The Dark Side of Minimalism: "Decluttering Ruined My Life"
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- Опубліковано 15 тра 2024
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Minimalism changed my life, but there's a dark side to minimalism as well. How can you recognize toxic minimalism? Find out as we talk about the problem with minimalism and what minimalist home and decluttering mistakes to avoid on your path to simple living!
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ABOUT A TO ZEN LIFE
Along my journey to let go of 30 years of clutter, I accidentally became a minimalist, and it was life-changing.
Before, I was an emotional hoarder with nothing but the clutter from lost loved ones - and $25,000 of debt - to my name. Now I have a beautiful home in Europe, a happy family, live debt-free, and - best of all - wake up to a life that I’m EXCITED to live every day.
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Thanks to BetterHelp for sponsoring this video and get 10% off your first month with this special link: betterhelp.com/atozenlife > Please like this video 👍 and comment with YOUR favorite "non-aesthetic" item. 😊
Non-aesthetic….. huge tiered fruit basket that ends up holding eggs, bread, and varying foods.
Hi from France ! Thx for your videos, in wich you always sound authentic. Will you make a video about food minimalism like monomeals, non processed foods, intermittent fasting ? Not talking about calories restrictions at all because those are really toxic.
My entire home is not minimalist aesthetic 😂. But I still practice minimalism and it has transformed my life.
What you are doing IS good enough! Don't put pressure on yourself to please others. Take care of yourself and your family, and have fun! We don't get do-overs in life, take care of the important things first, the rest will figure itself out!
Maybe my 1998 super fancy alarm clock that not only had two alarms but a CASSETTE tape player! ooh la la. It's still functioning great and has been there for my entire post-college life, all the ups, all the downs, and I can't justify replacing it with a more minimalist or functional one (like, wait, you can plug your phone in new ones?) lol
I saw a video where a guy said that he had two pairs of pants and that was really bothering him and he was trying to figure out a way to own only one pair. That's when I started wondering if extreme minimalism is a form of anorexia of things instead of food. And then I started thinking of hoarding as a form of an overeating disorder with things instead of food. Being bothered by having two pairs of pants is just as messed up as insisting in have a hundred pair of pants.
There you go; this! This is what it can be.
Sounds like a reasonable take…
Yes! Food and objects (and many other things) are just more socially acceptable forms of addiction because it is “easier to hide.” the underlying problem just found an outlet (food, objects, etc.) to run the show.
Honestly I consider extreme minimalism to be just as disordered as hoarding. They're opposite ends of the same spectrum.
I understand being bothered about having nearly 25-30 pairs of pants, but 2? What happens if the pants he was wearing were very dirty? He can't walk around the laundromat in his underwear and shirt.
The problem isn’t with minimalism, the problem is with an obsessive personality. Anything can become toxic if you obsess about it.
Right, sounds like more of an obsession and need for control.
👌🏼👌🏼👌🏼👌🏼👌🏼
I can totally relate to this! Went through a phase of that with healthful eating! Orthorexia is what it’s called!
I thought about minimalism or at least decluttering and then I realized I wouldn’t have the stuff that I always have when I need it readily available and typically bought at a discount or free. My physical books, craft supplies, and unedited by Disney+ DVD’s make me happy.
Even minimalism. haha
When I was younger, I lived as a minimalist. People came to my apartment and said "it looks like no one lives here." I realized that my self esteem was so low, and my sense of self so damaged, that I couldn't buy myself anything beyond the minimum necessary for survival. For me, it was a sign of deep depression and trying to "not exist." As an adult, I've slowly added meaningful decor in my space and beautiful things in my life.
I definitely get that. Part of growing my self confidence has been surrounding myself with things that make me feel comfortable. Sometimes that means super organized spaces where anything extra is removed. But it equally means things like putting random things I think look pretty all over my room, and filling my cabinets with weird mismatched plates and mugs. It's all about creating an environment where you feel comfortable, not about how many things you have in that space.
@@basyagross I love how you say it’s all about creating an environment where you feel comfortable, not about how many things you have in that space.
That's it Melissa, congrats. Its not about consumerism. Its about you as an individual. There is no difference between not buying something because you feel unworthy, and buying something you don't really want because the advertising sold you on it.
Make your own decisions. Create your own space, regardless of how it looks to others. Its YOUR life, not theirs 🌈. There are no rules, you make them. ;)
Someone once said the same thing about my first apartment. But I wasn't minimalistic at all or at least I did not think like this. I was just poor and wanted to spent the little money I had at meaningful things. I was very happy with my home and my belongings that I had. I wish I could go back. These were the best days.
Damn...
I grew up in a minimalist home. My mother threw out everything once it was no longer used daily or at least weekly. Toys, clothes, books, records…all my "stuff." I started trying to hide things that I desperately wanted to keep. It was hard to do that, though, because there wasn’t any place to hide anything. I remember having a complete meltdown when my mother cleaned out my desk and threw out all the letters I’d received from my best friend from 3rd grade who had moved to Japan. (This was in the 1970s and writing letters was the only way I could communicate with him.)
I grew up desperate to hold onto things. I found out in my 50s that I’m on the autism spectrum, but not knowing that in childhood made this desire to hold onto things that much more of a trauma when everything got thrown out.
Now, as an adult, I’m very much a maximalist. Everything I own has meaning to me. I actually spent quite a bit of time and money during my 30s and 40s trying to replace things I remembered from my childhood. I didn’t need any of these things, but I wanted them back. I own thousands of books and tens of thousands of CDs (that’s not an exaggeration). My house is floor-to-ceiling shelves in all rooms just to store all of this. My therapist agrees that my childhood minimalist trauma probably caused me to be this way, at least in part.
I guess the point of this is that minimalism is fine if you live alone and it’s what you want. It’s not OK to impose it on anyone else - especially not children. Children need to be allowed a space that is 100% safe for them. Where they get to choose what stays or goes, without pressure or guidance or any sort of attempt to nudge them in one direction. The damage you can do to your child will last them a lifetime.
I'm glad I read your comment because I was planning on drastically cleaning out my middle schoolers' bedrooms by myself when they weren't home. Now I'll make sure to involve them in the process.
My mom made me empty out my room when I was younger. But she said the choice of what to remove and what to keep was mine. But whatever I did keep had to be stored neatly.
I think that's the right way to go about it. If you want a kid to live a minimalist lifestyle, let them decide what to get rid of and what to keep.
@@thomashenry4798 Why do you throw things out if you don't have to move (thus carry everything) and you don't rent (thus paying more if you have more garbage) ?
@@csuporj To make room for new stuff.
Make room for new books to read, knick nacks, a TV for my bedroom, a game console, etc.
Oh man, that is traumatizing! I'm so sorry you went thru that😔 Kid's spaces should be their own. In a different way my space wasn't allowed to be my own. I still can't figure out who or what I am (lots of abuse). I'm recognizing things, but I can't overcome it easily😔
Someone in another comment section said they were a "middle-malist" and I love it. I want my house to have a regular amount of things and be reasonably tidy. When looking at those all white/beige houses I always think of a line from Friends when Phoebe admits that she doesn't like living in Monica's super tidy house: "I need to live in a land where people can spill."
I‘m stealing this! What a great way to put it!
I’m technically a maximalist, but I keep getting overwhelmed by my stuff, especially if it’s visible. So I strife for minimalism, but It’s just not doable for me. Middle-malism it is!
I hate going into houses where I'm afraid to touch things.
@@sarahoshea9603my DH calls those houses model homes or stepford homes.
That's a really good way to put it.
For example, I like it when the kitchen is clean, because then it's ready to be used. If dishes are piling up on the counter I can't use the kitchen. Because a) I have no clean dishes and b) the counter is full. So, I put in extra effort to keep it clean.
On the other hand, my regular workspace is quite a mess. I try to keep it clean, but I have to shuffle things around on a regular basis, take notes in my notepad and have personal files lying around as well (that's one disadvantage of working from home, I guess). I clean up every few months, but it only takes a week before it's cluttered again. Tbh, I don't have the willpower to keep my workspace as clean as my kitchen, because I still can use my workspace for it's intended purpose, even though it is quite messy.
As, we, humans are not perfect..
My ex husband wanted to be a minimalist. He was really good at throwing out things I wanted to keep but couldn't get rid of a lot of his own junk. Basically the minimalism was about him wanting to strip our home of everything that was for / about me so that the only things which remained were all about him. So glad to be free of that!
Yes
I lived that
Why I don’t know
It was stupidest thing ever
I find people are very good at wanting to get rid of your stuff, but never their own! I am a zoologist and live in quite a small flat and I really only got around to sorting out my books last year... I found that my partner had gone round getting rid of a lot of my books (without asking me), some of them quite difficult to get hold of which annoyed me greatly. I have been trying to get those titles back ever since. I wouldn't have minded to much if he had asked me at the time, but he didn't. I only discovered that they were missing when I had bought and built enough bookcases to sort them out properly.
@@craftyhobbit7623 some people have issues where they think that you are their possession and therefore your possessions are theirs. They lack empathy with you because you're merely a thing who doesn't have those feelings (and are a nuisance if you express them).
I once caught my Mother-in-law giving away my Father-in-law's favourite multimeter. There was a big fuss about me stepping-in to prevent her doing that as if I was the one in the wrong!
I get rid of my stuff first and gently encourage my family to declutter some of their things that they no longer use
@@oldunclemick Spot on. I had two partners exactly like that
I think the underrated problem with minimalism comes from assuming that you should just get rid of anything that you don't really like or immediately need, because you can easily replace it with the better things if needed. But sometimes we keep extra stuff, including mismatched storage jars or not-sparking-joy things, because we cannot afford to buy better ones whenever needed. So, sometimes having just exactly what you need and nothing more is a privilege too.
Not just the financial but the entire idea that you'd throw something away, then buy it again, is consumerism taken to the extreme. It's a complete waste not only of money but of the time spent obtaining the item, the natural resources consumed and pollution created by its production, and the space in landfill the old one now occupies. It's trashing the planet and far from being actually minimalist, it's extreme consumerism to be throwing things away then replacing them.
I have a small de-pitter tool that i used just for 2 years? not getting rid of it because it's so small it barely takes any space. I don't think i'll find it again if i ever need to remove pits from small fruits.
I think there's also something to be said about everything having to "match" and be "pretty". Like, what's wrong with having mismatched mugs and plates and bowls that don't all match? If they work cool, long as they're not cracked why bother getting rid of them? Not all the furniture has to be new, it can be worn down, frayed, and as long as it's comfortable who cares?
@@ladyterror4663 i've seen people mending/patching their couches/armchairs because their cats ruined them. i need bette skills for that, haha. My plates and mugs don't match, for most part. i even have a mug that lost its handle i'm keeping it because i like the shape and its design too much. i wanted to let it go, but i couldn't.
