Little story time- my friends were explaining sex to my other friend with me (an asexual) next to them, I randomly leave the group because their conversation made me feel nauseous, my friend (let's call her Z) came up to me and asked what was wrong and I explained, and without missing a beat Z goes "I think my spirit animal is elmo, let me explain why..." and this was her attempt at distracting me from the other conversation. Best thing the topic could have changed to in my opinion lmao
when people talk about sex or I see movies with sex in them I tend to get embarrassed or leave the room for a bit. I think I'm ace aro ace I dunno? I just get embarrassed/disgusted? at anything sex-related I would consider myself closeted because I'm not open about possibly being ace or aro ace tried talking to my dad about it and the conversation was eeehh okay I guess?
@@remix2432 Whatever people call themselves is their choice. We don't all call ourselves Asexual/Aromantic or Ace/Aro for others. It is a word that gives us a better understanding of who we are. And that there is a word for what we are feeling (which is different from the norm) gives us the feeling that it's a real thing and valid and not a made up problem in our mind that we can't fix. I don't call myself ace for others to understand. Most don't and I have to explain what I feel anyway. But I call myself ace to feel part of a group of people and community where as I normally wouldn't have anyone who feels and understands me in that way.
It makes me feel better that I see ace boys. A lot of people in my life keep telling me that all men are driven by sex and as a woman who is kinda repulsed by sex it always crushes me because it makes me feel like I'll never find a man that could love me without having sex.
The truth is that a lot of guys feel compelled to feel that way, and aren't necessarily super-sexual even if they're not ace! Of course, some are, but so are some girls, especially in teenagehood/young adulthood as everyone tries to figure out their own relationship to sex/navigate romantic relationships at the same time. So yeah, asexuality can be a point of contention in relationships, particularly coz of social expectations and general confusion of young people figuring themselves out, but a lot of people are more accepting and respectful of ace partners than those people have told you - hopefully even more become so as they mature.
Literally put it in your Tinder bio. As a fellow asexual, it was SO validating to see how much interest I still got from straight and bi men who were either ace themselves, or just didn’t care that much. This only works for straight women though 😂 Because the ratio is so in our favor on most dating sites.
As a fellow asexual, it makes me happy to see some representation. Also, to any asexuals out there, want some garlic bread? Edit: Did NOT expect this to blow up, but thanks! Also to all my people who requested garlic bread, here's some garlic bread for you!
As an asexual, I genuinely thought sexual attraction in fiction was wildly exaggerated. For the sake of fiction. Because, you know, it's fiction! It's not supposed to be realistic!!!!
@Aussie Dude From Perth That too. But mostly just the "they take one look and their eyes light up like they've seen the best chocolate cake that was ever conceived" thing. And also in books, when people noticed other people's attraction and tried to get closer or.. you know. A range of things.
6:09 i have been wondering for a while now if i was ace/demisexual, and this tiktok really helped me figure things out. i realized that i have been mixing up physical/aesthetic attraction with sexual attraction, like as a lesbian, i have fancied many girls in my life, but now i realized it's mainly for their personality and looks, and i barely had any sexual attraction to them until i really got to know them. i'm still wrapping my head around asexuality, but i'm glad to know that what i'm feeling is not "weird" and that i'm not the only one that feels like this.
I just realized after reading this that I have also only been aesthetically attracted to people throughout my life so far. I just realized it a while ago and considered that I may be ace or aro ace due to not having any relationships back in high school or college.
@@imxsallyh I consider myself maybe closeted. I tried talking to my dad about the possibility if ace, he doesn't support it because he thinks I'm trying to join the lgbtq group. When really I would just use the term ace to make it simpler to say "hey I don't want to do this certain thing". I'm not trying to group myself into lgbtq. But he still thinks of it this way and he wants me to make my first introduction being hi I'm a Christian not hi I'm ace. I'm fine with introducing myself as both. But he just makes it sound like I am doing something bad if I come out as ace instead of Christian . I'm not planning on making ace/aroace my personality it would just be a small descriptor. Not sure how to feel about this so I consider myself closeted I'm not a representation nut. Like wearing flags and ace clothes like how some people do that. Not saying that's bad thing to the people that do that though. I'm just not sure how to feel about my representation status with my parents right now 😕
See I’m trying to find myself right now and I think I might be ace but I’m still not sure because I haven’t completely figured out what ace is so this video I agree did help.
Oh yeah, I didn't realize something was off for a LONG time since I have a very strong aesthetic attraction. I'm also an art nerd so that didn't help. But yeah once I realized that others were having an actual physical reaction to someone they found "attractive" I was blown away and turned to the internet to try and figure things out and that's how I learned about asexually and that that's my thing
I discovered I was ace a few months ago, and although I'm now confident in myself and my sexuality, I still can't wrap my head around the concept of sexual attraction. Like do people ACTUALLY see strangers and want to have sex with them ? How can sexual attraction be more than just experiencing certain physical feelings when you see someone attractive ? (feelings I can only barely imagine myself, as I never experience any kind of physical attraction) And you're telling me more than 95% of people feel this way ? I'm so confused... part of me still wants to believe y'all are just exaggerating...
I've had the same I don't understand people wanting to have sex like that idk about all these categories but I definitely have an odd relationship with sexual topics
Honestly I don't understand the concept of wanting to do a stranger either. I'm ace and most of my knowledge/understanding about sex and love comes from movies and books. And I just always assumed that you have some sort of rapport or connection with someone because you find them intersting/intriguing etc and then the next step is sexual feelings because that person has become important to you. Basically, I thought demi-sexuality was the norm.
@@simransimran9339 I will never understand how someone will look at someone and be like hmmmmm. I'm over here thinking cool a person I hope they are nice. Allosexuals are so damn confusing!
I wish like hell that something like that had existed when I was a teenager. I haven't actually watched the show, but seeing the clip from it here had me bawling my eyes out. I'm so glad that culture is opening up to things like this now.
@@jackharton8233 Yeah i only know about this stuff because of the internet. Altough I've always been comfortable being aro, I still feel some pushback from my social sphere to become sexual. But I don't really want to.
4:22 OMG THIS IS WHAT I NEEDED TO HEAR. My ex and I were together for 5 years and she would always complain that I wasn't having enough sex with her. She would say "its not bad that you're ace, that's not the problem. MY needs aren't met." which lead to a lot of me forcing myself to have sex for her sake. In the last month of our relationship she brought up starting a poly so that "Her needs could be met" and I wasn't ok with it at first but agreed anyway because I didn't want to loose her. After that she basically started the poly and EXCLUDED ME ENTIRELY. Like we lived in the same apartment and she would ignore me for days while talking on discord with her other partners. I dumped her because she clearly didn't want me anymore. She cared more about this other couple who she met like a year ago over me when we've been dating for 5 years. Hearing this made me feel so much better. Like I've been having self doubts thinking that I was in the wrong for not staying with her. I can find someone who accepts me for me and I don't need to be in a poly or force myself to do stuff to make a relationship work.
same here, i'm having a very similar experience with my partner right now actually. i was ok to test out if i was comfortable or not with them having sex with someone else and it turns out it does make me feel uncomfortable, but they don't want to stop doing it bc of their huge sex drive, stating that they've been super patient during the last 4 years with me and that rn they just want to enjoy this new liberty, even tho i told them how sick it makes me feel... and yeah they also came out as poly recently and developed feelings for the person they're having sex with and also spends hours texting her. i always felt guilty to feel "jealous" like that and also for not satisfying their needs as often as they like, but hearing this tiktoker's words felt like a weight has been lifted off! i cried, bc i so so needed to hear this! i sincerely hope you're doing ok now and hope you're in a happier place right now!
You are so strong for getting out of such a toxic situation. Bless your heart, and I hope you find true happiness. (The same goes for anyone in a similar situation!)
I am demi and an artist and the last drawing I made was about depression and how it wraps around you as a false friend, so I drew a figure that was held by another, shadowy figure and showed it to my sister in law (also an artist). She said: "Oh this is a triumph. The raw sexual energy. Look at this big phallus." I can't even figure out where she saw it. Makes me wonder whether I need to put clothes on my human-like shapes, to keep the sexual peoples imagination at bay.
@@caylapelt Hey, thank you for your kind reply! I wasn't being too serious, I wouldn't really change anything about my art because it is the way I feel it and it's honest. I was just baffled that someone was able to see some sexual intention in my work that is entirely invisible to me. To me, there is no nakedness or sexual undertones at all, so it felt absurd in a funny way. I made something from the heart and my heart forgot about the sex-thing. It does make me happy though, that it sparks joy in her, even if it's happening in a way I didn't intend. And it's good to know that this is what some people will see and I am glad that I have words like 'demisexual' to communicate my differing point of view in life. In short: When words fail you, make art. And when art miscommunicates your intentions because you forgot that some people might get horny for pictures, use words. ;)
That's the thing with art, it's out of your control how people see it. Some people may over analyze it, under analyze it, twist it, make fun of it, praise it, see something spectacular in it you never would have considered... So I agree with the above commenter. How does it make you feel? Are you satisfied with that feeling? It can hurt to not have that exact feeling shared with others, but one of the most beautiful things your art could achieve is making someone feel anything at all.
From my perspective, everyone like that has an addiction and cant deal with the fact that we never did, it was never that strong or we beat the addiction and moved past it.
7:19 was basically my experience. I always thought it was only the overly horny creeps that actually got turned on by random people they just met. Until it started to seem _too_ common. *Way* too common...
So a few months ago when i didnt know i was ace, I was with some people and one of them told me she was ace. Me not knowing what it was asked some questions, after the third “i have that too” i started asking questions to the allos. Thats the day i found out i was ace as fuck.
