The Challenges Faced by Husbands with Autism Spectrum Disorder
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- Опубліковано 22 сер 2024
- Downloadable programs:
--- Living with ASD: eBook and Audio Instruction for Neurodiverse Couples- www.livingwith...
--- Interpersonal Relationship Skills: eBook and Audio Instruction for Male Partners with ASD- www.neurodiver...
Coaching services for autistic male partners:
--- Skype Group for ASD Men Struggling in Their Relationship with an NT Spouse: www.adultasper...
--- Skype Group: ASD Men’s Master Class: www.asdmasterc...
Coaching services for neurotypical female partners:
--- Skype Group for Neurotypical Women Struggling in Their Relationship with an ASD Spouse: www.adultasper...
--- Skype Group: Recovery from Cassandra Syndrome for Neurotypical Spouses: www.cassandras...
Coaching services for the ASD + NT couple:
--- Skype Group for Neurodiverse Couples Affected by Autism Spectrum Disorder: www.adultasper...
Individual coaching services:
--- One-on-One Sessions for Struggling Individuals and Couples Affected by ASD: www.adultasper...
Access to “Members-Only” videos:
--- Get your perks here: / @markhutten
Parenting resources:
--- Parenting System that Reduces Problematic Behavior in Children and Teens with ASD Level 1: www.myasperger...
--- Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: www.high-funct...
--- Discipline for Defiant Teens on the Autism Spectrum: www.myasperger...
--- Preventing Meltdowns and Tantrums in Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder: www.autism-mel...
--- Launching Adult Children with ASD Level 1: How to Promote Self-Reliance: www.launchinga...
--- Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Kids on the Spectrum: www.social-ski...
--- Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: aspergers-myst...
ASD+NT Couples resources:
--- Living with ASD - eBook and Audio Instruction for Neurodiverse Couples: www.livingwithaspergerspartner.com/
--- One-on-One Skype Counseling for Struggling Individuals & Couples Affected by ASD: www.adultaspergerschat.com/2019/07/skype-counseling-for-struggling-couples.html
--- Group for ASD Men Struggling in Their Relationship with an NT Spouse: www.adultaspergerschat.com/2020/11/group-for-asd-men-struggling-in-their.html
--- Group for Neurotypical Women Struggling in Their Relationship with an ASD Spouse: www.adultaspergerschat.com/2020/11/group-for-nt-women-struggling-in-their.html
--- Online Group Therapy for Neurodiverse Couples Affected by Autism Spectrum Disorder: www.adultaspergerschat.com/2020/10/mark-hutten-m.html
--- Recovery from Cassandra Syndrome - Counseling for Neurotypical Spouses: www.cassandrasyndromerecovery.com/2021/08/recovery-from-emotional-deprivation-for.html
--- ASD Men’s MasterClass: www.asdmasterclass.com/2022/02/asd-mens-masterclass.html
Parenting resources:
--- Preventing Meltdowns and Tantrums in Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder: www.autism-meltdowns.com/
--- Discipline for Defiant Teens on the Autism Spectrum: www.myaspergersteen.com/
--- Launching Adult Children with ASD Level 1: How to Promote Self-Reliance: www.launchingadultchildren.com/
--- Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Kids on the Spectrum: www.social-skills-emotion-management.com/
--- Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: aspergers-mystery.blogspot.com/
--- Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: www.high-functioningautism.com/
--- Parenting System that Reduces Problematic Behavior in Children and Teens with ASD Level 1: www.myaspergerschild.com/2019/07/parenting-system-that-reduces.html
This is both devastating and validating
Same.
I’m autistic female and actually I love talking about feelings and human connection means a lot to me.
that is why it's a spectrum. Glad you like talking to people
My husband is brilliant! Many of these traits relate to me, also. We have an excellent relationship fit because he allows me to have horses and dogs. He has a cat. My husband goes to church with me. That lets me visit with other ladies a little bit. I'm 51 and my husband is 69 and he is the man I've searched for my entire life. ❤
I've just found your channel Mark and can I just say "thank you". Thank you for deciphering and portraying the thoughts and feelings we can't!
It never has the same effect when the ASD partner says it.
'He didn't ask to have autism'...Been saying this for years.No-one asks to be born.
