be ok with approving of yourself for not being sure if you are ok with yourself for disliking this video to help you feel comfortable without your approval
Just wanted to tell you this video came at just the right moment for me the other day. Thank you and great job! Your channel is intelligent and funny. Keep it up
Thank you for sharing. Learning to be OK with not being ok is the ultimate answer to overcoming automatisms, be as it may, approval addiction or any other pattern driving us away from our true , authentic self. Big approval and thumbs up JP! :)
Great video, JP! Thank you for your insight! If I may be so bold as to offer, these are the steps that I have taken that have helped me break AA - at least, for most of the time: 1) Take long walks alone, consciously noticing the continuous singularity in all things. "That butterfly, dandelion, oak tree, other human being, Dalmatian, etc right there shares some of the very same DNA code that reside in the nuclei of my autosomatic cells." And the correlate: "I - the ego 'I' - am but only a slight variant of the universal 'I' that surrounds me, that makes up the particles on Mars, that lives in the supernovas of Alpha Centuri, etc. I don't need the approval of 'others;' I am 'the others.'" Sounds cheesy maybe, but can be powerful in perception alteration. 2) Begin everyday with three pages of stream-of-conscious writing. No judgements, no editing - this is for your eyes only. (e.g. "Morning Pages" as explained in Julia Cameron's fantastic Artist's Way book). Nothing is too trivial; just write without stopping. I find this aids in the connection of the synapses, which allows for easier communication of internal messages to others. Then, go talk to the faces you see in real life at your school, local café, grocery store, bank, etc. 3) YMMV, but for extreme cases like mine, get off social media. Seriously and permanently. I'm not kidding. Delete your Facebook, erase your Instagram, cancel your Twitter, etc. - anything that encourages "like-hunting." This may prove difficult at first, not only because of the social need that has built a reliance upon the drug of superficial online relationships, but also because so many peripheral items like political events, news stories, social collaboration groups, fan circles, restaurant and store coupons now resort to things like Facebook for promotion. The trade-off is now I have to dig to stay on top of current events. I have to call, email, and text friends and family. I have to visit webpages of activism groups to which I belong or product lines whose new releases I want to keep an eye on. I can't save some Android game progresses (wahhh boo-hoo). And, I don't save that $2 in the Facebook exclusive coupon for Jimmy John's or whatever. Which I guess can sound like a lot of cost. But, here on the flip-side of my decision, what I have gained back in lost self-reliance, face-to-face relations, and available free time has more than paid for itself in Facebook promotional benefits. Sorry for my novella. Hope it can help somebody else out there. Best to you and your viewers /endbabbling
"Helped to break AA" steps are pretty cool. I needed that. Approval seeking in AA (or anywhere) can cost you your soul. "Guard your soul". Getting sober is one thing and helping others is another but the gut wrenching abandonment that comes with approval seeking is soul destruction. And your soul is you. Thanks
Approval/Disapproval comes from the "I am not enough," belief. Yes, it's imperative to become comfortable with the discomfort of such "growth zones," but this is arguably cart-before-the-horse. In my experience, it is not possible to dissolve the addiction through treating the symptoms. Symptoms are Hydra heads that just sprout more symptoms when treated. The weed must be pulled at the root and the root of approval addiction is self disapproval. You have to be the type of person that you would approve of; a person of integrity, a person who is honest a person who is giving, kind, loving and perpetually growing. The more we become, rather than pretend to be, such a person, the more the addiction dissolves, as a byproduct. Great video, as always! Thank you!
Your comment hit me just in the center. It makes total sense and I can completely relate to what you described. I had been trying to fight the symptoms with "patches" or even with ways to distract myself from all that and pretending to not care, but the issue was and has always been there. When I work on my self-growth, personal goals and such, the symptoms seem to improve. I will remember your words on bad days. Thank you.
+Vlad Vendetta You're absolutely right, but this applies only to one's inner self. There are a lot of people (myself included) who are unhappy with the way they look and therefore feel the need for approval on this aspect of their lives. Call them - and me - shallow but this is a real feeling that's really hard to keep in check.
+makourass As above, so below. As within, so without. Wayne Dyer said, "When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change..." this includes your reflection in a mirror. People win the lottery and a year later they are poor again, because despite their external situation changing for the better, they were still poor inside; the external world will always atone with your internal world... People lose weight to the point of anorexia and get addicted plastic surgery; They call it body dysmorphia, but what it really is, is an incongruity between what Is and an egoic distortion of what Is. All change starts from within. Your feelings are the seeds to what will gradually be generated in your external world. You are not shallow for feeling how you feel. Shaming yourself for how you feel/how you "should" feel is, a success barrier. One of many, I'm sure. Keep on your path and quiet the judgmental internal monologue through meditation, yoga, or whatever works for you... this is the key, first step. Get out of your own way.
That's my only remained addiction, JP. Question is: How do you remain in the addiction of not becoming addicted without being addicted to being addicted? And without getting a tongspell on the word addict?
I think approval is a big part of our social mechanism as human beings. We need the approval of others for survival. If I commit a crime, an extreme example, society won't approve or validate that behavior and lock me up. It's hardwired in our brains to seek approval and we simple CANNOT live without approval. We are social beings and nobody can do anything on their own. That's the theory lol In practice, I have always felt invalidated and unapproved of since very early childhood. I realized that last week watching a video of self-validation. Self-validation or self-approval is basically the will and the action of validating yourself. If my name is Bob, a thought or mindset or a mantra type affirmation of self-validation would be : "Bob, you did something good now" "Bob, I validate your existence, your emotions, your thoughts, etc" "Bob, I approve of you" "Bob, you did well of not calling her" "Bob, it's okay if you don't like that person or that situation" "Bob, I'm happy you're a good person" Anyways, those are just little example of the kind of self-validation thought exercises I do to nurture my self-approval skills because I really did not know how to do so and I especially always looked at others of validation of my thoughts, actions and behavior in social settings, school, work, etc. I was always a people pleaser and it made me really uncomfortable to my core to be criticized, thus unapproved of. It made me feel incredibly insecure and I took it at heart. I always have been veeeeeeeery self-concious which is a way of wanting to be approved of by not actually being sure if your very own presence is meeting other peoples expectations, or being liked or being accepted, etc. I would feel incredibly self-conscious just crossing the street... Imagine how I was when time came to ask a girl out or her number... More than that, in the last 2 years, I became addicted to the validation of my best friend whom I fell madly in love with. I gave her the power to validate me. I didn't know I did, it was an unconscious thing. I became very sensitive to her every word and behavior concerning me. I became jealous and envious and always wanted to be with her to get that fix of validation because with her... I felt completely myself and totally at peace. Being shy and ackward, with her, I could let go and goof off and be myself all the time 100%. Because I didn't know how to validate myself, I was looking for her opinions, thoughts and advice continually to make myself feel good... It made me a codependent. I learned self-love, self-belief, self-forgiveness and now, only last week did I learn self-validation, to finally be my own man and be comfortable with validation myself. Honestly, it's only the beginning, but I can already feel way better. I have more confidence and am way less insecure and people can really less affect me with their criticism because my internal well-being is no longer 100% dependent on what other people think of me. Sure, it's only the beginning, so I do slip into insecurity, but seriously, more and more, the judgement of other people just ricochets off my skin... Day by