Trans Man’s Viral Breakdown: “Being a Man Is Lonely”
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- Опубліковано 16 чер 2024
- A female who has transitioned to live as a man recently went viral after speaking about having difficulty making deep friendships after transitioning, saying “nobody warned me” that being a man is lonely. Is this just a product of attempting to live as a man when one is not a man biologically, or is there actually something wrong with how men relate to each other? Let’s get into it.
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As a guy I can 100% confirm I have never once had a conversation with another random guy in the men’s bathroom. That’s just weird.
One guy tried to talk to me from the urinal next to mine at work one time and I have seldom been so uncomfortable since.
Did he at least follow the skip-a-stall policy?
Wow! I've met lifelong friends in random washroom. To be fair I'm super bubbly and social.
@@Perfumegod I don't know a single man who goes to the bathroom to socialize.
I have had conversations while in the restroom but that is with long term co-workers. Basically we are just working needed a take care of nature before moving out to do our work. I can also see some using a male space to have certain conversations that may not be best spoken in public
"Men suffer in silence" and "the only time in his life a man receives flowers is at his funeral" are very common sayings for a reason.
"don't cry, you're a man, men don't cry"
But do men want flowers? /gen I'm a woman and curious. I'm gonna ssume some but not all 😂 like many answers for many things.
@@kittykatpharuhs apart from our partners and (the "pretty" ones) from someone who has a crush on us, but as it is a "women stuff" it isn't that often
@@kittykatpharuhs It's more the gesture. Men very rarely receive compliments/gifts unless it's expected (like a birthday or something)
So a spontaneous gift/compliment is going to stick with a guy for a long time.
@@kittykatpharuhs sure. They might not even know they do
“No one told me how hard it was to be a man.” YES WE DID. It’s been said over and over and ignored just as many times. You just didn’t care until it happened to you.
Exactly.......Ignorance is not an excuse.
"But but but muh patriarchy!"
Easier to swallow the lies that give them special hollywood-underdog victim status.
Truth
Preach!
Exactly 💯
I don’t think I can ever remember a moment where someone reached out just to see if I’m okay or to simply just talk to me. No thoughts, No calls, no texts. Nothing. I was always the one to reach out and it’s funny how quite it got when I stopped do that.
I know the feeling man, I am a single man in ny 30 in a foreign country for almost 7 years and nobody callls to see if im ok or a text, I stopped reaching out to people and nobody contacted me in months, I now focus on myself and that’s it , fuck em
Can confirm
I do it, but then male friends dont reciprocate or paly it cool: pasing as THEY dont care.
So I stop after many tries.
You guys arent better.
Totally true. Mostly people reach out when they need something from you.
But then again, i too don't reach out to my guys friends, 1)cuz i hnonestly don't have issues and i can handle shit on my own 2) especially after they got married. Idk why but in my mind i feel like i am bothering their, 'family' time.
I have quite a few male friends, and I often reach out and ask them if they are OK. And by this question, I do NOT mean "how about a hook-up?" it simply means are you OK. I'm not sure why people often think I'm unusual because I have men that are my friends and I care about them without wanting s*x from them (as a woman who could get it from them if I really wanted to but don't).
Women: “We get unwanted attention from men!” Men: “I haven’t been hugged by anyone or asked if I’m ok in 15 years”
When i was young, i usually only got hugs from my grandma, now i sometimes get a hug from my mom once or twice a month.
and only recently have i gotten some friends that word for word ask me "are you okay?"
hahahahahahah!!!!
It's true but..I don't think many men would actually want to get hugs from people they're not attracted to and being asked if "they're ok". I wouldn't. No hugs unless I wanna fuck you and no "are you ok?" It's so cringe it hurts.
Everybody has their own shit to deal with. But between being treated as an object and being ignored entirely, I think they're both awful, but I assume each side would be envious of what the other is having anyway.
@@CulltureShock are you ok?
We live in a world where no one will listen to someone speak about men's mental health unless they're actually a woman.
Hi!!! Since you believe that no one will listen to someone speak about men’s mental health I would love to give you multiple instances where you are wrong! 1. Therapy exists!!! Not just for women but for the men too😨😨 shocking right!!
2. We are currently in the month of June! Which is men’s mental health awareness month! (Also pride month)
3. True friends and true family!!
4. Me!!!
5. God
I would also love to point out that we do not live in a world where men are discriminated as a whole. White men (specifically cis) are the least discriminated people in the world!!! Maybe you are a different race that what I’m assuming you are but typically amalas viewers are exactly as I listed. I am not going to invalidate your guy’s feelings but simply point out how you guys claim you have such a hard life 😢 but really! Us cis white men have it the easiest!
lol
Because men don’t communicate like women do.
Or paid $$$$$
GOOD ass point😅
As a biological man I agree 100%, honestly I’ve never seen a lonely woman ( I’m not meaning there are not). Personally for me, is really hard to make friends or establish relationships.
Just because you havent seem doesnt mean they dont exist. I'm a woman and i'm very lonely, never in my life i had close friendships.
Difference being that men are built to handle solitary lifestyles. Women do not handle being solitary nearly as well (if at all really), which is why they naturally gravitate towards things like having long conversations in a bathroom stall with people taking dumps in the background.
They do it because they are naturally desiring far more social contact than a man would ever need. There is nothing wrong with that, just like there is nothing wrong with men not speaking more than one word (if any) as passersby to other men.
@@moonamoonz yeah that's because you're lazy and don't try, simple as that. literally put in 0.1% effort and watch your problems melt away
same. reading comments on here and I am getting a bit annoyed actually, because this is not a male thing, it's a human thing.@@moonamoonz
@@moonamoonzDid you just decide to not read their comment? He said clearly *“(I’m not meaning they are not)”*
One of Henry David Thoreau's most frequently quoted sayings is "The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation."
Lmao it’s true for women too. Everyone’s struggling and you’re not special
@@IbrahimMalik-sv6zp exactly. men keep blaming women for their loneliness when it's their own fault they aren't speaking to each other.
Being a man isn't lonely, it's solitary. Loneliness is a result of how we process the solitude and not everyone will experience it the same. It's not good or bad, it's what it is. I don't want a relationship with other dudes in the toilet, and they don't want one with me.
😂😂😂😂😂
You said this very well. Its how we process the solitude. Personally, I never feel like I get enough alone time and I truly cherish the time.
My gosh the way I love my own company!
This person complaining is still prejudiced against straight males. He’ll need to get over that for starters.
@@SeeLasSee "he"?
I found out yesterday that this month, June, is men’s mental health month and no one talks or even know about it. It shows how little society really cares about men. Stay strong boys 💪
Why don't men talk about it then?
@@MH-bf4uu we do, then women freak out and call us masogynist for focussing on us and not them.
She's a female with pre-existing mental health disorders.
Wow and it gets overshadowed by Pride.
Wow….. this month & the last 3 I’ve tried to kill myself multiple times it is mens mental health month. That’s kinda wild to me. I never knew that was even a thing
33 years old here, getting more and more lonely by the year. I got 2 good friends that's it. Stay strong kings!❤💯
35 and i got none, people make me sick, sometime i go outside because i feel so lonely but come running back inside as i remember how shit people are, i guess it's just this system, how it's build, how materialistic and narcissistic society is, or maybe it's just me that's a bit crazy, a bit insane in the insane in the membrane or i might just be build different, but yeah i feel lonely 😮💨
Get out there find a wife bud ! find a good women.
im 43.. i mostly speak with my dogs Siff and Berrinches
@@shiroumxm2052definitely the way to go imo
They tend to fade away as you get older. Best thing you can do is find some buddies who do the same hobby
When I was in high school, I would look out for the smaller kids, or kids that got picked on. Being tall and athletic, I would hang around them so people would leave them alone. Still, often times I would notice grown adults stepping onto their porch when I was walking home giving me a death glare, as if I'm the enemy just because I'm a larger man, the assumption is that I prey on others. Back then and even present day, I notice people (especially women) constantly looking back over their shoulders if I'm walking behind them, monitoring how close I'm getting. I'm also "that guy" who will pull up and help others if they're broke down on the side of the road or stuck in a ditch. I've actually spent a good amount of money on tools that I keep in my truck, like recovery gear, specifically to help other people because where I live, it happens a lot. Men are generally grateful; women are usually cautious. Although it can be offensive to be automatically labeled an enemy or a threat just by your mere presence, I completely understand. And as hurtful as it may be, I recommend that everyone keep a good awareness of their surroundings, because that's just part of life. If you have the situational awareness to notice these kinds of behaviors, you should understand the people doing these things are practicing the same situational awareness that allowed you to notice their actions in the first place. It's also easy to draw false conclusions, for example maybe they switched to the other side of the road simply because they're about to take a turn, maybe they've been robbed before and they're just trying to protect themselves, and so on. Can't be angry with someone just for playing it safe and attempting to protect themselves.
'Man up!'
'Walk it off!'
'Be a man!'
'Suck it up!'
'Just push through!'
How often we as men have heard people say to us in our life? What do we do? We suck it up and move on.
Toxic Masculinity at it's finest. I feel bad , men are too often belittled.
"You throw like a woman."
"He holds a grudge like a woman"
"You hit like a woman."
"You are over sensitive/weak like a woman.
