You said that the working world is too harsh for the former gifted child, and then you say that the world loves the aptitude and talent rather than hard work. Firstly, those two ideas are in conflict. Secondly, you don't have to choose between talent and hard work. If you have both, you are at an advantage. And there's no two ways about that. The reason you people find 30-year-old Rory comforting is because yes, the writers did do it on purpose. The writers just had to HUMBLLEEEE such a generally content and capable young woman. The viewer is so envious, that Ori basically had to be written that way. Where she ends up crappy in the end. It would have been much more moving to show that she was completing all kinds of independent work or completing her novel secretly at the end. Not this whole "oh thank God this person I envy got trashed!" Like Jesus, get himself esteem. It's not that you need to bring others down. It's that you need to improve yourself. And we can do that a lot better if we get these pesky ruling bloodlines out of the way. They're ruining everything with their precious governments. Everyone can be wonderful. Everyone can be wealthy. Those in our way are the ones who claim to have every right to rule us. Time to redirect to the actual perp. Not just some girl you wish you were on a TV show.
Also you have no clue what individualism means. Please look it up in a dictionary. Seriously. A lot of people get this wrong and all these UA-cam influencers told to trash individualism... If you think it won't come back to you. It will. Things are not going in the way you hope.
Rory was a writer. NOT a journalist. She liked books, not reporting. Paris was more a journalist than Rory was. Wish the writers had pivoted her to writing in college then her struggle doing something she WANTS to do would be much easier for viewers to root for. How she behaves 'on assignment' is just awful and unprofessional.
I agree. 💯% She could have written articles for a journal. She just wasn’t an investigative journalist. She would have done a great job with human interest stories where she was sent to interview people and write their stories for them. That would have fit her personality so well.
When they were kids & Jess questioned her about this she looked panicked & says something like "I hope I can, I've been talking about this for forever..." That's what she had to do because that was her goal & she was Super Overachiever Rory.
In the beginning, Rory was super laid back and kind. She was nice to everyone and generous with her time. She didn’t judge people. It was easy to see why she was the golden child of the small town. She volunteered and participated in everything.
@@tamirahgrant5981 yup!! I think it was when she met Paris and found someone who didn’t like her and had a mental breakdown in class yelling at Paris. By the time we meet Jess, we already knew she’s the worse…but didn’t really see her as a homewrecker.
the “gifted child syndrome” is so true - as a child who wasn’t good at making friends, the only attention i got was due to my academic excellence. because of that, i’ve been spending my whole life focussing on school, and whenever something doesn’t come naturally, i tend to give up because it’s hard to handle not being perfect at something. i really relate to rory’s character in that respect.
I love this self-reflection. I'm starting to see these patterns in myself, and I want to enjoy the process more instead of chaining myself to the glamor of accomplishment.
🧐 I know a lot of people hated how the writers messed with Rorys character & how she ended as a “failure” BUUUUT… this is the most realistic depiction of life. Mitchum Huntzberger was right when he told Richard: If she’s good enough she’ll bounce back at it (journalism career) & he had a point. Rory was surrounded by people who always praised her & constantly said how great she was; when she went out to the real world out of the perfect bubble she lived all of her life, she found out she was not that great as she was told. The minute she bumped into someone who didn’t say nice things about her, she took it wrong & let her redefined her whole life choices. As Jess told her, we all have bad ruts but Rory showed us that to “succeed” you have to believe in yourself , work your ass off no matter what to achieve your goals & def not expect the world to open doors for you just because. This was the main difference between her & Paris, determination & perseverance.
And when Rory was editor of Yale Daily News he praised her and and said he made her who she was. He wasn't right at all and Rory called him out on it. Mitchum didn't tell Rory shit about what he wanted her to do when interning. He even admitted he was wrong
@@yesiwillstealurwig6589 Sending the best vibes! You got this! We all go through that era but I promise you will end up learning, growing & realising you can do great things in your life. Just, trust the process, FOCUS on the goals, persevere no matter what & have fun! ⭐️
My son is gifted and goes to a special elementary school. I stopped praising him for his high grades but instead the work he puts forth. I don’t even check his grades anymore. When we’re practicing multiplication facts, playing piano, or swimming , I empathize the importance of our hard work and not the outcome. As long as he tries his best, that’s all that matters!
Keep it up! I'm hearing more parents think of learning like that, and I love it. I work at a tutoring center and I'm all about the kids doing the best possible work, too. I sometimes have to help with initial assessment tests and some kids look frazzled just seeing what's there. Since the tests are about placement, I make sure to let them know to do the best they can, and if they don't know something, that's okay, because it just means there's something we'll work on. It helps them relax a bit and we just take the results and go from there.
yeah, but won't that backfire as an obsession with being "a hard worker"? I think having an identity of being "gifted" is potentially less toxic and self-destructive than an identity centered around being a "hard worker".
@@OlgaTsygankova Dunno about that. Kids constantly praised for being smart end up thinking they don't have to work very hard because they're naturally good at it... until they're not. If they haven't been taught critical thinking skills or ways to adapt when something is difficult (and how to work through it), they run the risk of falling behind. I myself was labeled gifted & smart in elementary school. I used to just read books and pick up info like a sponge. Once I hit middle school, subjects were much tougher and I ended up kicked out of Honors math by the end of the first semester. I'd never had "F"s until then. I had NO study skills and was freaking out that once easy subjects were suddenly out of my reach. I probably didn't catch up til high school. Nobody in my family could understand why "the bookworm" just couldn't get it, but they didn't bother teaching me how to work for it (and I didn't know I had to ask back then, because I didn't understand the problem til I started student teaching myself). I wish I had learned how to work harder at school; I'd probably be in a much better career path had I not just given up because I didn't know how to push through difficulties and learn from them.
@@tallyp.7643It’s not all that we focus on. But when your child has a success, let’s say gets an A on a big test. Instead of praising the A, you’d focus on the work. I also make sure to teach the importance of mental health and breaks. During school breaks and after school, we have a lot of fun and play time.
@@vanessapodkomorski942 I get that. And it should be like that. I do the same thing. Too many parents are either fixated on the letter grade, or see it and just shrug and go "as long as you tried" without bothering to figure out what they're doing or having trouble with. Then they wonder why Johnny's in 5th grade still counting single digit addition on his fingers. They didn't ask him questions or teach him how to learn from his mistakes and work on them. Improvement should be a big focus, especially since so many kids in public school are falling behind (most kids I tutor are about 2-3 grade levels behind where they should be--not counting the neurodivergent). That "light bulb" moment as they get a concept that was giving them trouble before is always the highlight of my tutoring days.
It’s weird because Rory was always seen with a book and loved to talk about and discover books. Publishing or editorial work makes sense. Journalism does not.
When Mitchum tells Rory that she doesn't have "it," he's not talking about talent or skill or some nebulous "X-factor;" he's talking about the drive that it takes to put yourself out there. To really dig, even when it's hard, to find a story. I know all of this because that's what he says in-scene. Other than that, great video.
And that's key for journalists Either you know how to find a kernel of a story in a seemingly mundane piece or you don't. Rory didn't. She never had to dig as you say Her struggle is real though. Millennials were promised the work hard, go to college and you'll be fine 90's work ethos, and then the Recession happened and ripped that narrative to shreds. Rory's inability to cope is emblematic of her generation, flaws and all I didn't watch the reboot, but I guess she never redeemed herself?
I mean he wasn’t wrong either, one little comment from him destroyed her. She could’ve totally showed him up, “I’ll show you how valuable Elle Woods can be,” type thing 😂 but with one sentence he ended her entire plan she had since a young age. Rory should’ve gone to Harvard and stuck to her original plan, I believe that was her total mistake going to Yale. But really, I believe she daydreamed about her adult life so much she couldn’t handle the weight of her own expectations and realized going for it and daydreaming it are two different things 😂
im pretty sure that the beggining pf her downfall was getting into chilton. She wouldve been great as an overachiever at a public school who gets a scholarship for harvard and stays grounded, I firmly believe that getting Rory into her grandparent's world was the biggest mistake Lorelai ever made
@karinalumen9722I mean in a certain way that is part of the appeal of the show. Having this child who grew up removed from this world of privilege, is put back into it and struggles to deal with it properly. I think this is why she is unable to see her own privileges because she never accepted that she is not really the outsider in this world that she appears to be when she gets into Chilton. But still tries to break out of this world by f.e. turning down to become Logan’s wife and fully reintegrate into the world her mother left behind as a teenager.
@@lisal5718absolutely. I think that was a big part of Amy’s pitch for the show, she said she pitched a bunch and this one was just off the top of her head and the producers were like…”go on…”
As a former gifted child, I identified a lot with Rory, specially when she is struggling with her first year at college. I never had to study a lot during school years, so when I entered university I struggled with keeping up with stuff, and it looked like other people didn't have this issue cause they knew how to study in a way that worked for them, which I didn't. So when I saw that scene of her crying to Dean about it, for the first time I saw someone that went through the same as me. I also find her ditching college and having an existential crisis after Logan's dad comment so relatable, hahaha. I used to have so much confidence on myself, cause I was always able to do everything, and then I applied to a masters scholarship. The way I was humbled on the interview, I have anxiety until this day because of it. So yeah, I understand Rory a lot, but damn I hate that she is such a cheater.
Same here--I excelled in elementary and never had to study. Middle school years were hell because I suddenly hit the wall on what I knew and I suddenly had to learn how to learn new material. I was halfway through high school before I learned some study skills, but only effectively used them in college (it took a while to learn that writing everything down and reading it wasn't the only way to study, and was bloody hard work to do for multiple courses). I went for a master's degree when the 2008 recession hit and promised teaching jobs suddenly evaporated. People joked that I should just be a professional student because I liked school so much. But I wanted to actually USE what I'd learned in a career, not just be a student forever. Sadly, I realized after getting my master's degree that getting good grades was about all I was good at until 30. Now I'm 40 and trying to get a job that pays a living wage, even if it's bagging groceries, because unless I want to go re-certify and teach at a school district (verbal abuse and threats made me quit subbing years ago), my degrees have been more of a hindrance to getting jobs around here, and I can't afford to move.
The thing that always bugged me the most was that she got so much praise for doing the bare minimum well. Compared to say Paris, who did five thousand summer jobs and internships, it never seemed to even occur to Rory that she had to do anything extra to be on par with others.
It actually is different because the gifted child is able to choose between perseverance or giving up while an athlete would be rejected by the team's medical staff
…as one of the “gifted” child, I grew up my whole life being scared of failure. I feel this video. More than I can probably put into words. The GG revival/continuation showed a Rory that I could actually relate to. The perfect student until college, and then what? Where to go? Who to be? I think it was the most realistic Rory we’ve seen. That being said, I completely agree that it’s a first world problem.
it being a first world problem doesn't make it less of an issue for the individuals who have to deal with it though. You can recognise that this isn't the biggest problem in the world compared to what other people around the world are going through and still be kind to yourself. Sending you love xx
The seeds of who Rory ended up becoming were planted in season 1, imo. I wasn't at all surprised how she turned out. Well, actually i am a little. I never expected ASP to be that honest about Rory. All of the Gilmore Girls are low-key/high-key monsters. And I love them for it. I feel like I'm in the minority, but Lorelei's handling of Rory's identity crisis and dropping out of Yale was her WORST parenting moment in the whole show. Yes it's disappointing and alarming that her daughter wanted to quit school, but Rory was having a personal crisis. Yelling at her and trying to force her to stay in school was NOT the way to handle it.
Let’s be honest though, Lorelei’s reaction was realistic for her character. Lorelei never really had to parent Rory. She has no idea how to deal with real problems with her kid, because she is basically still a kid herself. She never had good parents to model healthy relationships, so she has no idea what helping her daughter looks like. She reverts to what her parents would have done.
@@misstweetypie1am i wrong to think that lorelai’s parents wouldn’t have kicked her out though? richard was very focused on his image and emily was heartbroken when lorelai left the first time because despite all the things she did to her she still wanted lorelai to love her back. i also don’t think that was lorelai’s best moment but that’s because the writers made it feel like a squabble between friends instead of a parent actually putting their foot down. plus it’s hard to get any parenting to stick when the adults in a child’s life are not on the same page. emily and richard didn’t help. i would’ve felt differently about her leaving yale if she genuinely left to find something else to be passionate about, but she left because she was told the one thing she had been working towards wasn’t going to work so she just didn’t want to work anymore. she saw the privilege she had and hid behind it because TO HER (i emphasize this because the work emily does is too often underestimated in the show) that was the easy way out that was guaranteed.
@@jacklyncrabbe6917 all that you said is valid, and you might be right that Lorelei’s parents wouldn’t have kicked her out. I was just pointing out that her parents weren’t great role models for parent child relationships. So that, coupled with the fact that Lorelei’s maturity level is somewhat stuck at a teenage level, means that she isn’t great at parenting skills like talking it out, coming up with alternate plans. Etc. She doesn’t know how to deal with things that are out of her control, in this moment at least.
@@lucybarrington4634many people do that for example for a break because college is draining, they want to travel for a while or whatever. Maybe it was not the norm back then idk but even one of my ex boyfriends needed 2 additional semesters to complete his med school bc of travel and time off 🤷🏻♀️ who cares. And if Rory had a crisis, maybe they could’ve made a plan to go back to college (I know Rory did not say at the beginning that she was necessarily going back) but even then. Think about alternatives as a mother because there will be certain reasons a kid wants to quit their lifelong dreams 🤷🏻♀️
i was praised a lot by my parents as a kid, but I never thought I was the smartest, growing up in a working class family probably had a factor in my view of life as "everything is a struggle"
Exactly! My family was very loving and they never went a moment without praising things I did, but they also made sure to teach me quite early that I was more than my achievements. My mother, specifically, made sure I knew that there are millions of people in the world, each having different upbringings and talents. So, statistically, I should expect people to be more advanced than me in various fields.
I think class definitely plays a role here. Personally, I had a lot of positive reinforcement around my intelligence and my looks as a kid, but being from a relatively poor single-parent family definitely brought up opportunities to be humbled outside of my immediate circle lol. Rory has the buffer of wealth and status around her, so she doesn't get that until she goes to college.
If you were a "gifted child" from an ACTUAL poor / working class background (unlike Rory) it sucks even more. Because you were supposed to be this shining beacon & uphold the Myth of Meritocracy & prove that anyone can make it if they are just smart & hard working enough & come back & help everyone else...
After years of fear of failure, late nights and weekends, and crazy inducing imposter syndrome, I made it! Now, im working on easing off the gas petal and getting some balance in my life. I never watched the later seasons of Gilmore girls, but early Rory did serve as a motivator in my life. Plus, i had a huge crush on her since we both liked reading. It is a bit difficult to find good role models growing up in the ghetto.
