The Most Disturbing Book I Have Ever Read - Notice by Heather Lewis
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- Опубліковано 28 вер 2022
- Full text review and book details on CriminOlly.com - criminolly.com/2022/09/29/not...
Synopsis:
As a young adult, she started to turn tricks in the parking lot of the local bar. Not because she needed the money, but because the money made explicit what sex had always been for her, a loveless transaction.
A sadist takes her home to replay family dramas with his beautiful wife, and she becomes hopelessly drawn into their dangerous web, and eventually, ends up in more trouble than she ever bargained for. Arrested and confined to a psych ward, a therapist is assigned to help her. But instead of treatment, they develop a sexual relationship, bringing her both confusion and revelation.
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Music: Who's Afraid of Halloween by Alfred Grupstra from Pixabay
Gathered up ALL the comment recommendations 😏 Happy traumatizing yourselves!
A Child Called It
Sybil
The Girl in the Box
Slapstick
Slaughterhouse Five
Pretty Girls
Notice
No Longer Human
When Rabbit Howls
We Need to Talk About Kevin
The Servant of Bones
Blood Meridian
1984
The King in Yellow
Mummy Knew
Crime and Punishment
The Wych Elm
The Road
Lolita
American Psycho
Gemma
Ghost Girl
The Second Suspect
Handmaid's Tale
Sharp Objects
Flowers in the Attic
Jude the Obscure
Push
Go Ask Alice
Cry to Heaven
The Collector- John Fowles
The Vegetarian- Han Kang
The Bird Man- Mo Hayder
Everything Eventual
The Man in the Black Suit
By Reason of Insanity- Shanestephens
House Rules
The Broken Cord
Cesspit Alley- Timothy Johnston
Annke Lucas's Memoir
A Little Life- Hanya
The Hot Zone
The Kindly Ones
Perfume- Patrick Suskind
Wasp Factory
Mysterious Skin- Scott Heim
The Deloriad
Please Daddy No
Helter Skelter
Alive
Living Dead Girl
Shadow Man-cody Mcfadyen
The Dark Chamber
Into the Void
Tender is the Flesh
The Crow Girl (1st in Trilogy)
Whipping Boy- Gabrielle Lord
Glamorama- Bret Easton Ellis
Story of the Eye - Georges Batailles
Shella- Andrew Vachss
Zombie
Sade
The End of Alice
The Maimed
The Blind Owl
My Absolute Darling-gabriel Tallent
The Stranger-albert Camus
Geralds Game
Raptor-gary Jennings
Aztec-gary Jennings
Blue Horizon-wilbur Smith
Hard Candy (About Nj Boys School)
Call Me Tuesday - Leigh Byrne
Funeral Rites- Jean Genet
Flying to Nowhere
Elementals-michele Madow
Things Have Gotten Worse Since We Last Spoke- Eric Larocca
A Fine Balance
Frisk-dennis Cooper
Peace- Gene Wolfe
Blindness
The Girl Next Door
The Devil Takes You Home-gabino Iglesias
The Killing Lessons
The End of Alice
Survivor - Jf Gonzalez
Family Skeleton
Pet Sematary
Damaged- Cathy Glass
Nocturne- Ed Mcbain
The Painted Bird
Gone to See the River Man
Oliver Twist
Mr Shivers- Robert Jackson Bennett
Ashes Ashes We All Fall Down
A Piece of Cake-cupcake Brown
The Light on Pigeon Hill
House of Leaves
Ordinary Men-christopher Browning
Blindsight - Peter Watts
Echopraxia - Peter Watts
The Girl in the Vatican
Hogg- Samuel R Delany
The Piano Player- Elfriede Jelinek
This is awesome! It must have taken you hours. Thanks for doing it!
you deserve all happiness in life
Wow! Thank you,you're a gem😁
Oh wow... brilliant list!!!!!! TY!!!!!
@@CriminOllyBlog it definitely took me a lot longer than I'd carried to admit 😅 but as an avid reader in my youth and someone who probably hasn't touched a book in a decade but has been really wanting to get back into it, I really loved super haunting books that stuck with you for a really long time back then, so coming up with this comprehensive list of books that have the best chance of possibly getting me back into reading was definitely worth it 😊
It would be funny if the whole video consisted of this guy picking up 100 books one at a time and saying " Yep, Notice was more disturbing than that ".
That's tempting...
This gave me a good laugh. I appreciate your sense of humor.
I can see it. It gets to a point after 30 or 40 where it just becomes a listing of books that may not even pertain to anything inherently disturbing. So books like “How many trucks can a tow truck tow?” and “Everybody Poops” are included here and there. 😅
@@peppyhare6662 yes
Yep, the Oxford Dictionary, definitely more disturbing than that.
As a survivor of 19 years of abuse (began at age 3) by my adopted parents I will never read this. My perpetrator committed suicide, not me. God saved me. No human helped except my therapist. I found one I could talk to. I am 71.
I am so sorry to hear what you were subjected to, but so glad that you found a way to build a life afterwards.
💕hugs , I’m so sorry you went through that. It’s so horrific.
They should make more deep movies based on true survivor of stories, to raise more awareness on that ugly reality. It happens more often than we realize.
I'm very sorry to hear about your childhood. God bless you 🙏
Wow, this is heartbreaking ❤❤❤I’m so sorry to hear about the hell you’ve gone through.
“The most identifying trait of humanity is our ability to be inhumane to one another.” Dean R. Koontz.
Very true
Absolutely
Nah it's our intelligence
@@BTSArmy-ge5gf There's not been much sign of that since 2019.
Someone needs to put that on billboard’s and bumper stickers!
Heather Lewis: I was her assistant the last several months before she passed. tragic. beautiful. More heartbreaking than you could ever imagine. Her real story was disturbing.
Oh wow. I really don’t know what to say. Thank you so much for commenting here and adding to our understanding of her. I’m very sorry for your loss.