Demi-sexual people can feel attraction to multiple people at the same time or sequentially. The thing they can't do is have sexual attraction to people they don't have an emotional bond with. Some demi-Sexual people are even polyamorous.
not sure if this is about the pie tiktok, but if it is i think a better version wouldve been the person staring at the pie and then 5 hours later they decide to eat it lol
I think that somehow makes sense. If you feel attraction after building an emotional bond then sex is just part of the relationship and not what the relationship is built on. And you can have a strong emotional bond with more than one person and if everyone is on the same page then poly relationship would just be logical. I know some allos may not get it, but I (ace not demi) think I get why what you said may happen
@@wtnv the way that I always think of to explain demisexual is that porn doesn't work for you. I'm sure there are other reasons someone wouldn't like porn but the most I can do is think "wow, that would be fun to do with my partners" or stop and fantasize about me and someone I'm close to doing whatever happened on screen. It's not perfect but idk how else to describe it.
I think I accidentally outed myself as asexual to my friends before even knowing that I was. I had just heard about people feeling sexually attracted to others, just by looking at them and it shifted my whole world view, so naturally I wanted to talk about this outlandish discovery. Which was greeted with silence... I think they were too shy to tell me that they too are like that and actually not so weird. Understandable given we were 17-ish. Also I wanted to thank whoever uploaded this video, because it helped me to finally be sure of my asexuality. I had been wondering for quite some time and questioned myself at every corner, so this really helped put my mind at ease and just be done with overthinking
The one tik tok about learning to unlearn that your self worth is defined by your body/s*x really got to me. I am an aroace and I have been through very rough experiences with relationships and the whole s*x topic. To be honest I thought I had dealt with it and was okay now, but when a friend and I got really close (platonically on my side for sure) I still felt the need to do something physical. It took me a while to finally get to the core of the issue and the actual reason for my behavior, which really set me off. In my previous experiences with relationships I had learned that I was only interesting to them if it got physical. So here I am now, trying to unlearn this destructive behavior, thinking I was probably the only person dealing with this. Turns out I'm not. If you experience something similar please let me tell you: Your worth is not defined by your body or the physical things you can give a person. If someone only wants you for your body and doesn't respect your boundaries they don't really care about you. You are more than a body and if others can't see that, that is their loss not yours. Be careful and stay safe ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🖤
Ya know, I'm a very sex positive feminist...and am also aro(maybe)/ace. And growing up in a sexually repressed country I've had a hard time defending women being sexually free without being slut shamed, while at the same time never having been in any sort of relationship in my entire life. And I have to admit, that this repressed society ended up in my favour because here no-one really pushes a girl to be sexual and everyone I knew that I was a feminist so I just said I didn't want to marry till I have a career and people just let me be.
Girrrrl! I can relate to you so much that I could cry. I might be demisexual and biromantic but I can clearly differentiate between my personal sex repulsion and my understanding of sex positivity for others. It's just me having a hard time explaining this difference to them.
Not all asexuals reject sex. Not feeling sexual attraction does not always mean not wanting sexual activity. For some asexuals, sex may be acceptable and they may enjoy it, for some it is just the pleasure of a partner (but why should it be wrong?), For some only certain sexual activities are acceptable, and for some, cuddling is not allowed. although others may require it. Asexuality is the spectrum and the combination of asexuality and sex repulsivity is misleading. But a relationship isn't just about sex, and maybe some of the less sex in their lives would benefit from getting their blood back to their brains. Otherwise, I can't explain the general beliefs (even among asexuals).
From AVEN: Asexual: Someone who does not experience _sexual attraction_ or an intrinsic desire to have sexual relationships _Sexual attraction:_ Desire to have sexual contact with someone else or to share our sexuality with them. (Note: sexual attraction does not need to be based on appearance, and can also develop gradually over time.) If someone has sex for other reasons - to please their partner, to have their own biological child/children, because society pressured them into thinking they needed to have it, to make money, then they don't really get anything out of it, but aren't repulsed enough by it to not engage in it and could live their whole lives without having it and be happy because it's not an internal drive for them, then they are asexual. If someone is getting some personal enjoyment from sex, and internally seek it out for their own benefit, they are not ace. With whomever the people are that one regularly engages in sex reflects their sexuality. If some folks just like to be givers or receivers in sexual activities, that is very allo behavior. The litmus test is: "In the ideal world, where everything is just as you want it to be, is sex a part of your life?" and if you answer "yes" then you're not ace. If you answer "no" then you are. We don't live in an ideal world, so for many aces who aren't sex-repulsed, it's not possible to never have sex and so they do.... but it's not an internal drive or something they seek out for their own pleasure.
@@zuzannaczech I'm not saying that one has to hate it but put up with it, but if you actively prefer sex with people to solo play to deal with those feelings, and if you would be miserable if you could never have sex again, that would not be asexual. You can think it feels fine and whatever, but you also don't need it in your life at all and wouldn't pine for it if you didn't have it if you're asexual. If you have an inherent drive to have sex with other people, you're not ace.
@@TheKarret If you are allosexual in situation where you don't find anyone sexually attractive (teoretical island without people or like same-sex prison, when you are heterosexual) your sex drive dissapears? Or when you are in club and you are horny but you don't find anyone attractive, can't you just hook up with stranger you are not attacted to? (I couldn't but like because of personality and many other things, but I know there are some people, not necesserly you, that can do that). And maybe sex with someone trusted makes person more satisfied than solo play? Or is more interesting? Also - does experimenting with same sex partner when you are hetero and finding it good-feeling counts as being queer? Or does it just mean you were horny enought and curious enought and trusting enought to feel better than if you did the same thing alone? I can't tell as a hetero person, because I am not one, but my straight friend told me, that once she kissed a girl, when playing drunk game. And she liked it. But like next day she looked at her, not attracted at all. That was like very quick questioning resulting in "still straight", but it doesn't mean she didn't enjoy the kiss. And also, like stated in video - asexuality is a spectrum, so it really depends on person. And also it is hard to isolate reasons for sex. Like sometimes I enjoy more pleasure of my partner and sounds they do than their touch. I love making them feel good. But also I like being touched really often. And also I like how easy it is sometimes to make them turned on, like it's fun for me to be like the one thinking almost clear and seeing them being so not-focused. And I like being close. And like I said I like their touch, but how can I isolate just one thing of that? I don't think so. Like all theese things make it feel good, substracting one would change the whole experience. (That is my preference. Like others can like adrenaline or sth from meeting with stangers, I am more satisfied when I know person, when I trust them and don't feel insecure around them). And again sex attraction is not the same as sex drive. And ace people choosing sex wiith person than solo play can really be just that they are more satisfied when someone else touches them, that doesn't need to be any deeper than that. Also they may not feel comfortable masturbathing (bc for example society or sth), or they can just get bored when alone. List can go on and on. So I wouldn't just say "if you lilke sex you are not ace", because it's far more complicated.
@@zuzannaczech No, an allo would feel miserable that they don't have anyone to have sex with, I would imagine - allos who can't get dates often pine over it because they don't have access to people willing to date them. Chances are, the allo in that situation would imagine themselves having sex as the best substitute, but being stuck without human contact/those whom they're attracted to [as straight dudes in prison will enter homosexual relationships because they need sex that badly, and when out, return to strictly straight behavior], an allo would make do with whatever is available... _but that's not their IDEAL situation._ If an allo is at a club and wants to have sex, but doesn't find anyone at the club attractive, whomever they decide to just do it with is where their attraction lies - a straight dude who has the option of sleeping with a woman will never "just do it" with another guy because he's not attracted to guys. If you find more satisfaction from sex with another person over solo play and deliberately seek that out as opposed to solo play, that is sexual desire. It would count as being not 100% straight - there's a Kinsey Scale that ranks between straight- and gay-ness and there are accountances for being heteroflexible or homoflexible. Again - if you NEED to sleep with someone else to be fully sexually satisfied, you're not ace. My sis is het [possibly demi, but idk], and she wishes she could like women romantically or sexually, but she just can't do it. Also - your friend that you mentioned highlights MY point perfectly - she thought it was fine, but she has no inherent drive to seek that behavior out again; if she never kissed another girl for the rest of her life, she'd be perfectly satisfied with life. She doesn't REGULARLY kiss etc girls and then turn around and claim she's straight and has no attraction to women. If you have an inherent drive to engage in sexual behavior with others, you are not ace. Asexuality is a spectrum, but people are being too loose with the definition and having allos in here making aces feel unwelcome and pushing ace people out of ace spaces. Has it ever dawned on you that ALLOSEXUALITY is a spectrum? And some of these folks seem to be better fitted into the allosexuality spectrum than the asexuality spectrum, since asexuality is about a lack of an inherent drive for sexual contact? Have you ever considered one might be aromantic but allosexual? There are other more sensible options than stretching the definition of asexuality so thin that it no longer actually means anything and damn near anyone can identify as ace if they want to. There are LIMITS on what asexuality can be, and sometimes, some folks just don't fit; they have a different experience - it can be a valid experience, but it's NOT an asexual experience to inherently desire sexual contact with people. That's the point people were trying to get across when talking about sexual attraction and sexual desire - and again, like my first messaged clearly demonstrated - AVEN's own terms don't align with the notion that asexual people prefer sexual contact with other people as part of their own inherent desires. Do you inherently desire sex with them, or would you be just as satisfied and happy in your relationship if you never had sex for the rest of your life? THAT is what determines if you are asexual or not. If you answer "yes" to the first part, and "no" to the 2nd part, you're not ace. If you answer "no" to the first part and "yes" to the 2nd part, you're ace. It literally is that simple. You can be ace and consent to having sex for your partner's benefit and find things about the activity that you can enjoy, but if you never had sex again, that wouldn't bother you; of your own volition, you would never CHOOSE to have sex as your own idea. THAT is the variation within the ace identity. You can hate sex, or you can see it as a tolerable compromise. But the second you start wanting it for your own personal pleasure and benefit? You're not ace. And that's okay. The main exceptions are demis and graces, but really, demis and graces are more like the bisexuals of allos and aces; they have a unique experience that's not quite allo, but also not quite ace. I never said "if you like sex you're not ace" I SAID " if you actively prefer sex with people to solo play to deal with those feelings, and if you would be miserable if you could never have sex again, that would not be asexual." There is a KEY difference there, and if you can't understand that difference, I question whether you understand asexuals at all. Maybe you shouldn't be speaking with any degree of authority; maybe you need to go back and learn more. And not from Tumblr or TikTok or Twitter - from AVEN. FYI - The difference is: the _preference_ for sex over solo play. If you have a preference to have sex, you're not ace. You can tolerate it, find things to enjoy about it... but if you have a preference to have sex rather than solo play; if you'd be miserable without sex with other people in your life... then you are not ace. And it's offensive and ace erasure to try to change that fact. If you would be 100% content without having sex in your life and you only do it to please your partner and can find things to enjoy about it, then I'm not talking about you, so getting defensive when I state the limits of asexuality, it makes me wonder if you would actually be miserable without sex, which would plant you firmly in the "not ace" category. Hell, even "missing" it would be more on the allosexual spectrum than the asexual one. Do you understand that for allos, sex isn't just about the physicality of it? It's also about all those things you described enjoying when you're having sex with your partner. Allos consider it a near religious experience of ultimate closeness and a bonding with their partner above anything else... that is an allo perspective. NOT an asexual experience at all - even for the ones who are willing to compromise and have sex. For asexuals, sex - for those willing to have it - is like [to be stereotypical] a guy going to watch a rom com with his girlfriend, or a girlfriend watching sports with her boyfriend - something they would never do on their own and don't really care about when they watch those things, but they do it for their partner and for the sake of the relationship. THAT is the ace perception of sex, even the sex-favorable ones. - the sex-unfavorable are disgusted by even the thought and aren't even willing to compromise. Asexuality is NOT infinite. There ARE limits on what it accurately describes. At best, you sound demi or grayasexual [again, the bisexuals of allos to aces], but not a totally ace person. I'm sorry people told you wrong and got you thinking inaccurate stuff about asexuals. I'm sorry the boundaries of asexuality are not more clearly defined to help people understand it better. But claiming your experience is an ace experience really is ace erasure. If the public gets your interpretation of asexuality in their head, and I tell a rando I'm ace, instead of assuming I'm not interested, they'll believe they still have a shot with me "because aces can love sex as much as allos," and that REALLY frustrates me, because the only reason I relate to the ace label is because my sexual preference is "nah, I'm good." I read so many stories on AVEN of people who felt broken for not being able to enjoy sex, even when they tried it, they felt nothing from it and didn't want to do it. If that perspective on sex bothers you or feels like it doesn't fit you, then you're not experiencing an ace experience. If you do anything more than tolerate it because it's not too horrible for you, but you aren't really interested in it, I'm sorry, that doesn't sound like an ace experience at all, then. That sounds like a low-libido allo or something. Why should asexuality have SUcH a WiDe SpEcTRuM but allosexuality has only one way to be experienced? Why not consider a slightly unusual allo experience, why does it have to be a practically-breaking-the-definition-of-asexuality experience? Think on that a bit perhaps.