This is really thoughtful! Rory was a more likable character at the outset and slowly became more insufferable; she's somewhat of a baffling anti-hero. Are we meant to view her in relation to Austen's Emma?; this idea that what we all really want, as the audience, is to see the pretty rich girl put in her place. I feel like Amy Sherman-Palladino must have thought about this particular arc a lot, as she has said she had the last line of the series planned from the start, ie, that Rory was, despite her giftedness, destined to repeat her mother's mistakes in some way. Can we never truly escape the destiny laid out by family? Did Lorelai, while trying to give Rory the best possible life, accidentally ensure a stalled adulthood for her? And their names are the same; that was always really striking to me. I was a huge fan of Paris, who was equally ambitious but more enjoyably unhinged. 🤣
So interesting! I def think that the writers want us to question Rory at various points in the show - the episode where she goes to court for stealing the boat and the judge essentially calls her a rich spoiled brat comes to mind. What you say about her being “Lorelai Gilmore” 2.0 is sooo interesting to me because I feel like had she not decided to keep the baby and move to Stars Hollow, Lorelai might have actually been the Christiane Amanpour-style journalist Rory sees herself as…
So interesting! I def think that the writers want us to question Rory at various points in the show - the episode where she goes to court for stealing the boat and the judge essentially calls her a rich spoiled brat comes to mind. What you say about her being “Lorelai Gilmore” 2.0 is sooo interesting to me because I feel like had she not decided to keep the baby and move to Stars Hollow, Lorelai might have actually been the Christiane Amanpour-style journalist Rory sees herself as…
I think Lorelai was in some ways living her teenage years through Rory.. maybe that's why Rory lacked self awareness and took her relationships somewhat for granted.. Ironically, I think if she realized that she really did fit in with the lifestyle of her grandparents and married Logan who loved her she would have been in a better situation later on in life. But she wants to go through what Lorelai went through I guess and want to try making it out on her own even though she's not Lorelai and I feel she doesn't have to be. She doesn't really have an identity aside from being an aspiring journalist and she's not even a good journalist too :/
I agree! Lorelai is definitely journalist material lol she's street smart, witty, not afraid to take the plunge, resourceful, brave and headstrong! She would make a better journalist than Rory if she wanted to lol@@accordingtoalina
@@raissalianna889this makes even more sense because Rory wanted to be like Lorelei! I can absolutely see Rory trying to cram herself into this mold even though she would make a much better phd student and English or history professor!
The more I watch these essay videos on Gilmore Girls the more I begin realizing things. When Rory first wants to go to Harvard, I’m beginning to wonder if it’s because that’s where Lorelei wanted to go. In the first episode Lorelei is ecstatic for Rory getting into Chilton and tells Suki that she (Rory) is one step closer to doing the things that she (Lorelei) didn’t get to, possibly implying that while Lorelei hated her life she was still looking forward to that college experience. And of course it would be Lorelei who wanted to go to Harvard rather than Richard’s school (Yale). When Rory changes her mind, I think it’s the beginning of the fallout of her relationship with Lorelei. By choosing Yale over Harvard Rory is choosing team Richard and Emily over team Lorelei, even if she isn’t consciously aware of it.
Richard says in episode 8 season 3 that lorelai wanted to go to yale just like him, which I think is another reason lorelai didn’t want rory to go yale, because rory would literally be turning out to be everything lorelai’s parents wanted her to have been, but instead she feels like her own parents see her as a sort of failure
You’re spot on about millennials. I’m at the tail end of generation X and can see the distinction clearly. In fact, when I was young, I truly doubted that I could succeed, despite being a good student. It was almost too much in the other direction. A healthy balance between the worldviews when raising children is best. You should always feel important and special in your small circle, but kids need to be prepared for the real world. It’s good to dream big, but it’s okay to change directions and realize that not everyone can be at the top. Sometimes it’s not even because you lack the talent. It’s just that too many people want the same thing and the odds are against you. Being the editor of a smaller newspaper is perfectly acceptable and can be very fulfilling.
Former gifted children struggle. I was a poor, neurodivergent "gifted" child that couldnt afford the exams for the advanced classes, couldn't afford my class dues, and my own guidance counselor never told me when college admissions were because they assumed I wouldn't be able to afford it anyway. I struggle with doing anything if I'm not good at it right away.
I went to a gifted kid program in the 80s. We were constantly told that if we didn't work hard and achieve we were out. No entitlement. Just hard work and gratitude for being allowed the opportunity.
I watched Gilmore Girls in real time and many times after. I liked Rory at first, really the first two years were my favorite. Her downfall started when she had an affair with Dean.Then when Mitchum criticized her ability as a reporter, she reacted in a way that only validated his criticism. When that happened I was thinking “Rory get over yourself, pick your self up and prove to Mitchum that he was wrong”. She just didn’t have the grit and determination to it, nor did she have the grit to power through life’s challenges. There are many gifted children who do well. Rory just never learned to navigate the stormy seas of real life.
I don't hate Rory, I mean, we are humans, nobody is perfect, and we all have our shadows and we all have ups and downs, I love how human she is, we all are, we all make mistakes, we all have our stages...
I mean, crime and cheating things aside, I personally still relate to Rory a little. I was in AP classes and gifted as a teen, and then felt incredibly lost in college. I'm still trying to figure myself out and trying to get my life together.
I’ve never really thought about this, but God, if I’m not a “former gifted child”. I’ve always had this: “You are the most intelligent one, so you HAVE to get the best grades” from the adults around me. The craziest thing. It was mostly my teachers who had this thing going on. Then I graduated from high school, and just… burnout hit me harder than anything I’ve ever experienced. Didn’t help that I got diagnosed with both Hashimoto’s thyroiditis and type one diabetes in the last 3 years. Both take a toll mentally and physically, but most of the trouble I have now studying in university has started with being so stuck on the high school system that I couldn’t really work with the university one. Thanks for making this video.
so sorry to hear you've been struggling! I also found the shift from high school to uni challenging in the beginning, but a lot of people do and they end up catching up in the end, so try not to stress too much! sending you love xx
I went through this as well. I got diagnosed with Hashimoto's at 16 and it derailed my last two years of high school. I couldn’t keep up with the honors/AP workload I had been managing and I felt like a failure. And then I started college without ever having learned how to study properly and I had to wake up fast. It's a rough transition to make
Thanks for your work. I can totally relate to problems transitioning from academia to industry. I struggled myself and I had no idea why - there was no smart adult near me to tell me this is just a part of the process.
been there and I'm sure many people have! standard education is so far from able to equip young people with the tools they need to successfully step into adulthood and for some reason we still pretend this is not the case...
i personally find rory annoying but that means her character well written. her mistakes are more realistic. but i think people let their hatred of her go too far. i love that she fails because it makes complete sense. she’s a girl who dreams of other female icons Hilary Clinton, Madeleine Albright, Christiane Amanpour, and probably tons of pop culture icons. so when she also compares herself to those women, she puts herself down that she isn’t at the right place at the right time in life. i love the ending of the original series bc it leaves rory’s future ambiguous. will she succeed? will she fail? if either of those things happen, will she learn? i personally find her turning Logan down an extremely mature step in the right direction. she was right, she wasn’t mentally ready to be engaged or married or support the heir to the Huntzberger business. i think in 2007, she was ready to start over in the real world. i love all her other adventures in AYITL, but her going back to Logan was the worst plot line ever.
100% agree that she's well-written. I think that although she doesn't give the viewer the satisfaction we long for she's still keeping us interested - we wouldn't be here making and watching video about the show otherwise!
The only reason Rory wanted to be journalist was because she wanted to travel. What they should have done was make her an influencer that traveled the world talking about all the cool things that happened to her there. Rory was a magnet for interesting, quirky experiences. AYIL could have started out with Rory realizing that she was tired of traveling because she had done it for over decade, and now she wanted to start putting down roots. That would have made such a better story.
Influencers weren't really a thing in the early 2000s. Or did you mean in the sequel series? ETA: Although I take it back. Influencers the way we think of them weren't, but actually, there were a lot of travel journalists. So yes, she could have done that, had a blog and made money through merch or whatnot. And yes, the reboot could have been her being tired of travel. MUCH better.
The thing is, she never explored what she could do. There was the idea of "journalist" but she never became that but somehow she never explored all her other talents? As much as Richard hated it, her role at the DAR showed that she's great at organizing and managing. Who knows what sort of career she might have found for herself that she would've been excellent at?
this is such a good point - she definitely suffers from a bit of "not like other girls syndrome" in that she seems to only want to do things that men respect/ are seen as men's occupations
@@accordingtoalina It's interesting because Lorelai might have been that driving force behind the rejection of conservative values of femininity and the world she came from. But in the end, being from that world also meant having a privileged background, which is something that doesn't just go away. And Rory grew up within this tension of the world left behind that still obviously had an effect on her mother and on her and the image they were projecting now. The "poor" people (who also own a house and can afford take out). And she most definitely never could leave that world behind from the moment they decided that Chilton is the only way she'd get the education that she "deserves", which is also something you touched on. Other than the prestigious label, undergrad education at Harvard is not inherently superior to hundreds of institutions across the world. But of course participating in the select members club that is Harvard *is* a privilege and *can* help to move ahead (and it did that for Rory in the form of the Huntzbergers). So again, she both rejected and embraced this. I went to a prestigious school but me and the majority of my friends were more from the Marty from the show type of background and most of us had to work and had to rely on scholarship or grants and award money. I didn't come in with connections and I didn't particularly cultivate them during my time at college either. But even someone with my inability to network could easily now choose to activate that network, should I need it. And even I profited from that label and the networks that are in place through faculty and research groups, when applying for grad school and subsequent faculty positions. It's a well known fact that people from a select few institutions have an easier time with all of this. So pretending that she could ever be both an "outsider" while also living with all kinds of privilege was very strange. Choosing Yale (or Harvard) didn't mean choosing the best possible school for her development. It meant going for the prestige and the position that comes with it. I don't know that the writers of the show intended any of that but death of the author and all that and it's sure amusing to explore all of these things as a viewer :)
"you can be anything you want if you set your mind to it" GOD, so damn true that that was the narrative for so long! Then you go into the real world and you quickly realise they all lied to you.
I agree with this but I also wish people would would discuss Loralai and her mothering techniques-I think she is a very loving mother but she is very enmeshed and Loralai doesn’t see her daughter as an extension of herself. But whenever Rory makes a choice that Lorali doesn’t agree with she completely ices Rory out. I didn’t mind Rory in the show because she’s a kid growing up-in ‘a year in the life’ I saw her as someone having a quarter life crisis and by the end of the year she’s at a good place and making good choices. I’m getting my masters in mental health now and it’s really hard to rewatch Gilmore girls’s now and see the discourse online because there is so much criticism of Rory and none on her mother. I love them both but it is not healthy to have a parent and child be ‘best friends’ it’s not good boundaries.
this is a great point! we rarely talk about how little parenting Lorelai actually does. In the early seasons in particular, we see her brag about how her kid is exceptionally behaved and how they're best friends, but I'm not sure that's healthy. Your parents are not your friends and sometimes children need to be allowed to be children, whereas Lorelai seems to expect Rory to act like an adult all the time and, like you say, ices her out when she acts her age.
There are many people who are disappointed in how Rory unfolded. I like her. I dont always like her behavior, but for the most part she is pretty ok. It's tiring that people have the expectation that Rory should turn out one way or the other, mostly a saint, because when then watched this show they could relate with her in some way. Most want the Cinderella story for her. They want her to be perfect. And even with the most stable of circumstances any child could be in, which Rory did not have, perfection is not obtainable. I dont judge her. The writer's gifts to Rory's character was the book about her and her Mom and all their imperfections and all of the good stuff in between. Their love for each other. The other gift is the child she is about to have, it tends to make you grow up a little faster.
At the center of the two shows I've watched by Amy Sherman Palladino is always indulgence. I really believe that all the stuff that people complain about with the show was actually intentional. Loralei brags about how much unhealthy, fatting food she can eat without gaining weight; she brags about how beautiful she is. Their lifestyle is indulgent, you see them going to out for almost every meal, you see them watching trash on TV and mocking it. Rory is supposedly a bookworm, but it's rare to see her studying or reading a book, and with all the things constantly doing, I really don't see how she has time to keep her grades up. There's nothing wrong with this. The show is meant to be fun and unrealistic, and it works. It manages to be entertaining without everything being about sex or fantasy.
@@maydaze5934 I believe ASP lives vicariously through Lorelei and midge and I also believe that the reason people love the shows is because we live vicariously through them too.
I think, like in so many mainstream shows, the female, intelligent, kind (though too people pleasey), funny, pretty lead character is written as someone to "humble" and corrupt. The envy of the common viewer ensures that this kind of thing is well received.
Personaliy, this is one of the best videos i have seen in a while. I am a "former gifted child" who had a MAJOR existential crisis about 4 years ago and it took me months to recover from it. I realised I never existed beyond what people praised me for. And also being neurodivergent has impacted both my "giftedness" and also me falling into a downward spiral since, I couldn't keep up with the expectations of people for a long time and feel just crawling out of my skin when I feel like puppet of social expectations. I think during that who time my self worth only stemmed from my achievements...like that was my whole personality! I didn't know a damn about Rory Gilmore's story but the way you compiled this whole "former gifted child" thing was just on point👍
your point -whilst made only in passing-about millenials that grew up as middle and upper middle class, grew up with the expectation that they were going to save the world really rang true for me. And I would love to look more into why that is. I suspect that growing up in an environment where just getting by is a momentous struggle, taking on the momentous struggles of others seams a bit unrealistic.
Here to say more or less the same. Neurodivergent upper middle class kid who thought I was going to save the world. While I thought I understood my privilege, I realize I didn't fully grasp it. There are still things I can't relate to, but I'm trying to do better. Still haven't saved the world, though. I actually think that being influenced by post-counter culture revolution boomers played a part. Maybe our parents, maybe not, but I remember the hippie era being glorified, world peace days at school, that sort of thing.
@@oooh19 I grew up with parents who were raised working class and able to rise up out to middle class jobs only to fall back economically due to unfortunate life circumstances and illness. But I got an economic scholarship to go to a private Christian High School with many other students from middle and upper middle class back grounds. I was well aware that the biggest struggle of life for most humans for most of human society was just to stay alive and that you never know when life will flatten you with a curve ball. But I can easily see that if things had gone slightly differently for me I might have believed that life gets better and easier for every generation.
Such a smart analysis. Thank you! I watched several of these and you brought insightful, original points that I find useful for my own life. Subscribed!
Ok as an teacher I can say with relative certainty "too much praise" is not what happens in public (or even private) education. A common worry in our professional discussions is that we don't give our students enough positive feedback, for various reasons. And while I personally choose to praise my students for their efforts rather than "being smart", I don't think it matters that much either. Children distinguish between conditional and unconditional love, not between different types of praise. They sense what they need to do in order to get love and validation. Praising children for effort may lead to the same pitfall - children thinking that they only have worth when they have X and not Z. I don't think there's an easy way out of this.
