Mike, Jay and Rich Evans are joined by Colin from Canada to discuss the unsung bad movie masterpiece The Last Vampire on Earth, which is in no way "inspired" by Twilight.
Since everyone's going to ask: no, we can't upload the full version of the Sergio cartoon because it doesn't exist. It was a project that wasn't completed and the short clips of it you see in this episode is pretty much all that exists.
The synopsis for this film on IMDB currently reads: "A second-hand report of a man vomiting after eating chicken leads a preacher to believe a vampire is afoot. Luckily for the guy, his girlfriend has AIDS which allows him to be spared." Whoever is responsible for that, you're a hero.
Have you seen Vitaliy's main imdb? Lol he's holding an Emmy as if it's his and the only stuff he's ever produced/directed/whatever is his films... Worst still...he's still making movies...that trailer for Aladdin...I had to stop that halfway through.
I would think a vampire that maybe dines a bit too often on diabetics with high blood sugar problems could lead to portliness. Think of all those extra calories a vampire would be taking in if he got hooked up with family of diabetics with lots of extra sugar in their blood. You would get a vampire that could suffer from weight issues (but is in denial, because if you are going to drink blood, diabetics would be the chocolate milk of victims. But having weight problems could be a very touchy issue in the world of skinny beautiful vampires to be the portly edition. And this unfortunately would be emphasized when flying, because vampire physics of flying are for string bean anemic vampires, not the "I'm thinking Arby's tonight" version that we see in this movie. So the weightier vampire would have to fly in a sort of recliner sitting position, which would could be embarrassing for the sensitive vampire who likes to instill fear. And then of course there would be issues of having to catch victims with your legs around their neck while swooping down upon them and having to try and suck blood from their inner thigh (upside down).
Michael Bole (the vampire) was also credited as transportation assistant. So I'm thinking he was driving one of those little shuttles, maybe to and from some weird rundown water park and a bus depot, and that's where Vitaliy Versace noticed him and his trademark punctuality. The rest is history.
Hey guys, I was IN this terrible movie! I even had a line in the church scene. I think I said something like, "that was a nice service." and then my husband said, "Yeah, it was pretty good!" This was amazing. Thank you so much.
@@fattiger6957 It's a fair point. The history of that man, and what came after means it's one of those Big Things You Want To Hear About. The same with Muhammad and Islam.
A vampire who could only go to a community college after 3,000 years sounds like it could make a good comedy. A completely inept vampire who just bumbles his way throughout three millennia.
Yeah, I even heard Tom Hanks in an NPR interview say that very thing, swear to God. Everything is set up and ready by the time you're due on set and if you're late, like 50 people are standing around waiting for you, and that costs the production a pretty penny. So you better be right on time and prepared, or the director is going to be scouting for your replacement.
When you don't pay your actors, they have minimal motivation to show at all, much less on time. I know a couple microbudget directors. One pays his actors (not much, but he pays them) and never has trouble with them showing up. The other doesn't pay his actors (and constantly gets annoyed that the first one does) and then bitches when they drop out partway through production and such. The guy who pays his actors has directed two movies. Both are decent, serious movies marred only by a couple bad actors. The guy who doesn't pay has produced seven movies and directed five of those. All of them are on par with a Troma movie, though I'm pretty sure that's deliberate since the plots are also very Troma-esque.
I bet it’s because 99 pages is the cutoff for the cheapest self-publishing package option for whatever printer Vitaliy - I mean Mandie L. Abraham - used.
0:00 Cold Open 1:38 Intro 5:32 Lead Actor 8:13 The Director + Making Sergio 10:13 The Novel (Entertain Men) 12:44 The Rehearsal 14:05 The Family (Garbage Pail Kid) 16:56 Blood Van 19:20 Different Artwork & Rerelease 20:20 The Elephant in the Room 25:04 The Climax 32:47 Real-Time Editing 34:12 Sequel Hoping 34:43 Jay's Oscar Performance + The Conclusion I have no life :(
From what I understand, vampirism doesn't make you smart. It also doesn't make you beautiful, it just keeps you young. Why can't there be an ugly and stupid vampire? Not every vampire is going to be clever and gorgeous. I respect Vitaly Versace for exploring this aspect of vampires. True genius.
I'd love to see a movie about a historically-accurate vampire. Some short, ugly guy (or girl) whose growth was stunted by poor nutrition 2500 years ago when the average man's height in Europe was 5'0". Bonus points if he/she is also jaded as hell, because you'd have to be after seeing everyone make all the same mistakes over and over for centuries.
That's close to what Henrik Galeen and FW Murnau were going for with Graf Orlok. He both looks and acts like a diseased rodent about to keel over from ten different types of cancer.
@@Bacteriophagebs stephanie meyers gave the vampires some unique traits and lore which is honestly pretty cool and there were a lot of concepts there that were interesting and if they were only in a different story they could be explored further. the stuff about vampirism making you beautiful was something she put in the series, im not sure how common that trait is in vampire stories but its just how she wanted her vampires to be it wasnt drawing on tradition. its a cool idea in concept, vampirism making you beautiful but in a very uncanny offputting way, theres some cool surrealism there. in practice this idea was expressed by having edwards skin sparkle in the sun and it was just silly, but in the hands of another writer that concept could be interesting. but yes i would like to see more vampire stories that draw from tradition bc there are some things in early vampire folklore that do not get nearly enough attention. like how a vampire can infect cattle it feeds on and transmit vampirism to it, and when humans eat that cattle the vampirism is transmitted to them. i think thats a cool as hell idea (i suspect this belief came from anthrax, the way it infects livestock and then people) basically i think its cool when writers do something different with their vampires, whether its ideas they invented or forgotten ideas from the past that they bring back.
The first words of that trailer are batshit: talking about Aladdin, an old woman says “he was a Christ follower.” What? And there’s more shots of Jesus than Aladdin.
He looks like the kind of guy that would act in Epic Movie as the one-note joke where they replace a conventionally attractive man with someone that could make any woman dry through looks alone.
The full title of the book is, apparently, according to google: "The Last Vampire on Earth: What It You Found Out That You Were Dying, and Met Someone That's Going to Live Forever?"
You know you've got something special when the grammar of the title isn't even right... "Sorry, Mr. Versace, we're over budget. We're going to have to cut all of the definite articles out of the movie."