"I thought it was a play about love. But apparently, its all about sex. and now the whole cast seems to be thinking about it every second of every day. I don't want to have sex. But, sometimes I think I should just do it so everyone will just shut up and stop making me feel like a freak" wow, thank you for showing me this content. holy hell, tears are flowing
Just throwing my hat in the ring to describe my own experience as a Demisexual individual. All through high school I was confused as FUCK because I would end up physically attracted to my close friends at the time, ALL DUDES. So for awhile I was flitting between straight, gay and bi, with no possible explanation. My ex bf and current bestie in the world explained the spectrum and I was SO relieved that I wasn't just like... Completely broken. You are all valid and beautiful people, no matter who you're (not) attracted to!
6:08 - 7:47 Holy shit this has me questioning everything Like I've seen pictures of fictional characters and wanted to do it, but never real people, until I started catching feelings for my now boyfriend.
I don’t get the concept of sexual attraction. When I look at someone I’m like oh that person is so cute and I want to hug and cuddle and go on dates with them, I don’t get how people look at them and are like yeah I wanna have sex with them. To each their own tho
Thank you!!! Thank you so much for the Ace rep! You don't know how hard it is to find representation anywhere at this point. Thank you thank you thank you you!🖤🤍💜
This video makes me happy because it shows me that I am not alone. I came out as asexual about a year and half ago and when I told my sister about it, she just said « oh you’ll find the RIGHT one ». Which pains me to hear because I feel like she doesn’t believe that I am asexual and that it’s just a silly little phase.. I tried to talk about it more to her to make understand, but she always says the same things to me « you just haven’t found the right one yet ». I love my sister more than anything, I just wish she could except me..
Honestly I don't understand the concept of wanting to do a stranger either. I'm ace and most of my knowledge/understanding about sex and love comes from movies and books. And I just always assumed that you have some sort of rapport or connection with someone because you find them intersting/intriguing etc and then the next step is sexual feelings because that person has become important to you. Basically, I thought demi-sexuality was the norm.
"I don't have a type" *Slowly looks through all of the cute IRL women I know and all the anime men* "Aesthetic attraction 😌✨" Aka: I don't feel romantic or seggsual attraction but I can appreciate when someone looks amazing :)
Yeah, it was really confusing for me to discover I have a "type" without wanting to sleep with anyone. Was less confused when I realized 'aesthetic attraction' is a thing. Kinda like window shopping...I don't have any intention of buying it...I just want to look at it and appreciate it for a second; before going on with my day.
I wish my dad had instead made these Bojack jokes like "a sexual what? dynamo? deviant" instead of being completely oblivious and being like "oooooh i know you could be a monk with other people whove also denounced their sexual desires" 🙈not that he judged me hes just one of those people who feel like sexuality is a cornerstone of being a human and that were all inherently animals ultimately looking to procreate so he didnt get it at all xd
Welcome to asexual identity info lithosexual-you can still feel sexual attraction and have sexual fantasies but you don't want to have sex and don't want people to find you sexually attractive. This is the term I identify with.
This video helped me finally figure out my sexuality. First I was Bi, then Pan, then only liked men, then back to Pan, then Panromantic who only liked men, then Greysexual men-liker, then Panromantic Greysexual, then, for a few weeks, I thought maybe AroAce, but now I know I'm Cupioromantic and Cupiosexual! Thank you so much!
My colleague was explaining hookup culture to me, like I knew what it was but seeing it from their perspective was pretty illuminating. However as they realised I didn't have much interest in participating they started saying the general bs 'you should just find a random person and try it'. When I tell you how queasy I got... Indescribable. I knew I was ace before I even knew it had a name but its only recently I've realised how truly repulsed I actually am. Like, I have the most filthiest mind out there but to put myself in the equation... Just no. Just shows that you can always learn something new about yourself.
lol today i made a joke about sexual attraction being weird and literally all of my allo friends just low key jumped on me “you can’t say that, what if we said ace is being weird, you can’t have it both ways” like okay then……
@@remix2432 the LGBTQ+ community basically centers around supporting and representing those who are not cis/straight. hints the name: lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, and more. asexuality is considered to be not normal. most people have sexual attraction to others. because it’s technically not cis/straight, it’s considered LGBTQ+. straight people have sexual/romantic attraction to the “opposite” gender, while asexual people may only have the romantic part of that. sorry for the long rant haha
@@remix2432 LGBTQ+ includes asexuality, because asexuality, even though it's essentially the "lack" of sexual attraction, is still on the spectrum of attraction. Asexuality is "little to no" sexual attraction, and it is just as valid as being part of the LGBTQ+ community. It needs to be understood that sexual attraction is not the only type of attraction. Romantic attraction is a factor too. (Unless one is aromantic, which is opposite of asexual and is the lack of romantic attraction.) Asexuality can also be used as an umbrella term for other similar types. Some people feel sexual attraction later on in a bonded relationship, others feel completely repulsed by sex but can still have a healthy relationship in other ways. Demisexual is an example of being under this category. Finally, you can also be queer and be asexual. There are asexual gay and lesbian individuals, bi, pan, and whatever else. However, this is dictated as romantic attraction. So for example, you could be asexual, but have a romantic attraction to the same-sex. Basically, whoever you would be inclined to have a relationship with. I hope this helped! Happy Pride!
5:13 This person addressing the issue really just reminded me. One time I was crying because I felt like no one loved me (romanticly) and that I was the final pick. The bottom of the barrel. Being asexual contributed to that because I felt like people wouldn’t love me because I didn’t want to have sex. After watching him address it, it makes me think. The chances of people cheating and breaking up with me are so much higher.
4:40 you have no idea how good it feels to hear this... i always thought the only solution was to have an open relationship if i wanted to have any relationship at all, even tho it makes me feel uncomfortable to know that my partner is intimate with someone else i'm questioning my whole life again
I've been wondering if I'm on the spectrum. I do experience physical and aesthetic attraction towards women. If there's the right mood or atmosphere (or something), which rarely happens in everyday life, I can experience a fleeting feeling I've assumed is arousal. Those things combined, I thought I experienced sexual attraction. Then, I saw somewhere that sexual attraction is when you look at someone and want to have sex with them, and I was like, "Wait, what, there are people who can look at someone and decide, oh, I wanna have sex with them? I've never done that, even in a relationship!"
Allos can be very strange, lmao. Like: “no one will find you attractive” (sexually) Ace person: “uhm, that’s exactly what I want???” When they try to insult ace people, like they would insult allos, but fail a lot😂 Like, dude, I don’t want to have sex; why are you trying to insult me by telling I’ll never have sex???
One of my friends knows that I’m ace. The first thing she said was “but you’re way too young to know that!” Just wanted to say that you can know your sexuality at any age!
1:09 Demisexual here! I'm definitely the combo, I can make the jokes, but no one else can (or not too many, which depends on factors) or I get veeeery uncomfy 😅😅
9:30 had me in tears. I'm currently working on overcoming that ( doesn't help that I was abused in that way as a teen) so this hit me. I was starting to think I was crazy or defective for feeling this way.
