Love is literally the only reason to live. Not just romantic love - platonic, familial, self love... love for pets, plants, art, places... cynicism may seem edgy and interesting but it's my opinion that anyone saying "love like that isn't real" is missing the entire point.
I can't help but be cynical a lot of the time but love will always be the most important thing to me which is why it can be so hard to live bc it seems like others never care as much about it
My favorite quote from one of my fav shows is “in this terrifying world, all we have are the connections that we make”. I think its so beautiful to live and love intensely and share yourself with people who appreciate it and share themselves with you. Getting hurt and heartbroken is an awful but byproduct but I still don’t think its a reason to not pursue emotional connections. I’ll get hurt 100 times but if I wake up tomorrow i’m gonna love the hell out of my people lol.
@@Tiorg-g1u my brain: “i know this qoute but I literally never watch shows what show could it be?” Bojack horseman truely one of the best shows of this time.
I was one of those cynical people that thought that love didn't exist. But here I am living in a cute apartment with my boyfriend and our cat. My boyfriend who brings me to his parents house on sundays, who texts me while I'm at work, who asks me to let him know when I get home safe, who buys videogames he thinks I'll like, spontaneously gifts me candy or chocolate or a soda. Our biggest fight is that he wants to leave the house an hour early for any event. Every night we spend together feels like a pajama party. Love does exist.
this may sound a little out of place, but I find it so interesting that our lives are so focused on the things we are lacking. I've been in a loving relationship for 3 years, yet everything I can think about is money and how to find a job that makes me happy. And you have all the professional success and independence I aspire to have, but you still have struggles on the things I take for granted. It gives me a sense of comfort to realize there's a tempo for everyone and everything, and the universe gives us our dreams at different times so we can enjoy them and aprreciate them separately.
Wow, I love the way you phrased this, is so real, we are so focused on the this we don’t have at the moment that we don’t appreciate the things we do have.
Was literally thinking/feeling the exact same things!! Ive been with my partner for 5 years and we are getting married in october- but all ive been consumed with recently is how lost and unfulfilled i feel with career/work life and i look at someone like maddie and feel jealous she has it all figured out 😅 This video and your comment give me so much perspective and peace ❤️
You perfectly expressed how I’m feeling. I am so in awe of Maddie and how she’s stepped into her purpose in a beautiful way, and I would love to do the same. I’ve been married for three years to the love of my life, but my life is totally flip flopped from Maddie’s, and I would love what she has. It’s wild.
We're so used to men doing absolute minimum that we tend to wear blinders when the red flags start to show, so it ends up being a combination of intuition & insecurity. And it takes a LONG time to break that mindset. This video came at a time when i really needed it, thank you Maddie 💜
okay but men do the minimum when they don't WANT to do anymore than that. we don't just deserve a certain treatment just because we exist. having that kind of mindset is what results in all these messy feelings. just like men don't deserve anything from women for existing, i think we all need a little wake up call (men and women) that dating is inherently selfish and for your own interests and if someone doesn't give you want you want, your'e not going to be expressive and responsive. and remember that men will do that too. that just means it's time to move on. men are allowed to not treat you how you expect to be treated just because you think that's what you want.
Maddy, I just found out (on the very first day of my solo international vacation) that my fiancé cheated on me. I trusted his words over my own intuition. And believed him when he said I was insecure and that I needed to trust him. And this video, THIS video is exactly what I needed to hear. So much validation. I appreciate you so so so much. Please never stop speaking.
So sorry to hear that happened to you 💔 You already know this, but you deserve the world and so much more! Now that the truth has been revealed, the ball if in your court and you can do what's best for you!
Girl listen im sorry that happened but On the first day of ur solo international vacation? girl thats a slay have an eat pray love moment ..Sending love ❤️
Maddie, I wish I found your channel before I got into a good relationship, I would have felt so much less alone. I echoed so many of your thoughts. People always mistreated me, and I never thought I would find good or healthy love. I was always so envious of everyone in a relationship and constantly questioned why no one saw me as the sweet and romantic person I am at heart. Having felt all those things I just want to affirm your feelings of confidence through this and your belief in love despite people commenting otherwise. There are amazing, respectful, and wonderful people just like you out there just dying for you to cross their path. You are so fucking deserving of romantic gentleness and love and you WILL find it.
I’ve been struggling with this question because I always think it’s my insecurity and as soon as I communicate that there’s a shift, they reassure me that they don’t feel it, and ALWAYS the next day, they decide our relationship is over. I want it so bad to be an insecurity that I would need to work on, but pattern shows that intuition is correct. I used to take it personally, but now I’m grateful my intuition braced me for heartbreak and they let me go instead of pretending to love me. So bitter sweet I guess
I'm no expert but maybe identifying the points where this has occurred, maybe with a trusted friend(s) for neutrality, and journal on it. Example - you communicate a boundary. Boundaries are good but boundaries are not enforcing behaviour on others to conform to our desires and life. So it might feel like an assertive, positive action to us, but be crossing their boundary. Ive found discussing and even practicing communication can be really helpful. Maybe that's not your situation at all and I'm way off, but just objectively reading your comment, it sounds like that could be what's occuring (especially with new and unfamiliar people). I totally feel you cause that was me, so hopefully i can being some comfort or useful words 😊
@@sim771 I may be skipping over the “discussing communication” step. Communication is a non-negotiable, and necessary for all my relationships (romantic and platonic), but I think in romantic relationships I’ve been attempting to lead by example instead of having that discussion with myself (and partners) about how to communicate emotions effectively. At the same time, it can feel like maybe I’m doing something wrong where they don’t feel comfortable communicating with me, and that’s where the insecurity kicks in. You’ve for sure given me some food for thought!
@@art.thomas awesome! Glad i could provoke thought! Imagine communicating with someone who doesn't speak english or is learning. You would assume that they should speak english because you speak English, right? But what if.. je commence la conversation en français et tu dois me répondre dans ma langue. That was probably jarring if you don't speak french. That's communication, not everyone speaks the same language or uses the same words even if they do! So we can't assume everyone meets our own standard, even if we tell them - just like we can't force everyone to speak English. The key is knowing when your style and expectations are compatible enough with there's to pursue further
Just know that everything you are saying in this video is making girls like me feel more seen and less alone. Thanks for continuing to share. It really does mean a lot
Love is a decision we make every minute. I read something so accurate the other day It said something like the right person for you is not the one who will not make you face challenges, but the one who makes you feel safe enough to face them openly and evolve. I hope it makes sense. LOVE IS REAL!!!!!!!
Intuition is your brain extrapolating from past patterns to project what is likely to happen based on experience. Since we know that people tend to choose a specific love experience over and over again, usually based on the relationships they've seen as children, a lot of times your intuition is correct. Insecurity is when your brain tries too hard to protect you from past hurts in current situations. For me, the biggest difference between calling something intuition or insecurity is whether those patterns feel healthy to me or not. I may call it an intuition on how my husband may react to something when I am comfortable with our pattern of behavior, but I may call it an insecurity when my past experiences have caused unhealthy behaviors when we interact. True love, mutual respect, and kindness exist. It is hard work to keep it, but I can say that it is so worth it.
Deep comment, super underrated so boosting. I disgree on one thing -> a lot of people don't know what healthy means. Someone who was abused, manipulated or mistreated might have a subconscious programming in their intuition that the behaviour is familiar = predictable = safe, when that's the opposite of safety and healthy. So we have to go deeper and examine, often by a professional or objective persons where and why those feelings are there and what it would feel like if they weren't there. Does the absence of the unhealthy behaviour feel like a loss? If it does - its unhealthy and therefore not safe and the intuition needs reprogramming
@@sim771 Fair enough. I definitely understand that love mapping can definitely set you up for unhealthy patterns if that is what you were most exposed to as a child, but there is so much to that and although I have read a ton about it because everything about how we seek and choose and form bonds with other people fascinates me, I am not an expert. I would definitely recommend looking more into this topic if you find yourself in unhealthy patterns with who you form relationships with and you wonder why you keep putting yourself through this. There is so much to the topic, and the way it affects you can differ based on so many variables, I couldn't possibly fit it all into a UA-cam comment.
Thankyou so much for this explanation. I’ve been going through this with a guy I’ve been dating but at least I’m aware enough to know my insecurity has nothing to do with him because there is never any change of behaviour I will just get intrusive thoughts based on past experiences.