Even my bedsheets don't all match. i even have patchwork pillow cases i made myself. i like them so much, i can't let them go. and yes, i have more 'sets' of sheets than i have beds because i can't always do laundry or it doesn't get dry in time, etc.
@@ladyterror4663I agree and I would add that matching stuff is boring. I have mismatched dishes and cups and it's fun to pick out the one I'm in the mood for. On some primal level, we crave variety, different colors and shapes. And well worn is it's own esthetic. I have a kitchen counter that is seventy years old and I refuse to replace it. It has stains and dents and I absolutely love it.
You’ll love this story. My oldest daughter was getting ready for her high school grad party by going through all the old videos and photos we have. She was watching a video of when she was seven where she and I were in the video together. As she watch the video, I walked into the room and she burst into laughter. Because I was wearing the same outfit both in real life and on the video from eleven years before. The exact outfit.
I LOVEE THIS STORY 🌷
Still waiting for the kicker ⏳😑. If the clothes is in good shape, dated to whatever fashion trend there is and you still wear it , why is this funny? or why the "you'll love this story"....LAME
@@liu.uwhy are you so mad ? Wtf
@@melo-cotton7096 Me mad...lol I think the mad one is you...I am just chilling like a villain😎😂🤣😂🤣
You, sir, just walked into your very own dad joke. You've done us proud!
I used to write a gardening blog about ten years ago. I started getting annoyed because I found myself trying to stage pictures photogenically and fuss around a lot. One day I had my young daughter out with me while I was working and I realized I was paying more attention to making things look pretty for readers instead of enjoying time in my garden with my daughter. It was the last post I made. I see the mom influencers and wonder what life must really be like for that family. I enjoyed the video a lot, thanks!
Yes! This happened to me too! I was in a hike with my kids so focused on getting the “right” picture that I missed the intimacy and sweet was of this time with my kids. I deleted my Facebook and blog that day.
That's because you seemed to have lost track of what you were doing to begin with. You started a gardening blog to share your passion with others but it ended up with you trying to impress people. You should ask yourself why is it that you ended up doing that?.
@@veronicaalmeda8014 I think it’s easy to get caught up. That’s the culture of social media and influencers- everything is curated, fake. Also, humans are wired to seek connection and please others.
I don’t think it is so much about trying to impress other people, as much as the difference between the use of different mediums to tell stories and capture moments in time, and the intent of why you are doing what you are doing. The writing can be done after the fact, polished and perfected. Pictures and telling stories with pictures and visual displays are necessarily in the moment. A photographer is really apart from what is happening and is documenting other people doing things. It’s hard to be both the documenter and the doer. Unless you can have someone taking pictures of you while you are working you have to stage shots ahead of time and then edit later. I think it is also why there are so many families where there are almost no pictures of mom or dad with the family, they are the ones taking all of the pictures. There is a human tendency to make things look better for other people that you are inviting into your home or garden, like the difference between having your best friend come over or giving a tour to the botanical garden group. You are going to put forth your best impression. Especially if you are trying to monetize or make something your profession. I was seriously thinking about trying to be a garden writer, and the blog was more of a professional effort than just casually sharing my thoughts with others. I may pick it up again at some point but the realization for me was that how I was doing it in a was not how I wanted to do it so I stopped.
I was just thinking after I wrote this that my kid is a teenager now and there is no one in the garden with me now when I work. When you have small children is such an ephemeral time, and I think that is why the problem of trying to capture some moments but still be present for them is so hard to balance.
After decluttering, my house was so sterile and boring. I knew I didn't want to manage a lot of stuff, but also wanted my house to feel like mine again. I painted bold colors, put up bold curtains and beautiful things on the walls. Now I don't need any clutter to feel cozy and our families personality is back in our home. I also hate when every person's house looks the same or out of a magazine. When you are in our house, you know it belongs to us. You couldn't mistake it for anyone else's.
Awesome!!!
I wanted to cry when I saw the baby reaching for a colorless toy - that’s gross.😰
@@davisholman8149 Children need colors to stimulate their minds. Living in a barren white place is supposed to be bad for IQ and development.
Did the same thing. Decluttering was great and allowed me to focus on "We will do us and you do you". The decluttering part freed us from excess. Our home is beautifully decorated with things that make us relax. Photos from favorite places inexpensively made into canvases. A collection of family photos that don't stir up bittersweet memories decorates one area while children's art another. Gone though is the excess of too much clothing, kitchen tools, linens, lotions, potion, cleaning supplies, supplies for hobbies we are done with and all sorts of other things that made our current storage frustrating to use. We chose one holiday to go all out on and even downsized that and gave away the rest of the stuff except one favored item which goes on the dining table and is fondly known as the shrine to whatever holiday is being celebrated. Sterility is not the point of minimalism. Learning the blessings of the freedom of less is the point. I went minimal and built from there. Not everyone has that luxury, especially the poor who are already minimalist. Let's face it, upper middle income earners are the worst environmental offenders of all time and exhibit the worst in human behavior by buying whatever they want without thinking about how their willingness to spend higher dollars so they can have what they want when they want it affects ever income earner below them. We are higher income earners and try to be conscientious of not contributing to that societal negative behavior which creates the wide gaps between earners. We don't buy things at inflated prices just because we can. Every time a higher income earner does they train suppliers to inflate pricing and contribute to the pressures of supply and demand pricing for everyone.
@@AM-ou1wtThis is so true! 🎯
I definitely cannot be accused of being a minimalist, I love OWNING things. But there is one aspect of ownership that popped in my mind while watching this video. I grew up in Europe where we had an attic full of objects hoarded from the past. As a child I used to love to go up and sit in the bulky armchair that my great-grandmother was photographed in. I used to leaf through schoolbooks of my grandfather, caressing the needlepoint cushion my great-aunt made. I felt a warm connection to those long-gone people by touching the objects they touched. Right now I show my grandkids things that I still hang on to because they are left in my care by my parents. I think these emotional connections are healthy and important. What a pity that in some families the children are missing out on this experience because so much of their forbears' heirlooms were discarded in the name of Minimalism.
I'll get rid of as many things as possible
I don't think that is what is being talked about. Those things are special and meaningful. Decluttering is getting rid of clutter, not heirlooms.
I wholeheartedly agree!
I think there is a difference between getting rid of meaningless CLUTTER and actual items that are special and MEANINGFUL. I have my grandfathers chair, which is a WELL CRAFTED solid wood and leather chair. Even though I see it every day, I STILL think of him every time when I see it. I have my grandparents wall clock, and my great grandfathers hand made pipe collection (and stand). I have my grandmothers jewelry and jewelry box (and wear some of the items regularly and some on special occasions, like her pearls). I have some of her designer (as in luxury that I could never afford- or at least wouldnt spend thousands on a freaking purse- LOL) handbags that she used, are CLASSICS (so will never go out of style), and I USE. She took care of them, as do I. Keep the items that are SPECIAL and have MEANING. random coffee cups or trinkets picked up on beach vacation dollar stores, that don't really have any meaning behind them are just clutter. Keep those special items. The heirlooms. The ones you can pass down to the next generation. A random coffee cup isn't that item (and I'm using that example as my grandmother collected coffee cups. From ALLLLLLL her travels. While they were important to HER and SHE loved them..... and I could appreciate the fact she did but I most certainly did NOT need 237 (yes, I COUNTED) coffee cups. They were donated.
Kids can have other memories.
Dont get me wrong, is wonderful you had that attick. But no, no kid is growing wrong simply because they dont have some chair or clothes of their ancestors. They can grow just fine doing other things.
I grew up lower class and always found minimalism to be kind of bougie, and clutter to be kind of trashy. There were subtle signals I could pick up whenever I entered a home. We never threw things away in my house, because if you threw it out and needed it again down the road, you were SOL because there weren't funds to replace it. Fast forward to now, I ended up meeting and marrying someone who is a mild to moderate minimalist and it's been a journey for both of us to meet in the middle. My spouse has helped me to declutter quite a bit and get rid of things that are worn out, useless, or just strange to possess. On the flip side, I introduced art to our walls and warmed the house up with things like throw pillows and curated book nooks. Our biggest compromises in our house are two separate rooms apart from our bedroom that are basically "our" rooms. His room is scantily decorated with a desk for him to use when he needs to work from home. "My" room has music and concert posters on the walls, collectors items, tchotchkes, LPs, rare books, etc. It's not disorganized, just much more crammed than we would allow in shared spaces in the house. It is such a privilege for each of us to have our own spaces to do with as we please without input from the other. I guess the rest of the house is moderate "middle-malism".
I love how you worked and compromised until you found the right balance for you! Fantastic real life example of success. 👏
I love your word, "middlemalism".
This is exactly where "the man cave" thing came from. Most husbands let their wives do whatever they want with all sorts of BS guys would never go out and buy like dust ruffles so they need a space for them to be surrounded with their interests
I think if we stop placing so much importance on social media and “keeping up” a lot of these problems will cease to exist.
The social media minimalist seems like a contradiction. Your lifestyle is about letting go of materials, but you're personally invested in a system that's built on making people want things.
@@fre2725 BINGO, thank you
Without a doubt. All she is doing is regurgitating her life and her take on life....why? Not that interesting. Everyone has a life. Live your own...let this woman fulfill her need to be heard by herself. Boring...not much to watch.
lol
so true
My thoughts exactly. Seems like the problems she listed are issues that arise from seeking validation through social media. Do it because it's what's right for you, not for follower count or dopamine praises.
I absolutely refuse to get rid of sentimental things, chotkes, kids' drawings, things my family had that I now cherish, etc. I've been told "just take a picture" then you have the memory and can donate it. No! Taking a picture is not the same thing at all! The tactile feel of touching, smelling, holding, curling up in the item is worth more than gold to me. I am very glad I experimented with the picture thing before actually giving things up.
Thanks for saying this.
My kids are 25 and 21, and I still have all of their old and crafts projects.
@@sunshinerose685 My children are older, and I have many of their crafts and projects. These will go to them as they ask for them to complete what they already saved on their own.
No one can make you get rid of anything. It's not just about getting rid of stuff it's getting rid of what doesn't add value to your life. So your minimal is going to look different from someone else's. If it's something you really truly enjoy by all means, keep it. That thing that you're keeping that u don't actually use or want, get rid of that.
I agree .
The privilege part is so true! The fact that a person can get rid of alot of things and not be affected by it while others can’t afford to do that is something I always keep in mind.