0:32 alsojust letting you know: aroace/aro people may want to be in a queer platonic relationship (QPR for short) which is basically a relationship with no romantic attraction. QPRs arent only for aros/aroaces
1:19 can confirm. I am totally dirty minded when I understand the innuendos, but I don't immediately pick up on and get innuendos, especially ones I haven't heard before, and thus can be totally oblivious when I don't get them.
So in 2020 there was a full moon on Halloween. I came out as ace to my extended family by joking if we wanted to summon the Sanderson Sisters I was ready and able. I didn’t plan it but it was pretty perfect lol
I think I may also be the strange combo. Also, I'm demisexual but I've been questioning a lot lately whether I'm really demisexual or if I'm actually just ace.
Even tho I hate using labels, I’m possibly an aro ace just because I rather friendship over relationship. I’ve tried two relationships as a tween/teen with both a girl and guy but I never fell in love with them and regretted being with them in the first place.
7:59 “well my friends did it, and they wound up getting closer” “Why would you find it uncomfortable? it’s a natural part of life.” Things My ex boyfriend said to me, trying to convince me to do said ✨things✨, probably about 2-3 months before I broke up with him. He can take full credit for the fact that I am somewhere on the Ace spectrum (Either Demi or just completely Ace)
can someone pls help me, I think I'm asexual but I'm not sure. I have seggsual attractions towards people, but when it is actually given to me I get turned off. idk if that makes sense, but if someone has advice pls tell
i would recommend watching a video or looking up some terms from the asexual spectrum. if you still aren’t sure, you could just say you’re on the asexual spectrum and not give yourself any particular term!
If you're young, it could just be that you're young and need time to be comfortable enough with the actual going through with having [safe] sex, but even so, never force yourself to do anything you aren't comfortable with. Just don't close the door on that possibility just yet. If it's persistent..... that is odd.... Do you have like a disconnect between the attraction and the person you're attracted to? Like - could you imagine YOURSELF being sexual with them, or would it just be like.... you could only imagine it with someone who's not you? [basically, like watching porn - people who aren't you engaging in sexual activity being appealing, but if it seems like it might involve you, you're suddenly not interested anymore] That's more Anegosexual. The idea of that fraysexual could be it, too.
As a cupiosexual im happy to see we are included in this❤ its hard to do something u want or others see as normal whwn u dont understand or see it the same way, like.. I love sex but i dont see bodies or things as sexually aesthetic whatsoever, so its more the feeling and action that happens instead of the body like others usually see it
This video actually was pretty helpful bc I think I might be ace or even aro, except everyone around me kinda just doubts it either because they’re my parents who think I’m just young or my friends who constantly hear me make dumb sex jokes like deez nuts or talk about boobs or something but honestly at this point I don’t even think I’m attracted to people like that. I think i might just be overcompensating or something to fit what I think I should act like because I might think, like, “woman pretty” or some brand of physical/aesthetic attraction, but I never look at someone and think of them in a sexual way? like, today, my friends and I were walking past some people in a parking lot who were holding huge plastic bags of bottles to recycle at the supermarket, and my friend and I looked at each other and kinda talked about them, except it turns out they were thinking about something entirely different than me. I noticed the bottles and was just thinking about how much you’d have to drink to get that many bottles, but apparently the person holding them had really nice legs?? I legit didn’t even pay attention to them at all. I know this example is probably context dependent, but it kinda struck a chord within me. The people within my friend group don’t have sex or don’t talk about it for the most part, so I just assumed that’s how most people feel. Then i hung out with another group of people and they just started talking very cavalierly about their sex lives and I was like. What honestly, it sort of freaked me out and then there’s this constant doubt that I’m actually asexual that comes from all the people around me and myself especially, since I’m not sex repulsed exactly?? So there’s the nuance and self doubt blah blah I mean, I’ll read smut and sometimes I’ll even seek it out, but it’s almost always in a 2D form. It feels disconnected from reality. I’ve actually never seen someone and been like awooga hot moms in my area Hahaghjksdaf maybe i just need to MeEt ThE RiGhT PeRsOn anyways if any ace person actually read to the end of this I’d be really grateful if you gave me your thoughts
Honestly, I totally understand your experience. The “everyone doubting you and your sexuality” part less so mostly because I consider sexuality and preference to be private information. It affects no one but you, so there’s no point in anyone knowing because it doesn’t matter what other people say about it anyways. But, I’ve always been a stubborn, hard headed person. Seeking approval from people is something I’ve never done because I don’t need someone’s opinions controlling my life. Anyway, back to your comment, you sound pretty ace to me. You know yourself pretty well as far as I can tell. I experience what you experience. I look at someone and all I notice is how beautiful they are. That’s it. I don’t want to get to know them and I certainly don’t want to share a bed with them (I bet they hog the blankets). They’re just a pretty looking human that’s passed by. That’s it. Otherwise, I ignore what the person looks like and focus on what they’re doing. I’ve read and watched sexual media and I just find them boring and repetitive. With that said, I’m not opposed to sex either. I just don’t see the point in seeking out a partner to satisfy my libido. I can do that myself without worrying about hygiene and trusting the partner to actually satisfy me. So I don’t mind the idea of sex with other person, but I fully realize that I’m not naturally sexually drawn to other people at all. Whatever decision I make about that is entirely logical. Getting a sexual partner for me is like seeing a checklist of things I have to do to get myself comfortable with them and them willing to reciprocate. It feels… very robotic. It kind of concerns me some days… Either way, it’s probably been over a year since you first posted this comment. Hopefully, those around you have become more understanding and accepting of you and your sexual preferences. Maybe my comment will help you in some way. Have a good one!
Over the last few months, I've realised quite a bit about my sexuality. I'm not sure yet what kind of -sexual I am since I don't feel sexual attraction ever (but physical attraction and attraction to character). Maybe I've been looking in the wrong spot for a while, so I've recently included women in my dating preferences and I've only had positive experiences from that. So I could possibly still be in that demi-sexual-ish area but on the lesbian side. May take a while to figure that out but I mean it's a start that I've come to realize that I'm most likely some kind of -sexual that doesn't feel sexual attraction. I'm still new to all of those categories, so maybe I already fit in one that I don't know about :D
Fun fact: Even if you're asexual, you're not dying as a virgin. Life already has fucked us up.
Repeatedly, 2020 alone was grounds for divorce.
I CAN'T LMAO
What are you talking about, it repeatedly does-
OH MY GOD THIS-
As an asexual guy, I don’t owe anyone my companionship, plus, I rather be homeless than ever be married or lose my virginity.
Little story time- my friends were explaining sex to my other friend with me (an asexual) next to them, I randomly leave the group because their conversation made me feel nauseous, my friend (let's call her Z) came up to me and asked what was wrong and I explained, and without missing a beat Z goes "I think my spirit animal is elmo, let me explain why..." and this was her attempt at distracting me from the other conversation. Best thing the topic could have changed to in my opinion lmao
Your friend is a true one, you're really lucky to have someone like that close to you!!
when people talk about sex or I see movies with sex in them I tend to get embarrassed or leave the room for a bit. I think I'm ace aro ace I dunno? I just get embarrassed/disgusted? at anything sex-related I would consider myself closeted because I'm not open about possibly being ace or aro ace tried talking to my dad about it and the conversation was eeehh okay I guess?
What was Z’s explanation???????
@@remix2432 no bitches?
@@remix2432 Whatever people call themselves is their choice. We don't all call ourselves Asexual/Aromantic or Ace/Aro for others. It is a word that gives us a better understanding of who we are. And that there is a word for what we are feeling (which is different from the norm) gives us the feeling that it's a real thing and valid and not a made up problem in our mind that we can't fix.
I don't call myself ace for others to understand. Most don't and I have to explain what I feel anyway. But I call myself ace to feel part of a group of people and community where as I normally wouldn't have anyone who feels and understands me in that way.
It makes me feel better that I see ace boys. A lot of people in my life keep telling me that all men are driven by sex and as a woman who is kinda repulsed by sex it always crushes me because it makes me feel like I'll never find a man that could love me without having sex.
The truth is that a lot of guys feel compelled to feel that way, and aren't necessarily super-sexual even if they're not ace! Of course, some are, but so are some girls, especially in teenagehood/young adulthood as everyone tries to figure out their own relationship to sex/navigate romantic relationships at the same time. So yeah, asexuality can be a point of contention in relationships, particularly coz of social expectations and general confusion of young people figuring themselves out, but a lot of people are more accepting and respectful of ace partners than those people have told you - hopefully even more become so as they mature.
Literally put it in your Tinder bio. As a fellow asexual, it was SO validating to see how much interest I still got from straight and bi men who were either ace themselves, or just didn’t care that much. This only works for straight women though 😂 Because the ratio is so in our favor on most dating sites.
The right man will respect your boundaries and love you no matter what. You'll find the right one someday
@@Roxie_ET aw that's very sweet of you, thank you. I hope you're right
We will all find someone perfect for us. Please believe in it~ And never say 'yes' to less!♡
As a fellow asexual, it makes me happy to see some representation. Also, to any asexuals out there, want some garlic bread?
Edit: Did NOT expect this to blow up, but thanks! Also to all my people who requested garlic bread, here's some garlic bread for you!
Yes please!
ill do you one better, garlic bread with ✨CHEESE✨
@@lavenderrbooks in the shape of a dragon ✨️
Yes, please!
Garlic bread sounds great rn
Me pleasee
As an asexual, I genuinely thought sexual attraction in fiction was wildly exaggerated. For the sake of fiction. Because, you know, it's fiction! It's not supposed to be realistic!!!!
@Aussie Dude From Perth That too. But mostly just the "they take one look and their eyes light up like they've seen the best chocolate cake that was ever conceived" thing.
And also in books, when people noticed other people's attraction and tried to get closer or.. you know. A range of things.
omg i didi for the longest time as well!
yes, for me was sexualatraction or romantic feelings a fictional thing for the story
To be fair, they do exaggerate it in fiction
6:09 i have been wondering for a while now if i was ace/demisexual, and this tiktok really helped me figure things out. i realized that i have been mixing up physical/aesthetic attraction with sexual attraction, like as a lesbian, i have fancied many girls in my life, but now i realized it's mainly for their personality and looks, and i barely had any sexual attraction to them until i really got to know them.
i'm still wrapping my head around asexuality, but i'm glad to know that what i'm feeling is not "weird" and that i'm not the only one that feels like this.