😊yes😊
I finally found out I have ASD this year, been with my wife for 10. So many things started making so much sense after finding out and it drastically changed out relationship. Not in a bad way, but we both finally understood why I’m this way and why I’ve always been “broken” if you want to use my fathers words from childhood. I used to get beat for my Autistic traits growing up being screamed at and punished and would hear “why can you be like other kids!?!?? Your mother must have been cheating, you’re nothing like me!” And things along those lines. My friendships and relationships always failed. My wife is the only one to not abandon me, ridicule me, and actually understands. Well, maybe not understands the Autism itself, but she at least understands how it effects me now and how some of my traits were never me trying to be neglectful or anything. She sat with me and asked me what it was like, how it effected me, how things REALLY make me feel. It just feels like most people, including family ended up tossing me aside because they wanted me to fit a box that I simply wasn’t made for. We’re both still learning about it and about me. Looking back at my childhood, school history, friendships, work history, how ai am day to day, it all just started coming together. And I’m kind of having an identity crisis. I’m 31 years old, and everything that I thought were personality traits were Autism…So if all of those things were ASD, then who the hell am I really? Early on, before I knew what was up, I knew I had special interests, didn’t know that’s what they were, but she’s always been one too and have always tried to include her. I was at least self aware enough to understand they were things I needed in my life and didn’t want her to fell less important. She understands burnout and my meltdowns now and rather than get nervous she just tries to help me calm down, may put something on, songs I really like, something funny, whatever she thinks will help reduce the anxiety in the moment. I’m more than thankful she went this route and accepted it for who I am, and is willing to work around it. She said she still wants to be with me and it doesn’t make her love me any less. She wont hold something against me that I cant always control. She said she loves all of me and knows I’m doing the best with the cards I was dealt in life. She’s willing to do things like do my special interests with me for a while and when I’m satisfied, we do something she wants together. In many ways, finding out made our marriage stronger because we finally had answers for a lot of my problems and struggles, and she takes a lot less personally. If I can’t handle public situations that day, she’s more than okay with it. She has severe ADHD, so she has struggles of her own that are out of her control, so she kind of gets it. I never held it against her, so she extends the same respect and courtesy to me. In a lot of ways it’s like we finally get each other fully after a decade of struggles. She knows now I’m not being controlling towards her, but that I like to have control over my environment. She knows what ramps up my anxiety, even when I dont want it. She knows it’s just there and some days I just wake up and for no reason I have crippling anxiety and stress. She really gets me on a fundamental level now and she took lots of time to study ASD in males and marriage rather than get fed up and walk away.
Brilliant work - your guidance brings my Asperger’s partner and I closer. It has given us more patience in the process...
Anyone else grieving over the slow loss of laughter? Any advice?
@@lynncarter4964 fellow NT wife here. Is there anything that makes you both laugh? i.e. a certain TV show?
Whose Line is it Anyway?
Yeeeeessss!!!!! A million percent. But he still laugha at shows. I just can't compete.
Thank you for saving my sanity !
Happy to help!
👍 my sanity saviour too! 👍
I LOVE this! I started a UA-cam channel to help women love their aspies for this very reason
What is your channel?
My wife and I hane been married for 18 years now. We dated for two years first and got to know each other quite a bit. We have a good relationship now. It has its ups and downs like any would, except that the causes of the lows and the solutions for getting through them have been different than what couples where both are NT might deal with.
We had some tough times while dating and in the first I'd say five years or so when I (the ASD spouse) would get very depressed or under extreme stress because of problems with trying to cope with difficulties at work as well as trying to learn how to be a husband.
It's one thing to be best friends with a woman and to finally find that soul mate you've never had before; yet it's quite another to marry her and be the husband she wants and needs you to be on a daily basis 24/7, 365 days a year. I want very much and am determined to be as close to that person for her as I can be otherwise, we wouldn't still be together today. It has been very difficult though because like you say in this video, ASD people aren't as emotionally mature and developed as NTs expect us to be.
I've had a lot of catching up to do over the years. Luckily for us, my wife is an elementary school teacher who has taught special ed and who is experienced in working with people who have various developmental disorders, so she's more understanding than other NT wives might be. We still run into problems sometimes, but we're a bit more equipped to deal with it than some might be.
I love how you said that we have to manage the symptoms, not try to cure them as there is no cure for ASD. Even though we've been together this long and I've been really trying to grow up emotionally for years, my ASD nature is still there. A couple of weeks ago, for example, we were going through customs at the airport in New Zealand and I got so upset and overwhelmed with it that I had a meltdown. Too many firsts at once, first trip overseas, first 12 hour flight, etc. so my battery was pretty much flat by the time we got to customs there. We finally got through customs and I had to just sit in one of the handicap bathrooms a while and decompress before I could deal with anything. I felt terrible that I'd lost control like that. My wife was crying. I apologized for embarrassing her but she said she wasn't embarrassed, just that she felt empathy for me. She was sorry, she said, that the trip had been such an ordeal already and that she hadn't seen the signs of it getting to me in time to slow things down before we went through customs. I told her it was ok because we were both too tired to think straight. So we sat there on a bench in the airport for a while before trying to find the hotel.
We've learned, and still are getting better at it, to ask for forgiveness and to forgive each other when problems happen. Because we did that, and because we gave ourselves lots of time on the trip to rest and recover from things between activities, the rest of the trip was pretty fun. We didnt experience as much as others might have on such a trip nor see as much of that beautiful country, but we really enjoyed our trip which is what matters.
I dont think we could have gone on a three week vacation out of the US like that early on in our marriage. Would have been a disaster.