day, I'm building my bulletproof self-approving and self-validating shield to make my happiness and well-being completely be under my jurisdiction. Basically, I'm learning to say that nobody can make me feel insecure or unhappy without my consent. For someone that has always dealt with shyness, ackwardness, social anxiety in one way or another, this is a totally life changing skill. It makes me more present, focused, grounded, confident, happy, relaxed and basically enables me to surrender to what is and let go of the past. I get all that in learning and practicing to validate and approve my soul, my existence, my emotions, my thoughts, my life, my dreams, my goals, my actions, my desires, my wants and my needs. Little by little, I'm defeating this incredibly debilitating addiction... I'm not there yet, of course, two days ago I became incredibly insecure when this beautiful girl in a library looked at me expecting me to get up and talk to her. I didn't. I froze. I wanted to. I felt she was exactly the type of sweet and gentle girl I needed and for that reason, feeling the fear of failure or rejection, I didn't move. I was feeling pretty good about myself with the new found self approval, internally somewhat showing off and being cocky, so that was a kind of test by the universe I suppose, life is a bitch sometimes :p, telling me that I've still got a ways to go.... Long comment, I know, but I just wanted to share a bit of my story to say that self-validation, as self-love or self-forgiveness, can really be life-changing and it is a really important skill to teach others and develop. Thanks JP ! Love your videos
"I just snapped my fingers like I was gonna say something smart." You are sooo awesome JP! I can't get enough of your videos man, they're hilarious and wise- best combo ever! Your advice also integrates compassion into it instead of being too hard on oneself. I love it. (don't mistake that for approval or anything, get your own! heheh)
Hmm interesting. Some ponderings.... perhaps if youre empathic and sensative, youll always be looking outside of yourself for validation of what youve said or what youve done - because - you know it effects others, and youd feel bad if you hurt someone. The thing is ... you dont have to be responsible for other peoples reactions, thats thier stuff. What you could focus on instead is speaking your truth with respect (regardless of if this offends others, no one has the right NOT to be offended btw) so long as you do this sensitively and with tact. That way youll get into the habit of being "yourself", relaxing into yourself, and youll feel more confident. Its never a bad thing to seek advice or to talk to others to check whether what you said or did was a bit off... thats called self reflection, thats healthy. But to be addicted to doing that because your scared of other people reaction for some reason... hmm that could be self defeating. "Is what ive said or done correct for me? is what i said or done the truth as i see it? did i mean to hurt others?" --- if these internal questions arrise and you are ok with them. Then you dont need someone else to tell you that those things... This is your life experince after all. For example, something like: whats the meaning of life? the meaning of life is to give life your OWN meaning. All the best
+Jane Gerrard I agree with you Jane, well put. Some more ponderings.... Empathy "they feel it and cant escape from it". Im empathic and so can feel the other persons emotions all the time, as well as i feel the emotional output of groups. So i get twitchy in group discussions when everyone is firing off ideas and not listening to each other - or taking it in turns. Like everyones moved their energy system up to just being in their throat and head charkras. It doesnt feel grounded, in the body, brings up anxiety. I guess im also talking about in meetings when people are pushing their point of views as well. So ive had to learn that even though i feel my contribution would be valid, even though feeling tense because im not being heard, that sometimes its not needed in a pushy listen to me sort of way, and that i can let things go. I also feel sticky when ive visited a city, cities dont get space cleared and all those emotions are held within the rocks (crystals) of the buildings. So i just remember to stand outside my front door when i come back and clean my aura off before going inside. It helps. With any gift, there is maintence... so the gift of empathy is a great tool. It lets you monitor if a situation is safe, no one can ever lie to you, and it helps you in healing situations. But the maintenance part is important, so you dont feel sticky, tired, sexy or angry for no reason because your picked up on someone elses stuff. So clearing your aura on regular basis is needed, whatever that symbolises for you will be good enough. I like clearing myself off standing in front of my door when i come home, or salt baths, being with trees, feet on the grass. Also energetically clearing your rooms with incense and chimes, open the windows. This leads to other things like being sensitive to the environment, such as am i safe in this venue, knowing which animal is near without seeing them, the feeling of plants growing, and even sensing departed souls (I help dead folks move on)... so i guess i wanted to show you i know what you mean. “I need to know others are happy with who I am and what I do and that my actions contribute to everyone's wellbeing.” thats lovely put, I get what youre saying... what im suggesting above is a way to manage that Neediness within us (the addiction to approval), perhaps we dont need to seek approval all the time. So long as we are being truthful to ourselves, and not hurting anyone. When i said about “you dont have to be responsible for other peoples reactions, regardless of if it offends others, because its there stuff not yours.” i didnt mean to intentionally not give a shit. Or not be sensitive about a situation. What i meant is everyone has trigger points within them and its only through interaction do we find those things out. We dont know what we say and do will trigger another until its happened. (This leads to couples arguing). An innocent comment can be taken out of context... based apon what they believe, their hurts ect. Heck, what people think of you... is not what you think of yourself. Everyone has a different experience of you through their own filters. Thats why we are not Responsible for their reactions. Its to do with them. I was also on about getting into the habit of “talking your truth but with respect”, as an antidote to being all locked up, polite, shy about things. Sometimes people need someone in a group to call bullshit, or to speak ones own truth about a situation. Speaking your truth, is and can be a courageous act of love. I guess what im saying in a nutshell is practice being honest - to yourself and others. Honesty leads to trust, and trust leads to love. Welcome to discuss further, all the best, Kieron
Thanks, AwakenWithJP! I haven't listened to much of your serious stuff. I found this one good and helpful. I will be listening to some of the others too.
True words JP. I (unknowingly) spent a long time seeking the approval of my peers in my art practice. Upon realising this, I put myself in a vulnerable place to do work that I am happy with and enjoy doing. This led to great changes both in concepts, techniques and mediums. The truly ironic (and surprising) result was that ever since making this move, my work has never seen so much approval financially and validation..... (Pfft, not that I care! Right?!) So the lesson from now on is to keep the need for approval in check and remain in control of one's own destiny. This video gives me approval to do this :P
Everyone sees the world through her own lens ... which means that if someone disapproves of you ... in other words judges you ... it is because this is a place within herself where she is not accepting and chances are a place where you are also judgy-judgy of yourself and others. In this world the only real foe you will meet lies within. Learn to be appreciative of yourself and others as much as possible. (A. Hicks) The more you move to appreciation, the more you will receive it from others and when you don't get it, you will have the self-love to laugh it off. And even though you will be constantly receiving approval from others, you will lose the hunger for it. You will obtain self-satiation. To being uncomfortable ... suffering ... this is a sign that your thought patterns are off ... that you are experiencing fear and/or judging. I would be wary of becoming comfortable with suffering. Long term this will lead to depression or anger. Just the way it works. Note the suffering but don't hang out there. Personally I have lost the need for approval from the world at large ... at least today;) There is no controlling the way others think. But as recently discovered I still very much seek it from those I hold a little dearer. There is no perfection and we all remain rapidly improving works-in-progress. Cut yourself and others slack. Choose compassion and love over empathy and suffering. JP, you don't need my approval but I think you rock the man-bun. Always a pleasure when I see you have released a new video.
