No. Because being with my family is an important part of my year as I don’t see them much for the rest of the year as they live far from me. Also, they let me be me at Christmas. They allow me to be on my own if I need it. For me the stop is in January when Christmas and New Year has gone and then I start going again in the middle of January. Then my ship starts again.
@jillianoldfield2300 Agreed. For me, there's also the horror of children on school holidays until the end of January. What in hell are they doing in little noisy gangs in supermarkets? It baffles me. A supermarket is a nightmare at the best of times. I desperately need to go to Officeworks, but they are there too.
Me too. I will say that the pandemic was such a gift in that I didn't have to feel obligated to go to family gatherings anymore. I just kept it going. This christmas I stayed in my jammies and just spent the day with my guy. We watched a few shows and movies and ate Chinese food. No gifts exchanged. I feel so lucky to have someone in my life who gets it and gets me.
I've done the same. This past Thanksgiving/Christmas/every other holiday they've made up - was ignored and I thoroughly enjoyed being about the house in my relax clothes doing whatever I felt like doing.
2:30 I called those "Shipping ships" once, as a grown adult, because I forgot the word "freight". I find it a bit odd that people seem to expect things to magically change, for some arbitrary reason, on January 1. "Oof, that year was a dumpster fire. Glad to have a fresh start!" Except that it never is. The past is still the past, and it continues to affect the present, date be darned.
The masking that I have to do at this time of year (which pretty much starts after Halloween is over most years) is so utterly exhausting that I am in severe autistic burnout now. I have lost my executive functioning. I can barely get out of bed at the moment. I completely relate to what you are saying. I feel like I have a heavy brick just above my eyes in the front of my head which never goes away. I just want to be left alone and for people to go away, but one of the people that comes once a week to support me had said they think I need much more support, possibly daily. I am terrified. The absolute terror of having to navigate and deal with the social side of that would far outweigh any benefits I might get from it. This is what I get for being so honest about how I feel. It just makes me remind myself not to trust anyone, even if their intentions are seemingly good. They just do not understand.
Here in the US, it is peak seasonal depression time as well. The kiddos get about a week and a half, or maybe two weeks off, but I work in healthcare. I get zero days off. All the holidays mean for me is that I'm supposed to pretend to be cheerful. Ugh. I completely understand your analogy, though, and I'm sorry that it's a different kind of awful down under. That's how I feel when I get sick and people tell me to "rest." Autistic inertia is real on so many levels.
Yeah... on top of the economic misery, we barely got to the middle of January here before *immediately* getting knock-out after knock-out of crazy devastating events and cultural downfall. So I highly doubt that even neurotypicals can pretend that anything has changed this time. People tried to celebrate and have hope when the NYE ball dropped, but I bet most of us can plainly see for real this time that there is no more going back to "normal" because a date changed. It's "all gas no brakes" now.
You aren't alone. I get it. I'm struggling to stuff new items I got for Christmas in my cabinets and deal with a years accumilation of papers i.e. bills. Feelings of overwhelm and I'm not making any New Years resolutions that I'm not going to keep anyway.
I hate new year's nonsense. It ticks so many unhappy boxes for me: I hate change, I hate the arbitrary and fake "milestones" and platitudes, it marks the end of the holiday season (which I enjoy), it's usually accompanied by obnoxiously drunk people partying and setting off fireworks (which cause meltdowns for me), and it signals the start of the "dark time" here in Alaska (when all the holiday lights have been taken down but we're still in darkness for 18 hours a day. This year we dont even have snow on the ground to brighten everything up and the weather has been weird so I can't do my normal solitary winter activities (ice skating and snow walks)😢
I feel like all holidays are just another day. What's the big deal? It doesn't need to be anything special. Some people just feel really tied to those traditions. I say, make your own. :)
Christmas time is like dating a manic pixie dream girl for two months before being ghosted. So much excitement, so many lights, just gone! So cruel, lol.
I don't like all the social noise I can hear from my neighbours and the people in their cars who insist on listening to their music at the highest volume possible. Thank goodness for noise cancelling headphones. I gave up going to parties for new year. One of the best decisions I ever made. No fatigue from masking and the morning of 1st January is so quiet I love it. Edit: I'm in the UK. The school summer holidays in August are another social noise I could do without.
I started 2025 without a mom. 2025 is the first year of my life without my mom here to guide me and make me feel safe. 2025 is my first year completely on my own as an adult orphan. 2025 is going to be the hardest year of my life and most of everything inside of me hopes it will be my last. I am utterly lost and I hurt so badly that I barely move… every inch forward is a new level of terror… I have never felt so alone or so helpless. The biggest part of me is now missing and I know that there is no stretch of time that will make me whole. It’s the year 2025 and I am profoundly tired. Not sure I’ll ever truly rest again. I just want my sweet, sweet momma to come rescue me like she always has… It’s indescribable to be so aware that help is not coming. 💔💛💔
I know what you just reminded me of? I can remember as a teenager in high school looking in the mirror and telling myself you have to get up every morning and take a shower every day for the rest of your life! That was so overwhelming to me. And I know that sounds ridiculous. Oops I meant this for direct comment lol
"make sure of all things, hold fast to what is fine"! (1Thess.5 :21, the Bible) And what's 'fine' is not (according to the Bible) just the warm memories of your Mom, but the fact she will come back home one day. The Bible says that "there is going to be a resurrection"..... An awakening from the sleep of death. Something I'm looking forward to.... So much.... For my Mom too. She was a source of security and stability for me. I can understand (tho of course we have individual feelings of loss) the way we feel the loss! It's awful! But, not without hope. a better earth is ahead "a new earth" with no more tears, no suffering or death..... And Our Moms will come back to us, in the resurrection. Wait for it. And if you'd like to hear more about that, check out the JW. ORG free website, on the topics of 'resurrection 'and, too,' the Kingdom of God', & see what you think.... You do have good reason for hope🎈( see:Revelation 21 :1-5)! May you rest easy in hope of a happy future with her again!
I am new around here, I've been diagnosed and watching your vids for only a couple months. I didn't realize the toll that the holidays would take on me. these last few weeks were so hard for me until I learned that its common for the holidays to be so hard and to have a need for recovery after. Thanks for putting yourself out there, I am burnt out too even tho I am in the Northern Hemi in Chicago
AUDHD diagnosed in August 2024, I’m an old lady . Nope Don’t do it! I said officially 30 + years ago no more of these guilt forced events. Nope no thank you. I agree with you totally ! At first “they” were offended disappointed, angry blah blah blah. I give gifts , send cards when I think of certain people. It’s from my heart not from societal GUILT and merchant greediness. I feel your frustration and pain. Just say no thank you. ❤
You're singing my song today. It's a brutal day for me. I wanted to have a decent day today but my brain wants to be hyper-irritated and very unhopeful about the so-called future. Blerg.
Happy new year! Stuff that. It won’t be better than last year. I am depressed beyond beyond. Get it? I’ve thrown myself into somthing new just to escape this feeling. A bit obsessed. Will burn out soon. Good luck to you. Hugs
I understand, Orion. The holidays are so draining. In addition to all of the holiday chaos, my biggest advocate, my mother, died right after New Years a few years ago. I need her really bad this year, and she isn't around. It is tough. I wish everyone well in trudging through these tough times. I'm an old lady compared to most on here... it will get better, at some point. Do what you need to do to get through it. Lean on the ones you trust. Advocate for yourself, even if no one seems to listen. Be the best version of "you" that you are capable of being during this time. Remember that while you might feel alone in this, you are not. You have a community that understands... your community... this community! Take care!❤😀
I wanted to cry hearing this. I see you brother. Same 😢One Day at a Time!! Only way I can survive 😢❤ I have learned to advocate more for my sensory needs as much as I can and it does help but it's still very hard. You can do this!! We can do this ❤
I agree, Orion. When I compare myself with many people gathering for many holidays, I start to see my weaknesses more and my strengths become a distant memory. Funny that.😅
Every December 31st, I process the "what happens today will soon be "last year" and so on." The next day, things are new, but not really. Kinda is weird. I stay home (like usual, ha!) and go to sleep before that weird clock/calendar change thing happens.
