The wife's defensive reaction is really suspicious. Combined with the daughter's confession...i get the feeling we'll be getting another update from OP 1 soon.
Im not excusing it but trying to see it from the wife’s place, maybe the lack of intimacy also triggered some stress from it? I’m not saying her reaction was great or justified as OP could have brought it up on another day that wasn’t a date and wife should have kept her emotions in check. Just saying maybe she felt guilty she couldn’t respond to her husband the way he wanted
There was an update. He confronted his daughter and she was taking only the vitamins a few times. But the other meds were still missing and were menopause meds. But the wife didn’t come clean about it. So likely she’s just taking them daily and embarrassed since she was so against starting menopause meds in the first place. The medications she is taking are supposed to be daily anyways. But the wife isn’t talking to the husband and he’s gonna give it a little longer for her to tell him what’s up. The end.
She’s in her 50s, had a lower libido, they went to the MD who wanted to put her on medication…she’s probably going through menopause which is why her reaction was so outlandish Edit: guess she was a scum bag
Six minutes into the story and that was where I thought it was going to. Why would a woman in her early 20s need vitamins or supplements? That is something I would expect from a woman going into menopause though. Between the hot flashes, body cramps, and night sweats I could easily see a woman trying to offset the symptoms with vitamins and supplements if she wants to continue a normal sex life with her partner. The OP doesn't mention lubrication (which would be part of this regime as well) but I assume that is something they wouldn't keep in the kitchen drawer. And yeah, I do think that is ultimately what the OP noticed was missing. He just didn't want to come out and say just that on social media.
@@KadeStringer2.0 Did you not read the post or were you too busy polishing that armor while looking for m'ladies? The daughter broke down and brought up that she took some Zinc and Vitamin D from the drawer, but NOT the massive amounts of sex pills that were going missing. Then they break down crying together and hugging each other because that meant his wife was indeed cheating and his friends are giving him advice ranging from divorce right away to marriage counseling. "-looking for something that isn’t there", christ the contrarian cuckage is real with this one.
@@darkmask5933 That's not a menopause reaction. The way she reacted screams cheating or something else she's hiding. Menopause doesn't make you defensive, leave restaurants and act as shady as she is. And, yeah.... he's the husband 🤷🏻♀️ The only one he should be having sx with is his wife... what's wrong on wanting to see what's up or when are they going to have it?
@@ElleD308 Let's break this down: Husband takes his wife to the doctor because she's not putting out, he buys her menopause vitamins but has no idea how often she needs to take them (memo: Lubrical and Black Cohosh are not "viagra and condoms" for women, they are for treat dry vaginas and hot flashes), when he eventually notices she IS taking them his FIRST thought, admitted, was "oh boy I'm gonna get so much sex this week!", then when said sex doesn't happen he gets drunk in a public restaurant, confront his wife about taking the vitamins and not riding his dick, and then accuses her of cheating in the middle of dinner. This story 100% suffers from "OP bias syndrome".
@@darkmask5933 Not to mention if I was going to cheat I would be smart enough to have a separate supply of the products (no I wouldn't, too much of that in my family) plus having the drawer monitored is weird. Their family sounds dysfunctional on a lot of levels, a war of silence and a strange dynamic with finances
Story 2: If The fiance wants to carry his friend that bad, then this is going to fail especially if he digs him out of every situation. No way I'd mix funds with him while his money and loyalties aren't straight.
And is repeated verbal abuse- calling her an ass for being upset about her money being missing, & then again calling her an ass for being upset that he lied & took it to pay for his friend- should be a deal-breaker, just by itself. This man literally said he doesn't take her seriously, berates her for being upset at HIS behavior, & demands that she turns around & restarts a joint account with him. GIRL, GET YOUR MONEY & RUN.
Poor money management, spontaneous spending on useless crap, hiding the crap he bought, is just one of the many reasons I divorced my ex husband. They always think they won't be found out and they always spin stupid stories to avoid taking responsibility.
So he asked about the pill drawer and she accused him of accusing her of cheating? He never said, I think you’re having an affair. He asked about pills in a drawer! That makes me suspicious of the wife.
No he directly accused her of cheating. He said "Are you seeing other people", that is an accusation, and most faithful partners would be offended and defensive while saying "no" (or some variation of this).
@@maurer3dno. While he DID ask her if she was seeing other people, he didn’t ask her that UNTIL she blew up over him asking about the pills in the drawer.
She's taking daily supplements to ease the pain of going through menopause, which OP insinuates he only bought because he brought up to the doctor how his wife isn't putting out as much as she used to. Also, when OP first noticed she was taking her vitamins, his admitted first thought was "oh yeah, I'm going to be in for a wild week, hurr hurr!" Dude seems to have no clue what it's like being a woman going through menopause and just is like "so when can we fuck again?"
@@darkmask5933 if that’s the reason for taking more than before, then why blow up at him? He asked about her taking more, and instead of saying “I discovered how much they are helping with my menopause, so I’ve been taking more of them.” She blows up at him. That is suspicious to me.
@@darkmask5933 Supplements aren't taken for occasions, they have to be taken on a regular schedule daily or they don't work, zinc, vitamin D needs to be built up and maintained. Her reaction is suspicious though with tossing daughter under the bus. Menopause or not, that is not a rational reaction. An affair would also explain the dead bedroom to begin with, how convenient she has menopause to blame for that. Sus on the bus.
I can’t get past the part where they think a bunch of supplements is going to significantly impact “bedroom fun” - especially when taken intermittently. 😂😂😂
its men! They have zero clue that espcially the vaginal dryness stuff has to be taken every day if you dont want to feel like you are ripping apart while walking. the saddest part is Lost genre believing an OP that was completely taken apart by women in the comments.
It sounds like they’re the type of people who mistrust doctors, and think any prescription medicine at all is “bad” without really weighing pros/cons that doctors will walk you through.
Those kinds of supplements likely don't do much of anything, but the placebo effect is there, and may be beneficial. All that said, I'm not buying the wife's story. She's stepping out.
Is it just me or does r/AITA need to clarify its update rules? I've seen a trend in these stories for forever of most people going "I'm not sure how to update here/ since when I tried to update the mods took my post down I-/ I don't understand how to update so I hope I got it right this time" and all such forms. Like, for real?
He's still saying that op story two is an ass for being mad when she's mad that he stole her money....and shes staying???😂😂😂 ill take things ill regret in a year for 500 alex
Story two: he didn’t take me seriously when I said this was important to me. That’s…pretty much a dealbreaker. If it’s the first time, maybe they can work through it and bf will learn to actually listen but if this isn’t the first incident of him disregarding OPs feelings AND OH YEAH STEALING…then move on
Story 1: Honestly, with the wife's lack of communication and defensiveness to make OP suspicious, along with her overreaction, makes me think she wanted out without looking like the bad guy.
@@savantfool7123 with THAT reaction? and the putting the daughter on the spot? I'm not buying it. She 100% is hiding something. and I'd bet with 99% certainty that is cheating.
Or she undergoing all the tell-tale symptoms of MENOPAUSE including being overly emotional yet all her husband is obsessed with is counting pills and sex. I hope she divorces him and gets a more intelligent man who will go with her to a doctor and help her take approved medication consistently.
Woman in the second story, victim blaming exists for people like this. He stole your money, because he didn't think it was important, likely hoping you wouldn't notice. Then spends half on a gift for you, and half on a bill for his friend. My god, this guy will financially ruin her in the future, or cheat or some other dishonesty, and shell be here crying like she didn't stay with this goof after this.
It seems like this marriage has had communication problems for a long time. He seems like he's trying and wanting to improve their lives, but she immediately turned defensive. His daughter feeling uncomfortable could be more than her using the vitamins, maybe she knows something he doesn't.
I have a feeling that the daughter suspects that the mother is having an affair, but may not have any concrete evidence to present except for suspicious behavior. May be why the adult daughter hadn't spoken to Dad. It would be an awful position to be put in when you love both of your parents so much.