My concern with the whole minimalist, letting go, decluttering is, as you get older, as your life becomes longer, and contains more memories, it becomes harder to conjure those memories, in the whole "let it live in your heart instead of your closet" way. In my 50s, there are treasures I lost over a lifetime of moves that I wish I still had. Pictures, trinkets, etc. Because when I'm 60, 70, 80, I may need those reminders more and more. Also, history is a thing. Passing memories down to future generations matters. Armchair genealogists can speak to the joy that will be sparked by uncovering or acquiring some fragile ephemera from generations long past. Minimalizing erases items like this.
This. I was decluttering a random bag of papers from my closet and an unopened greeting card fell out. It was addressed to me and my sister in the house my family lived in in...1994. It was from the caretaker of our former elementary school who corresponded with us for years after we left that school and moved to another state. A kinder sweeter man you can't imagine and I was beyond thrilled to have one more card from him. I opened it and it was like a little time capsule, bringing me back not only to 1994 but to the 80's when I went to the school where he worked. I shared this with my sister and it was special to both of us. Things like this, I have to say, make it really difficult for me to throw out cards and letters with personal significance. They are indeed precious to me and more so the older they are. But I can't store them all. I'm trying to find a balance and unfortunately I think that will never look like minimalism, but hopefully it will not look like hoarding either.
@@tavapaschos3136I recently went through things and filed my special cards, letters, childhood certificates that I cared about etc , in page protectors in big three ring binders so it’s almost like a photo album to look through when I want to have that. In the process, I found things that definitely did not spark joy, such as why on earth did I print off emails from when I was 15 and 16 and in a deep serious depressive episode that are all dark. Those left, but my journals-dating back to when I was 9-stayed. Sometimes it didn’t spark joy, but it is a testament to my survival as life has not always been easy going, I lost my three grandparents and mom in the space of just over 3 years, dealt with bipolar disorder episodes and anorexia from the age of 9, and have lived with an undiagnosed (to age 22) genetic disorder (from birth) that has definitely had a big impact on my life. My problem is that I am the ‘keeper of the family history’ so I probably have 3 sets of china dishes, boxes of photos to go through, and my mom’s wedding dress which I am very much ready to let go of but need to check with my sister…at this point if she still wants it saved, she can have it!
Yeah, I have a family history of dementia & am already very forgetful, and i think that's part of why i am a maximalist with a diary etc - i want to remember... also i love knowing my family history, so i imagine my children will as well. There's something special with wearing a piece of clothing my mom and grandmom wore before me!
Yes no-body seems to cover how items evoke memories and the use of that ... especially when memory is uncertain for some reason. Minimalists seem to say "chuck it out, you've still got your memories", but like you said memories fade over time and not everyones memory works the same. For me items evoke time and place much better than memories ... and because my ability to imagine is very vivid sometimes uncertainty whether I've imagined some details mystifies my memory. Items are great, and I worry about 20 and 30 somethings who will have regrets in the future that they jumped into the minimalism trend of 2010s.
Balance in all things is good
And advice-givers hold great responsibility.
🍋
@@sagajohansson8091dementia is linked to diabetes. You can read the diabetes code if you're interested. It's also linked to heavy metals in the brain. Don't get vaccines or flu shots. Don't take pharmaceuticals as much as is possible. Eat plenty of good fats... animal fats, grass fed butter. Not vegetable oils. Lower stress and get plenty of sleep. And eat meat! Lots of meat. People on the carnivore diet thrive. And thrive for decades and decades. People who eat vegan are sick within 6 years
To me, minimalism is simply trying to dodge the brain-rot of over consuming. Alot of those instagram minimalists are simply trying to sell you another thing to consume...beige paint and items from their own line of decor that they sell at Target. True minimalism (again, in my opinion) is being mindful of what you are doing with your money and having purpose for the stuff you own. Sometimes that purpose is simply to remind you of a time or a person and that's ok.
🎯
Very good point - "trying to sell you another thing to consume" - namely, their own (largely inconsequential) posts. Arguably, a true minimalist wouldn't show off on Instagram but just live their life (that fits their needs) and leave others alone.
In my grief of my life I have learned to use the phrase “move forward” instead of “ letting go” ❤️🥰
Great idea!
Love it! I will adopt it.
This is perfect... and just the mindset shift I need, I think... thank you so much!
Thank you for this comment. I REALLY needed to hear this…
How beautiful! Yes, there are many things that we should never “let go of”, even as we “move forward” with courage and hope!
You are the first minimalist to mention that our minimalism is other peoples poverty. Thank you x
I am a 60 year old man who, after "cleansed" things from my childhood and upbringing....my family's history about 5 ys ago, cries at least once a week about what I have done.
One of the biggest mistakes of my life!
You have your memories, and that is utmost! I barely have any items as such either, not from extreme decluttering, but over the years letting some things go, misplacing, and having had no access to those items due to distance.
I can understand this.. family history is very important to me as well.
Perhaps write down what you remember - it is likely the history attached to everything that is creating the emotion.
While we can't always bring back what we get rid of, we can capture our family history in a memoir that will continue on past ourselves.
@@DameGarbo Memories fade though, and can often be sparked by an item. The smell of the paper, the weight of the ring, etc.
@@cloudswinger2000 If a remorseful purge occurred, just offering some hope that not all is necessarily lost. But yes, I agree very much with your point.
I did this with mine and my husband’s vinyl records 25 years ago, we had just moved and had young children, CDs were only been made and we were short on space, so I threw out the turntable cassette tower and all our records, how I regret it now, whereas my father who is 79 has most of his records from the fifties up to the 90s when he stopped buying them, I’m so envious of his sense!
Seeing beige playrooms makes me literally feel sad. Let's normalize, normal houses for sure! I have found dealing with the grief of decluttering has helped me lose weight. Dealing with the emotions has been difficult but it's amazing for me, someone who struggles with weight. I usually turn to food for comfort, but since decluttering, I have sat with my emotions and I seriously feel more free because of it.
Beige is the very worst color. Why are people trying to make the smalls live the baby version of a crappy development? Do they even like kids? Because newsflash, kids like color and objects and stimuli.
Children need colors for their development. Only toys in beige and wood colors are weird and harmful.
@@sallyhawkridge3013 On the other hand, I think all the crazy bright colored toys with bells and whistles are overstimulating for kids
I'm 78 years old, and I will never be a minimalist. But I have gained a new perspective on my possessions and have cleared out so much stuff, thanks to you and several other organizing UA-cam people. I had a great childhood, in spite of not having a lot of money. I have a number of keepsakes from my parents, but most are where I see and enjoy them daily. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and methods with others.
I am 66 and I have been struggling to get rid of stuff. After watching this video and reading your comment I have decided I don't WANT to be a minimalist. I like some of my stuff a lot. And I'm keeping some of it. I just don't want to leave a lot of my crap for my daughter to have to deal with. It's a work in progress but I'm making a few people happy by giving them things they need, ie King size sheets😁. Thank you!
Me too! May I suggest you take photos of items before you let them go. I passed on a lot to others, took photos, and was worried sick I would feel a sense of loss. NOPE! I was so surprised to discover that this is a myth. Every once in a while, I have loss pangs, pull out a photo, and recall. It works. It has been a wonderful, sometimes difficult journey, but each regifting my decision and I can smile.
go girl!!
I'm eighty one year old woman I enjoy my bits and bobs I like books and ornaments and toys however I like tidy and keep all my things on shelves and pretty boxes I like the good memories one of my adult son's however is a hoarder his bedroom is awful I get furious with him but he won't change when our tenancy manager comes I make him tidy up and chuck some of his junk out haha
Very good food for thought. Thank you.
I was thinking this EXACT thing the other day when I saw a re-run of Rachel Ray. She was featuring a person who's entire aesthetic were rainbow colors. The episode showed her giving a tour and EVERYTHING in her huge two-story mansion had this rainbow colored theme. Only one place was different - the bathroom. It was entirely 'gray' - she had intentionally set that color theme up because she considered the bathroom her 'thinking' area. At first, I thought it was just her living in that home and was like, 'wow that's so cool!'. But then she toured her baby's room and briefly mentioned her husband. I came away feeling kinda disgusted after her home tour.
This ENTIRE HOME revolved around HER aesthetic - HER decisions. Both her child AND her husband's personal items had to revolve around HER rainbow theme obsession. It didn't feel like a family home where everyone had an equal say on what went on in it. It felt like the home of a narcissist more in tuned with HER values/thoughts/decisions than anyone else's. I feel really bad for that husband who is likely thankful his wife got so many followers and is making a lotta money, but at the same time, feels he has no input on what goes on in the house they're living in.
It was super easy for me to become a minimalist. Getting hit by two category 5 hurricanes kind of puts things into perspective.
They take EVERYTHING away.
There's always the Hall Monitor personalities that want to enforce "rules" on other people. These are the people that want to be on the Home Owners Association of your neighborhood.
SO TRUE
😂
Does your AHA know you've posted this comment? Lol
Move to Australia. We dont do 'home owners association' as$Holes in the suburbs.
@@stealthwarrior5768 I don't personally have an HOA either. I refuse to buy a house in a neighborhood that has one.
This needs to be talked about more. Sometimes I get fixated on having a “perfect” home and my husband keeps me grounded. Minimalism is a tool & should be treated as such🖤
I’m glad you and your husband are balancing each other. ❤️🩹
Same here. I was having an issue with some dishes that I thought “had” to be decluttered that it was taking over way too much brain space. After a few weeks of being uncertain what to do and mentioning it to my husband, he said “oh, you’re still worried about that?” (Not in a mean way🙂) But it just made me realize that if something is causing that much distress, it isn’t worth it. I didn’t declutter them, moved on to other items, and haven’t thought about them for awhile now. Perhaps one day they will go. Perhaps not. But overall, I am more at peace and know that he’s not judging me as to whether or not I’m decluttering enough.
The perfect home is where you AND your family are happy. It isn't about not owning stuff, or having everything perfectly in place, or having thing be beige/white/gray. This is just another way social media is so very unhealthy to everyone.
@@gusmonster59 let it be the desicion of everybody individual how he feels in which way!
A "perfect" home is a home that feels right to you and your family, it is not a social media image or lifestyle
When considering trying out minimalism (the extreme kind, where one chooses a number of things to own), I read someone's experience described as "fewer things can set you free, but in the process I became enslaved by counting how many things I have..." #trueStory
I am 68 years old. I live in a large home which I love, and in which I raised 2 amazing sons. Other than having repainted rooms, updated appliances, new mattresses, etc., boxed some books and clothing and moved them into the basement, and turning the 4th bedroom to a nursery for my grandchildren when they visit, majority of the furniture, etc. are the same as when I moved into this house 40 years ago. When my sons and families 'come home' as they call it, they seem to love it. They still refer to rooms as 'my room' and 'my brother's room', and talk about how they used to feel about certain items of furniture or a vase, etc. when they were young. They talk about changes in their perspective. This house and what is in it is a HOME to them and to their families and to me. If we use things, we can keep them...and pass them on. I always ask my daughters in law and sons to take with them if they see something they like from 'home'. Each home and item is a reminder of laughters, joy, sadness, and tears. But by living in a home and with items of the past we heal, we reconcile, we let go, or we embrace. That is my experience.