Goes both ways. Don't get me wrong. I don't think guys get enough attention but both genders need to figure out what the ever loving heck they are. This world no longer knows what a woman is either we tell our kids its this pathetic submissive little bitch or a rough and tough MASCULINE tomboy who is overly aggressive and a complete hardass for no reasoning. And with guys we tell them to be authoritative but then also tell them to be soft then get mad when they are too soft or too hard. We really need to rediscover what it is to BE a woman or Be a man.
it's how the world gets built, it's how the allies beat the axis, we do it because sometimes it necessary. I have a wife and kids, half the things I do are because it needs to be done and who the hell else is gonna do it? I wasn't born this way but trauma will make you strong or it will break you. I choose not to be broken
He is a woman,he don t understand that simple fact
@@kingRukus39 You and many others are very strong. Keep pushing 💪
I’m a single father, and I can tell you nobody cares if a man is suffering, we are expecting to be strong and push on (hence the term “man up”) I was backstab by my best friend which caused me my marriage, lost my job due to covid shortly after, had my savings depleted by my family and once I’m broke, they abandon me. Now I’m slowing trying to get back on my feet while trying to raise my son but I am often been viewed as weak for not being able to keep my marriage together, selfish for not having the income anymore to spend for my family and arrogant for wanting to keep things to myself since no one ever listen to what I’m going through. But then again being a man I have to push through, as father I have to stay strong, all so that I can shield my son from my reality, so that he can laugh, smile and have a full belly everyday. Not one person ever asked me if I’m doing ok, not one person wished me a happy father’s day, not one person wished me for my birthday. This is my reality as man, sorry for the long comment, just wanted to share what I have to go through as a man. Have a lovely day
Funny how ancient Greeks have so close bonds that it became gayish lmao and now we have pedastalised femoids .
That sounds very tough
I know this is not going to help much, but after some time there comes relief after hardship.
You are doing great and you are a great father
Hang in there
PS: Happy Father’s Day 🎊🎈✨
PPS:Happy Birthday 🎉🎂🥳
@@Violett8 Thank you so much for your kind words, I'm hanging in on here, doing my best everyday
Hey buddy, keep you chin up. I went through a similar situation as you. You're far from alone. We live in a BS cuck society that understands nothing. What else would you expect from people? Most people are brainwashed morons nowadays-- they are herd animals that do not care about what is just and right. They would be happy to stab you or I in the back. But we must be strong brother. We are better than them. We do not need society to tell us we are worthwhile. F'em. Keep your chin up.
Happy belated Father's Day ❤️
I'm 44, single, living alone with two cats, working nights alone in an office in a building outside of town, and my closest family lives more than 100 miles away. I have zero close relationships in my life, though I do love my family and don't mean to trivialize that. Loneliness doesn't even begin to describe how bewildered I feel some days. I 100% understand why the suicide rate is so high among men. If I weren't such a coward, I don't know what I'd do.
It's brave to stay brother.
I'm so sorry you are experiencing this. I am not a man, but have been in a similar situation before, I was isolated for several years and I know how that feels, and the thing about being a coward - I get that 100%.
And then people might call you strong when trying to support you, but really you wish you didn't have to be strong all the time. I understand. You deserve to be here, your family and your pets love you and need you (people said that to me and I felt even more sad at the time but still being here, I get it now because they got me through).
Perhaps you could move closer to your family if you get on with them too. I hope you are feeling alright today, your comment really resonated
Im 34 and just moved into an apt with my parents because of health issues them being near eol. I can totally see myself in the exact same situation as you in 10yrs. I wish you the best and hope you can find hobbies to pursue to distract enough from the darkness we sit in. At least for me hobbies have been the candle I needed to keep me going.
I’m also 44, single, living alone without cats or dogs, I also work 12 hour night shift in an office by myself 6 days a week. My family and I only talk or see each other for birthdays or Christmas(3times a year), I “joke” with them how long would it take for anyone to notice if I went missing
@craig26henson Ha! I talk with my mother regularly on the phone and she said she had the same concern for me! Lol
According to many studies male friendships tend to be "more robust and long-lasting" than female.
We are straight to the point with our friends and, if not really necessary, we try not to sugar coat things. That keeps the friendships really genuine and honest but at the same time it's harder to find someone who is on the same level of "straight to the point" and has really similar values, beliefs, world view and hobbies (shared hobbies are really important)
When I was younger me and my friends would literally get into fist fights (usually after to much alcohol) and wed be best buds again hours later.
That makes no sense. That's women
You need to investigate Norah Vincent. She wrote a book called "My year as a Man". She decided to spend 2 years as a man to see those privileges that everyone talks about. She ended the experiment after 18 months because of the mental distress. She said she suffered serious mental issues because of what she went through, and how she was treated by women. Sadly, after a number of stays in mental institutions (which she also wrote about her issues and the lack of care received) she took her life a year or two ago. It really is a profound statement on not only the unseen side of being a man, but an indictment of the metal health industry.
Oh my gosh! I am going to look for this! Thank you for sharing. ❤
Vincent didn’t kill herself because of the fact she chose to be a man. She was a broken person who kept playing characters in her writing and in how she acted, she was never honest with who she was and never developed her true self. The distress of that had brought her to self harm many time prior to the experiment. She didn’t write a note, you can’t know why.
@@luck3yp0rk93 but she did write about the difficulties she faced portraying a man, and she did write about ineffective state of our mental healthcare, and you'd be putting your head in a hole if you didn't think those experiences played a part.
Also her not knowing her reasons for taking her life don't negate what she uncovered in her time as a man. She went into it thinking it'd be great and she'd suddenly have all this privilege she'd been lacking only to discover that it wasn't actually easy or enjoyable. I'd say she was probably more affected by these things bc of an already unstable mental state, but it should be noted that straight men are feeling demonized by society more than ever and it's not easy for them.
I've heard of her story. It's crazy. I wish we would be nicer and more loving to each other.
@@cucumber790 Yep, men are at fault for everything. Fuq off!
As a 37 year old male, I have never been hugged for comfort, genuinely been asked how I'm doing, or gotten any emotional help without paying for it. As a man, you have 1 objective, and 1 objective only. Work. That's all we're supposed to do..
As a 29 year old man, the only one who has the OK to hug me is my family and my (for now non existent) girlfriend/wife.
Right hugging dudes just isn't on the male agenda
@@richardb3944lol I actually had a conversation with my fiancé about that just yesterday. It’s just not done in our community
Work, provide, take the bullet.
We do it more.but definitely a female dominated Nature
Several months ago, I joined Better Help for a couple months. I was going through a difficult time in my relationship. I would sit in on men’s groups. Often, I was the token gay guy. But the group would have around 8-12 straight men. I have never seen so many straight men cry about relationships and heart break. It was like they had no one to talk too. It really opened my eyes and broke my heart. Men really dont get enough support for mental health. After my sessions, I am so against any groups who claim how hard it is to be a woman in society. It’s like, really? Men need to be able to talk about their issues.
As a white man it sometimes feels like everyone is against me for no reason. They think i can't understand their struggles bc I'm "priviliged". People make me feel guilty for having my own struggles and say my life is somehow perfect, that I can't complain and I should be happy with what I have. But I'm not.
The truth is that people in "underpriviliged groups", especially women, care about eachother just because they are going through the same stuff and have similar experiences. People don't care about me, my struggles aren't real and I'm part of "the system"
People are passive aggressive about "straight white men." We have problems, too. We didn't choose to be straight, white, or male. Because we fall in these three demographics we're automatically seen as privileged (as you mentioned) and therefore people don't care about us.
The difference is: no one treats you badly because of your race or gender, this doenst mean you cant be sad ofc, everyone got their problems, but is different.
@@moonamoonz How the hell could you possibly know that? People have definitely treated me worse for being male and for being white. Plenty of women have open disdain for men and some people for sure don't like whites.
@@moonamoonz Where did you get this stupid idea from?
This way of thinking is totally absurd as well, is the homeless guy living under a bridge with white skin "privileged"? No it's just bigotry and nonsense. It is in itself a type of racism.
The only solution I can see is to keep talking about the issues men have until it is accepted by the mainstream. First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they attack you, then you win. It is the same for any group that gets ignored and told to shut up.
The loneliness really is no joke. As a man nearing 40, I've battled major depression since grade school. Then my wife of 12 years, who I thought was my best friend too, demanded a separation. Our friends became just her friends. One of our kids won't speak to me anymore because of lies she was told. I asked a couple of her female friends to put themselves in my shoes and was told to man up. Middle-aged men have an incredibly hard time making new friends. No support network.
Lesson learned: If you're a man, you're considered expendable. Your existence holds no value, only what you can offer others. It's up to you to make your own happiness before your own mind begins to attack itself. Sink or swim, guys.
ua-cam.com/video/tHxip2x-PLc/v-deo.html pretty much explains it. Stay strong, Chris!
Salute!
Have a good life Chris, and thanks for sharing your experience, I wont last too long in this crazy world but atleast lets enjoy simple things of life, like a cup of tea looking the night, or playing videogames, btw we are forgotables. 👍
Find your tribe brother, whether that's gaming friends, or boxing friends, there is a group of men interested in what you like and pursuing the things you are passionate about
@@DAVID-ql1vo Thanks to yourself and the rest of you in the comments. Best of luck to y'all, as well.
As a guy: when you strike a friendship, you know it's gold
T r u e
"Vestiges!" - walter white stare.
Unfortunately, male friendships have also been destroyed over a woman.
@@alanguages Don't see what that has to do with true companionship, but yes, it's true. Thankfully not everyone is like that, which is what I meant.
