Having Kids
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- Опубліковано 21 сер 2024
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Finally someone who understands and isn't judgy about it.
“Finally” literally this opinion gets said everyday online
@@drea94 the word literally is also overused
@@drea94 I've met a lot of people who were extremely judgemental and pushy when it comes to me having kids, both people offline/in person, and online. I've been told not wanting any kids is selfish, rude, and "you just haven't met the right person" more times than you'd want to believe.
So when I say finally to something like this, I genuinely mean it, and you would too if someone was pushing the idea of having kids onto you since you were 8.
@@Strix1213 exactly! everytime theres a comment that i see says “this is why i don’t want kids” or “i dont want kids” theres bunches of people saying “you will in the future” or “everyone wants kids” i don’t understand why people push having kids on other people when they have clearly made up their mind !! ive been saying it for 5 years now, i don’t want no damn kids 💀
@@nachito.. Yep, had my mind made up since I was 11. Having a younger cousin and sister was plenty enough to figure that out. Not saying they're awful people, but seeing them grow up, the things their parents had to do to raise them, it's not something I can see myself doing at any point in my life.
I feel like we are told we are sensitive because we don't take the abuse that our elders would; they would break their back for 15+ years for a job that they hated and never stand up for themselves, they just took it whereas our generation puts our foot down and says "no you're not gonna treat me less!" What they see as sensitive, is actually us breaking generational curses.
Edit: wow um this the most likes and comments i ever gotten before and i just gotta say....i hope some of you truly heal ❤ my sweet human beings you are not your trauma, please dont forget to be kind to yourself and break the toxic rules we were taught. ❤
love this
Couldn't say it better
yes yes and yes
@@JeffreyChang just noticed you responded, thank you! Love your content!
Also the fact that we tolerate less things like racist/sexist jokes and refuse to accept gender roles in the ways the last handful of generations have
Thank you. I turn 30 in two years and my mom has been hounding me about getting married and having kids. Especially since one of my brothers already has two kids. I’m not ready emotionally, mentally, or financially. I’m trying to take care of me before I bring a child into the world and then need her to do it for me.
I honestly don't think there is ever a "right time". But...being financially secure is very important.
I’ll be 30 next summer and I’m the same, just without the pressure. Like he said, I want to have my generational trauma _fully_ healed before I think about having kids.
I'm glad your doing what feels right, a lot of people bring children into the world intentionally despite not being able to care for the child. And the child grows up miserable :(
And even when you get married, you still don't need to feel pressure. I'm 28, and recently got married and my husband and I are just chillin. It's hard for some people to grasp that, not everyone feels the strong urge to be a parent. Some of us are just trying to chill and heal, lol.
I totally get that, Do what you feel is right!
A man who can have a real conversation with substance 🙌🏽
I watch these sometimes pretending that hes talking to me lol
Aww. Hang in there. hugs!!
@@kikisanford6063 im fine hun , just a joke
@@ManeThingz ☠️☠️☠️☠️
I do this as well and I'm a man xdd
Don't judge %50 of humanity on the basis of your bad social circle.
A lot of men can hold a conversation well.
That's why I got a vasectomy. My wife has a small uterus which would lead to serious complications, so we decided that the day we have a kid we are gonna adopt. This world isn't stable enough to bring another soul. Everything he said about wages and the homes and such is 10000 percent true
Adoption is good. There is surrogacy too
👏👏👏
I don’t think the world has ever truly been stable enough. But, hey, the world is dealing with overpopulation so the less people want to have kids, the better.
When was the world ever "stable" enough to bring kids into it? Why is the world suddenly so terrible? Possibly because we are able to see all the terrible things that happened in the world now. I mean people still had kids during both world wars and a lot after each one(baby boomers).
@@ladymondegreen not true if you look at the birth rate at alot of the developed countries you will see that there birth rate is slowing down to the point we won't have enough children to support the elderly and the working force. We are going to have the opposite problem of underpopulation, like in Japan where the majority of the population are the elderly.
Never date someone who dosnt have the same future goals as you. That's how you end up in a miserable relationship. Kids are not one of those things you can compromise on. You either have them or you dont.
Not necessarily...my boyfriend says we will figure it out together, he would be ok with either choice. He said it's not worth throwing the whole relationship away for just kids, because finding someone who will take care of you through life and highly compatible is very difficult. Is it worth throwing that gift away because one of those things didn't line up? Made me wonder. But we are not miserable at all.
@@UltraGalacticSuperFantastic It's not like choosing pizza or mcdonalds for dinner. Either one of you is going to have to compromise, by having a kid or not having one. Also you have to talk about your values when it comes to child rearring; so many people have different ideas about parenting
That’s not what happened to my brother and my sister-in-law. They didn’t really discuss it. After getting married it looks like she doesn’t and my brother is ok with it because that’s the love of his life.
You are correct. People who want kids and say they are okay for you to choose are not being truthful.
