The Worst Christian Dating Book For Teens
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- Опубліковано 26 сер 2024
- This is bad. Seriously bad. Today we're reviewing the first part of an awful teen dating book by Hayley DiMarco.
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![10 Rules For A [Miserable] Wife!](/img/n.gif)
🎵 EVERYTHING BUUUUUUUTTTTT 🎵
gonna hear that for the rest of the week in my head thank you
Best Garfunkel and Oates song
A rainbow circle is a party where each girl wears a different color lipstick of the rainbow and they all take turns giving a guy oral so by the end of it he has like a rainbow on his.. man parts
Sometimes you just have to think outside the box....
I'm not sure whether or not I should thank you for introducing me to this song....
Actually, I kind of love it, so thank you.
"Being friends with benefits is like Starbucks giving away their coffee for free."
So what you're saying is I should charge. Gotcha, thanks! Glad to see this book is supportive of sex workers.
Hahahaha love this comment
🤘🤘🤘
@@SavageMinnow the best friend with the best benifits is..Jesus and His amazing grace... ty
:)
@@davidisrael9412 Well, there are multiple female saints who would agree. Jesus was a gentle lover.
“Just like a used car” wow. She really did compare young girls to an object huh.
It's kinda interesting too cuz it still doesn't prove their point. I just bought a 99 Nissan Altima... I wanted it. It still runs like a champ. It's value is immense to me because it's my first car and i love it. Value and love is relative.
I hope i made my point and didn't just offend people. Lol. I honestly wasn't trying to be offensive just poke holes in the car value thing.
Guess it’s time to trade it in for a newer model
Emily Harrington I totally get what your saying! I mean, I still think it’s highly offensive of her to compare anyone to an object but I understand the point your trying to make. Used doesn’t equal bad or damaged.
At least it wasn't the chewing gum analogy
Okay but at the same time CLASSIC CARS ARE AWESOME
i think it’s funny that she says “hookup culture is a way for guys to turn you into a piece of meat” as if men objectifying women is bad (which it obviously is) but then immediately turns around and compares women to used cars. the hypocrisy. the absolute audacity.
this
💯
Edmund Spenser actually, i disagree. i think it should be up to the individual. some people like hook ups and some don’t, either way it’s fine. conservative relationship values can be great for some people and bad for others. there’s no one size fits all here.
Edmund Spenser personally, i agree with the fact that commitment is better than hookups. but i know people that prefer hookups, and i think that’s fine. i understand your point about social accountability, but i believe that everyone should have a choice in this. i also disagree with you that hookups are a gateway to objectification. i understand your point, but because both parties are conceivably getting the same gratification out of the encounter, it doesn’t necessarily lead to objectification. especially since objectification doesn’t come from having intercourse, it comes the view of a person as a tool. just because a hookup is a one time encounter does not mean the either person is denying the humanity of the other and using them as a tool.
I think the fact that she believes girls have a "value", that can be "decreased", is a lot more repulsive - that's literally equating a girl to an object, not just comparing them.
"Abstinence is the only way to not have accident babies"
Me, a lesbian: bet
Lmao same
masturbation: am i a joke to you?
Hysterectomy: are you challenging me?
this implies you want to have kids in marriage
@@joshuaijaola2145 Maybe they do
"Rainbow circle" just sounds like a bunch of lgbtq+ folks hugging or holding hands tbh
I NEED THIS
I'm pretty sure its when a group of women wear diffrent color lipstick and take turns sucking off a man
I think I only saw this on law and order svu and I don't think it actually exists in real life
Yeah, I doubt that’s an actual thing
@@lindseystein9676 i feel its one of those things adults make up and say teens do to scare other adults
@@vixievonlyn hey Rachel, we have your answer apparently
As a SA survivor, the whole “abstinence is the only way to prevent pregnancy and STIs 100% of the time!!” argument upsets me so much. It DOESN’T guarantee that, because r**e happens, and the idea that if you’re abstinent it won’t happen to you just contributes to r**e culture by putting the blame on people who’ve been assaulted for their nonconsensual STIs or pregnancies.
I never thought of it like that before
Also, some STD's are transmitted genetically.
What? What a strange argument to make. Of course rape happens, and that is absolutely horrific, but the point still remains abstinence prevents unwanted pregnancies and stds. Getting raped is something out of your control, it doesn’t apply. You’re not choosing to have sex, you are choosing to be abstinent but someone has taken that choice away from you. The same could be said of safe sex doesn’t prevent against stds, pregnancy and help girls be in control of the bodies because what if someone is raped. It goes both ways. What a terrible argument.
@@Netalula0707 no. They are not. Some dissorders etc.
What can happen is HIV being caught from the mom, if she like tears, and blood coming into the baby and it being transmitted like that. At birth. But it isn't genetic
@@tashansofwa2426 *but the point still remains abstinence prevents unwanted pregnancies and stds*
Except time after time studies show that people who are taught that, and practice it, are far more likely to have unprotected sex and unplanned pregnancies. I think STDs are actually higher there as well, but dont quite remember.
The point the original person was making was about how Christians and abstinence supporters try to play up their side. Saying "its 100 percent the only way to not get pregnant!" but it overlooks the fail rates and also gives people a false sense of protection. A lot of people taught abstinence as their only sexual education do not even have the tools then to seek the appropriate help or healthcare after an assault.
Its like saying "the only way to never get an infection is to stay inside all day long and never play outside!". But then that fails, you play outside and cut your knee. Or maybe someone pushed you and you fell and cut yourself through no fault of your own. If you do not know about all the health aspects of an injury you might not know to wash it out, put antiseptic on it, and go to a doctor if it becomes inflamed, etc.
Hayley: "Don't wear anything too revealing, because it will cause boys to fantasize about you"
Jesus: "If a woman's appearance is causing you to lust, then poke your eyes out." (Matthew 5:29)
Yassss Jesus! 😂🙌
Yeah....-
🤣🤣🤣
I remembered I turned right into that verse when looking through my dad's bible
stewieismyhomeboy Jesus called these perverts out!!!! This is why I follow him, not other people and religion.
For all those who blame women for “looking provocative” or wearing “sexy clothes” may I remind you that Marilyn Monroe wore a sack bag and men thought she was hot.
She WAS MARILYN MONROE. Of course she's sexy. Not saying we should victim blame, but your point is weak.