@@alanguages jeez you will blame women over your things
As men we’re taught to never show emotion because it’s taken as weakness. If someone sees something that makes you truly happy they now have leverage over you. That’s why you see a lot of men just straight faced and not caring because we feel if we show that side of us it’ll be used against us.
Women's emotions are also ALWAYS seen as weakness...... SURPRISE!!!! Wow, who knew?
That is part of being vulnerable: if your partner does it then do it! PEOPLE get hurt! Women get hurt for being too vulnerable as well.
'men are stronger, wmany so weak and useless': no men are scared to show emotions and be vulnerable. It's not just a woman's job to do it and nurse men's emotions at the same time.
THEN we get called crazy because dudes dont open up.
Endless cycle of BS!!!
'men dont open up cuz it hurts' : WELCOME TO REALITY.
It hurts women too: yet we DO IT, because sh*t needs to be shared.
I pull more than my weight in my relationship.
@@FocusedFighter777 I don’t know your story, you seem very angry but I will point out one fact. You see how you responded to the post on how I as a man have had to live my life? That was a vulnerable post and instead of reading it and sharing in what we might go through commonly, your first instinct was to tell me to deal with it and how woman have it hard to. That is the point I was making. My post took nothing away from the hardships women have faced but until we stop playing the game of “Who has it worst” we’re not going to change anything.
I wish more people saw what happened right here. @marcusenriquez5722 this happens all the time... I'm sure women do get hurt for being vulnerable but it doesn't happen time after time after time until they just give up... It does with men. Your response was perfectly measured and 100% true. I see you you are a decent person and I hope you don't always have to be strong.
Men dont open up because its automatically seen as weakness. Unlike women who are hugged and told it going to be ok, We're told to man up.
I believe more so that it is biology that is at the root of our hardship. What is history if not one bloody war after another? We are put on this earth just to suffer. The cruelest thing that happened was the media telling us that there would be anything else.
I think that what this reinforces is that the grass isn’t always greener.
it's crazy to see someone completely break down because they started living the life I've (and most of my friends have) lived since their birth.
It's the regret of throwing away their privilege
@@joeldorrington7898 That's the truth. Getting everything easier while still being the victim must be nice.
boo hoo
the bilogical male has the immune system about being lonely and embrace struggles unlike woman
@@joshcal7370 loll right^?
I remember when my husband hugged me goodbye at the end of our first date. For me, it felt pretty platonic and was just a nice gesture. He told me months later that hugging me had almost made him cry, not because he was overly attached me at that point but because he realized that our physical contact was the first time another person had touched him in years aside from the occasional handshake. His family isn't very physically affectionate, his guy friends never hugged each other, and he hadn't been in a relationship for almost 2 years. As a woman who is used to casually hugging everyone, that blew my mind and made me so sad.
I know what that's like. I've felt that way even when a guy hugs me because it's so lacking
I had my first dates recently; after my divorce 13 years prior!
I did cry real tears the first time a man put his arms around me protectively in a hug! It has been wayyyy too long.😅
You guys are getting hugs? 🤨
I've been going through emotional withdrawal these last few weeks, due to the realization that no female wants me. I lied to myself for long enough, this is just acceptance of defeat. The worst and most unfair thing is I can't tell anyone that, especially women. I've been daydreaming about hugging a girl constantly. Just a hug. And I'm only 24
@@nguyencaotri3879 Find a support system. Would you not accept a hug from another man?
As an 80's man I would say that we are not cold at all. We are emotional and vulnerable but don't show it that much. Our friends are from hobbies, schools, present or past jobs, etc. In public restrooms we mind our own business. Unless we know someone it's "shut up and do your your thing". I appreciate hugs but physical contact from people I barely know feels awkward. I hate being interrupted when I'm working, thinking, or soul-searching. Loneliness is bliss and I appreciate it by episodes but couldn't stay alone forever. I know I don't represent every men but I'm sure some will relate...
I'm a trans woman, and I understand how lonely it is to be a guy. I used to give guys smiles on the street, least I could do, but then some men took it as flirting... Suddenly I didn't feel safe smiling at men anymore.
It's actually terrible that a small minority of men are causing the public perception of men to be dangerous and desperate for sex when the vast majority of men out there are sweeties.
Do you regret your decisions?
Since you were a man before, men always take responsibility and say sorry for their actions. Woman are the opposite.
You are still a guy buddy. Dressing on a skirt wont make you a woman.
It is absolutely the right way to smile at people.
But there are men stuck in less mature stages that assert dominance however they can to boost their streetcred. Thats why we need to be observant and we need to have the ability to be or appear strong. Thats why respect is so important to us, it is a kind of safety net.
Being a man is actually very demanding come to think of it.
Btw: People only ooen up because this is an anonymous comment section. If women would hear this kind of whining from us in RL they would lose all respect and our safety net is gone.
Idk about the safety net thing from matthias, but
Thanks for acknowledging the disparity between perception and reality
@@brandonanderson9475Safetynet.. currency. I mean the respect we get has huge impact on our selfworth and confidence and without it we tend to fail to function.
The loneliest feeling as a man, is wanting to talk to people, have hugs and be vulnerable. But then beeing seen as weird or just simply ignored.
well, if you doing it to random women yeah lmao. but to other men who are your freinds? you should be fine
The knockers are right. Stand up and stop being a limp dick. Being alone doesn't have to be lonely.
I talk to people .I get hugs from my family and friends.. and I'm never seen as wierd. And the only people you should be showing your vulnerability to, is family and friends
Or hearing: are you gay?
@@Mayawamaqto other PEOPLE who are your friends, men and women should be able to hug each other and be friends
This is the male experience. When a man says “nobody cares!” it’s because everyday we look at society and all we see is just that. To be a masculine man is seen as toxic and standing up for yourself means you are insecure and narcissistic. Young men are lonely for sure. I see it every single day
What's your definition of "masculine man"?
Just a man being a man. It’s really that simple
@@technoloverish The opposite to femenine man/woman. I'm sure you know what's a femenine person.
@@Alejojojo6 Yeah that's a bizare question, they can tell what a fem person is but not the oposite, they always want to redifine anything regarding us
Young men are more like women now. It is terrible to see the feminization everywhere. Thank goodness I lived most of my life at a much better time.
i need to just say this. I am a guy, not trans, and I dont want to be a girl. but i relate to everything he says (not the i miss it cuz i was a girl tho obviously) but i genuinely wish more guys were like this. i might be the odd one out, but watching my friends who are girls all go the the bathroom together is actually sad to me. and oh my god the crossing the street to not be near you is actually painful. anyway, men can feel like that too. just putting it out there
Only beta males feel like that. Grow a pair.
Oh!
To me the experience was kinda the opposite. I was always surprised to see how some male friendships were in my HS and admired them.
For some reason I thought that it is easier to maintain them for the guys and it felt like they truly cared for each other.
I was sad when I didn't have such connection with girl classmates.
I obviously have amazing girl friends now, but in my experience male friendships are really precious too.
My friend, you need a dog or a transition. You're not cut out to be a male on this planet.
It's so bad for men I had to comment here on an account I created for this purpose, because if I posted on my main account and people I know saw it, I would be done.
The moment a man shows vulnerability, the moment our role changes, be it our fault or not, like losing your job and or have a hard time getting another job, because we are too old at 35+ or some other crap you can't control... The instant we can't provide, even if you were in a stable, caring relationship, married, even if your SO has a good job and can still provide... The second there's a change in that home dynamic, that you lose the provider role, and become/show/are vulnerable, you are seen as weak/broken/no longer a man, and you partner (usually females) will be the first one to start looking for your flaws, and reasons to break it off/ divorce/ cheat... And if you can't get your role back fast enough, it snowballs fast... You lose control of your life, and depression sets in... And no one gives a rats ass. You can't talk it out and you feel stuck. That's why unalive rates are so high on men.
Too many people think they can escape the harsh reality of their sex. You can really only go from one harsh reality to another.
Lovely. Perhaps you should make reality less harsh for everyone? Just brainstorming here.
That's true. Well said.
And to the other commenter the only one who can make your reality less harsh is God.
@@GypsyInTheHood God should be fired. Lazy bastard.
@@mikicerise6250 This is a vacuous response. What you're saying just sounded pleasant but had no basis in reality.
@@EGarrett01 It doesn't? We aren't responsible for the way we behave towards others? People being systematically cruel and selfish is "God's" doing? Sure. 😇
I'm a 46 year old man. Yes, as men, we go through this. We just don't talk about it. You learn to make friendships that are meaningful. Being a man isn't easy. We are built to protect and work.
Being a woman isn't easy either.
@@sophieruby5893 oh, it's about you now 😂
@Sophie Ruby you seem that's the shit we are talking about, it's not all about you
@@sophieruby5893 no, being a woman isn't easy. We do get that. However, when you defensively assert that "being a woman isn't easy", as if this conversation right here somehow detracts from that fact, what you are doing is highlighting one of the myriad of reasons why we men keep our mouths shut. Why we assume that it's safer to just keep silent and stoically drive on. I mean, I don't mind being open about it because we don't know each other and aren't likely to ever speak again. However, when you do that, you're adding to the problem. If you wish to be seen and heard, recognize that it's a two-way street. We need to be seen and heard, too. There's a time and place to make yourself seen and heard. Pay attention to this video, because you're getting inside information that most women don't get, using language that you probably understand better than we men do.