No matter what it is, you need to know yourself
Knowing myself, if I agreed to not have kids I would most likely regret it later on
And the regret would cause a strain on my relationship.
"It's her body and I'll respect her decision." She'll be one lucky woman to have you as her partner.
She will be miserable, I guarantee it.
@@StevenAcunaBG05 not forcing ur wife to have kids she doesn’t want to have is miserable???
@@euclid4703 The dude has no confidence and thinks of himself as a child. Boys like that make women miserable.
@@StevenAcunaBG05 ur name is literally Steven
@@StevenAcunaBG05 Your wife will be miserable, I guarantee it.
I really appreciate you saying that this generation is “too sensitive” bc I’ve heard people say that to me before
Idk what’s wrong with me, I sometimes cry myself to sleep at night after a bad day and I get yelled at the next bc I’m “too sensitive” it rlly sucks
Yo, crying after a bad day is better than letting it pile up and then exploding and murdering everybody or self-medicating in an unhealthy way and ruining your life. When I have a particularly hard day at work (one of my managers is can be condescending and unnecessarily intense), instead of blowing up at the people that initiated it, I go have a cry and get back to work. Crying and working out are my outlets and I'm learning not to be ashamed of feeling things.
@@salfred8252 thank u ❤️❤️
@@magicshopislife1867 I'm certain that you are an amazing individual. You have valid feelings and there are well over 7 billion people in the world, you don't have to fit into someone else's idea of behavior or simply being. We're all learning how to exist, up until the day we die so remember, just be you.
@@salfred8252 and aren’t u the best person ever 😭 sincerely thank u so much, it means a lot to hear this
this thread is so wholesome
As a kid/teen I always thought I’d be having kids around my early to mid-20s. But as I get closer to that age I keep postponing it up to now thinking of not even having any in this lifetime lmao.
then don’t nobody cares what you do
I thought as a Kid/ Teen I would have kids by now, my current age. But being this age, I cant even imagine having a kid. I can barely pay my bills, I'm no where close in my carrier where I want to be and cant even provide myself the mental stability it would need to raise another human.
@@Jillberto maybe if you got married and brought a child into the world with your spouse aka a healthy household you wouldn’t feel so hopeless.
@@monohina1997 I dont feel hopeless. A child would defenitly make me feel hopeless.
@@monohina1997 Maybe if you took on this huge financial, emotionally stressful, and body-altering responsibility that you need to be there for for the rest of your life, you wouldn’t be so hopeless. Um, do some men even hear themselves? How I wish men could get pregnant. We’d be living in a different world. So many people won’t adopt but they’ll happily tell other people to go and make new humans willynilly, like it’s no big deal. Like, you could be mentally ill but sure make a baby - yeah that’ll make your life so much better. Scary. 🙄
You articulate your thoughts so well! I love watching your shorts ✨
Unfortunately society has been programmed to believe showing your emotions, talking about mental health… is weak and thus why older generations (even some people from newer generations) consider us sensitive, I love that we break generational trauma and heal, not only is that great for us it’s also great for the future generation either we have kids or not
Being sensitive is great but not overly sensitive. The key is to do things that s helping us not the other way around and yes, to realize that it’s unrealistic to let other ppl control our emotions let alone to expect other ppl to understand us!
We don't think your weak because you talk about mental health. We think you're weak because everything with your generation seems to cause our be caused by a mental health issue.
@@sarahirwin1769 because it is. The older generation were just told to shut up and suppress their emotions. You're only seeing us speak out about it because we know our worth and don't want to be silenced as humanity anymore.
That's why I work in a school. To help raise the future generations on a mass scale.
there is a huge difference in wanting kids and wanting to be a parent 🥺
It's such a tough thing. I've always wanted to be a young mom too but than something happened and i just started disliking kids for a while and i was like never want to have them but now I've started babysitting occasionally and I've started to like kids again. I definitely want to adopt that's something I'm pretty passionate about but this is also a conversation i want to have with my future husband too because it's not just about me, it's about building OUR life.
Eh I wouldn’t worry to much of liking your kid or not, for most the hormones force that. Having a kid should be like getting a dog. Are you actually in a position to care for them, you have to look at all the logistical issues that arise. My cousin looked at me with two heads when the couple was thinking about getting a third kid and I most jokingly pointed out you would need to be prepared to upgrade your car to an suv or mini van and be ready to wait longer at restaurants because everything is designed with four in mind.
Also though, I’m really curious what the hell happened .
Interesting to think about what the future holds for our generation. Btw love your videos 👍
Tens of Millions sad, lonely, divided, childless, single people. That's the future
@@trekinseattle no. We came into this world in rough times but I know we'll manage somehow. Even tho it seems pretty hard but we'll do it eventually. We'll be happy.