By end of December nearly the whole office is on holidays, except me. So by mid Jan, I have just gotten used to the weird stilted pace, and the quiet (which is heavenly) and then BAM! Everyone comes back and its the noisiest time of the year, everyone needs to tell you everything they've done for the last month for their summer break, and everyone is rested and ready and raring to go and my brain just.... explodes. I literally have the shakes by the end of the day for about a month, and every year I get so close to just quitting work and hibernating for life.. and guess what time of year it is.. again.. deep breaths.
One of the benefits of living alone is that I alone get to decide how I want to spend the holidays. New Year's for me was spent doing the same stuff, playing the same games, watching the same shows as I would any other day. For food, I bought nothing but comfort foods and drinks and had nothing but stuff I love all day. The fireworks at midnight are severely overstimulating for me, but at least the sound of it I can drown out via listening to music on my earbuds. The visuals of it are very pretty to look at, but knowing how overstimulating they can be, I wear earbuds to drown out the noise, and look at them for a couple minutes while having a smoke before I return to what it is I was doing before. All that I had to do in preparations was buy food and drinks and get my shows and youtube playlist ready. It was a glorious day, but only because I live alone did I get to do what I wanted to without compromise. As a kid, I loved New Year's, but I would be very overstimulated after a couple hours of people, food I didn't usually eat and later on the fireworks and music. While I do still enjoy the festivities to an extent, I much prefer just being able to spend all day doing the same thing I usually do while having the same comfort food and drinks I normally have. I think, since I've started living alone, I've started viewing the holidays more as me time. While everyone else is out doing the things they like and eating the food they eat for the holidays, I'm just sitting at home playing Minecraft and eating pizza and crappy microwave burgers that also simultaneously taste amazing. Ultimately, it ended up becoming a small bit of respite from having to pretend to be "happy" and "normal", and is now a time where I can just do what I want for no other reasons than I like doing it and it helps me cope.
I really enjoyed this video. I just feel like the whole "New Years" thing is so illogical in a lot of ways. Where I've grown up in the US, it's a period of reprieve or quiet in nature, and it always feels like a spiritual "ego death" time for me of introspection. I am so mentally and physically exhausted after the holidays I feel like I spend much of January reflecting on "why did I do this to myself again" 🤣. I feel like it makes way more sense to have this whole "fresh start" attitude around the spring equinox in March. Not that you need a specific time of year to pursue all these aspirations or self improvements. I liked that your video highlighted how all of this intense routine disruption and change is so hard on our autistic brains. Holidays were hard enough for me just doing it with family or friends. But I didn't even realize how many work spaces almost force you to participate in these "holiday events" that not only disrupt the work day and schedule but they also put immense amounts of social pressure on people.
I think starting a new year can be very hard for those that live in the northern hemisphere because not only you're feeling the typical new years kind of stuff you mentione, but it's also cold and it gets darker earlier as opposed to Australia where it's summer, more sunny, and worm.
This is very true. I actually don't observe the turning of the year until February, partly for this reason, partly to give myself the time to prepare for the year ahead.
I feel this one my friend. Broken and exhausted is my best way of explaining it. I don’t want to get out of bed, even though I want to work on my music and art. I just don’t have the energy for anything and I don’t know when I’ll be able to. Just surviving, paying bills and waiting to die. Oh what a life lol
A freighter that's gotta start up and go without any source of fuel, I feel this so deeply. Takes till mid year till get up and running? YES. This is why my most productive months have always been August-October, and it pisses me off no end.
Honestly, I couldn't imagine dealing with that start stop in the summer. In the northern hemisphere, it's at least winter, when our bodies just kind of *want* to hunker down and do our own things in our nice warm caves. Might be worth analyzing the seasonal difference in your breaks too see if that could be having an impact on your ability to function.
I'm so sorry for your pain, Orion. I'm 💯 certain that MANY autistic people can identify with these issues. I'm fortunate to have a bit of a different situation, in which I'm surrounded by pretty understanding, accepting people...even before my diagnosis 6 months ago at 53!! I hope you are able to recover your momentum quickly. Don't give up, my friend.
You are not alone.Thanks for doing this video. I absolutely have to set boundaries to regulate myself in life in general.So basically what I do is one small Get together for Thanksgiving, never at my house preferably at a restaurant wearing noise cancel headphones. I attend 1 brunch in early Dec and 1 quick visit on Christmas eve, party new years eve if I feel like it. That way things are more manageable. All of us in my household have autism, regulation and quality of life are priorities.
You said it how i feel every year again and again . Because my birthday is on December the 28th is sucks even more ! Nothing on tv ( lots of de same shit every year ) the weather that makes me depressed and all those nonsens of peace and happiness foresd up us . NEW YEAR , nothing's changing , masking all the time to 'fit in '. Lots of financial dificulties because a noise canceling headphone and stimming toys are exspencive ( sorry for my bad english writing ) . It sucks so HERE WE GO AGAIN ......
I had great new year, i got diagnosed in december, found your vids, understood finaly what i have after 30 years. Immediately i felt way better, so now the proses started to reclaim my life ant sanitie in a new year ;)
For me the new year feels no different to any other day. Yay, we circled the sun but why does that change anything? Just carry on with life and achieve goals anytime you want, not just in the new year lol. It feels weird to celebrate the holidays to me but I do it anyway because people force me to, otherwise I get looked down upon and criticised. So I just ride with it the best I can. It drains me so much and drains my savings!
@@Zookeeper. No. Autism is a pervasive developmental disability that negatively affects our lives and health from birth through death. We may have one or two strong suits that serve to keep us from hating every second of our existence, but they hardly outweigh the negatives. Sorry, autism is hardly a gift.
Hello! I’m so glad you’re making a video about this because I’ve really been struggling this week. When the kids are home on break from school that throws my schedule off so fiercely. It’s very dis-regulating. Once school is back in session it’ll take a few weeks to get my own freight ship going again. All school breaks are like that for me. Yes, I can relate 100%!
And maybe there is something important about this "xmas in summer in Australia" thing. This is "the darkest time of the year" celebration. "We are sitting in the dark night" celebration - not "middle of summer" feast. So maybe it IS something deeply unintuitive in trying to do this on the other hemisphere in the same calendar (but not astronomical) time.
The misery of being autistic while suffering in a crowd of overheated, drunk, squabbling family members trying to cook and eat a roast meal in the middle of a 40 degree Celsius Australian summer day is indescribable. Absolutely horrible. I wish I'd stopped trying to endure it decades ago.
@@jillianoldfield2300 I've never been in Australia or anywhere on the southern hemisphere so I don't know maybe I'd love it 🙈 (I think NO because I hate heat) but traditional xmas dishes in my country (Poland) are so deeply connected with winter and cold!
I'm in the UK and I love this time of year because it's winters here. I always thought having Christmas in summer would be weird, but I never considered that it would coincide with the summer holidays. I hate summer. I can see that ruining any celebrations!
I'm 56 female autistic with sensory processing disorder. I recently called 911 due to me mate beating the living day lights out of me. He told cops he did nothing wrong it was all me. I told police he was just released from a phyciatric hospital. I was covered in bruises screaming and crying for 12 hours straight in a cell. I was the victim . My ex said I'm blaming you if you call 911. He did not want to be arrested. Well guess what I was arrested cuffed laughed at told by law to grow up. Then they would talk to me in my cell. He was never arrested. I cannot believe it. I'm at a loss for words. He said I held a knife to him and then shotgun. Which of course was all a lie. They actually bought his story. I'm at a loss and at this point in life it's time to fight back as an autistic adult. This I so wrong. I'm still sitting here thinking did this really happen. I lost hearing in right ear due to him punching me in the head. And I'm arrested. Please give me some advice.❤
2024 was the worst year of my life and everything indicates that 2025 won’t be any better. I have stepped back from family events and it’s been really good for me. I appreciate the heck out of Orion for sharing and making content. I look forward to getting his book. It’s incredible how much I have learned from him and his guests. Truly a gem and one hell of a remarkable humanitarian. Seeing him unfiltered has helped me accept myself and I will always be grateful!