I just realized after reading this that I have also only been aesthetically attracted to people throughout my life so far. I just realized it a while ago and considered that I may be ace or aro ace due to not having any relationships back in high school or college.
@@faren8640 yeees it's so hard to differentiate especially if you can't feel the other one, how are we supposed to figure this out
@@imxsallyh I consider myself maybe closeted. I tried talking to my dad about the possibility if ace, he doesn't support it because he thinks I'm trying to join the lgbtq group. When really I would just use the term ace to make it simpler to say "hey I don't want to do this certain thing". I'm not trying to group myself into lgbtq. But he still thinks of it this way and he wants me to make my first introduction being hi I'm a Christian not hi I'm ace. I'm fine with introducing myself as both. But he just makes it sound like I am doing something bad if I come out as ace instead of Christian . I'm not planning on making ace/aroace my personality it would just be a small descriptor. Not sure how to feel about this so I consider myself closeted I'm not a representation nut. Like wearing flags and ace clothes like how some people do that.
Not saying that's bad thing to the people that do that though.
I'm just not sure how to feel about my representation status with my parents right now 😕
See I’m trying to find myself right now and I think I might be ace but I’m still not sure because I haven’t completely figured out what ace is so this video I agree did help.
Oh yeah, I didn't realize something was off for a LONG time since I have a very strong aesthetic attraction. I'm also an art nerd so that didn't help. But yeah once I realized that others were having an actual physical reaction to someone they found "attractive" I was blown away and turned to the internet to try and figure things out and that's how I learned about asexually and that that's my thing
OMG ASEXUAL GANG!!Also yesterday i made a coming out to my bestie and her friend and they accepted me for who I am!!
Congrats!!!
@@ellabella001 tysm 😊😊🏳️🌈🏳️🌈
Congrats!
YAY!
Congrats!!!
My friend figured it out be for I did 😅
3:53 “you don’t like it??? You are going to die a virgin!!!”
Yep. That’s the plan.
You aren't missing much
I discovered I was ace a few months ago, and although I'm now confident in myself and my sexuality, I still can't wrap my head around the concept of sexual attraction.
Like do people ACTUALLY see strangers and want to have sex with them ? How can sexual attraction be more than just experiencing certain physical feelings when you see someone attractive ? (feelings I can only barely imagine myself, as I never experience any kind of physical attraction)
And you're telling me more than 95% of people feel this way ? I'm so confused... part of me still wants to believe y'all are just exaggerating...
Dhsbshsks same
I've had the same I don't understand people wanting to have sex like that idk about all these categories but I definitely have an odd relationship with sexual topics
Bro I feel the same way. I ask my allosexual friends to explain it to me and I'm 10000% repulsed and don't understand them!
Honestly I don't understand the concept of wanting to do a stranger either.
I'm ace and most of my knowledge/understanding about sex and love comes from movies and books. And I just always assumed that you have some sort of rapport or connection with someone because you find them intersting/intriguing etc and then the next step is sexual feelings because that person has become important to you.
Basically, I thought demi-sexuality was the norm.
@@simransimran9339 I will never understand how someone will look at someone and be like hmmmmm. I'm over here thinking cool a person I hope they are nice. Allosexuals are so damn confusing!
"sex doesn't make us whole, so how could you ever be broken?"
I'm crying omg 😭
As an ace, every time I hear that bit from Sex Education, I swear I start crying
I wish like hell that something like that had existed when I was a teenager. I haven't actually watched the show, but seeing the clip from it here had me bawling my eyes out. I'm so glad that culture is opening up to things like this now.
@@jackharton8233 Yeah i only know about this stuff because of the internet. Altough I've always been comfortable being aro, I still feel some pushback from my social sphere to become sexual. But I don't really want to.
4:22 OMG THIS IS WHAT I NEEDED TO HEAR. My ex and I were together for 5 years and she would always complain that I wasn't having enough sex with her. She would say "its not bad that you're ace, that's not the problem. MY needs aren't met." which lead to a lot of me forcing myself to have sex for her sake. In the last month of our relationship she brought up starting a poly so that "Her needs could be met" and I wasn't ok with it at first but agreed anyway because I didn't want to loose her. After that she basically started the poly and EXCLUDED ME ENTIRELY. Like we lived in the same apartment and she would ignore me for days while talking on discord with her other partners. I dumped her because she clearly didn't want me anymore. She cared more about this other couple who she met like a year ago over me when we've been dating for 5 years.
Hearing this made me feel so much better. Like I've been having self doubts thinking that I was in the wrong for not staying with her. I can find someone who accepts me for me and I don't need to be in a poly or force myself to do stuff to make a relationship work.
same here, i'm having a very similar experience with my partner right now actually. i was ok to test out if i was comfortable or not with them having sex with someone else and it turns out it does make me feel uncomfortable, but they don't want to stop doing it bc of their huge sex drive, stating that they've been super patient during the last 4 years with me and that rn they just want to enjoy this new liberty, even tho i told them how sick it makes me feel... and yeah they also came out as poly recently and developed feelings for the person they're having sex with and also spends hours texting her. i always felt guilty to feel "jealous" like that and also for not satisfying their needs as often as they like, but hearing this tiktoker's words felt like a weight has been lifted off! i cried, bc i so so needed to hear this! i sincerely hope you're doing ok now and hope you're in a happier place right now!
You are so strong for getting out of such a toxic situation. Bless your heart, and I hope you find true happiness. (The same goes for anyone in a similar situation!)
if someone's gonna burst your bubble or invalidate your boundaries and doesn't care about your a-sexuality, then they can get out and leave
@@2speedie2 This hurts me. My condolences
I am demi and an artist and the last drawing I made was about depression and how it wraps around you as a false friend, so I drew a figure that was held by another, shadowy figure and showed it to my sister in law (also an artist). She said: "Oh this is a triumph. The raw sexual energy. Look at this big phallus." I can't even figure out where she saw it. Makes me wonder whether I need to put clothes on my human-like shapes, to keep the sexual peoples imagination at bay.
Hmmm, people will see what they want to see.
Don't cater to the viewer in that way.
@@caylapelt Hey, thank you for your kind reply! I wasn't being too serious, I wouldn't really change anything about my art because it is the way I feel it and it's honest.
I was just baffled that someone was able to see some sexual intention in my work that is entirely invisible to me. To me, there is no nakedness or sexual undertones at all, so it felt absurd in a funny way.
I made something from the heart and my heart forgot about the sex-thing.
It does make me happy though, that it sparks joy in her, even if it's happening in a way I didn't intend.
And it's good to know that this is what some people will see and I am glad that I have words like 'demisexual' to communicate my differing point of view in life.
In short: When words fail you, make art. And when art miscommunicates your intentions because you forgot that some people might get horny for pictures, use words. ;)
That's the thing with art, it's out of your control how people see it. Some people may over analyze it, under analyze it, twist it, make fun of it, praise it, see something spectacular in it you never would have considered...
So I agree with the above commenter. How does it make you feel? Are you satisfied with that feeling? It can hurt to not have that exact feeling shared with others, but one of the most beautiful things your art could achieve is making someone feel anything at all.
From my perspective, everyone like that has an addiction and cant deal with the fact that we never did, it was never that strong or we beat the addiction and moved past it.
Thanks for the ace representation!!! It really means a lot 🖤💜
No problem!
7:19
was basically my experience. I always thought it was only the overly horny creeps that actually got turned on by random people they just met. Until it started to seem _too_ common. *Way* too common...
Same here. I really don't get it ._.
So a few months ago when i didnt know i was ace, I was with some people and one of them told me she was ace. Me not knowing what it was asked some questions, after the third “i have that too” i started asking questions to the allos.
Thats the day i found out i was ace as fuck.
i think this goes into men being icky in general tho
Demi-sexual people can feel attraction to multiple people at the same time or sequentially. The thing they can't do is have sexual attraction to people they don't have an emotional bond with. Some demi-Sexual people are even polyamorous.
not sure if this is about the pie tiktok, but if it is i think a better version wouldve been the person staring at the pie and then 5 hours later they decide to eat it lol
I think that somehow makes sense. If you feel attraction after building an emotional bond then sex is just part of the relationship and not what the relationship is built on. And you can have a strong emotional bond with more than one person and if everyone is on the same page then poly relationship would just be logical.
I know some allos may not get it, but I (ace not demi) think I get why what you said may happen
@@wtnv the way that I always think of to explain demisexual is that porn doesn't work for you. I'm sure there are other reasons someone wouldn't like porn but the most I can do is think "wow, that would be fun to do with my partners" or stop and fantasize about me and someone I'm close to doing whatever happened on screen.
It's not perfect but idk how else to describe it.
I think I accidentally outed myself as asexual to my friends before even knowing that I was. I had just heard about people feeling sexually attracted to others, just by looking at them and it shifted my whole world view, so naturally I wanted to talk about this outlandish discovery. Which was greeted with silence... I think they were too shy to tell me that they too are like that and actually not so weird. Understandable given we were 17-ish.
Also I wanted to thank whoever uploaded this video, because it helped me to finally be sure of my asexuality. I had been wondering for quite some time and questioned myself at every corner, so this really helped put my mind at ease and just be done with overthinking
3:21 that scene literally made me tear up and squeal the first time I watched it, I still just wanna hug that lady cuz I so needed to hear it.
do you know the name of it?
@@Myla.A it’s called sex Ed I think.
@@mckayleem3098 Thx
The one tik tok about learning to unlearn that your self worth is defined by your body/s*x really got to me.