@@trekinseattle jesus christ u make being single sound so horrible, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being single and ur life doesn’t have to revolve on finding a partner, not having children isn’t something to be ashamed of either, if you can’t be happy without a partner and/or kids then maybe you should work on urself first
@@euclid4703 Humans are communal. Every single study ever done, shows overwhelmingly how humans not only are more happy but thrive on pair bonding. What I said stands, and is born out by actual real numbers and trends now. Also what I said is deeper and more multi faceted than what you responded to.
Sad. Younger people are depressed, show psychosis, and have far more issues, mentally, financially, etc, much of which is self caused or at least self influenced.
Lonely. Poll after poll shows that younger people are dually more isolated, and a mix of saying they want "space" but feeling more lonely and disconnected from that space.
Divided. Conflicted, simply too many choices. There are simply too many choices. From food, clothes, phone, games, music, etc there is so many choices there is no normal, average, consensus. Nobody can agree on any damn thing.
Childless. In the past childless people "could" have happy lives. Social clubs, bars, groups, bowling, etc etc there was infrastructure for people to connect and pursue meaningful endeavors or throw themselves into work. Many things and reasons I listed above and the crumbling of social institutions will mean many people will not have that "singles catchnet"
As people age the slow accumulation of life decisions pile up. Children are a long-term life fulfilling endeavor that takes decades to see to fruition. If people put great effort into it it's highly rewarding on a level not achieved through most other endeavors.
Full circle. Many youth today put very little effort into anything, can't even wrap their head around how much effort other generations put into life. Hard work and high levels of effort are to be scoffed at. High effort creates high rewards. Many youth today will never know achievement on any real meaningful level. This is a main underlying cause of many other things I've listed. "Delayed adulthood" man children, 30yo babies, forever club chicks, etc etc. Whole generations of people who just never "grow up" and mature.
@@trekinseattle and whos fault is it that gen z feels the way we do about building families?
When I was young I wanted to get married at 25 and have kids…but I’m 25 and I don’t even have my shit together. I’m slowly putting my life back together, I am having bad luck with finding a bf and I just feel like I would be forever single and never be a wife or a mom ._. But I don’t want to have a kid until I’m married because I want to try the traditional way.
Wait… that’s what I’m hoping for too😭 but I to think I’m not becoming a mom or even gonna be married when I’m 25. I’m in uni and barely holding my shit together
It’s also the misconception that 25 is considered “old” and “mature”, which somehow means you should be married. None of my friends own homes yet. Many of them make close to 6 figures, but still live with family because they come from traditional backgrounds. It’s actually more mature to realize you’re not in the best position to care for a whole other human being while taking care of a house and working at the same time. It truly does take a village to raise a child and not every village is well established enough to help.
I’m 27, and I still feel like a child. I want a husband and to be starting kids by 32. It sucks realizing I’m not happy with me though
Also looking around at 25 and wondering if any of this is possible for me. I genuinely want a lifelong partner, but these experiences with dating have me wondering if that’s even possible. If I’m gonna be alone, God can just say that 😂
@@deeabee96 Fr, like if I was just born to be used as a free trial, send me sum signs!
I really like “not rebelling but learning to adapt” I’m using that forever
“we’re not rebelling, we’re just trying to adapt,” is such a good way to put it.
some older folks seem to write off our genuine concerns, because they were taught to do the same. people love to say that children are our future, yet when we propose change it is met with disapproval. for centuries people have blamed the new/young generations for the shortcomings of the world.
i don’t think that will necessarily stop, but i hope that people will look at change with more optimism.
I love hearing your perspective as I'm raising twin 5y.o. boys. I adopted my 1st son when I was 28 years old and then experienced infertility for many years. My twins were born when I was 44. Although I never would have planned it that way, it is such a difference being an older parent this time around. My husband and I are more intentional, patient and are able to appreciate the moments so much more. We're also in a great place financially that allows us to remove that as a major stressor. They're also keeping us young. We both see a huge value in waiting until your 30's to have them. The one drawback to consider is female infertility due to aging, which is a real consideration.
Infertility is a big thing I’m additionally concerned for. Also congrats on your twins! For that age, I’m glad to know life was gracious to you in that regard, I wish for twins too but I’m too small and don’t have twins in my family line ://
Just take care of yourself going into your thirties and fourties. Fertility shouldn't be a problem
I agree, I’d rather not have children than to raise them to be someone as traumatized as me and peers… the younger kids i come in contact with already sound so depressed and not like the “emo phase” but their body language is legit like someone who has been through alot…they talk like old people, “mature” like someone who is resigned to their fate and it’s just sad
Traumatized how?
Well that depends if you'd cause trauma to them or not as their parent. Cause that's where a lot of our issues stem from. Is the parents attachment and upbringing style first.
I'm a 22 yr old btw. And I'm an old soul myself. You may have encountered old soul people if they have wisdom that "should be" older than they are to know that.
One of the main reasons why I don’t want to have kids/raise kids is that I think I would mess them up horribly, and I don’t want to do that to them. I don’t think I can be responsible for another human being in that way.