Anneliese Shannon not entirely. Because she wore the sack just to make the very point that her clothes didn’t matter. That they would change her appeal towards men.
@Ioulia 07 but they thought in the sack she still looked hot.
The point is, its not clothes that make people sexy. It's being sexy.
Many men will tell you that "modest" and covering clothes can be sexy too, cause they leave more to imagination.
A person who doesn't care about themselves, and has poor hygiene and unshaped body will not be sexy in revealing clothing. A person who has great body and beautiful face can be sexy in a plastic bag.
Wait isn't a woman with just men's shirt on, one of hottest things?
@Ioulia 07 they may or may not have seen her styled before. It doesnt matter. If you find a person attractive, you find them attractive. My last boyfriend was sexy to me in EVERYTHING and he was not a stylish guy. I thought so before I ever saw him in a suit. And that works for men and women styled or unstyled the same.
Exactly
The clothes you wear don't matter to someone who doesn't care about consent.
It's entirely that person's issue, not the problem of the victem, revealing clothing or literally in a sack cloth. Someone in that mind set is going have that mind set anyway.
"Being a friend with benefits is like starbucks deciding to give away there coffee for free [...]"
Wait, is she advocating for sexwork? Cool, but unexpected.
No no no. Payment is marriage. Starbucks can only sell their coffees to ME. else it is gross and sinfull.
Yeah... and i hate it when my one night stand spells my name wrong or refuses to say "Merry Christmas" to me after a handy.
@@__Andrew lmao
@@__Andrew Do they also give you those protesting against Christmas red cups?
@@dutchik5107 I can't even drink coffee now that I know OTHER PEOPLE DRINK COFFEE.
Absolutely repulsive.
*Sips coffee*
So according to that book if skin-on-skin contact with people of the opposite sex is forbidden I guess chiropractors and physical therapists are screwed.
Pun intended, I assume
or just doctors in general. this book is ridiculous
I'm a dirty sinner because the person at the hospital that glued all the wires to my head for my brain monitoring was A MAN!
So this book is basically saying: if you're bi or gay and like the opposite gender you can touch them and it won't be a sin! Thank you wonderful all mighty book for this wisdom now my pan self is going to go totally not sin.
...literally?
My mom always told me “if you give them the milk for free, they won’t buy the cow” I’m not an object to be purchased!!!!!!!
You should have told her that you're interested in sausages, but you don't want to buy the whole pig.
@@carmensavu5122 😄
So your mom called you a cow. 😂
Nobody of any gender is.
Ask her if she'd buy a car without taking it for a test drive.
'that kind of girl'. Didn't Bible say that Christians shouldn't judge people and only God can do it? 🤔
It's what I call "regressive christianity"
Yes. But you know. They've got selective amnesia
We’re called to judge each other righteously and help when we fall humbly etc but that’s among fellow Christians
It makes me really happy that you're casually including non-binary and asexual people
@Brett Wagland education, representation, normalisation
I’m non-binary and it made me smile because I’ve never heard someone talking about us in the context of sex. It’s really nice to feel valid even when we’re talking (at least in part) about biological sex.
I know! I'm not asexual or nonbinary, but I can still appreciate her inclusivity, and I think it's very important
"Romance novels are like the women version of porn."
So we don't watch actual porn now?
*Erotic novels have entered the chat*
It's so weird, because first, not all romance novels include sex scenes, and to say men only want to be sexually fulfilled therefore they watch porn, while women only want to be romantically fulfilled therefore they read romance novels is such a double standard.
red cherry I was referring more to novels.
Why do I need a woman Version of porn when I'm watching porn like wtf
Surreptitiously clears pornhub history...
"Women both figurative and literally get put down on their knees like a common dog"
Okay, but what if that's my kink?
This lady is kinda out of her mind. I don't know if she is only aware of vanilla sex or what because with the way she talks she's obviously having some sexual frustrations.
@@adierose0621 All of these fundie abstinence preachers have sexual frustrations.
so, it's ok if the woman is on top then?
@@nessyness5447
Yes. Some women prefer it, actually. Same for men, some prefer being on bottom
@@j.c.2240 it was a retorical question, mostly.
Hayley: boys captivate you. When you see them, you get a special feeling inside
Me, an ace lesbian: 🤨💬
i feel like they’re trying to brainwash me through words.
like, i literally thought “yes, yes they do” and as an asexual lesbian i am thoroughly disgusted.
They give me a special feeling... annoyance
(usually, not always of course)
so many peeps on the ace spectrum here lol.
Especially ace lesbians.
Im a gray ace lesbian myself
I’M AN ACE LESBIAN TOO. this book made me very umm.. uh.. angry?
Ace biromantic here!
I cannot believe she pulled a "Fellas, is it gay to have tickle fights?"
The ideas presented in this book are horrific and the fact that this author seeks to make all young girls believe this is truly sickening. She has less understanding about how sex and relationships work than a 12 year old and shouldn't be giving advice to anyone.
I love how the author says oral sex is all about the guy. She does know that a woman can receive oral sex, right? Or maybe she's frustrated because no one told her about that.
She’s not a very Cunning Linguist, is she? (James Bond type puns)
I can understand why, as a female, you keep harping on the fact that women's bodies aren't just bargaining chips. As a male, I would like to point out how offensive the notion is that all guys are just after sex, and the only way to get commitment from us is to withhold sex until marriage.
I was raised in purity culture.... your videos are helping me to understand the problems with those viewpoints. Thank you for what you do!
Yeah, it's important to stress that this type of thinking hurts everyone regardless of gender, and mostly serves to protect predators. Girls can't speak up because they'll be labelled as fallen, boys can't speak up because they'll be told they wanted it. (And non-binary kids will get abitrarily lumped into one of the above). Everyone suffers except the people who want a culture of silence.
@@Sapphykins I fucking hate that.
Great point, purity culture diminishes everyone.
this book: don't touch someone of the opposite gender!! (31:49)
me, a lesbian: interesting...
As a gay man, I will take this word by word.
As an asexual: ok, could I apply it to my own gender as well?
As a transgender: got it, can I apply this to myself?
Lesbians rise
You are a sinner.
Idk what else you reviewed but I read this horrible Christian teenage book when I was a kid called “Datable: Are you? Are they?”