@@engmed4400 🔥 🔥 🔥
As someone who's trying to find themselves, it's really hard to ask for pov's from others people's or having a deep friendship knowing if you try to ask they will look at you oddly
Truth
always got so mad when id hear my female coworkers complain about their dating life and then proceed to mention all these guys in their DM's. Then they turn around and tell me how easy i have it.... i have mever been dm'd by any girl besides scammers.
Guys operate on respect.
You earn respect by being competent.
You develop friendships through common interests.
If you're lonely and online complaining about it, 9x out of 10 something is wrong with you and you haven't figured it out yet, a feeling of loneliness only comes from the idea that you couldn't interact with someone if you chose to, and damn that's a horrible place to be in for anyone.
True.The value of a man lies in what he can provide with his actions.Competence,leadership,experience,etc...If you fail at in earn respect NOBODY its gonna give you the time of day...
That’s true, I joined a gun club 7 months ago and have made afew good light friendships
That's true
@@kevinleewilliams5119 " a feeling of loneliness only comes from the idea that you couldn't interact with someone if you chose to"
A female that isn't comfortable in their own body transitions to have male secondary sex characteristics and alters their behaviour to blend in socially has a hard time connecting and interacting with other males? Who could have possibly seen that coming?!
As an autistic woman I've never had a deep feminine friendship and the deepest friendships I've had in my life have been with men. There are definitely nuances to both sides. Not all Women are these accepting angels that society paints us out to be. Many are bullies.
Exactly the whole narrative that men are just emotionally stunted unfeeling beings is nonsense..
totally agree with you!
100%
💯
What does you being autistic have to do with your lack of female friendships?
Idk, but talking to other men in the bathroom seems pretty gay to me.
As a gay man i can say its very very lonely. Also because im not someone that wants to be part of the ‘gay community’ so to speak… i dont really have friends besides 1 or 2. But not any men that i can connect with, even in my daily life its hard to connect with other guys since they never go into deep conversations and it really feels like theres a wall between you two.. its horrible. Im 29 at this point and i feel alone a lot. On my days off i can only play games because i dont have friends that i can do fun things with or hang out. With females its so easy to connect on a lot of levels, men are just so closed off. I personally think this has to do with the fact that men always need to seem strong and cant complain or talk about their feelings. Something needs to seriously change.
Opening up about feelings doesn't always lead to happiness. For some it could lead to validation of their mental state and more rumination on negative thoughts. The solution for a great many men and women will be to get out of your heads. Do activities that put your own neuroses into perspective
@noatak6852 I feel this man. I only have a couple close male friends myself, and one of them is from my teen years. Most others dropped off over time. I firmly believe that we as men should support each other. As such if you ever need a friendly ear, feel free to reach out to me. Gods know I have been through the shit, so there probably isn't much that is gonna catch me off guard. I'll listen, and if you want offer advice, but I'll never tell you your feelings are invalid. Best of luck buddy, stay strong.
I agree I’m gay and feel this way. I think we also feel less inclined to be proactive with our male friendships out of fear of not wanting to give off the wrong impresssiom.
You have one or two friends?! That's a lot.
@@chrisgrimm3011 yeah, it really is hard man. I understand completely. I’ve been through some rough shit in my life already, so i’ll be fine in the end! The one person i can build on is myself, atleast there is that.
in my whole 23 yrs life, no one asked me if I am okay, but it's normal for me, and it didnt bother me, it just feels natural to be lonely.
Same bro. Nobody cares and it's cool.
We lived our whole lives like this unlike transmen who experienced being validated just by existing.
I feel this 100%, and when someone cares (when it's not your family or close friends), it feels odd since you aren't used to getting this sort of attention
its cuz we're built for it naturally, where's women and children arent because they're vulnerable
As a man by the time u realize ur alone u love yourself and u understand how much easier life is alone... once u understand that then we want want a woman and family
This is one reason why Jordan Peterson's message was so powerful amongst men. When it seems like the whole world was piling on and telling us we're all toxic and oppressive, many guys out there just needed a friend and a little understanding. Maybe a hug now and then. Peterson's revelation about how little encouragement was really necessary, because many young men have never had any at all... Heartbreaking.
We need a father figure that is capable to understand what is happening in the world from competent male perspective. Peterson is like a father, a friend and a philosopher all at once.
Yeah Im sure hitler stalin and musolini just needed a hug too. Its funny bc all those JP types say women will be old and alone if we dont settle for some abusive crusty broke unwashed ass. The projection is crazy.
The thing about Jordan is that he mixes self-help and politics (he didn't use to do that as much). The people who listen to him are often at a low point in their lives and are impressionable to anyone who can give them some answers to their problems.
It would be good for people to get self-help that's more apolitical. Just focus on yourself and make gains. 💪
Jordan _Man up take responsibility and support women_ Petersimp
Amen. I was about to write the same thing. Jordan Peterson has been speaking about this.
As a man, yeah it sucks, until you get used to it. Yeah, it's messed up, but you after years and years of loneliness you develop a thicker skin towards it and learn to appreciate it.
There will always be time for the boys though
I think you're spot on Amala with alot of the stuff you're say in this video.
I'm a middle aged man, single and never married. I am alone, but I don't get lonely. I like my peace and quiet, and I don't want to give it up. No one complains that I left a dish in the sink, or took too long in the shower, no one wakes me up on the weekend before I'm ready. No one tries to convince me to sell my motorcycles so they can travel. I like it this way. I'm not against having a GF or wife, but until someone proves to me my life will be BETTER with them in it, I'll stay single.
Ha, good job to you. I'm exactly the same.
Facts man not worth the peace of mind at all really and there still plenty of thing that can keep u busy entertained and happy
I don't know that this is a male characteristic. I am a woman, a cis woman, and I feel the same way. I think what you are describing is maturity. The act of growing up.
@@Choyce7 And where do you think you reside on the bell curve of the population of women? Do you think most women think this way? Why isn't their a MGTOW movement of women going their own way? SIGN language doesn't change reality ma'am!
@@williamparrish2436Lots of women feel this way actually.
A man's life is made from this saying, "you know who cares about your problems more than you do? No one does, so deal with it."
We learn this early on in life. You're not going to keep getting bailed out. Once you're out of high school and your parents house, no one is going to save you. No one will come to your rescue. You need to be able to do it all and hopefully be strong enough to take care of others along the way. Otherwise your going to end up alone.
100% this.
It's do or die for men out there.
No one is coming to save you, it's just you and your own strength you can rely on.
Absolutely
Depends on your family. If you're a man with a tight knit family you won't be harshly put out to go figure it out. My grandma always allowed my bum uncle to stay with her no matter what he did, chances and chances
Just you and your trusty steed/dog. Its a wild wilderness out there. Stay warm and safe.
sorry ive been playing red dead for 6 hours a day and i think i have a problem.
That literally has nothing to do with your gender. That’s life for everyone. I’m female and I feel the same.
All the friendships I have as a mid40 male, were build at the age of 12-18. After that time all acquaintances were simply just that...acquaintances, nothing more. Those guys came with a different job or after moving to a new place and left my live after the next move. But the handful of friends I made at my youth, they are still in my life, and I am still in theirs and we try our very best to keep in touch at least once a month! You cant change your gender at 20 and build up real male friendships, because your counterpart usually has already made his and you are only an acquaintance for a short time in his life.
I know where this guy is coming from. I’m transgender and I feel lonely and struggle with mental illness That’s what I have been saying for a long time that transitioning does not make you happy but it helps and that’s why you need support mentally and emotionally. Biological men will struggle too that’s why mental health issues are important and everyone deserves to get help
Did you have male friends before transitioning/do you have any now? Transitioning doesn't require you to lose all your former friends.
*girl
I have incredibly deep conversations with my friends and our friendships are built on years of love and understanding.
Most men do.
The thing is whether people like it or not, this person is not a man, so they will never actually understand a male brain or male friendships.
They’re viewing the world through a female brain inside a man’s body and that sounds like hell.
You are the exception
@randalljames392 I have a handful of friends who are thoughtful, considerate, and who are capable of debating deep and complex topics. Only a handful, but they are there. We also don't have those conversations every day. Mostly we screw around like we are all still mischievous teenagers, even though we now know we aren't indestructible. I suspect the only reason we have our friend group is because we were all very intentional about first finding, then maintaining that capacity for deep friendships.
You are awesome for sharing this.
Exactly
I thought the same thing. I have four brothers and a bunch of uncles,and male cousins. If one was crying like this and another walked in the other would say, "quit being a girl" then they would go out and do something and within that allow the other to know it's gonna be okay and they are not alone. But I also grew up in a different time.
As a guy you don't talk about emotions or anything that can make you a burden to people. Your life's purpose is to be a problem solver and burden remover.
Being a man is extremely lonely because you're only good enough to be loved based on what you can provide.
I envy women, children, and pets. They're loved unconditionally and that was a shell shock growing up. Love and attention went from being unconditional to "well you're a young man what can you provide in order to get that "
Yeah I never drop my problems into anyone else's lap. I deal with it as best I can, take a hit if necessary and then dust myself off and get back to work. My first employer told me when I was a kid: Nobody likes a complainer.
You nailed it. Men are taught that having issues or problems makes you a burden on someone. That's why when I'm sick I don't even like being waited on. If I have a problem I don't like being an issue to other people. Meanwhile on the other hand society teaches women to share anything and everything and constantly unload everything. I've seen my dad look terrible, you can clearly tell he's sick but he's still outside working. I'm like what are you doing go to bed. In his mind he's being a deadbeat and a burden on people to be sick.
