@user-jw1bl4hq9j - that seems fair and reasonable - HOW to not have a cheater might be worth exploring - have a few things to say on that topic, starting with defining your "five to thrive" - but, I saw your comment about him cheating and you divorcing... he violated your rules, his promise to you - he burned that bridge. I'm less of a "who's right?" and more of a "what's right?" type of coach, mentor, strategist... not pro-divorce or anti-divorce... it's a tool and available for a reason - I get REALLY curious about what was in play between two people prior to the decision to divorce to unlock unconscious patterns so that they go forward without fault, blame, guilt, or shame - just ownership and the ability to response better next relationship (and, sometimes the same person, but in a new relationship)
@@JeremyRoadruck ….marriage to me is about LOYALTY ON ALL FRONTS ….SEXUALLY , EMOTIONALLY AND MONETARY ….ALL OF IT COUNTS IF PEOPLE WANT TO HAVE A HAPPY MARRIAGE …..OR HAPPY RELATIONSHIP.
@user-jw1bl4hq9j no need to YELL at me - I'm not the one who hurt you, n'est ce pas? there's 2 parts to a relationship - the relating (the heart, the feels, the reality) and the ship (the head, the structure, the truth) - it's a both/and AND the sequence matters. I ask my clients all the time - do you want to be right, or get results? If you want to be right, keep doing what you're doing. If you want results, then you gotta do something different. Far too many people - men AND women - put the ship, the structure, the rules, the "truth" (their truth) in front and put the the relating, the heart a distant second, ending up in a ship--relation instead of a relationships. But, so long as we're alive, we can learn, grow, adapt, expand, shift... it's not the impact that causes the suffering, it's the holding on after the moment has passed. We can learn to let it go, to release what holds us down. I'm sorry you're evidently in the midst of a very unpleasant season and you have every right to feel upset. I wish it was different for you.
pretty cynical of you, sorry if that was your experience - but, thing is - correlation isn't causation. Some couples have fantastic sex lives after marriage - there's strategies to get there - it's not just luck or magic.
@@JeremyRoadruck lucky you, i married my dream girl at 39 ihad known her since 6th grade and always crazy about her. we hooked up at 39 and wow!! sweet and perfect in every way ,in bed she was awsome!! and I mean very! She was the one pushing for marriage soon after the wedding she started chang[ng slowly at first then a grinding halt. Advice to any younger guys as soon as you see this starting dump her blank blank she will give you every excuse and all lies. every time you reach your limit she will do just enough to give you hope next thing your doing without months at a time and evetualy my longest over 3 years begging is bs then. you get more love from your hand its bs. If you have to get married make her sign prenup and dont have kids. I love her but I hate her. yeah i know.. im a dumd head, Fixing to dump her @%$ at 62
One of the biggest things a woman can learn about men is that most of us are superheroes in our own minds. The women who are successful in their relationships allow their men to feel like superheroes in the relationship.
that's exactly right - the more opportunity we're given to be perceived and received as heroes, the more likely we'll show up to play full out... difficult for women/feminine because however he's acting isn't "perfect" or "right" in her model of the world.
if you can appreciate where she's coming from and hear her heart and wounds in her complaints, it's possible to entirely flip this script and open her up to more love, light, and passion than either of you would believe. Key is to understand her and not fall into the pit in her own heart WITH her. That's kinda why she's doing it - to provoke you to show up. But that pattern from our women tends to activate our own wounds and/or defensiveness and creates a lose-lose game that drives everything into the pavement.
Sorry that's the situation you're in @erwinbrubacker7488 - but if she's bitching at you and nagging you, you're not a nobody to her... that she cares enough to get mad at you suggests she's not "done" with you... but her behavior makes it REALLY FREAKING HARD to show up as her hero, protector and provider. You have to protect yourself against her is a lose-lose game. Most women don't really see that, alas.
Absoflockingloutely! You can't give what you don't have... appreciating others while disrespecting yourself isn't acting in full integrity... so, get the self in order, then go from there... you and I know know Wing Chun - that's where the system was created... out of the idea of aligning the self with the universe instead of trying to make the universe align with the person. The Chinese phrase is "Saam Dim Yat Sin, Ding Yuen San" or Three Points One Line, Establishes The Original Nature/Body. The three points being the head, chest, and hips physically - and the mind, heart, and body metaphorically. So, when thinking, feeling, and acting are in alignment, live and love gets easier! Centuries of wisdom that still applies today!
Been married 23 years and anytime my husband needs it, I give it (2-3 times a day). The key to getting to this point is understanding each other's needs. His needs are in the bedroom and mines is in the form of a "Honey Do List" [He is retired, I work from home] Also, I have never been a victim of SA. Women that have SA trauma as a child struggle with intimacy in the bedroom, and if left unresolved, will only get worse overtime.
this was an impressive comment - and, with the right person, it can be all figureoutable... it's all about arriving at the win/win and "'for you, with you" type thinking, feeling, and acting. The world really is filled with amazing people, if we're open to seeing them!
SA is a huge problem, but a woman doesn't have to have SA in her past to simply get tired of having sex. Sex has too much emphasis placed upon it, hence sexless marriages. In the past, spouses expected the sex to taper off by middle age, yet today, we're brainwashed to believe that we should want to have sex until we're well past that age. People need to stop expecting to be ''young'' forever.
After 45+ years, here it's been 2-3 times every 6 months, then it evolved 2-3 times a year, now it been 6 years since the last time. Destroyed me as a man.
You just described my 18 year "relationship" (not sure what to call it really). 8 years without a f**k is a long time. I left. She's a narc, but unfortunately has my daughter with her who gravitates towards her mum.
Sorry that's been your experience - relationships can get messy and quick, unfortunately. Sometimes it's hard to know who's truly dangerous or deranged, and who's reacting to unhealed damage. Sucks that your daughter is most likely going to get caught up in repeating her mom's patterns in her own relationships. Are you doing anything for your own growth and healing?
@@JeremyRoadruck Thank you for responding. Yes, I am doing something for growth and healing. I'm 60 yrs old now, but back on the market. I've moved into an investment unit and financial settlement is lodged with the courts. I also bought a new BMW R1250GS motorcycle and am continuing to play keyboards in several bands. I've decided to retire and use my superannuation as I can access it now. I can't believe how I was used up, but I'm looking forwards, not backwards.
@MKA63 - dude, that's some solid growth, yo! Didn't see this reply until just today - I've got a strategy called Five to Thrive that helps to dial in on sorting OUT the bad matches and find a partner who's willing and able to win with you. Happy to send you more information if that'd be helpful to you. I've had clients into their 70s and even 90s for various skill sets - green and growing, or ripe and rotting... those are the choices. Sounds like you're focusing on green and growing.... game on, yo!
@ryan Cocoran - "a woman" might not change... but ALL women? Really? You've met them all and you know they are ALL the same? Dude - all generalizations are bad. Projecting isn't helpful either - I've had clients recover their marriages and get to better places with their wives. I'm sorry for your situation - there must have been something to drive you to the point of view you have.
@@ryancorcoran465 feminine is loyal to her feelings isn't the same as a woman is as loyal as their options... that type of thinking speaks to entitlement and expectation in a not so great way. A woman should remain loyal when the guy she's with is out of doors all days, treats her as an afterthought, and never makes her feel like a priority? That's not her being loyal as her options, that's her being taken for granted. Not a great game to play. A woman is made up of both masculine and feminine polarities - and tends to be more flexible in shifting between then. Again, sorry you had the experience you did but a gross generalization to the negative on ALL women based on your experiences isn't going to attract a woman who wants to be loved and be loyal, it's going to filter her out of your reality more easily and attract a woman who treats you like crap. Gotta forgive the past - learn from it, raise your standards and filters, and you'll find a better future. No one likes to feel judged, my friend... and you're judging 99% of all women to a very low standard.
Let me say here @Jeremy, I am impressed with how balanced you are in your treatment of this topic. ❤. Your intelligence, maturity and breath 8n understanding this complex issue is rare, but refreshing. Thank you!
I gradually stopped having sex with my husband after he became a religious fanatic. Suddenly he made me out to be his adversary because I didn't believe the same. He couldn't put the two together. Then he started drinking more and hanging out with friends more frequently. Nothing I said made a difference. Everything was my fault. Saw a marriage counselor and he continued to blame me. There is a lot more but I'll leave it at that. We've been separated over a year and he still doesn't get it.
And he probably won't... he's plugged his ego into the universe and can posture with GOD behind him. Belief systems (BS) are hard to turn... in kung fu we'd say his Siu Nim (little self) has been replaced with Daai Nim (big self) and you're no longer arguing with him, but with Ingersoll universal law - in his mind, at least. Spiral Dynamics, developed by Clare Graves would seev this as a purple/tribe or blue/law arresting in thinking systems. Regardless of the justification, hurts to experience it - I'm sorry this has been your experience 😔
@@mikeparrott8304 not sure I'm tracking... "from one side" "from page one" - you mean how could you know or anticipate this situation? Honestly, you really can't - people change, grow, life happens... the best you can do is: a) really get to know each other's values, vision, character BEFORE getting serious (see my content on 5 to Thrive) b) openly communicate needs, wants, dreams, desires, vision with an intent to create a win for BOTH partners instead of getting into power trips or absolutes with each other. If you do a and b above, and still end up getting static then coaching or therapy to work through what's going on for you each as individuals, and together as a couple. Ultimately, the only 2 guarantees in life are death and taxes. A loving relationship full of passion, that takes effort on the part of BOTH partners. It's not often not a "take it or leave it" type situation. It's not either-or, it's both/and.
I work with a woman who admitted to me some women stop having sex with their husbands because they want their husbands to divorce them so the man is the one who looks bad to this kids and rest of the family for leaving and not them. The husband looks petty and shallow. Unreal.....
yep - that happens sometimes... and guys sometimes do things to make their wives divorce them so he doesn't look like the bad guy. Cuts both ways. Petty and reprehensive behavior, regardless of gender.
I was more lonely during marriage than any other time. I believif this happens, she was just settling for you and you were not her 1st choice. N marriage a
sometime people settle and marry to not be alone instead of marrying the person that sets their soul on fire. I'm sorry that was your experience. :( This is part of why I do the work I do - to help guys and couples have a passionate, playful love affair with someone who delights in you as much as delight in her. Life is too short for bad food, or bad relationships. Gimmie the gusto!
Wondering why a chic can’t give their husband an hour out of their entire week. Twice a week. 30min, twice a week. Foreplay and the act itself. Whether she wants it or not, a man has needs. It’s not all about the females
Because that sense of entitlement kills rapport and polarity. NO ONE wants to be taken for granted. She should just "kneel before Zod" because... he showed up and did the fundamentals of the marriage? Just go the basics, you get the basics - sex could be considered "extra" - if she has to pick up all piles of clothes, never feels like she has any "down" time/time off - then sex just becomes another chore, another part of her to-do list - perfunctory sex isn't very sexy. Make her feel desired, craved, like she's the most sublime creature on God's green Earth... different story, yo.
Totally depends on how you approach things. Masculine and Feminine haven't changed - operating out of demand, expectation, obligation - from either partner - is ALWAYS a problem. If you're having problems in a marriage going back to 1992, that's NOT a reflection on "modern women" - my wife was born in 1990 and she's amazing! Asks for what she needs and wants, loves our sexy fun times... I'm sorry you're in a crap situation but that has nothing to do with anyone else but you and your wife.
@@JeremyRoadruck The only thing women after the WW2 generation are good for is a sperm sponge and they give that away with out marriage so what's the point. Get married then get divorced and give her half your shit. Its not worth it men.
That's a really sad frame of reference. If you've given up or killed your vision of what's possible, it's difficult to create anything better than that. Have you read The Fourth Turning? The authors suggest there's four different 20-year mindsets that seem to follow each other.
@danmurray1199 - sometimes, correlation isn't always causation. Emotions can shift moment by moment, situation by situation... it's really important to look at the overall trendline of interactions... drawing closer over time, or drawing further apart? As I stated, sex is kinda like a canary in a coal mine - it can be a barometer of overall health and vitality in an intimate relationship or marriage. If there's no sex, or it's few and far between... that can mean a lot of things... The challenge with emotions is that love and hate are very often opposites in passion, and for some people they think that playing in those two extremes can be "healthy" - or making their partner jealous is "healthy" ... lack of alignment, resistance, unwillingness to focus on team... those nerf even the best intentioned of people.
This would be a lot better video if it actually lived up to its title. This is a video which says it is going to talk about the effects a sexless marriage has on a MAN. It is 90% about the effects it has on a WOMAN. Assuming that the two are basically one in the same is a fallacy. I can tell you from personal experience (and I am sure there are plenty of men out there who will back me up) that one of the worst effects that a sexless marriage has on an otherwise faithful husband is just how angry and resentful it makes him. It is literally a form of passive aggressive cheating on the part of the wife, and a violation of the marriage vow. Unless there are actual grounds for dissolving the marriage, whatever issues a wife may have with her husband, withholding sex for more than a short period of time is NEVER acceptable behavior. Anyone who would seek to counsel women on this issue needs to make clear to them the harm they are doing to their husbands, and to the marriage itself, by not being sexually available to them. I can also tell you from personal experience that whenever my brain was regularly being flooded with oxytocin from having those pleasant intimate experiences with my wife, I was usually quite willing to do almost anything to make her happy.
You might want to watch it again, specifically points 3, 4 and 5. I was talking more to the ladies in this one. I can see why you're upset and struggling - your giving all the power in her and pointing fingers. There's zero ownership of the pattern or sutuation between the two of you. Your anger and resentment? That shows up in the 3 to 4 range. Your expectation that a wife be sexually available to her husband...? Yeah, that's not gonna fly and more than her expecting you to be the 100% breadwinner andv she gets to dictate where it all goes. Expectations and obligations kill all good things. Communicate your needs and desires, understand her needs and desires and then playfully co-create? THAT is an epic marriage. Playing in fault, blame, guilt, shame and finger pointing never works in the long run. You can be right, or be love.
@@JeremyRoadruck Spare me your analysis of my personal life, of which you know nothing. Had you simply entitled your video "5 Effects of a Sexless Marriage" and made clear that your comments were equally applicable to both sexes, I would not have bothered to comment. But let's be perfectly clear that's not what you did. You specifically entitled your video as pertaining to the effects on MEN. However, when you addressed the issue, you failed to live up to this title. Instead you wimped out and over generalized because you didn't want to offend any of your female viewers. You owe it to them to tell them the truth. There are scores of marriages coming to an end all across the nation because of this very problem. As for my situation, despite enduring this problem, I stayed with my wife for 22 years until she passed because I sincerely loved her, but I chose to do so in faithfulness to my pledge before God Almighty. As is patently obvious if you will read the rest of your comments, most men today are no longer willing to be this patient and forgiving. They have had enough.
@@JeremyRoadrucklook Mr. therapist, your video purports to explain what the effects of a sexless marriage has on men, which in turn, presumes that state of affairs was chosen by the woman, which if we are to have an honest exchange, we would recognize as being the case most of the time. If the woman is, for any reason incapable of verbalizing the reason for this choice then, barring other issues, she should bear responsibility for the union's failure, in public opinion and in court. If her reason is "I just don't feel like it" then...f#@k that. Sex is the only requirement for a man from a relationship of any sort otherwise he has litte reason to commit as marriage is still de facto an institution for the transfer of wealth, and relationships are ultimately granted by men. (whereas women are guardians of the sex that happens outside of commitment). If this state of affairs (unilaterally imposed sexless union) comes after significant commitment on the part of the man, this constitutes a scam in my eyes. The withdrawal of sex as a coercive means of attempting to change a man's attitude towards the relationship or specific behaviors is especially mean spirited as it is misguided. As a man with grit simply won't do what doesn't come to him naturally in that context. He can fake it and treat the wanted behavior as currency for sex but this is ultimately demeaning for him and less honest than going to a prostitute outright. If the man was never a certain way from the start she should not expect him to distort himself into her projection later, and what's more, she should have kept her heart (and her legs) closed from the beginning.
sorry your wife passed, and that you continued to play the same games with her for 22 years in a way that was unsatisfying to you. That was YOUR experience, if you've got helpful strategies to make changes for other men, by all means - start a channel and get to adding value to the world more than sniping in comments and hiding behind a random username. I wimped nothing, I have my perspective and experience and will operate from that space. Works for you, cool. Doesn't work for you, still cool. Take what's valuable, ignore the rest. My youtube channel is 87% men last time I checked the stats, my tiktok is 95% women - not here to please anyone, or playcate anyone - but that doesn't mean I need to be a dick about things. This clip was part of a set of content I did once upon a time. It didn't land for you the way you wanted, cool - thanks for the feedback and perspective. I'll take it under advisement.
@foreverseethe ....wow... so, is that see the or seethe.. I have a guess. Anyway, dude - that's a LOT of projection and baggage to be carrying. How's that working for you? Currently in a passionate, playful, love filled relationship? Because, damn man. Who hurt you? And, how long you gonna carry that wound? Justification, rationalization... "coercive act"... yeesh. Sorry you're in such an existential place. This reads a LOT transactional, which is often the guidance of wounded males looking to "lead" or "save" other males from pain and suffering, while locking dudes into pain and suffering. People do what they do - men, women, kids, teens, elders, parents, bosses, employees... what they do causes an impact in their own lives and the lives of others. Actions are driven by the stories behind those actions. Stories, the "why" is rationalization, justification, BS - belief systems. "why" tend to just cause spinning and attachment. Better to ask "'what" and "how" - what do you want in your relationship? How would you like to show up, and your partner to show up? What would it take from you for your partner to XYZ - is that within your capability? If yes, take action. If no, can you grow that capability? If yes, get your grow on. If not, reassess this relationship for sustainability. I'm not pro-divorce, or anti-divorce - I'm pro "win/win"' - and sometimes that means grow, sometimes that means have difficult conversations and realize you or your partner are in such a place that getting to a win is impossible with each other... but justifying being an asshat to each other? Nah, not necessary. A woman is where she is - physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, spiritually, financially. And a man is where he is - physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, spiritually, financially. And they both have some model of what it means to be in a relationship. When they act and interact, are they giving each other loving responses, or cries for help? If loving responses, game ON! If cries for help, that's worth exploring to see if we can help each other to grow and be more in a mutually sustainable, win/win way... and if not, don't go deeper into this relationship. It's okay to exit respectfully, lovingly... getting locked in fault, blame, guilt, shame... that's the language of wounds. I'm sorry you're in such a place... "unilaterally imposed sexless union".... uum, what? Dude - so you're saying if your woman wants to peg you, and you're not okay with it, then are you unilaterally imposing something in your relationship? Ultimatums, grand sweeping universalities, expectation, dictating to your partner... not great strategies for happiness in life or love. But, what do I know - only celebrating 10 years happily married this December, and have sex on tap because my wife feels filled to overflowing in and out of the bedroom. Success leaves clues, man.
I am a woman in a 'not ENOUGH sex and intimacy' marriage. Even when we do sometimes have sex, my husband is somehow shutting me off emotionally. He doesn't connect to me with the TLC that I need during the day. I love sex but I just sometimes feel like I'm using him because he doesn't show me enough feelings any time - during sex or during the day. We've been married for 16 years and with retrospect I have always been sex and intimacy starved most of the time. I recently got literally devoured by sexual desire for someone else - this never happened before. I was burning inside and it became a torture eventually so I texted this guy (we weren't strangers, there was a social situation where we'd meet regularly - to do with education ) and I told him I fancied him. It was a 'no' from him but we're still friends. But now i feel determined to find someone and I signed up to a platform where ppl in relationships can connect...