There is in fact an unexpected solution to your double-negative. I had no religious background, nor did I want anything to do with religious folks. I did not seek peoples' approval, but I sought only my own approval. I guess I was just unconsciously something of a selfish hedonist, which seemed only to make sense. I will not get all "preachy," but when I was 17yrs old, I began to hear about the Jesus Christ as proclaimed in the New Testament. He was Jewish, all His followers were Jewish, and the whole early church for the 1st century was Jewish (I saw J.P.'s video on Christmas, lol). I hated and mocked religion. But something about Jesus Christ resonated with me. More than that, if what He said was true, He was very much alive today. Long story short: I yielded to Him in unconditional surrender and trust. I was surprised to actually encounter the reality of His presence, not a religion as a set of rules. What's my point? Being forgiven of my sin, I now had free and open fellowship with God. I could not help but become enamored with spending time in His presence and in Scripture on a daily basis. The more time I spent with Him and the reality of His presence, the less the need for selfish hedonism. Unexpectedly, I lost any friends I had, because they thought (as I would have) that I had become some sort religious weirdo. At first it surprisingly hurt, for the first time to experience the pain of the rejection of other others--their loss of approval. But as I continued spending time in the presence of the LORD, their approval no longer hurt, and it no longer even mattered. His approval was the only thing that became the anchor of my soul. And it was (and still is) more real than anything I could have self-manufactured psychologically. That began in Oct. 1982, it is now 2016. The LORD is the same today and spending time in His presence on a daily basis is still the antidote to even needing the approval of others. He is the reality for which my heart our hearts are longing. As I would later read in Augustine's _Confessions_, "My heart is restless until it finds it rest in You O' LORD."
JP this is a bit of a different insight. I think every human being needs validation and encouragment. For some reason we are hard wired that way. It's in our being. However, when our parents don't validate and love us through every emotional experience aka unconditional love... it can be very had on us. From those of us coming out of "emotional neglect" types of situations.. it's important to realize connection.. as well as validation.. is very vital in our road to recovery. Denying that is insanity. But realistically yes we can't get it 24/7, so we either have to learn how to validate ourselves or be OK with not getting it all the time :D
I'm definitely stuck in the zone of always wanting approval of others, I hardly ever act myself just cause I want act how I think people want me to, and what will give me the most positive attention
Subscribed! And since I'm awesome, obviously you are awesome too! :D Self-approval should be bounded and unlimited. Bounded in that you set the 'rules' which you live by, and unlimited in that when you do everything according to your own rules you get to feel as self-satisfied as you possibly can. - Then the normal faults of being human; forgetfulness, lassitude, and fickleness can and will bring you safely back to earth. - Humans are such perverted creatures that we can learn our own faults and engineer them into an advantage, such as setting up your action-reward system based on addiction and enlightened self-interest. It is important to feel good about yourself. So important in fact that logic, reason, and social expectations take a back seat to this feeling. The reason for this is that without feeling good about yourself you won't maintain the energy to participate in and contribute to society. It's a double-whammy, and this is why the opposite, depression, is such a terrifying, debilitating disease. If you can not self-approve, and still need approval so that your basic ability to learn still functions, then seeking the approval of perhaps a teacher or a parent becomes one of your very few options. These people however are fallible human beings, and they might fail to teach you in the long-term to self-approve. Observe, that this is leading up to the conclusion that your self-approval does not need to be justified. You make your own rules. You do not need a reason to live. To be alive is enough. In this state of mind, find bliss in simply breathing! Let I AM I become I AM!
I am writing a book that my family might not approve of fully because it is about my dad's decline and death. Despite the fact that its intention is to be informative, inspiring and hopeful to the reader, my family may disapprove of me telling the story. So I am adjusting to being uncomfortable and not seeking their approval for the bigger picture of helping others.
Oh gosh, this is 100% my daily struggle. There are so many things I would have done differently had I not panicked and done the choices of my friends and family for their approval. Thank you for this JP!
I would recommend trying to use your approval getting talent to give good advice to people with problems that have habits that are not healthy... You will challenge yourself by knowing this is not what that person wants and if you are successful you will start to value your independent worth.
Praise Love, if you're being your awesome-est, then making them uncomfortable may be a good thing for them, I think because it makes them think and feel in the moment. let your loveliness shine! :) (I have this issue, too :) )
hello, i was thinking about this today, is there a difference between being positive about life & being positive about Your life? like is it possible to be positive about your life if it sucks? and if you think it sucks then how can you be positive about life in general? or is it all just one big thing and i shouldn't separate it? i know one person who's going thru something pretty bad but their always happy, very positive person but his life sucks right now. he does a lot of mediation so maybe that why he's happy all the time? great videos by the way i really enjoy them.
I agree with Humming Birder. It is definitely possible to be positive about your life or life in general, since you're part of the bigger play. I don't know the situation you are in but from my experience trying to see the bad things which happen to you and the negative feelings which go along with them as an essential part of life. What I mean is, once you realise that this is all part of being human and that's it is actually wonderful to feel sad, angry, frustrated or exhausted because it means you are also capable of feeling happy, in love, peaceful etc. Meditiation is a means of helping you get to that realization. I don't know if I am making sense or just sounding like an ultra spiritual idoit here. Sorry if I do.
Here’s a twist: I don’t seek approval to feel good about myself. I placate others or fly under the radar to avoid conflict, criticism or to maintain control. My childhood was awesome so I’m aware those behaviors developed as a function of survival but now in my healthy grown up life the behaviors walk a fine line between codependence and self imposed miserable repression of my humanity. It’s gotten better but I still prefer being alone or being in an active role of service to others. Receiving as my self still feels weird. For instance getting a haircut feels like a terrifying apology. Hi, sorry my hair grew and it’s messy. Please don’t make me bald. Work in progress.
I've needed to hear this message for a little while now but until I heard the right words in the right order, I wasn't getting it. Thanks for helping me get the message I've been needing. And I just made them work for me. "Getting comfortable with not feeling comfortable." And allowing myself to honor my own individuality. Approving of myself first. Thanks so much for this. I know this will help me be a better role model for my kids and that means the world to me, seeing them honor themselves.
So JP, what do you have against the philosophy of veganism? Why mock it in ultra-spiritual, and encourage your viewers to laugh about it, but not share constructive thoughts on it in regular videos? Genuinely interested to know.
Relax. Don't get caught up in hollow conceits such as doing something with your life. Such twaddle is out modded and a sure formula for disappointment. Today doesn't count. Trying to make something out of today only robs you of precious time that could be spent daydreaming or resting up.
Do unto others, as you would have others, do unto you. But, better not to think that others will do unto you, as would do unto them. Confucius I concur with your video, it is 100% USDA approved.
"Be ok, with not feeling ok." is such a wonderful thing, I can see where it can have usefulness in other aspects of life. For instance: those heavy times of anticipation for the future, and times when needing to bite the bullet to reach a goal.
I gave a thumbs up because it is a subconscious action to help me approve of myself. Approving you means approving myself! Accept all and love all then you will accept yourself and ultimately love thyself ❣️
It's about developing a relationship with yourself. Learn to make mistakes and forgive yourself. When you're the one you go to when unhappy or happy you don't need people's approval. You can still share with others what's happening to you but you're not dependent emotionally on their reaction or approval.
