Exactly four years ago (tomorrow, actually) I was in a car, on my way to a selected destination, with the method of ending my life on the seat next to me. I felt nothing. No anxiety, no fear, no sadness. I literally felt nothing. Just an acknowledgement that this was it. Then a song that I always really enjoyed came on, and I didn't really care. I was like, "Oh, that's nice. I used to like that song." But something that always bothered me about that particular song was that it has an abrupt, almost out of rhythm ending. I have always thought that the song should have had a more complete, musically sensible ending. Then it hit me. I pulled off the highway onto the parking lor of a little out-of-the-way gas station. I was about to create an abrupt, out-of-sync ending to my life. I reviewed what I was doing, and how I was leaving a lot of unfinished business. I had not written a note or anything. I had just decided to do it one day and I got in the car. So, after recognizing how I was going to leave a lot of things unsaid and some personal affairs up in the air, I turned around and went to wrap things up. Then I got into a groove of getting things done. Then some circumstances changed and I started feeling something narrowly aligned with hope for the future. Four years later, I have not had a suicidal thought in a long time. Because of one song that does not have an ending that it should have to make sense of the whole thing that came before it.
That was really beautiful. You have a talent for expressing your feelings into written words. I’m glad you’re still here and that things have turned around for you. ❤
ditto to the question of what song it was. I'm gonna guess Radiohead. Glad you're ok dude. I started a solo music project called Keep Her Breathing. The title is all about keeping me alive thru music. peace.
i agree completely. she's scared of the future, and her fear is warranted. things will likely get worse if nobody steps in and helps. and they should. she seems like she has the potential to be a great comfort to others.
I felt that way too, right from the start when she referenced an exact date. I asked myself...Hmm, who does that? Who gives an exact date? My answer...Someone that hopes the right sets of ears hears her cry for help. I hope she finds what she needs.
Oh wow. How marvelously awesomely wonderful. Mark you are a great man 💯. Sometimes just talking with you seems to touch people somehow. God bless you always and the SWU family. Much respect. Sue from South Africa. Would love to see Oli now. Please ask her to come back
Hey!! Im so sorry for your loss. Your dogs need you, you are everything for them. Im sending you luck, happiness and healing. You deserve to be happy, keep that in your mind. I know life is horrible sometimes, like an infinite nightmare, but you can transform the darkness into light. Trust me, keep going for your sweet dogs, they deserve you as a dog mum, they love you. Just keep going, things gonna improve. Love yourself and your loved ones, dogs are amazing life partners, best friends and family ❤❤❤
but sometimes you can't. sometimes people who feel this way can't blend in, can't find or keep a job, hear voices, have nowhere to live, get arrested every other day for "disturbing the peace" merely by existing, particularly if they' present as crazy AND are black or brown,... and didn't choose any of this.. some people need help, and the best this country can do is The Good Samaritans. shout out to the people who understand, empathize, and devote their lives to helping people whose circumstances preclude any semblance of a productive life get back on their feet. because you can't put one foot in front of the other if you have nowhere to go.
And also a shout out to the people who feel this way and don’t get up and work everyday. Anyone who feels this way, period. This is tough, no one should have to feel this way.
I always have mixed feelings when I see people who are late-stage suicidal. I lost my brother to suicide 4 yrs ago. Life can be very cruel, unbearable, and I don't blame people who choose to leave. This world is fucked up. Unless ppl have real solutions to offer, telling someone to stick it out on some woo-woo shit like "you have so much to offer" is really empty, even if it is true. Choosing to end your life is a heavy decision, but I still believe in some cases it can be justified or at least understandable, even if it's never ideal.
As someone who lost their mom at a young age to suicide..please..just stay for your daughter..it's hell out here for a young person who is all alone. It's so damaging.
As a foster parent for the humane society, she seems like a person animals would gravitate to. Maybe animals would be therapeutic for her and give her a purpose. She is definitely one of a kind, and I can feel the compassion and love she has to give. Her heart is too big!
Oli, you are so intelligent, and well spoken. People are cruel and I can understand why you wouldn't want to be around mankind. However, there is a place for you in this crazy world. Keep up the fight, you are a very worthy human being. The world needs people like you. Once you are stronger, I can see how you could mentor others who have had similar experiences. Please don't give up on life! Mark, please continue to give us updates on Oli. We care about her very much.
but there isn't a place for her. not right now. she needs a place RIGHT NOW. why is this so hard for people to understand? being unemployed and on the street MAKES YOU CRAZY. if you had issues to begin with, it makes those issues insurmountable. and the affordable housing crisis is completely out of control, particularly in big cities, and social services, which were shir to begin with, are conveniently getting slashed. and once you're out on the street, the clock starts ticking. the longer you stay homeless, the lower your odds are of getting back inside. Or staying inside if you’ve lost your damn mind and can’t function. Nobody cares if you’re smart. I care, but I’m nobody.
Absolutely worth living. I feel she's still fight subconsciously because she keeps telling people her plan. Another form of trying every last hope of survival. She doesn't really want to go. I want the best for this lady more then any if these people.
At times she wants to die. It is in one of those moments when she will likely do it.😢 Respect for her, she has a pretty keen understanding of herself. Our society doesn’t allow people to feel suicidal without assuming they don’t/won’t do it. The question is not “if” but “when”.
If we don't feel loved, valued, or cared about, it's hard to feel our own self worth. If you feel like your not worth anything, what do you feel you have to offer yourself? Let alone life in general, or other people/animals/ or living things? I understand how this can make Oli feel like she doesn't want to continue. I hope that some how, the feeling of hope could touch you Oli. It does exist, but you kind of have to create it for yourself, if you don't have any. You have to change things a little bit. Get out of the routine of appearing ok, and start doing things that make u feel better. Even if it's just putting lotion on your face, or listening to the birds, instead of drowning them out. I have hope for you, and I have to have hope for me too. I think you are beautiful, and I pray you get through thisxx
Oli, I have been where you’re at. I just recently got out of a rehab facility for my bipolar and depression / suicidal thoughts. Please allow these next few months to work on yourself and learn to live for yourself. Its a conscious effort to choose life daily,
It's so sad to see the smartest people on this planet seem to be in such deep pain. I relate to you a lot Oli. It's sad you don't see how beautiful you are outside and inside.
I’m watching this on July 29th 2023…I hope that she’s still alive. I hope she’s found a reason to live. This world can be a harsh, unfair place. Navigating the pain can feel like swimming through muck. But this choice is so absolutely final. I understand her feelings; I thought about ending my life constantly for many years. I just kept swimming and one day I saw some light and some hope. Now my life is filled with peace and happiness. She deserves this too. I hope she’s still swimming.
Yesterday was my birthday, i spent it with the only friend i have. We had a good time honestly. I got home and called the suicide hotline but they didn't pick up, I sat at the age of my bed waiting for a sign not to, then i as i started cleaning up everything as to get ready to take my life, i emptied my bag and found a birthday card letter from my friend. I haven't opened it till now, seeing it makes me happy, i have someone who cares. Want to keep it pure.
Those types of things are signs to hold off .. I've been terrible suicidal myself but have 2 kids that keep me here , sometimes even despite that I was on the edge of it .. but those little messages from god keep me here stronger than anything because if some supernatural thing wants to save me I cant argue with it , it's always the weirdest timing those things pop up
Those suicides hotlines are bs! You get to your most desperate and call and all they do is refer you to more numbers to call, they dont understand how to deal with us, so useless
My sister committed suicide on March 11, 2023. She had planned it for at least a year. Her life was one I personally couldn’t have lived, and I didn’t have the solutions so I understand why she did what she did. I don’t have any anger, just deep sadness for the life wasted. Wasted by circumstance, poor choices, a failing system. There are many variables to suicide. It’s complicated yet simple. If she’s gone I hope she finds my sister, and I hope they’re both okay.
I am very sorry for your loss, you are so correct in what you say in that there are many variables. There are so many things both large, and some so small that they may seem insignificant, that may play a part in lifting someone out of the darkness, or pushing them further down.
in my experience it's the bad circumstances that lead to bad decisions and shit just spirals out in a feedback loop from there. when our (formative years') circumstances are bad enough, there is no capacity to make good decisions 💔 hence the woman in the interview saying she doesn't believe in free will and her experience of being neglected at home leading to not having friends at school and the element ot being profoundly betrayed by psychotic family members also resonates deeply with me. at some point trying to navigate a sick world becomes too much.
The fact that my suicide attempt was a failure is one of the greatest blessings of my life. I hope you can look back one day Oli and feel glad to have survived. I hope that for you so much
I have Borderline Personality Disorder and a lot of what this woman said was so relatable to me. I hope she finds the right help and the right diagnosis, whatever that may be, and gets better. 🙏
I agree, so many of her traits and responses ring true for BPD. The problem here is doctors have historically misdiagnosed BPD patients for years. I hope she finds the answers she needs
I think when you’re personality is very intense and you are hyper aware of everyone and their motives it is exhausting for yourself and everyone else. I knew someone like this and it’s like they are compelled to verbalise every thought they have. This kind of sucked the energy out of everything. Probably why they got you doing yoga so you are more in your body and less in your mind. I think this is the right track, to actually be more in the body. Calmness needs to be the goal even in your present situation. I hope things get better for you.
Thank you for saying this because i recognize bits of this in myself. I definitely would benefit from being more in my body and this was confirmation of that, thank you!
I felt that way too. I would love to smoke a jay with her and let her just vent and hug her. Sometimes we need that. I have been low before and a hug got me just a few steps farther so I could catch myself again. Kinda like a bridge missing planks. I wish I were her plank 🤗
She's a master manipulator, so she naturally can shape-shift into whatever person she wants in order to appeal to the viewers. I hope you realize that. This woman suffers from narcissism. I wish her the best and I hope she finds the help she needs, but don't be fooled, this woman knows very well what she is doing.
This kills me… I want her & her daughter to get help - REAL help, not family who “think” they know what’s best… So many people in this world are denied their wings, it’s fucking heartbreaking…
Thank you for your courage ❤️ My heart absolutely broke hearing your story. I have a 32-year-old son that who seems to be stuck in the same paralyzing, hopeless existence. I have literally tried everything. I can’t make him see his worth. I just continue to pray for him. I know it sounds completely hokey…but when I have felt similarly hopeless… I have found that the best thing to do is help others; no matter how small. It gives me a sense of purpose, and often pulls me back from the edge. I’ll pray for you as well. 💕💐
As someone who has suffered from depression and anxiety for over 20 years , there are times when you feel that enough is enough. The pain never goes away and suicide becomes an option. A person just becomes tired mentality and physically and cannot do it anymore.
After listening for 20 minutes I realized that she doesn’t want to kill herself, she just needs someone to love her. I hope it finds her and she could get through this stage in her life. We all need someone to get to the next level mentally. ❤
I started to cry when she said people are afraid of her face 😔 not only is she an attractive woman but shes smart, deep, and passionate, this woman is a BEAUTIFUL soul in EVERY possible way 🥲 id give anything to jst give her a hug and tell her everything is gunna be ok…. i really hope she finds her way out of her plans of suicide 🙏🏻 kuz damaged people like her make THE BEST HUMAN BEINGS
Hopelessness & pain are ugly. She isn't unattractive at all. She is setting dates & talking about suicide. She is screaming for help & I hope it finds her soon.
I agree. She needs better dr.'s. This is psychosis shes pretty and smart. This is all about her crippling herself with worries. She has to realize how special she is.