I am an aroace and I have been through very rough experiences with relationships and the whole s*x topic. To be honest I thought I had dealt with it and was okay now, but when a friend and I got really close (platonically on my side for sure) I still felt the need to do something physical. It took me a while to finally get to the core of the issue and the actual reason for my behavior, which really set me off. In my previous experiences with relationships I had learned that I was only interesting to them if it got physical. So here I am now, trying to unlearn this destructive behavior, thinking I was probably the only person dealing with this. Turns out I'm not.
If you experience something similar please let me tell you: Your worth is not defined by your body or the physical things you can give a person. If someone only wants you for your body and doesn't respect your boundaries they don't really care about you. You are more than a body and if others can't see that, that is their loss not yours.
Be careful and stay safe ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🖤
Ya know, I'm a very sex positive feminist...and am also aro(maybe)/ace.
And growing up in a sexually repressed country I've had a hard time defending women being sexually free without being slut shamed, while at the same time never having been in any sort of relationship in my entire life.
And I have to admit, that this repressed society ended up in my favour because here no-one really pushes a girl to be sexual and everyone I knew that I was a feminist so I just said I didn't want to marry till I have a career and people just let me be.
Girrrrl! I can relate to you so much that I could cry. I might be demisexual and biromantic but I can clearly differentiate between my personal sex repulsion and my understanding of sex positivity for others. It's just me having a hard time explaining this difference to them.
Not all asexuals reject sex. Not feeling sexual attraction does not always mean not wanting sexual activity. For some asexuals, sex may be acceptable and they may enjoy it, for some it is just the pleasure of a partner (but why should it be wrong?), For some only certain sexual activities are acceptable, and for some, cuddling is not allowed. although others may require it. Asexuality is the spectrum and the combination of asexuality and sex repulsivity is misleading.
But a relationship isn't just about sex, and maybe some of the less sex in their lives would benefit from getting their blood back to their brains. Otherwise, I can't explain the general beliefs (even among asexuals).
From AVEN:
Asexual: Someone who does not experience _sexual attraction_ or an intrinsic desire to have sexual relationships
_Sexual attraction:_ Desire to have sexual contact with someone else or to share our sexuality with them. (Note: sexual attraction does not need to be based on appearance, and can also develop gradually over time.)
If someone has sex for other reasons - to please their partner, to have their own biological child/children, because society pressured them into thinking they needed to have it, to make money, then they don't really get anything out of it, but aren't repulsed enough by it to not engage in it and could live their whole lives without having it and be happy because it's not an internal drive for them, then they are asexual.
If someone is getting some personal enjoyment from sex, and internally seek it out for their own benefit, they are not ace. With whomever the people are that one regularly engages in sex reflects their sexuality. If some folks just like to be givers or receivers in sexual activities, that is very allo behavior.
The litmus test is: "In the ideal world, where everything is just as you want it to be, is sex a part of your life?" and if you answer "yes" then you're not ace. If you answer "no" then you are. We don't live in an ideal world, so for many aces who aren't sex-repulsed, it's not possible to never have sex and so they do.... but it's not an internal drive or something they seek out for their own pleasure.
@@zuzannaczech I'm not saying that one has to hate it but put up with it, but if you actively prefer sex with people to solo play to deal with those feelings, and if you would be miserable if you could never have sex again, that would not be asexual. You can think it feels fine and whatever, but you also don't need it in your life at all and wouldn't pine for it if you didn't have it if you're asexual. If you have an inherent drive to have sex with other people, you're not ace.
@@TheKarret If you are allosexual in situation where you don't find anyone sexually attractive (teoretical island without people or like same-sex prison, when you are heterosexual) your sex drive dissapears? Or when you are in club and you are horny but you don't find anyone attractive, can't you just hook up with stranger you are not attacted to? (I couldn't but like because of personality and many other things, but I know there are some people, not necesserly you, that can do that). And maybe sex with someone trusted makes person more satisfied than solo play? Or is more interesting? Also - does experimenting with same sex partner when you are hetero and finding it good-feeling counts as being queer? Or does it just mean you were horny enought and curious enought and trusting enought to feel better than if you did the same thing alone? I can't tell as a hetero person, because I am not one, but my straight friend told me, that once she kissed a girl, when playing drunk game. And she liked it. But like next day she looked at her, not attracted at all. That was like very quick questioning resulting in "still straight", but it doesn't mean she didn't enjoy the kiss. And also, like stated in video - asexuality is a spectrum, so it really depends on person. And also it is hard to isolate reasons for sex. Like sometimes I enjoy more pleasure of my partner and sounds they do than their touch. I love making them feel good. But also I like being touched really often. And also I like how easy it is sometimes to make them turned on, like it's fun for me to be like the one thinking almost clear and seeing them being so not-focused. And I like being close. And like I said I like their touch, but how can I isolate just one thing of that? I don't think so. Like all theese things make it feel good, substracting one would change the whole experience. (That is my preference. Like others can like adrenaline or sth from meeting with stangers, I am more satisfied when I know person, when I trust them and don't feel insecure around them). And again sex attraction is not the same as sex drive. And ace people choosing sex wiith person than solo play can really be just that they are more satisfied when someone else touches them, that doesn't need to be any deeper than that. Also they may not feel comfortable masturbathing (bc for example society or sth), or they can just get bored when alone. List can go on and on. So I wouldn't just say "if you lilke sex you are not ace", because it's far more complicated.
@@zuzannaczech No, an allo would feel miserable that they don't have anyone to have sex with, I would imagine - allos who can't get dates often pine over it because they don't have access to people willing to date them. Chances are, the allo in that situation would imagine themselves having sex as the best substitute, but being stuck without human contact/those whom they're attracted to [as straight dudes in prison will enter homosexual relationships because they need sex that badly, and when out, return to strictly straight behavior], an allo would make do with whatever is available... _but that's not their IDEAL situation._ If an allo is at a club and wants to have sex, but doesn't find anyone at the club attractive, whomever they decide to just do it with is where their attraction lies - a straight dude who has the option of sleeping with a woman will never "just do it" with another guy because he's not attracted to guys. If you find more satisfaction from sex with another person over solo play and deliberately seek that out as opposed to solo play, that is sexual desire. It would count as being not 100% straight - there's a Kinsey Scale that ranks between straight- and gay-ness and there are accountances for being heteroflexible or homoflexible. Again - if you NEED to sleep with someone else to be fully sexually satisfied, you're not ace.
My sis is het [possibly demi, but idk], and she wishes she could like women romantically or sexually, but she just can't do it. Also - your friend that you mentioned highlights MY point perfectly - she thought it was fine, but she has no inherent drive to seek that behavior out again; if she never kissed another girl for the rest of her life, she'd be perfectly satisfied with life. She doesn't REGULARLY kiss etc girls and then turn around and claim she's straight and has no attraction to women. If you have an inherent drive to engage in sexual behavior with others, you are not ace.
Asexuality is a spectrum, but people are being too loose with the definition and having allos in here making aces feel unwelcome and pushing ace people out of ace spaces. Has it ever dawned on you that ALLOSEXUALITY is a spectrum? And some of these folks seem to be better fitted into the allosexuality spectrum than the asexuality spectrum, since asexuality is about a lack of an inherent drive for sexual contact? Have you ever considered one might be aromantic but allosexual? There are other more sensible options than stretching the definition of asexuality so thin that it no longer actually means anything and damn near anyone can identify as ace if they want to. There are LIMITS on what asexuality can be, and sometimes, some folks just don't fit; they have a different experience - it can be a valid experience, but it's NOT an asexual experience to inherently desire sexual contact with people. That's the point people were trying to get across when talking about sexual attraction and sexual desire - and again, like my first messaged clearly demonstrated - AVEN's own terms don't align with the notion that asexual people prefer sexual contact with other people as part of their own inherent desires.
Do you inherently desire sex with them, or would you be just as satisfied and happy in your relationship if you never had sex for the rest of your life? THAT is what determines if you are asexual or not. If you answer "yes" to the first part, and "no" to the 2nd part, you're not ace. If you answer "no" to the first part and "yes" to the 2nd part, you're ace. It literally is that simple. You can be ace and consent to having sex for your partner's benefit and find things about the activity that you can enjoy, but if you never had sex again, that wouldn't bother you; of your own volition, you would never CHOOSE to have sex as your own idea. THAT is the variation within the ace identity. You can hate sex, or you can see it as a tolerable compromise. But the second you start wanting it for your own personal pleasure and benefit? You're not ace. And that's okay. The main exceptions are demis and graces, but really, demis and graces are more like the bisexuals of allos and aces; they have a unique experience that's not quite allo, but also not quite ace.
I never said "if you like sex you're not ace" I SAID " if you actively prefer sex with people to solo play to deal with those feelings, and if you would be miserable if you could never have sex again, that would not be asexual." There is a KEY difference there, and if you can't understand that difference, I question whether you understand asexuals at all. Maybe you shouldn't be speaking with any degree of authority; maybe you need to go back and learn more. And not from Tumblr or TikTok or Twitter - from AVEN.
FYI - The difference is: the _preference_ for sex over solo play. If you have a preference to have sex, you're not ace. You can tolerate it, find things to enjoy about it... but if you have a preference to have sex rather than solo play; if you'd be miserable without sex with other people in your life... then you are not ace. And it's offensive and ace erasure to try to change that fact.
If you would be 100% content without having sex in your life and you only do it to please your partner and can find things to enjoy about it, then I'm not talking about you, so getting defensive when I state the limits of asexuality, it makes me wonder if you would actually be miserable without sex, which would plant you firmly in the "not ace" category. Hell, even "missing" it would be more on the allosexual spectrum than the asexual one. Do you understand that for allos, sex isn't just about the physicality of it? It's also about all those things you described enjoying when you're having sex with your partner. Allos consider it a near religious experience of ultimate closeness and a bonding with their partner above anything else... that is an allo perspective. NOT an asexual experience at all - even for the ones who are willing to compromise and have sex. For asexuals, sex - for those willing to have it - is like [to be stereotypical] a guy going to watch a rom com with his girlfriend, or a girlfriend watching sports with her boyfriend - something they would never do on their own and don't really care about when they watch those things, but they do it for their partner and for the sake of the relationship. THAT is the ace perception of sex, even the sex-favorable ones. - the sex-unfavorable are disgusted by even the thought and aren't even willing to compromise.
