Trading the DREAM for REALITY (with Alexander Grace)
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- Опубліковано 27 сер 2024
- Check out the full discussion at • Alexander GRACE (Datin...
In this clip from our long-form discussion, Alexander and I discuss the foundational myth of romantic love and its repercussions for modern relationships. Unfortunately, people are subject to leaving healthy, functional relationships when they don't meet their romantic expectations. Trading the dream for reality always involves some measure of grieving, but what remains might be better than what we thought we wanted.
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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#psychology #dating #relationship
Check out the full discussion at ua-cam.com/video/aY_MP55ddvg/v-deo.html
In this clip from our long-form discussion, Alexander and I discuss the foundational myth of romantic love and its repercussions for modern relationships. Unfortunately, people are subject to leaving healthy, functional relationships when they don't meet their romantic expectations. Trading the dream for reality always involves some measure of grieving, but what remains might be better than what we thought we wanted.
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Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com
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Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com.
Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com.
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Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com
Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#psychology #dating #relationship
Ecclesiasticus 25:24 "Of the woman came the beginning of sin, and through her we all die."
This resonates greatly with the saying “You either love women, or understand women. Not both.” Once you understand women, it’s not that you can’t love them, but a matter of not being able to view them in the same light. The delusions that men have of women is what motivates men to do all sorts of things for women. Once this delusion dies, so does the motivation. It’s almost like our unawareness of women’s nature in the past is what gave us the Will to compromise.
The more I understand women the more I like them and the less I love them.
@@RLDrums7It might be the opposite for me, I love them more as an idea but like them less as persons.
I would like to think I understand women and I love them for what they are. For example: A chick that love bombs you, she is doing it for the emotional high she gets. I understand this is not real and it will burn hot and then fizzle into nothing. I love her for her depth of emotions and while it lasts I'll enjoy it but once it is gone I'll move on. No hard feelings. Once I understood what women are and to not get attached to those types I realized I could enjoy what she was offering in that moment without having to think of a future.
100%, once the delusion fades, as does the motivation.
@@redtiger7268 Yes that's a very nuanced point. It all comes back to acceptance and not letting women cross the boundaries. Ultimately it's about self respect.
We are all very limited. When we expect someone else to be or offer us what they have no capacity to be or offer, we are set for disillusionment and disappointment.
I agree with this. I think that it’s about not having expectations of women that were unreasonable in the first place. They are wanton, fiery, unpredictable, irrational, vengeful, neurotic, and disloyal. But they are sensual, exciting, erotic, passionate, moving, intuitive, and beautiful. We must love them for what they are. 🤷♂️
@@117Industries "But they are sensual, exciting, erotic, passionate, moving, intuitive, and beautiful." My ex-wife was all of the bad points you mentioned and only 2 of the good ones (intuitive and beautiful)
It really sucks when you don't expect anything more than she's capable of offering but you're invisible to her simply because you're too much of a decent person.
Old guys like me appreciate calm, but when you're young you want excitement. It's understandable. I once dated a woman who divorced her husband simply because he had become a 'friend' and not a lover any more - this rang alarm bells with me right away.
Give her the action she wants, use her, then dump her.
Women bring and adore chaos in a relationship. A calm relationship is "boring" to them, or "things need spiced up". They cannot be satisfied.
When they say "spiced up" perhaps you should think again😀
Ur missing the point. The point is that we are the same
Lol We live in a world full chaos. Shouldn’t be to hard to bring chaos into your relationship
This is why I keep in near stage ready shape. My body is better than 90% of the population. I make comments on other girls looks, nothing crude just like "I like her skirt" or " He eyeliner really highlights her eyes" Stuff like that. It keeps my girl from getting to comfortable because she knows that on body alone I could fuck that other chick if I was so inclined.
i was just thinking of this chaos and how it might be a really good thing for parenting children. Because you want them as safe as possible, but new , unpredictable situations are still very important to them to learn. So women should be able to more easily simulate these (as it were), even in a boring, safe environment
I like the frame of balancing the sacrifices required to maintain a relationship against the benefits received. And the idea that a partner should not be the locus of your individual transcendence.
No man or woman is perfect. Period. That being said, no relationship is perfect. As much as I want to be a romantic (have a romantic relationship), I realize it's more fantasy than reality because ultimately 'life' happens. Life and love are both sloppy, metaphorically speaking. However, deep down inside, the romantic in me never dies fortunately.
I saw the long version of this talk, and it is absolute gold
Allexander, graces, one of the best and wholesome voices in the Manosphere
This why I say men NEED to study pimps. You also learn a lot about the nature of women from pimps.
any nuggets of advice?
Any suggestions from where to start looking?
Book “Pimp” by Iceberg Slim is a good start. Fascinating stories, deep insights.
These two are my faves in the Manosphere . Didn’t disappoint. Thanks guys
Magic potions in tales like Tristan & Isolde refer to mushroom / plant magic. In antiquity, being "in love" was considered an intoxication, hence the arrows of Cupids' bow are poisoned.