The thing I regret decluttering was my wardrobe and jewelry to make a capsule wardrobe. I thought that I wanted a perfectly curated and aesthetically pleasing wardrobe. What I really wanted were outfits with personal meaning made up of pieces I love. My wardrobe didn't need a makeover, just a little tweaking.
That's my biggest fear.
I’m so sorry you had to learn that the hard way. 😞 I like cozy and meaningful pieces too. I believe that most of the time our perfect wardrobe is there, it’s just hidden under a bunch of fantasy self items and crap we don’t need. ❤️
many minimalists have issues with people owning to much clothing... to the point they peer preassure to declutter it, and also gatekeep the fact that some outfits (like gowns) can hold a lot of emotional value, and maybe 5-10 years later you wear it again. sorry you had to go through that.
Oh yes. Did a major declutter twice. Once, because I wanted a more curated wardrobe, once because I moved cross country. There are so many items I regret having gotten rid off 😆.
It seems that my style goes in circles...and I often come back to liking something, I wanted to put away a year or three earlier. It sucks. But luckily buying and selling second hand is so much easier nowadays, then it was ten or 15 years ago. So it doesn't break the bank, to rectify these mistakes.
Me too! 😔
This is why I like Marie Kondo's books, she reinforces that it's all about YOU and what sparks joy for YOU, not comparing to someone else's ideas of what your house (and life) should look like.
What I don't like about her method is that people get confused and get rid of too much. We have thousands of things in our homes that don't spark joy but we need them anyways.
@poodlegirl55 well according to her method. You can always just replace something after it's been chucked. I mean, she's not wrong but I find it a bit simplistic and a touch deceptive. You are meant to start on items that are theoretically easily replaceable (clothes) first but oh well. I still have a hard time getting rid of things, but it's not supposed to be about that. It's about finding a reason (a good one) to keep things. Of course if someone has a hoarding problem or something that's not much help either....
@@poodlegirl55 that's right! She says usefulness is a kind of joy. It brings you joy to be able to open a can of beans when you want to. 😊
But the point she read about sparking other important emotions is important. Comfort, belonging, remembrances are not always equal to joy, but are essential for mental health.
@@itoshiibaka8267 I see the corruption of the KonMari principle of Joy has already set in, and soon everything can be joy and would you know; the principle is meaningless.
Ugh, the gatekeeping!!! I LOVED it when minimalism became "a thing," and it led me to declutter my own life. My mother and I actually decluttered our homes together, and it was wonderful having a buddy because we could share ideas, and also encourage each other and applaud each other's successes. But then social media influencers got hold of minimalism and made it look like something only rich people could afford to do. You are so right, you can be minimalist and still have color in your life, wear old clothes, and set your glass on the table. It really is one of those ideas that looks different in every person's life. If the things you keep are the things you use, need, and love, you're doing it right no matter what anybody else says!
I love my stuff, I enjoy the look and feel of a comfy clutter.
It's friendly and homey.
The minimalism trend is irritating and to many, terrorising, (i. e. how can anyone rationalize getting rid of a lovely old photo album - yet I've heard people try) and makes everywhere look like a hotel room.
I'll try to get rid of my photo albums. Thanks
Agreed… each to their own, and go with a flow that brings you joy in your own space!
I quite like having my stuff around me as well.
I'm not trying to make my home look like a hotel room, I just like only having things I really care about.
YES! Decluttering is freedom as long as it doesn't become obsessive. One influencer I Iove has one plate, cup, glass and set of utensils for each family member. No friends or family ever drops by? Do they fight over who gets to use the fork?
That IS minimal. We have up to 20 family members here for get-togethers and we have enough plates for them all. ✌️😂
One set of silverware? It seems like trying to make that work would create a lot of stress and not make your life better at all. Thats like having 1 towel for everybody. Just crazy!
I’m a minimalist but I really love bright colors and color blocking and lots of texture in a room. I feel like I’m in a sci-if movie in those beige white spaces, and I can’t get comfortable there without worrying I’m going to scuff something.
Same. My dream home is a gingerbread house in bright colors with just a few things in it, all in cubbies and baskets, all bright and some usable antiques and nothing on the walls but landscape murals.
At the end of the day, it's all about taste... Forget trends/fashion or what your friends think. It's your space that you live in, so do as you please... Now when it comes to sharing your space with another..... Having spent most of my life in long term r'ships, I've decided that now I've finally got my space as I want it, it would have to be separate homes for future partners... They might be like me too, needing their own creative space... Compromise is hard!
Yes! I agree!
Yes, I can't even stand cafes with white walls and bright lights. My walls are beige (I'm renting), but I have different colored curtains in every room, rugs, and several artist paintings (reproductions). Funny enough, two of the paintings are of a living room with two large chairs, a small table with books on it - and the rest of the room in the background. Hilarious!
The original minimalist movement in the sixties was about colour the all white/grey thing is actually a modern trend!
I am a natural minimalist. When I was a little girl I went to visit a convent and, even though I am neither a religious nor spiritual person, the minimalist approach to life - a bed, a table, a chair, access to basic hygiene needs and food - totally appealed to me. I also realised at a very young age that I would never want to be forced to have to stay in a job I dislike just because my lifestyle forced me to earn a lot of money. So I naturally built up a minimalist life style decades before it became a trend. That also means I am quite relaxed about it - I really don't care what others think.
I love my very uncluttered, minimalist bedroom, bathroom and kitchen. My living room is also pretty minimalistic, but I have this wall of books which I love dearly. Having a degree in literature, these books are a part of my life, and I would never part with them. I also put photos of my friends and family on the bookshelf as well as colourful canvas paintings on the wall, and I love it. I don't care whether it's minimalist or not. Lighting is very important to me: lights have to be warm and give beauty to a home. I also own some antique furniture, which gives my home a very personal touch. I live in a small one bedroom apartment, which is just the right size for me. After changing jobs I am now working in a different area, which allowed me to sell my car - I walk almost everywhere, and if I can't walk, I take public transport. I am over 60 now and that keeps me fit. I just love the feeling when I am able to get rid of something that doesn't serve me anymore.
Working in a renowned museum, I am surrounded by so many beautiful things. I occasionally get tempted to buy something from our gift shop, but I always sleep about it and then I realise that, while I appreciate the beauty of things, I don't need to own them. Instead I use my money to visit my friends and family, who all live far away, collecting lots of memories instead of things.
I think a lot of people tend to forget a really important part of Marie Kondo's aesthetic: you keep things that bring your joy. If an old, sentimental items bring you joy every time you look at it or touch it, you keep it. Minimalism is not about trying to get rip of as many things as you own and it is not a competition on who can keep the less, is about keeping what is essential to you, and everyone needs is different.
Tbh, i dont think you need to be a minimalist to do the konmari method; the focus is how to organize it in an useful/practical manner
You can have loads of stuff and still be organized
You know I think all people are so different. Some of these minimalism influencers all seem to get rid of their dead great grandmothers China or their beloved granny’s doilies. I would rather get rid of everything else so that I can keep those things that feel special to me. Different people value different things. So you just have to remember that it’s okay to value different things.
I have several of my grandma’s doilies and one is displayed on my bookshelf, along with a jewelry box from my grandpa, a vase from my other grandmother, and stuff from other lost family. It’s all about keeping the stuff that REALLY matters to you. ❤️🩹
Agreed. I have a 60 year old pot given to me by my MIL. It was a wedding gift that she never used and passed it on to me. I decluttered all my new pots and kept just the one pot from MIL. Every time we make a soup, I feel like she's with us 💕
Love this so much!!
@@AtoZenLife I have a beautiful doilie it pot holder, I’m not sure the intended function, made by a great grandmother. I have moved it around my house so many times thru the years but always worried about something happening to it. I finally decided to just use it as a mat so to speak inside my wardrobe cabinet. I’m now the only person who will ever see it, but it just brings me so much joy every time I see it.
Exactly right! I found some old tintypes of relatives I don’t remember, and thought about getting rid of them somehow, but thought, “Really, I could get rid of a book I don’t read anymore (that someone else will enjoy) and it would be ten times the mass of this little stack of photos, and I would rather do that.”
Another extreme I have seen is when people throw out things they need to re-buy again down the track. Also having a second spatula or dressing gown is great for when the first one wears out. My opinion is to only throw out things you will never use, not ones that you will have to replace at a later date. That is a great way to save money!!
To me it depends. I realized that at 68, I'm still saving an enormous amount of stuff "for the future," but how long am I honestly going to be around, and spry? I have stuff that I was saving for use 30 years down the road, but even if I'm still alive, the chances are that I'm not going to be using that stuff. In any case, keeping one extra spatula usually isn't an issue. Even if it is, you have to weigh in the balance if the spatulas, etc., are taking up more space than they're worth. Unless you have a large house, every square inch is valuable real estate. Is that item worth the space it takes up, and is it worth the aggravation you feel when you have to plow through the piles in order to find something that you actually need? And if you keep it for someday, will you remember where it is? Will you be able to find it when you want it?
When something really works well for me I too also buy multiples & put them away. I rarely regret doing so and eventually everything gets used. My logic is that in the future the goods available for purchase will become more and more expensive and the quality will go down. My husband and I bought quality items when we first got married & I'm so glad we did, because if we tried to buy those same items right now they would be much more expensive and of inferior/ worse quality.
Honestly, this was the most human and considerate take in minimalism I've ever seen. I love that you addressed the privilege thoughtfully and offered such compassionate advice.
I started my decluttering journey 2 weeks ago and have been going through everything quickly and efficiently until today! I stumbled across the “sentimental items” that I had no idea had any type of leverage on me. They were cards that my father would send me while he served his 10 yr sentence. It was emotional and suddenly became overwhelmed and realized I needed to take a break. Shortly after I watched this video and it was just what I needed. Thank you!
I remember throwing away my half finished PHD dissertation that never happend. 😢 All those hours of reaserch. There were tears, there was heartbreak. And it gave me so much self loathe… I think sometimes we need to hold on to things until we are truly ready to let them go.
