Story Setting
Вставка
- Опубліковано 24 кві 2024
- [02:42] Describing the setting before starting the action:
[03:20] Describing the setting by layering it into the story:
[04:42] Showing, Rather than Telling
[05:25] Immediately Applying This Description Technique
Jerry Jenkins discusses the challenge of starting a novel with setting descriptions. He advises against beginning with separate setting descriptions, advocating for integrating setting details into the narrative. Jenkins provides examples and emphasizes the importance of showing rather than telling, ultimately aiming to engage modern readers effectively.
The Goat is back again
How to dramatically begin a story has been beautifully illustrated. A master storyteller himself, Jerry transforms in time to reveal how stories were narrated when people had the time and patience to read details, and now when the audience does not need the details but wants to jump to see the action, as accustomed to by the latest format of short videos, crisp stories and fast clips.
These principles never get old. They keep us at our best! Thank you!
Jerry have shaped my writing in so many ways. I used to be a member of his online coach classes, and it is amazing. I super commend it. He is a pro and believe me, 99.9% of what he says will work for you.
I’ve almost finished my first ever second draft, and just wanna say thank you for all the advice and motivation
I'll second this, writing my first short story based off this channel
Congratulations on your success!
Still writing my first draft. Want to get it done this year. It’s a challenge but I’m not giving up.
@@neofulcrum5013 He’ll yeah, you’ll get through it, it’s so worth the satisfaction and bragging
Thank you sir, I’m starting my first novel and your videos have helped me avoid pitfalls before I could even fall into them. I would have described too much had I not seen this video. God bless you!
Jerry Jenkins - the best writing coach out there! Thanks for your generous effort for us beginners!
Harry Chapin used to write songs that were like stories and he was, in my humble opinion, masterful at condensing a great deal of information smoothly and eloquently. In his song “Taxi“, the first four lines tell us the weather, the city he’s in and he’s driving a taxi, and it’s nighttime and he seems to want to go home. The woman gets in, is soaked from the rain, and barely acknowledges him as she reveals she’s going to a part of town that’s above his pay grade. That is a great deal of information to get into the first verse and a half of a song and make flow perfectly. Frankly, how could you not want to know more? I wonder if Harry ever wrote any stories that weren’t songs. I think “Taxi” is an example of absolute genius.
Hi, Jerry. Working on my first novel and have found your videos a fountain of knowledge. Being visually impaired, it is very helpful to have someone clearly articulate their information succinctly. Thanks!
I love your videos, Jerry. Great examples this time too. I always have to remind myself to follow this advice, but at the same time not make adding information bits too brief. It's a delicate balance.
Great example. Thank you! I like your style of coaching.
The goat has graced us once again
Another great lesson. Thank you Jerry!
Great advice, as always. Thank you Mr Jenkins.
I love your videos, they’re extremely helpful! Thank you so much!
Thank you so much for all your writing advice and guidance, Mr Jenkins! You are my first mentor in the world of writing. 😊
Thank you Jerry. I tried to rewrite an opening of one of my chapters based on your advice of layering out the setting along action by my characters and this is what I have . I don’t know if I got it right though. Any feedback guys?
Original
The road snaked ahead, winding through the dense forest stretching endlessly before them. From the passenger seat, all Malik could see were the passing trees on either side of the narrow ribbon of asphalt. His gaze flitted nervously between the looming trunks and the mysterious mark on the driver’s clenched hand.
An uneasy silence hung in the close air of the car, amplified by the steady hum of the engine. Malik studied the scorpion tattoo anxiously and curiously. It was one he had seen before, and which in hope of gaining answers to, led him to ignore the warning all children are given: never follow strangers. But he was no longer a child, though in some ways he had never been a normal boy. The darkness children ran from, he embraces. Malik had to break the silence and free himself from the unsettling questions. “The scorpion on your hand… where did you get it?
At first, no response came, his eyes fixed dead ahead on the winding road. Malik watched his stony profile, wondering if he would deign to answer at all. The forest pressed in as afternoon light filtered through, as impenetrable as the man’s silence. Only the twisting road offered any clue as to what lay ahead in the thick gloom beneath the towering sentinels of trees.