@cephalopod that's a difficult position for you to be in. It's possible he has an unresolved wound, some form of shame or lack of confidence, even lower testosterone - has he every voiced concern, or said he wasn't as manly as he'd like to be? Without him being unfulfilled/unhappy, it's often very difficult to move someone forward when they feel they don't have a problem. I understand you doing what you gotta do... we'll violate our values to get our needs met and I've been there in the past so certainly not one to judge. Is there a reason to stay in an unsatisfying marriage?
I’m basically in a sexless marriage. A couple “ mercy/wifely duty” things she does for me per month, but she dreads it, and just lies there. Not much fun when your sex partner doesn’t get aroused at all, and lies there counting the number of thrusts until I finish. Kinda of a boner killer. I love her immensely, but because of her being post-menopausal and on anti-depressants for bi-polar and ADD issues, her libido has tanked. In fact, she’s never had an orgasm with me in our almost 20 years together. She used to in the past. We’ve tried everything, believe me. Different meds (with less sexual side effects, she was even able to orgasm with toys, but not with me, even if toys were involved). The med change helped with some sexual arousal, but were not working on her mental health issues (she nearly had a nervous breakdown so she went back to her original meds) She’s tried bio-identical HRT, we’ve done sex counseling and nothing has worked. I SOO yearn for a partner who enjoys sex as much as I do. I don’t want to divorce, we’ve built a great life together, but I think I really need a FWB.
I’m in a situation like this,before our wedding Awesome outta this world ❤!! The night after the wedding,the lightswitch went off. Once in 19 months,it really hurts to feel like she’s lost interest in me for no reason 😢. Where’s the angel I married??
Well, it's not for "no reason" - there's a reason, she just might not be conscious of it... or not feel safe telling you... Human beings are "reasonable" creatures - meaning, EVERYTHING we do is for a reason - even if the reason is made up garbage. What was her life like growing up? What did she see her parents model for her? What's her dating history? Who/how was she hurt in past relationships and has she done the work to grow and heal? If not, there's the reasons - unresolved wounds ALWAYS come out, eventually. I'm sorry you're in this situation - is she open to growth, coaching? Does SHE feel this is a problem? Difficult to move forward towards a win/win with an unwilling, uninterested partner, unfortunately. There are things you could do to possibly help spark her back to life in the bedroom, if you're interested in going that direction.
@@stevengonzales8326 or neither - he married a human being who's still growing and maturing like we all are. It sounds like she's wounded in some way, and he's not in enough rapport to influence or connect with her. If he feels entitled to her body, might be what's driving her distance... relationships can be messy AF and what is driving someone to do something or not do something can come from multiple, different places. This is why having someone to work through this stuff with can be so beneficial. We don't truly see ourselves, just our intent - we ALL have blindspots.
Last 5 years of my marriage was totally sexless. During the 22 years of marriage 85% of my orgasms were by myself. Divorced over 12 years and still sexless but at least at peace.
@JeremyRoadruck it's very true. There are givers and they love to give and there are takers who love to take. It sucks when your partner figures out your happy to always give and they stop giving anything
A wise old Cree Indian I knew used to quote this as he worked. "When we were young and in our prime, we did it all the time. But now we are so old and grey and we only do it twice a day!"
Sadly alot of women wont watch this because they have justified why theyre rejecting their husband. Husbands work on yourself and leave a sexless marriage.
Not roommates when she moves into the spare bedroom or you end on the sofa is when you know it is dead but you are too old to start again over after 43 years and 15 of absolute nothing that followed a slippery slope.
Not too old for something new, I've had clients find amazing relationships in their 50s and 60s - best part: no wasted time! It's like, "you in? Let's DO this..." because with maturity comes wisdom. Sorry you're such in such a situation.
Yea….well my spouse was carrying herpes but did not know it so when it erupted she said no more sex as she did not want to transfer it to me. It was a PTSD event that was stunning!
yes - I have clients, in real life, who have solved this with their current partner. Thing to understand is that "communication" occurs on multiple levels - physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, financial... and a man who's fully grounded/settled in himself is WAY more attractive and trustworthy to a woman than a guy who constantly second-guesses himself, or needs her approval before he can accomplish anything. If she can manipulate him, she can't trust him.
@@JeremyRoadruck ok, then the only thing left for me to do is to break up with her. Only then I can be able to focus on my needs and do as I please. It is exhausting to have to permanently negotiate with someone who wants always exactly the opposite of what I want, whatever that is.
Not sure how you went from "can a chance in communication change things" to "the only thing I can do is break up" ... ultimately, you've got to do what you've got to do. I'm not here to judge you or promote one specific approach to fit all situations, that's not realistic. All relationships are unique and there's 2 sets of needs, wants, dreams, desires involved. Just me, the heck with you is rarely sustainable - same for all you, I'm worthless... BOTH approaches are dysfunctional... where/how/when can you create a both/and? THAT will create the most success and sustainability for both of you.
I think some woman withhold sex in a power play, but if the man doesn’t react they lose that power but still expect monogamy, but monogamy is almost the definition of sex only with your spouse, so no sex soon results in no monogamy, what a surprise!
Wow, man. That's really bleak. I'm sorry th has been your experience and it's absolutely NOT TRUE in all situations and circumstances. Done well, in a healthy and vibrant marriage, joy is amplifed and pain is minimized... in the worst marriages - pain is amplifed, and joy is minimized. Definitely check out more of my channel and content - it does NOT have to be that way! I hope you take steps to make life and love better for you and yours. I feel for you and your situation.
In my late 40s. Wife mid 40s. Dont owe a single dime to anyone. Zero money troubles. I stay in good shape. Im confident. I consider myself super dad lol. I coach girls softball and volunteer. Wife has zero interest in me other than being the family pack mule and chauffeur. She loves me being a good dad and taking care of everything. We are I think great partners and friends. She even jokes about it and just crushes me. Valentines card this year. Cover says "We Can Still Do It All Night Long!" Inside the card? A couple sitting on the couch, opposite ends of the couch, watching television. I see and appreciate the humor if it wasnt for the fact that this card looks like it was literally made for our relationship. I didnt say anything as its a no win situation to even discuss it. If she knew how bad it would hurt me then where do I go with that? And if she really thought it would just be a cute card then it would hurt her feelings to know it was like a dagger to me. I stay out doing gig work ,even though I dont need the money, until I am so tired that I know I will fall asleep when I get home easily. Otherwise its very difficult to keep my mind off of it. Separate beds btw for 14 years now. I snore even though Im in good shape. Its like the only way forward is lonliness/depression or old age/death.
dude- that's rough... to an outsider, you "have it all" but you don't really... you don't have her body, mind and soul. The question for you, ultimately, is - what do you truly want, need, dream, desire? And are you just interested in experiencing that, or committed? There's six positions in relationships: 1) lot of love, lot of passion 2) lot of love, not much passion 3) not much love, not much passion 4) one or both of you are planning your escape 5) not in a relationship but WANT to be in one 6) not in a relationship and do NOT WANT to be in one. Where would you say you are? And was it ever at position one?
@@JeremyRoadruck Was a 1, went to 2 almost in an instant when pre menopause hit. Now 5 years later I I feel like my life insurance policy is my value. Other than driving while she plays on the phone or carrying heavy stuff around. Valentines day I got her a giant hydroponics system, something she loves indoor gardening. We put it together with each other. She was lit up like a christmas tree with excitement. She got me a $2 can of cookies from walmart and the horrible card to let me know how much she appreciates a sexless marriage. Definitely not what I wanted out of life. I would rather payoff the insurance policy than leave or cheat.
@@JeremyRoadruck I wont crush my daughters soul for one. I keep coming up with the "id rather go out on my shield" defense. I hate the idea of not keeping my vows or my promise. Old fashioned, romantic maybe? I dont know what I dont know man. Same woman 25 years. Give up my home, my bed, my family for a chance at love again but that likely does not even exist at 49. Or at least not the way I remember it existing.
my marriage is fuked she just gone through the menopause sex is painful and her libido has gone l'm starting to withdraw and resentment is building what pisses me off she will not get medical help .she'll regret it when l say l am done this is fukin torment
I'm sorry to read that's your situation. Hormones are amazingly complicated, unfortunately and impact physically, mentally, emotionally and we're sometimes not even aware of their impact. Generally, not knowing the full situation, my perspective is often: Do what you can to help support your wife and filling her with dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and endorphins... helping her to be as biochemically supported as possible. But, unfortunately, at a certain point - you give as much as you can until you feel like you're drowning too... you're under no moral obligation to drown WITH her... just make sure you've given as much as you can to know if this is something to maintain, safe, reignite, or leave with a clear conscious. And at some point, let her know your thoughts and feelings so she knows what's on the line. But, waiting until you snap and it's "out of the blue" for her.... ya know?
@@JeremyRoadruck Because of her refusal to get madical help she won't even visit a doctor to talk about options l am getting my ducks in a row and we will be going our separate ways l am not living like this l would rather be on my own it is torment it's like having a sports car or high powered motorbike sitting in your drive and you can't drive or ride it no good looking at them may as well sell them
@@michaelhorobin1268 sorry to hear/read that it's going that direction... 😥 FWIW, I did touch on this topic here: (divorce due to sexless marriage) ua-cam.com/video/N3yM0U2VpGI/v-deo.html and here: (getting over divorce when it your fault) ua-cam.com/video/hLatFG0pi8w/v-deo.html And, if y'all have kids, there's this: ua-cam.com/video/TAGEHMBmTdE/v-deo.html
@@michaelhorobin1268 I feel for ya, man. The fact she's so strongly AGAINST getting support for what's going on is totally a red flag for me to get curious about what she's thinking and feeling to drive her to avoiding the support that could help her move forward with you, together as a happy couple. Sex isn't the end-all-be-all in a marriage, but if one partner wants it more... that leads to problems. That's why the first step is checking that everyone's healthy enough for sex in the first place.
@@JeremyRoadruck the reason she will not get support or have HRT is she is scared of getting cancer the risks are very minimul we had a great sex life a few months ago now the menopause has finished she is left with no libido well l suppose that doesn't bother her as she is dead sexually l've been patient considerate loving towards her. She doesn't like it when l withdraw from her but it just happens then l get close again then l want her get rejected and so the cycle begins again .l'm getting my ducks in a row jeremy and l doubt we will be together this time next year l'm done
I got tired of asking so I stopped, I figured if she wanted me she would ask . I never cheated I loved my wife.. after a few months she started acting angry at me. A year and she filed for divorce. She never once asked but she told my best friend (not me) it was because of our sex life . (Probably to hurt me) You just can't win fellas.
@DeadCat-42 of COURSE you can win... but you've got to know what game you're playing and what game she is playing. I'm sorry things didn't work out, and you did what you felt was best. That's a challah a LOT of guys are facing: mismatching games. I've got a client right now saying to me, "my partner's feelings are too fragile" ... that's a pretty judgmental way of thinking about our partners. Even if we don't say it, of they are deep in their feelings, they will feel our judgement of them. It would be more accurate to say, "my partner's feelings and sensitivity are much more pronounced than my own, and that mismatch is causing us problems" ... but it's so much faster, easier to just throw around blame. And, I'm not above it either - when I was dating, I was judgemental AF... and kept attracting takers. So I stopped dating, did the deep work to heal what was driving my need for fault and blame. Once that was resolved... met and married my now wife of 11 years in just 6 months. So, my dude - you CAN totally win, just for her clear on what games are being played by you, and by her. Win/win is actually possible.
Got any advice for the guys stuck in a sexless marriage. I can’t even believe there are women in sexless marriages and they are not the one withholding the sex.
@Astrolovescrypto - sorry you're in the shituation you're in - sexless marriages are never fun. Check out this playlist - I hit on this question from multiple angles - rebuilding attraction, stop over giving, bringing back intimacy, handling stonewalling and more... ua-cam.com/play/PL1dWJck2Z_2YN3sBQr3y27rmuXU-E3aFn.html&si=quOw1O3AXBQxQtPy Unfortunately, a lack of sex can stem from a variety of courses/causes - the feminine heart, mind, and body is not simply as do XYZ and she will bend over PDQ... there's social intimacy, mental intimacy, emotional intimacy BEFORE physical intimacy... lotta layers to work through, unfortunately.
21 years of being sexually rejected I’d say 85-90% of times I initiated… Wife emasculated, disrespected, unappreciated me…so I stopped, basically everything. Funny thing is my self esteem has gone up by not engaging her lol. Amazing how you can grow when someone isn’t there knocking you back down every week!
Best start for yourself is to stop 'playing the game'. Also not go shopping together, no vacations, no family visits, no restaurants, etc. No perks for her. Tell her in her face you are going to have sex elsewhere plus do your own things.
@Billy-the-Kind That sets up a bad situation if/when things to go court. Guy I talked to last year with an estranged marriage decided against coaching with me and he'd "figure it out" - 18 months later, he's out $70K - blew through 3 kid's college funds, all his savings, and STILL not finished/settled with his soon to be ex. She doesn't want to work and is fighting him tooth and nail...could have been SO different if he'd handled things differently. They're in a protracted war and getting nowhere but broke.
@@Billy-the-Kid no, I commented to him, "sorry that's been your experience of marriage, why stay?" and he hasn't replied to that. I'm not going to project, mindread or jump to a conclusion on his situation. He can decide to accept this, that's one choice among many. It sounds like he's already not accepting it and is already detaching emotionally. You stated he should not have any kind of relationship with his current wife and tell her that he's going to cheat on her. That's NOT a great strategy to either rekindle things or leave his marriage intelligently. That course of action will tend to drive her from whatever she's doing now to actively plotting/planning to put herself in the strongest possible position should they divorce. It's like not agreeing to a fight - difficult to claim self-defense after the fact if you consented prior to any acts of violence. The BEST thing he can do is get clear on what HE actually wants for himself, something I call the Five to Thrive. Once he knows what type of things would make HIM thrive in a relationship, he can decide if it's worth engaging with her in a way for them to grow together again, or if it's more realistic/reasonable to end this marriage and go find a relationship that would actually delight him. Start with the end in mind, then work backwards to where he is currently.
I find it hard to deal with this kind of relationship.😢 I mean everything is great except for the fact that I'm sex starved and I'm a woman. I'm tired of trying to make him realize that intimacy is important to me, too. It's sad coz the more I'm deprived, the more I lose interest..
that's SUCH a difficult position to be in. So why stay? And, what would happen if you just put a hand on his manhood, said, "I'm going to enjoy this, you're welcome to come too." ...? Generally, if sex isn't happening in a committed relationship, there's other factors at play - and sometimes we need someone outside our situation to help unpack what's REALLY going on.
Sexless marriage is nightmare on elm street for all men.....it use to mean guaranteed sex for men....but laws changed and now men don't see the point in marriage because men just get used by the courts, lawyers and the wife. Just have a girlfriend and if you want a kid just have a kid. Marriage is like signing a contract where the other party is incentivised to break it.
@biggerbitcoin5126 that's one definition of marriage, sure - but not the ONLY one -there are ways to co-create a relationship and thrive for BOTH partners - and it's pretty simple, actually. But, it's not easy. Crafting a love affair to stand the test of time? It's not just a dime a dozen, transactional, type deal. Going in looking to get burnt, guess what ends up happening? Go in with a set of shoulds and hopes and belief and faith and trust... also not a great strategy. That's red knight up top, and white knight on bottom - neither is sustainable. Instead, START with the deep work, have the long dark night of the soul, be a man of purpose, values, intend, direction and THEN find a partner in alignment... So many get into trouble and relationships fail because they looked for chemistry, convenience, and proximity first. That's an easy way to get into a relationship but zero guarantee that it will last through the seasons of life and love.
Any guy going through this and you never cheated. I say I'm so so sorry. I've been there. It didn't change me in anyway, but I did divorce him. He had mental issues and his lust was in over mode. Go get therapy‼️I'm absolutely breathtaking with a kind heart. He favored toxic easy girl's and they suck the life out of him in more ways than one. Cruelty isn't a word for it, its abusive behavior. Guy's it will be more than okay. It's not YOU. Ask him/her has they been molested👉 Then RUN!!!😅.. he/she is a empty shell of themselves. That's not your problem. Ship him/her back home to Mommy thats their problems.💯
uum.... I _think_ your comment is well intentioned, so thank you for supporting guys - they definitely need more than they are getting. However, correlation isn't causation - meaning, just become something is related (aka correlated) doesn't automatically drive to some specific meaning, result, or outcome (the causation). A person who has been molested isn't automatically an empty shell as they may have done the deep, inner work to find resolution and release from the past. That's kinda the end-goal of therapy, counseling, integrative work in the first place. We are not necessarily our experiences. I'm sorry you had a bad experience in dating/relationships - getting our existential wounds addressed is absolutely necessary work, 100% agree with you there.
I lived in a sexless marriage for 21 years. I ended up dreading coming home. She always had to have a set of girls or besties to go hang with. I ended up hating this baitch that I lived with. Foe better or worse but I never knew it could get this bad. Been divorced for nearly 7 years after she walked out and feel so much better . Lesson here: should of left when the rejection started.
So explain this - NEVER ONCE in my 10-year marriage did I refuse my ex-husband s*x - even during my men**trual cycle when I was in so much pain I could hardly walk - and he still abandoned me!!!! I’ve come to realise we are breeding future generations of ‘lone wolf’ men who dip in and out of a woman’s life as they want. And guess what - they’ll end up alone when they’re old. It’s called karma.
@EdelweisSusie - that's horrible! Not enough to go on, but if he was forcing you to comply with his needs regardless of cost or impact to you, that suggests he's pretty selfish, and I could see him leaving you when he wasn't getting his needs met on his terms. Totally a selfish act on his part. As for breeding lone wolves... that remains to be seen. People stuck in their wounds tend to attract other wounded people. So the answer is the the work I'm doing - helping to get people healed and out of fault, blame, guilt, and shame. We either get a loving response or a cry for help and that dude sounds like is small, sad, cold inside. People - men and women - can be users and abusers. Neither gender has corned the market on selfishness, unfortunately.
All very true but all the messages are about women withholding, how about a marriage where the husband withholds for over a year and still holding, please talk about how a woman feels being rejected in a marriage
@carriehyde7534 - thank you for the comment. I hear you, 100% - but my coaching is focused mostly on men and sometimes couples, not women. I HAVE worked with women in the past, but that's not my current focus. Autumn and I are always looking for topics for content - so we might end up recording something on how stonewalling and withholding hurts both partners in a marriage or relationship. If/when we do - I'll make a note to tag you when it goes out. If this is your situation, I wish you all the best - I do have a bundle of information/courses/reports I put together for wives/moms called The Ultimate Husband and Child Hack Pack - you can check it out at www.leadlikeaking.com/hack-pack - it's all about how to "game" your husband and kids by playing win/win games - YOU get to feel good about things, and they get to feel good about things all at the same time, and there's three 1:1 sessions with me too! :)
You've got to decide where you stand, and what you stand upon. What are your values, rules, boundaries? Mentally ill, physically ill, physically healthy but unwilling to be accountable... all different situations, right? Definitely a difficult situation. 25 years in the making? BOTH of you need support, just in different ways.
sometimes yes, a lot of times no - thing is, from a biochemical perspective, whenever a woman has an orgasm, the dump of oxytocin she experiences drives her to "pair-bond" with whomever caused that hormone release... her husband... OR whomever she's thinking about if self-pleasuring. This biochemical addiction pair-bond thing holds generally for about 3 weeks - just enough time to find out if pregnant or not. Which helps to explain why it's sometimes hard for a woman to leave a toxic situation - she's literally, biochemically addicted to the source of her pleasure and release, so she'll turn a blind eye to mistreatment and believe 'if I love him enough, he'll truly change for me!' and that's very often NOT the case. On the flip side - even if the sex is good but she's NOT "in the mood" so she withholds... as that pattern continues, whatever spark they might have shared will flame out and then she's less and less interested in connecting on this level. One of things I help my guys and couples understand is the sequence of intimacy and how it's different for men and women. With women, getting to physical intimacy is generally step 4 - she has to be open and receptive to such an intimate form of connection, I mean - she's LITERALLY allowing the guy into her world. For guys, physical intimacy is a need, but arousal is physically more of a spinal response - bump a table right and he'll get hard and be ready for action. The build up and release is rejuvenating for him. So when she withholds, it's actually more cruel that she might realize. When I was single, I had a 2 year window of time where I received ZERO physical touch other than in martial arts or a perfunctory hand shake - not a hugger, no back rubs, no tender touch unless I paid for a professional massage (no happy endings, that's trashy to me) so I was WAY over-amped whenever any lady gave me any attention - hungry, hurting, and hunting... which is repellant to the feminine other than when she's in the same mindset. So, long story short: sex might be good but if w withholds for whatever reason, sparks fade.
