The Mormon Church's EXTREMELY Damaging Purity Culture
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- Опубліковано 5 жов 2024
- This one infuriates me!!
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That policy is obscene. My daughter was molested at age THREE by her then-father who I divorced and who went on to get married in the temple and teach children in primary. The LDS church is appalling. This is just one instance.
I'm so sorry lady. The biggest straw that broke my back. Leaving the Mormon church was hearing. A story of where a little girl in a Mormon family. Was sexually abused by an older man. But the bishop did nothing about it. And the father threatened them that. If they didn't take his family off their records he would come forward. With his evidence. God I'm so glad I left the church.
God. That’s horrible. and there’s so many who just say, it’s lies. Who would lie about this experience let alone thousands of people. It’s horrible the impact that this religion has on its members and I’m glad you and your daughter are free.
Looking back, were there any signs that he was a predator? Anything about him at all? I just got married this year and am pregnant and I’m very worried about my child getting molested as it happened to me as a child. (I’m so sorry about your daughter and that justice rarely ever occurs for sexual assault survivors).
@@julianburr2750 You wrote: "Looking back, were there any signs that he was a predator?" The culture within the LDS Church is such that Predators are very well informed (if not unknowingly Schooled) in how to conduct themselves so that there is absolutely no signs of the predator within the Priesthood Holder. In the time I was Active in the Church, EVERY male Church member I was acquainted with held the Priesthood, and I heard of Predators that were never "punished" for their vile and disgusting transgressions. Such is the misogynistic culture from the Top Leadership down. Since my Active time, I have heard of that changing and Predators have been held accountable and Excommunicated. But they deserve far harsher punishment and the Church is still very closed and reluctant to publish publicly such transgressions.
@@julianburr2750
I think there were signs, but I was so young and naive that I ignored them. He sought out opportunities to be around kids. When he was gone in the middle east for 6 months he didn't once talk to our daughter on the phone as you'd expect. He kept secrets. He treated me badly and then would always have an excuse. At one point my daughter would scream every time he tried to interact with her (which later made me wonder if he was abusing her even then). But mostly it was a gut feeling that something was "off" with him. Always trust your gut, more than your brain or your heart. I don't think there's any way to 100% keep your kids safe, though. Watch for changes in behavior (that did happen... she started making sexual references at THREE years old!), and always, ALWAYS, believe your kiddos.
He was arrested and charged. Social services and the detective believed he was guilty, but the DA declined to go forward with the case. His family thought he was innocent and I was coaching my daughter. Many years later he confessed, and I called my ex-mother-in-law to make sure she knew. I had long since cut off all contact with his family because of their attitudes so my kids grew up not having to be reminded of him.
Sorry that turned out so long! Exmo Lex, I really appreciate what you do, and the strength you show. Keep hanging in there.
You are exactly right. I heard this when I was a youth. I am 77. Members....don't get mad at exmo Lex .Your leadership said there things.
I’m 57 and was told the same!
It’s so frustrating seeing people try to deny Exmo Lexs experience, and others as well.
She has done a very good job of being very thorough in her research and careful about what she says.
And all she does is try to improve the church. You would think that members who love the church just want to make it better and save it from itself.
I still remember as a teen thinking that if i ever got threatened and assaulted by someone with a gun, id just have to take the bullet. 😱
i'm 17 and I was also taught this stuff.
@@daphnedherbert "And all she does is try to improve the church."
Can you imagine the chaos of 16 million people each trying to improve "the church" rather than themselves? What exactly is "the church"? It is OTHER PEOPLE. When you assert to improve the church, what you are doing is imposing your ideas on other people, the very thing you probably don't like about other people imposing their views on you.
It happens that bad people get into positions of leadership; I have had rather a lot of the receiving end of that sort of thing, but I blame BAD PEOPLE, not "the church".
This is so very disturbing. I was held, at knifepoint, in an attempted rape. It was in the elevator of my apartment building. He had hidden around a corner & dashed in just as I pressed the button for my floor. The terror of having his one hand tightly over my mouth, as he brought the knife to my throat, is unexplainable. I managed to quash my terror and agreed to take him to my home. At the last moment, outside my front door, I escaped and managed to jump over a side wall, spring down 2 floors, all the while screaming at the top of my lungs. People ran from everywhere.
Was that my fault? If he had carried out his intentions, was it my fault? Was the subsequent daily terror my fault? That teaching would certainly appear to lay the blame on me. Victims are never to blame for the mysogonistic behaviours of others. Children ought never hear that drivel. This is what happens when a patriarchal Religion deems women to be inferior to men, and writes such apalling "rules". I wonder how many Mormon women keep quiet about abuse, fearing being blamed. I wonder how many young women & men take the suicide route. Why can't these so-called direct representatives of God look at the depravity they preach? Why won't they change it? Super egos at play here. Damn the lot of them.
@@yeboscrebo4451 what’s truly pathetic is you simping for the church in every thread on this comment section going so far as to insult a survivor of an assault and attempted rape while they share their story. To add to it, you do this because you say they don’t understand your church’s teachings. If you truly believe they don’t get it, wouldn’t the loving and kind response be to help them understand, rather than admonishing them in such a harsh way while they are expressing this kind of vulnerability? Unbelievable the things your church members will do and then wonder why people want nothing to do with your religion. This is real bad PR for the mormon church, I have to say.