No disrespect intended but I think you may have too narrow a view on child psychology. You recognise that children can differentiate conditional and unconditional love, I'm curious why you think praise wouldn't be tied into that? It is a logical extension that children will also value praise from sources of conditional love, and as a means to gain that love, over the need to impress their parents. This is a large part of why peer pressure is a thing. Maybe you are very careful about praising students, but that doesn't negate that praise is absolutely doled out in educational settings. No matter how even handed you think you are, that doesn't guarantee how different children will react, you can give an identical comment to 10 different kids and it will have a different impact on each of them. That's not to say you just shouldn't praise kids, but just because you're doing nothing wrong, doesn't mean you can deny that kids are affected by it, especially not for an entire institution. Because aside from that, kids absolutely do get special attention for many reasons, whether it be because they're extra cute or precocious, or winning awards. I got a lot of special attention and praise in school because I was poor and all the teachers felt bad for me. I wasn't damaged by this but that doesnt mean that another child wouldn't take it differently. All this to say, all a teacher can do is their best, but denying that even your best work can have a negative result just leads to teachers ignoring negative signs in students (bragging, etc) when they are in the position to nip the problem in the bud.
Thank you for such a great job analysing things! Loved the video! Your voice, your look are beautiful and as a not native speaker I understood all of what you said, sometimes I get lost but not this time. And also room is soo pretty. As a former gifted child I'm struggling with not being the best in things and... almost dropped my college too. Writers did the ugly job with Rory's character but it is common situation. It is the representation that I needed. And yes it's hursh to see her failing but it helps to reflect on yourself (for those of us who recognise themselves) and think: how can I be not like her anymore. The answer is: to learn from your mistakes. Thank you one more time!
I'm kinda tired of this former gifted kid talk, it's just our generation's rebranding of "peaked in high school." Those jocks and cheerleaders that used to be the peaked in high school kids, they were doing it for the same reasons and let down in the same way.
it's really not the same tho lmao peak in HS type people were more about popularity that they can't replicate later in life vs former gifted child typically just burn out under the weight of expectations
@@imjustaguyintheworld personally, I believed that was the case when I first heard the term, but over reflection, realized it was pretty literal. In high school, I didn't have a lot of fun because it didn't demand enough of me. I was singled out as gifted and it took over my life as I went into high school. Couldn't figure out what it was until I got to college, unable to dedicate myself to continuing the mind numbing grind, not feeling challenged. Access to free mental health care was a great boon. I learned I was eager to challenge myself by exploring new skills I had no familiarity with. I identified with being a gifted kid yet my grades were suffering in college because I saw my capabilities from the past as my greatest achievements that I was uninterested in repeating. Instead of looking forward to greater achievements, I had "peaked in high school." I think it's open to interpretation, but some ways of interpretation are more limiting to one's future than others.
I’ve changed careers 4 times and I just turned 30, I definitely feel that need to be praised after going through academia as a “gifted” student who barely had to work to excel. I’m not sure it’s burnout for me, rather boredom of roles that feel like ruts that I need to escape from to see if I’ll be a star in the next role?
I think Rory knew journalistically she peaked at high school, she even once mentions it to Lorelei in season 4. When she gets a realistic feedback by Mitchum in season 5, she reacts that way because, I think, deep down she knows that she has been thriving for an unsuitable profession - it's just then that someone speaks out loud what has been (even if mostly unconsciously) been working within her anyway. I loved that scene. I could feel her shaking up through the screen. I just wished she wouldn't have dropped out and instead pursued something else that included writing. That's what a bachelor degree is for. Try out new things. Her upbringing within a small town where everyone seems to know anything about everyone, plus her grandparents constantly praising her, didn't allow her to change her point of view. "I always did what was expected of me". And unfortunately, she keeps doing just that once she seemingly "bounced back". The perfect groundwork for depression.
everyone in the town being obsessed with how great she was also taught her that it's normal for people to fall at her feet, and that's why she felt so shaken when mitchum told her what he did, and when the judge called her out for thinking her privilege would shield her from consequences for blowing up the boat
Most “gifted children” are just average. But, since American culture encourages individualism and main character syndrome, people’s egos are too large to admit that.
From what I’ve seen not necessarily. The thing is everything is a bell curve right? So in the scheme of life most kids will hit the top of the bell and you’ll have the outliers on either end-gifted and struggling. I think the curve is easier to beat when young. The gifted-ness jumps out more clearly. They learned to read faster, their sense of math is phenomenal, they’re great at xyz in a tangible way. So they get bumped to gifted classes. And maybe they need it. Maybe they’re bored out of their minds and this is helpful. Fast forward a few years. Now the curve is harder to beat. Being ahead of your peers is less concrete and tangible. You’ve all hit those key milestones, reading writing counting etc. now being gifted means being good at school which isn’t being gifted. It’s been skilled at a very specific thing. Being good at school =/= being smart. But we treat it that way. And we don’t reassess. Gifted kids can’t get dumber right? Just keep pushing them through gifted classes. By middle or high school the “gifted” kid has learned how to school real well. And some aspects of school are critical to the real world. Timelines, goals, projects, following a leader and instruction, time management. But a lot of it is just stupid bullshit. But the gifted kid mastered this earlier on because of their accelerated classes. When their peers struggle with time management in high school we see the gifted kid not struggle and thing “wow so smart!” When we should really think “wow we taught them this skill years ago.” The fact is you can’t fake it til you make it infinitely. There is nothing TO make. The gift isn’t intelligence for 95% of “gifted” students. It’s being able to “school” better than their peers. And when that ability fails or becomes too much too much burnout too much stress too much EVERYTHING we crash and burn because no 16 year old should feel that much pressure. It’s honestly shameful that adults in positions of power do this to KIDS. They’re expected to be smart and perfect and have been since childhood. So when they’re no longer besting that curve they can’t handle it. Can we blame them? No. Not in my opinion. Dropping bombshells on teens never works out well. They can’t emotionally regulate great yet and hormones just make it 10x harder.
Yea but then it’s the education system not the students or even teachers or admin. Also yea time management has to do with life smarts isn’t that a good thing though? It’s good they learn to manage their time well that’s important
@@Zelda00Gamer No, not really. School just becomes tougher as your progress so it becomes harder to keep up. Students that were told their whole life by the school and parents that they're special and super smart have a crisis when they're not performing as they did in previous years. They're having to use more effort than before because it's more work and they're not used to that. They're used being labeled smart when figuring out easy stuff. It's like those adults who lament "I used to read five books a week in elementary school and now struggle to read a single book today!" Um, duh. You were reading children's books back then. You mean to tell me that you read Series of Unfortunate Events at a faster pace than Dostoevsky? Color me shocked! I don't think "former gifted kids" are burnt out, but crushed that they're not complimented as much as adults for doing basic work like they were as kids. As they enter the workforce and meet very talented and intelligent people in their field, their ego takes a hit when they realize how mediocre they actually are. With how many people are claiming to have been gifted kids, surely not all of them are actually "gifted". They were only labeled as so because they weren't a slacker or a total moron and they live in the USA.
I really enjoyed this video, and it’s fascinating to see how Gilmore Girls Discourse™️ continues to evolve - I guess it’s a tribute to ASP’s writing that we’re still talking about it more than 15 years since the original show ended. I think the Gifted Kid Syndrome comparison is a fair analysis for Rory’s character, with some generational trauma thrown in. I have mixed feelings about the notion that Rory acts entitled cuz while she definitely does for certain things (most notably referring to Dean as hers even though he’s married), I don’t know if I agree about that re: Yale stuff. You mention that she doesn’t seem particularly grateful (though those weren’t your exact words) for her grandparents’ aid, but I interpret that being less about entitlement and more a matter of, “this is what people expect of me so I guess I’ll go along with it.” It’s like you said toward the end about her always seeming to exist solely in relation to others - Rory reads to me as a smart kid who never developed a real sense of self, and IMO that’s the real crux of Former Gifted Kid Syndrome. Honestly it probably would’ve been better for her to have a Paris rejection moment earlier, then maybe she wouldn’t have snapped so badly after Mitchumgate, Though I did want to add re: your point about it never being mentioned that Rory didn’t need to go to an Ivy to be successful, I suspect that was a deliberate writing choice. Rory absolutely could’ve been successful if she went to, say, UConn or really any other college, but I think only talking about Ivies just emphasized the kind of pressure she was under from her family, even (and perhaps especially!) from Lorelai. They all wanted her to live out this grandiose WASP destiny where it was Harvard/Yale or bust. Conversely though, other characters are successful regardless of whether or not they have a college degree (Luke and Jess being two that immediately come to mind, as well as the other inhabitants of Stars Hollow), so the Ivy focus I think was to show how warped and elitist the Gilmores’ (and their high society’s) definition of success is.
so many valid points here and I agree that ASP writes many aspects of Rory's (and Lorelai's) character as more of a critique than the audience picked up on when the show was on air. p.s. Mitchumgate made me chuckle
Not a first world problem, gifted children are everywhere, and they have the 'dutty' to financially help their family, if they are gifted athletes and may earn millions they are expected to financially help their whole town. Just being smart (not super special kind of smart) is enough to get that burden tossed onto your back
I feel like people miss the point with Rory. She isn't suppose to be good or bad...she's simply human. Her story and personality is just a bit more nuanced than a lot of people get. To actually see another that is considered "the gifted child" learn and fail was super refreshing in the show. Her progress isn't linear, she likes she wants and expects of herself. I didn't care for the revival, but I could see what they were going for. I loved the original though. Sure, sometimes Rory is selfish and sometimes she is insufferable, but that is realistic. What teenager doesn't think the world revolves around them? And I'm saying this as a former teenager. 😅 Of course you don't realize it at the time, but when you grow up and get older, a lot of things become more clear. Her character didn't have a fully developed frontal lobe and so much of her identity was wrapped up in who she thought she was. If that didn't cause her to have some crisis, it wouldn't have been realistic. She never developed the coping skills to handle some situations. This is so relevant to how former gifted children feel when they have been praised for doing so well. Because of dealing with a lot of trauma and loss in my life through my childhood, I wasn't quite as uptight, or at least it wasn't my whole identity. But I know some people who would hyperventilate and sob if they got less than an A....in high school. Kid you not. One had her mom come in and talk to the teacher....10th grade...because she didn't get an A on a project. Assuming they were just spoiled or babies though is not quite accurate and missing the mark. It's more than that because their identities were tied up in being the smartest and if they couldn't perform and suddenly weren't, then who were they? They assume they don't have an identity and are not important. This can lead to severe depression and anxiety and has caused a number of tragedies. I think this is the struggle Rory had and her being able to still be important and worthy as a person while not always being the best and reaching all of her goals, is important to her development. Whoops, this is way longer than I meant.😅
The best thing that ever happened to me as a former gifted kid was getting a severe concussion that had lingering brain fog for 5 months and constant migraines followed by my first manic episode. The whole ordeal really forced me to reset my expectations of myself and where I was happy vs where i thought I should be in life and career based on other peoples expectations. And it triggering my bipolar and the intensity of the impulse to escape everything that was annoying or uncomfortable or wrong for me really led me to thinking intentionally about what was right for me. I did fuck up my life so very hard but i never loved that life. I rebuilt and I love my life now. I'm not as smart as i used to be and that's an identity crisis sometimes but i can tell people I can't or won't do something. I have a good union job where i come home tired and satisfied. I don't use my brain at work which is great because I feel like i have it when i get home to think about and do the things that make me happy. I used to always try to move up in jobs but that always gave me responsibility over people and stress and I would hate it and quit and move jobs in this endless shitty pattern before. I am living a better truer happier life than most of my highschool friends that were gifted kids.
I was a “gifted” child. My teachers asked my parents in both first grade and third grade if I could skip a grade. They said no, but had they said yes I would have graduated high school at 15. I ended up struggling socially in school and was bullied for being “awkward,” and “not cool,” and it really impacted my self esteem. After being abused physically, sexually, and verbally for years I stopped caring as much about my grades. It wasn’t that I wasn’t capable, I just didn’t have the mental capacity to keep up a 4.0+ GPA anymore. I still graduated on time but I became addicted to alcohol and turned into another typical trouble making partier the day I turned 19 all the way up to 23 years old. I almost died on multiple occasions from alcohol poisoning and suicide attempts. Flash forward nine years later and I am 30 years old, a full time college student (with a 4.0 gpa), have almost six years sober, a husband and child, and finally met with a therapist who specializes in trauma and addiction. Don’t give up and at the same time don’t tie your entire identity into your school work. You are worthy no matter what.
I was a gifted kid and I liked Rory when I was in high school but hated her when I rewatched it as an adult. I think a lot of former gifted kids get to college, realize their whole dorm is full of kids with 1500+ SATs and straight 5s on AP exams and just get to work. Rory never puts that together.
i feel like rory made over identified herself with her academic success and other ppl acknowledged it. the town ppl loved her because she's lorelai's daughter and she's pretty. sure, her being smart adds to it but, the town didn't really focus on that part of her, she was always highlighting academics. i don't think she was burnt out, i think she just didn't have grit. she was doing so well academically until Logan's dad said he didn't think she could do it. whenever she was met with the slightest discouragement, she would derail or abandon her plans altogether. another thing in this show is that lorelai and rory cosplay lower class while having the house that they do, eating out all the time, shopping all the time, having trust funds + financial stability in the sense that if anything goes wrong richard and emily are a phone call away. love the show and analyzing the characters is so interesting
I actually don’t think the cosplaying lower class thing is strictly accurate - Lorelai bought a two-bedroom house (which is what the inside is depicted as, even if the facade they used looks big from the outside) in a small town in Connecticut in the 90s, when the real estate market was nowhere near as insane as it is now, and she did that after living in a shed for like a decade. While it’s true she always had the option to go home, the implication in the pilot is that she very thoroughly cut her family out of her life and didn’t ask for or accept any money from them prior to Chilton. And while they ate out a lot, takeout is much more of a financial burden now than it was then, especially when you take into account that Luke appears to have run a traditional American diner with cheap, no frills food. Lorelai and Rory pretty much DID live a middle class life prior to Rory starting at Chilton, it’s just that pre-Great Recession middle class looks different from post-Great Recession middle class, and especially post-COVID middle class. That said, I definitely rolled my eyes throughout the episode where Rory applies for financial aid at Yale, cuz seriously? 😂
@@kaytoomuchsalt5100 yea it's just like you said, they were middle class, lower middle class at worst. A lot of the dialogue especially from Lorelai made it seem like she was struggling so bad when they were actually doing okay. Also, no matter the time period and how cheap things are if you're poor then you're poor for that socioeconomic climate and no poor person could afford to eat out that much and shop that much. the yale financial aid situation was actually hilarious because they were genuinely shocked that she was denied aid lol
Very interesting points! There's so much about Gilmore Girls x) IMO the insinuation of financial hardship while having the rich grandparents is a very interesting setup. It allows people who legitimately have or had struggled to identify with Rory and Lorelei, and then it gives them the fantasy of having the dreamy security blanket. Moreover, the fact that someone who could have had a "rich" life CHOSE the simpler life, reassures the viewer that the simpler life - the life most people have - must be the better one. There is also a subtle us versus them undertone, where the supposed middle/working class is painted as good, self sufficient, free, and hard working, while the rich are painted as neglectful, out of touch and controlling. It is a complex world of fantasy the show creates with this situation, that is very compelling, secure and comfortable to slip into. It sells it also well, given the conflicts between the characters, and their flaws. I think the show does this perfectly. "The everyday person, it could be you. She is independent, self sufficient, youthful, well loved, secure, has goals and created a wholesome corky corner of her own, DESPITE her struggles with work, family, and relationships. Hey! These are the same struggles you have, no? That means you can make it too." I see this setup, the creation of this fantasy world for the everyday person as genius.