My fiance and I are holding off until we feel we're financially stable enough. I refuse to be like my sister who is a single mother, living under my mother's roof with no hope of ever getting her own home unless someone else in her life offers her one. I can't handle the idea of having no autonomy like that.
I don’t want to have kids which makes my mum especially worried. Her thinking is there will be no one to look after me when I get old. I told her how can she guarantee that my kids will look after me because most of them don’t.
My decision to not have children stems from my exposure to so many bad things happening in the world that to bring a life into this shitty place, IMO, morally wrong. I cannot imagine seeing my child go through struggles with mental health issues, financial issues, and generally being unhappy like I am of life.
Tell her that most care homes are pretty nice tbh. The old generation seems to have this weird stigma around it. But I've worked in a care home, and it's so lovely and had so many lovely chats with certain old people. Nothing that lonely about it as some old gen people think.
I'm definitely not keeping contact, let alone looking after my abusive narc mother.
Omg! You are literally same as me.
I feel seen and validated by this video. My parents had me late in their 30s and 40s so we have quite the generation gap. I’m dealing with PTSD and anxiety right now because of some of my parents’ upbringing style. I feel so fucked up that it scares me to have a kid of my own while I’m still healing from my childhood. But I am very hopeful for my future and am slowly forgiving my parents even if they haven’t apologized for it yet, I’m forgiving them for my own inner peace and mental health.
As someone who has an abusive narcissist mother who will never admit responsibility to her hurtful actions and words towards me and others. I say this with the kindest intentions, but it's better to forgive for your own peace (full acceptance and forgiveness takes time, so be patient and kind with yourself!) than to wait indefinitely for your parents to ever apologise for the behaviour they may have thought was actually them doing good/their best for you.
If you have a narc parent like mine, an apology that's satisfying and genuine will never happen and I've accepted that this woman is not fit to be a mother, therefore isn't my mother.
If you really think about it, it's just our inner child who feels wounded and wronged by the people who parented and raised us.
One singular apology, even in the way we want to happen, won't patch over years of pain, abuse, trauma or neglect. It's like a band-aid for it. You may as well just focus on looking after your inner child and being the parent they never had. Focusing on loving yourself, being patient, compassionate and kind. It's much more rewarding as time goes by.
Nothing is easy in today’s world, but I strive to fight for another wonderful day.
Your comment just made my day
“Yesterday was history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift that’s why we call it ‘The present’” - that quote is what’s holding me together rn
@@roopkdI see your a fellow disciple of Master Oogway 🐢 😌
As someone in gen Z whos on the younger end of the spectrum (16) it pisses me off so much when old people tell me “ohh you might change your mind when you’re older” when I tell them I don’t want kids. I have a whole list of reasons why I don’t want kids and there’s no way I’ll change my mind on all of them by the time I’m in my late 20s. If I ever have kids I’m adopting an lgbt teen in need. And that’s one BIG if.
I'm a zillennial (I guess? 27 anyway) and I've been hearing this since my mid-late teens too. If anything, as I've gotten older I've gotten more sure that I do not want kids at all lmao. I used to work with a woman who was in her 30s with 2 kids and she told us all (most of us in our early 20s at the time), if you're not 100% sure you want kids - if there's any doubt whatsoever - do not have them. She was pretty open about regretting having them, despite still being a good parent. But it really helps that people are becoming more accepting of not having kids. Hopefully by the time you're my age, no one will even question it
I wanted to have kids when I was 25. Now I'm 25 and I just want to have kids when I know I can take care of them financially and responsibly. I'm not where I want to be in my career yet. I want to buy a home for them to grow up in. I wanna be married and it's difficult just to be in a relationship. So I'll just wait. Do my best to get it together. And if I never have kids, maybe I'll adopt. Maybe I'll just be the fun aunt to any of my 4 sisters children.
Oh yeah, girl, you're not alone. My backup plan is to literally be a rich actress aunt who travels a lot and gifts souvenirs to her friends' kids and has a zoo of animals in her house and 10 dogs 😂 I'd like to be a dog and plant mama :3
Nowadays it just makes more sense to not have kids... it's not the 90s anymore...
We're not selfish, we just don't want our children to live in worse conditions than we do... which is actually kinda the opposite of selfishness...
The selfish comment is so dumb. You can’t be selfish towards imaginary children 😂 So annoying, even more so when they don’t realize they’re the ones being selfish.
@@minisn3066 like, yeah... how does not having kids make you selfish...
Can't bash wanting to have kids. People with depression, PTSD or any kind of trauma need therapy, start being responsible and getting their act together. More often that not, having a kid compels you to be a better person. Misery loves company, break that cycle and actually put in effort to reach a higher purpose. Life will hold so much more meaning then.
@@farihashamim6860 Where in the original comment did they bash on people wanting kids?
@@farihashamim6860 P.S. Having a mother that survived trauma made my life worse. My mother wasn’t happy, and no, having to take care children full-time didn’t help her become better because she never had the time to heal herself. Keep your desires to yourself, stop enforcing them onto other adults.