Damage to survivors of sexual abuse is inevitable when they are taught, in either a direct or implied fashion, that virginity is necessary to be a whole person. Your church attaches shame to perceived sexual impurity. Obviously that is harmful to people who have had their purity (as the church would call it) stolen from them.
i’m so sorry that happened to you. know that you did not in any way shape or form deserve it, it makes you no less or more a person than before. major props to you for still preaching truth even afterwards and living through so much. you are one of my heros.
This just gets stronger as it progresses-well and bravely done!
It should be illegal for a church to teach this kind of thing to young people, it's child abuse.
Never underestimate the power of someone who's been lied to about life who now understands the devastation it has caused. Bravo, Lex.
Yup, anti-purity culture of hell ruined the life of so many people I know.
@@marcusaurelius8142 Ok, you have a LOT of burdens of proof just with that statement. Firstly, you must prove a correlation between anti-purity culture and lives being devastated. Secondly, you need to prove there's actually a hell. And thirdly, you must prove anti-purity culture is a product of this hell. Any lack of proof and your point fails even the weakest test. I don't have any burden of proof as I am using a scientific consensus of already established behavioral models. "Purity culture" consists of behavioral models that can and do hurt people.
All you have to do is look towards science, psychology, and the study of cult-like behaviors to know for 100% fact that purity culture isn't one of the best behavioral models.
@@marcusaurelius8142 I think you misspoke, it's purity culture ruined people's lives, not the other way around
@@jonthecomposer While I can understand your need for "Proof", I will add my two cents and state unequivocally that this video mirrors my experience in the LDS Church. The Burden Of Proof, in my view, has been met, because everything discussed in this video is what I have witnessed first hand. But then, maybe you don't have the same experience and it is appropriate to wonder about a Burden Of Proof. The Hell you mention is the Hell a "Christian" Church puts its members through, especially innocent and vulnerable youth members who desire only to be worthy before their "Savior". What the LDS Church has done in the past and continues to do is heinous and so very Un-Christlike!
@@lifeisagift.cherisheverymoment Just to be clear, I am with Lex here and agree with you partially. I used to be a Christian, and was even a bit of a hobbyist apologetic. Although I DO believe churches like LDS and JW are much more cultish than modern protestant variants, I still do not subscribe to any religion in the fact that any belief (we're talking something only based on teachings and unaffected by reality or psychology/science) can be potentially harmful.
Before I left religion completely, I became over time a very liberal Christian. It was because the only way I could reconcile a belief with so many harmful teachings and untruths was to say things like, "I believe the bible is the inspired word of god affected by men who made mistakes. If god is who he says he is, there is no logical way he'd be for/do/say/decree/etc... [add thing or action here]." So my leaving religion altogether was just a natural progression.
Also, (not trying to sound like a smart-ass here) I have no need for proof. Anyone making the claim that Marcus does is who needs it.
I have been a member my whole life but in the recent couple years I have not been and probably will not go back. My 6 year old was sexually assaulted and yes SHE was blamed! A 6 year old! The day she told me was the day I lost my faith in the church because they strongly encouraged me to let it go and not report it to the authorities and to never speak about it.
Thankfully I have more common sense than that. What is being taught to members is extremely harmful to these young vulnerable children.
Wow I CANNOT believe that. Im so glad you left and you reported it
You're such an amazing advocate for calling out the reprehensible BS that the church leaders have set as doctrine and vilified not only assault victims, but generation upon generation of youth with this reprehensible doctrine.
I'm 53, and I remember vividly being sprawled on my bed in my family's home, reading this disgusting garbage in the For The Strength Of Youth booklet/manual at the time that I first received it as a Beehive in the young women's program. It was absolutely mind boggling that the prophet was saying that one's chastity was more valuable than one's very life, so if faced with a threat to said life if one fought or resisted such an assault, better to fight and be killed than to submit and "maybe" be spared to live another day. WTFH?! I was incensed. THAT definitely went on my "shelf," along with many other things that I'd already long had issues with, and I NEVER EVER carried that forward with my own kids or any others whom I had an influence with. Quite the opposite.
I walked away in the complete inactivity at the time of my divorce many years later when the weight of all that was on my shelf finally overcame the shelf and it just splintered. But that definitely was, I would say, a distinctive crack in the least.
I'm almost 40 and left years and years ago but this stuff still sits in my subconscious and effects me and my connection to my sexual health to this day. Guilt and fear are amazingly powerful things. I'm lucky to have a husband who is patient and understanding while I've worked through a lot of this stuff. But people don't understand how this can deeply effect you.
I am also almost 40 and left years ago as well! I can absolutely relate to you and your story. My husband knows my LDS background and is super supportive. It absolutely affects us for the rest of our lives! There is a huge reprogramming that has to happen. Sometimes we will never recover! It is absolutely considered PTSD for us. I still struggle and I’m not sure if I’ll ever get over it.
I wish you every happiness! I'm glad you're working through your stuff!!!
Saaame!!! I'm 39 and omgggg fucking purity culture!!! I am glad you have a patient husband.
not morman but the church i was in was steeped in purity culture, and being also a victim of underage sexual assault, that was a massive contributor to my guilt as a teenager. purity culture is so freaking damaging regardless what religion it is in. thank you for calling this out!
I'm a little bit older than you, Lex, but this was 100% taught to me as a youth in the church in the early-mid 90s.
REPEATEDLY taught to me.
