Yes and they Tell us this so often… Now i can see this!!! Their staring is true Not understanding what I was talking about… he yelled at me::: why don’t you understand me…. We are not talking the Same langue… yes he was right!!! And He didn’t get that he manipulates…. He was so deep down in this game of survive and protection!!! But I know that he knows what he is doing!!! This whole relate was a mix of game, force, pit of truth telling, challenge… and in the end a giving up hope for both… that’s how I feel about it!
The inability to feel empathy…like really feel it…rather than just fake it? Is astounding to me. And utterly horrifying. He’s duped so many into seeing his charm rather than his cruelty & unabashed evil.
It is devastating to realize the person you love the most and would do anything for even deny yourself didn't care anything about you at all it was just smoke and mirrors and at a drop of a dime they feel as though you're replaceable
TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOU, when you study this disorder in depth and really understand the facts it does set you FREE, I feel sooo BLESSED now and last time I saw my narcissist ex husband he still behaving like a 2 year old he is getting worse but not my problem anymore. Have healed and moved on TG
The reality of this makes me so angry! 9 years, and 2 kids later, and I've only been in his way. I've been nothing but a necessary burden to him. I've realized that without me desperately trying to please him, and care for him, there is no relationship. Constantly raising the bar. I'm so exhausted.
GOD DOESNT LIKE Imbalance, he will balance the scales and will cost the creature demon. Stay positive and keep moving forward little lady, u have a great purpose here on earth... sending u lots of love ❤
Yes extreme anger, u was with this creature for 20 years, build his illiterate and you and had 6 kids and married to him for 8 years.... I am healing day by day... he has some serious karma to pay.
Girl I have 3 w mine 2 still living. They both have mental health issues as well as autism. He’s been in and out of prison their entire lives oldest is 11 the other is 9. He just got out end of June last yr, got out early due to covid. Anyway since the beginning I’ve been there for him every time and then April 3 we split and he hasn’t talked to or checked on our kids since. He won’t even help financially even though he has no bills!
Raising the bar-- we were slaves manipulate to serve the narc… we did this to care because we love…and we did this for free…… the narc said to me: you did not have to do this, I Never asked you to do this…. I said: hey I care for you and want you to be happy…. He told me: thank you, but I don’t ask you to do this for me…… -- as we now know they manipulates us to do this, they Traped and tricked us with victim play and the love bombing addiction--- so yes when you stop caring you have no use for them and you were thrown away you are useless---and on top, they try to Shame you by giving you the guilt that they are leaving you like beside the road. And that’s so so coward and disturbing 😳 no words ---yes you are Right… and this Knowledge is what brings und healing ❤️🩹 so so hard to Exept but that’s the way it is!!!!
He tried to hoover me two days before Valentine's Day with some lame text message like it was sent to his new supply that has the same area code. I knew he would try so I was prepared. I knew he did it on purpose just to see my reaction. If that door was open even a crack. He did this before for 40 yrs. The door is closed. I never want him back. I have moved on to a new life and love for myself. I don't miss the constant toxcitity at all. Still healing after months but regaining myself again much happier it takes time.
Hard to grasp…the levels of callousness & cruelty. Mind cannot comprehend this kind of diabolical & ice cold operating system. You are doing important work helping victims of narc abuse. I definitely sank to his level & mirrored him: but it never felt good. Nothing with him ever really felt nurturing or peaceful…he definitely didn’t care. What a sad existence being a narc must be. I hope his new supply catches on more quickly than I did. He’s just not? Capable of genuine empathy or accountability.
