The Realist Gay Dating Advice
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- Опубліковано 24 сер 2023
- Welcome Back, Friends! Today we talk about dating in this modern world and how you can find someone who matches you and makes life better.
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/ jaksattacks
Hope the day is a beautiful one and See you Next time! - Розваги
Personally I think exclusivity as a *discussion point* should come up realtively early to make sure you're on the same page. Don't push it, don't rush it, but if you're having those thoughts feel them out.
YES, I disagree about that on the video, talking about it 3 months after. It's totally fine doing multiple dates and not being exclusive, but it's important to say it. Everyone has a different vision of exclusivity and a definition of being in couple. Personally if someone come and say 3 months later that he has multiple dates doing sex, I would feel just like his next friend with benefits, it's not a date anymore.
@@wolfwoof2000agree with this. Everyone is different and everyone can do whatever they please but communication is key. Yes we all can go on dates with different people while we get to know each other but some people just don’t like the thought of the person you’re getting to know getting down with another person. I think this all comes down to communication and what each party is comfortable with.
I am 30 years old and I can say that it is really hard to find true love and monogamous life. Life is too short to stress over people who don't deserve it. Sometimes life doesn't give you what you want... Not because you don't deserve it, but because you deserve so much more. Avoid people who only bring you stress. Don't live in yourself what destroys you. Temporary people most often give lifelong lessons. Maybe fate wants you to know a few wrong people in your life. So that when you get to know the right ones, you can appreciate them and be grateful for them. What is coming is better than what is gone. Yes, I made several mistakes. Life doesn't come with instructions. Better to be sad with love than happy without it. When your heart breaks, your brain starts working. The desire to avoid suffering means a separation from an essential component of human life. Ignorance, lust and hatred are the sources of suffering. They are called the three poisons of the mind. Not everyone we lose is a loss. I hope we find the ending we deserve after all we've been through.
I'm touched reading your comment .
Honestly, I was in a long distance relationship with a New Yorker for about 2 and a half years. Just this January he suddenly cut contact with me due to his worsening cancer.
On our last video call on December 6th 2023, we were fine. We love each other and I know he pushed me away because he's scared of seeing me in pain if I lose him and maybe he no longer had the energy to sustain any engagement with me.
I still love him. I give signal through my IG profile picture for him although he never responded to my follow request, he saw my profile picture.
That's the only thing I can do.
The sad thing is, those who long for a long term relationship like me are either treated badly by bed-hoppers, or falling in love with someone overseas that loves me well but unable to realize our meetup, or simply forgotten coz people are always looking for sex and physical perfection more than what's inside.
I'd love to be in a long term relationship, married, going through our ups and downs together as a real relationship isn't always fun and sometimes have it's turbulence.
I am a loyal person and once I'm set into that one person it would be hard for me to forget that person. That's why, dating is such a big deal to me.
How I wish at least the current guy I'm in love with would text me and tell me how he's doing.
And how I wish I could heal well if he's truly gone coz I love him dearly.
And I wish to find someone like me who loves me for me and be in a long term relationship.
I know I'm complete with just me, but yeah, who doesn't want love?
God bless you, btw.
@laddso5444 hi
I don't care about love I'm not able to hang out
Hiii there 😊
i love your profile picture :)
I had numerous sexual experiences with men but only lately did I actually start dating. Most guys are just about sex and it's gross, especially on grindr. It's also tough when you are in a smaller town, very limited options. I don't see anything wrong with being in a committed relationship relatively quickly.
Im pretty much in the exact same situation as you. Only just started dating and in a smallish town. I actually gave up on Grindr and deleted it because of that. I made one great friend though so that’s good. All the other dating apps barely have any guys on them as well, and quite a lot of the local ones are just looking for non-monogamous relationships.
To be fair though its a reality of dating in small areas. The majority of the girls on the apps are the same ones that were on them 10 years ago.