What an amazing opportunity this is, to have even that much context to understand the author. Thank you both.
Kinda thought that’s what I was in for 😂
Do you know why this book as well as her others not available to buy?
I adored her as a writer, she seemed such an interesting person. X
A Child Called It series was some of the most disturbing books I read. The fact that the author of it (who is the child in the book) was able to overcome his abuse and live a fulfilling successful life was amazing to me. I’ll have to check Notice out.
I've not read A Child Called It but I do agree that the fact Dave Peltzer managed to overcome what happened to him is inspirational
This for me was the one that was just so hard to read. Did you read the rest if his books? Its truly heartbreaking how evil people can be
I read these books when I was a teenager! Unfortunately I was able to relate to the child/author on so many levels! So I made the books soo much deeper for me!
I read A Child Called It as a teenager as well and I carry the chilling events with me to this day!
@@samanthahernandez7662 it was the first book I actually cried while reading. I wanted so badly to go back in time and take Dave out of that house. And to think abuse like that happens every day to children. Such a travesty.
I was a social worker for 24+ years, so I feel no need for stories regarding abuse of any kind. Those horrible realities are already engraved in my soul. However, your review was very well done and I will subscribe for more. Thanks.
Thank you. I can only imagine the kind of horrific things you’ve been exposed to.
Hope you find other books to enjoy on the channel and thanks for your kind words about my review.
I agree with you a 100%. Being a social worker is such an incredible job, I appreciate your comment. But I also feel all sorts of books must be written, there is a need for the good,the bad , the ugly.☺️
@@reshminayak195 completely agree 😊
@@reshminayak195 I absolutely agree. These stories are so important. They are what can lead someone like me to want to help. To make it stop for just one person. But just at this time in my life, I cannot handle books, articles and films that include abuse of any kind. As time passes and I get a little further away from that world, I may need books like this again. Thanks so much for your thoughtful comment!
My wife’s a clinician and won’t touch the subject of abuse for the same reason
In my 20's I read 'The girl in the Box' by Colleen Stan. It was a true story that was later made into a movie. I suppose it was my first glimpse into the inhumane way humans are capable of treating each other. It definitely put me off reading other horror books. Also, I never hitch hiked again ever. 😳
Not hitchhicking is a pretty sensible thing to do!
I read that book as well. It was surreal to me think that the couple in the book could do what they did. No spoilers.
Yes, I read it too when I was in my 20's, it was gripping!
I read that book when I was in high school. It was freaky to me how people could do something like that and how she could just go along with it and be that brainwashed. The whole thing was just incredibly bizarre.
I read that book as well. She’s been on several talk shows describing her kidnapping/horrible abuse.
This comment section is gold, Ive taken so many screen shots!
Thank you to everyone that suggested the most disturbing book they have ever read. Appreciate it.
It's been wonderful to see!
Lol SAME!!!!
I wouldn't go reading them all back to back. That wouldn't bode well for your mental health I'd imagine
I was deeply, deeply troubled by this book and still am after having read it long ago. There were points that were so graphic in the descriptions of the abuse that I wanted to crawl out of my skin when imagining what those things could feel like. All that said, I am extraordinarily grateful to Heather for her writing and the ways that her books have helped me overcome my own challenges. This is not something that everyone could write. Very few people, in fact, could write it and put it out into the public sphere. To do so was to allow herself to be subjected to mockery, shame, stigma and ostracization for being able to describe such severe experiences. You can’t write experiences like that without knowing and having lived some of it. Heather Lewis will always haunt me. And I sincerely hope she rests well after her tragic end.
Beautifully put. And yes I agree it was an incredibly brave book
I watch enough crime documentaries to know I couldn't read any of these books. I'd get sick to my stomach reading the details. It's sad and infuriating that these things do happen in real life.
I couldn't agree more
Sad but true unfortunately allot of evil pervert pedophile perpetrators monsters in world.
I haven't watched your channel before but I loved this review. Don't read many disturbing books myself as a c-PTSD sufferer but I love to hear about the stories through others. Thanks for providing a safe way to vicariously engage!
Hope you're doing ok now. 🙏
Hi Annabelle, sorry it has taken me so long to reply to your comment. Really glad you found the video useful. Thanks for watching!
Im sorry for your trauma. Much Love to you. 💕💕💕💕💕
Thank you for your support. It has been much better for a long time.
I believe Ms Heather Lewis already committed suicide. I did a bit of research on her, and seemingly all of her other works (apart from Notice) are indeed pretty disturbing. Lewis had faced a lot of intense struggles/challenges in her personal life, much like most of the other characters in her other works. Abuse in general is and will never be easy to talk about. People who are survivors (or victims) of abuse, neglect, and so on, still feel a bit of reluctance when sharing their own testimonies. Typically people who are close to them are the abuse perpetrators, which in turn makes it understandable why they would feel that reluctance. Anyway, your review of the book is incredibly impressive. No matter how explicit Notice is, it doesn’t stray too far off from reality. Prostitution comes with pretty huge risks, that’s for certain. Somehow, prostitutes or sex workers should be granted more protection and security in the type of work that they do. They’re humans, after all. They have feelings and emotions. They’re not meant to be objects to be played around with.
A great comment, and yes she did indeed die of suicide. It's a very sad case, but also, as you say, something that is horrifically common.
If the author of those books committed suicide what will happen to the readers of her book? Disturbing stories, pictures, news or videos need to have disclaimers.
Do we know why she committed suicide? i am unable to find anything about her life online
The most disturbing book I've ever read was Mummy Knew, by Lisa James.. I cry all the way through. Its about Lisa's stepfather who abuse her and her mother Knew and did nothing.
Ugh, that sounds horrific. I’m not sure I could read that
I read How Could She by Dana Fowley. Her mother would physically hold her down while the abuse was happening. Beyond belief. I swear if I ever discovered something like this happening, I’d rip them to pieces with my bare hands. And if they lived and were jailed, I’d find a way in. Or be waiting for when they got out.
