Telling Family And Friends Autism Diagnosis| Purple Ella
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- Опубліковано 5 чер 2024
- Telling family and friends about your or your child's autism diagnosis. I'm talking about how to do it, what kinds of responses to expect and how to deal with them. More below.
Resources for sharing:
My autism and me (great short video for children) • BBC - My Autism and Me
The reason I jump (fantastic book by an autistic teen) www.amazon.co.uk/Reason-Jump-...
The National Autistic Societies page about autism: www.autism.org.uk/about/what-...
Stories about autism (a great blog written by the Dad of two autistic sons): www.storiesaboutautism.com
Neurotribes (the history of autism and neurodiversity): stevesilberman.com/book/neurot...
If you like my videos check out my blog posts 💻 at www.purpleella.com
💜Follow me on Twitter - / purpleella
💜Join me on Facebook - / purpleella
💜Follow me on Pinterest - www.pinterest.co.uk/purpleell...
If you want to contact me email me 📱ella@purpleella.com
A little bit about me:
Hi I'm Purple Ella and my family is an autism family with three out of five of us on the autistic spectrum. So life can be a challenge but also a lot of fun.
Helpful links
The National Autistic Society - autism.org.uk
Action for ME - www.actionforme.org.uk
Nobody sees the majority of my autistic behaviors because I suppress everything. I was having a meltdown and going nuts and sitting on the floor just now and came to your videos to make me feel better. But i am home alone and nobody actually sees me when I am like this. It is so frustrating when people (even my immediate family) think that they know me simply because i suppress myself while around them
Also I can almost always tell when someone is autistic because I myself am. It’s like we have a radar or something lol
I'm 64. Known about my autism for about a year. I certainly have gotten the "Isn't everybody a little autistic?" response. Frustrating and discouraging. I try to educate and explain. People hear autism and think hand-flapping, rocking and Rain Man. Sigh...
I haven't gotten an official diagnosis (tried and got 'put on a list' and was told the waiting list was like two years so 🤷 just educating myself in the meantime) but the more research I do the more certain that I am on the spectrum. It was very empowering to realize I wasn't broken, that I'm just different. Excitedly told my family and each person told me I was too normal and didn't have it. Very invalidating and frustrating. I stopped bringing it up and have been working on self love and acceptance and I'm at the point where I love myself enough to not need their validation anymore, but it's still difficult when I'm struggling and no one around really believes it because I've hidden it my whole life. It makes it harder to voice my needs or ask for support. Love your content, thank you so much for sharing information and your experiences. Especially for those who've gone undiagnosed for a majority of their lives!!
Thank you for this, really struggling with this right now... recently diagnosed and family straight up thinks I’m making it up- they absolutely don’t believe me... it’s so hard when their the ones who are supposed to be supportive !!!
Same experience here. They absolutely abandoned me once I disclosed it...
My sister said doctors diagnose wrong sometimes to not listen to them. I was like no sis I’m not asking for an opinion I am telling you something important. I agree with the doctor for the first time ever my life makes sense! My sister has become distant ever since 😔
so sorry so hear that, hope things have got better for u now tho??
❤️
I told a friend I think I may be autistic and she told me I sound like her past patients who were hypochondriacs 😖 it really made me feel invalidated. Yet I still want to tell people. I’m trying to remember that not everyone needs to know. And many might not understand, but that’s okay, I’m on a journey of understanding myself. I don’t need to be understood by others, I need to understand myself.
I don't get people ... They wouldn't question a heart condition or diabetes diagnosis or whatever else. Perhaps it's because there are so many misdiagnosis. I personally have been diagnosed with bpd, now suspect being on the spectrum and am so scared of hearing responses like, are you sure, how do you know, is it a mistake, etc.
Yes, it’s like a person saying “isn’t everyone’s heart in a bit of a condition?” It is quite ridiculous.