As a 22 yr old, I just, I have no words. Everything you said is exactly how I feel and is just so facts. I'd rather be able to financially care for myself and my partner and my home, than be struggling to finance my own family and a home and a car. Inflation is really making having kids a challenge.
I work in a school so I get my satisfaction of being around children and looking after them there. I feel better here anyway. My mission is to help raise future generations on a mass scale. Schools are one of those places, and means I don't gotta be popping out 100 kids to do that lol
I'm kinda lost with the idea of having kids. I've always wanted to have children, and when I was younger I thought I'd become a parent before hitting 30. I'm closer to 30 than 20 now and I'm nowhere close to having children, but more importantly, I'm not even sure I want to raise kids anymore with everything's going on atm... Like, what life would I give them? Idk
This is the same thought every parent has during every war and every depression, and we ain’t even IN a current war / economic DEPRESSION. This is the best time to be alive in human history, if you main the news it’s always going to be inflammatory and reactionary. Just get your shit together and realize, the later you wait to figure it out… the less likely you’ll ever have children of your own. Have fun with that!
@@ShadowFreedum"just get your shit together". Oh damn, now everything is great! Thanks for the advice.
@Jillbert is good advice, more people need to take it.
A better life than many before them.
@@sarahirwin1769 yeah, no.
If you want kids marry someone who wants kids too, you don’t have to give up your dreams for someone else’s.
The more I watch your videos, and listen to your thoughts on life, the more I realise how alike we are in many ways
Everything you said was on point and so true. I am happy that someone can finally understand it and speak about it so freely.
Makes me appreciate my parents so much bc they tell me about the hard times they go through but still fully support what I do even if we don’t always see eye to eye, we are able to have good conversations and impart wisdoms onto each other. Like my immigrant mom is so much more sensitive to mental health than others and I truly respect her for that.
I’m 21, married and pregnant with my first baby. I stay at home and my husband works. Here are my tips if you want to become financially secure and be able to start a family.
Get married, don’t have kids before you’re married.
Don’t go to college unless you 100% know why you want to do and it’s for something in the math or sciences. My husband never went to college and he went into IT but trades (plumbing, welding, construction) are also a good choice. He makes $80k as a salary.
Don’t feel like you need to travel and see the world before you have kids. It may be slightly more expensive but bringing your children is a great way to bond with them and expose them to other cultures.
Yup yup yup. I got married at 22 and had my first at 25. Some of our generations problems are valid, but every generation has had their own things they've had to progress through. So much of it comes down to a mindset/ values thing.
I agree as well. I’m 26, married, with a 9 month old and I also stay at home while my husband works. We have student loan debt we’re working on right now (both of us) using the debt snowball method.
I get peoples concerns and everyone has their own experiences and makes their own choices but don’t immediately throw out the prospect of family because of that.
Some more tips are to have a budget and live on less than you earn. Keep track of your spending habits. There’s an app called Every Dollar and you don’t need to buy the paid version. Coupon clip, look for deals they are out there, and save. It teaches you to be frugal. It takes discipline at first but it’s also skill that you get better as you keep going.
I’ve traveled more now that I’m married with a child than I did as a single person because I was always working before and couldn’t afford it on my own. The world is crazy right now but it’s kinda of always been that way anyways and having a family means you don’t go through it alone ❤ that’s been my experience at least
@@dymondjeantine LOVED Ramsey methods for getting out of debt. I will admit the inflation rise hit us right when we were trying to save for a house on one income. That was a hard way of learning we could only track and lower expenses so much until we ultimately needed to increase and diversify streams of income to accomplish bigger financial goals. If there's any little doable things you've thought about trying while you're at home with the baby to bring some extra cash in, start asap.
@@RachelDee yess inflation has hit especially in the grocery department but we also have a side business selling items online from home. and I’ve been looking at other opportunities too. Diversifying income def helps when going for bigger financial goals.
@@dymondjeantine perfect. Smart decision. Wish I had been encouraged to do something like that before my 1st got older and my second came along.
YES! So many of my classmates are already parents (I'm 25 years old) to 1 or more kids! Good if they were ready but I couldn't imagine having a kid before 25 because, as you said, I'm STILL figuring myself out both mentally and financially. It also doesn't help how the old generation don't understand that people CAN do what they LOVE for a living. I'm constantly being told to get a "real job" than to pursue my dreams. I don't want to end up like my parents...especially my father who would come home everyday upset, exhausted, and full of hate.
Gen Xer here and you are spot on about everything you say in this video. I’m 46 and affected by these things, but my generation had a promising start before it all crumbled. I’m glad you next generations are independent thinkers and doing what is right for you. Things that worked for past gens will just not work anymore. I do hope that you can be a father one day because it is truly amazing to be a parent when you want to be one. But I struggle to give my daughter everything I wanted to give her and wish I could do more for her all the time. It’s wise of you to think it through and to be open minded. Much love and respect.