@@KadeStringer2.0hey its you the militant feminist lying in yet another thread! So if his daughter admited she wasnt taking the sex ones why would ops wife be taking extra when she isnt having sex with op? Why would ops wife lie about her daughter using the extra? Why would ops wife get so damn defensive and obfuscate so much? This is the behavior of a cheater and you know it. Stop pretending otherwise for your politics
@@ScandalizeMyNamethey did speak in the update. She spills the beans on mom that mom is the one taking the sex drugs. The vitimins were her. Makes sense considering its not possible for her to be menopausal at that age.
It's the fact that he was still calling her an asshole for being mad while he was apologising that makes my mind up about story 2, and the lying! He knew she wouldn't support him covering that friend so he just hid it. I hope she chucked him.
I'm kind of getting the feeling that the excessive supplements might be the wife overmedicating and trying to get back to the norm and too embarrassed to admit it.
it wasnt protection missing one was a supplement against vaginal dryness and one vitamins you take during menopause furing which vaginal dryness often happens which is super painful not just during sex but also during walking, sitting etc
@@savantfool7123 LOL I was about to type this.. He is literally assuming cheating because his wife is taking vitamins and supplements, that almost every 50 plus year old woman would take daily, even if they were not intimately active.
@@maurer3d If she was taking them daily, she would have just said that. She came up with a BS story about their 25yo daughter having a dry box...not very likely.
@OtisFlint Funny, how many people are missing that little point. It sounds like he'd written off the idea of infidelity untill he talked to the daughter.
@@Katherinedawn25 My guess is wife 100% meant daughter was taking the zinc, because she assumed OP wasn't so dumb that he thought their daughter was taking menopause vitamins. Of course, this is the same OP that saw his wife was taking her daily vitamins and immediately was like "oh I'm in for a wild week, hurr hurr hurr".
It depends. If they plan on combining finances, absolutely! If they plan to keep finances separate, the boundary isn’t “stop bailing him out,” it should be “your financial obligations to our relationship need to be fully covered BEFORE you bail your buddy out,” and then it’s on him to decide whether or not it’s worth it to keep bailing him out with his own money once his priorities are straight.
@@chadkent327 Then he will never contribute to anything but immediate needs. Most people want a partner who helps save for the wedding, house, children, college funds, retirement, emergencies and trips. All of that will be on her shoulders if he gives every last spare dime he has to the leech. They will be done before the year is up if he doesn't pull his head out of his backside. My bet is Christmas when she discovers her gift fund missing.
Or, OP could stop thinking about "when we gonna fuck?" and could support his wife going through menopause? Seriously, OP bought her menopause vitamins, she takes the vitamins, and he accuses her cheating?!
As someone with hormonal issues, it literally takes weeks or a month to get vitamins and medicine into your system. However, it sounds like the wife is going through a menopausal bipolar episode. Depression and manic is more common in menopause than people realize, especially if the wife is going through it at a young age.
Story 1 update: So OP decided (after awhile of nobody in the house talking to eachother) to talk to his daughter and tell her its okay to talk to him about sex stuff and that he doesn't mind buying things. Daughter suddenly starts crying and when she calms down tell hims she took somw of the meds (vitamin d & zinc) she didn't take the lubracil or black cohosh. He says he looked at her with a look that said "do you know what that means" and theu both cried and hugged. He says he isnt going to do anything yet but he has gotten advice from friends and what not about divorce and etc. What's really interesting, is that from the comments, Lubracil and Black Cohosh are typically used for MENOPAUSE symptoms. So many people are questioning why OP thinks that means she's having sex, when it could just be her taking stuff for menopause. And that possibly her behavior is coming from menopause, especially the mood swings and difficulty with sex.
I wonder if she began to feel the lack of discomfort between taking the pills and not and simply began taking them as directed. Similarly, vaginal dryness isn't exclusively a menopausal issue. Women can have vaginal dryness at any age for multiple reasons and a gyno will urge you to do something about it especially if you're sexually active because you risk painful intercourse, tears to the lining that can lead to discomfort and infection.
@@stephanien6237But why balk at his question? They likely have talked about her condition before. Him misinterpreting what they are for is beside the point.
Strange story. Why "sex drawer" instead of "vitamin drawer"? And to think that supplements are only for sex??? You don't take vitamins only when you want sex; you take them regularly. You take vitamins to improve your health, which, in turn, helps your sex life. We have a vitamin cabinet and anyone can take what they need...we don't monitor it except to replace things that run out. This couple seems to have some obsession with sex...a secret 'sex drawer' full of...vitamins and supplements? To take vitamins before sex?? To sit down with daughter to discuss missing vitamins? What daughter will discuss sexual issues with her father?? I've taken black cohosh, and it didn't mean I was "stepping out"; I was just balancing my hormones (menopause can be a hella time). Again, you have to take these things EVERY DAY to be effective. If wife is having hormone problems, she probably started taking the supplements every day instead of just when they were getting 'frisky'. I don't see how any of that is proof his wife is having an affair. She's more likely trying to tame out-of-control hormones and a changing body but is getting grief from OP about it.
I dunno man, getting super defensive and then shifting blame onto OP saying he broke the trust, those are petty common tactics used by cheaters. Also none of the stuff in that drawer would really benefit a young woman, as other comments have pointed out those are mostly for women in menopause. It just seems sketchy.
Ack the worst thing about working late is that I usually listen to Lost Genre early and so I don't have a bunch of comments to read. I love your consistency and I hope you have a nice day!
He dragged her to the doctor because she wasn't putting out enough, buys her menopause vitamins for the sole purpose of 'getting her in the mood', notices she's taking the vitamins and assumes "oh man I'm in for a wild week, hurr hurr!", and then asks her about it in the middle of a public restaurant when she isn't jumping his dick. I seriously thing OP is an asshole and wife is at the end of her rope about having to be her husband's fleshlight while going through menopause.
Not going to say the defensiveness of OP1's wife isn't suspicious, but the commenters on Reddit pointed out that Lubracil needs to be taken twice daily to work, so it's possible that wife may just have absolutely terrible conflict resolution skills and OP and Daughter may just be dense. For OP's sake I hope it's just that.
That's a good theory, and best case scenario that's what it is. It would depend on if the wife or daughter is lying. The daughter could be lying about taking it because she's embarrassed to admit it infront of her dad. Though I did look it up and it's once daily, so half of it missing over a couple of weeks wouldn't be surprising, Though there are a couple of other things that go with it to help with sexual issues. If the other things were also used at a faster than normal rate it could be a reason for suspicion. This is speculation only, but from the sound of it she was only using it when she needed a little extra help and she's now using it at a faster than normal rate. Faster than normal for her. I can think of a reason that could explain her behavior. It could be as simple as she's progressed and now has to have it daily and is embarrassed to tell him it's getting worse. 🎉
It might be that she took began to feel the difference in discomfort between taking them and not and decided to take them as directed and not just when sex would possibly be on the table. What doesn't make sense to me is that OP insisted that he wasn't counting pills, but supplements like Magnesium and Zinc are often in dark or opaque bottles to keep light out, so if he wasn't actively opening the bottles and counting, how would he know about anything _but_ the softgels being gone?
@@slytherinlibrarian3501 Half of my supplements are in bottles like that. It's pretty easy to tell how full they are by just picking them up or nudging them, so you know which ones to put on the shopping list. No matter what the actual underlying issue here ends up being, Wife is all the way wrong for treating OP & their daughter this way. She needs to sit him down & spill, then go to both of them with a heartfelt apology for her alternately abrasive & cold treatment of them. Hormones can be a reason, but they are absolutely NOT an excuse.
Lubracil is a dietary supplement whcih is intended to help alleviate vaginal dryness. It ain't something you take when you're hoping to have sex that night, or in the next couple of days. You're supposed to be taking it continuously for it to be effective. The manufacturer says you need to be on it for 90 days before it's effective, although you *may* see results in 2 weeks. If OP's wife is taking it only in anticipation of having sex soon, she doesn't understand what it is.
