dodie - When (Official Lyric Video)
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- Опубліковано 6 тра 2021
- Build A Problem, the debut album. OUT NOW: orcd.co/dodie
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Directed by
Jack Howard www.jackhoward.net
Produced by
Sophie Newton / sophiejnewt
Jack Howard
Director of Photography
Ciaran O’Brien / ciaranobriendop
Edited by
Jack Howard
Colour Grade
Ciaran O’Brien
Captions
Elliot Gough / elliotgough
Special thanks to Hazel Hayes
I think I've been telling lies,
cause I've never been in love
everyone falls for the sunshine disguise, distracted by who they're thinking of
I'd rather date an idea
something I'll never find
Sure, I'll live in the moment, but I'm never happy here
I'm surrounded by greener looking time.
Am I the only one wishing life away?
never caught up in the moment, busy begging the past to stay
memories painted with much brighter ink -
they tell me I loved, teach me how to think
I'll take what I can get
cause I'm too damp for a spark
kissing sickly sweet guys, cause they say they like my eyes but I'd only ever see them in the dark
I'm sick of faking diary entries;
gotta get it in my head, I'll never be sixteen again
I'm waiting to live, and waiting to love
oh it'll be over, and I'll still be asking when
Am I the only one wishing life away?
never caught up in the moment, busy begging the past to stay
memories painted with much brighter ink -
they tell me I loved, teach me how to think
I'm sick of faking diary entries;
gotta get it in my head, I'll never be sixteen again
I'm waiting to live, still waiting to love
oh it'll be over, and I'll still be asking when
oh it'll be over, and I'll still be asking when
vevo.ly/SwYN6G
One thing that I noticed with this version of When compared to the original she release a few years prior is that it is a lot slower. She delays the words more, as if she’s still clinging onto the past, unable to live in the present.
that’s wild.
I think the instruments in the background are also slightly more subtle in this one compared to the original
@@UnorthodoxSoundwave. Yes, I agree with that. Perhaps it symbolises the present, and it all is faint and muted to Dodie. The words and events in the present struggle to get through to her because all that is in her head is her past memories and wistfulness.
@@alekynno I just interpreted it as a way of shifting the emphasis to the words and meaning rather than the sound, but I like that interpretation better tbh
@@UnorthodoxSoundwave. honestly it's probably that, but I do like the idea of attaching a hidden meaning to it. Maybe that contributes it being more emphasized?
when i first heard this song i was 16 and i thought 'yeah right i'll never be 16 again, i'm excited for the future' and now, at age 20, i sob thinking of how happy i really was. it's been so long since i was genuinely happy and even then, i probably thought the future would be better. this song punches me every single time. thank you, dodie.
27 here. Felt same. It gets better
hi, 16 year old here! i feel the opposite, like i know i’m going regret how i spend this year in ten years. (this could be partially because i first heard this song when i was 11, which has definitely impacted my relationship with the song/how i view its lyrics.)
I'm twenty and I feel the exact same x
I'm 41 (yikes now I feel old) every age feels different but there is so much joy you will find in life.
Ohhhh same. I remember singing it at one of her concerts when I was 16, and knowing full well that it was gonna hit differently in 4 years' time and feeling completely powerless to the passage of time. I'm 20 now and boyyyy was I right.
I FINALLY GET THE CAR THING!!! I THINK!!! dodie is always in the passenger/back seat of the car meaning that she's never felt in control of her life and she's sort of just watching everything going by and not being able to do anything to stop the car or slow down
She's behind the wheel in before the line tho
@@lidda9010 yeah that means that she’s finally getting control on her life. It feels like before the line’s video is a resolution
@@Valeria-nz7ty I think this too
@@lidda9010 which is ironically the song about her de-personalization
@@jennavanella1500 ironic and maybe even more powerful!
literally sobbing this is my favorite dodie song EVER
SAME 😭🥺🖤
OMG SAME I would always be like “no one talks about when anymore” and then she did it on the throwback livestream and I was like 0_0 and then she announced it would be on the album and i went O_O
ME TOO!! ❤️❤️
@@riorosario18 SAME I genuinely thought she wrote another song called When because I was so certain that I'd never be able to listen to When on vinyl lol
Your not alone 😭 I'm not the only one pushing life away!
“I’m sick of faking diary entries, gotta get it in my head, I’ll never be sixteen again”
this song hurt before and it still does
Hello Anne how're you doing today?