Christians really did a number on my self esteem when it comes to dating. I've been an atheist for years and I still question if I'm good enough to have a girlfriend. I also have to remind myself not to be picky about little miniscule things
I remember that book. It's awful
as yes. my christian best friend gave it to me for my 14th birthday LMFAO
I think it's by the same author lmao
At 25:44 I'm pretty sure she's taking about that book lol. A line reads "Here's what we said in Dateable"
And it’s exactly this type of thinking that made me afraid of all men, as I thought they were ravenous rapists. And my mom was....surprised that I felt hat way?? When she spent most of her time enforcing this belief??
Like they tell you to take all these precautions and everything and expect you to not be scared??-
I'm so sorry. I hope you're okay now
I feel like “rainbow party” is referring to the mythical (i.e. never actually happened) party where girls wear different colored lipsticks and guys collect “rainbow” rings on... places...
I thought it was some kind of gay group sex, given the "rainbow"
Know this was ages ago but yeah I think you're right. I had never heard about this but Wikipedia agrees with you. Seems it originated in Christian moral panic propaganda circles
POV: you’re scrolling through the comments trying to find out what rainbow circles are
Look up rainbow parties on urban dictionary.
100%
same
Yep.
it’s a mean name for gay people 🙂🙂🙂
this book for sure would be recommended by the girls at Girl Defined or Classically Abby...
I don’t think Abby would recommend this honestly, this is very xtianity-focused and she’s Jewish. (Specifically talking about heaven and being damned to hell. Us Jews don’t believe in that stuff)
Ari! I mean I meant it as a joke since I’m aware she’s Jewish 😂 but the message about that women are pure and should stay away from sex applies as much to what she says on her channel
I think this lady might be even more extreme then Girl Defined. At least the Girl Defined ladies never straight up called me a whore for blowing my husband. lol
Alex I have never known a single Jew to say that having oral sex means you’ll burn in hell for eternity
@@arisymphony Well my religious Jewish friend said its okey as long as she swallows. Because you are not supposed waste semen or something like that, so basically birth control is fine as long as its not condoms.
Me a teenage girl who recently discovered she is asexual being told I’m valid:🥰🥰😁
hell yeah sis
More like “The only way to not get hit by a car is to not teach anyone how to drive safely and pretend cars don’t exist.”
HD: HAVE YOU SIGNED AN ABSTINENCE PLEDGE?
Rachel: No.
HD: ARE YOU DEVOTED TO ABSTAINING FROM SEX UNTIL MARRIAGE?
Rachel: No.
HD: IF SO, BRAVO!
Rachel: Oh.
😂
My favorite part
That's very me
"Aromantic and Asexul people are valid"
Me suddenly feeling loved and comforted: (:
Me too. This is the second video in a 12 hour span I've heard finally mention aro and ace people.
Get some therapist.
@@Nimbereth I'm so sorry that God couldn't help you be a kinder person. Love your neighbor as thyself. Remember that God created them like this. I will pray for you to become a kinder, less hateful person.
Hey Cadence: you're lovely, and you matter, and your feelings about sex are totally valid. (Just in case you haven't read it in a minute). YOU are valid.
Finally :)
It's kind of gross and unfortunate that this book lists so many 'sexually immoral' things to do like tickling, napping together, and basically any kind of physical contact... 🙃 Like it's only sexual if you make it sexual. I personally think the idea of snuggling, fully clothed, and napping with my friends sounds lovely hahaha
"technical virgin" is just what people call the IT department behind their backs
If it’s supposed to be casual and informational why does it read like a YA novel
because it's written by someone who's never matured.
there are things i do that i don't want my family seeing. that doesn't make them wrong? oh, sorry, going to the bathroom is a sin because you don't want your family to see that 🙄
Showering is now a sin too. Sorry, I don’t make the rules.
In regards to the 67% statistic: I actually read the study this was from! Or, I'm pretty sure I did. If I'm thinking of the same study she's citing, the thing is, it's from a study including girls who were as young as 11, as well as girls who's first times were with a much older man--I'm talking men in their twenties to fourties. (Yes, we all know what that actually is called; however, they're included in this study of "sex" and not "r*pe" because the girls did not want to call it that, so I won't out of respect for them. Still, a lot admit that it was not a romantic, consensual, safe time.) So that 67%? A lot are kids who were taken advantage of by older men.
That being said, even though the older girls who had sex with steady boyfriends who were the same age as them were more likely to wish they'd waited. Their reasons for regretting it were often along the lines of feeling pressured to have sex too early (by society, by their peers, by their boyfriends in the same age-range); some felt the sex was bad because no one knew what they were doing; and some regretted it because--SHOCK OF ALL SHOCKS--they were shamed for having/enjoying sex. And that's not to say that those aren't valid reasons of wishing to wait! No matter what your age or their age is, no one should shame anyone for having or not having sex, and any partner who tries to pressure you into sex should be left on the side of the road. However, I do think that, objectively, it's really shitty for her to use a statistic that includes children who were "taken advantage of" (again, see above why I won't say r*pe). And even though there's still a majority who wished they had waited in all groups across all ages, the statistics of girls who had consensual times with people of the same age and regretted it was WAY less than the girls who wished they'd waited because they had been manipulated and targeted by older men.
Quick notice: if the study I'm thinking of is the one she used, I'm using gendered terms because the study specifically focused on girls who had heterosexual sex. I'm not saying a woman cannot abuse a boy, or that men do not feel regret about sex, or that LGBT couples cannot experience/perpetuate this type of abuse. It's just that we can only draw conclusions from what was studied, and here, in this context, the only group studied was "girls who had heterosexual sex".
Ok after a little research, the "rainbow circle" thing is pretty interesting. I think she's refering to "rainbow parties". It's essentially an urban legend that teen girls have parties where they wear different colour lipstick and take turns going down on a guy.
I can't find exactly where the stories started but it culminated in it being brought up on an episode of Oprah in the late 90's. This caused a mini little satanic panic among christians and it was all over the media for while and every mother clutched their pearls over the state of the youth.
The fact that she drops it in so casually with "normal" sexual activities is pretty damn funny.
my middle school homeroom teacher did a presentation on these. None of us knew what they were before that but you can bet it became the funniest thing among everyone in my class for the next few months.
It's like these people were never kids themselves or something.