That's the only one OP mentioned by name, but I'd be willing to bet if she's taking a daily supplement for it, her doctor also would have prescribed an action-time supplement/topical treatment specifically for sex, since that was their reason for taking Wife to the doctor in the first place. Sounds like Daughter only took Magnesium & Zinc, Wife tried to tell OP that Daughter was taking *all* of the missing daily/fun times supplements, & OP & Daughter had the realization & sobbed together because they realized the lie Wife had told them.
S2: Any partner who has basic decency and respect for their partner, will not steal. Yes, this is stealing, because he took it without OP's knowledge and spent it on his decisions. This guy thought OP couldn't have been serious about her saving money for the trip, says it all. Perpetrators like him know very well how to twist the plot to their convenience and suit their needs. After all this drama, he even suggests of opening a mutual savings account for a trip, good for OP for kicking that idea immediately and putting him in his place where he belongs. This guy is paying for his deadbeat friend, from the money he stole from OP. Oh he also mentioned that he just borrowed the money from the envelope, and thought of putting it back, but he did not, why and when was he going to put the money back. He had already got his salary, so that should have been quite some time back, I believe the poor guy forgot. I only wish OP dumps this guy and moves forward with her life.
This is wild. His wife is going through menopause. The medication (lubracil) is meant to be taken consistently, not right before the act. I have a feeling he's a dingus. Menopause explains that extreme emotional reaction too. It seems like miscommunication is common for them.
Ok, but her turning agressive and deffensive is a typical sign of cheating. She should have just give a clue that someone else is also taking them and she didn't tell him, but not busting the daughter. And it wouldn't even be a give away because you can take vitamins for any reasons not just fun times.
Im wondering if the supplements stoped working? And the wife was frustrated with her body and getting older. Seen that she might actually need medication
Story 2 (before update): NTA, he stole the money. I would advise you totally reconsider the relationship, and if you do decide to stay together separate your finances completely. Oh and don't keep large amounts of cash laying around. A gift isn't a gift, if he literally used your money (since he took the whole fund).
Even with the update I still don’t like op fiancé. They should not get married. He called her an ass after admitted he wrong ? Hell no. He don’t seem worth the work but whatever
S1: She's definitely cheating. Between how defensive she got and the talk with his daughter it's obvious that she knows she is caught and trying to turn it around on him.
Story 1: OP needs answers. In his shoes, I'd hire a PI and consult a lawyer to start preparing for the worst case scenario. In most places, a 25 year marriage means the man pays dearly in a divorce, unless it's an at-fault jurisdiction and he can prove infidelity on her part (which requires evidence, hence the PI). And even if in a no-fault area, a PI uncovering the truth will at least help OP protect his reputation. While this isn't 100% cheating, it's the most likely explanation. The wife is hiding _something,_ which itself is a trust issue. Without trust, the relationship can't last.
@@KadeStringer2.0 There was an update. He confronted his daughter and she was taking only the vitamins a few times. But the other meds were still missing and were menopause meds. But the wife didn’t come clean about it. So likely she’s just taking them daily and embarrassed since she was so against starting menopause meds in the first place. The medications she is taking are supposed to be daily anyways. But the wife isn’t talking to the husband and he’s gonna give it a little longer for her to tell him what’s up. The end.
@@vmaster1007 There was an update. He confronted his daughter and she was taking only the vitamins a few times. But the other meds were still missing and were menopause meds. But the wife didn’t come clean about it. So likely she’s just taking them daily and embarrassed since she was so against starting menopause meds in the first place. The medications she is taking are supposed to be daily anyways. But the wife isn’t talking to the husband and he’s gonna give it a little longer for her to tell him what’s up. The end.
Why did he push this conversation while IN PUBLIC at a RESTAURANT and not IN PRIVATE AT HOME??? Like that may be why she didn't wanna talk about it at the moment. I really hope its not cheating tho
So she starts yelling about it in a public restaurant? Should he have broached it in private? Yes. If her concern was privacy, do you think she'd be yelling about it in public?
Story 1. It would have been wrong for OP's wife to share something her daughter confided, especially because she asked her mom not to. I have been married for 30 years and have been faithful in those 30 years, as has my husband. Either one of us would be pretty upset if the other accused us of cheating. But, we would never scream or yell at each other; maybe respond sternly, but never yell. If OP's wife overreacted the way he said, I would be concerned.
Why didn’t she just answer her husband‘s reasonable question? The screaming fit and Over defensiveness is pretty sus as the kids like to say. And of course.NTA edit : Called it. If you’ve been married for 25 years and you have to fight some other person for your spouse, there is nothing there worth fighting for. This guy needs to listen to his friends and Lawyer up! He didn’t take me seriously win … that should be the end of the relationship right thereNTA
As always we're only getting one side. His question may not have been phrased reasonably, especially after a few glasses of wine. But overall, yeah, her reaction is sus, and he's NTA (though asking questions in a restaurant after wine is a bit AH).
For the first story sounds like hormonal imbalance for a woman in menopause. My grandma gets to that point if she doesnt take her vitamins that help her with her mood swings. Get couples therapy.
2. NTA. There's something more going on here than just him spending half the money, that he wasn't supposed to touch, on something for her, but what happened to the other half? Okay, mystery solved, but I don't see this relationship surviving, it would be best to just end it, and both of you move on.
Yeah, that last story was basically how and why my husband became my now exhusband, except our finances were combined and it was a credit. I forgave him on the premise that it never happen again. We spent years paying off the money only for him to max it out again. Well, imagine him going all Piccachu face when he realised I was serious that I wouldn't forgive him a second time....but yeah I'm still stuck paying for years to come again. At least OP sounds more cautious and less inclined to combine finances. I know I'm for sure never doing that again!
Op 1 has a problem, wife needs to agree to couples counselling something is really wrong for that to be her reaction. Op 2 is 100 % in the right that guy shouldn't have done that
If my partner was taking all the money from a joint fund, I'd make dang sure to double my security on all my money, etc., before it started disappearing, too. Living together makes it very hard to keep any financial secrets.
Some medications have multiple uses. I had one a few years back that my grandpa also used, but for a different purpose. I currently have a medication for anxiety (it's a "take as needed" thing with max 2 per day), however is also works as a antihistamine and sleeping pill.
Travel fund. He claims he spent the joint money to buy you a gift? Even if true he is still ahole. BTW if he spent "half" the money on that, where is the other half?
she's 110% cheating. One does not fly off the handle and scream in a restaraunt until you're frothing at the mouth over a question as innocent as "Why are all the pills going missing"
Story 2: My Bf and I have had a travel fund since like 2020 (we've been together for over 6 years) We pay around 10 bucks each months and it makes travel much easier for us both because it feels like we aren't spending too much money. But also: I had him sign a handwritten agreement (with a copy for me) of the rules for the travel fund. We keep a track of how much money is in there and how much we take out for our vacations. My boyfriend thought it was weird that i made him sign an agreement for this but I take finanaces very seriously. Needless to say he doesn't do stupid shit with it and we've had many a trip that we used the fund for! And that is a big factor in why I can trust him and want tomarry him. He keeps his word and we have so much fun together!
Story 1: First thing he needs to do isn't talk to a lawyer, talk to his wife, confront, etc... The first thing is to always investigate and gather evidence. That way you have something to actually go on instead of just suspicions. And you should do that befire asking anything because otherwise they may start to delete evidence, put the affair on pause, cover their tracks better, etc....