Just borrow!
Two of my friends lived that life for real…..
Until I die…I will be angry that as a child I didn’t know and couldn’t save her…
Ugh, that’s so horrible
Thanks for sharing this. The story of Heather Lewis’s life reminds me of Osamu Dazai. His novel “No Longer Human” was also published posthumously under similar circumstances. It’s frightening how much power some books draw from the harrowing experiences of their authors. Consume responsibly, everyone.
Thanks for watching. I've not heard of that one. And yes, it's tragic that books built on as much pain as these have to exist.
@@CriminOllyBlog Not to rob you of the impact this book had on you but this Notice novel was essentially the story of Canadian sadists Paul Kenneth Bernardo and Karla Leanne Teale who committed dozens of rapes and killed at least two teen girls during sex parties. A few girls actually returned to Paul more than once indicating he might have paid them.
You have to be careful in calling these books "pain", particularly those in a modern setting. In the past circa 1900 and older many women were forced into prostitution, but it doesn't happen to the modern woman. For the most part the "pain" is actually dissatisfaction in the partners they've encountered. The novel Notice is self-flagellation for not attracting the level of partner they feel they deserve and when they attempt to "cheat the system" by covertly getting into a wealthy man's life through prostitution they are blindsided by the consequences. Little do they know that the wealthy people in these circles are usually those with the most insane sexual appetites. Thus books like Notice are written. (The book Party Girl: A Novel, conversely chronicles a woman who is successful at getting the guys she wants despite her addictions.)
People like Heather Lewis and Osamu Dazai could easily choose a life with a quaint partner but they are compelled to constantly look for excitement. Heather Lewis in particular was two-faced in that she claimed to be a lesbian, but her psychology deep down was a dissatisfaction with not attracting the most exciting men. That is the pain explored in Notice.
U watched weendigoons vid
@@Nekooghoull Funny enough, his video came out a couple days after I left this comment! Must be a bit of autumn Kismet :) Another good vid, and he's right about the Junji Ito adaptation.
@@Nekooghoull was just about to say that. Quite a synchronicity!
Haven't read this one, don't know if I want to, but probably will.
For me "Sybil" will always be for me the most disturbing read. Followed closely by "When Rabbit Howls" Child abuse in any form leaves pain and damage that sometimes can't be healed. I believe these souls come here and live these horrible existences to bring to us, as a collective, the knowledge that these things are very real, and need to be addressed. Humans are not here to suffer, nor to allow those around us to suffer. If you see signs of abuse, report it. Step in. Save a beautiful soul.
Well said!
I saw the movie When Rabbit Howls and it's very disturbing. Shelly Long did an excellent job portraying the victim. She also was excellent in another disturbing movie of abuse Fatal Memories.
Agreed. When Rabbit Howls is desperately disturbing and true. Could not handle reading anything worse than that:(
Read: Sybil Exposed and you'll feel better. Was not true! When Rabbit Howls is true and very disturbing indeed. You can see the victim interviewed on a segment of Oprah.
I'm with you. I read Sybil and that was more disturbing than the Exorcist. I read Sybil when it came out, it stays with me to this day.
The news today is so disturbing that I don't think I want any extra Horror in my life. But I found your review to be excellent
Thank you Sandra, I know what you mean about the news!
absolutely 🔥💥 true crime is so disturbing, I cant stomach it all
Agree
*Sees title*
*Drops into your channel from the sky on a parachute*
Hello.
Hello, Juan
Hahahah
The business of writing such horrific actions may have been too much for Ms. Lewis and triggered her suicide. Other people's cruelty, at this level, would be too much for most of us I feel. Bless her and she is suffering no more. RIP
Yes, impossible to know what happened, but a very sad case
It may also have been her suicide note
@@CriminOllyBlog Indeed. A well done video about her. TY
This is pretty tame tbh
I'm already a bit depressed and disgusted with humans cruelty towards one another so I don't dare read it.
Not at this time anyway .. until I'm feeling a bit more optimistic.
It's definitely not a book to read if you're not psychologically prepared for it
I had a low IQ client who told me about some horrific things that happened to her, and as she spoke, I felt as if I were right there. It still bothers me Three years later after retiring as a counselor.
One story she related to me is how she was walking home from school and was gang raped. The boys warned her that they would do this to her mom, if she told anyone. When she got home late, her dad asked where she’d been and she wouldn’t say. So, after being gang raped, she was beaten by her dad. Just one of the situations she endured. Abused children are typically targeted by other abusers.
Thats effing horrendous!!!! Ugh that shit angers me to no end.... I hope ALL of those pieces of shit get every bit of painful suffering karma
Omg that is horrific. 💔
My god that's really awful. I can see how that haunts you.
That shattered me. I hope she finds peace and healing in her life.
Of course she married an abuser who tried to get her to have sex with other men and actually with a dog. It made me sick. I believe she is in a nursing home now.
I contacted child protection because she believed her abusive ex was abusing her grand children. I believe she knew what she was talking about. Such a sad situation.
A Child Called It was a book I picked up and read when I was very young (as in, single digits, 8-9yo) because I wanted to understand what real abuse looked like. I knew what cruelty looked like in the form of movies, novels, and fiction in general, but I knew that was fiction and depiction of violence is highly controlled and performed, so I didn't really know if it was a good point of reference. At the time, I was situation where I didn't know if I could recognize it in my own life also, so the fact it was written as a first-hand account of a man who wrote about his own experiences was the draw for me as a child who wanted to learn.
I still remember a good amount of it, but I think there was only one or two parts that still sit with me as really upsetting, but what I digested at the time was "hm... my life isn't As Bad as this but a lot of this still feels really normal to me?"