We do talk about emotions but only with those we trust, I hope if you dont have that you will find it.
as a young woman i can say that most women still feel inadequate, no matter the love they receive or even the skills that they have. i believe it has something to do with the way women perceive the ratio of positive to negative things. it‘s quite skewed towards negative things
To take a little pressure off of you: Women don't need a problem solver. They really appreciate you just actively listening. In return you can expect a woman, who supports you when life gets rough. So none of you is lonely. Problems can be solved together.
And women are definitely not loved unconditionally.
Just as men might only feel loveable when they perform or provide, women are judged by their looks and feel less than when they don't "fit in".
Two sides of one medal.
Key is to find the true value every man and woman is given by God ❤
"how open women are" he says about the same women who cross the street to avoid them.
It's funny how overall misandrist this still ends up being by still assuming that suffering, loneliness, and violence are quintessential components of masculinity. "Reach out to men... if you feel safe", "help their emotional maturity so they can reach out", "women are so much more vulnerable and deep", "that biological female, that compassion, that vulnerability, that nurturing nature, that longing for deep friendship" are all statements that betray the true hatred of men, the presumption that they do not have these innately human emotions or desires. The assumption that they're somehow too immature to understand as particularly insidious and illogical as the topic just finished exemplifying that it is not the fault of men.
Sadly, the root of our pain is in our biology. Higher testosterone, higher snuggling drive - this is why it hurts. We all want the same things, and therefore they are hard to get.
I'm a cis man and I had never noticed the difference. I thought I was an isolated case. I struggle with loneliness. I notice that as an adult is difficult to build friendships. I thought it was the samw for women too but watching the video from that trans man I realized holy shit, I'm not the only one?
een man bedoel je of ben je gebrainwasht
I tend to think male friendships are just as deep and meaningful as female friendships. We just take a much longer time to truly trust, rely on, and confide in our friends.
I’ve never seen deep and meaningful friendships between women. Except in movies.
@Aiden Crouch -- This is incorrect. It's not to say that woman-woman friendships cannot be as deep or as meaningful as man-man friendships are, but women interact with each other with a default setting of friendliness. Both men and women do not expect a woman (who is not obviously deranged) to be (1) physically violent or (2) some other kind of hazard. Both men and women do expect a man to have the nonzero possibility of being (1) physically violent or (2) some other kind of hazard. And people approach these standards differently. So, woman-woman relationships are by default easier to form and more common, but genuine trust takes time.
Yeah, it takes a lot more time for us to build up deep and trustful friendships. But when we've one, you can really rely on it. In my experience was it on part of basic training during my military time to build up a kind of this friendship. We call it comrades. And everybody who remember this training and how you got through, will say only as team and thx to your comrades.
The beauty in a brotherly bond is something extraordinary don't let society have you believe it isn't.
We would follow a man to hell with enough inspiration.
Over the trenches son.
You cry like that in front of other men, you’ll be told to sit down to pee while somebody phones the whambulance.
So have a nice tall glass of man the fuck up and deal with your shit cause collapsing into an emotional oil spill is not permitted.
This absolutely breaks my heart. Loneliness is no joke, no matter who you are
Well men should be more supportive of one another.
I can say with certainty that the "no matter who you are" part of your statement is simply wrong.
@@claff4573 women should stop lying to one another.
You can only be lonely if you don’t enjoy being alone 🤷🏼♂️ love yourself and tell yourself you are enough
@@ThePride110 "humans aren't social animals!" -You
Men have talked about this, no one cared until a woman talked about it.
I’m honestly happy to see this because it’s a perspective many will never get. This person is experiencing what a lot of men experience. I go for walks or even if I’m at the store I will move out of here way or wait for people to walk by and usually it’s for women and never once do they look at you or thank you or if I hold a door but when it comes to guys I find it can be harder to start a conversation but I also notice when you do it’s always a great conversation or a couple words, when I’m around girl friends it’s always other girls saying how “strong” each other and the men don’t do that men just live and do what is needed, this person I don’t think can completely take the female perspective out of it because saying women have a a valid reason to be cautious with “cis white men” says a lot to me.
I sympathize with the people in these instances. The entire trans ideology is “oh, if you just do this youll be your true, authentic, happy self!!” But they don’t tell you how harmful it actually is. You find it out on your own when you wake up from this haze.
@@Sippington_McDrinksalotaccording to who?
@@Sippington_McDrinksalothmm ur onto something 🤔
@@Sippington_McDrinksalotPerhaps this is a biological male. Idk. I do know that biological males have become public enemy number one, in about five years. Being also straight anti white, in my case, I confirm that it’s not been encouraging. Judgment is better reserved for behavior, not genetics. Accountability should be given for that which is controllable.
They literally sell people gender "euphoria". Euphoria doesn't last. That's why people get addicted to substances that cause it. When that transition honeymoon period is over...I can't imagine how crushing that would be.
@Sippington McDrinksalot that's the issue. They literally have zero real narrative of what it means to be a man. Just what they've pieced together.. but it'll never be a complete understanding. Which is clear just watching the video. I feel sorry that they were sold a bill of goods that transition was the end all be all answer. Without knowing what it really is like to be a man. Not just look like one.
As a 32-year-old guy, I've had exactly.... one male friend my whole life, everyone else is just "acquaintances". Loneliness is part of our duty as males, but place a 100 men on a battlefield and you'll see how we all become a single unit of brothers. We need shared struggle to bond. If there's no shared struggle, we are just acquaintances. That's why stoicism should be taught at schools.
So true. Reminds me of football in school. You'd be out on teams with people you never socialise with, but as soon as the match starts, everyones in their strongest positions, calling out passes, switching positions, screaming their lungs out. Men and dudes, in general, are the best when there's a singular goal we're all trying to achieve. But in today's world theirs nothing like that. We're in a woman's world now, as much as they may face its an environment where they can thrive the most.
@@s0ne01 Yes, they thrive off of a chaos and destruction. It's why they're naturally so drawn to drama. Amongst all the confusion they can manipulate people and gain power advantages. They don't want to live in a man's world because they can't function optimally in a word of harmony and order-- it bores them to death.
Jordan Peterson explains this much better. And it being a woman's world is precisely the reason why men need to become men again, otherwise it's the collapse of our society.
Men create bonds when they go through hardship together, they stay true to eachother throughout it, and then celebrate together. Those are the ingredients. You will never make friends when working a desk job. Maybe if there's some sort of major crisis and you two pull together to solve it, but that's a rare occurrence.
Interesting. As a wife who was always concerned about my husband's lack of real friends the information about males bonding over common struggles really helps to understand him better. I would have never thought about that. Thank you!
@@s0ne01I know a goal that men should achieve. The American Indians said through an ambassador. Women have been silenced for many centuries. That's why they disappeared. The men now have the task of doing everything they can to enable the women to return. So that the balance between the sexes is restored. In this way the earth can also come into balance.
I think a lot of trans people are kidding themselves when they think they know what it feels like to be the opposite sex. This video kinda proves it. This person has transitioned, and was shocked at how it actually feels to be a man. This kind of experiences should not be swept under the rug.
I don't know... As a guy, I feel that most friendships are built as a child and teen, maybe in college too... but later, as an adult is kind of difficult. I am 31 now, I don't think I made a new friend since I was 20. I didn't put much work into it either, but yeah... those things with vulnerability and stuff... I don't know. If you look for an intimate friend in the coal mine, it may be a problem. But other than that, I had friends with whom we would talk about love, emotions and stuff... is true that we are not that intimate as girls are, and I was always envious about how intimate girls can get with each other, but then the main reason why we dudes don't get like that is because see it as gay. Girls don't seem to let insecurity stay in the way of embracing each other, holding hands and stuff - but we find the idea repulsive. So there is that... but at the same time, we aren't as made of stone as some dudes try to portray us as... but then again, I'm not an American, so maybe there is some cultural stuff in the way too.
yep that is how it is.. no real friends after 20´s
I am a 26 yr old male and I just walked home from the store not far from my home. 3 women were walking a head of me and they called someone and said I was following them....I was walking home minding my business and the cops stopped me to figure why I was following them. Stay women it's easier.
Dude, Men and Women don’t view each other the same anymore.
And that is another reason I would never ever help a female stranger being attacked keep it pushing be smart dudes
@@DLWalker0513 That makes no sense. Those were delusional idiotic women wasting the time of police - how does that relate to you refusing to help someone that is ACTUALLY being assaulted? Is it because you think all women are like that so they don't deserve to be saved? Then you've had terrible experiences with women if you think women are like that, you've either had no girlfriend or a girlfriend that cheated on you.
I have to tell you an unfortunate truth. The problem of you not getting along with women isn't because of women, an entire gender. You're the problem.
Same thing happened to me this group of young women were occupying ALL the sidewalk so I was just walking behind them as they walk slow AF then they all turned and stared at me as If Inwas following them. So freaking selfish
Ya'll must live in big cities. I just tip my cowboy hat to the ladies.
Part of being a man is to deal with the loneliness in a healthy way. In part, it's what drives us to get married, have kids, connect with community, and appreciate those around us.
Absolutely spot on 💯
Or ride dirt bikes, join local sports leagues, etc...
It's not part of being a man. It's part of existing in a misandrist society
If man never feels the pain of loneliness or singleness then he will not feel the need for relationship. He'll just overindulge in his passions be that business, work or hobbies.
I agree with you!!!