Thank you I was hoping someone else would tell her I haven't heard any one use the term since 8th grade and even then I kind of rolled my eyes at it
That could be it. The only thing I could find for rainbow circle is that that's what some people call gay people. Rainbow as a symbol for gay people and circles for "straight like a circle". Don't think that's what she meant tho
you know a book is going to be bad when its Called Technical Virgin.
yep. it’s a really creepy way to talk to teenage girls too. like, in what world is it a okay to approach your teenage daughter n say “well, what makes you a technical virgin?” eewwww
I think it sounds fucking amazing🤣🤣🤣
It"s a good band name, tho.
Or a sexbot brand
Tbh I could see it being a funny snarky story taking down the social construct of virginity and feeling comfortable with yourself no matter what your level of sexual experience is.
But that's not this book. You really know a book is going to be bad when it's a Christian advice book lbr.
@@useroffline9999 how is that creepy?
It is a great idea to give information about sex to your teenage children.
"see what God has to say [about prostitutes]" well last time i checked Jesus was calling out ppl who judged them and even hanging out with them so....
Alternate title for this book: “I’ve had some really really toxic and traumatizing sexual experiences” I just feel bad for this woman.
I read one of this woman's books in high school - DATEABLE. She cowrote it with the I KISSED DATING GOODBYE guy, Joshua McDowell, who basically kicked off a whole generation of young Christians who got obsessed with the idea of "courtship." Basically, you wouldn't "date," but if you were interested in a guy and he felt the same way he would talk to your parents and your parents would agree to allow him to "court" you. It was all the same rules as in this book (no alone time, no touching) but also your parents were supposed to be heavily involved and chaperone your dates and stuff. Mostly what I remember from DATEABLE was them complaining about how romance novels were "porn for women" and giving women all kinds of unrealistic and dangerous expectations for romance, and also the part about how cuddling would lead to sex. I see these are ideas she recycled in this book (DATEABLE was 2002).
Good news, I got out, came out, and have been happily married to my wife for almost four years. :)
*Joshua Harris.
Fun update on Josh: he is now divorced from his wife Shannon, did a documentary where he took the time to learn about the damage caused by his words to my generation and any that came after who were given his books to read as a guide to proper Christian romance (there was still criticism hurled his way about how he glossed over LGBTQ youth and the damage inflicted there, so it's not a perfect film by any means; I had a lot to say myself as someone who read his first two books in my adolescence -- apparently there's a third one! However it's still something.) Most recently he announced a divorce from his wife Shannon, and his resignation as a pastor at his church, basically indicating he could no longer call himself a Christian, and it seemed like he was retreating to theism or agnosticism. He also asked his publisher to pull all books from sales circulation and they will no longer be published. He regrets those books deeply it seems.
Obviously it can't make up for the damage done but I like to give dues where I can. He's not rigidly and stubbornly standing by his words and continuing to receive royalties on written work he doesn't stand behind at all.
Thought you might like the update; I spoke with him very briefly around the time the documentary came out. It's on Amazon Prime Video, or was back then.
Congratulations on surviving and thriving!
the part with the courting sounds like some real fanfiction trope...
@@spanglelime wow this is an incredible update! There is a new conservative bent in today's youth.... Conservative values are often talked up as being the new punk. That single book, the "I kissed dating goodbye" is like the bible of this new movement. The duggars and bates push it, it's quoted at purity balls, etc.
I'm gonna copy and paste a comment reply ive made 595858474747493939587 times now under this video, because I think people need the historical economic foundation of this thinking more clarified:
There has always been an unintentional link between sex work and traditional marriage. Traditional marriage has always been, at it's core, a woman selling a lifetime supply of sex in exchange for a lifetime supply of his money. The idea is womens sexuality is their biggest most important value, and for men, the biggest most important value is their ability to work. So women who sleep around are "giving it away for free" instead of closing their legs as tight as possible forcing a man to marry her (ie - financially support them forever) if he wants to fuck her. And so women who "give it away for free" are looked at with disdain by marriage oriented women, because (as the thinking goes) then men dont have to get married and pay women/support women forever... If men have access to free sex. So these marriage oriented women are angry if sex becomes a free resource, and are angry at the women giving it away for free.
I thought this was well understood and I'm always surprised when almost no one understands this. In ancient times, women would go on sex strikes to force men to do political stuff women wanted, like stop a war. It's always been understood, explicitly, that a woman's vag is her personal god-given poker chip. That's why prostitutes have always been the oldest career... Because if you can't eat, you always have that poker chip you can sell. And also why prostitutes have always been looked down upon. Because if you can sell it for single use, it undermines the entire idea of never selling it cheaply, only selling it to someone willing to pay you (and the children you have) forever.
Editing to add one other point : it's also why Pimps are admired in our capitalist society and why pimping is such a potent metaphor. john locke's definition of property is a natural resource you mix with your own work (like farming). A pimp takes this guarded, desirable resource of pussy... He takes a lot of it... And forces the women to prostitute our pussy under him, and takes all the profits himself. So he's owning other people--making them his property, AND he's collecting all the profits of sale. A pimp is seen as the ultimate, most powerful kind of CEO.
Dating IS courting....
When I googled, the only thing close to “rainbow circle” I could find was a party where young ladies each wear different coloured lipsticks, so it can seem who, and * ahem * where, they have been kissing
Yeah, that's what she's talking about. It's one of those things that conservatives freak out over even though it's not actually a thing and they just made it up themselves.
I remember Melody Carlson writing about such a scenario in a book in her “Color Me...” series.
Yeah, it is actually called rainbow party, and the urban legend became widely known not long before the book was published. I know teenagers are stupid, but what they parents imagine about their life is sometimes just amazing.
That sounds about right, I remember one of my classmates explaining the definition to me back when I was in middle school
I found this information as well. There is a wikipedia article about it under the title "Rainbow Party (Sexuality)". It appears to be a made up 'horror' story intended to provoke moral outrage in the parents of teenagers.
Why do these weird people love comparing women to cars, bargaining chips, Starbucks, houses, etc.....
Oh wait, I know why 😶
They have an amazing lack of self-awareness. She literally finishes saying that a woman having sex outside marriage is making herself into an object, and then immediately goes on to say that women should be using their bodies as bargaining chips, and should basically use it to become like a prostitute with only one john for life. I'm actually wondering whether perhaps this is satire.
“Boy are hot”
Me, a chaotic bisexual: yeah ok, but girls. Ya know, girls.
Also personally, your gynecologist is a great person to talk to cause they literally went to school for this. That’s who I talk to, I know you only have yearly appointments but still.
