The Concept of true Love: Talk with Alain de Botton | Sternstunde Philosophie | SRF Kultur
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- Опубліковано 28 тра 2024
- Sich verlieben geht ganz einfach. Die Liebe durch den Alltag retten, ist schon schwieriger. Der Starphilosoph Alain de Botton erklärt im Gespräch mit Barbara Bleisch, warum alte Liebe nicht unbedingt rosten muss und weshalb die Philosophie ein gutes Rostschutzmittel ist.
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Zwar bekommen sich nicht immer die Richtigen, und zuweilen braucht es mehrere Anläufe. Aber früher oder später landen die meisten in der «Zweierkiste». Doch was, wenn die sprichwörtlichen Schmetterlinge im Bauch davonfliegen und der nüchterne Alltag einzieht? Was, wenn Kinder und Karriere an den Nerven zehren und die Liebe auf der Strecke bleibt?
Darüber, wie es mit der Liebe weitergeht, wenn die erste Verliebtheit vorbei ist, wissen die Menschen erstaunlich wenig, sagt der Bestsellerautor Alain de Botton. Kein Wunder: Grimms Märchen und Hollywoods Traumfabrik beenden ihre Liebesgeschichten immer dann, wenn sich die Liebenden gefunden haben. Doch wie retten Dornröschen, Aschenputtel sowie Harry und Sally ihre Liebe über die Zeit?
Alain de Botton hat über diese Frage einen philosophischen Roman geschrieben - und kommt zu überraschenden Schlüssen: Partner sollten einander nicht annehmen, wie sie sind; Monogamie ist eine Tragödie, aber man kann mit ihr leben; wenn Paare streiten, sind sie selten wütend, sondern bedürftig.
Barbara Bleisch begibt sich mit Alain de Botton in die philosophische Paartherapie.
Literatur:
👉 Alain de Botton: «Der Lauf der Liebe». Fischer 2016
Deutsche Version:
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Sternstunde Philosophie vom 12.02.2017
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Die «Sternstunde Philosophie» pflegt den vertieften und kritischen Ideenaustausch und geht den brennenden Fragen unserer Zeit auf den Grund.
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In the beginning it started quite interesting exploring the love and eliminating the romanticism..but then, all they talk is romantic relation and couples..what happens with loving your neighbor and difficulty in loving your enemy?
Likely a Translator is there & possibly edited in between.
Are we just gonna ignore how both of them listen to each other in different languages and respond to each other fluidly in different languages like it's a normal conversation and how impressive that is or...?
Für mich ist dieses Video völlig normal. Wenn wir etwas nicht verstehen, ist unsere erste Reaktion, dass es nicht normal ist. Normalität ist das, was wir verstehen und wenn wir es nicht tun, werden wir wirklich ungeduldig ... 32:58... *We become extremely impatient and the impatience is not [just] the result of difficulty: it’s the result of difficulty that we haven’t budgeted for; we seldom budget for difficulty* we fail to think that perhaps “I need to work a bit, read the English subtitle, find this same video where all is dubbed into English, or gently request improvement for the sake of my own challenges , or at least walk away in silent disappointment when no binding obligations exists. It is common [therefore perhaps normal] for some of us (at most 37) to get offended (or worse feel disrespected to the extent that we display our discomfort by stating that this instance of video needs to change.”
I quite enjoyed listening to this unique interaction, but I wonder if there is a version of this video where the subtitles are in German?
And that is what kept you transfixed to the screen watching it, instead of wandering off doing other things half listening to it. You had to sit there and read what she said, staying engaged the whole time. Even if you know some German it's hard to pick up every word she said. And in retrospect it's like viewing a well engaged couple actually. Like a man and a woman speak different languages, but they are still able to communicate.
This was one of the most intriguing things about this interview and very admirable!
Lol welcome to my life: My mother is American, my Dad is German. We lived together with my American Grandparents in Germany…it was always a chaotic mix of people saying something in one language and receiving a reply in another… or just both languages scrambled together 😂
It is particularly hilarious how this is not prefaced in any way!