I threw away a large binder full of AP History notes I took in High School...like *really* good, detailed notes that took me many, many hours to write over more than a year...teacher was so proud. I was annoyed by this binder while moving (I had a lot of stuff, or felt like I did) trying to carry it around and find places to put it...so I tossed it and just decided I didn't need it. Now I regret it just because I remember how many hours of my life and soul i put into studying history then. I definitely wish I hadn't thrown away everything that I did, but at the same time I was really overwhelmed with moving, short on time...if I hadn't gone through my purge, I would still be overwhelmed by my stuff today. So in that sense, my purge fulfilled its purpose and it worked, I suppose I shouldn't feel guilty. I just wish I hadn't thrown away so much hard work. There was one other item I threw away that actually was extremely important and sentimental, but I couldn't remember what it was at the time (a drawing, of sorts)...later I remembered why I had kept it since childhood, and throwing it away is now one of my actual biggest regrets. I was in such a frenzy to hurry up and purge everything that I just wasn't even thinking straight, and now I wish I had just felt ok with having "stuff" and I wish I knew better what my options were at the time - maybe hiring movers or packers, asking for help from friends or family, therapy, giving myself more time, working/school less - rather than just defaulting to minimalism as an act of desperation to get organized. People really should wait until they're in a healthy state of mind to purge through their belongings, and as you said, feel ok about holding onto things until we are truly ready to let them go
OMG never😳
Why would you get rid of that?? Is something that's not perfect not worth appreciating?? As an artist, I thoroughly appreciate a work in progress. That's so sad to throw away a part of yourself, even if it wasn't 100% complete. You should be proud of your work, even if it's not done.
@@kirstensignar1166 those hours spent writing those notes were not for the notes themselves, but for learning what you were writing... If you still had those notes, you would probably have never taken them out of the box...
We can make mistakes in our journey, but in the end the most important way to avoid having too much stuff is to avoid buying things you don't need, rather than throwing away old things, so you don't have to choose what to keep and what to throw later
I have a lot of college papers in a drawer set, I need the space, I have scanned one folder, always scan or photograph always good to have a digital copy if time comes again to use it
As a proud maximalist, who shops mostly secondhand and declutters regularly, this is the BEST minimalism video I’ve seen! I appreciate tips that can help all of us, without the judgement of one way being the right way. People love coming to my home. They report feeling healing just from being in my comfy space. I love bringing in new finds, adding to the vibes, I’ve just gotta make sure an equal amount (or more) goes back out.
Ooo..let's see YOUR podcast!!
@@travelchannel304 ha! I do put out content, mostly on fb, but not around maximalism or decor.
Yes. I have the same mindset.
The fun thing is minimalists makes being a secondhand maximalist easier. Live and let live. After all, finding your personal functioning and feeling best lifestyle should be the goal, right? I like minimal rooms for calmness and one very full library for creativity.
❤
It's like when I decorate my mantle for Christmas. When my son comes over he will intentionally set his beer can on the mantle. It used to bug me and I would move it away, but now I realize its just to let me know he feels at home so I just chuckle to myself and never say a thing! Its all about him coming home for Christmas, not how the house looks.
When I was a teenager, my best friend lived in a minimalist household. She was only allowed a record player, a few records, a magazine or two that had to be discarded when she was finished reading them, and her few clothes. I always felt depressed when I visited at her house. It was not a loving environment.
While I totally understand it, and love the concept, I actually have trouble implementing the Marie Kondo mentality. My ratty old bath towels and non-matching spare sheet sets definitely don't spark joy but they are definitely appreciated when my kids have a stomach bug.
It’s very practical to have such things!
I’ve never seen her advise to get rid of useful things though. She has said tools might not be joyful, but they are necessities, and maybe replace them with ones that you like the looks and utility of.
Soft old bath towels 💖would spark joy for me if I was a sick kid for sure!!!
Thanks for speaking up. The aesthetic obsession has gotten out of hand, and I like having a clean, orderly space, yet I’m extremely sentimental. I like my collections, my tchotchkes, my family photos. And I love color! Not everything has to be beige, people! I also appreciate that you brought up how keeping items longer is environmentally conscious. A lot of people (young girls especially) have made UA-cam careers out of clearing out their closets, only to fill them again with cheap, trendy clothing. Let’s all stop this wasteful cycle!
not just young girls. The "clean with me" group is doing the same thing. Clean it out, but then go buy more. It is crazy. The "staging" also applies to that group. They "create" messes, do not pick up, or clean, for a week to make a great video for views. It is getting crazy.
@@miminana-hd6nf exactly. All for likes and followers to get sponsored by companies encouraging us to keep buying, keep filling our spaces with more stuff to ‘declutter’. It’s gotta stop!
I agree with your thoughts. Most members of any family will have their own personal collections they like to display and those things make a house a home. Sometimes it's tricky to aesthetically combine styles but it is doable. Where it becomes not doable is if one person insists on their aesthetic. My husbands, children's and even my own passions are incorporated in our home decor and we limit the amount to keep everything uncluttered and visually appealing. When we live alone it is easy to accomplish a home that feels like ourselves but it is a bit trickier to include family. I knew a woman who displayed photos of her own parents and extended family on her walls but excluded her husbands side even though they all got along well. Her husband noticed and though he wanted family photos of his parents and a few cousins to be included he said nothing about that desire for many years so she was surprised when he brought it up. She assumed their home environment was not important to him because he wasn't as tidy as her and so she focused on what she wanted and he didn't interfere since she obsessed over the look she wanted and he didn't want to upset her. He printed out and framed some of the photos he wanted and asked where he could hang them amongst the others and she said he could put them on a self in the basement. He insisted on counseling or ending the marriage, feeling that he was discounted as a person with his own feelings and thoughts. He was correct. They worked through this reality and came out stronger with her admitting she was very self centered but basically a loving person who could be more inclusive when she focused on awareness over behaving that way. Color, variety, your loved one's things that might drive you batty, all those make a house a home for those who enjoy a lived in, personality infused home.
I read your comment and smiled! You have no idea how much your words resonated in my heart! Yes! I love color, I'm sentimental! for me, even the dishes in the kitchen, each cup should have a history (well, or almost). Thank you for your comment!
I love the colour beige in an abstract sense, but I don't think almost ANYTHING in a home should be that colour except for natural textiles that are beige to begin with, and maybe a few ceramic pieces. Beyond that, beige home stuff tends to just be depressing and artificial-feeling.
The shirt I wore today is a rayon Hawaiian shirt that I bought 20+ years ago. I have another one just like it in a different color that I bought at the same time. I hope to still be wearing them 20 years from now.
This is why i want to be an essentialist... Books, bold colors, sentimental items and stuff for fun are all necessary for my self care and mental health. Better Help rocks!
Can’t we just live our lives, not worry about an aesthetic, and ignore rando influencers? Life is too darned short.
Maybe people should learn to actually fully experience the moment not live it through their digital movie footage
aman
The amount of people that end up having to spend months on a home of a relative that died is why I declutter. Nah... 2 days tops! Not totally there, yet, they'd probably spend a week or two if they wanna talk as they go through stuff lol. But, not 5 months to a dang year!
Minimalism can be reduced to an aesthetic, but in its truth there's value in how it interrogates, for example, the average American's relationship with stuff and consumption. I'd argue a serious inquiry into minimalism helps! people live their life by given them tools against predatory capitalism that attempts to estrange people from themselves for a quarterly report.
Hello Marissa, my oldest piece of clothing is over 40 years old... and when I wear it, I still get compliments. Everyone should look at themselves rather than others, as they say in Germany: What one person's owl is another's nightingale. And as long as you were satisfied with your shoes and didn't find any other perfect for you that's ok. No matter what others think. Greetings from cologne
I love that saying! Waving from Berlin 👋
My dresess are a few years old ( the oldest is like 7), and i buy most of my clottes second hand or what we call "ropa americana". Underwear and work jakets i buy new. But all else i buy second hand
@Andy I follow Carla Rockmore on UA-cam and she has this huge closet. She pulls out unique designs from decades ago. Of course it’s fine to donate them or toss worn out items but certain special items often come back in style or are timeless. She’s also funny
My closet is full of old , classic clothes , many of which I made and still enjoy wearing. Some need to be altered, or the fabric repurposed, which is a fun thing for me. Much better than jumping on the fast fashion bandwagon, in my opinion.
Thank you also for speaking about taking time to go through mementos!! I now have the time to tackle these things from my mother and my sister. They both have passed on & these things that bring memories back are important to me, & I do not want to have regrets by just tossing things willynilly. Yes, I often cry, but I also smile & laugh at times. It seems the more I look at these things, the more I learn about myself, my family, and what is important.
Im getting so curious about what that piece of clothing is! Would you like to share it?💕
I'm 24 and I am currently working on decluttering/making my first apartment feel like home and some things I could never get rid of are my plushies 😂
I don't care how much they "ruin my aesthetic", I'm just too sentimental to donate them.
That’s sweet! My kids are also passionate about their stuffies 😂
I love having plush animals around. Right behind me, on top of the couch backrest I have one large shark from IKEA, a fluffy orange-yellow fish and 7 penguins. I just like them, they're cute and fluffy. In the bedroom I have a little baby Cthulhu monster, a pink dragon, a red T-rex, and red bat that I sewed in 7th grade. I have others too, but they're currently in a box in the storage. I say, never get rid of things that you love, gifts from loved ones, and things that are "you" or that need and use.
Enjoy those plushies to the max. I’m sure they are cute and fun!
Part of what makes a space comforting for yourself and others are those items that show your truth. It's emotion matching. I think most people would be put off by a sterile house without a semblance of "self" because it's not normal. Plus it's anxiety-inducing worrying about spilling or knocking something over.
@@MusicSkeletonKeysI could never go for minimalism. I like organizing and keeping important things. Clean and neat and organized along with my things.
I have used youtube and instagram to help me organize my home over the past few years and I am glad that you brought up the matching containers as I find these are the opposite of minimalism in many of the organizers that I follow - they'll have loads of eggs (for example), all neatly organized in a pantry or fridge, but there are way too many for people to actually eat before they go off, but it's somehow classed as being minimalist, tidy, organized, etc... Or they'll have lots of organizing boxes for stationary, crafts and other things. They seem to tell people that they need to spend less on stuff, have less things in the home, but get all these expensive organizers because they look nice. If saving money was the real goal of minimalism and having an organized home, what is the point of buying all these containers when you could just use what you have.
I agree. What about just leaving things in their original container? Taking things out of the original container and putting into another one doubles the containers. More plastic, more packaging. Sounds like the opposite of minimalism to me.
I’m an Interior Designer but have a colorful chain link construction paper project my 6yr old and I created together hanging above our living room. It’s definitely not “THE aesthetic” but it’s totally THE VIBE because every time I see it, it makes me so happy! It’s been up for months now but have no plan on taking it down anytime soon. 😂
Hell yes :) My children's artwork takes up a wall of my home and am A-OK with it. I love that wall 😊
I had construction and crepe paper fish hanging from my bedroom ceiling for the longest time. My son's artwork. The heating vent air would catch them and make them look like they were swimming in the air.
your a loving mother!