I've heard that being in love releases amphetamines so it is like being addicted to method. Pretty wild but makes sense
I'm forever grateful for you introducing me to Alexander's channel!
If you think about the two sides of hypergamous needs, how do you have the comfort side of providing, provisioning and parental investing as well as keep her excitement/ arousal side engaged. Comfort for the man may lead very quickly to boredom for the woman.
In short, the "individualism" aka "me, me, me" emphasis of the West might be to blame for this sort of common scenario?
@@commentarytalk1446 No, it's just women's natural desire for the dual comfort of a man's provision and protection, with the simultaneous desire for excitement and thrills from said man. These things inherently go against each other simply for the fact that a man can't be two different people at once, by nature that's chaotic, which symbolically isn't a masculine trait. That's why women subconsciously divide men into two categories, The Lover and The Provider.
@@Khan-rz8qi In maturity we're taught a concept: "You can't have your cake and eat it." I think that mindset is merely a representation of that immaturity of the ego in a person: Man or woman.
@@commentarytalk1446 I don’t think it’s a matter of immaturity or ego, but mostly a matter of human desire which often transcends the ego. Remember, humans are inherently good and evil, with the two always being in conflict with one another.
Most western men are boring drones and then they wonder why women scorn them 😂
When my wife betrayed me I lost all motivation to provide for her. Quit my high paying tech job for a minimum wage retail job & told her you pay the bills.
She freed you man.
@@absolutummaximum993 LOL - Without a stressful job I spend more time at the gym pumping iron & having fun windsurfing which makes me more attractive to other women
You know you can leave her right?
These two together have very commentary perspectives and create some incredible content.
This is a short out take of a longer video with Alexander Grace, if you seen that one already you will realize that within 5 minutes
i dont think its his intention to lead us on. hes posted other video excerpts similar to this from other videos
I haven't watched that one but realized it right away 😂 he's already done that with another deep dive, it's probably so that you can watch what he thinks to be an interesting part if you can't be bothered to watch the whole thing (the long one) (and he's on point, I didn't bother)
You two are great together and very informative.
Most long lasting relationships are calm, that is true. However, biggest love of your life is always a catastrophe, incredible pull force that destroys everything.
No.
@@yumtig7444 yes. You literally become an addict, ready to give up everything for another fix.
biggest, maybe not, most exciting, probably.
I missed this video! I've been a fan of Alexander Grace for more than 5 years. Great conversation!
I love you guys thanks for being straight to the point and sharing your thoughts and experiences
“Reality” is the only word in the English language that should always be used in quotes.
This is the crux of it. Yes we go in with too many expectations with your partners you have to wear all the hats but if you scale that down then it can work out. The deal is which I always say is the trade off is yes that’s true but at the same time we can’t expect to be with each other all the time. Like the 50s that worked because I come home we chat and I may go into my library. Low expectations means we can’t be expected to do everything together. We need are space and a lot especially for men.
Thanks so much again for bringing us empathetically into reality.
I’m from Boston so I get ya…
If the passion and love making and pleasure is highest in a romantic but not in a “not right” relationship, then shouldn’t we just have a bunch of “not right” relationships. I want the fire not some friendship.
Religion has historically had a tremendous influence on marriage, and why people get married and stay married. Fortunately, their influence is waning.
You got the wrong message from that story. Its about denying your emotions to reach the goals you actually need not what you want in the moment. Its a cautionary tale, the king represents punishment from actions, queen is lust, other lady is a joyful life and the knight choosing that wrong path brings on the punishment... read deeper.
The romantic poets are to blame for the thought that romance ends in tragedy. ALL of theirs did and they died young and alone. Dont listen to them
The point is that as humans we may know the right path to a relationship, but there are many pathological and conflicting things in our human psyche that often makes it impossible. When the human body dies, so does it’s humanly nature and all of its pathology, making true long lasting love and romance effortless in the after life. This is my interpretation of it, though I have to admit we have no evidence that our humanly nature will be eliminated in the after life. This is all based on the assumption that we will be completely different beings once our bodies die. But then this raises the question, isn’t our human nature what makes our individual personalities and connections? And if we become stripped our human nature, won’t we also completely be stripped of who we are on earth? This can only be possible if we restart as clean slates when we die, which would mean it’s impossible to reunite with a loved one in the after life.
@@Khan-rz8qi those things that stop you are changeable, so your idea of impossibility is absurd. Change is the only thing unchanging for us. If you think mind and body are separate, then you might be closer to correct, but they can't be separated, so you are just wrong.
@@ethanmiller5487 I said "Often makes it impossible" not "Always" Humans may discover the right path, but adhering to it is often easier said than done. Humans are also very fickle, delusional and jealous beings. All of which often becomes obstacles in our quest for long- lasting eternal happiness.
@@Khan-rz8qi what is your point and what does it have to do with a youtube doc who can't read deeply into texts idea of the message of a story?
Historically, most hot & fast romantic love end in bust, their participants more likely to die young and alone. So maybe listen to them?
Yoooo this is the collab the world needs 👌🔥💯
Two Gems in one frame
How to deal with a girl who in the beginning believe I am perfect tho..