Yessssss (fellow bi here too :) ) going to your gynecologist is a fantastic source of information without feeling judged.
Not all, my gynecologist is horrible. I was having an issue where I just constantly bled from my vagina, she saw I was overweight and decided that was the only problem. Now my normal doctor is actually concerned, he wants to do tests to make sure it's not ovarian cancer. Do good research on the professional you go to.
I agree, girls & women are hot!
If you want another “great” Christian teen book to look at, I’d give “The Guy's Guide to God, Girls, and the Phone in Your Pocket: 101 Real-World Tips for Teenaged Guys” a looksie. It says some fantastic stuff like “I understand why non believers are depressed, cause they don’t have Jesus. But I don’t understand how believers can be depressed.” And “You’ll never be able to satisfy a woman if you watch porn”
Oof that sounds like a fun time
stargazingduckling my friends and I found it in a friends basement. I tried reading a passage on getting horny and lost it at “initiate launch sequence”
@@will.2155 oh my god
@@will.2155 so I looked up the book preview and I'm so curious about what wisdom the chapter "Puppies and Babies Are Keys to a Woman's Heart" might hold, as I myself am a woman who never wants kids and is really more of a cat person.
@@stargazingduckling9242 Maybe it's not about having puppies and babies. Maybe it's more along the lines of babies are incredibly cute and so are puppies. You may not be the type that wants a baby or a puppy but most of the population think they're incredibly cute, even if they wouldn't personally want one themselves.
I'm just saying "Technical Virgin" would also be a really good title for a YA book about a teen girl (possibly religious, or from a religious/conservative family) who learns how to be body-positive and sex-positive after getting down to some (implied) sexual activity and feeling guilty for enjoying it. Because of her background, she used being a "technical virgin" as an excuse to feel less guilty, before realizing that she shouldn't feel guilty at all.
If somebody doesn’t write this, I will
Yes I want it this needs to happen!
Yes plz
that’s brilliant
The Anti-Virginity Pact by Katie Wismer is similar to this comment
I love it when modern English definitions are used to interpret ancient laws that we translated into modern English so it will fit the narrative we want...Hooray for Webster's dictionary...
"You're not your parents' possesion, you deserve your own privacy"
flashbacks of my parents printing out my text messages and diary to read when I was 16*
That's horrible, I hope you're okay now x
Sooo...as a married person, the amount of sex I have with my husband ages me??? Hmmm.....I'm doing it wrong since most people think I'm in high school, but I'm 32.
Of course not. Only sex outside of marriage is bad, remember?
@@HighLordBaron of course. Just the 6 years with my husband before we got married were bad for us, now that we are married we good 😉
@@kimberlyaustin7030 Yes, that's exactly how it works!
What what???? I'm also 32 and my husband and I have been having sex since 18!!!! How much time do I have left?!!?!?!!!
Oh don't forget if you had just a fraction of that sex but with different partners you would be twice the age now.
Cause 3 intercourses with 3 different people "uses you up" more than 100 intercourses with one person.
I was raised in a Christian household, and after having sex for the first time at 17 I dealt with SO much guilt for months. I'm 20 now, still with my boyfriend and I'm so glad I don't hold those beliefs anymore because they can be so damaging
I married a Pastor's son and he still struggled with the guilt after we married!! 😢
@@laura3vanessa it's bad, and I actually grew up in a quite open household about sex and my mom gave me little books explaining things from a young age, but there was just always this underlying pressure that it is only meant for when you're married. I can't imagine how it must feel being raised in a even stricter household. To this day I struggle with being comfortable during sex and have a very low sex drive, I honestly think I wouldn't be struggling with this as much if it wasn't for that pressure.
@@laura3vanessa 💔
@@Tina_Matamela_2002 you did nothing wrong, you can't forgive yourself because there's nothing to be forgiven for. I hope you can heal from this poor experience.
Been there, sister. Jokes aside, this stuff can do a lot of damage. For me, it took years - literally - to let go of guilt, prejudice and self-bashing. I'm glad I did, and I certainly do not want youngsters to be deceived by these "teachings" as I once was.
I swear, this book is word for word what I learned while growing up LDS. Horrible way to teach young girls how to view sex. I was basically taught that I was a sexual object, whether I participated in sex or not, and the only way to protect myself was to wait until marriage for anything beyond kissing, and that I had to cover up almost my whole body.
I grew up LDS as well and they really hurt me by constantly telling girls to be modest. I had many self confidence issues and when I wore a spaghetti strap tank top or any kind of short bottoms I felt good about myself. I thought “Wow, I think I look beautiful, this makes me happy.” But my mom and the entire church were so against it, so I couldn’t feel like the real me. Young people trapped in the church also have to worry about finding out they’re gay (luckily, I found out after I left) or being scared they’ll be victim blamed as an SA survivor. That church is so horrible in so many ways.
Also, even if married, abstinence is the only way to be 100% sure of avoiding STDs marriage does not magically protect people
Thank you for mentioning asexuality and aromanticism. We're so ignored in most of society and it means so much to see someone recognize us especially during a video about dating and the problems with purity culture.
As an asexual enbie, I felt so validated during that part. ♡
Your avatar is so pretty
@@nekomissy595 thank you!
as a demisexual nonbinary i feel very seen n appreciated
Another ace NB!
The heteronormativity with this book is so thick you can almost reach out and touch it. Yikes.
Heterosexuality is the norm tho? Like 97% of the population is straight?
Anneliese Shannon That doesn’t change the fact that heteronormativity is an issue and the U.S isn’t the only place in the world...?
Brett Wagland I said *heteronormativity* ...You’re literally an example of that.
@Brett Wagland it's not being hetero that's an issue, it the lack or recognition of everyone who isn't that is an issue. I.e. this book, which only acknowledges relationships with one male and one female and nothing else. It's leaving out an entire demographic, even if that demographic is on the smaller side.
Thank you for explaining.
My only addition to this is the author's inclusion of a statistic - "67% of surveyed teens wish they had waited to have sex" But who did they survey? If they took a poll among practicing christian teens in sure that percentage is not very accurate....