I honestly love that mentality. My parents had me young and thank god they could handle it. Tho I definitely seen the struggles that comes from being a young parent. I hope to be in a comfortable place where I know I can give my attention to my children and still provide.
“It’s her body and I’ll respect her decision.”
A gentleman is who you are, men take note! As a female baby Millennial/elder Gen Z, this is something I will always prioritize in my future partner, and something I will respect for them as well. It is one of the most important aspects of a healthy relationship nowadays, especially with how uncertain female bodily autonomy is. Knowing my partner will support me in any decision I make with regards to my body shows that they care about all of me not just a single part.
I believe most men have the decency and empathy to understand that the women should have the final say as far as having a child, since most of the ordel will be hers to deal with.
The fact that you wrote "men take note!" Only speaks of the fact that your opinion of men have mostly been formed from social media and radical feminists.
I feel sorry for your future partner, because you will end up applying every stereotype and shallow opinion you have made about men onto him.
Yes, exactly. I agree with the statements you made.
I’m 20 years old and have always wanted to be a mother, I could always see myself being a mother.. and I always wanted to have children a little young, but I’m nowhere near financially or mentally ready.
It’s sad but I accept that I probably won’t have children until my late 20’s-early/mid 30’s. And that’s even a little too ambitious for myself in my opinion.
Why is it sad ?
It’s okay to not have kids young… you will be able to learn more about yourself, do a lot of things by yourself and you will just have kids when it’s the right time!
@@Solip_i I guess because even though it's something I really want, it's something I'm not really ready for right now? I don't really know how to describe it.
Hello, dear Jeffrey. Hope this message finds you and your viewers well. I've been blessed with 4 adult children and 3 grandchildren. If I had it to do all over again, yes, I'd still have all of them however I would've waited until I was done traveling and became very financially/mentally/emotionally established/stable to have them. So I believe that you're on the ideal path that's in your best interest and your future children will benefit from having a content well rounded and experienced parent.
It's going to be 2023 in the next 15 minutes. So Happy & Blessed 2023 to you, your loved ones, and all of your viewers too!
This entire short summed up what I’ve been experiencing the past 3 yrs. Thank you for sharing 👏🏾🙌🏾
Man’s just spitting straight facts but the whole thing is backed to him cooking.
and it looks fuckin amazing
Cook for me 😭I’m over here with my chicken breast, asparagus, and lentils going “Aw yes a feast”. Your food looks so good.
Faaaacts I feel this so much. After the pandemic ended I decided to go back to school bc I realized that life’s too short to be in a career tht I wasn’t happy w plus it just wasn’t making enough money to be comfortable. So I’m definitely behind some years to even think about kids now n may not ever. And I’m comfortable w that idea
I’m not postponing it, I’m straight up never doing it. Sometimes breaking the cycle is by not even giving the cycle an opportunity to try to continue.
i feel like i have weirdly gone the opposite way, i wanted to have kids when I was young but then went really against it but now i want children again.
In short " I'm a grown ass immature adult "
@@kronicturbo8327 huh?
@@immyg_563 you're childish
@@kronicturbo8327 becasue i want children?
@@kronicturbo8327 it has nothing to do with being immature!
Not knowing what to do, what you want is absolutely normal in your 20s, even in your 30s because lot of things happen, we change too !
You re the immature one here.
Factss. I used to think 26-29 was a good age to have kids but now that I’m 20 I’m thinking 30-35. I need time to myself and time to get ready for such a big decision
Although it's not completely related to this topic, I wanna share my experience on the topic of having kids.
Even though I'm still a teenager, I want to be a mother one day and that's because I've grown up in a lovely household. My parents, even when we were not that well-off, spoiled me. I had toys, dresses, books, color pencils... everything a kid would want. Yet, I didn't turn out as a complete brat because my parents always taught me to share and have no pride. I've been taught by my dad to stand by my morals unless they're wrong. I've been taught by mom to be empathic and I try my best to be like them. I've faced a lot of difficulties in life and my parents have always stood by me and I want to raise my kids the way my parents are raising me. I have huge dreams. I want to be a doctor and an author and at the same time, I want to be the mom my kids will call the best and I want a life partner who's ready to be the best father like my father. But when I tell people that I want to have kids; especially people my age, they just laugh. Like, why? Why can't I have the desire of having kids?
@Jeffrey Chang. Beautifully said. You are right. Working on generational/personal trauma is the toughest thing to do and shows strength rather than weakness. This is a supporting example of the saying "how can you love someone else if you can't love yourself first". I genuinely wish you the best of luck on achieving your best self and life with whatever that entails and that best fits you.
I used to not want to have kids , but after seeing my niece and nephew .. I want at least one so badly. I would probably give them a little sibling later on but I want one 🥺
I think it’s lucky we have a new generations who have just become teens now so their future plans aren’t effected by covid
I really appreciate this conversation & you openly talking about this topic
I’ve been feeling really hopeless/lost on this particular topic and it’s beyond comforting to watch a vid like this and see that so many others can relate and understand. Thanks so much!