About the revival: I don't why NOBODY gets that Rory doesn't fail professionally. When the revival ends, he's about to publish "Gilmore Girls", that is so obvious is about to be the break through of her carreer, Just as the series was the break through of Amy Palladino's carreer. And the fact that the idea for the book came from Jess, Rory's intelectual soul mate was so sweet. I don't understand why people don't seem to notice that. She's not a failure, she's about to become a successful writer. It's so obvious te me that that was Amy's intended with the hole "gilmore girls" book idea. And the last line: mom, i'm pregnant. Narrative rhyme. Genious.
The problem with being an undiagnosed AuDHD “gifted child” is that I was permanently burnt out by the time I reached adulthood and had to work to support myself. I used everything to be good in school. Fortunately, now I have a diagnosis (unofficial), and I know about masking and I’m coming back to being able to just exist without pain.
What bugged me the most is how she treated people around her because of her sense of entitlement. Lane deserves a better friend and I often felt very bad for her 😢 Same with Paris, when he says that they are not actually friends. And of course all the times when she treated Lorelai terribly, as a friend and her parent as well(like skipping her graduation party). She is always just acts in her own interests but expects everyone to treat her like a main priority ☠️☠️☠️ P.S: Love your subtle sense of humour❤
That's bs that Rory didn't treat Lane good. Cause I saw how Lane always asked Rory to do stuff and oh yeah Rory did it. Rory didn't have to let Lane stay with her in the dorm from but she did. Rory didn't have to rearrange for a CD drop but she did. Rory didn't have to get the cds for Lane but she did. Rory did so much for Lane. You probably ignored it. What did Lane ever do for Rory.
I'm one of the "gifted" kids who was late-diagnosed neurodivergent. I feel like I have been failed by the adults around me. I struggle with understanding what people want from me, particularly in the emotional sense. It makes me feel unloved by people because I don't get it, even though I want to. If only I had been given the tools to learn how to interpret people, I would be in a better place in terms of being able to provide people with what they need in general, emotional or not. It would have saved me from so many conflicts.
I remember watching gilmore girls with my mother when i was 11, and as soon as first season I knew she either marries rich or fails her dreams. I allready knew she lacked balls, grit, discipline and goal. She was studying hard to study hard, not to reach goal. She had a great mindset for STEM fields, but no creativity or fortitude to pursue arts, and she still picked arts. That must have ended badly.
it actually doesn't sound much like Rory! (re the description) The tiktok trend is a little weird because of the reasons it labels her as a "failure" -- at the end of the show, she was doing a high ranking position at an important paper on campus, going off to a good job, etc. And I do want to emphasize how problematic it is for audiences to criticize a character for taking time off of school because they weren't feeling good, and how bad Lorelei's reaction in the show was.
I wouldn’t say Paris was better equipped to handle everything she went through, she just never stole a boat. Her drive for perfection and the fallout from that drive manifested itself in different ways. Also she was a total elitist until she had to actually start working, and probably beyond that. We can just forgive her more so than Rory because Paris doesn’t hide her flaws behind an angelic persona.
I think someone needs to remind the internet that Rory is a fictional character and having flaws is what makes her compelling. She wasn't written to be the perfect person. She was written to be an interesting and compelling character, which she clearly is.
I think calling her a failure is a bit of a stretch. She was published in the New Yorker, it’s not like she had zero success. She just hit a lull, as if people don’t do that all of the time in the real world.
I relate to Rory as a former “gifted child”. Though I was never called that outright, the consistent praise I got from my parents, my extended family, my teachers and even my peers (in the form of being the one they asked how well I did in a test every time, so that they would feel better if I also performed poorly, or super great about themselves if they happened to beat my score), always reminded me that I was a smart person. I always felt as though I my self worth was hanging on a thin thread of getting the highest scores in the class, and I didn’t like that feeling because I felt I was being put in a competition I hadn’t signed up for (I’m neither competitive nor ambitious, but will run if my life depended on it, yknow)
This was great. Out of everyone, you did the best job describing Rory’s personality and explaining why she was the she was. You should do one of Hermione next
14:10 ''the world is full of special people.'' Okay, so I wanna tell a lil story related to this sentence. When I was younger, I was also seen as the ''smart and wise for her age'' kid. This of course went a lil bit too my head (which is logical since I was 10.) but then I got into a school specialised for ''smart people'' and I started realising that, like you said ''the world is full of special people'', I wasn't the only ''smart'' kid. + because this school was made for ''smart people'' and had harder tests and work and stuff, I actually failed tests and stuff a lot of times, which had never happened before. And I am SO glad this happened, because if I wouldn't have experienced this failure, and if I wouldn't have had my ego brought down a bit, I would probably go through a lot of shit when I'd go to college. :)
Can confirm. I tested into smart school but my parents declined it. They thought I'd be happier as the smartest kid at regular school vs average amongst geniuses. Dropped out of university after getting on academic probation. I was so unprepared for having to actually put effort in, didn't know how to study, didnt know how to push myself. Went back to school at 30 and finally was able to teach myself how to study.
I avoided former gifted child syndrome by being praised for being funny instead of being praised for being smart. I became a clown who graduated law school with honours.
My take is that Rory read a lot of books and got good grades in public school. As a result she was told she was special and everything else was done for her by others. She never put any effort other than talking about going to Yale and reading more books. She didn’t even think she needed any extracurricular activities to boost her C.V. for collage. She expected to be accepted by her grades alone. She did great in private school because she started coping Paris and her researches. The minute Paris was not there she drifted. As for internship all she seemed to be doing was answer phones and fetch coffee. She never chased any scoop or wrote articles. That’s why Mitchum told her she doesn’t have it i.e. drive.
My daughter was a beautiful baby and child. She received constant praise for her beauty, which made me uncomfortable. I always tried to emphasize being intelligent and being kind. And around age 10 people stopped telling her she was beautiful bc at a certain age its creepy. She started to believe that she was ugly. Still believes that at age 21. Its the same as with gifted kids. When u are accustomed to constant praise you notice when it stops. My daughter is fine. I guess im glad all that praise didnt make her arrogant. Shes down to earth and funny, smart and kind, just like i wanted her to be. And shes beautiful but she doesnt focus on that.
Mitchum is deeply wrong about needing to have 'it' in order to succeed at something-I agree. So, he watched her for a week and drew conclusions? He forgets that people improve and change as they grow and develop. Plus, you need a mentor to succeed at something, someone willing to believe in you even when you can't believe in yourself. That alone will help even someone lazy succeed at something big. I root for Rory and I think she had great chances to succeed but was dragged down by her environment (her mom who had a 'plan' for her and her grandparents who turned her into a second Lorelei in order to correct the mistakes they think they've made with their daughter).
By it he isn't talking about the skills he's talking about the drive. Rory doesn't have the drive to be a journalist. At the internship she doesn't go out looking for new stories she spends her time getting coffee and sucking up which is why Mitchum mentions that she'd be a good assistant. From what he saw she wasn't someone that put the work in to be a good journalist. Mitchum even says that he might be wrong, he's literally asking her to prove him wrong but in the end Rory proves him right. Instead of bettering herself and asking what she can do to be a good journalist her response is to drop out of Yale and steal a yacht. Not too mention Rory literally falls asleep during an interview and then gets mad at another interviewer for asking questions
In the revival Rory was getting on my nerves with her attitude and being the other woman (again!) but that was gone the moment Jess entered her life again. Hopefully her book and controversional baby makes her a better person and be a rolemodel to her kid with Jess guiding her because it's become clear she needs him to guide her.
I haven’t watched GG in a few years but didn’t Lorelei also try to get her a scholarship when she got into prep school? Even though she clearly had the means by just asking for help from her parents who loved their grandkid?
yes!! or when she was trying to take out a loan for the inn and then Richard sells a plot of land he had bought in her name and gives her a chunk of money and we're supposed to be sad that she doesn't qualify for the loan anymore?? So bizarre
I'm a "formerly gifted child" and I get the "achieve at all costs" mentality. There can be several answers to this mentality, but I believe that one of the easiest to access is simple appreciation of beauty - whether it be artistic, natural, mathematical, scientific... just probably not physical beauty (because that one seems so mixed with lust/longing). Beauty can transport us away from ourselves and in so doing, puts things into perspective and reminds us of what is real. Better yet, our appreciation of beauty can point toward activities/careers to pursue - and if that fundamental appreciation of beauty is there, it can guide us toward something well beyond the focus on praise and external success. Thanks for the video
well the only hobbies I see her do is reading a lot , watching movies or old movies 🍿, cheering 📣 , listening to music 🎶, studying and journalism so yeah I totally agree and understand where you’re coming from but still that still no excuse for how Rory treats or behaviors around people and her mom, Paris seriously 😒 yes Rory changed but not in an good way so yes I totally agree 👍 or at least I think 💭 so!.
We dont praise kids too much, we praise them for the wrong things, for being pretty or being smart or being talented. Things they dont have agency in. We need to praise people for their choices not their genetic attributes. No amount of "intelligence" guarantees success in this world. There is no "thing" that some lucky few who won the genetic lottery have. There are only people who understand how to play into their strengths and have commitment to their work and people who don't.
Yes yes yes! I was just thinking along the same lines earlier today watching a different GG criticism video. I feel like her gifted-kid-ness is the key to understanding her character that almost every video on the matter misses. My GG hot take for a while has been that Year in a Life is not nearly as bad as everyone makes it out to be (I think it's pretty good actually). As one of the many underachieving, former-gifted-kids, I was not surprised at all to see Rory struggling. Anyway, really enjoyed the video! It's the first one of yours I've seen. I love your sense of humor! Looking forward to seeing more :)
I keep pausing to comment out of excitement for how on point I find what you are saying. Then deleting the comments because, as I continue to listen, I find that you said what I wrote, only better and clearer. Thanks for this video ❤
It’s actually very realistic. For her formative years she was the illegitimate child of a teenaged mother living in a rundown shed in the back of a hotel. Then boom she’s surrounded by extreme wealth and people who didn’t have to really work hard for anything. Her perspective and views changed.
who tf is self-aware and self-actualized in their 20s? the crashing down of previous inherited beliefs about oneself is most likely to occur in your 30s or maybe 40s, which is the story arc for AYITL. This essay is harsh and unrealistic asf.
Lucky me I'm in my 40s so I skip the pretend summer and enjoy couch and cats watching Gilmore when ever I want. I always preferred Lorelei. Rory the extreme pg13 was already annoying when the show game out bc the American purity culture and pretend not to drink never made sense to me. She's also such a bad friend. She doesn't give a f about how Lane feels. It's all about her. I feel Lane so much
At the start of the show I really disliked Rory. Nothing personal, I just thought she was boring and judgemental. I really started to like her when she went to Yale- to me it was a very unique direction for a character in a show like Gilmore Girls to take, seeing the repercussions of her Adolescence made me feel a lot more invested.
I think people forget how much Cristopher’s abandonment affected Rory and her relationships throughout the show, not just Lorelai’s behavior/ views (Ik this doesn’t have too much to do with the video, but it reminded me that not many people talk about his effect on Rory)
In my country, high school is already a choice of profesion, because each is dedicated to something else. In the middle of my high school, one teacher told me I won’t make it, because she doesn’t see enough drive in me. I cried after the class, I was depresed for a week, and then I start to work on my education again, twice as hard this time. Guess what, I proofed her wrong! And I was only 17 at the time she told me, and still was adult enough. Most of the kids here has to be strong and mature to do difficult desicions since 15. We are teached this way. But she was in college, and still wasn’t able to do it, because everyone around her babying her her whole life 😂
Happiness for a former gifted child is an adulthood where you are surrounded by gifted adults, and have challenge in your life. That is NOT the same thing as becoming some conspicuous success story.
i was a gifted kid because of the way my autism presented. the second that autism was no longer "hyperlexic book lover" and more "emotional meltdowns over seemingly small issues" the school system tossed me to the side just like every other nd kid. at the end of the day it's just about whether or not they can exploit your illness for their gain (which is in fact exactly how asperger grouped autistics. the "good" ones, who fixated on "intelligent" topics and had unique world views and the "bad" ones, who struggled to socialize and had too many emotions) but we have the same disorder and we are a combination of both, the only difference is how we are supported and whether or not we can communicate like neurotypicals
Thank you for watching please subscribe love youuuuuuuuu
You said that the working world is too harsh for the former gifted child, and then you say that the world loves the aptitude and talent rather than hard work.
Firstly, those two ideas are in conflict. Secondly, you don't have to choose between talent and hard work. If you have both, you are at an advantage. And there's no two ways about that.
The reason you people find 30-year-old Rory comforting is because yes, the writers did do it on purpose. The writers just had to HUMBLLEEEE such a generally content and capable young woman.
The viewer is so envious, that Ori basically had to be written that way. Where she ends up crappy in the end.
It would have been much more moving to show that she was completing all kinds of independent work or completing her novel secretly at the end. Not this whole "oh thank God this person I envy got trashed!"
Like Jesus, get himself esteem. It's not that you need to bring others down. It's that you need to improve yourself. And we can do that a lot better if we get these pesky ruling bloodlines out of the way. They're ruining everything with their precious governments.
Everyone can be wonderful. Everyone can be wealthy. Those in our way are the ones who claim to have every right to rule us. Time to redirect to the actual perp. Not just some girl you wish you were on a TV show.
Also you have no clue what individualism means. Please look it up in a dictionary. Seriously. A lot of people get this wrong and all these UA-cam influencers told to trash individualism... If you think it won't come back to you. It will. Things are not going in the way you hope.
Rory was a writer. NOT a journalist. She liked books, not reporting. Paris was more a journalist than Rory was. Wish the writers had pivoted her to writing in college then her struggle doing something she WANTS to do would be much easier for viewers to root for. How she behaves 'on assignment' is just awful and unprofessional.
I agree. 💯% She could have written articles for a journal. She just wasn’t an investigative journalist. She would have done a great job with human interest stories where she was sent to interview people and write their stories for them. That would have fit her personality so well.
Spot on! I think she should have been writing short stories or a book like Jess did. It makes more sense.
Yeah I’ve always thought that she would’ve made a good English professor tbh.
And this is realistic. How many people pick or are assigned a goal as teens/kids and falling short of that goal is seemingly unacceptable?
When they were kids & Jess questioned her about this she looked panicked & says something like "I hope I can, I've been talking about this for forever..." That's what she had to do because that was her goal & she was Super Overachiever Rory.
In the beginning, Rory was super laid back and kind. She was nice to everyone and generous with her time. She didn’t judge people. It was easy to see why she was the golden child of the small town. She volunteered and participated in everything.