Story 1: (ESH) Sports betting, um... That might be a more serious issue. The OP can't help but peak. The OP sounds more and more like he has impulse issues. Why didn't the idea of his kids taking the vitamins enter his mind? Okay the wife's reaction to the OP questioning her either means she's hiding something or she's so used to being interrogated that neither of their communication methods is ideal. Not "There are vitamins and gels missing? I haven't used any in weeks... Our kids?" not, "(daughter's name) probably has been grabbing some" or "I let (daughter's name) try some and I forgot to tell you." Was the wife looking for a way out of the marriage? Oh, she did tell him after flipping out. Again bad communication, the OP and his wife need to be on the same page when it comes to raising their kids. The wife insisted on "girls-only talks" and the OP wanted to be able to help his daughter. Most wives would be grateful that their husbands want to help with teen girl issues rather than call it a "Mum's job". I still think the OP has impulse issues, maybe is an over-sharer with friends or something, which would explain the secrecy from her Dad and trusting Mum more. Why ask about an affair at a romantic dinner? Worst timing! You need more evidence than some missing vitamins and gels that anyone can grab. Texts, snap chats, phone calls at midnight a lot of messages and calls to another "female". Snoop if you want to but smarter than you have so far. And if it's an affair, you just nuked your trust with your daughter, parental alienation will be much easier for the wife in the divorce. I'd remember who named "the sex draw". Teenagers will sneak mum's cigarettes and "family" meds if they have a chance, they think they know everything. Family counselling, couple's counselling? Update: So the daughter confessed, but not that she knew. Okay. Either way, the daughter can be manipulated by the wife. Don't blame the daughter. Lawyer up and maybe snoop on her phone. Story 2: (NTA) Something was agreed upon and he broke the agreement. He obviously liked the idea of some spare cash for whatever, not the trip to Italy. I'd have called the police. Once I saw that empty envelope. "He didn't take me seriously when I said this was important to me" You two are incompatible when it comes to financial goals. Where did he think the money to replace the money he took would come from? A lot of classic narc lines here, "I didn't know" after that exact thing was discussed, "I'll pay you back" How? and the fact that he paid with your money for a gift for you. A whole friend group who can't be financially responsible. The OP will come last to him, always. Friends, family, colleagues and then the OP, that's where she ranks unless there's a dog in the mix, then the OP's lower than the dog. Update: How do you pay for an online-ordered package with cash once delivered? The boyfriend is a pushover, that's not a good friend. Be careful, separate finances in a life-long relationship can lead to bankruptcy if not monitored. Therapy for the boyfriend will be interesting. I still have a suspicion that he's a narc or has a few too many narc tendencies. Don't give him the information not take money out of that savings account.
why would his daughter taking pills come to his mind? and its not a loaded question it wasnt an interrogation he restocks the meds and if they are going missing its a natural qesution to ask. and after that reaction anyone would get effing suspicious. wtf was that. if anything she sounds like a total bitch. and he def should get all his money out of all the accounts and lock it tight. you know she will try to clean him out.
I accused my wife of cheating on me, but "actually it's just my daughter." This is an unfortunate opening statement. 😮😮 Anyway, back to therapy for you both. Supplements and vitamins make up a "sex drawer"?
I hate when i hear people say, " Fight for your marriage no matter how many years it been." Why dont they tell the cheater that? I hope OP divorces his cheating wife. Have some self respect
1. NTA. That was absolutely nothing to get all bent out of shape about, it's not like the daughter is underaged, and wanted to hide that she is active. What else is going on? Unfortunately, it sounds as though there may be another reason why the bedroom has become lonely for him, and it has nothing to do with supplements, those appear to be a cover-up for something, I do hope it's not what he thinks.
Theif bf story. NTA. "I didn't think u were serious" "I spent it on you" "I wanted 2 go out with friends" Just a small bit of what my Ex used to say. Ex. Such a good thing.
Story 1: NTA. As a married woman myself, something seems fishy with how OP's wife blew up and wouldn't tell OP that their daughter was using some of the stuff in the drawer. She's hiding something. Update: Dam, she's cheating.
S1: Wow. such shock. OP1's wife is actually probably cheating after all. I agree, LG, a marriage with a cheater is not with saving. However, there is that pesky "sunk cost fallacy" to deal with. S2: NTA. He stole and got OP2 a gift with her own money. Good thing he's just a fiance. It will make cutting him loose easier on OP2. After update: ...Sunk. Cost. Fallacy. It's OP2's life. She can mess it up by staying with him if she wants.
Story 1: the defensiveness speaks volumes and the daughter saying she only took the vitamins both of them realizing what the other pills being missing means.
The wife's defensive reaction is really suspicious. Combined with the daughter's confession...i get the feeling we'll be getting another update from OP 1 soon.
Im not excusing it but trying to see it from the wife’s place, maybe the lack of intimacy also triggered some stress from it? I’m not saying her reaction was great or justified as OP could have brought it up on another day that wasn’t a date and wife should have kept her emotions in check. Just saying maybe she felt guilty she couldn’t respond to her husband the way he wanted
There was an update. He confronted his daughter and she was taking only the vitamins a few times. But the other meds were still missing and were menopause meds. But the wife didn’t come clean about it. So likely she’s just taking them daily and embarrassed since she was so against starting menopause meds in the first place. The medications she is taking are supposed to be daily anyways. But the wife isn’t talking to the husband and he’s gonna give it a little longer for her to tell him what’s up. The end.
She’s in her 50s, had a lower libido, they went to the MD who wanted to put her on medication…she’s probably going through menopause which is why her reaction was so outlandish
Edit: guess she was a scum bag
...wanting to have conversation about your sexlife and things related to it in a restaurant usually gets every decent person defensive.
Yeah, it definitely sounds like a “lady doth protest too much” situation.
Not only is the wife cheating, she used their daughter as a coverup to hide the affair. That’s just despicable.
Not true and you are just looking for something that isn’t there
@@KadeStringer2.0it’s pretty there; the wife’s reaction to OPs question alone, raises that point
Six minutes into the story and that was where I thought it was going to. Why would a woman in her early 20s need vitamins or supplements? That is something I would expect from a woman going into menopause though. Between the hot flashes, body cramps, and night sweats I could easily see a woman trying to offset the symptoms with vitamins and supplements if she wants to continue a normal sex life with her partner. The OP doesn't mention lubrication (which would be part of this regime as well) but I assume that is something they wouldn't keep in the kitchen drawer. And yeah, I do think that is ultimately what the OP noticed was missing. He just didn't want to come out and say just that on social media.
@@C4TC4T she is in menopause. have you ever faced a woman in that? They sometimes get irrationally pissed
@@KadeStringer2.0 Did you not read the post or were you too busy polishing that armor while looking for m'ladies? The daughter broke down and brought up that she took some Zinc and Vitamin D from the drawer, but NOT the massive amounts of sex pills that were going missing. Then they break down crying together and hugging each other because that meant his wife was indeed cheating and his friends are giving him advice ranging from divorce right away to marriage counseling.
"-looking for something that isn’t there", christ the contrarian cuckage is real with this one.
Story 2: NTA - He STOLE from you! How can you ever trust him again? I'd be out.
Story 1: Her immediate defensiveness is making me very suspicious
She's going through menopause, and all OP is concerned about is when they are going to start having sex again.
@@darkmask5933 which makes her not wanting to make absolute sense.
@@darkmask5933 That's not a menopause reaction. The way she reacted screams cheating or something else she's hiding. Menopause doesn't make you defensive, leave restaurants and act as shady as she is. And, yeah.... he's the husband 🤷🏻♀️ The only one he should be having sx with is his wife... what's wrong on wanting to see what's up or when are they going to have it?
@@ElleD308 Let's break this down: Husband takes his wife to the doctor because she's not putting out, he buys her menopause vitamins but has no idea how often she needs to take them (memo: Lubrical and Black Cohosh are not "viagra and condoms" for women, they are for treat dry vaginas and hot flashes), when he eventually notices she IS taking them his FIRST thought, admitted, was "oh boy I'm gonna get so much sex this week!", then when said sex doesn't happen he gets drunk in a public restaurant, confront his wife about taking the vitamins and not riding his dick, and then accuses her of cheating in the middle of dinner.
This story 100% suffers from "OP bias syndrome".