Asexuality is NOT infinite. There ARE limits on what it accurately describes. At best, you sound demi or grayasexual [again, the bisexuals of allos to aces], but not a totally ace person. I'm sorry people told you wrong and got you thinking inaccurate stuff about asexuals. I'm sorry the boundaries of asexuality are not more clearly defined to help people understand it better. But claiming your experience is an ace experience really is ace erasure. If the public gets your interpretation of asexuality in their head, and I tell a rando I'm ace, instead of assuming I'm not interested, they'll believe they still have a shot with me "because aces can love sex as much as allos," and that REALLY frustrates me, because the only reason I relate to the ace label is because my sexual preference is "nah, I'm good." I read so many stories on AVEN of people who felt broken for not being able to enjoy sex, even when they tried it, they felt nothing from it and didn't want to do it. If that perspective on sex bothers you or feels like it doesn't fit you, then you're not experiencing an ace experience. If you do anything more than tolerate it because it's not too horrible for you, but you aren't really interested in it, I'm sorry, that doesn't sound like an ace experience at all, then. That sounds like a low-libido allo or something. Why should asexuality have SUcH a WiDe SpEcTRuM but allosexuality has only one way to be experienced? Why not consider a slightly unusual allo experience, why does it have to be a practically-breaking-the-definition-of-asexuality experience? Think on that a bit perhaps.
@@TheKarret Pothisexual and apothisexual.
"I thought it was a play about love. But apparently, its all about sex. and now the whole cast seems to be thinking about it every second of every day. I don't want to have sex. But, sometimes I think I should just do it so everyone will just shut up and stop making me feel like a freak"
wow, thank you for showing me this content. holy hell, tears are flowing
Just throwing my hat in the ring to describe my own experience as a Demisexual individual.
All through high school I was confused as FUCK because I would end up physically attracted to my close friends at the time, ALL DUDES. So for awhile I was flitting between straight, gay and bi, with no possible explanation. My ex bf and current bestie in the world explained the spectrum and I was SO relieved that I wasn't just like... Completely broken.
You are all valid and beautiful people, no matter who you're (not) attracted to!
just the fact of being ace makes us unintentionally fuck with people's minds
I'm demi but some of these also hit me.. I wish people would care to understand us instead of trying to "solve" our sexuality.
6:08 - 7:47
Holy shit this has me questioning everything
Like I've seen pictures of fictional characters and wanted to do it, but never real people, until I started catching feelings for my now boyfriend.
I don’t get the concept of sexual attraction. When I look at someone I’m like oh that person is so cute and I want to hug and cuddle and go on dates with them, I don’t get how people look at them and are like yeah I wanna have sex with them. To each their own tho
Thank you Satan, those are my exactly thoughts. When I read "sexual attraction" I don't understand what that means.
yeah, how do you just look at someone and WANT to have sex with them?? that doesn't make sense, like HOW!?!?
@@ANXIETY_DEFENDERRR Ikr? I can get physical attraction like I can think people are attractive and I wanna date them but sex? No, I don’t get it
Being asexual and aromantic, some of these TikToks made me laugh so hard.
Thank you!!! Thank you so much for the Ace rep! You don't know how hard it is to find representation anywhere at this point. Thank you thank you thank you you!🖤🤍💜
Also, why in the pie one did they not say "I prefer cake" Like they had a PERFECT opportunity, and they completely ignored it.
Thank you for this. 🖤💜
No prob!
This video makes me happy because it shows me that I am not alone. I came out as asexual about a year and half ago and when I told my sister about it, she just said « oh you’ll find the RIGHT one ». Which pains me to hear because I feel like she doesn’t believe that I am asexual and that it’s just a silly little phase.. I tried to talk about it more to her to make understand, but she always says the same things to me « you just haven’t found the right one yet ». I love my sister more than anything, I just wish she could except me..
felt that, my sister says the same thing 🧍🏻♀️
Honestly I don't understand the concept of wanting to do a stranger either.
I'm ace and most of my knowledge/understanding about sex and love comes from movies and books. And I just always assumed that you have some sort of rapport or connection with someone because you find them intersting/intriguing etc and then the next step is sexual feelings because that person has become important to you.
Basically, I thought demi-sexuality was the norm.
Is it not?????
You are telling me people desire others who they don't know beside thinking they are attractive????????
@@lusan51 apparently. Idk.
"I don't have a type"
*Slowly looks through all of the cute IRL women I know and all the anime men*
"Aesthetic attraction 😌✨"
Aka: I don't feel romantic or seggsual attraction but I can appreciate when someone looks amazing :)
Yeah, it was really confusing for me to discover I have a "type" without wanting to sleep with anyone. Was less confused when I realized 'aesthetic attraction' is a thing.
Kinda like window shopping...I don't have any intention of buying it...I just want to look at it and appreciate it for a second; before going on with my day.
yay its my pride day!! 🖤🤍💜
I wish my dad had instead made these Bojack jokes like "a sexual what? dynamo? deviant" instead of being completely oblivious and being like "oooooh i know you could be a monk with other people whove also denounced their sexual desires" 🙈not that he judged me hes just one of those people who feel like sexuality is a cornerstone of being a human and that were all inherently animals ultimately looking to procreate so he didnt get it at all xd
Welcome to asexual identity info lithosexual-you can still feel sexual attraction and have sexual fantasies but you don't want to have sex and don't want people to find you sexually attractive. This is the term I identify with.
I finally found my people. An applause please. 😔👐👐
Love the "What is this feeling?" show :D
Lads, between the video compilation & the comments, this has helped so much! Thank you!!
This video helped me finally figure out my sexuality. First I was Bi, then Pan, then only liked men, then back to Pan, then Panromantic who only liked men, then Greysexual men-liker, then Panromantic Greysexual, then, for a few weeks, I thought maybe AroAce, but now I know I'm Cupioromantic and Cupiosexual! Thank you so much!
My colleague was explaining hookup culture to me, like I knew what it was but seeing it from their perspective was pretty illuminating. However as they realised I didn't have much interest in participating they started saying the general bs 'you should just find a random person and try it'. When I tell you how queasy I got... Indescribable.
I knew I was ace before I even knew it had a name but its only recently I've realised how truly repulsed I actually am. Like, I have the most filthiest mind out there but to put myself in the equation... Just no.
Just shows that you can always learn something new about yourself.
Happy pride month!
Happy pride to you too!
The pie version of apothisexual is so hilariously accurate.
lol today i made a joke about sexual attraction being weird and literally all of my allo friends just low key jumped on me “you can’t say that, what if we said ace is being weird, you can’t have it both ways” like okay then……
I'd own the idea that being ace is weird and then we could both look at each other's POV and being like "isn't that weird?"
Sexual attraction is weird though. We’re all weird, that’s basic humanity
@Tara Allen Agreed, that's fuckin bizarre.
Aces are often seen as weird. They think they have a monopoly on not understanding asexuals? Lol.
yayyy! i’m ace and this makes me very happy :D happy pride month!!
Happy pride to you too
What does the LGBT have to do with asexuality? They don't even have a sexual attraction.
@@remix2432 the LGBTQ+ community basically centers around supporting and representing those who are not cis/straight. hints the name: lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, and more.
asexuality is considered to be not normal. most people have sexual attraction to others. because it’s technically not cis/straight, it’s considered LGBTQ+. straight people have sexual/romantic attraction to the “opposite” gender, while asexual people may only have the romantic part of that.
sorry for the long rant haha
@@remix2432 LGBTQ+ includes asexuality, because asexuality, even though it's essentially the "lack" of sexual attraction, is still on the spectrum of attraction. Asexuality is "little to no" sexual attraction, and it is just as valid as being part of the LGBTQ+ community.
It needs to be understood that sexual attraction is not the only type of attraction. Romantic attraction is a factor too. (Unless one is aromantic, which is opposite of asexual and is the lack of romantic attraction.)
Asexuality can also be used as an umbrella term for other similar types. Some people feel sexual attraction later on in a bonded relationship, others feel completely repulsed by sex but can still have a healthy relationship in other ways. Demisexual is an example of being under this category.
Finally, you can also be queer and be asexual. There are asexual gay and lesbian individuals, bi, pan, and whatever else. However, this is dictated as romantic attraction. So for example, you could be asexual, but have a romantic attraction to the same-sex. Basically, whoever you would be inclined to have a relationship with.
I hope this helped! Happy Pride!
5:13
This person addressing the issue really just reminded me. One time I was crying because I felt like no one loved me (romanticly) and that I was the final pick. The bottom of the barrel. Being asexual contributed to that because I felt like people wouldn’t love me because I didn’t want to have sex. After watching him address it, it makes me think. The chances of people cheating and breaking up with me are so much higher.
1:09 Im a combo of both unfortunately 😅🥲
4:40 you have no idea how good it feels to hear this... i always thought the only solution was to have an open relationship if i wanted to have any relationship at all, even tho it makes me feel uncomfortable to know that my partner is intimate with someone else
i'm questioning my whole life again
I've been wondering if I'm on the spectrum. I do experience physical and aesthetic attraction towards women. If there's the right mood or atmosphere (or something), which rarely happens in everyday life, I can experience a fleeting feeling I've assumed is arousal. Those things combined, I thought I experienced sexual attraction. Then, I saw somewhere that sexual attraction is when you look at someone and want to have sex with them, and I was like, "Wait, what, there are people who can look at someone and decide, oh, I wanna have sex with them? I've never done that, even in a relationship!"
Same. I never experienced this sexual attraction.
5:46 I relate to this so much. It felt so good when I told someone finally
Allos can be very strange, lmao.
Like: “no one will find you attractive” (sexually)
Ace person: “uhm, that’s exactly what I want???”