One thing that helps me when I'm suffering from fear of not being approved is to remember that I'm really small in the other person's point of view. If I'm such a disturbance to him/her I must be only a small one, because I believe that everybody is so drowned in his/her emotions and thoughts as I am in mine.
Approval addiction (for me) has its root in abandonment. You can never be abandoned. You are worthy. Honor your inner light. You are priceless and don't have to prove your being. You can never be abandoned if you don't abandon yourself. Rise up into your highest power. Take charge. I am responsible for treating myself good - and therefore setting the example of how other people shall treat me. And not the other way around.
I left a friendship that I was so desperate to have, seeking her approval and putting my own feelings on hold, because I did not want to feel uncomfortable, make waves, and go against her. It did not work and the friendship was at a not very authentic level.
- How do I get over approval addiction? - You should ask everyone what they think about it. Share your story on facebook and youtube to see how many people like that you want to get over your addiction.
Learn, and really understand that every individual is different, values different things, has different experiences, and therefore is completely unqualified to judge you on any level. This takes learning to look at things from several angles (as many angles as you can), from several perspectives. As soon as you do that, you realize, as I said, nobody, other than yourself, is qualified to judge you about anything, and you are fine just as you are. Of course, if you're the only person qualified to judge yourself, be prepared for some pretty harsh judgement... then you have to learn to forgive yourself, and that's a whole different topic.
Christian Gentry In re-reading, I have to agree with you about the commas. I was... uh, a tad heavy handed with them (not that I *need* your approval ;) ). *Very* happy my message reached someone and/or could help someone.
JP I loved this especially as women especially we seek approval to the extent of even changing our bodies with liposuction, implants, botox, fillers, face lifts and so on. It is really like a chronic disease to look nice and be nice. Thank you for this.
Heres a question iv been thinking about for a long time now, with no answer yet. And im just projecting, but JP, if you couldn’t cure your own addiction, are you really qualified to give advice? And yeah im projecting, i give advice too and i help people and get them through progress but my own life is a mess. Is it wrong for me to give advice?
I think its okay, i feel like you are able to relate and share what has helped you in your journey. and also if you pay attention to what you say, then you may have a break through for yourself as well. you both may be able to learn together.
My ex was an approval addict to the extreme. He wanted so badly to be accepted by everyone and be liked he changed his personality constantly to fit whoever he was around. It really mad me sad for him. He tried so hard to get my acceptance and approval and i gave it so freely that he didnt need me in his life. He was also a positivity addict. He couldnt accept any emotions that are considered negative. This is something he isnt 100% aware of. I wish I could have helped him.
My husband was that way. He would stay after meeting someone out in public and keep talking for HOURS, changing the topic to keep them snagged and engaged. Even if we were out as a family, young children hungry and tired and needing fresh diapers, this would go on for HOURS. It was absolutely exhausting, he never got over it, died 3 years ago, his brain was discovered in autopsy to have several abnormalities, so it may be possible he couldn't control it. I'm glad you're free!
Thank you for this video. I think I am in your target market. Please love me? Sorry for asking. Wait no, I'm not sorry. Wait sorry, I'm sorry for saying that.. Ugh! I need to stop it with saying sorry :( Ugh but I should just let myself be sorry when I'm sorry, right? Or should I constantly shame myself for wanting to be loved? Gosh darn it life is tough. Sorry for giving you approval earlier :/
I really love the way you talk about things. Makes me feel like I am OK with all my stuff by showing your own vulnerability. I can specially relate to approval addiction. Loved the video!
What I find really helps, because I would seek approval chronically, is to say "I approve of myself" repeatedly until the need to get approval from the other person goes away, which usually isn't long!
Hey JP it is NOT ok with me that you are not ok with not feeling ok, ok? Every part of this video that you think is ok, is not ok with me, and every part not ok, ok, ok?
I love you being serious about our struggles with too much of everything what hinders us in spiritual and self developing progress. And I truly love your "hm", which opens room to reflect your input.
Hi JP , I like the fact that you are giving several possible interpretations , cause we all are wired differently, .... a lot depends on our state of mind, I think.
I found this channel after seeing a funny video/comedy focused video a friend sent me. But many of these are pretty profound. I have gained some valuable tools here. Thank you.
thank you for this video. I saw this on your if meat eaters acted like vegetarians. glad I watched this. I had something happen today and I'm glad I heard your words.
I disliked this video to help you feel comfortable without my approval... Is that okay?
+John Thomson hahahahha
+John Thomson No, because disapproval is the same as approval ;)
be ok with approving of yourself for not being sure if you are ok with yourself for disliking this video to help you feel comfortable without your approval
I recomend to not seek his approval, just like or dislike the video according to what you feel. x3
I disliked this comment...don't want you to be left out of the fun John!!
Dude, that was so satisfying that I can't put my feelings into words. And that's ok because I no longer need validation from others.
... in explaining it.
I'm lying here in the gutter with an approval syringe sticking out of my arm.
+Matthew Herzog One day at a time.
OMG. I came from the meat eater video but this is a great advice that can possibly save my life.
yep..i have been honoring myself by not people pleasing ......i must remember .......i am not responsible for everyones happiness...
Just wanted to tell you this video came at just the right moment for me the other day. Thank you and great job! Your channel is intelligent and funny. Keep it up
+Outdoor Adventurecraft Thank you for watching at just the right moment!
Thank you for sharing. Learning to be OK with not being ok is the ultimate answer to overcoming automatisms, be as it may, approval addiction or any other pattern driving us away from our true , authentic self. Big approval and thumbs up JP! :)
"I'm JP Sears and I approve this message."
Great video, JP! Thank you for your insight!
If I may be so bold as to offer, these are the steps that I have taken that have helped me break AA - at least, for most of the time:
1) Take long walks alone, consciously noticing the continuous singularity in all things. "That butterfly, dandelion, oak tree, other human being, Dalmatian, etc right there shares some of the very same DNA code that reside in the nuclei of my autosomatic cells." And the correlate: "I - the ego 'I' - am but only a slight variant of the universal 'I' that surrounds me, that makes up the particles on Mars, that lives in the supernovas of Alpha Centuri, etc. I don't need the approval of 'others;' I am 'the others.'" Sounds cheesy maybe, but can be powerful in perception alteration.
2) Begin everyday with three pages of stream-of-conscious writing. No judgements, no editing - this is for your eyes only. (e.g. "Morning Pages" as explained in Julia Cameron's fantastic Artist's Way book). Nothing is too trivial; just write without stopping. I find this aids in the connection of the synapses, which allows for easier communication of internal messages to others. Then, go talk to the faces you see in real life at your school, local café, grocery store, bank, etc.
3) YMMV, but for extreme cases like mine, get off social media. Seriously and permanently. I'm not kidding. Delete your Facebook, erase your Instagram, cancel your Twitter, etc. - anything that encourages "like-hunting." This may prove difficult at first, not only because of the social need that has built a reliance upon the drug of superficial online relationships, but also because so many peripheral items like political events, news stories, social collaboration groups, fan circles, restaurant and store coupons now resort to things like Facebook for promotion. The trade-off is now I have to dig to stay on top of current events. I have to call, email, and text friends and family. I have to visit webpages of activism groups to which I belong or product lines whose new releases I want to keep an eye on. I can't save some Android game progresses (wahhh boo-hoo). And, I don't save that $2 in the Facebook exclusive coupon for Jimmy John's or whatever. Which I guess can sound like a lot of cost. But, here on the flip-side of my decision, what I have gained back in lost self-reliance, face-to-face relations, and available free time has more than paid for itself in Facebook promotional benefits.