I watched this an hour before my date, honestly communicated my need for consistent communication to establish/ strengthen connection and it was well received. Old me would have completely thought I was asking for too much to want to be texted back but after almost two years of watching Maddie's videos, she's reaffirmed that I deserve to be treated in certain ways and not everyone is deserving of my "sweetness".
I'm 4 weeks out from a breakup & doing decent. I'm proud of myself for how far I've come in this past month, but this was exactly what I needed to hear right now. amd looking back at this most recent relationship through the lens of 'its not personal' & 'we weren't compatible' & 'rejection is protection' is SOOOO GD HELPFUL!!! Also communication once a week is not a significant other, it's a friend. Add sex, and it's a fwb. No you're right, it's not a normal way to engage in a relationship, I'm sorry. You don't back-burner your significant other. How is that significant then?? Ok off my soap box. 😅
I've been thinking about this kind of thing too, but more "why do I seem to struggle with men more than other women I know?" And I am starting to realise that a lot of women do just put up with more, they aren't as sensitive maybe, they have more of a fear of being alone or they think male behaviour is what it is and has to be accepted. Whereas I can't tolerate it, it hurts too much and I demand more from men. It's made me think that women like us that challenge men, expect more and stand our ground unfortunately act as training wheels for men in their 20s. I feel like all I'm doing is teaching men how to be in a relationship at my own expense but not enough to keep them, I usually lose interest in the relationship because I'm being hurt too much and so I end up serving as a cautionary tale for their next relationship. It sucks and I'm tired. But I still have hope!!!
as someone who has recently gotten into a healthy & loving relationship, i find my intuition has been working really hard to protect me from what happened in my last relationship. My anxiety has been at an all time high bc I feel my brain wanting to leave before “the other shoe drops”. It’s like i cannot process that someone could have the same pure and loving intentions that i do… it’s been super hard to differentiate these anxious thoughts and to chose what to listen to. it really hit me when you talked about how if there is a you, then there must be someone just like you… willing to love the way you do and that’s so so reassuring to me. Allowing myself to fully open up and feel comfortable in this new relationship has been hard, it scares the hell out of me but it’s also feels so good when i do. (therapy has been a huge huge help)
lmao when u said “there are some people who dont wanna talk to their partner for a week” i literally broke up w someone after two months bc when they were stressed they ghosted me for a week instead of communicating what was going on… which was also after they had repeatedly crossed my boundaries in other areas but that’s a different issue
I've never dated because I have a lot of anxiety around it, but this video really helped me a lot with my attachment issues and analyzing the paranoia I get when I feel like people are leaving me behind. I'm realizing that knowing and communicating my needs are top priority in any relationship. Also, seeing you talk about how people you were kind towards hurt you both inspired me and made me cry. I'm so happy you held on to your softness and I sincerely hope you find the love you deserve!!
I’m one of those people that really struggles with consistent communication. For me it doesn’t come from a place of not caring or valuing someone, it’s symptomatic of my adhd. Hearing you describe what it’s like to be on the other end of relationship with someone who isn’t a consistent communicator is really eye opening. I know that I can make people frustrated but I hadn’t thought of how it could make them feel insecure. I’m really determined to be better. But don’t know how long that change is going to take. I left your video wondering if I should set aside dating/relationships for possibly years to avoid hurting others because I know, even as I work with a therapist, I will. Is not hurting people I care about worth abstaining from relationships? To be honest, I don’t exactly know what I’m trying to get at here but your video has made me think a lot. Thank you for being so open about how your experiences and feelings.
Yup, same! Though I haven't dated for years because of this sort of thing. It is not personal AT ALL. Like I have only been able to be consistent with my immediate family in the last couple of years. I am still working on things when it comes to my extended family and when it comes to my friends. Plus with dating, I feel like you have come out the gate being a consistent communicator for people you barely know.
I WAS JUST. Thinking about this topic!! I always dont know if im trying to protect myself or if im making up reasonable justifications to not go our of my comfort zone. Lemme pull up my cup of tea real quick and enjoy this !!
I love this video. I’ve Litterally written the same thing in my notes, but I wrote it as “Is it my intuition or is it paranoia”. It can be so difficult to identify between self sabotage or that person having bad intentions.
I love that you said that you can see the macro, that the universe is telling you this person isn’t meant for you - but you also recognize that it doesn’t necessarily minimize the hurt you feel. That’s really awesome awareness right there. 💚
A few weeks ago I literally wrote "is it my intuition or anxiety" at the top of a journal entry, so this was more than a perfect video to stumble across. I LOVE the comment about love ~ if I exist, then other people like me exist, so there's my proof ~. PLUS I'm moving to new york/brookly for school, so the setting is extra nice to watch. Actually, there are so many comments in this that made me feel seen. The I-gave-u-sweetness-and-kindness-and-u-shat-all-over-me. I do also spiral at the fear of not being seen or understood in a relationship, cuz like isn't that the whole point? I feel seen and heard with my friends and family? The funny thing about my journal entry situation, and some situations since, is that my intuition is consistently on the money about something being off like you said. My partner will deny, deny, deny then later reveal that there was something they weren't communicating and I"m like HELLOO that's what I was tormenting myself about. I really like all your takeaways, I may add, that it's helpful for me to remember while the feeling is present that it isn't permanent. I mean, I'd like to never feel that way again, but even when I do I can always count on feeling better again soon, one way or another.
What she said about preserving hope and optimism when it comes to love is so important. I wish someone had told me that sooner. I wish someone would have shown me that it actually is possible. Once your disappointment reaches its maximum, there is no return. I've been trying to regain my belief in love for years, but i just can't. Guess it's too late for me. But please never stop believing, if you still can
I feel the exact same way when you say that someone out there is exactly like you, they feel, think and live the way you do. Also, about the kind part, when you offer kindness. I also think that people love different, you just need to find someone with the same type of love. What’s kind for you might feel strange or inappropriate for the other
it's so shitty when you keep REPEATEDLY finding these same types of people (in relationships or even just close friendships) that will be in full honeymoon mode with you for a good amount of time, and then suddenly start ghosting you with absolutely no explanation. And every time, you get worried about it, think that you're being overly anxious about it and talk yourself out of being worried about it, and try to make the relationship work, until you're just completely estranged and not even talking anymore. It's been worse for me recently since I've realized I have this trauma pattern about it, and I've voiced it to some of these people I was in such a close relationship with. And even then, they still ice me out. Fucking awful. If someone who cares about you - that you (HOPEFULLY) care about in return - is bEGGING you to communicate and you're a complete stone wall about it, jesus christ, go do some self work on why you can't talk to them about what's up.
Completely agree about the ghosting thing. It's such a juvenile thing to do. It's happened to me more times than I can count and every single time it makes me feel like shit. Even when I have absolutely no expectations or I'm not even invested yet. Dating sucks so hard
I have such a similar thought process in that I know things logically (life gets busy, the universe is looking out for me, this person is incompatible with me, etc.) but I still get my feelings hurt and I get upset. It feels weird to be upset over things I can rationalize but it just shows me that feelings are feelings regardless and they’re always valid. And it’s nice to hear someone explain the exact same mental gymnastics I do lol
I'm the same way in my dating life. It hurts when you feel safe in a dating relationships and then it turns out of no where. But it's part of life, things usually don't work out for a reason. It's usually not personal but it does feel that way. 💖 trusting the universe is hard!
