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I have gotten exactly to the point of your gummibear earrings! I was admiring them before you mentioned them and THEY ARE EVERYTHING. That is all! Back to the doc!
I guess it's very fresh - at least on german UA-cam - but I would love you to cover the "nurse" Hannah Biatt topic when enough information has emerged to do so! ❤
Myka actually chose Huxley because he was diagnosed with the brain tumor and was originally given 2 years to live. Once home, they discovered he would NOT die. This was not great news for his parents, like it normally would be. I followed this story after they rehomed their son. They expected 2 years then they could suck up the sympathy from their dead child. Instead, their child would live, and would live with them forever in constant need of care. They were buying a prop, not lovingly adopting a son. They WANTED him to die! It's extremely sick. I think this tid bit of info is much needed before making up your mind on Myka and James. And it's mostly Myka, which is why she is taking so much heat. James fought this, but Myka has been desperately trying to be UA-cam famous for years. Her story gets much darker than her husband's. Their's wasn't a normal situation, like the other lady who had to give up her child. This was different. Huxley was a prop the entire time to them. They had a plan to adopt a terminally ill child...so he would DIE! It's so horrible.
I agree with this take. I think she thought he was terminal. I think she thought she could pour love all over him and give him a vreat end of life story. The reality was different.
Jeannette McCurdy and Alyson Stoner said it best, even if the famiiy itself isnt abusive, making a child the breadwinner of a family is a form of ca. No child should live under that level of pressure.
Agreed wonder if thats why kids of famus parents do better than kids that are famus but parents arent bc the celeb parents have jobs where most child stars whos parents arent also in that industry dont tend to have jobs
I knew about this story for a long time. But I never followed them. As difficult as this story is, I felt the child would have been better off in a home where he was with parents who were willing and better equipped to deal with his disabilities. It is easy to say I can do this. I can be the child's hero until you are faced with the trauma of everyday life dealing with the child. Even many biological parents will put a special needs child in home care because they can't deal with the child's needs. Although this sounded from everyone's opinion , it was very cruel, I felt differently. I felt it was the best thing they could do for him. I am not sure these kids are capable of growing an attachment to anyone person. He should have never been put up for adoption.
It also warps their versions of acceptance. Like I never knew how drunk my dad always was cause that’s just how he was growing, I didn’t realize that wasn’t normal until our mom left him. (Not trying to trauma dump I swear)
Me: "Huh...I don't think I remember that name. Who was Myka Stauffer again?" Video intro: "We're gonna adopt...from China!" Me, neck-deep in flashbacks like an amnesiac hero in a movie getting all their memories back: "...oh. OH. IT'S THESE PEOPLE. THE PEOPLE WHO ADOPTED A SPECIAL NEEDS BABY AND THEN *SENT HIM AWAY.* LET'S GO, SWOOP. GET PETTY WITH IT!"
Suddenly, my brain was inundated with the term 'rehomed.' and I remembered my reaction to those words, 'You 'rehome' a dog, YOU CAN'T REHOME A CHILD, WHAT?!'
I follow the IG of the woman who adopted Huxley and the updates she posts occasionally show that he is so happy and thriving in her care, especially as she also respects his cultural identity and makes an effort to keep him connected to his heritage
same. if I ever heard a coworker talk like that to the children I work with I would tell them off immediately. acting like a meltdown is something that's in the childs control is just ridiculous.
As both an high masking autistic woman (Hardest for people to spot for those not acquainted with current research) and mother to a high support needs child (most likely autistic as all the different professionals both medical and educational concur but currently on the wait list for an assessment ..) Definitely don’t say ‘are you done’ or things like that to anyone who is mid overload/ meltdown… you won’t help as especially as a kid we need very clear examples of how to bring our selfs out of the state of dis regulation in a healthy manner, so calm, patient and suggesting things that typically help be it removal from the area, a sensory toy, one of there special interests, something that promotes healthy stimming, or just sitting with them calmly in a safe spot and wait for them to come out of the spiral once the problem causing the overload has been resolved/ removed… these are things that work with my kid at least, and now he’s five he’s actually starting to make the connection between these things and helping to calm down or communicate what he needs to come down from the overload. He genuinely is starting to self regulate and I couldn’t be more proud of him for that! He’s not masking and is recognising what he is uncomfortable with and what he needs at times, he even does this sometimes at school! That is why you don’t just say things like are you done or treat like a tantrum… THERE NOT! And you set yourself and the kid up for failure long term! If I had just done that we wouldn’t have the progress we’ve seen in my kid so far! If I heard anyone say that to my kid.. he would learn a thing or two about advocacy for sure 😅
Small children have a hard time with their emotions. They’re very big and hard to navigate. Asking someone if they’re done something that they have no control over without giving them coping strategies is evil. Emotions are a human condition and we shouldn’t be shamed when they get the better of us. Small children need to have those emotions labelled and then have strategies talked through everytime they have them.
As someone who was adopted as an infant with intense health issues (that caused many families to pass me over and meant I was without parents in a hospital for my first few months of my life) this story sickened me. Adopting a child is as serious of a commitment to that child as birthing them. Huxley was not a commodity or expendable. Parents who “rehome” kids that are inconvenient to them aren’t fit to be called parents at all. They made the choice to adopt a complex child and exploit him and then act all shocked Pikachu face when he had issues and wasn’t a camera-perfect little doll. I look at my mother, a teacher, who was told by doctors I might POSSIBLY have intellectual disabilities due to prolonged oxygen deprivation and went out to get a special education masters degree in preparation just in case, then look at Myka, and it infuriates me. She was a nurse, she had zero excuses.
Right?! Abandoning the child instead of stopping the vlogs to focus on him was a choice. Xtian parents and unocnditional love are truly like oil and water. 🙃🙃🙃
Your mom sounds like an incredible, loving and caring person. You got the mother you deserved. One that would do anything possible and impossible for her child. I wish every child would have this kind of mom. Totally agree with everything you said 👍👍👍
Good to hear the story from the perspective of a grown adopted child that went through this. Something no one has seemed to look into. Thanks so much for sharing.
Oooh good point! But.... Can't wait till kitchen big scrub day.... Gave it about 30 seconds of thought - to save to watch on cleaning day... 😂😂Nope. Bed time with herbal tea and swoop! 🤗
So - the part where Myka gives Huxley treats like a dog - this is a part of Applied Behavior Analaysis (ABA Therapy) the most common form of therapy offered to autistic children. It’s one of MANY reasons why many autistic individuals consider ABA degrading and abusive. I personally, as an autistic person, believe ABA is extremely complicated, and while I would like to see it go away, it’s also the only resource many parents have, so I try not to shame them. But I DO HEAVILY encourage them NOT to do this. This is a practice I advocate heavily against when working with BCBAs, because food should NEVER be used as a reward or punishment. Autistics already struggle with EDs, and this can set up a VERY harmful relationship with food for many autistic children. I also heavily advocate against “Quiet hands.” If the child’s stimming is not harming anyone, let them stim.
I second this, so many people don't realise that the person who created ABA also created gay conversion therapy using the same methodology. It really gets me that for conversion therapy they agree that it doesn't work as it just teaches people to mask and negatively affects their mental health. With ABA the harm is acknowledged but because it is 'successful' it just needs to be modified to reduce harm. They have totally missed that the 'success' they are seeing is masking. Also ABA managed to brand themselves as the 'gold standard treatment' but that is only because it was the first 'successful' treatment option. The thing is though that it doesn't have any gold standard research to back it up. The only research it has is small group (a large study has 20 people in it) and all of it is that at the beginning they could do X and at the end they could do XYZ. They don't have any studies that are against a control group or a different therapy option.
The worst part is that most of his “issues” were likely not because of autism. I’d bet a bottom dollar he had attachment trauma or possibly attachment disorder (rare, but more common from orphanages), which can also present as similar to autism. We had a foster child who came as “autistic” and, due to our pushing for proper and trauma-‘minded eval, left with the proper diagnoses of FASD and reactive attachment disorder. Once proper diagnosis is given, proper treatment can begin. Aba is already bad enough for autistic children, but due to the focus on not accepting undesirable behavior could REALLY be a setback for a child with attachment issues who just needs an extended period of grace and connection instead of correction and training,
Part of me is happy my kiddo wasn't diagnosed until she was a teen, because ABS would have been pushed hard on us and now knowing what I know, it would have been terrible for her. I hope that this child has had a better life with a family that is actually equipped to help him
@@SigEMT09 I personally wouldn’t ever say someone’s issues are not “likely” because of autism, mostly because I’m not involved in his evaluations so therefore I have no way of confirming his diagnosis. For the purposes of my commentary, I solely focus on the information provided.
As an autistic adult who’s worked in ABA I get the not using food as reinforcement, even though we do it in schools and home all the time, your kid gets a A on test, woo lets get ice cream, or setting those contingency. I know my experience is NOT like others, but the BCBAs I’ve worked with hate and advocate against using food because we educate ourselves on how easily it can lead to ED’s. Again, I get my experience is just one but I truly would love to see big changes ABA and move away from the incredibly problematic origins.
My son is disabled, and the number of OTHER PARENTS who have told me that they "couldn't do what [I] do" is just disgusting. Like... what would you do, then? Just dump your kid?
@@nataliet1260 See that’s where I struggle to like “give grace” to other parents who have dissolved their adoptions. If you had biologically given birth to the child, which arguably is the point of adoption (to integrate the child as if you had), you can’t just walk away from them if you find out after they’re born that they are going to be living with a disability? I suppose you can, in theory, but I don’t see why adoption cases are treated any differently in terms of respecting the parent’s decision because it “wasn’t what they were expecting”. I’m sure most biological parents (edited from just parents*) who have a child living with a disability didn’t “expect” those to be their circumstances when they first became pregnant either
@paige8907 I largely agree. I do know of a family who had to disrupt their adoption, but it was necessary for the physical safety & mental well-being of their other two children. Their situation was VERY extreme, however, and probably would have had a biological family looking into residential care. The adopted child in question wound up living with a new family with no other children and the resources to get the kid intensive therapy. It was incredibly sad for everyone involved.
@ Absolutely! I should have clarified, I understand that there are situations and circumstances where a child in any family situation may need additional intervention for those reasons, I could be more sympathetic to a scenario like that. But when it's not because the child's behaviour is a safety risk, for reasons like here where seemingly "it just wasn't what I was hoping it would be", it's inexcusable to me :/
Tell me about it! I’m autistic myself and have a son heading down the same pathway (on a wait list for assessment and is fully expecting a diagnosis from it when we finally get there) and not going to lie it’s tough especially since the parts of the spectrum I struggle with he doesn’t seem to and visa versa ( high masking (me) vs low masking (him)) sometimes his dis regulation can cause me to start to dis regulate myself as stress is probably my most noticeable cause of that… but I have my own coping systems that work around him and me. HOWEVER I would never ever consider getting rid of him in any way. He is my little prince and blows me away with his progress every day, and I have one of the most compassionate 5 year olds I have ever met! Now due to the genetic link that has been established in research I and my partner were well aware that autism is always a possibility, but we couldn’t predict that his struggles would turn out to be more severe than mine, but that doesn’t matter! I was always prepared to love and care for my child no matter what the outcome could have been, be it a need to educate myself on other disabilities or anything my kid may need. And other parents should also be! End of story.
To be fair, Kevin wasn't living in the home when the worst of the abuse actually started. That was Jodi's MO; get the fathers out of the home by convincing them that they had a problem and then indoctrinate the mothers into whatever cultish behavior she was exhibiting. Before all of that, it was mostly just questionable parenting, which wasn't technically illegal. If anything, Kevin is guilty of not looking harder into what his kids were going through after he left the home, but he wasn't complicit in what happened in the end.
I have a feeling both women were extremely abusive and obviously narcissistic towards the children AND the husband. I have more sympathy for the husbands because I doubt they felt they had any choice, esp knowing James never wanted to be on SM and tried his best to not let his family go through it
Wow that clip of Myka saying, "Are you done? Are you ready to calm down now?" with such bitterness in her voice really brought me back to old awful daycare memories. I cannot imagine how hurtful it is to hear your parents and/or caregivers saying that to your face while you are actively struggling. Ugh as awful as it is that they put this child through any of this in the first place, I'm glad the end result is that he found a family that accepted him for who he was regardless of where he was in his journey.
Imagine the amount of kids that were misdiagnosed throughout time , before autism was understood.... There's so many kids diagnosed on the spectrum now because ,The More You Know!! Thank goodness for that!! It just makes me physically sick to see how Mica(misspelled on purpose) treated this child.. So upset. I look at my son an cannot imagine treating him like that... I was adopted an loved by my adopted Mum only .. grateful for her always.. but want to see ppl who look like me, look like me .. sorry so much comment this hits a chord deep in me ... Swoop grateful for you girly ! 🫵🏽🪨💗🫵🏽😘🫂😘
Right?? Im gen z and i feel like thoes comments were commonplace bc they didnt know that tantrums are a form of non verbal comunication like they do now
I had a reply here but it disappeared ... I was just pointing out something i heard when Myca was talking under James. She said to Huxley 'are you over yourself yet?'. Just makes me so sick.
Adoptee here. I was adopted as a baby and I always was told the story of my adoption. It was a bedtime story of the journey my parents went through to adopt me. It was always a special and beautiful story. As an adult. I was able to locate and meet my biological mother, with both my mom and dad coming with me. I met her family, her husband and my half siblings and we all are just very blessed. They are all good people. We live in different countries and speak different languages (I'm in Canada , biological mom and family are in Ukraine), but we are still all close - despite the war right now.. I had a really good adoption experience. I think if I found out as a teen or an adult, it would have turned out very differently
Your experience is very much like my mother’s. She was adopted in the sixties and it was never hidden or seen as a negative thing which was not the norm in Canada (hello fellow Canuck!). Mom had health problems, it any disabilities but still some serious stuff but I remember my mother telling me that even though kids at school would tell her that gran and gramp would ‘send her back’ every time she got sick, mom never, ever actually thought there was any truth in that. When mom had biological children of her own and we were treated just the same as all the cousins. Except my sister, she was the favourite lol. It was a non issue. Mom met her biological mother in the 90s, and they had a relationship, but my sister and I didn’t and that was okay too. I believe thats how adoption should always work.
That’s incredibly sweet that your parents would tell you the story of your adoption as a bedtime story when you were little. I’m a fellow adoptee and my folks would do the same thing; in fact they bought me a little book: I Am Adopted by Susan Lapsley, illustrated by Michael Charlton, and published by Bradbury Press in 1974 (yeah, I’m old). Even though the book is 50 years old, the message to adopted children it carries is still relevant to this day: adoption is normal and you are LOVED! The Stauffers are absolute trash for what they did to that poor child! My parents sure weren’t perfect by any stretch of the imagination; I wasn’t an easy child either (undiagnosed neurodivergence). I always knew that I was wanted and when the chips were down, my folks always had my back!
this one hits close to home. my brother and sister were both adopted internationally and my little sister is disabled. my parents were NOT told about her disability at adoption so they had no prior warning of her being completely deaf and having severe ehlers-danlos syndrome as well as mental health struggles. and my parents never even once considered putting her back up for adoption. we love her unconditionally and wouldn’t change one thing about her (except the chronic pain). the stauffers piss me off so much. THEY WERE WARNED. i truly believe they adopted this poor child for clout fully knowing they had doubts about their ability to care for him and to love him unconditionally. i don’t think they ever truly loved him, only what he provided for them.