I can definitely relate to this! Or the opposite, if I DO try to do nothing, I am left with no special interests, stress, overwhelm, and feeling terrible for not doing things that I want to be doing. Sigh. Yes, this makes so much sense for me. Thank you for being this for the world to see. I know it's not easy! ❤
This is probably the most relatable video for me so far. Even in years where I might want to participate, the call to routine is strong. I'm often at the office wondering why work is slow and nobody answers emails before someone comes back from vacation to ask "why don't you ever take vacation?"
I've been trying to work out why I'm so depressed. I hit me just before New Year. But why I've been wondering. I thought that I'd got it sorted this year. Nope. Thanks for this video. You have given me understanding. Take care everyone.
Yes yes yes!!! You nailed it. This past holiday I skipped it, as far as shopping for everyone,NO, enough is enough. Programmed to buy, let go! We did have a meal together as a family and it was great, no pressure. I also quit the new year resolution a few years ago and wow, freedom from the world view of what nt do. Thank you
I love that analogy of the freightliner slowly chugging along. I finally got my rhythm back somewhat (new part time job) and Christmas holiday season festivities kinda gums that up
I agree with you! Especially this year because I'm working towards my diagnosis, and my 5 year old boy has all of my same symptoms. From ADHD and ASD. I think because of that, I feel my disregulation more and see how, especially the holidays, affect my son. Too much excitement can = meltdowns.
Ive never had a job that gave off more than christmas or thanksgiving day. So for me it just means all the expectations of the holidays on top of struggling to take care of myself after coming home from an exhausting underpaid job. No rest for the weary.
Ouch. You got the worst of both worlds. I used to work hospitality: compulsory to work Christmas and New Year. I loved it! I got double wages while pitying the customers' stressful, meaningless, expensive experience
@jillianoldfield2300 yup, i once worked third at a hotel an the day shift person didn't show up on Christmas. So i had to work a double. I cant do hospitality any more and i can barely do any public facing role of any kind.
I completely relate. I never pay attention to birthdays or holidays. They really might as well just be Merry Un-birthdays. It's painful to have to participate in them with family gatherings as well... I would rather work or keep to myself. 🙏
I know what you just reminded me of? I can remember as a teenager in high school looking in the mirror and telling myself you have to get up every morning and take a shower every day for the rest of your life! That was so overwhelming to me. And I know that sounds ridiculous.
I travelled to see inlaws for a week. On the way home, I told my wife I'm going to need time to decompress after. Within a few days, she's saying "sorry my family is sooo difficult for you". Had to explain that it wasn't just the family, it was the whole process. I think she understands
I love the festive and new year season. When January starts I get a feeling I can’t explain. We are so busy beforehand and all of sudden goes quiet too quiet. It is fine for few days then I feel the need to get back to what I usually do. I am just such a busy person I can find it hard not doing much for too long. I don’t just stop doing art because it is Christmas and new year. I often do more because I have more time and that is one way I get the through the season. The art studio is my safe space.
For starters, I hate the festive period, I don't get it, I don't like it, I find it annoying that businesses stop and don't get going until almost half way through January. Support services aren't available or on limited timeframes with even more limited staff. Any outside interests are also put on hold for a ridiculous amount of time, like some don't start until after the schools return. So my rigid routines are thrown out for, like you said 2 months and I'm supposed to be happy with that. When you said how much time we lost because of this I didn't realise that my life is being wasted because of these neurotypical demands, wow how selfish it that? I thoroughly enjoy your videos, they are honest, down-to-earth and I just learn so much. Having said all that, I just got my official diagnosis of Autism with ADHD (more of the HD than AD) last week. For me, it's a difference from always feeling different but being told it's my BPD or Bipolar to blame when it made no logical sense given many of the behaviours/routines/inflexibilities were not part of the essence of the mental health disorders. I also started looking for groups where I would be able to be myself, no more masking to fit it (which failed over & over again) and maybe, just maybe find a friend?
Yes! I relate so much! This is exactly what it’s like year on year and I start the new year broken, down, dark, detached and lost. I’m in a sludge and barely wading. I’m finding words hard but this video has made me feel heard by someone when all felt lost. Thank you, so, so very much for articulating so very well. Sending so many thoughts to you. You’re not alone. Honestly it’s helped so much 😊👍
Everywhere that I've lived has huge expectations of people in December. In addition to doing everything we normally do, there's an insane number of parties and other events people are expected to participate in. It's impossible.
That video very much resonates with me and my experience of not only new year’s celebration, but also all similar events. Furthermore, my usual response would be plain sickness and long recovery in every way. Thanks, Orion, and Happy New year 😅).
I am with you on this Orion. Every year is a bit much and usually destroys me also. It takes me a long time to rebuild. Mostly I'm sitting in the sand watching my castle go away. Holidays are often painful and startling at best. You are not alone in this. Thank you for articulating what I could not. 😢
The holiday season is so stressful for me. I've got to buy presents for everyone and receive presents that I really don't want. Then I've got to go to parties. While most people regard parties and celebrations as time for great relaxation and rest, I consider parties and celebrations as unpaid work. Once the holiday season is over, I'm exhausted and January is just a dreary time of year for me.
Thank you for making this and making me feel not so alone today. It's not just you! I'm in North America and had knee surgery beginning of Dec. Trying to come back from that while dealing with the holidays has been a nightmare. Thank you Orion.
My mental health is greatly affected around the beginning of a new year, and especially around New Year's Day as a holiday. I never considered it might be partially affected by my autism. I cannot thank you enough for addressing this, it helps me understand where at least some of these feelings are coming from for the first quarter of the year.
I think the equivalent of this feeling in the northern hemisphere is the middle of summer holidays where you're supposed to stop everything because other people are on holiday. Here in sweden i get depressed in january because i have barely seen the sun for 2 months and will see very little of it until 2 more months. I am quite satisfied with doing nothing, but the problem is everyone expects "celebration mode" and me to make goals for self development because of an arbitrary date. So yeah i have a total of 4 terrible months a year 😅
Much like your Christmas video, I’ve never heard this articulated so well. Orion - it’s definitely not just you. This is a very very important video that sadly most neurotypicals will struggle to understand but it had to be said.
This is my first year that I have come to realize that I don't care for most aspects of holidays that amount to so much pressure and me putting too much into something that just ends up exhausting and disappointing. I went through the overwhelm every year but didn't realize what it was. I received my diagnosis in 2023 and I'm only now, at the age of 43, putting it all together. I told my husband that next year will be different. I may have to do some things, and that's ok, but I'm not pushing myself beyond because of societies expectations. I just wish I figured it out sooner for my autistic son. But at least its been a couple of years of knowing on his behalf that he can do these stressful times in whatever way he needs to, no pressure. Now I just ned to apply it to myself! Tough times. I hear you Orion! x
Thank you for this, I love these videos ❤ doing nothing is the absolute worst I can never do nothing it is so stressful. I've combated it by refusing to do all the demands of the season apart from the ones I like as I actually love Xmas and NY but only if I do it my way. It pisses people off but I've learned to live with it. I also spread xmas out over about 3 months so it's not so intense and I dip in and out, I still have some presents to open, Xmas cake and other foods to eat etc and I keep the decor up till Feb so it feels cosy on the dark Scottish nights - it feels more like a winter festival. But I dont slow down on my projects, my routines etc, if anything I do more! Also i re evaluate things in autumn, not Dec January. Works for me and my daughter but its taken years to figure out what suits us and gave the strength to ignore others and do it my way!
Totally relate to all of it, the depression especially, emptiness and stupid routine breakers!! So glad i not alone on this, i always wonder why, thankyou Orion❤
As late diagnosed ASD, I realise that every 31st Dec is a mix of relief that I've made it through the year and dread that the new year will be a year where I go bang.