I just had to pause the video when you asked what he did to care. All the things I thought were him showing me love before I can see the manipulation, the gaslighting, the devaluing now. Wow that was unexpected and hurts. Even still I’m getting surprised by just how much of a lie our entire relationship was. 😔
He isn't hoovering me this time because he got exactly what he wanted from me. I kinda still do have that hope, but not for the best reasons: for the satisfaction of showing how much I don't care this time. That's my ego speaking. The better route, I am learning, is to care about me. This means growth. He left with a win mentality based on my reactions, and a smug attitude asking me "do I look good?"... the fuck! I am not ok, hoping... but then the abuse I endured from him and his roommate makes me realise "what am I doing hoping to run into him?" He knows exactly where to hurt me and with whom... This video is so inspiring as indifference is key, and to me that means doing what makes me feel good with myself and makes me feel proud of myself... I lost 2 years of my life, I do understand, however, I was vulnerable back then when I thought I was getting stronger... self-compassion (so hard for me right now) trumps self-righteousness, which can only lead to entitlement... that is not who I want to be. Thank you Ben from the heart.
Thank you Ben. You and Lee Hammock have helped to set me free from 22 years of hell. Soon to be ex is a Bipolar Malignant Narcissist and is now hated by me and our 3 children...but we are free.
I know at some point he'll hoover me, and I pray with the help of these videos that when not if, it happens I'll be mentally strong (I'm already physically stronger as I've started to lose weight, get fit and relax and look after myself better) enough to resist him. 🍒
I haven't heard from him in years, and I hope I never do. I spent 5 years with him, just to be USED. He only asked me to marry him so that I would stick around and not date other guys. How sick is that? All along, I thought he really lived me. He never complimented me. In the 5 yrs with him, he told me one time he "loved my eyes" and my "high boots are sexy " That's all I got in 5vyrs. He loved money. Yachts, sports cars., jewelry, etc..He knows bettervthan to come back . I moved, I changed my phone #, and I don't go on social media.
This guy is really good. My "relationship" ended a year ago so I've been pretty much over it already and haven't watch videos in a long time. For the first couple months I did the whole UA-cam video thing learning about everything that happened. This guy popped up on the UA-cam main page a couple nights ago and I decided to watch him. I wish Ben was around when I was first watching videos, all the others out there seem like half their knowledge is BS, only providing information from a "victims" perspective. I hate to use the word victim though, we were part of the problem as well enabling the behavior. This guy tells it the way it is with no sugar-coating and it makes sense at the same time. Well done Ben, your delivery is incredible, and your translation from what goes on in your head to us makes a lot of sense.
Your exactly right we’re enabling them , when we ignore the red flags and all the tactics they pull on us whether we know about NPD it’s still a red flag .
Sometimes I think im obsessing about learning about narcissism. However this video made me feel I had epiphany regarding my on off relationship when my person hoovers me. I feel like I've been in denial but this hit home based on things happening the past couple weeks. I've been just watching it happen again. I need to get off the ride for good.
Thanks Ben, keep up the excellent work!! It's difficult to understand things from a narcissistic perspective, and even more difficult to accept the truth.
Yes I have seen this. Some people equate hoovering with love! It's either because they haven't been in a narcissistic manipulationship! Or they have been in one for so long, like me in the past. That their thinking process/ logic so distorted. In some instances non existent. It's been wiped out. Years of brain washing through living with the narc I have remained in that chaos for so long. Almost died trying to fix it. Talk about boundaryless giving🤢 He kept on raising the bar or completely changed the goal post! The harder I tried, the deeper I sunk! Some twisted sick game! I have opted out! Not participating on the crazy making. Clearly the ex isn't concerned with what I want or do not want! Left 5 years ago, few restraining orders in place.! He got arrested for breaking them in 3 different occasions. Many other occasions I was told, it can't be proven. The ones he got arrested for I had picturs, with location on. Witnesses and videos! Yet he just keep coming regsrdless!! Until today, he keeps coming, undettered! The lucky ones who didn't get hoovered or stalked. Need to remember that being hunted like an animal, doesn't feel so loving! When someone loves you, they respect your wishes. They don't force their presence on you. They don't treat you like a property that they must retrieve/ use as they see fit! Hoovering isn't caring! It's to assert control over you and to maintain the narcissist's false narrative ,://
Emotional thinking. The achilles heel of the narcissist's victim. I was guilty of it but that's the way I am, and despite the hurt I've been through I wouldn't want to change.
