This is a very constructive conversation about recognising what boundaries are, how to apply them, and why they’re so important. I think boundaries are a necessary part of every healthy relationship, from our neighbours to our friends to our children. What they look like and how they’re enforced will likely be unique to every relationship we have, but having them helps those relationships thrive because it keeps both parties feeling respected and understood. Communicating boundaries is important, because they aren’t always obvious. Sometimes we cross boundaries we had no idea were there because we don’t have those same ones ourselves.
11:36 "I would often see something that I saw as a problem, and would involve myself in it regardless of it was actually my business or not." Oh shit...this hit home! I did this at a treatment facility once and flipped out. It was a shitshow...
I don't think the dark-haired woman's explanation of what boundaries are is very useful. A boundary isn't a "one time" thing, nor is it by definition something horribly egregious. People with good intentions can accidentally violate boundaries--it happens all the time. In healthy relating, the person whose boundary was violated would speak up, and the offender would hear the objection and not repeat the offense; alternatively, they could negotiate between themselves for the outcome each person could live with. It's not good to teach people that boundary transgressions are like mortal sins--that's too black-and-white. RESPECT MAH BOUNDARAH! Yeah, no. People make boundary mistakes and the response should be proportional to the offense, which sometimes means it would be severing the relationship or doing something drastic (like call the cops, take legal action, whatever) but as a default people should aim to be flexible, not rigid. I don't know that this distinction between "limits" and "boundaries" is helpful, either. If that distinction works for the woman using it, that's great, but to my mind it just clutters up a very simple concept.
i need to leave abusive people way before i blow up but for some reason i need to stay to the bitter end and i look like the asshole after i blow up so many tears in me from abuse i let happen.
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤I can not thank you enough. And that therapist is GOLD.
I’m grateful I found this channel. This is me and I’m currently dealing with a breakup and I hate it so much
This is a very constructive conversation about recognising what boundaries are, how to apply them, and why they’re so important. I think boundaries are a necessary part of every healthy relationship, from our neighbours to our friends to our children. What they look like and how they’re enforced will likely be unique to every relationship we have, but having them helps those relationships thrive because it keeps both parties feeling respected and understood. Communicating boundaries is important, because they aren’t always obvious. Sometimes we cross boundaries we had no idea were there because we don’t have those same ones ourselves.
11:36 "I would often see something that I saw as a problem, and would involve myself in it regardless of it was actually my business or not." Oh shit...this hit home! I did this at a treatment facility once and flipped out. It was a shitshow...
I don't think the dark-haired woman's explanation of what boundaries are is very useful. A boundary isn't a "one time" thing, nor is it by definition something horribly egregious. People with good intentions can accidentally violate boundaries--it happens all the time. In healthy relating, the person whose boundary was violated would speak up, and the offender would hear the objection and not repeat the offense; alternatively, they could negotiate between themselves for the outcome each person could live with. It's not good to teach people that boundary transgressions are like mortal sins--that's too black-and-white. RESPECT MAH BOUNDARAH! Yeah, no. People make boundary mistakes and the response should be proportional to the offense, which sometimes means it would be severing the relationship or doing something drastic (like call the cops, take legal action, whatever) but as a default people should aim to be flexible, not rigid. I don't know that this distinction between "limits" and "boundaries" is helpful, either. If that distinction works for the woman using it, that's great, but to my mind it just clutters up a very simple concept.
i need to leave abusive people way before i blow up but for some reason i need to stay to the bitter end and i look like the asshole after i blow up so many tears in me from abuse i let happen.
Oof Xannie I relate