Maddie, I feel SO seen by your videos. As a 23-year-old single girlie in NYC who has dealt with a lot of shit in the dating world, your videos are super healing to watch. Everything you say resonates. Most of my friends are either in relationships or not actively seeking a partner like I am, and while they’re so supportive and kind, they don’t truly “get it” when I share my struggles. I often feel alone in my experiences, but your videos remind me that this is SO common and I’m not a dramatic anxious mess for feeling this way. Thank you for sharing your journey-you are doing such amazing things for so many people!! 💕
love does exist!!!! i have it and i found it and i never thought i would but i did!! when my boyfriend and I disagree, we never fight we always just talk it out and wake up most mornings so happy to see each other and its just so amazing we've been together for two and a half years, i hate cynicism i've been treated horribly in the past and it was really difficult at first and I had really such a similar struggle at the beginning as well because I didn't believe it could ever happen to me. and you are super right, I almost NEVER worry that something is wrong and he almost never makes my insecurities come out and i guess i'm still sensitive as hell and its ok
Absolutely wild how it’s like you’re narrating my thoughts. THANK YOU for talking about this, I could not relate harder. I’m in grad school and I took a break from dating for this past spring semester - I just finished finals (FUCK. YES.) and I’m thinking about starting to date again, but it is not without it’s reservations. Sometimes dating feels like I’m willfully triggering myself 🤦🏻♀️ lol but at the same time, I still have maintained that soft, sweet, romantic side and I feel ready to trust my intuition and not minimize my wants and needs for my relationship. Your videos help so much with my own journey of self love and dating
I’d also argue intuition has no morality (where insecurity tends to)- it won’t shame or guilt or say the mean shit you say to yourself already! Listening to what you’re hearing and comparing it to how you talk to yourself when you’re feeling confident vs not so much, can show a lot I think
Yes. Literally yes. Especially when it comes to people becoming distant and communicating less I start fearing ghosting because that’s how it was in the past. And yes this video is truly speaking to me. I am so proud of you for not letting those people turn you cold, not letting the world turn you cold. I literally got a tattoo on my wrist to remind myself that nobody can take my bubbly lovey personality away from me
The lack of communication or a bit of a mess in the beginning of the connection, I think, is understandable and can trigger one's insecurity even with the right person. Because you two are different people, from different backgrounds, can have different communications styles even. It takes time to get used to the communication that fits you both, to get used to each other, read each other's moods or when it is a good time for some things and when not for others, it takes time for the connection to polish if you will and that can be uncomfortable. I agree that the person you are with will not make you insecure, but in the beginning or until you really know each other, I think it's natural. Love you, Maddie!
I think the sayings that really have helped me to stop overthinking is "Not every emotion needs a story to it", feelings are just fleeing so let them fly, dont overthink them. Not every emotion you feel has a whole back story to it, you can just rationalize it in your brain as "oh I'm thinking" n just let it do its thing, dont try to stop the emotion, just let it be n detach. Another is "rejection can be redirection" pretty self-explanatory, but ofc rejection hurts but I like to think of it as the universe is putting me on another path. Once again these are just things that help ME feel better, I hope someone resonates with those sayings n makes you relax a lil, bc you deserve it
I feel like I’m so far down the rabbit hole that even now that I’ve found someone who is everything I’ve ever wanted plus some, who tells me AND shows me he loves me, who tells me he wants me and only me, who is always there for me even through my ups and downs, I still have that ounce of doubt nagging in the back of my head that makes me think it’s too good to be true. And since I felt that same nagging in the back of my head with previous partners, a part of me starts to believe it’s intuition, even though I feel like a large part of it actually stems from my own insecurities and my super toxic belief that it’s impossible for me to find a loyal, caring partner who could somehow be into me and find me attractive. So it’s like, even though he gives me absolutely no reason to doubt his feelings for me, I still get paranoid and get a desire to flee before he ultimately breaks my heart :/
Another hopeless (hopeful) romantic here. Me and my bf split up a week ago because he just wasn’t emotionally mature or available enough and it was causing me to have full-blown panic attacks on a nearly daily basis. I love him to death and he’s been my best friend for years. It really really sucks. I know he loves me too so I convinced myself it was all my anxiety and all in my head. This video has very peculiar timing, but it’s what I needed to hear. Thank you
Everything you say resonates with how I’ve been feeling the past few months, but on a friendship level. The friendship ended months ago but I still spiral because my intuition told me weeks into it that no man something ain’t right and yet she assured me that I could trust her with my myself. I still resent that I believed another person over myself but I still believe in friendship and love. She was not the first but she most certainly was the last.
A TikTok that still stays with me to this day was talking about the beginning stages of dating someone. And of course someone can clarify an extended period of silence after the fact. But it goes “If you can go 24 hours without texting me, you can go the rest of your life without me” and I gotta say it’s been a pretty empowering observation metric of whether a person is gonna meet my needs or not. On a related note, aaaaaanyone wanna start an anxious attachment style [support] group chat together?
This usually never has to do with you as a person but because people come with baggage or past relationships and feelings. Sometimes they decide to give an ex another shot or they have been seeing someone else that they decided to start seeing more exclusively. It’s hard when deeper feelings and connections are already in place before you have come into the picture. How they show signs of this is gradual ghosting and less effort. The way u should look at it is to not take it personally or be hard on yourself . Unfortunately ALOT of people who have just come out of long term relationships jump on dating apps to try to feel better or hopefully move on fast and this usually always happens.
Maddie I felt like you were talking about my life and I’m sorry you are dealing with this pain but being reassured that I am not the only one going through this exact thing helps a lot.
THE FACT THAT I'M CURRENTLY IN A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP AND HAVE BEEN STRUGGLING WITH THIS QUESTION "IS IT MY INTUITION OR MY FEARS?" FOR A COUPLE MONTHS AND YOUR VIDEO JUST GETS PUBLISHED OMGGGG NOBODY GETS IT WHEN I ASK THIS QUESTION OUT LOUDDD 😭😭😭😭🙏🙏🙏🙏
Hi Maddie, thanks for the great video as always. I think that the focus shouldn't be in trying to distinguish if it is your intuition or your insecurity, instead we should focus on the information that we have at the moment and take action based on that. In your example you mentioned inconsistent communication, so if you know that consistent communication is important and you are not being given that you must take action i.e talk to the person, observe the persons actions, leave etc. In my opinion putting so much effort into differentiating between intuition and insecurity is exhausting and it doesn't change the discomfort that you feel. I hope this helps!
I’ve been going through this for the last couple weeks my boyfriend got weird and finally came to tell me he wasn’t into me anymore and it has been really hurting my self image and hope for love in the future.. your words always reaffirm my feelings and remind me who I am thank you ❤️
this was so needed. just ended a relationship w my bf because he signed a lease with another woman when i asked him not to. i felt insecure, because she’s “just a friend”, but my intuition knew he disregarded my boundaries for a reason
it is so comforting and affirming to see so many people vocalizing their feelings about the exact same experiences that have made me feel so alone and anxious over the past few years. maddie, thank you so much.
I can’t believe you put this into words! I’ve been really struggling with identifying red flags vs my insecurities. Also, an explanation from across the isle: I’ve got adhd and communication that isn’t in person has never felt real to me. We are very much “out of sight out of mind” kinds of people. I find that messaging people outside of dates feels really stressful without making me feel closer to the person, especially in the first few weeks. I much prefer to limit my time with them to spaces where I can be fully present. I’ve tried dating people before that need consistent communication and it’s always led to insecurity for me. So now I look for people who match me, like you are doing!
I think these feelings of insecurity pop up in many different kinds of relationships. I try to remind myself that I am not responsible for how other people act, and you can't make people treat you with kindness or love. You can only control your own actions. And keep holding onto that softness, kindness, and sweetness.
every since i first heard you mention that quote of “the love i deserve exists bc i exist” i ALWAYS REFERENCE THAT when i’m feeling extra down in the dumps abt whatever relationship woe im feeling and it always makes me feel better and less out of my gourd lol
I will be watching you until the end of time, even if it means that you never find the right person, as long as you continue being you and being REAL and honest about what you DESERVE. It exists, it's not easy to find, and it takes two people in the right place. You're already in the right place, and you deserve someone just as genuine and aware of their own needs, faults, and expectations. Ugh ur the best ily.