When they try to insult ace people, like they would insult allos, but fail a lot😂
Like, dude, I don’t want to have sex; why are you trying to insult me by telling I’ll never have sex???
i rather be a friend with someone for the rest of my life instead of being in a relationship for the rest of my life
One of my friends knows that I’m ace. The first thing she said was “but you’re way too young to know that!” Just wanted to say that you can know your sexuality at any age!
You are awesome
being a straight (female) asexual. Sometimes i wish i was aromantic. Its so hard to find someone who just wants love. What a bad time to be alive😑
Speacially In India where marriage is everything it's impossible to find one.i think we need group or something where we can help each other.
Not wanting to have sex, still being aesthetically and/or romantically attracted to men (when so many are just 😬)...how do I uninstall?
This rlly helped me alot about learning about ace and it starting to connect to me now!
The first one is so relatable, when I first realised that I was like, you do that?
1:09 Demisexual here! I'm definitely the combo, I can make the jokes, but no one else can (or not too many, which depends on factors) or I get veeeery uncomfy 😅😅
9:30 had me in tears. I'm currently working on overcoming that ( doesn't help that I was abused in that way as a teen) so this hit me.
I was starting to think I was crazy or defective for feeling this way.
now, this just makes me question my sexuality
0:50 this tiktok made me realize i'm asexual and cupiosexual?? oh my god thank you, i feel like my mind has been cleared
2:26 what show is that??
It's called 'Sex Education'.
2:21 someone PLEASE tell me where these clips are from. I need to watch this NOW
6:19 "What is this feeling?" game is a really good test to find out if you're on the ace spectrum xD
0:32 alsojust letting you know: aroace/aro people may want to be in a queer platonic relationship (QPR for short) which is basically a relationship with no romantic attraction. QPRs arent only for aros/aroaces
Look either y’all asexuals have got to stop being so relatable or I may have to reevaluate my identity
Yayyyy finally a little representation:)
Hi! I'm not asexual myself, but I want to support all my LGBT friends and learn more about them! I love you all! ❤
This comment section makes my little demisexual heart so happy! 🖤🤍💜
My super allo friend is actually the most supportive about my asexuality 😂 He's great!
1:46 Making sex jokes while being a sex repulsed ace is so real to me lol
1:19 can confirm. I am totally dirty minded when I understand the innuendos, but I don't immediately pick up on and get innuendos, especially ones I haven't heard before, and thus can be totally oblivious when I don't get them.
8:44 no hate but i would probably explain it more like this:
Im more familiar with this pie then that other pie so im gonna have this pie
So in 2020 there was a full moon on Halloween. I came out as ace to my extended family by joking if we wanted to summon the Sanderson Sisters I was ready and able. I didn’t plan it but it was pretty perfect lol
I think I may also be the strange combo.
Also, I'm demisexual but I've been questioning a lot lately whether I'm really demisexual or if I'm actually just ace.
10:20 NO- Ok. but? YES- Like i'm other people in my dreams so I'll just have _it_ and its nice and then wake up and be like *aaAAAAEEEeeww*
I love your videos
Thank you, Ella Bella!
Yessss tiktoks I can finally relate to!!!
I am one of those dirty minded asexual lmao
Me making a dirty joke:
My friends: *I though u were ace*
Me: *yea but it’s still funny*
The pie example was fun
1:18 I'm absolutely the 3rd type
9:55: Maybe... two large fruits...? 😏
That second to last one pissed me off.
With the “combo”, I’m like you buried the lead.
Even tho I hate using labels, I’m possibly an aro ace just because I rather friendship over relationship. I’ve tried two relationships as a tween/teen with both a girl and guy but I never fell in love with them and regretted being with them in the first place.
7:59 “well my friends did it, and they wound up getting closer”
“Why would you find it uncomfortable? it’s a natural part of life.”
Things My ex boyfriend said to me, trying to convince me to do said ✨things✨, probably about 2-3 months before I broke up with him. He can take full credit for the fact that I am somewhere on the Ace spectrum (Either Demi or just completely Ace)
7:27 hey, wait a second.
I’ve seen clips covering this realisation but when you put it like that, maybe I’m having a realisation
As an asexual I love this 💪
Asexual game show was ✨gold✨
Happy pride month everyone! I’m proud to be trans masc non-binary and aro-ace!
can someone pls help me, I think I'm asexual but I'm not sure. I have seggsual attractions towards people, but when it is actually given to me I get turned off. idk if that makes sense, but if someone has advice pls tell
the pie clip kinda helped but I'm still not sure
Lithsexual maybe?
Aegosexual or fraysexual maybe. I'm not entirely sure, but you could watch a video on all identities on the ace spec!
i would recommend watching a video or looking up some terms from the asexual spectrum. if you still aren’t sure, you could just say you’re on the asexual spectrum and not give yourself any particular term!
If you're young, it could just be that you're young and need time to be comfortable enough with the actual going through with having [safe] sex, but even so, never force yourself to do anything you aren't comfortable with. Just don't close the door on that possibility just yet.
If it's persistent..... that is odd.... Do you have like a disconnect between the attraction and the person you're attracted to? Like - could you imagine YOURSELF being sexual with them, or would it just be like.... you could only imagine it with someone who's not you? [basically, like watching porn - people who aren't you engaging in sexual activity being appealing, but if it seems like it might involve you, you're suddenly not interested anymore] That's more Anegosexual.
The idea of that fraysexual could be it, too.
Where my aces at?
I am ace!
@@ellabella001 bro ace club!!!!
@@ellabella001 OMG,ACE GANG
@@leos.stars. yes yes!!
@@cherryblossommochii8009 yeaaah
6:08 Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't it just logical to not want to have sex with a complete stranger?
Me being asexual
My love language being physical touch
Me . . . . . . . Ummmmm I think there was a miss communication
Yep, it’s like: “I want touchy, but no touchy”
I’m the Dirty Minded Asexual from the second tic tok. So is one of my friends and the other ace friend is odd combo
As a cupiosexual im happy to see we are included in this❤ its hard to do something u want or others see as normal whwn u dont understand or see it the same way, like.. I love sex but i dont see bodies or things as sexually aesthetic whatsoever, so its more the feeling and action that happens instead of the body like others usually see it
As an asexual bi person, I guess I'm allowed to make this joke...
Does this mean virgins are cupiosexuals?
All the allosexual virgins, kinda yes
I came out as Asexual to my girlfriend today. She didn‘t answer me yet but I also told my bff and she’s accepting me ❤❤❤❤
This video actually was pretty helpful bc I think I might be ace or even aro, except everyone around me kinda just doubts it
either because they’re my parents who think I’m just young or my friends who constantly hear me make dumb sex jokes like deez nuts or talk about boobs or something
but honestly at this point I don’t even think I’m attracted to people like that. I think i might just be overcompensating or something to fit what I think I should act like because I might think, like, “woman pretty” or some brand of physical/aesthetic attraction, but I never look at someone and think of them in a sexual way?
like, today, my friends and I were walking past some people in a parking lot who were holding huge plastic bags of bottles to recycle at the supermarket, and my friend and I looked at each other and kinda talked about them, except it turns out they were thinking about something entirely different than me. I noticed the bottles and was just thinking about how much you’d have to drink to get that many bottles, but apparently the person holding them had really nice legs?? I legit didn’t even pay attention to them at all. I know this example is probably context dependent, but it kinda struck a chord within me.
The people within my friend group don’t have sex or don’t talk about it for the most part, so I just assumed that’s how most people feel. Then i hung out with another group of people and they just started talking very cavalierly about their sex lives and I was like. What
honestly, it sort of freaked me out
and then there’s this constant doubt that I’m actually asexual that comes from all the people around me and myself especially, since I’m not sex repulsed exactly?? So there’s the nuance and self doubt blah blah
I mean, I’ll read smut and sometimes I’ll even seek it out, but it’s almost always in a 2D form. It feels disconnected from reality. I’ve actually never seen someone and been like awooga hot moms in my area
Hahaghjksdaf maybe i just need to MeEt ThE RiGhT PeRsOn
anyways if any ace person actually read to the end of this I’d be really grateful if you gave me your thoughts
Honestly, I totally understand your experience. The “everyone doubting you and your sexuality” part less so mostly because I consider sexuality and preference to be private information. It affects no one but you, so there’s no point in anyone knowing because it doesn’t matter what other people say about it anyways. But, I’ve always been a stubborn, hard headed person. Seeking approval from people is something I’ve never done because I don’t need someone’s opinions controlling my life.
Anyway, back to your comment, you sound pretty ace to me. You know yourself pretty well as far as I can tell.
I experience what you experience. I look at someone and all I notice is how beautiful they are. That’s it. I don’t want to get to know them and I certainly don’t want to share a bed with them (I bet they hog the blankets). They’re just a pretty looking human that’s passed by. That’s it. Otherwise, I ignore what the person looks like and focus on what they’re doing.
I’ve read and watched sexual media and I just find them boring and repetitive. With that said, I’m not opposed to sex either. I just don’t see the point in seeking out a partner to satisfy my libido. I can do that myself without worrying about hygiene and trusting the partner to actually satisfy me.
So I don’t mind the idea of sex with other person, but I fully realize that I’m not naturally sexually drawn to other people at all. Whatever decision I make about that is entirely logical. Getting a sexual partner for me is like seeing a checklist of things I have to do to get myself comfortable with them and them willing to reciprocate. It feels… very robotic. It kind of concerns me some days…
Either way, it’s probably been over a year since you first posted this comment. Hopefully, those around you have become more understanding and accepting of you and your sexual preferences. Maybe my comment will help you in some way.
Have a good one!
Over the last few months, I've realised quite a bit about my sexuality. I'm not sure yet what kind of -sexual I am since I don't feel sexual attraction ever (but physical attraction and attraction to character). Maybe I've been looking in the wrong spot for a while, so I've recently included women in my dating preferences and I've only had positive experiences from that. So I could possibly still be in that demi-sexual-ish area but on the lesbian side. May take a while to figure that out but I mean it's a start that I've come to realize that I'm most likely some kind of -sexual that doesn't feel sexual attraction. I'm still new to all of those categories, so maybe I already fit in one that I don't know about :D