"she could deal with 99 conditions but I guess this ain't one" caught me off-guard SO hard that I just had to pause the video to lose my sh*t laughing for a bit before I could continue. thank you for inserting those moments of sass and levity into your storytelling, it makes the videos enjoyable to watch even with their often VERY heavy topics.
Didn't they give up adoption from Africa because those agencies had a non-publication clause for their kids specifically to AVOID people using adopting from Africa for attention online?
The fact that she tried to get pregnant with someone she was in a relationship with for only 4 months was already a red flag that maybe she is not making responsible decisions when it comes to having children.
I seriously doubt she was "trying" to get pregnant with that guy. Most likely she doesn't want to be judged for having premarital sex as the "good Christian" she presents herself to be. So framing the pregnancy as an intentional decision, even though they weren't married, is a way to make it seem more acceptable. She hopes people will look the other way when it comes to premarital sex as long as the goal was to make a baby.
@BradK28 i agree with you, it doesn't seem genuine at all that she would twice decide to get pregnant, magically become pregnant and then get engaged very quickly afterwards. Nah. She had 3 accidentally pregnancies but is worried Christians won't watch her videos if they know.
Imagine meeting someone with a baby and they tell you "oh, it's my baby, I won't put him up for adoption!" I assumed not, why do you feel like you need to tell me that? What's on your mind?
Her saying her kid “hadn’t grasped” looking into her eyes enraged me as a “level 2” autistic with SPD. What he grasped was this weird lady was trying to force him to do something he found pointless at best and deeply uncomfortable or painful at worst. SHE didn’t grasp that. SHE didn’t grasp he needed his thumb for regulation. SHE needs empathy training. and as a kid whose MOUTH was duct taped I’m still tense all over just thinking about how that felt on my body 😭 that would have caused me so many more meltdowns. And the punishment and forcing behavior just turns it into a catch 22. Seriously I’m still personally tense and stressed from watching her eyeball her kid and shame him for honoring his own needs.
Adoptees also can struggle with attachment. As an adoptee and autism, him not looking in her eyes is probably a combination of both the adoption trauma and autism.
@ that makes sense to me - she was using ABA style training on him it seemed though. I wonder if an adoptee who isn’t also autistic didn’t make eye contact, if the treatment is as insistent and forceful as far as spending multiple sessions a day on it? To me that’s specifically because of the autism dx.
I actually used to watch Stauffer Garage because it helped me go to sleep, so imagine my shock when the channel owner turned out like… that. Sufficed to say I immediately unsubbed when that happened
It fills me with FURY he still has a giant UA-cam following. I was one of the people who emailed his supposed sponsors during all of this controversy when all of this came out. And a a couple did respond and emailed me back. Turns out they didnt sponsor him at all! He had bought their product in bulk and is selling it on his amazon store. So there was nothing they could do. And they were just a small family company (they made car detailing brushes) and they apologized and said they wouldn't sell to him anymore. And another one responded and basically said the same thing that he bought their product in bulk and they were not in any way affiliated with him. So he was pretending to have sponsors i guess? He probably still is pretending honestly
To be fair to those subscribers, theres probably a huge amount that have no idea what trash he is. I can only imagine the cross over between family vlogs and car cleaning isnt massive.
@@hannahxx17also it’s pretty clear she’s the one in charge of the family channel. Like obviously he’s there but it’s clearly more of her thing which makes it easier to hide
Being a disabled person myself, I have noticed that when certain terms are phrases are deemed as outdated, it’s mostly able-bodied people making that decision. And those of us with actual disabilities are rarely asked how we feel on the letter, we just get told that it’s a thing now and we have to go with it. That doesn’t mean it’s every disabled person’s experience, but that’s something that I have definitely noticed.
Agreed. I don't find special needs offensive. It's the same idea as specialized medicine. Many, many people have special needs. The special needs umbrella in education is humongous and wide reaching - it touches challenges in varieties like minor physical disabilities to more encompassing challenges, physical health issues that interfere with learning in a great range from chronic pain to epilepsy, learning disabilities either by nature or nurture such as children enduring home challenges, addiction, students who need extra academic help and test time for any range of reasons including autism, anxiety, ADHD, dyslexia and so on. And mental health issues. Omg, there are so many more. The entire alternative schools, both enrichment and other types like athletic or attendance/graduation focussed. Okay, you get it. It's about tailoring needs academically to the student's individual challenges. 🚸 I will tell you that the entire student body would rebel in total defiance if they changed the title to "disability needs." 😂 Kids be kids and all.
Agreed! My brother is autistic and he was once stopped mid-sentence as he introduced himself, by a woman who told him he should say "person with autism" and that was the "proper" term. He said, "as the autistic person, can I decide that?" Couldn't have agreed more 🙄
Right. My daughter and I both have autism. We were told by various sources that we would’ve been considered as Aspergers at a time, but that they don’t call it anymore. Then they said we’re both considered Level 1, but then others are saying levels are offensive all of the sudden. So wtf are we? I don’t know. I give up.
@@yasaminwhy8212well, I agree with this message thread but the “person WITH condition” is a really helpful rephrasing. Because it harnesses the ability for people to share/describe their conditions without internalizing the stigma or the challenges into their sense of self. Although most of the time when people discuss their conditions in such a personalized way don’t feel hurt to their sense of self, it’s more about protecting against other harder times. The other term changes though do seem exhausting
My biggest issue with this situation will always be that Myka Staufer, as a nurse, would (or at least SHOULD) have known EXACTLY the kinds of things that would have gone with the kinds of issues that Huxley had. That is part of what you learn in nursing school and during your externships/clinical training. She had FAR more education and knowledge on these diagnoses than the average mother EVER gets.
@@melodyssong4916 “I’ve seen so many things in my scope of practice.” THAT’S NOT WHAT THAT MEANS!! 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️ Scope of practice is the set of functions that a healthcare professional is legally allowed to do. For example, diagnosing an illness; this is not in an RN’s scope of practice… it IS in a physician’s, nurse practitioner’s, PA’s scope of practice. She doesn’t even fk’ing know what that means 😂🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
it irks me that they said "for his privacy" when really, it was to protect themselves from criticism for what they've done. they knew they were wrong. they probably noticed all the attention and interactions with the comments on their videos when he wasn't around and wanted to monetize on that bc they knew people would keep coming back to check. it's so heartbreaking. i really hope he's in a better home now. sickening. i knew what happened with this situation, but i never got the details into it. thanks for your time as always, swoop.
Thank you, Swoop, for keeping the nightmare of the Stauffer’s story alive. We should never forget what Myka and James did to poor Huxley. It infuriates me that James still has a channel on YT. They should live out the rest of their days in obscurity and shame. I do feel sorry for their other children and hope the best for them.
This video touched me in a deep way. My son was recently diagnosed with level 2 autism. He's been getting support through speech therapy since he was 2 years old and attended a preschool centered around special needs. My husband and I are realizing that we should seek our own resources because we see a lot of the same signs in ourselves. It's become a family journey for us and there has been so much we learned and still have to learn. He's doing amazing in school, he's in kindergarten and still has an IEP and some of the most supportive teachers and therapists we could ask for. He turns 6 on Saturday and we are beyond proud of him! Thank you so much for addressing this Swoop ❤
Just getting that IEP early is amazing and demonstrates your commitment to him. I had a 504 plan, and it was most helpful in high school, even though I got it in elementary (having that documentation early makes it easy to keep the plan throughout school) Early intervention isn’t the only way, but it sounds like you’re setting your son up for success!
The whole process of getting an IEP, services, insurance coverage, etc. is literally a full time job ON TOP of a parent's regular employment and also the full time job of parenting! It is no joke! I work with autistic children, and I feel very strongly that these kids are AMAZING even if it means more "work." Keep going strong, and my love to all your family!
56:21 gaaargh! As an autistic person, if someone kept demanding that I make eye contact, I’d completely lose it. Eye contact hurts me. I can’t do it on demand.
Agreed! I'm AuDHD and it's literally harder for me to formulate sentences while being forced to make eye contact. Like do you want eye contact or do you want me to speak coherently? You can't demand both and, personally, I'd prefer coherence.
@PostmasterTheEyrie yeah, it's usually really harmful. there's a big difference between teaching disabled kids skills that will help them in life (in all areas) and forcing them through incredibly uncomfortable and distressing "training" to make them APPEAR a little more typical. I notice consistently that ABA and other "therapy" methods are often too focused on outward presentation and not inner experience. if you only care about how other people think about your kid, you're taking the absolute wrong approach. trying to be something we are not completely breaks us, and some of us NEVER really discover our own identity if we have been forced to be something else since we were very small.
It does hurt and unfortunately I was clicker trained to make eye contact. It still hurts to make eye contact to this day tbh and i am NOT better off for it 😂
I do disagree with your point on adopting disabled children. If you get pregnant, yes, you have no choice if the child, sadly, does have a disability once born. But when adopting, the parents do, absolutely, have every right to not pick a disabled child. At least they're still adopting. I do disagree with 'returning' the child if you knowingly adopt a disabled child then no longer want them. It's nuanced though, if you can't care for them, then you should do what's in the child's best interest.
Totally agree with everything you said. When people make the huge decision to become a parent, whether biologically or through adoption, they should be aware of and prepared for the possibility of caring for a disabled child. Even if a child is born nondisabled, there's always a chance of accidents, illness, etc. Far too many people become parents without ever considering the lifelong repercussions for themselves and the child(ren). It's not a decision to be taken lightly. Thank you for sharing this really valuable perspective.
The whole "we decided to have a baby" thing is so sad. Obviously she was having sex for fun with both of her boyfriends, but she feels a need to pretend that these pregnancies were planned to "justify" her premarital sex within her religious structure.
I know it's almost a 2 hour video and there are so many red flags to point out from her clips, but as a disabled person, the "we don't care what's WRONG with him (38:36)" sent chills down my spine when i heard it.
In amongst all the horror of family channel stuff, Swoop gets to something that always angers me as an autistic person - that there is a culture of focusing on how hard it is for parents and caretakers, while ignoring that it's just as hard to be the kid suffering through that. A lot of folks talk about autism like the main symptom is "kid makes his parent's life difficult," as if it's no different than a kid who draws on the walls. Those kids have a hard road and while it is hard for parents too, and no parent wants to see their child unhappy, I wish the narrative focused more on the children suffering through difficult childhoods too, and not JUST on the parents.
Oh and I love hearing from the autistic youtubers and commenters at the end, getting even more into this. The horror and overwhelm of being perceived is exactly what gets turned around when we focus only on how we perceive a kid's impact on those around them, while often not perceiving how the child is suffering too.
yes as a fellow autistic person, I 100% notice this as well. I escaped it a bit since I wasn't diagnosed until I was an adult, but I certainly have seen a consistent narrative of a sort of pity towards parents of autistic kids, even if the person has no idea how "difficult" that autistic kid really is and is just assuming. people tend to just gloss over or not consider that yeah, maybe a kid broke something or messed something up when they had a meltdown, but meltdowns are hell! they are so incredibly shitty to experience. the only reason that screaming or crying or hitting behavior is being projected is because the utter discomfort, overwhelm, and even pain of having a meltdown is too much to contain.
I am autistic and a mother and worked in daycares for 10 years. Generaly there are LOADS of parents who constantly complain about how hard theyr kids are. It gets hightened with disabilities and for Autisem spesificaly AutisemSpeaks made it a promoted thing and a Identity for Parents of autistiv C kids. Many of them propably undiagnosed neurodivergent themself. When I talk to other ND Parents THEY NEVER COMPLAIN. Yes sure its haed sometimes, but in my expirience ND parents are more open and just take the kiddos as who they are becoming, while many of the "normal" Parents have a spesific idea of how and who theyr kid has to be.
@@More13Feen Totally agree with what I've seen as well! It's not that it's not hard on parents, it's that ND parents tend to have much more understanding that it's ALSO hard on the kids, and they can try to work with that. A lot of folks in general just treat all kids like NPCs with no agency and it's really frustrating.
I'm dating someone with autism (amongst other things), and I am angry on all of yalls behalf. Why would someone exploit someone with autism or any disorder for that matter!?
I have 3 kiddos I adopted no one knew that 2 would be autistic with adhd. All would have reactive attachment disorder. One would have a speech disorder and low IQ. And all of them have PTSD.But none of that could ever not make me their mom I took on whatever life brought us. We have hard days wonderful days and just regular days. We have many dr appointments and a ton of melt downs we have miss understanding and I have days where I have to apologize because I became unregulated myself and have to show them that everyone makes mistakes but we have to apologize and try our hardest not to make the same mistake. I would never in my life ever return my kids no matter how hard life gets. I will always find away to help them to the best of my ability! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
I remember how mad I was when their story first came out not having much interaction with the topic. A few years later, I now work directly with nonverbal children. It truly makes my blood boil that people could be so vial and heartless to take advantage of this child. I adore working with nonverbal children, some days are harder than others, but overall I love seeing their growth and progress. It’s so true that they teach you as much as you teach them, if not more. Another amazing doc! Love ya Swoop ❤️
Adoption agencies, that have "no social media" clauses (usually for the 1st 2y) on their contract, are really saving themselves from unscrupulous parents. It should be generalised. Edit: Also, I understand that we are humans and we make mistakes, even preventable ones but when said preventable mistake ends up retraumatising an innocent child, I have ZERO understanding and empathy. Myka will never be able to "cry" her way out of this one in my house. 🙅🏾♀️
I think they were hoping for a baby with a brain tumor so that they could milk all of that content. Between treatments, possibly chemo and radiation, fundraising, maybe even make a wish videos, and possibly even the death of the child. But instead she got a kid with severe autism and then absolutely abandoned him bc it got too hard 😮 I can’t even imagine the trauma that kid went through when he realized his “mom“ was never coming back for him 😢
I did wonder if her being all "this could be even better!" about hearing he had more problems including a brain tumour, was because she thought she might only have to be his mum for a short period of time.
I keep hoping he actually does have attachment disorder and never actually bonded with them. We have had children with attachment disorder and they don’t give a rats a** about a caregiver. I really do hope that was the case for him, and he’s with someone now who has put in the difficult work to create an actual bond he could grow attached to.
Swoop… I am not sure how I have never heard of this story, but speaking as a person whose sister adopted my nephew, a child with ASD level 3, who is now 28 years old, completely non verbal, sometimes aggressive, with a litany of other diagnoses, this makes my stomach turn. I cannot image Bridget, my sister, and her husband ever even considering “returning” my nephew. He is our family. Their life has been very difficult; she has spent her life researching and learning more about his diagnoses to try and make his life better. He will live with them until they can no longer care for him, but he is their son. Period.
I have a 10 year old son with ASD level 3, and I myself suffer from various mental illnesses. It was a very rough birth where we both almost didn't make it. It's just he and I, and it is the hardest thing in the world for both of us everyday, we do have support he is in a very good school, it just feels like I'm alone in this and I'm not good enough for him, and dont know if Im strong enough. He's a beautiful loving angel, and I want the absolute best for him. I normally don't write comments, but by the end of this video, I was in tears. This just broke my heart.
As a mother to a disabled child (and I'm using child loosely because he's now 22), I can promise you that as long as you are doing your best to show up for him, you are doing amazing! He may never be able to tell you the way you expect to hear it, but I know in my heart that he love and appreciates all you do for him. I get it, it can be so hard, and likewise we can be so hard on ourselves. All those little things that go differently than we planned or expected aren't as big as our hearts make them out to be. It's a really odd thing to say, but the fact that you are questioning if you're doing enough, or strong enough, is a VERY good indicator that you are doing fantastically. Bad parents just assume that they're totally great, and it's everybody else that is the problem. Good parents almost universally find ways to question themselves regularly because they want the absolute best for their kids. Hang in there. This internet stranger believes in you!