Same.
I also learned this in seminary in the mid-2000s. It takes a long time for "unchanging doctrine" to sink into the memory hole.
Yep
Yup
Like, they couldn’t stop talking about it, ever
I love your videos! I'm sixteen, gay, nonbinary, and a liberal atheist in Utah. You proved to me that God isn't real and that the mormon church is not justified. Without you I would be so lost and afraid of my identity, and I just wanted to thank you Lex. You change lives, you save lives, and you are better and more charitable than the mormon cult could ever be. Sending love! ❤
I'll drink to that 🍻
You matter 🌈
You are so right!
I will smoke herb to that..
I'm so happy to hear that you're able to accept yourself as a youth. My gay friends in high school had a lot of difficulty with this, and our "loving" friendship as mormon youth probably only made things harder. I hope people like yourself and exmo lex continue to help people escape the pain and shame as young as possible. Maybe one day people won't even have to experience this type of pain at all.
Once a woman has the seggs, either r@pe or consensual, as far as the church teaches, she's like chewed gum. And nobody wants chewed gum. Makes a woman think she's worthless and she might as well stay with her r@pist. Ask Elizabeth Smart why she didn't try to escape. She was chewed gum, in her mind.
Thanks Lex, you're the best.
And that was tragic to learn. She couldn't escape because of the lies she was brought up with
"Can you imagine saying that to your child?" No. Because I was the child my mother said it to and it was so hurtful, I made it a primary goal to raise my kids with unconditional love.
God damn, I'd love it if Mormons could decide on whether their prophets are fallible or infallible. It'd raise my opinion of them significantly.
"if Mormons could decide on whether their prophets are fallible or infallible"
ALL Mormons? What faith you have in the power of the church that all Mormons everywhere could EVER agree on anything! In all my life I cannot find a single principle that every Mormon agrees upon.
Consequently, some Mormons believe that every word that comes out of a prophet's mouth is the literal word of God, and as we see, many people believe that NONE of the words of a prophet are the words of God, or that there is a God.
So, place your bets and we'll eventually see how it goes.
Full disclosure: I believe that a prophet speaks for specific situations, specific persons, at specific times; and should generally not be "generalized" to all people everywhere all the time. Spencer Kimball expressly said as much, "The very words needed to clear up one person's thinking will put ideas into the mind of someone else" the context was asking youth whether they had sex with farm animals. To discuss the topic at all introduces the idea that it is actually possible to do that.
Awesome job!!! This story that relates, you may find interesting. In 1982, due to my Mormon heritage, I went through classes to decide if I would join the church. A BIG factor in my decision not to join was the church’s position on purity. I questioned the missionaries on this. At the time I had no children, I explained that if I had a daughter and she was in a position of being raped, especially if there was a weapon involved, I would teach her that she should comply with her attacker in the interests of saving her life. Needless to say the missionaries disagreed with my opinion. I was appalled! It was a huge factor in my choice not to join the church!!! Keep up your good work!
yep I have heard that from the cult.
It’s wonderful that you made that intelligent and non-brainwashed choice.
Some who have been brainwashed end up blaming their daughters for their rape.
Others, like a super brave victim who recently got on Mormon stories podcast, ended up spending 2 years being molested by their dad and didn’t say anything for fear of causing problems for her family. Even after she was able to be honest with her mom, her brainwashed mom ended up accidentally re-victimizing her by trying to hide it from her siblings, which made it so her siblings hated her for how she treated her dad in the house. Only after she finally told her brother why she was so awful to her dad who had spent 2 years molesting her, did he finally stand up and say no, this isn’t right. You shouldn’t hide this. You need to be heard and known. The brother even confronted their mom and their mom felt awful for hiding it and not knowing how badly it impacted her. This religion has caused so much harm. It’s a brave story of love and understanding, but makes me so glad for people who were able to get out before they started or even those who are only recently leaving. This religion is not creating a healthy home or society for anyone.
My poor husband had to go to Utah today because his brother passed away. I could sense that same anxiety he gets whenever he's around that part of the family. It triggers him and there's nothing I can do about it. Growing up in that faith was so damaging for him.
Mormon culture is very toxic.
I was taught this at church, too, as a teen in the 90s and 2000s. My dad once told me that if anyone ever tried to attack me, that I should fight as hard as I could and try to get away and if they threatened to kill me, to let them because that would be better than living having been violated. What a load of harmful BS! Makes me angry to think about.
That's heartbreaking. The church is so abusive.
That _is_ heartbreaking, I'm sorry you were so cruelly taught. I will say though, that having experienced childhood sexual abuse and rape in adult life, I think if I was ever in a 'fight or die' situation with a would- be rapist, I think I'd pick death. These experiences are beyond painful. They taint everything in your life, forever, because of the violation and the trauma... The difference from myself and these Mormon writers is, I consider this a personal choice, and I don't know if I'd actually be able to go through with letting myself be killed if it came down to it, and I don't think I'd see myself as having failed if I survived anorhet rape or sexual assault. The idea of telling my kids that my decision is the right one is utterly repellant. Hell, even mentioning my decision to my young kids would be very wrong, they should have to figure out their own limits of bodily autonomy. WTF Mormons!? Hang in there everyone who sees the hypocrisy but had to live with the rhetoric and its implications. I can't imagine.