There actually is a Twilight Zone episode about a man who is immortal that is sent to prison with a life sentence. He murdered his wife and planned on getting the death penalty, and hoped since he couldn't die that they would just let him go after the electric chair failed, but at the last minute his lawyer got his sentence turned to life. Wah-wah.
I remember that episode differently. Killing his wife was an accident. After the deal with the devil for immortality he jumped in front of buses and leapt off buildings to scam insurance companies. After he got his life sentence he was like "Well this sucks. Hey Satan! I wanna die now!" And he does. Episode wasn't that good to be honest.
Vitaliy got confused. He said he was making a vampire movie and somebody told him he should cast a guy that looked like Max Schreck, and Vitaliy didn't quite understand.
This movie is the Monty Python and the Holy Grail witch village scene, stretched out to feature length, adapted to take place in modern times, and played straight. Love it.
@@commanderargon3321 During the Battle of Wakanda Garbage Pail Kid sacrifices himself to stop Thanos from getting Vision. Unlike Thor he did aim for the head.
Yo, you guys need to watch "Utoya Island", directed by Versace... It's about the 2011 Norway shooting, and the one and only Shrekward Cullen (Michael Bole) plays Anders Brevik. I couldn't believe it either. Probably a better casting for him than a hot vampire, but he still absolutely decimates the role... it's possibly worse than the last vampire. I laughed nearly the whole way through, but had to stop myself because it was based on true events... but then something would happen again that made me laugh even more. It's truly incredible what Vitaly Versace has accomplished in his single lifetime.
Nostalgic Waves I’m just joking. I actually think Billy Burke did a great job as Bella’s dad and there are good actors there like Dakota Fanning and Michael Sheen. Also, even Kristen Stewart doesn’t act as bad as she did in the Twilight films, so the directors for these movies were probably terrible.
Grammar nazis correcting grammar nazis who correct grammar nazis, how did it come to this? Well, you could say he meant the mistake was THERE, in the book OR (more probably) it's not his mistake but theirs.
I was really hoping there would be Grammar Nazis pointing out that "there's" is wrong in my comment. I basically knew 90% of people _wouldn't_ get the joke.
Wait, so you wrote all that comment perfectly and just missed that last word on purpose? Suspicious, but ill let it pass... Next time realize we're you are commenting, here at youtube where stupidly thick sometimes.
I know I'm late to the party, y'all, but I just noticed this. at 7:35 when they're doing the 'interview' between Vitaliy and Shrek, they have Shrek labeled as an 'Actror'. THEY COULDN'T EVEN SPELLCHECK THE FUCKING SPECIAL FEATURES.
How fitting: Michael Bole, the guy that looks like a serial killer, actually plays a serial killer in the movie "Utoya Island" about the shootings in sweden. And the movie is directed by *drumroll* Vitaliy Versage. The trailer even boasts "From the director of The Last Vampire on Earth"...
@@jdoli5962 they constantly make jokes about themselves too, they say that rich has diabetes and aids , call themselves alcoholics ,manchildren,perverts etc., it's just their humour
Thank you guys. Good job with the review ! I'm not Steven Allan Spielberg ! I'm more like Roger William Corman if you see his films you know what I mean ... But thank you for reviewing one of my first films I directed in 2009. Director/producer: Vitaliy Versace
Vitaliy, may I ask you a question? What is your demographic or target audience? Is it a specific group, or general? Also may I ask how you get funding for your films or do you self fund?
1:50 Ok so did anyone notice that Jay lit the lightbulb in the upper right corner with his throw? Jay Bauman, the legend who created light with a fidget spinner. Is Jay replacing Rich Evans as God?
@@Strawberry92fs They meet the qualification of "cult." They deny essential Christian doctrine - for example, saying that Jesus is a created being ("a god") rather than coequal and coeternal with the Father and Holy Spirit in the trinity. They also have their own proprietary translation of the Bible (which orthodox denominations do not), injecting their beliefs into the translation in a way that biblical scholars would say treats the text disingenuously. Hope this helps.
@@ceresta1732 I'm aware. I made a cheeky comment 6 months ago. Although I didn't know about the church thing, that's new to me; but it makes sense. Stained glass windows are a pretty catholic thing, even if protestants use them sometimes.
@@FlyingSwordfish they're a cult. I left it and lost my family and friends. They isolate and disassociate from you the second you choose not to believe what they believe, and have been implicated in using Elders (a ranking in the church) to cover up abuse. Look up the 2020 Montana Settlement as a recent example.
I just realised when Jay throws the spidget finner and hits the thing, he didnt "accidentally burnt out half the lights" one of the lights actually turns on wtf
@@FlameQwert I thought the same thing at first but Jay's head is blocking the light bulb in question. The light comes into frame (because Jay moves his head) the same time the fidget spinner hits the O
Between the girl's trigger safety and the fact that she never pointed it directly at anyone on screen (even in the shooting scene, you can tell it's pointed well over that dude's head), I'm pretty sure that was a real gun and everyone on set was REALLY careful about it.
Hota Watcher naw it got turned on when the fidget spinner hit it actually. If you "Watch" more carefully, you'll see that before he tosses it there are only 3 lights on at the very top with a dead bulb on each side. The bulb that gets turned on is one of those dead bulbs.
""I'm not afraid of punishment, death, or things I do not understand!"" What does that even mean?!? I don't understand how nuclear bombs work, but I'm afraid of them. I don't know... That's just a confusing-ass line.
Conceptually, a nuclear bomb is pretty simple. It uses a very precise explosion to tear apart an unstable isotope at the atomic level. The nuclear forces that keep the nucleus of the atom together and keep the electrons orbiting it are released as heat, light and electromagnetic energy that includes the radiation the weapon is known for. The practical engineering and science part is where things get complicated, as is usually the case with most things.
I think it's alluding to religion? it might just be a line that makes no sense and I may be giving more credit than is due but since faith plays a role in the witch hunt, maybe she meant what might "happen to her" for saving a being that would be considered an abomination in the face of whatever religion was used in the "movie"/a higher power than people can conceptualize? that's my best guess lol
The "director" of this shit made a shitty movie about the Norwegian Utøya massacre just after it happened.. With every fact wrong. Obviously he got a lot of publicity in the papers, and the film was out on youtube. How low can you go? Turns out he casted Shrek as the killer too..