Well, if late diagnosed it can be a ticking time bomb. I’ve had to go through some anger about it as it was totally missed not only by my parents but siblings and teachers. Guess I just got so adept at masking trying to be NT and “normal” - think they just thought I’d grow out of it 😮😫. Not to mention our severe dysfunction growing up. I’m lucky I have snippets of memory like foggy slides or just a retelling from sibs about what happened. Kinda has my heart broken in not being seen or understood - 💔🥲🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
What an excellent video Purple Ella. I love the style in which you talk about things related to autism. Very clear, to the point, practical, encouraging and more. Thank you much for all the effort and time you put into these educational videos. Keep them coming please!
I like to say it's like telling a blind person "well, EVERYONE's a little blind . . .so your problems aren't real"
Haha ella I'm 20 and I got diagnosed with aspergers two days ago! I think I will tell my family in a month or two, once I get the report and have had some time to be comfortable with it personally. This couldn't have come at a better time. Sending love, confidence, and holiday cheer :)
I’ve been getting people already projecting their negative ideas about being autistic when I tell them I’m autistic. I am diagnosed late at 34. Being autistic isn’t easy, but it is sad that people see it in such a negative light like it’s death sentence on your quality of life or like some icky disorder you don’t want.
Or most recently, a force of pure evil! You heard me right-EVIL!
I read this story on Quora earlier about an autistic son who ruined the person's life who posted the story. She actually pinned his malicious personality on autism, rather than on the more plausible ASPD.
I really like your attitude around this whole subject Ella. I must admit even though I make videos about my experiences with autism... I do still feel intimidated to talk about my diagnosis to strangers due to fear of not being understood. But this video has really helped put things into perspective. Also it actually helps when it comes to future relationships with people as well. Just a really great video all round!
I just received my HF-ASD diagnosis on Dec 19th. I'm 34. Needless to say, it's long overdue.
My dad knew there was something there when I would be just content to sit there playing with some lego by myself while he was talking with a friend. I could just sit there for hours without complaint, then again I was a late speaker. Not too late though. He didn’t think to take me to get an assessment though in the early 80’s.
I’ve changed many things in my life & the way I look at My Life, Especially prior to the pandemic, during the Pandemic & Today. Receiving Judgment from close & not so close individuals in my life as I age has been a small challenge for me. One thing I changed in a positive way Is Me(I’m selfish like that way). Thank you Purple Ella for Being You. 💜👍🏼🤗
I just got diagnosed with ASD today!!
I got diagnosed in 2014 at the age of 51 and there is nothing much on how autism affects older adults and support for older siblings. I live independently with support from a home help/PA and a mobile hairdresser who comes and washes my hair. I have never had children as I have always been single which is a choice of mine as I identify as asexual and agender (I do not identify to any gender) and the support given by older adults siblings to their younger middle aged siblings is not been recognised.
I believe I am on the spectrum and there is so little information about parents on the spectrum. I am nearing 30 and feel like there is little to no support, can't imagine what it must be like at 50.
50, just got my official diagnosis last week..agreed
@@HarrietFitzgerald580 you've got this! You have awareness, an awesome, autistic brain and an internet full of supportive people sharing FACTS about autism. Knowledge is power.
I’ve been diagnosed with autism a few weeks before my 50th birthday, telling people is going to be challenging and some responses have been ‘everyone’s getting diagnosed lately’ . I’ve been bipolar since my teens and people think I’m after attention for something else and autism is the new fashion’ 😢 your videos are helping me so thankyou ❤
Think it’ll be a “well buckle up buttercup” - too many siblings have their own neglect, loss, grief, codependency etc. issues to handle without a grip on emotional maturity 🥲💔💞👊 Thanks again for the information and encouragement
I'm looking for a video on how to break the news to my elder children and family.. in a way that they understand. ♥️♥️
I just don’t know how at least one of [a persons] parents wouldn’t know, or have autism themself.
I had to get in contact with my father [the man my mother used for “good genes” (hah you can’t see Neurodiversity joke on you mum)] to learn why i was not like her or her family... but my father just confirmed and also mentioned all his other kids are on the spectrum.