@MG people on here are saying like “oh my husband committed suicide I hate him he’s selfish he ruined me and my kids lives” like it ruined his life too?? He also has to suffer the consequences of this, he’s literally dead. They should be grateful that they are alive and healthy
@MG my thoughts are with you, im so very sorry you lost your mother 😢as someone who also lost their mother to suicide I will never ever doubt someone who says that they are going to do it. My mother wanted the pain to stop- she had zero help, she told as many people as she could what she was going to do. Would you like to know my fathers response? He gave her the gun and encouraged her. Begged her. I was there when he gave it to her and I was there when she went into the bedroom crying, she closed the door and shot herself. She had a photo of my sister and I in her pocket. I love and miss my mother. I was three. I miss my mother. Only God knows. I don’t hate her, o don’t blame her for the mistakes I’ve made in my life or any of that. She would not have left two babies motherless if she saw a way out of her situation. She screamed for help right up til she put that revolver to her temple and pulled the trigger. My mother was in PAIN. And anyone who reads this ends up saying something stupid about my mom and suicide will have me to deal with
@MG agree 100% Not assuming it’s automatically other peoples fault, but the fact that his wife is reacting this way suggests that she wouldn’t have been kind to him when he was alive either. Saying “I hate my husband for killing himself” just makes it sound like you’re taking it as a personal attack rather than understanding that the person was sick and it’s not anyones fault that they died.
This world needs her daughter more. Where she at? She’s a free lunch. Food. She brought a life into this world and fed her to a wolf for male attention. Disgusting
She takes so little responsibility for herself and her needs. As soon as her daughter is 18 she is free to go wherever she wants. Very low agreeableness and very rigid. She could improve by seeking to be more agreeable, more self-efficacy, and much more flexible in her thinking - seeking connection more than being right with people. She wants someone else to save her unconditionally. We all gotta save ourselves first and give ourselves living peace.
Beautifully and accurately put, however I believe she has a personality disorder which brings great complexity to her case unfortunately, as self reflection, taking responsibility, unable to be honest in her narrative and immersing herself in victimhood are stopping her from changing/healing.
Just different personality styles. Disagreeable people fit into this world too and their are good positions for people like that. She might make a good leader in another dimension
I watched Oli's story earlier today. Heartbreaking. My stomach hurt throughout the video listening to her. Her pain and distress are so raw. I kept wanting to reach out and give her a lifeline so she could just take a deep breath. I can't stop thinking about her hoping that she's made it or at least that she is on a more hopeful path. Have you heard from her since the interview and her ominous deadline this month?
Finally someone calling it like it is. The thing that struck me most about this woman is the fact that she’s a liar. I normally empathize with *almost* everyone who is featured on this channel, but it was hard for me to empathize with someone who’s this eager to shirk any and all responsibility and convince everyone that someone as smart as her is the perpetual victim.
"The biggest mistake that we make is that we build our homes in other people. We build those homes and we decorate them with the love and care and respect that we want to come home to at the end of the day. We invest in homes in other people, and we evaluate our self-worth based on how much those homes welcome us. And when those people walk away, those homes walk away with them, and all of a sudden, we feel empty because everything that we had within us, we put in those homes. We trusted someone else with pieces of us. That emptiness that we feel doesn't mean that we have nothing to give, or that we have nothing within us.It's just that we built our home in the wrong place." -Najwa Zebian
So much of her story hit me so deeply. I can relate to a lot of her experiences with how people perceive and receive her. After I was diagnosed with Autism at 40, it makes so much more sense to me and my circumstances finally changed. Oli reminds me a lot of myself and my fellow neurodivergent friends. I wish she lived nearby, because I think we would click well as friends. My executive dysfunction is terrible when it comes to doing things for myself, but I can run the rails all day and night for other people. My heart aches for her.
This is truly heart breaking...I'm so sorry you're in this horrible place and can't get any help. I've struggled with severe depression and BPD for over 20 years and I have literally never known pain like it. But, because it's an invisible illness nobody cares enough to see if you're alright. I really hope things improve for you, you deserve a chance at life like everybody else. Xx
Love how you always stood up for your beliefs despite not feeling supported. You’re very smart and determined. Sadly that doesn’t cushion from suicidal thoughts. Very relatable. Stick around. The world needs more smart compassionate people like yourself.
as someone who has a sister who is suffering from BPD, this is rlly triggering, cause I see so many parallels and as much as I feel for her, I can also imagine how much destruction she has caused in her own life and the lives of those closest to her…I know ppl with this disorder suffer a lot, but so do the ppl trying to stay close to them…I wish everyone involved lots of strength, cause I know how devastating this can feel.
Have a sister diagnosed with schizophrenia and BPD. It can be very damaging for the family. Had to learn quite a bit on how to work the system (live in SoCal) to get her the help she needs. In this case it to get a legal order to enforce medication. On once a month shot, she does amazing. Completely productive member of society, wife, mother and grandmother. Without the meds and the intervention I have no doubt that she would be homeless or dead. It took several family members to get it done. I was the knowledgeable one who figured out how to get the system to work. There were family members who took her chit patiently. When one of us felt overwhelmed, the other would give a pep talk to keep us going. I completely symptomize with you, because they are really aholes when not under proper treatment. Before the onset of her mental illness she was probably the most beloved member of a large close knit family. But when her mental illness hit she was a nightmare. I probably did the most to get her the positive results, but I will be honest that I did it mostly for her children at that point, because you become disconnected from them and so frustrated with them. From your comment I can tell that's where you are at. I will finish by saying this. As complicated as my sister's diagnosis was, on the right meds and proper medical care, she is doing amazing. Fully engaged with her family, beloved by them. Taken on intellectual interests. I wish you the best of luck. If you wish to be in contact on how I got the system to work for her, leave a comment on here and I will give you my email address.
@@John-od7ps Hi so I'm not OP but I also live in soCal and have been trying to get help for the longest time. I don't have much resources so it's never worked out or takes ages to get an appointment. I would soo much appreciate any resources about this 🙏 if possible
@@YourInASoulTrap No, you should be ashamed! He did his best to protect her children. If one is unable to care for themselves it’s called a conservatorship - designed to conserve LIFE. So, let a pet die, they can’t consent & usually hate every minute of procedures designed to save them. Before you judge, why not see his truth and her current ability to function as a blessing. Go shame actual abusers!
I met ppl like her in iop. They dont tell u all the details and there are bigger reasons she wont tell of why she is where she is. I can believe she may be bipolar.. She needs to find the mental help she so desperately needs. I hope she reconsiders her future decision. I can see she is educated and very intelligent. But there are big underlying problems That she isn't addressing here in the interview which led to losing the things she loves. Plz find help oli. U matter.
Exactly. She even stated that she was the problem. No offense to her, but I could never work around someone like her. She makes a mountain out of molehill. I don’t doubt she’s lonely but as Mark asked, could it be her personality? Yes, definitely! I hope she can realize this and find happiness.
After 15 years in the Adult Mental Health field I can honestly say the the complete lack of empathy some show is still unreal to me. It's literally her major depression (at this point most likely a disorder because she has felt this way her entire life) that doesn't let her see the positive in any situation past, present, or future. Her mind is clouded by trauma and it is difficult to deal with every minute of the day for some. It can be exhausting to feel that way for her. She doesn't want to feel the way she does. It usually comes from severe trauma and being around narcissistic abusers. She in turn has made herself a total victim because she can not see the light at the end of the tunnel. She is planning her own demise. Why would you think she can see the positive? Have empathy for her not concern for your ears. You literally got to hear a first person account of something most don't speak about until after they survive an attempt. She handed you the ability to see that your friends and family can have a shift in personality. They can become more negative and you can help instead of abandon them, criticize, or judge them to move towards an attempt instead of moving away from it. Hopefully she learns to reframe her thoughts to positive things but her mind fights against her to continue to want to think the way she has for her whole life. She had managed to navigate intense educational programs but can't manage her negative thoughts. No way anyone would want that for themselves. It's not like she can erase it and get a spotless mind. She may be able to try a milder, newer form of the old-school EST as a last ditch effort because medications may not be working for her at all. We can only pray she makes it through it not judge her for her clear mental illness.
Sometimes life hands us the wrong deck of cards, She reminds me of myself. I also have bpd and this is how it presents itself which is true employers don’t love I’ve experienced being let go and told off like she was. I wish I could give her the biggest hug because girl I hear you. Life does suck with bpd, and it’s really tough in general. Love you Oli girl, thank you for shedding light on your story.
I'm autistic and I can relate a lot to what she is saying. To succeed as an adult when you're autistic you need a very supportive family, a specific for your needs job, and a right environment. Otherwise it's like being tortured everyday, and people blame you, it's always your fault. And you try your best 1000 times more then average person. But it's always your fault. So it's tough. I really really hope someone helps her find the place to stay and a right job.
My nephews are autistic and I worry for them . They are very smart but maybe it’s just me knowing how cruel the world is. What kind of support do you have if you don’t mind me asking as an adult.
Yes I feel she is autistic and with no support system you can have the same struggles she is having. I can't believe no therapist has informed her properly and really helped.
This is a complete stranger yet I feel as though we have so much in common, I mean the way she describes her childhood just made me have Goosebumps and flashbacks. I was also the fattest kid in class, yet we were dirt poor and I never had money for lunch. The one difference was that we had free lunches. Sometimes I would not eat the lunch at school not only because of the bullying but because I wanted to have it later or share it with my brother at home. Mom always seemed to have enough money for beer and s*** but not enough to go grocery shopping often. I also always felt like an outsider no matter what I did and I only survived as an observer. This still resonates today. This is just from 11 minutes into the interview. God bless you dear. I hope that you find the path that is best for you, but just to let you know the world needs many more people like you.
Same here. As an adult I realized it was just neglect, not just poverty, because she had money for cigs and booze. You're so pretty. I hope you have a nice life now.
@@froandcara My son is now 32 but when he was in school, they had a Zero Tolerance policy in place. NO BULLYING was allowed. I found out about thst one day when l went to pick him up midday for a Dr's appt. There were a group of kids outside dressed in Goth clothing. When he got in the car l asked him if kids dressed like that got teased or bullied. He said "never" and then explained the ZT policy. They also held general assemblies on this topic so that all students were informed.
Please find her for a follow up interview! I have thought about oli tons since watching this video last year. Im super happy to hear that she didn’t go through with her plan!
You can be well educated and still suffer from mental health problems. I think that’s important for people to hear and understand. I understand the feeling of what you’re going through. You got this ❤
Oli sounds exactly like someone I know who has, amongst many other mental health issues, BPD. A firm diagnosis could change her life. Heartbreaking …I’m not sure this is a person that really wants to end her life. I wish you well Oli.
As somebody with BPD, I strongly feel that she has a lot of the traits. Setting her own date to end her life is a loud cry for help and can be common amongst those with BPD. I pray her life gets better and she finds the strength to get the help she needs.
Same, and I can totally relate! But I went through those thoughts and feelings about 20 yrs ago, and have since outgrown them at 60. Hopefully she can hang in there, and work on her BPD meanwhile, and it'll get better! Peace and love 😍
My mom was BPD. I also have the general feeling that she's BPD from listening to her. She talks a lot about people in her life who started out being nurturers, but let her down horribly. Everything is someone else's fault, and she's a "persuasive blamer." I feel like a lot of her stories are either exaggerations or are untrue. And it's exhausting listening to her. It was obvious to Mark that this is her situation.
I've also thought she probably had BPD (as someone who's not a doctor and doesn't have it) but I sense some narcissistic traits in her. Like, some of the anecdotes she shared dating all the way back to her middle school years make me think she's still attached to some past identity that made her stand out in her mind and she doesn't want to let go of. Is that common with BPD? All in all she appears like an overgrown teenager.
ive been thinking about oli ever since i first saw this video. i really wept listening to her, and she's been a regular on my mind since. my heart aches. its been a month since her deadline. i hope she is in a place where she isn't suffering so, wherever that is. im sorry the world was so cruel to you, oli.