I discarded him ..he thought I'd always be there .... He hoovered today ...he said he missed me and if I missed him ...I told him nah what was there to miss and blocked ..... I no longer care I prayed to God he'd help me let go he released that bondage ... Move on they never cared ... They just knew they'd always need you ... It means you have a light in you ..they just weren't worthy of you're light ...
There's no shame in losing to a Master. Your thought provoking question of how care was a shown was a drop penny moment for me. Thank you, Ben, for giving me enough bricks to build a protective wall.
Wow I think this Video Is a Game changer for my mind…..Never Exept a Hoover… The Moment I do, i lose myself… More and More!!! Now I take a Deep breath and Love myself !!! Tx Ben!!! Hard truth… well said!
The worst part is constantly expressing what your needs or boundaries were, and ONLY after an enormous fight did they do it. And only for a short period of tine. Then turn it around on you, "well you told me I never do this, so believe what you want to believe" Yet here we all are, trying to understand how that was okay for them to do... But there is no way to understand someone with no empathy
Mine's still using catastophizing the dogs health to try to get me to talk then telling ke he loves me only to tell me im heartless and a horroble person for abandoning him. I blocked him everywhere. I am worried he will do something
Glad it was helpful! Please if you get a chance We would like to invite you on our webinar this coming April 6 strongerthanbefore.podia.com/how-to-recognize-overcome-narcissistic-abuse we'll have more coverage on the topic.
she never cared anythyng about me or how i was or how i felt about anythyng.. just made me try even harder hahahahah what a wild ride tho... great video, thanks
So this is all confusing to me but also has put me in a slightly calmer place. My ex is completely different towards me now. Like polar opposite different! Why wasn’t he that way for the 18 years we were together? He’s now respectful towards me, absolutely no put downs or sarcastic remarks, no belittling, no swearing at me etc. it’s like he has a different personality now. He’s even got me a washing machine from his work as ours broke. He asked politely if I had plans on Saturday and if not would I like to go with him and our daughter out. Bought breakfast from McDonald’s and then burgers from McDonald’s in the evening. Does he not realise this is how he should of been like when we were together. I cook for him too when we eat so it’s not like I don’t give anything back. It’s like we’re together but no romantic/dirty talk, emotional stuff gets spoken about. So it’s like platonic friends. Honestly it’s like he’s a completely different person and I don’t understand why nor why now and not when we were together? I can’t hate him as he gives me nothing to hate him for. He even saves snacks for me and brings them round for me. It is so puzzling but I like it at the same time cos it’s like he takes more notice of my views now and treats me like a human.
I would not fall for this. My first ex was a monster to me(he is a narc) I am newly single again after being discarded by my 2nd narc ex and the first ex is trying to be some kind of savior towards me and incredibly nice and helpful (12 yrs later!) No thank you. 🤚
I’m married 36 +4 I thought he was bi polar Bc he’d be really great and then cold & distant . Their only nice Bc they think your getting fed up , so their nice for awhile and then back too asshole mode . 😵💫
I also want to add that my recent ex does this but comes around when it's convenient for him. He is dating the woman he was in an affair with trying to hide her from me and also trying to hide me from her. It's gross. I cut off all contact(until we get a court order for the kids) as it seems he's trying to get benefits from me when he doesn't get them elsewhere (he treated me like complete garbage for the last year). Anyway. I only feel my behavior was enabling him to continue his fuckery and destruction and also validating his behavior and letting him know what he did wasn't that bad. That I didn't mind be treated that way. We also have a 13 year old and I'm not trying to teach her that toxic relationships are okay. Be careful.
