Dumper Makes Contact - When Does a Dumper Reach Out After a Breakup? (Podcast 386)
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- Опубліковано 8 вер 2024
- After a breakup, when does a dumper reach out to their dumpee? If you have been dumped and want to try and get your ex back, it's likely you will want to know when a dumper might reach out. When does a dumper make contact after a breakup?
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Well, if you did not block the number of your ex, then shame on you. Never ever talk to your ex....including your ex wife. It only provides the basis for her to claim false threats. Talk to my lawyer.
Always dropping gems my friend!
Wow Norris, thank you very much!
How are you feeling today?
@@vincentbos I’m blessed my friend
My ex crush is a commander n wasn't allowed to date me last summer.. He had a huge crush on me but stopped himself.
I acted very long time very clingy n tried to make him change his mind. He got mad. I told him I understood, n told him bye as he told me he ain't no longer interested n is just being polite. He also got kinda mad n mentioned tht he was right ending this last summer bcauze he thought I mix work and private.. But actually he did.
I saw him since February a few times in gym at our barracks.. First time he avoided eye contact like an extreme... But since a few weeks, he started behaving normal.. He also started joking with me about calves (he hate his calves) or want me to react.. A other comrade meant he was kind of flirty.. N also yesterday he behaved like this n also ask me questions.. Some random stuff...he asked me where to find a local kebab restaurant . But why could this be? Instead of asking Google.. Its so hard not to text him.. But I've done way too much and I have to stay tough.. He won't text I guess. He is a oldshool soldier.
But why he may behave like this? They often don't talk to others over there.. N he is careful with females .. He behaved like He wanted to impress in front of other men..
We could date only after I retire.. Thts in July.. But he said he ain't into me any more. But I think Still there is this chemistry...
N in March it was like he Accusing me of negative character treats like unreliable.. But I am not.. He sees daily tht many guys wanna flirt with me.. Ppl say I am intelligent, n very attractive.. One friend said he may only been nice n fun.. N others say tht he is surely still attracted to me. I don't get this.. He could just do sports without asking me nonsense or jokes around..but these days, he acted like this. Wht do u think about this? I am not sure if he is just beeing nice.. But I am sure he is still attracted by me
Please can I ask some questions on this:
How old are you both? Why were you not allowed to date? Do you work together?
@@vincentbos I am 32 n he is 46 years old. Yes we aren't allowed to date. He is the very big boss of our army base here.. We both are soldiers! He never dated a soldier before, we met by accident in private. We dated the last August n it was a innocent thing.. He always had to stop himself.. He couldn't stop seeing the soldier in me. N we would have always date secretly bcauze of trash talking by others.. It was against his Principles n he couldn't handle it.. He also mentioned tht he couldn't hide his feelings if we meet at the base. But tht was last August.
N lately he said he ain't no longer interested n I should stop.. But on the other hand, he starts this random talk with me 👀🤯 in gym.. So there he don't need to talk to me actually..
@@v.89G which country are you based? This sounds like you might benefit from my audio coaching service. Please check my website for more details - www.dateme.tips/
@@vincentbos we are from Germany! But wht do u think about this behavior?
@@vincentbos I need to add tht he left his wife last year February. He didn't love her anymore, n had only one date before we dated in August. N we instant had a charming connection.. I don't belive he is dating anyone as he works only.. Till 8 pm often. He lives for his job right now n I am not sure if he felt for someone like this lately as he was married for 20 years. So I used to be some special crush.. Against his principles
Hey man, do you think the impact no contact has on dumpers is the same for men and for women? Is the dumper experience the same regardless of gender?
Hi Lee, great question. In my opinion, the impact of NC is the same on everyone. Slowly it will grow romantic, emotional attraction. Whether it can grow enough, will depend on the relationship, the breakup and aftermath.
Thank you for answering! Your content is amazing and honest, I love that you focus on dumpees and self-improvement instead of useless mind-reading of dumpers. You’re the only dating coach I listen to, besides Rory from the Love Chat and the Dating Guy. You should check them too, if you don’t know them🌝
@@andrasmajtenyi94 wow! Thank you so much for your kind words. I really appreciate them. I hope you are feeling positive and excited for your future.