PLEASE don't commit suicide! My sister did 4 years ago and NOTHING will ever take the pain away! You are a beautiful, highly intelligent woman. If you do this there is NO change you'll ever see your daughter. When she's older, she'll come looking for you, her REAL mom!!! Wait for her! I love and care about you! I'm BEGGING you not to do this!!!
Oli, have you ever explored the autism spectrum? I'm a 35 year old female who went undiagnosed for most of my life because I became so good at masking, and I also have a history of neglect and PTSD. I've always felt like an alien trying to fit in with humans, and no mental illness could really explain that. It took a while for me to even truly accept it because I was so sure if I was autistic, SOMEONE would have noticed and told me (one woman did but none of the "professionals" did). But after joining support groups, on Facebook and locally, with other autistic woman/AFAB, it's clear that many, many fly under the radar. I see a lot of the traits and mannerisms in you, and I just want you to know that there's a group of people out there who understand. Who get taken advantage of because we trust easily, who seem aloof yet are extremely intelligent, and who just struggle to fit in and communicate with others effectively. It's really hard to navigate the world as an autistic person and even harder yet when you're an undiagnosed autistic person who doesn't understand why its so difficult. I wouldn't want you to leave this world without exploring this and perhaps finding your people! It's not a bad thing at all, it's a huge relief to have an explanation and then to begin to heal with people who understand. Please at least research it before your final date to see if any of it fits for you. ♡
I thought the same. I got BPD diagnosis at 28. Then at age 42 (my BPD coaches hinted at ADHD several times) they evaluated me for 3 months and there it was: ADHD. Three years later high scores on the ASD tests and minimal on Personality Disorders. Now at 47 I'm on the right meds (only for adhd) and I'm doing better. Also, a lot of people with ADHD and/or ASD have sleeping issues. I have insomnia and not getting enough sleep for years & years makes you kinda act "crazy". Combine that with misdiagnosis, wrong meds etc & it's a total disaster. Women and girls are very much overlooked when it comes to ASD and ADHD.
Was it Atypical Autism?? I have been trying to get assessed for that for Months and my doctors have all flat out said “you don’t have it.” It is so frustrating - what’s the harm in ruling it out??
She absolutely is. Listening to her describe her childhood… she checks all the boxes. People are “intimidated “ because she can’t read social cues and those freak outs are MELTDOWNS. She’s adamant about rules and fairness and without structure she gets lost. It would be easy for her brother and others to manipulate her. The suicide rate for autistic females is astronomical
@@seaturtlepoppy7679 don’t listen to this Adam guy. One in 50 people is not “rare” and females are so good at masking they slip thru the cracks. It’s very much UNDER diagnosed this guy has no clue. He probably thinks all autistics act exactly like his non verbal nephew. Every one is different and getting diagnosed, especially in the states is hard. Most drs aren’t trained in how to diagnose adults and girls. But as long as you meet the DSM criteria, you ARE. Good luck to you
It’s bandaid when people try to help. There must be a way for her to empower her self. It needs to come from within. There are no easy ways. I hope she finds her way. She’s smart, beautiful and intense.
I hear a lot of myself in how she explains her situation, and it's heart breaking. She makes me want to commit to changing my narrative. Thanks Oli. I hope you are happy wherever you are.
She knows where to go for help. She knows there is help. Suicide is a very selfish act. I’ve said this several times, I live every day with the loss that I feel from what my ex husband did. He left. He doesn’t have to deal with the fall out. We do.
Most of us don’t have someone to hug us when things go down. No family, no friends. We suck it up. We find the treatment we need, We DONT give in to victim mentality. It’s very selfish what you’re thinking about. The people left behind, and don’t say no one... because someone will find you and they have it to live with. I lived with my ex husband who left me and our two children. It’s the most selfish thing you will ever do.
prayer is a mental illness, for those that wish to do nothing but make themselves feel better...or take credit for things they did not change because they did nothing...hey that was pretty good huh...I better save that wisdom for later.
Oli, I can’t believe how much I relate to what you’re saying. I wish I could talk with you and have an intellectual conversation about suicide and empathy and suffering and free will and illness. I don’t think you want to die, you just want the suffering to end. I wish you peace. ❤ Mark, thank you for creating space for people to share their experiences.
”Even when i feel like an insider it doesnt seem to take too long before i realize that i’m still just kind of an observer” She put words on something I’ve been feeling all my life
This is the human condition, you can always find a way to feel different if you try. You’re comparing your own intimate knowledge of your thoughts and feelings to your perception of a stranger. Start looking for things you have in common with others and perhaps you’ll feel more connected.
It is hard to imagine that with all of those therapists none has recommended psychiatric medications to take the edge off the intense emotions she experiences. Even a temporary course would help, She exudes rage, which may often be justified--- but it puts people off. She is intelligent, passionate, and goal directed, with an incredible amount of potential.
i think medication alone is not enough, because she is not only struggling with complex trauma-- she is homeless and socially disconnected. once you medicate someone, everything else doesn't just magically fall into place. and as far as the rage is concerned, it's a survival mechanism. it also isn't just rage-- it's hypervigilance and a fight to retain her dignity. in her case, being lulled into a medical fog could actually be really dangerous if no external supports are put in place first. And she's unlikely to get the kind of care right now that someone with a job and a home and good insurance would get, where quality of life and mental clarity and minimal nasty side affects (extreme weight gain, tooth decay, tardive dyskenesia) which only serve to further marginalize patients would be prioritized.
So sad to see a brilliant mind like that be so troubled at the same time. On another note, it would be interesting to hear her daughter perspective on her mother’s issues. Hope she is doing well.
She sold her daughter for validation meth and sexual attention. Now she wants to kill herself but not because of guilt of selling her child. It’s because she has been ultimately embarrassed by the men who had their way with her sexually with a few choice words. Her ego and narcissism being an “intelligent educated woman” won’t let her live with such a bad look. Accountability. She’s no victim. She’s selfish with no self esteem
@@yinx02 i get that she is off kilter but family never cruelly f*cks each other over? i have a malignantly narcissistic family and it makes me give her the benefit of the doubt about the part of her story regarding her brother. complete strangers on the streets of Thailand (i lived there for ten years) have been kinder to me than they eber were to me and no matter what i do, they don't stop the head games & getting pleasure from watching me fail, they set me up to fail more times than i can count and yet always make it my fault. 🤣 it's so sickly absurd that I can only laugh because crying didn't help either.
I started reading this book by Mark Wolynn about transgenerational trauma. ..it basically says trauma can get passed down from 3 generations back. So often people with suicidal thoughts are not just battling their own traumas but the cumulated traumas of several generations before.
if my father drinks and beats me and as I grow up I drink and beat my children also for revenge and them as they grow up they will drink and beat their children out of revenge, out of vent, out of desperation. Sometimes it is "easier" not to break the chains and then pass on the trauma.🌹
@@christiexjmdmj You're welcome, it's an eye opener, I come from a lot of trauma too. And when she mentioned her father was a vet, I could see it even more...my father was in the military and had very risky top secret jobs, plus alcohol issues when I was growing up, I have CPTSD too.
It's amazing the human will to live. It is so powerful. She is so beautiful, and everything has gone wrong. But still, she is here. She is alive. Her heart still beats. Because she is alive. She is talking, sharing her story. Because she is alive. You never know what others are going through. Words matter so little compared to compassion.
❤❤❤Dearest Oli, prayed so very hard for you today. Hope you are here with us. We need you here with us now, and in the future. Sending you all the quantum love and healing energy. We can do this. Love you so much ❤️❤️❤️
Bless her daughter and probably also her brother. No one leaves their daughter with someone they don’t really know much and then never sees their daughter again because of a voicemail, a single mother at that. I don’t know many people who just want to take on a bunch of teenage kids they don’t know that aren’t theirs. There seems like a lot more here. Bless her. I hope she finds the help she needs.
You can't even begin to understand her circumstances. And she said that was her actual brother. If you can't trust your brother who the fuck are you supposed to trust? She thought her brother was looking out for her daughter and she could go back and get her when she was out of treatment. I thought only my brother would be that underhanded and evil. Apparently a lot of families are like that. This is not a true crime podcast, we're not looking for you to solve the case. Sometimes your opinion about someone else's life is none of your fucking business to offer!
"when you're put in this position, you're not meant to leave" is so real and raw and honest about the homelessness problem here. if you're homeless you're barred from ID's and voting and it looks bad when being employed so people push you away. I am so sorry Oli, I really hope you get that miracle or at the very least get some proper help that can put you on the road to mental and physical recovery. I really relate to the issues you have had as a person w/ mood disorders, ADHD, and autism.
I think the fact that the date is next year, June 1, 2023 is really that last ditch cry for help....I truly hope she finds her way towards self love...which begins with acknowledgment and care, of ourselves before relying on anyone else. I really want her to stay on this side, she seems like a great person by this video 💖💖💖 Also, once again, parents just don't realize the paths they set their children on, things that stay with them for life 😥 and the effect it will have on your daughter, please don't, I beg you
there's always someone. whether you realize it or not. Some guy or gal has feelings for you somewhere and you just haven't found out about it yet. someone thinks highly of you and just hasn't said it openly. there's always someone
There are many who deserve sympathy! Not this one!, she chooses this every day! She is educated and has all the tools to succeed and chooses not to! Her daughter is grown and won’t speak to her so she says someone kidnapped her 🤷♀️ I just didn’t feel any sympathy for her
Of all the people you've interviewed, PLEASE help her! With your connections please find her the help she needs. She deserves it. I've never felt so much emotional pain for a stranger.
Don’t be so gullible . Her stories make no sense , she’s not this “eternal victim“. I’d love to hear the actual stories that make sense from her brother and daughter .
You gotta love yourself before you love others. As hard as the pill my be to swallow... Nobody wants to wallow with you in your depression. It's so sad and I had to realize that.
She reminded me SO much of a friend of mine that I started to predict her answers. Her speaking style is exactly the same. Her perspective on life is astoundingly similiar. Their experiences are similar. A few years after knowing my friend she was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. With treatment she is doing so much better.
I've felt this way as well, and have always considered it to be an inevitability. I was hospitalized for those thoughts in March of this year. I don't have any plans towards it, but it's always a background thought. I grew up in an abusive household full of neglect, and was given the additional burden of being autistic without knowing it, and not having the necessary support for it. It's very isolating to live in a world that you struggle with understanding. It's even more isolating when the people you thought were supposed to love you, never showed that love, and you were taken advantage of. Thank you for letting people share their voices and get heard, Mark. Not every one gets that luxury. The world can be an incredibly mean place if you don't know what you're doing, and its easy to get swallowed up in it and be forgotten about.
Here's the thing. So so many people deal with hopelessness and despair and constant thoughts of can't do it anymore. This is clearly evident in all of the many comments on this thread. It takes a lot of courage to continue in the face of all that despair. Know that you are not alone in this battle. I hope you find a way to continue and find a way to come to peace with the reality of today as well as your past. It is rough, and it feels like our world is full of injustices and hardship. Wishing you the best
i've been coping with depression and suicidal tendances for over 20 years, i relate to a lot of what she talked about. i do hope she manages to find hope and solace, it would be such an almighty shame to lose such a kind and intelligent woman. i hope she knows we're all here for her
I connect with her experiences very deeply. I keep coming back to this interview and I hesitate looking her up online out of fear that she is no longer with us. Her talking about the faces she makes and the emotions she deals with I completely relate to. I wish I had the chance to meet you, Olli.
out of all the interviews, this one is the one that will stick with me. I hope shes still here & got all the best outcomes from the given circumstances..