The greatest gift you can give a lover is to Understand yourself and tell them about you.
I wish everyone at least to tried to understand themselves before they get married.
Exactly....
And if they are not interested, RUN!
"love is not an admiration for the perfect. love is a sympathy for many things which are less than perfect. so, when you say you love something, you love something that's a bit broken. that's real love."
Its I think also akin to what jordan peterson thinks about love. Its something about loving someones vulnerabilities and fragilities, you know when you see a small child hurting or hungry you immediately want to take care of him or her. Dostoevsky said that yo love is to suffer. And I thinks thats right because of course life is mever short of suffering and theres always someone or ourselves that is hurting. And we are in fact vulnerable and fragile creatures. But if that is the price to pay in order to love then so be it. Love is beautiful thing because we are fragile creatures
Yes!
VERY well said.
true
"We don’t need our lovers to be perfect. What we need is our lovers to warn us about the areas in which they are imperfect in good time, calmly, before they done us too much damage." That hit me really hard
"The only people we can ever think of as perfect are people we don't know."
"Love is not just about finding pleasure, it's also about finding suffering that feels familiar."
Seventeen years of failing relationship explained in one sentence.
Is that a coincidence that my love life started exactly 17 years ago as well, and that I agree with you?
Would you do it all over again if you new this information, I am just wondering bc. I am going through something similar...
That is very insightful but I don't think it applies to me. For example I had an ex that displayed behavior that was very reminiscent of my mother growing up and it turned me off so badly I broke up with her, and got over her pretty quick. I know lots of people that intentionally overcompensate to correct for childhood suffering.
I liked the concept of two persons meeting at a dinner.. and to consider that there are not just two at the table... but all their ancestry and biographies part of the meal.
She's such a great interviewer. Genuinely intrigued by what the great Alain is saying. It was a conversation, not an interview
I wish i heard what she was saying. I couldnt read while driving 😩 Although I enjoyed all his answers.
"It's only when we throw away the romantic idea of love that we can start to love properly" 💘 needed to be heard.
Like the song wisely says: "What's love got to do with it?!"
love withour romantic accent is not love
Thats the perfect way to put it 💞
What a brilliant man. So insightful and articulate.
Agreed! And such a great interview too.
One of the greatest philosophers of our time.
His ideas have helped me so many times through life and its circumstances. Thank You Alain!
Same here Saad ;-)
yes and better than that. Not a dry cold academic like Petersen or Chomsky, but a real person.
@@dominicm255 Jordan?!
she's a GREAT interviewer
What is love?
Love is not an admiration for a perfect. Love is a sympathy for many things which are less than perfect.
Thanks Alain de Botton! Brilliant man!
Baby don't hurt me. Don't hurt me. No more.
An amazing interview and an amazing *interviewer*. So many TV show hosts these days love the sound of their own voices, it is impossible. My hat off to Frau Bleisch and for the team that made such a bilingual interview work so well.
True! Sadly true!
The woman was a really good interviewer. She's seems to have read some of his books and knows about the topic being discussed. Also seems genuinely interested about it when asking questions. She also brings up some very important points that Alain doesn't address directly
life-changing conversation.
Alain is always flawless, but compliments to the interviewer. She did an impeccable job.
Really listening and asking questions that have a logical flow after his answers.
She's great.
the wonderful thing is: you can apply this easily to self love
👏
Ich wünschte, ich hätte eine Sendung wie diese schon vor vielen Jahren sehen können. Wahrscheinlich hätte ich zwar nicht alles besser gemacht, aber alles mit weniger Schuldgefühlen und Selbstverdammung. Vielen Dank, es hat sich gelohnt, dies Gespräch anschauen.
Love is sympathy for things that are less than perfect.
Love is made perfect in imperfection.
True love cannot exist in perfection.
It's a small thing, but I love how he leans to the left to make room for the camera at 9:50 and returns to normal when she addresses him again.
he‘s very awake.
Literally, any talk Alain gives or any interview he attends, it's so good to watch, and indeed so much to learn! I found him so interesting that I even made some videos about him on my channel. His TED Talks are also highly recommended.