Really…I thought she was really judgemental
@@UseURHead she was but got worse as the series progressed
@@tamirahgrant5981 yup!! I think it was when she met Paris and found someone who didn’t like her and had a mental breakdown in class yelling at Paris. By the time we meet Jess, we already knew she’s the worse…but didn’t really see her as a homewrecker.
@@tamirahgrant5981no she didn't. My opinion I think fans are worse on judging Rory then anything.
@@UseURHeadbs
the “gifted child syndrome” is so true - as a child who wasn’t good at making friends, the only attention i got was due to my academic excellence. because of that, i’ve been spending my whole life focussing on school, and whenever something doesn’t come naturally, i tend to give up because it’s hard to handle not being perfect at something. i really relate to rory’s character in that respect.
I hope you didn’t sleep with your married ex boyfriend though. 😂
Yupppp this is why I’m in therapy
Yeah I relate to this too. I’m still trying to work on this
Same. Im now a huge failure who can't get back up.
I love this self-reflection. I'm starting to see these patterns in myself, and I want to enjoy the process more instead of chaining myself to the glamor of accomplishment.
🧐 I know a lot of people hated how the writers messed with Rorys character & how she ended as a “failure” BUUUUT… this is the most realistic depiction of life. Mitchum Huntzberger was right when he told Richard: If she’s good enough she’ll bounce back at it (journalism career) & he had a point. Rory was surrounded by people who always praised her & constantly said how great she was; when she went out to the real world out of the perfect bubble she lived all of her life, she found out she was not that great as she was told. The minute she bumped into someone who didn’t say nice things about her, she took it wrong & let her redefined her whole life choices. As Jess told her, we all have bad ruts but Rory showed us that to “succeed” you have to believe in yourself , work your ass off no matter what to achieve your goals & def not expect the world to open doors for you just because. This was the main difference between her & Paris, determination & perseverance.
And when Rory was editor of Yale Daily News he praised her and and said he made her who she was. He wasn't right at all and Rory called him out on it. Mitchum didn't tell Rory shit about what he wanted her to do when interning. He even admitted he was wrong
dang...I am becoming like rory, i hate it. I live in a bubble and i am graduating high school soon. I don't think I will be able to handle real life
@@yesiwillstealurwig6589 Sending the best vibes! You got this! We all go through that era but I promise you will end up learning, growing & realising you can do great things in your life. Just, trust the process, FOCUS on the goals, persevere no matter what & have fun! ⭐️
My son is gifted and goes to a special elementary school. I stopped praising him for his high grades but instead the work he puts forth. I don’t even check his grades anymore.
When we’re practicing multiplication facts, playing piano, or swimming , I empathize the importance of our hard work and not the outcome.
As long as he tries his best, that’s all that matters!
Keep it up! I'm hearing more parents think of learning like that, and I love it. I work at a tutoring center and I'm all about the kids doing the best possible work, too. I sometimes have to help with initial assessment tests and some kids look frazzled just seeing what's there. Since the tests are about placement, I make sure to let them know to do the best they can, and if they don't know something, that's okay, because it just means there's something we'll work on. It helps them relax a bit and we just take the results and go from there.
yeah, but won't that backfire as an obsession with being "a hard worker"? I think having an identity of being "gifted" is potentially less toxic and self-destructive than an identity centered around being a "hard worker".
@@OlgaTsygankova Dunno about that. Kids constantly praised for being smart end up thinking they don't have to work very hard because they're naturally good at it... until they're not. If they haven't been taught critical thinking skills or ways to adapt when something is difficult (and how to work through it), they run the risk of falling behind.
I myself was labeled gifted & smart in elementary school. I used to just read books and pick up info like a sponge. Once I hit middle school, subjects were much tougher and I ended up kicked out of Honors math by the end of the first semester. I'd never had "F"s until then. I had NO study skills and was freaking out that once easy subjects were suddenly out of my reach. I probably didn't catch up til high school. Nobody in my family could understand why "the bookworm" just couldn't get it, but they didn't bother teaching me how to work for it (and I didn't know I had to ask back then, because I didn't understand the problem til I started student teaching myself). I wish I had learned how to work harder at school; I'd probably be in a much better career path had I not just given up because I didn't know how to push through difficulties and learn from them.
@@tallyp.7643It’s not all that we focus on. But when your child has a success, let’s say gets an A on a big test. Instead of praising the A, you’d focus on the work. I also make sure to teach the importance of mental health and breaks. During school breaks and after school, we have a lot of fun and play time.
@@vanessapodkomorski942 I get that. And it should be like that. I do the same thing. Too many parents are either fixated on the letter grade, or see it and just shrug and go "as long as you tried" without bothering to figure out what they're doing or having trouble with. Then they wonder why Johnny's in 5th grade still counting single digit addition on his fingers. They didn't ask him questions or teach him how to learn from his mistakes and work on them. Improvement should be a big focus, especially since so many kids in public school are falling behind (most kids I tutor are about 2-3 grade levels behind where they should be--not counting the neurodivergent). That "light bulb" moment as they get a concept that was giving them trouble before is always the highlight of my tutoring days.
The only time it is addressed that she is so privileged is when Logan is telling her off, I never liked Logan but he nailed it in that argument.
It’s weird because Rory was always seen with a book and loved to talk about and discover books. Publishing or editorial work makes sense. Journalism does not.
Didn't she end up running the Stars Hollow paper in the 4 episode special?
Yeah I always saw her as being more of like a travel writer
When Mitchum tells Rory that she doesn't have "it," he's not talking about talent or skill or some nebulous "X-factor;" he's talking about the drive that it takes to put yourself out there. To really dig, even when it's hard, to find a story. I know all of this because that's what he says in-scene. Other than that, great video.
And that's key for journalists
Either you know how to find a kernel of a story in a seemingly mundane piece or you don't.
Rory didn't. She never had to dig as you say
Her struggle is real though. Millennials were promised the work hard, go to college and you'll be fine 90's work ethos, and then the Recession happened and ripped that narrative to shreds.
Rory's inability to cope is emblematic of her generation, flaws and all
I didn't watch the reboot, but I guess she never redeemed herself?
I mean he wasn’t wrong either, one little comment from him destroyed her. She could’ve totally showed him up, “I’ll show you how valuable Elle Woods can be,” type thing 😂 but with one sentence he ended her entire plan she had since a young age. Rory should’ve gone to Harvard and stuck to her original plan, I believe that was her total mistake going to Yale. But really, I believe she daydreamed about her adult life so much she couldn’t handle the weight of her own expectations and realized going for it and daydreaming it are two different things 😂
im pretty sure that the beggining pf her downfall was getting into chilton. She wouldve been great as an overachiever at a public school who gets a scholarship for harvard and stays grounded, I firmly believe that getting Rory into her grandparent's world was the biggest mistake Lorelai ever made
@karinalumen9722I mean in a certain way that is part of the appeal of the show. Having this child who grew up removed from this world of privilege, is put back into it and struggles to deal with it properly. I think this is why she is unable to see her own privileges because she never accepted that she is not really the outsider in this world that she appears to be when she gets into Chilton. But still tries to break out of this world by f.e. turning down to become Logan’s wife and fully reintegrate into the world her mother left behind as a teenager.
@@lisal5718absolutely. I think that was a big part of Amy’s pitch for the show, she said she pitched a bunch and this one was just off the top of her head and the producers were like…”go on…”
Wait in Yale she became worse but how do we know in Harvard she wouldn’t have had the same thing happen?
As a former gifted child, I identified a lot with Rory, specially when she is struggling with her first year at college. I never had to study a lot during school years, so when I entered university I struggled with keeping up with stuff, and it looked like other people didn't have this issue cause they knew how to study in a way that worked for them, which I didn't.
So when I saw that scene of her crying to Dean about it, for the first time I saw someone that went through the same as me.
I also find her ditching college and having an existential crisis after Logan's dad comment so relatable, hahaha. I used to have so much confidence on myself, cause I was always able to do everything, and then I applied to a masters scholarship. The way I was humbled on the interview, I have anxiety until this day because of it. So yeah, I understand Rory a lot, but damn I hate that she is such a cheater.
Same here--I excelled in elementary and never had to study. Middle school years were hell because I suddenly hit the wall on what I knew and I suddenly had to learn how to learn new material. I was halfway through high school before I learned some study skills, but only effectively used them in college (it took a while to learn that writing everything down and reading it wasn't the only way to study, and was bloody hard work to do for multiple courses).
I went for a master's degree when the 2008 recession hit and promised teaching jobs suddenly evaporated. People joked that I should just be a professional student because I liked school so much. But I wanted to actually USE what I'd learned in a career, not just be a student forever. Sadly, I realized after getting my master's degree that getting good grades was about all I was good at until 30. Now I'm 40 and trying to get a job that pays a living wage, even if it's bagging groceries, because unless I want to go re-certify and teach at a school district (verbal abuse and threats made me quit subbing years ago), my degrees have been more of a hindrance to getting jobs around here, and I can't afford to move.
“As a former gifted child” 😂
The thing that always bugged me the most was that she got so much praise for doing the bare minimum well. Compared to say Paris, who did five thousand summer jobs and internships, it never seemed to even occur to Rory that she had to do anything extra to be on par with others.
former gifted child is no different then your uncle who "would have gone pro" in football or whatever if it wasn't for his senior year knee injury.
“Living it up somewhere, soaking in a hot tub, with my soul mate”
It actually is different because the gifted child is able to choose between perseverance or giving up while an athlete would be rejected by the team's medical staff
lmao
…as one of the “gifted” child, I grew up my whole life being scared of failure. I feel this video. More than I can probably put into words.
The GG revival/continuation showed a Rory that I could actually relate to. The perfect student until college, and then what? Where to go? Who to be? I think it was the most realistic Rory we’ve seen.
That being said, I completely agree that it’s a first world problem.
it being a first world problem doesn't make it less of an issue for the individuals who have to deal with it though. You can recognise that this isn't the biggest problem in the world compared to what other people around the world are going through and still be kind to yourself. Sending you love xx
The seeds of who Rory ended up becoming were planted in season 1, imo. I wasn't at all surprised how she turned out. Well, actually i am a little. I never expected ASP to be that honest about Rory. All of the Gilmore Girls are low-key/high-key monsters. And I love them for it.
I feel like I'm in the minority, but Lorelei's handling of Rory's identity crisis and dropping out of Yale was her WORST parenting moment in the whole show. Yes it's disappointing and alarming that her daughter wanted to quit school, but Rory was having a personal crisis. Yelling at her and trying to force her to stay in school was NOT the way to handle it.
Let’s be honest though, Lorelei’s reaction was realistic for her character. Lorelei never really had to parent Rory. She has no idea how to deal with real problems with her kid, because she is basically still a kid herself. She never had good parents to model healthy relationships, so she has no idea what helping her daughter looks like. She reverts to what her parents would have done.
Yes. As someone who needed to take a year off from college to work and refigure my direction I am glad my mother didn’t react like that.
@@misstweetypie1am i wrong to think that lorelai’s parents wouldn’t have kicked her out though? richard was very focused on his image and emily was heartbroken when lorelai left the first time because despite all the things she did to her she still wanted lorelai to love her back. i also don’t think that was lorelai’s best moment but that’s because the writers made it feel like a squabble between friends instead of a parent actually putting their foot down. plus it’s hard to get any parenting to stick when the adults in a child’s life are not on the same page. emily and richard didn’t help. i would’ve felt differently about her leaving yale if she genuinely left to find something else to be passionate about, but she left because she was told the one thing she had been working towards wasn’t going to work so she just didn’t want to work anymore. she saw the privilege she had and hid behind it because TO HER (i emphasize this because the work emily does is too often underestimated in the show) that was the easy way out that was guaranteed.
@@jacklyncrabbe6917 all that you said is valid, and you might be right that Lorelei’s parents wouldn’t have kicked her out. I was just pointing out that her parents weren’t great role models for parent child relationships. So that, coupled with the fact that Lorelei’s maturity level is somewhat stuck at a teenage level, means that she isn’t great at parenting skills like talking it out, coming up with alternate plans. Etc. She doesn’t know how to deal with things that are out of her control, in this moment at least.
@@lucybarrington4634many people do that for example for a break because college is draining, they want to travel for a while or whatever. Maybe it was not the norm back then idk but even one of my ex boyfriends needed 2 additional semesters to complete his med school bc of travel and time off 🤷🏻♀️ who cares. And if Rory had a crisis, maybe they could’ve made a plan to go back to college (I know Rory did not say at the beginning that she was necessarily going back) but even then. Think about alternatives as a mother because there will be certain reasons a kid wants to quit their lifelong dreams 🤷🏻♀️
i was praised a lot by my parents as a kid, but I never thought I was the smartest, growing up in a working class family probably had a factor in my view of life as "everything is a struggle"
Exactly! My family was very loving and they never went a moment without praising things I did, but they also made sure to teach me quite early that I was more than my achievements.
My mother, specifically, made sure I knew that there are millions of people in the world, each having different upbringings and talents. So, statistically, I should expect people to be more advanced than me in various fields.
I think class definitely plays a role here. Personally, I had a lot of positive reinforcement around my intelligence and my looks as a kid, but being from a relatively poor single-parent family definitely brought up opportunities to be humbled outside of my immediate circle lol. Rory has the buffer of wealth and status around her, so she doesn't get that until she goes to college.
If you were a "gifted child" from an ACTUAL poor / working class background (unlike Rory) it sucks even more. Because you were supposed to be this shining beacon & uphold the Myth of Meritocracy & prove that anyone can make it if they are just smart & hard working enough & come back & help everyone else...
ugh why is this so relatable
After years of fear of failure, late nights and weekends, and crazy inducing imposter syndrome, I made it! Now, im working on easing off the gas petal and getting some balance in my life. I never watched the later seasons of Gilmore girls, but early Rory did serve as a motivator in my life. Plus, i had a huge crush on her since we both liked reading. It is a bit difficult to find good role models growing up in the ghetto.
And then often those people that you go back to try & help end up sucking you dry because they resent your success and your alien manners & ideas
@@accordingtoalinapls but how do I stop relying on the perception of others of me as the gifted child
For real, as a former gifted child and now a burned out med student: college with no money sucks. And it doesn’t help that my classmates are rich af
This is really thoughtful! Rory was a more likable character at the outset and slowly became more insufferable; she's somewhat of a baffling anti-hero. Are we meant to view her in relation to Austen's Emma?; this idea that what we all really want, as the audience, is to see the pretty rich girl put in her place. I feel like Amy Sherman-Palladino must have thought about this particular arc a lot, as she has said she had the last line of the series planned from the start, ie, that Rory was, despite her giftedness, destined to repeat her mother's mistakes in some way. Can we never truly escape the destiny laid out by family? Did Lorelai, while trying to give Rory the best possible life, accidentally ensure a stalled adulthood for her? And their names are the same; that was always really striking to me. I was a huge fan of Paris, who was equally ambitious but more enjoyably unhinged. 🤣
So interesting! I def think that the writers want us to question Rory at various points in the show - the episode where she goes to court for stealing the boat and the judge essentially calls her a rich spoiled brat comes to mind.