How do I get over the fact that for 6 years, HE stunted my growth, and the growth of our young child. If he had just agreed for us to be done in the first year when I wanted to, our child would have been able to have seen me in a more full life……instead of waiting for HIM to come home while he was out there having a full great life(lying and saying he was working and destressing by gambling only)…. giving us hope to do those fun things with us? HOW DO I GET OVER THE ANGER OF HURT OF THIS? Just fyi I am planning stages of leaving, my boundaries of him keeping me posted to at least a limited aspect of whereabouts and time coming back to the house have been completed cut since this year i’ve been getting on him about finding out he was cheating. But even though we live together he should still at least post to some degree out of respect. Even though he’s not being clear, even though we may not be in relationship (which is ridiculous he won’t be clear, he said not right now) This feels so disrespectful. One main reason I stay is because I want our son to have some type of memories with his dad before we split. And second is I’m waiting for the lease to be over so I can cut all the bills in my name. I stay at home he works.
I saw the True him, when his coworker homewrecker came to my home, left pics of them next to my car...and later called me after she mailed things to my home, and I confronted her
Stop wishing for demise, it's not True Love, never respect or ,understanding, stop, it's not What You thought! 30yrs for me, let them go...and your memories..they're fake!
If they never cared in the first place, why would they stay for so long, wasting his time? He's never had a problem wrangling new supply. I was a good enough supply, I guess?
If you could take a moment to define what you mean by hoovering, in the video or in the description it is would be really helpful. I get the vacuum reference, but am not clear how this is desirable so I think Im missing some nuance here
He wrote me "You have to understand that I follow concept after concept for anything. I understand emotions as concept but I don't know how it is in reality." LOL, poor him. He continued "On top of it the inner anger plays a role in unnecessary arguments , that ends up hurting you .in hindsight when I look back I hardly understand, what the hell was so huge that we had these shouting arguments." We? He raged at me. Then he wrote: "Plus I believe I don't hear people. although I can stay silent when somebody speaks. but I just take the bullet point and understand it with my own perception it must appear to other person that all those words just travel up to my ears and fell down. I have to listen more". LOL I wrote him back, that I would be rich right now how many times he wrote me those fake insights and nothing changed. Trust me, you don't need those fake hoover attempts, because nothing will change anyway..
We're stuck in our emotional thinking. Narcs don't think that way.
Yes and they Tell us this so often… Now i can see this!!!
Their staring is true Not understanding what I was talking about… he yelled at me::: why don’t you understand me…. We are not talking the Same langue… yes he was right!!!
And He didn’t get that he manipulates…. He was so deep down in this game of survive and protection!!!
But I know that he knows what he is doing!!!
This whole relate was a mix of game, force, pit of truth telling, challenge… and in the end a giving up hope for both… that’s how I feel about it!
Absolutely
The inability to feel empathy…like really feel it…rather than just fake it? Is astounding to me. And utterly horrifying. He’s duped so many into seeing his charm rather than his cruelty & unabashed evil.
It is devastating to realize the person you love the most and would do anything for even deny yourself didn't care anything about you at all it was just smoke and mirrors and at a drop of a dime they feel as though you're replaceable
They have been planning to replace you for a long, long time. Sad but true.
I know
Actions never matched their words.
The struggle is real. 44 days narc free. Don't want to go back to Day 1.
TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOU, when you study this disorder in depth and really understand the facts it does set you FREE, I feel sooo BLESSED now and last time I saw my narcissist ex husband he still behaving like a 2 year old he is getting worse but not my problem anymore. Have healed and moved on TG
The reality of this makes me so angry! 9 years, and 2 kids later, and I've only been in his way. I've been nothing but a necessary burden to him.
I've realized that without me desperately trying to please him, and care for him, there is no relationship. Constantly raising the bar. I'm so exhausted.
GOD DOESNT LIKE Imbalance, he will balance the scales and will cost the creature demon. Stay positive and keep moving forward little lady, u have a great purpose here on earth... sending u lots of love ❤
Yes extreme anger, u was with this creature for 20 years, build his illiterate and you and had 6 kids and married to him for 8 years.... I am healing day by day... he has some serious karma to pay.