Men are told that being lonely is cool. But we all don't feel that way. Some want to feel like they belong.
I'm a gay man and I always tell my girlfriends to remember that men want attention too, tell your boyfriend that you think he looks handsome, you like his new hair cut, he looks sexy in that outfit, hug him, ask him if he's ok, women and men are different, a woman likes to talk about her problems, and a lot of men just want their women to sit with them peacefully while they work through their stress, but the end goal is the same, if you have a boyfriend who treats you right, make sure you remember to do the same
If your a male, you risk ending up lonely.
Because having true friends in life is a privilege in a man's life
Actually it's really easy
...so long as you didn't grow up in a repressive society like America, where feminists attack men just for being men, like for example by labelling literally EVERYBODY as potential rapists that need to be educated not to be rapists.
And putting young boys down, saying you can't do anything right unless a girl first shows you how and a girl will always be better anyway. That's the message Hollywood has been pumping out for many years now into young boys' minds.
And of course it's a total lie. Girls aren't better fighters after training for 2 days than the guys who been at it for 10 years. In the real world, these girls could never beat any guy at all. It's all just a big feminist lie and a total joke. And it's supposed to make girls feel good about themselves, when actually it barely helps in that regard, except make girls needlessly think they're better than they actually are...
... and the effect it has on the boys is that their self esteem just gets completely destroyed. And as a consequence of this society men themselves also become toxic to each other. They start to believe the lie that they must always turn to only girls for comfort and guidance. They make fun of other guys or act awkward or extremely offended if one gets too close them, instead of just playing it off and having fun with it as friends.
They act like what they've been taught, that only a woman can get things right, and you can only talk to her about your emotional issues and not with any other man cos that's just soo unmanly or gay and you're not gay, AREEEEE YOU????
That sort of attitude that you should only ever turn to a woman, can actually be dangerous, because SOME women can be emotionally violent, much more so than another man and will therefore abuse or manipulate a man emotionally, to the point where he's just totally lost all will. Also, like the girl in this video said, women don't even know what it's like to be a man, so how are they going to give the best advice? The logic doesn't even make any sense!
It's all just so lamee hahahahahaha... BUT I do feel for the guys who fall for this crap and who don't know how to play the system.... who got the totally wrong idea of what it means "to be a man", which to them, is apparently looking like "the rock" loool. They never left the country and seen what other societies are like in the east. Not everyone is as repressed as the west
Just pray you're not a man who ends up in a nursing home. Then you find out you really didn't have friends afterall. Faith is all you have left in the end.
@@DaNinja60 If you end up there, you got noone to blame but yourself for raising your kids in a way that they won't take care of you when you're old and you have to go to a nursing home in the first place
As a man, we grow up with all this stuff already installed. The loneliness, the disposability of our sex, everything. Over many years it takes for a man to even accept and live with this feeling. To think one can just shortcut all that development by transitioning, man, you're in for a ride!
Exactly
This, ive felt loneliness my entire life. I didnt even grow up with my mother or close family. This feeling of loneliness is a part of me now to the point that I dont know what normal is like. Imagine a woman who is always loved no matter how bad her personality is, always have friends and the world revolves around her to suddenly become a man. It would be a literal exodus from everything she knew. People who say men and women are the same are liars!
Bro don't start getting gaegae soft on me now
"the disposability of our sex" what does that mean?
Dicks are easily replaced.. like within hours you could go out find a new dick.. then leave him too. Guys gotta work to get a woman and keep a woman, and we all know that within men and women that WONEN hold all the cards.. what’s a guy going to do.. threaten to withhold sex.. there’s literally a power dynamic and they have it all, so our sex is literally disposable, you can get a guy for sex out of a vending machine pretty much that easy.. men however well.. haha just look at all the ridiculous dating coaches and swag consultants and alpha sigma delta Greek letters or whatever.. men have a whole subculture of trying to out-game a woman they’re interested in.. because we gotta be nationally ranked social chess champions to get laid these days..
I love this video. He simultaneously says it’s so lonely being a man is because of people judging men and thinking men are terrible. Then he says people thinking men are terrible is valid. You can’t have it both ways! You can’t be like they’re judging without even knowing me and it’s totally valid to judge a man without knowing them.
I’ve been watching a lot of these stories and I jus feel that as a people we all need Love acceptance and Validation. When we don’t get it a form of loneliness, depression and drastic decision making because the search for that fulfillment is lacking.
no, men don't need acceptance and validation. that's the point. but women depend on it so much that they don't get it.
No one told you because no one cares. Dudes don't talk to each other in restrooms. It goes against man law.
Atleast no more than a 'hey' if eye contact is made.
@@khululyp In a bathroom, if eye contact is made, there's already a problem.
As a guy who’s still fortunate to have friends, I’ll have this to say : it’s precisely because we’re so used to loneliness that we value our friends so much and keep them as long as we can. Because we know the moment we lose them, we likely will not make any new friends. And loneliness in men fucking kills us.
You wouldn’t believe how lonely my dad has grown over time, when I acknowledged how much he suffered from the abuse our mother has put all of us through he burst into tears. He went 30 years without being able to tell anyone. Of course we knew, but as his children, he tried to shield us from her first and foremost at his own expanse. He couldn’t tell us these things for the vast majority of his life and ours. Being a man is not easy, but most women these days believe it’s all smooth sailing.. They’ve no idea how wrong they are.
Maybe they only look to 1% of male, that have beauty privileges and have inheritances from their parents
I have very few friends, and I’m 43. My wife and I are best friends. I love spending my time with her and I love my own company. Most perfect le let you down anyway.
That's what Man's bestfriend is for. I've lost close friends one way or the other but my Dog is always here.
Everything fell apart because of feminism, because before the madness women and men knew they needed each other and community.
you still don’t have it harder than us🤷♀️ women are lonely too
To be a man is not just to be alone, but to accept it. No one cares about us. Ever. No one ever texts to check in on us, texts or calls just to say hi or ever reaches out. We're expected to just be ok. And no, that's not just because of "patriarchy." Women expect this of us and they always have. Men have been designated as the protectors, the source of stability and comfort for thousands of years. It's the burden that WOMEN put on us and that we were evolved and genetically conditioned to accept. And feminists expect that shit to change in just a couple decades because they decided all of a sudden that because the sabertooth tigers and lions and bears are no longer a threat they want to be the men? Yeah, that's not how it works.
As a man, I form friendships by doing things together with my friends, both females and males. Go climbing together, listen or make music together, do sports together or go to a park, pub or coffee shop together. Through shared experience, I can develop feelings of fondness slowly and over time. Other than that, I banter with people, colleagues and acquaintances but don't feel there is anything deep to that. Maybe that's just me, I'm not a man of many words, but a lot interests / obsessions. I not great at conveying truly emotional things to people but I feel that through my actions, people will know and if they care to, understand who I am.
As a man, we generally build a core group of friends in high school and college. Those friends become lifelong "brothers". It doesn't matter how much time passes between calls or hangouts it's just like we were hanging out the day before. As men age, our responsibilities grow, making less time to form those deep and long-lasting friendships. That's why community is so important whether it be church, shul, heck a bowling league, a place where dudes hang out, not a bathroom
Definitely not a bathroom. When a dude walks into the bathroom, he is driven to do what needs to get done so he can get OUT of the bathroom. 😂
But my fiancée tells me sometimes they have seating areas and stuff in the ladies room, so maybe they are incentivized to hang out in there.
the only place ive ever talked to guys in a bathroom is a rave, bathrooms at raves are a much different place than normal bathrooms.
@@RoyalFizzbin Fun fact: the seating areas are there for mothers to breastfeed their children. It's not actually something that was added to encourage hanging out, nor was it added because we hang out there. The hanging out still happens regardless of how nice the amenities are anyway lol, although the seating areas are still nice to have if you're lucky enough to find a bathroom with one. :)
I theorize that a major reason why the women's bathroom is such a notorious socialization area is due to women's inherent physical vulnerability. Socialization and relationship building is one of the main evolutionary strategies we have for keeping ourselves and each other safe, and the bathroom is a place where we'll run into each other a lot. Since men cannot enter, we can relax and be a bit more unfiltered in our interactions (though I think the same principle applies to men with their locker room talk too). The bathroom is also a place where we do our business, fix our makeup, deal with periods, freshen up, etc., so it just naturally becomes the place where we are at our most vulnerable and outwardly flawed during the course of the day, and thus a place where we can do little things to help each other when needed. That's also why men entering the women's bathroom is such a big deal, because it's an encroachment upon an area where we are very vulnerable and need to feel safe.
Couldn’t have said it any better
According to my adult son, there is an unspoken etiquette in men's bathrooms which includes personal space and spacing as well as only tracking movement by peripheral vision. Facing someone directly is a breach of that personal space. Conversation is also very limited.
I'm a man and I'd say I have about 10 friends. I've known all of them most of my life. Some of us are super social and go to "guys night" at a buddies house every friday, Most of us go every 6 months or so. We treat each other with respect, because we respect each other. We genuinely care about each other and end our phone calls with "I love you man". Surround yourself with good people and you don't need to worry about things like being vulnerable or ego nonsense.
It sounds to me like this person misses being seen as a woman.
So damn wholesome
youre doing life right!
Brett, is that you?
10 good friends? I have read ‘a man with three good friends is a rich man’. I have three good friends, I am a rich man. I love my brothers. You sir are a billionaire and I am pleased for you. Treasure your brothers.