That's a new level of exploitation right there. What a let down, seriously. It's one thing to follow your dreams and being a laughable fuck up - that's almost admirable. Being scum is another thing entirely.
After Jay turned on a light bulb throwing a fidget spinner at it, a light on the "O" behind his left shoulder turns off all on it's own 17:43 , just to turn back on at 23:16, back off at 24:21, back on at 29:38, back off at 31:12, back on at 32:39, back off at 33:40, back on at 34:26, back off at 34:46, back on at 36:46, and back off at 36:59. If you add all those time stamps together you get the number 665 exactly! Mike, I believe you now that the studio is haunted!
Was... was the blood strawberry syrup? It was awfully thick. Blood isn't even that thick! Edit: my mom recently told me she has, in fact, seen the entirety of this movie and I don't know how I should feel.
No kidding. It's like right around the time they're mocking the movie for bad audio levels you have Rich scream cackling and then Mike talking insanely quietly. Yea, I get it, they're hacks, har har, but this is basic stuff that makes your channel watchable. I'd like to hear Mike talk without my entire house hearing Rich Evans laugh.
What I don't get is, if this was meant to appeal to girls who liked Twilight, why didn't they just hire some random male model off the internet to play the vampire? It's not like acting ability is a factor here....so why go with that lumbering goon?
Vitaly should make a sequel: _The Last Vampire on Earth Meets the Last Werewolf on Earth._ Or maybe he could collab with Dave Wascavage. I like the sound of _The Last Vampire on Earth Meets the Suburban Sasquatch._ Dave still has that sasquatch costume, I presume. Why not use it? This could be the most epic crossover in movie history!
Why not, instead, "The Last Vampire on Earth" meets "The Last Man on Earth" (i.e. the one with Vincent Price)? Both have the vampire connection, and you can enjoying seeing Vincent go after the Shrek-like vampire to finally rid the world of its plague.
Then they're both confronted by the angry villagers of Canisborough from _Lycan Colony_ and have to team up against the werewolf town for their own survival.
Here's the thing - the usage of AIDS as a plot device, in of itself, isn't necessarily a bad idea for a vampire movie. It's unique! It's not been done before and I for one would appreciate the innovation and the sense of reality that it would bring to what is a now-stale genre. But in the words of Switch from the Matrix: Not like this... *Not like this*
@Texas One There's so much content in movies that could be deemed offensive, that's subjective Addressing topics that are taboo is what a competent filmaker does, that happens all the time
Josh Another terrible movie up there. I just tried to watch "A dark matter" (2013) by James Naylor on Prime because it has a interesting movie poster. Man, was that movie boring.
+MrKiron12 - Some of the Twilight actors are great, actually. Christopher Heyerdahl is good in almost everything he is in and I really liked Jackson Rathbone in Dread. But in Twilight everyone seems to have forgotten how to act, except perhaps Billy Burke (aka the only likable character in the entire series).
their performances in Twilight are awful (just like everything else about those films) but Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson have more than proved their chops since then.
Something I never caught onto: I’m pretty sure this movie was shot In Pennsylvania; the girl in the interview’s wearing a Steelers sweater and, just look at the setting, while Born Into Mafia was clearly shot in L.A, so I guess after his first flop, Vitaly was exiled to Pennsylvania with Paul Kattupalli, the Polonia brothers, and Dave Wascavage. It’s becoming the Hollywood for z-grade films.
Since everyone's going to ask: no, we can't upload the full version of the Sergio cartoon because it doesn't exist. It was a project that wasn't completed and the short clips of it you see in this episode is pretty much all that exists.
RedLetterMedia ohhhhhh ok....
RedLetterMedia if you did find the rest would it be replacing best of the worst?
What a bunch of hacks.
redlettermedia commenting? whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Where's the fucking Dunkirk review you hack frauds?!?!?!
The synopsis for this film on IMDB currently reads: "A second-hand report of a man vomiting after eating chicken leads a preacher to believe a vampire is afoot. Luckily for the guy, his girlfriend has AIDS which allows him to be spared."
Whoever is responsible for that, you're a hero.
Loll
it stil does
This is some gold tier stuff man.
I remember coming across this movie on IMDb and was baffled by the description, but apparently it's correct.
Have you seen Vitaliy's main imdb? Lol he's holding an Emmy as if it's his and the only stuff he's ever produced/directed/whatever is his films...
Worst still...he's still making movies...that trailer for Aladdin...I had to stop that halfway through.
"Our main character...has AIDs."
*uproarious laughter from everybody in the room*
I could not believe it, one of the best BOTW twists.
*AIDS
@Mickey Da Giant Hope for what? That we can laugh at people who have aids? I don't get it...
Don’t you mean “Our main character has AAAAAAIIIIIIIIIDSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!”
🤣🤣🤣
It's nice to see a healthy, meaty vampire for a change. Like a vampire that an average guy could probably outrun.
Blobbert Fattinson?
@@carlosmontesinos1544 sarcasm, friend.
@@PortalMaster2112 but meaty isn't
I would think a vampire that maybe dines a bit too often on diabetics with high blood sugar problems could lead to portliness. Think of all those extra calories a vampire would be taking in if he got hooked up with family of diabetics with lots of extra sugar in their blood. You would get a vampire that could suffer from weight issues (but is in denial, because if you are going to drink blood, diabetics would be the chocolate milk of victims. But having weight problems could be a very touchy issue in the world of skinny beautiful vampires to be the portly edition. And this unfortunately would be emphasized when flying, because vampire physics of flying are for string bean anemic vampires, not the "I'm thinking Arby's tonight" version that we see in this movie. So the weightier vampire would have to fly in a sort of recliner sitting position, which would could be embarrassing for the sensitive vampire who likes to instill fear. And then of course there would be issues of having to catch victims with your legs around their neck while swooping down upon them and having to try and suck blood from their inner thigh (upside down).
He’s really not that fat, his posture is just so bad it makes him look heavier
Michael Bole (the vampire) was also credited as transportation assistant. So I'm thinking he was driving one of those little shuttles, maybe to and from some weird rundown water park and a bus depot, and that's where Vitaliy Versace noticed him and his trademark punctuality. The rest is history.
I just wanted to let you know that the phrase "his trademark punctuality" made me laugh out loud.