No surprise, just me “i wish someone would have told me sooner, i have difficulties?!”
That's what I've been wondering ever since I've found out almost everyone has that issue explaining. I mean they can be unaware of what it is but they surely know that they have some issues and that they're "different", so they should be at least interested a little bit more.
Btw I would consider my self lucky if I had such father. There are apparently some good genes in him.
Hi Purple Ella. Your videos which focus only on autism have created what looks like a community of ( pro-autists ).
With that groundbreaking endeavor you have made normal and likeable what is essentially seen as abnormal and dislikeable.
Besides, you have provided a knowledge pool regarding this condition which covers many of its aspects.
For us none native speakers of the English language, it is a thousand times easier to find a material in American English than to find it in British English.
For me, both as a dentist and an avid student of the English language ( the British accent ), your videos provide a save heaven of learning which I both appreciate and admire.
I have been thinking, as well, it would be great if this same idea be expanded to cover other areas of people with special conditions.
Such a focus will turn these special conditions from the stereotypical branding of ( disorders ) and ( disables ) into groups of special conditions and especially creative communities.
I strongly believe, it worths trial.
I was recently diagnosed with ASD at the age of 36. I want to be open with everyone about it, but I am worried about not being believed. I made a secret Facebook group for selected friends and family where I can educate them about my diagnosis by sharing links and stories. This way, I don't have to address them all awkwardly and individually 😊
I was diagnosed at 32. At first I wanted to tell everyone coz it was such a relief to finally have an answer to all my difficulties but now I dont say anything unless I feel people need to know such as at A&E or my immediate team at work.
Danielle Yoshihara that's a really smart idea. I suspect being on the spectrum and definitely feel like sharing that with my husband's family, as family get togethers have definitely been awkward in the past. My husband doesn't really want me to say anything until I know for sure, but he did mention it to his mom and she said that I didn't have that; she's a teacher and I guess what she's seen is a more extreme end of the spectrum. 😕
That's such an interesting idea!
@@HarrietFitzgerald580 I've been told I "didn't have that" - guess what, several years later a diagnostic panel of 4 medical professionals diagnosed me as being on the spectrum. Don't take any notice of 'armchair psychologists'. You know yourself and your experience best.
Katie M thank you! 😊
I appreciate your work, thank you
I was only just diagnosed with Autism a couple days ago but luckily so far everyone I’ve told have been supportive about it
would if you do tell your immediate family members (parents, siblings) and they just say a quick one liner or encouragement like "oh that's great your on a path of self discovery" but they never even ask or takee interest to understand what being autistic or my experience is like? I feel kind of shut down by it. like oh great for you but I don't really care to know more. Would you just offer resources even if the person you're telling doesn't ask anything or show interest in knowing more?
I relate a lot to what you wrote. If you are ok to share, I would be curious to know if things evolved for you, did they get more interested ? How did it affect your relationship with them ? I feel really disappointed by the lack of genuine interest. As if just knowing you’re on the spectrum was enough and they don’t need to know more... As if it was one of these « small » news that you can cover in one hour.
I had the very same experience. I don't talk about it to someone who does not ask (and is aware)
We welcome seeing you back on you tube
I always doubt if I have to tell someone about my asperger, but I feel I can more be myself when I do that. Now, it feels like that only at home I completely confident en relaxed. Even with a good friend (who told me personal stuff), I don't feel 100% confident. That's why I want to tell her where I struggle with, so I completely be myself. The problem is that I don't know how to start that conversation, so this video helps me a lot. Also through my past, I think I have build up a very little social anxiety, so I want that to get away.
I struggle the most with when I have to tell someone I have aspergers and when not, because I can be used as a disadvantage and that why my parents and I decided not to tell everybody about it. I also don't want to use it as an excuse. I only hope that by telling it people don't judge me on my autistic traits and more easily want to be friends (not that I want everyone to be my friend, but more that the accept me and trying to involve me in the conversation as a group, so that I don't feel isolated by words or through the way they express themselves to me.)