@@darkmask5933 Not to mention if I was going to cheat I would be smart enough to have a separate supply of the products (no I wouldn't, too much of that in my family) plus having the drawer monitored is weird. Their family sounds dysfunctional on a lot of levels, a war of silence and a strange dynamic with finances
Story 2: If The fiance wants to carry his friend that bad, then this is going to fail especially if he digs him out of every situation. No way I'd mix funds with him while his money and loyalties aren't straight.
And is repeated verbal abuse- calling her an ass for being upset about her money being missing, & then again calling her an ass for being upset that he lied & took it to pay for his friend- should be a deal-breaker, just by itself. This man literally said he doesn't take her seriously, berates her for being upset at HIS behavior, & demands that she turns around & restarts a joint account with him. GIRL, GET YOUR MONEY & RUN.
Poor money management, spontaneous spending on useless crap, hiding the crap he bought, is just one of the many reasons I divorced my ex husband. They always think they won't be found out and they always spin stupid stories to avoid taking responsibility.
"I know I was out of line with my questioning"
You know a relationship is bad when someone manages to think something like this
He accused her of cheating just because she's taking the menopause relief vitamins that HE bought her.
So he asked about the pill drawer and she accused him of accusing her of cheating? He never said, I think you’re having an affair. He asked about pills in a drawer! That makes me suspicious of the wife.
No he directly accused her of cheating. He said "Are you seeing other people", that is an accusation, and most faithful partners would be offended and defensive while saying "no" (or some variation of this).
@@maurer3dno. While he DID ask her if she was seeing other people, he didn’t ask her that UNTIL she blew up over him asking about the pills in the drawer.
She's taking daily supplements to ease the pain of going through menopause, which OP insinuates he only bought because he brought up to the doctor how his wife isn't putting out as much as she used to. Also, when OP first noticed she was taking her vitamins, his admitted first thought was "oh yeah, I'm going to be in for a wild week, hurr hurr!" Dude seems to have no clue what it's like being a woman going through menopause and just is like "so when can we fuck again?"
@@darkmask5933 if that’s the reason for taking more than before, then why blow up at him? He asked about her taking more, and instead of saying “I discovered how much they are helping with my menopause, so I’ve been taking more of them.” She blows up at him. That is suspicious to me.
@@darkmask5933 Supplements aren't taken for occasions, they have to be taken on a regular schedule daily or they don't work, zinc, vitamin D needs to be built up and maintained. Her reaction is suspicious though with tossing daughter under the bus. Menopause or not, that is not a rational reaction. An affair would also explain the dead bedroom to begin with, how convenient she has menopause to blame for that. Sus on the bus.
I can’t get past the part where they think a bunch of supplements is going to significantly impact “bedroom fun” - especially when taken intermittently. 😂😂😂
its men! They have zero clue that espcially the vaginal dryness stuff has to be taken every day if you dont want to feel like you are ripping apart while walking. the saddest part is Lost genre believing an OP that was completely taken apart by women in the comments.
It sounds like they’re the type of people who mistrust doctors, and think any prescription medicine at all is “bad” without really weighing pros/cons that doctors will walk you through.
Those kinds of supplements likely don't do much of anything, but the placebo effect is there, and may be beneficial. All that said, I'm not buying the wife's story. She's stepping out.
Well, the supplements did get to the underlying cause of their decline in sex...just not the way he thought they would.
Placebo effect, most likely.
Story 2: “He didn’t take me seriously when I told him it’s important to me”
…what??!!
And then the red flag parade just kept adding 76 trombones & a whole drumline from there.
Is it just me or does r/AITA need to clarify its update rules? I've seen a trend in these stories for forever of most people going "I'm not sure how to update here/ since when I tried to update the mods took my post down I-/ I don't understand how to update so I hope I got it right this time" and all such forms.
Like, for real?
Right? Especially since it's a sub that draws traffic from total reddit newbies, it'd be better imo to have easy to follow rules
He's still saying that op story two is an ass for being mad when she's mad that he stole her money....and shes staying???😂😂😂 ill take things ill regret in a year for 500 alex
Story two: he didn’t take me seriously when I said this was important to me. That’s…pretty much a dealbreaker. If it’s the first time, maybe they can work through it and bf will learn to actually listen but if this isn’t the first incident of him disregarding OPs feelings AND OH YEAH STEALING…then move on
Story 1: Honestly, with the wife's lack of communication and defensiveness to make OP suspicious, along with her overreaction, makes me think she wanted out without looking like the bad guy.
I can’t blame her .
@@KadeStringer2.0
Would you ever?
@@sacredbeastzenonNo but op’s wife isn’t really a cheater and op had just had to bring stuff up in public . I think his wife is tired of his BS.
@@KadeStringer2.0 You didn't read the update did you? She is.
Qqqq❤@@KadeStringer2.0
OP's wife is either cheating, hiding something else, or going through a huge emotional period.
its called Menopause. All she is taking is for meno pause.
She's secretly selling them to her friends who are ro embarrassed to get them for themselves. (No, this isn't meant to be taken seriously)
@@savantfool7123 with THAT reaction? and the putting the daughter on the spot? I'm not buying it.
She 100% is hiding something. and I'd bet with 99% certainty that is cheating.
@@ianesgrecia8568it's called menopausal
Or she undergoing all the tell-tale symptoms of MENOPAUSE including being overly emotional yet all her husband is obsessed with is counting pills and sex. I hope she divorces him and gets a more intelligent man who will go with her to a doctor and help her take approved medication consistently.
"It's easier to ask forgiveness than permission" has a cost that is well exemplified by story 2: It damages or destroys trust.
Woman in the second story, victim blaming exists for people like this. He stole your money, because he didn't think it was important, likely hoping you wouldn't notice. Then spends half on a gift for you, and half on a bill for his friend. My god, this guy will financially ruin her in the future, or cheat or some other dishonesty, and shell be here crying like she didn't stay with this goof after this.
Not true since they will have separate accounts for now on
He gives me the same vibes as the man from the story who spent 80k on a truck and then expected the OP to help finance his other expenses.
It seems like this marriage has had communication problems for a long time. He seems like he's trying and wanting to improve their lives, but she immediately turned defensive. His daughter feeling uncomfortable could be more than her using the vitamins, maybe she knows something he doesn't.
I have a feeling that the daughter suspects that the mother is having an affair, but may not have any concrete evidence to present except for suspicious behavior. May be why the adult daughter hadn't spoken to Dad. It would be an awful position to be put in when you love both of your parents so much.
@@ScandalizeMyNamethat’s not the case here
Dad wanted to discuss daughter's sex life. I'd be uncomfortable, too.
@@KadeStringer2.0hey its you the militant feminist lying in yet another thread!
So if his daughter admited she wasnt taking the sex ones why would ops wife be taking extra when she isnt having sex with op? Why would ops wife lie about her daughter using the extra? Why would ops wife get so damn defensive and obfuscate so much? This is the behavior of a cheater and you know it. Stop pretending otherwise for your politics
@@ScandalizeMyNamethey did speak in the update. She spills the beans on mom that mom is the one taking the sex drugs. The vitimins were her. Makes sense considering its not possible for her to be menopausal at that age.
It's the fact that he was still calling her an asshole for being mad while he was apologising that makes my mind up about story 2, and the lying! He knew she wouldn't support him covering that friend so he just hid it. I hope she chucked him.
The way my jaw dropped when he said the "sex drawer" was in the kitchen... I uh.. I thought they had something else in there..
I'm kind of getting the feeling that the excessive supplements might be the wife overmedicating and trying to get back to the norm and too embarrassed to admit it.
"Hey honey, I noticed our stock of protection is going down, but last time we needed to use any was 9 months ago. What's up?"
it wasnt protection missing
one was a supplement against vaginal dryness and one vitamins you take during menopause furing which vaginal dryness often happens which is super painful not just during sex but also during walking, sitting etc
@@savantfool7123 LOL I was about to type this.. He is literally assuming cheating because his wife is taking vitamins and supplements, that almost every 50 plus year old woman would take daily, even if they were not intimately active.