@@Bejeodiehrubridjehfoekdjriwknr
Really they were on the apps 10 years ago 😂😂😂😂😂
@@JaiJaiTheAries yeah there's a few red flags around here lol.
yep. its like sex first, then maybe date. should be the otherway...
Agree with all points. Also, while dating is a process in which we get to know another person . . . Dating isn't a job interview. Yes, ask inquisitive questions, but don't rapidly fire off different topics as if you're checking off a qualification list.
Favorit film, color, star sign, income, height, number of partners, bedroom preferences.
Also, one thing I personally have learned is to go on at least two dates. Unless there is an obvious red flag or total disconnect with the person of course.
But how someone acts on a second date may be completely different then the first date as there should be a diffret level of comfortability and confidence on both sides, and you are able to bring forth a more honest reprisintion of your true self.
Even being in my late 30's, i needed to hear this. Thank you, you beautiful soul!
I agree 100%. Dating is a lot different now than it was when I was dating. People seem to be in such a rush for something serious. Of course, I can't talk. My wife and I got married after 2 months of dating, but we're still together after 32 years. Sometimes it does work out. Have a great day!!!
I'm currently talking to this guy, and he's basically the first guy that's ever wanted to date me. I'm finding out we essentially have nothing in common, besides both having ADHD. However, the fact that he's interested in me is too intoxicating for me to properly observe the red flags and recognize the incompatibility.
I think that’s the problem with our society nowadays. I think so many people are so against dating. Everything is either a hookup or a “fun time” so when WE DO actually find someone who wants to be with us, we tend to ignore the negatives or the fact that we might not be compatible with them. Regardless, I think you should communicate with him and try to not ignore those red flags just because he wants to date you. Never suppress your feelings just because someone shows a little bit of interest in you.
Yessss I absolutely agree with this. All points. Excellent video Jaks. Part 2?
Very lucid and very wise. I wish I had had your level of emotional maturity when I was your age, many years ago. I hope many people get to listen to this video and to discover your channel, in general. My best to you.
Love all of these. And what I tell friends that are starting to date people....like you said over all general dating 'suggestions'. This is not a perfect world. We have very few hard and fast rules to live by. Life should be enjoyable! Thus the process of finding a significant other should be enjoyable.
Now on to the reality...most of my friends agree with these suggestions....yet refuse to follow them. Hahahaha They want to...but never seem able to. It is VERY difficult when you want something so bad that you are unable to admit to yourself that that is a problem. Also it's really tough to find others that will match you in this level of dating. And many times instead of realizing the true problem, we make excuses or dismiss right away. It's a tricky balancing act to be sure. Thanks for your insights as always Jaks! Especially coming from a super attractive guy, where the assumption is you can have whomever you want and that dating isctherefore easy for you. Really nice to know we are all in basically the same boat.
Great video and great advice. Very good information. Keep up the great work.
Thank you have a great day ❤
Really helpful advices! Thanks ❤
This really helped me tonight. Thank you 💚
Awesome video! Brain-healing advice! Tanx from Arizona.
Have coffee first; not the bedroom ! 😊
Thank you so much for this video
As a general rule, I won’t get into a committed relationship with anyone until I’ve known them for all seasons - people have peaks and valleys. Sure there are outliers, however it still takes months - both people should see the ugly and the beauty of each other, and no one on this planet gets a full grasp of that in weeks. Dating people at the same time, not sleeping with them, does give you a better understanding on many aspects of your life and helps you to really hone in on who best fits with you.
Good advice, thank you for the video
Thank u for it , really helpful
Very good advice, thank you!
Glad it was helpful!
Thanks for sharing 🙏💜🙏
Thank you gorge, love ya
Awesome! & intense. Point on.❤
Good advice from a very mature young man.
This was great advice
Love the video, Jaks. Specifically within the LGBTQ+ community, what are your thoughts on dating and compatibility in the bedroom?
more often than not I keep seeing people using "taking it slow" or "keeping options open" as an excuse to keep others on a side bench. Oh, incase my first option didn't work out i'll come back to you 🙄🙄 and so the dating games begins
Good stuff again.