1:04:10 Autistic meltdowns are not tantrums. The person is not in control. A tantrum is a deliberate act to manipulate. A meltdown is not done on purpose and is not able to be controlled.
I don’t personally believe tantrums are always a form of manipulation but a lacking of able to express themselves, for ex toddlers and kids have tantrums but it’s not necessarily to manipulate the parent. I personally think they’re both synonymous but also could be used in different settings, such as a tantrum for maybe speaking about a child and a melt down or breakdown for a adult
I agree with both of these kinda A tantrum is just emotional dysregulation or inability to comunicate (the idea its for manipulation just comes fromadults centering their childs experience around their feelings rather than what the kids going thru) not saying a kid being grouchy or mean bc they were told no never happends but even then its a reaction to a thing not a thought out if i act this way ill get something they dont have the developmental capacity in early childhood to manipulate Meltdowns generally are a sensory over load or being every overwelmed by changes or other situations nt kids dont find overwelming meltdowns are exclusive to the nd (all mh conditions not just asd and adhd) and arent something that nt people experience
In practice I find it is not helpful honestly to try and distinguish between tantrums and meltdowns. Being out of control feels YUCKY either way. It’s distressing and can be scary. I think loving boundaries plus acceptance plus availability is the right approach either way.
@@kasskersI believe it is manipulation in its most basic form. Not all acts of manipulation are done purposefully or with malicious intent. It is a failure to communicate in an effective manner that leads to the manipulation of others around you to conform to your wants. For a good example of non intentional manipulation in adults people with bpd (borderline personality disorder) like me can be extremely manipulative without realizing it. I do not try to my acts of manipulation are purely reactionary due to my emotional state in those moments but they are manipulative nonetheless. The kid doesn’t understand that it is manipulative and they shouldn’t be punished for it however I do think it’s useful for parents to recognize it as manipulation so the parent can react accordingly. At least that’s my opinion. I just see a lot of my own behaviors happen during a child’s tantrum (the yelling crying and screaming and even hurting themselves or others) like I said though it’s not done with malice or active intent but it’s still manipulation. And i do only compare my adult bpd to childhood tantrums because at least for me in those moments of manipulation I do regress to a more childlike state and lose my ability to engage with adult methods of emotional regulation so it does feel like I’m that toddler throwing a tantrum over a piece of candy and it’s honestly horrific.
They can be both manipulative and out of the person's control depending on the person and the episode. It's not always one or the other and you can't group ppl and stick them in a box.
SOOOOO glad to see someone with this large of a platform doing a story about this!!! If NOTHING else there needs to be a law that if you adopt or foster kids, you cannot put the on social media for clout AND cannot discuss their private medical info or that of their birth parents online either. You shouldn’t be able to discuss any kids person medical info online for profit cuz these parents wouldn’t be as open about their own!
Idk about every state, but a lot of states do have laws against putting foster kids online, that is why so many of these mommy vloggers don’t want to do foster care. I’m in ca and my mom did foster care, and she couldn’t even post them on her private Facebook page even though they were like her own children
About white people adopting black children and respecting their culture and more specifically hair care - I cannot stop recommending Christy Gior and her videos of taking care of her adopted daughter's hair
And Jeena Wilder is a black woman who adopted a white little girl, one that was biologically related to her husband I think (maybe his niece?). but she speaks a lot to how hair care for her daughters long blond hair is very different from her other kids’ natural textured hair :)
There's a video about a woman who does her mixed sons hair (it's freaking Rapunzel hair and his natural hair is wonderful) and she makes so many videos dragging people that want her to straighten it to 'see what it looks like'. he loved it so much it was pure she's able to give him a healthy relationship with his hair
As a sibling of a child who was "adopted-out" (thankfully we have a great relationship and she runs an adoption advocacy group), the thing our general public needs to focus on criticizing is the PROFIT that comes from adoption. Remove religious groups from the process. Make it free or at least accessible so families don't spend money on the service they should be spending on actual childcare. Please. Adoption will seriously mess kids up if it's not handled correctly and 99% of religious services are involved in highly traumatizing or downright trafficky practices.
I don’t think adoption should ever be free except through foster care, but the funding should 100% go to nonprofit organizations promoting ways for parents to not HAVE to choose adoption due to finances etc. Why should an adoption director make bank off of selling babies when half the parents making an adoption plan wouldn’t do so if they had a way to keep the baby?!
I will never forget when she took her kids shopping and bought all of the kids their own gift except for Huxley. He was told he could share with her youngest child at the time. I also remember how it came out that she would put Huxley to bed early and then have a movie night, where all of her biological kids, her words, would gather in her and her husband's bedroom, snuggle up on the bed, and watch a family movie together. Soon after adopting Huxley she got pregnant with her youngest child. Once she had him, she was done 'playing" with Huxley. Also, her first husband has apparently said that her narrative about how they jointed decided to have a baby on the spur of the moment and that he cheated is all completely false and fabricated. Apparently she fabricates a lot. Her former co-workers have also come out and stated that a lot of her narrative about being an oncology nurse was exaggerated and false.
it's so clear to me that she never actually saw huxley as a person. she's like one of those people that buys a puppy and as soon as that puppy turns into an adult dog it gets taken to the shelter.
I worked as a behavior interventionist for very young kids with high support needs and my fav quote I heard from a supervisor was “When you’ve met 1 person with autism, you’ve met 1 person with autism”
EXACTLY it pisses me off so much when people think we're all the same "you're autistic? i have an autistic nephew and you act nothing like him" and the nephew is literally A 9 YEAR OLD BOY dude obviously im not gonna act like your nephew im 17 and trans ppl need to stop thinking autism is just something on a slider with autistic on one end and "normal" on the other a better visual could be one of those music things w a bunch of sliders and imo even w that i just cant imagine a way to describe autism as a whole i can barely even "visualize" my own autism
when I interviewed for my current job (I work at a school for children with asd) my supervisor said the same thing, and that's how I knew I had ended up at the right place.
The way she talks is so patronising. She reminds me of a teacher I had who would blame being bullied on me. Like just imagine someone passive aggressively telling you that it's your fault in that tone of voice.
I had a councillor at my school do this to me too. She literally made me cry cause she was getting angry at me when I said I didn’t find what the other students were doing as bullying. Tone of voice is important
I just want to say that like, what’s sad about Huxley is that there are so many good parents out there who, by virtue of *being good parents* realized that their limitations would not fit his needs and chose not to adopt him, and the end result was that he was adopted by someone who was deeply ignorant of their own capabilities.
Swoop, I want to say thank you from the top, middle, and bottom of my heart for being the kind of person that is so incredibly loving and caring that you have drawn in so many other incredibly loving and caring people. Seeing internet strangers take time out of their day to uplift others in this community truly gives me the warm fuzzies. I may not be able to afford or fit into one of your stunning hoodies, but I feel just a little closer to being all wrapped up in one!
For the record from one mixed girl to another I am so obsessed with your natural hair and need all of your tips and tricks! Hoping one day mine looks even a little as amazing as yours
Same! I don't want to make people uncomfortable, but I sometimes find myself staring at people who have such beautiful hair. Afro curls, dreads, extreme length, I think it's so cool!
Another important thing to note re: the disability conversation is that not all disabilities are from birth. “Person with a disability” is one of the few minorities that you can end up in at any time, in any circumstances. People can be one health complication, one car accident, etc., away from also living with a disability. This is why accommodations, legislation, and society at large should be more supportive of all folks who live with these realities. If you can join their community at any time, why wouldn’t you want the proper protections in place? You may need them, yourself, at some point in the very near future.
As an adopted person, mother, and person who struggles with fertility, these people piss me off more than just about everyone else. The toxic positivity, the family vlogging, everything they do is an assault to my senses targeted directly at what hurts me most. These people remind me of the saying that every kid deserves a parent but not every parent deserves a child. Abhorrent, infuriating, and just so sad for those kids. I hope those babies are ok.
I always feel so seen while watching your docs. As someone who was put on disability this year, I've had time to dive deep into UA-cam. Watching your videos has been highlight moments of my year 🥰 I also recently bought my first YT merch and its your Valid Social Club sweatshirt... you were not kidding about how soft it is, I got the kitty making biscuits on me everytime I wear it. Thank you for all youve brought to my 2024, your hard work is sooo appreciated!
Why would you go halfway across the world to adopt a baby and name him "Huxley"? It's nothing against the name per se, but it's not a Chinese name... he isn't even in their home yet when they pick his name, and they're already knocking over pieces of his heritage like little domino's 1 by 1 getting rid of little pieces of his culture. He had a name. His birth mother gave him a name.
He already had a name, and there’s absolutely zero reason why they shouldn’t have kept it, or the American translation of it. Same with kids in foster care. We keep our kids’ names if they have been hearing that name for more than a year of their life. Period.
Right! It really bothers me how white parents will adopt non-white children and then do no homework or put in any effort whatsoever to incorporate that child’s home culture, etc., into their lives It’s not as common as it used to be, but it’s still a huge problem with these types of adoptions
Apparently birth names aren’t important anymore. What if they game him a typically female name because he preferred girl clothes and typical girl toys?
As an AuDHD adult, I want to please urge parents of neurodivergent children to let those lil ones decide who is privy to thier diagnosis as much as possible. Share your experience separate from your family account or in a way that does not disclose thier identity. I want families to have community and encourage one another without making decisions that those children can not conceive of or consent to.
I was 60 when a cousin told me I am adopted. I was left hurt and bewildered. Please tell your child who they are - as much as always loved by you but biologically someone elses. I still wish my mum would have done that for me. Healing now is hard.
If a kid is raised with the knowledge in a matter of fact way, it's never a bombshell, it never rearranges their worldview, it's just part of their life. They might get curious, but they have solid foundations to deal with it.
That is awful, I'm so sorry. Not exactly the same, but I found out at 37 that I was donor conceived, via DNA test. I also found out that my donor had died from heart related issues. Not long after that I was DXd with several congenital heart conditions (including a gene mutation that causes Sudden Cardiac Death), and now have an ICD (Implantable defibrillator). This has also affected my own kids. Parents...TELL YOUR KIDS!
I’m 60 also. In our era it was a stigma to be adopted. I remember kids in the spirit of hatefulness teasing other kids that they were adopted because their parents didn’t want them. I’m glad we don’t live in that world today and we can tell your adopted child they’re adopted without worrying about how they will be treated.
@@selinesbeauAgree with this. I was conceived through IVF when IVF itself was still super new. To parents much older than typical too (not that people judged my dad as much- men really do get off easier in so many ways! but I got asked so many nosy questions even as a very young child or just people assuming my mom was my grandma). Anyway- my parents were always super open about my conception and I had the vaguest memories of watching my dad give my mom the shots that are part of the early process when they conceived my younger brother. It was always super normalized to me and it’s something I’ve always been very grateful for and have a lot of respect for how my parents handled it. Wasn’t easy for them. My mom’s mom openly told her she was too old to have a baby and like I said, lots of ageist comments from people and being asked if she was my “real” mom and all kinds of crap. So in a way I feel for parents who are worried about judgment or questions and the world is way too nosy about all these types of things but even then it’s better to face that stuff and feel like you’re together in it as a family than what I imagine the betrayal and identity crisis and a zillion other things that must come from only finding our decades later. I can’t even imagine what that must feel like. I’ve had a few times growing up where I got pressed for info no one should ever be asking a child about where I was half gaslit into wondering if I was adopted or if there was some other secret my parents weren’t telling me about. But because my parents were so open about the topic and all their fertility struggles and journey… just gotta be better than any other alternative.
Yoooo i have been waiting for years for you to cover this, I actually went to elementary school with James. He and his brothers were literal boy scouts. It was nuts watching all of this go down.
Swoop: *mentions about the colder weather following Christmas* Me, an Australian: Wha- WHAT!? GURL I'M DYING IN THIS HE- Wait, she's from America. At least she mentioned cold for most people. Seriously, it's so damn weird seeing everywhere online turn to snow when Christmas shows up, when in Australia we're either swimming in our clothes or hiding from the sun because it's so hot. Like, I have never seen real snow in my life, and I doubt I ever will.
I’m the sister/caregiver of a 27 yo ASD Level 1. At diagnosis (2 1/2) she was level 3. After years of blood , sweat, tears, and every therapy we could try…we reached level 1. She has a bachelor’s degree and has worked at the same job (full time) for 4 years. We had many bad days. We had melt downs in public with people commenting that we shouldn’t be placating a “spoiled child”. However, we had amazing days and amazing trips. She is my best friend!
this story breaks my heart so much. i work in a daycare and we see children with special needs have parents that really struggle. but at the end of the day you can tell they love their child so so much. they didnt view him as theirs. its disgusting
I use to work in adult group homes and it is a life long commitment to have and love a special needs child. They didn’t know what they were getting into at all.
I have 3 kids, all autistic/ ADHD and one on each level (as well as being AuDHD myself). It is not "quirky" or "cutesy" to raise a child with complex disabilities, every day is a struggle. We are warriors who sacrifice so much to give our kids the best life we can, it is not for the weak, and in her case, the extremely ignorant. Most of us didn't choose this life but we rose to the occasion, if she can't do that, then don't break that poor child's heart by abandoning him cuz he's "too difficult". I hope he is living his best life now and being treated the way he deserves.
@AshChiCupcak you are so amazing. i see the snippets of what it is like raising these children and it is hard work. i really cant grasp the lack of compassion they had for this baby. duct taping his little fingers? why cant he suck on his thumb. i have no idea what they were thinking when adopting him
I’m a mom of 3 autistic kids and this family just makes me so angry. I’m only a few minutes into the video, but I remember these people. I hope that little boy is happy with his new family.
I have autism, ADHD, and anixity. My autism have made that I have social anexity. It´s hard to get all social cues for me. I´m have a hard time to talk to people. It also made me very ridig, very hard routins that I feel so much better if I can follow them completly. This also helps my ADHD, but the slightest change give me lots of anxity and a bit panic... I got my diagnos just a few years ago. I had no idea why I was so different as a child. Now I can work to cope. Thanks for a great video! Much love! 💖
So excited for this. I used to follow her in my "high school kid watches family vloggers" era and when everything happened with their adopted child, I was so disgusted I left the genre entirely. I found his new family's Instagram a few years ago, as a selfish "closure from a parasocial relationship" move, and was relieved to see he seemed to be doing fine.
she (at least back then: I don’t follow things like this anymore) doesn’t use his old name, reference his old family, or show him often. I also don’t like knowing his face is still online, but at least her posts have more of a casual “mom talking to her friends” vibe like “look at our new pillow fort setup” with the kids just in the background of the picture or celebrating little wins, not showing the kids’ struggles.
I used to watch myka as well and I remember when this all happened. It was crazy. Around the apologize video Myka uploaded a video of her cleaning the fridge but she was using her husband's products. Kind of trying to promote his channel and products. And then it was deleted shortly after because of all of the hate comments and I'm assuming not to link her husband to her.
I was thinking the same thing! How hard is it to say, "Thank you, sweetheart! I love your hugs! Would you like to show me your toes?" One of the best things from my disabled son is his hugs! Sometimes they're a rarity, but that just makes them even more special when he is willing to give them. The only time I could even consider that a "problem" is when reminding a child that not everyone finds hugs enjoyable, so it's always best to get consent first. Obviously, in a manner appropriate for that child's comprehension, but you get the point.
i have a child in my class who is non verbal, and his way of showing appreciation and affection is to give these very tight hugs where he presses his cheek against mine. I can't get enough of them. it warms my heart to know that he trusts me that much. it's so sad that she can't even appreciate the fact that her child is trying to show her love.