My bet: He drove the cast and crew to shooting locations... He is in the movie, at least partially, because he has a car, maybe a van even..
I'm pretty sure "transportation assistant" is microbudget movie code for "owns a car and helped drive people/equipment to the set."
This guy is a very low rent Kyle Galhner.
Yes they can make audio book I give them my permission ! Director/producer :Vitaliy Versace thank you All for your wishes and comments !
Holy shit its actually him. For the love of god RLM, make this thing
I checked the channel and it's actually him. Everyone upvote this now.
This looks like a real account, holy shit!
I commend the effort involved in creating a bogus youtube account just to make this joke.
justin brilliant
It took him 3,000 years to save up the money to go to college
ahahahaha
IT TOOK 3000 YEARS TO MAKE
Community college at that
Every time he got close, they'd raise the damn tuition costs.
+ Razzy1312
Inflation.
"If Tomm Wiseau made Twilight..."
No it's not true. I did not bite her. It's bullshit. I did not. Oh hi Jacob.
Lmao
This comment put me in the hospital.
RIP my sides.
Apparently Tommy had ideas for The Room to contain vampiric elements :D
en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Room
THIS COMMENT MADE MY FUCKING WEEK 😁🤣.
Slight dialogue correction: “I deed naaht.”
"There is no success without hate."
My man Vitaliy is a philosopher, a poet-warrior in the classical sense.
You'd be amazed at the sheer power of spite and pettiness.
A pimp, a philosopher and a cool.
AAAAAIDS.
Fear leads to anger.
Anger leads to hate.
Hate leads to success
...
Profit
There is no success without AIIIIIIIIIIIIDDDDDSSSS
Hey guys, I was IN this terrible movie! I even had a line in the church scene. I think I said something like, "that was a nice service." and then my husband said, "Yeah, it was pretty good!"
This was amazing. Thank you so much.
Rebecca Soldan Please give us some juicy details if you can.
Rebecca Soldan You are unironically a legend rn
Tell us of the genius that is Vitally Versacce.
She died shortly after watching this review. RIP person
I'm so sorry that happened to you.
That moment when the director asks the main actress what her favourite scene was and there's just an awkward silence haha
You just know it's just him and her alone in his house.
She is just a simple girl who wants to make the world a better place
This scene is so depressing its funny lol
Honestly that single player table tennis scene was an extremely creative act of terrible filmmaking
"did you see Jesus?"
"I heard him speak a couple times.."
Colin's reaction to that was hilarious
Lmao they ripped that from True Blood (the 3000 year old vampire Godric said it)
Lana Waters I knew I recognized that from somewhere!
Genuinely a good line. Someone should snag that part and put it somewhere where it works.
@@fattiger6957 It's a fair point. The history of that man, and what came after means it's one of those Big Things You Want To Hear About. The same with Muhammad and Islam.
A vampire who could only go to a community college after 3,000 years sounds like it could make a good comedy. A completely inept vampire who just bumbles his way throughout three millennia.
“Stupid Vampire.” Green light it, Vitale!
“What We Do in the Shadows”
He doesn't even know that he is one, happy accidents.
No one told him that vampires have to be all sad and tragic, so he isn't.
Lets call it community.
The book uses a picture of the Roman Colisium when describing living in Greece...
newLEGACY boy
I don't know what to do with this.
I'm going to kill everybody, and then myself..
Griffin1171 I mean rome ruled greece for hundreds of year so close enough, bravo vesachii
I wonder if the vampire ever lived in Brazil's capital - Buenos Aires...
Low-key burn on Romans for stealing Greek culture?
Nah, they just messed up.
Your finger _behind_ the trigger is next-level trigger discipline
She's just being SUPER careful.
@Samuel Sandoval I really hope that was the case, so she just did everything she could to make sure she wouldn't accidentally pull the trigger
@Samuel Sandoval I agree. That is a real gun and, as a half measure, she cannot go anywhere near the trigger. Possibly the most competent thing here.
this is what production for the movie Rust needed.
to keep Alec Baldwin from killing a woman.
Vitaliy Versace: Smarter than Alec Baldwin.
7:34 No joke though, when you are making a movie on this kind of budget, being able to show up on time is a HIGHLY valued quality.
Yeah, I even heard Tom Hanks in an NPR interview say that very thing, swear to God. Everything is set up and ready by the time you're due on set and if you're late, like 50 people are standing around waiting for you, and that costs the production a pretty penny. So you better be right on time and prepared, or the director is going to be scouting for your replacement.
When you don't pay your actors, they have minimal motivation to show at all, much less on time. I know a couple microbudget directors. One pays his actors (not much, but he pays them) and never has trouble with them showing up. The other doesn't pay his actors (and constantly gets annoyed that the first one does) and then bitches when they drop out partway through production and such.
The guy who pays his actors has directed two movies. Both are decent, serious movies marred only by a couple bad actors.
The guy who doesn't pay has produced seven movies and directed five of those. All of them are on par with a Troma movie, though I'm pretty sure that's deliberate since the plots are also very Troma-esque.
A 99 page book... That would happen to be the length of a very short screenplay.
Owen Hale Yep, would rather read the entire Fallout lore than this garbage 😂
oh fuck i forgot 1 page is one minute. thanks mate XD
@The Jester - Fool Of Hearts Of course the non-Bethesda part :D I like to play the games and read the lore as well. New Vegas is my baby.
I bet it’s because 99 pages is the cutoff for the cheapest self-publishing package option for whatever printer Vitaliy - I mean Mandie L. Abraham - used.
they actually got 1 mil views! Jay was right! The fidget spinner worked!
Dwarf TNT these hack frauds tricked me into viewing some shitty movie review while I wanted to watch fidget spinner tricks and tips.
Ethan Sherman lol
Fidget spinner + AIDS vampires = 1.5 million
@@EdgeRatedR007 ticks and trips
2 mill now.
0:00 Cold Open
1:38 Intro
5:32 Lead Actor
8:13 The Director + Making Sergio
10:13 The Novel (Entertain Men)
12:44 The Rehearsal
14:05 The Family (Garbage Pail Kid)
16:56 Blood Van
19:20 Different Artwork & Rerelease
20:20 The Elephant in the Room
25:04 The Climax
32:47 Real-Time Editing
34:12 Sequel Hoping
34:43 Jay's Oscar Performance + The Conclusion
I have no life :(
Very Cool!