@xdxdxdxd4575 "I" have to? Or YOU have to...? I don't date men, and happily married so I'm not in the dating pool anymore. However, to your point, PEOPLE are struggling, agreed. Some guys are addicted to porn, not all. Correlation isn't causation - and there are ways to filter for vision, values, and more. It's one of the things I coach on.
@@JeremyRoadruck I meant you have to be causious to at least mention it next time, that men can be witholders as well, I didn't mean about you dating a man 😉😁
I know some stuff about some things, been helping others for more than 28 years. Feel free to google - been on a gang of podcasts, wrote a few books, articles, been interviewed and such. And, you?
What if she asked me multiple times if I was cheating ( never did) cause she never had sex with me or showed interest??? like it was a chore. What does this mean in your experience
could mean several things: 1) she's cheating, and projecting that onto you to protect her from feeling guilty - by believing you're cheating, then her cheating is justified in her heart or mind 2) She has an unresolved wound and her self-worth is nerfed, so she HAS to reject you and accuse you to punish herself because being happy or loved or desired or pursued doesn't match to her lack of self-worth. 3) Her values don't put sex very high in her needs, so making you wrong helps her to tolerate treating you badly. "why" is often a useless, meaningless question that just makes us spin our wheels looking for rationalizations and justifications. If you're not getting what you need and want, best to get to the source of that for you and for her and then decided if this relationship is for a lifetime, a season, or a reason. Only YOU can decide the meaning for yourself. Sorry you're in such a crappy situation. There are ways out that don't require making her wrong, or weaponizing your experience.
Why is it always the woman’s fault? ED ruined our sex life. I was patient for years and years tolerating bad sex and his many rules for me to help him. It was awful but I did it for him until I started dreading it all and just couldn’t tolerate it any more. It was awful!I wanted to leave but stay for him and adult kids. Both sides of the story are not being told. Women suffer too.
@benniemiller - check the video again, I don't believe I put any form of fault or blame on either party - instead, I'm pointing out patterns and how those patterns play out. That being stated - TOTALLY unfair that you were put into a situation where his ED became his sole focus. He could have added toys, tools, role play... there's a variety of ways to address not being able to rise to the occasion. And that drive to leave, but stay - that's all to familiar to both men and women, unfortunately. My coaching is focused primarily on working with men/dads, hence the focus of my clips. I'm sorry that you had to live through such an unfulfilling marriage. Are you in a better situation now?
@@benniemiller given that my channel is primarily talking to men, yes - could probably be perceived that way. Again, I don't think I assigned any kind of fault or blame, so that's your projected conclusion, n'est ce pas? Again, sorry that your husband ended up wounded and dragged you down with him. Are things better for you now?
It's not always the fault of the woman. INTJ betrayed by a disabled husband who was (is?) addicted to porn and does not help around the house at all. I do everything in the house, take care of the pets who are Emotional Support Animals for both of us, and end up cleaning up after him because he doesn't pick up after himself; he complains about my treating him like a kid, but then he sits all day playing computer games on his laptop in the bedroom...just like a teenager who has Mommy picking up after him. The betrayal was bad enough, but all this and working from home full time to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table means that I am still here solely because I am his sole caregiver. I don't think I am in the wrong for drawing the line. Sorry, not sorry.
double check my content - I don't think I put fault or blame on anyone. I'm pointing out patterns of behavior and how they impact. You're in a crap situation - let's call a spade a spade. I do have a question, you state "betrayed" - how, specifically? Not to assign blame, to understand the situation more fully. If he's not stepping up, and you keep mothering - if no thing changes, nothing changes. Why are you his caretaker? He doesn't want to be treated like a kid, great - so stop treating him like a kid. Tell him to step up and step in, or get out. You control the cash-flow, ya? What line have you drawn? No sex for him? Withholding punishes you both. You deserve to be with a partner to gives and receives - with someone whos' willing to go toe-to-toe with you life and love, joy amplifying, pain minimizing... not expectations, not obligations, not taking taking taking. I can tell you're depleted. Been there, giving and giving and giving and no reciprocity. You can't fill the existential hole in his heart/mind/soul - that's on him to resolve.
@@JeremyRoadruck He was addicted to porn, and didn't stop after telling him how it made me feel. No sex is really not a punishment for me since I am an INTJ with a low libido since menopause. As to being his caregiver, he had 2 strokes 7-1/2 years ago, and he is now permanently disabled, to the point where he needs me to get his shoes on as well as other life needs; there is no way he can survive on his own. If he was able-bodied, he would have been kicked out when I found it 7 months ago.
Not as of yet, nope. I don't coach women, just men/dads. Have friends that do and happy to make a referral! Doing my best to stay in my lane - women are fantastic, totally deserve to be loved, respected, admired, seen, heard, understood, appreciated... just not my focus to serve them as a coach.
are you asking me personally, or "why would women open up to you" in a more general sense? In general, it's a matter of how much you make her feel safe and truly appreciate and understand who she is, what she's going through, what she needs, thinks, feels, believes, what's important to her... it's actually very much the same for men, children, teens, elder... pretty much everyone. I've distilled it down to something I call "The Six Golden Tickets." There's a simply ladder to climb, touch points in building rapport to give to the other person that helps them to trust in the support, feedback, thoughts, feelings, observations, etc. that you'd like to offer them. Judgment kills your ability to build rapport - so, get that addressed, and the doors to a person's heart and mind start to open. There will be testing, sure - are you safe? Are you for real? Do you mean what you're saying, doing?
Ya I'm a roommate that will be moving out in about a month or two.. sooner if the climate gets even a bit worse This sad thing is if my significant other gave me the time of day even a little bit more than what she does now the differences and the monumental changes that would have made and the extra miles that would be done just to make sure that she's happy but I can't even imagine being that better guy for no reason at all. I wonder if she even knows that because of her choice she has destroyed this relationship and destroyed the family togetherness. One thing I do appreciate though and that is that at least she's honest because what's equally as bad as having sex with sex with your partner is if that partner does not want to do it that's a terrible feeling
it's a difficult place to be - wish you were walking a different path, with a woman who loves, respects, admires, and cherishes you as much as you share the same with her.
I'm sorry that you're in this shituation - hopefully things get better for you, and sooner rather than later. How you holding up? Do you have a lawyer?
@@watchmanexpert definitely can support that - you getting what you need to thrive? I coach on relationships, mindset, communication so know a few things, ya?
Sex or get out... The problem with that thinking is that if you get divorced you will both go broke and the lawyers will get rich. You'll end up being a bum on the streets, especially if you have been married for awhile and have a house together.
ultimatums are never given from a place of power or strength, they are always from a position of weakness. Thing is, sex or get out could be an ultimatum OR it could be a statement of need/want - everyone has different drives, needs, wants, rules, etc. It's vitally important for both partners to come to an awareness, understanding and appreciation of each others needs, wants, rules, boundaries... "my way or else" isn't healthy or sustainable for the long-term.
@IntangibleStudd59 i get it - just realize that weaponizing the hurt just keeps ya stuck in the wound. There's great women out in the world, and great men too - just gotta sort through the mismatches.
@@JeremyRoadruck thanks I understand that. I think after this train wreck, a relationship is the last thing I'll be looking into. Sometimes people just lose faith in people after being lied to enough.
@IntangibleStudd59 I've been there, too, and took a bit of healing on my part to find an amazing woman who delights my soul and truly appreciates me being in her life. I'm sorry you're in the place you are. Just know that you don't have to walk it alone unless you choose to
potentially - thing is, it's often NOT a sudden shift, it's a slow fade over time. Kinda like the frog in a pot of cold water, and then the temp is dialed up. And, sometimes, the ladies don't realize they are withholding - they're just not paying attention as her needs/wants/desires are focused elsewhere.
When it’s dead, there’s no reviving it. It’s gone. Only one person came back from the dead a long time ago and he’s long gone. It’s over. Live with it or get the hell out if you can. My advice, get the hell out if you can. It feels worse with the passage of time. It never gets better.
@brewer9565 oh, you'd be surprised at what is possible. I've helped couples recover their passion for each other. Starts by letting go of expectation, obligation, and entitlement. And operating out of positional authority - aka "because I said so" or "because I'm your husband/wife so you HAVE to XYZ" I'm sorry to read that you seem to be locked in a sucky shituation.
Why would I want to have sex with an abusive husband ? Slapping me around, calling me names that I had to ask someone what it meant, trying to kill me with a .357 magnum. Right. You have no idea !
I don't think anyone is suggesting anything of the sort. Did you get out of this situation? That's absolutely NOT OKAY and you deserve to be in a relationship where you're appreciated and celebrated, NOT threatened!
Why do men have to have there ego lifted ? I don’t need validation from men to know my worth it’s excuses to have affairs. What it is is when your in a long term marriage men just want something new
It's not about "having their ego lifted" - it's about acknowledgement and validation of time, energy, and effort - something both men AND women deserve, and need to operate at their best. Having someone take you for granted, complain constantly about what you DO do as never being enough, never "right," never quite "correct"... that motivates YOU to be and do your best, day in and day out, for years and years??? As for cheating - BOTH genders cheat, and there's NEVER a good excuse for it. Men don't "want something new" - they go where they feel appreciated, wanted, desired, and are respected and admired. And so do women. The "something new" can be created by two adults willing to lean into their fear and take action on it.
If sex is pleasurable and satisfying for women, THEY WILL WANT TO HAVE MORE OF IT. Why is this so hard for men to grasp? Find out what pleases her. Work on this together. Be vulnerable with each other. She may be resistant but persist and you will grow closer. Sex should not be something a man does TO a woman, but something a man does WITH a woman. Women are expected to be pure and innocent and gatekeepers of sex and then the day after marriage, boom, she is supposed to be a sex goddess and "put out" for her man. Men, would you have sex with someone for 20+ years if there was nothing in it for you? Of course not! Discovering what brings her pleasure takes time. Get a good Christian sex book that teaches real women's pleasure, not abhorrent books like "Love and Respect" or "Every Man's Battle". Those are completely male centered and degrade women.
Thanks for the thoughts. Rather than get specific, you seem to be painting all men with a rather broad brush, and putting zero ownership for women, which is unfortunate. If you want to get into the specifics of your experience, that's different, but suggesting all men have zero clue about how to please in a partnership is pretty much unfair - same as putting all relationship troubles on all women, too. All generalizations are bad. So, couple of things - regardless of sex being pleasurable to a woman, she might still leave a relationship or shut her man down if she's feeling unsafe or not a true priority in his life. She wants it, just not from him. He's "'transgressed" against her too many times for her to feel available to be open to him. As for being hard to grasp, it's not difficult to understand for some men, and impossible to understand for some men. Let's not get overly generalized and extrapolate to ALL members of a gender, n'est ce pas? Sex should not be something EITHER partner should do TO their partner, outside of consensual power play - remember to keep it safe, sane, consensual, and always have a safe word. Not all men agree with the sentiment of "women being expected to be pure, innocent, gatekeepers, virgins, etc." - that's a sloppy generalization, especially for young adults today. My wife had a child before we got together, and I didn't care two bits about her previous sex life. She's comfortable with her body, knows what she likes, has clear boundaries of what's okay with her and is confident to assert her wants and needs. Sign me UP! Met and married her in 6 months to the day! Haven't read the books you suggest but the "Christian sex book"' is a misnomer for me since there's generally so much shame, guilt, fault, and blame in what most people pupport to be the message of Christ. Tantra books are much more informative and practical, as well as the books of Mantak Chia - most guys need to learn "ej" control first to equalize playtime in the bedroom. Alison Armstrong has some good material as well.
@@christinedozier2154 Fair point - however, not an area of pain for me at this point so it would be more idle curiosity than pain resolution. I've been practicing EJ control for 25+ years, been through a lot of programs, experiences over the decades and my wife and I are VERY happy and fulfilled in this dimension of our lives and marriage. I have a model that works very well for me, and has worked well for my clients. I'm not in a "Christian coach" space or schtick - I'm MUCH more direct, secular, what/how and do my best to avoid appeals to authority, which I find in a lot of "-isms" and "-ists" - and I realize I'm generalizing to a degree. I feel I know my lane and methods - much like I already know to walk, so not really interested in learning a new way to walk, ya know? Appreciate the comment, thank you.
thanks for the thoughts - not really a fan of fault, blame, guilt or shame - MUCH more interested in patterns of behavior and what stories are we telling ourselves to DRIVE our behavior.
Yer 3 yrs n 4 mths he detached from me to play the field his a serial cheater lair n abuser . So rather go with out think more of my sexual health wont stop eyeing n contacting women on dating apps . Even married ones n splitting families up . No shame . 😢
Men act more like it a privilege then a right. # 1 the bible states that if a man cheat on his wife because she is not doing her duty. The sin goes against her not him. #2 In sickness and in health for better or worse to have and hold from this day forward until death we part. It talks about when it acceptable, what acceptable, and how long it acceptable. The what acceptable is ( have ) it is mentioned in the bible one time. It states if a man haves a woman other then his wife his punishment is he has to marry her and can never divorce her. It is pretty clear what have is. #3 #2 is a legal binding witnessed verbal contract that both have entered into, it is a two way street. If you sell your car to someone in a witnessed verbal contract in front of your family and friends and their family and friends, and they don't pay you. Are you go to let them keep the car or you taking it back. Ask her and mean it who is her designated representative to fulfill her contract in her absence.
Not sure I'm following you... so, women are like cars? Not sure THEY would agree with being treated like cars. My daughter certainly isn't anyone's property. She belongs to herself.
I disagree even the state will give you a annulment like the marriage never happened if she don't consummate the marriage. So tell me it not importin. He becomes her property and she becomes his property. @@JeremyRoadruck
Uum, k. Not sure if YOU are sure of what you're disagreeing with. I didn't mention "the state" and I didn't mention "consummate the marriage" - I asked if you're equating women to being link cars, and then suggested that THEY might not like being treated like cars. Do you talk to many women? You're welcome to disagree with your understanding of what I mean, absolutely. Thing is, again: my daughter is not my property, not anyone's property. And, given your attitude, I doubt there's a woman on this planet that will appreciate your sense of entitlement to her. There was this whole war that was fought in the US about people being property or not. The slaveholders lost, in case you missed that tidbit of history. Yeesh.
@Billy-the-Kid tell us you're wounded without telling us you're wounded. As the meme goes, "avoiding marriage because unhappy guys say it sucks is like avoiding exercise because fat, out of shape guys say it's hard."
@Billy-the-Kid nah, success leaves clues, as does failure - it's all just feedback, and very few guys have an actual, workable solution. Chemistry, convenience, and proximity is RARELY a winning strategy.
@@JeremyRoadruck Avoid marriage is a winning strategy. One can live together without being married. You didn't marry yourself did you? Nah, I guess you don't make mistakes like that. You are too smart to be trapped.
@Billy-the-Kid single and divorced men are 250% more likely to die from any and all causes as compared to same age married peers. Just because you had a bad experience doesn't mean everyone does or will. Better to light a candle instead of curse the darkness.
random projection... whatevahs. SOME women want a home to care for and are satisfied with that, but not ALL women are there, yo. PEOPLE are complex and needs, wants, dreams, desires change over time.
@oambitiousone7100 gotcha... different strokes for different folks. If something's not working, get playful and creative. Can be right, or get results. I'm a fan of results! If something doesn't work for you, definitely don't do it. But might work for someone else - no fault, no blame, no guilt, no shame!
interesting perspective... I'd be REALLY careful speaking or writing for "you"' - as in "you can be intimate without sex" - that's an unqualified projection. The statement, "I can be intimate without sex" - totally can support that. But you speaking, writing, or making statements for someone else... that's not quite kosher, ya know? Some people can be intimate without sex, for some people sex is not a need - sure, sure. Totally get that, totally agree. But those statements can't be extrapolated to ALL of humanity - we're too diverse and messy, ya know? 'a woman is not a vehicle for a man to use' - agreed. I'd extend that further to: No one is a vehicle for anyone else to use - no man, no woman, no child. Not without informed consent, at least. And, then we start to hit against not using plants, animals, minerals as they can't consent to being used (see: Janism), which then bangs up against the fact that life feeds on life. Animals will use us without consent, plants do use us without consent with there whole CO2/O2 gas exchange deal. So, not using people as vehicles, agreed. Sex is not a need for some people. You, meaning @roxanneboughen4098 can be intimate without sex but that doesn't extend to all persons on this planet. Thanks for the thoughts!
IN 1993 I married a woman who was the love of my life or so I thought....she was a virgin when we first came together on our wedding night, so naturally I expected her to be nervous, but she had said before we got married that she could hardly wait toi start our "intimate life" together. after the wedding night, things just seemed to go downhill, and I found myself doing without, because she was constantly making excuses for us not to have sex. The times when we did have sex, she semed to just want it to be over with as soon as possible. I begged her to tell me what if anything I could do to make sex more enjoyab le for her and make her want to be with me again and again, but she just could not tell me, Unfortunately she left the marriage after only 42 days because I refused to allow her narcissistic grandmother to move in and live with us permanently, and she was in a codependent relationship with her. After she left, we talked on the phone and she told me that she had never wanted to have sex with me, and only did so because she felt that she had to in order to keep me happy, and I should have known that she was unhappy. I told her that I do not read minds and she should have spoken up and said something, and how could she expect me to be happy if she was not. Sadly though we did end up getting divorced, not because of the ack of sex, but because she placed her grandmother first in her life instead of her husband, me. he sad thing is that she felt there really wasn't anything wrong with her, she just decided she didn't like sex and saw no reason why we should have to have sex, and why could we jsut not have cuddled and kissed in bed instead of getting naked and doing that nasty thing with your "middle leg". In the years since, she has remarried, and I cannot help but wonder if she and her new husband even have sex. I know that she has never had children of her own. So how do youhelp someone like that and is there ultimately a cure for that or is this just someone that a man should just avoid marrying?
that's a lot going on, man. This is, you can't "fix" anyone - they have to do their own growing. And you can't grow if you keep holding on to the past. So, can I help you? Definitely. But, "cure"' her? No one can - because she's not wrong or diseased or broken - she's running a set of patterns (aka playing games) based on her life experience and needs (aka her story) - and in that, she's perfectly natural. Helping her grow is a different thing, and - given the story you're sharing about your experience with her - you're not the man to do it, unfortunately. Too much has already happened between the two of you.
@cephalopood thank you - that's the goal. I don't "do" fault, blame, guilt, or shame... that BS (belief systems) can literally kill people... we are where we are for a variety of reasons. Where do we truly desire to be? THAT is the real question because once we know that, we can figure out a way to get there. I wish you well on your journey and that you find your heart's desire.
@@ra803g6 well, when you make an overly vague comment, not much to go on, hence my question - and then you doubled down on the vagueness. Were you expecting the mental health challenges men face when they aren't getting sex on a regular basis? I can cover that, haven't yet. This clip is focused on what a sexless relationship does to the couple. I thought that was pretty obvious as the content flows from the rip. Happy to have a conversation if this is something you're struggling with. Making sweeping generalizations isn't overly helpful. Thanks for suggesting I speak for all of "this society" (which is undefined and fundamentally meaningless).