@@matildesimsby9163 I love this so much! When my son was still in public school, one of the things that made me happiest was knowing that the teachers, therapists, para-professionals, and everyone else that came in contact with him loved him almost as much as we do. He's 22 now, and he's still known in our community. My husband was at the grocery store and he ran into one of our son's first teachers and she was so excited to hear all about what our son had been up to. Life isn't what I expected, but I love what an amazing young man he has become. There are certainly days that I question myself enough to think that he has become who he is in spite of all of my failings, but even if that is true, he's still incredible and I wouldn't trade him for the world. All this to say, thank you for being one of the incredible humans that helps guide and teach our children. It's people like you that make it a little easier to breathe when we send our children off to school!
Hi Swoop As someone who has a family member who has Autism, thank you from the bottom of my heart for not only researching what you can about these subjects, but also educating us on these things. I wish you, your team, and the Billing Department a happy holiday and a merry Christmas. Cheers from Canada!
NOT ABOUT Myka, but in regards to the many caregivers that quit, parents and caregivers go through so much! These families have been destroyed, marriages ruined, parents have ended their lives over the extreme stress. These ppl deserve the greatest of respect and admiration. They deserve all the help they can get, unfortunately, parents of children on the spectrum dont get the help they desperately need. Myka and James are different. They wanted a prop, not a child.
Yeah that was first red flag for sure! 😂 I'm a nurse and I cannot tell you how many other nurses I've met that are literally Myka clones. Pretending to be a saint, pretending to be a good person, naming their kids Brayden or Huxley, they look like her, they dress like her, they talk like her. While they are the meanest bullies behind the scenes. It's honestly scary how theres probably thousands of Mykas just like her in nursing and being responsible for the health pf people dependent on them across the US.
@@WhitneyDahlinI’m not even close to being a nurse, I’m a welder and sheet metal fabricator. But your post was so spot on to even MY experiences with those folks. Well done.
Across the board, from what’s in this video, Myka was never focused on what the CHILD needed. From the jump, it was about HER being “needed”, and HER being the one to win, or triumph, for HER “love” To win the day. If she had ever stopped to think, “Can we give this child what is best for HIM?”, it would have been a massively different process.
This is SUCH a common theme amongst many hoping to adopt and adoptive families. Especially the moms…. And I say this as an adoptee with a damn good adoptive mom. But I’m real good at picking out the bad apples. It’s too easy.
That’s why I suspect they were looking at children of different races to make it even more obvious that the child isn’t their biological child-look at how benevolent we are.
I used to work adjacent to the foster care system and some foster parents expected the children to be so appreciative for being “rescued”. However, the child never asked to be removed from the home and they never asked to live with the foster parent. Why do they have to stroke the foster parents’ egos for doing something the foster parents signed up for?
Kudos to Mz. Swoop!! You did a phenomenal job from start to finish!! Informative, factual with an authentic twist!! I love it...Thank you & Blessings to you!! Keep at it!!
1:27:37 I believe it’s because of who was the “face” of the channel/scandal. For Ruby and Mika, they were both the main faces of the channel, the main ones in the videos. That’s why their husbands are able to hide behind them - they were always in the background of the videos. For daddy o five and Austin mcbroom, those guys were moreso the main faces on their channels, the main ones spearheading the issues we saw in their videos…so hence the canceling of those men.
China adoptions are closed now but at the time the Stauffers were adopting foreigners could ONLY adopt a special needs child. So, I didn’t take her question as a search for a disability that would make her look saintly but as a search for the easiest disability. Since she could only choose a disabled child, she wanted one that would have only a minor disability. She didn’t want a disabled child at all; she wanted a cute, cuddly one but that’s hard to get from a foreign adoption since many countries only offer special needs children to foreigners.
Jfc, that's so messed up for the kids. They can't even grow up in their own country. The Chinese government is dumping these children on purpose is dark.
She specifically asked for one that "is easy to take care of but looks hard to take care of", though. If it was only about making sure she could manage the adoptee, why specify the second part?
In addition to her looking for a child who still _looked_ more difficult to take care of, as @PostmasterTheEyrie said, they also didn't _have_ to adopt from China.
Another commenter pointed out that Huxley wasn't actually chosen because he's autistic, he was originally diagnosed with a terminal brain tumor and given 2 years to live. Once they had him the doctors actually said it wasn't terminal and he'd live. For normal people, especially parents, that would be something beyond relief and joy that their baby would survive not just cancer but cancer that was expected to take them before they were even old enough to tie their own shoes, but Myka wanted him *specifically* for his terminal diagnosis and James actually fought her on adopting Huxley: she thought she'd get praise for adopting, for adopting a child with ASD, and adopting a child with cancer all in one convenient package, she'd get to give in a good couple of years, and praised for that the whole time too, and then would get so much sympathy once he passed. But once he was no longer dying and would need, you know, care, love, and she'd actually have to learn how to properly parent a child on the spectrum, she just gave him away. She wasn't adopting a son, she expected to get a prop.
I am really struggling with this. I am an adopted person and an adoptive parent of a child adopted from Russia. We went into our adoption being very aware that our child would likely need therapy and educational supports and so it breaks my heart to hear about dissolution, but even more so, it enrages me to hear of families profiting off of adoption. Adoption is primarily an occasion of loss for everyone in the triad and should not be exploited for clicks and views. I hope this child is thriving with his family now.
As a Russian adoptee with disabilities, I want to thank you for taking time to write out your comment. I couldn’t have written it better myself. Thank you.💛
I'm really glad that Huxley is no longer being exploited online but I do wish we had a tiny update about him. I really hope he is thriving as best as he can. ❤
I used to work in group homes for mentally disabled adults, one of my favorite jobs ever, they were all so smart and wonderful in their own ways, they just needed some help. I think any parent adopting a disabled child needs to go through the training i did. It wasn't hard and gives so much insight and help. I am so grateful you took this on with so much compassion
That broke my heart because Huxley sounds so much like my own Autistic nephew. His happy chirps give me life. At 4 years old he's finally more vocal and learning how to tell us his wants, feelings and needs. For our family he's been our joy. We celebrate the moment he decides to try something new of his own volition!! We worry about if he's getting enough nutrients (his pediatrician assures us he is, but ya can't help but worry ya know), or how to help him. And yet he's also so freaking smart! My lil buddy can count to 20 and he knows letters and colors. He puts puzzles together and loves to find out how things work. These things are what make all our fears and struggles worth it! And that's from his Tia, his mommy could tell you so much more haha.
As an adopted child, this situation really troubles me. I remember when this got into the news, I asked my mom if they would still have adopted me if I was sick and they said they were ready to care for me no matter what. Also, I understand documenting the process of adoption. My mom kept everything from my adoption, but it’s something so private…
My mom knew my bio parents, and knew I was "going to be a handful" as she says 😂 It hasn't always been easy, but I think it's been an overall net positive. I'm just so infinitely thankful I didn't have to do my time in The System
I also remember this story, though I'd never seen or heard of the blog/vlog beforehand. Bare minimum, at 2 yrs old, you have to assume a child has command of words that mean food, drink, etc. Child words, but still communication that said child knows will get their needs met if used. When a parent who doesn't understand that child's 1st (and at that point only) language takes that child into a home where those words are treated like unintelligible sounds, then frustration and tantrums will be a given, even if the child is completely average and healthy in their development. The child is hungry, but the parents don't know the Chinese word for hungry or food, so the child bites. ANY adoptive parent that isn't a relative should be required to have at least the same understanding of the language as the child in question. Little guy could be asking for a toy politely, but since his siblings don't know that, they don't respond as the baby expects, so the baby does what babies do, and lashes out. He's then faulted for those actions, when he possibly attempted actual communication first. If you rehome a pet you've adopted through the ASPCA or Humane Society, you never get the privilege of adopting a pet again. How is it easier to rehome a human child than a puppy?
A lot of times if you try to rehome an animal people tell you to just try harder. If someone says they want to rehome a child, I would assume they're either in over their heads, didn't realize it would be this hard, and the rehoming is breaking their hearts, OR, they're like the people Swoop is talking about here. Either way, the child is better off with a new family and needs to be removed ASAP. It shouldn't be easier to rehome a human child, but I can see why it is.
"Gotcha day", "rehome", and the way she talked to that child is giving dehumanizing. Its the same exact way you speak about and to a dog. Made me really uncomfortable to see. I've worked with kids with "special needs" before, and was quickly the go to person my coworkers would offload them onto. Why? Because I treated them like any other child while accommodating their needs. No baby talk, no condescending tone, no frustration. Because of this, all those kids favored me and began to resent my coworkers, leading them to act out when not under my specific care. These kids are just as human as everyone else and it sickens me to see them being treated like inferior.
Thank you for this, I’ve heard this story covered so much but not a productive response to the situation. The questions at the end and a more in depth exploration of adopting disabled or neurotypical children was the best take away to be honest.
My son has health issues that will take him from me, not once did I ever want to give up on him, EVER. I wouldn't change anything about him. Some people should not be around kids.
My adoption was the biggest gift I have ever been given. I came from an abusive and neglecting bio family and was 8 when I was adopted. Kids are not products you buy in a store, they’re non refundable and kids who are older can have mental, physical, and emotional trauma that needs to be worked through. The adoptions over seas are not that much different though there could be more health factors associated. It’s a lot to take on and it can take a mentally and emotionally strong person to be able to help these kids. My parents are the strongest people I know because they adopted 8 of us, and we all had issues. I don’t know how they managed but they did their best but what they didn’t do is give the kids back. They handled it like a parent would, finding a solution to the problem and getting us help. I will admit, it was still difficult in our house growing up and I was emotionally neglected for which my parents have apologized for, but they did their best and I am a better person because of my adoptive parents.
Man, this gives me so much hope for one of my children who is struggling, I swear they can’t stand me and wish they’d be with their biological family, but that’s not possible so we will go to the ends of the earth helping them understand their value to us and the world. Thanks for sharing.
@ as an older child you start to understand that nobody wants you when you’re taken from your parents and moved from foster home to foster home. It’s when you don’t back down and still show them love that those defenses break and they start to believe you when you say that they’re not going anywhere and you will be with them. When they’re old enough you can tell them why they were taken (my parents were addicts) and let them make their own decision on bio family then. Stay strong! You can do this and they hopefully will be grateful.
@ I don’t expect them to be grateful, ever. I just want them to believe that my love is genuine. That really is my only hope, because they truly hung the moon and the stars for me!
@ hang in there! Therapy would be great for both of you too if you’re able to. It’s what helped my parents with some of my siblings. But showing they matter to you and that you’re not going anywhere will break through. You’ve got this!
Thank you so much for saying “we are all doing the best we can here” about using “special needs” vs disability bc I started feeling guilty for using “special needs” terms sometimes while describing my son who has ASD but then you said you understand how delicate these terms can be, etc. but I am glad to learn about why there’s terms can be problematic.
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I have gotten exactly to the point of your gummibear earrings! I was admiring them before you mentioned them and THEY ARE EVERYTHING. That is all! Back to the doc!
What, you’re not doing a video on me?
I guess it's very fresh - at least on german UA-cam - but I would love you to cover the "nurse" Hannah Biatt topic when enough information has emerged to do so! ❤
THANKS FOR THIS SWOOP ❤❤❤❤❤
Happy holidays Swoop❤
Myka actually chose Huxley because he was diagnosed with the brain tumor and was originally given 2 years to live. Once home, they discovered he would NOT die. This was not great news for his parents, like it normally would be. I followed this story after they rehomed their son. They expected 2 years then they could suck up the sympathy from their dead child. Instead, their child would live, and would live with them forever in constant need of care. They were buying a prop, not lovingly adopting a son. They WANTED him to die! It's extremely sick. I think this tid bit of info is much needed before making up your mind on Myka and James. And it's mostly Myka, which is why she is taking so much heat. James fought this, but Myka has been desperately trying to be UA-cam famous for years. Her story gets much darker than her husband's.
Their's wasn't a normal situation, like the other lady who had to give up her child. This was different. Huxley was a prop the entire time to them. They had a plan to adopt a terminally ill child...so he would DIE! It's so horrible.
I agree with this take. I think she thought he was terminal. I think she thought she could pour love all over him and give him a vreat end of life story. The reality was different.
What a VILE monster!
Wow. Just when you think the story can’t get worse, it does. How atrocious. That poor child.
I honestly think this too. The way she talks about Huxley before and after they actually get him living with them… she’s gross.
@@melaniemarrone9521 of course, that great end of life story was for her benefit, not his.
Jeannette McCurdy and Alyson Stoner said it best, even if the famiiy itself isnt abusive, making a child the breadwinner of a family is a form of ca. No child should live under that level of pressure.
Agreed wonder if thats why kids of famus parents do better than kids that are famus but parents arent bc the celeb parents have jobs where most child stars whos parents arent also in that industry dont tend to have jobs
@@pinetreegreen3330just curious, why ‘famus’ instead of ‘famous?’
I knew about this story for a long time. But I never followed them. As difficult as this story is, I felt the child would have been better off in a home where he was with parents who were willing and better equipped to deal with his disabilities. It is easy to say I can do this. I can be the child's hero until you are faced with the trauma of everyday life dealing with the child. Even many biological parents will put a special needs child in home care because they can't deal with the child's needs. Although this sounded from everyone's opinion , it was very cruel, I felt differently. I felt it was the best thing they could do for him. I am not sure these kids are capable of growing an attachment to anyone person. He should have never been put up for adoption.
Jeanette McCurdy is a strong and valiant woman! I have so much respect for her.
It also warps their versions of acceptance. Like I never knew how drunk my dad always was cause that’s just how he was growing, I didn’t realize that wasn’t normal until our mom left him. (Not trying to trauma dump I swear)
Me: "Huh...I don't think I remember that name. Who was Myka Stauffer again?"
Video intro: "We're gonna adopt...from China!"
Me, neck-deep in flashbacks like an amnesiac hero in a movie getting all their memories back: "...oh. OH. IT'S THESE PEOPLE. THE PEOPLE WHO ADOPTED A SPECIAL NEEDS BABY AND THEN *SENT HIM AWAY.* LET'S GO, SWOOP. GET PETTY WITH IT!"
I had the same reaction. "My child is not... returnable."
This was my exact thought process 😩
There isn’t enough petty that can be said about what they did.
Suddenly, my brain was inundated with the term 'rehomed.' and I remembered my reaction to those words, 'You 'rehome' a dog, YOU CAN'T REHOME A CHILD, WHAT?!'
me
I follow the IG of the woman who adopted Huxley and the updates she posts occasionally show that he is so happy and thriving in her care, especially as she also respects his cultural identity and makes an effort to keep him connected to his heritage
I just let out a sigh of relief
Thank you, truly.
oh thank god. Thank you so much for letting us know he is ok and loved.
So it worked out in the end.
What is her IG handle ??
As someone who works with autistic kids to hear her say "are you done? Are you over yourself? " makes me want to scream!
same. if I ever heard a coworker talk like that to the children I work with I would tell them off immediately. acting like a meltdown is something that's in the childs control is just ridiculous.
As an autistic person this enraged me along with the calling for eye contact. Eye contact can be so painful. It all fills me with rage lol.