Your not the only one 🙁
Imagine not having every BOTW memorized
I may have gone too far in a few places
Don't say that about yourself 🖤🖤
From what I understand, vampirism doesn't make you smart. It also doesn't make you beautiful, it just keeps you young. Why can't there be an ugly and stupid vampire? Not every vampire is going to be clever and gorgeous. I respect Vitaly Versace for exploring this aspect of vampires. True genius.
I'd love to see a movie about a historically-accurate vampire. Some short, ugly guy (or girl) whose growth was stunted by poor nutrition 2500 years ago when the average man's height in Europe was 5'0". Bonus points if he/she is also jaded as hell, because you'd have to be after seeing everyone make all the same mistakes over and over for centuries.
That's close to what Henrik Galeen and FW Murnau were going for with Graf Orlok.
He both looks and acts like a diseased rodent about to keel over from ten different types of cancer.
@@Bacteriophagebsdoubt there is historical accuracy for something such as a make believe creature
@@alexinivai08 Woooosh.
@@Bacteriophagebs stephanie meyers gave the vampires some unique traits and lore which is honestly pretty cool and there were a lot of concepts there that were interesting and if they were only in a different story they could be explored further. the stuff about vampirism making you beautiful was something she put in the series, im not sure how common that trait is in vampire stories but its just how she wanted her vampires to be it wasnt drawing on tradition. its a cool idea in concept, vampirism making you beautiful but in a very uncanny offputting way, theres some cool surrealism there. in practice this idea was expressed by having edwards skin sparkle in the sun and it was just silly, but in the hands of another writer that concept could be interesting. but yes i would like to see more vampire stories that draw from tradition bc there are some things in early vampire folklore that do not get nearly enough attention. like how a vampire can infect cattle it feeds on and transmit vampirism to it, and when humans eat that cattle the vampirism is transmitted to them. i think thats a cool as hell idea (i suspect this belief came from anthrax, the way it infects livestock and then people) basically i think its cool when writers do something different with their vampires, whether its ideas they invented or forgotten ideas from the past that they bring back.
Diabetes isn't a blood disease. Apparently he is a freshman vampire college student and hasn't learned that yet.
Also an immunologist would treat AIDS, not a hematologist.
You’ve found a couple of holes in the plot
Oda Swifteye doctor pepper?
Oda Swifteye actually they do , it’s the “lay men’s” term for it so they do say it
@@joesmith8691 and also diabetis, I believe
Versace's current project is "Aladdin". The trailer is on IMDB. I speak two languages and neither can describe it.
I saw only part of the trailer was like "Nope fuck it not wasting my time".
I thought it was a porn until I read the synopsis.
The first words of that trailer are batshit: talking about Aladdin, an old woman says “he was a Christ follower.” What? And there’s more shots of Jesus than Aladdin.
Holy Shit. It looks like a Diamond Cobra vs the White Fox level production.
It’s like everyone in this movie took tranquilizers. Not a single person can speak coherently.
"My dad die-uh-got shot two days ago."
i cri evri tiem
WHAT??
*script on the bed
He looks so angry when she says "What?" too early.
tragic
the main vampire guy looks like Ted Cruz going through an emo/scene phase.
Before he became the zodiac killer?
Dahnald the vampelegetes
It's like Bo Burnham became thicc, mated with shrek and ted Cruz, and became a very edgy, depressed vampire teen.
looks more like the goth from jennifer's body.
He looks like the kind of guy that would act in Epic Movie as the one-note joke where they replace a conventionally attractive man with someone that could make any woman dry through looks alone.
This is one of my favorite Best of the Worst episodes. I keep coming back to it and it's great every time.
Bloody oath
It's the intro with Mike that slays me
still here in july 2021!
Colin was in fine form.
This is why UA-cam was invented. For this review to be broadcasted
The full title of the book is, apparently, according to google: "The Last Vampire on Earth: What It You Found Out That You Were Dying, and Met Someone That's Going to Live Forever?"
This comment section is the gift that keeps on giving
For making glorious nation Kazakhstan...
Sounds like a bad manga localization
I now want to see a spotlight on Born Into Mafia
Tyler Great profile pic. My would be Guldan
I look forward to a BOTW with *all* Vitaly Versace films !!
You know you've got something special when the grammar of the title isn't even right... "Sorry, Mr. Versace, we're over budget. We're going to have to cut all of the definite articles out of the movie."
1000th like
@@vladimirpotrosky7855 I know, me too... He was doing so ""good"" up until that line too...
There actually is a Twilight Zone episode about a man who is immortal that is sent to prison with a life sentence. He murdered his wife and planned on getting the death penalty, and hoped since he couldn't die that they would just let him go after the electric chair failed, but at the last minute his lawyer got his sentence turned to life. Wah-wah.
I’m so glad I’m not the only one that thought about this. Thank you
@The Jester - Fool Of Hearts Uhhhhh. There are actully examples of people failing exicutions and being let go.
@The Jester - Fool Of Hearts Fucking redditor
I remember that episode differently. Killing his wife was an accident. After the deal with the devil for immortality he jumped in front of buses and leapt off buildings to scam insurance companies. After he got his life sentence he was like "Well this sucks. Hey Satan! I wanna die now!" And he does. Episode wasn't that good to be honest.
life sentences have a real length, not just “until you die”
Vitaliy got confused. He said he was making a vampire movie and somebody told him he should cast a guy that looked like Max Schreck, and Vitaliy didn't quite understand.
"There is no success without hate..."
An uplifting message of hope from Vitaliy to the world.
This man met Jesus a couple times
This movie is the Monty Python and the Holy Grail witch village scene, stretched out to feature length, adapted to take place in modern times, and played straight. Love it.
Aurelius and Chloe will return in Avengers: Infinity War
Further Defenestrations The garbage pail kid dies in Infinity War
Commander Argon Fuck, really? I was hoping he’d make it through.
@@commanderargon3321 During the Battle of Wakanda Garbage Pail Kid sacrifices himself to stop Thanos from getting Vision. Unlike Thor he did aim for the head.