I moved on from it like any other story I read and it was only through the years after when I saw everyone around me who talked about that book as so upsetting they couldn't finish it or how horrific it is that I ended up connecting, no, in fact, that account wasn't really that normal. It was bad, actually. And I didn't recognize it because it was, in many cases, my own normal, even if it was less severe by comparison.
I don't know if I can say A Child Called It is the most disturbing book to ever exist, but it is the most disturbing book for me personally from how much it revealed about my own life. As I grew older it revealed to me just how much the full scope of cruelty is invisible when you're the receiver of it, but obvious when you're on the outside looking in. It felt disturbing to me how much the story DIDN'T effect me, but by extension it did help me overcome my own abusive environment as soon as I was old enough to have agency to leave it. It taught me of the willingness of a victim to rationalize and tolerate abuse from someone who supposedly loves you just to psychologically cope gave me the strength to keep my eyes firmly on reality and the actions that actually happened, and not get distracted by what I felt about who acted them. I'm grateful for it, I think it would've been harder for me otherwise.
Thanks for commenting. A lot of people have mentioned that book and it’s one I haven’t personally read. I’m truly glad that it helped you escape your own situation. Thanks for watching and hope all is good with you.
I know that many abused kids think that's normal childhood. I'm glad you made it through.
🙏🕊🧡💫🧡🕊🙏
U spoke my same experience , I was around 9 maybe when I came across the book and I still have parts ingrained in my psyche even still at 42yr old
We Need to Talk about Kevin is one of my all time favourite novels. It's so brilliant, and yes, disturbing. I will have to keep an eye out for Notice. It's super interesting that she wrote the same story twice from 2 different perspectives, and that she committed suicide before Notice was published. I have to wonder if the story she wrote was something she'd lived and was trying unsuccessfully to work through.
Yeah tragically it does feel like it was something like that
Read The Servant of the Bones by Anne Rice. You spend the whole book trying to find out what kind of creature is it?
We Need to Talk About Kevin is one of the few books to ever make me cry, one of the best books I have ever read.
Have you read We Need to Talk about Alan?
@@Rafman316 No... is that really a book?
It's great when the algorithm actually does its job! Glad to have found you. Looking forward to watching more of your reviews and adding to my reading list.
Thank you! Really glad you enjoyed the video. Hope you find more to enjoy on the channel!
Same
@@sherrytaylor3738 thank you Sherry!
You guys who read these “disturbing books” are braver than I.
Sometimes I’m not sure if it’s bravery or masochism
I could think of more appropriate words than brave.
@@sueg2286 It isn’t easy to face fear. I read A Child Called It 20 years ago and my stomach is in knots thinking about David’s trauma.
@@marylougeorge9890 Thankyou for your comment, much love to you x
@@sueg2286 ❤️
Full text review and book details on my website - criminolly.com/2022/09/29/notice-by-heather-lewis-bookreview/
Hi Olly, Thank you for your courtesy and promptness. I blush to admit to people that a book considered "a classic" and for the sexual connoisseur, a must read, The Story of O. I read it years ago and figured, my youth, nobody would willingly be victimized as she was. Notice brought it to mind. Years? ago I came across the author, O and discovered she was "normal"- I am loathe to use such a benign adjective- I felt very unsophisticated so brains here ferreted it out- my library is horrifying! Just horrifying! I re-read it and still felt like I wanted a shower but knowing how much she enjoyed herself- well to each his own. ( it came back to mind with the release of 50 Shades of Grey, which had me in hysterics - the calibre of writing! What phrase, " oh my gawd" or as mundane as, used by a woman who considers herself, sophisticated: like totally awesome- PLEASE! And Jamie Dornan, The Fall, great BBC drama, very chilling- I made a mental note, one to watch- ! I read a nonfiction book by a sex trade worker in England - trying to get the public to " notice" and perhaps legalize- her name eludes me also- not well, sleep disturbance and brain fog- Notice touched my heart because she chose death, her life being SO unbearable- if I was young and could make the grades I'd choose a profession which does help- journalists and social workers can't being up against organized crime, sex trafficking of kids- I won't blather on more nor tell my awful story - yes, I was a victim too but I was a bit older and could have left the man- well the woman who treated me for several years said I couldn't- transference, Stockholm Syndrome- disgusting what some trusted professionals do, to use a corny cliche. Thanks again. I am going to keep searching, never thought of eBay- self published- figures- PEOPLE, PARENTS, SOCIAL WORKERS, PSYCHIATRISTS NEED TO KNOW, to Notice- horrifying how children ( I never had any because of my background) aren't valued for the "diamonds" they are. Namaste
You don’t have to read a novel to be disturbed or encounter atrocity. Instead, put human ego aside and pay attention to how humans treat innocent animals EVERY DAY. Examples: forcing chickens to live entire miserable lives crammed into cages, pigs treading in feces & packed into pens w/nowhere to go, live animal markets where those caged, watch as their former cage-mates are clubbed and skinned, or simply gutted while still alive.
If you like your steak and burgers, take a tour (though seldom allowed) of often, still-conscious cattle being run thru the line at a slaughterhouse. Feel guilty?
And realize that Intelligent dolphins spend entire lives in pools at Water Parks, cheetahs and tigers in cages….the horror goes on and on.
Of course, the ultimate daily disturbing events are the pre-birth, or partial birth terminations sanctioned in some areas. I’ve seen things in my life that would cause one to cringe and elicit a most vigorous cremasteric reflex, so reading fictionalized accounts in books pales when compared to the hellish horrors of daily life.
Can I get the book somewhere on paper ( not as e book)? Would like to read it but can‘t find it anywhere here.( Switzerland)
Or can I buy it from you?
I'm not sure if there are any books about it but I'm sure there have been somewhere or another. The Death of Kelly Anne Bates was and possibly is still known as the most Horrific murder in U.K. (British History )
The story line has a tad bit of reference to the movie Crimes of Passion, at least from the perspective of a woman who engages in prostitution not so much for the money as for her own compulsions.