My sister once said to me after i slid through saw dust and my knee got infected 😂❤ sibling tings
As both an high masking autistic woman (Hardest for people to spot for those not acquainted with current research) and mother to a high support needs child (most likely autistic as all the different professionals both medical and educational concur but currently on the wait list for an assessment ..) Definitely don’t say ‘are you done’ or things like that to anyone who is mid overload/ meltdown… you won’t help as especially as a kid we need very clear examples of how to bring our selfs out of the state of dis regulation in a healthy manner, so calm, patient and suggesting things that typically help be it removal from the area, a sensory toy, one of there special interests, something that promotes healthy stimming, or just sitting with them calmly in a safe spot and wait for them to come out of the spiral once the problem causing the overload has been resolved/ removed… these are things that work with my kid at least, and now he’s five he’s actually starting to make the connection between these things and helping to calm down or communicate what he needs to come down from the overload. He genuinely is starting to self regulate and I couldn’t be more proud of him for that! He’s not masking and is recognising what he is uncomfortable with and what he needs at times, he even does this sometimes at school! That is why you don’t just say things like are you done or treat like a tantrum… THERE NOT! And you set yourself and the kid up for failure long term! If I had just done that we wouldn’t have the progress we’ve seen in my kid so far! If I heard anyone say that to my kid.. he would learn a thing or two about advocacy for sure 😅
Small children have a hard time with their emotions. They’re very big and hard to navigate. Asking someone if they’re done something that they have no control over without giving them coping strategies is evil. Emotions are a human condition and we shouldn’t be shamed when they get the better of us. Small children need to have those emotions labelled and then have strategies talked through everytime they have them.
As someone who was adopted as an infant with intense health issues (that caused many families to pass me over and meant I was without parents in a hospital for my first few months of my life) this story sickened me. Adopting a child is as serious of a commitment to that child as birthing them. Huxley was not a commodity or expendable. Parents who “rehome” kids that are inconvenient to them aren’t fit to be called parents at all.
They made the choice to adopt a complex child and exploit him and then act all shocked Pikachu face when he had issues and wasn’t a camera-perfect little doll.
I look at my mother, a teacher, who was told by doctors I might POSSIBLY have intellectual disabilities due to prolonged oxygen deprivation and went out to get a special education masters degree in preparation just in case, then look at Myka, and it infuriates me. She was a nurse, she had zero excuses.
Right?! Abandoning the child instead of stopping the vlogs to focus on him was a choice. Xtian parents and unocnditional love are truly like oil and water.
🙃🙃🙃
I’m absolutely in agreement with you. Your mom sounds awesome, btw. ♥️
Your mom sounds like an incredible, loving and caring person. You got the mother you deserved. One that would do anything possible and impossible for her child. I wish every child would have this kind of mom.
Totally agree with everything you said 👍👍👍
Good to hear the story from the perspective of a grown adopted child that went through this. Something no one has seemed to look into. Thanks so much for sharing.
Your mum sounds amazing, I’m so happy you have her ❤
i was worried i wasn’t going to have anything to watch while i cleaned my kitchen, thank you for your service swoop
@@birdbrainlane OMG same 😂
Oooh good point!
But....
Can't wait till kitchen big scrub day....
Gave it about 30 seconds of thought - to save to watch on cleaning day...
😂😂Nope. Bed time with herbal tea and swoop! 🤗
Omg was literally looking for something to put on while I did the dishes 😂
Same - I have to fold laundry 😂😂
Me too 😆
So - the part where Myka gives Huxley treats like a dog - this is a part of Applied Behavior Analaysis (ABA Therapy) the most common form of therapy offered to autistic children. It’s one of MANY reasons why many autistic individuals consider ABA degrading and abusive. I personally, as an autistic person, believe ABA is extremely complicated, and while I would like to see it go away, it’s also the only resource many parents have, so I try not to shame them. But I DO HEAVILY encourage them NOT to do this. This is a practice I advocate heavily against when working with BCBAs, because food should NEVER be used as a reward or punishment. Autistics already struggle with EDs, and this can set up a VERY harmful relationship with food for many autistic children. I also heavily advocate against “Quiet hands.” If the child’s stimming is not harming anyone, let them stim.
I second this, so many people don't realise that the person who created ABA also created gay conversion therapy using the same methodology. It really gets me that for conversion therapy they agree that it doesn't work as it just teaches people to mask and negatively affects their mental health. With ABA the harm is acknowledged but because it is 'successful' it just needs to be modified to reduce harm. They have totally missed that the 'success' they are seeing is masking.
Also ABA managed to brand themselves as the 'gold standard treatment' but that is only because it was the first 'successful' treatment option. The thing is though that it doesn't have any gold standard research to back it up. The only research it has is small group (a large study has 20 people in it) and all of it is that at the beginning they could do X and at the end they could do XYZ. They don't have any studies that are against a control group or a different therapy option.
The worst part is that most of his “issues” were likely not because of autism. I’d bet a bottom dollar he had attachment trauma or possibly attachment disorder (rare, but more common from orphanages), which can also present as similar to autism. We had a foster child who came as “autistic” and, due to our pushing for proper and trauma-‘minded eval, left with the proper diagnoses of FASD and reactive attachment disorder. Once proper diagnosis is given, proper treatment can begin.
Aba is already bad enough for autistic children, but due to the focus on not accepting undesirable behavior could REALLY be a setback for a child with attachment issues who just needs an extended period of grace and connection instead of correction and training,
Part of me is happy my kiddo wasn't diagnosed until she was a teen, because ABS would have been pushed hard on us and now knowing what I know, it would have been terrible for her.
I hope that this child has had a better life with a family that is actually equipped to help him
@@SigEMT09 I personally wouldn’t ever say someone’s issues are not “likely” because of autism, mostly because I’m not involved in his evaluations so therefore I have no way of confirming his diagnosis. For the purposes of my commentary, I solely focus on the information provided.
As an autistic adult who’s worked in ABA I get the not using food as reinforcement, even though we do it in schools and home all the time, your kid gets a A on test, woo lets get ice cream, or setting those contingency. I know my experience is NOT like others, but the BCBAs I’ve worked with hate and advocate against using food because we educate ourselves on how easily it can lead to ED’s. Again, I get my experience is just one but I truly would love to see big changes ABA and move away from the incredibly problematic origins.
1:34:28 i totally agree with this creator. if you're not prepared to love and care for a disabled child, don't have a child. period.
My son is disabled, and the number of OTHER PARENTS who have told me that they "couldn't do what [I] do" is just disgusting. Like... what would you do, then? Just dump your kid?
@@nataliet1260 See that’s where I struggle to like “give grace” to other parents who have dissolved their adoptions. If you had biologically given birth to the child, which arguably is the point of adoption (to integrate the child as if you had), you can’t just walk away from them if you find out after they’re born that they are going to be living with a disability? I suppose you can, in theory, but I don’t see why adoption cases are treated any differently in terms of respecting the parent’s decision because it “wasn’t what they were expecting”. I’m sure most biological parents (edited from just parents*) who have a child living with a disability didn’t “expect” those to be their circumstances when they first became pregnant either
@paige8907 I largely agree. I do know of a family who had to disrupt their adoption, but it was necessary for the physical safety & mental well-being of their other two children. Their situation was VERY extreme, however, and probably would have had a biological family looking into residential care. The adopted child in question wound up living with a new family with no other children and the resources to get the kid intensive therapy. It was incredibly sad for everyone involved.
@ Absolutely! I should have clarified, I understand that there are situations and circumstances where a child in any family situation may need additional intervention for those reasons, I could be more sympathetic to a scenario like that. But when it's not because the child's behaviour is a safety risk, for reasons like here where seemingly "it just wasn't what I was hoping it would be", it's inexcusable to me :/
Tell me about it! I’m autistic myself and have a son heading down the same pathway (on a wait list for assessment and is fully expecting a diagnosis from it when we finally get there) and not going to lie it’s tough especially since the parts of the spectrum I struggle with he doesn’t seem to and visa versa ( high masking (me) vs low masking (him)) sometimes his dis regulation can cause me to start to dis regulate myself as stress is probably my most noticeable cause of that… but I have my own coping systems that work around him and me. HOWEVER I would never ever consider getting rid of him in any way. He is my little prince and blows me away with his progress every day, and I have one of the most compassionate 5 year olds I have ever met!
Now due to the genetic link that has been established in research I and my partner were well aware that autism is always a possibility, but we couldn’t predict that his struggles would turn out to be more severe than mine, but that doesn’t matter! I was always prepared to love and care for my child no matter what the outcome could have been, be it a need to educate myself on other disabilities or anything my kid may need. And other parents should also be! End of story.
Not Myka insinuating in her Facebook questions that Huxley's obsession with food is tied to being Chinese 🤦♀️
James Stauffer & Kevin Franke got off way too easy. James deserves to be cancelled & Kevin should be in prison for abuse & neglect.
🎯🎯🎯
This 👆🏻
YES. It wasn’t JUST Myka who went through the process of adoption. James deserves just as much blame for abusing that poor boy!
To be fair, Kevin wasn't living in the home when the worst of the abuse actually started. That was Jodi's MO; get the fathers out of the home by convincing them that they had a problem and then indoctrinate the mothers into whatever cultish behavior she was exhibiting.
Before all of that, it was mostly just questionable parenting, which wasn't technically illegal. If anything, Kevin is guilty of not looking harder into what his kids were going through after he left the home, but he wasn't complicit in what happened in the end.
I have a feeling both women were extremely abusive and obviously narcissistic towards the children AND the husband. I have more sympathy for the husbands because I doubt they felt they had any choice, esp knowing James never wanted to be on SM and tried his best to not let his family go through it
Wow that clip of Myka saying, "Are you done? Are you ready to calm down now?" with such bitterness in her voice really brought me back to old awful daycare memories. I cannot imagine how hurtful it is to hear your parents and/or caregivers saying that to your face while you are actively struggling. Ugh as awful as it is that they put this child through any of this in the first place, I'm glad the end result is that he found a family that accepted him for who he was regardless of where he was in his journey.
'Are you over yourself' ... it's a little hard to hear but she said that too. So f'n gross 🤢
Imagine the amount of kids that were misdiagnosed throughout time , before autism was understood.... There's so many kids diagnosed on the spectrum now because ,The More You Know!! Thank goodness for that!! It just makes me physically sick to see how Mica(misspelled on purpose) treated this child.. So upset. I look at my son an cannot imagine treating him like that... I was adopted an loved by my adopted Mum only .. grateful for her always.. but want to see ppl who look like me, look like me .. sorry so much comment this hits a chord deep in me ... Swoop grateful for you girly ! 🫵🏽🪨💗🫵🏽😘🫂😘
Right?? Im gen z and i feel like thoes comments were commonplace bc they didnt know that tantrums are a form of non verbal comunication like they do now
I got the “be quiet” treatment, my son gets the “let’s coregulate” treatment, same autism, very different experiences.
I had a reply here but it disappeared ... I was just pointing out something i heard when Myca was talking under James. She said to Huxley 'are you over yourself yet?'. Just makes me so sick.
Adoptee here. I was adopted as a baby and I always was told the story of my adoption. It was a bedtime story of the journey my parents went through to adopt me. It was always a special and beautiful story.
As an adult. I was able to locate and meet my biological mother, with both my mom and dad coming with me. I met her family, her husband and my half siblings and we all are just very blessed. They are all good people. We live in different countries and speak different languages (I'm in Canada , biological mom and family are in Ukraine), but we are still all close - despite the war right now.. I had a really good adoption experience.
I think if I found out as a teen or an adult, it would have turned out very differently
I ended up having some battles with mental health as a child, and some physical health stuff. My parents were by my side through it all
Your beautiful story put tears in my eyes. Thank you for sharing.
Your experience is very much like my mother’s. She was adopted in the sixties and it was never hidden or seen as a negative thing which was not the norm in Canada (hello fellow Canuck!). Mom had health problems, it any disabilities but still some serious stuff but I remember my mother telling me that even though kids at school would tell her that gran and gramp would ‘send her back’ every time she got sick, mom never, ever actually thought there was any truth in that. When mom had biological children of her own and we were treated just the same as all the cousins. Except my sister, she was the favourite lol. It was a non issue. Mom met her biological mother in the 90s, and they had a relationship, but my sister and I didn’t and that was okay too. I believe thats how adoption should always work.
@@Michelala thanks so much for sharing!
That’s incredibly sweet that your parents would tell you the story of your adoption as a bedtime story when you were little. I’m a fellow adoptee and my folks would do the same thing; in fact they bought me a little book: I Am Adopted by Susan Lapsley, illustrated by Michael Charlton, and published by Bradbury Press in 1974 (yeah, I’m old). Even though the book is 50 years old, the message to adopted children it carries is still relevant to this day: adoption is normal and you are LOVED!
The Stauffers are absolute trash for what they did to that poor child! My parents sure weren’t perfect by any stretch of the imagination; I wasn’t an easy child either (undiagnosed neurodivergence). I always knew that I was wanted and when the chips were down, my folks always had my back!
this one hits close to home. my brother and sister were both adopted internationally and my little sister is disabled. my parents were NOT told about her disability at adoption so they had no prior warning of her being completely deaf and having severe ehlers-danlos syndrome as well as mental health struggles. and my parents never even once considered putting her back up for adoption. we love her unconditionally and wouldn’t change one thing about her (except the chronic pain).
the stauffers piss me off so much. THEY WERE WARNED. i truly believe they adopted this poor child for clout fully knowing they had doubts about their ability to care for him and to love him unconditionally. i don’t think they ever truly loved him, only what he provided for them.
"she could deal with 99 conditions but I guess this ain't one" caught me off-guard SO hard that I just had to pause the video to lose my sh*t laughing for a bit before I could continue. thank you for inserting those moments of sass and levity into your storytelling, it makes the videos enjoyable to watch even with their often VERY heavy topics.
Didn't they give up adoption from Africa because those agencies had a non-publication clause for their kids specifically to AVOID people using adopting from Africa for attention online?
I believe so, and they had the gonads to say that in one of their videos too.
Yep they knew they couldn't exploit a child so they decided to go elsewhere 😡
@@ayana_0150Really??! That wouldn't surprise me at all. Though I thought it was that other family that said that in one of their blogs....?
And several other places. Anywhere they had keep the child off line was a NO
That was Nikki and Dan Phillippi and it was from Thailand.
The fact that she tried to get pregnant with someone she was in a relationship with for only 4 months was already a red flag that maybe she is not making responsible decisions when it comes to having children.
I don't think "maybe" is applicable in this sentence.
Exactly
I seriously doubt she was "trying" to get pregnant with that guy. Most likely she doesn't want to be judged for having premarital sex as the "good Christian" she presents herself to be. So framing the pregnancy as an intentional decision, even though they weren't married, is a way to make it seem more acceptable. She hopes people will look the other way when it comes to premarital sex as long as the goal was to make a baby.
@BradK28 i agree with you, it doesn't seem genuine at all that she would twice decide to get pregnant, magically become pregnant and then get engaged very quickly afterwards. Nah. She had 3 accidentally pregnancies but is worried Christians won't watch her videos if they know.
Imagine meeting someone with a baby and they tell you "oh, it's my baby, I won't put him up for adoption!"
I assumed not, why do you feel like you need to tell me that? What's on your mind?
Only bc she was responding to what she was thinking. 😔
Knowing she said it cause she did not expect him to life is heartbreakingly cruel.
Her saying her kid “hadn’t grasped” looking into her eyes enraged me as a “level 2” autistic with SPD. What he grasped was this weird lady was trying to force him to do something he found pointless at best and deeply uncomfortable or painful at worst. SHE didn’t grasp that. SHE didn’t grasp he needed his thumb for regulation. SHE needs empathy training. and as a kid whose MOUTH was duct taped I’m still tense all over just thinking about how that felt on my body 😭 that would have caused me so many more meltdowns. And the punishment and forcing behavior just turns it into a catch 22. Seriously I’m still personally tense and stressed from watching her eyeball her kid and shame him for honoring his own needs.