@@maurer3d If she was taking them daily, she would have just said that. She came up with a BS story about their 25yo daughter having a dry box...not very likely.
@OtisFlint Funny, how many people are missing that little point. It sounds like he'd written off the idea of infidelity untill he talked to the daughter.
@@Katherinedawn25 My guess is wife 100% meant daughter was taking the zinc, because she assumed OP wasn't so dumb that he thought their daughter was taking menopause vitamins.
Of course, this is the same OP that saw his wife was taking her daily vitamins and immediately was like "oh I'm in for a wild week, hurr hurr hurr".
I think one of the conditions OP should set is for the fiancé to stop bailing out that buddy of his.
It depends. If they plan on combining finances, absolutely! If they plan to keep finances separate, the boundary isn’t “stop bailing him out,” it should be “your financial obligations to our relationship need to be fully covered BEFORE you bail your buddy out,” and then it’s on him to decide whether or not it’s worth it to keep bailing him out with his own money once his priorities are straight.
@@chadkent327 Then he will never contribute to anything but immediate needs. Most people want a partner who helps save for the wedding, house, children, college funds, retirement, emergencies and trips. All of that will be on her shoulders if he gives every last spare dime he has to the leech. They will be done before the year is up if he doesn't pull his head out of his backside. My bet is Christmas when she discovers her gift fund missing.
The op in 1 needs a PI. Those guys are VERY good at their job. They will get the goods on the wife.
Or, OP could stop thinking about "when we gonna fuck?" and could support his wife going through menopause?
Seriously, OP bought her menopause vitamins, she takes the vitamins, and he accuses her cheating?!
Or a pit bull of a divorce lawyer
Story 1: Yeah.... Who wanna bet the wife is cheating? Yeah. That over-reaction is very much a red-flag.
Yup.
Sucker bet, she's clearly cheating.
And his daughter confirmed it when she said she only took the vitamins
You see its simply ONE HELL of a red flag. His wife's overreaction and subsequent actions are keeping those red flags big as hell
As someone with hormonal issues, it literally takes weeks or a month to get vitamins and medicine into your system. However, it sounds like the wife is going through a menopausal bipolar episode. Depression and manic is more common in menopause than people realize, especially if the wife is going through it at a young age.
Story 1 update: So OP decided (after awhile of nobody in the house talking to eachother) to talk to his daughter and tell her its okay to talk to him about sex stuff and that he doesn't mind buying things. Daughter suddenly starts crying and when she calms down tell hims she took somw of the meds (vitamin d & zinc) she didn't take the lubracil or black cohosh. He says he looked at her with a look that said "do you know what that means" and theu both cried and hugged. He says he isnt going to do anything yet but he has gotten advice from friends and what not about divorce and etc.
What's really interesting, is that from the comments, Lubracil and Black Cohosh are typically used for MENOPAUSE symptoms. So many people are questioning why OP thinks that means she's having sex, when it could just be her taking stuff for menopause. And that possibly her behavior is coming from menopause, especially the mood swings and difficulty with sex.
The fact that the op thinks menopause supplements are “sex pills” is hilarious and sad.
@@stephanien6237 teh fact that Lost Genre does think it is sad. hes usually someone that actually reads the comments proper
I wonder if she began to feel the lack of discomfort between taking the pills and not and simply began taking them as directed.
Similarly, vaginal dryness isn't exclusively a menopausal issue. Women can have vaginal dryness at any age for multiple reasons and a gyno will urge you to do something about it especially if you're sexually active because you risk painful intercourse, tears to the lining that can lead to discomfort and infection.
@@stephanien6237But why balk at his question? They likely have talked about her condition before. Him misinterpreting what they are for is beside the point.
Well, this is gonna be complicated.
Strange story. Why "sex drawer" instead of "vitamin drawer"? And to think that supplements are only for sex??? You don't take vitamins only when you want sex; you take them regularly. You take vitamins to improve your health, which, in turn, helps your sex life. We have a vitamin cabinet and anyone can take what they need...we don't monitor it except to replace things that run out.
This couple seems to have some obsession with sex...a secret 'sex drawer' full of...vitamins and supplements? To take vitamins before sex?? To sit down with daughter to discuss missing vitamins? What daughter will discuss sexual issues with her father?? I've taken black cohosh, and it didn't mean I was "stepping out"; I was just balancing my hormones (menopause can be a hella time). Again, you have to take these things EVERY DAY to be effective. If wife is having hormone problems, she probably started taking the supplements every day instead of just when they were getting 'frisky'. I don't see how any of that is proof his wife is having an affair. She's more likely trying to tame out-of-control hormones and a changing body but is getting grief from OP about it.
I dunno man, getting super defensive and then shifting blame onto OP saying he broke the trust, those are petty common tactics used by cheaters. Also none of the stuff in that drawer would really benefit a young woman, as other comments have pointed out those are mostly for women in menopause. It just seems sketchy.
That final story would be relationship-ending for me. Especially if he keeps that mooch friend in his life.
Ack the worst thing about working late is that I usually listen to Lost Genre early and so I don't have a bunch of comments to read. I love your consistency and I hope you have a nice day!
I don’t trust friendships that require one partner to lie and steal from another.
To be fair it's the wife defensive response I would be sus after that that too.
He dragged her to the doctor because she wasn't putting out enough, buys her menopause vitamins for the sole purpose of 'getting her in the mood', notices she's taking the vitamins and assumes "oh man I'm in for a wild week, hurr hurr!", and then asks her about it in the middle of a public restaurant when she isn't jumping his dick.
I seriously thing OP is an asshole and wife is at the end of her rope about having to be her husband's fleshlight while going through menopause.
Agree Op wife extreme response was a red flag and she has been the root of the problem since she is the one the decline his advances
Not going to say the defensiveness of OP1's wife isn't suspicious, but the commenters on Reddit pointed out that Lubracil needs to be taken twice daily to work, so it's possible that wife may just have absolutely terrible conflict resolution skills and OP and Daughter may just be dense. For OP's sake I hope it's just that.
That's a good theory, and best case scenario that's what it is. It would depend on if the wife or daughter is lying. The daughter could be lying about taking it because she's embarrassed to admit it infront of her dad.
Though I did look it up and it's once daily, so half of it missing over a couple of weeks wouldn't be surprising, Though there are a couple of other things that go with it to help with sexual issues. If the other things were also used at a faster than normal rate it could be a reason for suspicion.
This is speculation only, but from the sound of it she was only using it when she needed a little extra help and she's now using it at a faster than normal rate. Faster than normal for her. I can think of a reason that could explain her behavior. It could be as simple as she's progressed and now has to have it daily and is embarrassed to tell him it's getting worse.
🎉
It might be that she took began to feel the difference in discomfort between taking them and not and decided to take them as directed and not just when sex would possibly be on the table.
What doesn't make sense to me is that OP insisted that he wasn't counting pills, but supplements like Magnesium and Zinc are often in dark or opaque bottles to keep light out, so if he wasn't actively opening the bottles and counting, how would he know about anything _but_ the softgels being gone?
@@slytherinlibrarian3501 Half of my supplements are in bottles like that. It's pretty easy to tell how full they are by just picking them up or nudging them, so you know which ones to put on the shopping list.
No matter what the actual underlying issue here ends up being, Wife is all the way wrong for treating OP & their daughter this way. She needs to sit him down & spill, then go to both of them with a heartfelt apology for her alternately abrasive & cold treatment of them. Hormones can be a reason, but they are absolutely NOT an excuse.
Lubracil is a dietary supplement whcih is intended to help alleviate vaginal dryness. It ain't something you take when you're hoping to have sex that night, or in the next couple of days. You're supposed to be taking it continuously for it to be effective. The manufacturer says you need to be on it for 90 days before it's effective, although you *may* see results in 2 weeks. If OP's wife is taking it only in anticipation of having sex soon, she doesn't understand what it is.