That is absolutely terrible
This purity culture obviously excludes Joseph Smith and Brigham Young! Two of the most immoral human beings who loved boasting that god told them to be immoral! Thanks Lexxy! You are a doll!
Exactly!
This needs to be talked about until it gets better! 👏 I had things happen to me that I blamed myself for and even ended up staying in a toxic relationship all due to this teaching. It's taken over a decade to heal from and I know my story is not unique.
I also remember being taught this as a youth. My mother in law also aspises to the better off dead than denying God. I remember hearing my husband's 12 year old brother talking about it. He would never deny to save his or anyone's life. Like WTF, I told them I am pretty sure a merciful god would be okay with a "lie" to save a life.
Unfortunately, judeo-christian scriptures (incl. BoM) are full of martyrs refusing to deny their faith. It actually became a problem during the Muslim rule in Spain, where some Christians would actually seek out martyrdom despite their leaders saying that's not how it works, and the caliphs eventually refusing to execute them.
I read this "doctrine" in the For the Strength of Youth handbook when I was a new member of the young women's program in my new ward, along with all of the related purity culture "law of chastity" BS. I was appalled and incensed. That was in the mid 80s. I later was subjected to a similar experience as you did with your brother-in-law, only in my case it was my very own HUSBAND!! I Can't begin to tell you how spiritually devastating it was to both of my kids and I when he and his Mom both repeatedly (and proudly) made that statement. Needless to say, he is now my ex husband, as that was one of many mentally, emotionally, verbally and spiritually abuses that we all endured. But definitely a major abuse in the whole grand scheme of it.
The church should get rid of all of that and just say " Love your children and make sure they feel comfortable coming to you with their problems/hardships... Talking about preferring death to impurity is straight up evil.
I grew up in the Church. My sister and I have discussed how this kind of mindset/teaching hurt us. I struggle to this day, with intimacy. My parents got divorced because my own father’s pent up sexual issues destroyed his marriage and family.
I hate the church so much for what it has done to me and my family, and other people and their families.
Did you know LDS stands for latter day scoundrels not latter day saints.
no longer Mormon yet every sentence you say I'm screaming AMEN!
She's got me screaming in Portuguese, and I don't even know the language!
Damn girl! I wish I had your nerve! You are so serious about the truth! Thank you!
Truth is cancer to the cult..
I "committed" adultery with my now husband. We are very happy and celebrating 10 years together in 2022.
so did I
Hey, what's wrong with a little "test-drive"--Right?
@@mylesmarkson1686 👏😂😂😂
Same here and together for 15 years married for 11. Absolutely nothing different before or after the wedding. Nothing wrong with intimacy at any point of a relationship.
I’m an active member and I believe that leaders of the church, because of their upbringing, have perpetuated prejudice and hate that ripples into every part of the world. People feel oppressed. People are dying! Thank you for posting this. You are saving life.
They rule with fear. But what is more powerful than fear? Hope. These leaders are instilling fear in their followers, then giving them hope of a salvation they can never reach because it is designed to be unattainable. If it was attainable, then perhaps the followers wouldn’t need the leaders to tell them what to do, but so long as the leaders make sure everyone is filled with sin and “hardened hearts” they only instill the manipulation they put there in the first place: you are not whole alone. You do not know how to live, so we will show you how too be. It’s a classic case of abuse, manipulation, lies and gaslighting to keep people in line by telling them they will lose something they can never get back: their soul. I don’t think a lot of people realize how dangerous the church is, not just to its members, but everyone else as well. They actively seek out others to destroy and manipulate.
Anyway, that’s just my two cents.
(P.S. first to comment woohoo!!)
I also grew up with toxic purity culture via the Southern Baptist Church.
Me too , great grandfather was a minister . Mom acted like Carrie’s mother! Puberty was fun/s
Great video, Lexi. Grew up a Catholic and basically the same mind set was preached. When I was about 12 yo, Maria Goretti was held up as an example of purity. She died defending her purity. Evan at my young age I knew how stupid that was. Lexi, keep getting the word out.
Same here. She is Saint Maria Goretti, canonized for defending her virginity to her death. I never got that either. I suspect the old saying “fate worse than death “ was coined by a man.
I AGREE! I remember going through the temple before the language was softened and quietly disagreeing with the teaching that my purity is more important than my life but figuring that God would understand.
Killer video and top of my feed! 😄 Happy Friday!
the abuse runs so deep. It’s insane how I can reject the Church & the material but still have it linger with me and effect my sexual and non-sexual relationships…it just doesn’t go away.
I enjoy coming back to this video - mostly because when I hear people talk about how unreasonable and harmful purity culture is, they tend to try and use logical reasoning as to why it's bad using statistics and data... which is well and good and completely true, but I cannot tell you how nice it is to hear someone outright respond to "chastity is worth more than life itself" with "NO IT FUCKING ISN'T" ... because yeah, NO IT FUCKING ISN'T. You really don't need anything more than that.
I was adopted into a Mormon family at 13. In my biological family there was a lot of neglect, drugs, sex, abuse,and molestation. Coming into s new family and religion was scary and confusing. After years I really didn't know what to do or believe. Especially with sexuality. Now at 50 I've decided I'm going to leave the church once and for all.
I’ve been saying this exact thing about how they ignore the suicide rate. It makes me sick to think this, for a while I pushed the thought away, doubted my reasoning, didn’t say anything. Unfortunately I believe I’m correct. I believe the church (not the entire church, not every single church member) is totally ok with lgbtqia+ members dying by suicide. What are the choices for allies & for people who can’t become a monk (celibate) or do mixed orientation marriage? They have to leave the church. Two ways to leave, and we all know what they think about apostates.