Adoptees also can struggle with attachment. As an adoptee and autism, him not looking in her eyes is probably a combination of both the adoption trauma and autism.
@ that makes sense to me - she was using ABA style training on him it seemed though. I wonder if an adoptee who isn’t also autistic didn’t make eye contact, if the treatment is as insistent and forceful as far as spending multiple sessions a day on it? To me that’s specifically because of the autism dx.
I actually used to watch Stauffer Garage because it helped me go to sleep, so imagine my shock when the channel owner turned out like… that. Sufficed to say I immediately unsubbed when that happened
It fills me with FURY he still has a giant UA-cam following. I was one of the people who emailed his supposed sponsors during all of this controversy when all of this came out. And a a couple did respond and emailed me back. Turns out they didnt sponsor him at all! He had bought their product in bulk and is selling it on his amazon store. So there was nothing they could do. And they were just a small family company (they made car detailing brushes) and they apologized and said they wouldn't sell to him anymore. And another one responded and basically said the same thing that he bought their product in bulk and they were not in any way affiliated with him. So he was pretending to have sponsors i guess? He probably still is pretending honestly
To be fair to those subscribers, theres probably a huge amount that have no idea what trash he is. I can only imagine the cross over between family vlogs and car cleaning isnt massive.
@@hannahxx17also it’s pretty clear she’s the one in charge of the family channel. Like obviously he’s there but it’s clearly more of her thing which makes it easier to hide
Being a disabled person myself, I have noticed that when certain terms are phrases are deemed as outdated, it’s mostly able-bodied people making that decision. And those of us with actual disabilities are rarely asked how we feel on the letter, we just get told that it’s a thing now and we have to go with it. That doesn’t mean it’s every disabled person’s experience, but that’s something that I have definitely noticed.
Agreed. I don't find special needs offensive. It's the same idea as specialized medicine. Many, many people have special needs. The special needs umbrella in education is humongous and wide reaching - it touches challenges in varieties like minor physical disabilities to more encompassing challenges, physical health issues that interfere with learning in a great range from chronic pain to epilepsy, learning disabilities either by nature or nurture such as children enduring home challenges, addiction, students who need extra academic help and test time for any range of reasons including autism, anxiety, ADHD, dyslexia and so on. And mental health issues. Omg, there are so many more. The entire alternative schools, both enrichment and other types like athletic or attendance/graduation focussed. Okay, you get it. It's about tailoring needs academically to the student's individual challenges. 🚸
I will tell you that the entire student body would rebel in total defiance if they changed the title to "disability needs." 😂 Kids be kids and all.
Agreed! My brother is autistic and he was once stopped mid-sentence as he introduced himself, by a woman who told him he should say "person with autism" and that was the "proper" term. He said, "as the autistic person, can I decide that?" Couldn't have agreed more 🙄
Right. My daughter and I both have autism. We were told by various sources that we would’ve been considered as Aspergers at a time, but that they don’t call it anymore. Then they said we’re both considered Level 1, but then others are saying levels are offensive all of the sudden. So wtf are we? I don’t know. I give up.
@@yasaminwhy8212well, I agree with this message thread but the “person WITH condition” is a really helpful rephrasing. Because it harnesses the ability for people to share/describe their conditions without internalizing the stigma or the challenges into their sense of self. Although most of the time when people discuss their conditions in such a personalized way don’t feel hurt to their sense of self, it’s more about protecting against other harder times.
The other term changes though do seem exhausting
I sometimes find that the parents who “don’t want their kids labeled” are the worst for that.
My biggest issue with this situation will always be that Myka Staufer, as a nurse, would (or at least SHOULD) have known EXACTLY the kinds of things that would have gone with the kinds of issues that Huxley had. That is part of what you learn in nursing school and during your externships/clinical training. She had FAR more education and knowledge on these diagnoses than the average mother EVER gets.
Something tells me she is probably not a very good nurse
@@melodyssong4916 I remember it came out that she “left” a nursing job because she shoved a trolley into a fellow pregnant nurse’s stomach.
@@melodyssong4916 “I’ve seen so many things in my scope of practice.”
THAT’S NOT WHAT THAT MEANS!! 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️ Scope of practice is the set of functions that a healthcare professional is legally allowed to do. For example, diagnosing an illness; this is not in an RN’s scope of practice… it IS in a physician’s, nurse practitioner’s, PA’s scope of practice.
She doesn’t even fk’ing know what that means 😂🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
Couldn’t agree more! She had access to so much knowledge and expertise
@@melodyssong4916do we know she was a real nurse? She comes off as very uneducated and immature … was she an actual RN?
it irks me that they said "for his privacy" when really, it was to protect themselves from criticism for what they've done. they knew they were wrong. they probably noticed all the attention and interactions with the comments on their videos when he wasn't around and wanted to monetize on that bc they knew people would keep coming back to check. it's so heartbreaking. i really hope he's in a better home now. sickening. i knew what happened with this situation, but i never got the details into it. thanks for your time as always, swoop.
Thank you, Swoop, for keeping the nightmare of the Stauffer’s story alive. We should never forget what Myka and James did to poor Huxley. It infuriates me that James still has a channel on YT. They should live out the rest of their days in obscurity and shame. I do feel sorry for their other children and hope the best for them.
This video touched me in a deep way.
My son was recently diagnosed with level 2 autism. He's been getting support through speech therapy since he was 2 years old and attended a preschool centered around special needs. My husband and I are realizing that we should seek our own resources because we see a lot of the same signs in ourselves. It's become a family journey for us and there has been so much we learned and still have to learn.
He's doing amazing in school, he's in kindergarten and still has an IEP and some of the most supportive teachers and therapists we could ask for.
He turns 6 on Saturday and we are beyond proud of him!
Thank you so much for addressing this Swoop ❤
You're amazing ❤
Just getting that IEP early is amazing and demonstrates your commitment to him. I had a 504 plan, and it was most helpful in high school, even though I got it in elementary (having that documentation early makes it easy to keep the plan throughout school) Early intervention isn’t the only way, but it sounds like you’re setting your son up for success!
The whole process of getting an IEP, services, insurance coverage, etc. is literally a full time job ON TOP of a parent's regular employment and also the full time job of parenting! It is no joke! I work with autistic children, and I feel very strongly that these kids are AMAZING even if it means more "work." Keep going strong, and my love to all your family!
@Moosesmeeses thank you 😭💗
@@jems.jumpers thank you 😭 it means so much to hear that!
56:21 gaaargh! As an autistic person, if someone kept demanding that I make eye contact, I’d completely lose it. Eye contact hurts me. I can’t do it on demand.
Agreed! I'm AuDHD and it's literally harder for me to formulate sentences while being forced to make eye contact. Like do you want eye contact or do you want me to speak coherently? You can't demand both and, personally, I'd prefer coherence.
That's the entire premise of ABA. Forcing us to do those things until we stop resisting and look "normal".
@PostmasterTheEyrie yeah, it's usually really harmful. there's a big difference between teaching disabled kids skills that will help them in life (in all areas) and forcing them through incredibly uncomfortable and distressing "training" to make them APPEAR a little more typical. I notice consistently that ABA and other "therapy" methods are often too focused on outward presentation and not inner experience. if you only care about how other people think about your kid, you're taking the absolute wrong approach. trying to be something we are not completely breaks us, and some of us NEVER really discover our own identity if we have been forced to be something else since we were very small.
I’m autistic as well as my ex husband. This game will cause life in demand that I give him direct contact. Made no sense to me.
It does hurt and unfortunately I was clicker trained to make eye contact. It still hurts to make eye contact to this day tbh and i am NOT better off for it 😂
Thank you again for inviting me to share my autistic voice for this video!!!! You are so appreciated and your work is impeccable. ❤❤
You got a new subscriber, fellow ASD person here.
Oh! Yay it’s you! Your comment about the risk of disability with ANY child, including biological, was so so so so spot on. Thank you for voicing that!
When I saw you on the vid, my heart jumped! Love your stuff and your work!
I do disagree with your point on adopting disabled children. If you get pregnant, yes, you have no choice if the child, sadly, does have a disability once born. But when adopting, the parents do, absolutely, have every right to not pick a disabled child. At least they're still adopting.
I do disagree with 'returning' the child if you knowingly adopt a disabled child then no longer want them.
It's nuanced though, if you can't care for them, then you should do what's in the child's best interest.
Totally agree with everything you said. When people make the huge decision to become a parent, whether biologically or through adoption, they should be aware of and prepared for the possibility of caring for a disabled child. Even if a child is born nondisabled, there's always a chance of accidents, illness, etc. Far too many people become parents without ever considering the lifelong repercussions for themselves and the child(ren). It's not a decision to be taken lightly. Thank you for sharing this really valuable perspective.
The whole "we decided to have a baby" thing is so sad. Obviously she was having sex for fun with both of her boyfriends, but she feels a need to pretend that these pregnancies were planned to "justify" her premarital sex within her religious structure.
I know it's almost a 2 hour video and there are so many red flags to point out from her clips, but as a disabled person, the "we don't care what's WRONG with him (38:36)" sent chills down my spine when i heard it.
In amongst all the horror of family channel stuff, Swoop gets to something that always angers me as an autistic person - that there is a culture of focusing on how hard it is for parents and caretakers, while ignoring that it's just as hard to be the kid suffering through that. A lot of folks talk about autism like the main symptom is "kid makes his parent's life difficult," as if it's no different than a kid who draws on the walls. Those kids have a hard road and while it is hard for parents too, and no parent wants to see their child unhappy, I wish the narrative focused more on the children suffering through difficult childhoods too, and not JUST on the parents.
Oh and I love hearing from the autistic youtubers and commenters at the end, getting even more into this. The horror and overwhelm of being perceived is exactly what gets turned around when we focus only on how we perceive a kid's impact on those around them, while often not perceiving how the child is suffering too.
yes as a fellow autistic person, I 100% notice this as well. I escaped it a bit since I wasn't diagnosed until I was an adult, but I certainly have seen a consistent narrative of a sort of pity towards parents of autistic kids, even if the person has no idea how "difficult" that autistic kid really is and is just assuming. people tend to just gloss over or not consider that yeah, maybe a kid broke something or messed something up when they had a meltdown, but meltdowns are hell! they are so incredibly shitty to experience. the only reason that screaming or crying or hitting behavior is being projected is because the utter discomfort, overwhelm, and even pain of having a meltdown is too much to contain.
I am autistic and a mother and worked in daycares for 10 years. Generaly there are LOADS of parents who constantly complain about how hard theyr kids are. It gets hightened with disabilities and for Autisem spesificaly AutisemSpeaks made it a promoted thing and a Identity for Parents of autistiv
C kids. Many of them propably undiagnosed neurodivergent themself.
When I talk to other ND Parents THEY NEVER COMPLAIN. Yes sure its haed sometimes, but in my expirience ND parents are more open and just take the kiddos as who they are becoming, while many of the "normal" Parents have a spesific idea of how and who theyr kid has to be.
@@More13Feen Totally agree with what I've seen as well! It's not that it's not hard on parents, it's that ND parents tend to have much more understanding that it's ALSO hard on the kids, and they can try to work with that. A lot of folks in general just treat all kids like NPCs with no agency and it's really frustrating.
I'm dating someone with autism (amongst other things), and I am angry on all of yalls behalf. Why would someone exploit someone with autism or any disorder for that matter!?
Girl your natural hair is GORGEOUS I’ve never seen it!! Love your curls
i was screaming at my phone she is so beautiful!!! ❤
FINE SWOOP, I was waiting on a reason to cook dinner and you uploaded a video, so now I have to cook watching your video… ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?
XD
Same - I have sonething to draw too
@@akatsuki9203 SAME, I HAVE SOMETHING TO ACCOMPANY ME DOING ALL THE 10 DIFFERENT STUFF I'M JUGGLING, THANK YOU SWOOP.
Same- tackling my depressy dish pile but have some crockpot chili to reward myself with later ☺️ love you swoop & friends
😂😂😂
I have 3 kiddos I adopted no one knew that 2 would be autistic with adhd. All would have reactive attachment disorder. One would have a speech disorder and low IQ. And all of them have PTSD.But none of that could ever not make me their mom I took on whatever life brought us. We have hard days wonderful days and just regular days. We have many dr appointments and a ton of melt downs we have miss understanding and I have days where I have to apologize because I became unregulated myself and have to show them that everyone makes mistakes but we have to apologize and try our hardest not to make the same mistake. I would never in my life ever return my kids no matter how hard life gets. I will always find away to help them to the best of my ability! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
I remember how mad I was when their story first came out not having much interaction with the topic. A few years later, I now work directly with nonverbal children. It truly makes my blood boil that people could be so vial and heartless to take advantage of this child. I adore working with nonverbal children, some days are harder than others, but overall I love seeing their growth and progress. It’s so true that they teach you as much as you teach them, if not more. Another amazing doc! Love ya Swoop ❤️
Myka is disgusting for "rehoming" her adopted special needs son. She talked about him like he was just a dog they didn't want anymore. Yikes.
They definitely think of children just like pets. So disturbing!
@@Bummerdrummer463 Myka and James.
while that's true, I guess it was for the best for him, imagine if they kept him while keeping resentment
@@Bummerdrummer463 Myka and James, yes?
It’s so terrifying tbh
Adoption agencies, that have "no social media" clauses (usually for the 1st 2y) on their contract, are really saving themselves from unscrupulous parents. It should be generalised.
Edit: Also, I understand that we are humans and we make mistakes, even preventable ones but when said preventable mistake ends up retraumatising an innocent child, I have ZERO understanding and empathy. Myka will never be able to "cry" her way out of this one in my house.
🙅🏾♀️
I think they were hoping for a baby with a brain tumor so that they could milk all of that content. Between treatments, possibly chemo and radiation, fundraising, maybe even make a wish videos, and possibly even the death of the child. But instead she got a kid with severe autism and then absolutely abandoned him bc it got too hard 😮 I can’t even imagine the trauma that kid went through when he realized his “mom“ was never coming back for him 😢
I did wonder if her being all "this could be even better!" about hearing he had more problems including a brain tumour, was because she thought she might only have to be his mum for a short period of time.
I keep hoping he actually does have attachment disorder and never actually bonded with them. We have had children with attachment disorder and they don’t give a rats a** about a caregiver. I really do hope that was the case for him, and he’s with someone now who has put in the difficult work to create an actual bond he could grow attached to.
Swoop… I am not sure how I have never heard of this story, but speaking as a person whose sister adopted my nephew, a child with ASD level 3, who is now 28 years old, completely non verbal, sometimes aggressive, with a litany of other diagnoses, this makes my stomach turn. I cannot image Bridget, my sister, and her husband ever even considering “returning” my nephew. He is our family. Their life has been very difficult; she has spent her life researching and learning more about his diagnoses to try and make his life better. He will live with them until they can no longer care for him, but he is their son. Period.
Lady day of school before winter break and I haven't even started wrapping Christmas presents. Perfect timing.
I have a 10 year old son with ASD level 3, and I myself suffer from various mental illnesses. It was a very rough birth where we both almost didn't make it. It's just he and I, and it is the hardest thing in the world for both of us everyday, we do have support he is in a very good school, it just feels like I'm alone in this and I'm not good enough for him, and dont know if Im strong enough. He's a beautiful loving angel, and I want the absolute best for him. I normally don't write comments, but by the end of this video, I was in tears. This just broke my heart.