I haven't watched the full video yet, but the way you talk about books is so relaxing and nice 🥰
Thank you!
Dostoyevsky's Crime and Punishment is still the most disturbing book I have ever read and I'm now 75yrs old . Reading has always been a passion of mine since I was a child .
I really want to read that one - reading another of his books soon (Brothers Kazamarov). Thanks for watching, Suzanne
Currently reading myself - love the Russian authors.
i reckon that is my most disturbing so far, as well. I read Dostoyevstky's entire catalog while i was homeless for a few years. One of my favorite writers.
Fantastic book!!!
@@CriminOllyBlogMy father recommended Brothers Kazamarov to me & I still need to read it.
This is a wonderful channel! I can’t wait to hear your back catalog. Thank you for sharing!
Thank you Mary! Hope you find more to enjoy
How many of the heartfelt innocent victims, can still not face their ordeals BRAVO to the book 👏 🙌 🙄 😑
Stumbled across your channel a few days ago Olly. Brilliant content!! 👍🏻👏🏻
Thank you so much! That’s very kind of you to say
Flowers in the Attic was definitely a harrowing read.
That you mention Notice being written in a stream of consciousness-esque manner intrigues me, as I find myself wondering more frequently these days which reality is a darker one; one where the person suffering does not even realize they're suffering, or one where the person is fully self aware of how much better life could be.
That's a very deep thought! Now you've got me pondering it too!
Flowers In The Attic and their sequels I agree! They were messed up!
Thank you for creating a captivating thumbnail. Now I wanna read all of Lewis’ work ❤
Thank you! And me too!
I literally just discovered your channel and I can already tell I’m going to be a fan. I love crime, pulp, and horror stuff with a passion. Glad I discovered ya!
Fantastic! Hope you enjoy my other videos
I truly admire your channel. Keep doing the best work. Big hug from Brazil.👏👏👏
Thank you so much! Greetings from the UK
Story time: Today I went into my local library and asked about this book. The librarian searched high and low but said that not only was it not at our local, it also couldn’t be ordered from their catalogue. He then did a search on multiple websites including Amazon, and said it was unavailable everywhere.
I was with my friend at the time, and she asked me why I was so desperate to read this book. “Well, there’s this UA-camr called CriminOlly” (and in my head, I literally did the whole “crime, pulp, horror, that sort of thing”) “and he said it was the most messed up, disturbing, horrific book he’d ever read!”
My friend, the librarian, the library assistant and a woman with a baby all stared at me like “😳”
🤣 The librarian was really shocked about how obscure the book is… how did you get your hands on it? 🙈
Maybe it’s fate? Maybe it would ruin me mentally. 😅
Ha ha I love this story - especially you doing my intro in the library. I got my copy through a saved search on eBay. It was scarce even then, but I managed to get a copy for about £10 with a bit of patience. Then some idiot went and made a video about it that got 400k views
Excellent video. I don't think I can handle Notice. I just finished Tana Frenchs The Wych Elm and felt traumatized by it and that wasn't graphic in any way.
I did read The Road and Lolita. Also American Psycho, but I was much younger. Now I'm too mentally fragile for such human horrors.
Reality is much too horrible these days.
I’ve yet to read Tana French but have heard good things about their writing.
I know what you mean about reality. It seems to be getting worse!
Yes. There's plenty of sadness & raw grief & horror in the world right now-moreb than I think my brain can even imagine
Just stumbled upon your channel, and I'm glad I did. Thank u so much for sharing, I feel like I want to read all the disturbing books you mentioned. Subscribed!
Thanks Jenn! Glad you enjoyed the video
Just found your channel! So happy you were suggested to me!!
Definitely a new fan here.
Thank you! Really glad you're enjoying the channel
When Rabbit Howls is the most disturbing book I've ever read. Because of that book, I tend to avoid books based on true tales of abuse 😣
A few people have mentioned this one - I too tend to avoid books about real life abuse
Same here. Horrifying
Yes When Rabbit Howls is the most disturbing book I’ve ever read
Just discovered your channel but I love your takes on books I’ve read and now I’ve added a few to read based on your recommendations. Thanks for your amazing channel, please keep it up!
Thank you so much, Chloe. I'm really delighted you're enjoying the channel
This is on my list to read, as are others you've mentioned. Also have subscribed. I'm quite happy to have found you, not many UA-camrs giving honest, straightforward narratives on such material. Thank you!
Thank you, Anne, really glad you liked the video
I always think about the Amish point of viee in the movie 'Witness' . They didn't want their community/children to witness the evil doings in the world with the mind that you could not see it without taking it in and affecting you. The tale you tell is a spell as well.
The “complete absence of any barrier” is a creative choice. Maybe Ms. Lewis was unable to sugar coat any of what sounds like her real life experience. As a writer who suffers the fallout of a bad childhood, I can relate. What’s most troubling to me is the recognition that often the ability to portray pain, fear, shame, etc. in ways that leave deep, lasting understanding is usually NOT to depict events as raw, unfiltered, and graphic but to use metaphor. Leaving something to the imagination is a much more powerful and meaningful technique. Unfortunately, as I said, when you’re damaged, all you want is for someone to understand and to validate your feelings. Society, however, fails miserably at that most vital of responses. We are far too quick to compare and to cite outcomes of others with similar experiences as evidence of our own failure or that of our friends and family members who may be struggling.
This video was disturbing enough for me. I’m immediately immersed in the old, familiar feeling of helplessness coupled with the empathy of someone who has teetered on the brink, as it were. I’m sorry Ms. Lewis did not get the help she needed and that the pain eventually won.
Sorry if the video was triggering for you.
I do agree about metaphor, and I'm also someone who tends to find that very explicit descriptions of things (especially terrible things) can often get dull and repetitive and end up doing the opposite of what the writer intended. There was something about the use of that kind of writing in Notice that really worked though.