It’s legal in some places to murder lgbtqia+ people. Not in the US, but US based churches have & do take this murderous rhetoric overseas where they get to create the theocratic bloodshed they crave. Since the church can’t murder, they’re ok with suicide bc they think it will “cleanse the flock”. Not of rapists or abusers, not of fraudsters or grifters, but of the best & brightest, the most loving & honest. THAT’S who they’re culling when they push these teachings.
When I worked at BYU-I we had at least one suicide a semester from students attending the college.
@@tedgarrison8842 I heard once that Utah has the highest suicide-rate in the nation.
@@mylesmarkson1686 true
I worked on the Idaho campus
"is totally ok with lgbtqia+ members dying by suicide"
I am libertarian. Your body, your choice; my body, my choice. My friends dying for any reason makes me sad.
@@thomasmaughan4798 It’s not a personal choice when there’s undue influence
Wow! fired up and spot on! this is why shelves are crashing daily (especially with the Youth). Love your content.
As someone who was raised in a Christian home, and still is a faithful lover of Christ...this is insane! We were always taught that saving ourselves for our husband/wife is a wonderful thing, but it's not something that defines our salvation. Purity is NOT a salvation issue!!
And then there are those who have great disappointment waiting until marriage. Many Christians (mormons included) unfortunately suffer from sexual dysfunction and incompatibility in marriage.
❤️❤️❤️Thank you for your content, I hope you’re healing and doing well!
Edit: ... lucifer claiming the right to autonomy over his body and self not just for him but for all angels and humans is a core fucking tenant of my satanism. Lucifer’s opposition to god was in his ability to recognize no man is a god, and being put to death for it. There are hundreds of thousands of examples of this sort of thing happening in real life ways between churches and activists. It’s so annoying to see satanic panic buzzwords employed to make people afraid of the concept they have an intrinsic ownership of their own bodies and a right to decide what they do with their bodies, and engage consensually with others _however they goddamn want._ If you are building a list of faux immutable rules under which you would rather your child died or killed themselves than exist in a manner that displeases you and your faith, you are unfit to be a parent and it’s no fucking wonder a cult founded by a serial predator would have such an explicit culture of guilt, fear, shame, isolation from the self, and grooming tactics built in.
The defense of “this was taught in the 30s so you shouldn’t attack it” doesn’t work because according to them what was said in the 30s is still literal scripture
You are such a strong woman, and the victim is never at fault. Never. It's good that you make these video's about the truth of this cult
Thank you for speaking about this. The teachings about keeping yourself pure and clean were certainly damaging in my life. Glad my kids won't be subjected to it.
This is my solace as well, that my kid won't be subjected to this
I was told going on my mission that it was better to come home in a coffin that come home early... Guilt and shame at it's finest
Wow. I’d be dead already a thousand times over…
@@vjcarter4657 ☠️
My sister was told to repent for her part in being r@ped. In the 90's. She was a teenager. So damaging.
You are such a hero to so many who spend decades recovering from a childhood hijacked by the teachings of a cult. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
@3:20 I audibly chuckled when Kwaku El said to Radio Free Mormon and Bill Reel on Mormon Discussions that he wasn’t interested in things that happened more that 200 years ago when addressing the actions of previous church leaders. 👀
You’re doing such excellent work Lex! Thank you so much for bringing these issues to light!
As an ExMo myself, it is truly eye-opening to hear about these beliefs that have been shoved under the carpet by the church.
Keep up the great work!
When I started therapy years ago and realized that I had been sexuality abused as a teenager, I read all of the talks about abuse (which are few, oddly) and still remember G. Scott's. I thought about the ways that I felt I was responsible for what happened to me or what I allowed. I took it to my bishop and told him how I had a "problem with porn" because of it. Other than advice on how to stop watching porn...I got an article "Like a Broken Vessel". Which was the ONLY thing given to me by multiple bishops I talked to about my struggles. It honestly made me feel even more "broken" because the atonement wasn't healing me like they said it would. Like EVERYTHING said it would. "Give it to the Lord.." whatever the hell that means. Those experiences are what had me slowly pull away from the church. Praying, reading your scriptures, going to church, service to others (even though you are emotionally spent!) does NOT heal trauma. If anything, it pushes it farther down because you are avoiding it or feeling ashamed of how you just "can't do it right". The preaching to give service to others is a whole other can of worms that should be talked about! Fake friends, depressed mothers, shoving down emotions, etc etc.
I've never been a Mormon, and I'd love to hear about that can of worms, if you don't mind talking about it.