Understandable and yea guys have those friendships, but usually you jave 2 or 3 friends like this the real good ones. ( My view on this is propably sqewed by being introvert, but still) you sre lucky to have 10 buddies like this, but still I would gues that you dont talk about your emotions all the time and if you do you most likely joke about certant thinks.
The I love you goodbye, is most likely cultural think as in my language it would sound really weird. But we also have like 10 different meaning of "I love you"
Being a guy is definitely hard. Chris Rock said it best, only three things are loved unconditionally: women, children, and dogs.
We’re not lonely, we enjoy the peace and quiet and solitude and sanctuary.
Speak for yourself, man
You don’t speak for us all man, we enjoy our alone time but never enjoy being alone.
@@pokerus1359 … you also used the word “we”. You don’t speak for all of us either.
@@pokerus1359 … as you said, speak for yourself.
I once had a girlfriend as me about who supported me through my youth. She had a very loving grandparent who was always positive and supportive so she assumed everyone had that. When I told her I only had myself she was shocked. Just couldn't understand that. I thought it was normal. As a man your mostly left to figure it out for yourself. Fail or succeed it's up to you. No shits given.
No shits given.
No shits given
My ex always said i didnt have friends because i was weird. I dumped her, 2 years later but yeah i did, i was able to be myself and only then i understood, nobody is going to be there for me if they dont want, only i am. I have a new gf and she is everything a guy can ask for, dedicated, sympathetic, supportive, she hypes me u0 as i do her, i am not afraid to hide stuff from her because i know she will try to understand or at lesst be there for me no questions asked. My ex was exactly the opposite she was a tyoical girl who had everything in thw tip of her fingers, never had to worry about money, never was alone because she is the kind of girl who is never alone, she had male friends who she had kissed before and i had to shake their hands, and las byt not least... she had friends who wera d1cks (both male and female). It was annoying being there and not being me and she never was with me she kust wanted the confort. I hope she fixes herself in europe and does. What she proposes and changes, if not no guy will ever want to be with her
Men need to start with yourselves and be there for your brothers, sons, nephews, uncles. But men are too lazy to do it.
Except for maybe your parents... you're on your own.
Thank you Amala for pointing out that men's brains are different from women's brains. Nobody ever says that in these issues. They just focus on the physical aspect of transitioning. The emotional side is completely ignored.
The physical doesnt even exist though as well because its literally impossible to transition into the other sex.
@@ahamilton3435 that is the crux of gender dysforia. it is certainly real but it is all around what you proceed and not what you experience. you proceed yourself as something different yet completely oblivious of the experience. whilse the gender itself being just a role. well, its both true and false. it is true the roles a set based on what we proceed of our surroundings but it is also highly connected with basic instinct and how our brain function.
Oh, but trans people very OFTEN say they have the "brain" of the other sex and they say anything contrary to that belief is not scientifical. You cannot argue with them on that point, because they just simply reject facts. (As in many other points as well.)
@@ahamilton3435 You can alter yourself up to a certain point, but fundamentally, you are born to be what you are.
You are born a man or a woman, then that's what you are, that's how you should live and that's how you will die as.
And nothing can ever change that.
There's evidence hormone therapy changes brain structure.
Nobody told me how lonely and hard it was to be a man
Men: Confused Pikachu face.
Being serious for a minute whoever encouraged this person's treatment should be prosecuted.
As a 40 yr old man i have probably a dozen true friends. each and every one is a brother not a friend. i can count on everyone to help me do anything i need help with. it took years to build each one of those friendships. each one requires the loyalty to flow both ways. Ride or die.
As a 29 yo biological male, ive never seen a single one of my friends cry over life. It just is what it is. If they thought life for a man was sweet, unfortunately they learned the hard way that isnt true. I feel for this person.
At night when thoughts getting deeper and much more depressing, much of them are suicidal, some guys tear up a bit, not even crying, but their eyes are sore. But nights passes, they wake up with blank face and spend whole day without even a thought about sharing it with somebody else. Because even this man himself doubts that he will get any help and not just disgrace himself
Exactly.
Even if a biological man does cry about his outcome due to trauma, for example, it doesn't make him less than a man. But transitioning into the opposite sex and expecting the result to be better/different is purely self-deception
In the past I have wondered how much people assume that the troubles they have in life are not shared by straight men due to their inherent “privilege”. Like perhaps they believe that these men are just walking around totally chill, never feeling vulnerable or self conscious to be anywhere at any time.
You learn to stop crying as a kid because you realize life has a lot more bullshit coming your way and crying about it won’t do a thing
As a biological male, I can honestly say this resonated with me on some points.
I may not need as much social interaction as what girls normally look for and initiate, but I've recently moved to a new job and making new friends/having a social life, or being able to get a hug from someone is incredibly hard. And it sucks, it really really hurts sometimes
If you're relatively young, enroll in a class that interests at the local college/university and go to clubs/events If you don't need the college credit, check to see if you can formally _Audit_ the class for zero-cost while maintaining enrollment status student entitlements/discounts (don't over-play the hand though). If you're older you can still try that, might be out of place though. Look for professional events in your field, or volunteer at recreational/athletic events (festivals/marathons). The volunteering will give you a reason to be there if you feel awkward even going in the first place... and it will also give you a reason to talk to people/give people a reason to you.
When was the last compliment you got? You probably remember exactly when it was and who gave it to you (if it hasn't been too long). That's one of the tricks. Compliment something of his (car, wallet, suit, etc). BetterBachelor had a video (don't remember which one) where he sent a letter to his neighbors because some of the neighbor boys were on his property during construction and wanted to warn them to be safe.... got flooded with welcomes from the neighbor men inviting him to all sorts of shit. You can always send off "Hello i'm your new neighbor, here's what I'm good at if you need help with it."
I'm sure I don't have to tell you that most married men are just itching for a way to get away from the house and find new pals to "go out with the boys". You might not even be married/dating and you're looking for that too. Just some things to try.
@@randomuserameyours should be a top comment. This is masterclass on building friendship when older
I wanna hug you right now😌
are you a e believer? If you truly are....start going to church....I get hugs from both men and women every Sunday and it's amazing...
problem is most people today are godless, so this doesn't resonate with most....
sad
Find a Church nearby, they tend to have social activities.
Us man are not lonely. It’s just he/she failed to become man mentally. That’s really it. We don’t seek attention
im so used to beeing alone, i rarely feel lonely anymore. its nice to feel understood.
"And I'm an emotionally mature man."
The insanity of this statement is frankly unreal.
Oh shit someone beat me to it 😂
And it's said cryingly 🤦♂️😂
Amen. This is what passes for emotional maturity in women.
The entire video is so incredibly female centric. Women consider themselves far emotionally superior, yet are lead by their emotions so often...
@@jstone5239 *always. Not "so often". Men are logical beings. Women are emotional beings.
I'm a male psychologist. Most of my clients are young men. They often feel lonely, purposeless, and villified. As a generalisation, men do not connect with each other through open emotional displays.
Men relate through shared action (e.g., sports team members), feeling understood, and gestures that demonstrate appreciation (e.g., helping a friend wash their car).
These things only appear superficial to women and modern society because there's a lot of unspoken communication between men. They are not unemotional, they just see and care about different things.
There is value in both ways of being, if we could all just learn to respect each as meaningful in their own way.
You sounded alright until that last sentence.
"As a generalisation, men do not connect with each other through open emotional displays."
This is how women connect. Not men. If your theory teaches men to open up emotionally and display their feelings. They will now be seen as weak, emotional and sensitive. Which to other men is a red flag. And if you don't understand that, you are not a man. Men need a different angle to the same problem.
@@douwe4254 It says "do NOT" ... Maybe you misread the sentence.
@@douwe4254 Dude, read the next sentence in his comment: "Men relate through shared action".
John Gray explains that estrogen causes women to talk much more about emotions.
The estrogen in their body is suppressing testosterone.
Estrogen is about emotions, and testosterone is about problem-solving.
Testosterone is suppressing the estrogen in a man´s body so he can focus more, because testosterone suppresses also emotions.
He also says that when women are under stress, the estrogen causes their brain focuses
10 times more on negative things than when men are under stress.
So it seems that nature and evolution created it this way, to make men problem-solvers and to suppress their emotions, to focus better.
He says that when a woman is under stress, the estrogen causes that she is talking about various negative things.
She wants to be heard by her husband and she is frustrated that he does not listen to her.
When she notices that he is listening to her, her estrogen level goes up.
I guess as a woman, women should probably practice some yoga or pilates to not be in stress, or turn off the television etc.
Because if a man is designed to be a problem solver thanks to testosterone,
he can not focus if she interrupts his mind with various stuff, that probably are not always justified....or that came from the television.
And he is not a person who can read a mind of others while trying to focus on something.
I guess if the father has 3 daughters with estrogen, in puberty..... he can solve the problem by giving them empathy and love, so they will not turn to some unnecessary stress that causes their brain to notice the negative things much more often than the male brain.
And if the testosterone makes him calm and focused and has a sense of humor, it shouldn´t be a problem to calm down his wife and 3 daughters in puberty, while their estrogen makes them all notice the negative stuff much more than his brain as a father.
Testosterone was probably designed in that way, therefore there are so many good male philosophers, musicians, artists, and scientists.
Women love humor too, so it's a good tool if it is not vulgar humor but innocent humor.
John Gray helps men and women how to communicate with each other.
He said his wife shouldn´t ask how do you feel but "What do you think?...because if she forces him to show a lot of emotions, it is against his biology, and testosterone....at the moment.