Vague haha. It was a clear statement albeit general. You’re ignorant to the current state of intersexual affairs because you have been desensitized to the poor treatment of men by women. I know you are going to make a huge and “vague” comment about it “cutting both ways”, but it is lopsided as hell man wake up
Very true - entitlement, expectation, and obligation - 3 poisons to love and passion, regardless of who weilds them. This was for the ladies - I have one for the gents too.
My husband withdrew from me with different excuses from meds,etc so I tried to get him to talk to me as to what he needed hopeless then I thought it was me so I lost weight got fit and healthy dressed better smarter took more effort to look good even when feeling crap. It failed pushed further away now nothing we share a house that's it for the last 6years . And I still don't understand what happened to the healthy relationship we had.
I'm so sorry things aren't going well for you - has he been to the doctor lately, had his hormone levels checked? And, why do you stay? No judgment, genuinely asking. Does he have any unresolved issues from his past? Sometimes unresolved issues can show up in unhelpful ways.
meh. Happy spouse makes for a happy house. BOTH partners give, both partners receive. It's not one or the other. Check out www.jeremyroadruck.com/intimacy for 10 tips to a better relationship for successful men!
I’ll never fall into that trap like with my first wife. Now my wife knows it’s happy spouse, happy house. It goes both ways. If I ain’t happy, no way she’s gonna be happy
Some people are toxic and it is not always clear. I don't agree that it takes two to tango, it can just take one. What would be good is more men being taught what toxic women are like, to recognise the signs so they can be avoided.
Kinda. "Toxic" isn't tied to only one gender - people can have dysfunctional patterns in their behavior, which stem from somewhere. Getting to first causes and resolving there shifts everything. That being stated, people rarely enjoy being made to feel like they are a project to be "fixed" - there are ways to positively impact others, definitely. My wife ex would describe her as toxic where I read her behavior as communicating her needs when she's feeling overwhelmed. She doesn't stress me out, but I've also been a student of human psychology for more than 4 decades. Definitely agree about more people recognizing dysfunctional patterns in others (and themselves)
@@JeremyRoadruck I used the word people when refereeing to toxic - that is gender neutral. Some personality disorders cannot be fixed and lead to completely unhealthy relationships (NPD / BPD being two big ones).
@veritas liberabit vos potentially... psychology is very much a work in progress with some pushing for pure biology while others run pure cognative, belief system... truth is most likely in the middle-ish. We're all on a neurological bell curve and impacted by environment, mentors, models and more.
But what do you do if you're a woman banding on her husband's door wearing the sexiest clothing she owns, begging to give him sexual pleasure of any kind?
then you are the dream woman for the right man. If he's not interested in getting busy with you, then a few things to touch base on: 1) Is he healthy enough for sex? Get his testosterone levels checked. 2) Were you two hot and heavy and one point and things have just cooled off? If yes, what's changed? What additional pressures are you two under NOW vs. then? More bills? More pressure at work? Added a kid to the mix and "dad" is now part of his identity? Something that meant a lot to him fell through? Generally, there's some sort of reason for passion to cool if it y'all were once all hot and bothered by each other. 3) Have you two talked about what's going on? What turns him on? What he craves in the bedroom? If he's in his feminine, he's going to want to be "woo'd" a bit instead of you serving yourself up on a platter 4) does he feel "worthy" of having you in his life? If he has unresolved wounds from the past, as you two get comfortable with each other, the unhealed parts will often become roadblocks. Helps?
Um, sign me up! My wife would rather watch a movie with subtitles than have sex. Maybe she is cheating? Who knows at this point and who cares. He can have her. Kids are grown in a few years and Ill go find someone who wants me or just be alone (I feel alone anyway).
Women know exactly what they're doing and why they don't want to have sex..a man shouldn't stay he should leave .... women know just like they would never do that to someone that's their type
you'd be surprised how many women think withholding will get them what they want. Feminine in scarcity is manipulative by nature - it's not something they consciously choose, unfortunately. Awareness opens the door to new possibilities, hence this video for the ladies!
@@JeremyRoadruck if you fall for it it does give them what they want... when this sort of manipulation and control strategy you can just accept she really doesn't care about you.... pick up and move on.
@@dennisrobinson8008 it's not so much that "she doesn't care about you"' as it is - more often - that she values her safety more than anything. Withholding is often fed by more than just one thought/feeling and it's the result of a chain of beliefs/patterns that she's feeling so she's stepping back to protect herself. The wise man doesn't step in OR step out, he steps up and holds boundaries/space and connects to her heart first and foremost. Requires him to get out of his OWN head first, not project or be defensive... projecting wounds on either side of the equation is rarely a winning strategy, yo
This is so true been in sexless marriage for 13 years and my wife is pursuing masters and I started pursuing my art career. Only thing keeping me here is my 4 year old daughter.
dude - that's rough. Something to consider - as your daughter grows, watching you and mom will become her "normal" - her model to go out and re-create something very similar in her own life as she grows up. So staying in this situation as it is can be problematic over time. Unfortunately, it's most likely going to get worse over time. If either you or mom feel your needs aren't being met, y'all will eventually hit a point of "threshold" and go out to GET your needs met, and the chips will fall where they may. Please look into getting support, strategy, guidance on ways to move forward with more love, passion, and playfulness in your marriage if at all possible!
to be fair to yourself and others, your prefrontal cortex is still linking in to your your mid and hind brain until mid-to-late 20s for females, and early-to-mid 30s for males... so, ya have a bit of time to "mature"' - AND, that being said, take the time to get educated on a healthy relationship and do NOT let proximity, convenience, and chemistry drive your relationship choices... algined vision and values, team fit and more play into the health of a relationship long term - check out Alison Armstrong's work especailly as she's got a pretty good grounding in masculine/feminine dynamics - just listen to her men/women as masculine/feminine instead... guys can operate in their feminine as a defense mechanism or as a core polarrity just as much as women can operate in their masculine as a defense or as a core nature. People are messy, complex, and wonky AF... and there are always reasons for the things they do... not always good reasons, but reasons nonetheless.
it's all about being right, or getting results. And sometimes, the result IS to exit with your self-respect and integrity intact, no fault, no blame, no guilt, no shame. Can be a challenging path to walk.
Yup after dealing with it so long you just give up. First move out of the room and then get out. It's really hard to actually do, but once you do that things will get better. I'd rather be single and sexless than stuck in a sexless relationship.
That describes my parents marriage - my mother is catholic, and once my younger brother was born, that was it - he was denied sex for the last 48 years of his life.
OUCH - that hurts my heart. It's hard to know a person's rules for being a mom or dad until it actually happens - thankfully, people don't have to stay in such situations forever. Doesn't give the kids a great start to life.
@@terryschleuse4134 For her, sex was for procreation only. Once they had their third child, he never got his end away again. I heard them talking late one night when I was a teenager; even though it wasn’t directly said), there was no mistaking what they were talking about, and that they hadn’t done it for many years.
@@terryschleuse4134 He did. put up with it and took up running as a substitute, although he did screw up his back and knees in later life. Given the form of his surname (which is the one I inherited), it is unlikely he ‘got his end away’ when he was still living where he was born. Where I was born, your surname indicates whose father’s son or daughter you are - my surname used to consist of my father’s name with ‘s’ for possessive plus ‘son’ - so whose son was he?
@@JeremyRoadruck I don’t think it even occurred to my father that we went through puberty - all he cared about was money. For him, the acquisition and accumulation of money was all that seemed to matter - the kicker was that it didn’t seem to be there to actually be spent. My older brother had to hide that he had he had a girlfriend and after he had a stroke (crap diet and home distilling), my father sabotaged their relationship while he was recovering in hospital - it didn’t seem to matter one iota to him that the only reason why his first born son was even alive (or at least not much worse off) was because of her, with her calling an ambulance when he started speaking a language she couldn’t understand.
Some women stop having sex because the husband fails to make them feel beutiful and sexy. Hard to get in the mood if you dnt feel sexy or like the only women in his eyes
@billybladezz9370 - very true - it's not about what "is" necessarily - it's about how you make her feel about herself, about you, about the moment. Knowing how to create a bubble around the two of you and the world can go f- itself is a POWERFUL skill for a man to cultivate. For guys - it's often difficult to make that happen when it feels like she's criticizing and emasculating him at every turn. Focusing on who deserves what or who needs what MORE is what I can a lose-lose game - both ppl in their own stuff, unwilling or unable to give to their partner. Which then goes back to clearly establishing a Five To Thrive for both partners to them figure out how to play to win with and for each other. Have you checked out the Reignite Your Passion Cheat Sheet? VERY helpful resource!
@@JeremyRoadruck creating a bubble around the moment for just the 2 of you is very attractive and powerful! A women who criticize everything lacks respect and that problem arises and appears well befor sex. I feel bad for men who deal with women like that but it can start with a series of disappointments
@billybladezz9370 love and intimacy and marriage can be a war, a dance, a dream, a song, a game, and so many other metaphors... it's up to BOTH partners to create an aligned vision, supported by strong values and clear, conscious communication... when EITHER partner feels a need to withhold... well, that CAN BE an invitation to connect instead... but that requires one or both partners to know HOW to step out of fault, blame, guilt, and shame... which is part of the work I do with couples and men. HOW can we get into ownership of our impact and act with an ability to response instead of knee-jerk react? That's the skill... totally possible and doesn't have to take months or years... with the right coaching, can be minutes or days. A woman who criticizes might not lack respect... she might be scared or feeling unsafe or overwhelmed or has a wound from childhood so doesn't know how to trust (or is too reinforced by her experience to not trust with her head even when she WANTS to trust with her heart)... the "why" behind her actions are very often wasted time and energy. Why is a story, justification, rationalization - why just spins. It's more powerful to dig into what and how - WHAT do we want? HOW can be get there, together? Powerfully, playfully... again, gotta get out of our own wounds first. Very difficult to give what we don't first possess. If WE don't feel safe, it's often difficult to help our wife or children feel safe.
@@JeremyRoadruck those are all very insightful and possibly true motives for each to disrespect the other. Things just seem so simple and pure when we are young and falling in love. Now it's all these things to figure out and work through instead of just being in the moment and having fun with each other.
@billybladezz9370 fwiw, it CAN be JUST as easy later as it was earlier... key is to keep an eye out for expectation, which tends to lead to obligation, when ends at entitlement... once one person start to live and love out of entitlement to the other person's life, love, time, energy, resources, thoughts, feelings, etc.... well, that's the death-knell of all good things between the two of them. AND, there are ways to walk things back to playful and passionate... just takes a new frame of reference to see what's possible. Was talking with a husband who's marriage is hanging by a thread... and he didn't realize he was arguing to be right instead of arguing to get to the results he truly wanted. Because he was so focused on being right, true, accurate... he became unsafe for his wife to talk to, connect with. He was dead set on her being a pathological liar who was making things up to seek attention from him... when I asked if she truly wanted attention, or just connection with him, he was floored as he'd never thought of her actions through that lens. Made HIM want to connect with her, apologize for pushing her away... not that he was wrong for wanting to be accurate, just that he's so full of his own perspective, there's no room for her worldview in his heart and mind. And that's NOT what he wanted.
So the health of our marriage is cancerous now. Stage 4. In hospice. It's been13 years. And then medical science made it so nothing can happen. Too f ing late and I can say it has other affects on a creative person. And then apparently the family has butted in to my muse relationship. Fear of being the hero for someone else. Great!!!
@richardfontanes2337 not sure I completely followed that - happy to message some time to talk, see what might be possible. Schedule at www.leadlikeaking.com/book-now/
Ive been married 12 years sex only once. She only wanted me when she was drunk. She always gives me 100 reasons why she wont have sex with me. Destroyed my self worth my faith. Im a nice loving guy. Not sure what ive done wrong. I feel so useless that i feel no one else would want me. 😢
@robc8796 that's rough, man. Why stay? 100% you're putting your self-worth into her validation of you (or, in this case, lack thereof)... truth is, your worth is 100% in YOUR hands. The Sun shines because the Sun knows it's nature, not because of the action or reaction of the Earth. If you're being rejected this hard... most likely, it's not something you did or didn't do - this is 100% about her and her unresolved wounds. Can you exit this situation?
it must be added that there are energy dependencies between people. the name vibrator comes from vibrations - people's spiritual vibrations, this is the chemistry. sometimes it is one-sided and sometimes it is two-sided or not at all and it is just going to be checked through a sex conversation or ordinary sex as we perceive vibrations. but such relationships in this system are broken As it was the forbidden fruit - tantra. and someone invisible beings controls the people and their minds - religions.
thanks for the perspective - getting into tantra starts to get a bit too far afield for most people - kinda like post-doctorate when we're talking to poople in elementary school... or, talking about flying while someone is stuck in a hole... gotta get out of the negative before we can talk too far into the positive.
@@JeremyRoadruck well, here people are set so that there are no such energetic relationships as it is very developmental and it is known who made the flood in genesis 11. platonic relationships are not energetic. But that is why most of people get divorce - no sexual desire - platonic love!
@@JeremyRoadruck well, it's true, but in general it is about coding people into maria (st maria) and child relationships - platonic as it is not energetic and due to the fact that there is reincarnation here, it is done for this purpose, so that a person forgets what it is like to feel sexual desire to someone;) for this purpose are these religions, Viagra pills, family pressure, different characters and wars;) and I know that as they (aliens -allah jahwe jesus annunaki) wanted to enslave me in such a relationship and I can't, as there is aggression, it is not natural to be with someone without chemistry thats why ;) so i wish good luck for everyone who can stay like that with someone - we must not btw but manipulation is strong
@@awfan4890... not sure I follow all that. I tend to focus on practical things that we, as individuals, can control. Things like how we show up, defining clear needs and wants, owning our desire, communicating with honesty and integrity... when a man or a dad works with me to improve his marriage, his parenting skills, and his life, we focus on what he can control, what he can influence, and what he can accept. Reincarnation or aliens are non-starters... he can't control the past. It's like a fish in water... they can't control being in water, but they can control where they swim to a degree. But fish aren't self aware to the extent humans are.
NEW FOR 2024
REGINITE PASSION CHEETSHEET
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unstoppable.m-pages.com/reignite-your-passion
@@JeremyRoadruck …feel no passion for a cheater …or any cheater for that reason ….🤷🏻♀️
@user-jw1bl4hq9j - that seems fair and reasonable - HOW to not have a cheater might be worth exploring - have a few things to say on that topic, starting with defining your "five to thrive" - but, I saw your comment about him cheating and you divorcing... he violated your rules, his promise to you - he burned that bridge. I'm less of a "who's right?" and more of a "what's right?" type of coach, mentor, strategist... not pro-divorce or anti-divorce... it's a tool and available for a reason - I get REALLY curious about what was in play between two people prior to the decision to divorce to unlock unconscious patterns so that they go forward without fault, blame, guilt, or shame - just ownership and the ability to response better next relationship (and, sometimes the same person, but in a new relationship)
@@JeremyRoadruck ….marriage to me is about LOYALTY ON ALL FRONTS ….SEXUALLY , EMOTIONALLY AND MONETARY ….ALL OF IT COUNTS IF PEOPLE WANT TO HAVE A HAPPY MARRIAGE …..OR HAPPY RELATIONSHIP.
@user-jw1bl4hq9j no need to YELL at me - I'm not the one who hurt you, n'est ce pas?
there's 2 parts to a relationship - the relating (the heart, the feels, the reality) and the ship (the head, the structure, the truth) - it's a both/and AND the sequence matters.
I ask my clients all the time - do you want to be right, or get results? If you want to be right, keep doing what you're doing. If you want results, then you gotta do something different.
Far too many people - men AND women - put the ship, the structure, the rules, the "truth" (their truth) in front and put the the relating, the heart a distant second, ending up in a ship--relation instead of a relationships.
But, so long as we're alive, we can learn, grow, adapt, expand, shift... it's not the impact that causes the suffering, it's the holding on after the moment has passed. We can learn to let it go, to release what holds us down.
I'm sorry you're evidently in the midst of a very unpleasant season and you have every right to feel upset. I wish it was different for you.
Did this explain my failed marriage. I never cheated on her, but I never felt more alone in my life.
I'm sorry to hear that - takes 2 to tango. Howv are you shifting things, going forward?
Yep. I don’t even want to be around my wife anymore. I want to be anywhere but home with her.
@@disgruntledconservativevet1798 sad that thing have gotten to this point - why stay married?
Because Jeremy the divorce laws will screw him harder than he already is. Wake the fuck up dude
Man I feel you. It sucks and it’s depressing.
You also forgot to mention that sexless marriages causes men depression, stress and anxiety. I believe it can also hurt their prostate health.
it can, absolutely - best to get things resolved. Check out www.jeremyroadruck.com/intimacy for 10 tips to a better relationship for successful men!
Sometimes you gotta rub one out.
She’s not responsible for your prostate.
@@oambitiousone7100Sure she is, you’re responsible for your spouses health if you’re causing the harm 🙄
@@oambitiousone7100 If you hate him that much just split.
Marriage and love is like a container of water. If one keeps taking out of it and never puts anything back in the marriage fails and love disappears.
Yep - said another way: entitlement and obligation kill all good things been 2 people
Yes!!! Sometimes you are babies deep before a person discovers
The number one food that diminishes a woman’s sex drive is WEDDING CAKE!
pretty cynical of you, sorry if that was your experience - but, thing is - correlation isn't causation. Some couples have fantastic sex lives after marriage - there's strategies to get there - it's not just luck or magic.
Haha hahaha... True....
In my case, my husband's sex drive disappeared after wedding
@@JeremyRoadruck lucky you, i married my dream girl at 39 ihad known her since 6th grade and always crazy about her. we hooked up at 39 and wow!! sweet and perfect in every way ,in bed she was awsome!! and I mean very! She was the one pushing for marriage soon after the wedding she started chang[ng slowly at first then a grinding halt. Advice to any younger guys as soon as you see this starting dump her blank blank she will give you every excuse and all lies. every time you reach your limit she will do just enough to give you hope next thing your doing without months at a time and evetualy my longest over 3 years begging is bs then. you get more love from your hand its bs. If you have to get married make her sign prenup and dont have kids. I love her but I hate her. yeah i know.. im a dumd head, Fixing to dump her @%$ at 62
Im sorryi was repliying to a different post i thought. dont know how this happened
You just explained the last 5 years of my marriage before I pulled the plug on it.
I'm so sorry that was your experience :( Hopefully, you're on to bigger and better in life and love!
I’m going on 6
100% accurate. Exactly how our marriage dissolved over 6 years
I'm so sorry that things fell apart - hopefully you've learned, changed approach and now living and loving at a higher level these days.
Love the clarity of “change or get out.” Thank you.
Glad to know it landed for you!
One of the biggest things a woman can learn about men is that most of us are superheroes in our own minds. The women who are successful in their relationships allow their men
to feel like superheroes in the relationship.
that's exactly right - the more opportunity we're given to be perceived and received as heroes, the more likely we'll show up to play full out... difficult for women/feminine because however he's acting isn't "perfect" or "right" in her model of the world.
Opposite is true as well. Being regularly forced to review all your failures and shortcomings over entire relationship turns into total tune out.
@@finngamesknudson1457 sounds like my wife, nag & bitch. Im a nobody to her.
if you can appreciate where she's coming from and hear her heart and wounds in her complaints, it's possible to entirely flip this script and open her up to more love, light, and passion than either of you would believe. Key is to understand her and not fall into the pit in her own heart WITH her. That's kinda why she's doing it - to provoke you to show up. But that pattern from our women tends to activate our own wounds and/or defensiveness and creates a lose-lose game that drives everything into the pavement.