Ain't is something how we've all been so hurt and so programmed by toxic representations of love via media that to believe in love is seen as stupid? I used to think that way too but now I see love all around us, all the time and if we challenge ourselves to heal, pay attention to what we watching and listen to, go slow and open up a little we can be blown away by how magical it is.
maddie thank you so so much. i have this same problem i feel like endlessly with making friends. i literally just yesterday had a conversation with my therapist about maturity and communication because i’ve lost another friend i really loved to random ghosting. but i stood my ground this time and chose to fight my insecurity about the situation. i was literally just telling my therapist about you and your videos YESTERDAY. and then u drop this total banger that i needed right now, I LOVE U
“You’re not too needy. You need what you need” Wow this really hit home for me. My relationship of nearly 2 years has experienced a huge dynamic shift that caused me extreme anxiety. And when I would gently bring this change up with my partner, I’d be met with defensiveness or just completely shut down. It hurts a lot because it has reached a point where I am not welcome to ask questions about these huge dynamic shifts because he is not comfortable addressing them. He states that it “crosses his boundaries” and my need for honest and transparent communication about these big changes and problems gets twisted into “she just can’t respect my boundaries”. But my needs matter too. It’s not too much to want a conversation about why I’m being treated this way. And if I’m showing up for the relationship to try to work through it but being denied the conversation then there’s not much more I can do. I’ve been feeling so guilty about my needs, as if it’s unreasonable to expect honesty and communication in a relationship. I am not too much
I just came home from dinner with a friend who I actually told about how much your videos mean to me and how much comfort, confidence, food for thought and general good vibes they bring me and then, boom, new video. The best, so excited to watch
Giiiiiirl! Your wisdom! Thanx for assisting us to see the difference. Most of us are led by insecurity instead of intuition. Thinking that everyone is gonna hurt us so might as well hurt them first (just the truth). Therapy says it stems from not feeling in control as a child and therefore wanna control relationships (especially romantic ones). You end up ruining the beautiful experiences because of control issues. Maybe that's why I like being alone so much😭😭😭
You are out in public filming a video a microphone.. you are a BADDIE MADDIE!!! I love how open and honest this was and all your videos are. I wish we could be real life friends you’re so cool
Maddie, I've binged your videos since I found your channel and you have no idea how much your words impacted me. Like girl some videos were better than therapy sessions I swear lol It opened my mind to so many things, I had so many epiphanies about myself. I just wanted to thank you for sharing your thoughts with us, It sounds dramatic but you are truly changing people's life! All the love for you, you deserve someone who will treat you for the sweet soul you are ♡
Still working through a break up and fighting the cynicalness that’s trying to take over me. Literally everything, EVERYTHING you said made me feel not alone. Thank you Maddie. I love that you said “I’m envious of people who had their softness and sweetness reciprocated and appreciated.” I’m tired of people stomping on me too.
Maddie, I never comment on anyones video, but yours feel so personal that i just had to. From a pisces to another, you're just amazing. Sending you so much love all the way from Brazil 💜
My days as a (Masters) student are finally coming to a close aka I no longer have coverage to see my therapist and can I just say..........................this was very nice to hear and validated a lot of my feelings with dating and not having the proper closure i felt like i deserved in the past
Every point you made in this video I completely relate to. I like to think that it is intuition because if someone is apathetic and cold to you when you are giving your heart to them then they're probably taking you for granted. Ask yourself if you would ever do what that person is doing to you and if the answer is no, then something might be wrong.
Omg thank you so so so much Maddie for starting this conversation with myself!! ✨ I (a very single 27 year old) have struggled with this for years. I have never been in a relationship, just a history of dating pretty crap emotionally unavailable people. The anxiety I get from dating new now people is really just a combination of past triggers from old dates and people pleasing habits. And I feel like this was such a good reminder to keep my ground in what I want and need in a partner. Usually I find that a lot of people (at least myself and some of my friends) yeet their own needs out the window when meeting a new person. And you are SO RIGHT I shouldn’t need to feel anxious and triggered while dating someone, and I shouldn’t be fine with it. Thank you sweetie for sharing your thoughts. I hope I can bring back that hopeless romantic girl back in me. I really admire that you kept her and nurtured her. 💕✨🫶🌻
I love that no matter how much you go through in dating and in life, you ALWAYS maintain this internal strength, relentless optimism and fierce belief that things will work out. And because you believe so hard in that, I know your dreams will come true. Your content is helping SO many people who feel similarly. Dating is a hellscape and you are not alone. Keep up the great work, and never stop envisioning that sweetness that is love, because it does exist.
Thanks Maddie! It's comforting to hear that we all struggle with these thoughts. I had feelings of insecurity yesterday after having a great conversation with a guy. Because of past hurt I didn't want to let myself enjoy that moment knowing I might get hurt later, but dating should also be fun. So if I have a good conversation and enjoyed myself, I'm gonna count that as a win.
Omg this is exactly how I feel but then with (new) friendships, I am so scared to lose new friends and I freak out quickly when I notice a shift in energy, thank you for making this video!❤️
You're so wise beyond your years Maddie. I'm almost 40 and I love watching your videos because I always feel like I get some "holy crap, that's exactly it!" moment from your thoughts. You're the real deal, the original, simply the best. ✨
The exact situation you described in this video happened to me in March (and if you are also speaking from a recent experience, I am sorry!) and the conclusion I kind of came to (for now) is that my insecurities manifested into intuition. While in the end he did give an explanation for the ghosting (which was that he was not emotionally available enough for our relationship), I think it was really helpful for me to recognize the insecurities this dating situation (my first “proper” dating sitch) brought up in me and how those informed my actions
kind of crazy how conected we all are... this topic has been on my mind a lot lately and today on the ride back home i was thinking about it too! thank you so much for making this video maddie, hearing you put into words all of my worries, thoughts and feelings has really made me feel a lot more understood and, like, not crazy lmao i hope we all find that easy love soon
I totally agree that if you exist that means there's someone out there who will give the same that you will, but after searching for what I considered to be love (from books, songs, movies, even anecdotal stories), it was a surprise to fall in love with my partner who is on the spectrum. It's not at all what I expected, and he doesn't just "get" me, we have to work at it, but he never shies away from communication and prioritising. I adore him. This love just isn't the form I thought I was supposed to find, and I've had to make peace with that. It's deeper, but also I feel it every day - it's second nature now, he's an extension of my family and I always go back to that content hum of loving him. It's not fireworks and lust, because that stuff comes and goes in seasons, and we're here for a lifetime babyyy. Neurodivergency is everywhere, so I just ask that people remember that love comes in many different forms, intensities and seasons.
your videos never fail to come at the perfect time. I've been feeling this way about a guy I've been seeing for a few months. At the end of the day, its like you said, the person for me isn't going to constantly trigger those negative emotions
baby i wanna comment this in all of your videos: i am 10000000% sure that the love you seek is out here, and not just in one person, but in a million places, don't let cynicism get to you
I relate to you so much. I know I deserve this love that is out there. But I also take things personally. I struggle with giving up dating all the time. But I know I'm so worthy.
First of all, omg, this is exactly what I wonder all the time. So excited for this video. Also, I would love if you made a video on how to find yourself. You've mentioned before that part of being confident is knowing who you are, but what if you don't know who you are? I find myself copying other people's styles and vibes without being able to tell what I actually like and want, and this applies to lots of areas of my life. Finally, I've been binging all your videos after UA-cam recommended your hat girl video and you are my new favorite UA-camr. Honestly such a vibe and I know the best love and best life are all in your cards and am so excited to see how it plays out. Much ❤
I am about 13 mins into this video and it just got deep. I could feel you really meant this talk and it came from your soul. I appreciate your honorableness and I thank you so much cuss hearing you talk is like giving faith to other opinions in my head about self-love, about how people act, and more so about myself. Thank you and I wish you the best.
Love is literally the only reason to live. Not just romantic love - platonic, familial, self love... love for pets, plants, art, places... cynicism may seem edgy and interesting but it's my opinion that anyone saying "love like that isn't real" is missing the entire point.
I can't help but be cynical a lot of the time but love will always be the most important thing to me which is why it can be so hard to live bc it seems like others never care as much about it
@@Feminazi1dc I relate
My favorite quote from one of my fav shows is “in this terrifying world, all we have are the connections that we make”. I think its so beautiful to live and love intensely and share yourself with people who appreciate it and share themselves with you. Getting hurt and heartbroken is an awful but byproduct but I still don’t think its a reason to not pursue emotional connections. I’ll get hurt 100 times but if I wake up tomorrow i’m gonna love the hell out of my people lol.
@@Tiorg-g1u my brain: “i know this qoute but I literally never watch shows what show could it be?” Bojack horseman truely one of the best shows of this time.
literally! whenever ppl say stuff like that it’s just like ok rick & morty 💀
I was one of those cynical people that thought that love didn't exist. But here I am living in a cute apartment with my boyfriend and our cat. My boyfriend who brings me to his parents house on sundays, who texts me while I'm at work, who asks me to let him know when I get home safe, who buys videogames he thinks I'll like, spontaneously gifts me candy or chocolate or a soda. Our biggest fight is that he wants to leave the house an hour early for any event. Every night we spend together feels like a pajama party. Love does exist.