@@lullasings3466 We were taught that if you are feeling depressed or sad or grieving, the best way to get out of that is to forget yourself and get lost in service to others. There's a talk by Gordon B. Hinckley called "Sweet is the Work" that talks a bit about the mindset. Other talks in conference and church frequently expressed a similar message: it's self centered to think on yourself and your problems. Here are some things that I, as a woman, was taught to do. We were taught to accept callings where we would essentially do volunteer work. It's discouraged to say no, so people easily get overwhelmed with their callings on top of everything else, like kids, job, home. We were assigned women in the church to minister to. We would go to their house and chat with them and befriend them. In my experience, I spent all this time talking with people and thinking that I was building relationships with them, only to find that we weren't really close because all we had in common was the church. No one truly knew me, they just knew about what I did at church. Most of the women I knew struggled with depression and anxiety. I think because you become so suppressed and, if you're doing a good job, your whole life is about church. You have no time or permission to get to know yourself, who you are, what you like, what you want and need, etc. Because all of those things are issued to you. It might not always be explicit, but there is definitely social pressure to conform. There's an expectation to get married, to have kids, to be a stay at home mom, to go to BYU, to stay "clean" in every way possible, to always be kind, to never be angry. So much of your personality can get shoved down because it's not "correct" or godly. And that can cause some major mental health issues! But yeah, that's some of those worms. :)
Love, love, love your videos! Stay strong, sweet Lexie! Thanks for what you do 💜
I wish more than anything I was never raised in that cult.
Same
same
Same!
It is also in one of the books a prophet wrote, I think it was one of kimball's book. If I can find it I will post book and page. Miracle of forgiveness, dont have the page just yet.
And in 1980s editions of For the Strength of Youth. I haven't had my copy of that for many many years, but I vividly remember reading it in my mid teens, and was absolutely appalled that THAT was being taught and preached. It was one of the early big cracks in my shelf.
So powerful! Thank you for speaking up for young people in the church and victim’s of abuse. I feel your frustration I Agee with you! In my 20s, I lost my membership, I was informed that what I had done was a sin next to murder. Well done.
Also de President Kimball said things like that , for instance " There are not a truthly LDS parent who prefer to bury his or her child who fight to defend his chastity , rather than they live without a fighting " I remember those words perfectly , because he was the Prophet at time I was a teen .
I'm so glad you connected that statement on sexual purity. With the better to come home dead than dishonored. Its so repressive and disgusting all the more reason. Why I'm so glad I left this behind.
When I worked at BYU-I, they held the guilt and shame meetings in the Spencer building on Sunday nights for those who "went to first base" with themselves and or a partner.
Strong presentation! Very good work, Lexi. Thanks.
I was a “youth” in the 70s and I clearly remember being taught this same message of “better clean and dead than alive and unclean”. I remember thinking that if I was ever raped I didn’t care what the church taught, I would do anything I could to stay alive. I thought that it was a stupid idea to teach that, but the messaging of guilt regarding anything sexual was received loud and clear. Such a stupid, dangerous message.
Purity culture was something I also was trapped in in my former religion. I am 39 and still dealing with the repercussions of it (and frankly, still dealing with the repercussions of all of my former religion).
Purity culture was made up by religious ppl, there's nothing natural and everything unnatural with it.
I didn't get liberated from religion til I was 33, which was around the time that my health started to decline.
It's been extremely difficult to date now (due to my health issues), and I am constantly reminded of all the many opportunities I had to be with someone in my youth (and all though my 20s).
I turned every opportunity down because no one lived up to this impossible standard that I, at the time, believed was worth striving for.
I got to a point that I didn't even hold hands with anyone I was "courting".
It also had me dressing in ways that I now criiiiinge at how frumpy I was, because I was striving so hard to live modestly (don't even get me started on how stupid my bathing suit was that I personally made).
I now believe that sexuality is one of the most INCREDIBLE things about being human and is something that should be CELEBRATED!!!
And it breaks my heart that all of my youth, and all of the prime years of my life, were wasted trying to hide that (destroy that even).
I am glad I finally woke up at least, but it's still painful how much I lost, to fucking purity culture.
Say it louder for the people in the back Lexi!
I remember learning about this when I was 8 (shortly after my family joined the church in 1967). We were taught that if someone were to try to take our virtue, we should kill ourselves rather than to allow it to happen. Even at 8 years old that sounded ridiculous to me. Nevertheless (other than that) I became fully indoctrinated & was faithful for the next (almost) 50 years.
Love you and your informative videos!! Recently my city has had so many Mormon missionaries come in and try to convert everyone - I always show the people somewhat convinced of it your videos. The missionaries never tell the truth.
1. You sound super confident today and I’m here for it.
2. I’m loving the new setup for filming.
3. This makes me so mad and the things that you read are complete trash. [for clarity, not your coverage, the belief itself.]
I love that you say Mormon and not LDS
cult
It's amazing how people who think eternal morality is defined by what a prophet says God says (even when it directly contradicts what other prophets say God says), are so appalled when non-believers remain consistent in their moral stance.
Example: The church was historically (and is in many way presently) racist.
The "evil world" was fighting slavery/racism long before the church got on board.
Just one of many examples, and yet there will doubtless be Mormons here saying "no! The church was never racist!" not knowing that Brigham Young would have had them excommunicated, and potentially executed for advocating for racial equality.
Thank you very much Lexi.
I'll get with one of my friends so I can learn how to order merch through the net.
The video hit the spot tonight.
Death better than living with sexual impurity, even when “impurity” is imposed on a 8 year old little girl in her own bedroom by a strange man standing over her bed in the middle of the night? How can I be to blame? How can that separate me from God?
Very simple… It doesn’t. You’re taking big leaps in logic to arrive at a conclusion that the lds church teaches this.
@@redplanet76 Did you not watch the video at all? Where is was quoted "better dead clean than alive unclean" and "after some time, the lord may prompt a victim to recognize a degree of responsibility"? they 100% do. Source: I was abused as a teen and was told to repent for it and that I was partially responsible for the abuse. Fuck out of here.