I agree with everything you said. I’m 27 and I see other my age with kids and I’m like “how?” But also a bit of envy because they seem to have their life together.
They « seem » to!
That doesn’t mean it’s the case :/
Not that anyone asked but I'd luv to be a father some day. I don't think I will ever feel complete, even despite all my accomplishments, if I don't find the right one and also if I don't give life back to this world. I am also happy that I keep seeing/hearing people around me express a similar opinion as you do in the video, because I think it is a lot harder to have a conversation about this than to just blow off even just the idea of having kids
I agree with the reasoning behind all of us, and I feel basically the same. Good for you for speaking out on it ✊🏾
Millennial with 2 kids and I totally understand waiting to have kids until one is able to financially. I knew i didn't have time with my endometriosis, so i had no choice but to get to it. But i dont regret it. My kids bring me so much joy 💕
Omg girl, but so happy you were able to have kids with your endometriosis !
I feel the same way about this, and I feel like I want kids but I'm really insecure about having a baby and how things could be. Being a mom is a huge responsibility, I'd be worried about so many things, would I still be attractive to my future partner? I know thats not something I should be concerned... But at the end of the day, I'd love to feel good in my skin, and my partner to love me as well.
I feel you, I don't want children at all.
Also that onigiri looks delicious and I just want to reach through the screen and take it
One of the best videos on UA-cam ❤️🙏🏿! Loved this! Thanks for sharing ☺️! I’m a momma of 4 and it’s definitely a hard task FOR SURE 💯!
Man this is what I needed to hear, also a recipe I’m going to try tomorrow.
I always thought having kids at mid 20s were normal bc of all the celebs and tv shows (ik probably bad idea to get influenced by them) and i wanted to have kids then but now that i think it through i dont even know what i want to do in the future.
i need that recipe
I'm not sure what I like more, your calm, logical discussion of your choices, or the lovely food you made.
I got married at 27 and that was ok but a little late. Just took me that long to find the right guy for me. But we started trying for kids right away, because your body is only up for it for a short window!
Healing from trauma is a lifelong pursuit, so that's no reason to wait and wait, and let me tell you-- kids will open your eyes to your own faults and consequences of your own bad choices double time!! I've learned more in 7 years being a mom than 29 being alive before kids.
Respect for everyone's choice, but if you get too scared, you'll never go for it, to your great sorrow. 😢 Kids are a blessing, and an absolute joy. Also a stressful responsibility, but you have adulting skills for that! Learn to cook, clean, organize and do laundry, then do that unselfishly for others, too, and you'll be fine. ❤
I want kids.. But todays world makes me hate the idea of introducing a kid to todays world.. When you think like a parent you start to question a lot.
Thank you …. Someone gets it
This is so refreshing to hear. I delayed having kids & I refuse to do it alone. I would rather have 2 or none, but The young Mom thought, I've past & there's so much to think about. You're wise & beautiful in your mindset. You'll have no shortage of ladies to choose from with that mindset. 😇💌
Well said! " How did you figure out the generational trauma" aspect?
It took me decades to realize this and do some healing from it.
Boomers call the younger generations sensitive then screech and get triggered the moment somebody challenges their beliefs
It really goes both ways
Thank you. Love you! Here's the like and subscription.
I love this so much! I’m 36 and pregnant with my first!!! No way in hell I would have been ready 10 years ago mentally, physically, or emotionally. You do you and enjoy your life without judgement from others
We need more men like you forreal.
For someone that works with kids we have to look out for them right especially taking care of the future generations. If you have the patience and the mother or father instincts you have to take in the responsibility. I took care of my god daughter and sister every day to teach them piano 🎹 and providing snacks for them just to entertain but help them grow up . Showing responsibility and patience is something you will have to get use to . Pretty sure you’re not ready for kids yet considering you act like one ( no offence 😅)
Btw my god daughter Abby and her sister Katherine wants to say Hi 👋 😊
Rude? Takes more than snacks to raise children..
@@MJlover341 not just snacks , they both like to draw pictures and painting 🖼️
His answers are very sensitive. I'm 33, I believe in true love, despite all the past heartbreaks and pain, and of course I would love to find finally the right guy for me. But, he's right, we're straight after a pandemic and I also have things I still want to finish and experience about my personal life. So it's totally normal to wish to build a family later in time. We've all have been through a lot. Also I found very sweet to hear him saying: " it will also depend from my future partner. It's her body anyway. " I find very beautiful to hear a guy saying that. Thank you for saying that.
okay but the transition to the end and beginning was so smooth
this is a mindset that every young person should've (respecting your partner's body and decision) and i am glad you as an influencer saying it. this is a bare minimum but knowing that out here a lot of misogynistic and sexist male influencers having a huge fanbase and platform (andr*w tat*, the most prominent one) predominantly made up by young men is saddening.