Girl I have 3 w mine 2 still living. They both have mental health issues as well as autism. He’s been in and out of prison their entire lives oldest is 11 the other is 9. He just got out end of June last yr, got out early due to covid. Anyway since the beginning I’ve been there for him every time and then April 3 we split and he hasn’t talked to or checked on our kids since. He won’t even help financially even though he has no bills!
Raising the bar-- we were slaves manipulate to serve the narc… we did this to care because we love…and we did this for free…… the narc said to me: you did not have to do this, I Never asked you to do this…. I said: hey I care for you and want you to be happy…. He told me: thank you, but I don’t ask you to do this for me…… -- as we now know they manipulates us to do this, they Traped and tricked us with victim play and the love bombing addiction--- so yes when you stop caring you have no use for them and you were thrown away you
are useless---and on top, they try to Shame you by giving you the guilt that they are leaving you like beside the road. And that’s so so coward and disturbing 😳 no words ---yes you are Right… and this Knowledge is what brings und healing ❤️🩹 so so hard to Exept but that’s the way it is!!!!
@@tathe3786you have become a co-dependent.
He tried to hoover me two days before Valentine's Day with some lame text message like it was sent to his new supply that has the same area code. I knew he would try so I was prepared. I knew he did it on purpose just to see my reaction. If that door was open even a crack. He did this before for 40 yrs. The door is closed. I never want him back. I have moved on to a new life and love for myself. I don't miss the constant toxcitity at all. Still healing after months but regaining myself again much happier it takes time.
True….. well said tx!!!
Hard to grasp…the levels of callousness & cruelty. Mind cannot comprehend this kind of diabolical & ice cold operating system. You are doing important work helping victims of narc abuse. I definitely sank to his level & mirrored him: but it never felt good. Nothing with him ever really felt nurturing or peaceful…he definitely didn’t care. What a sad existence being a narc must be. I hope his new supply catches on more quickly than I did. He’s just not? Capable of genuine empathy or accountability.
I just had to pause the video when you asked what he did to care. All the things I thought were him showing me love before I can see the manipulation, the gaslighting, the devaluing now. Wow that was unexpected and hurts. Even still I’m getting surprised by just how much of a lie our entire relationship was. 😔
I don't want to be hoovered. The further away he is, the better I feel. Peace is a wonderful thing.
He isn't hoovering me this time because he got exactly what he wanted from me. I kinda still do have that hope, but not for the best reasons: for the satisfaction of showing how much I don't care this time. That's my ego speaking. The better route, I am learning, is to care about me. This means growth. He left with a win mentality based on my reactions, and a smug attitude asking me "do I look good?"... the fuck! I am not ok, hoping... but then the abuse I endured from him and his roommate makes me realise "what am I doing hoping to run into him?" He knows exactly where to hurt me and with whom... This video is so inspiring as indifference is key, and to me that means doing what makes me feel good with myself and makes me feel proud of myself... I lost 2 years of my life, I do understand, however, I was vulnerable back then when I thought I was getting stronger... self-compassion (so hard for me right now) trumps self-righteousness, which can only lead to entitlement... that is not who I want to be. Thank you Ben from the heart.
Thank you Ben. You and Lee Hammock have helped to set me free from 22 years of hell. Soon to be ex is a Bipolar Malignant Narcissist and is now hated by me and our 3 children...but we are free.
Thank you Jesus!!! I’m so happy for you cat k!!!! Stay away!!! It’s great to have them OUT!! God bless honey!!!
That is all that matters you and your childrens happiness.
My grade A door delightfully shut, -airtight: Not a speck of light or air. Great video. Thanks!