What you say about her being “Lorelai Gilmore” 2.0 is sooo interesting to me because I feel like had she not decided to keep the baby and move to Stars Hollow, Lorelai might have actually been the Christiane Amanpour-style journalist Rory sees herself as…
So interesting! I def think that the writers want us to question Rory at various points in the show - the episode where she goes to court for stealing the boat and the judge essentially calls her a rich spoiled brat comes to mind.
What you say about her being “Lorelai Gilmore” 2.0 is sooo interesting to me because I feel like had she not decided to keep the baby and move to Stars Hollow, Lorelai might have actually been the Christiane Amanpour-style journalist Rory sees herself as…
I think Lorelai was in some ways living her teenage years through Rory.. maybe that's why Rory lacked self awareness and took her relationships somewhat for granted.. Ironically, I think if she realized that she really did fit in with the lifestyle of her grandparents and married Logan who loved her she would have been in a better situation later on in life. But she wants to go through what Lorelai went through I guess and want to try making it out on her own even though she's not Lorelai and I feel she doesn't have to be. She doesn't really have an identity aside from being an aspiring journalist and she's not even a good journalist too :/
I agree! Lorelai is definitely journalist material lol she's street smart, witty, not afraid to take the plunge, resourceful, brave and headstrong! She would make a better journalist than Rory if she wanted to lol@@accordingtoalina
@@raissalianna889this makes even more sense because Rory wanted to be like Lorelei! I can absolutely see Rory trying to cram herself into this mold even though she would make a much better phd student and English or history professor!
The more I watch these essay videos on Gilmore Girls the more I begin realizing things. When Rory first wants to go to Harvard, I’m beginning to wonder if it’s because that’s where Lorelei wanted to go. In the first episode Lorelei is ecstatic for Rory getting into Chilton and tells Suki that she (Rory) is one step closer to doing the things that she (Lorelei) didn’t get to, possibly implying that while Lorelei hated her life she was still looking forward to that college experience. And of course it would be Lorelei who wanted to go to Harvard rather than Richard’s school (Yale).
When Rory changes her mind, I think it’s the beginning of the fallout of her relationship with Lorelei. By choosing Yale over Harvard Rory is choosing team Richard and Emily over team Lorelei, even if she isn’t consciously aware of it.
Richard says in episode 8 season 3 that lorelai wanted to go to yale just like him, which I think is another reason lorelai didn’t want rory to go yale, because rory would literally be turning out to be everything lorelai’s parents wanted her to have been, but instead she feels like her own parents see her as a sort of failure
You’re spot on about millennials. I’m at the tail end of generation X and can see the distinction clearly. In fact, when I was young, I truly doubted that I could succeed, despite being a good student. It was almost too much in the other direction. A healthy balance between the worldviews when raising children is best. You should always feel important and special in your small circle, but kids need to be prepared for the real world. It’s good to dream big, but it’s okay to change directions and realize that not everyone can be at the top. Sometimes it’s not even because you lack the talent. It’s just that too many people want the same thing and the odds are against you. Being the editor of a smaller newspaper is perfectly acceptable and can be very fulfilling.
Yea it’s just there’s not enough spots for everyone
Screenshooting this 4 my mental health lol
"teenage girls in their 30s"...so true! :D and yes, currently in my Gilmore Girls season.
Former gifted children struggle. I was a poor, neurodivergent "gifted" child that couldnt afford the exams for the advanced classes, couldn't afford my class dues, and my own guidance counselor never told me when college admissions were because they assumed I wouldn't be able to afford it anyway. I struggle with doing anything if I'm not good at it right away.
I went to a gifted kid program in the 80s. We were constantly told that if we didn't work hard and achieve we were out. No entitlement. Just hard work and gratitude for being allowed the opportunity.
I watched Gilmore Girls in real time and many times after. I liked Rory at first, really the first two years were my favorite. Her downfall started when she had an affair with Dean.Then when Mitchum criticized her ability as a reporter, she reacted in a way that only validated his criticism. When that happened I was thinking “Rory get over yourself, pick your self up and prove to Mitchum that he was wrong”. She just didn’t have the grit and determination to it, nor did she have the grit to power through life’s challenges. There are many gifted children who do well. Rory just never learned to navigate the stormy seas of real life.
To me her downfall was JESS
I don't hate Rory, I mean, we are humans, nobody is perfect, and we all have our shadows and we all have ups and downs, I love how human she is, we all are, we all make mistakes, we all have our stages...
I mean, crime and cheating things aside, I personally still relate to Rory a little. I was in AP classes and gifted as a teen, and then felt incredibly lost in college. I'm still trying to figure myself out and trying to get my life together.
I’ve never really thought about this, but God, if I’m not a “former gifted child”. I’ve always had this: “You are the most intelligent one, so you HAVE to get the best grades” from the adults around me. The craziest thing. It was mostly my teachers who had this thing going on. Then I graduated from high school, and just… burnout hit me harder than anything I’ve ever experienced. Didn’t help that I got diagnosed with both Hashimoto’s thyroiditis and type one diabetes in the last 3 years. Both take a toll mentally and physically, but most of the trouble I have now studying in university has started with being so stuck on the high school system that I couldn’t really work with the university one. Thanks for making this video.
so sorry to hear you've been struggling! I also found the shift from high school to uni challenging in the beginning, but a lot of people do and they end up catching up in the end, so try not to stress too much! sending you love xx
I went through this as well. I got diagnosed with Hashimoto's at 16 and it derailed my last two years of high school. I couldn’t keep up with the honors/AP workload I had been managing and I felt like a failure. And then I started college without ever having learned how to study properly and I had to wake up fast. It's a rough transition to make
Thanks for your work. I can totally relate to problems transitioning from academia to industry. I struggled myself and I had no idea why - there was no smart adult near me to tell me this is just a part of the process.
been there and I'm sure many people have! standard education is so far from able to equip young people with the tools they need to successfully step into adulthood and for some reason we still pretend this is not the case...
i personally find rory annoying but that means her character well written. her mistakes are more realistic. but i think people let their hatred of her go too far. i love that she fails because it makes complete sense. she’s a girl who dreams of other female icons Hilary Clinton, Madeleine Albright, Christiane Amanpour, and probably tons of pop culture icons. so when she also compares herself to those women, she puts herself down that she isn’t at the right place at the right time in life. i love the ending of the original series bc it leaves rory’s future ambiguous. will she succeed? will she fail? if either of those things happen, will she learn? i personally find her turning Logan down an extremely mature step in the right direction. she was right, she wasn’t mentally ready to be engaged or married or support the heir to the Huntzberger business. i think in 2007, she was ready to start over in the real world. i love all her other adventures in AYITL, but her going back to Logan was the worst plot line ever.
100% agree that she's well-written. I think that although she doesn't give the viewer the satisfaction we long for she's still keeping us interested - we wouldn't be here making and watching video about the show otherwise!
The only reason Rory wanted to be journalist was because she wanted to travel. What they should have done was make her an influencer that traveled the world talking about all the cool things that happened to her there. Rory was a magnet for interesting, quirky experiences. AYIL could have started out with Rory realizing that she was tired of traveling because she had done it for over decade, and now she wanted to start putting down roots. That would have made such a better story.
Influencers weren't really a thing in the early 2000s. Or did you mean in the sequel series?
ETA: Although I take it back. Influencers the way we think of them weren't, but actually, there were a lot of travel journalists. So yes, she could have done that, had a blog and made money through merch or whatnot. And yes, the reboot could have been her being tired of travel. MUCH better.
@@test-kf2zv yes, was talking about the reunion
Magnet? Thst's Lirelsi. Rory is a wet blanket
The thing is, she never explored what she could do. There was the idea of "journalist" but she never became that but somehow she never explored all her other talents?
As much as Richard hated it, her role at the DAR showed that she's great at organizing and managing. Who knows what sort of career she might have found for herself that she would've been excellent at?
this is such a good point - she definitely suffers from a bit of "not like other girls syndrome" in that she seems to only want to do things that men respect/ are seen as men's occupations
@@accordingtoalina It's interesting because Lorelai might have been that driving force behind the rejection of conservative values of femininity and the world she came from. But in the end, being from that world also meant having a privileged background, which is something that doesn't just go away. And Rory grew up within this tension of the world left behind that still obviously had an effect on her mother and on her and the image they were projecting now. The "poor" people (who also own a house and can afford take out). And she most definitely never could leave that world behind from the moment they decided that Chilton is the only way she'd get the education that she "deserves", which is also something you touched on. Other than the prestigious label, undergrad education at Harvard is not inherently superior to hundreds of institutions across the world. But of course participating in the select members club that is Harvard *is* a privilege and *can* help to move ahead (and it did that for Rory in the form of the Huntzbergers). So again, she both rejected and embraced this. I went to a prestigious school but me and the majority of my friends were more from the Marty from the show type of background and most of us had to work and had to rely on scholarship or grants and award money. I didn't come in with connections and I didn't particularly cultivate them during my time at college either. But even someone with my inability to network could easily now choose to activate that network, should I need it. And even I profited from that label and the networks that are in place through faculty and research groups, when applying for grad school and subsequent faculty positions. It's a well known fact that people from a select few institutions have an easier time with all of this. So pretending that she could ever be both an "outsider" while also living with all kinds of privilege was very strange. Choosing Yale (or Harvard) didn't mean choosing the best possible school for her development. It meant going for the prestige and the position that comes with it.
I don't know that the writers of the show intended any of that but death of the author and all that and it's sure amusing to explore all of these things as a viewer :)
"you can be anything you want if you set your mind to it" GOD, so damn true that that was the narrative for so long! Then you go into the real world and you quickly realise they all lied to you.
I agree with this but I also wish people would would discuss Loralai and her mothering techniques-I think she is a very loving mother but she is very enmeshed and Loralai doesn’t see her daughter as an extension of herself. But whenever Rory makes a choice that Lorali doesn’t agree with she completely ices Rory out. I didn’t mind Rory in the show because she’s a kid growing up-in ‘a year in the life’ I saw her as someone having a quarter life crisis and by the end of the year she’s at a good place and making good choices. I’m getting my masters in mental health now and it’s really hard to rewatch Gilmore girls’s now and see the discourse online because there is so much criticism of Rory and none on her mother. I love them both but it is not healthy to have a parent and child be ‘best friends’ it’s not good boundaries.
this is a great point! we rarely talk about how little parenting Lorelai actually does. In the early seasons in particular, we see her brag about how her kid is exceptionally behaved and how they're best friends, but I'm not sure that's healthy. Your parents are not your friends and sometimes children need to be allowed to be children, whereas Lorelai seems to expect Rory to act like an adult all the time and, like you say, ices her out when she acts her age.
I think your observation about society "glorifying genius or talent" as opposed to glorifying effort and practice is spot-on.
There are many people who are disappointed in how Rory unfolded. I like her. I dont always like her behavior, but for the most part she is pretty ok. It's tiring that people have the expectation that Rory should turn out one way or the other, mostly a saint, because when then watched this show they could relate with her in some way. Most want the Cinderella story for her. They want her to be perfect. And even with the most stable of circumstances any child could be in, which Rory did not have, perfection is not obtainable. I dont judge her. The writer's gifts to Rory's character was the book about her and her Mom and all their imperfections and all of the good stuff in between. Their love for each other. The other gift is the child she is about to have, it tends to make you grow up a little faster.
At the center of the two shows I've watched by Amy Sherman Palladino is always indulgence. I really believe that all the stuff that people complain about with the show was actually intentional. Loralei brags about how much unhealthy, fatting food she can eat without gaining weight; she brags about how beautiful she is. Their lifestyle is indulgent, you see them going to out for almost every meal, you see them watching trash on TV and mocking it. Rory is supposedly a bookworm, but it's rare to see her studying or reading a book, and with all the things constantly doing, I really don't see how she has time to keep her grades up.
There's nothing wrong with this. The show is meant to be fun and unrealistic, and it works. It manages to be entertaining without everything being about sex or fantasy.
Yeah, I feel like Palladino is criticizing these things she writes about or at least I hope so bc she has some questionable lines in her shows.
@@maydaze5934 I believe ASP lives vicariously through Lorelei and midge and I also believe that the reason people love the shows is because we live vicariously through them too.
there's a lot of validity to this, I agree!!
She was not gifted! She was the smartest girl in the room until Paris joined the cast.
oh snap!
🥱🥱🥱🥱
I think, like in so many mainstream shows, the female, intelligent, kind (though too people pleasey), funny, pretty lead character is written as someone to "humble" and corrupt.
The envy of the common viewer ensures that this kind of thing is well received.
I’ve watched many commentary videos on Rory, and this is a very fresh take! Thank you for sharing!
thank you for watching xx
Personaliy, this is one of the best videos i have seen in a while. I am a "former gifted child" who had a MAJOR existential crisis about 4 years ago and it took me months to recover from it. I realised I never existed beyond what people praised me for. And also being neurodivergent has impacted both my "giftedness" and also me falling into a downward spiral since, I couldn't keep up with the expectations of people for a long time and feel just crawling out of my skin when I feel like puppet of social expectations. I think during that who time my self worth only stemmed from my achievements...like that was my whole personality!
I didn't know a damn about Rory Gilmore's story but the way you compiled this whole "former gifted child" thing was just on point👍
your point -whilst made only in passing-about millenials that grew up as middle and upper middle class, grew up with the expectation that they were going to save the world really rang true for me. And I would love to look more into why that is. I suspect that growing up in an environment where just getting by is a momentous struggle, taking on the momentous struggles of others seams a bit unrealistic.
Here to say more or less the same. Neurodivergent upper middle class kid who thought I was going to save the world. While I thought I understood my privilege, I realize I didn't fully grasp it. There are still things I can't relate to, but I'm trying to do better. Still haven't saved the world, though.
I actually think that being influenced by post-counter culture revolution boomers played a part. Maybe our parents, maybe not, but I remember the hippie era being glorified, world peace days at school, that sort of thing.
We didn’t know that society would become so messed up!
@@oooh19 I grew up with parents who were raised working class and able to rise up out to middle class jobs only to fall back economically due to unfortunate life circumstances and illness. But I got an economic scholarship to go to a private Christian High School with many other students from middle and upper middle class back grounds. I was well aware that the biggest struggle of life for most humans for most of human society was just to stay alive and that you never know when life will flatten you with a curve ball. But I can easily see that if things had gone slightly differently for me I might have believed that life gets better and easier for every generation.
Such a smart analysis. Thank you! I watched several of these and you brought insightful, original points that I find useful for my own life. Subscribed!
this makes me so happy to read!! thank you for subscribing, it means a lot xx
Ok as an teacher I can say with relative certainty "too much praise" is not what happens in public (or even private) education. A common worry in our professional discussions is that we don't give our students enough positive feedback, for various reasons. And while I personally choose to praise my students for their efforts rather than "being smart", I don't think it matters that much either. Children distinguish between conditional and unconditional love, not between different types of praise. They sense what they need to do in order to get love and validation. Praising children for effort may lead to the same pitfall - children thinking that they only have worth when they have X and not Z. I don't think there's an easy way out of this.