Sorry for my novella. Hope it can help somebody else out there.
Best to you and your viewers
/endbabbling
For sure, thank you for offering your insightful steps my friend!
"Helped to break AA" steps are pretty cool. I needed that. Approval seeking in AA (or anywhere) can cost you your soul. "Guard your soul". Getting sober is one thing and helping others is another but the gut wrenching abandonment that comes with approval seeking is soul destruction. And your soul is you. Thanks
"Every breath I take without your approval boosts my growing self esteem!" -Rick Sanchez, Season 4, ep 3 Rick and Morty.
Reptile Nexus yessss! ✊🏽
I never thought I would like Rick & Morty.
I was _going_ to give this a thumbs up, but thought twice because I don't want to enable you. ;O)-
Approval/Disapproval comes from the "I am not enough," belief. Yes, it's imperative to become comfortable with the discomfort of such "growth zones," but this is arguably cart-before-the-horse. In my experience, it is not possible to dissolve the addiction through treating the symptoms. Symptoms are Hydra heads that just sprout more symptoms when treated. The weed must be pulled at the root and the root of approval addiction is self disapproval. You have to be the type of person that you would approve of; a person of integrity, a person who is honest a person who is giving, kind, loving and perpetually growing. The more we become, rather than pretend to be, such a person, the more the addiction dissolves, as a byproduct. Great video, as always! Thank you!
Your comment hit me just in the center. It makes total sense and I can completely relate to what you described. I had been trying to fight the symptoms with "patches" or even with ways to distract myself from all that and pretending to not care, but the issue was and has always been there. When I work on my self-growth, personal goals and such, the symptoms seem to improve. I will remember your words on bad days. Thank you.
That's food for thought right there!
+Vlad Vendetta You're absolutely right, but this applies only to one's inner self. There are a lot of people (myself included) who are unhappy with the way they look and therefore feel the need for approval on this aspect of their lives. Call them - and me - shallow but this is a real feeling that's really hard to keep in check.
+makourass As above, so below. As within, so without. Wayne Dyer said, "When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change..." this includes your reflection in a mirror. People win the lottery and a year later they are poor again, because despite their external situation changing for the better, they were still poor inside; the external world will always atone with your internal world... People lose weight to the point of anorexia and get addicted plastic surgery; They call it body dysmorphia, but what it really is, is an incongruity between what Is and an egoic distortion of what Is. All change starts from within. Your feelings are the seeds to what will gradually be generated in your external world. You are not shallow for feeling how you feel. Shaming yourself for how you feel/how you "should" feel is, a success barrier. One of many, I'm sure. Keep on your path and quiet the judgmental internal monologue through meditation, yoga, or whatever works for you... this is the key, first step. Get out of your own way.
Good stuff Vlad. Thumbs up.
I didnt know you do Non- Funny videos too. I kept waiting for the jokes.... they never came :(
Now, because of this advice I did fall into the next addiction. I'm addicted to beeing ok by not feeling ok. How can I solve this one? 😂
+Yulia Amariei Maybe become addicted to not being addicted to anything.
That's my only remained addiction, JP.
Question is:
How do you remain in the addiction of not becoming addicted without being addicted to being addicted?
And without getting a tongspell on the word addict?
+Yulia Amariei hahahahha good stuff.
this
+AwakenWithJP ahahahahahahah I am dead 😂
I think approval is a big part of our social mechanism as human beings. We need the approval of others for survival. If I commit a crime, an extreme example, society won't approve or validate that behavior and lock me up.
It's hardwired in our brains to seek approval and we simple CANNOT live without approval. We are social beings and nobody can do anything on their own.
That's the theory lol
In practice, I have always felt invalidated and unapproved of since very early childhood. I realized that last week watching a video of self-validation.
Self-validation or self-approval is basically the will and the action of validating yourself. If my name is Bob, a thought or mindset or a mantra type affirmation of self-validation would be : "Bob, you did something good now" "Bob, I validate your existence, your emotions, your thoughts, etc" "Bob, I approve of you" "Bob, you did well of not calling her" "Bob, it's okay if you don't like that person or that situation" "Bob, I'm happy you're a good person"
Anyways, those are just little example of the kind of self-validation thought exercises I do to nurture my self-approval skills because I really did not know how to do so and I especially always looked at others of validation of my thoughts, actions and behavior in social settings, school, work, etc. I was always a people pleaser and it made me really uncomfortable to my core to be criticized, thus unapproved of. It made me feel incredibly insecure and I took it at heart. I always have been veeeeeeeery self-concious which is a way of wanting to be approved of by not actually being sure if your very own presence is meeting other peoples expectations, or being liked or being accepted, etc. I would feel incredibly self-conscious just crossing the street...
Imagine how I was when time came to ask a girl out or her number...
More than that, in the last 2 years, I became addicted to the validation of my best friend whom I fell madly in love with. I gave her the power to validate me. I didn't know I did, it was an unconscious thing. I became very sensitive to her every word and behavior concerning me. I became jealous and envious and always wanted to be with her to get that fix of validation because with her... I felt completely myself and totally at peace. Being shy and ackward, with her, I could let go and goof off and be myself all the time 100%. Because I didn't know how to validate myself, I was looking for her opinions, thoughts and advice continually to make myself feel good...
It made me a codependent. I learned self-love, self-belief, self-forgiveness and now, only last week did I learn self-validation, to finally be my own man and be comfortable with validation myself.
Honestly, it's only the beginning, but I can already feel way better. I have more confidence and am way less insecure and people can really less affect me with their criticism because my internal well-being is no longer 100% dependent on what other people think of me. Sure, it's only the beginning, so I do slip into insecurity, but seriously, more and more, the judgement of other people just ricochets off my skin... Day by day, I'm building my bulletproof self-approving and self-validating shield to make my happiness and well-being completely be under my jurisdiction. Basically, I'm learning to say that nobody can make me feel insecure or unhappy without my consent.
For someone that has always dealt with shyness, ackwardness, social anxiety in one way or another, this is a totally life changing skill. It makes me more present, focused, grounded, confident, happy, relaxed and basically enables me to surrender to what is and let go of the past.
I get all that in learning and practicing to validate and approve my soul, my existence, my emotions, my thoughts, my life, my dreams, my goals, my actions, my desires, my wants and my needs. Little by little, I'm defeating this incredibly debilitating addiction...
I'm not there yet, of course, two days ago I became incredibly insecure when this beautiful girl in a library looked at me expecting me to get up and talk to her. I didn't. I froze. I wanted to. I felt she was exactly the type of sweet and gentle girl I needed and for that reason, feeling the fear of failure or rejection, I didn't move. I was feeling pretty good about myself with the new found self approval, internally somewhat showing off and being cocky, so that was a kind of test by the universe I suppose, life is a bitch sometimes :p, telling me that I've still got a ways to go....