I really don’t want to be disrespectful to her and her struggles but she is not telling the whole story and she is definitely creating a narrative where she is a victim with absolutely no responsibilities for her behavior. I really hope she can be true to herself, be honest and reclaim her life.
Nobody's perfect she stated she has mental-health issues just leave it at that let's not put the woman down shall we when she's already got a suicide have some respect please. What has happened to humanity it's absolutely disgusting anymore.
This one really hard to listen to without feeling just judgmental so ya I can say her energy makes me feel real anxious I hope you do well and wish you the best oli and you stop getting in your own way your not always right
I feel it a bit ironic to tell others they’re “not always right” (which is not the impression I got of this woman, but I’m not sure what the consensus on that would be from viewers) while unapologetically-almost proudly-using your judgements of this person as the sole rational for explaining away an entire interviews worth of issues as reaaaallly being rooted in this woman thinking she’s always right. So I guess we’re supposed to nod and upvote you because you’re always right? Your judgements based solely on this woman’s “energy” screwing up your inner harmony or something. Yeah alright. You’re getting upvotes tho so who knows, I just sense a lot of narcissism.
I wish you stay alive for your daughter Oli. I am 33 and have been in recovery for BPD and complex trauma for 3 years and I promise it gets better. Getting a diagnosis and treatment (EMDR trauma therapy and DBT) have allowed me to clear up space to reduce suicidal ideation. My daughter is younger than yours and lives with me but she is my whole reason for being here. I am building a life worth living and I hope you do too 💜
Stop telling people to stay alive for someone else! Do you understand how dismissive that is? You claim you suffer from mental illness so you should know that's something you don't say. Stay for herself. If she can't stay for herself--
The ultimate victim ...with a vindictive twist....Blaming the person who saved her life? She claims to be ""a self-aware person". I think she means self-focused. If she was self-aware she see that she is not the center of the universe and not everything in life revolves around her wants and needs. Setting a date for your suicide? That puts everyone you come in contact with in a position of being responsible for your life. It's sort of mind-blowing in its selfishness. Her poor daughter!
I see a woman who was cut off by her mother, and who is now recreating this in her own life. Cut off societally- lives in the woods and says she doesn’t trust anyone. Cut off emotionally- won’t or can’t cry, has a very intense way of speaking/ body language as to keep people at a distance. Cut off financially- finds an issue at every job, or creates a scenario so that it will end. And the final act will be cutting herself off from life itself. Oli, if you’re reading this, please find CONNECTION. Your friends in the desert is a good place to start. Also consider researching or finding a therapist that does “inner parts work”. Sometimes when we have a troubled childhood, some part of our psyche takes over as a coping mechanism. As adults, we no longer need it to run the show. Reparenting my inner child and doing inner parts work changed my life. I wish the best for you, that you find your way.
@@parisa5014 she said that she doesn’t have a tribe, and that she lives in her car… I thought in the woods. But whether it’s in the woods or not isn’t really the point I was trying to make
Oli, I hope you’re still with us. You have a spark. You may not see it but you do. Eccentric, yes, frenetic, yes, but also articulate & insightful & self-aware. It’s never too late until it’s too late. You’re here for a reason; you just need to figure out that reason & it can take time…but it’s about the journey. Not the destination. ❤
I know I'm going to get a lot of hate for this, but I can't not say anything. Olli says: "If you save a life it's your responsibility to care for it." She comes with an example of you can't pick up a kitten and not care for it because it's hurt, if I understood her right. I'm sorry but I deeply disagree with that statement! No person can be responsible for another person. Even if you were trying to kill yourself and someone talks you out of it, you can't expect that person to be responsible for you for the rest of your life! A kitten can't take care of itself. It need us humans, or it's mother to keep it alive. That's not a fair comparison. And I'm not an ignorant person who don't know what I'm talking about. I've been very close to suicide myself. And I know how hard that period was for my Mother. Currently my sister is extremely mentally ill in the verge of suicide. And it's SO unbelievable hard to be the person trying to help. I've become much worse with my mental health to the point where I was recognising that if this continues, I'm going to be suicidal again myself. I just needed to remove myself from the situation with my sister. That's one of the hardest things I've done. But I need to let the professional take over. I just can't. She's a bit like Oli. In my opinion Oli has many excuses for not getting her daughter, why she's homeless and why she can't keep a job. If her reason for loosing the jobs was that she was in so bad shape that she couldn't get out of bed, I'd totally understand. One hundred percent. But loosing jobs because you disagree with the rules of the establishment. No, I don't agree with that. When you're able to going to work and seem to function good, then you don't have the luxury of saying no to a job when you're homeless and your daughter isn't with you, you don't quit your job because you disagree with some rules or policies. But that's my opinion. My sister is also very angry because she doesn't get help. Yet she's been in contact with several different therapists. But it doesn't work out. So she quit. But then you can't say that you haven't gotten help. Quite the opposite. You've got offered more help than I've ever have. But you chose to quit or wasn't into it. That's a HUGE difference. I feel like Oli also believe therapist are like wizards. My sister believes that. That someone can fix her. No one can fix anyone if that person is totally shut down and not open for anything. They're so opiniated and know so much about mental health themselves that it seems like they believe that they know everything so when a therapist can't offer them something completely new, they're not interested. I don't know. I'm just exhausted from trying to help someone who comes off as a martyr. All they want is help according to them. But when the help is given it isn't what they expected so it didn't help. If they just had access to this, it would be fine. When you help them get access, it doesn't help or there's a new problem. I'll stop talking now. I'm just so frustrated.
Exactly four years ago (tomorrow, actually) I was in a car, on my way to a selected destination, with the method of ending my life on the seat next to me. I felt nothing. No anxiety, no fear, no sadness. I literally felt nothing. Just an acknowledgement that this was it. Then a song that I always really enjoyed came on, and I didn't really care. I was like, "Oh, that's nice. I used to like that song." But something that always bothered me about that particular song was that it has an abrupt, almost out of rhythm ending. I have always thought that the song should have had a more complete, musically sensible ending. Then it hit me. I pulled off the highway onto the parking lor of a little out-of-the-way gas station. I was about to create an abrupt, out-of-sync ending to my life. I reviewed what I was doing, and how I was leaving a lot of unfinished business. I had not written a note or anything. I had just decided to do it one day and I got in the car. So, after recognizing how I was going to leave a lot of things unsaid and some personal affairs up in the air, I turned around and went to wrap things up. Then I got into a groove of getting things done. Then some circumstances changed and I started feeling something narrowly aligned with hope for the future. Four years later, I have not had a suicidal thought in a long time. Because of one song that does not have an ending that it should have to make sense of the whole thing that came before it.
Thank you so much for sharing this.
That was really beautiful. You have a talent for expressing your feelings into written words. I’m glad you’re still here and that things have turned around for you. ❤
What’s the song that saved your life? Maybe that was its purpose.
Wow your story is so deep and glad you shared !
ditto to the question of what song it was. I'm gonna guess Radiohead. Glad you're ok dude. I started a solo music project called Keep Her Breathing. The title is all about keeping me alive thru music. peace.
She doesn’t want die, she wants to live, she wants help. You can hear in her voice 😢
i agree completely. she's scared of the future, and her fear is warranted. things will likely get worse if nobody steps in and helps. and they should. she seems like she has the potential to be a great comfort to others.
I think she just wants peace .Death is the ultimate state of peace .
I felt that way too, right from the start when she referenced an exact date. I asked myself...Hmm, who does that? Who gives an exact date? My answer...Someone that hopes the right sets of ears hears her cry for help.
I hope she finds what she needs.
@@nhlibra amen 🙏
Agree .
"Me on my own is not enough." This is the statement that every suicidal human can relate to.
I can relate to this 💯
Absolutely!
And then you find people who say they’ll help but ruin you further
@@D0vin00 Exactly
Yez
SWU responded to one of the comments that Oli did not follow through with her plan but fell in love instead❤
Mark should have her on again
Wow. Yes. I would love to see this woman come back on.
Really? Mark, can you bring her back?
Yaaay ❤
Oh wow. How marvelously awesomely wonderful. Mark you are a great man 💯. Sometimes just talking with you seems to touch people somehow. God bless you always and the SWU family. Much respect. Sue from South Africa. Would love to see Oli now. Please ask her to come back
I lost my son to suicide. The aftermath is indescribable pain. I have had a rough life. I just stay for my dogs. I want to be with my son.
So sorry for your pain. I can’t begin to imagine.
life is pain , that's what i've learnt
❤❤❤ hang in there hunnie my thoughts are with you from London ❤️❤️❤️
Hey!! Im so sorry for your loss. Your dogs need you, you are everything for them. Im sending you luck, happiness and healing. You deserve to be happy, keep that in your mind. I know life is horrible sometimes, like an infinite nightmare, but you can transform the darkness into light. Trust me, keep going for your sweet dogs, they deserve you as a dog mum, they love you. Just keep going, things gonna improve. Love yourself and your loved ones, dogs are amazing life partners, best friends and family ❤❤❤
@@Frank75288 yes it is.
Shout out to all the people who feel this way and still put one foot in front of the other, and get up and work everyday. Salute
A focken men brother. 🙏
but sometimes you can't. sometimes people who feel this way can't blend in, can't find or keep a job, hear voices, have nowhere to live, get arrested every other day for "disturbing the peace" merely by existing, particularly if they' present as crazy AND are black or brown,... and didn't choose any of this.. some people need help, and the best this country can do is The Good Samaritans. shout out to the people who understand, empathize, and devote their lives to helping people whose circumstances preclude any semblance of a productive life get back on their feet. because you can't put one foot in front of the other if you have nowhere to go.
And also a shout out to the people who feel this way and don’t get up and work everyday. Anyone who feels this way, period. This is tough, no one should have to feel this way.
...while this woman wallows in her self-pity and blames the world for her bad choices.
A miserable existence should not to be celebrated.
I think anyone willing to plan and wait for their death and to talk about it so openly really is crying out for a WAY to live
this is a great platform for it. im sure its a last shot.
Great post Op and I think you’ve nailed it.
Crying out for someone to care, feeling sorry for herself too, and hurting.
I agree with you 💯
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
how?
You're lovely Oli.
I was badly tortured for years as a child. I didn't want to live. Later I decided to live out of pure spite.
I seriously hope we get an update on Ms. Oli soon...
I think loneliness and parental neglect for a child is one of the worst things there is. That feeling doesn’t seem to go away.
I always have mixed feelings when I see people who are late-stage suicidal. I lost my brother to suicide 4 yrs ago. Life can be very cruel, unbearable, and I don't blame people who choose to leave. This world is fucked up. Unless ppl have real solutions to offer, telling someone to stick it out on some woo-woo shit like "you have so much to offer" is really empty, even if it is true. Choosing to end your life is a heavy decision, but I still believe in some cases it can be justified or at least understandable, even if it's never ideal.
I agree
Thank you.
Very well put. Thank you.
Yup
Thank you for being real.
Sounds like my mom. No one can help her the way she needs them to. It’s a hole of sadness that can never be filled.
Don't let her take you down with her. It's hard having a parent like that.
Just letting I hear you
So hard to heal childhood wounds
❤😢
God heals
It's kind of like this: please help me, stay away from me.
As someone who lost their mom at a young age to suicide..please..just stay for your daughter..it's hell out here for a young person who is all alone. It's so damaging.
Tell me about it. It’s been nearly 20 years and I’m worse now than I ever was. I hope you faired better.
❤ so sorry
Her daughter is already accustomed to living without a mother. She left her and is making excuses for it.
I hope she reads the comments and see all of us out here that care ❤
@@julesla9541 I don't think your response is helpful. We need more kindness in this world.