Sorry that's the situation you're in @erwinbrubacker7488 - but if she's bitching at you and nagging you, you're not a nobody to her... that she cares enough to get mad at you suggests she's not "done" with you... but her behavior makes it REALLY FREAKING HARD to show up as her hero, protector and provider. You have to protect yourself against her is a lose-lose game. Most women don't really see that, alas.
Just want to move out but don't know how.....god give me strength to do it 🙏
is there anyone local to you that can help you? Are kids involved, or just 2 adults? Wishing you well on your next steps in life and love.
I agree, moving from expectation to appreciation is exceptionally powerful in any relationship. And I think it starts with yourself :)
Absoflockingloutely! You can't give what you don't have... appreciating others while disrespecting yourself isn't acting in full integrity... so, get the self in order, then go from there... you and I know know Wing Chun - that's where the system was created... out of the idea of aligning the self with the universe instead of trying to make the universe align with the person.
The Chinese phrase is "Saam Dim Yat Sin, Ding Yuen San" or Three Points One Line, Establishes The Original Nature/Body. The three points being the head, chest, and hips physically - and the mind, heart, and body metaphorically. So, when thinking, feeling, and acting are in alignment, live and love gets easier! Centuries of wisdom that still applies today!
Been married 23 years and anytime my husband needs it, I give it (2-3 times a day). The key to getting to this point is understanding each other's needs. His needs are in the bedroom and mines is in the form of a "Honey Do List" [He is retired, I work from home]
Also, I have never been a victim of SA. Women that have SA trauma as a child struggle with intimacy in the bedroom, and if left unresolved, will only get worse overtime.
It's all about figuring out how to "win" with and for each other... that's a partnership that can last!
Wow is all I can say!
this was an impressive comment - and, with the right person, it can be all figureoutable... it's all about arriving at the win/win and "'for you, with you" type thinking, feeling, and acting. The world really is filled with amazing people, if we're open to seeing them!
SA is a huge problem, but a woman doesn't have to have SA in her past to simply get tired of having sex. Sex has too much emphasis placed upon it, hence sexless marriages. In the past, spouses expected the sex to taper off by middle age, yet today, we're brainwashed to believe that we should want to have sex until we're well past that age. People need to stop expecting to be ''young'' forever.
After 45+ years, here it's been 2-3 times every 6 months, then it evolved 2-3 times a year, now it been 6 years since the last time. Destroyed me as a man.
78yr old. Yep, been, be there.
Oof, that's rough
You just described my 18 year "relationship" (not sure what to call it really). 8 years without a f**k is a long time. I left. She's a narc, but unfortunately has my daughter with her who gravitates towards her mum.
Sorry that's been your experience - relationships can get messy and quick, unfortunately. Sometimes it's hard to know who's truly dangerous or deranged, and who's reacting to unhealed damage. Sucks that your daughter is most likely going to get caught up in repeating her mom's patterns in her own relationships.
Are you doing anything for your own growth and healing?
@@JeremyRoadruck Thank you for responding. Yes, I am doing something for growth and healing. I'm 60 yrs old now, but back on the market. I've moved into an investment unit and financial settlement is lodged with the courts. I also bought a new BMW R1250GS motorcycle and am continuing to play keyboards in several bands. I've decided to retire and use my superannuation as I can access it now. I can't believe how I was used up, but I'm looking forwards, not backwards.
@MKA63 - dude, that's some solid growth, yo! Didn't see this reply until just today - I've got a strategy called Five to Thrive that helps to dial in on sorting OUT the bad matches and find a partner who's willing and able to win with you. Happy to send you more information if that'd be helpful to you. I've had clients into their 70s and even 90s for various skill sets - green and growing, or ripe and rotting... those are the choices. Sounds like you're focusing on green and growing.... game on, yo!
A woman is not going to change. Get out of that marriage the sooner the better
@ryan Cocoran - "a woman" might not change... but ALL women? Really? You've met them all and you know they are ALL the same? Dude - all generalizations are bad. Projecting isn't helpful either - I've had clients recover their marriages and get to better places with their wives. I'm sorry for your situation - there must have been something to drive you to the point of view you have.
@@JeremyRoadruck yea they won’t change…. 99% of them. A woman is as loyal as their options
@@ryancorcoran465 feminine is loyal to her feelings isn't the same as a woman is as loyal as their options... that type of thinking speaks to entitlement and expectation in a not so great way. A woman should remain loyal when the guy she's with is out of doors all days, treats her as an afterthought, and never makes her feel like a priority? That's not her being loyal as her options, that's her being taken for granted. Not a great game to play. A woman is made up of both masculine and feminine polarities - and tends to be more flexible in shifting between then. Again, sorry you had the experience you did but a gross generalization to the negative on ALL women based on your experiences isn't going to attract a woman who wants to be loved and be loyal, it's going to filter her out of your reality more easily and attract a woman who treats you like crap. Gotta forgive the past - learn from it, raise your standards and filters, and you'll find a better future. No one likes to feel judged, my friend... and you're judging 99% of all women to a very low standard.
I can't thumbs-up this comment enough. Once you've stayed too long, it's over. You'll just get depressed and fat. You'll die unhappy.
Let me say here @Jeremy, I am impressed with how balanced you are in your treatment of this topic. ❤. Your intelligence, maturity and breath 8n understanding this complex issue is rare, but refreshing. Thank you!
I gradually stopped having sex with my husband after he became a religious fanatic. Suddenly he made me out to be his adversary because I didn't believe the same. He couldn't put the two together. Then he started drinking more and hanging out with friends more frequently. Nothing I said made a difference. Everything was my fault. Saw a marriage counselor and he continued to blame me. There is a lot more but I'll leave it at that. We've been separated over a year and he still doesn't get it.
And he probably won't... he's plugged his ego into the universe and can posture with GOD behind him. Belief systems (BS) are hard to turn... in kung fu we'd say his Siu Nim (little self) has been replaced with Daai Nim (big self) and you're no longer arguing with him, but with Ingersoll universal law - in his mind, at least. Spiral Dynamics, developed by Clare Graves would seev this as a purple/tribe or blue/law arresting in thinking systems. Regardless of the justification, hurts to experience it - I'm sorry this has been your experience 😔
@@JeremyRoadruck
How can you know from one page from one side of the problem.?
@@mikeparrott8304 not sure I'm tracking... "from one side" "from page one" - you mean how could you know or anticipate this situation? Honestly, you really can't - people change, grow, life happens... the best you can do is:
a) really get to know each other's values, vision, character BEFORE getting serious (see my content on 5 to Thrive)
b) openly communicate needs, wants, dreams, desires, vision with an intent to create a win for BOTH partners instead of getting into power trips or absolutes with each other.
If you do a and b above, and still end up getting static then coaching or therapy to work through what's going on for you each as individuals, and together as a couple.
Ultimately, the only 2 guarantees in life are death and taxes. A loving relationship full of passion, that takes effort on the part of BOTH partners. It's not often not a "take it or leave it" type situation. It's not either-or, it's both/and.
I work with a woman who admitted to me some women stop having sex with their husbands because they want their husbands to divorce them so the man is the one who looks bad to this kids and rest of the family for leaving and not them. The husband looks petty and shallow. Unreal.....
yep - that happens sometimes... and guys sometimes do things to make their wives divorce them so he doesn't look like the bad guy. Cuts both ways. Petty and reprehensive behavior, regardless of gender.
These are the facts that nobody wants to talk about
@@David-ej1ps unfortunately, some people - men OR women - can be mean, cruel, vindictive, petty and worse...
Unless the woman committed repeated felony crimes the man will look bad regardless
It's very real my friend.
I was more lonely during marriage than any other time. I believif this happens, she was just settling for you and you were not her 1st choice. N marriage a
sometime people settle and marry to not be alone instead of marrying the person that sets their soul on fire. I'm sorry that was your experience. :( This is part of why I do the work I do - to help guys and couples have a passionate, playful love affair with someone who delights in you as much as delight in her.
Life is too short for bad food, or bad relationships. Gimmie the gusto!
Wondering why a chic can’t give their husband an hour out of their entire week. Twice a week. 30min, twice a week. Foreplay and the act itself. Whether she wants it or not, a man has needs. It’s not all about the females
Because that sense of entitlement kills rapport and polarity. NO ONE wants to be taken for granted. She should just "kneel before Zod" because... he showed up and did the fundamentals of the marriage? Just go the basics, you get the basics - sex could be considered "extra" - if she has to pick up all piles of clothes, never feels like she has any "down" time/time off - then sex just becomes another chore, another part of her to-do list - perfunctory sex isn't very sexy. Make her feel desired, craved, like she's the most sublime creature on God's green Earth... different story, yo.
You’re a simp Jeremy. I hope you don’t get red pilled the hard way
Obligation kills desire
hahaahaaahaahahaaahaaaahahaaaa.... srsly, is that some kind of meaningful term for you? means nothign to me. You're a trip.
@@JeremyRoadruck didn't you, yourself day no sex is Reason to drift and live separate lives?! Isn't sex a bit more important than an "extra"?
I've been married for 31 years and I'm here to tell all young bucks DON'T EVER GET MARRIED. Modern women aren't worth it.
Totally depends on how you approach things. Masculine and Feminine haven't changed - operating out of demand, expectation, obligation - from either partner - is ALWAYS a problem. If you're having problems in a marriage going back to 1992, that's NOT a reflection on "modern women" - my wife was born in 1990 and she's amazing! Asks for what she needs and wants, loves our sexy fun times... I'm sorry you're in a crap situation but that has nothing to do with anyone else but you and your wife.
@@JeremyRoadruck The only thing women after the WW2 generation are good for is a sperm sponge and they give that away with out marriage so what's the point. Get married then get divorced and give her half your shit. Its not worth it men.
That's a really sad frame of reference. If you've given up or killed your vision of what's possible, it's difficult to create anything better than that.
Have you read The Fourth Turning? The authors suggest there's four different 20-year mindsets that seem to follow each other.
But you are married 31 years and telling young men not to get married
The emotional connection will come to an end when a partner chooses to disengage, disconnect, ignore, cheat, etc....not when the sex ends.
@danmurray1199 - sometimes, correlation isn't always causation. Emotions can shift moment by moment, situation by situation... it's really important to look at the overall trendline of interactions... drawing closer over time, or drawing further apart? As I stated, sex is kinda like a canary in a coal mine - it can be a barometer of overall health and vitality in an intimate relationship or marriage. If there's no sex, or it's few and far between... that can mean a lot of things... The challenge with emotions is that love and hate are very often opposites in passion, and for some people they think that playing in those two extremes can be "healthy" - or making their partner jealous is "healthy" ... lack of alignment, resistance, unwillingness to focus on team... those nerf even the best intentioned of people.
This would be a lot better video if it actually lived up to its title. This is a video which says it is going to talk about the effects a sexless marriage has on a MAN. It is 90% about the effects it has on a WOMAN. Assuming that the two are basically one in the same is a fallacy. I can tell you from personal experience (and I am sure there are plenty of men out there who will back me up) that one of the worst effects that a sexless marriage has on an otherwise faithful husband is just how angry and resentful it makes him. It is literally a form of passive aggressive cheating on the part of the wife, and a violation of the marriage vow. Unless there are actual grounds for dissolving the marriage, whatever issues a wife may have with her husband, withholding sex for more than a short period of time is NEVER acceptable behavior. Anyone who would seek to counsel women on this issue needs to make clear to them the harm they are doing to their husbands, and to the marriage itself, by not being sexually available to them. I can also tell you from personal experience that whenever my brain was regularly being flooded with oxytocin from having those pleasant intimate experiences with my wife, I was usually quite willing to do almost anything to make her happy.
You might want to watch it again, specifically points 3, 4 and 5. I was talking more to the ladies in this one. I can see why you're upset and struggling - your giving all the power in her and pointing fingers. There's zero ownership of the pattern or sutuation between the two of you.
Your anger and resentment? That shows up in the 3 to 4 range. Your expectation that a wife be sexually available to her husband...? Yeah, that's not gonna fly and more than her expecting you to be the 100% breadwinner andv she gets to dictate where it all goes. Expectations and obligations kill all good things. Communicate your needs and desires, understand her needs and desires and then playfully co-create? THAT is an epic marriage. Playing in fault, blame, guilt, shame and finger pointing never works in the long run. You can be right, or be love.
@@JeremyRoadruck Spare me your analysis of my personal life, of which you know nothing. Had you simply entitled your video "5 Effects of a Sexless Marriage" and made clear that your comments were equally applicable to both sexes, I would not have bothered to comment. But let's be perfectly clear that's not what you did. You specifically entitled your video as pertaining to the effects on MEN. However, when you addressed the issue, you failed to live up to this title. Instead you wimped out and over generalized because you didn't want to offend any of your female viewers. You owe it to them to tell them the truth. There are scores of marriages coming to an end all across the nation because of this very problem. As for my situation, despite enduring this problem, I stayed with my wife for 22 years until she passed because I sincerely loved her, but I chose to do so in faithfulness to my pledge before God Almighty. As is patently obvious if you will read the rest of your comments, most men today are no longer willing to be this patient and forgiving. They have had enough.
@@JeremyRoadrucklook Mr. therapist, your video purports to explain what the effects of a sexless marriage has on men, which in turn, presumes that state of affairs was chosen by the woman, which if we are to have an honest exchange, we would recognize as being the case most of the time.
If the woman is, for any reason incapable of verbalizing the reason for this choice then, barring other issues, she should bear responsibility for the union's failure, in public opinion and in court.
If her reason is "I just don't feel like it" then...f#@k that. Sex is the only requirement for a man from a relationship of any sort otherwise he has litte reason to commit as marriage is still de facto an institution for the transfer of wealth, and relationships are ultimately granted by men. (whereas women are guardians of the sex that happens outside of commitment).
If this state of affairs (unilaterally imposed sexless union) comes after significant commitment on the part of the man, this constitutes a scam in my eyes.
The withdrawal of sex as a coercive means of attempting to change a man's attitude towards the relationship or specific behaviors is especially mean spirited as it is misguided. As a man with grit simply won't do what doesn't come to him naturally in that context.
He can fake it and treat the wanted behavior as currency for sex but this is ultimately demeaning for him and less honest than going to a prostitute outright.
If the man was never a certain way from the start she should not expect him to distort himself into her projection later, and what's more, she should have kept her heart (and her legs) closed from the beginning.
sorry your wife passed, and that you continued to play the same games with her for 22 years in a way that was unsatisfying to you. That was YOUR experience, if you've got helpful strategies to make changes for other men, by all means - start a channel and get to adding value to the world more than sniping in comments and hiding behind a random username.
I wimped nothing, I have my perspective and experience and will operate from that space. Works for you, cool. Doesn't work for you, still cool. Take what's valuable, ignore the rest. My youtube channel is 87% men last time I checked the stats, my tiktok is 95% women - not here to please anyone, or playcate anyone - but that doesn't mean I need to be a dick about things. This clip was part of a set of content I did once upon a time. It didn't land for you the way you wanted, cool - thanks for the feedback and perspective. I'll take it under advisement.
@foreverseethe ....wow... so, is that see the or seethe.. I have a guess. Anyway, dude - that's a LOT of projection and baggage to be carrying. How's that working for you? Currently in a passionate, playful, love filled relationship? Because, damn man. Who hurt you? And, how long you gonna carry that wound? Justification, rationalization... "coercive act"... yeesh. Sorry you're in such an existential place. This reads a LOT transactional, which is often the guidance of wounded males looking to "lead" or "save" other males from pain and suffering, while locking dudes into pain and suffering.
People do what they do - men, women, kids, teens, elders, parents, bosses, employees... what they do causes an impact in their own lives and the lives of others. Actions are driven by the stories behind those actions. Stories, the "why" is rationalization, justification, BS - belief systems. "why" tend to just cause spinning and attachment. Better to ask "'what" and "how" - what do you want in your relationship? How would you like to show up, and your partner to show up? What would it take from you for your partner to XYZ - is that within your capability? If yes, take action. If no, can you grow that capability? If yes, get your grow on. If not, reassess this relationship for sustainability. I'm not pro-divorce, or anti-divorce - I'm pro "win/win"' - and sometimes that means grow, sometimes that means have difficult conversations and realize you or your partner are in such a place that getting to a win is impossible with each other... but justifying being an asshat to each other? Nah, not necessary.
A woman is where she is - physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, spiritually, financially. And a man is where he is - physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, spiritually, financially. And they both have some model of what it means to be in a relationship. When they act and interact, are they giving each other loving responses, or cries for help?
If loving responses, game ON!
If cries for help, that's worth exploring to see if we can help each other to grow and be more in a mutually sustainable, win/win way... and if not, don't go deeper into this relationship. It's okay to exit respectfully, lovingly... getting locked in fault, blame, guilt, shame... that's the language of wounds.
I'm sorry you're in such a place... "unilaterally imposed sexless union".... uum, what? Dude - so you're saying if your woman wants to peg you, and you're not okay with it, then are you unilaterally imposing something in your relationship? Ultimatums, grand sweeping universalities, expectation, dictating to your partner... not great strategies for happiness in life or love. But, what do I know - only celebrating 10 years happily married this December, and have sex on tap because my wife feels filled to overflowing in and out of the bedroom. Success leaves clues, man.
I am a woman in a 'not ENOUGH sex and intimacy' marriage. Even when we do sometimes have sex, my husband is somehow shutting me off emotionally. He doesn't connect to me with the TLC that I need during the day. I love sex but I just sometimes feel like I'm using him because he doesn't show me enough feelings any time - during sex or during the day. We've been married for 16 years and with retrospect I have always been sex and intimacy starved most of the time. I recently got literally devoured by sexual desire for someone else - this never happened before. I was burning inside and it became a torture eventually so I texted this guy (we weren't strangers, there was a social situation where we'd meet regularly - to do with education ) and I told him I fancied him. It was a 'no' from him but we're still friends. But now i feel determined to find someone and I signed up to a platform where ppl in relationships can connect...
@cephalopod that's a difficult position for you to be in. It's possible he has an unresolved wound, some form of shame or lack of confidence, even lower testosterone - has he every voiced concern, or said he wasn't as manly as he'd like to be? Without him being unfulfilled/unhappy, it's often very difficult to move someone forward when they feel they don't have a problem. I understand you doing what you gotta do... we'll violate our values to get our needs met and I've been there in the past so certainly not one to judge. Is there a reason to stay in an unsatisfying marriage?
@@JeremyRoadruck there's still love... and children :(
I'm sorry that is the case for you - if all that's missing is sex, maybe there's a way to get that need addressed...?
I’m basically in a sexless marriage.
A couple “ mercy/wifely duty” things she does for me per month, but she dreads it, and just lies there. Not much fun when your sex partner doesn’t get aroused at all, and lies there counting the number of thrusts until I finish. Kinda of a boner killer. I love her immensely, but because of her being post-menopausal and on anti-depressants for bi-polar and ADD issues, her libido has tanked. In fact, she’s never had an orgasm with me in our almost 20 years together. She used to in the past.
We’ve tried everything, believe me. Different meds (with less sexual side effects, she was even able to orgasm with toys, but not with me, even if toys were involved). The med change helped with some sexual arousal, but were not working on her mental health issues (she nearly had a nervous breakdown so she went back to her original meds) She’s tried bio-identical HRT, we’ve done sex counseling and nothing has worked.
I SOO yearn for a partner who enjoys sex as much as I do. I don’t want to divorce, we’ve built a great life together, but I think I really need a FWB.
@@cephalopod7937 Hi ❤❤
I’m in a situation like this,before our wedding Awesome outta this world ❤!! The night after the wedding,the lightswitch went off. Once in 19 months,it really hurts to feel like she’s lost interest in me for no reason 😢. Where’s the angel I married??
Well, it's not for "no reason" - there's a reason, she just might not be conscious of it... or not feel safe telling you...
Human beings are "reasonable" creatures - meaning, EVERYTHING we do is for a reason - even if the reason is made up garbage.