I know at some point he'll hoover me, and I pray with the help of these videos that when not if, it happens I'll be mentally strong (I'm already physically stronger as I've started to lose weight, get fit and relax and look after myself better) enough to resist him. 🍒
Couldn't remember how the narc showed me he cared. Didn't even attempt to save the relationship. Facing reality 😪
I haven't heard from him in years, and I hope I never do. I spent 5 years with him, just to be USED. He only asked me to marry him so that I would stick around and not date other guys. How sick is that? All along, I thought he really lived me. He never complimented me. In the 5 yrs with him, he told me one time he "loved my eyes" and my "high boots are sexy " That's all I got in 5vyrs. He loved money. Yachts, sports cars., jewelry, etc..He knows bettervthan to come back . I moved, I changed my phone #, and I don't go on social media.
Yeah. This video is truly amazing. Omg. It really is true. They didn’t care. It’s accepting this. They were so toxic to me….. omg…..
This guy is really good. My "relationship" ended a year ago so I've been pretty much over it already and haven't watch videos in a long time. For the first couple months I did the whole UA-cam video thing learning about everything that happened. This guy popped up on the UA-cam main page a couple nights ago and I decided to watch him. I wish Ben was around when I was first watching videos, all the others out there seem like half their knowledge is BS, only providing information from a "victims" perspective. I hate to use the word victim though, we were part of the problem as well enabling the behavior. This guy tells it the way it is with no sugar-coating and it makes sense at the same time. Well done Ben, your delivery is incredible, and your translation from what goes on in your head to us makes a lot of sense.
Your exactly right we’re enabling them , when we ignore the red flags and all the tactics they pull on us whether we know about NPD it’s still a red flag .
Yes I am right with you. Great job Ben.
Mine was like a light switch. Amazing.. then nothing... on... off. on.. off... crazy.
I started plotting it in a journal.
Excellent explanation, Ben. Thanks for drilling it into our heads. They don’t make sense to normal people.
Sometimes I think im obsessing about learning about narcissism. However this video made me feel I had epiphany regarding my on off relationship when my person hoovers me. I feel like I've been in denial but this hit home based on things happening the past couple weeks. I've been just watching it happen again. I need to get off the ride for good.
SELF LOVE EVERYONE!!! When you do that, the right person WILL treat you the way you deserve to be treated…I promise 🤗🤗🤗
Thanks Ben, keep up the excellent work!!
It's difficult to understand things from a narcissistic perspective, and even more difficult to accept the truth.
Thank you
It took me to get out of the relationship to realize what I went through! Especially since I discovered all these you tube channels. I’m not crazy !
They don't care! They are that self seeking and selfish. They cannot reciprocate! They do not know what love is. How sad!!!!!
Yes I have seen this. Some people equate hoovering with love! It's either because they haven't been in a narcissistic manipulationship! Or they have been in one for so long, like me in the past. That their thinking process/ logic so distorted. In some instances non existent. It's been wiped out. Years of brain washing through living with the narc
I have remained in that chaos for so long. Almost died trying to fix it. Talk about boundaryless giving🤢 He kept on raising the bar or completely changed the goal post! The harder I tried, the deeper I sunk! Some twisted sick game! I have opted out! Not participating on the crazy making. Clearly the ex isn't concerned with what I want or do not want! Left 5 years ago, few restraining orders in place.! He got arrested for breaking them in 3 different occasions. Many other occasions I was told, it can't be proven. The ones he got arrested for I had picturs, with location on. Witnesses and videos! Yet he just keep coming regsrdless!! Until today, he keeps coming, undettered! The lucky ones who didn't get hoovered or stalked. Need to remember that being hunted like an animal, doesn't feel so loving! When someone loves you, they respect your wishes. They don't force their presence on you. They don't treat you like a property that they must retrieve/ use as they see fit! Hoovering isn't caring! It's to assert control over you and to maintain the narcissist's false narrative ,://
You are hope to many people . I love you content nothing but the truth. God bless you.
Great content, man! Thank you for laying out the facts!
Emotional thinking. The achilles heel of the narcissist's victim. I was guilty of it but that's the way I am, and despite the hurt I've been through I wouldn't want to change.