@@CriminOllyBlog No, don’t misunderstand. I’m not saying the video was too graphic or in any way inappropriate, just that the descriptions you supplied were enough that I know I won’t read the book. Far from triggering me, alerted me in a way that both allowed me to understand the nature of Ms. Lewis’s work and commiserate without actually going there. That’s a good thing. I think you handled the subject as delicately as possible and with an abundance of care. Both very positive. I misspoke. What I should have said was I now know enough about Ms. Lewis and this book to be prepared should I ever decide to read it.
Gregory McDonald, the creator of Fletch, published a novel in the early 90s called, The Brave, that I found horrifying in its subject matter - but only because of its essential truth. Far from prurient, it is nonetheless disturbing. I’ve neither forgotten it (having read it when it was new) nor attempted to read it again. I believe people are endowed with emotional sensitivity on a spectrum and that those of us on the far end, very near to being as sensitive as a human being can be, suffer from later damage labeled PTSD (or CPTSD) when less sensitive people would not under similar circumstances. The challenge is to recognize, accept, and allow for these differences in all things, not just in the most extreme circumstances.
Thank you for your sensitivity and consideration. No apologies necessary. Cheers!
@coda creator Your comment is beautifully written! I really appreciate it 🥰 I get what you are saying about society and also about the need to get one's feelings validated. Sometimes the act of simply listening can save somebody, I hope we see more empathy in people.
@@codacreator6162 thank you for explaining - I’m really glad you felt I got the pitch of the video right - I was nervous tackling the subject matter going into it.
I definitely agree that there’s a spectrum of sensitivity. In fact I think very sensitive people sometimes seek out books like Notice as a way to build up emotional resilience
What a beautifully honest and real punctuation to this review. Wishing you all the love, light and safe space to heal. 🫶
I think it's important to understand Heather Lewis' background when it comes to her work. It's pretty autobiographical. You can find more information on various sites and sources. How she survived so long is very admirable - she has truly gone through a lot. She is probably my favorite author but I don't recommend her work to most people due to the graphic nature.
Agreed, it sounds like she had horrific childhood. Still to read her other two books but really looking forward to them
It seems as though Heather Lewis was attempting to tell the world what happened to her. However, still damaged as she was, it remained too much for her to bear.
Quite possibly. It's a desperately sad case anyway
Thank you for the book recommendations!
You're so welcome!
I am intrigued. Thanks for the review/recommendation.
Thanks Jenna, glad you found the review useful
Omg that’s tragic, she was probably portraying what happened to her in those books 📖 and then she did that to herself. I think she was asking for help 😢 so sad.
Yeah it's utterly tragic
you have no idea how grateful i am that i just found your channel. i’ve never been a fan of reading until picking up the Handmaids Tale and now i’m obsessed with reading. i need all the suggestions i can get!
Ah brilliant! So glad you found the channel! Plenty of recommendations here
I’m so excited to have found this channel!
Thank you! Hope you’re enjoying it
Demonic. Some can't survive the trauma. Hopeless stuff, the destruction of children at the hands of evil adults.
Yikes! Thanks for sharing - I am having struggles getting through a murder rape detective story right now so this is definitely over my limit but appreciate hearing about these types of books.
I’d definitely give it a miss then!
I’m so glad to see Heather Lewis get some love!! I wish her stuff would get back into print
Agreed! I’m looking forward to reading her other two books. I have actually emailed the publisher of Notice to see if they will reprint it, not heard back yet though.
@@CriminOllyBlog Any tips on how I can find her book? I've looked online but no luck
Thank you for your critique and for explaining that the author wrote two other books, then published "Notice" posthumously. You do an excellent job analyzing this. Thank you for not reading paragraphs from the book, but sharing your impressions of the book instead. You do an incredibly great job reviewing this book. Thank you!
Thank you so much Cynthia, that's very kind of you to say
The most disturbing book I've ever read was Gemma by Meg Tilly. I listened to the audiobook, which she excellently narrates (being an actress does help). It was made more disturbing knowing about her horrific real life background as a child victim of SA. It's basically taking the plot of Lolita and making it what it would *really* be like and it's told in narrative from the child's pov and the abductor's pov, alternately. She doesn't pull a single punch, it's horrible and heartbreaking and as I said, worse because Meg wrote this from her own experiences. It makes those "famously disturbing" books seem like a romp through a flower garden. I will never forget it, or her voice and don't even know if I can "recommend" it, unless you are interested. I always loved her as an actress and it was only because I read an article about her and her becoming an writer that made me read it. I knew what I was getting into, but man....
I wasn't aware that Meg was an SRA survivor, how terrible. I always liked her.
That does sound very disturbing - I'm a big fan of her acting so I might check it out, Thanks for the recommendation
What do you mean by 'voice'? 🖋️
Meg has a sister, Jennifer. I wonder if she also suffered as Meg did. Both these women are wonderful actors, but I have always particularly liked Jennifer and her quirkyness.
Same book for me.
I read it well well over a decade ago and it's like i can't unsee her words on paper.
Your video titles and thumbnails get me EVERY TIME 😆
Ha ha sorry Crystal!
First time here, very glad to find your channel. I love reading and your discussion was quite interesting.
Thank you! Hope you find more to enjoy here
It definitely feels that the writer used writing these as a form of therapy for herself. Unfortunately i know a couple women who wrote (not professionally) fictional stories that were losely based on their own experiences because it was a way for them to come to terms with their trauma. Hopefullly she found some peace and resolve
Only just discovered your channel but already a fan. Love the way you describe things
Thanks Helen! Really glad you're enjoying the channel.
The book is an examination of dissociation I read somewhere and that for me makes it so unique -you wouldn’t understand how someone could write this onslaught of increasing personal pain and abuse so dispassionately but you can understand it from a psyche that’s split to survive
Yes it is known as Disassociate Disorder. A mental health diagnosis.