Katie Fox (Commenter):
In regards to the 67% statistic: I actually read the study this was from! Or, I'm pretty sure I did. If I'm thinking of the same study she's citing, the thing is, it's from a study including girls who were as young as 11, as well as girls who's first times were with a much older man--I'm talking men in their twenties to fourties. (Yes, we all know what that actually is called; however, they're included in this study of "sex" and not "r*pe" because the girls did not want to call it that, so I won't out of respect for them. Still, a lot admit that it was not a romantic, consensual, safe time.) So that 67%? A lot are kids who were taken advantage of by older men.
That being said, even though the older girls who had sex with steady boyfriends who were the same age as them were more likely to wish they'd waited. Their reasons for regretting it were often along the lines of feeling pressured to have sex too early (by society, by their peers, by their boyfriends in the same age-range); some felt the sex was bad because no one knew what they were doing; and some regretted it because--SHOCK OF ALL SHOCKS--they were shamed for having/enjoying sex. And that's not to say that those aren't valid reasons of wishing to wait! No matter what your age or their age is, no one should shame anyone for having or not having sex, and any partner who tries to pressure you into sex should be left on the side of the road. However, I do think that, objectively, it's really shitty for her to use a statistic that includes children who were "taken advantage of" (again, see above why I won't say r*pe). And even though there's still a majority who wished they had waited in all groups across all ages, the statistics of girls who had consensual times with people of the same age and regretted it was WAY less than the girls who wished they'd waited because they had been manipulated and targeted by older men.
Quick notice: if the study I'm thinking of is the one she used, I'm using gendered terms because the study specifically focused on girls who had heterosexual sex. I'm not saying a woman cannot abuse a boy, or that men do not feel regret about sex, or that LGBT couples cannot experience/perpetuate this type of abuse. It's just that we can only draw conclusions from what was studied, and here, in this context, the only group studied was "girls who had heterosexual sex".
"Having casual sex before marriage ages you"
Me in my early twenties who hasn't had sex yet and who always gets mistaken to be a much older woman: 👁👄👁
I read this book, among many others, as a 12 year old. I’m still working through the purity culture trauma. This stuff will really mess you up.
Saaammmmee..... I never read this book but I did the whooollleeeee abstinence until marriage vow and shit. Broke it😂 outside of the religion now...... Don't know how to be myself and be a Christian and it really sucks..... The whole church has emotionally damaged me in so many ways
Purity culture trauma cluuuuub ✌🏼it's been 10 years and its gotten so much better.
@@prettybyaccident been 4 for me and I'm still not over it😭 most days I'm fine, I actually do sw and am veryyyyy past it as far as it controlling my actions. But I gotta say.... That emotional scar and what it did to my self worth and the way it made me feel about my body and sexuality...... Still fucking HURTS. To make everything worse than just being super sexual and experimental and not experiencing the connection between love and romance in the same way as you're "supposed to" ..... I'm bisexual..... And did a whole weekend dedicated to purity culture as well as a Christian summer camp the year gay marriage was legalized, after I'd been raped....... It was..... Whew Chile.... A mess. I was compared to chewed up gum, a totaled car, a leper, they referred to homosexuality as a disease and curse put upon those who faced sexual immortality pre puberty (rape, they said I was gay bc I was raped and it's my fault even though I was 4) as well as a slew of slurs and attacking girls for being "overdeveloped" (Curvy) and I came outta those events homophobic, traumatized, dealing with shame, and a new friendly eating disorder thinking that I could stop my puberty if I didn't give my body the energy to grow...... Still have to deal with the really serious mental health problems all of it contributed to..... Still hate myself like 15% of the time..... Still can't walk into a church without crying..... The things Christians tell little girls are absolutely....... Gross. Anyway rant over, sorry for over sharing
I found another Olivia J! Hi other Olivia J!
Ayyy same... I remember reading a book where it talked about how jerking off was a sin when girls did it, but was just natural for guys. 😑
this cracks me up because a few weeks ago i stumbled across a roll of condoms from planned parenthood in our junk drawer and i asked my mom if they were for her and her husband and she hit me back with “no, they’re for you when you start practicing safe sex”
yeah, girl defined and this lady would hate my parents lmao
My mom was the same when I was a teen. I always feel extra thankful for that when I see a video like this.
My parents are the exact same way lol.
My christian mom is for abstinence until marriage, but often asks me if I need/want condoms, because she is scared of me getting pregnant, since I've had a bf for 2 years now. I'd rather buy them myself though lol
I often wish my parents weren't christian, so I could be more open with them. I suspect that I am bi, but I'd never feel comfortable talking about that to them, they might just assume that that means that I want to break up with my bf.
Geez and here when I was planning my first time I had to make a whole damn conspiracy to get around my parents and my bf's dad...
My mom went to my college’s student health center and signed me up for mail order free condoms. Much appreciated mom, but I’m ace.
This passage "Fooling around ages you" is entirely disgusting.
Also thanks for mentioning aces bc it’s always so weird when someone tries to give you this sort of talk when you’re young like “I know you have urges” like, urges? Urges for what?? Video games? Sleeping in? food? A nice hug?
My dad told me when I was younger “your future husband gonna be pissed that you are not a virgin” my future husband doesn’t care....💁🏻
@A dumb teen 🤷♀️ anytime I was caught talking to a guy. It was always that conversation. I dont know why he care to be honest.
@A dumb teen yup.
If someone would be willing to shame me for my sexual past, then I'm the one who wants nothing to do with them, let alone marry them!
@@stephaniemasson1224 I hate that dsds think it's ok to shame their teenage girls about wanting to be sexual active. But then say its ok for teenage boys to be
and if your future husband did care thats a red flag too- 🏃♀️
You drinking Monster out of a wine glass is the ultimate power move
Listening to this as an asexual lesbian was a hoot
just by the words she used in the book.. you can just feel how much pain she’s in
The way they talk about teenage girls is so creepy.
It’s like they think we’re objects that will go out of control without ‘setting guidelines’ 🙄
@@kelsey.shutup_7173 I know it grosses me out thinking that this is a grown couple talking about teens in such a sexual way.
This entire book creeps me out lmao
@@kelsey.shutup_7173 in 15 years of my life i've seen plenty of girls going by fee-fees intead of any kind of rules.
@@fabiomoreira5820 DID YOU KNOW IN PRISONS AND REHABS FEEFEE IS SLANG FOR A FLESHLIGHT YOU CAN MAKE OUTTA VASLINE AND RUBBER GLOVE? YA DO NOW!
@Brett Wagland what pride did you go to?