Hi
In a different way though, I can't even describe it
After weeks, even months... Those first chords are still in my mind as the bright ink. Every time I hear them, my eyes start to tear out jajsa. So yeah, it hurts, but it's personal
So beautiful my love. I always think of past things with much brighter ink too xxx
🖤🖤🖤
i was not prepared. i am a grown ass woman welling up with tears while eating lunch in my work cafe. i hope everyone thinks i just really love this rice pilaf
Hello there how're you doing today?
Bahaha 🖤🖤🖤
You’ve made my tears turn to happy tears I love this ahaha
I swear things like that actually happen a lot more now that I'm a grown ass woman.. like being older doesn't necessarily mean you get less and less emotional
hahahaha
hahah the "i'll never be sixteen again" line really hits different when u spent the whole sixteenth year of your life in a lockdown hahah
I felt this comment so hard 😭
Agreed
if you spent your whole sixteenth year in lockdown, wouldn’t that mean you would have just turned sixteen this year?
now that sucks
Yep.
oh THIS is why dodie was going through so much old footage for a bit there
yis
yis
so that’s why she was collecting old footage 🥺 “hang on hang on”
IIM not braave IM not honest, and im CERTAINLY not FUNNEY
@@wmskemdke AHAHAHAHHA YES
@@wmskemdke HAHAHAHH it’s her little “funney” for me
Yessss
How do you know? From a video she posted or smth on social media ?
As someone who suffers from DPDR, Her singing about experiencing depersonalization and derealization without realizing it (she didn't know about it when writing the song) is the most therapeutic thing ever
dpdr is the fucking worst, but dodie's songs about living through it have been really therapeutic
stay strong, fellow dpdr-er
the transition from “sorry” to “when” was so crisp
it hurts so good
I literally gasped out loud when it happened
And ‘.’!!!! Ugh those whole sections were just- I sobbed.
i got an ad in between the lyric videos and i was so offended
i just turned 18 and it feels like i wasted the youngest years of my life being sad and regretting everything I've ever done. I wish I could say that 16 year old me would be proud of me but I just think she'd be sad to know I'm just as miserable
Yeah but make 16 you happy by making the next decade amazing! - from your friendly 28yearold whose finally getting close to her dream after a decade of taking the long way ^_^ but gaining so much more knowledge just living. Treat yourself to a deepdive a day into a topic your interested in until you find your spark xx 😘
Hey, if it's of any help, I'm in my mid-20s and in the last five years I did more than what I did in my entire teen years.
I tell myself that I had to take the sad out of my system first to start enjoying life. There are many years ahead of us. The key is to not give up and get to those years.
Of course, this is a generic comment so exceptions may apply, but I can say for sure that making the effort to focus enough on myself to get surrounded by genuinely good people has improved my life. Not by leaps and bounds, but they help me take enough baby steps to be far away from the place I was originally in.
You're just starting to live and you have plenty to learn yet. Make sure that what you learn helps you feel good and better, and that it makes you feel comfortable in your own skin and safe among friends.
being sixteen I know that now is the best time to start. If I can't do it for myself, I'll do it for younger me and older me
you're 18! trust me you haven't wasted anything
you’re still so young i would honestly say that you’ve just started and it’s a good thing! i also had the same thought at 18 and expected to die early in my teens but i’m 21 now and grew so much in three years since then in ways i couldn’t imagine 💖 and i hope that you’ll get to experience that too and begin to enjoy life :) there is certainly no rush despite what society tells you 🥳
WHEN THAT FIRST TEAR FALLS.... NOTHIGN BUT PAIN
♥ lol
I teared up at that exact moment; it was a mixture of the visual, the nostalgia this song holds, and the STRING PART OMG
The rebirth of this song is soul-rippingly beautiful
Hello Marine how're you doing today?
@@willliamdavid4267 hello William, how are you doing today?
I remember crying at 17 for this song, now I'm 22 and I'm still crying. But not only because it does hit a sore spot, also because I'm better than I was, and I'm so proud of how far dodie's come, how much she has grown and worked. It's amazing
It really brought me back to four years ago and made me realize how much things changed in the past years, and so many things were so terrifying, but younger me never considered that there could be happiness in the future and I still struggle to consider that I can be ok in the future, so this was such a good reminder that there could be happiness and safety in the future
same
dodies crying
I'm crying
We are all just sobbing
SERIOUSLY I CANT LOOK AT OTHER PEOPLE CRYING WITHOUT ME CRYING TOO SO ITS JUST TEARS
SO TRUE help 😭😭
This breaks me. The first version of this song seems like a heartbroken confession from a young teenage girl.