This is so bloody true. Spot on. Thank you. X
I discarded him ..he thought I'd always be there .... He hoovered today ...he said he missed me and if I missed him ...I told him nah what was there to miss and blocked ..... I no longer care I prayed to God he'd help me let go he released that bondage ... Move on they never cared ... They just knew they'd always need you ... It means you have a light in you ..they just weren't worthy of you're light ...
There's no shame in losing to a Master. Your thought provoking question of how care was a shown was a drop penny moment for me. Thank you, Ben, for giving me enough bricks to build a protective wall.
Thank you
Wow I think this Video
Is a Game changer for my mind…..Never Exept a Hoover… The Moment I do, i lose myself… More and More!!!
Now I take a Deep breath and Love myself !!!
Tx Ben!!! Hard truth… well said!
The worst part is constantly expressing what your needs or boundaries were, and ONLY after an enormous fight did they do it. And only for a short period of tine. Then turn it around on you, "well you told me I never do this, so believe what you want to believe"
Yet here we all are, trying to understand how that was okay for them to do... But there is no way to understand someone with no empathy
Thank you for this one in particular, Ben.
This really helps…not about caring about me. It’s always been about him. No real love. Didn’t respect our relationship. They Hoover for control
Mine's still using catastophizing the dogs health to try to get me to talk then telling ke he loves me only to tell me im heartless and a horroble person for abandoning him. I blocked him everywhere. I am worried he will do something
Thank you very much. I know all of that, but it’s easy to forget. Thank you for your help
You r amazing!!! U have helped me more than you know!!!!! Narc left me month ago. My mind and the abuse sux
THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! You’re the BEST.
Excellent and thought provoking ! Certainly gave me a wake up call.
Thank you for making this video ! Helps many people !
Glad it was helpful! Please if you get a chance We would like to invite you on our webinar this coming April 6 strongerthanbefore.podia.com/how-to-recognize-overcome-narcissistic-abuse we'll have more coverage on the topic.
Ugh that hoover very annoying and creepy. Thank you 😊
Thank-you. I needed to hear this . Where was the true evidence of care ?
Understand they didn't care in the first place. They don't know what it means to care/love.
Thank you Ben for this raw truth, nice how you get the message across whilst trying not to put further hurt on us.
Appreciate your comment and support. I try my best here. :)
Tell them you're with someone else now. They will lose it on you once with a big tell off and go away. Remove yourself from being an option.
Very good topic ty 🎬
Iv begun to 🤗❤ ur videos...
Very good video.
Thank you very much!
she never cared anythyng about me or how i was or how i felt about anythyng.. just made me try even harder hahahahah what a wild ride tho... great video, thanks
So this is all confusing to me but also has put me in a slightly calmer place.
My ex is completely different towards me now. Like polar opposite different! Why wasn’t he that way for the 18 years we were together? He’s now respectful towards me, absolutely no put downs or sarcastic remarks, no belittling, no swearing at me etc. it’s like he has a different personality now. He’s even got me a washing machine from his work as ours broke.
He asked politely if I had plans on Saturday and if not would I like to go with him and our daughter out. Bought breakfast from McDonald’s and then burgers from McDonald’s in the evening. Does he not realise this is how he should of been like when we were together. I cook for him too when we eat so it’s not like I don’t give anything back. It’s like we’re together but no romantic/dirty talk, emotional stuff gets spoken about. So it’s like platonic friends. Honestly it’s like he’s a completely different person and I don’t understand why nor why now and not when we were together? I can’t hate him as he gives me nothing to hate him for. He even saves snacks for me and brings them round for me. It is so puzzling but I like it at the same time cos it’s like he takes more notice of my views now and treats me like a human.
I would not fall for this. My first ex was a monster to me(he is a narc) I am newly single again after being discarded by my 2nd narc ex and the first ex is trying to be some kind of savior towards me and incredibly nice and helpful (12 yrs later!) No thank you. 🤚
I’m married 36 +4 I thought he was bi polar Bc he’d be really great and then cold & distant . Their only nice Bc they think your getting fed up , so their nice for awhile and then back too asshole mode . 😵💫
Be wary because he is a wolf in current sheeps clothing.