As a mother to a disabled child (and I'm using child loosely because he's now 22), I can promise you that as long as you are doing your best to show up for him, you are doing amazing! He may never be able to tell you the way you expect to hear it, but I know in my heart that he love and appreciates all you do for him. I get it, it can be so hard, and likewise we can be so hard on ourselves. All those little things that go differently than we planned or expected aren't as big as our hearts make them out to be. It's a really odd thing to say, but the fact that you are questioning if you're doing enough, or strong enough, is a VERY good indicator that you are doing fantastically. Bad parents just assume that they're totally great, and it's everybody else that is the problem. Good parents almost universally find ways to question themselves regularly because they want the absolute best for their kids. Hang in there. This internet stranger believes in you!
@tinkerbelle_belle1980 thank you ❤️
Bad parents don't think they're bad parents
I struggle with my mental health too but I’m not a mum. You’re doing enough & YOU are enough! Keep going, wishing you both the best ❤
@@yvechapman9342 Exactly!
1:04:10 Autistic meltdowns are not tantrums. The person is not in control. A tantrum is a deliberate act to manipulate. A meltdown is not done on purpose and is not able to be controlled.
I don’t personally believe tantrums are always a form of manipulation but a lacking of able to express themselves, for ex toddlers and kids have tantrums but it’s not necessarily to manipulate the parent. I personally think they’re both synonymous but also could be used in different settings, such as a tantrum for maybe speaking about a child and a melt down or breakdown for a adult
I agree with both of these kinda
A tantrum is just emotional dysregulation or inability to comunicate (the idea its for manipulation just comes fromadults centering their childs experience around their feelings rather than what the kids going thru) not saying a kid being grouchy or mean bc they were told no never happends but even then its a reaction to a thing not a thought out if i act this way ill get something they dont have the developmental capacity in early childhood to manipulate
Meltdowns generally are a sensory over load or being every overwelmed by changes or other situations nt kids dont find overwelming meltdowns are exclusive to the nd (all mh conditions not just asd and adhd) and arent something that nt people experience
In practice I find it is not helpful honestly to try and distinguish between tantrums and meltdowns. Being out of control feels YUCKY either way. It’s distressing and can be scary. I think loving boundaries plus acceptance plus availability is the right approach either way.
@@kasskersI believe it is manipulation in its most basic form. Not all acts of manipulation are done purposefully or with malicious intent. It is a failure to communicate in an effective manner that leads to the manipulation of others around you to conform to your wants. For a good example of non intentional manipulation in adults people with bpd (borderline personality disorder) like me can be extremely manipulative without realizing it. I do not try to my acts of manipulation are purely reactionary due to my emotional state in those moments but they are manipulative nonetheless. The kid doesn’t understand that it is manipulative and they shouldn’t be punished for it however I do think it’s useful for parents to recognize it as manipulation so the parent can react accordingly. At least that’s my opinion. I just see a lot of my own behaviors happen during a child’s tantrum (the yelling crying and screaming and even hurting themselves or others) like I said though it’s not done with malice or active intent but it’s still manipulation. And i do only compare my adult bpd to childhood tantrums because at least for me in those moments of manipulation I do regress to a more childlike state and lose my ability to engage with adult methods of emotional regulation so it does feel like I’m that toddler throwing a tantrum over a piece of candy and it’s honestly horrific.
They can be both manipulative and out of the person's control depending on the person and the episode. It's not always one or the other and you can't group ppl and stick them in a box.
SOOOOO glad to see someone with this large of a platform doing a story about this!!! If NOTHING else there needs to be a law that if you adopt or foster kids, you cannot put the on social media for clout AND cannot discuss their private medical info or that of their birth parents online either. You shouldn’t be able to discuss any kids person medical info online for profit cuz these parents wouldn’t be as open about their own!
Idk about every state, but a lot of states do have laws against putting foster kids online, that is why so many of these mommy vloggers don’t want to do foster care. I’m in ca and my mom did foster care, and she couldn’t even post them on her private Facebook page even though they were like her own children
There are laws, if I’m not mistaken, they specifically chose to adopt from a country that didn’t have those laws
There are laws in most states prohibiting foster and adopted children being put on social media. That's why the Stauffers adopted a child from China.
@@BeccasaurousRex270it would depend on the country you and the child live in, not where the child was adopted from.
0:10 Not her again, i detest this woman
Wish UA-cam would do something about these family bloggers / vloggers
You have grown bigger. So so proud and excited for you! You deserve it!💛💛😍
About white people adopting black children and respecting their culture and more specifically hair care - I cannot stop recommending Christy Gior and her videos of taking care of her adopted daughter's hair
And Jeena Wilder is a black woman who adopted a white little girl, one that was biologically related to her husband I think (maybe his niece?). but she speaks a lot to how hair care for her daughters long blond hair is very different from her other kids’ natural textured hair :)
There's a video about a woman who does her mixed sons hair (it's freaking Rapunzel hair and his natural hair is wonderful) and she makes so many videos dragging people that want her to straighten it to 'see what it looks like'. he loved it so much it was pure she's able to give him a healthy relationship with his hair
As a sibling of a child who was "adopted-out" (thankfully we have a great relationship and she runs an adoption advocacy group), the thing our general public needs to focus on criticizing is the PROFIT that comes from adoption. Remove religious groups from the process. Make it free or at least accessible so families don't spend money on the service they should be spending on actual childcare. Please. Adoption will seriously mess kids up if it's not handled correctly and 99% of religious services are involved in highly traumatizing or downright trafficky practices.
More people need to read this
That is really good to know about religious groups.
That doesn’t surprise me about the religious groups, but that’s truly sad. Hopefully this boost your comment a little so people can see this.
Like Catholic Charities? That was the group I came from back in the 70's.
I don’t think adoption should ever be free except through foster care, but the funding should 100% go to nonprofit organizations promoting ways for parents to not HAVE to choose adoption due to finances etc. Why should an adoption director make bank off of selling babies when half the parents making an adoption plan wouldn’t do so if they had a way to keep the baby?!
I will never forget when she took her kids shopping and bought all of the kids their own gift except for Huxley. He was told he could share with her youngest child at the time. I also remember how it came out that she would put Huxley to bed early and then have a movie night, where all of her biological kids, her words, would gather in her and her husband's bedroom, snuggle up on the bed, and watch a family movie together. Soon after adopting Huxley she got pregnant with her youngest child. Once she had him, she was done 'playing" with Huxley. Also, her first husband has apparently said that her narrative about how they jointed decided to have a baby on the spur of the moment and that he cheated is all completely false and fabricated. Apparently she fabricates a lot. Her former co-workers have also come out and stated that a lot of her narrative about being an oncology nurse was exaggerated and false.
it's so clear to me that she never actually saw huxley as a person. she's like one of those people that buys a puppy and as soon as that puppy turns into an adult dog it gets taken to the shelter.
Hey swoop just a heads up that at 59:46 you missed blurring Huxley’s face
Excellent doc as usual but more importantly THE GUMMY BEAR earrings are SO cute and the color match scratches something in my brain
I worked as a behavior interventionist for very young kids with high support needs and my fav quote I heard from a supervisor was “When you’ve met 1 person with autism, you’ve met 1 person with autism”
EXACTLY it pisses me off so much when people think we're all the same "you're autistic? i have an autistic nephew and you act nothing like him" and the nephew is literally A 9 YEAR OLD BOY dude obviously im not gonna act like your nephew im 17 and trans ppl need to stop thinking autism is just something on a slider with autistic on one end and "normal" on the other a better visual could be one of those music things w a bunch of sliders and imo even w that i just cant imagine a way to describe autism as a whole i can barely even "visualize" my own autism
sry for the lengthy reply i am Very Passionate about autism and like how people view it and how those views affect me and my other fellow autistic ppl
when I interviewed for my current job (I work at a school for children with asd) my supervisor said the same thing, and that's how I knew I had ended up at the right place.
The way she talks is so patronising. She reminds me of a teacher I had who would blame being bullied on me. Like just imagine someone passive aggressively telling you that it's your fault in that tone of voice.
I had a councillor at my school do this to me too. She literally made me cry cause she was getting angry at me when I said I didn’t find what the other students were doing as bullying. Tone of voice is important
Her entire tone is like she's perpetually speaking to a child about another child, and trying to speak in terms the first child can understand.
Sounds similar to the way many Mormon/fundamentalist women talk. The Duggar wife is the best example, that high pitched “holier than thou” voice
Her high-pitched voice 🤮 your teacher 🤢🤮😵😡
It's giving "youth group leader" as well.
I just want to say that like, what’s sad about Huxley is that there are so many good parents out there who, by virtue of *being good parents* realized that their limitations would not fit his needs and chose not to adopt him, and the end result was that he was adopted by someone who was deeply ignorant of their own capabilities.
People really need to start asking themselves if they SHOULD have kids BEFORE having kids smdh
Swoop, I want to say thank you from the top, middle, and bottom of my heart for being the kind of person that is so incredibly loving and caring that you have drawn in so many other incredibly loving and caring people. Seeing internet strangers take time out of their day to uplift others in this community truly gives me the warm fuzzies. I may not be able to afford or fit into one of your stunning hoodies, but I feel just a little closer to being all wrapped up in one!
For the record from one mixed girl to another I am so obsessed with your natural hair and need all of your tips and tricks! Hoping one day mine looks even a little as amazing as yours
I cannot believe people shame people for their hair. I can’t wrap my mind around that. Swoop your hair is so gorgeous!
Agreed
Same! I don't want to make people uncomfortable, but I sometimes find myself staring at people who have such beautiful hair. Afro curls, dreads, extreme length, I think it's so cool!
@@mamaseesa3122be careful you may really upset and objectify someone.
And the earrings are really cool too!!!😊
Another important thing to note re: the disability conversation is that not all disabilities are from birth. “Person with a disability” is one of the few minorities that you can end up in at any time, in any circumstances. People can be one health complication, one car accident, etc., away from also living with a disability. This is why accommodations, legislation, and society at large should be more supportive of all folks who live with these realities. If you can join their community at any time, why wouldn’t you want the proper protections in place? You may need them, yourself, at some point in the very near future.
As an adopted person, mother, and person who struggles with fertility, these people piss me off more than just about everyone else. The toxic positivity, the family vlogging, everything they do is an assault to my senses targeted directly at what hurts me most.
These people remind me of the saying that every kid deserves a parent but not every parent deserves a child. Abhorrent, infuriating, and just so sad for those kids.
I hope those babies are ok.
I always feel so seen while watching your docs. As someone who was put on disability this year, I've had time to dive deep into UA-cam. Watching your videos has been highlight moments of my year 🥰 I also recently bought my first YT merch and its your Valid Social Club sweatshirt... you were not kidding about how soft it is, I got the kitty making biscuits on me everytime I wear it. Thank you for all youve brought to my 2024, your hard work is sooo appreciated!
Thanks!
Why would you go halfway across the world to adopt a baby and name him "Huxley"? It's nothing against the name per se, but it's not a Chinese name... he isn't even in their home yet when they pick his name, and they're already knocking over pieces of his heritage like little domino's 1 by 1 getting rid of little pieces of his culture. He had a name. His birth mother gave him a name.
He already had a name, and there’s absolutely zero reason why they shouldn’t have kept it, or the American translation of it. Same with kids in foster care. We keep our kids’ names if they have been hearing that name for more than a year of their life. Period.
Right! It really bothers me how white parents will adopt non-white children and then do no homework or put in any effort whatsoever to incorporate that child’s home culture, etc., into their lives
It’s not as common as it used to be, but it’s still a huge problem with these types of adoptions
Apparently birth names aren’t important anymore.
What if they game him a typically female name because he preferred girl clothes and typical girl toys?
it's even more dumb when you consider this woman has obviously never read a page of Aldous Huxley in her life & simply thought it ~sounded cool~
As an AuDHD adult, I want to please urge parents of neurodivergent children to let those lil ones decide who is privy to thier diagnosis as much as possible. Share your experience separate from your family account or in a way that does not disclose thier identity. I want families to have community and encourage one another without making decisions that those children can not conceive of or consent to.
I was 60 when a cousin told me I am adopted. I was left hurt and bewildered. Please tell your child who they are - as much as always loved by you but biologically someone elses. I still wish my mum would have done that for me. Healing now is hard.
If a kid is raised with the knowledge in a matter of fact way, it's never a bombshell, it never rearranges their worldview, it's just part of their life. They might get curious, but they have solid foundations to deal with it.
That is awful, I'm so sorry. Not exactly the same, but I found out at 37 that I was donor conceived, via DNA test. I also found out that my donor had died from heart related issues. Not long after that I was DXd with several congenital heart conditions (including a gene mutation that causes Sudden Cardiac Death), and now have an ICD (Implantable defibrillator). This has also affected my own kids. Parents...TELL YOUR KIDS!
Damn. That is so wrong. 🫂
I’m 60 also. In our era it was a stigma to be adopted. I remember kids in the spirit of hatefulness teasing other kids that they were adopted because their parents didn’t want them. I’m glad we don’t live in that world today and we can tell your adopted child they’re adopted without worrying about how they will be treated.
@@selinesbeauAgree with this. I was conceived through IVF when IVF itself was still super new. To parents much older than typical too (not that people judged my dad as much- men really do get off easier in so many ways! but I got asked so many nosy questions even as a very young child or just people assuming my mom was my grandma). Anyway- my parents were always super open about my conception and I had the vaguest memories of watching my dad give my mom the shots that are part of the early process when they conceived my younger brother. It was always super normalized to me and it’s something I’ve always been very grateful for and have a lot of respect for how my parents handled it.
Wasn’t easy for them. My mom’s mom openly told her she was too old to have a baby and like I said, lots of ageist comments from people and being asked if she was my “real” mom and all kinds of crap. So in a way I feel for parents who are worried about judgment or questions and the world is way too nosy about all these types of things but even then it’s better to face that stuff and feel like you’re together in it as a family than what I imagine the betrayal and identity crisis and a zillion other things that must come from only finding our decades later.
I can’t even imagine what that must feel like. I’ve had a few times growing up where I got pressed for info no one should ever be asking a child about where I was half gaslit into wondering if I was adopted or if there was some other secret my parents weren’t telling me about. But because my parents were so open about the topic and all their fertility struggles and journey… just gotta be better than any other alternative.
Yoooo i have been waiting for years for you to cover this, I actually went to elementary school with James. He and his brothers were literal boy scouts. It was nuts watching all of this go down.
Swoop: *mentions about the colder weather following Christmas*
Me, an Australian: Wha- WHAT!? GURL I'M DYING IN THIS HE- Wait, she's from America. At least she mentioned cold for most people.
Seriously, it's so damn weird seeing everywhere online turn to snow when Christmas shows up, when in Australia we're either swimming in our clothes or hiding from the sun because it's so hot. Like, I have never seen real snow in my life, and I doubt I ever will.
I’m the sister/caregiver of a 27 yo ASD Level 1. At diagnosis (2 1/2) she was level 3. After years of blood , sweat, tears, and every therapy we could try…we reached level 1. She has a bachelor’s degree and has worked at the same job (full time) for 4 years. We had many bad days. We had melt downs in public with people commenting that we shouldn’t be placating a “spoiled child”. However, we had amazing days and amazing trips. She is my best friend!
What you are is an incredibly wonderful sister and human being. I know you are thinking it, your sister is too.
this story breaks my heart so much. i work in a daycare and we see children with special needs have parents that really struggle. but at the end of the day you can tell they love their child so so much. they didnt view him as theirs. its disgusting
I use to work in adult group homes and it is a life long commitment to have and love a special needs child. They didn’t know what they were getting into at all.