@@enfieldjohn101 I read through this like I was reading a book and it brought tears to my eyes. Thank you so much for sharing ❤️ may God continue to keep your marriage together. Your wife is an amazing woman made perfectly for you.
I love your work, Mark. Thanks bro.
I appreciate that!
The total truths DO NOT HAVE an aspies as a partner, which ever is one will hurt the other constantly. And the longer it goes on the worse it is..
This is a really good video . Hopefully this gets the point across when watching with your wife .
I hope so!
I think my undiagnosed autism ruined my marriage. She was convinced I have it but didn’t stick around to find out.
Bless you❤
I think the worst thing about this disorder is knowing that the majority of people function socially and emotionally efficiently and have happy relationships, and though you try and or at least you believe you are trying it’s a constant struggle because the cycle keeps happening and while you want to improve your ASD, you’re also concerned that it will become an excuse for the spouse to dismiss your feelings and you’re forced to validate them whether they had no ill intent or if they were completely unreasonable. Seems like a catch 22
If you got to keep your money, then you are lucky
ASD+NT Couples resources:
--- Living with ASD - eBook and Audio Instruction for Neurodiverse Couples: www.livingwithaspergerspartner.com/
--- One-on-One Skype Counseling for Struggling Individuals & Couples Affected by ASD: www.adultaspergerschat.com/2019/07/skype-counseling-for-struggling-couples.html
--- Group for ASD Men Struggling in Their Relationship with an NT Spouse: www.adultaspergerschat.com/2020/11/group-for-asd-men-struggling-in-their.html
--- Group for Neurotypical Women Struggling in Their Relationship with an ASD Spouse: www.adultaspergerschat.com/2020/11/group-for-nt-women-struggling-in-their.html
--- Online Group Therapy for Neurodiverse Couples Affected by Autism Spectrum Disorder: www.adultaspergerschat.com/2020/10/mark-hutten-m.html
--- Recovery from Cassandra Syndrome - Counseling for Neurotypical Spouses: www.cassandrasyndromerecovery.com/2021/08/recovery-from-emotional-deprivation-for.html
--- ASD Men’s MasterClass: www.asdmasterclass.com/2022/02/asd-mens-masterclass.html
Parenting resources:
--- Preventing Meltdowns and Tantrums in Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder: www.autism-meltdowns.com/
--- Discipline for Defiant Teens on the Autism Spectrum: www.myaspergersteen.com/
--- Launching Adult Children with ASD Level 1: How to Promote Self-Reliance: www.launchingadultchildren.com/
--- Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Kids on the Spectrum: www.social-skills-emotion-management.com/
--- Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: aspergers-mystery.blogspot.com/
--- Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: www.high-functioningautism.com/
--- Parenting System that Reduces Problematic Behavior in Children and Teens with ASD Level 1: www.myaspergerschild.com/2019/07/parenting-system-that-reduces.html
28:00-28:25 there is a correlation between how and women handle stress vs. their approach to sex.
Men get off quckly, in this context, with the emotional shut down when stressed. In contrast, a woman feels secure after reassurance of a deeper emotional connection when stressed and the build up that leads to relief..
I love this!! ❤️ 📖
I certainly can relate to this.
After sending this video to my 73-year-old parents, my autism-denying father's interpretation of it is that my MOTHER is the one who has no empathy and no need for connection. To him, "connection" means sex, and "empathy" means agreeing with everything he thinks and wants without question. He blames her for EVERYTHING. She has questioned herself and tried to make things perfect for him for over 50 years. He even blames her for his trouble getting an erection, telling her she could "do something" to make it work at age 73.
They are too far gone to get help, I'm afraid.
Where can my husband get evaluated?
Did you call me a chicken? ;)
I think he did! 😂 I'm one too! So my husband gets to be an eagle that feels chained to an earthbound bird kinda sad. I flap around but nothing comes of it. All my attempts to meet real needs are seen as less than full.
Because my husband must have something wrong with him so I don’t have to change. Not minimizing this video but if any person in a relationship is looking to excuse all their issues but labeling their partner as anything, Asperger’s or something else, they are by definition excusing their own issues.
You’re so clearly a male ASD spouse it hurts. You can’t see that you’ve taken this video as an attack and hyper focused on one detail. You’ve proven the efficacy of the video…
Well asd people have to put up with the lack of logical thinking of NT people.
So both sides lack in something.
We lack in different departments.
Not all asd people lack seeing the big picture.
Because my husband must have something wrong with him so I don’t have to change
I would think many of the wives would be seeing guys on the side.
My husband has a lot of autistic traits but highly intelligent is not one of them. Can someone have low IQ and be autistic as well?
Yes
Logic definitely, but some cognitive decline as well.
Normal is just a setting on a washing machine. Other people’s emotions aren’t my responsibility.
Yes and no.
Your life partner is not just 'other people'. See wedding vows. It is a shared responsibility to grow together and not apart. If you do not want to sign that deal, then you're setting both yourself and your partner up for failure and feeling duped if you decide to get married anyway.