There is an amazing chemistry between Alain and the lady host.
haha
Alain De Botton is probably the most practical thinker of our era. Every time he opens his mouth it makes sense it's simple and elegant
How wonderful and professional a show that was! The interviewer expressed so much healthy emotions and interest in our guest. Not only there were good questions asked, but also and more importantly extensional material and examples analyzed:
9:55 - animation series about love
31:00 - couple buying items for a house
37:37 - marbles jar
44:12 - analysis of a painting
Thanks,
Indeed. She has well researched multiple topics which he writes on, read all his books and other literature, prepared a strategy to lead the show, has the brains to ask insightful questions, and she was genuinely interested to hear him, instead of only to listen to him. Even her body posture was hearing. Great show!
She annoyed me at first with incessant love pill questions, but her questions really improved after that. Great interview.
This is so helpful
Love how they both speak in their own language, so cool
Alain simultaneously covers two themes, the "done for us" convenience of technology and the love pill mentality of romanticism robs us of the skill of love, the agency and actual effort that creates love. He speaks of an adult world to a world that has been explained to us like a childhood story book, that is only recently being questioned.
32:55 "...we are not prepared for the smallness of the issues that cause us (= lovers) trouble"
So true! We must learn how to deal with these small 'issues' and keep them small, not to blow them up, not to bring unnecessary aspects into the 'argument' 'cause that wouldn't be helpful.
And above all: be patient with the partner and above all ourselves.
Merci fürs Ufelade ir Originalsprach!
For all those who are wondering, de Botton is born in Zürich where (Wikipedia). So it is very likely he has learnt German as a kid. Moreover, since he took a bachelor in history of philosophy, a master in philosophy and started (but not finished) a PhD. in phil., it is highly likely that he has further refined his proficiency in German. He has definitely widely read both Schopenhauer and Nietzsche, and he probably - at least partially - did so in their mother tongue. It is pretty common for academic philosohers to do so.
All this to say that he most likely understood everything she said before it was translated (if it was translated at all).
Thank you for this information, Mattia.
Brilliant. He discussed the difficulties and dangers of romantic (romance) literature, and I would love to hear him go into a deep dive into those same problems with Disney stories and books. Personally, I find them very dangerous, especially for little girls. Whoever thought it was a great idea for a young girl/woman to “fall asleep” (especially by being poisoned), but then everything will be perfect when the right man, a stranger (a prince, no less) comes along to wake her up with his magic kiss, then marries her. Ah yes, perfect (sarcasm).
Yes!! and Hollywood romance movies and stylised love songs also have a lot to answer for in the misconceptions of “real” love
This is absolutely priceless! The chemistry here is irresistible. I am totally in love with both of these supernal beings...
Thanks for saying that everyone once you get to know them is a bit of a nightmare. That is funny but also so true at the same time. Thanks for that insight, it's enlightening and takes the pressure off of us sometimes to know that.
... so in essence ... to love someone requires a damn good sense of humour.
We are so lucky to have Alain de Botton as a contemporary philosopher.
I met him in the school of life in London, I was the only one who recognised him and couldn't find the right words to express my gratitude....I spoke like woody allen mumbling words and totally intimidated by meeting my #1 Fan ..
In the mainstreams optimism is linked with success and pessimism with failure .....
Since I was both deeply a pessimistic person but a high achiever and optimistic in actions I always struggled to understand this dual state and thought my achievements are subjetive and probably are not really there.
After watching pessimism video in youtube I was completely changed forever ...regain peace with myself and as a consequence read most of his books and saw most of his conferences and subscribed to the school he is leading.
Absolutely a great guy who takes philosophy and make it accessible to people..what a huge achievement !
Great interview but can we just take a moment to pay our respects to the (simultaneous) interpreters?
You're right but i wonder why this interview is bilingual in the first place. Alain de Botton grew up in the same country (switzerland) as the interviewer after all.
I think they are both bilingual, though.