The husband shouldn´t ask his wife What do you think? but How do you feel?...because female biology is more about feelings and emotions and if he forces her to be masculine and with no emotions.... it is against her biology.
It seems if both use humor and empathy, and compassion and gratitude, it creates a beautiful couple that inspires others too.
That they dont see the differences but the balance. Probably yoga and sports help too. If both love to do some sport or hobbies.
It seems to have testosterone is also a good benefit for a man, to focus on tasks to be creative.
We as humans dont want our minds to be occupied by too many emotions. So men should use a positive self-talk, not the negative one.
Gratitude helps to get confidence.
Estrogen is probably also a good benefit for a woman to express emotions, so she may nurture a child.
and if she is in stress she may notice how to save the child. The estrogen makes her notice the negative things 10 times more than when man is under stress.
But it seems empathy and gratitude help both genders to get balance and complement both genders.
But also both genders should make a compliment about each other´s skills so the artificial intelligence will not create chaos with the algorithm.
and think that we want to be uni-gender, nonbinary etc.
It seems when men get older, they get more estrogen and when women get older they get more testosterone.
It seems nature is very smart, but gives the benefits to people who are emphatic, nice and helping others.
Amala, you are wonderful!🌹❤️🇺🇲🙂
I agree with all of this, I just want to add another perspective. I'm a nice person to everyone and whenever I've tried to become friends with men, it's like they see me as a warm fire when they've been freezing their whole lives. Unfortunately, every single man I've tried to befriend has hit on me because of this, usually in a really inappropriate way. When I would remind them that I had a boyfriend, they wouldn't stop.
That has to be part of the conversation as well. I get that they're desperate for affection, but this is a problem that men have to solve amongst themselves. Now that I'm married, I don't want to put myself in those situations again, so I stay away from male friendships.
Making a friend as a man is different. We share absolutely nothing about our personal lives but we can still talk for hours about our hobbies. I’ve been friends with a dude for 15 years and only 2 years ago did I realize his parents were divorced. It took that long because we never talked about our personal lives. We all just learn to deal with our own crap because we don’t want to put it on someone else. I really hope this person figures out a solution to her problem and I really hope her life improves from this moment.
Even as a child, when my father told me to "Be a man!", I didn't quite fully understand at the time but I damn sure knew what he meant. Suffer because you can take it. Suffer so others don't have to. BE A MAN.
That is our purpose.
As Christ suffered on the cross?
Or because none cares
@@reapthewhirlwind4166and the unknown soldier that lost his life in battle, please state your point
@@cybermgothat we are all Jesuses
On a primal and subconscious level, where true man to man friendships come from, a man is never going to truly see you as a man. With all the respect and Brotherhood that comes with that. You might be able to pass and trick a man to be friends with you but once he finds out that you used to be a woman I guarantee you that that will switch and the friendship will forever feel off, effectively ruining the friendship in the end. I really am sorry that they are lonely, I feel for them.
As a biological woman, I never really socialized or spoke to anyone in the bathroom. Who do this? Except when you're among friends, I don't understand how that's possible.
So men or women, I think it’s the same. What are we supposed to expect from this kind of bathroom relationship? Is it a place to socialize, meet people, or even spend time in? We’re not in a girly series where all the women in the world are good friends. I do my business, I wash my hands and I go back to my activities. 😂
I think its less socialize, because thats hardly happened unless I explicitely knew the person trying to spark a convo and more just basic stuff like I wont hesitate to draw attention to myself to tell another woman a sink is broken, her makeup looks fine, a stall has no tp, or offer period supplies(only really happened in high school, if you get caught with a surprise period as an adult, it was truly a surprise and youre probably holding a tiny clutch that doesnt have your stuff.)
Dudes arent even going to go that far. From what I gather, youre lucky to get pointed grunts or 1-2 words at most for similar bathroom sucks stuff.
I made a close friend in the bathroom! We were both washing our hands and it was such an odd moment. We were just drawn to one another and hit it off immediately, but it’s def a rare experience!
I also got approached by a sorority in the bathroom 😅
I always get laughs whenever I bring it up.
things like that only happen when you're drunk, so yeah don't know what he's going on about in regards to that. I'm from Norway though and here we literally don't engage with strangers, we avoid it at all cost, unless we're out drinking. So why do men need to be talked to by strangers, I don't get that
Being a man, friends are nearly impossible unless you spend forced time with them. Work or a hobby gathering. You can never just approach a woman without her automatically thinking you're a creep or am asshole and even chit chat is uncomfortable unless you're 10/10 hot. Being a man is extremely lonely and after putting yourself out there so much, it's easier to bury yourself in your job or hobbies than to make an effort.
Facts!
So sorry that’s your experience! My husband struggled to find and maintain friendships after we moved as well but with hosting lots of gatherings and experimenting with new hobbies he managed to keep his circle of friends and even meet some new people who he now sees on a regular basis. (They play table top games at our house once a week and another group he sees for sport events) I think it is possible to get and stay connected with people but it IS a lot of work.
@@Ninitschga yes possible with a wife like you!
I find this interesting because as a kid I (a woman) really wished I could be a boy for the opposite reason. I was lonely and really wasn’t able to form friendships with other girls. Meanwhile I saw my brother making friends with everyone he met and eventually having a core group of very close friends that are like brothers to him. I felt like an alien with the girls I grew up around but got along well with the boys. Constantly being separated by gender pulled me away from my male friends as we got older; by middle school I felt very alone and thought being a boy would have fixed that. I think that a lot of the young women that try transitioning (especially in or after puberty) are the ones that never felt accepted as women by other women.
I totally agree, and that is what happened to me. When I was little, all my friends were boys except for one girl. But when I started to grow up, and puberty came, no one but 2 of my friends said that they were in love with me. After a while, the group dissappear.
Tomboys nowadays destroying their bodies because they dont fit well. So sad
That's the upside of being a guy growing up, our friendships are way different from how women's are.. Our friendships is almost like a tribe mentality, we stick to each other through thick and thin! But we also learn from each other, we use each others successes in life as motivation to become better almost like a competition (even tho it's not, just hard to describe exactly what it's like).. I know my friends will have my family's back even after i'm gone..
But later when you become older you go from being just a boy to being looked at as a potential treat from everyone both men and women, so it can quickly turn dark and cold
Yeah it's a double edged sword for women. Lots of superficial friendships but hard to find women who are deep and don't just affirm everything you say and talk shit behind your back. I bet your brother rarely sees any of those old friends of his and as he gets older they drift further apart. We all would be better off living in a smaller communal / tribal society.
women face misogyny/hate from a little age so i get why would you have thoughts of being a boy/man
This is so sad! I want to be his friend now. 💔
Emotional maturity entails controlling one’s emotions, which the person was not doing while crying.
crying gets your emotions out without hurting anyone or anything, don’t see how it’s emotionally immature. crying is a thing for a reason
I’m a biological male and sometimes I want someone to hold me and listen to my worries and concerns. Sometimes I just…….ah forget it, just give me a beer and the TV remote and it’s all good.
That's why God invented women
@@ronwayne3865 right after man invented god
@@ronwayne3865 keep your BS to yourself.
Dude. I'm not kidding at all. As a man, just pay for someone, and i don't mean a therapist.
amen brother
It is hard making friends as a man BUT the friends you do make you know are well earned and deserved. We don't like sticking around for bullshit.
Or humanshit 😂😂
amen brother/sister/whatever you like. We make friends that last a lifetime and more.
Its hard to make long lasting friends as anyone
This is bulls. I bet you haven't had enough life experience yet to self praise like that
Yes. Men don't make friends easily. But when we do, it's solid.
I am a 37 year old man and happy with this fakt, I can easely connect with man and women, but that took me a while. And I totally get what he is saying in this video. You wanna talk to a "manly" man about his feelings? Good luck. I think there are both sides, man can be lonely and women too, but if you are a depressed man and you want to connect, the first step would be to ask for help and that is difficult for us. We are trained to be strong and proud and so on bla bla, with this narrative a lot of man choose the loneliness instead of talking about their feelings. Its familiar and "save". But if you go out there with the perception of a former female and try to adjust to this new situation, I totally get that he is now lonely. The language of man, in comparison to women can be very different and its not set in stone, but different. I think the best way to get rid of this depressing loneliness is to talk. Make babysteps, learn every day something new about yourself and talk about your problems. You dont have to reveal everything at the first date, but with small steps, you might be able to do this in the future. Save travel and good luck.
As a male crisis worker and as a biological man myself I can attest to the fact that men find it patronizing to be affirmed rather than the pursuit of finding solutions to particular problems. Men bond and grow through mentorship and this is the basis of their friendship rather than one that simply affirms feelings which is only really seen in a relation to a mother and her son.
couldnt agree more.
Fun. I'm a woman but most of my relationships, well, all, are mentorship or comradeship. I don't have fuzzy touchy feely relationships. Not that I don't want one, but I can't find one, and I'm under the impression that most women can't either
So true, what you said and this video in general made me think about the joke Louis CK does about overhearing two women talking in a restaurant about a guy one of the girls was dating saying he's really busy and the other girl was like "fuck him, he's a piece of shit" instead of offering actual advice she affirmed the absolute worst negative about the guy
yea brotherhood is earned not given.
i was told, and may be you as a man can confirm this, that friendships between men are rooted far more in mutual respect that has to be earned, then in a feeling of an emotional connection.