Thanks so much for calling this out. It needs to stop!!!
I agree with everything you said...but really wanna know how you get your hair like that! Please share! ahha
THANK you for speaking strongly about this. It's absolutely called for!
Thank you for making this 👏💞
As a believing Mormon, I would have insisted you were taking this quote out of context, which basically just means you aren't doing the mental gymnastics to rationalize it.
A real prophet of a loving God would have understood how damaging teachings like this are.
Mental gymnastics... great way to put it!
there is no such thing as a loving god...
Whenever a Mormon says "You're taking our words out of context", what they really mean is "Stop using our own words against us. We can't handle it!"
@@tedgarrison8842 true, but a real prophet of said God would still have understood. That God does not exist, meaning the real prophet does not exist, but if they did, they would have understood.
@@lullasings3466 But is the key 🔑 word here.
No God
No prophet
No cult
No guilt
No shame
When I heard some of the quotes about rape and how if a women didn’t fight hard enough she’s guilty. Absolutely pissed me off. There are so many rape victims who hear (what were you wearing? What were you doing?) Being a rape victim it’s disgusting how it’s treated in that cult
THE most intelligent and articulate "Apostate" narrative regarding something I have struggled with for a very long time. Thank you for sharing your experience and wisdom. Namasté.
I was born in 1998, and was 10000% taught this repulsive, backwards, unbelievably damaging rhetoric. I am repeatedly disgusted by how archaic the church’s views on NATURAL HUMAN FUNCTIONS are. I will never forgive the church for ruining my self worth and hard-wiring guilt and shame into my core for being a normal human being with normal human impulses and desires. I’ll be unlearning these terrible ideologies for years to come.
Most fundie Christian churches teach women to be ashamed of their bodies . I’m not Mormon but my mother acted like Carrie’s mother around me going through puberty . It’s is extremely damaging especially if you’ve been physically or sexually abused .
@@dancingnature I just hope you did a good job of hiding your dirty pillows!
Myles Wtf are you talking about ?
Yep. I was taught this too. Born in 92. And I was told this by my bishop, as a teenager, while we were in his office talking about my sexual activity.
That is just so wrong. No one should be asking a teen about intimate things like that. That should be considered harassment. Your parents are one thing but someone unrelated to you? Absolutely not
@@UlexiteTVStoneLexite I agree. In a closed door office, by myself, with a man I had to call Bishop so and so who was in his 60s. Alone in the church building Sunday nights.. I was 15.
@@a-ny9647 that is absolutely disgusting and should be considered abuse
@@UlexiteTVStoneLexite agreed! It's pretty standard for mormon youth.
@@a-ny9647 And the sad thing is that you know they get off on it as soon as you leave their office.
I was coerced into marring someone who I didn't want to be with because of purity culture. She made my life miserable for a long time.
@@yeboscrebo4451 I did. That's how I managed to get out of that marriage. That's how I managed to see past the lies and manipulations of the church and leave. But trying to blame me for falling victim to the systemic abuses of the church IS a symptom of the systemic abuse perpetuated by the church. It denies the process I went through in learning about abusive behavior, recognizing its presence in my life, and extricating myself from those situations one by one.
Do better. Be better. I believe you can, because I'm doing so myself.
@@yeboscrebo4451 That was completely incomprehensible. What was perpetuated against me in my naivete is not something for which I can take responsibility. I learned, and in learning gained the power to shed the shackles placed upon me. I grew stronger and was able to stand up for myself. Now I strive to help others gain that same strength. Stop blaming victims for not having the strength to resist their abusers.
@@yeboscrebo4451 coercion is seldom done at gunpoint. In my case it was done with threats of losing my family in eternity, and my community in mortality. People--who I was taught literally receive inspiration from God on how to lead his children into His glory--told me that getting married to that woman was the way to avoid condemnation. I had "committed a sin next to murder" if I did not take responsibility in the way they told me to.
@@yeboscrebo4451 False equivalency. Moving on. I never said they were all-powerful, but my parents molded my perception of reality from birth. They taught me to trust Bishops based on their title alone. I believe because I knew no better. Because I had not yet learned pertinent information. The choice to have sex was my own (along with my partner), but the shame I felt was taught to me. This isn't a black and white issue. There's no one issue at stake. The problems are largely systemic, and the church refuses to address them. I should have been given options, because marriage was neither the option I wanted, nor was it appropriate for my circumstances. But I didn't know better, so I deferred those in authority who had undue influence.
@@yeboscrebo4451 I'm sorry, I thought I explained in my first comment that I was 17 years old when I was coerced into that marriage. I was certainly not yet a man. And it's a false equivalency because I was not on trial, and the consequence wasn't necessarily appropriate for the action. They weren't trying to establish guilt or innocence nor assign restitution for a perpetrated crime. I know that the shame I felt wasn't a result of having sex, because I no longer feel shame for having sex since I've shed that belief system. Placing the child for adoption, coparenting, etc should have been presented as options, instead of, "The Lord expects you to marry her and raise the child together."
The comments on your TikTok are awful. To pretend that youth aren't being taught this... It's on the website, the church has NEVER renounced such teachings, and I was taught these things consistently across 4 wards, both as a youth and as a Young Single Adult. The youth aren't just being taught this. In my experience, these teachings are at the core of what the youth are supposed to be learning. Lexi, keep it up. Love your videos, and love that you're coming with the receipts.