Simultaneous interpreters have such an amazing skill. although, It didn't seem like there were interpreters in this situation. Were there? I seen other comments saying that he also speaks German and judging by her reactions during his responses it seemed like she understood him perfectly.
He was born in Switzerland and lived there for 12 years, so he understands German - Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm not sure it's possible to interpret at such conversational speeds and complexity. You can tell when they discuss something that they immediately comprehend what the other is saying and instantly reply. There's a natural flow to the conversation that can't be ignored.
there are no Interpreters De Botton was brought up in Switzerland and knows German and also the interviewer clearly knows English
It takes balls to take this road. Way to go Alain!
I like this man, he is sincere enough and very good at explaining complicated things. I like philosophers. I wish I had a chance to have a conversation with him.
When you fall in love for the first time with someone, you fall in love because you see some uniqueness in that person, you fall in love because of the self-esteem that is expresed by the other person in your presence. And you feel it inside because it's also in you, and it's like a contagious magic that makes you fall in love for that person.
Alain de Botton ❤️ I think I'am in love 😍
Love is mainly "long-suffering" and "kind" and doesn't ever overreact! when most run instead of cultivating it with honest and intimate communication!
I'm floored by the truths he's saying. I guess this means I'll be single forever or finally get therapy XD
He is Swiss (not sure if German or French side) - was hoping to hear him speak German :) So articulate regardless
Me toooo
he is from Geneva, so the French part ;-) won't happen to hear him speak German
he is swiss-british. but studied in harvard, it shows in his accent. and now he lives in london.
You can hear him speak some bits of German in this documentary on 'Schopenhauer on Love' :)
Same hier 😁
Alain is brilliant but so is the interviewer. A fantastic sharing of ideas and exploration.
Humour is very important, this is so true 😃
Alain explains relationships so well 💛
The humour is important to counteract all the crap about your partner lmao
What a lovely, brilliant man, wow.
In love, we see ourselves in the other, a sort of mirror reflecting our own thoughts and feelings. So in a way, we are communicating to ourselves through another
But is that good or bad?
their chemistry is very nice here. One is talking like husband and other one is talking like wife looking for answers. Loved it!
mansplaining! but fun and wise, this time
@@anuradhavittachi2498 mansplaining and appreciative inquiry.
It is a great interview. I owe Mr de Botton a lot in understanding myself and life; and learn to become a better person. He is a great philosopher and educator! Thanks a million!
"how would you like to suffer" conversation was great, that's it. Neither one or another option evades suffering, but one choice of lifestyle has less tolerable forms of it
I'm speechless after watching this completely, it is so so so brilliant and just... love him
i'm a big fan.
was actually waiting for him to speak German. 😊
Germans are awesome people.
great culture and civilization.
While I agree, I should probably point out that this isn't a german show but a swiss one. You know, the guys with the chocolate, the watches, and the banks. While a lot of swiss people will definitely feel close to germans, your compliment feels like it misses the mark.
@@imef3735 I agree with you, generally.
I was also expecting him to speak High German, at least. Swiss Germans do understand hochdeutsch you know? And if he grew up with it before coming to the UK, I find it interesting that he didn't express his thoughts in German.
Ihr Programm ist sehr schön. Ich bin eine 40-jährige iranische Frau. Hafez, Iraner Poet, sagt: Am Anfang war Liebe ganz einfach aber dann Probleme sind passiert. Danke für diesen guten Gedanken dass wir die Liebe lernen können oder sollen...
Languages are so powerful and complex! One can listen to a foreign language and understands the whole sentence, while answering and expressing ideas in a complete other foreign language!
"Love is a sympathy for many things which are less then perfect ."
He is simply brilliant!!!
The things Alain says make me feel so good!
All true, still be careful to choose a partner with low narcissistic behaviors, or you will be the only one compromising and changing.
This is always important, indeed.
Exactly.
We're spoiled, how true 😶
Art helps us to see people with new eyes 😃
The both are so intelligent that it is one of the best video that I have seen! So amazing! I liked very much the questions also!!