I always let them down, and many get real MAD when they pull away, because instead of chasing I often just forget about her.
If you pick the right grandparents and get born a pretty boy, like these gentleman, the universe treats you better than your fantasies, I agree.
You've picked hard mode out of your own volition, then. Hope you're having fun in your playthrough! (The funnies aside, they look average, I'd say. Looking after themselves but not conventionally attractive, to me.)
They are 5/10’s. Neither have masculine faces. Just don’t be a fat slob and dress well and you’re automatically at least a 4
@@DamianSzajnowskiYeah I definitely wouldn’t consider these 2 as pretty boys.
A lot of people confuse turmoil and chaos with passion. Mainly women.
The rounded calm relationship is what HE wants... to some people, they want drama
A man has got to know his limitations - Harold Francis Callahan
wooow..the 2 legends!!!! wow
While I don’t care for all of his points, I think Schopenhauer is correct about at least this one…
Paraphrasing: “For all of the shortcomings and inequities of which one might accuse Womankind [true or not], Man’s is the greatest failing; for He is delusional and seeks to see and remake the World into an image which it is not.”
Psychologist Dr. Scott Peck said relationships are basecamps for mountain climbers. My gosh a Robert Johnson “We” reference! That theme is all over French cinema too. Fin
Good chat but how is my love based on a fairy tale I've never heard about or read?
those are the ones that become my muse's
4:29 Parenting is a disaster not just in the West, but all over the World.
Could you unpack that: What do you mean "all over the world": Do you mean there's examples or do you mean the general low quality parenting in the West is the same as all over the world? The latter I would disagree with.
@@commentarytalk1446 Provide proof that there is some definitive way to measure quality parenting that is not in the West. Asian parents are terrible in their own way and not much better than that of western parents.
@@SmoothCode I don't think you gave any explanation to your statement but doubled-down on it with your own opinion of conclusion that "Asian parents are terrible in their own way". First of all there's broad differences between say Korean parents and Indian parents. In the West there's big difference between Northern hemisphere parents and English speaking eg USA and even in the USA big difference.
These are not really categories. However in speaking of the West there's a lot of documentation of low quality parenting correlating with life outcomes and studies of this. The reverse is true with respect to high quality parenting. So I don't accept your defensive phrase: "Provide proof there is some definitive way to measure quality in parenting" even only abiding by a scientific statistical approach at scale. With respect to experience and anecdote, there's ample examples of comparison of high quality vs low quality and the effect on the children...
As to Asian parents, if you could elaborate specifically which groups and in what ways you deem the parenting "terrible" it would be interesting to hear?
@@commentarytalk1446 I am not going to write a thesis in a YT comment - it's not that deep. TLDR: Most people having children are not fit to be parents. They treat their kids as slaves and a tool of convenience, especially since most of these women birthing these kids are 304s and the men that picked them also proves how little thought they have going on up there. You really think that anything suggests that their parenting would be good? You must be high on something to believe that.
@@commentarytalk1446 This guy seems like a new age liberal who believe strict parenting to be evil meanwhile surveys show the exact opposite outcomes from Asian parenting where south Asian(Indian subcontinent) households being the highest earning and south east Asian households being the second highest earning ethnic groups in America with staggeringly low divorce/suicide rates.
Alexander: most real and best relationship is calm and peaceful
Every woman who got bored of the relationship: and I took that personally
(Granted, applicable to more than a few men as well, but it's women who thrive on excitement, whereas most men are perfectly content with peace)
Excellent!
Ferrari or nothing. There no really a good trade not to take your dream so no
The man on the left sounds like he already has a cold in August, ffs. Giving me one of those, as a boyfriend, would automatically end a relationship with me!
Listen: women continued to hold man to the same level of expectations as it was BEFORE THE FALL OF MAN. Essentially, women expect men to be “gods”.
And this is why they spread their legs at first opportunity in the Genesis 6 narrative when the actual, real “sons of God” came down and copulated with the “daughters of men”.
The same story is found in the pagan pantheons, such as ancient Assyria, Greece and Rome.
Women expect men to be as the gods they were called to become.
One day, men of God will get there but in that day, women will no longer be able to have them as husbands. Oh, the irony!
You could argue like a god you provide to them . Their lifestyle etc
Sounds like they are coping with not finding the right girl.
Are they brothers? They have the same DNA type 🤣
Literally everything Alexander is saying from 5:10 to 5:31 sounds disgusting to me. As in, it literally evokes a strong reaction of disgust. If this is all relationships are, I think I'll stick with the fantasies instead. Not having a relationship that's "co-dependent" sounds like an excuse for having a weak bond. My view of marriage is "till death do us part." You aren't going to be reaching that milestone unless you literally need your partner in some way, or unless your life together is so easy and not-at-all rocky or difficult that you experience no real, hard trials. If that's all relationships are, just weak bonds masquerading as "love," I don't want them.
Second comment ..... 4 minutes late Sniff Sniff
First comment :3
2nd
Get Hypnotica on it. Eric Von Sidow