Yes. Exactly. I'm in my mid 60s and have just started the (paid) screening process with Embrace Autism. Is it worth it? Maybe, maybe not. I wish I'd come to these realizations 40 years ago. It sure explains so many of the struggles an difficulties I've had my whole life. So I think feeling validated is worth it. You help a lot in that regard.
@that autisticguy Yessss!! And, in the US, we have our big Thanksgiving obligations to kick things off, followed by Christmas and New Year…. I love how you kept repeating, “Every year!” And, if I’ve tried explaining my perspective to the NTs in my life, they just dismiss it by responding with something along the lines of, “why get worked up about something that is a year from now? One step at a time, just deal with today!” But, as you said, I’m shattered from this year’s holiday season, I’m depleted and down, so of course the inevitability of piecing myself back together only to be shattered all over again next year weighs on me. We all know it’s coming again, why is it somehow “better” to deny that reality until we are living it again?!? Also, for my particular brand of autism, the cumulative effect is key. I’m now 55, so have been living out this cycle for more than *half a century*, and I am worn down and wearied by that, so feel that I have progressively less capacity to tolerate it with each successive year. How refreshing to feel understood by hearing you express what I am never permitted to with the NTs in my life. Thank you, Orion!
Here in the UK it’s minus 4 and I hate new years because I have no idea what to do with it. I have no goal no new years resolution nothing but I know just what you mean
I can totally relate to your video on Christmas, and this one as well. I relax with relief in early January when my daughter goes back to college, but then I panic when I find January is slipping away and I have not got my plans in order for the year. Then Easter arrives, and it feels like Christmas again (not good). I have actually got two Perpetual Calendars on the go to offload from my brain all the events that are of interest to me. My brain can relax, and I can see in front of me, through the calendars, what events are coming up. Thank you for your inspiration, and validation on what I am also going through. Chris R from Doncaster, England.
Your videos are so refreshing because I do so many of the same things myself...Even @ 17:32 the "facial massage" or vigorously massaging ones cheeks and brow is an important self comforting action that I do as well when stressed. A hard pressing rub of the scalp back to front also has a similar effect.
I don't mind the new year celebrations all I'm hoping for it that this year is going to be decent. The start was bad (Jan to Feb) March to June was alright then July to November was horrible then November to December was alright. I just hope that this year will be better.
My son gets very disregulated during breaks. He doesn't understand why there is a sudden stop in his routine. The other major stressor for our family is there was virtually no work during our Christmas break. So now I have bills to pay and money is very tight. Hope you find some peace soon! Great video!
For me, it's the getting back into my routines after Christmas. I've been distracted, and now it's back to work, but I'm not like that. Luckily, I have plans I had to put on hold for the holidays that I am quickly ramping up, and looking forward to, if it ever stops snowing. That goal is what I'm keeping my eye on. It keeps me sane.
It was like this all my life. A heavy load that I carried forever. Ever since my diagnose last year, i ‘ve been most of the time somewhat secluded. December was like any other month, January feels the same. I don’t care much. Is that wrong? I love to be “away”. Repeated gatherings? No way. One gathering is more than enough. Brief In fact, I took a break and rested. I could not comply with social expectations cause I’d so tired to do anything for days. I am not willing to hand over my energy and compromise my health for social gatherings. I totally support what you say. Boundaries are needed for family to understand. This is me. I see you are so tired. That drained your energy. Take care of yourself. Have a good, quiet and peaceful year.
Be gentle with yourself dear Orion. When I feel as you do now, I feel it without rejection; and then I let it go. Not easy, it’s a constant exercise. Overthinking is the worst
O man that does sound brutal having summer break right after xmas, unfortunate. Summer break is tough on me as an autistic parent that's for sure. With ADHD it's tough to have any semblance of structure and that really makes it drag and feel out of control
Hi Orion. This all makes so much sense. I no longer, sort of by accident, have to attend all the gatherings. In fact, I only have one that I go to (my parents). I'm 54. If invited to others I decline. I think you'd feel so much better if you just declined the gatherings. Make arrangements with your wife that people no longer go into your home. Your home is a sanctuary for you and your autistic son. My cousin's husband never went to family gatherings. It was just something we all understood and didn't question. I never knew why, but maybe it was something like this. Also, I recently learned that the New Year used to be in March, not Jan. Like, ages and ages ago. That would make things easier. Thanks for the video.
I have a similar experience. To add to the Christmas and New Years passing so close to one another, my birthday is also Jan 2. So it feels like I’m almost ritualistically shedding the last year, and entering a new phase of life every year. Which I think has its benefits, but nearly always feels like I’m waking up abruptly from a nice slumber.
I never realized it, but I do struggle every year at this time. This connects so many dots! Now to figure out how to break the cycle by getting ahead of my problems for later this year
You've made me aware of how much I am like the freighter being hard to start and stop! Going from one routine to another and back- summer break was the toughest being nearly 3 months long... then back to school...and back. And it just continued in adulthood with my kids' summer breaks! And here the huge breaks happen 2 times a year. Maybe I'll spend the next 11 months rehearsing saying "no thank you" to some holiday things! And make my holiday battle plan!😂
I’ve just completed my tour of duty, three weeks of forced socialisation. Boy has it taken a toll on me. As much as I love the people I must hang out with at these times it is relentless with no breaks. I now have a a few days off left, of me to get my head to calm down before starting the year of work again. I’m Australia and feel for those in the northern hemisphere winter is already a sucky time of year, it must be tough combining the two.
I think I'm bad to be around any time of year lol I can literally handle very little at this point in my life. Having Christmas with just my partner and kids and having the kids home from school on break is enough to make it impossible for me to celebrate ANYTHING from there on out. And there's so not enough time in between holidays and birthdays to recover from the last. I also don't know how to just stop and restart, and every single night I go to bed is a stop and restart scenario, so basically....this means that every single day of my life is impossible 🤔
it's sooooo true every year I'm thrown off the curve, my routine gets disrupted, I'm forced to be happy and not get my alone time... I thought I was the only broken one.
I feel the one redeeming feature of new year is my relief that at least Christmas is over. Does anyone else agree?
Yes! Defiantly!
No. Because being with my family is an important part of my year as I don’t see them much for the rest of the year as they live far from me. Also, they let me be me at Christmas. They allow me to be on my own if I need it.
For me the stop is in January when Christmas and New Year has gone and then I start going again in the middle of January. Then my ship starts again.
Yes indeed!. That is how I feel to and I say it every January :)
@jillianoldfield2300 Agreed. For me, there's also the horror of children on school holidays until the end of January. What in hell are they doing in little noisy gangs in supermarkets? It baffles me. A supermarket is a nightmare at the best of times. I desperately need to go to Officeworks, but they are there too.
I have simply stepped away from Christmas and New Year’s celebrations. It is not easy, but it has made an incredible difference in my self care.
Me too. I will say that the pandemic was such a gift in that I didn't have to feel obligated to go to family gatherings anymore. I just kept it going. This christmas I stayed in my jammies and just spent the day with my guy. We watched a few shows and movies and ate Chinese food. No gifts exchanged. I feel so lucky to have someone in my life who gets it and gets me.
@@launacasey6513I have a person in my life like that too!
It really is something to b ed appreciative about!
Me too! I’m trying a new thing with gifts and remembering bdays or anniversaries- I don’t even try 😂 but send gifts when I think of doing it.
I've done the same. This past Thanksgiving/Christmas/every other holiday they've made up - was ignored and I thoroughly enjoyed being about the house in my relax clothes doing whatever I felt like doing.
2:30 I called those "Shipping ships" once, as a grown adult, because I forgot the word "freight".
I find it a bit odd that people seem to expect things to magically change, for some arbitrary reason, on January 1. "Oof, that year was a dumpster fire. Glad to have a fresh start!" Except that it never is. The past is still the past, and it continues to affect the present, date be darned.