I love! that they both speak different languages and understand each other ;) I'm neither English nor German, so watching that was a great exercise.
Edit: Well.. I see, he's got something in his ear, but he's also Swiss so perhaps he understands.
A relationship is not made for weak nerves, only for those who are truely willing to deal with their own Ego :-)
Großartig. Auf beiden Seiten des Tisches. Danke!
I am just so happy to live in the same era with Alain de Botton.
It’s so logical. I agree with him 100% 🙌🏻
I love this guy! Breaks the illusion and the fantasies!!
1. No person in the world can read your mind. Every single time. Even if it's your true love. That's impossible. No matter how connected your souls and hearts are, we're in human bodies, two separate human bodies.
2. Communicate the hurt they caused you unintentionally by looking bored when you told them to go eat wu.
3. If a child throws the plate of food you made after an unpleasant day at work, you don't tell him "you're a horrible person". You try to understand him. Then communicate it later when his emotions have settled. If their explanation then is Bs, leave them.
4. Become what you want in your partner. If you want a strong provider, become a strong provider.
I loved how I wanted to be loved and it felt wrong. So I stopped.
Such an infj with great Ti analytical skills and great Fe impaction
He has that perfect balance it’s true
What a remarkable man.
It works only when "both" are true to themselves and tell the true to the other
9:09 love is not admiration for the perfect, love is sympathy
This man is a hero. Thank you so much Alain.
"This isn't love. This is pathology!"
wunderbares Interview, am besten war, dass Herr Botton nicht übersetzt wurde, man kann ihm so schön folgen
The true love exist only in unconditional form. One to become unconditional one has to dissolve his ego.
This is a wonderful interview and well worth people's time and attention and thought.
Er nöchte das gerne so haben, Liebe als mathematische Formel. Liebe ist und bleibt Gefühl und Romantik.
Oh, wie ich diesen Mann und seine klugen Gedanken liebe :))
True love is when your heart is at peace.
No matter what.
Wow... One of the most satisfying interviews I watched in the past couple of months...
Thank you very very much for arguing:) no pills needed
Such a brilliant spirit. Thank you. Would be interesting to hear what books (paintings, movies) according to Alain, give an adequate image of love.
His own?
I always fascinated by his talking.
Same, I could listen to him for hours without taking a break.
Still at the start of the video 7 min, and I also think same way!!! I always say if I know about your bad side and I can accept it then I will be able to continue in the relationship knowing what I'm going into and that I can handle it. This makes me intrigued to read the book since it is same idea I believe in.
Now after finishing the video, I swear I feel like we share ideas through someway!!! Because all he said I thought of and I never heard of him or read anything he wrote before this video🤔
Großartiger Denker. Brillanter Verstand.
What an inspirational and honest writer - it's really the little issues that affect what we call love...
This was so important, I feel like I should watch it twice.
All this hits home and is so very true. Thank you ADB.
The longing for love is at its roots, the longing for one's true self. Once Consciousness has become conscious in the form, that is called "human being", the essence, the flavour of this realisation is peace. With this peace along comes the taste, the perfume of what is called love and bliss. So love is, what you are, you just forgot it by believing the thougt, to be the "i", that exists only in the mind....
Thank you Alain. And thank you for posting this video.
Amazing insights into love in everyday life.
Confirmed: Ikea causes couples to argue.
Superb insights and advice. Watched it twice!
Take a shot every time he says the word 'love'
Agreed with most of what this smart young man says. Bravo!
I wish I'd known some of this when I got married, but I was an average 19 year old who thought I knew it all. I talk about this on my own channel where I share my experiences going through my own divorce after a 13 year marriage. Life can really kick you hard sometimes.
I truly appreciate this interview. Huge thank you to the person thinking to put english subtitles! 🙏🎉
Very informative, so thankful for having the chance to watch this
He is right about the relationship problems, but not about suffering. Suffering is our choice and it is inevitable. As Sadhguru said. Suffering is always our choice.
The interview, German - English is wonderful, and with Alain and Barbara what could be nicer
They both seem like very kind people. It was a pleasure to watch