That's the only one OP mentioned by name, but I'd be willing to bet if she's taking a daily supplement for it, her doctor also would have prescribed an action-time supplement/topical treatment specifically for sex, since that was their reason for taking Wife to the doctor in the first place. Sounds like Daughter only took Magnesium & Zinc, Wife tried to tell OP that Daughter was taking *all* of the missing daily/fun times supplements, & OP & Daughter had the realization & sobbed together because they realized the lie Wife had told them.
S2: Any partner who has basic decency and respect for their partner, will not steal. Yes, this is stealing, because he took it without OP's knowledge and spent it on his decisions. This guy thought OP couldn't have been serious about her saving money for the trip, says it all. Perpetrators like him know very well how to twist the plot to their convenience and suit their needs. After all this drama, he even suggests of opening a mutual savings account for a trip, good for OP for kicking that idea immediately and putting him in his place where he belongs. This guy is paying for his deadbeat friend, from the money he stole from OP. Oh he also mentioned that he just borrowed the money from the envelope, and thought of putting it back, but he did not, why and when was he going to put the money back. He had already got his salary, so that should have been quite some time back, I believe the poor guy forgot.
I only wish OP dumps this guy and moves forward with her life.
Your partner says you've broken their trust. And you call them an a-hole? That's straight-out gaslighting and DARVO.
This is wild. His wife is going through menopause. The medication (lubracil) is meant to be taken consistently, not right before the act. I have a feeling he's a dingus. Menopause explains that extreme emotional reaction too. It seems like miscommunication is common for them.
Ok, but her turning agressive and deffensive is a typical sign of cheating. She should have just give a clue that someone else is also taking them and she didn't tell him, but not busting the daughter. And it wouldn't even be a give away because you can take vitamins for any reasons not just fun times.
Im wondering if the supplements stoped working? And the wife was frustrated with her body and getting older. Seen that she might actually need medication
Story 2 (before update): NTA, he stole the money. I would advise you totally reconsider the relationship, and if you do decide to stay together separate your finances completely. Oh and don't keep large amounts of cash laying around.
A gift isn't a gift, if he literally used your money (since he took the whole fund).
Never stay with anyone who calls you out of your name [negatively]. They do not have respect for you.
Even with the update I still don’t like op fiancé. They should not get married. He called her an ass after admitted he wrong ? Hell no. He don’t seem worth the work but whatever
Welcome to menopause. If you think she’s reacted poorly over this, just wait. It gets so much worse.
As the saying goes, a hit dog will holler.
S1: She's definitely cheating. Between how defensive she got and the talk with his daughter it's obvious that she knows she is caught and trying to turn it around on him.
We all know what's going on the moment the wife blew up in the restaurant. Come on. It's just too easy.
Her reaction is VERY sus.
Agree and she is the reason why they aren’t doing it and Op is communicating
Apologizing AND calling the other person an ass interchangeably is wild
Story 1: OP needs answers. In his shoes, I'd hire a PI and consult a lawyer to start preparing for the worst case scenario. In most places, a 25 year marriage means the man pays dearly in a divorce, unless it's an at-fault jurisdiction and he can prove infidelity on her part (which requires evidence, hence the PI). And even if in a no-fault area, a PI uncovering the truth will at least help OP protect his reputation.
While this isn't 100% cheating, it's the most likely explanation. The wife is hiding _something,_ which itself is a trust issue. Without trust, the relationship can't last.
Story 1: Oooh! I heard this before. It got a new update.
Oh really? What happened?
What happened did the wife actually got caught cheating
What happened?
@@KadeStringer2.0 There was an update. He confronted his daughter and she was taking only the vitamins a few times. But the other meds were still missing and were menopause meds. But the wife didn’t come clean about it. So likely she’s just taking them daily and embarrassed since she was so against starting menopause meds in the first place. The medications she is taking are supposed to be daily anyways. But the wife isn’t talking to the husband and he’s gonna give it a little longer for her to tell him what’s up. The end.
@@vmaster1007 There was an update. He confronted his daughter and she was taking only the vitamins a few times. But the other meds were still missing and were menopause meds. But the wife didn’t come clean about it. So likely she’s just taking them daily and embarrassed since she was so against starting menopause meds in the first place. The medications she is taking are supposed to be daily anyways. But the wife isn’t talking to the husband and he’s gonna give it a little longer for her to tell him what’s up. The end.
Both stories RE bit troubling - and I'm not sure there's ever going to be a happy ending to either.
Story2: op isn’t going to get her money back and the fiancé will do it again.
Not true
Why did he push this conversation while IN PUBLIC at a RESTAURANT and not IN PRIVATE AT HOME??? Like that may be why she didn't wanna talk about it at the moment.
I really hope its not cheating tho
I actually agree .
Because he was drank too much wine, and she ended up cheating on him too.
@@SugarFreeZaddyshe didn’t cheat
So she starts yelling about it in a public restaurant? Should he have broached it in private? Yes. If her concern was privacy, do you think she'd be yelling about it in public?
@@KadeStringer2.0stop lying militiant feminist. You are on every thread pushing that lie
Story 1. It would have been wrong for OP's wife to share something her daughter confided, especially because she asked her mom not to. I have been married for 30 years and have been faithful in those 30 years, as has my husband. Either one of us would be pretty upset if the other accused us of cheating. But, we would never scream or yell at each other; maybe respond sternly, but never yell. If OP's wife overreacted the way he said, I would be concerned.
Why didn’t she just answer her husband‘s reasonable question? The screaming fit and Over defensiveness is pretty sus as the kids like to say. And of course.NTA edit : Called it. If you’ve been married for 25 years and you have to fight some other person for your spouse, there is nothing there worth fighting for. This guy needs to listen to his friends and Lawyer up!
He didn’t take me seriously win … that should be the end of the relationship right thereNTA
As always we're only getting one side. His question may not have been phrased reasonably, especially after a few glasses of wine. But overall, yeah, her reaction is sus, and he's NTA (though asking questions in a restaurant after wine is a bit AH).
For the first story sounds like hormonal imbalance for a woman in menopause. My grandma gets to that point if she doesnt take her vitamins that help her with her mood swings. Get couples therapy.
2. NTA.
There's something more going on here than just him spending half the money, that he wasn't supposed to touch, on something for her, but what happened to the other half?
Okay, mystery solved, but I don't see this relationship surviving, it would be best to just end it, and both of you move on.
Looks like we are in for an emotional rollercoaster 🎢
The way the wife and daughter are acting, there is definitely more going on.
After seeing the update I can tell the male friends are the ones that said lawyer up and the female ones said stick with her.
Yeah, that last story was basically how and why my husband became my now exhusband, except our finances were combined and it was a credit. I forgave him on the premise that it never happen again. We spent years paying off the money only for him to max it out again. Well, imagine him going all Piccachu face when he realised I was serious that I wouldn't forgive him a second time....but yeah I'm still stuck paying for years to come again. At least OP sounds more cautious and less inclined to combine finances. I know I'm for sure never doing that again!
Op 1 has a problem, wife needs to agree to couples counselling something is really wrong for that to be her reaction.
Op 2 is 100 % in the right that guy shouldn't have done that
If my partner was taking all the money from a joint fund, I'd make dang sure to double my security on all my money, etc., before it started disappearing, too. Living together makes it very hard to keep any financial secrets.
She cheated , used your daughter, and gaslit you that it's your fault. If the 25yrs. aren't enough to not do that, then they're not enough to stay.
Some medications have multiple uses.
I had one a few years back that my grandpa also used, but for a different purpose.
I currently have a medication for anxiety (it's a "take as needed" thing with max 2 per day), however is also works as a antihistamine and sleeping pill.
Wouldn’t the bill of just gone to collections? I don’t get why he had to pay that fast or why he thought police would be called on a past due bill?
Story 1: is the daughter also going through menopause?