The masking that I have to do at this time of year (which pretty much starts after Halloween is over most years) is so utterly exhausting that I am in severe autistic burnout now. I have lost my executive functioning. I can barely get out of bed at the moment. I completely relate to what you are saying. I feel like I have a heavy brick just above my eyes in the front of my head which never goes away. I just want to be left alone and for people to go away, but one of the people that comes once a week to support me had said they think I need much more support, possibly daily. I am terrified. The absolute terror of having to navigate and deal with the social side of that would far outweigh any benefits I might get from it. This is what I get for being so honest about how I feel. It just makes me remind myself not to trust anyone, even if their intentions are seemingly good. They just do not understand.
Here in the US, it is peak seasonal depression time as well. The kiddos get about a week and a half, or maybe two weeks off, but I work in healthcare. I get zero days off. All the holidays mean for me is that I'm supposed to pretend to be cheerful. Ugh.
I completely understand your analogy, though, and I'm sorry that it's a different kind of awful down under. That's how I feel when I get sick and people tell me to "rest." Autistic inertia is real on so many levels.
Yeah... on top of the economic misery, we barely got to the middle of January here before *immediately* getting knock-out after knock-out of crazy devastating events and cultural downfall. So I highly doubt that even neurotypicals can pretend that anything has changed this time.
People tried to celebrate and have hope when the NYE ball dropped, but I bet most of us can plainly see for real this time that there is no more going back to "normal" because a date changed.
It's "all gas no brakes" now.
You aren't alone. I get it. I'm struggling to stuff new items I got for Christmas in my cabinets and deal with a years accumilation of papers i.e. bills. Feelings of overwhelm and I'm not making any New Years resolutions that I'm not going to keep anyway.
I'm too busy being anxious and depressed to worry about the fact the last digit of the year number changed.
I hate new year's nonsense. It ticks so many unhappy boxes for me: I hate change, I hate the arbitrary and fake "milestones" and platitudes, it marks the end of the holiday season (which I enjoy), it's usually accompanied by obnoxiously drunk people partying and setting off fireworks (which cause meltdowns for me), and it signals the start of the "dark time" here in Alaska (when all the holiday lights have been taken down but we're still in darkness for 18 hours a day. This year we dont even have snow on the ground to brighten everything up and the weather has been weird so I can't do my normal solitary winter activities (ice skating and snow walks)😢
😂 ikr?!!!
It feels like it’s everyone’s one last excuse to get wasted before returning to their miserable lives.
Does your mum like this time of year?
If you don't want to ask her alaska (ill ask her)
Hehe hehe
@@Lbf5677 found my mom dead from an asthma attack when I was 16... two weeks before Christmas. But thanks for asking!
@@JestheBookWyrm oh sorry, Christmas and new year are really not good for you then
New Year's Day is just another day for me.
I feel like all holidays are just another day. What's the big deal? It doesn't need to be anything special. Some people just feel really tied to those traditions. I say, make your own. :)
@@launacasey6513Exactly!
These are my favorite videos!
Christmas time is like dating a manic pixie dream girl for two months before being ghosted. So much excitement, so many lights, just gone! So cruel, lol.
I don't like all the social noise I can hear from my neighbours and the people in their cars who insist on listening to their music at the highest volume possible. Thank goodness for noise cancelling headphones. I gave up going to parties for new year. One of the best decisions I ever made. No fatigue from masking and the morning of 1st January is so quiet I love it. Edit: I'm in the UK. The school summer holidays in August are another social noise I could do without.
I started 2025 without a mom. 2025 is the first year of my life without my mom here to guide me and make me feel safe. 2025 is my first year completely on my own as an adult orphan. 2025 is going to be the hardest year of my life and most of everything inside of me hopes it will be my last.
I am utterly lost and I hurt so badly that I barely move… every inch forward is a new level of terror… I have never felt so alone or so helpless. The biggest part of me is now missing and I know that there is no stretch of time that will make me whole.
It’s the year 2025 and I am profoundly tired. Not sure I’ll ever truly rest again. I just want my sweet, sweet momma to come rescue me like she always has… It’s indescribable to be so aware that help is not coming. 💔💛💔
I hope things somehow get better for you.
💔
I know what you just reminded me of? I can remember as a teenager in high school looking in the mirror and telling myself you have to get up every morning and take a shower every day for the rest of your life! That was so overwhelming to me. And I know that sounds ridiculous. Oops I meant this for direct comment lol
"make sure of all things, hold fast to what is fine"! (1Thess.5 :21, the Bible) And what's 'fine' is not (according to the Bible) just the warm memories of your Mom, but the fact she will come back home one day. The Bible says that "there is going to be a resurrection"..... An awakening from the sleep of death. Something I'm looking forward to.... So much.... For my Mom too. She was a source of security and stability for me. I can understand (tho of course we have individual feelings of loss) the way we feel the loss! It's awful! But, not without hope. a better earth is ahead "a new earth" with no more tears, no suffering or death..... And Our Moms will come back to us, in the resurrection. Wait for it. And if you'd like to hear more about that, check out the JW. ORG free website, on the topics of 'resurrection 'and, too,' the Kingdom of God', & see what you think.... You do have good reason for hope🎈( see:Revelation 21 :1-5)! May you rest easy in hope of a happy future with her again!
Help is coming!
I am new around here, I've been diagnosed and watching your vids for only a couple months. I didn't realize the toll that the holidays would take on me. these last few weeks were so hard for me until I learned that its common for the holidays to be so hard and to have a need for recovery after. Thanks for putting yourself out there, I am burnt out too even tho I am in the Northern Hemi in Chicago
AUDHD diagnosed in August 2024, I’m an old lady . Nope Don’t do it! I said officially 30 + years ago no more of these guilt forced events. Nope no thank you. I agree with you totally ! At first “they” were offended disappointed, angry blah blah blah. I give gifts , send cards when I think of certain people. It’s from my heart not from societal GUILT and merchant greediness. I feel your frustration and pain. Just say no thank you. ❤
You're singing my song today. It's a brutal day for me. I wanted to have a decent day today but my brain wants to be hyper-irritated and very unhopeful about the so-called future. Blerg.
Happy new year! Stuff that. It won’t be better than last year. I am depressed beyond beyond. Get it? I’ve thrown myself into somthing new just to escape this feeling. A bit obsessed. Will burn out soon. Good luck to you. Hugs
Omg. Ppl I don't see often, and it's march and they say happy new year because they remember we've not spoken since the new year! Weirdos!
I understand, Orion. The holidays are so draining. In addition to all of the holiday chaos, my biggest advocate, my mother, died right after New Years a few years ago. I need her really bad this year, and she isn't around. It is tough.
I wish everyone well in trudging through these tough times. I'm an old lady compared to most on here... it will get better, at some point. Do what you need to do to get through it. Lean on the ones you trust. Advocate for yourself, even if no one seems to listen. Be the best version of "you" that you are capable of being during this time. Remember that while you might feel alone in this, you are not. You have a community that understands... your community... this community! Take care!❤😀
💜
I wanted to cry hearing this. I see you brother. Same 😢One Day at a Time!! Only way I can survive 😢❤ I have learned to advocate more for my sensory needs as much as I can and it does help but it's still very hard. You can do this!! We can do this ❤
“I get so sad. I get so down and dark and broken and lost.” This resonated so much with me.
I agree, Orion. When I compare myself with many people gathering for many holidays, I start to see my weaknesses more and my strengths become a distant memory. Funny that.😅
Holidays are a reminder to me that regular days are something to be grateful for.
Thank you for putting together the pieces that i haven't had the energy to piece together my entire life 💜
It's not just you. I, too, dread the holidays, especially Christmas. I hate the expectations and the disruptions in my routine.
Every December 31st, I process the "what happens today will soon be "last year" and so on."
The next day, things are new, but not really.
Kinda is weird.
I stay home (like usual, ha!) and go to sleep before that weird clock/calendar change thing happens.