This is so beautiful
So cute!!! Happy for you!
this is so cute! omg this makes me so happy
so happy for you girlie xxxxxx
Omg the pyjama party metaphor ❤️ this is what we want, enjoy this for us bestie !
" The only reason I believe in love is because of the way I love " ✨
"as long as I exist I know that more of me exists" holy shit this is a great sentiment
this may sound a little out of place, but I find it so interesting that our lives are so focused on the things we are lacking. I've been in a loving relationship for 3 years, yet everything I can think about is money and how to find a job that makes me happy. And you have all the professional success and independence I aspire to have, but you still have struggles on the things I take for granted.
It gives me a sense of comfort to realize there's a tempo for everyone and everything, and the universe gives us our dreams at different times so we can enjoy them and aprreciate them separately.
Wow, I love the way you phrased this, is so real, we are so focused on the this we don’t have at the moment that we don’t appreciate the things we do have.
Was literally thinking/feeling the exact same things!! Ive been with my partner for 5 years and we are getting married in october- but all ive been consumed with recently is how lost and unfulfilled i feel with career/work life and i look at someone like maddie and feel jealous she has it all figured out 😅 This video and your comment give me so much perspective and peace ❤️
The universe doesn't give you anything. Some people get lucky and some don't.
How about lacking both of those things
You perfectly expressed how I’m feeling. I am so in awe of Maddie and how she’s stepped into her purpose in a beautiful way, and I would love to do the same. I’ve been married for three years to the love of my life, but my life is totally flip flopped from Maddie’s, and I would love what she has. It’s wild.
We're so used to men doing absolute minimum that we tend to wear blinders when the red flags start to show, so it ends up being a combination of intuition & insecurity. And it takes a LONG time to break that mindset. This video came at a time when i really needed it, thank you Maddie 💜
👏👏👏
Exactly
okay but men do the minimum when they don't WANT to do anymore than that. we don't just deserve a certain treatment just because we exist. having that kind of mindset is what results in all these messy feelings. just like men don't deserve anything from women for existing, i think we all need a little wake up call (men and women) that dating is inherently selfish and for your own interests and if someone doesn't give you want you want, your'e not going to be expressive and responsive. and remember that men will do that too. that just means it's time to move on. men are allowed to not treat you how you expect to be treated just because you think that's what you want.
"we accept the love we think we deserve", except deserve is years of misogynistic programing
Maddy, I just found out (on the very first day of my solo international vacation) that my fiancé cheated on me. I trusted his words over my own intuition. And believed him when he said I was insecure and that I needed to trust him. And this video, THIS video is exactly what I needed to hear. So much validation. I appreciate you so so so much. Please never stop speaking.
So sorry to hear that happened to you 💔 You already know this, but you deserve the world and so much more! Now that the truth has been revealed, the ball if in your court and you can do what's best for you!
Girl listen im sorry that happened but On the first day of ur solo international vacation? girl thats a slay have an eat pray love moment ..Sending love ❤️
the intro was a serve and this is such an important topic thank u miss maddie mama
Maddie, I wish I found your channel before I got into a good relationship, I would have felt so much less alone. I echoed so many of your thoughts. People always mistreated me, and I never thought I would find good or healthy love. I was always so envious of everyone in a relationship and constantly questioned why no one saw me as the sweet and romantic person I am at heart. Having felt all those things I just want to affirm your feelings of confidence through this and your belief in love despite people commenting otherwise. There are amazing, respectful, and wonderful people just like you out there just dying for you to cross their path. You are so fucking deserving of romantic gentleness and love and you WILL find it.
oof you made me cry hahaha thank you ❤️
This pink color is your color. Actually, all colors are Maddie's color. You basically own the rainbow. 💌
I'm 25, never been in a relationship, no one as ever said "I love you" to me, yet I still believe in love ♥️
I'm 22, aromantic, and the amount of people who've said they love me is frightening...let's switch places lol
I’ve been struggling with this question because I always think it’s my insecurity and as soon as I communicate that there’s a shift, they reassure me that they don’t feel it, and ALWAYS the next day, they decide our relationship is over. I want it so bad to be an insecurity that I would need to work on, but pattern shows that intuition is correct. I used to take it personally, but now I’m grateful my intuition braced me for heartbreak and they let me go instead of pretending to love me. So bitter sweet I guess
I'm no expert but maybe identifying the points where this has occurred, maybe with a trusted friend(s) for neutrality, and journal on it. Example - you communicate a boundary. Boundaries are good but boundaries are not enforcing behaviour on others to conform to our desires and life. So it might feel like an assertive, positive action to us, but be crossing their boundary.
Ive found discussing and even practicing communication can be really helpful. Maybe that's not your situation at all and I'm way off, but just objectively reading your comment, it sounds like that could be what's occuring (especially with new and unfamiliar people). I totally feel you cause that was me, so hopefully i can being some comfort or useful words 😊
@@sim771 I may be skipping over the “discussing communication” step. Communication is a non-negotiable, and necessary for all my relationships (romantic and platonic), but I think in romantic relationships I’ve been attempting to lead by example instead of having that discussion with myself (and partners) about how to communicate emotions effectively. At the same time, it can feel like maybe I’m doing something wrong where they don’t feel comfortable communicating with me, and that’s where the insecurity kicks in. You’ve for sure given me some food for thought!
@@art.thomas awesome! Glad i could provoke thought! Imagine communicating with someone who doesn't speak english or is learning. You would assume that they should speak english because you speak English, right? But what if.. je commence la conversation en français et tu dois me répondre dans ma langue. That was probably jarring if you don't speak french. That's communication, not everyone speaks the same language or uses the same words even if they do! So we can't assume everyone meets our own standard, even if we tell them - just like we can't force everyone to speak English. The key is knowing when your style and expectations are compatible enough with there's to pursue further
Just know that everything you are saying in this video is making girls like me feel more seen and less alone. Thanks for continuing to share. It really does mean a lot
Love is a decision we make every minute. I read something so accurate the other day It said something like the right person for you is not the one who will not make you face challenges, but the one who makes you feel safe enough to face them openly and evolve. I hope it makes sense. LOVE IS REAL!!!!!!!
Intuition is your brain extrapolating from past patterns to project what is likely to happen based on experience. Since we know that people tend to choose a specific love experience over and over again, usually based on the relationships they've seen as children, a lot of times your intuition is correct. Insecurity is when your brain tries too hard to protect you from past hurts in current situations. For me, the biggest difference between calling something intuition or insecurity is whether those patterns feel healthy to me or not. I may call it an intuition on how my husband may react to something when I am comfortable with our pattern of behavior, but I may call it an insecurity when my past experiences have caused unhealthy behaviors when we interact.
True love, mutual respect, and kindness exist. It is hard work to keep it, but I can say that it is so worth it.
Deep comment, super underrated so boosting.
I disgree on one thing -> a lot of people don't know what healthy means. Someone who was abused, manipulated or mistreated might have a subconscious programming in their intuition that the behaviour is familiar = predictable = safe, when that's the opposite of safety and healthy. So we have to go deeper and examine, often by a professional or objective persons where and why those feelings are there and what it would feel like if they weren't there. Does the absence of the unhealthy behaviour feel like a loss? If it does - its unhealthy and therefore not safe and the intuition needs reprogramming
@@sim771 Fair enough. I definitely understand that love mapping can definitely set you up for unhealthy patterns if that is what you were most exposed to as a child, but there is so much to that and although I have read a ton about it because everything about how we seek and choose and form bonds with other people fascinates me, I am not an expert. I would definitely recommend looking more into this topic if you find yourself in unhealthy patterns with who you form relationships with and you wonder why you keep putting yourself through this. There is so much to the topic, and the way it affects you can differ based on so many variables, I couldn't possibly fit it all into a UA-cam comment.
Thankyou so much for this explanation. I’ve been going through this with a guy I’ve been dating but at least I’m aware enough to know my insecurity has nothing to do with him because there is never any change of behaviour I will just get intrusive thoughts based on past experiences.
I watched this an hour before my date, honestly communicated my need for consistent communication to establish/ strengthen connection and it was well received. Old me would have completely thought I was asking for too much to want to be texted back but after almost two years of watching Maddie's videos, she's reaffirmed that I deserve to be treated in certain ways and not everyone is deserving of my "sweetness".