That's a really excellent point. Thank you, Beth
The Collector by John Fowles was most disturbing book I read. I cried for many hours after reading it and was very traumatized after reading.
Yeah, that is a horrific one
That's such an amazing book.
Man, you just inspired me so much!! Thank you!
That's brilliant! Thank you :)
Thanks for giving a review 🙏🏾
Thanks for watching
thank you for your recommendations, I'm very glad UA-cam recommended your channel to me. Glad to find someone with common interests in books.
Thanks for watching
Whatever Mother Says is one of the most disturbing books I have ever read. It's the true story about a woman who killed her child and ex-husband written through the eyes of a surviving daughter.
Wow, that does sound disturbing!
Thank you for this video! I'm always fascinated by these books but don't have the stomach to actually read them, so I appreciate the summary.
Thanks for watching Sherry! Glad you found the video interesting. I know what you mean about the fascination but not actually wanting to read them - I'm the same with some movies.
My mum's cousin Timothy Johnston wrote Cesspit Alley.
Not one person in our family has been able to finish, admittedly I've never read it. I don't know what he's like now but I know when he wrote it he was suffering heavily from schitzerphrenia and believed women were out to get him.
That's a difficult book to find information about! Just gone down a google rabbit hole trying to find a copy
My youngest son decided he didn't believe in God when he researched schizophrenia. I don't either, having lived longer, I have a longer list. My heart goes out to Timothy.
@@CriminOllyBlog as far as I know there might only be two books left in circulation in Australia.
I remember reading Bret Easton Ellis books as a teenager and I’m sure if my parents had any clue what I was reading at that age they would definitely not have allowed it. I found them all disturbing in their own ways. I’d like to research the author a bit more before deciding to read her books. I’m a survivor of SA as both a child and adult, amongst other types of severe trauma. This channel is engaging and you definitely have a new subscriber. Thank you!
Sorry to hear about your experiences.
Bret Easton Ellis was one of the first disturbing books I read as well. Glad you enjoyed the channel. Thanks so much for subscribing!
One of the most disturbing and haunting books I’ve ever read is called Ghost girl. Based on a true story which makes it even more disturbing and sick. You can’t unread some things.
Just looked that up and it does look very disturbing
You have a very soothing voice. Makes me want to read this book!
Thank you! The book is definitely not soothing!
I have loads of videos up though so you could just watch those instead 🤷🏻♂️
Excellent review my dude. I respect your treatment of the subject matter in regards to letting the entirety of the book speak for itself as opposed to highlighting certain ‘rough’ portions of it. With books, you conjure images from the writing, as opposed to witnessing them like you would in a movie. That makes the medium all the more troubling for me.
Thank you! And yes, agree that books can be more impactful for that reason.
Love the username!
Thanks. 😁 I’m a 90’s kid. I had the privilege of being able to play games like ‘Star Fox’ and ‘Ocarina of Time’ during my formative years.
@@peppyhare6662 great times :)
I don't ever set out to read disturbing books but I have read some. When Rabbit Howls by Trudy Chase is about a normal housewife with patches of memory loss who discovers that the gaps in her memory are due to multiple personalities taking over her fractured mind. She looks into why her personality split in the first place -no prizes for guessing. It was one of those books that left a mark.
This is my first time watching your channel and I'll be back for more.
Thanks Fiona - a few people have mentioned that book. Hope you find some more content you like on the channel
When Rabbit Howls is probably mine too, possible tie with the autobiography of PeeWee Gaskins.
While reading When Rabbit Howls I kept trying to put my mind in a place where it had no personality of self (I don't know how else to express it). In as much as I was able accomplish a scant notion of that, it was enough to cause a kind of out-of-body feeling, and a feeling of not existing as a flesh and blood entity. That story haunted me for a long long time. I still think of it from time-to-time.
I couldn't finish that book the writing it far to small to keep reading and apparently it was based on a true story but then later on found she lied about the whole event. So it put me off reading the book
It's so nice to hear "the book is more than could be conveyed with a few read passagea" I took some liberty with that "quote" but the just is there. I see a lot of youtubers use the level of disturbing things in a book to judge if it's good or not more often than not the most disturbing being the best even if it's a known dud of a book. I've never felt like that with any of your disturbing book reviews. You're very sincere in your video it eminates from ya..the sincerity I mean aha. Tha KS for all the hard work you put into these videos for us.
Hey Wade - thanks for this - it's great to hear that my videos are hitting the mark!
Well as a child and abused books however grotesque never really show anyone who has never experienced abuse in any form the true reality of what life is really like in such a world. It might evoke pity or sorrow or shock. The reality can be way worse than the written word
100% agree
"When Rabbit Howls" is the most disturbing book I have ever read. However the description by the author of this woman's multiple personalities was for the first time (for me) written in a way that I could fully understand it for the first time. I hesitate to recommend this book because the description of her horrifying childhood stays with me still 25 years after I read it. I didn't even keep the book after I finished it because just seeing it on my bookshelf disturbed me. However I have never been able to forget it.
A lot of people have mentioned that one in the comments, it sounds like a very impactful book
I agree. It was a hard read to get through.
I read that book a couple of decades ago, very disturbing.
These things happen all the time……..sad but true
Oh my gosh! Look at your book collection! I love to read 📚 wish I had room to collect them!!! 📚
Thank you! There are more in boxes!
Anneke Lucas’s scarring memoir will be with me forever I imagine. A story so beyond your imagination of human cruelty and psychopathy but told in such an assured, poetic and wise voice it somehow makes the experience both riveting and comforting.
She has a harrowing 4 part SRA testimonial on various YT channels (think it gets taken down because content is so graphic) which is like a novel. An easier to digest summary with no details is her TED talk on child sex slavery.
Can’t recommend her enough as survivors from that level of trauma are rarely alive nevermind so wise, credible and eloquent.
Thank you, I'd not heard of her but will check out the TED talk
She’s just released a memoir, Quest For Love.