By end of December nearly the whole office is on holidays, except me. So by mid Jan, I have just gotten used to the weird stilted pace, and the quiet (which is heavenly) and then BAM! Everyone comes back and its the noisiest time of the year, everyone needs to tell you everything they've done for the last month for their summer break, and everyone is rested and ready and raring to go and my brain just.... explodes. I literally have the shakes by the end of the day for about a month, and every year I get so close to just quitting work and hibernating for life.. and guess what time of year it is.. again.. deep breaths.
One of the benefits of living alone is that I alone get to decide how I want to spend the holidays. New Year's for me was spent doing the same stuff, playing the same games, watching the same shows as I would any other day. For food, I bought nothing but comfort foods and drinks and had nothing but stuff I love all day. The fireworks at midnight are severely overstimulating for me, but at least the sound of it I can drown out via listening to music on my earbuds. The visuals of it are very pretty to look at, but knowing how overstimulating they can be, I wear earbuds to drown out the noise, and look at them for a couple minutes while having a smoke before I return to what it is I was doing before. All that I had to do in preparations was buy food and drinks and get my shows and youtube playlist ready. It was a glorious day, but only because I live alone did I get to do what I wanted to without compromise. As a kid, I loved New Year's, but I would be very overstimulated after a couple hours of people, food I didn't usually eat and later on the fireworks and music. While I do still enjoy the festivities to an extent, I much prefer just being able to spend all day doing the same thing I usually do while having the same comfort food and drinks I normally have.
I think, since I've started living alone, I've started viewing the holidays more as me time. While everyone else is out doing the things they like and eating the food they eat for the holidays, I'm just sitting at home playing Minecraft and eating pizza and crappy microwave burgers that also simultaneously taste amazing. Ultimately, it ended up becoming a small bit of respite from having to pretend to be "happy" and "normal", and is now a time where I can just do what I want for no other reasons than I like doing it and it helps me cope.
I really enjoyed this video. I just feel like the whole "New Years" thing is so illogical in a lot of ways. Where I've grown up in the US, it's a period of reprieve or quiet in nature, and it always feels like a spiritual "ego death" time for me of introspection. I am so mentally and physically exhausted after the holidays I feel like I spend much of January reflecting on "why did I do this to myself again" 🤣.
I feel like it makes way more sense to have this whole "fresh start" attitude around the spring equinox in March. Not that you need a specific time of year to pursue all these aspirations or self improvements. I liked that your video highlighted how all of this intense routine disruption and change is so hard on our autistic brains. Holidays were hard enough for me just doing it with family or friends. But I didn't even realize how many work spaces almost force you to participate in these "holiday events" that not only disrupt the work day and schedule but they also put immense amounts of social pressure on people.
So good 🎉
Christmas work parties are sadism.
@jillianoldfield2300 I couldn't agree more. I had a couple extra meltdowns in 2024 because of them lol.
I think starting a new year can be very hard for those that live in the northern hemisphere because not only you're feeling the typical new years kind of stuff you mentione, but it's also cold and it gets darker earlier as opposed to Australia where it's summer, more sunny, and worm.
This is very true. I actually don't observe the turning of the year until February, partly for this reason, partly to give myself the time to prepare for the year ahead.
I feel this one my friend. Broken and exhausted is my best way of explaining it. I don’t want to get out of bed, even though I want to work on my music and art. I just don’t have the energy for anything and I don’t know when I’ll be able to. Just surviving, paying bills and waiting to die. Oh what a life lol
A freighter that's gotta start up and go without any source of fuel, I feel this so deeply. Takes till mid year till get up and running? YES. This is why my most productive months have always been August-October, and it pisses me off no end.
I sympathise.
Boycott as much of Christmas and New Year as you possibly can!!!
Good luck ❤
I hear ya. It's watchable to those who get it and get you. May we all have time for our special interests and the things that bring us some joy
Honestly, I couldn't imagine dealing with that start stop in the summer. In the northern hemisphere, it's at least winter, when our bodies just kind of *want* to hunker down and do our own things in our nice warm caves. Might be worth analyzing the seasonal difference in your breaks too see if that could be having an impact on your ability to function.
I'm so sorry for your pain, Orion. I'm 💯 certain that MANY autistic people can identify with these issues. I'm fortunate to have a bit of a different situation, in which I'm surrounded by pretty understanding, accepting people...even before my diagnosis 6 months ago at 53!!
I hope you are able to recover your momentum quickly. Don't give up, my friend.
You're truly an inspiration Orion, I used to have a huge fear of performing for UA-cam vids, but now i just do it and people can deal with my tism!
You are not alone.Thanks for doing this video. I absolutely have to set boundaries to regulate myself in life in general.So basically what I do is one small Get together for Thanksgiving, never at my house preferably at a restaurant wearing noise cancel headphones. I attend 1 brunch in early Dec and 1 quick visit on Christmas eve, party new years eve if I feel like it. That way things are more manageable. All of us in my household have autism, regulation and quality of life are priorities.
That sounds wonderful ❤
You said it how i feel every year again and again . Because my birthday is on December the 28th is sucks even more ! Nothing on tv ( lots of de same shit every year ) the weather that makes me depressed and all those nonsens of peace and happiness foresd up us . NEW YEAR , nothing's changing , masking all the time to 'fit in '. Lots of financial dificulties because a noise canceling headphone and stimming toys are exspencive ( sorry for my bad english writing ) . It sucks so HERE WE GO AGAIN ......
I had great new year, i got diagnosed in december, found your vids, understood finaly what i have after 30 years. Immediately i felt way better, so now the proses started to reclaim my life ant sanitie in a new year ;)
So relatable! Has to be the worst time of the year.
For me the new year feels no different to any other day. Yay, we circled the sun but why does that change anything? Just carry on with life and achieve goals anytime you want, not just in the new year lol. It feels weird to celebrate the holidays to me but I do it anyway because people force me to, otherwise I get looked down upon and criticised. So I just ride with it the best I can. It drains me so much and drains my savings!
What a year it's been for autistic people..
Take care my friends and remember, autism is a gift, not a curse.
Be safe 😊
❤💯
@@Zookeeper. No. Autism is a pervasive developmental disability that negatively affects our lives and health from birth through death. We may have one or two strong suits that serve to keep us from hating every second of our existence, but they hardly outweigh the negatives. Sorry, autism is hardly a gift.
Thank you for that.
I can completely relate to this Orion. I thought it was just me!!!
Me TOO!!!
Hello! I’m so glad you’re making a video about this because I’ve really been struggling this week. When the kids are home on break from school that throws my schedule off so fiercely. It’s very dis-regulating. Once school is back in session it’ll take a few weeks to get my own freight ship going again. All school breaks are like that for me. Yes, I can relate 100%!
And maybe there is something important about this "xmas in summer in Australia" thing. This is "the darkest time of the year" celebration. "We are sitting in the dark night" celebration - not "middle of summer" feast. So maybe it IS something deeply unintuitive in trying to do this on the other hemisphere in the same calendar (but not astronomical) time.
As an Autistic Australian who suffers horribly from Christmas in summer, I think you make an excellent point.
The misery of being autistic while suffering in a crowd of overheated, drunk, squabbling family members trying to cook and eat a roast meal in the middle of a 40 degree Celsius Australian summer day is indescribable.
Absolutely horrible.
I wish I'd stopped trying to endure it decades ago.
@@jillianoldfield2300 I've never been in Australia or anywhere on the southern hemisphere so I don't know maybe I'd love it 🙈 (I think NO because I hate heat) but traditional xmas dishes in my country (Poland) are so deeply connected with winter and cold!
I'm in the UK and I love this time of year because it's winters here. I always thought having Christmas in summer would be weird, but I never considered that it would coincide with the summer holidays. I hate summer. I can see that ruining any celebrations!