What was her life like growing up? What did she see her parents model for her? What's her dating history? Who/how was she hurt in past relationships and has she done the work to grow and heal? If not, there's the reasons - unresolved wounds ALWAYS come out, eventually.
I'm sorry you're in this situation - is she open to growth, coaching? Does SHE feel this is a problem? Difficult to move forward towards a win/win with an unwilling, uninterested partner, unfortunately. There are things you could do to possibly help spark her back to life in the bedroom, if you're interested in going that direction.
You didn’t marry an angel it was a demon in disguise
@@JeremyRoadruckfuck this shit. We signed up for consistent sex not to be her therapist
@@stevengonzales8326 or neither - he married a human being who's still growing and maturing like we all are.
It sounds like she's wounded in some way, and he's not in enough rapport to influence or connect with her.
If he feels entitled to her body, might be what's driving her distance... relationships can be messy AF and what is driving someone to do something or not do something can come from multiple, different places.
This is why having someone to work through this stuff with can be so beneficial. We don't truly see ourselves, just our intent - we ALL have blindspots.
Last 5 years of my marriage was totally sexless. During the 22 years of marriage 85% of my orgasms were by myself. Divorced over 12 years and still sexless but at least at peace.
Sorry that this has been your experience, it doesn't have to be this way
There's a common thread here in the comments...women want only what they want.
people only want what they want - it's not a gender thing. Plenty of selfish men, women, children, teens, elders... it's part of the human condition.
@JeremyRoadruck it's very true. There are givers and they love to give and there are takers who love to take. It sucks when your partner figures out your happy to always give and they stop giving anything
A wise old Cree Indian I knew used to quote this as he worked. "When we were young and in our prime, we did it all the time. But now we are so old and grey and we only do it twice a day!"
Good stuff - very keep insight!
thank you - LOVE talking about this kind of stuff and helping others to live and love more, playing the game of life at the highest levels, yo!
Sadly alot of women wont watch this because they have justified why theyre rejecting their husband. Husbands work on yourself and leave a sexless marriage.
you'd be surprised just how many women DO check this kind of stuff out! Everyone should work on their personal growth.
Amen to that
Not roommates when she moves into the spare bedroom or you end on the sofa is when you know it is dead but you are too old to start again over after 43 years and 15 of absolute nothing that followed a slippery slope.
Not too old for something new, I've had clients find amazing relationships in their 50s and 60s - best part: no wasted time! It's like, "you in? Let's DO this..." because with maturity comes wisdom.
Sorry you're such in such a situation.
this is so completely True !!!
glad it landed for you - any specific take-aways or ah-HA moments?
Yea….well my spouse was carrying herpes but did not know it so when it erupted she said no more sex as she did not want to transfer it to me. It was a PTSD event that was stunning!
@glendavis1266 - that is HELLA rough - how are you two managing these days?
I wonder if any man, in real life, has ever solved his sexlessness through a change in communication.
yes - I have clients, in real life, who have solved this with their current partner. Thing to understand is that "communication" occurs on multiple levels - physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, financial... and a man who's fully grounded/settled in himself is WAY more attractive and trustworthy to a woman than a guy who constantly second-guesses himself, or needs her approval before he can accomplish anything. If she can manipulate him, she can't trust him.
@@JeremyRoadruck ok, then the only thing left for me to do is to break up with her. Only then I can be able to focus on my needs and do as I please. It is exhausting to have to permanently negotiate with someone who wants always exactly the opposite of what I want, whatever that is.
Not sure how you went from "can a chance in communication change things" to "the only thing I can do is break up" ... ultimately, you've got to do what you've got to do.
I'm not here to judge you or promote one specific approach to fit all situations, that's not realistic.
All relationships are unique and there's 2 sets of needs, wants, dreams, desires involved. Just me, the heck with you is rarely sustainable - same for all you, I'm worthless... BOTH approaches are dysfunctional... where/how/when can you create a both/and? THAT will create the most success and sustainability for both of you.
My wife pretty much cut me off as soon as the kids came along. I feel like a hollow shell going through the motions.
I'm so sorry that this has been your experience - for some women that's how it goes. What are you doingto shift this?
@@JeremyRoadruck I have hobbies.
@@Holden-McGroin dude - that's still rough :(
Holden McGroin. That’s a solid name.
Bail or die.
I think some woman withhold sex in a power play, but if the man doesn’t react they lose that power but still expect monogamy, but monogamy is almost the definition of sex only with your spouse, so no sex soon results in no monogamy, what a surprise!
withholding love rarely motivates the best in others, very true.
As I have been saying for the 7+ years in this situation - Forced celibacy is NOT an act of love.
Welcome to marriage. It’s a death sntence.
Wow, man. That's really bleak. I'm sorry th has been your experience and it's absolutely NOT TRUE in all situations and circumstances. Done well, in a healthy and vibrant marriage, joy is amplifed and pain is minimized... in the worst marriages - pain is amplifed, and joy is minimized. Definitely check out more of my channel and content - it does NOT have to be that way! I hope you take steps to make life and love better for you and yours. I feel for you and your situation.
So true!
In my late 40s. Wife mid 40s. Dont owe a single dime to anyone. Zero money troubles. I stay in good shape. Im confident. I consider myself super dad lol. I coach girls softball and volunteer. Wife has zero interest in me other than being the family pack mule and chauffeur. She loves me being a good dad and taking care of everything. We are I think great partners and friends.
She even jokes about it and just crushes me. Valentines card this year. Cover says "We Can Still Do It All Night Long!"
Inside the card? A couple sitting on the couch, opposite ends of the couch, watching television. I see and appreciate the humor if it wasnt for the fact that this card looks like it was literally made for our relationship. I didnt say anything as its a no win situation to even discuss it. If she knew how bad it would hurt me then where do I go with that? And if she really thought it would just be a cute card then it would hurt her feelings to know it was like a dagger to me.
I stay out doing gig work ,even though I dont need the money, until I am so tired that I know I will fall asleep when I get home easily. Otherwise its very difficult to keep my mind off of it. Separate beds btw for 14 years now. I snore even though Im in good shape. Its like the only way forward is lonliness/depression or old age/death.
dude- that's rough... to an outsider, you "have it all" but you don't really... you don't have her body, mind and soul. The question for you, ultimately, is - what do you truly want, need, dream, desire? And are you just interested in experiencing that, or committed?
There's six positions in relationships:
1) lot of love, lot of passion
2) lot of love, not much passion
3) not much love, not much passion
4) one or both of you are planning your escape
5) not in a relationship but WANT to be in one
6) not in a relationship and do NOT WANT to be in one.
Where would you say you are? And was it ever at position one?
@@JeremyRoadruck Was a 1, went to 2 almost in an instant when pre menopause hit. Now 5 years later I I feel like my life insurance policy is my value. Other than driving while she plays on the phone or carrying heavy stuff around. Valentines day I got her a giant hydroponics system, something she loves indoor gardening. We put it together with each other. She was lit up like a christmas tree with excitement. She got me a $2 can of cookies from walmart and the horrible card to let me know how much she appreciates a sexless marriage.
Definitely not what I wanted out of life. I would rather payoff the insurance policy than leave or cheat.
@@doogyjay1 dude - so rough. So, why stay? Like, seriously - what's in it for you at this point?
@@JeremyRoadruck I wont crush my daughters soul for one. I keep coming up with the "id rather go out on my shield" defense. I hate the idea of not keeping my vows or my promise. Old fashioned, romantic maybe?
I dont know what I dont know man. Same woman 25 years. Give up my home, my bed, my family for a chance at love again but that likely does not even exist at 49. Or at least not the way I remember it existing.
That’s sad you deserve better
#1. DIVORCE!
Not in all situations...
my marriage is fuked she just gone through the menopause sex is painful and her libido has gone l'm starting to withdraw and resentment is building what pisses me off she will not get medical help .she'll regret it when l say l am done this is fukin torment
I'm sorry to read that's your situation. Hormones are amazingly complicated, unfortunately and impact physically, mentally, emotionally and we're sometimes not even aware of their impact.
Generally, not knowing the full situation, my perspective is often:
Do what you can to help support your wife and filling her with dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and endorphins... helping her to be as biochemically supported as possible. But, unfortunately, at a certain point - you give as much as you can until you feel like you're drowning too... you're under no moral obligation to drown WITH her... just make sure you've given as much as you can to know if this is something to maintain, safe, reignite, or leave with a clear conscious. And at some point, let her know your thoughts and feelings so she knows what's on the line. But, waiting until you snap and it's "out of the blue" for her.... ya know?
@@JeremyRoadruck Because of her refusal to get madical help she won't even visit a doctor to talk about options l am getting my ducks in a row and we will be going our separate ways l am not living like this l would rather be on my own it is torment it's like having a sports car or high powered motorbike sitting in your drive and you can't drive or ride it no good looking at them may as well sell them
@@michaelhorobin1268 sorry to hear/read that it's going that direction... 😥
FWIW, I did touch on this topic here: (divorce due to sexless marriage) ua-cam.com/video/N3yM0U2VpGI/v-deo.html
and here: (getting over divorce when it your fault) ua-cam.com/video/hLatFG0pi8w/v-deo.html
And, if y'all have kids, there's this: ua-cam.com/video/TAGEHMBmTdE/v-deo.html
@@michaelhorobin1268 I feel for ya, man. The fact she's so strongly AGAINST getting support for what's going on is totally a red flag for me to get curious about what she's thinking and feeling to drive her to avoiding the support that could help her move forward with you, together as a happy couple. Sex isn't the end-all-be-all in a marriage, but if one partner wants it more... that leads to problems. That's why the first step is checking that everyone's healthy enough for sex in the first place.
@@JeremyRoadruck the reason she will not get support or have HRT is she is scared of getting cancer the risks are very minimul we had a great sex life a few months ago now the menopause has finished she is left with no libido well l suppose that doesn't bother her as she is dead sexually l've been patient considerate loving towards her. She doesn't like it when l withdraw from her but it just happens then l get close again then l want her get rejected and so the cycle begins again .l'm getting my ducks in a row jeremy and l doubt we will be together this time next year l'm done
Ready
@gloriavalentine581 ready for...?
I got tired of asking so I stopped, I figured if she wanted me she would ask . I never cheated I loved my wife.. after a few months she started acting angry at me. A year and she filed for divorce.
She never once asked but she told my best friend (not me) it was because of our sex life . (Probably to hurt me)
You just can't win fellas.
@DeadCat-42 of COURSE you can win... but you've got to know what game you're playing and what game she is playing.
I'm sorry things didn't work out, and you did what you felt was best.
That's a challah a LOT of guys are facing: mismatching games.
I've got a client right now saying to me, "my partner's feelings are too fragile" ... that's a pretty judgmental way of thinking about our partners. Even if we don't say it, of they are deep in their feelings, they will feel our judgement of them.
It would be more accurate to say, "my partner's feelings and sensitivity are much more pronounced than my own, and that mismatch is causing us problems" ... but it's so much faster, easier to just throw around blame.
And, I'm not above it either - when I was dating, I was judgemental AF... and kept attracting takers. So I stopped dating, did the deep work to heal what was driving my need for fault and blame. Once that was resolved... met and married my now wife of 11 years in just 6 months.
So, my dude - you CAN totally win, just for her clear on what games are being played by you, and by her. Win/win is actually possible.
Got any advice for the guys stuck in a sexless marriage. I can’t even believe there are women in sexless marriages and they are not the one withholding the sex.
@Astrolovescrypto - sorry you're in the shituation you're in - sexless marriages are never fun.
Check out this playlist - I hit on this question from multiple angles - rebuilding attraction, stop over giving, bringing back intimacy, handling stonewalling and more...
ua-cam.com/play/PL1dWJck2Z_2YN3sBQr3y27rmuXU-E3aFn.html&si=quOw1O3AXBQxQtPy
Unfortunately, a lack of sex can stem from a variety of courses/causes - the feminine heart, mind, and body is not simply as do XYZ and she will bend over PDQ... there's social intimacy, mental intimacy, emotional intimacy BEFORE physical intimacy... lotta layers to work through, unfortunately.
Nailed it.!
thank you! What stood out for you the most?
21 years of being sexually rejected I’d say 85-90% of times I initiated… Wife emasculated, disrespected, unappreciated me…so I stopped, basically everything. Funny thing is my self esteem has gone up by not engaging her lol. Amazing how you can grow when someone isn’t there knocking you back down every week!
@bigboy11271 - sorry that's been your experience of marriage, why stay?
Best start for yourself is to stop 'playing the game'. Also not go shopping together, no vacations, no family visits, no restaurants, etc. No perks for her. Tell her in her face you are going to have sex elsewhere plus do your own things.
@Billy-the-Kind That sets up a bad situation if/when things to go court. Guy I talked to last year with an estranged marriage decided against coaching with me and he'd "figure it out" - 18 months later, he's out $70K - blew through 3 kid's college funds, all his savings, and STILL not finished/settled with his soon to be ex. She doesn't want to work and is fighting him tooth and nail...could have been SO different if he'd handled things differently. They're in a protracted war and getting nowhere but broke.
@@JeremyRoadruck So you'd say he should accept that BS? I'd say no way.
@@Billy-the-Kid no, I commented to him, "sorry that's been your experience of marriage, why stay?" and he hasn't replied to that. I'm not going to project, mindread or jump to a conclusion on his situation. He can decide to accept this, that's one choice among many. It sounds like he's already not accepting it and is already detaching emotionally.
You stated he should not have any kind of relationship with his current wife and tell her that he's going to cheat on her. That's NOT a great strategy to either rekindle things or leave his marriage intelligently. That course of action will tend to drive her from whatever she's doing now to actively plotting/planning to put herself in the strongest possible position should they divorce. It's like not agreeing to a fight - difficult to claim self-defense after the fact if you consented prior to any acts of violence.
The BEST thing he can do is get clear on what HE actually wants for himself, something I call the Five to Thrive. Once he knows what type of things would make HIM thrive in a relationship, he can decide if it's worth engaging with her in a way for them to grow together again, or if it's more realistic/reasonable to end this marriage and go find a relationship that would actually delight him. Start with the end in mind, then work backwards to where he is currently.
I find it hard to deal with this kind of relationship.😢 I mean everything is great except for the fact that I'm sex starved and I'm a woman. I'm tired of trying to make him realize that intimacy is important to me, too. It's sad coz the more I'm deprived, the more I lose interest..
that's SUCH a difficult position to be in. So why stay?
And, what would happen if you just put a hand on his manhood, said, "I'm going to enjoy this, you're welcome to come too." ...? Generally, if sex isn't happening in a committed relationship, there's other factors at play - and sometimes we need someone outside our situation to help unpack what's REALLY going on.
You are the woman I wished I had me. ❤
Sexless marriage is nightmare on elm street for all men.....it use to mean guaranteed sex for men....but laws changed and now men don't see the point in marriage because men just get used by the courts, lawyers and the wife. Just have a girlfriend and if you want a kid just have a kid. Marriage is like signing a contract where the other party is incentivised to break it.
@biggerbitcoin5126 that's one definition of marriage, sure - but not the ONLY one -there are ways to co-create a relationship and thrive for BOTH partners - and it's pretty simple, actually. But, it's not easy. Crafting a love affair to stand the test of time? It's not just a dime a dozen, transactional, type deal.
Going in looking to get burnt, guess what ends up happening?
Go in with a set of shoulds and hopes and belief and faith and trust... also not a great strategy.
That's red knight up top, and white knight on bottom - neither is sustainable. Instead, START with the deep work, have the long dark night of the soul, be a man of purpose, values, intend, direction and THEN find a partner in alignment...
So many get into trouble and relationships fail because they looked for chemistry, convenience, and proximity first. That's an easy way to get into a relationship but zero guarantee that it will last through the seasons of life and love.
Any guy going through this and you never cheated. I say I'm so so sorry. I've been there. It didn't change me in anyway, but I did divorce him. He had mental issues and his lust was in over mode. Go get therapy‼️I'm absolutely breathtaking with a kind heart. He favored toxic easy girl's and they suck the life out of him in more ways than one. Cruelty isn't a word for it, its abusive behavior. Guy's it will be more than okay. It's not YOU. Ask him/her has they been molested👉 Then RUN!!!😅.. he/she is a empty shell of themselves. That's not your problem. Ship him/her back home to Mommy thats their problems.💯
uum.... I _think_ your comment is well intentioned, so thank you for supporting guys - they definitely need more than they are getting.
However, correlation isn't causation - meaning, just become something is related (aka correlated) doesn't automatically drive to some specific meaning, result, or outcome (the causation).
A person who has been molested isn't automatically an empty shell as they may have done the deep, inner work to find resolution and release from the past. That's kinda the end-goal of therapy, counseling, integrative work in the first place. We are not necessarily our experiences.
I'm sorry you had a bad experience in dating/relationships - getting our existential wounds addressed is absolutely necessary work, 100% agree with you there.
I lived in a sexless marriage for 21 years. I ended up dreading coming home. She always had to have a set of girls or besties to go hang with. I ended up hating this baitch that I lived with. Foe better or worse but I never knew it could get this bad. Been divorced for nearly 7 years after she walked out and feel so much better . Lesson here: should of left when the rejection started.
yep - "when people show you their character, believe them the first time." Maya Angelou -very wise words from an amazing poet.
Fully agreed
So explain this - NEVER ONCE in my 10-year marriage did I refuse my ex-husband s*x - even during my men**trual cycle when I was in so much pain I could hardly walk - and he still abandoned me!!!! I’ve come to realise we are breeding future generations of ‘lone wolf’ men who dip in and out of a woman’s life as they want. And guess what - they’ll end up alone when they’re old. It’s called karma.
Everyone s gonna be alone when they are old. 😅
@EdelweisSusie - that's horrible! Not enough to go on, but if he was forcing you to comply with his needs regardless of cost or impact to you, that suggests he's pretty selfish, and I could see him leaving you when he wasn't getting his needs met on his terms. Totally a selfish act on his part.
As for breeding lone wolves... that remains to be seen. People stuck in their wounds tend to attract other wounded people. So the answer is the the work I'm doing - helping to get people healed and out of fault, blame, guilt, and shame.
We either get a loving response or a cry for help and that dude sounds like is small, sad, cold inside. People - men and women - can be users and abusers. Neither gender has corned the market on selfishness, unfortunately.
All very true but all the messages are about women withholding, how about a marriage where the husband withholds for over a year and still holding, please talk about how a woman feels being rejected in a marriage
@carriehyde7534 - thank you for the comment. I hear you, 100% - but my coaching is focused mostly on men and sometimes couples, not women. I HAVE worked with women in the past, but that's not my current focus. Autumn and I are always looking for topics for content - so we might end up recording something on how stonewalling and withholding hurts both partners in a marriage or relationship. If/when we do - I'll make a note to tag you when it goes out. If this is your situation, I wish you all the best - I do have a bundle of information/courses/reports I put together for wives/moms called The Ultimate Husband and Child Hack Pack - you can check it out at www.leadlikeaking.com/hack-pack - it's all about how to "game" your husband and kids by playing win/win games - YOU get to feel good about things, and they get to feel good about things all at the same time, and there's three 1:1 sessions with me too! :)
So what is one to do if one partner is simply too ill to participate? It's not a choice, it's a consequence of poor health going on 25 years now.
You've got to decide where you stand, and what you stand upon. What are your values, rules, boundaries? Mentally ill, physically ill, physically healthy but unwilling to be accountable... all different situations, right? Definitely a difficult situation. 25 years in the making? BOTH of you need support, just in different ways.
The thing i wonder about is "are women giving up good sex?" I mean if h and w cannot commimunicate is the sex really good?
sometimes yes, a lot of times no - thing is, from a biochemical perspective, whenever a woman has an orgasm, the dump of oxytocin she experiences drives her to "pair-bond" with whomever caused that hormone release... her husband... OR whomever she's thinking about if self-pleasuring.