But the more dramatic and mature tone of this arrangement is so crushing because it implies that after all these years, she’s still asking when. It’s a deep, deep weight on her shoulders.
this was my favourite song released this year
hello james
OMG JAMES
ello
dodie really said here's your favorite song but even more complex and beautiful
the pandemic began right after i turned 16. yes, this song was painful for me even before all this... mess occurred, but it hits differently now. "gotta get it in my head, I'll never be sixteen again, and i'm waiting to live, still waiting to love" feels absolutely painful now. its a different kind of pain and longing for the past now.
I feel you, I turned 16 in January
i was 17. now 18 and going to uni in a few months. strange feeling.
Exactly same here, it hurts so much, like something got taken away
All of you are babies. Cherish what you still have. I'm the same age as dodie, and know well how precious time can be.
just turned 17 a few months ago... feels like i was never even 16
alright! i haven't sobbed profusely to this song in a while, nice to get back into it
This is not only a song, it is an experience
i was 15. now i’m 19 just finished my first year of college. this hurt too much. i sat on my floor and bawled.
I relate to this comment too much
fucking samee
This is me rn
I listened to the album last night, in order, and absolutely burst into tears when I heard ‘when’ again! this song meant a lot to me when I was 16 - my god so much has happened since then. and I was flooded again with the dread that I really never will be 16 again 🥺
i think it’s like a reflex action thing but when dodie cries i also start crying?
When I was 13 I was in a very bad place and this song felt like the only thing that reflected and understood how I felt. Now I’m 17 and this feels surreal, like a full circle moment. I am so proud of how far I have come.
At around 19, what about now?
The fact that I was 16 when this song first came out and now I turning 20. 4 years make a big difference. This hits totally different now. "Gotta get it in my head, I'll never be sixteen again." Holy shit.
When I heard the very first few piano notes I absolutely began to cry. It felt like seeing an old friend and seeing how much they’ve grown. This song meant so much to me in 2017 and I am SO happy to see it in its most powerful form
I realized this song by Bangchan and it is so beautiful my gosh I'm crying like I never have. Girl, you put the words that I can never say.
damn I remember listening to When in 2016 and I was 13 back then, now 18 the "I'll never be sixteen again" finally hits and hits HARD
specially with the whole pandemic, I can't help but feel I've lost my teenage years, this song is much more painful now🥺 "waiting to live, still waiting to love"
@@gidco6044 I'm 100% with you there...about the pandemic and listening to the song at the same ages too...it's reassuring to be reminded I'm not the only one
Same
I first heard this song at 14, when I couldn't imagine ever wanting to be 16 forever, and now, nearing 18, I know. I miss her, 16 year old me.
Hello Ann how're you doing today?
so true
@@bluedabadeee Hope you're enjoying your day over there with your family?
I was 14 when I first heard this song, I wanted to be 16 so badly. I wanted to be older, more mature, in love. A year later I dated the guy of my dreams and he ended up being abusive as all hell and I had my high school experience ripped out from under me. Now at 18, I want nothing more than to be 14. I want to have those 4 years of high school back so badly and I know I'll never get to be that sweet, fragile, and beautifully naive girl I was four years ago, but this song reminds me of the time when I was that person and it lifts the weight off my shoulders a bit. Thank you dodie
i have depersonalization derealization disorder just like dodie, and a lot of this album really speaks to me; i feel like finally ive found someone who sees life the same way i do. love you dodie
i didn't thing this song could get more tragically hauntingly beautiful, and here it is
And people say her voice hasn’t changed. This is beautiful and sweet and her voice is incredible. You can’t change my mind
Thank you BANGCHANN🥰
i’m so glad this was re-recorded, makes me sob every time🥺
and when dodie started crying, i’ve lost it
ikr i’ve been waiting for an official version of this song for a while and this just caught me off guard 😭 i’m just tryna brush my teeth and wash up but now i’m crying and doing my skincare HAHAH
Dodie released the original version of "When" a few months after I turned 16. And at the time, all I wanted was to get older, because growing meant change and change meant that life would be different, I would be different, and hopefully I would be better. But high school was all at once the happiest and most horrible time in my life, and the thought of leaving it all behind one day was terrifying. I held on to time as it passed and for a lot a different reasons, I couldn't see myself living to 18.