I'm 56 female autistic with sensory processing disorder. I recently called 911 due to me mate beating the living day lights out of me. He told cops he did nothing wrong it was all me. I told police he was just released from a phyciatric hospital. I was covered in bruises screaming and crying for 12 hours straight in a cell. I was the victim . My ex said I'm blaming you if you call 911. He did not want to be arrested. Well guess what I was arrested cuffed laughed at told by law to grow up. Then they would talk to me in my cell. He was never arrested. I cannot believe it. I'm at a loss for words. He said I held a knife to him and then shotgun. Which of course was all a lie. They actually bought his story. I'm at a loss and at this point in life it's time to fight back as an autistic adult. This I so wrong. I'm still sitting here thinking did this really happen. I lost hearing in right ear due to him punching me in the head. And I'm arrested. Please give me some advice.❤
2024 was the worst year of my life and everything indicates that 2025 won’t be any better.
I have stepped back from family events and it’s been really good for me. I appreciate the heck out of Orion for sharing and making content. I look forward to getting his book. It’s incredible how much I have learned from him and his guests. Truly a gem and one hell of a remarkable humanitarian. Seeing him unfiltered has helped me accept myself and I will always be grateful!
I can definitely relate to this! Or the opposite, if I DO try to do nothing, I am left with no special interests, stress, overwhelm, and feeling terrible for not doing things that I want to be doing. Sigh. Yes, this makes so much sense for me. Thank you for being this for the world to see. I know it's not easy! ❤
For years I used to say happy new year to people and thought,why the fuss? And now thanks to being diagnosed,I understand a bit better
This is probably the most relatable video for me so far. Even in years where I might want to participate, the call to routine is strong. I'm often at the office wondering why work is slow and nobody answers emails before someone comes back from vacation to ask "why don't you ever take vacation?"
I've been trying to work out why I'm so depressed. I hit me just before New Year. But why I've been wondering. I thought that I'd got it sorted this year. Nope. Thanks for this video. You have given me understanding. Take care everyone.
Yes yes yes!!! You nailed it.
This past holiday I skipped it, as far as shopping for everyone,NO, enough is enough. Programmed to buy, let go! We did have a meal together as a family and it was great, no pressure. I also quit the new year resolution a few years ago and wow, freedom from the world view of what nt do. Thank you
I love that analogy of the freightliner slowly chugging along. I finally got my rhythm back somewhat (new part time job) and Christmas holiday season festivities kinda gums that up
I agree with you! Especially this year because I'm working towards my diagnosis, and my 5 year old boy has all of my same symptoms. From ADHD and ASD. I think because of that, I feel my disregulation more and see how, especially the holidays, affect my son. Too much excitement can = meltdowns.
Ive never had a job that gave off more than christmas or thanksgiving day. So for me it just means all the expectations of the holidays on top of struggling to take care of myself after coming home from an exhausting underpaid job. No rest for the weary.
Ouch. You got the worst of both worlds. I used to work hospitality: compulsory to work Christmas and New Year. I loved it! I got double wages while pitying the customers' stressful, meaningless, expensive experience
@jillianoldfield2300 yup, i once worked third at a hotel an the day shift person didn't show up on Christmas. So i had to work a double. I cant do hospitality any more and i can barely do any public facing role of any kind.
I completely relate. I never pay attention to birthdays or holidays. They really might as well just be Merry Un-birthdays. It's painful to have to participate in them with family gatherings as well... I would rather work or keep to myself. 🙏
I know what you just reminded me of? I can remember as a teenager in high school looking in the mirror and telling myself you have to get up every morning and take a shower every day for the rest of your life! That was so overwhelming to me. And I know that sounds ridiculous.
I travelled to see inlaws for a week. On the way home, I told my wife I'm going to need time to decompress after. Within a few days, she's saying "sorry my family is sooo difficult for you". Had to explain that it wasn't just the family, it was the whole process. I think she understands
A whole week! Sounds terrible
I love the festive and new year season. When January starts I get a feeling I can’t explain. We are so busy beforehand and all of sudden goes quiet too quiet. It is fine for few days then I feel the need to get back to what I usually do. I am just such a busy person I can find it hard not doing much for too long.
I don’t just stop doing art because it is Christmas and new year. I often do more because I have more time and that is one way I get the through the season. The art studio is my safe space.
For starters, I hate the festive period, I don't get it, I don't like it, I find it annoying that businesses stop and don't get going until almost half way through January. Support services aren't available or on limited timeframes with even more limited staff. Any outside interests are also put on hold for a ridiculous amount of time, like some don't start until after the schools return. So my rigid routines are thrown out for, like you said 2 months and I'm supposed to be happy with that. When you said how much time we lost because of this I didn't realise that my life is being wasted because of these neurotypical demands, wow how selfish it that? I thoroughly enjoy your videos, they are honest, down-to-earth and I just learn so much. Having said all that, I just got my official diagnosis of Autism with ADHD (more of the HD than AD) last week. For me, it's a difference from always feeling different but being told it's my BPD or Bipolar to blame when it made no logical sense given many of the behaviours/routines/inflexibilities were not part of the essence of the mental health disorders. I also started looking for groups where I would be able to be myself, no more masking to fit it (which failed over & over again) and maybe, just maybe find a friend?
Yes! I relate so much! This is exactly what it’s like year on year and I start the new year broken, down, dark, detached and lost. I’m in a sludge and barely wading. I’m finding words hard but this video has made me feel heard by someone when all felt lost. Thank you, so, so very much for articulating so very well. Sending so many thoughts to you. You’re not alone. Honestly it’s helped so much 😊👍
Everywhere that I've lived has huge expectations of people in December. In addition to doing everything we normally do, there's an insane number of parties and other events people are expected to participate in. It's impossible.
That video very much resonates with me and my experience of not only new year’s celebration, but also all similar events. Furthermore, my usual response would be plain sickness and long recovery in every way. Thanks, Orion, and Happy New year 😅).
I am with you on this Orion. Every year is a bit much and usually destroys me also. It takes me a long time to rebuild. Mostly I'm sitting in the sand watching my castle go away. Holidays are often painful and startling at best. You are not alone in this. Thank you for articulating what I could not. 😢
The holiday season is so stressful for me. I've got to buy presents for everyone and receive presents that I really don't want. Then I've got to go to parties. While most people regard parties and celebrations as time for great relaxation and rest, I consider parties and celebrations as unpaid work. Once the holiday season is over, I'm exhausted and January is just a dreary time of year for me.
Thank you, Orion! You speak perfectly for me. I relate to all your experiences. I share your grief and rage.
Thank you for making this and making me feel not so alone today. It's not just you! I'm in North America and had knee surgery beginning of Dec. Trying to come back from that while dealing with the holidays has been a nightmare. Thank you Orion.
My mental health is greatly affected around the beginning of a new year, and especially around New Year's Day as a holiday. I never considered it might be partially affected by my autism. I cannot thank you enough for addressing this, it helps me understand where at least some of these feelings are coming from for the first quarter of the year.
I think the equivalent of this feeling in the northern hemisphere is the middle of summer holidays where you're supposed to stop everything because other people are on holiday. Here in sweden i get depressed in january because i have barely seen the sun for 2 months and will see very little of it until 2 more months. I am quite satisfied with doing nothing, but the problem is everyone expects "celebration mode" and me to make goals for self development because of an arbitrary date.
So yeah i have a total of 4 terrible months a year 😅
Much like your Christmas video, I’ve never heard this articulated so well. Orion - it’s definitely not just you.
This is a very very important video that sadly most neurotypicals will struggle to understand but it had to be said.