@michaell7927 they should have known. they were warned at every turn
@ exactly
I have 3 kids, all autistic/ ADHD and one on each level (as well as being AuDHD myself). It is not "quirky" or "cutesy" to raise a child with complex disabilities, every day is a struggle. We are warriors who sacrifice so much to give our kids the best life we can, it is not for the weak, and in her case, the extremely ignorant. Most of us didn't choose this life but we rose to the occasion, if she can't do that, then don't break that poor child's heart by abandoning him cuz he's "too difficult". I hope he is living his best life now and being treated the way he deserves.
@AshChiCupcak you are so amazing. i see the snippets of what it is like raising these children and it is hard work. i really cant grasp the lack of compassion they had for this baby. duct taping his little fingers? why cant he suck on his thumb. i have no idea what they were thinking when adopting him
I’m a mom of 3 autistic kids and this family just makes me so angry. I’m only a few minutes into the video, but I remember these people. I hope that little boy is happy with his new family.
I have autism, ADHD, and anixity. My autism have made that I have social anexity. It´s hard to get all social cues for me. I´m have a hard time to talk to people. It also made me very ridig, very hard routins that I feel so much better if I can follow them completly. This also helps my ADHD, but the slightest change give me lots of anxity and a bit panic... I got my diagnos just a few years ago. I had no idea why I was so different as a child. Now I can work to cope. Thanks for a great video! Much love! 💖
Thank you for the strength and positive energy that comes through your voice, attitude and content. I appreciate your channel
So excited for this. I used to follow her in my "high school kid watches family vloggers" era and when everything happened with their adopted child, I was so disgusted I left the genre entirely. I found his new family's Instagram a few years ago, as a selfish "closure from a parasocial relationship" move, and was relieved to see he seemed to be doing fine.
Makes me sad to know he is still online 😢 I hope its just updates here and there and not full videos daily
she (at least back then: I don’t follow things like this anymore) doesn’t use his old name, reference his old family, or show him often. I also don’t like knowing his face is still online, but at least her posts have more of a casual “mom talking to her friends” vibe like “look at our new pillow fort setup” with the kids just in the background of the picture or celebrating little wins, not showing the kids’ struggles.
I used to watch myka as well and I remember when this all happened. It was crazy. Around the apologize video Myka uploaded a video of her cleaning the fridge but she was using her husband's products. Kind of trying to promote his channel and products. And then it was deleted shortly after because of all of the hate comments and I'm assuming not to link her husband to her.
The video where she is trying to teach him where his toes are and she pushes him away when he tries to hug her is absolutely heartbreaking 💔
I was thinking the same thing! How hard is it to say, "Thank you, sweetheart! I love your hugs! Would you like to show me your toes?" One of the best things from my disabled son is his hugs! Sometimes they're a rarity, but that just makes them even more special when he is willing to give them. The only time I could even consider that a "problem" is when reminding a child that not everyone finds hugs enjoyable, so it's always best to get consent first. Obviously, in a manner appropriate for that child's comprehension, but you get the point.
i have a child in my class who is non verbal, and his way of showing appreciation and affection is to give these very tight hugs where he presses his cheek against mine. I can't get enough of them. it warms my heart to know that he trusts me that much. it's so sad that she can't even appreciate the fact that her child is trying to show her love.
@@matildesimsby9163 I love this so much! When my son was still in public school, one of the things that made me happiest was knowing that the teachers, therapists, para-professionals, and everyone else that came in contact with him loved him almost as much as we do. He's 22 now, and he's still known in our community. My husband was at the grocery store and he ran into one of our son's first teachers and she was so excited to hear all about what our son had been up to. Life isn't what I expected, but I love what an amazing young man he has become. There are certainly days that I question myself enough to think that he has become who he is in spite of all of my failings, but even if that is true, he's still incredible and I wouldn't trade him for the world.
All this to say, thank you for being one of the incredible humans that helps guide and teach our children. It's people like you that make it a little easier to breathe when we send our children off to school!
Hi Swoop
As someone who has a family member who has Autism, thank you from the bottom of my heart for not only researching what you can about these subjects, but also educating us on these things.
I wish you, your team, and the Billing Department a happy holiday and a merry Christmas.
Cheers from Canada!
NOT ABOUT Myka, but in regards to the many caregivers that quit, parents and caregivers go through so much! These families have been destroyed, marriages ruined, parents have ended their lives over the extreme stress. These ppl deserve the greatest of respect and admiration. They deserve all the help they can get, unfortunately, parents of children on the spectrum dont get the help they desperately need. Myka and James are different. They wanted a prop, not a child.
There is nothing ethical about exploiting children who have no voice. New laws, or old ones need to be enacted.
The Real crime here is that they named a child Huxley..
Wasn't that a butler's name in a movie?
Yeah that was first red flag for sure! 😂 I'm a nurse and I cannot tell you how many other nurses I've met that are literally Myka clones. Pretending to be a saint, pretending to be a good person, naming their kids Brayden or Huxley, they look like her, they dress like her, they talk like her. While they are the meanest bullies behind the scenes. It's honestly scary how theres probably thousands of Mykas just like her in nursing and being responsible for the health pf people dependent on them across the US.
@@WhitneyDahlinI’m not even close to being a nurse, I’m a welder and sheet metal fabricator. But your post was so spot on to even MY experiences with those folks. Well done.
All their kids had stupid, pretentious names. They were Onyx Trey, Radley, Jaka and Nakova. Seriously.
@@KathiePrater-n6d don't forget gauge or Brenton lol
Across the board, from what’s in this video, Myka was never focused on what the CHILD needed. From the jump, it was about HER being “needed”, and HER being the one to win, or triumph, for HER “love” To win the day. If she had ever stopped to think, “Can we give this child what is best for HIM?”, it would have been a massively different process.
She didn’t care enough
This is SUCH a common theme amongst many hoping to adopt and adoptive families. Especially the moms…. And I say this as an adoptee with a damn good adoptive mom. But I’m real good at picking out the bad apples. It’s too easy.
That’s why I suspect they were looking at children of different races to make it even more obvious that the child isn’t their biological child-look at how benevolent we are.
I used to work adjacent to the foster care system and some foster parents expected the children to be so appreciative for being “rescued”. However, the child never asked to be removed from the home and they never asked to live with the foster parent. Why do they have to stroke the foster parents’ egos for doing something the foster parents signed up for?
"She can take on 99 conditions but I guess this ain't one"
Stop I'm dying 😂😂😂😂😂
Kudos to Mz. Swoop!! You did a phenomenal job from start to finish!! Informative, factual with an authentic twist!! I love it...Thank you & Blessings to you!! Keep at it!!
As someone who has family and friends who are adopted, I am so proud to see your full coverage and care on the subject. THANK YOU! 💜❤️
1:27:37 I believe it’s because of who was the “face” of the channel/scandal. For Ruby and Mika, they were both the main faces of the channel, the main ones in the videos. That’s why their husbands are able to hide behind them - they were always in the background of the videos. For daddy o five and Austin mcbroom, those guys were moreso the main faces on their channels, the main ones spearheading the issues we saw in their videos…so hence the canceling of those men.
You're not wrong 🤙🏽
China adoptions are closed now but at the time the Stauffers were adopting foreigners could ONLY adopt a special needs child. So, I didn’t take her question as a search for a disability that would make her look saintly but as a search for the easiest disability. Since she could only choose a disabled child, she wanted one that would have only a minor disability. She didn’t want a disabled child at all; she wanted a cute, cuddly one but that’s hard to get from a foreign adoption since many countries only offer special needs children to foreigners.
Jfc, that's so messed up for the kids. They can't even grow up in their own country. The Chinese government is dumping these children on purpose is dark.
She specifically asked for one that "is easy to take care of but looks hard to take care of", though. If it was only about making sure she could manage the adoptee, why specify the second part?
@PostmasterTheEyrie To get sympathy from her viewers as a bonus when in reality its easier for her to 'deal' with, basically the idea swoop had
In addition to her looking for a child who still _looked_ more difficult to take care of, as @PostmasterTheEyrie said, they also didn't _have_ to adopt from China.
Another commenter pointed out that Huxley wasn't actually chosen because he's autistic, he was originally diagnosed with a terminal brain tumor and given 2 years to live. Once they had him the doctors actually said it wasn't terminal and he'd live. For normal people, especially parents, that would be something beyond relief and joy that their baby would survive not just cancer but cancer that was expected to take them before they were even old enough to tie their own shoes, but Myka wanted him *specifically* for his terminal diagnosis and James actually fought her on adopting Huxley: she thought she'd get praise for adopting, for adopting a child with ASD, and adopting a child with cancer all in one convenient package, she'd get to give in a good couple of years, and praised for that the whole time too, and then would get so much sympathy once he passed. But once he was no longer dying and would need, you know, care, love, and she'd actually have to learn how to properly parent a child on the spectrum, she just gave him away. She wasn't adopting a son, she expected to get a prop.
I am really struggling with this. I am an adopted person and an adoptive parent of a child adopted from Russia. We went into our adoption being very aware that our child would likely need therapy and educational supports and so it breaks my heart to hear about dissolution, but even more so, it enrages me to hear of families profiting off of adoption. Adoption is primarily an occasion of loss for everyone in the triad and should not be exploited for clicks and views. I hope this child is thriving with his family now.
As a Russian adoptee with disabilities, I want to thank you for taking time to write out your comment. I couldn’t have written it better myself. Thank you.💛
As usual, you are on point. Thank you, Swoop, for keeping it real. ❤
Thankyou Swoop and team for a well researched and balanced documentary, tackling a difficult subject with sensitivity.
Oh thank you for speaking about family vloggers. We need more of that!!
I'm really glad that Huxley is no longer being exploited online but I do wish we had a tiny update about him. I really hope he is thriving as best as he can. ❤
I think his new family did put out that he was doing really good. But they def don't exploit him like the Stauffers did 🙄
I used to work in group homes for mentally disabled adults, one of my favorite jobs ever, they were all so smart and wonderful in their own ways, they just needed some help. I think any parent adopting a disabled child needs to go through the training i did. It wasn't hard and gives so much insight and help. I am so grateful you took this on with so much compassion
I agree
Thank you for sharing our experience swoop! 🧡🧡 it’s been a absolute journey with my eldest son and I’m glad these topics are being discussed.
I love having long videos to listen to while working, you're such an entertaining choice every single time, Swoop. Thank you (:
That broke my heart because Huxley sounds so much like my own Autistic nephew. His happy chirps give me life. At 4 years old he's finally more vocal and learning how to tell us his wants, feelings and needs. For our family he's been our joy. We celebrate the moment he decides to try something new of his own volition!! We worry about if he's getting enough nutrients (his pediatrician assures us he is, but ya can't help but worry ya know), or how to help him. And yet he's also so freaking smart! My lil buddy can count to 20 and he knows letters and colors. He puts puzzles together and loves to find out how things work. These things are what make all our fears and struggles worth it! And that's from his Tia, his mommy could tell you so much more haha.
As an adopted child, this situation really troubles me. I remember when this got into the news, I asked my mom if they would still have adopted me if I was sick and they said they were ready to care for me no matter what. Also, I understand documenting the process of adoption. My mom kept everything from my adoption, but it’s something so private…
My mom knew my bio parents, and knew I was "going to be a handful" as she says 😂
It hasn't always been easy, but I think it's been an overall net positive. I'm just so infinitely thankful I didn't have to do my time in The System
I also remember this story, though I'd never seen or heard of the blog/vlog beforehand.
Bare minimum, at 2 yrs old, you have to assume a child has command of words that mean food, drink, etc. Child words, but still communication that said child knows will get their needs met if used. When a parent who doesn't understand that child's 1st (and at that point only) language takes that child into a home where those words are treated like unintelligible sounds, then frustration and tantrums will be a given, even if the child is completely average and healthy in their development. The child is hungry, but the parents don't know the Chinese word for hungry or food, so the child bites. ANY adoptive parent that isn't a relative should be required to have at least the same understanding of the language as the child in question. Little guy could be asking for a toy politely, but since his siblings don't know that, they don't respond as the baby expects, so the baby does what babies do, and lashes out. He's then faulted for those actions, when he possibly attempted actual communication first.
If you rehome a pet you've adopted through the ASPCA or Humane Society, you never get the privilege of adopting a pet again. How is it easier to rehome a human child than a puppy?
A lot of times if you try to rehome an animal people tell you to just try harder. If someone says they want to rehome a child, I would assume they're either in over their heads, didn't realize it would be this hard, and the rehoming is breaking their hearts, OR, they're like the people Swoop is talking about here. Either way, the child is better off with a new family and needs to be removed ASAP. It shouldn't be easier to rehome a human child, but I can see why it is.
"Gotcha day", "rehome", and the way she talked to that child is giving dehumanizing. Its the same exact way you speak about and to a dog. Made me really uncomfortable to see. I've worked with kids with "special needs" before, and was quickly the go to person my coworkers would offload them onto. Why? Because I treated them like any other child while accommodating their needs. No baby talk, no condescending tone, no frustration. Because of this, all those kids favored me and began to resent my coworkers, leading them to act out when not under my specific care. These kids are just as human as everyone else and it sickens me to see them being treated like inferior.
Thank you for this, I’ve heard this story covered so much but not a productive response to the situation. The questions at the end and a more in depth exploration of adopting disabled or neurotypical children was the best take away to be honest.
My son has health issues that will take him from me, not once did I ever want to give up on him, EVER. I wouldn't change anything about him. Some people should not be around kids.
Love to you and your son and your family ❤❤❤❤❤
My adoption was the biggest gift I have ever been given. I came from an abusive and neglecting bio family and was 8 when I was adopted. Kids are not products you buy in a store, they’re non refundable and kids who are older can have mental, physical, and emotional trauma that needs to be worked through. The adoptions over seas are not that much different though there could be more health factors associated. It’s a lot to take on and it can take a mentally and emotionally strong person to be able to help these kids. My parents are the strongest people I know because they adopted 8 of us, and we all had issues. I don’t know how they managed but they did their best but what they didn’t do is give the kids back. They handled it like a parent would, finding a solution to the problem and getting us help. I will admit, it was still difficult in our house growing up and I was emotionally neglected for which my parents have apologized for, but they did their best and I am a better person because of my adoptive parents.
Man, this gives me so much hope for one of my children who is struggling, I swear they can’t stand me and wish they’d be with their biological family, but that’s not possible so we will go to the ends of the earth helping them understand their value to us and the world.
Thanks for sharing.
@ as an older child you start to understand that nobody wants you when you’re taken from your parents and moved from foster home to foster home. It’s when you don’t back down and still show them love that those defenses break and they start to believe you when you say that they’re not going anywhere and you will be with them. When they’re old enough you can tell them why they were taken (my parents were addicts) and let them make their own decision on bio family then.
Stay strong! You can do this and they hopefully will be grateful.
@ I don’t expect them to be grateful, ever. I just want them to believe that my love is genuine. That really is my only hope, because they truly hung the moon and the stars for me!
@ hang in there! Therapy would be great for both of you too if you’re able to. It’s what helped my parents with some of my siblings. But showing they matter to you and that you’re not going anywhere will break through. You’ve got this!
@ we are huge therapy fans here! I personally think every single child in foster care should be given a therapy allotment per year for life. Period.
I say no to family channels. This woman treated her adopted child like a foster puppy. 🤬😡🤬
Thank you so much for saying “we are all doing the best we can here” about using “special needs” vs disability bc I started feeling guilty for using “special needs” terms sometimes while describing my son who has ASD but then you said you understand how delicate these terms can be, etc. but I am glad to learn about why there’s terms can be problematic.