I'm 4 weeks out from a breakup & doing decent. I'm proud of myself for how far I've come in this past month, but this was exactly what I needed to hear right now. amd looking back at this most recent relationship through the lens of 'its not personal' & 'we weren't compatible' & 'rejection is protection' is SOOOO GD HELPFUL!!! Also communication once a week is not a significant other, it's a friend. Add sex, and it's a fwb. No you're right, it's not a normal way to engage in a relationship, I'm sorry. You don't back-burner your significant other. How is that significant then?? Ok off my soap box. 😅
I've been thinking about this kind of thing too, but more "why do I seem to struggle with men more than other women I know?" And I am starting to realise that a lot of women do just put up with more, they aren't as sensitive maybe, they have more of a fear of being alone or they think male behaviour is what it is and has to be accepted. Whereas I can't tolerate it, it hurts too much and I demand more from men. It's made me think that women like us that challenge men, expect more and stand our ground unfortunately act as training wheels for men in their 20s. I feel like all I'm doing is teaching men how to be in a relationship at my own expense but not enough to keep them, I usually lose interest in the relationship because I'm being hurt too much and so I end up serving as a cautionary tale for their next relationship. It sucks and I'm tired. But I still have hope!!!
no because lack of communication to someone is the worst fucken thing you could do to an overthinker, its genuinely so exhausting
as someone who has recently gotten into a healthy & loving relationship, i find my intuition has been working really hard to protect me from what happened in my last relationship. My anxiety has been at an all time high bc I feel my brain wanting to leave before “the other shoe drops”. It’s like i cannot process that someone could have the same pure and loving intentions that i do… it’s been super hard to differentiate these anxious thoughts and to chose what to listen to. it really hit me when you talked about how if there is a you, then there must be someone just like you… willing to love the way you do and that’s so so reassuring to me. Allowing myself to fully open up and feel comfortable in this new relationship has been hard, it scares the hell out of me but it’s also feels so good when i do. (therapy has been a huge huge help)
lmao when u said “there are some people who dont wanna talk to their partner for a week” i literally broke up w someone after two months bc when they were stressed they ghosted me for a week instead of communicating what was going on… which was also after they had repeatedly crossed my boundaries in other areas but that’s a different issue
I've never dated because I have a lot of anxiety around it, but this video really helped me a lot with my attachment issues and analyzing the paranoia I get when I feel like people are leaving me behind. I'm realizing that knowing and communicating my needs are top priority in any relationship. Also, seeing you talk about how people you were kind towards hurt you both inspired me and made me cry. I'm so happy you held on to your softness and I sincerely hope you find the love you deserve!!
Why do I feel like there’s a TFD x Maddie crossover in the future, no idea what the topic of conversation would be, but I’m manifesting it
your approach to the tender parts of yourself and resistance to romantic cynicism makes me fucking cry dude. Thank you never stop talking
I’m one of those people that really struggles with consistent communication. For me it doesn’t come from a place of not caring or valuing someone, it’s symptomatic of my adhd. Hearing you describe what it’s like to be on the other end of relationship with someone who isn’t a consistent communicator is really eye opening. I know that I can make people frustrated but I hadn’t thought of how it could make them feel insecure. I’m really determined to be better.
But don’t know how long that change is going to take. I left your video wondering if I should set aside dating/relationships for possibly years to avoid hurting others because I know, even as I work with a therapist, I will. Is not hurting people I care about worth abstaining from relationships?
To be honest, I don’t exactly know what I’m trying to get at here but your video has made me think a lot. Thank you for being so open about how your experiences and feelings.
Yup, same! Though I haven't dated for years because of this sort of thing. It is not personal AT ALL. Like I have only been able to be consistent with my immediate family in the last couple of years. I am still working on things when it comes to my extended family and when it comes to my friends. Plus with dating, I feel like you have come out the gate being a consistent communicator for people you barely know.
I WAS JUST. Thinking about this topic!! I always dont know if im trying to protect myself or if im making up reasonable justifications to not go our of my comfort zone. Lemme pull up my cup of tea real quick and enjoy this !!
Same girl
I love this video. I’ve Litterally written the same thing in my notes, but I wrote it as “Is it my intuition or is it paranoia”. It can be so difficult to identify between self sabotage or that person having bad intentions.
this is what i have been discussing nonstop in therapy - intuition vs. anxiety!!!!!
I love that you said that you can see the macro, that the universe is telling you this person isn’t meant for you - but you also recognize that it doesn’t necessarily minimize the hurt you feel. That’s really awesome awareness right there. 💚
Maddie, all your videos feel like I'm chatting to my best friend. I love it
I wish I had a friend like Maddie 🥺
A few weeks ago I literally wrote "is it my intuition or anxiety" at the top of a journal entry, so this was more than a perfect video to stumble across. I LOVE the comment about love ~ if I exist, then other people like me exist, so there's my proof ~. PLUS I'm moving to new york/brookly for school, so the setting is extra nice to watch.
Actually, there are so many comments in this that made me feel seen. The I-gave-u-sweetness-and-kindness-and-u-shat-all-over-me. I do also spiral at the fear of not being seen or understood in a relationship, cuz like isn't that the whole point? I feel seen and heard with my friends and family? The funny thing about my journal entry situation, and some situations since, is that my intuition is consistently on the money about something being off like you said. My partner will deny, deny, deny then later reveal that there was something they weren't communicating and I"m like HELLOO that's what I was tormenting myself about.
I really like all your takeaways, I may add, that it's helpful for me to remember while the feeling is present that it isn't permanent. I mean, I'd like to never feel that way again, but even when I do I can always count on feeling better again soon, one way or another.
What she said about preserving hope and optimism when it comes to love is so important. I wish someone had told me that sooner. I wish someone would have shown me that it actually is possible.
Once your disappointment reaches its maximum, there is no return. I've been trying to regain my belief in love for years, but i just can't. Guess it's too late for me. But please never stop believing, if you still can
I feel the exact same way when you say that someone out there is exactly like you, they feel, think and live the way you do. Also, about the kind part, when you offer kindness. I also think that people love different, you just need to find someone with the same type of love.
What’s kind for you might feel strange or inappropriate for the other
it's so shitty when you keep REPEATEDLY finding these same types of people (in relationships or even just close friendships) that will be in full honeymoon mode with you for a good amount of time, and then suddenly start ghosting you with absolutely no explanation. And every time, you get worried about it, think that you're being overly anxious about it and talk yourself out of being worried about it, and try to make the relationship work, until you're just completely estranged and not even talking anymore.
It's been worse for me recently since I've realized I have this trauma pattern about it, and I've voiced it to some of these people I was in such a close relationship with. And even then, they still ice me out. Fucking awful.
If someone who cares about you - that you (HOPEFULLY) care about in return - is bEGGING you to communicate and you're a complete stone wall about it, jesus christ, go do some self work on why you can't talk to them about what's up.
Completely agree about the ghosting thing. It's such a juvenile thing to do. It's happened to me more times than I can count and every single time it makes me feel like shit. Even when I have absolutely no expectations or I'm not even invested yet. Dating sucks so hard
I have such a similar thought process in that I know things logically (life gets busy, the universe is looking out for me, this person is incompatible with me, etc.) but I still get my feelings hurt and I get upset. It feels weird to be upset over things I can rationalize but it just shows me that feelings are feelings regardless and they’re always valid. And it’s nice to hear someone explain the exact same mental gymnastics I do lol
I'm the same way in my dating life. It hurts when you feel safe in a dating relationships and then it turns out of no where. But it's part of life, things usually don't work out for a reason. It's usually not personal but it does feel that way. 💖 trusting the universe is hard!
Maddie, I feel SO seen by your videos. As a 23-year-old single girlie in NYC who has dealt with a lot of shit in the dating world, your videos are super healing to watch. Everything you say resonates. Most of my friends are either in relationships or not actively seeking a partner like I am, and while they’re so supportive and kind, they don’t truly “get it” when I share my struggles. I often feel alone in my experiences, but your videos remind me that this is SO common and I’m not a dramatic anxious mess for feeling this way. Thank you for sharing your journey-you are doing such amazing things for so many people!! 💕
love does exist!!!! i have it and i found it and i never thought i would but i did!! when my boyfriend and I disagree, we never fight we always just talk it out and wake up most mornings so happy to see each other and its just so amazing we've been together for two and a half years, i hate cynicism i've been treated horribly in the past and it was really difficult at first and I had really such a similar struggle at the beginning as well because I didn't believe it could ever happen to me. and you are super right, I almost NEVER worry that something is wrong and he almost never makes my insecurities come out and i guess i'm still sensitive as hell and its ok
Yes I love that! "If I exist that means it does exist!"