I'm 20 now. I really will never been 16 again. And I don't know if knowing that now and feeling it makes me happy, since four years later I'm still sitting here asking "when?"
this song has so much more meaning now 😭😭
dodie dodie dodie, the first second. THE FIRST FUCKING SECOND AND I START CRYING. this is incredible and heartbreaking and AHHHHHHHH
I have chronic derealization because of trauma in high school so this hits incredibly hard. I love it so much though. Thank you for understanding and giving me all the feelings, Dodie!
This year I turned 24. This means I've lived exactly half of my life with my parents being still together, the other half with separated parents. I never thought much of it, but looking back I feel like a part of me has been stuck at 12 years old all these years. The boy I was in love with at the time was the hardest for me to let go of, the memories from that time are the most vivid I cherish to this day. I couldn't tell you why, maybe it was the perfect storm of happiness and trauma all happening at once. Still, a part of me is so fond of the memories I made at that time, and it sometimes sucks really bad to see that I'M THE ONLY ONE who remembers what happened.
i also turned 24 this year, i was also 12 the summer i found out my parents were divorcing. personally, I'm always thinking of my childhood and how so much of it feels like it was ripped from my palms. My parents were cheating on each other and oh boy i was awfully aware. They opened a door a kid shouldn't walk through, i got to a point that i didn't want to live and i hadn't even hit puberty. it was all very harmful and i still have so much healing to do .i wish at times that it never happened, but then I remember I'm only who I am because of what happened. I wish i didn't struggle from mental illness all the time, i wish my parents didn't do what they did to each other, and their kids. i wouldn't wish to rewrite it all because this is my story.
@@user-nn7dj3cn6j thanks! You are strong too ❤ I was hoping you would get the reference lol
"maybe it was the perfect storm of happiness and trauma all happening at once." damn that hits HARD. maybe that's why i only seek toxic love and toxic relationships, bc my brain somehow falsely linked trauma and happiness
21 and finally felling happy and whole and myself again, but for the past 4 years, that's exactly how I felt. This song encapsulates so much how I felt and I can't begin to explain how from 17 to 19/20 everything felt so sad, crumbled and hopeless.
But it gets better.
Whoever you are, reading this, I love you and you deserve the world. You are a wonderful person 💕
thanks. you deserve the world and are amazingly wonderful too!!
This song is utterly breath-taking
"I'm waiting to live, still waiting to love
oh it'll be over, and I'll still be asking when"
That's what I feel like right now...
this hits hard when you first heard this as 16 and are older now its aged beautifully :(((((
The pain in these lyrics, the poignancy in the instruments, and the heartbreak in her facial expressions is something that transcends through people who experience the same thing. Love and light to those who struggle with this, to dodie, and to myself.
Chan’s room brought me here, but I am genuinely enjoying this song. What a beautiful voice, I got emotional when listening t the lyrics
When I first heard this a few years back I thought “god I would not be 16 again” but here I am, at 23, being triggered just driving past my old family home
I love the original but there is something so beautifully sad about this one. The instrumental floats between feeling light and ethereal and dark and heavy. The pain is palpable, especially as the song goes on I just 🥺🥺🥺🥺 this album is so good
i’m crying into my mac and cheese i can’t handle this it’s too good
(flashback to the old mac and cheese video)
the video in the background being there but unclear and hazy really went straight to my soul i am pain i love this i love you
This is one of my favorite dodie songs and i absolutley love the remake, especially the video. Memories often seem blurry im my mind yet painted in brighter ink, and the present never feels to match what used to be. Perfect video for a perfect song
Wonderfully said...
I'm leaving for uni in october and I thought I'd listen to this while studying for my final a level exams. "I'll never be 16 again" caught me so off guard that I just burst into tears, which no song has ever made me do before. I'm not ready, but I don't think I ever will be, but maybe that's okay
this song hits me just as hard at 20 as it did at 16. beautiful song dodie.
the way this song came out when I was a freshman in high school and now I’m rediscovering it as a freshman in college😭😭😭😭
the way you play with time in this version elevates it to a whole new level i didn’t think was possible.
I feel like no other artist has released an entire album that feels like we're let in to the very closest circle of Dodie's friends. I mean.. it's all terribly honest and such wonderful, devastating, beautiful and sad. Thank you for an amazing album.
this was the first dodie song i ever listened to and it quickly became my favorite song of her’s ever, if not my favorite of all time. i first listened to the live version when i was 12, and now, i’m turning 16 this year. i will listen to this the night of my birthday because it means so much to me and i’ve never related or empathized with a song unlike this one. truly beautiful work, dodie. you continue to make my life worth living.