I have a lot of compassion for this woman, she's obviously struggling. But there are a ton of holes in this story. Something is not right here.
I agree entirely!
As a foster parent for the humane society, she seems like a person animals would gravitate to. Maybe animals would be therapeutic for her and give her a purpose. She is definitely one of a kind, and I can feel the compassion and love she has to give. Her heart is too big!
Thanks for being a foster provider. I'm one, too!
@@anjiwarren6803why are you so ignorant? Excuses for what?
I agree. My pup is the main reason I hang on
@@anjiwarren6803
Nasty, nasty, nasty
When she’s in heat yes
Oli, you are so intelligent, and well spoken. People are cruel and I can understand why you wouldn't want to be around mankind. However, there is a place for you in this crazy world. Keep up the fight, you are a very worthy human being. The world needs people like you. Once you are stronger, I can see how you could mentor others who have had similar experiences. Please don't give up on life! Mark, please continue to give us updates on Oli. We care about her very much.
but there isn't a place for her. not right now. she needs a place RIGHT NOW. why is this so hard for people to understand? being unemployed and on the street MAKES YOU CRAZY. if you had issues to begin with, it makes those issues insurmountable. and the affordable housing crisis is completely out of control, particularly in big cities, and social services, which were shir to begin with, are conveniently getting slashed. and once you're out on the street, the clock starts ticking. the longer you stay homeless, the lower your odds are of getting back inside. Or staying inside if you’ve lost your damn mind and can’t function. Nobody cares if you’re smart. I care, but I’m nobody.
Absolutely worth living. I feel she's still fight subconsciously because she keeps telling people her plan. Another form of trying every last hope of survival. She doesn't really want to go. I want the best for this lady more then any if these people.
At times she wants to die. It is in one of those moments when she will likely do it.😢 Respect for her, she has a pretty keen understanding of herself. Our society doesn’t allow people to feel suicidal without assuming they don’t/won’t do it. The question is not “if” but “when”.
@@RussiaIsARiddle778 The means are often too convenient especially when someone is at an all-time low and left to themselves.
If we don't feel loved, valued, or cared about, it's hard to feel our own self worth. If you feel like your not worth anything, what do you feel you have to offer yourself? Let alone life in general, or other people/animals/ or living things? I understand how this can make Oli feel like she doesn't want to continue. I hope that some how, the feeling of hope could touch you Oli. It does exist, but you kind of have to create it for yourself, if you don't have any. You have to change things a little bit. Get out of the routine of appearing ok, and start doing things that make u feel better. Even if it's just putting lotion on your face, or listening to the birds, instead of drowning them out. I have hope for you, and I have to have hope for me too. I think you are beautiful, and I pray you get through thisxx
Oli, I have been where you’re at.
I just recently got out of a rehab facility for my bipolar and depression / suicidal thoughts.
Please allow these next few months to work on yourself and learn to live for yourself.
Its a conscious effort to choose life daily,
a
Continued healing.❤️
It's so sad to see the smartest people on this planet seem to be in such deep pain. I relate to you a lot Oli. It's sad you don't see how beautiful you are outside and inside.
Ignorance is bliss 😔
@killawalez3944 Maybe? It might be a very empty hollow experience.... can that be bliss?
@@alvaroLguevara I think sometimes empty and hollow feels better than pain. But in the end I know not true bliss 😩
It's sad that these unstable people are in charge of teaching our children. #keepthiswomanawayfromkids
@@6FootAmazon STAY WOKE BYYATCH
I’m watching this on July 29th 2023…I hope that she’s still alive. I hope she’s found a reason to live.
This world can be a harsh, unfair place. Navigating the pain can feel like swimming through muck. But this choice is so absolutely final.
I understand her feelings; I thought about ending my life constantly for many years.
I just kept swimming and one day I saw some light and some hope. Now my life is filled with peace and happiness. She deserves this too. I hope she’s still swimming.
Perfectly said I'm so glad you are doing better I do hope she is !❤
I was told once that fair is a place where u eat funnel cakes and ride the 🎡
Yes.😔😌🙏❤️
Mark is she ok
@@gailmagee5884 I wanna know the same is she ok?
Yesterday was my birthday, i spent it with the only friend i have. We had a good time honestly. I got home and called the suicide hotline but they didn't pick up, I sat at the age of my bed waiting for a sign not to, then i as i started cleaning up everything as to get ready to take my life, i emptied my bag and found a birthday card letter from my friend. I haven't opened it till now, seeing it makes me happy, i have someone who cares. Want to keep it pure.
Those types of things are signs to hold off .. I've been terrible suicidal myself but have 2 kids that keep me here , sometimes even despite that I was on the edge of it .. but those little messages from god keep me here stronger than anything because if some supernatural thing wants to save me I cant argue with it , it's always the weirdest timing those things pop up
L 11 AZ@=/7/
Those suicides hotlines are bs! You get to your most desperate and call and all they do is refer you to more numbers to call, they dont understand how to deal with us, so useless
Everyday is a new day to start again. Don’t give up on yourself. You got this!
I glad you had something beautiful and awesome to give you a moments pause❤️
My sister committed suicide on March 11, 2023. She had planned it for at least a year. Her life was one I personally couldn’t have lived, and I didn’t have the solutions so I understand why she did what she did. I don’t have any anger, just deep sadness for the life wasted. Wasted by circumstance, poor choices, a failing system. There are many variables to suicide. It’s complicated yet simple. If she’s gone I hope she finds my sister, and I hope they’re both okay.
I am very sorry for your loss, you are so correct in what you say in that there are many variables. There are so many things both large, and some so small that they may seem insignificant, that may play a part in lifting someone out of the darkness, or pushing them further down.
in my experience it's the bad circumstances that lead to bad decisions and shit just spirals out in a feedback loop from there.
when our (formative years') circumstances are bad enough, there is no capacity to make good decisions 💔 hence the woman in the interview saying she doesn't believe in free will and her experience of being neglected at home leading to not having friends at school and the element ot being profoundly betrayed by psychotic family members also resonates deeply with me. at some point trying to navigate a sick world becomes too much.
❤❤❤
❤🙏🏽🙏🏽💐
You are guilty
The fact that my suicide attempt was a failure is one of the greatest blessings of my life. I hope you can look back one day Oli and feel glad to have survived. I hope that for you so much
❤❤
❤ glad you are here Chloe
😮 I AM SO Glad IT Did NOT WORK 🙏👍😌❤!
I have Borderline Personality Disorder and a lot of what this woman said was so relatable to me. I hope she finds the right help and the right diagnosis, whatever that may be, and gets better. 🙏
same here. this resonated way too much with me i really hope she gets the correct professional care
I agree, so many of her traits and responses ring true for BPD. The problem here is doctors have historically misdiagnosed BPD patients for years. I hope she finds the answers she needs
@Lionesslocs what is the misdiagnosis typically?? I never understood bpd.
@@BioLiveMagic bi polar
I too thought that she may have BPD. Maybe in combination with bipolar and/or CPTSD. I hope she finds the right treatment.
I think when you’re personality is very intense and you are hyper aware of everyone and their motives it is exhausting for yourself and everyone else. I knew someone like this and it’s like they are compelled to verbalise every thought they have. This kind of sucked the energy out of everything. Probably why they got you doing yoga so you are more in your body and less in your mind. I think this is the right track, to actually be more in the body. Calmness needs to be the goal even in your present situation. I hope things get better for you.
Thank you for saying this because i recognize bits of this in myself. I definitely would benefit from being more in my body and this was confirmation of that, thank you!
I think she's crying out for help, she's seems like a good person and I hope she gets the support that she needs.
I felt that way too. I would love to smoke a jay with her and let her just vent and hug her. Sometimes we need that. I have been low before and a hug got me just a few steps farther so I could catch myself again. Kinda like a bridge missing planks. I wish I were her plank 🤗
I believe so too. And she is yearning for someone to love her.
She's a master manipulator, so she naturally can shape-shift into whatever person she wants in order to appeal to the viewers. I hope you realize that. This woman suffers from narcissism. I wish her the best and I hope she finds the help she needs, but don't be fooled, this woman knows very well what she is doing.
Obviously she loves the attention of it all. If she was really going to off herself she would just quietly do it.
@@eagleflies8681 how did you reach that conclusion?
This kills me… I want her & her daughter to get help - REAL help, not family who “think” they know what’s best… So many people in this world are denied their wings, it’s fucking heartbreaking…
This 🙏
Thank you for your courage ❤️ My heart absolutely broke hearing your story. I have a 32-year-old son that who seems to be stuck in the same paralyzing, hopeless existence. I have literally tried everything. I can’t make him see his worth. I just continue to pray for him.
I know it sounds completely hokey…but when I have felt similarly hopeless… I have found that the best thing to do is help others; no matter how small. It gives me a sense of purpose, and often pulls me back from the edge. I’ll pray for you as well. 💕💐
😢l
I'd love to hear the brother's side. I get the feeling there's a lot that she's omitting.
Yep, it's obvious
👍💯
Meth much
Her dental issues would back up that theory.
I don't trust her either
As someone who has suffered from depression and anxiety for over 20 years , there are times when you feel that enough is enough. The pain never goes away and suicide becomes an option. A person just becomes tired mentality and physically and cannot do it anymore.
Absolutely.
Totally true
After listening for 20 minutes I realized that she doesn’t want to kill herself, she just needs someone to love her. I hope it finds her and she could get through this stage in her life. We all need someone to get to the next level mentally. ❤
Please say a prayer for her.
@@VintageVegans They're not speaking for her... They're just offering their perspective. We all have one.
@@VintageVegans you don’t have to be rude baby girl. it’s ugly.
Truthfully, we are all struggling with ourselves in some way.
@@VintageVegans leave it
I really wish Mark would give us an update on what happenwd to Oli. Her story was so sad
I started to cry when she said people are afraid of her face 😔 not only is she an attractive woman but shes smart, deep, and passionate, this woman is a BEAUTIFUL soul in EVERY possible way 🥲 id give anything to jst give her a hug and tell her everything is gunna be ok…. i really hope she finds her way out of her plans of suicide 🙏🏻 kuz damaged people like her make THE BEST HUMAN BEINGS
❤❤❤
Hopelessness & pain are ugly. She isn't unattractive at all. She is setting dates & talking about suicide. She is screaming for help & I hope it finds her soon.
You put this beautifully I feel the same way
I agree. She needs better dr.'s. This is psychosis shes pretty and smart. This is all about her crippling herself with worries. She has to realize how special she is.
@@elysowers5033 she needs to be force fed Prozac until she can see the light
If you don't become an advocate for other lonely children that need your voice, it will be a crime. You are special.
I second that.
@MG agreed
@MG people on here are saying like “oh my husband committed suicide I hate him he’s selfish he ruined me and my kids lives” like it ruined his life too?? He also has to suffer the consequences of this, he’s literally dead. They should be grateful that they are alive and healthy
@MG my thoughts are with you, im so very sorry you lost your mother 😢as someone who also lost their mother to suicide I will never ever doubt someone who says that they are going to do it. My mother wanted the pain to stop- she had zero help, she told as many people as she could what she was going to do. Would you like to know my fathers response? He gave her the gun and encouraged her. Begged her. I was there when he gave it to her and I was there when she went into the bedroom crying, she closed the door and shot herself. She had a photo of my sister and I in her pocket. I love and miss my mother. I was three. I miss my mother. Only God knows. I don’t hate her, o don’t blame her for the mistakes I’ve made in my life or any of that. She would not have left two babies motherless if she saw a way out of her situation. She screamed for help right up til she put that revolver to her temple and pulled the trigger. My mother was in PAIN. And anyone who reads this ends up saying something stupid about my mom and suicide will have me to deal with
@MG agree 100%
Not assuming it’s automatically other peoples fault, but the fact that his wife is reacting this way suggests that she wouldn’t have been kind to him when he was alive either. Saying “I hate my husband for killing himself” just makes it sound like you’re taking it as a personal attack rather than understanding that the person was sick and it’s not anyones fault that they died.