So interesting to get your perspective as an educator on this. thank you for sharing x
No disrespect intended but I think you may have too narrow a view on child psychology. You recognise that children can differentiate conditional and unconditional love, I'm curious why you think praise wouldn't be tied into that? It is a logical extension that children will also value praise from sources of conditional love, and as a means to gain that love, over the need to impress their parents. This is a large part of why peer pressure is a thing. Maybe you are very careful about praising students, but that doesn't negate that praise is absolutely doled out in educational settings. No matter how even handed you think you are, that doesn't guarantee how different children will react, you can give an identical comment to 10 different kids and it will have a different impact on each of them. That's not to say you just shouldn't praise kids, but just because you're doing nothing wrong, doesn't mean you can deny that kids are affected by it, especially not for an entire institution. Because aside from that, kids absolutely do get special attention for many reasons, whether it be because they're extra cute or precocious, or winning awards. I got a lot of special attention and praise in school because I was poor and all the teachers felt bad for me. I wasn't damaged by this but that doesnt mean that another child wouldn't take it differently. All this to say, all a teacher can do is their best, but denying that even your best work can have a negative result just leads to teachers ignoring negative signs in students (bragging, etc) when they are in the position to nip the problem in the bud.
I LOVE THIS VIDEO!!!! THANK YOU!!!! So well spoken and articulated, I had the urge to take notes 😭😭😭 I love it, keep making videos!!!
that's such a kind thing to say, thank you angel!!
Thank you for such a great job analysing things! Loved the video!
Your voice, your look are beautiful and as a not native speaker I understood all of what you said, sometimes I get lost but not this time.
And also room is soo pretty.
As a former gifted child I'm struggling with not being the best in things and... almost dropped my college too. Writers did the ugly job with Rory's character but it is common situation. It is the representation that I needed. And yes it's hursh to see her failing but it helps to reflect on yourself (for those of us who recognise themselves) and think: how can I be not like her anymore.
The answer is: to learn from your mistakes.
Thank you one more time!
aww I'm so glad you enjoyed and that it was easy to follow for you xx
I'm kinda tired of this former gifted kid talk, it's just our generation's rebranding of "peaked in high school." Those jocks and cheerleaders that used to be the peaked in high school kids, they were doing it for the same reasons and let down in the same way.
it's really not the same tho lmao peak in HS type people were more about popularity that they can't replicate later in life vs former gifted child typically just burn out under the weight of expectations
@@imjustaguyintheworld personally, I believed that was the case when I first heard the term, but over reflection, realized it was pretty literal. In high school, I didn't have a lot of fun because it didn't demand enough of me. I was singled out as gifted and it took over my life as I went into high school. Couldn't figure out what it was until I got to college, unable to dedicate myself to continuing the mind numbing grind, not feeling challenged. Access to free mental health care was a great boon. I learned I was eager to challenge myself by exploring new skills I had no familiarity with. I identified with being a gifted kid yet my grades were suffering in college because I saw my capabilities from the past as my greatest achievements that I was uninterested in repeating. Instead of looking forward to greater achievements, I had "peaked in high school."
I think it's open to interpretation, but some ways of interpretation are more limiting to one's future than others.
I’ve changed careers 4 times and I just turned 30, I definitely feel that need to be praised after going through academia as a “gifted” student who barely had to work to excel. I’m not sure it’s burnout for me, rather boredom of roles that feel like ruts that I need to escape from to see if I’ll be a star in the next role?
ugh trust me you're not alone!!
I think Rory knew journalistically she peaked at high school, she even once mentions it to Lorelei in season 4. When she gets a realistic feedback by Mitchum in season 5, she reacts that way because, I think, deep down she knows that she has been thriving for an unsuitable profession - it's just then that someone speaks out loud what has been (even if mostly unconsciously) been working within her anyway.
I loved that scene. I could feel her shaking up through the screen.
I just wished she wouldn't have dropped out and instead pursued something else that included writing. That's what a bachelor degree is for. Try out new things.
Her upbringing within a small town where everyone seems to know anything about everyone, plus her grandparents constantly praising her, didn't allow her to change her point of view. "I always did what was expected of me".
And unfortunately, she keeps doing just that once she seemingly "bounced back".
The perfect groundwork for depression.
everyone in the town being obsessed with how great she was also taught her that it's normal for people to fall at her feet, and that's why she felt so shaken when mitchum told her what he did, and when the judge called her out for thinking her privilege would shield her from consequences for blowing up the boat
Most “gifted children” are just average. But, since American culture encourages individualism and main character syndrome, people’s egos are too large to admit that.
From what I’ve seen not necessarily. The thing is everything is a bell curve right? So in the scheme of life most kids will hit the top of the bell and you’ll have the outliers on either end-gifted and struggling. I think the curve is easier to beat when young. The gifted-ness jumps out more clearly. They learned to read faster, their sense of math is phenomenal, they’re great at xyz in a tangible way. So they get bumped to gifted classes. And maybe they need it. Maybe they’re bored out of their minds and this is helpful.
Fast forward a few years. Now the curve is harder to beat. Being ahead of your peers is less concrete and tangible. You’ve all hit those key milestones, reading writing counting etc. now being gifted means being good at school which isn’t being gifted. It’s been skilled at a very specific thing. Being good at school =/= being smart. But we treat it that way. And we don’t reassess. Gifted kids can’t get dumber right? Just keep pushing them through gifted classes.
By middle or high school the “gifted” kid has learned how to school real well. And some aspects of school are critical to the real world. Timelines, goals, projects, following a leader and instruction, time management. But a lot of it is just stupid bullshit. But the gifted kid mastered this earlier on because of their accelerated classes. When their peers struggle with time management in high school we see the gifted kid not struggle and thing “wow so smart!” When we should really think “wow we taught them this skill years ago.”
The fact is you can’t fake it til you make it infinitely. There is nothing TO make. The gift isn’t intelligence for 95% of “gifted” students. It’s being able to “school” better than their peers. And when that ability fails or becomes too much too much burnout too much stress too much EVERYTHING we crash and burn because no 16 year old should feel that much pressure. It’s honestly shameful that adults in positions of power do this to KIDS. They’re expected to be smart and perfect and have been since childhood. So when they’re no longer besting that curve they can’t handle it.
Can we blame them? No. Not in my opinion. Dropping bombshells on teens never works out well. They can’t emotionally regulate great yet and hormones just make it 10x harder.
Yea but then it’s the education system not the students or even teachers or admin. Also yea time management has to do with life smarts isn’t that a good thing though? It’s good they learn to manage their time well that’s important
@@Zelda00Gamer No, not really. School just becomes tougher as your progress so it becomes harder to keep up. Students that were told their whole life by the school and parents that they're special and super smart have a crisis when they're not performing as they did in previous years. They're having to use more effort than before because it's more work and they're not used to that. They're used being labeled smart when figuring out easy stuff. It's like those adults who lament "I used to read five books a week in elementary school and now struggle to read a single book today!" Um, duh. You were reading children's books back then. You mean to tell me that you read Series of Unfortunate Events at a faster pace than Dostoevsky? Color me shocked!
I don't think "former gifted kids" are burnt out, but crushed that they're not complimented as much as adults for doing basic work like they were as kids. As they enter the workforce and meet very talented and intelligent people in their field, their ego takes a hit when they realize how mediocre they actually are. With how many people are claiming to have been gifted kids, surely not all of them are actually "gifted". They were only labeled as so because they weren't a slacker or a total moron and they live in the USA.
I really enjoyed this video, and it’s fascinating to see how Gilmore Girls Discourse™️ continues to evolve - I guess it’s a tribute to ASP’s writing that we’re still talking about it more than 15 years since the original show ended. I think the Gifted Kid Syndrome comparison is a fair analysis for Rory’s character, with some generational trauma thrown in. I have mixed feelings about the notion that Rory acts entitled cuz while she definitely does for certain things (most notably referring to Dean as hers even though he’s married), I don’t know if I agree about that re: Yale stuff. You mention that she doesn’t seem particularly grateful (though those weren’t your exact words) for her grandparents’ aid, but I interpret that being less about entitlement and more a matter of, “this is what people expect of me so I guess I’ll go along with it.” It’s like you said toward the end about her always seeming to exist solely in relation to others - Rory reads to me as a smart kid who never developed a real sense of self, and IMO that’s the real crux of Former Gifted Kid Syndrome. Honestly it probably would’ve been better for her to have a Paris rejection moment earlier, then maybe she wouldn’t have snapped so badly after Mitchumgate,
Though I did want to add re: your point about it never being mentioned that Rory didn’t need to go to an Ivy to be successful, I suspect that was a deliberate writing choice. Rory absolutely could’ve been successful if she went to, say, UConn or really any other college, but I think only talking about Ivies just emphasized the kind of pressure she was under from her family, even (and perhaps especially!) from Lorelai. They all wanted her to live out this grandiose WASP destiny where it was Harvard/Yale or bust. Conversely though, other characters are successful regardless of whether or not they have a college degree (Luke and Jess being two that immediately come to mind, as well as the other inhabitants of Stars Hollow), so the Ivy focus I think was to show how warped and elitist the Gilmores’ (and their high society’s) definition of success is.
so many valid points here and I agree that ASP writes many aspects of Rory's (and Lorelai's) character as more of a critique than the audience picked up on when the show was on air.
p.s. Mitchumgate made me chuckle
Not a first world problem, gifted children are everywhere, and they have the 'dutty' to financially help their family, if they are gifted athletes and may earn millions they are expected to financially help their whole town.
Just being smart (not super special kind of smart) is enough to get that burden tossed onto your back
I feel like people miss the point with Rory. She isn't suppose to be good or bad...she's simply human. Her story and personality is just a bit more nuanced than a lot of people get. To actually see another that is considered "the gifted child" learn and fail was super refreshing in the show. Her progress isn't linear, she likes she wants and expects of herself. I didn't care for the revival, but I could see what they were going for. I loved the original though. Sure, sometimes Rory is selfish and sometimes she is insufferable, but that is realistic. What teenager doesn't think the world revolves around them? And I'm saying this as a former teenager. 😅 Of course you don't realize it at the time, but when you grow up and get older, a lot of things become more clear. Her character didn't have a fully developed frontal lobe and so much of her identity was wrapped up in who she thought she was. If that didn't cause her to have some crisis, it wouldn't have been realistic. She never developed the coping skills to handle some situations. This is so relevant to how former gifted children feel when they have been praised for doing so well. Because of dealing with a lot of trauma and loss in my life through my childhood, I wasn't quite as uptight, or at least it wasn't my whole identity. But I know some people who would hyperventilate and sob if they got less than an A....in high school. Kid you not. One had her mom come in and talk to the teacher....10th grade...because she didn't get an A on a project. Assuming they were just spoiled or babies though is not quite accurate and missing the mark. It's more than that because their identities were tied up in being the smartest and if they couldn't perform and suddenly weren't, then who were they? They assume they don't have an identity and are not important. This can lead to severe depression and anxiety and has caused a number of tragedies. I think this is the struggle Rory had and her being able to still be important and worthy as a person while not always being the best and reaching all of her goals, is important to her development. Whoops, this is way longer than I meant.😅
The best thing that ever happened to me as a former gifted kid was getting a severe concussion that had lingering brain fog for 5 months and constant migraines followed by my first manic episode. The whole ordeal really forced me to reset my expectations of myself and where I was happy vs where i thought I should be in life and career based on other peoples expectations. And it triggering my bipolar and the intensity of the impulse to escape everything that was annoying or uncomfortable or wrong for me really led me to thinking intentionally about what was right for me. I did fuck up my life so very hard but i never loved that life. I rebuilt and I love my life now. I'm not as smart as i used to be and that's an identity crisis sometimes but i can tell people I can't or won't do something. I have a good union job where i come home tired and satisfied. I don't use my brain at work which is great because I feel like i have it when i get home to think about and do the things that make me happy. I used to always try to move up in jobs but that always gave me responsibility over people and stress and I would hate it and quit and move jobs in this endless shitty pattern before. I am living a better truer happier life than most of my highschool friends that were gifted kids.
omg, I'm sorry you went through all that! so glad you've found your stride now xx
I was a “gifted” child. My teachers asked my parents in both first grade and third grade if I could skip a grade. They said no, but had they said yes I would have graduated high school at 15. I ended up struggling socially in school and was bullied for being “awkward,” and “not cool,” and it really impacted my self esteem. After being abused physically, sexually, and verbally for years I stopped caring as much about my grades. It wasn’t that I wasn’t capable, I just didn’t have the mental capacity to keep up a 4.0+ GPA anymore. I still graduated on time but I became addicted to alcohol and turned into another typical trouble making partier the day I turned 19 all the way up to 23 years old. I almost died on multiple occasions from alcohol poisoning and suicide attempts.
Flash forward nine years later and I am 30 years old, a full time college student (with a 4.0 gpa), have almost six years sober, a husband and child, and finally met with a therapist who specializes in trauma and addiction. Don’t give up and at the same time don’t tie your entire identity into your school work. You are worthy no matter what.
I was a gifted kid and I liked Rory when I was in high school but hated her when I rewatched it as an adult. I think a lot of former gifted kids get to college, realize their whole dorm is full of kids with 1500+ SATs and straight 5s on AP exams and just get to work. Rory never puts that together.