I don’t think no contact is for everyone. Google, the trouble or problem with no contact
Been four and a half months. She only reached out the week after she ended our relationship. That was to wish me a happy birthday.
Otherwise I was blocked for two months on IG. Then just as I was about to remove pictures of her and I. Noticed she had unblocked me. It’s been two months now. And nothing.
Stay in no contact I promise you you’re doing great.
@@flowerfromdecembershe ended up reaching out after a year. Her life was falling apart because of a friend’s impending death. I was on the road and finally responded after 24 hours.
Nothing too emotional or directed towards her. My response was for her girlfriend’s husband and family. I had met both of them during our short fast intense relationship.
My ex thanked me and that was it since then.
I haven't heard from my ex in almost 2 months. He seems very happy with his new girl. She posts all these photos of him and her on Facebook. He got into a relationship with her a month and 3 days after the breakup with me... i dont know how i would or should react if he contacted me
Hi Cowgirl. The communication stage is something which needs to be navigated as well as possible. If you would like support with this, then you might want to consider speaking with me via audio coaching.
@@vincentbos I have been told to wait for the text, to not text him at all, etc. I have no idea what to do anymore...
@@vincentbos I am now considering that his rebound relationship is real... i have to move I guess... 💔
Moving forward is the key to finding happiness. Whether you get your ex back or find someone better, this is the best thing you can do at this time.
@@vincentbos so I have to move on then?.💔😞😓
Unless your ex is a narcissist and you tell them to f off
Hello Vincent I'm mathew here actually 3 days back my gf reached out to me after 2months of no contact asking sorry for treating you like rude and she said everything would have been sorted out
What does that mean ??
I hope you reply this as soon as possible
Thank you ❤️
Hi Matthew, thank you for your question.
Let me just fully understand this, your ex contacted you and said sorry? When did she say things would be sorted out?
@@vincentbos yeah Vincent it's glad that you replied thank you ❤️
This was a message to me actually she said to my mutual friend to reach this message
Goes like this
if u had come that day... on my birthday.. I wanted to ask sorry for being rude. but u didnt . it would be good if u had come.. everything would be sorted..
Please help me out Vincent what would be my next step
Pls reply Vincent
@@mxtakatakteam712 thanks for your question. There is no 100% guaranteed way to get an ex back. However, I believe that if you have been dumped, you should never contact your ex again, unless they contact you first. If your ex told your friend a message to say to you, then you can respond via your friend and say that you are sorry for any confusion and if she would ever like to talk to you again, then she can contact you.
Been over 8 weeks since she left me. I don’t think she is coming back
Any update?
@@Azzmelater she came back after three months. I gave her a chance, but she messed that up as well. I left her after about five weeks.
Hi Vincent! So my boyfriend broke up with me a month ago.We dated for 2 years. We initially broke up in September but I reached out over and over again and he kept breaking up. In December, we were on a break and hardly in 3 days when I called him he broke up. After a week of breaking up, he removed me from his social media and since then I begged and pleaded for almost 5 days. He kept on convincing me that it's over and he's showing everywhere that he's very happy right now. It's been a month I'm following no contact. Will he regret or miss or reach out to me?
Stay in no contact you are so strong!
never
It’s been 6 months since my ex of 15 months broke up with me, Vincent. He’s actively dating. We talked a few times in these past six months, but I initiated all the contacts. He hasn’t reached out to me not once. Should I just give up, Vincent?
Hi Love, thank you for your question and I'm very sorry to hear about your situation. I believe that at this stage, you need to concentrate on moving forward with your life. We never know what the future holds, but your best chance of attracting an ex is actually to 'move forward'. Hence it's win-win, you will either get your ex back or find someone even better by moving forward and making new connections.