I love you Oli. Please don't die. This world needs you.
👍❤😢 Awwwww👍I Feel This too❤🙏😞😭
In what way
This world needs her daughter more. Where she at? She’s a free lunch. Food. She brought a life into this world and fed her to a wolf for male attention. Disgusting
She takes so little responsibility for herself and her needs. As soon as her daughter is 18 she is free to go wherever she wants. Very low agreeableness and very rigid. She could improve by seeking to be more agreeable, more self-efficacy, and much more flexible in her thinking - seeking connection more than being right with people. She wants someone else to save her unconditionally. We all gotta save ourselves first and give ourselves living peace.
Beautifully and accurately put, however I believe she has a personality disorder which brings great complexity to her case unfortunately, as self reflection, taking responsibility, unable to be honest in her narrative and immersing herself in victimhood are stopping her from changing/healing.
I agree. The fact that she is super angry at the guy who convinced her to keep living for not being responsible for her life is kind of crazy.
Just different personality styles. Disagreeable people fit into this world too and their are good positions for people like that. She might make a good leader in another dimension
Perfectly stated.
You are absolutely right, I’m drained just listening to her. I wish she would get help and make a life for herself!
I watched Oli's story earlier today. Heartbreaking. My stomach hurt throughout the video listening to her. Her pain and distress are so raw. I kept wanting to reach out and give her a lifeline so she could just take a deep breath. I can't stop thinking about her hoping that she's made it or at least that she is on a more hopeful path. Have you heard from her since the interview and her ominous deadline this month?
I hope she's doing well!!! So smart and beautiful!!!
I put that date in and kept coming and checking to see a follow-up for her. I really hope she's in a better place. 😔
Every time there’s a glaring hole in her story, she only gives the statement “it didn’t work out”. The truth of her faults are in those missing parts
Finally someone calling it like it is. The thing that struck me most about this woman is the fact that she’s a liar. I normally empathize with *almost* everyone who is featured on this channel, but it was hard for me to empathize with someone who’s this eager to shirk any and all responsibility and convince everyone that someone as smart as her is the perpetual victim.
@@rustyshackleford4238 that’s part of BPD. It’s emotional dysregulation that she can’t control. And I couldn’t control before I got treatment.
It might be confabulation
Her comment about her ex preventing her from a suicide attempt was a red flag for me
Looking for "the person's fault" is definitly a huge one no suicidal person needs to hear from relatives
Relying on others for your happiness never works.
Relying on others is almost as funny as being able to count on your friends to help you when your down and out
Thank you for this reminder. ♥️
"The biggest mistake that we make is
that we build our homes in other people. We build those homes and we decorate them with the love and care and respect that we want to come home to at the end of the day. We invest in homes in other people, and we evaluate our self-worth based on how much those homes welcome us. And when those people walk away, those homes walk away with them, and all of a sudden, we feel empty because everything that we had within us, we put in those homes. We trusted someone else with pieces of us. That emptiness that we feel doesn't mean that we have nothing to give, or that we have nothing within us.It's just that we built our home in the wrong place." -Najwa Zebian
Relying on others is a basic HUMAN NEED
A baby needs to rely on others
Today is the 3rd year anniversary of my best friend that took her own life. Please please know you are valued and mean something to this world. ❤
So much of her story hit me so deeply. I can relate to a lot of her experiences with how people perceive and receive her. After I was diagnosed with Autism at 40, it makes so much more sense to me and my circumstances finally changed. Oli reminds me a lot of myself and my fellow neurodivergent friends. I wish she lived nearby, because I think we would click well as friends. My executive dysfunction is terrible when it comes to doing things for myself, but I can run the rails all day and night for other people. My heart aches for her.
Yep…..me too. And all these people in the comments having no empathy for her yet accusing us of having no empathy….
Yeah I got the same impression as someone who has grown children with autism and possibly undiagnosed myself.
This was my first thought too. She feels familiar, sadly.
This is truly heart breaking...I'm so sorry you're in this horrible place and can't get any help. I've struggled with severe depression and BPD for over 20 years and I have literally never known pain like it. But, because it's an invisible illness nobody cares enough to see if you're alright. I really hope things improve for you, you deserve a chance at life like everybody else. Xx
Love how you always stood up for your beliefs despite not feeling supported. You’re very smart and determined. Sadly that doesn’t cushion from suicidal thoughts. Very relatable. Stick around. The world needs more smart compassionate people like yourself.
we are many 😓
Where does this woman live, she needs some love in her life. She’s very intelligent.
Sure all she needs is a good friend and she will no longer feel like ending it. Psshhh dream on, it runs way deeper than that.
@@windwhisprz chill. as someone suicidal at the moment, yes it doesnt solve all things, but goddamn does it help a lot.
Nobody ever wants to commit suicide. They want the pain to end. If we have the resources to help them.
She is very matter of fact . I hope she doesn’t but I think she will
I will I could friend her. I feel what she feels🩵
as someone who has a sister who is suffering from BPD, this is rlly triggering, cause I see so many parallels and as much as I feel for her, I can also imagine how much destruction she has caused in her own life and the lives of those closest to her…I know ppl with this disorder suffer a lot, but so do the ppl trying to stay close to them…I wish everyone involved lots of strength, cause I know how devastating this can feel.
Have a sister diagnosed with schizophrenia and BPD. It can be very damaging for the family. Had to learn quite a bit on how to work the system (live in SoCal) to get her the help she needs. In this case it to get a legal order to enforce medication. On once a month shot, she does amazing. Completely productive member of society, wife, mother and grandmother. Without the meds and the intervention I have no doubt that she would be homeless or dead.
It took several family members to get it done. I was the knowledgeable one who figured out how to get the system to work. There were family members who took her chit patiently. When one of us felt overwhelmed, the other would give a pep talk to keep us going.
I completely symptomize with you, because they are really aholes when not under proper treatment. Before the onset of her mental illness she was probably the most beloved member of a large close knit family. But when her mental illness hit she was a nightmare. I probably did the most to get her the positive results, but I will be honest that I did it mostly for her children at that point, because you become disconnected from them and so frustrated with them. From your comment I can tell that's where you are at.
I will finish by saying this. As complicated as my sister's diagnosis was, on the right meds and proper medical care, she is doing amazing. Fully engaged with her family, beloved by them. Taken on intellectual interests. I wish you the best of luck. If you wish to be in contact on how I got the system to work for her, leave a comment on here and I will give you my email address.
@@John-od7ps Hi so I'm not OP but I also live in soCal and have been trying to get help for the longest time. I don't have much resources so it's never worked out or takes ages to get an appointment. I would soo much appreciate any resources about this 🙏 if possible
You took the words right out of my mouth! My story is the same and she reminds me of my sister too.
@@John-od7ps what is the name of the medication ??
@@YourInASoulTrap No, you should be ashamed! He did his best to protect her children. If one is unable to care for themselves it’s called a conservatorship - designed to conserve LIFE. So, let a pet die, they can’t consent & usually hate every minute of procedures designed to save them. Before you judge, why not see his truth and her current ability to function as a blessing. Go shame actual abusers!
I met ppl like her in iop. They dont tell u all the details and there are bigger reasons she wont tell of why she is where she is. I can believe she may be bipolar.. She needs to find the mental help she so desperately needs. I hope she reconsiders her future decision. I can see she is educated and very intelligent. But there are big underlying problems That she isn't addressing here in the interview which led to losing the things she loves. Plz find help oli. U matter.
Can't help but wonder if she's ever appreciated anything considering she seems extremely comfortable pointing out what everybody else is doing wrong.
Exactly. She even stated that she was the problem. No offense to her, but I could never work around someone like her. She makes a mountain out of molehill. I don’t doubt she’s lonely but as Mark asked, could it be her personality? Yes, definitely! I hope she can realize this and find happiness.
Right on
@@bbe3034 definitely what I was thinking. I bet the people she worked with can't stand her. She's a narcissist.
After 15 years in the Adult Mental Health field I can honestly say the the complete lack of empathy some show is still unreal to me. It's literally her major depression (at this point most likely a disorder because she has felt this way her entire life) that doesn't let her see the positive in any situation past, present, or future. Her mind is clouded by trauma and it is difficult to deal with every minute of the day for some. It can be exhausting to feel that way for her. She doesn't want to feel the way she does. It usually comes from severe trauma and being around narcissistic abusers. She in turn has made herself a total victim because she can not see the light at the end of the tunnel. She is planning her own demise. Why would you think she can see the positive? Have empathy for her not concern for your ears. You literally got to hear a first person account of something most don't speak about until after they survive an attempt. She handed you the ability to see that your friends and family can have a shift in personality. They can become more negative and you can help instead of abandon them, criticize, or judge them to move towards an attempt instead of moving away from it. Hopefully she learns to reframe her thoughts to positive things but her mind fights against her to continue to want to think the way she has for her whole life. She had managed to navigate intense educational programs but can't manage her negative thoughts. No way anyone would want that for themselves. It's not like she can erase it and get a spotless mind. She may be able to try a milder, newer form of the old-school EST as a last ditch effort because medications may not be working for her at all. We can only pray she makes it through it not judge her for her clear mental illness.
She's textbook BPD. they are always the victim
Sometimes life hands us the wrong deck of cards, She reminds me of myself. I also have bpd and this is how it presents itself which is true employers don’t love I’ve experienced being let go and told off like she was. I wish I could give her the biggest hug because girl I hear you. Life does suck with bpd, and it’s really tough in general. Love you Oli girl, thank you for shedding light on your story.
I'm autistic and I can relate a lot to what she is saying. To succeed as an adult when you're autistic you need a very supportive family, a specific for your needs job, and a right environment. Otherwise it's like being tortured everyday, and people blame you, it's always your fault. And you try your best 1000 times more then average person. But it's always your fault. So it's tough. I really really hope someone helps her find the place to stay and a right job.
My nephews are autistic and I worry for them . They are very smart but maybe it’s just me knowing how cruel the world is. What kind of support do you have if you don’t mind me asking as an adult.
I feel this way with BPD
Same, I have high functioning Autism. I’ve never felt so seen…
Yes I have high functioning autism and have struggled so much with it. People will never understand the level of pain we feel.
Yes I feel she is autistic and with no support system you can have the same struggles she is having. I can't believe no therapist has informed her properly and really helped.
I haven’t related to a story more in my life. If your still around oli, I might have some answers for you!
This is a complete stranger yet I feel as though we have so much in common, I mean the way she describes her childhood just made me have Goosebumps and flashbacks. I was also the fattest kid in class, yet we were dirt poor and I never had money for lunch. The one difference was that we had free lunches. Sometimes I would not eat the lunch at school not only because of the bullying but because I wanted to have it later or share it with my brother at home. Mom always seemed to have enough money for beer and s*** but not enough to go grocery shopping often. I also always felt like an outsider no matter what I did and I only survived as an observer. This still resonates today. This is just from 11 minutes into the interview. God bless you dear. I hope that you find the path that is best for you, but just to let you know the world needs many more people like you.
Same here. As an adult I realized it was just neglect, not just poverty, because she had money for cigs and booze. You're so pretty. I hope you have a nice life now.
POWERFUL 🫶🫶🫶
Makes me sad that kids are bullied in school. Having shitty parents is bad enough. ❤❤
@@froandcara
My son is now 32 but when he was in school, they had a Zero Tolerance policy in place. NO BULLYING was allowed.
