appear feminine but think I'd have to fund it all myself. Then I found out that Canadian Medicare helps for some of that n that the meds aren't horribly expensive (still expensive considering I'm poor). Since coming out n presenting as a woman in my style, I've basically swapped my wardrobe for gym bunny, goth girl, n bubblegum punk. But now that I put in the effort n people see that, n frankly I'm not always passing, so I get stares n comments n I've gotten decent at ignoring the stares but my fiancé gets mad when people side eye me, n last week some transphobic comment from a Costco worker really burned me since I was working (doing irrigation) at that Costco n wasn't wearing makeup (since I tend to get muddy) n had big work pants n a t-shirt but I had to go pee. Like I tried ignoring this lady but when I realized it was an employee that was making these comments not 3 feet from me as if I'm not gonna understand either French or English as a born n raised Québécois, the whole thing hurt extra hard. It wasnt just some transphobic jerk I'd never see again but an employee at that store so if I ever work at that location again I gotta deal with it again, but also it means that she is creating a transphobic work environment for other employees n customers. There was 1 other employee, I think a janitor, whom had tried to stop me entering the wrong washroom but I simply stated that I'm a woman n a quick apology was all he gave n then stuff bothering me cuz that guy is awesome n was just doing his job but understands that not all women fit the standards of beauty that our society has set out.
I’m not a kid anymore, however I began to take interest with taking care of myself better. I do agree lots with this video essay that at times a person works to better themselves, the more easily it is insecurities can be pointed out.
The first time I’ve allowed my feminine side to show through in college was when I went wearing makeup to school (as encouraged by my friends in my hometown) since I felt comfortable with my skills. It was nothing much, just simple light pink eyeshadow and lipgloss. However, I kept getting approached by many of my classmates with the same question
“Are you oki? What happened to your eyes? Did u get punched?”
No malice in them, just concern TT, but the thought of it afterwards rlly made me feel insecure/self conscious .
I totally agree with your analysis but I also wanted to mention JINKO IS ALSO MY ROMAN EMPIRE AND THEY DESERVE SO MUCH MORE LOVE FROM THE MASSES AND THE CREATORS
I relate to this type of thinking so much1 Great video
Damn i forgot about that episode- i relate to Toph so much 😭
I honestly cry more in this part than Iroh’s part. But both are rlly sad
Very good video, it really resonated with me and I appreciated that
I loved this story just felt little weird when before this episode Toph pretty nuch used to wear fancy clothes and make up cause she's from rich family, she already looked confident in episode 14 when she and Katara wore make up and dresses to attend Emperor's bear's birthday
It's really a shame how media- [particularly written by men] feel the need to make the tomboy "girly" at all.
Toph wearing makeup for a bit and then scubbing it off would really resonate with the gender non-conforming women [or even girls] like myself who opt out of stereotypical gender performance.
I also relate to this a lot but I still think regardless of whether you "play the game" people will ALWAYS be interested in a woman's beauty. When I was 12 I was so similar to Toph, I was such a tomboy, never wore makeup, didn't care about fashion, and I didn't care what people thought of me because I lowkey hated everyone (lol). Because of this, everyone was obsessed with my beauty. My classmates would dare me "I'm gonna post a picture and if it gets x amount of likes you should post a selfie," or "can I please do your makeup," and what finally drove me over the edge to conform to women's beauty standards: "Why are you surprised nobody asked you to the dance? You can't expect anyone to take an interest in you when you don't even try to look nice." At that point, I did not care about beauty, but that comment hurt me so much ever since I heard it, I've been into fashion and makeup. I do think at this time in my life it is a healthy relationship as I use it to express myself but I wouldn't have been sucked into this world if everyone else wasn't so obsessed with me making an effort. It's honestly kinda sad :(
Those people are fuck*ng stupid. Im so sorry you had to go through that.
I had a similar experience except I put myself through this without waiting for others to comment on me.
I went from the quirky weird tomboy isolated and cold girl to the warm, shining, "popular " ("" bc they were hypocrites lol)fashionista girl because I fell in love with the "sweet and clever popular guy" when I was in middle school/high school and thought he would be ashamed of me if we were together/others would make fun of him for being with me.
So I chose a feminine "winner style" aka which neither fall into the "shy virgin stereotype" nor the "slutty girl" one to be sure no one could really criticize my style and I swear those horrible people still found a way to call me superficial and a hypocrite when I tried to be friendly/make friends and hated me on my back.