Once again, soothing and uplifting even as you're working out your hurt. Love you maddie im so glad I found you
“If you’re a shit fucking communicator get off dating apps and go to therapy” lmao you are the best
Absolutely wild how it’s like you’re narrating my thoughts. THANK YOU for talking about this, I could not relate harder. I’m in grad school and I took a break from dating for this past spring semester - I just finished finals (FUCK. YES.) and I’m thinking about starting to date again, but it is not without it’s reservations. Sometimes dating feels like I’m willfully triggering myself 🤦🏻♀️ lol but at the same time, I still have maintained that soft, sweet, romantic side and I feel ready to trust my intuition and not minimize my wants and needs for my relationship. Your videos help so much with my own journey of self love and dating
I’d also argue intuition has no morality (where insecurity tends to)- it won’t shame or guilt or say the mean shit you say to yourself already! Listening to what you’re hearing and comparing it to how you talk to yourself when you’re feeling confident vs not so much, can show a lot I think
Yes. Literally yes. Especially when it comes to people becoming distant and communicating less I start fearing ghosting because that’s how it was in the past. And yes this video is truly speaking to me. I am so proud of you for not letting those people turn you cold, not letting the world turn you cold. I literally got a tattoo on my wrist to remind myself that nobody can take my bubbly lovey personality away from me
The lack of communication or a bit of a mess in the beginning of the connection, I think, is understandable and can trigger one's insecurity even with the right person. Because you two are different people, from different backgrounds, can have different communications styles even. It takes time to get used to the communication that fits you both, to get used to each other, read each other's moods or when it is a good time for some things and when not for others, it takes time for the connection to polish if you will and that can be uncomfortable.
I agree that the person you are with will not make you insecure, but in the beginning or until you really know each other, I think it's natural.
Love you, Maddie!
I think the sayings that really have helped me to stop overthinking is "Not every emotion needs a story to it", feelings are just fleeing so let them fly, dont overthink them. Not every emotion you feel has a whole back story to it, you can just rationalize it in your brain as "oh I'm thinking" n just let it do its thing, dont try to stop the emotion, just let it be n detach. Another is "rejection can be redirection" pretty self-explanatory, but ofc rejection hurts but I like to think of it as the universe is putting me on another path. Once again these are just things that help ME feel better, I hope someone resonates with those sayings n makes you relax a lil, bc you deserve it
I feel like I’m so far down the rabbit hole that even now that I’ve found someone who is everything I’ve ever wanted plus some, who tells me AND shows me he loves me, who tells me he wants me and only me, who is always there for me even through my ups and downs, I still have that ounce of doubt nagging in the back of my head that makes me think it’s too good to be true. And since I felt that same nagging in the back of my head with previous partners, a part of me starts to believe it’s intuition, even though I feel like a large part of it actually stems from my own insecurities and my super toxic belief that it’s impossible for me to find a loyal, caring partner who could somehow be into me and find me attractive. So it’s like, even though he gives me absolutely no reason to doubt his feelings for me, I still get paranoid and get a desire to flee before he ultimately breaks my heart :/
Another hopeless (hopeful) romantic here. Me and my bf split up a week ago because he just wasn’t emotionally mature or available enough and it was causing me to have full-blown panic attacks on a nearly daily basis. I love him to death and he’s been my best friend for years. It really really sucks. I know he loves me too so I convinced myself it was all my anxiety and all in my head. This video has very peculiar timing, but it’s what I needed to hear. Thank you
Everything you say resonates with how I’ve been feeling the past few months, but on a friendship level. The friendship ended months ago but I still spiral because my intuition told me weeks into it that no man something ain’t right and yet she assured me that I could trust her with my myself. I still resent that I believed another person over myself but I still believe in friendship and love. She was not the first but she most certainly was the last.
A TikTok that still stays with me to this day was talking about the beginning stages of dating someone. And of course someone can clarify an extended period of silence after the fact. But it goes “If you can go 24 hours without texting me, you can go the rest of your life without me” and I gotta say it’s been a pretty empowering observation metric of whether a person is gonna meet my needs or not.
On a related note, aaaaaanyone wanna start an anxious attachment style [support] group chat together?
This usually never has to do with you as a person but because people come with baggage or past relationships and feelings. Sometimes they decide to give an ex another shot or they have been seeing someone else that they decided to start seeing more exclusively. It’s hard when deeper feelings and connections are already in place before you have come into the picture. How they show signs of this is gradual ghosting and less effort. The way u should look at it is to not take it personally or be hard on yourself . Unfortunately ALOT of people who have just come out of long term relationships jump on dating apps to try to feel better or hopefully move on fast and this usually always happens.
Maddie I felt like you were talking about my life and I’m sorry you are dealing with this pain but being reassured that I am not the only one going through this exact thing helps a lot.
THE FACT THAT I'M CURRENTLY IN A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP AND HAVE BEEN STRUGGLING WITH THIS QUESTION "IS IT MY INTUITION OR MY FEARS?" FOR A COUPLE MONTHS AND YOUR VIDEO JUST GETS PUBLISHED OMGGGG NOBODY GETS IT WHEN I ASK THIS QUESTION OUT LOUDDD 😭😭😭😭🙏🙏🙏🙏
Hi Maddie, thanks for the great video as always. I think that the focus shouldn't be in trying to distinguish if it is your intuition or your insecurity, instead we should focus on the information that we have at the moment and take action based on that. In your example you mentioned inconsistent communication, so if you know that consistent communication is important and you are not being given that you must take action i.e talk to the person, observe the persons actions, leave etc.
In my opinion putting so much effort into differentiating between intuition and insecurity is exhausting and it doesn't change the discomfort that you feel. I hope this helps!
I’ve been going through this for the last couple weeks my boyfriend got weird and finally came to tell me he wasn’t into me anymore and it has been really hurting my self image and hope for love in the future.. your words always reaffirm my feelings and remind me who I am thank you ❤️
17:53 You are blowing my mind!!! THIS! YES!
this was so needed. just ended a relationship w my bf because he signed a lease with another woman when i asked him not to. i felt insecure, because she’s “just a friend”, but my intuition knew he disregarded my boundaries for a reason
it is so comforting and affirming to see so many people vocalizing their feelings about the exact same experiences that have made me feel so alone and anxious over the past few years. maddie, thank you so much.
I can’t believe you put this into words! I’ve been really struggling with identifying red flags vs my insecurities. Also, an explanation from across the isle: I’ve got adhd and communication that isn’t in person has never felt real to me. We are very much “out of sight out of mind” kinds of people. I find that messaging people outside of dates feels really stressful without making me feel closer to the person, especially in the first few weeks. I much prefer to limit my time with them to spaces where I can be fully present. I’ve tried dating people before that need consistent communication and it’s always led to insecurity for me. So now I look for people who match me, like you are doing!
I think these feelings of insecurity pop up in many different kinds of relationships. I try to remind myself that I am not responsible for how other people act, and you can't make people treat you with kindness or love. You can only control your own actions. And keep holding onto that softness, kindness, and sweetness.
every since i first heard you mention that quote of “the love i deserve exists bc i exist” i ALWAYS REFERENCE THAT when i’m feeling extra down in the dumps abt whatever relationship woe im feeling and it always makes me feel better and less out of my gourd lol
GIRL the part about Great love existing because you exist GAVE ME SO MUCH LIFE AND HOPE thank you
I will be watching you until the end of time, even if it means that you never find the right person, as long as you continue being you and being REAL and honest about what you DESERVE. It exists, it's not easy to find, and it takes two people in the right place. You're already in the right place, and you deserve someone just as genuine and aware of their own needs, faults, and expectations. Ugh ur the best ily.
can’t relate more. just discovered your channel and it’s amazinggg, I just want to watch all your videos like right now, all at once 🧚🏻
Ain't is something how we've all been so hurt and so programmed by toxic representations of love via media that to believe in love is seen as stupid? I used to think that way too but now I see love all around us, all the time and if we challenge ourselves to heal, pay attention to what we watching and listen to, go slow and open up a little we can be blown away by how magical it is.
maddie thank you so so much. i have this same problem i feel like endlessly with making friends. i literally just yesterday had a conversation with my therapist about maturity and communication because i’ve lost another friend i really loved to random ghosting. but i stood my ground this time and chose to fight my insecurity about the situation. i was literally just telling my therapist about you and your videos YESTERDAY. and then u drop this total banger that i needed right now, I LOVE U
HEALTHY ROMANTIC LOVE IS REAL AND NOBODY CAN CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE
“You’re not too needy. You need what you need”
Wow this really hit home for me. My relationship of nearly 2 years has experienced a huge dynamic shift that caused me extreme anxiety. And when I would gently bring this change up with my partner, I’d be met with defensiveness or just completely shut down. It hurts a lot because it has reached a point where I am not welcome to ask questions about these huge dynamic shifts because he is not comfortable addressing them. He states that it “crosses his boundaries” and my need for honest and transparent communication about these big changes and problems gets twisted into “she just can’t respect my boundaries”. But my needs matter too. It’s not too much to want a conversation about why I’m being treated this way. And if I’m showing up for the relationship to try to work through it but being denied the conversation then there’s not much more I can do. I’ve been feeling so guilty about my needs, as if it’s unreasonable to expect honesty and communication in a relationship.