"Don't worry...I'll eat it..." *fades away into 11 herbs and spices*
@@Iamafishproductions *cue the Colonel crying in 3...2...1*
Rich Evans should voice Chloe in the audiobook
😂😂😂😂
The fact that you can see a tear roll off Colin’s face as Jay reads the novel adaptation is beautiful
"There's no way KFC could be making you sick" oh my god stop it hurts to laugh this much
Wow, Jay actually turned one of the lights ON when he threw the fidget spinner!
And no one noticed!
dude I noticed, looked down the comments and was surprised to not see it mentioned.
Harry Philips
You obviously saw it was mentioned, and so did I!!IJNRIAO rawr ;3. adpm,wom
That’s just one of their many fidget spinner trips and ticks and tips
Yo, you guys need to watch "Utoya Island", directed by Versace... It's about the 2011 Norway shooting, and the one and only Shrekward Cullen (Michael Bole) plays Anders Brevik. I couldn't believe it either. Probably a better casting for him than a hot vampire, but he still absolutely decimates the role... it's possibly worse than the last vampire. I laughed nearly the whole way through, but had to stop myself because it was based on true events... but then something would happen again that made me laugh even more. It's truly incredible what Vitaly Versace has accomplished in his single lifetime.
I'm sure it's absolutely terrible but a film about a horrific mass shooting might be too much for a silly bad movie show.
And it’s just the beginning..! Versace is the best
I would LOVE to see a movie about a middle age priest and his overweight family trying to capture a vampire with superpowers
You know it's bad, when someone says "This is Twilight with terrible actors".
Lucaz99 lol i thought that was not possible
Twilight's actors aren't bad. They just had pure garbage to work with.
Nostalgic Waves I’m just joking. I actually think Billy Burke did a great job as Bella’s dad and there are good actors there like Dakota Fanning and Michael Sheen. Also, even Kristen Stewart doesn’t act as bad as she did in the Twilight films, so the directors for these movies were probably terrible.
@@lotus-princeim here from the future and Robert has really been in some really good movies like the lighthouse and the Batman
@@saladman420 Yeah, it's great how he turned things around. :-D
The second to last paragraph in the "book" ends like this, "Aurelius leaned in and bit her her."
That's not my grammatical mistake; it's there's.
"it's there"
it's theirs*
Grammar nazis correcting grammar nazis who correct grammar nazis, how did it come to this?
Well, you could say he meant the mistake was THERE, in the book OR (more probably) it's not his mistake but theirs.
I was really hoping there would be Grammar Nazis pointing out that "there's" is wrong in my comment.
I basically knew 90% of people _wouldn't_ get the joke.
Wait, so you wrote all that comment perfectly and just missed that last word on purpose? Suspicious, but ill let it pass...
Next time realize we're you are commenting, here at youtube where stupidly thick sometimes.
I know I'm late to the party, y'all, but I just noticed this. at 7:35 when they're doing the 'interview' between Vitaliy and Shrek, they have Shrek labeled as an 'Actror'. THEY COULDN'T EVEN SPELLCHECK THE FUCKING SPECIAL FEATURES.
Nothing but the best at Versace Entertainmen-
Nonono... You see, "Actror" is supposed to be a combination of Actor and Roar, because sometimes Shrek goes "Roooooar!" in his movies.
I like that they couldn't sit through the twilight movies to make fun of them but watched this twice
All those Nukie tapes finally paid off.
They went full circle
So they don't need this couple tapes I was going to send them?
They did it all for the Nukie
How fitting: Michael Bole, the guy that looks like a serial killer, actually plays a serial killer in the movie "Utoya Island" about the shootings in sweden. And the movie is directed by *drumroll* Vitaliy Versage. The trailer even boasts "From the director of The Last Vampire on Earth"...
badoli *Norway
So Vitaliy Versace did it before Netflix?
He’s ahead of the curve!
I am going through a very hard point in my life, and you guys are one of the few rocks I have on the internet. Thank you.
Hey I hope things have got better for you. Watching these guys shit talk these crappy movies has got me through some hard times too.
The Garbage Pail Kid definitely seems like that woman's actual kid.
She's actually his Aunty, was looking for a job in Craigslist at the time of the production, found an ad in the TV and film section. 😂
@@jdoli5962 Wouldn't that make you a Garbage Pail Man by now? ;)
@@TheOrkneyFaction cool story, fatass
@@jdoli5962 they constantly make jokes about themselves too, they say that rich has diabetes and aids , call themselves alcoholics ,manchildren,perverts etc., it's just their humour
Thank you guys. Good job with the review ! I'm not Steven Allan Spielberg ! I'm more like Roger William Corman if you see his films you know what I mean ... But thank you for reviewing one of my first films I directed in 2009. Director/producer: Vitaliy Versace
What a champ!
Thank you for taking it on the chin.
Will you let them release an audio book? Please, Vitaliy Versace...the fandom needs this.
Vitaliy, may I ask you a question? What is your demographic or target audience? Is it a specific group, or general? Also may I ask how you get funding for your films or do you self fund?
Can you mail me your autograph?
I love the clip from 'Born into Mafia' with the spray of ketchup...I mean blood, it's blood and not obviously ketchup.
Matt Earnest lets not forget the actor moving while "dead"
“Oh no his head was filled with ketchup”
« I’m Vitaliy Versace, film producer & director »
0:50 The intro really hits differently after The Great Nukie Shredding of 2022
Jay bullying a small child makes this video for me.
Hey, I know he looks young, but Colin is actually an adult in his 40s.
Jay finally found someone shorter than him to bully
Literally almost died yesterday and spent some time in the ER.
Came to a RLM video and laughed at aids. Ah, its good to be alive
and not have aids.
falcont2tjockey I guess it's safe to say he's with the Lord now :( /s
F
Carpe diem
@The Jester - Fool Of Hearts Go home Cartman.
1:50 Ok so did anyone notice that Jay lit the lightbulb in the upper right corner with his throw? Jay Bauman, the legend who created light with a fidget spinner. Is Jay replacing Rich Evans as God?
I'm needed to find someone else who saw this
@@xylophobiaa yeah, I was scrolling down the comments until I saw someone mentione it. Now my Botw binge can continue
Oh my Lord I didn't even notice that
This isn't the Christian Twilight, it's the Jehovah's Witness Twilight.
It's been a while since I let one preach at me, but aren't jehova's witnesses a christian denomination?