This biochemical addiction pair-bond thing holds generally for about 3 weeks - just enough time to find out if pregnant or not.
Which helps to explain why it's sometimes hard for a woman to leave a toxic situation - she's literally, biochemically addicted to the source of her pleasure and release, so she'll turn a blind eye to mistreatment and believe 'if I love him enough, he'll truly change for me!' and that's very often NOT the case.
On the flip side - even if the sex is good but she's NOT "in the mood" so she withholds... as that pattern continues, whatever spark they might have shared will flame out and then she's less and less interested in connecting on this level.
One of things I help my guys and couples understand is the sequence of intimacy and how it's different for men and women. With women, getting to physical intimacy is generally step 4 - she has to be open and receptive to such an intimate form of connection, I mean - she's LITERALLY allowing the guy into her world. For guys, physical intimacy is a need, but arousal is physically more of a spinal response - bump a table right and he'll get hard and be ready for action. The build up and release is rejuvenating for him. So when she withholds, it's actually more cruel that she might realize.
When I was single, I had a 2 year window of time where I received ZERO physical touch other than in martial arts or a perfunctory hand shake - not a hugger, no back rubs, no tender touch unless I paid for a professional massage (no happy endings, that's trashy to me) so I was WAY over-amped whenever any lady gave me any attention - hungry, hurting, and hunting... which is repellant to the feminine other than when she's in the same mindset.
So, long story short: sex might be good but if w withholds for whatever reason, sparks fade.
The same happens when the husband is the witholder.
@xdxdxdxd4575 pretty much, but I mostly work with men, so that's the direction of the conversation.
@@JeremyRoadruck I understand, but you have to be cautious, because nowadays, more and more men has headache mostly because of porn addiction...
@xdxdxdxd4575 "I" have to? Or YOU have to...? I don't date men, and happily married so I'm not in the dating pool anymore.
However, to your point, PEOPLE are struggling, agreed. Some guys are addicted to porn, not all. Correlation isn't causation - and there are ways to filter for vision, values, and more. It's one of the things I coach on.
@@JeremyRoadruck I meant you have to be causious to at least mention it next time, that men can be witholders as well, I didn't mean about you dating a man 😉😁
WHAT ARE YOUR CREDENTIALS? COUNSELLOR?
I know some stuff about some things, been helping others for more than 28 years. Feel free to google - been on a gang of podcasts, wrote a few books, articles, been interviewed and such. And, you?
What if she asked me multiple times if I was cheating ( never did) cause she never had sex with me or showed interest??? like it was a chore. What does this mean in your experience
could mean several things:
1) she's cheating, and projecting that onto you to protect her from feeling guilty - by believing you're cheating, then her cheating is justified in her heart or mind
2) She has an unresolved wound and her self-worth is nerfed, so she HAS to reject you and accuse you to punish herself because being happy or loved or desired or pursued doesn't match to her lack of self-worth.
3) Her values don't put sex very high in her needs, so making you wrong helps her to tolerate treating you badly.
"why" is often a useless, meaningless question that just makes us spin our wheels looking for rationalizations and justifications. If you're not getting what you need and want, best to get to the source of that for you and for her and then decided if this relationship is for a lifetime, a season, or a reason. Only YOU can decide the meaning for yourself.
Sorry you're in such a crappy situation. There are ways out that don't require making her wrong, or weaponizing your experience.
Why is it always the woman’s fault? ED ruined our sex life. I was patient for years and years tolerating bad sex and his many rules for me to help him. It was awful but I did it for him until I started dreading it all and just couldn’t tolerate it any more. It was awful!I wanted to leave but stay for him and adult kids. Both sides of the story are not being told. Women suffer too.
@benniemiller - check the video again, I don't believe I put any form of fault or blame on either party - instead, I'm pointing out patterns and how those patterns play out.
That being stated - TOTALLY unfair that you were put into a situation where his ED became his sole focus. He could have added toys, tools, role play... there's a variety of ways to address not being able to rise to the occasion.
And that drive to leave, but stay - that's all to familiar to both men and women, unfortunately. My coaching is focused primarily on working with men/dads, hence the focus of my clips.
I'm sorry that you had to live through such an unfulfilling marriage. Are you in a better situation now?
@@JeremyRoadruck I was referring more to the commentary. Pretty one-sided.
@@benniemiller given that my channel is primarily talking to men, yes - could probably be perceived that way.
Again, I don't think I assigned any kind of fault or blame, so that's your projected conclusion, n'est ce pas?
Again, sorry that your husband ended up wounded and dragged you down with him.
Are things better for you now?
Jeremy the absolute truth👍😊
good to know it landed for you, sucks that you can relate. :/
It's not always the fault of the woman. INTJ betrayed by a disabled husband who was (is?) addicted to porn and does not help around the house at all. I do everything in the house, take care of the pets who are Emotional Support Animals for both of us, and end up cleaning up after him because he doesn't pick up after himself; he complains about my treating him like a kid, but then he sits all day playing computer games on his laptop in the bedroom...just like a teenager who has Mommy picking up after him. The betrayal was bad enough, but all this and working from home full time to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table means that I am still here solely because I am his sole caregiver. I don't think I am in the wrong for drawing the line. Sorry, not sorry.
double check my content - I don't think I put fault or blame on anyone. I'm pointing out patterns of behavior and how they impact. You're in a crap situation - let's call a spade a spade. I do have a question, you state "betrayed" - how, specifically? Not to assign blame, to understand the situation more fully.
If he's not stepping up, and you keep mothering - if no thing changes, nothing changes. Why are you his caretaker? He doesn't want to be treated like a kid, great - so stop treating him like a kid. Tell him to step up and step in, or get out. You control the cash-flow, ya?
What line have you drawn? No sex for him? Withholding punishes you both. You deserve to be with a partner to gives and receives - with someone whos' willing to go toe-to-toe with you life and love, joy amplifying, pain minimizing... not expectations, not obligations, not taking taking taking. I can tell you're depleted. Been there, giving and giving and giving and no reciprocity. You can't fill the existential hole in his heart/mind/soul - that's on him to resolve.
@@JeremyRoadruck He was addicted to porn, and didn't stop after telling him how it made me feel. No sex is really not a punishment for me since I am an INTJ with a low libido since menopause. As to being his caregiver, he had 2 strokes 7-1/2 years ago, and he is now permanently disabled, to the point where he needs me to get his shoes on as well as other life needs; there is no way he can survive on his own. If he was able-bodied, he would have been kicked out when I found it 7 months ago.
I’m going to assume you have a video about the effects of a sexless marriage on women…..
Not as of yet, nope. I don't coach women, just men/dads. Have friends that do and happy to make a referral! Doing my best to stay in my lane - women are fantastic, totally deserve to be loved, respected, admired, seen, heard, understood, appreciated... just not my focus to serve them as a coach.
A sexless marriage is THE WORST!!!!
it's definitely pretty bad, and why my wife and I work to keep ours sexfull!
26 years experience but why would women open up to u or be honest to themselves?
are you asking me personally, or "why would women open up to you" in a more general sense?
In general, it's a matter of how much you make her feel safe and truly appreciate and understand who she is, what she's going through, what she needs, thinks, feels, believes, what's important to her... it's actually very much the same for men, children, teens, elder... pretty much everyone.
I've distilled it down to something I call "The Six Golden Tickets."
There's a simply ladder to climb, touch points in building rapport to give to the other person that helps them to trust in the support, feedback, thoughts, feelings, observations, etc. that you'd like to offer them.
Judgment kills your ability to build rapport - so, get that addressed, and the doors to a person's heart and mind start to open. There will be testing, sure - are you safe? Are you for real? Do you mean what you're saying, doing?
7 years. Talk about depression
@robjenkins5682 that's rough man... why stay?
My kids @@JeremyRoadruck
Ya I'm a roommate that will be moving out in about a month or two.. sooner if the climate gets even a bit worse
This sad thing is if my significant other gave me the time of day even a little bit more than what she does now the differences and the monumental changes that would have made and the extra miles that would be done just to make sure that she's happy but I can't even imagine being that better guy for no reason at all. I wonder if she even knows that because of her choice she has destroyed this relationship and destroyed the family togetherness. One thing I do appreciate though and that is that at least she's honest because what's equally as bad as having sex with sex with your partner is if that partner does not want to do it that's a terrible feeling
it's a difficult place to be - wish you were walking a different path, with a woman who loves, respects, admires, and cherishes you as much as you share the same with her.
I am in divorce right now after 20 years of marriage and 5 years sex less I done
I'm sorry that you're in this shituation - hopefully things get better for you, and sooner rather than later. How you holding up? Do you have a lawyer?
@@JeremyRoadruck yes I have lawyer we fight for the house now 🫣
@@JeremyRoadruck I and 55 … I want to be happy the rest of my life
@@watchmanexpert definitely can support that - you getting what you need to thrive? I coach on relationships, mindset, communication so know a few things, ya?
Be careful because the grass is not always greener on the other side
Makes me want n a pissed off mood all day everyday especially when I want to cheat but won't do it because that's just another bee hive to stir up
Dude, that's a difficult situation. Why stay? If you can't leave, how can you "up" your relationship game?
Sex or get out... The problem with that thinking is that if you get divorced you will both go broke and the lawyers will get rich. You'll end up being a bum on the streets, especially if you have been married for awhile and have a house together.
ultimatums are never given from a place of power or strength, they are always from a position of weakness.
Thing is, sex or get out could be an ultimatum OR it could be a statement of need/want - everyone has different drives, needs, wants, rules, etc. It's vitally important for both partners to come to an awareness, understanding and appreciation of each others needs, wants, rules, boundaries... "my way or else" isn't healthy or sustainable for the long-term.
#buckfitches
that's rarely helpful to getting what a person desires in a relationship
@@JeremyRoadruck well when you've tried everything else and you're tired of being lied to, it's about all that's left.
@IntangibleStudd59 i get it - just realize that weaponizing the hurt just keeps ya stuck in the wound. There's great women out in the world, and great men too - just gotta sort through the mismatches.
@@JeremyRoadruck thanks I understand that. I think after this train wreck, a relationship is the last thing I'll be looking into. Sometimes people just lose faith in people after being lied to enough.
@IntangibleStudd59 I've been there, too, and took a bit of healing on my part to find an amazing woman who delights my soul and truly appreciates me being in her life. I'm sorry you're in the place you are. Just know that you don't have to walk it alone unless you choose to
Just LEAVE.
Anyone who does NOT have burning Desire for your intimacy IS A LIAR and a FAKE.
LEAVE.
potentially - thing is, it's often NOT a sudden shift, it's a slow fade over time. Kinda like the frog in a pot of cold water, and then the temp is dialed up. And, sometimes, the ladies don't realize they are withholding - they're just not paying attention as her needs/wants/desires are focused elsewhere.
When it’s dead, there’s no reviving it. It’s gone. Only one person came back from the dead a long time ago and he’s long gone. It’s over. Live with it or get the hell out if you can. My advice, get the hell out if you can. It feels worse with the passage of time. It never gets better.
@brewer9565 oh, you'd be surprised at what is possible. I've helped couples recover their passion for each other. Starts by letting go of expectation, obligation, and entitlement. And operating out of positional authority - aka "because I said so" or "because I'm your husband/wife so you HAVE to XYZ"
I'm sorry to read that you seem to be locked in a sucky shituation.
Why would I want to have sex with an abusive husband ? Slapping me around, calling me names that I had to ask someone what it meant, trying to kill me with a .357 magnum. Right. You have no idea !
I don't think anyone is suggesting anything of the sort. Did you get out of this situation? That's absolutely NOT OKAY and you deserve to be in a relationship where you're appreciated and celebrated, NOT threatened!
Why do men have to have there ego lifted ? I don’t need validation from men to know my worth it’s excuses to have affairs. What it is is when your in a long term marriage men just want something new
It's not about "having their ego lifted" - it's about acknowledgement and validation of time, energy, and effort - something both men AND women deserve, and need to operate at their best. Having someone take you for granted, complain constantly about what you DO do as never being enough, never "right," never quite "correct"... that motivates YOU to be and do your best, day in and day out, for years and years???
As for cheating - BOTH genders cheat, and there's NEVER a good excuse for it. Men don't "want something new" - they go where they feel appreciated, wanted, desired, and are respected and admired. And so do women. The "something new" can be created by two adults willing to lean into their fear and take action on it.
If sex is pleasurable and satisfying for women, THEY WILL WANT TO HAVE MORE OF IT. Why is this so hard for men to grasp? Find out what pleases her. Work on this together. Be vulnerable with each other. She may be resistant but persist and you will grow closer. Sex should not be something a man does TO a woman, but something a man does WITH a woman. Women are expected to be pure and innocent and gatekeepers of sex and then the day after marriage, boom, she is supposed to be a sex goddess and "put out" for her man. Men, would you have sex with someone for 20+ years if there was nothing in it for you? Of course not! Discovering what brings her pleasure takes time. Get a good Christian sex book that teaches real women's pleasure, not abhorrent books like "Love and Respect" or "Every Man's Battle". Those are completely male centered and degrade women.
Thanks for the thoughts. Rather than get specific, you seem to be painting all men with a rather broad brush, and putting zero ownership for women, which is unfortunate. If you want to get into the specifics of your experience, that's different, but suggesting all men have zero clue about how to please in a partnership is pretty much unfair - same as putting all relationship troubles on all women, too. All generalizations are bad.
So, couple of things - regardless of sex being pleasurable to a woman, she might still leave a relationship or shut her man down if she's feeling unsafe or not a true priority in his life. She wants it, just not from him. He's "'transgressed" against her too many times for her to feel available to be open to him.
As for being hard to grasp, it's not difficult to understand for some men, and impossible to understand for some men. Let's not get overly generalized and extrapolate to ALL members of a gender, n'est ce pas?
Sex should not be something EITHER partner should do TO their partner, outside of consensual power play - remember to keep it safe, sane, consensual, and always have a safe word.
Not all men agree with the sentiment of "women being expected to be pure, innocent, gatekeepers, virgins, etc." - that's a sloppy generalization, especially for young adults today. My wife had a child before we got together, and I didn't care two bits about her previous sex life. She's comfortable with her body, knows what she likes, has clear boundaries of what's okay with her and is confident to assert her wants and needs. Sign me UP! Met and married her in 6 months to the day!
Haven't read the books you suggest but the "Christian sex book"' is a misnomer for me since there's generally so much shame, guilt, fault, and blame in what most people pupport to be the message of Christ. Tantra books are much more informative and practical, as well as the books of Mantak Chia - most guys need to learn "ej" control first to equalize playtime in the bedroom. Alison Armstrong has some good material as well.
Not the case at all!100%
ayup
@@JeremyRoadruckyou never know, give the book a try. Don’t judge a book by its cover 😉
@@christinedozier2154 Fair point - however, not an area of pain for me at this point so it would be more idle curiosity than pain resolution. I've been practicing EJ control for 25+ years, been through a lot of programs, experiences over the decades and my wife and I are VERY happy and fulfilled in this dimension of our lives and marriage. I have a model that works very well for me, and has worked well for my clients. I'm not in a "Christian coach" space or schtick - I'm MUCH more direct, secular, what/how and do my best to avoid appeals to authority, which I find in a lot of "-isms" and "-ists" - and I realize I'm generalizing to a degree. I feel I know my lane and methods - much like I already know to walk, so not really interested in learning a new way to walk, ya know?
Appreciate the comment, thank you.
dude your just like my wife CLUELESS
types the anonymous keyboard warrior... vs the results my clients get sometimes in as little as 24 hours. c'est la vie.
This situation is fault on both sides.
thanks for the thoughts - not really a fan of fault, blame, guilt or shame - MUCH more interested in patterns of behavior and what stories are we telling ourselves to DRIVE our behavior.
Yer 3 yrs n 4 mths he detached from me to play the field his a serial cheater lair n abuser . So rather go with out think more of my sexual health wont stop eyeing n contacting women on dating apps . Even married ones n splitting families up . No shame . 😢
I'm sorry you're going through that... It's definitely NOT a healthy situation. Why stay?
Men act more like it a privilege then a right. # 1 the bible states that if a man cheat on his wife because she is not doing her duty. The sin goes against her not him.
#2 In sickness and in health for better or worse to have and hold from this day forward until death we part. It talks about when it acceptable, what acceptable, and how long it acceptable. The what acceptable is ( have ) it is mentioned in the bible one time. It states if a man haves a woman other then his wife his punishment is he has to marry her and can never divorce her. It is pretty clear what have is. #3 #2 is a legal binding witnessed verbal contract that both have entered into, it is a two way street.
If you sell your car to someone in a witnessed verbal contract in front of your family and friends and their family and friends, and they don't pay you. Are you go to let them keep the car or you taking it back. Ask her and mean it who is her designated representative to fulfill her contract in her absence.
Not sure I'm following you... so, women are like cars? Not sure THEY would agree with being treated like cars. My daughter certainly isn't anyone's property. She belongs to herself.
I disagree even the state will give you a annulment like the marriage never happened if she don't consummate the marriage. So tell me it not importin. He becomes her property and she becomes his property. @@JeremyRoadruck
Uum, k. Not sure if YOU are sure of what you're disagreeing with. I didn't mention "the state" and I didn't mention "consummate the marriage" - I asked if you're equating women to being link cars, and then suggested that THEY might not like being treated like cars. Do you talk to many women?
You're welcome to disagree with your understanding of what I mean, absolutely.
Thing is, again: my daughter is not my property, not anyone's property. And, given your attitude, I doubt there's a woman on this planet that will appreciate your sense of entitlement to her. There was this whole war that was fought in the US about people being property or not. The slaveholders lost, in case you missed that tidbit of history. Yeesh.
Guy's whatever you do, NEVER marry them !!!
@Billy-the-Kid tell us you're wounded without telling us you're wounded. As the meme goes, "avoiding marriage because unhappy guys say it sucks is like avoiding exercise because fat, out of shape guys say it's hard."
@@JeremyRoadruck Saves men lot's of money and troubles as the juridical systems are all stacked against men. Your comparison with sports is wrong.
@Billy-the-Kid nah, success leaves clues, as does failure - it's all just feedback, and very few guys have an actual, workable solution. Chemistry, convenience, and proximity is RARELY a winning strategy.
@@JeremyRoadruck Avoid marriage is a winning strategy. One can live together without being married. You didn't marry yourself did you? Nah, I guess you don't make mistakes like that. You are too smart to be trapped.
@Billy-the-Kid single and divorced men are 250% more likely to die from any and all causes as compared to same age married peers. Just because you had a bad experience doesn't mean everyone does or will. Better to light a candle instead of curse the darkness.
You need advice yourself ,a man needs to make a woman a home to care for and then Just make her want to stay.
random projection... whatevahs. SOME women want a home to care for and are satisfied with that, but not ALL women are there, yo. PEOPLE are complex and needs, wants, dreams, desires change over time.
Ain’t nobody enjoying that junk. Never did anything for me.
"junk" ...? context?
@@JeremyRoadruck you said grab his junk. Ewww no.
@oambitiousone7100 gotcha... different strokes for different folks. If something's not working, get playful and creative. Can be right, or get results. I'm a fan of results! If something doesn't work for you, definitely don't do it. But might work for someone else - no fault, no blame, no guilt, no shame!
a woman is not a vehicle for a man to use.... sex is not a need... you can be intimate without sex....
interesting perspective... I'd be REALLY careful speaking or writing for "you"' - as in "you can be intimate without sex" - that's an unqualified projection.
The statement, "I can be intimate without sex" - totally can support that. But you speaking, writing, or making statements for someone else... that's not quite kosher, ya know?
Some people can be intimate without sex, for some people sex is not a need - sure, sure. Totally get that, totally agree. But those statements can't be extrapolated to ALL of humanity - we're too diverse and messy, ya know?