Personally when i date someone, i focus exclusively on this person and see where it goes. When it doesn't work out there's nothing to cry about, couse it's okay to not vibe with eachother. And then i move on. But dating with few different people in the same time can be exhausting and distracting. The depth of such connection is also lower couse you split your attention to different people making it shallow. I agree with taking your time, there's no need to rush with it. When i see someone is what i need then there's no reason to compare it to someone else.
Another aspect is that we do not need to feel as if marriage is going to complete us when we find the one person who can understand the essence of our soul we do not need to have an emotional and sexual attraction to that person. It can be difficult when the sars Ali and we do find them. When the universe blesses us with such a person, paper won’t validate the relationship.
I am 46, he is way younger than I. His advice is on point. I need to learn
Good advice ❤
Hate that I learn all this stuff when it’s too late 😂 / after learning the hard way
LOL, 2-3 months of "casually dating" is normal? I guess, if you have one date a week - sure... but you gotta decide in a month if you wanna properly date or not, imo. I'm not wasting 2-3 MONTHS on someone who is hanging with other people and can't decide shit. Dating exclusively doesn't mean "i'm ready to die together", it's just proper respect to person you really like and you wanna try something with. And multiple datings are just giving "I wanna get the best deal in the market" vibe - and that's why you are probably alone. Yes, getting broken heart sucks, but that's just part of experience.
Why does everyone’s body count has to be so fucking high
Well said
16:30 I'm lost there, putting upfront "I'm dating other guys too, I need time to be exclusive" I would be feeling weird about that 😅If the guy I'm dating engage about that kind of conversation 3 months after, that would be way too much for me. It's like sex isn't a deep bound for him and having dates and sex with other is just normal. I think it's totally fine, but the communication would feel super weird and turn me totally down lol It's like I'm gonna be his next friend with benefits and that's it.
It's fine needing sex with multiple ppl, it's just the way of engaging the conversation this way in a date, this late, that feels off.
It's the century old "I want you to be committed to me, but I'm not going to be committed to you" mindset lol
Sound advice ❤️🔥💪🏾 thx for helping out the girlies 😂
You're British af
The browZZ ✨✨✨✨
You’re a beautiful soul
Can we talk about how to even land solid dates in real life if you are not into apps? When I started dating there were no apps (they came out when I was around 25). People were social. We had no trouble talking and getting dates. Now (in my late 30s, been married and divorced) everyone appears to hide behind the app screen. People seem awkward AF in real life. And it appears many don’t want anything serious. It seems like intimacy is not wanted. But maybe it’s just my experiences. I think I’m pretty social and I haven’t landed a date that wasn’t from an app when being social, reaching out to people etc.
So as someone who hasn’t dated before, what are the stages? I’m thinking it’s friends, dating, relationship. Is that right?
That's typically how it works because a frienship is foundational to a relationship. You have to genuinely like the person you're dating.
I completely disagree with your point about the waiting period, especially the idea that it isn’t adult behaviour to want exclusivity earlier than that. Personally I prefer exclusivity in about a month (obviously this depends a lot on how many dates we’ve been on etc). I generally hold the opinion that it is better to be slightly more serious earlier because that will really give you a better idea of how well you will gel with a person and potentially their friends and family.
And I think you’ve got it wrong about the jealousy part. Im not jealous about you dating other people necessarily, its more that I prefer it to be semi serious earlier on.
Obviously you are completely entitled to your opinion and I respect it but it’s interesting because for me it would also be a bit of a red flag.
Also maybe Im just a different person because I tend to forge my best friendships with a month, and I still have the same set of best friends from high school (and a couple from just after school) 20 years later.
In my case I have problems relating to relationships, social phobia, or I don't have social skills
wow this jacob elordi variant gives decent advice
Also, how much do age and looks matter? I'm 34 told im attractive but most of the guys that somewhar interest me are in their 20s...most just want one night stands and "fun". Im down for fun too, but I want MORE, something lasing (which could totally be platonic) BUT not just an enciounter/ one night stand and never speak again. I HATE THIS about the community.