Long comment, I know, but I just wanted to share a bit of my story to say that self-validation, as self-love or self-forgiveness, can really be life-changing and it is a really important skill to teach others and develop.
Thanks JP ! Love your videos
"I just snapped my fingers like I was gonna say something smart." You are sooo awesome JP! I can't get enough of your videos man, they're hilarious and wise- best combo ever! Your advice also integrates compassion into it instead of being too hard on oneself. I love it. (don't mistake that for approval or anything, get your own! heheh)
This is definitely one of the hardest things to keep in check with emotionally, so easy to flip flop. Thank you for the insight!
I do lots of flip flopping on this too!
I pooped today? Omg that made me laugh so hard! Thank you!
I approve your screen name.
Hmm interesting. Some ponderings.... perhaps if youre empathic and sensative, youll always be looking outside of yourself for validation of what youve said or what youve done - because - you know it effects others, and youd feel bad if you hurt someone. The thing is ... you dont have to be responsible for other peoples reactions, thats thier stuff. What you could focus on instead is speaking your truth with respect (regardless of if this offends others, no one has the right NOT to be offended btw) so long as you do this sensitively and with tact. That way youll get into the habit of being "yourself", relaxing into yourself, and youll feel more confident. Its never a bad thing to seek advice or to talk to others to check whether what you said or did was a bit off... thats called self reflection, thats healthy. But to be addicted to doing that because your scared of other people reaction for some reason... hmm that could be self defeating. "Is what ive said or done correct for me? is what i said or done the truth as i see it? did i mean to hurt others?" --- if these internal questions arrise and you are ok with them. Then you dont need someone else to tell you that those things... This is your life experince after all. For example, something like: whats the meaning of life? the meaning of life is to give life your OWN meaning. All the best
+Jane Gerrard I agree with you Jane, well put. Some more ponderings....
Empathy "they feel it and cant escape from it". Im empathic and so can feel the other persons emotions all the time, as well as i feel the emotional output of groups. So i get twitchy in group discussions when everyone is firing off ideas and not listening to each other - or taking it in turns. Like everyones moved their energy system up to just being in their throat and head charkras. It doesnt feel grounded, in the body, brings up anxiety. I guess im also talking about in meetings when people are pushing their point of views as well. So ive had to learn that even though i feel my contribution would be valid, even though feeling tense because im not being heard, that sometimes its not needed in a pushy listen to me sort of way, and that i can let things go.
I also feel sticky when ive visited a city, cities dont get space cleared and all those emotions are held within the rocks (crystals) of the buildings. So i just remember to stand outside my front door when i come back and clean my aura off before going inside. It helps. With any gift, there is maintence... so the gift of empathy is a great tool. It lets you monitor if a situation is safe, no one can ever lie to you, and it helps you in healing situations. But the maintenance part is important, so you dont feel sticky, tired, sexy or angry for no reason because your picked up on someone elses stuff. So clearing your aura on regular basis is needed, whatever that symbolises for you will be good enough. I like clearing myself off standing in front of my door when i come home, or salt baths, being with trees, feet on the grass. Also energetically clearing your rooms with incense and chimes, open the windows.
This leads to other things like being sensitive to the environment, such as am i safe in this venue, knowing which animal is near without seeing them, the feeling of plants growing, and even sensing departed souls (I help dead folks move on)... so i guess i wanted to show you i know what you mean.
“I need to know others are happy with who I am and what I do and that my actions contribute to everyone's wellbeing.” thats lovely put, I get what youre saying... what im suggesting above is a way to manage that Neediness within us (the addiction to approval), perhaps we dont need to seek approval all the time. So long as we are being truthful to ourselves, and not hurting anyone.
When i said about “you dont have to be responsible for other peoples reactions, regardless of if it offends others, because its there stuff not yours.” i didnt mean to intentionally not give a shit. Or not be sensitive about a situation. What i meant is everyone has trigger points within them and its only through interaction do we find those things out. We dont know what we say and do will trigger another until its happened. (This leads to couples arguing). An innocent comment can be taken out of context... based apon what they believe, their hurts ect. Heck, what people think of you... is not what you think of yourself. Everyone has a different experience of you through their own filters. Thats why we are not Responsible for their reactions. Its to do with them.
I was also on about getting into the habit of “talking your truth but with respect”, as an antidote to being all locked up, polite, shy about things. Sometimes people need someone in a group to call bullshit, or to speak ones own truth about a situation. Speaking your truth, is and can be a courageous act of love. I guess what im saying in a nutshell is practice being honest - to yourself and others.
Honesty leads to trust, and trust leads to love. Welcome to discuss further, all the best, Kieron
I feel ok with this video. Is that ok?
Is it okay to cry hysterically in order to get to the point with being okay with not being okay?
That might be an important route to the land of being ok with not being ok.
Thanks, AwakenWithJP! I haven't listened to much of your serious stuff. I found this one good and helpful. I will be listening to some of the others too.
JP Sears, I'm a recent fan. Both your authentic and comedic insights are what our world needs. What a gorgeous, clever spirit you are.
I approve!💛
+LadyK Your approval quenches my codependent thirst :-) I really appreciate your kind words!
True words JP. I (unknowingly) spent a long time seeking the approval of my peers in my art practice. Upon realising this, I put myself in a vulnerable place to do work that I am happy with and enjoy doing. This led to great changes both in concepts, techniques and mediums. The truly ironic (and surprising) result was that ever since making this move, my work has never seen so much approval financially and validation..... (Pfft, not that I care! Right?!)
So the lesson from now on is to keep the need for approval in check and remain in control of one's own destiny. This video gives me approval to do this :P
You're now officially approved 😜
Everyone sees the world through her own lens ... which means that if someone disapproves of you ... in other words judges you ... it is because this is a place within herself where she is not accepting and chances are a place where you are also judgy-judgy of yourself and others. In this world the only real foe you will meet lies within. Learn to be appreciative of yourself and others as much as possible. (A. Hicks) The more you move to appreciation, the more you will receive it from others and when you don't get it, you will have the self-love to laugh it off. And even though you will be constantly receiving approval from others, you will lose the hunger for it. You will obtain self-satiation. To being uncomfortable ... suffering ... this is a sign that your thought patterns are off ... that you are experiencing fear and/or judging. I would be wary of becoming comfortable with suffering. Long term this will lead to depression or anger. Just the way it works. Note the suffering but don't hang out there.
Personally I have lost the need for approval from the world at large ... at least today;) There is no controlling the way others think. But as recently discovered I still very much seek it from those I hold a little dearer. There is no perfection and we all remain rapidly improving works-in-progress. Cut yourself and others slack. Choose compassion and love over empathy and suffering.
JP, you don't need my approval but I think you rock the man-bun. Always a pleasure when I see you have released a new video.
There is in fact an unexpected solution to your double-negative.
I had no religious background, nor did I want anything to do with religious folks. I did not seek peoples' approval, but I sought only my own approval. I guess I was just unconsciously something of a selfish hedonist, which seemed only to make sense.
I will not get all "preachy," but when I was 17yrs old, I began to hear about the Jesus Christ as proclaimed in the New Testament. He was Jewish, all His followers were Jewish, and the whole early church for the 1st century was Jewish (I saw J.P.'s video on Christmas, lol).