This is my absolute favorite version of this song. It shows that Dodie has grown in many ways and so has her audience. Although this song is sad it makes me think of who I once was and how much I still have to learn. I love it dearly 💗
that’s honestly so beautiful 😭🥺💖
@@yumisy111 thank you💗
The strings were incredible!!! The way it sounded so lush and ethereal yet dark and cynical. All the chords, buildups, dissonance and resolutions- ugh emmaculate
i am so grateful there is the biggest pause at the end of this video, it's almost like dodie knew we'd all need a breather after this song bc god DAMN does it hurt every single time
Thank you Channie ❤️
This song hits different when you develop dissociation at 16
i’m gonna cry this song is so beautiful
this concept is so perfect for this song, didn’t know this song could have more impact than the original but it SURE DOES NOW
God this is my top 10 most favorite songs, lyrically and musically, it captured my mind to a whole another world
I was so young when first I heard this song and I’m still only the age of young dodie but MAN do I love this song to bits. now, and then, and always.
I used to hear this song all the time when I was 16 and it just hits different now 4 years later
"I'm sick of faking diary entries" is one of the rawest lines I've ever heard. Jesus Christ.
this hit me so hard when i heard it on the album. brought me straight back to when i was listening to the live version on your first EP on repeat and how i loved it so much then because it felt like it encapsulated so much of what i felt at the time, when i had such a hard time dealing with myself. so much has changed since then, but i love this song just as much. this version is incredibly beautiful. ah, thank you for all the music you make dodie.
“Sure, I’ll live in the moment” SURE??? I thought it was “so” all this time!!
Love this new take on the earlier arrangement from 2016; fuller but still intimate. By itself an amazing composition; while very much in the spirit of Janis Ian's Seventeen from my generation. And what I said to you back then; as someone decades older than sixteen, stands even today. We can still see such lovely sparks of humanity all around us; find warmth in each others glow. And what joy we find there will hopefully be enough. ☮
I don’t know if it’s acting but dodies tears here seem so genuine... the original was already beautiful enough but then she just had to crush our hearts with more strings 😭
This song grew so much from the original version. Dodie never is in the drivers seat until the end of the album which is when she finally has control of her life.
Four years ago, I wrote myself a letter to open May 20th (I gave myself that date because I had no clue when I'd graduate high school). Four years ago, I heard your song "when" and cried to it. I felt every word, though I wasn't 16 at the time.
Dodie, I know I'm one of many fans that have grown with your music. I had been thinking about this song a few days ago, I couldn't quite remember the words, it was such a bittersweet feeling. I couldn't remember the melody. Yet, I didn't look for the song. Just like that, the thought flew away and I didn't think of it again.
Things are getting harder. I have no clue where I'm going from here. I've complained so much about school while growing up that I never thought I'd miss its structure in my life. I'm unsure if I'll attend college, or if I'll find a different path. My mind only bites hard at me, for not being productive, for not figuring anything out. We live in a world where taking your time to enjoy things is labelled as "lazy," but what measures that? What measures productivity? It's like we've forgotten about the tortoise and the hare. We just have to take things step by step, just being alive is a beautiful thing.
My heart beat so quickly when I saw the notification of this song on my phone. I thought it was unbelievable. How weird was the coincidence, or maybe things aligned for a second. It helped me realized how far I'd come. You have no idea how much I needed this, and though I'm a small voice in a crowd, I'd like to say thank you.
I'll never be 18 again. In thirteen days I'll open a letter I wrote at 14. I'm still waiting to live, but I think I've grown a little closer to love.
Thank you.
i'm finally listening to this song again, on my last day of being sixteen, and i'm sobbing. "i'll never be sixteen again" hits me so hard now knowing that just in a few hours' time that will really be the truth. and this song captures everything i feel about dealing with depression and mental health issues at such a young age and how i'm wasting my youth. i'm still right in the middle of it but i know i'm wasting it and that when i'm older i'm going to kick myself for never be happy when i was young but there's nothing i can do about it to change it now. "it'll be over, and i'll still be asking when." I have never related to a song more, thank you for this beautifully sad piece dodie
It's mesmerizing how it's still not mainstream. Ommmyyy dodie is a geeeemmm
i always loved this song but i cried when i heard this new version. there’s something so raw and beautiful about this one. dodie, the way your voice carries through this song is so wonderful in a way i cannot describe. i’m loving every second of this new album, 1000% worth the wait 💕
The swell of strings after "they tell me I loved, teach me how to think" hits so much harder in this version. It was always good. But the delay before it crashes was an amazing choice. The new arrangement as a whole is fucking amazing. But right there, I felt the music wash over me.