The church left me damaged, 2006 I was head over heels in love with my husband but felt guilty for having a healthy sex life. The doctrine pushed down my throat my whole upbringing made me feel so conflicted that I couldn't get those talks and how they made me feel out of my head. I did not get married in the temple cause I didn't believe anymore. Some mormons refused to be happy for my marriage. In relief society I was humiliated in front of all the women for getting married on the beach instead of temple. I started to see non Mormons as much kinder people. Awful religion. My kids will never go through what I did.
I remember that statement. No way to change or give it a different interpretation.
❤️❤️❤️Thank you for your content, I hope you’re healing and doing well!
Okay, I have no idea how I have managed to go so long without seeing any of your videos, but I am SO glad I've finally found your channel, and I am so glad this was my first watch! I was born and raised in the Mormon church, but left about six years ago (officially; I had started going away from the Mormon church about a year or so before finally getting out), but these teachings you brought up in this video...I have no idea how, but they do not ring a bell for me whatsoever, but I am SHOCKED and furious that youth would be taught these things! Why anybody would think it's okay, I have absolutely no idea! I'm not a parent, but I wish with kids (which honestly makes me feel like a parent to at least some degree), and there is absolutely no way I would want any of my kids to be taught any of these teachings! It just makes me even more glad that I decided to step away, and your video is making me want to step up and fight for change in some way.
preach girl!!! louder for those in the back, or those with their hands over their ears and eyes :D
I appreciate your videos. Would you consider doing a video on September 11, 1857 Mormon slaughter by Brigham Young's militia outside of Cedar City, Utah. Where the older children and adults slaughtered while the babies were given to Mormons ?
Well, living in Mormonism just about ended my life multiple times, and at my own hand. let's just say I'm a little bitter! I had done nothing wrong, I just didn't want to be MORMON! I was born into this, but never wanted it. I left the church a long time ago, so I understand what others are going through. IT'S NOT OK THAT THEY DO THIS!
Consent is so important and baptizing children at 8 isn’t allowing for consent. Those of us “born into it” never really got to choose. Stand strong, Mark! You’re not alone
I wish talks in church, when I used to go, were more like this video!! Would have made it a lot more interesting. Thanks for all you do Lex!
Yep, I recall attending a youth fireside in the early 80's, where the guest speaker was a General Authority. He said the same thing: "I would rather my child came home dead than morally unclean." This doctrine played an integral role in preventing me from having an open, trusting relationship with my parents. Despite them telling me that I could talk to them "about anything," I did not believe them. I also recall a fireside where a general authority condemned mental illness and clinical depression as a sin -- but that's a whole other topic.
Anyone get a Mormon ad before this video? 🤣
Before I left the cult there was a woman in our stake who was in her 40's and never married. She was molested by her grandfather who happened to be the Stake patriarch. She was shamed as a child to never go to law enforcement and was told by her grandfather that she would never be worthy to go to the temple because he molested her....We also in that same ward had a father/adult son who were both registered sex offenders who had church callings.
I Love how real you are Exmo Lex, your the best... Keep it up!
Thank you for telling the truth about the toxic lds teachings! you are changing lives!
Yep I was taught all this in the 90’s by leaders and my mum. It disturbs me greatly
I am horrified for you, and I think you're amazing for your bravery and fire. I hope you know you're perfectly fine exactly as you are. Hugs from a lapsed Catholic.
Your cup says apostate. Love it!
Does your license say APOST8? I swear I saw it, and you, the other day in a parking lot. Lol!
It's only in this past April general conference that they had a talk about how it's not the victims fault for ANY kind of abuse (funny how they left out spiritual abuse) but still. In the year if our Lord 2022 a talk like this is finally coming out?? Idk how much that's gonna change 100 years of preaching otherwise.
YES!!! I just wanted to stand up and cheer for you at the end of this!
I remember my dad teaching my sisters and I this and it really confused me. My uncle taught his daughters to fight and to fight dirty. Guess who’s advice I would follow?
For argument’s sake, let’s say someone were to have made some porn and was making money off of it on their own website. If that person were then to convert to the church, the church would require them to repent, forsake and remove said content, at the bare minimum. The person wouldn’t get away with saying, that was a long time ago, I don’t live like that anymore, or I don’t support that lifestyle anymore. They surely would not be accepted if they left the content on their website to make money and promote themselves to like minded individuals. It seems like the church has left the content on their site to promote themselves to like minded individuals, who might then pay tithing.
There’s a word for that…
Born again types of Christianity also are fixated on sexual purity. Same with Catholics, Jews, Muslims, Sikhs, Hindus etc. Religions seems to govern sexuality strictly. That and anything else that makes us happy.
I'm in my thirties now, left the church when I was 23 and I still struggle with this shit.
Im not Mormon but i love your videos. This really helps those lesving cults not just lds. Well done. Your truth is inspiring.
Whoa!!!! This is insane! I had no idea they pushed this on people. Let alone recently. If it wasn’t recent then why would you even know or people I’ve seen younger than you?! Ugh
It was so very difficult to mentally live the law of chastity. I struggled with it but the older I got it became easier. But I remember those times when the struggle was unbearable I would just endure or give it a little more effort, and after a while I felt renewed in my mind. It did not happened everytime, but I'm grateful knowing that a loving Being is aware and fully understands.