If I have learned one thing is that I regret presenting myself in a feminine way with a feminine attitude because it never reflected who I really was (a VERY masculine but classy person) and I think I prefered to be treated as "the weird agressive unpopular girl" instead of "the superficial barbie when can talk over whenever we want". The two are very bad but at least one is 50% accurate while the second feels even more violent, as it gives me a "I tried my best and you still shat on me so all my efforts go to the bin"-vibes (and the guy was actually a scaredy cat who lied to me about being my friend because "he didnt wanted to hurt me with all the things he saw me go through to become his dream girl")
If you accept to receiveany advice from me it would for you to remain 100% true to yourself but be better. Always try to be the best in everything that seems true to YOU and YOUR goals, aka the goals which only is related to and not "someone else" being the goal.
Just be the best at being yourself and you will always do better/go higher than trying to merge with another "more accepted" version of yourself .
Good luck, you re great.
And remember: making yourself "femininely" pretty is NOT the only way to take care of yourself. If you prefer to work out, it s 100% fine. Also, dont fall into the "beauty cream" trap. It does NOT work. Its just a money trap. Cream that are not medicine do NOT work. Beauty cream are 98% of the time real scam, especially the branded one like Garnier. The make up industry is WILD and will always try to make you feel "not enough" to make you buy their products.
Be safe, take care ans remember you are already great and its better to be alone than to be around fake people you think are genuine.
Be strong and loved by your peers and yourself💪🏻🤍✨️
People usually cannot see if you care but they see your efforts to look pretty. Those mean girls picked on Katara and Toph because they saw the effort these two put into their appearance and said means things out of their own insecurity. You see, if you put no effort and fail it's not the same as putting effort and failing. The latter hurts.
I really loved this video and your take. I cannot express how impatient I am about if you were to make more videos about atla!!! I will definitely watch them all
This cartoon is so good ❤ great video!
"in reality [... people's remarks & opinions have] always mattered, it was just easier not to [care] about them when you put on this act like you don't care." The lesson of vulnerability here is important, that things you value hurt the most when criticized, but it misses the fact that one can divorce your sense of worth from the remarks of strangers who are only remarking on one's appearance for a moment of sadistic fun. It's not as fun for them to give a sincere compliment to a stranger, they were always going to look for most glaring imperfection and denounce it in the cruelest way they could think of. Even if you were a perfect elven beauty, they'd probably point out how foreign you look, or at best they'd stay silent. In the vast gulf between photoshopped model and hermit without access to soap, people on a witch hunt looking to be mean *will* find something to decide they don't like.
People can care about how they look, and want to feel put-together, without surrendering their judgement to the tremendously biased "rude posh girls" who are actively picking a fight. If you're blind and can't verify with your own eyes that you look good today, it's understandable to lose confidence when some random idiot questions you. Especially when you didn't spend the time from first spotting those girls from across the bridge until you passed them searching for a weakness and planning a scathing insult to launch, like the Posh girl probably did. They even waiting until they were past Toph and Katara to launch their ambush, so they wouldn't have time to scrutinize the Posh Girls in return without causing a scene. The Posh Girls stopped and turned to look down on Toph just long enough to have a laugh and enjoy Toph's shattered pride.
Don't internalize the opinions of people who use criticism as a weapon. They're not being honest, they have a vested interest in tearing you down for enjoyment and to puff up their own self-worth. Feel free to take note of their remarks if you want, they might actually have a seed of a tip mixed in with the disparagement, but remember that the rude remark and sycophantic laughter is a ritual between them to confirm "we're the special in-group", it has nothing to do with who the victim is.
Melon Lord will always be beautiful
I didn't think that the employees weren't trying to scrub the dirt off of Toph's feet; I always thought they were trying to sand down the callus on her soles, which would be a sensory nightmare for someone who instinctively feels the world through her feet. Imagine someone trying to scrub your eyes with bleach. I can 100% see why she bashed them through a wall.
i did too. honestly i thought she was defensive of it because she walks around barefoot so having no callus would make every stone she steps on hurt like all hell
I think this kinda applies/shows alot of a male or masculine situation as well. Though i am more genderfluid than most i had never been told whether i was at all attractive and i still don't consider myself to be so, but knowing that i will never be "pretty" is something that adds heaviness to my heart.
It's easy to not care about how you look so long as no one comments on it. Out of sight, out of mind, and all that jazz.
For the algorithm! I don't have much else to comment/contribute but hope this helps ❤
Honestly, I dislike the way Toph looks in that makeup. Because it doesn’t look like Toph. The girl in the makeup looks…fine, I suppose. But it’s not Toph. The makeup does nothing to highlight or compliment her natural beauty. It’s makeup that’s meant for somebody else’s face.