Malik stared as the driver finally spoke, his voice breaking the long silence. “It’s from a long time ago. Why do you ask? Have you seen it before?” Turning to him with a subtle smirk
Rewrite
Malik's head rested on the doorframe of the truck, his eyes fluttering to the arrowed sun rays that gleamed into the car from the windscreen. The road snaked ahead, winding through the dense forest stretching endlessly before them. From the passenger seat, all he saw were the passing trees on either side of the narrow ribbon of asphalt.
His gaze flitted nervously between the looming trunks and the mysterious mark on the driver's clenched hand.
The hum of the engine underneath amplified, as noisy as the uneasy silence that loomed in the car. Malik studied the scorpion tattoo anxiously and curiously. He had seen it before. And in the hope of gaining answers to its meaning, he ignored all the warnings children are given: never follow strangers.
But he was no longer a child, though in some ways he had never been a normal boy. The darkness children ran from, he embraced. His hand gripped tightly the leathered seat he sat on, and for a few moments, he parted his lips without saying a word, until he piped up, his voice faltering, "The scorpion on your hand... where did you get it?"
No response came. The driver's eyes remained fixed dead ahead on the winding road.
Malik watched his stony profile, unyielding and unreactive; he wondered if he would deign to answer at all. The forest pressed in as the afternoon light filtered through, much brighter, as impenetrable as the man's silence. Only the twisting road offered any clue as to what lay ahead in the thick gloom beneath the towering sentinels of trees.
Malik stared as the man finally spoke, his voice breaking the long silence. “It’s from a long time ago. Why do you ask?” He said, turning to Malik, “Have you seen it before?” He gave him a subtle smirk.
I'm going to disagree with Jerry a bit. Sometimes telling is better, because it is dramatic. It causes us to pause. You have a pause while waiting for a response to the question.
I'll try to rewrite, but here are a few opinions, where I would probably agree with Jerry.
* remove most of the description; you can add more when he waits for an answer; the forest can convey a feeling of being trapped while waiting
* don't tell me about silence; don't care either way
* don't tell me about childhood advice; don't care...unless you can join it to an explanation for why he is in the car with a stranger
All that Malik could see from the passenger seat was the road snaking ahead, winding through the dense forest stretching endlessly before them. The only thing distracting him was the mysterious mark on the driver’s clenched hand.
“The scorpion on your hand…where did you get it?" Malik watched his stony profile, and the driver's eye remained fixed dead ahead on the winding road, as if he didn't hear a word, just as when Malik attempted to chat at the beginning of the trip.
Malik looked back at the mark: black...no outlines...no embellishments.
Malik looked back at the forest. Even the tufts of grass appeared to be the same.
The driver finally broke the long silence. “It’s from a long time ago. Why do you ask? Have you seen it before?” He turned to Malik with a subtle smirk.
The point of describing the mark and other stuff while waiting for a response is that it implies that he is thinking and making mental notes, which conveys the passage of time, which emphasizes what you wrote before about the forest going on and on.
It makes me think that Malik is a little uncomfortable with this trip, and that he shouldn't have got in the car in the first place, but the text never said any the information in the paragraph that you are reading.
Would you give me feedback on my version, please? :-D
Excellent explanation and example.
Excellent explanation & example.
Excellent explanation and example
You are the man. Thank you
Dan Abenett does a great job at doing this with his gaunt’s ghosts series.
Thanks for sharing these free and wonderful nuggets of information.
Very helpful!
Thank you what an insightful video ‘
I love your videos so much
Thank you😊
Thank you
Jerry B. Goat
Thanks Jerry for the lesson. I have to ask when Lucy has her internal dialogue I noticed no quotation marks were used. I take it this is correct.
Yes, this is a common way of doing it. I don't like it. I feel like the author is injecting his opinions in the story, when he should butt out. If it really is her thoughts, then just put quotes around it, and then let us know that we are reading her thoughts.
I wonder why booktubers never mentioned his name? They review and talk about a lot of authors and their books. How could they they omit the 21 timer, with a lot of great books. I don't want to mention names but there are plenty of new York times best sellers out there whose writing aren't even half his class. Sometimes reading those mega best sellers feels like a battle in itself. Not all though.
Nah... Harry potter started with a description of privet drive. It's still one of the best books ever written. If the setting is important, describe it man.
I'll read it