I'm only four minutes in but the heteronormativity is hitting me like a brick and then a frozen snowball and then a hardcover book as thick as an encyclopedia
"boys are hot."
me, a lesbian: "no"
@@majikhu5171 me, a bisexual: hmm........... no.
“boys are hot”
Me: 🤮☹️🤮🤢🤮🤮🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮
majikhu me also a lesbian: No ❤️
Me a gay well yes, but you disagree with that too...
"That's like saying the only way to avoid being hit by a car is to never leave the house."
Technically, there is no possible way to guarantee your safety from a car hitting you. There could come a car through your window for all you know. You're never safe from automobiles. There is always the possibility, no matter where you are.
Someone gave me a copy of her book “mean girls” years ago anf I never read it. I still have it and if there’s a PO Box or smth I can send it too I’ll send it to u for free
Oh yes. What’s better than watching a Rachel Oates video? Right! Watching a Rachel Oates video at 4 AM.🙃 (I’m tired)
3:35 am for me, might as well lol love this stuff
It’s 1:36 am for me I’m in Canada 🇨🇦
its 10:00 AM and I got like one hour of sleep
Babe no go to SLEEP
Nope.
Its watching two Rachel oats videos-
*casually pours monster energy drink into wine glass*
"The last time I checked, being a prostitute wasn't such a good thing. In fact, it's the lowest of lows."
Oh. In which century was that?
Sadly, the 21st. Sex Workers are still seen as dirty, prosecuted victims at best and harlots at worst.
When she says "Rainbow Circle" I think she means a group of girls wearing different shades of lipstick and taking turns going down on a guy. The point is to see who can go down the farthest lol. IDK if this is an actual thing people do, but it was on an episode of CSI.
I thought she meant a group of men sitting in a circle each stimulating the person next to them manually.
Also pretty sure it's very, very rare. Only ever heard about it from fundamentalists.
stuff like this makes me embarrassed to be a christian...i swear we’re not all this braindead💀 also this is off topic but i love your makeup in this vid!!🥺
ash from the trash Same. I’m Christian too and I don’t claim this “book”
Its so sad that authors like this make other christians feel uneasy. I think christianity (just like any other religion) is about love first and not about being mean and intrusive towards anyones life. As someone who lives as non-believer ive come to realise that it wasnt religion that i hated so much but rather the mindset that such books are based on, the "this is the only right way and if you're not doing it accordingly youre BAD". Dont be embarrassed about your faith, its always better to believe, as long as beliefs arent hurting anyone. Lots of love ❤️
yeah, same here.
i’m an atheist, i’ve never believed in any higher power my whole life (i say this bc i want to give context of my experiences with religion and possibly to correct me if i’m wrong). but my friends who are religious are amazing people. when people recognize problems in how their religion is used, there’s no reason i wouldn’t respect them. as long as an individual doesn’t use religion to discriminate against or persecute others, there is absolutely no problem. and this changes between each individual to some extent, and sometimes its really extreme from using the principles of peace and love to the toxicity presented in this book. you shouldn’t be embarrassed to be christian as long as you aren’t pushing your religion on others or using it to harm them.
Honestly, i feel the same
"I haven't gone too far with the book"
But, how far is too far, Rachel?
I think books like that set teenagers for low self-esteem. People with low self- esteem is easier to control.
All of these books really do be “Oppressing Women:A Guide to Christian ‘Values’”
It really bothers me that prostitution is so stigmatized. Now don't get me wrong, there is a hell of a lot of issues, firstly trafficking, but if a person is of sound mind and being safe & honest I really don't see what is wrong with it. I'm a cam model, I'm about to have a baby, and I'm terrified of how my child will be ridiculed, or worse be disgusted of me, just because of some people who don't understand humanity and sexuality.
im sorry that people treat you worse for your work. but im sure you can set a good example for your baby and they will love you no matter what people say
@@caseyw1288 I know that me and my husband will try our hardest to raise her better but unfortunately the hive mind is a very powerful thing. Thank you for your kind words. It's really encouraging seeing that there are some decent people out there
@memelord thanks hun!
it needs to be decriminalized. the safety of sex workers isn’t a concern to this country, and especially during the pandemic, where many of them can’t work and can’t file for govt support
@@simplynoodles9304 While I do agree it needs to be decriminalized, regulated, and taxable, I'm not sure where you're coming from on that second part. Unfortunately too many people are severely abused in this industry, and I truly believe that needs to be a concern for everyone, especially the government. Yes there are other problems but I won't be easily convinced that abuse and trafficking is less important than a pandemic. We can't be nieve enough to believe that it isn't still happening even through CoVid.
Oh damn I've seen this book at my library! (Yay conservative-ass small town) We have several books like this but no sex-positive ones ofc. I'd love to see Rachel's take on the book Every Young Man's Battle (basically an entire book shaming teen boys for their sexuality, with at least a whole chapter on why masturbating is evil. fun times!) and also the female counterpart, Every Young Woman's Battle.
I’m married and mostly abstained until marriage. Books like the ones you mentioned are the reason why I have issues having sex with my spouse without feeling shame or physical pain because of years of conditioning. Vaginismus is super common amongst women raised uber religious. It’s terrible how these books and ideas hurt people and continue to shape their attitudes on sex/their sex lives long after they’ve left the church, grown up, etc... I wish I hadn’t been indoctrinated to fear sex so much.
I was so wrong about you. Let's thank the gods for (young) women like you. I truly hope you will lead young minds into a better or at least more "sane" future. Please continue doing these videos and don't change who you are. We need more people like you. Hugs and some more hugs 😊
I honestly do feel like I could have "given my virginity" to a better guy. In my situation, I was too young and naive so I do wish I waited. But not because of God.
i'm sorry did she say "porn for women" um? porn is not just for men?
With how some of it is staged it may as well be lol
Man here. I prefer erotica. Does that make me a woman?
Porn is made for men.