I do feel similarly about Katara’s makeup in this scene, but at least I still see Katara in there.
I relate to this so much. Thanks for the awesome video!
Thank you so much for this video I truly related to toph I often find it hard to fit into masculine spaces and when I do find myself in some I often feel vulnerable because like toph I don’t act like my gender I’m different and that vulnerability can be so difficult to face sometimes.
will not be watching any live action remakes (those always suck) but this is a nice little reminder of how good the original really was
It is actually really good. But, I do understand your reluctance. The first season is only 8 episodes. And they cram a lot of story in. Some story elements got moved around and some forgotten. It worked very well though. I cannot wait until season 2.
I love tomboys and to me Toph will always be prettier as her tomboy self because she is both different, but also real. No mask, no filter, no holding back. Toph says what she thinks and is who she is.
Never be afraid to be who you are and flaunt it.
And just to be clear if you are the type of person who likes makeup and girly things that is fine too, I am not discouraging it but saying I personally like the more tomboy thing.
Well said. You helped me understand beauty a little bit better today. Thank you :)
0:01 I was going to ask, do we still use the word “aired” to describe a show’s release when it’s made available for instant viewing on a streaming service, rather than broadcast real-time? But then I remembered that the phrase came from back when all tv shows were “on the air” in a literal sense as encoded electromagnetic waves received through antennae and that cable television has been the standard since before I was born, and I realized it was a stupid question
When I was young I decided I was way too ugly for makeup and pretty clothes because that would not make me look better but just more ridiculous. Kinda sad but I guess I saved a ton of money and time this way.
Thx 2 the comment about the praise paradox. U have unlocked a huge trauma 4 me 💔
Toph is so pretty!!
Yes, we humans are a species we are far too concerned oftentimes about superficial things as in Beauty.
I mean, we do have eyes. Makes sense to me.
@@catus-cactus yeah and looks can be deceiving
@@grapeshotyep. Some of the most conventionally attractive people can be some of the horrible people
Always thought it was the too much makeup that caught their attention
Toph and Katara in Live Action, will be How hollywood forget how to write stories
Safe to say the creators Mike and Bryan were cooking when they made this show.
I would really like to see Netflix adapt these scenes or at least the heartfelt messaging from this episode in the upcoming season 2 live adaptation :D
🎶 Feels From the Vine 🎶
i just realized in legend of korra the fire bender in team avatar is named mako after the voice actor
I liked Toph immediately :)
Why cant we just live in a World where girls can be both? Is this a rhetorical question?
great video!
I woudn't say I have exactly a tomboyish style, but I'm also not the kind of person who usually wears make up, or dresses, or skirts. I like to wear comfortable stuff that don't forces me to make much effort, or spend much time getting ready. But sometimes, I want to dress in a more elaborate way, but it makes me feel kind of anxious and discomfortable because people pays more attention and make comments (because it's unusual to see me like this) and I have a lot of difficulty being noticed
Does someone relate with that?
It was ONE episode..she goes back to being herself for the rest of the story
Comparing the live action to the original animated series I am struck by how much more depth the animated characters have compared to the rather shallow characters in the Netflix version. Seriously, look at Iroh. In the original he is a multifaceted complex character; in the live version he is only a background character. I expect Toph will not be much different.
Its frustrating that everyone judges eachother first of all on how you look. In some ways it would be better if we were all as blind as Toph. Probably blind people can be shallow as well though I don't know any IRL lol.
I have a theory that in the Legend of Korra, Toph is obviously old but doesn’t look as old in the face as she actually is. Toph wore considerably less makeup growing up, and I believe that has helped her facial skin retain its natural youth.
wearing make up doesn't make you age faster and looking old isn't a bad thing
Love this
I'm going to watch closer next time, but I don't think Toph is crying at any point
When she's dangling from Sokka's arm is pretty much it
I watched the scene this morning. She definitely cried.
It's definitely pretty rare for her to do so, comparatively speaking, since she doesn't like to seem vulnerable to others, but it does happen more than once. More precisely, Toph cries five times in the whole show, all in important and impactful moments for her: in her introduction episode (E206) when her parents rejected her secret side and prohibited her first friend (Aang) from ever seeing her again; in this episode (E215) for the reasons this video discusses; twice in her character focus episode in Book 3 (E307), when forced to think about how her running away from home affected her parents; and lastly in the series finale (E321), when she's left completely vulnerable (and blind) to outside attack hanging from Sokka's arm (as you mentioned).
@@christopherbrown1848 I stand corrected 😂