I hated and mocked religion. But something about Jesus Christ resonated with me. More than that, if what He said was true, He was very much alive today.
Long story short: I yielded to Him in unconditional surrender and trust. I was surprised to actually encounter the reality of His presence, not a religion as a set of rules.
What's my point? Being forgiven of my sin, I now had free and open fellowship with God. I could not help but become enamored with spending time in His presence and in Scripture on a daily basis. The more time I spent with Him and the reality of His presence, the less the need for selfish hedonism.
Unexpectedly, I lost any friends I had, because they thought (as I would have) that I had become some sort religious weirdo. At first it surprisingly hurt, for the first time to experience the pain of the rejection of other others--their loss of approval. But as I continued spending time in the presence of the LORD, their approval no longer hurt, and it no longer even mattered. His approval was the only thing that became the anchor of my soul. And it was (and still is) more real than anything I could have self-manufactured psychologically.
That began in Oct. 1982, it is now 2016. The LORD is the same today and spending time in His presence on a daily basis is still the antidote to even needing the approval of others.
He is the reality for which my heart our hearts are longing. As I would later read in Augustine's _Confessions_, "My heart is restless until it finds it rest in You O' LORD."
I would vote you up or down, but that would just be feeding your addiction.
I just voted you down to help reduce your addiction!
JP this is a bit of a different insight. I think every human being needs validation and encouragment. For some reason we are hard wired that way. It's in our being. However, when our parents don't validate and love us through every emotional experience aka unconditional love... it can be very had on us. From those of us coming out of "emotional neglect" types of situations.. it's important to realize connection.. as well as validation.. is very vital in our road to recovery. Denying that is insanity. But realistically yes we can't get it 24/7, so we either have to learn how to validate ourselves or be OK with not getting it all the time :D
I'm definitely stuck in the zone of always wanting approval of others, I hardly ever act myself just cause I want act how I think people want me to, and what will give me the most positive attention
Subscribed! And since I'm awesome, obviously you are awesome too! :D
Self-approval should be bounded and unlimited. Bounded in that you set the 'rules' which you live by, and unlimited in that when you do everything according to your own rules you get to feel as self-satisfied as you possibly can. - Then the normal faults of being human; forgetfulness, lassitude, and fickleness can and will bring you safely back to earth. - Humans are such perverted creatures that we can learn our own faults and engineer them into an advantage, such as setting up your action-reward system based on addiction and enlightened self-interest.
It is important to feel good about yourself. So important in fact that logic, reason, and social expectations take a back seat to this feeling. The reason for this is that without feeling good about yourself you won't maintain the energy to participate in and contribute to society. It's a double-whammy, and this is why the opposite, depression, is such a terrifying, debilitating disease.
If you can not self-approve, and still need approval so that your basic ability to learn still functions, then seeking the approval of perhaps a teacher or a parent becomes one of your very few options. These people however are fallible human beings, and they might fail to teach you in the long-term to self-approve.
Observe, that this is leading up to the conclusion that your self-approval does not need to be justified. You make your own rules. You do not need a reason to live. To be alive is enough. In this state of mind, find bliss in simply breathing! Let I AM I become I AM!
I am writing a book that my family might not approve of fully because it is about my dad's decline and death. Despite the fact that its intention is to be informative, inspiring and hopeful to the reader, my family may disapprove of me telling the story. So I am adjusting to being uncomfortable and not seeking their approval for the bigger picture of helping others.
Get comfortable being uncomfortable
came here for humor anf wit, found sound advice. thumbs up
I approve! 😋 Thanks for the video and talking about this subject.
Thank you for the approval! It's chicken soup for my codependent soul 😜
Oh gosh, this is 100% my daily struggle. There are so many things I would have done differently had I not panicked and done the choices of my friends and family for their approval. Thank you for this JP!
I would recommend trying to use your approval getting talent to give good advice to people with problems that have habits that are not healthy... You will challenge yourself by knowing this is not what that person wants and if you are successful you will start to value your independent worth.
I hate making other people feel uncomfortable I don't know why I try to make other people happy so much!
Praise Love, if you're being your awesome-est, then making them uncomfortable may be a good thing for them, I think because it makes them think and feel in the moment. let your loveliness shine! :) (I have this issue, too :) )
Love this.
At 4:34 JP says "Long story short" and then proceeds to speak for another 7 minutes :P
hello, i was thinking about this today, is there a difference between being positive about life & being positive about Your life? like is it possible to be positive about your life if it sucks? and if you think it sucks then how can you be positive about life in general? or is it all just one big thing and i shouldn't separate it? i know one person who's going thru something pretty bad but their always happy, very positive person but his life sucks right now. he does a lot of mediation so maybe that why he's happy all the time?
great videos by the way i really enjoy them.
When my life is sucky, I look for something good or beautiful every day. There's always something, even if it's a dandelion. That's my joy that day.
I agree with Humming Birder.
It is definitely possible to be positive about your life or life in general, since you're part of the bigger play. I don't know the situation you are in but from my experience trying to see the bad things which happen to you and the negative feelings which go along with them as an essential part of life. What I mean is, once you realise that this is all part of being human and that's it is actually wonderful to feel sad, angry, frustrated or exhausted because it means you are also capable of feeling happy, in love, peaceful etc. Meditiation is a means of helping you get to that realization.
I don't know if I am making sense or just sounding like an ultra spiritual idoit here. Sorry if I do.
Here’s a twist: I don’t seek approval to feel good about myself. I placate others or fly under the radar to avoid conflict, criticism or to maintain control. My childhood was awesome so I’m aware those behaviors developed as a function of survival but now in my healthy grown up life the behaviors walk a fine line between codependence and self imposed miserable repression of my humanity. It’s gotten better but I still prefer being alone or being in an active role of service to others. Receiving as my self still feels weird. For instance getting a haircut feels like a terrifying apology. Hi, sorry my hair grew and it’s messy. Please don’t make me bald. Work in progress.
I've needed to hear this message for a little while now but until I heard the right words in the right order, I wasn't getting it. Thanks for helping me get the message I've been needing. And I just made them work for me. "Getting comfortable with not feeling comfortable." And allowing myself to honor my own individuality. Approving of myself first. Thanks so much for this. I know this will help me be a better role model for my kids and that means the world to me, seeing them honor themselves.
So JP, what do you have against the philosophy of veganism? Why mock it in ultra-spiritual, and encourage your viewers to laugh about it, but not share constructive thoughts on it in regular videos? Genuinely interested to know.
Relax. Don't get caught up in hollow conceits such as doing something with your life. Such twaddle is out modded and a sure formula for disappointment.
Today doesn't count. Trying to make something out of today only robs you of precious time that could be spent daydreaming or resting up.
Do unto others, as you would have others, do unto you. But, better not to think that others will do unto you, as would do unto them. Confucius
I concur with your video, it is 100% USDA approved.
"Be ok, with not feeling ok." is such a wonderful thing, I can see where it can have usefulness in other aspects of life. For instance: those heavy times of anticipation for the future, and times when needing to bite the bullet to reach a goal.