@@tashansofwa2426 Not all porn
Tasha nsofwa not really though lol
This book: "boys boys boys boys boys boys boys bo-
Me, a pansexual: *looks around awkwardly* ... wot
Haha same but I’m bi╰(*´︶`*)╯♡
Me, an ace: wot
me, an asexual lesbian: *nervous sweating*
Hayley dimarco advocates for wlw confirmed
Me asexual: cake, cake, cake, laptop, cake
It's been a while since I've watched your videos and I gotta say. Your lighting, how you present on camera, and your delivery of dialogue has improved greatly. All that stuff was good before, but it's super amazing now!
from my mental rolodex of youtubers, you’re the only cisgendered youtuber who consistently and casually mentions enbies (non binary folk)! that truly makes me feel so much more accepted when people like me are included, even when being nonbinary isn’t part of the conversation. people usually just say “either a man or woman” when it’s something just casual, but never “either man, woman, or enby/nonbinary person”. you mention us regardless of topic, like it’s just any other word! you don’t have to be talking about us enbies to mention us casually! thank you for that it really does make me feel so warm and fuzzy inside lol :)
Fun story. Ages 17-19 I worked for a "purity ministry" and my job was selling books to conservative Christian parents. This was one of them. One of the few I didn't read actually. We were told to hear it towards the more "worldly Christian families" that sent their kids to public school or let their kids wear tank tops lol. I still have a ton of books from that time of my life and they're all filled with horrible advice. I read them and laugh now.
I think its funny too because she seems to ignore the fact that people can like sex as a part of romance and not a part a romance instead it's you like it this way or this way. There is no changing between the two. You only want one. As someone who.... doesnt care if sex is part of a romantic relationship or not it's kinda funny like can it be romantic??? Hell yeah! Can it be just physical?? Hell yeah! Both are great in their own right
Love and sex are like a cheeseburger and fries. They're better together, but that doesn't mean you can't enjoy one without the other.
As a teenage girl who got freaked out after she cuddled with her boyfriend for what she worried was too long, I think I'm safe from needing to read that book to know how far is too far, sex isn't anywhere near my comfort level at this point XD
Which I'm fine with, but I'm really hoping that I'll be more comfortable with physical stuff once I get older, because I want to enjoy it someday.
As a teenage girl coming from a Christian background, thank you for talking about these issues!!
Ah yes because me and my best friend who is gay and we are basically brother and sister can't hug and "attack" each other because he is a guy
Lovely _ocean you’ll get pregnant. There’s no way around it. Jesus said.
@@sunflowertrashcan ah crap
If you marry him you can hug him
Hey but at least on a similar note according to this book. "Having contact with the OPPOSITE SEX is a sin" so your bestfriend can do whatever he wants before marriage and it's not technically a sin sooooo I mean good for him.
I can't say I enjoy a lot of PDA myself, but others enjoy PDA. I'll hold hands, kiss someone's forehead, or flirt quietly, but anything more is too much for me. This book is pretty toxic for advice with its general agenda. Hooking up is great for some people, but others dislike it. Everything is down to preference.
AnymousScreams why can’t more people understand this? 😭
THANK YOU! I’m a Christian and my beliefs on intimacy have a place in my life, and my partner’s life. Not anyone else’s. No one should control my body, I shouldn’t control anyone else’s. Mind 👏 ya 👏 business
Yes more of this please! I grew up with this sort of crap and it's super cathartic to watch someone tear it apart (without resorting to stuff like "you have to be an idiot to be religious")
i read the title and oh boy
this is gonna be a goldmine
Did this woman really just compare women to used cars? Im-
@@fabiomoreira5820 hm maybe we should compare women to people instead of objects... you know, cause we are people.
@@fabiomoreira5820 well but car can't just be like "eww you ugly". "am I your first car?"
@@esthersimons again some men look at women as objectives or effort/reward. If the juice is worth the squeeze so to speak.
@@tatiana4050 yes women can reject us yes very much true.
But some later in life when they are less attractive may want us because they made negative life choices and we will remember the rejection and not accept her.
That happened with me with 3 girls that rejected me and 1 ex gf that dumped me for no reason..
Could be worse. It could be chewed up gum or unsticky tape.
My ace ass read books like these when I was a kid and I remember just being wildly confused and horrified 😂 “you feel…” um no? No I don’t? What the hell is this??? 😂 literally thought people were making this stuff up
The “almost sex” book she mentioned in the beginning makes me physically nauseous.
the whole "abstaining will 100% always prevent pregnancy and STDs" makes me so mad because it isn't even true? It totally erases a lot of rape survivors, who very well might be abstaining, but contract pregnancies or STDs from their assault. So unless you think people who've been raped 'had sex before marriage' then you're full of it.
Not to mention that suppressing the sex drive, one of the three most powerful instincts in any creature, can have consequences.
But rape is not a choice right, so it doesn’t apply. This is talking about women who are choosing to be abstinent and not those who’ve had that choice taken away from them, because that is a completely separate topic.
BlackEpyon sex is not a powerful animal drive, that is how people justify rape. You can make a choice to not have sex, you are not suppressing anything, you are living half the human experience, because sex is not the sum total of our lives.
@@tashansofwa2426 "sex is not a powerful animal drive"
You've never seen an animal in heat before, have you? That drive can override everything else, and it's almost always the female who puts out, letting the nearby males know that she's available.
Your attempt to appeal to the consequences not withstanding, I'm talking about the facts of biology, not your misguided attempt at social justice. Humans who are infatuated with each other carry the same drive. When they are young, they can get themselves into trouble if they haven't received a comprehensive sex education in a supportive atmosphere.
BlackEpyon this utter tripe.
I’m a Christian. I waited till marriage. And this book is frickin ridiculous. Abstinence isn’t something that costs your salvation and I’m confused as to where she’s getting that idea 😂
Probably from reading the Bible. You don't see a lot of girls being named Jezebel these days. And other such references.
BlackEpyon the girl JUST said she’s a Christian and she doesn’t share the same sentiments. The Bible doesn’t say that your salvation will be lost if you’re not abstinent, which is what she is saying. How hard is it to respect someone’s beliefs when they’re not being disrespectful to you?
@@Blueberrycat1222 well it does condone stoning women who sleep with someone out of marriage sooo
Thank you!!! I’m not religious and I don’t know if I will wait until marriage BUT personally I would want to wait until I meet the right person before having sex. So I understand the sentiment of waiting till marriage. Even then I’m not going to shame someone whose sexual choices are different from mine.
Suné v. A. And that’s relevant to what I said how exactly?
i was raised in this sort of purity culture (and to an extent still do). most of these ideas are so oppressive. the sorst of things said in this book are the sorts of things i heard my ENTIRE childhood. the repression is real. im working on healing now. keep calling out bs like this.
The way the writer goes into such explicit detail whenever she describes a scenario with sexual foreplay.... our girl is REPRESSED LMAO