A room in a home that is 100% designed, looks like something from an expensive hotel, and even some hotels manage to be cosier than that. 🙂
My husband and I celebrated Our daughter's first birthday in a new rental home before we had the chance to decorate. I made a banner with photos of her from newborn - 12 months on some faux gem string.. it was quite long with twelve 4x6 photos & a few inches of space in between each. I hung it over the couch & he hung those paper circle decorations from the ceiling. A month later, we learned the cancer had spread to his brain. He had a softball size tumor removed, with 2 remaining inside. 7 months later, he passed away in his hospital bed, in Our living room.. directly under that Birthday banner. I sat by his side and stared at one of my favorite photos of him & her I included in the banner the week he lay unconscious. After he passed, I couldn't bear to take it down.. it stayed for 2 years. I finally took it down a few months ago.. as I was afraid my daughter may mess it up by curiosity. I didn't know at the time I rushed to make the banner with the guests due to arrive any minute, having to take the pictures off and redo them bc I put them on from 12 months to newborn lol that it would become not only a 3 year above the couch decoration piece.. but something as sentimental as I'll ever have. For joy or pain.. the things we accumulate sometimes isn't just stuff.. but a small physical piece of Our heart.
Yes, letting go is the hardest thing ever! I come from a family of hoarders myself included. My baby brother passed at age 53 and he was the biggest collector of all of us! Plus we still are going thru mom and dad's place. In the past 7 years my mom passed,yes we have to let go of people as well. Then a little over three years ago my baby bro who was my lifeline person died suddenly. Covid came shortly after. I went round the bend. Then we had three houses to deal with, one had to be sold. It was probably my favorite, my grandma's house which was in our family 80 years. It was still full of my "stuff" from when I had lived there before my mom passed. Last summer I had to go thru the memories stored there, then we sold the house to a flipper who of course tore out all of the lovely architectural features that made it special. I am now going thru and dealing with my own home, the house I inherited from my brother where I have lived since 2016. This house is next door to my parents old home (which is empty and still owned by my sis) Talk about nightmares! It is interesting that I had similar ones about my parents house. It is so hard. Change is hard. I will be 70 next month so my memories and collection of stuff is even older and the collection at mom's? How about grandpa's coal bucket? Or beautiful glassware over 100 years old and we don't even know which side of the family, what great grandma owned it. We are getting there. And yes, I have been in therapy almost three years. Anyone who takes the time to read this, thank you.
Thanks for sharing :)
I will have your problem in the furure. My grandparents own 2 homes, my other grandma 1. And they all collect things. Not unorganised or dirty. But all houses are full (to the point that my grandma still has some of her own grandmas clothing). And let's just say my parents house is full as well. And my heart breaks every time i have to give things away or throw something. But where will i store it? I wish i vould just turn it into a museum. It hurts the heart.
@@Annika9517 You can sell them to a museum or give them to a place that is decorated with antiques. We did that.
Never sell to a flipper. They destroy houses. They are history killers. It would have been worth taking a cut to sell to someone who wanted to keep the house as is.
My mother has a quilt that was made by hand at the beginning of the 1900s by my great grandmother. She offered it to me last week and I declined it because I want to simplify my home. It was nice to look at but I don’t need to own it.
I think the message here is: do what you want, not what others think you should do, not even what you think you should do. Take your time to decide what YOU want. And then live your life the way you want. And I know this is way too simplified and sounds like toxic positivity because it's not easy to always do what you want but you can try to see what you do because of others that is not neccessary and not good for you. Try to care for yourself. ❤
I am a minimalist who married a hoarder and we are both from poorer families who responded in different away to lacking in physical items. I have to respect each item he says has sentimental value so much as we sort into a mentally safe amount of items for both of us.
I really appreciated hearing your thoughts!
And how do you get along? I'm in similar situation, my bf is hoarder (and he's messy af too) and I'm minimalist tending to be quite obsessive about cleaning/organizing/decluttering.. we don't live together still, I can't imagine how that would be, because eg our vacation looks like half of the tiny room is a dumpster (his side) and other half is almost empty (mine)... I have no idea how to make some sort of agreement about it, specially he doesn't care about his mess and I on the other hand, can't stand the clutter or dirt, because it's causing a huge stress on me... :/
It snows where I live, so our bright yellow snow shovel has been resting against the living room wall in a boot tray for 4 months in order to clear our front steps for our elderly dog. I'm starting to think of it as an art piece lol.
I know it is super uncool at the moment, but I LIKE my clutter. I like the weird stuff I have and that my house is kind of too full. It always feels like I can find treasures that I might have forgotten about in my house and I like it that way. I like having boxes of old letters and old trinkets.
Me too.
You’re NORMAL & well adjusted🧚🏻♀️
For me, a cold, empty look to a house or a home is something that is more of an anxiety causing thing. Homes have personality: childhood drawings, comfort objects, cutlery or jewels inherited from a great grandmother, beautiful porcelain and things inherited from father to son, mother to daughter. I noticed that living in a new, white appartment actually made me messier than before.
A home has a history, a personality. My family still owns a few antiquities, simply because in some cultures, necessities for life are passed down both for both sentimental and practical reasons.
I relate to reusing old jars, etc for things instead of “cute containers with labels”. Heck no. I don’t need that guilt.
Love the lunch box 😂
I’m 61 years old, no children at home but I have a large book case full of children’s books. They are going nowhere. I have 20 grandchildren 5 greats and they all love reading the books on grandmas bookcase. I may not really love looking at them every day but when my grandkids are over to see them reading just gives me such joy.
wow! you are blessed to have so many grandchildren!
Plus you are encouraging them read! Good for you. This Nonny is doing the same.
You could get a bookcase with doors if you don't want to look at them everyday :)
@@spiicyliime22 yep my husband is on that. He is taking our old TV cabinet and building one.
But that isn't what minimalism is all about. Of course, you should keep them. But let's say you had five books someone gave you on advanced trigonometry, and you don't know it and have never had a need for using it, then it would be time to perhaps regift.
Be careful not to force/guilt children into minimalism. I was told that I needed to be a "big girl" and that "big girls" do xyz. "Big girls don't talk like that." "Big girls don't play with barbies." I ended up throwing away almost all my toys at a very young age and it still didn't make me a "big girl" like I thought it would. Turns out, I am just a starry eyed, infp, who keeps her head in the clouds, rarely comes down to earth. Now that I plan on having my own children within the next year or so, I wish I would have held onto some of my old toys to pass on to my own children. I wish I had my princess books to read to them and stuffed animals for them to cuddle. Funnily enough, these words of guilt came from my grandmother, whose house is literally overflowing. Anyway, just be careful what you say to kids about getting rid of things.
I have a few stuffies, maybe a princess book(?) and some extra barbies i could give to you. I wish I new a way to do this. I saved a lot of my kids things (for the future grandma years) and now I realize I saved too much. ❤😊
@@akontilis1792 Lol! You're adorable! Yeah, idk how I would do minimalism as a mom. Probs best to just buy hardly anything because once they're all adorable with the toys, it would be harder to let them go and lose all those memories.
It was the opposite for me. I wanted to get rid of things and would guilted into keeping it because “that was a gift from so n so two years ago” or “we bought that together”. Well into my adulthood this went on until I finally said I have to get rid of some things and you aren’t going to make me feel bad about it.
@Ben Fitzsimmons Weird! It's crazy how the opposite happened but the common denominator is still guilt. Glad you were able to get out of that trap. The moral of the story is DON'T GUILT YOUR KIDS OUT!
My granddaughter, then aged 5, was forced, bribed, made feel guilty, whatever - by my son's then girlfriend, for having toys that children in the Philippines don't have so was coerced into 'donating' every single toy that she had all but one. She gave that one toy to me to keep. I asked her a few years later did she want it back and she was so excited but wasn't allowed to have it back so I still have it. This woman, obviously psychologically disturbed, ruined my granddaughter's life. Now 14, she is an emotional wreck riddled with guilt and finding it very hard to know who she is. But I will keep her toy until she is able to keep it herself. Keeping things that have special meaning or may bless other's lives at some future time is normal - we have a right to treasure things that mean something to us.
Thank you for this. Just last week I allowed myself to use my mother's old pillowcases she left me. For 2 days the old house smell was so evocative, it wouldnt let me sleep but little by little it wore off and became my pillowcase. And she was someone who kept the most random sentimental items, it was really doing a number on my head to actually USE THEM. My Mom once framed an old piece of wallpaper so she could remember it. She had a cutting of her mother's hair.
I grew up in a hoarder house and one day when I was 14 I realized I don't want to live like this anymore I started decluttering I got hate, I got in trouble because I didn’t clean my families mess, I got laughed out and called a liar when I said "my room is the cleanest in the house", but I knew it was good for me and I was going to declutter anyways I'm 19 now and minimalism saved my life I haven't moved out yet I don't know how extreme I'll be but when I get a home I'm going to be careful with what I bring in
I feel you there. I grew up in an almost hoarder house. LOTS of tchotchkies/figurines/dust catchers everywhere. Bookshelves crammed with them in several rooms. Lots of books, too that hadn't been read in decades. No closet space ever because they were jammed full of junk that "we may need someday. " The house was always dusty, cramped, dark (little natural light) and just a pain to live in. I tried and begged, and begged my mom and dad to declutter. They took it personally and as a result, we had lots of fights about it. My sisters felt the same way, too.
My boyfriend is totally supportive of my wanting a simpler life. I'm pretty minimalist myself now.
An empty room is a sign of an empty mind. When I see these minimalist backgrounds I think the person has no interests and is empty - that's the only word I can think of.
I'm proud of the things I have around. I want people to know that I have a variety of experience.
Yes! Agreed.
And I feel the opposite. A cluttered space is a cluttered mind. I am semi minimalist, and I believe every lifestyle should have a healthy balance. I love nice things, but I don't need 10 pairs of that same thing. I don't need a wall full of pictures or a shelf full of knick knacks collecting dust.
@@kimwoodruff3793 do what makes you comfortable. I just wonder if this is another kind of fad for some.
A cluttered room is a cluttered mind?
@@ineedhoez clutter reflects active mind🤔
I’ve never been interested in minimalism - I grew up poor and getting rid of functional things sounds… well, awful - but if more people talked about it in the way you do, maybe I would have been more interested. I don’t have a lot of extra stuff rn, but you’ve inspired me to think more about the longevity of future purchases.
As a single hsling mom
U don’t get rid of ANYthing u may need later
U CANNOT REPLACE IT, u have nooooooo money
This is so interesting. I am not a minimalist, I am too much of a dragon to be a minimalist, but I found this information very interesting because I've NEVER seen or heard anyone talk about the dark side of minimalism and I've always wondered and thought there had be, there is a dark side to everything, so all these points made so much sense! Just so fascinating. Thank you for sharing!