I gave a thumbs up because it is a subconscious action to help me approve of myself. Approving you means approving myself! Accept all and love all then you will accept yourself and ultimately love thyself ❣️
It's about developing a relationship with yourself. Learn to make mistakes and forgive yourself. When you're the one you go to when unhappy or happy you don't need people's approval. You can still share with others what's happening to you but you're not dependent emotionally on their reaction or approval.
One thing that helps me when I'm suffering from fear of not being approved is to remember that I'm really small in the other person's point of view. If I'm such a disturbance to him/her I must be only a small one, because I believe that everybody is so drowned in his/her emotions and thoughts as I am in mine.
Approval addiction (for me) has its root in abandonment. You can never be abandoned. You are worthy. Honor your inner light. You are priceless and don't have to prove your being. You can never be abandoned if you don't abandon yourself. Rise up into your highest power. Take charge. I am responsible for treating myself good - and therefore setting the example of how other people shall treat me. And not the other way around.
I left a friendship that I was so desperate to have, seeking her approval and putting my own feelings on hold, because I did not want to feel uncomfortable, make waves, and go against her. It did not work and the friendship was at a not very authentic level.
- How do I get over approval addiction?
- You should ask everyone what they think about it. Share your story on facebook and youtube to see how many people like that you want to get over your addiction.
Love the humor and the therapy. Thank you for the wise guidance.
I see you have 10% approval. So I will neither approve or not approve. I think I just validated, well done JP.
you know, I think I've got it figured. I don't care for approval or disapproval, I am happy with me.
JP you make me feel uncomfortable, but I feel comfortable in that uncomfort. Thank you.
If I don't dishonor myself, don't give myself away, then I get to be myself. That sounds like freedom to me :-)
Learn, and really understand that every individual is different, values different things, has different experiences, and therefore is completely unqualified to judge you on any level. This takes learning to look at things from several angles (as many angles as you can), from several perspectives. As soon as you do that, you realize, as I said, nobody, other than yourself, is qualified to judge you about anything, and you are fine just as you are. Of course, if you're the only person qualified to judge yourself, be prepared for some pretty harsh judgement... then you have to learn to forgive yourself, and that's a whole different topic.
+Art Scott I disapprove of your use of commas. However, I think your message is spot on and I approve of it. Thank you. :)
Christian Gentry In re-reading, I have to agree with you about the commas. I was... uh, a tad heavy handed with them (not that I *need* your approval ;) ). *Very* happy my message reached someone and/or could help someone.
JP I loved this especially as women especially we seek approval to the extent of even changing our bodies with liposuction, implants, botox, fillers, face lifts and so on. It is really like a chronic disease to look nice and be nice. Thank you for this.
We all have never-ending limitless love and grace from God, which is better than approval.
wonderful descriptions. "womb of the self", "honoring the kingdom of the self", marvelous! inspiring JP. Thanky!
jpwhat do you think of Christianity?And can one be a Buddhist the same time?
Well spoken. A big karmic nut in my life.
How's this for progress? No need to respond to my comment.
Best wishes. Keep it coming.
That could've been a little shorter...
I'd stress the need for a personal goal or a set of goals to strive for, instead of the approval of others.
I may or may not approve of this message. You'll just have to be comfortable with it. ;)
Learn how to feel ok when you're not feeling ok. You hit the nail on the head!
The books from Brene Brown are really good. Definitly worth reading!
not skipping the ads cause you're awesome dude
It is not easy being right when others around us are wrong. Just say and do the right thing and please God.
Heres a question iv been thinking about for a long time now, with no answer yet.
And im just projecting, but JP, if you couldn’t cure your own addiction, are you really qualified to give advice?
And yeah im projecting, i give advice too and i help people and get them through progress but my own life is a mess.
Is it wrong for me to give advice?
I think its okay, i feel like you are able to relate and share what has helped you in your journey. and also if you pay attention to what you say, then you may have a break through for yourself as well. you both may be able to learn together.
To not support your approval addiction, I this time wont click the like button. Or is even commenting to much approval? damnit.
+Maxim für alle Commenting was enough approval for you to hurt me through enabling.
This video makes me feel very uncomfortable.
You should grow a long white beard and live on a mountaintop. Also add a few more riddles, though I think you're pretty much already there.
I'm actually having a mountain installed in my backyard next week to help fulfill that prophecy 😊
My ex was an approval addict to the extreme. He wanted so badly to be accepted by everyone and be liked he changed his personality constantly to fit whoever he was around. It really mad me sad for him. He tried so hard to get my acceptance and approval and i gave it so freely that he didnt need me in his life. He was also a positivity addict. He couldnt accept any emotions that are considered negative. This is something he isnt 100% aware of. I wish I could have helped him.
My husband was that way. He would stay after meeting someone out in public and keep talking for HOURS, changing the topic to keep them snagged and engaged. Even if we were out as a family, young children hungry and tired and needing fresh diapers, this would go on for HOURS. It was absolutely exhausting, he never got over it, died 3 years ago, his brain was discovered in autopsy to have several abnormalities, so it may be possible he couldn't control it. I'm glad you're free!
God accepts and loves you. What else do you need
Thank you for this video. I think I am in your target market. Please love me? Sorry for asking. Wait no, I'm not sorry. Wait sorry, I'm sorry for saying that.. Ugh! I need to stop it with saying sorry :( Ugh but I should just let myself be sorry when I'm sorry, right? Or should I constantly shame myself for wanting to be loved? Gosh darn it life is tough. Sorry for giving you approval earlier :/
where do ppl submit questions to him?
Awesome video! Spoke to me and how I feel about posting certain content on my channel. Watching this was definitely a confidence-booster. Keep it up!
Well said.
Greetings from Croatia. :)
This is an amazing video jp. Ax
WOW , this is deep shit... (seriously)
This is pure brilliance. Thank you so much!
Fully approved :D :D :D
Damn, that was sooooooo dull......
I really love the way you talk about things. Makes me feel like I am OK with all my stuff by showing your own vulnerability. I can specially relate to approval addiction. Loved the video!
What I find really helps, because I would seek approval chronically, is to say "I approve of myself" repeatedly until the need to get approval from the other person goes away, which usually isn't long!
nice advice, thanks :)!!
wow you really are ultra spiritual!!! this is awesome^^
Hey JP it is NOT ok with me that you are not ok with not feeling ok, ok? Every part of this video that you think is ok, is not ok with me, and every part not ok, ok, ok?
that works with any addiction
I love you being serious about our struggles with too much of everything what hinders us in spiritual and self developing progress. And I truly love your "hm", which opens room to reflect your input.
You made some really great points. Loved it.
I appreciate that!
I head hurts from this video
Hi JP , I like the fact that you are giving several possible interpretations , cause we all are wired differently, .... a lot depends on our state of mind, I think.
fingersnap = instant gratification
Love that you're insightful but have humor videos too. I'm so happy I found you!
I found this channel after seeing a funny video/comedy focused video a friend sent me. But many of these are pretty profound. I have gained some valuable tools here.
Thank you.
Thank you. My brain is untangling. LOL You are so awesome, JP
5 seconds in....
This was great thank you Jp. hey you rocked the man bun perfectly. Definitely cheered me up with your humor as well I must say. Thanks! ")
thank you for this video. I saw this on your if meat eaters acted like vegetarians. glad I watched this. I had something happen today and I'm glad I heard your words.
video approved