'a woman is not a vehicle for a man to use' - agreed. I'd extend that further to: No one is a vehicle for anyone else to use - no man, no woman, no child. Not without informed consent, at least. And, then we start to hit against not using plants, animals, minerals as they can't consent to being used (see: Janism), which then bangs up against the fact that life feeds on life. Animals will use us without consent, plants do use us without consent with there whole CO2/O2 gas exchange deal.
So, not using people as vehicles, agreed. Sex is not a need for some people. You, meaning @roxanneboughen4098 can be intimate without sex but that doesn't extend to all persons on this planet. Thanks for the thoughts!
IN 1993 I married a woman who was the love of my life or so I thought....she was a virgin when we first came together on our wedding night, so naturally I expected her to be nervous, but she had said before we got married that she could hardly wait toi start our "intimate life" together. after the wedding night, things just seemed to go downhill, and I found myself doing without, because she was constantly making excuses for us not to have sex. The times when we did have sex, she semed to just want it to be over with as soon as possible. I begged her to tell me what if anything I could do to make sex more enjoyab le for her and make her want to be with me again and again, but she just could not tell me, Unfortunately she left the marriage after only 42 days because I refused to allow her narcissistic grandmother to move in and live with us permanently, and she was in a codependent relationship with her. After she left, we talked on the phone and she told me that she had never wanted to have sex with me, and only did so because she felt that she had to in order to keep me happy, and I should have known that she was unhappy. I told her that I do not read minds and she should have spoken up and said something, and how could she expect me to be happy if she was not. Sadly though we did end up getting divorced, not because of the ack of sex, but because she placed her grandmother first in her life instead of her husband, me. he sad thing is that she felt there really wasn't anything wrong with her, she just decided she didn't like sex and saw no reason why we should have to have sex, and why could we jsut not have cuddled and kissed in bed instead of getting naked and doing that nasty thing with your "middle leg". In the years since, she has remarried, and I cannot help but wonder if she and her new husband even have sex. I know that she has never had children of her own. So how do youhelp someone like that and is there ultimately a cure for that or is this just someone that a man should just avoid marrying?
that's a lot going on, man. This is, you can't "fix" anyone - they have to do their own growing. And you can't grow if you keep holding on to the past. So, can I help you? Definitely. But, "cure"' her? No one can - because she's not wrong or diseased or broken - she's running a set of patterns (aka playing games) based on her life experience and needs (aka her story) - and in that, she's perfectly natural. Helping her grow is a different thing, and - given the story you're sharing about your experience with her - you're not the man to do it, unfortunately. Too much has already happened between the two of you.
Btw I like the way you come across - sympathetic and not judgemental.
@cephalopood thank you - that's the goal. I don't "do" fault, blame, guilt, or shame... that BS (belief systems) can literally kill people... we are where we are for a variety of reasons. Where do we truly desire to be? THAT is the real question because once we know that, we can figure out a way to get there. I wish you well on your journey and that you find your heart's desire.
This society is so sick that a video about the effects of sexlessness on men can't be about the effects on men.
Not sure I understand your comment
@@JeremyRoadruck of course you wouldn't. Did you even watch your video?
@@ra803g6 well, when you make an overly vague comment, not much to go on, hence my question - and then you doubled down on the vagueness. Were you expecting the mental health challenges men face when they aren't getting sex on a regular basis? I can cover that, haven't yet. This clip is focused on what a sexless relationship does to the couple. I thought that was pretty obvious as the content flows from the rip. Happy to have a conversation if this is something you're struggling with. Making sweeping generalizations isn't overly helpful. Thanks for suggesting I speak for all of "this society" (which is undefined and fundamentally meaningless).
Vague haha. It was a clear statement albeit general. You’re ignorant to the current state of intersexual affairs because you have been desensitized to the poor treatment of men by women. I know you are going to make a huge and “vague” comment about it “cutting both ways”, but it is lopsided as hell man wake up
Excellent video Brother. But there are some men who neglect their wife.
Very true - entitlement, expectation, and obligation - 3 poisons to love and passion, regardless of who weilds them. This was for the ladies - I have one for the gents too.
He said that at the front of the show that it was for one or the other
@@willmallory9085 yes, yes, yes. And it hurts just the same...
My husband withdrew from me with different excuses from meds,etc so I tried to get him to talk to me as to what he needed hopeless then I thought it was me so I lost weight got fit and healthy dressed better smarter took more effort to look good even when feeling crap. It failed pushed further away now nothing we share a house that's it for the last 6years . And I still don't understand what happened to the healthy relationship we had.
I'm so sorry things aren't going well for you - has he been to the doctor lately, had his hormone levels checked? And, why do you stay? No judgment, genuinely asking. Does he have any unresolved issues from his past? Sometimes unresolved issues can show up in unhelpful ways.
Hormonal deficiency is written all over this.
@@kylegreen378 yep... or unresolved abuse, or existential wound.
Its done for control a form of bullying you should leave
Would've worked for me. It's her fat that literally and figuratively keeps us apart. Great lady though.
Remember guys, “ happy wife, happy life”
Whatever happened to happy husband... he don’t matter anymore.
meh. Happy spouse makes for a happy house. BOTH partners give, both partners receive. It's not one or the other. Check out www.jeremyroadruck.com/intimacy for 10 tips to a better relationship for successful men!
I’ll never fall into that trap like with my first wife. Now my wife knows it’s happy spouse, happy house. It goes both ways. If I ain’t happy, no way she’s gonna be happy
I’d rather say “happy spouse happy house” . Theirs two that need to be happy to make a marriage work.
Won’t always agree but…
Happy man happy land is the expression I like now.
That total BS both have to be happy it's not only about the other person.....
Some people are toxic and it is not always clear. I don't agree that it takes two to tango, it can just take one. What would be good is more men being taught what toxic women are like, to recognise the signs so they can be avoided.
Kinda. "Toxic" isn't tied to only one gender - people can have dysfunctional patterns in their behavior, which stem from somewhere. Getting to first causes and resolving there shifts everything. That being stated, people rarely enjoy being made to feel like they are a project to be "fixed" - there are ways to positively impact others, definitely. My wife ex would describe her as toxic where I read her behavior as communicating her needs when she's feeling overwhelmed. She doesn't stress me out, but I've also been a student of human psychology for more than 4 decades.
Definitely agree about more people recognizing dysfunctional patterns in others (and themselves)
@@JeremyRoadruck I used the word people when refereeing to toxic - that is gender neutral. Some personality disorders cannot be fixed and lead to completely unhealthy relationships (NPD / BPD being two big ones).
@veritas liberabit vos potentially... psychology is very much a work in progress with some pushing for pure biology while others run pure cognative, belief system... truth is most likely in the middle-ish. We're all on a neurological bell curve and impacted by environment, mentors, models and more.
But what do you do if you're a woman banding on her husband's door wearing the sexiest clothing she owns, begging to give him sexual pleasure of any kind?
then you are the dream woman for the right man. If he's not interested in getting busy with you, then a few things to touch base on:
1) Is he healthy enough for sex? Get his testosterone levels checked.
2) Were you two hot and heavy and one point and things have just cooled off? If yes, what's changed? What additional pressures are you two under NOW vs. then? More bills? More pressure at work? Added a kid to the mix and "dad" is now part of his identity? Something that meant a lot to him fell through? Generally, there's some sort of reason for passion to cool if it y'all were once all hot and bothered by each other.
3) Have you two talked about what's going on? What turns him on? What he craves in the bedroom? If he's in his feminine, he's going to want to be "woo'd" a bit instead of you serving yourself up on a platter
4) does he feel "worthy" of having you in his life? If he has unresolved wounds from the past, as you two get comfortable with each other, the unhealed parts will often become roadblocks.
Helps?
Um, sign me up! My wife would rather watch a movie with subtitles than have sex. Maybe she is cheating? Who knows at this point and who cares. He can have her. Kids are grown in a few years and Ill go find someone who wants me or just be alone (I feel alone anyway).
@C B Yes. He came out to me not that long ago. I'm a beard and always have been
He's gay.
Maybe the woman in question has become obese. Has anyone suggested that theory yet?
This is really good advice. I appreciate these videos
thank you - glad it landed for you! Love comments and feedback!
Or u marriad ??
@@ImranKhan-tj3dr me or her? I'm married, yes. 9 years so far - 10 years in Dec 2023. :)
Women know exactly what they're doing and why they don't want to have sex..a man shouldn't stay he should leave .... women know just like they would never do that to someone that's their type
you'd be surprised how many women think withholding will get them what they want. Feminine in scarcity is manipulative by nature - it's not something they consciously choose, unfortunately. Awareness opens the door to new possibilities, hence this video for the ladies!
Eddie Murphy in 1985 said the most common pussy trap is denying you pussy. Its done for control.
Well said🔥
@@JeremyRoadruck if you fall for it it does give them what they want... when this sort of manipulation and control strategy you can just accept she really doesn't care about you.... pick up and move on.
@@dennisrobinson8008 it's not so much that "she doesn't care about you"' as it is - more often - that she values her safety more than anything. Withholding is often fed by more than just one thought/feeling and it's the result of a chain of beliefs/patterns that she's feeling so she's stepping back to protect herself. The wise man doesn't step in OR step out, he steps up and holds boundaries/space and connects to her heart first and foremost. Requires him to get out of his OWN head first, not project or be defensive... projecting wounds on either side of the equation is rarely a winning strategy, yo
This is so true been in sexless marriage for 13 years and my wife is pursuing masters and I started pursuing my art career. Only thing keeping me here is my 4 year old daughter.
dude - that's rough. Something to consider - as your daughter grows, watching you and mom will become her "normal" - her model to go out and re-create something very similar in her own life as she grows up. So staying in this situation as it is can be problematic over time. Unfortunately, it's most likely going to get worse over time. If either you or mom feel your needs aren't being met, y'all will eventually hit a point of "threshold" and go out to GET your needs met, and the chips will fall where they may. Please look into getting support, strategy, guidance on ways to move forward with more love, passion, and playfulness in your marriage if at all possible!
Must be a sad life to live that’s why I ain’t getting married lucky to be a teen😂
to be fair to yourself and others, your prefrontal cortex is still linking in to your your mid and hind brain until mid-to-late 20s for females, and early-to-mid 30s for males... so, ya have a bit of time to "mature"' - AND, that being said, take the time to get educated on a healthy relationship and do NOT let proximity, convenience, and chemistry drive your relationship choices... algined vision and values, team fit and more play into the health of a relationship long term - check out Alison Armstrong's work especailly as she's got a pretty good grounding in masculine/feminine dynamics - just listen to her men/women as masculine/feminine instead... guys can operate in their feminine as a defense mechanism or as a core polarrity just as much as women can operate in their masculine as a defense or as a core nature. People are messy, complex, and wonky AF... and there are always reasons for the things they do... not always good reasons, but reasons nonetheless.
Don’t listen to this guy bro, NEVER get married. Why sign a a contract that the other party benefits from breaking?
you're wise beyond your years.
Just do not want it as he cheated on me ….divorce is coming anyway so why bother ???
@user-jw1bl4hq9j that's fine - you've got a shituation where he violated values, rules, promises to you as a husband. Sounds fair.
There becomes a point where you just don’t care anymore. I don’t know why she married me, but I have a pretty good idea. I’m done…
Sorry that you're in such a situation... 😞
it's all about being right, or getting results. And sometimes, the result IS to exit with your self-respect and integrity intact, no fault, no blame, no guilt, no shame. Can be a challenging path to walk.
Yup after dealing with it so long you just give up. First move out of the room and then get out. It's really hard to actually do, but once you do that things will get better. I'd rather be single and sexless than stuck in a sexless relationship.
That describes my parents marriage - my mother is catholic, and once my younger brother was born, that was it - he was denied sex for the last 48 years of his life.
OUCH - that hurts my heart. It's hard to know a person's rules for being a mom or dad until it actually happens - thankfully, people don't have to stay in such situations forever. Doesn't give the kids a great start to life.
She broke GOD's marriage vows. 48 years denied?,no way he should have put up with that.
@@terryschleuse4134 For her, sex was for procreation only. Once they had their third child, he never got his end away again. I heard them talking late one night when I was a teenager; even though it wasn’t directly said), there was no mistaking what they were talking about, and that they hadn’t done it for many years.
@@terryschleuse4134 He did. put up with it and took up running as a substitute, although he did screw up his back and knees in later life. Given the form of his surname (which is the one I inherited), it is unlikely he ‘got his end away’ when he was still living where he was born.
Where I was born, your surname indicates whose father’s son or daughter you are - my surname used to consist of my father’s name with ‘s’ for possessive plus ‘son’ - so whose son was he?
@@JeremyRoadruck I don’t think it even occurred to my father that we went through puberty - all he cared about was money. For him, the acquisition and accumulation of money was all that seemed to matter - the kicker was that it didn’t seem to be there to actually be spent.
My older brother had to hide that he had he had a girlfriend and after he had a stroke (crap diet and home distilling), my father sabotaged their relationship while he was recovering in hospital - it didn’t seem to matter one iota to him that the only reason why his first born son was even alive (or at least not much worse off) was because of her, with her calling an ambulance when he started speaking a language she couldn’t understand.
My wife stop having sex says she hates it doesn’t care if she ever does it anymore… I love her but I can’t do a contactless marriage
What's keeping you, then?
Some women stop having sex because the husband fails to make them feel beutiful and sexy. Hard to get in the mood if you dnt feel sexy or like the only women in his eyes
@billybladezz9370 - very true - it's not about what "is" necessarily - it's about how you make her feel about herself, about you, about the moment. Knowing how to create a bubble around the two of you and the world can go f- itself is a POWERFUL skill for a man to cultivate.
For guys - it's often difficult to make that happen when it feels like she's criticizing and emasculating him at every turn.
Focusing on who deserves what or who needs what MORE is what I can a lose-lose game - both ppl in their own stuff, unwilling or unable to give to their partner. Which then goes back to clearly establishing a Five To Thrive for both partners to them figure out how to play to win with and for each other.
Have you checked out the Reignite Your Passion Cheat Sheet? VERY helpful resource!
@@JeremyRoadruck creating a bubble around the moment for just the 2 of you is very attractive and powerful!
A women who criticize everything lacks respect and that problem arises and appears well befor sex. I feel bad for men who deal with women like that but it can start with a series of disappointments
@billybladezz9370 love and intimacy and marriage can be a war, a dance, a dream, a song, a game, and so many other metaphors... it's up to BOTH partners to create an aligned vision, supported by strong values and clear, conscious communication... when EITHER partner feels a need to withhold... well, that CAN BE an invitation to connect instead... but that requires one or both partners to know HOW to step out of fault, blame, guilt, and shame... which is part of the work I do with couples and men. HOW can we get into ownership of our impact and act with an ability to response instead of knee-jerk react? That's the skill... totally possible and doesn't have to take months or years... with the right coaching, can be minutes or days.
A woman who criticizes might not lack respect... she might be scared or feeling unsafe or overwhelmed or has a wound from childhood so doesn't know how to trust (or is too reinforced by her experience to not trust with her head even when she WANTS to trust with her heart)... the "why" behind her actions are very often wasted time and energy. Why is a story, justification, rationalization - why just spins. It's more powerful to dig into what and how - WHAT do we want? HOW can be get there, together? Powerfully, playfully... again, gotta get out of our own wounds first. Very difficult to give what we don't first possess. If WE don't feel safe, it's often difficult to help our wife or children feel safe.
@@JeremyRoadruck those are all very insightful and possibly true motives for each to disrespect the other.
Things just seem so simple and pure when we are young and falling in love. Now it's all these things to figure out and work through instead of just being in the moment and having fun with each other.
@billybladezz9370 fwiw, it CAN be JUST as easy later as it was earlier... key is to keep an eye out for expectation, which tends to lead to obligation, when ends at entitlement... once one person start to live and love out of entitlement to the other person's life, love, time, energy, resources, thoughts, feelings, etc.... well, that's the death-knell of all good things between the two of them.
AND, there are ways to walk things back to playful and passionate... just takes a new frame of reference to see what's possible. Was talking with a husband who's marriage is hanging by a thread... and he didn't realize he was arguing to be right instead of arguing to get to the results he truly wanted. Because he was so focused on being right, true, accurate... he became unsafe for his wife to talk to, connect with. He was dead set on her being a pathological liar who was making things up to seek attention from him... when I asked if she truly wanted attention, or just connection with him, he was floored as he'd never thought of her actions through that lens. Made HIM want to connect with her, apologize for pushing her away... not that he was wrong for wanting to be accurate, just that he's so full of his own perspective, there's no room for her worldview in his heart and mind. And that's NOT what he wanted.
So the health of our marriage is cancerous now. Stage 4. In hospice. It's been13 years. And then medical science made it so nothing can happen. Too f ing late and I can say it has other affects on a creative person. And then apparently the family has butted in to my muse relationship. Fear of being the hero for someone else. Great!!!
@richardfontanes2337 not sure I completely followed that - happy to message some time to talk, see what might be possible. Schedule at www.leadlikeaking.com/book-now/
Ive been married 12 years sex only once. She only wanted me when she was drunk.
She always gives me 100 reasons why she wont have sex with me. Destroyed my self worth my faith. Im a nice loving guy. Not sure what ive done wrong. I feel so useless that i feel no one else would want me. 😢
@robc8796 that's rough, man. Why stay? 100% you're putting your self-worth into her validation of you (or, in this case, lack thereof)... truth is, your worth is 100% in YOUR hands. The Sun shines because the Sun knows it's nature, not because of the action or reaction of the Earth.
If you're being rejected this hard... most likely, it's not something you did or didn't do - this is 100% about her and her unresolved wounds.
Can you exit this situation?
it must be added that there are energy dependencies between people. the name vibrator comes from vibrations - people's spiritual vibrations, this is the chemistry. sometimes it is one-sided and sometimes it is two-sided or not at all and it is just going to be checked through a sex conversation or ordinary sex as we perceive vibrations. but such relationships in this system are broken As it was the forbidden fruit - tantra. and someone invisible beings controls the people and their minds - religions.
thanks for the perspective - getting into tantra starts to get a bit too far afield for most people - kinda like post-doctorate when we're talking to poople in elementary school... or, talking about flying while someone is stuck in a hole... gotta get out of the negative before we can talk too far into the positive.
@@JeremyRoadruck well, here people are set so that there are no such energetic relationships as it is very developmental and it is known who made the flood in genesis 11. platonic relationships are not energetic. But that is why most of people get divorce - no sexual desire - platonic love!
@@awfan4890 I don't know that I'd jump to "most pepole get divorce" - there's a LOT of reasons for a relationship to fail.
@@JeremyRoadruck well, it's true, but in general it is about coding people into maria (st maria) and child relationships - platonic as it is not energetic and due to the fact that there is reincarnation here, it is done for this purpose, so that a person forgets what it is like to feel sexual desire to someone;) for this purpose are these religions, Viagra pills, family pressure, different characters and wars;) and I know that as they (aliens -allah jahwe jesus annunaki) wanted to enslave me in such a relationship and I can't, as there is aggression, it is not natural to be with someone without chemistry thats why ;) so i wish good luck for everyone who can stay like that with someone - we must not btw but manipulation is strong
@@awfan4890... not sure I follow all that. I tend to focus on practical things that we, as individuals, can control. Things like how we show up, defining clear needs and wants, owning our desire, communicating with honesty and integrity... when a man or a dad works with me to improve his marriage, his parenting skills, and his life, we focus on what he can control, what he can influence, and what he can accept. Reincarnation or aliens are non-starters... he can't control the past. It's like a fish in water... they can't control being in water, but they can control where they swim to a degree. But fish aren't self aware to the extent humans are.
And outside children are born!
too true and oy vey does THAT make life interesting!