Anxious Attachment and How It Develops

Anxious insecure attachment is a developmental strategy we adopt as children in order to attach to our parents. Anxious insecure attachment is also known as Ambivalent attachment.
In this video I will illustrate how anxious attachment arises and how it is revealed in the various stages of our life. I will contrast it to other insecure attachment strategies such as avoidant attachment. By the end of this video you will be able to know if anxious insecure attachment is your attachment strategy from childhood.
So as babies we develop attachment strategies which help us attach to the caregivers, so that our safety and development are as much as possible safeguarded. When we are safe, when we are really seen and our needs are reliably met and we are soothed in our distress, we develop secure attachment.
However, when caregiver is not consistently present and attuned and does not reliably meet our needs, one of the strategies we may adopt is the anxious insecure attachment.
Anxious or ambivalent attachment also results from intrusive parenting.
In this attachment style our whole attachment system gets in a sense revved up - we are seeking proximity to our caregiver, we are more difficult to soothe. We want to explore the world but we are not able to do so as we are continually seeking connection and reassurance.
As adults we have fear of abandonment, are jealous or engage in people pleasing, as we assume our own needs will not be met and we are there to meet the needs of others ahead of our own.
It is important to heal these childhood wounds in adulthood for our own well-being and also to ensure that they do not get passed on intergenerationally. If we have not felt seen or heard as children, very often these “hot button” areas will get triggered in interaction with our own children.
Just reflect on how often you have felt disrespected by your own children, and how often was that indeed the case and how often it was due to your particular sensitivity to not being seen or respected in your childhood. When that happens we are reacting to our children from our old childhood pain (in this case our anxious attachment) and become inconsistent in our parenting - when we are reacting from our childhood pain, our reaction is guaranteed to create confusion in our children, when their expectation was of being seen, safe and soothed by us.
Please let me know if you found this video helpful and if you would like more information or would like more transformative practices such as meditation, visualization, grounding techniques and somatic exercises.
Here are some of my other videos on the topic of attachment styles:
Avoidant attachment: • Avoidant Attachment | ...
Avoidant attachment and shame: • Avoidant Attachment: T...
Avoidant attachment and emotional suppression: • Avoidant Attachment: H...
Avoidantly Attached? the Best Way to Find Out: • Is Your Attachment Avo...
Disorganised attachment: • Disorganized attachmen...
Secure attachment and the three main attachment styles: • Video