I found out about thst one day when l went to pick him up midday for a Dr's appt. There were a group of kids outside dressed in Goth clothing. When he got in the car l asked him if kids dressed like that got teased or bullied. He said "never" and then explained the ZT policy. They also held general assemblies on this topic so that all students were informed.
@@a.wanderer5006 i can totally relate to your story. Thank you love i hope you're good too.
Please find her for a follow up interview! I have thought about oli tons since watching this video last year. Im super happy to hear that she didn’t go through with her plan!
You can be well educated and still suffer from mental health problems. I think that’s important for people to hear and understand. I understand the feeling of what you’re going through. You got this ❤
Well education has nothing to do with mental health.
@@freewithnature you took the words right out of my mouth!
Oli sounds exactly like someone I know who has, amongst many other mental health issues, BPD. A firm diagnosis could change her life. Heartbreaking …I’m not sure this is a person that really wants to end her life. I wish you well Oli.
100000000% She sounds like my sister, an undiagnosed bipolar disorder, with a degree in pharmacology.....
As somebody with BPD, I strongly feel that she has a lot of the traits. Setting her own date to end her life is a loud cry for help and can be common amongst those with BPD. I pray her life gets better and she finds the strength to get the help she needs.
Same, and I can totally relate! But I went through those thoughts and feelings about 20 yrs ago, and have since outgrown them at 60. Hopefully she can hang in there, and work on her BPD meanwhile, and it'll get better! Peace and love 😍
I have BPD. She 💯 for sure has it
I agree 100%.
My mom was BPD. I also have the general feeling that she's BPD from listening to her. She talks a lot about people in her life who started out being nurturers, but let her down horribly. Everything is someone else's fault, and she's a "persuasive blamer." I feel like a lot of her stories are either exaggerations or are untrue. And it's exhausting listening to her. It was obvious to Mark that this is her situation.
I've also thought she probably had BPD (as someone who's not a doctor and doesn't have it) but I sense some narcissistic traits in her. Like, some of the anecdotes she shared dating all the way back to her middle school years make me think she's still attached to some past identity that made her stand out in her mind and she doesn't want to let go of. Is that common with BPD? All in all she appears like an overgrown teenager.
ive been thinking about oli ever since i first saw this video. i really wept listening to her, and she's been a regular on my mind since. my heart aches. its been a month since her deadline. i hope she is in a place where she isn't suffering so, wherever that is. im sorry the world was so cruel to you, oli.
Do you know if she is still alive?
@@333Hedgehogs...wow.
@MIST888 it's not always easy to locate people that live on the streets.
PLEASE don't commit suicide! My sister did 4 years ago and NOTHING will ever take the pain away! You are a beautiful, highly intelligent woman. If you do this there is NO change you'll ever see your daughter. When she's older, she'll come looking for you, her REAL mom!!! Wait for her! I love and care about you! I'm BEGGING you not to do this!!!
Glad you asked about BPD Mark, defiantly reminds me of myself and I have been diagnosed for years.
As someone who also has bpd, this was my first thought too
same
Same
Oli, have you ever explored the autism spectrum? I'm a 35 year old female who went undiagnosed for most of my life because I became so good at masking, and I also have a history of neglect and PTSD. I've always felt like an alien trying to fit in with humans, and no mental illness could really explain that. It took a while for me to even truly accept it because I was so sure if I was autistic, SOMEONE would have noticed and told me (one woman did but none of the "professionals" did). But after joining support groups, on Facebook and locally, with other autistic woman/AFAB, it's clear that many, many fly under the radar. I see a lot of the traits and mannerisms in you, and I just want you to know that there's a group of people out there who understand. Who get taken advantage of because we trust easily, who seem aloof yet are extremely intelligent, and who just struggle to fit in and communicate with others effectively. It's really hard to navigate the world as an autistic person and even harder yet when you're an undiagnosed autistic person who doesn't understand why its so difficult. I wouldn't want you to leave this world without exploring this and perhaps finding your people! It's not a bad thing at all, it's a huge relief to have an explanation and then to begin to heal with people who understand. Please at least research it before your final date to see if any of it fits for you. ♡
I thought the same. I got BPD diagnosis at 28. Then at age 42 (my BPD coaches hinted at ADHD several times) they evaluated me for 3 months and there it was: ADHD. Three years later high scores on the ASD tests and minimal on Personality Disorders. Now at 47 I'm on the right meds (only for adhd) and I'm doing better. Also, a lot of people with ADHD and/or ASD have sleeping issues. I have insomnia and not getting enough sleep for years & years makes you kinda act "crazy". Combine that with misdiagnosis, wrong meds etc & it's a total disaster. Women and girls are very much overlooked when it comes to ASD and ADHD.
Was it Atypical Autism?? I have been trying to get assessed for that for Months and my doctors have all flat out said “you don’t have it.” It is so frustrating - what’s the harm in ruling it out??
@@seaturtlepoppy7679 I mean maybe you just don't have it. Honestly autism is a somewhat rare disorder and if anything seemed overly self-diagnosed
She absolutely is. Listening to her describe her childhood… she checks all the boxes. People are “intimidated “ because she can’t read social cues and those freak outs are MELTDOWNS. She’s adamant about rules and fairness and without structure she gets lost.
It would be easy for her brother and others to manipulate her.
The suicide rate for autistic females is astronomical
@@seaturtlepoppy7679 don’t listen to this Adam guy. One in 50 people is not “rare” and females are so good at masking they slip thru the cracks. It’s very much UNDER diagnosed this guy has no clue. He probably thinks all autistics act exactly like his non verbal nephew. Every one is different and getting diagnosed, especially in the states is hard. Most drs aren’t trained in how to diagnose adults and girls. But as long as you meet the DSM criteria, you ARE.
Good luck to you
It’s bandaid when people try to help. There must be a way for her to empower her self. It needs to come from within. There are no easy ways. I hope she finds her way. She’s smart, beautiful and intense.
What a horrible world we live in when people feel like this is there only option 😔
I hear a lot of myself in how she explains her situation, and it's heart breaking. She makes me want to commit to changing my narrative. Thanks Oli. I hope you are happy wherever you are.
Praying there is someone watching this video who has the resources to help this woman!
Most people with money have it because they sense a good investment when they see it. If it was meant to be, it will be.
She knows where to go for help. She knows there is help. Suicide is a very selfish act. I’ve said this several times, I live every day with the loss that I feel from what my ex husband did. He left. He doesn’t have to deal with the fall out. We do.
Most of us don’t have someone to hug us when things go down. No family, no friends. We suck it up. We find the treatment we need, We DONT give in to victim mentality. It’s very selfish what you’re thinking about. The people left behind, and don’t say no one... because someone will find you and they have it to live with. I lived with my ex husband who left me and our two children. It’s the most selfish thing you will ever do.
@@mwlera4765 It is a horrendous example to others as well. I am so sorry to hear about your ex husband.
prayer is a mental illness, for those that wish to do nothing but make themselves feel better...or take credit for things they did not change because they did nothing...hey that was pretty good huh...I better save that wisdom for later.
Oli, I can’t believe how much I relate to what you’re saying. I wish I could talk with you and have an intellectual conversation about suicide and empathy and suffering and free will and illness. I don’t think you want to die, you just want the suffering to end. I wish you peace. ❤ Mark, thank you for creating space for people to share their experiences.
Yes, Mark. I felt the same listening to her. Victim mentality.
💯
That's what's happens to people's who are extremely abused
Usually PTSD started when she was an infant.
”Even when i feel like an insider it doesnt seem to take too long before i realize that i’m still just kind of an observer”
She put words on something I’ve been feeling all my life
Me too!
Watching the world go by ....
The more you engage with channels like this one, the more you'll see you're not alone.❤️
This is the human condition, you can always find a way to feel different if you try. You’re comparing your own intimate knowledge of your thoughts and feelings to your perception of a stranger.
Start looking for things you have in common with others and perhaps you’ll feel more connected.
Yeah, same.
It is hard to imagine that with all of those therapists none has recommended psychiatric medications to take the edge off the intense emotions she experiences. Even a temporary course would help, She exudes rage, which may often be justified--- but it puts people off. She is intelligent, passionate, and goal directed, with an incredible amount of potential.
Exactly
This. All this. She is in desperate need of meds
Just another bandaid really. I like her rage. It means something.
i think medication alone is not enough, because she is not only struggling with complex trauma-- she is homeless and socially disconnected. once you medicate someone, everything else doesn't just magically fall into place. and as far as the rage is concerned, it's a survival mechanism. it also isn't just rage-- it's hypervigilance and a fight to retain her dignity. in her case, being lulled into a medical fog could actually be really dangerous if no external supports are put in place first. And she's unlikely to get the kind of care right now that someone with a job and a home and good insurance would get, where quality of life and mental clarity and minimal nasty side affects (extreme weight gain, tooth decay, tardive dyskenesia) which only serve to further marginalize patients would be prioritized.
Right, maybe medication wouldn’t help alone or cause other problems, but it could also end up really helping her out.
So sad to see a brilliant mind like that be so troubled at the same time. On another note, it would be interesting to hear her daughter perspective on her mother’s issues. Hope she is doing well.
I would really like to hear her daughters perspective on what happened. Some things don’t seem to add up.
She sold her daughter for validation meth and sexual attention. Now she wants to kill herself but not because of guilt of selling her child. It’s because she has been ultimately embarrassed by the men who had their way with her sexually with a few choice words. Her ego and narcissism being an “intelligent educated woman” won’t let her live with such a bad look. Accountability. She’s no victim. She’s selfish with no self esteem
@@yinx02 i get that she is off kilter but family never cruelly f*cks each other over? i have a malignantly narcissistic family and it makes me give her the benefit of the doubt about the part of her story regarding her brother. complete strangers on the streets of Thailand (i lived there for ten years) have been kinder to me than they eber were to me and no matter what i do, they don't stop the head games & getting pleasure from watching me fail, they set me up to fail more times than i can count and yet always make it my fault. 🤣 it's so sickly absurd that I can only laugh because crying didn't help either.
I started reading this book by Mark Wolynn about transgenerational trauma. ..it basically says trauma can get passed down from 3 generations back. So often people with suicidal thoughts are not just battling their own traumas but the cumulated traumas of several generations before.
That means a lot to me. Thank you for sharing that!
What is the mechanism of transmission?
if my father drinks and beats me and as I grow up I drink and beat my children also for revenge and them
as they grow up they will drink and beat their children out of revenge, out of vent, out of desperation. Sometimes it is "easier" not to break the chains and then pass on the trauma.🌹
@@timhsvwalkinsha DNA
@@christiexjmdmj You're welcome, it's an eye opener, I come from a lot of trauma too. And when she mentioned her father was a vet, I could see it even more...my father was in the military and had very risky top secret jobs, plus alcohol issues when I was growing up, I have CPTSD too.
It's amazing the human will to live. It is so powerful. She is so beautiful, and everything has gone wrong. But still, she is here. She is alive. Her heart still beats. Because she is alive. She is talking, sharing her story. Because she is alive. You never know what others are going through. Words matter so little compared to compassion.
I absolutely LOVE your comment, so spot on!! 💯❤️🔥🔥🔥
her heart still beats because she is alive, true
Thank for for this comment and sentiment. And for caring.
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Empty words.
❤❤❤Dearest Oli, prayed so very hard for you today. Hope you are here with us. We need you here with us now, and in the future. Sending you all the quantum love and healing energy. We can do this. Love you so much ❤️❤️❤️
She didn't do it. Can she stay with you while she tries to get back on her feet?