@@Strawberry92fs They meet the qualification of "cult." They deny essential Christian doctrine - for example, saying that Jesus is a created being ("a god") rather than coequal and coeternal with the Father and Holy Spirit in the trinity. They also have their own proprietary translation of the Bible (which orthodox denominations do not), injecting their beliefs into the translation in a way that biblical scholars would say treats the text disingenuously. Hope this helps.
I thought you were joking until it got into refusing blood transfusions
@@ceresta1732 I'm aware. I made a cheeky comment 6 months ago. Although I didn't know about the church thing, that's new to me; but it makes sense. Stained glass windows are a pretty catholic thing, even if protestants use them sometimes.
@@FlyingSwordfish they're a cult. I left it and lost my family and friends. They isolate and disassociate from you the second you choose not to believe what they believe, and have been implicated in using Elders (a ranking in the church) to cover up abuse. Look up the 2020 Montana Settlement as a recent example.
I just realised when Jay throws the spidget finner and hits the thing, he didnt "accidentally burnt out half the lights" one of the lights actually turns on wtf
No it didn't. I watched it three times to see, nothing happens at all.
@@gaybrahamlinkoln5714 1:53
@@FlameQwert nope
@@gaybrahamlinkoln5714 The big O behind Jay. at top right of the O
@@FlameQwert
I thought the same thing at first but Jay's head is blocking the light bulb in question. The light comes into frame (because Jay moves his head) the same time the fidget spinner hits the O
Between the girl's trigger safety and the fact that she never pointed it directly at anyone on screen (even in the shooting scene, you can tell it's pointed well over that dude's head), I'm pretty sure that was a real gun and everyone on set was REALLY careful about it.
Just another reason Last Vampire On Earth is better than Rust.
1:50
Jay uses his masterful fidget spinner tips and ticks to actually turn ON one of the lights
(top right side of the O)
OH MY GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHD
Hota Watcher naw it got turned on when the fidget spinner hit it actually. If you "Watch" more carefully, you'll see that before he tosses it there are only 3 lights on at the very top with a dead bulb on each side. The bulb that gets turned on is one of those dead bulbs.
Magic
""I'm not afraid of punishment, death, or things I do not understand!""
What does that even mean?!? I don't understand how nuclear bombs work, but I'm afraid of them. I don't know... That's just a confusing-ass line.
This movie was horrible 😂😂😂
@wolfaesthetic I don't who should be more ashamed. Me for understanding an ICP reference or you for making it.
Conceptually, a nuclear bomb is pretty simple. It uses a very precise explosion to tear apart an unstable isotope at the atomic level. The nuclear forces that keep the nucleus of the atom together and keep the electrons orbiting it are released as heat, light and electromagnetic energy that includes the radiation the weapon is known for.
The practical engineering and science part is where things get complicated, as is usually the case with most things.
I think it's alluding to religion? it might just be a line that makes no sense and I may be giving more credit than is due but since faith plays a role in the witch hunt, maybe she meant what might "happen to her" for saving a being that would be considered an abomination in the face of whatever religion was used in the "movie"/a higher power than people can conceptualize? that's my best guess lol
"This new coronavirus is resistant to all the cocktails we have."
Thaanimalgamer AAIIIDSS
It's kinda true though… there's no vaccine or drug that really has proven to work yet. Wonder when we get the first Covid-19 movies.
@@MysteriousAsteria its called the andromeda strain
@@MetallicMutalisk challenge accepted...
Where is my unauthorized Last Vampire Book Audio Book, Jay? I can't continue living without it!
Mike is the physical representation of my clinical depression
Don't you mean diabeetus? I think you misspelled it
or vice-versa
you mean vice-versace
and diabetes.
But he's popular
30:00 I love how that guy turns his head like one inch and she just ices him.
My wife won't let me watch RLM Video in bed on the tablet anymore because of Rich Evans laugh. I am wearing headphones mind you.
Sergio proves Mike can do a voice that isn't just Mike or Plinkett unlike most people believe. INSIDE JOB, INVESTIGATE SERGIO/11.
The "director" of this shit made a shitty movie about the Norwegian Utøya massacre just after it happened.. With every fact wrong. Obviously he got a lot of publicity in the papers, and the film was out on youtube. How low can you go? Turns out he casted Shrek as the killer too..
Unfortunately.. It`s actually still up! Search for Utoya Movie and it´s on Mr. Versace`s very own youtube channel!
Helt avskyelig.
I gotta say, as disgusting as that sounds. Spot on casting choice.
That's a new level of exploitation right there. What a let down, seriously. It's one thing to follow your dreams and being a laughable fuck up - that's almost admirable. Being scum is another thing entirely.
HrTjernobyl maybe it was intented a prequel of the last vampire on earth
that doctor's office scene sounds like it was written by someone who has a very tenuous grasp on how AIDS works
oh jesus christ why would a girl with a compromised immune system drink water out of a pump like that
Yeah I was looking closely and water definitely comes out of the pump. I sincerely hope Vitaliy didn’t make the actors drink direct groundwater
Ah, Zima. When you want to drink Smirnoff Ice ironically.
Watching this in a camp chair in my yard, while also watching the solar eclipse. I've found my Zen place.
infernocanuck
Nah, son. I got the eclipse, UA-cam, a beer, and I don't have to be to work until tonight. Life is gooooood
Bear that sounds like a good set up man. I'm watching this while recovering from surgery and spaced out on painkillers
That's awesome!
Jessica Meloy
That sounds either trippy or terrible, and I'm not sure which it is
JackFlash85
It was an excellent afternoon!
Robert fattinson
He is fairly skinny. He only has fat face which makes it much worse.
@@MCPeeBoy yeah no he just stores his fat in his cheeks which makes him look like a chipmunk. Poor guy.
After Jay turned on a light bulb throwing a fidget spinner at it, a light on the "O" behind his left shoulder turns off all on it's own 17:43 , just to turn back on at 23:16, back off at 24:21, back on at 29:38, back off at 31:12, back on at 32:39, back off at 33:40, back on at 34:26, back off at 34:46, back on at 36:46, and back off at 36:59. If you add all those time stamps together you get the number 665 exactly! Mike, I believe you now that the studio is haunted!