This is my first year that I have come to realize that I don't care for most aspects of holidays that amount to so much pressure and me putting too much into something that just ends up exhausting and disappointing. I went through the overwhelm every year but didn't realize what it was. I received my diagnosis in 2023 and I'm only now, at the age of 43, putting it all together. I told my husband that next year will be different. I may have to do some things, and that's ok, but I'm not pushing myself beyond because of societies expectations. I just wish I figured it out sooner for my autistic son. But at least its been a couple of years of knowing on his behalf that he can do these stressful times in whatever way he needs to, no pressure. Now I just ned to apply it to myself! Tough times. I hear you Orion! x
Thank you for this, I love these videos ❤ doing nothing is the absolute worst I can never do nothing it is so stressful. I've combated it by refusing to do all the demands of the season apart from the ones I like as I actually love Xmas and NY but only if I do it my way. It pisses people off but I've learned to live with it. I also spread xmas out over about 3 months so it's not so intense and I dip in and out, I still have some presents to open, Xmas cake and other foods to eat etc and I keep the decor up till Feb so it feels cosy on the dark Scottish nights - it feels more like a winter festival. But I dont slow down on my projects, my routines etc, if anything I do more! Also i re evaluate things in autumn, not Dec January. Works for me and my daughter but its taken years to figure out what suits us and gave the strength to ignore others and do it my way!
Totally relate to all of it, the depression especially, emptiness and stupid routine breakers!! So glad i not alone on this, i always wonder why, thankyou Orion❤
As late diagnosed ASD, I realise that every 31st Dec is a mix of relief that I've made it through the year and dread that the new year will be a year where I go bang.
Yes. Exactly. I'm in my mid 60s and have just started the (paid) screening process with Embrace Autism. Is it worth it? Maybe, maybe not. I wish I'd come to these realizations 40 years ago. It sure explains so many of the struggles an difficulties I've had my whole life. So I think feeling validated is worth it. You help a lot in that regard.
I feel the same! As far as New Years, it's all the same to me! ❤😂
Honestly this is so validating. I am exhausted and its only the 14th of January and cannot fathom getting to the end of this year - its daunting.
@that autisticguy Yessss!! And, in the US, we have our big Thanksgiving obligations to kick things off, followed by Christmas and New Year….
I love how you kept repeating, “Every year!” And, if I’ve tried explaining my perspective to the NTs in my life, they just dismiss it by responding with something along the lines of, “why get worked up about something that is a year from now? One step at a time, just deal with today!” But, as you said, I’m shattered from this year’s holiday season, I’m depleted and down, so of course the inevitability of piecing myself back together only to be shattered all over again next year weighs on me. We all know it’s coming again, why is it somehow “better” to deny that reality until we are living it again?!?
Also, for my particular brand of autism, the cumulative effect is key. I’m now 55, so have been living out this cycle for more than *half a century*, and I am worn down and wearied by that, so feel that I have progressively less capacity to tolerate it with each successive year. How refreshing to feel understood by hearing you express what I am never permitted to with the NTs in my life. Thank you, Orion!
Yes as a Autistic person I can relate
Yes, it's just horrible. Hope life improves for you soon. Take care and good luck ❤
@jillianoldfield2300 thank you so much I really appreciate that 🙂
Here in the UK it’s minus 4 and I hate new years because I have no idea what to do with it. I have no goal no new years resolution nothing but I know just what you mean
I can totally relate to your video on Christmas, and this one as well. I relax with relief in early January when my daughter goes back to college, but then I panic when I find January is slipping away and I have not got my plans in order for the year. Then Easter arrives, and it feels like Christmas again (not good). I have actually got two Perpetual Calendars on the go to offload from my brain all the events that are of interest to me. My brain can relax, and I can see in front of me, through the calendars, what events are coming up. Thank you for your inspiration, and validation on what I am also going through. Chris R from Doncaster, England.
Your videos are so refreshing because I do so many of the same things myself...Even @ 17:32 the "facial massage" or vigorously massaging ones cheeks and brow is an important self comforting action that I do as well when stressed. A hard pressing rub of the scalp back to front also has a similar effect.
Thanks. I have had my January virus and got cabin fever bordering on panic. At the gym now and feeling a bit more positive!
I don't mind the new year celebrations all I'm hoping for it that this year is going to be decent. The start was bad (Jan to Feb) March to June was alright then July to November was horrible then November to December was alright. I just hope that this year will be better.
My son gets very disregulated during breaks. He doesn't understand why there is a sudden stop in his routine. The other major stressor for our family is there was virtually no work during our Christmas break. So now I have bills to pay and money is very tight. Hope you find some peace soon! Great video!
For me, it's the getting back into my routines after Christmas. I've been distracted, and now it's back to work, but I'm not like that. Luckily, I have plans I had to put on hold for the holidays that I am quickly ramping up, and looking forward to, if it ever stops snowing. That goal is what I'm keeping my eye on. It keeps me sane.
It was like this all my life. A heavy load that I carried forever. Ever since my diagnose last year, i ‘ve been most of the time somewhat secluded. December was like any other month, January feels the same. I don’t care much. Is that wrong? I love to be “away”. Repeated gatherings? No way. One gathering is more than enough. Brief In fact, I took a break and rested. I could not comply with social expectations cause I’d so tired to do anything for days. I am not willing to hand over my energy and compromise my health for social gatherings. I totally support what you say. Boundaries are needed for family to understand. This is me. I see you are so tired. That drained your energy. Take care of yourself. Have a good, quiet and peaceful year.
Be gentle with yourself dear Orion. When I feel as you do now, I feel it without rejection; and then I let it go. Not easy, it’s a constant exercise. Overthinking is the worst
O man that does sound brutal having summer break right after xmas, unfortunate. Summer break is tough on me as an autistic parent that's for sure. With ADHD it's tough to have any semblance of structure and that really makes it drag and feel out of control
Hi Orion. This all makes so much sense. I no longer, sort of by accident, have to attend all the gatherings. In fact, I only have one that I go to (my parents). I'm 54. If invited to others I decline. I think you'd feel so much better if you just declined the gatherings. Make arrangements with your wife that people no longer go into your home. Your home is a sanctuary for you and your autistic son. My cousin's husband never went to family gatherings. It was just something we all understood and didn't question. I never knew why, but maybe it was something like this. Also, I recently learned that the New Year used to be in March, not Jan. Like, ages and ages ago. That would make things easier. Thanks for the video.
I have a similar experience. To add to the Christmas and New Years passing so close to one another, my birthday is also Jan 2. So it feels like I’m almost ritualistically shedding the last year, and entering a new phase of life every year. Which I think has its benefits, but nearly always feels like I’m waking up abruptly from a nice slumber.
This is absolutely how I feel. Thank you for this video.
I hit the brakes by November or worse October and prepare myself for the emptiness of January.
I never realized it, but I do struggle every year at this time. This connects so many dots! Now to figure out how to break the cycle by getting ahead of my problems for later this year
I feel the same way, and always have even when I was a kid. I’m 60 now and its worse than ever. Right there with you.
You've made me aware of how much I am like the freighter being hard to start and stop! Going from one routine to another and back- summer break was the toughest being nearly 3 months long... then back to school...and back. And it just continued in adulthood with my kids' summer breaks! And here the huge breaks happen 2 times a year.
Maybe I'll spend the next 11 months rehearsing saying "no thank you" to some holiday things! And make my holiday battle plan!😂
Thanks for sharing have a blessed day
I’ve just completed my tour of duty, three weeks of forced socialisation.
Boy has it taken a toll on me. As much as I love the people I must hang out with at these times it is relentless with no breaks.
I now have a a few days off left, of me to get my head to calm down before starting the year of work again.
I’m Australia and feel for those in the northern hemisphere winter is already a sucky time of year, it must be tough combining the two.
I think I'm bad to be around any time of year lol I can literally handle very little at this point in my life. Having Christmas with just my partner and kids and having the kids home from school on break is enough to make it impossible for me to celebrate ANYTHING from there on out. And there's so not enough time in between holidays and birthdays to recover from the last. I also don't know how to just stop and restart, and every single night I go to bed is a stop and restart scenario, so basically....this means that every single day of my life is impossible 🤔
it's sooooo true every year I'm thrown off the curve, my routine gets disrupted, I'm forced to be happy and not get my alone time... I thought I was the only broken one.
The survey was helpful, nice one Orion 14:47-15:28
and then when you get back to work, it's all "did you have a great Christmas / New Year?". That's when the honesty kicks in with the reply...