"A dragon". I'll be adopting that choice of word.
Thankfully,
A dragon.
Good video. I totally agree that to declutter and be a minimalist is a privilege. A lot of the youtube minimalista seem to be wealthy American women and there's a slight snobbish air of looking down on the poors with their clutter. I'm currently in a heavy grieving period in my life and I'm finding decluttering is helping me to feel a bit better, but I'm also mindful not to blitz my place. I'm decluttering in stages and small amounts every 1-2 months. I did a big declutter 6 years ago before moving here and regret selling a couple of things, mostly smart wedding outfits and gorgeous wedding shoes. I went to a wedding last year and could only find overpriced poor quality things in the shops so I had to create an outfit using what I had, and I would have preferred to have worn some of the things Id decluttered. On the other hand having too much stuff feels overwhelming and heavy, so it's just about finding the right balance.
My mom-in-law was a minimalist out of necessity. She was a single mom raising 6 kids in the USA in 1970's. It was tough on her and my husband family. But she is still minimal today. So I can relate. Old jars. She never bought a single jar, basket, etc. She reuses everything.
My mom and one of my aunts too! Jars were washed and save to reuse. Rubber bands were saved too. I have her button jar (but it's actually a larger jar now larger now because I've added (and also used) buttons. Haven't bought a button in eons (yes sometimes I think I'm that old! Minimalizing doesn't mean going for broke.
I love to reuse jars and stuff. I used to go shopping with my parents at thrift stores, flea markets, etc. Our whole family had bargain radar. I am such a good shopper, mostly second-hand stuff, that it's difficult for me to control my possessions. I have to sell a bunch of stuff now to get properly organized.
Girl 💯. I became minimalist because of mental health issues, but it has taken years to find the "sweet spot". I live alone in a one bedroom apartment and I love it here. Every inch of this place screams my personality and values. It's minimal, but not insta perfect. But I love it.
Goals 😊
Yes thank you so much for talking about this. I saw this woman who said that she decluttered monthly her children’s toys (with the children helping and agreeing thankfully) and donating them. She even donated some of their favorite toys that they just weren’t playing with as much at the time even though being a parent, I know that if my daughter doesn’t see some thing for a few months and rediscovers it she falls in love with it all over again.
What she was doing is a great way of keeping on top of things, and she did seem to be doing all the right things, but at the same time my dad had just passed away and going through old boxes that we had kept from different eras and just remembering, “these were the hats that we wore sledding, these were that sticker set that I was so obsessed with, these were the toys that I hauled around all the time, oh, look, he put my favorite toy in the windowsill, I can’t believe he saved this!” Just really brought back so many memories that I didn’t even know I had, and holding those things in my hand literally just made me feel like I was 10 years old again and my 10-year-old self was also able to to say goodbye to this most important person.
Don’t get me wrong. My sister constantly has to tell me to throw things away because I am always thinking they have potential when it’s just a random glass jar. But my heart kind of broke for those kids that will never have that little time capsule of junk to bring them back to that very moment that they didn’t even know that they remembered. And that they won’t get transported in that way and get to re-cherish those times that their mother was curating so lovingly for them.
So you’re right they’re totally is a balance. I’ve been going through old boxes and if there’s a magazine that just really means something to me because I read it over and over when I was a kid I’ll just tear out certain articles and I have a box of stuff that I know we’ll just transport me back to a certain era. And I started a super random Pinterest page of toys that I used to have, and just photos I would see on there that would bring me back to the feeling of being a child again.
What a wonderful video! You hit on so many pain points I experienced doing my own downsizing and organization using an organizing company. They neither respected nor understood my relationships with what I kept around me. Like it said in the passage you read, those things nurtured me.
Can I go off topic a bit? What does minimalism have against color? A home should be warm and welcoming. It should accommodate a bit of clutter (because people live there) but not be overwhelmed by it. Easy to clean/tidy instead of threatening.
I totally get the nightmares. my mom passed away almost 10 years ago and I had inherited all of her stuff and she was very sentimental and what I call a "clean horder" but I have gotten rid of almost everything from her house and I would have dreams that she came back to life and would be asking me where is this? and where's that? and that she would be upset and had none of her stuff that I could give back to her. it was such a bad feeling for a long time but I just couldnt keep all that stuff. glad I have those dreams much less often now.
Oh my goodness, Kasey. I’m happy to hear you’re doing better. Thanks for sharing and helping me not feel alone in that. ❤️🩹
I have felt the exact same way! Mom’s taste was lovely for her home, but when I inherited a lot of her things, I gradually realized I couldn’t keep it all. I had no use for her wedding dress, her wedding china, and many other very sentimental items. I’ve actually talked to her out loud, asking her to please forgive me. 😢
Please give yourself a dream-ready answer such as this: "Mom, your wonderful stuff is in the homes of people who really like it all and who really appreciate it all." Repeat 3 times to yourself.
@@kmarshall53 I recently was going through over 30 years of cards that my husband and I gave to each other. ( we stopped giving each other cards about 10 years ago.). Even though I rarely look at them, I just couldn’t throw them away. I said to myself, “I’m sorry, but I guess my kids will have to throw them away!” I realize now, that I’d better put a note to that effect in the box! I’m sure your dear mom didn’t expect you to keep her sentimental items that she just wasn’t ready to part with. Hopefully someday I’ll be ready to do it myself!
I had those dreams when my mother in law died, they’re upsetting.
My abusive ex donated all my sentimental belongings and now everything I own I've bought within the last 4-5 years. The pressure to be a minimalist in that relationship was staggering.
😢
Wow that's terrible. One of my ex's was also very pressuring like that - but he never stooped to something that terrible. But I understand that element of stress of constantly feeling "guilty" about liking, owning, or buying things. My new boyfriend even encourages me to buy (or buys for me) things that really make my eyes light up, and it's truly a sigh of relief to feel good and fine about something so natural and simplistic as wanting and enjoying something. I'm glad you are out of that abusive relationship now, good for you. I hope that my good fortune comes across you too :)
He simply didn’t want u to exist in his universe
Except as a sex toy and maid prob
He sounds like an NPD
One of mine forced me to get rid of all my nice clothes because "function is more important than style" then cheated on me and blamed me because that girl "just looked so nice and pretty all the time not like you"
An ex did something like that to me too. He decided I had an unhealthy attachment to knick-knacks and old photo albums, so he threw them all out while I was at work one day. He tossed them in random dumpsters around town so I couldn't even go dig them out of the trash. Heartbroken and livid are not strong enough words to describe how I felt, it was seriously so violating and traumatizing. These were photos from my childhood, from high school, from pre-digital camera eras so I couldn't just reprint them. The knick-knacks were irreplaceable antiques handed down by my dead grandparents. All gone forever. And this bastard seriously expected me to THANK him for getting rid of my "old junk" too.
My husband now encourages me to buy things that make me happy, we go thrifting together and he loves seeing me get googly eyed over silly little knick-knacks. It's so refreshing to be with someone who actually respects my wishes instead of trying to force me to bend to theirs.
This is one of the most important videos on minimalism I've watched in a long time. I've been decluttering my house for some time because I don't want to live on house full of stuff but very much because I have a toddler and I want him to have good referentes on how to keep a house. It's been going great because I've been doing slow. I don't have the time to do it quickly and I want to be sure I don't throw away things I need and specially sentimental items. When I was younger, I used to be very into clothing, and not anymore, so it left me with a closet full of beatiful clothes that I don't use anymore, and some of them don't fit me anymore. So, I came up with this great idea of selling this clothes. And, although I know this would be the best thing to do, there are two or three items that would be really too hard to let go because I associate them with a great time of my life, but I've been trying to force myself to do it. After watching this video, I've decided I'll keep them. Até least for now 😁 thank you so much for sharing! 😘
I could never be a minimalist, lol. For one, growing up poor gave me two things: real hangups about spending too much money on myself or little indulgences, and a deep instinct to keep everything that can be fixed. I'm not at a point where keeping fixable things is a problem - because I actually do fix or reuse them as often as possible. And if anything, getting past that sense of "the money is worth more than me" is important and going minimalist would actually feed into it rather than break it. Also, I'm an artist - I need to be surrounded by beautiful things; also creativity requires stuff to create with, so I have ton of stuff piled in the corners of our small apartment that I actually use and need to do creative things. So, clutter it is, lol. Besides, while I started taking photos of sentimental things that truly were taking up too much space, who says you need to get rid of all your sentimental stuff? I love having some things as tangible reminders of other times. So I guess it's no minimalism for me. I want to enjoy my life, thanks, lol.
you described my current situation perfectly. I am who I am, and that person likes objects and feels attached to them. I'm also an artist, and I like to have a lot of supplies on hand in case I want to do something.
Yup, another artist here. I feel the same way. Need my art supplies, garden supplies, cooking supplies. I love my things, I have lots of color & very little 'beige' 🤣
My home also reflects my personality and I realized this after decluttering too much and having an instagram worthy home.... this was not me anymore. It felt like a part of my personality was stripped away. Yes, I am not my things but the things around me reflect who I am, what I achieved, who are my friends and what I like to do in my free time- and they inspire me to persue my hobbies. It gives me so much joy to be surrounded by things that remind me of interests, people, special moments in my life. I look at them and they make me smile- especially in rough times when I tend to forget about the good things in life. :)
Exactly! One thing is to be Clean & Organized, but another one is to Strip Away Our Coziness, Warmth, Soul, memories from Our Living Space.
I feel the same - my stuff reflects my life and interests. I just need to get rid of the excess that is unimportant, and properly arrange everything. But I need that cozy feeling at home.
@@kauffrau6764 Yes, I think the same way. To be Clean & Organized doesn't mean losing One's identity and life's most precious and important memories.
that became my fear with decluttering to that extent. even when in the first stages, it felt like ripping out parts of myself. (i definitely needed less stuff but i was surprised at how visceral the process was). when i sketch out and envision the minimal style home, sit with that, i realize that i start feeling a restless agitation, aggressive boredom, and start to want to throw things on the walls, clutter it up a little. color. interest. like even posters. just anything.
this helped me realize true minimalism would never work for me. but, i'm sure in time i can get to somewhere between that and my extreme of too much stuff.
It’s very good that you mention the privilege part because I think that it’s often forgotten. I never had much money to begin with and am still struggling. To me it’s so fascinating how many pieces of clothing some people have.
Minimalism inspired me to organise more but also to declutter things I don’t like. Not having much forced me to keep things I didn’t like because I simply did not have the money to replace them and I’m doing it step by step. I barely have any stuff I mindlessly bought because I have to be mindful with every purchase. I feel less guilty to not keep ugly stuff I got from family members though which is important.