It gets taken down because it's a powerful testament to the fact that the elites are pedophiles. They don't want the truth to be known.
This is a brilliant review. Well done!
Thanks, Michael
I read "The Road" just after we had our first son years ago, the complete bleakness and hopelessness of the story still haunts me to this day.
Yeah I read it when ,my son was about 5 and it really hit me
And it feels like it’s coming true, I love my kids but I sometimes wish they weren’t here to have to bare this world without me.
Drawn to this video as I was curious about the title.....I have read most of the books you list that weren't as disturbing as Notice, I'm actually shocked that I missed this one! Superb review, I will definitely be checking this book out as I love horror oriented books.
Thank you! Really glad you enjoyed the review 😊
Love your content. Great book recommendations!
Thank you!
I’m surprised Hanya Yanagihara’s ‘A little life’ was not mentioned among the ‘disturbing books’!
I found that one to be more sad/moving than disturbing
The author, Heather Lewis, (may she have found peace, whatever she may be 🙏🤲) wrote about what she endured .
I have come to this video because of the algorithm. She tried to fight her demons by writing about what she endured. Maybe it was her way to deal, or exorcise the aboniminable horrors she endured. So many tragic, and horrific things are going on in this world that we should try to fight, and help the vulnerable victims, which are mostly children, and trafiqued women. Bashing, and insulting the guy who reads the books, and showcases them won't help. Hiding your heads in the sand, neither. Knowing, even without reading these books if you find them disturbing, is maybe a step in the direction of awarness, and possible social involvment in the way of contributing to stop this horrendous behaviour.
Thank you, Jamila.
At the very least we can gain compassion for those who suffered and are suffering. Like the kids in school who stood out because they smelled or their clothes were dirty or they were loud and always getting into trouble or the promiscuous kid. All are symptoms of trauma. 😥💔
i just found your channel and you do such great reviews. i JUST heard about this book on reddit a couple days ago and then saw this in my recommendations. this book sounds waaaay too much for me to read myself but i enjoyed the video! thanks for taking the time to make these videos for us! 💖
Thank you, Lindsay! Glad you enjoy the reviews! :)
Mysterious Skin by Scott Heim is one of the most disturbing, gut wrenching, yet life changing novels i’ve ever read.
Just read up on that and it does sound powerful.
What’s the plot line?
I saw the film adaption with Joseph Gordon levit, can’t imagine how the actual book would be!
Never heard about the author before. Thank you for introducing her.
My pleasure!
I'm about to lock my copy up, I had someone reach out on Instagram asking to buy mine lol. Awesome video and I'm glad this book and author are getting more awareness!
Ha ha! Yeah this video certainly seems to have created some demand for the book! Thanks again for introducing me to it!
I read House Rules when I was working with horses in Equine Assisted Psychotherapy as a therapist, and rehabbing and retraining abused horses.
It was a lot to take.
I would not actually recommend it unless you feel you have a particular reason to.
As a psychotherapist, it was an eye-opening read.
It does sounds like a very challenging read, thanks for the insight.
Is it by Jodi Picoult
@@mindyourownbusinessplease1120 No, Heather Lewis, like is said in the video :)
I stumbled upon your video. I haven't seen any of your reviews before. I thoroughly enjoyed your insight and thoroughness. It was very interesting. I'm not sure I will read any of the books you mentioned bc I don't want to trigger my own trauma. But I appreciate your work. Thank you
Thank you, Leslie, I'm glad you found it interesting. And yes, these are books that should be approached with a bit of caution I think
😅😊
Avid bibliophile here, just discovered your channel, subscribed. Let the reading begin!!
Welcome aboard! All bibliophiles are very welcome!
I take this video as a warning. Disturbing anything I don't need.
I mustered up courage to write my first book after people kept telling me to. Insomnia-Silent Cries that I am writing a screenplay for. I encourage people to talk to someone while writing a book if it is about traumatizing events. Reliving the events will cause depression that is not good, especially with no support system.
Abuse conditions one to hold things in and as your not used to reaching out for help. I pray everyone that knows someone if not you, that was abused, find a way to cope. I know the thoughts don't go away and can effect you from time to time. Don't be passive and do what you want and why you want to. Fight through those thoughts when they come up at the wrong time and focus on the task at hand.
Let's please watch over our very own children at home...even when they should be sleep.
I was just thinking about finding some new disturbing books...and voila! here your channel popped up. Thanks for this suggestion..and some others.
Excellent! Hope you find some good reads
Actually, as I watched more of this video, I think I AM going to read it. I thought when you first mentioned it, that it would be self indulgent horror. It actually , now , like true outcomes of knocking yourself around, living unconsciously with the way people project the inner shadows of themselves out in to other folks, then act out violence or sickness upon them. That’s really really important
Yeah I do think it’s important to read books like this sometimes. And this certainly isn’t an exploitative book. It’s heartfelt.
The Road was a novel that took me awhile to get through. The movie was even harder.
Yeah, both were very gruelling!
I just wanted to say hello and wish you all a wonderful day.
Thank you, Javier - same to you!
Thanks!! You too!
Thank you so much for a great surprise of recommended books
My pleasure!
This came in my feed today.. and this was confirmation to me- my plight to save my siblings..some people in my life..everyone thought I was being too extreme.. I would never read this book, but I’m all too aware. Knowledge of this book holds a key to redeem and restore bloodlines.. the way this woman started out- countless women, countless- could become same victims.
Someone strong and with a clear calling and motivation can absolutely purify a bloodline. Abuse and debauchery doesn't have to be passed down. Keep going, sounds like you are that person
The End of Alice was very disturbing, i highly recommend it. Also The Maimed and The Blind Owl.
I've just bought The End of Alice and hope to read soon. I'd not heard of either of the other two, but they sound interesting
The end of Alice is definitely the most disturbing book I've read.
@@deanknowles1906 I'll be trying it soon