Am in my early 20's
That age group specifically is known for not wanting to settle down yet. You'll have more luck trying to date guys your own age or 10+ years older who are already settled.
Abd now I figure out why my date were not going well here in Europe (as a person with asian culture and background)
I will be honest with you. Although a partner can't "complete" you, most of us do need a long term partner to be there for us.
I do believe in this old saying that "we can't live alone". We need someone to be there for us.
And your immediate family and friends will not be there for you until the old age for that.
@@nezahuatez And not everyone is blessed with lifelong friendships or extended friend families. For some family (including families you create through relationships) and work are all they have.
Bro you need to account for those wild cards
Can we just friendly meet married guy ? I have been approached by lot of married one 🙃
What if you're a hardcore introvert who finds the idea of casually sitting down and talking to someone to be a personal hell?
7:33 While I personally agree with that, we are both majorly wrong and only believe that because America has been conducting a disturbing social experiment on the entire population for the last 50 years.
7:03 “I don’t need anybody” is the equivalent of saying you are a computer with no CPU, just a GPU. Your brain requires the social medium to perform many critical tasks:
1. Language Processing
2. Emotional Regulation
3. Social Cognition
4. Theory of Mind
5. Empathy
6. Moral Reasoning
7. Identity Formation
8. Memory Recall
9. Executive Function
10. Decision Making
Your brain was built for an environment where you would be living with and constantly interacting with the same 30-50 people all day, every day, forever. As I type this, my brain is vociferously arguing against everything I just said, drawing up points, arguments, and paradigms that prioritize the importance of personal self-reliance.
Is there value to self-reliance? Absolutely. Has the concept of self-reliance and its importance gone 100,000 miles too far? Yes. We have a group of completely independent people: the wealthy. Interpersonal interdependence does not exist for them. Guess what? They all score high in callousness, Machiavellianism, and narcissism: basically, deeply sick individuals that are functionally sociopaths.
Where’s this all going? “I don’t need somebody” is 100% false. Additionally, this rationalization allows you to persist indefinitely in a devastatingly impoverished environment. If I randomly picked 15 men ages 23 to 32 and told you they were your only partner choices for the rest of your life, I can GUARANTEE one of those options would be suitable for creating a stable, long-term union with you.
Basically: Significant self-reliance is a lie. It is devastating to your health (mental and physical), and it is a paradigm that is self-reinforcing.
How about to a day it?
Honestly, do not use dating apps, i will be going to isolate for another year.
I hard agree with all of this… as the ideal… but… I find it hard to get 1 date? Haha. So makes me have mixed feelings about some things
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
I like guys. So I am ok.
I’m too desperate to watch this. Please help 😂
dating is sooo difficult I quit haha
heyyy aren't you friends with sam? cool video tho ;)
👍👍👍
For me, I’ve started gearing myself towards finding a roommate…with benefits..who’s also my friend -but not best friend. Ya know?
HI
🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰
Hey :-)@@ericfreshcorn3590
Don’t do that
✨💯✨
Is your snus teitcching?
You look so much cuter with hair cut
Noooo
The internet and the economy destroyed dating in all aspects. Gg folks
is this dream
Im 54 years old. The ❤ of my life died in 2016. Ive been single ever since. I tried dating apps. They should be called hook-up apps. 😒🧐🤨😁🏳️🌈
If you are day it have to be fluid.
What about "racial preferences" (when it's really just racism)?
Get over it and face reality?
@@nezahuatez I'm just going to continue to be racist, thanks.
You're one of the most fucking prettiest guys i've ever seen. I'm outta breath, no joking
That is so incredibly kind of you! Thank you so much.
Heartless generations
Ew
Hello Jaks. I have a very interesting topic to talk to you about. Please let me know how we could contact each other. Thanks a lot!