I am not too much
I just came home from dinner with a friend who I actually told about how much your videos mean to me and how much comfort, confidence, food for thought and general good vibes they bring me and then, boom, new video. The best, so excited to watch
Giiiiiirl! Your wisdom! Thanx for assisting us to see the difference. Most of us are led by insecurity instead of intuition. Thinking that everyone is gonna hurt us so might as well hurt them first (just the truth). Therapy says it stems from not feeling in control as a child and therefore wanna control relationships (especially romantic ones). You end up ruining the beautiful experiences because of control issues. Maybe that's why I like being alone so much😭😭😭
PERFECT FOR WATCHING IT DURING MY LUNCH BREAK YESSSS.
You are out in public filming a video a microphone.. you are a BADDIE MADDIE!!! I love how open and honest this was and all your videos are. I wish we could be real life friends you’re so cool
Maddie, I've binged your videos since I found your channel and you have no idea how much your words impacted me. Like girl some videos were better than therapy sessions I swear lol It opened my mind to so many things, I had so many epiphanies about myself. I just wanted to thank you for sharing your thoughts with us, It sounds dramatic but you are truly changing people's life! All the love for you, you deserve someone who will treat you for the sweet soul you are ♡
Still working through a break up and fighting the cynicalness that’s trying to take over me. Literally everything, EVERYTHING you said made me feel not alone. Thank you Maddie. I love that you said “I’m envious of people who had their softness and sweetness reciprocated and appreciated.” I’m tired of people stomping on me too.
Maddie, I never comment on anyones video, but yours feel so personal that i just had to. From a pisces to another, you're just amazing. Sending you so much love all the way from Brazil 💜
My days as a (Masters) student are finally coming to a close aka I no longer have coverage to see my therapist and can I just say..........................this was very nice to hear and validated a lot of my feelings with dating and not having the proper closure i felt like i deserved in the past
Every point you made in this video I completely relate to. I like to think that it is intuition because if someone is apathetic and cold to you when you are giving your heart to them then they're probably taking you for granted. Ask yourself if you would ever do what that person is doing to you and if the answer is no, then something might be wrong.
Omg thank you so so so much Maddie for starting this conversation with myself!! ✨ I (a very single 27 year old) have struggled with this for years. I have never been in a relationship, just a history of dating pretty crap emotionally unavailable people. The anxiety I get from dating new now people is really just a combination of past triggers from old dates and people pleasing habits. And I feel like this was such a good reminder to keep my ground in what I want and need in a partner. Usually I find that a lot of people (at least myself and some of my friends) yeet their own needs out the window when meeting a new person. And you are SO RIGHT I shouldn’t need to feel anxious and triggered while dating someone, and I shouldn’t be fine with it. Thank you sweetie for sharing your thoughts. I hope I can bring back that hopeless romantic girl back in me. I really admire that you kept her and nurtured her. 💕✨🫶🌻
I love that no matter how much you go through in dating and in life, you ALWAYS maintain this internal strength, relentless optimism and fierce belief that things will work out. And because you believe so hard in that, I know your dreams will come true. Your content is helping SO many people who feel similarly. Dating is a hellscape and you are not alone. Keep up the great work, and never stop envisioning that sweetness that is love, because it does exist.
Thanks Maddie! It's comforting to hear that we all struggle with these thoughts. I had feelings of insecurity yesterday after having a great conversation with a guy. Because of past hurt I didn't want to let myself enjoy that moment knowing I might get hurt later, but dating should also be fun. So if I have a good conversation and enjoyed myself, I'm gonna count that as a win.
literally SHUT UP I was battling this debate in my own head for the past MONTHHHH UGH MADDIE ILY
Maddie your content is truly soo comforting and it helped me so much through the tough times. Love you! ❤❤❤
Omg this is exactly how I feel but then with (new) friendships, I am so scared to lose new friends and I freak out quickly when I notice a shift in energy, thank you for making this video!❤️
You're so wise beyond your years Maddie. I'm almost 40 and I love watching your videos because I always feel like I get some "holy crap, that's exactly it!" moment from your thoughts. You're the real deal, the original, simply the best. ✨
The exact situation you described in this video happened to me in March (and if you are also speaking from a recent experience, I am sorry!) and the conclusion I kind of came to (for now) is that my insecurities manifested into intuition. While in the end he did give an explanation for the ghosting (which was that he was not emotionally available enough for our relationship), I think it was really helpful for me to recognize the insecurities this dating situation (my first “proper” dating sitch) brought up in me and how those informed my actions
kind of crazy how conected we all are... this topic has been on my mind a lot lately and today on the ride back home i was thinking about it too! thank you so much for making this video maddie, hearing you put into words all of my worries, thoughts and feelings has really made me feel a lot more understood and, like, not crazy lmao
i hope we all find that easy love soon
I've never hear someone put into words how i feel about dating people this videos so nice to finally watch man
I totally agree that if you exist that means there's someone out there who will give the same that you will, but after searching for what I considered to be love (from books, songs, movies, even anecdotal stories), it was a surprise to fall in love with my partner who is on the spectrum. It's not at all what I expected, and he doesn't just "get" me, we have to work at it, but he never shies away from communication and prioritising. I adore him. This love just isn't the form I thought I was supposed to find, and I've had to make peace with that. It's deeper, but also I feel it every day - it's second nature now, he's an extension of my family and I always go back to that content hum of loving him. It's not fireworks and lust, because that stuff comes and goes in seasons, and we're here for a lifetime babyyy. Neurodivergency is everywhere, so I just ask that people remember that love comes in many different forms, intensities and seasons.
The way I paused at 4:44 an the cloud to the left of you looks like an angel wing
i ask myself this question quite often and am so happy to see it come to life
your videos never fail to come at the perfect time. I've been feeling this way about a guy I've been seeing for a few months. At the end of the day, its like you said, the person for me isn't going to constantly trigger those negative emotions
baby i wanna comment this in all of your videos: i am 10000000% sure that the love you seek is out here, and not just in one person, but in a million places, don't let
cynicism get to you
I relate to you so much. I know I deserve this love that is out there. But I also take things personally. I struggle with giving up dating all the time. But I know I'm so worthy.
First of all, omg, this is exactly what I wonder all the time. So excited for this video. Also, I would love if you made a video on how to find yourself. You've mentioned before that part of being confident is knowing who you are, but what if you don't know who you are? I find myself copying other people's styles and vibes without being able to tell what I actually like and want, and this applies to lots of areas of my life.
Finally, I've been binging all your videos after UA-cam recommended your hat girl video and you are my new favorite UA-camr. Honestly such a vibe and I know the best love and best life are all in your cards and am so excited to see how it plays out. Much ❤
This video is so important. So, so important. Especially in this day and age. Thank you for talking about this, people will listen to you.
god this ramble mid-video is one of the most relatable mind messes i’ve ever heard someone online talk through!! thank u for ur vulnerability :)
she's an icon, she's a legend and she is the moment
I appreciate you filming this so much. It really helped me
I am about 13 mins into this video and it just got deep. I could feel you really meant this talk and it came from your soul. I appreciate your honorableness and I thank you so much cuss hearing you talk is like giving faith to other opinions in my head about self-love, about how people act, and more so about myself. Thank you and I wish you the best.