Thank you. I’ve know since about Feb or March Haven’t really told anyone. Parents already deceased. Extended family not really close with. My siblings already think I’m cuckoo and I’ve kinda gone incommunicato since I’m trying to know myself apart from them in codependency and as “little sister”. Tired of the binding there. Thanks again 💞👊
Thank you! ♥️
Very well explained and useful to me Ella . Thank you so much for taking the time to make this videos.. my just turned 6 yr old has just recently been diagnosed with Autism, I deliberately didn't look into it, I'm still unsure what it all means . Yet, your videos will help me alot I'm SURE... sending Hugzz 👼🙏🧚♂️🧚♀️
If you're 6 and wrote this you need to become a theoretical physicist in the future, for sure
@@fabiocaetanofigueiredo1353 I think you misunderstood - they are saying that their 6yo child was diagnosed.
Excellent. “All that nonsense” 😂😂👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
I wanted to see if my little emoji would pop up 🤣🌞 I'm still waiting for my diagnostic appointment. I know it can take a while
Yay, it looks so cute! Thanks so much for joining I really appreciate it.
I just discount other people's opinions and comments. The people who are important to me do understand. I don't feel that I need to explain myself to people, I am not the moron-whisperer.
"Moron whisperer" omg...that really makes me laugh! Mind if I borrow it? 😀
Thank you.
I have no circle. I've been alienated by everyone. I have no friends or family I have noone.
Noone supports accepts like loves me. All I get from everyone is nothing but hate.
Same 😞
❤️
John 15.12 Matthew 7.1
My problem is at the moment, I have a new group of friends who I like a lot but there is always one guy who I always have difficulty understanding. It's always been a struggle of mine understanding banter and talking with him he has what I would interpret as an "angry face" when I try to joke with him but he jokes in the same way with other people. So I'm always confused if when I'm talking to him I'd said something offensive but I know from past experience that if I asked him he would say "Can't you just take a joke?" which is not what I meant at all! I want to understand the joke not stop him telling them. Ugh it's so confusing sometimes.
I just tried to tell my boss i have autism and she just laughed at me and said no you dont
😮 my goodness that’s beyond rude!
well done.
its not difficult getting a diagnosis. especially late in life. just keep doing what you been doing. why change who you are over a diagnosis. i am who iv'e always been.
Diagnosed at 50 yo. Reaction of all family (no exceptions) was: so what?... 😕
I've heard so many times, "... but your son ___ (fill in the blank). He can't be Autistic!" We've become defacto educators that's for sure.
Is it wrong for a partner to share a diagnosis if you have asked them not to do that?
Yes, it's a very bad thing. It's a red flag, they don't respect your decisions and your will.
@@redpalex someone agrees, thanks Red, i just got told that it doesn’t just affect me and theyve lived with me for years so have to deal with all of the things that i struggle with, mostly it’s the emotional stuff and the fact i struggle with general day to day things like bills or planning, adult life in a nutshell in all honesty, but when it takes months or years to get your head around a diagnosis and forgiving yourself and really understanding who you are or were it felt disrespectful to me to just blurt out that to someone, and it happened twice when it was blurted out to someone without seeing if i was okay with it. I feel like it was possible for the partner to talk to people about our/my/her issues without giving the exact details of my diagnosis cus to me that was my business to share with who i wanted when i felt comfortable, not something to just be spoken about because she was struggling, she really had it hard when theres 3 of us in the house that are neurodivergent so she has so much to juggle but it felt like she was talking about private information just because she’s affected by it and was having a hard time it felt wrong
Opposite of nike, Just Dont Do It.
Second this. Tell them about individual things you struggle with, like sensitivity, but never use the word autism.
Exactly, I would NEVER tell my relatives. I'm lucky enough to have a supportive family, though.
Wow your beautiful
Have you come across Alternative Herbal supplement on youtube, it did alot for my non verbal son who was diagnosed with Austin..