I don’t know why Rory didn’t have a blog/website/you tube or instagram. She could have been bigger.
i feel like rory made over identified herself with her academic success and other ppl acknowledged it. the town ppl loved her because she's lorelai's daughter and she's pretty. sure, her being smart adds to it but, the town didn't really focus on that part of her, she was always highlighting academics. i don't think she was burnt out, i think she just didn't have grit. she was doing so well academically until Logan's dad said he didn't think she could do it. whenever she was met with the slightest discouragement, she would derail or abandon her plans altogether.
another thing in this show is that lorelai and rory cosplay lower class while having the house that they do, eating out all the time, shopping all the time, having trust funds + financial stability in the sense that if anything goes wrong richard and emily are a phone call away.
love the show and analyzing the characters is so interesting
I actually don’t think the cosplaying lower class thing is strictly accurate - Lorelai bought a two-bedroom house (which is what the inside is depicted as, even if the facade they used looks big from the outside) in a small town in Connecticut in the 90s, when the real estate market was nowhere near as insane as it is now, and she did that after living in a shed for like a decade. While it’s true she always had the option to go home, the implication in the pilot is that she very thoroughly cut her family out of her life and didn’t ask for or accept any money from them prior to Chilton. And while they ate out a lot, takeout is much more of a financial burden now than it was then, especially when you take into account that Luke appears to have run a traditional American diner with cheap, no frills food. Lorelai and Rory pretty much DID live a middle class life prior to Rory starting at Chilton, it’s just that pre-Great Recession middle class looks different from post-Great Recession middle class, and especially post-COVID middle class. That said, I definitely rolled my eyes throughout the episode where Rory applies for financial aid at Yale, cuz seriously? 😂
@@kaytoomuchsalt5100 yea it's just like you said, they were middle class, lower middle class at worst. A lot of the dialogue especially from Lorelai made it seem like she was struggling so bad when they were actually doing okay. Also, no matter the time period and how cheap things are if you're poor then you're poor for that socioeconomic climate and no poor person could afford to eat out that much and shop that much. the yale financial aid situation was actually hilarious because they were genuinely shocked that she was denied aid lol
Very interesting points! There's so much about Gilmore Girls x)
IMO the insinuation of financial hardship while having the rich grandparents is a very interesting setup. It allows people who legitimately have or had struggled to identify with Rory and Lorelei, and then it gives them the fantasy of having the dreamy security blanket. Moreover, the fact that someone who could have had a "rich" life CHOSE the simpler life, reassures the viewer that the simpler life - the life most people have - must be the better one. There is also a subtle us versus them undertone, where the supposed middle/working class is painted as good, self sufficient, free, and hard working, while the rich are painted as neglectful, out of touch and controlling. It is a complex world of fantasy the show creates with this situation, that is very compelling, secure and comfortable to slip into. It sells it also well, given the conflicts between the characters, and their flaws. I think the show does this perfectly. "The everyday person, it could be you. She is independent, self sufficient, youthful, well loved, secure, has goals and created a wholesome corky corner of her own, DESPITE her struggles with work, family, and relationships. Hey! These are the same struggles you have, no? That means you can make it too."
I see this setup, the creation of this fantasy world for the everyday person as genius.
About the revival: I don't why NOBODY gets that Rory doesn't fail professionally. When the revival ends, he's about to publish "Gilmore Girls", that is so obvious is about to be the break through of her carreer, Just as the series was the break through of Amy Palladino's carreer. And the fact that the idea for the book came from Jess, Rory's intelectual soul mate was so sweet. I don't understand why people don't seem to notice that. She's not a failure, she's about to become a successful writer. It's so obvious te me that that was Amy's intended with the hole "gilmore girls" book idea. And the last line: mom, i'm pregnant. Narrative rhyme. Genious.
The problem with being an undiagnosed AuDHD “gifted child” is that I was permanently burnt out by the time I reached adulthood and had to work to support myself. I used everything to be good in school. Fortunately, now I have a diagnosis (unofficial), and I know about masking and I’m coming back to being able to just exist without pain.
What bugged me the most is how she treated people around her because of her sense of entitlement. Lane deserves a better friend and I often felt very bad for her 😢
Same with Paris, when he says that they are not actually friends. And of course all the times when she treated Lorelai terribly, as a friend and her parent as well(like skipping her graduation party).
She is always just acts in her own interests but expects everyone to treat her like a main priority ☠️☠️☠️
P.S: Love your subtle sense of humour❤
aaah thank you! glad to know at least some of my jokes are landing
That's bs that Rory didn't treat Lane good. Cause I saw how Lane always asked Rory to do stuff and oh yeah Rory did it. Rory didn't have to let Lane stay with her in the dorm from but she did. Rory didn't have to rearrange for a CD drop but she did. Rory didn't have to get the cds for Lane but she did. Rory did so much for Lane. You probably ignored it. What did Lane ever do for Rory.
Rory was a terrific friend to Lane. Did we watch the same show?
Just stumbled across your videos about a week ago and I love them
Ahhh I’m so glad!! Thank you for the lovely comment ❤️❤️
I'm one of the "gifted" kids who was late-diagnosed neurodivergent. I feel like I have been failed by the adults around me. I struggle with understanding what people want from me, particularly in the emotional sense. It makes me feel unloved by people because I don't get it, even though I want to. If only I had been given the tools to learn how to interpret people, I would be in a better place in terms of being able to provide people with what they need in general, emotional or not. It would have saved me from so many conflicts.
I remember watching gilmore girls with my mother when i was 11, and as soon as first season I knew she either marries rich or fails her dreams. I allready knew she lacked balls, grit, discipline and goal. She was studying hard to study hard, not to reach goal. She had a great mindset for STEM fields, but no creativity or fortitude to pursue arts, and she still picked arts. That must have ended badly.
it actually doesn't sound much like Rory! (re the description) The tiktok trend is a little weird because of the reasons it labels her as a "failure" -- at the end of the show, she was doing a high ranking position at an important paper on campus, going off to a good job, etc. And I do want to emphasize how problematic it is for audiences to criticize a character for taking time off of school because they weren't feeling good, and how bad Lorelei's reaction in the show was.
I wouldn’t say Paris was better equipped to handle everything she went through, she just never stole a boat. Her drive for perfection and the fallout from that drive manifested itself in different ways. Also she was a total elitist until she had to actually start working, and probably beyond that. We can just forgive her more so than Rory because Paris doesn’t hide her flaws behind an angelic persona.
I think someone needs to remind the internet that Rory is a fictional character and having flaws is what makes her compelling. She wasn't written to be the perfect person. She was written to be an interesting and compelling character, which she clearly is.
Paris would be a better journalist, because she'd be willing to do what she needed to get the article and she'd asked the hard questions.
I think calling her a failure is a bit of a stretch. She was published in the New Yorker, it’s not like she had zero success. She just hit a lull, as if people don’t do that all of the time in the real world.
I relate to Rory as a former “gifted child”. Though I was never called that outright, the consistent praise I got from my parents, my extended family, my teachers and even my peers (in the form of being the one they asked how well I did in a test every time, so that they would feel better if I also performed poorly, or super great about themselves if they happened to beat my score), always reminded me that I was a smart person. I always felt as though I my self worth was hanging on a thin thread of getting the highest scores in the class, and I didn’t like that feeling because I felt I was being put in a competition I hadn’t signed up for (I’m neither competitive nor ambitious, but will run if my life depended on it, yknow)
This was great. Out of everyone, you did the best job describing Rory’s personality and explaining why she was the she was. You should do one of Hermione next
14:10 ''the world is full of special people.'' Okay, so I wanna tell a lil story related to this sentence. When I was younger, I was also seen as the ''smart and wise for her age'' kid. This of course went a lil bit too my head (which is logical since I was 10.) but then I got into a school specialised for ''smart people'' and I started realising that, like you said ''the world is full of special people'', I wasn't the only ''smart'' kid. + because this school was made for ''smart people'' and had harder tests and work and stuff, I actually failed tests and stuff a lot of times, which had never happened before. And I am SO glad this happened, because if I wouldn't have experienced this failure, and if I wouldn't have had my ego brought down a bit, I would probably go through a lot of shit when I'd go to college. :)
Can confirm. I tested into smart school but my parents declined it. They thought I'd be happier as the smartest kid at regular school vs average amongst geniuses. Dropped out of university after getting on academic probation. I was so unprepared for having to actually put effort in, didn't know how to study, didnt know how to push myself. Went back to school at 30 and finally was able to teach myself how to study.
I avoided former gifted child syndrome by being praised for being funny instead of being praised for being smart. I became a clown who graduated law school with honours.
lucky you - and congratulations on law school!
My take is that Rory read a lot of books and got good grades in public school. As a result she was told she was special and everything else was done for her by others. She never put any effort other than talking about going to Yale and reading more books. She didn’t even think she needed any extracurricular activities to boost her C.V. for collage. She expected to be accepted by her grades alone. She did great in private school because she started coping Paris and her researches. The minute Paris was not there she drifted.
As for internship all she seemed to be doing was answer phones and fetch coffee. She never chased any scoop or wrote articles. That’s why Mitchum told her she doesn’t have it i.e. drive.
My daughter was a beautiful baby and child. She received constant praise for her beauty, which made me uncomfortable. I always tried to emphasize being intelligent and being kind. And around age 10 people stopped telling her she was beautiful bc at a certain age its creepy. She started to believe that she was ugly. Still believes that at age 21. Its the same as with gifted kids. When u are accustomed to constant praise you notice when it stops. My daughter is fine. I guess im glad all that praise didnt make her arrogant. Shes down to earth and funny, smart and kind, just like i wanted her to be. And shes beautiful but she doesnt focus on that.
it's actually so exhausting to be around former gifted children (I say this as one myself)
Mitchum is deeply wrong about needing to have 'it' in order to succeed at something-I agree. So, he watched her for a week and drew conclusions? He forgets that people improve and change as they grow and develop. Plus, you need a mentor to succeed at something, someone willing to believe in you even when you can't believe in yourself. That alone will help even someone lazy succeed at something big. I root for Rory and I think she had great chances to succeed but was dragged down by her environment (her mom who had a 'plan' for her and her grandparents who turned her into a second Lorelei in order to correct the mistakes they think they've made with their daughter).
By it he isn't talking about the skills he's talking about the drive. Rory doesn't have the drive to be a journalist. At the internship she doesn't go out looking for new stories she spends her time getting coffee and sucking up which is why Mitchum mentions that she'd be a good assistant. From what he saw she wasn't someone that put the work in to be a good journalist. Mitchum even says that he might be wrong, he's literally asking her to prove him wrong but in the end Rory proves him right. Instead of bettering herself and asking what she can do to be a good journalist her response is to drop out of Yale and steal a yacht. Not too mention Rory literally falls asleep during an interview and then gets mad at another interviewer for asking questions
In the revival Rory was getting on my nerves with her attitude and being the other woman (again!) but that was gone the moment Jess entered her life again. Hopefully her book and controversional baby makes her a better person and be a rolemodel to her kid with Jess guiding her because it's become clear she needs him to guide her.
I haven’t watched GG in a few years but didn’t Lorelei also try to get her a scholarship when she got into prep school? Even though she clearly had the means by just asking for help from her parents who loved their grandkid?
yes!! or when she was trying to take out a loan for the inn and then Richard sells a plot of land he had bought in her name and gives her a chunk of money and we're supposed to be sad that she doesn't qualify for the loan anymore?? So bizarre
I'm subscribing simply because you use your brain and cause me to think. I feel like you're a healthy type of influence lol. Thank you
I’m glad that while we are annoyed with the character, we leave the actress alone
I'm a "formerly gifted child" and I get the "achieve at all costs" mentality.
There can be several answers to this mentality, but I believe that one of the easiest to access is simple appreciation of beauty - whether it be artistic, natural, mathematical, scientific... just probably not physical beauty (because that one seems so mixed with lust/longing). Beauty can transport us away from ourselves and in so doing, puts things into perspective and reminds us of what is real. Better yet, our appreciation of beauty can point toward activities/careers to pursue - and if that fundamental appreciation of beauty is there, it can guide us toward something well beyond the focus on praise and external success.
Thanks for the video
well the only hobbies I see her do is reading a lot , watching movies or old movies 🍿, cheering 📣 , listening to music 🎶, studying and journalism so yeah I totally agree and understand where you’re coming from but still that still no excuse for how Rory treats or behaviors around people and her mom, Paris seriously 😒 yes Rory changed but not in an good way so yes I totally agree 👍 or at least I think 💭 so!.
This is so accurate it burns.
I loved this video so much omg
We dont praise kids too much, we praise them for the wrong things, for being pretty or being smart or being talented. Things they dont have agency in. We need to praise people for their choices not their genetic attributes. No amount of "intelligence" guarantees success in this world. There is no "thing" that some lucky few who won the genetic lottery have. There are only people who understand how to play into their strengths and have commitment to their work and people who don't.
Very well put!
Yes yes yes! I was just thinking along the same lines earlier today watching a different GG criticism video. I feel like her gifted-kid-ness is the key to understanding her character that almost every video on the matter misses. My GG hot take for a while has been that Year in a Life is not nearly as bad as everyone makes it out to be (I think it's pretty good actually). As one of the many underachieving, former-gifted-kids, I was not surprised at all to see Rory struggling. Anyway, really enjoyed the video! It's the first one of yours I've seen. I love your sense of humor! Looking forward to seeing more :)
thank you so much for watching! I agree that it was satisfying/ realistic to see Rory struggle in Year in the life... it humanised her a little
I keep pausing to comment out of excitement for how on point I find what you are saying. Then deleting the comments because, as I continue to listen, I find that you said what I wrote, only better and clearer. Thanks for this video ❤
By the way, I am a big Rory lover and I approve this message 😆
For what its worth Rory is often pointed out as autistic head canon
It’s actually very realistic. For her formative years she was the illegitimate child of a teenaged mother living in a rundown shed in the back of a hotel. Then boom she’s surrounded by extreme wealth and people who didn’t have to really work hard for anything. Her perspective and views changed.
who tf is self-aware and self-actualized in their 20s? the crashing down of previous inherited beliefs about oneself is most likely to occur in your 30s or maybe 40s, which is the story arc for AYITL. This essay is harsh and unrealistic asf.
Wow what a great and analytical video - I’m honestly blown away by the insights!
so glad you enjoyed!
Lucky me I'm in my 40s so I skip the pretend summer and enjoy couch and cats watching Gilmore when ever I want.
I always preferred Lorelei. Rory the extreme pg13 was already annoying when the show game out bc the American purity culture and pretend not to drink never made sense to me.
She's also such a bad friend. She doesn't give a f about how Lane feels. It's all about her. I feel Lane so much
At the start of the show I really disliked Rory. Nothing personal, I just thought she was boring and judgemental. I really started to like her when she went to Yale- to me it was a very unique direction for a character in a show like Gilmore Girls to take, seeing the repercussions of her Adolescence made me feel a lot more invested.
I think the "it" Mitchum was referring to was drive.
I think people forget how much Cristopher’s abandonment affected Rory and her relationships throughout the show, not just Lorelai’s behavior/ views
(Ik this doesn’t have too much to do with the video, but it reminded me that not many people talk about his effect on Rory)
This is so true in my case, too. Grew up as a “gifted child”. Many years later it was confirmed by my therapist that I’m on the spectrum.
In my country, high school is already a choice of profesion, because each is dedicated to something else. In the middle of my high school, one teacher told me I won’t make it, because she doesn’t see enough drive in me. I cried after the class, I was depresed for a week, and then I start to work on my education again, twice as hard this time. Guess what, I proofed her wrong! And I was only 17 at the time she told me, and still was adult enough. Most of the kids here has to be strong and mature to do difficult desicions since 15. We are teached this way. But she was in college, and still wasn’t able to do it, because everyone around her babying her her whole life 😂
Happiness for a former gifted child is an adulthood where you are surrounded by gifted adults, and have challenge in your life. That is NOT the same thing as becoming some conspicuous success story.
i was a gifted kid because of the way my autism presented. the second that autism was no longer "hyperlexic book lover" and more "emotional meltdowns over seemingly small issues" the school system tossed me to the side just like every other nd kid. at the end of the day it's just about whether or not they can exploit your illness for their gain (which is in fact exactly how asperger grouped autistics. the "good" ones, who fixated on "intelligent" topics and had unique world views and the "bad" ones, who struggled to socialize and had too many emotions) but we have the same disorder and we are a combination of both, the only difference is how we are supported and whether or not we can communicate like neurotypicals