literally my favourite song of hers EVER and to get it again on her DEBUT ALBUM and with the sorry and when transition i'm literally IN LOVE
this song is very. its always meant a LOT to me. i dont think i could ever put it in words
"Gotta get it in my head, I'll never be sixteen again
I'm waiting to live, still waiting to love"
this song means so much to me, with this video IM LITERALLY BROKEN
one thing i like about this video is that the car is not in motion, unlike the rest of the videos. because When is talking about reminiscing past memories and wanting to relive them, so she is stuck wishing for the past and never moving forward, hence the stationary setting. and Sorry is in backwards because the song talks about regret and wishing to go back, wishing that you've never done something.
hearing this in a new light literally brought tears to my eyes. this song will always break my heart
Oh god this hurts way more now that I'm in my twenties
dodie! wow, I've watched this video 5 times this evening, and each time I come back I cry twice as hard. u have encapsulated so perfectly how it feels to feel as if ur wishing the present away, while clinging helplessly to the memories of the past, which have always felt like the brightest paintings of ur soul but theyre slowly fading. this song has always made me cry, but this video especially; I can really see in your expressions, a bittersweet gratitude for the complicated comfort the past brings. I find romanticising the past so effortless, every picture and video and scent and song is fabricated by nostalgia (your music being something which has provided countless soundtracks to each chapter of my life). thankyou for wrapping up this feeling so perfectly.
Not her re-recording her most beautiful song even MORE beautifully and me bawling my eyes out once again 😭😭💜💜💜💜
"Never caught up in the moment
Busy begging the past two stay"
My life in a nutshell...
My Lord she sings to my soul.
I just turned 16 last month and this song has strike me harder than it has ever had
I camed here bc of chan. I got emotional😞💔
I shared this song when I was 16, in one of the loneliest mental spaces I'd ever experienced, and also on one of the biggest adventures of my life doing a year long private exchange in a foriegn county.
Now, at 22 I've been living abroad for 3 years, prioritizing living and truly experiencing the present day by day, but this song still hits just as hard, just in a different way.
Dodie's music has carried me through so many dark places and I know it's the same for so many others. The light she shares had lit thousands of journeys.
This captured depersonalization really well tbh. It feels like your sitting passenger in a car while someone else drives and controls your life and you're just sitting and watching it pass by... Thank you dodie, you beautiful soul. You make me sob violently with every song and video.
i remember being 15 and playing this song on the back of my dads bike. i didn’t hate him yet, i still had friends, and even though i wanted to die, i knew i belonged somewhere. now i’m 19 and trapped. i have no friends and my mind loves to torture me. i have never felt more removed from the world and my fingers itch for a hand to hold.
This touches so deep. The more I listen to you the more I realize just how much you speak to all our existences and experiences as human beings. You're a gem to humanity dodie, thank you for empowering us with your incredible art ❤
Almost five years later... I heard this song and died, my little 14 year old self was just about to turn 15 and I remember clicking so dogdamn fast to listen to the ep with this song. It was such a big moment- her first EP and I was able to listen to it thanks to spotify. Dodie I'm not so sticking close to you(or any socials lol) but without you I wouldn't be as strong to live as I am now. Your growth is empowering and has help many young people. You helped me through parent(step dad/mom) divorce, homelessness, depression, almost dropping out of high school and so much more... your songs trigger hard memories that I wish I didn't take for granted. But I did.. but somehow I'm content at 19 with a baby on the way. I didn't imagine myself here even a year ago but I have never felt more intuned in my decisions. Your music is apart of my beating heart and I will grasp onto every melody to my chest. Im still scared, maybe more scared now than when I was 16 now that I'm out of that mentality. I have never wanted to go back so much as I do now... but I know that feeling will only grow. Thank you though. You are a beautiful soul, you cannot change my mind. You are the big sister that gave me advice when you were just living the life I know of yours through a lense. There's so much more to you as there is to me, but that is what makes everything so beautiful in the world.
i can’t do this rn this hits way too hard to home, i miss being happy but not living at the moment