I’m am so happy to hear the news that she is still here....do you know her? Does she need hall with housing? Thank you for reaching out 💕
Bless her daughter and probably also her brother. No one leaves their daughter with someone they don’t really know much and then never sees their daughter again because of a voicemail, a single mother at that. I don’t know many people who just want to take on a bunch of teenage kids they don’t know that aren’t theirs. There seems like a lot more here. Bless her. I hope she finds the help she needs.
You can't even begin to understand her circumstances. And she said that was her actual brother. If you can't trust your brother who the fuck are you supposed to trust? She thought her brother was looking out for her daughter and she could go back and get her when she was out of treatment. I thought only my brother would be that underhanded and evil. Apparently a lot of families are like that. This is not a true crime podcast, we're not looking for you to solve the case. Sometimes your opinion about someone else's life is none of your fucking business to offer!
For Oli, and for everyone feeling Suicidal… I know the pain you’re in… but I hope you stay 💜💜💜💜💜
She is so brave for being so open and honest! Sounds like her freak outs have something to do with learned helplessness.
Which she has tried getting help for as many of us have, and still get beaten down.
"when you're put in this position, you're not meant to leave" is so real and raw and honest about the homelessness problem here. if you're homeless you're barred from ID's and voting and it looks bad when being employed so people push you away. I am so sorry Oli, I really hope you get that miracle or at the very least get some proper help that can put you on the road to mental and physical recovery. I really relate to the issues you have had as a person w/ mood disorders, ADHD, and autism.
I think the fact that the date is next year, June 1, 2023 is really that last ditch cry for help....I truly hope she finds her way towards self love...which begins with acknowledgment and care, of ourselves before relying on anyone else. I really want her to stay on this side, she seems like a great person by this video 💖💖💖 Also, once again, parents just don't realize the paths they set their children on, things that stay with them for life 😥 and the effect it will have on your daughter, please don't, I beg you
it’s hard when you realize that there’s no one who’s life would be significantly impacted by your passing. 😢
there's always someone. whether you realize it or not. Some guy or gal has feelings for you somewhere and you just haven't found out about it yet. someone thinks highly of you and just hasn't said it openly. there's always someone
Her daughter will be. 😒
Yeah. Life goes on.
Exactly. I hope you haven't had that experience.
My heart hurts for this beautiful woman. I hope she finds the happiness she deserves and is reunited with her daughter ❤❤
There are many who deserve sympathy! Not this one!, she chooses this every day! She is educated and has all the tools to succeed and chooses not to! Her daughter is grown and won’t speak to her so she says someone kidnapped her 🤷♀️ I just didn’t feel any sympathy for her
“The system is not created for anyone to get out of it.” Preach.
Of all the people you've interviewed, PLEASE help her! With your connections please find her the help she needs. She deserves it. I've never felt so much emotional pain for a stranger.
Don’t be so gullible . Her stories make no sense , she’s not this “eternal victim“. I’d love to hear the actual stories that make sense from her brother and daughter .
How do you help somebody who's always going to see themselves as a victim?
@@ktothec24 If you don't see how childhood trauma and neglect affects adult mental health I won't be able you explain my position to you.
@@bugsbunny2944 see my comment to ktothec24
@@ppekpb so she's just doomed to have this mindset no matter what? So much for personal responsibility
You gotta love yourself before you love others. As hard as the pill my be to swallow... Nobody wants to wallow with you in your depression. It's so sad and I had to realize that.
1000%
@@wjhssjhhrfmj wooooaahhh.... Thanks for putting it into perspective. That totally flew over my head. As I'm listening it's clicking together.
She reminded me SO much of a friend of mine that I started to predict her answers. Her speaking style is exactly the same. Her perspective on life is astoundingly similiar. Their experiences are similar.
A few years after knowing my friend she was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. With treatment she is doing so much better.
Yeah, I heard BPD throughout the interview.
Same. I too know a person like this. Sounded familiar the whole interview.
I've felt this way as well, and have always considered it to be an inevitability. I was hospitalized for those thoughts in March of this year. I don't have any plans towards it, but it's always a background thought. I grew up in an abusive household full of neglect, and was given the additional burden of being autistic without knowing it, and not having the necessary support for it. It's very isolating to live in a world that you struggle with understanding. It's even more isolating when the people you thought were supposed to love you, never showed that love, and you were taken advantage of.
Thank you for letting people share their voices and get heard, Mark. Not every one gets that luxury. The world can be an incredibly mean place if you don't know what you're doing, and its easy to get swallowed up in it and be forgotten about.
Here's the thing. So so many people deal with hopelessness and despair and constant thoughts of can't do it anymore. This is clearly evident in all of the many comments on this thread. It takes a lot of courage to continue in the face of all that despair. Know that you are not alone in this battle. I hope you find a way to continue and find a way to come to peace with the reality of today as well as your past. It is rough, and it feels like our world is full of injustices and hardship. Wishing you the best
i've been coping with depression and suicidal tendances for over 20 years, i relate to a lot of what she talked about. i do hope she manages to find hope and solace, it would be such an almighty shame to lose such a kind and intelligent woman. i hope she knows we're all here for her
Stay❤
I connect with her experiences very deeply. I keep coming back to this interview and I hesitate looking her up online out of fear that she is no longer with us. Her talking about the faces she makes and the emotions she deals with I completely relate to. I wish I had the chance to meet you, Olli.
All my love for you Oli. I have attempted sui.cide and I know what it's like to feel that hopelessness. I hope you find peace.
Been there...I hope you're doing better now.
Her daughter still has time to find her and build a relationship. It’s never to late. I wish her the best.
Depression is really hard to go through. I just wanna give her a hug and tell her that she worked so hard...
That would mean nothing to her
out of all the interviews, this one is the one that will stick with me. I hope shes still here & got all the best outcomes from the given circumstances..
I really don’t want to be disrespectful to her and her struggles but she is not telling the whole story and she is definitely creating a narrative where she is a victim with absolutely no responsibilities for her behavior. I really hope she can be true to herself, be honest and reclaim her life.
Nobody's perfect she stated she has mental-health issues just leave it at that let's not put the woman down shall we when she's already got a suicide have some respect please. What has happened to humanity it's absolutely disgusting anymore.
Agree 💯
This one really hard to listen to without feeling just judgmental so ya I can say her energy makes me feel real anxious I hope you do well and wish you the best oli and you stop getting in your own way your not always right
Mania? Seems like it. That is a symptom of mental illness she is racing.
I feel it a bit ironic to tell others they’re “not always right” (which is not the impression I got of this woman, but I’m not sure what the consensus on that would be from viewers) while unapologetically-almost proudly-using your judgements of this person as the sole rational for explaining away an entire interviews worth of issues as reaaaallly being rooted in this woman thinking she’s always right. So I guess we’re supposed to nod and upvote you because you’re always right? Your judgements based solely on this woman’s “energy” screwing up your inner harmony or something. Yeah alright. You’re getting upvotes tho so who knows, I just sense a lot of narcissism.
Remember to be kind people. I hope she works through what she needs and finds peace.
I wish you stay alive for your daughter Oli. I am 33 and have been in recovery for BPD and complex trauma for 3 years and I promise it gets better. Getting a diagnosis and treatment (EMDR trauma therapy and DBT) have allowed me to clear up space to reduce suicidal ideation. My daughter is younger than yours and lives with me but she is my whole reason for being here. I am building a life worth living and I hope you do too 💜
Stop telling people to stay alive for someone else! Do you understand how dismissive that is? You claim you suffer from mental illness so you should know that's something you don't say. Stay for herself. If she can't stay for herself--
The ultimate victim ...with a vindictive twist....Blaming the person who saved her life? She claims to be ""a self-aware person". I think she means self-focused. If she was self-aware she see that she is not the center of the universe and not everything in life revolves around her wants and needs. Setting a date for your suicide? That puts everyone you come in contact with in a position of being responsible for your life. It's sort of mind-blowing in its selfishness. Her poor daughter!
I see a woman who was cut off by her mother, and who is now recreating this in her own life.
Cut off societally- lives in the woods and says she doesn’t trust anyone.
Cut off emotionally- won’t or can’t cry, has a very intense way of speaking/ body language as to keep people at a distance.
Cut off financially- finds an issue at every job, or creates a scenario so that it will end.
And the final act will be cutting herself off from life itself.
Oli, if you’re reading this, please find CONNECTION. Your friends in the desert is a good place to start. Also consider researching or finding a therapist that does “inner parts work”. Sometimes when we have a troubled childhood, some part of our psyche takes over as a coping mechanism. As adults, we no longer need it to run the show. Reparenting my inner child and doing inner parts work changed my life.
I wish the best for you, that you find your way.
When did she say she lived in the woods? Does she live in the woods alone? I missed that part.
@@parisa5014 she said that she doesn’t have a tribe, and that she lives in her car… I thought in the woods. But whether it’s in the woods or not isn’t really the point I was trying to make
This seems like the kind of person that lies so much, she starts to believe it.
Agreed. She is absolutely manic and grandiose. Hope she can find medical assistance and find peace.
Ouch
@@Varo3121 #TRUMP2024PRESIDENT
Oli, I hope you’re still with us. You have a spark. You may not see it but you do. Eccentric, yes, frenetic, yes, but also articulate & insightful & self-aware. It’s never too late until it’s too late. You’re here for a reason; you just need to figure out that reason & it can take time…but it’s about the journey. Not the destination. ❤
Great questions from Mark in this interview
I know I'm going to get a lot of hate for this, but I can't not say anything.
Olli says: "If you save a life it's your responsibility to care for it."
She comes with an example of you can't pick up a kitten and not care for it because it's hurt, if I understood her right.
I'm sorry but I deeply disagree with that statement!
No person can be responsible for another person. Even if you were trying to kill yourself and someone talks you out of it, you can't expect that person to be responsible for you for the rest of your life!
A kitten can't take care of itself. It need us humans, or it's mother to keep it alive. That's not a fair comparison.
And I'm not an ignorant person who don't know what I'm talking about.
I've been very close to suicide myself. And I know how hard that period was for my Mother.
Currently my sister is extremely mentally ill in the verge of suicide.
And it's SO unbelievable hard to be the person trying to help. I've become much worse with my mental health to the point where I was recognising that if this continues, I'm going to be suicidal again myself. I just needed to remove myself from the situation with my sister.
That's one of the hardest things I've done. But I need to let the professional take over. I just can't.
She's a bit like Oli.
In my opinion Oli has many excuses for not getting her daughter, why she's homeless and why she can't keep a job.
If her reason for loosing the jobs was that she was in so bad shape that she couldn't get out of bed, I'd totally understand. One hundred percent.
But loosing jobs because you disagree with the rules of the establishment. No, I don't agree with that.
When you're able to going to work and seem to function good, then you don't have the luxury of saying no to a job when you're homeless and your daughter isn't with you, you don't quit your job because you disagree with some rules or policies.
But that's my opinion.
My sister is also very angry because she doesn't get help.
Yet she's been in contact with several different therapists. But it doesn't work out. So she quit.
But then you can't say that you haven't gotten help. Quite the opposite. You've got offered more help than I've ever have. But you chose to quit or wasn't into it.
That's a HUGE difference.
I feel like Oli also believe therapist are like wizards. My sister believes that. That someone can fix her. No one can fix anyone if that person is totally shut down and not open for anything. They're so opiniated and know so much about mental health themselves that it seems like they believe that they know everything so when a therapist can't offer them something completely new, they're not interested.
I don't know.
I'm just exhausted from trying to help someone who comes off as a martyr.
All they want is help according to them. But when the help is given it isn't what they expected so it didn't help.
If they just had access to this, it would be fine. When you help them get access, it doesn't help or there's a new problem.
I'll stop talking now. I'm just so frustrated.
wow thank you Mark..I was severely depressed 😔 this morning and this interview showed me , I am not in a bad state that I think I am in...