I don’t think I’ll ever be a minimalist but I don’t aspire to. “Keep what sparks joy” is the principle I go by. And books and CD’s and vinyls give me joy even though I barely use many of them :)
@@FloresOrtodoxas Thank you for sharing :) May I ask which country you live in? What do you take for yourself from minimalism?
Thanks for saying this, I have a box of cassettes from my teen years and it hurts me to throw them out. They brought me soooooo much joy, as music had been a big comfort (still is!) for me in an unhappy home. I can't bring myself to do this.
@@satrch6952 If the thought of throwing that box away hurts and for longer than a moment, don’t! It can’t be of any help to get rid of things that help you being alive 🖤 You’re undergoing that process for yourself :)
It is truly astonishing how much modern behavioral and emotional dysfunction can be traced to social media. I have only positive emotions associated with decluttering because I don't take it to an extreme... it all happens in its own time.
The best rule would be - Discard when you want to and not when you have to...This literally helps me pull myself from extreme minimalism
Wow! This video. Hits home for me on a lot of topics! Especially the grief decluttering. It's been 7 years since my husband died and I still have most of his clothing in the garage. It doesn't 'spark joy' but sleeping in his old t shirts brings me tremendous comfort! And I'm so glad I had a therapist who has constantly reminded me that there is no time limit on how long to keep things, and if I have the room to store them-then who cares? I have plenty of space and will hang on to them until the last t shirt wears out. On a lighter note...those momstagrammers with the all white everything need to go. I think it's funny how they call it 'style'. How is painting your entire house white, grey, or beige and filling it with white decor style? It's laughable. And we can't forget about the white wooden beads or a chain link to complete that style. How about we skip the hobby lobby stuff and decorate with the actual heirloom stuff we inherit from our deceased loved ones? I'll get off my soap box now. Thanks for your content and opinions. I think more declutter people should be talking about this stuff. It's the root of it all.
I still wear some of my father’s shirts and it is years since his death.
Kinda important to recognize that some people don’t have heirlooms. Some people have mainly harsh memories of their caregivers or families and have been cut-off from the option of heirlooms.
Having someone take pride in their belongings as they re-style their life -even if it’s white or beige isn’t telling *you* how to design your life. It’s 100% a control issue for them. I might be living under a rock but I have never seen one “must have” UA-cam video on a white/beige aesthetic. I am positive there are “how I styled my home” videos,
But don’t you wonder- if in our lows…. (I’m unfortunately familier with really hard lows& grief- and I’m so sorry about your loss of your husband) we project judgement upon ourselves, just by seeing “my minimalist home” do people sometimes turn it into “where’s Your minimalist Home?” Instead?
Also I agree that personal decor feels more warming than a HL trend, but if ppl like those beads…. I’m glad someone does 😆😆😆!
Kate, I totally agree with you. I have my husband clothes in a cupboard after 3 years of his passing. Not ready to get rid of it. My sister says that he is not in his clothes, but in my heart. She does not understand. She is not a widow.
"I think it's funny how they call it 'style'. How is painting your entire house white, grey, or beige and filling it with white decor style? It's laughable"
Talking for me only here... I am in the spectrum of autism and I get sensory overwhelmed... this kind of all white and boring look helps me be more calm and focused. I do no call it good decoration style, but it just appeals to me this way and for that reason.
@@LilyGazou I'm SO sorry for your loss. I hope his shirts bring you comfort too!
I feel so sorry for the woman who got rid of everything in an effort to feel better. I was in a similar place, but I’m so glad I read multiple books and watched multiple videos before I tackled my over-clutter problem. I’m not a minimalist, but I have decluttered enough to live comfortably and stress free, but not have to deal with stuff that adds no value to my life.
I think it’s almost more important to think about what we buy. I used to buy things for my house that were cheaper and not what I really wanted. A smarter friend went without things and saved for what she really wanted. Another friend made most of her things and shopped at thrift stores. You have to curate your things. As you age, you keep gathering more and you grow out of things. But the best advice is don’t buy things unless you love them and know you’ll keep them or know you’ll need them.
Moderation and balance in life is important. Same goes for the minimalist lifestyle.
Thank you for bringing this to the forefront. I agree that getting rid of things that bring you joy just to have a bare space on a wall, drawer, or shelf is not worth the bare space it leaves on your heart. There is nothing wrong with being sentimental.
agreed excellent advice on the truly important things.
The joy I get from an empty drawer or shelf!
I love opening a drawer again and again just to see it’s empty lol
When I purge I get such satisfaction
I never get rid of too much tho
I hate a bare house
Bare counters, dressers, sinks
It looks like an AirBnB as someone said. Yuck
I've dealt with my mother's hoarder all my life and I was embarrassed to invite my friends to my parents house and I suffered from anxiety and depression from an early childhood due to the family environment. So decluttering is one of my methods to calm my mind. Thank you for sharing your video.
As everything in this world, the problem is not the thing/concept/idea but what people do with. 🙏😉
Thank you for being honest. For me mimimalism is just a trend. While you throw away old stuff, you buy new- boxes, containers, "cause everything has to match, right? And all the books people buy, classes they take. A waste of money. How is minimalism supposed to help, if people cry throwing away sentimental stuff? Teaching people to be organized without getting rid of their past life would be a much better idea.
That’s exactly what I teach 🙏
I am one of those people that reuses old glass jars that dont match and I am proud of it! I love reusing reducing and recycling! I recently reused iced tea jugs to house our cereal for our kids and it was a great decision! The Earth needs our help ❤
I picked two food I eat a lot, mayo and olives. So i save their glass jars only this way they are matching in my cupboard, I keep dry grains in them, rice, millet, beans etc.
When I first read something to the effect of: people (or your children) won’t remember how clean your house was or if the paint matched the sofa but WILL always remember how you made them feel.
Whenever I get a case of the comparisons , I think of that idea. I think of how my kids laugh in our messy house while we throw fake snowballs at each other and all over the room.
In those moments everything is right in our life. I have to keep reminding myself every so often.
I’m really going to miss them as kids when they’re grown up.
This is the most truthful , candid, and “I couldn’t say it better myself” video I have seen . Kudos to you for pointing out the mistakes we are vulnerable to in the name of being “minimalist”. By the way, your house is beautiful .
I like your point of views. There is so many ways to be minimalistic. You dont have to make tons of videos every week to compete with the other influencers.
Making less videos and spending less time watching UA-cam, watching/ making only meaningful videos and spend more time with loved ones is another expression of minimalism. Quality over quantity 👍🏼
A wise observation!
Coming from a family of hoarders, my journey to minimalism is full of stops to catch my breath and rethink what I’m doing and the real purpose of it. I have a full time job and many things to juggle as a mother of two. Channels like this being me inspiration and encouragement to pursue a better lifestyle. Thank you.
If you want to be a minimalist, that is fine, and certainly you're prerogative. That stated, just because you're getting rid of your stuff doesn't mean you're going to have a better lifestyle than people who have no desire to be a minimalist. Perhaps you didn't mean it that way. If you didn't, just be mindful of how you're putting things. Just as being a minimalist is fine for some people, being a collector is fine, too. You do you; I'll do me.😉
@@signedillonalbertson2180 being a collector is not fine, my mum is and her lifestyle had a negative impact on me!
I'm an artist, I use very BOLD colors in my work. I bought a house 4 years ago and painted all the interior walls a light gray so I could put my art everywhere and it would just POP! I absolutely love the look and will do this same thing again if I ever need to move. Most everything I own decor-wise is a neutral color so the art is the dramatic focus of every room. 💖
wow thanks for sharing.
Me too! It's funny because when I get dressed it's all minimalist colours but when I make art it's all the colours of the rainbow. ❤
Same here
Gray walls are awesome for this reason. It doesn't mean you dislike color, it can mean you love it!
I started listening to M Kondo around the time my husband lost his well paying job due to a drug addiction I didn't know was happening. I remember quickly stopping the "spark joy" concept because absolutely nothing did. I laughed to myself about it then- that I'd end up living in my vintage bathrobe because I didn't like anything else.
Only now I can look back and realize why I was so sad. I'm finally ready to declutter and willing to keep some things. I can't afford a new wardrobe. My possessions still don't spark joy but I can choose what brings comfort, healing, and pleasure. Soft fabrics or uplifting colors.
What is still hard is what to do with things that remind me of our lives before everything fell apart. We had a nice house with much fun- but we had to sell it.
I can't keep remembering the old life as if it was our only good time. So I need to create a joyful new place. Which I think should be with less clutter and room to celebrate the good that remains.
GOOD thing: I have noticed that decluttering causes me to find a few wonderful things I love while letting go of the rest. Letting go gives fresh significance to the items I keep. Instead of a dusty box of old photos, I can have a small special book out in the open and/or some photos to frame. ❤
"Comfort and pleasure"... so they do spark joy.
Bingo. I go through and pick the most meaningful and get it out to enjoy and let go of the rest.
As a Myers-Briggs INTJ, I get stressed in a sterile environment free of clutter, and need a certain amount of clutter/disorganization to feel comfortable (as long as it's not a total disaster). Some of the grocery stores around here are so well 'manicured' that I feel like I need to ask permission before I touch anything, and if I don't put something back _exactly_ they way it was, I feel a bit guilty which stresses me out too. Each to their own, but **I** need a bit of clutter to feel at home! ;-)
Hugs to you. My husband passed away 7 years ago. I still have difficulty letting things go. I do have a herring bone dress coat of his. My daughter loved that coat on him. I will be making two pillows. One for my daughter and one for my son.
Thank you for your insight on decluttering and minimalism. Your videos have inspired me.❤️
Hugs 🤗 right back to you Pam, and thanks for sharing your thoughts with me.
I hung on to old summer hats of my dads, made of cloth, ...when my youngest got married we took a couple and had "flowers" made and put in her bouquet...
@@r.p.9829 That's awesome! I took the lace from one of my cuffs on my wedding dress to wrap around my daughter's bouquet when she got married. It meant so much to me and her.😊
My sister started making cushions out of mums clothes after she died it completely freeked me out to the point asked my daughter to leave the cushion at her dads..turns out it freeked her too
So when my husband died, I had a quilt cover made out of his shirts. The quilt not only brings me comfort, but keeps me warm in the winter.
I saw an article the other day where Marie Kondo was saying she’s left her house more messy lately and how it’s good for her sometimes.
I’m a messy, creative person. I love the idea of minimalism, but I love color and have a very eclectic style. I couldn’t imagine getting rid of my books, paintings, or even my Knick knacks from different places. I just love them too much
This video is brilliant, thank you so much for sharing. I really appreciate you touching on the mental health aspect too. For many of us who grew up in poverty, there can be so many triggers surrounding minimalism. Your language was so compassionate and inclusive - thank you ❤