I also want to add that my recent ex does this but comes around when it's convenient for him. He is dating the woman he was in an affair with trying to hide her from me and also trying to hide me from her. It's gross. I cut off all contact(until we get a court order for the kids) as it seems he's trying to get benefits from me when he doesn't get them elsewhere (he treated me like complete garbage for the last year). Anyway. I only feel my behavior was enabling him to continue his fuckery and destruction and also validating his behavior and letting him know what he did wasn't that bad. That I didn't mind be treated that way. We also have a 13 year old and I'm not trying to teach her that toxic relationships are okay. Be careful.
@@victoriavitoroulis3273 I relate to this. I thought he may be bipolar as well for the same reasons.
Religion will not set us free, facts will.
How do I get over the fact that for 6 years, HE stunted my growth, and the growth of our young child. If he had just agreed for us to be done in the first year when I wanted to, our child would have been able to have seen me in a more full life……instead of waiting for HIM to come home while he was out there having a full great life(lying and saying he was working and destressing by gambling only)…. giving us hope to do those fun things with us? HOW DO I GET OVER THE ANGER OF HURT OF THIS? Just fyi I am planning stages of leaving, my boundaries of him keeping me posted to at least a limited aspect of whereabouts and time coming back to the house have been completed cut since this year i’ve been getting on him about finding out he was cheating. But even though we live together he should still at least post to some degree out of respect. Even though he’s not being clear, even though we may not be in relationship (which is ridiculous he won’t be clear, he said not right now) This feels so disrespectful. One main reason I stay is because I want our son to have some type of memories with his dad before we split. And second is I’m waiting for the lease to be over so I can cut all the bills in my name. I stay at home he works.
My ex totally did that. Tried to Keep me in his life even after he threw me away
I saw the True him, when his coworker homewrecker came to my home, left pics of them next to my car...and later called me after she mailed things to my home, and I confronted her
So in a nutshell they don’t try to hoover if they know they can manipulate/control you?
Coverts are sad. Becsuse we have no clues before it's to late
Oh my god yes!!!!!
After 34yrs, a sidechick, etc, trust and believe that this isnt who you want, or even believed, all lies! MOVE ON!
Too many yrs.. nope
Nuts! If you blk them out?...what are you looking for!? Let it go!
Stop wishing for demise, it's not True Love, never respect or ,understanding, stop, it's not What You thought! 30yrs for me, let them go...and your memories..they're fake!
If they never cared in the first place, why would they stay for so long, wasting his time? He's never had a problem wrangling new supply. I was a good enough supply, I guess?
If you could take a moment to define what you mean by hoovering, in the video or in the description it is would be really helpful. I get the vacuum reference, but am not clear how this is desirable so I think Im missing some nuance here
It isn't desirable.
My ex narcissist got me sick to my stomach seeing numbers 3,6,9. Stop triggering me with that craziness.
He wrote me
"You have to understand that I follow concept after concept for anything.
I understand emotions as concept but I don't know how it is in reality."
LOL, poor him.
He continued
"On top of it the inner anger plays a role in unnecessary arguments , that ends up hurting you .in hindsight when I look back I hardly understand, what the hell was so huge that we had these shouting arguments."
We? He raged at me.
Then he wrote:
"Plus I believe I don't hear people. although I can stay silent when somebody speaks. but I just take the bullet point and understand it with my own perception
it must appear to other person that all those words just travel up to my ears and fell down. I have to listen more".
LOL
I wrote him back, that I would be rich right now how many times he wrote me those fake insights and nothing changed.
Trust me, you don't need those fake hoover attempts, because nothing will change anyway..
Were any of your exes BPD? Did you experience with it?
Yes one. Toxic.
@@RawMotivations Yeah, when it comes to both those personalities in an relationship, it makes it hard on both ends.
🙏❤️🙏