Feel so bad for OP and his daughter. That wife really just ruined two relationships without a thought or care…
Wife over reacted. Unless she's cheating
Travel fund.
He claims he spent the joint money to buy you a gift? Even if true he is still ahole. BTW if he spent "half" the money on that, where is the other half?
S1 - I wanted an update on this one....I hope she wasn't cheating but it sure looks bad...
she's 110% cheating. One does not fly off the handle and scream in a restaraunt until you're frothing at the mouth over a question as innocent as "Why are all the pills going missing"
The people denying that the wife is probably cheating, are being rather ignorant to the signs. She lied that all the meds were taken by the daughter.
first story, I bet Op's daughter knows about her mother's affairs
There is no affair and op’s wife is in the right .
@@KadeStringer2.0 the daughter said to Op she took only few vitamins, the wife reaction and the delayed answer...
@@spadw3394you are a sucker for like op
Story 2:
My Bf and I have had a travel fund since like 2020 (we've been together for over 6 years)
We pay around 10 bucks each months and it makes travel much easier for us both because it feels like we aren't spending too much money.
But also: I had him sign a handwritten agreement (with a copy for me) of the rules for the travel fund.
We keep a track of how much money is in there and how much we take out for our vacations.
My boyfriend thought it was weird that i made him sign an agreement for this but I take finanaces very seriously.
Needless to say he doesn't do stupid shit with it and we've had many a trip that we used the fund for!
And that is a big factor in why I can trust him and want tomarry him. He keeps his word and we have so much fun together!
First story: my first thought was: she is cheating. Ding-dong , I win! 😢
Cheaters gonna cheat
Story 1: First thing he needs to do isn't talk to a lawyer, talk to his wife, confront, etc... The first thing is to always investigate and gather evidence. That way you have something to actually go on instead of just suspicions. And you should do that befire asking anything because otherwise they may start to delete evidence, put the affair on pause, cover their tracks better, etc....
Heeello, LG! Have an awesome Thursday. ♥️🤗
Story 1: (ESH) Sports betting, um... That might be a more serious issue. The OP can't help but peak. The OP sounds more and more like he has impulse issues. Why didn't the idea of his kids taking the vitamins enter his mind? Okay the wife's reaction to the OP questioning her either means she's hiding something or she's so used to being interrogated that neither of their communication methods is ideal. Not "There are vitamins and gels missing? I haven't used any in weeks... Our kids?" not, "(daughter's name) probably has been grabbing some" or "I let (daughter's name) try some and I forgot to tell you." Was the wife looking for a way out of the marriage? Oh, she did tell him after flipping out. Again bad communication, the OP and his wife need to be on the same page when it comes to raising their kids. The wife insisted on "girls-only talks" and the OP wanted to be able to help his daughter. Most wives would be grateful that their husbands want to help with teen girl issues rather than call it a "Mum's job". I still think the OP has impulse issues, maybe is an over-sharer with friends or something, which would explain the secrecy from her Dad and trusting Mum more. Why ask about an affair at a romantic dinner? Worst timing! You need more evidence than some missing vitamins and gels that anyone can grab. Texts, snap chats, phone calls at midnight a lot of messages and calls to another "female". Snoop if you want to but smarter than you have so far. And if it's an affair, you just nuked your trust with your daughter, parental alienation will be much easier for the wife in the divorce. I'd remember who named "the sex draw". Teenagers will sneak mum's cigarettes and "family" meds if they have a chance, they think they know everything. Family counselling, couple's counselling?
Update: So the daughter confessed, but not that she knew. Okay. Either way, the daughter can be manipulated by the wife. Don't blame the daughter. Lawyer up and maybe snoop on her phone.
Story 2: (NTA) Something was agreed upon and he broke the agreement. He obviously liked the idea of some spare cash for whatever, not the trip to Italy. I'd have called the police. Once I saw that empty envelope. "He didn't take me seriously when I said this was important to me" You two are incompatible when it comes to financial goals. Where did he think the money to replace the money he took would come from? A lot of classic narc lines here, "I didn't know" after that exact thing was discussed, "I'll pay you back" How? and the fact that he paid with your money for a gift for you. A whole friend group who can't be financially responsible. The OP will come last to him, always. Friends, family, colleagues and then the OP, that's where she ranks unless there's a dog in the mix, then the OP's lower than the dog.
Update: How do you pay for an online-ordered package with cash once delivered? The boyfriend is a pushover, that's not a good friend. Be careful, separate finances in a life-long relationship can lead to bankruptcy if not monitored. Therapy for the boyfriend will be interesting. I still have a suspicion that he's a narc or has a few too many narc tendencies. Don't give him the information not take money out of that savings account.
why would his daughter taking pills come to his mind? and its not a loaded question it wasnt an interrogation he restocks the meds and if they are going missing its a natural qesution to ask. and after that reaction anyone would get effing suspicious. wtf was that. if anything she sounds like a total bitch. and he def should get all his money out of all the accounts and lock it tight. you know she will try to clean him out.
S1: Even in old age, the saying holds true. Always does...regardless of medical issues. "If you aren't getting any, some other guy is."
Yeah she’s cheating
"he didn't take me seriously when I said this was important to me" like what????? And you want to marry that?????
I accused my wife of cheating on me, but "actually it's just my daughter." This is an unfortunate opening statement. 😮😮
Anyway, back to therapy for you both. Supplements and vitamins make up a "sex drawer"?
S2: definitely NTA and I don’t like how he’s deflecting and making it seem like OP is TA.
I hope 2nd OP leaves for good at the FIRST SIGHT of a Red Flag.
I had a ex friend buy me a Xmas gift with money she owed me for months smh how people think this is normal is beyond me
I hate when i hear people say, " Fight for your marriage no matter how many years it been." Why dont they tell the cheater that? I hope OP divorces his cheating wife. Have some self respect
1. NTA.
That was absolutely nothing to get all bent out of shape about, it's not like the daughter is underaged, and wanted to hide that she is active.
What else is going on?
Unfortunately, it sounds as though there may be another reason why the bedroom has become lonely for him, and it has nothing to do with supplements, those appear to be a cover-up for something, I do hope it's not what he thinks.
Story1 was a little insane. She's cheating by using the stuff he pays for on another man. That's so nuts. What an insane person.
Theif bf story. NTA.
"I didn't think u were serious"
"I spent it on you"
"I wanted 2 go out with friends"
Just a small bit of what my Ex used to say.
Ex. Such a good thing.
First story.. time to hire a private eye to do some investigating... just saying. find all the evidence you can so she doesn't take you for a ride...
Story 1: NTA. As a married woman myself, something seems fishy with how OP's wife blew up and wouldn't tell OP that their daughter was using some of the stuff in the drawer. She's hiding something. Update: Dam, she's cheating.
OP:
I can vouch for that.
Me:
Really? M’am, you didn’t even know that the moving fund was gone. AND you stayed with him?!? Hear from you soon OP! 🙄
3:56 The daughter thing is a cover-up. The wife is stepping out. The reaction is WAY TOO OVER-THE-TOP for this to have been the daughter.
If I was being quizzed in the middle of a restaurant about x toys I would have a massive response. He could have asked at home.
Wow, the op needs to mourn this marriage and move on.
I seen this story somewhere else recently. But I can’t recall where I’ve seen it. But it’s exactly the same story .
S1: Wow. such shock. OP1's wife is actually probably cheating after all. I agree, LG, a marriage with a cheater is not with saving. However, there is that pesky "sunk cost fallacy" to deal with.
S2: NTA. He stole and got OP2 a gift with her own money. Good thing he's just a fiance. It will make cutting him loose easier on OP2.
After update: ...Sunk. Cost. Fallacy. It's OP2's life. She can mess it up by staying with him if she wants.
Story 1: the defensiveness speaks volumes and the daughter saying she only took the vitamins both of them realizing what the other pills being missing means.
It means that the wife might get help for hot flashes/sweating? That's what black cohosh is meant for.