Also when he hits it with the fidget spinner it turns one of the lights back on
The intro with Mike kills me everytime, I need a 10 hour loop of it lmao
If you look carefully, you can see the bill on top is Andrew Jackson, and the rest are the backs of the $1, so you were right, $20 and a bunch of $1s
looks like two twenties and ones to me
Colin always brings so much to these
Colin from Canada makes a great straight man.
He brings a refreshing lack of clinical depression.
He's a funnier character than we've ever had before.
I miss Jim though.
like Zima, for instance
I think the funniest thing about this is that Colin is drinking Zima.
Brian Zaiger I wanted to comment this. Who knew they still made those drinks.
Zima, pure liquid gayness
I feel like pedophiles on To Catch a Predator would always bring that shit.
Yo ho ho and a bottle of Zima!
at 1:53, when jay threw the fidget spinner he actually fixed one of the lights
3000 years and the vampire guy doesn't have a degree yet? He hasn't paid off a house yet? What has he been doing all this time?
Alt-Right Mexican Jerkin' it.
Ping-pong
Living in a swamp with a talking donkey, obviously
......suckin
living in a van down by the river
Mike's reaction at 34:00 describes how I feel about Rich Evans' laugh perfectly.
Sythrius i
Was... was the blood strawberry syrup? It was awfully thick. Blood isn't even that thick!
Edit: my mom recently told me she has, in fact, seen the entirety of this movie and I don't know how I should feel.
That’s one hell of an edit.
Rip nukie collection! Can't hide Vitali movies in there now!
they're milking rich evans laugh and i dont mind a bit
Who would do such a atrocious thing
I love his laugh but they just do it too much. His laugh is earsplitting at times and it's all I hear when other people are trying to talk.
No kidding. It's like right around the time they're mocking the movie for bad audio levels you have Rich scream cackling and then Mike talking insanely quietly. Yea, I get it, they're hacks, har har, but this is basic stuff that makes your channel watchable. I'd like to hear Mike talk without my entire house hearing Rich Evans laugh.
My husband won't watch the show because of Rich. I think it's great!
Yah rich ruins everything for me. I cant stand to hear his laugh.
"The weirdo cocktails I'm givin' ya ain't working, lady."
Crying with laughter.
Whenever I feel sad, I come back to this video.. and my life gets back on tracks
im upset you guys never said "Robert Fattinson"
Underrated comment.
What I don't get is, if this was meant to appeal to girls who liked Twilight, why didn't they just hire some random male model off the internet to play the vampire? It's not like acting ability is a factor here....so why go with that lumbering goon?
Because it was also meant to appeal to girls who like Shrek.
Because Shrek showed up on time.
nah it makes total sense. that was the best looking guy that can both be punctual and takes payment in KFC lol
@@joduh4665 haha I'll die laughing.
I have a feeling that Versace doesn't get a huge response to his casting calls
HIS FUCKING NAME IS AURELIUS?!
Rich is rocking that anthropomorphic corn hat. A true midwesterner.
I like how they ADR’d Colin saying the movies name & director but we can clearly see his face and he wasn’t saying anything
my cat died today, guys thanks for make something that helped me go through, even for a bit
Karol Młoczkowski I bet he had AIDS
Sorry to hear about your house lion
should have find a vampire when you had the chance fool
"Why does Kentucky Fried Chicken come in a bucket?"
"So you'll have something to throw up in afterwards."
-Neil Hamburger
Saying "I approve this message" when you're the only one in the vídeo is pure Vitaly Versace magic.
Vitaly should make a sequel: _The Last Vampire on Earth Meets the Last Werewolf on Earth._
Or maybe he could collab with Dave Wascavage. I like the sound of _The Last Vampire on Earth Meets the Suburban Sasquatch._ Dave still has that sasquatch costume, I presume. Why not use it? This could be the most epic crossover in movie history!
Why not, instead, "The Last Vampire on Earth" meets "The Last Man on Earth" (i.e. the one with Vincent Price)? Both have the vampire connection, and you can enjoying seeing Vincent go after the Shrek-like vampire to finally rid the world of its plague.
Then they're both confronted by the angry villagers of Canisborough from _Lycan Colony_ and have to team up against the werewolf town for their own survival.
Here's the thing - the usage of AIDS as a plot device, in of itself, isn't necessarily a bad idea for a vampire movie. It's unique! It's not been done before and I for one would appreciate the innovation and the sense of reality that it would bring to what is a now-stale genre. But in the words of Switch from the Matrix:
Not like this... *Not like this*
AIDS isn't unique in vampire fiction, there's a ton of stuff from the 90s that bought it up before the plague of sparkle fuckbois.
CruelestChris but in the context of how things are now, it's very refreshing.
@Texas One Only Lovers Left Alive did it fairly well.
@Texas One There's so much content in movies that could be deemed offensive, that's subjective
Addressing topics that are taboo is what a competent filmaker does, that happens all the time
"My name is Vitaliy Versace"
I honestly don't know how RLM doesn't have 50 billion UA-cam subs.
Not enough people
@@beetle149 There is that many people! Theres 7 million...
The sad part is, this isn’t even his worst film.
This is the best of his worst movies
I want to go to an acting audition and have chloe's big scene be my monologue
This is streaming for free on Amazon Prime Video right now.
Josh Another terrible movie up there. I just tried to watch "A dark matter" (2013) by James Naylor on Prime because it has a interesting movie poster. Man, was that movie boring.
Awesome, now I can send it to all my friends with no explanation!
"It's Twilight with terrible acting." So... it's Twilight.
Penguin DT such a poignant comment
So brave
Beaten to it :(
+MrKiron12 - Some of the Twilight actors are great, actually. Christopher Heyerdahl is good in almost everything he is in and I really liked Jackson Rathbone in Dread. But in Twilight everyone seems to have forgotten how to act, except perhaps Billy Burke (aka the only likable character in the entire series).
their performances in Twilight are awful (just like everything else about those films) but Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson have more than proved their chops since then.
Thanks RLM for helping me through my depression. Not a joke, I never laughed so hard.
Something I never caught onto: I’m pretty sure this movie was shot In Pennsylvania; the girl in the interview’s wearing a Steelers sweater and, just look at the setting, while Born Into Mafia was clearly shot in L.A, so I guess after his first flop, Vitaly was exiled to Pennsylvania with Paul Kattupalli, the Polonia brothers, and Dave Wascavage. It’s becoming the Hollywood for z-grade films.