@@vincentbos Thank you for responding, Vincent. It’s easier said than done though. We lived together for 10 months out of our 15 month relationship. I made a lot of mistakes post the break up, so perhaps that’s the reason why he hasn’t reached out. Not sure. I hate the way I feel though after so much time has past. I’m still absolutely devastated to say the least and it looks like he’s just having the time of his life. I’m completely heartbroken. 😢
@@Redouku Thank you for your kind and sincere words. I’m trying to believe in everything you said. I’ve thought about it. I’m still in disbelief that it was this easy for him to just discard me like a bag of trash. We had such incredible chemistry and we lived together for 10 months out of the 15 we were together. I feel like he’s taken a piece of me with this breakup. I don’t even feel like the same person. He has a Dismissive Attachment style and if you haven’t been able to tell, I have an Anxious Attachment style. I’m just devastated & my fear is that I’ll never be the same again. It’s been 6 months and I’m still struggling each and every day. He’s consumes my last thoughts at night before I go to sleep and my first thoughts in the morning when I awake. Plus, I think about him all through out the day. 😢
@@Redouku Thank you. I’ll keep you in prayer during this difficult time as well.
After a month and a half of no contact I went back on social media and she was looking at all of my posts. I made one telling people to add my Instagram (so I could disappear off snap without looking obvious) and she sent a follow request. I deleted it and then she sent another one which I also deleted. A couple days later I sent her a text explaining that why I didn’t accept it is because I don’t want to pretend like she’s just another acquaintance when in reality we’re so close. How I feel like that would be dishonest and unhealthy, and that if she wants to be a part of my life, she can call me and we can try to talk it out. She never responded. How bad did I mess up? If at all.
Hi Yo, thank you for your question and I'm very sorry to hear about your situation. Everyone is different, every relationship and breakup is different, so there is no way of knowing for certain how your ex felt when she read your message. If your mental health is suffering, then you must do what is right to protect it. If this means not allowing your ex to follow you on social, then that is what needs to happen. However, by refusing the invite and sending the message, it perhaps added a little pressure. Sometimes an ex needs to slowly move into a mindset of contacting you, and if they feel rushed to make a decision, then that can 'scare' them away. Giving an ex an ultimatum is unlikely to see positive results.
Hi Vincent, if someone who previously had very high attraction for me said that they didn’t see themselves as someone who they could marry or didn’t have the feelings for me that I deserved, does that pretty much mean I will never hear from them again?
@@Redouku I appreciate your answer, thank you! Although the person I am referring to is not necessarily an ex but someone I was seeing/intimate with and then things went south but I think your advice still applies either way
No bro. Woman works based on their emotions and feelings. And feelings do change. She said that to you because she don’t have feelings or her attraction for you is low at that moment.
@@Mohamadxeltxz yeah you’re right, I’ve been focused on myself, been back in the gym and regained all my muscle, taking extra days at work and saving money and also traveling. Putting in the work to become a better person
@@Redouku How long should the dumpee wait to reach out (I know, I know we should not) but its been 57 days now. I keep getting signs I should reach out but am not sure..
@@Riffs88 it depends. I’ve been in no contact for about 4 months. My ex reached out then. But she’s been hot and cold at the moment. And she ghosted me again. So I continue no contact. Don’t chase, let her come to you, let her miss you. You must show her that you’re high value
U don’t always get thru it. Been feeling like shit FOR YEARS.
Hi,have you got a podcast on can an ex come back after months or 1 year? Is it posiible
Hi Grant, I known of lots of instances where an ex makes contact after more than a year of 'no contact'. You should never 'wait' for anyone though.
I haven't spoken to him in 12 months no contact do you think it over I think it is ?
Hi Elaine, I suggest you fully focus on making new contacts and 'move forward' with your life. You never know what the future holds, but you can't 'wait' for your ex.
@@vincentbos yes I agree thank you for you reply.
I sent her to hell ¿its ok? Ha ha ha ha she cheated me
All of the effort to be back for what? To effinng with her? Really? Because as a person lacks lots off loving skills. Its not really worth it. Move on