Thank you for showing how to make something delicious while also being relatable. One things I see our generation dealing with more is infertility along side choosing not to have kids. I know too many people on both sides of the fence.
I just wanted to say THANK YOU for these words. I’ve been dealing with so much anxiety but everything you talked about has really helped put me at ease and abate the utter fear that’s been consuming me for a while. Legitimately, you gave me hope. Thanks for the reminder that we are still growing and there’s hope for the world :)
I am 22 and I don't know if I want to marry someone and take care of kids.
I grew up on a messed up family, not just a messed but I also babysit my niece and nephew.
I love the idea of having a baby but I need to be financial stable first.
I believe money is important specially today. I don't want to be like my sisters tho who make my mom suffer for having kids early.
I never been love properly and I reject all those who try to date me so I don't know how to love too.
I am more pressured on finding job, now that I am almost close to finish my undergraduate degree.
Pandemic make it worse.
I really enjoyed this video ❤ great perspective and I completely agree
SOOOO many amazing points raised in this!! I always feel like I see a lot of people on the internet agreeing with my views on this stuff, but irl I find it kinda rare to come across like-minded individuals... either way, it's nice to know there are people out there who want to think deeper about important topics like this☺️
Also, really don't wanna sound thirsty, but watching you cook was kinda hot ngl🫣🤫
Yes, yes to all of this! I turn 35 in a couple months, and my husband and I are happy where we are. We’ve only been married a couple years, and kids are a handful. If we have any, we just want one. Sometimes I worry we’ll look back and regret it, but the only way we can afford enough to not be in debt is to work jobs that are not conducive to raising a family.
Also, your onigiri are beautiful and look SO GOOD.
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 thank God for bringing it up you got all the points I'm thinking about 😩
I completely understand and can relate. I thought by now I would be married with children but my career has been my top priority.
I'm honestly just impressed you can have the conversation about having kids even with all the struggles of this world. 99% of young men I meet will tell you they would rather die than have kids.
This is so relatable but it’s so hard to find real individuals.
Not only does that look amazing BUT what you’re saying is so spot on. I actually do have children already and also working through a lot of things and it’s CRAZY! Truth be told the traditionally ways truly aren’t cutting it and I’m breaking the mode to set people free from the non sense that’s expected from us when we don’t have much figured out just yet. It’s good that you’re waiting and for whoever else reads this comment.
The thing is when raising children, learn from your childhood. Learn from your parents' mistakes that you know were mistakes even as a child. Don't be what you disliked but also understand that some of the things you didn't like were necessary.
Love that you're talking about this while making such a cute dish
Married and in my early 30s. No kids, though I have always wanted and am currently trying. My observation is that no one should be shamed for their decision to have or not have a child. It is good and healthy for our planet for individuals to not procreate unless they truly are capable of the sacrifice, but it’s also good to continue our species (IMHO) because I do believe there is progress to be made and hope for the future. Yes, I know the world is dealing with many global issues, but the world has always been turbulent. The best thing is that people are thinking of the future of their decisions and its impact on humanity and that is a good thing in my view. There are always going to be people having a ton of kids and they’re balanced out by those not having any.
So much wisdom
So as a female who just turned 30 and decided that I don't want to get pregnant and give birth to a child because of medical, mental and personal reasons... the world can be rough!
It seems like everyone is becoming a parent these days and/or thinking about it for their near future... that builds a lot of pressure and I hate to feel this guilt for not wanting to have kids on my own.
I would consider adopting if I had a partner that wanted to raise a child...
I would love them like my own children for sure! But I don't feel the need to reproduce just the pressure from society.
I thought like this, and you're right. It is ok. Just be sure to accomplish those things. Sometimes doing so, means making the decision that seems less responsible at the time. E.g. taking that one trip instead of paying for college fees. Real talks. When I was younger, and paying my way through school I made the responsible decision time after time, not realizing that making the choice to live a full life with more healthy, diverse decisions contributed to my development and appeal in many ways. Consequently it took much longer to get decent pay in spite of a bachelor's degree, work experience and excellent work ethic. Persons with more "life lessons" passed me by career wise and relationship wise. I don't regret my choice to wait to be married, but now that I want a partner, the available, decent men are slim pickings. It's also becoming more dangerous for me to have a child safely. So, after saying all of that my advice, particularly for young ladies, is this:
Go to school and take that trip. You may have to work three times as hard but the experience is worth it.
Balance self care and self advancement. The sooner you practice it, the easier it will be to maintain throughout your life.
Make mistakes, it's ok. It's how we learn. The catch is to make new mistakes only. We know drugs and other things lead you down the drain, so why choose those mistakes? Original mistakes are priceless.
Integrity is priceless. No matter how bad things get, your integrity carries weight when the crap hits the fan.
God rocks. He's brought me through a lot believe it or not.
You only live once. You have one life, one body, one mind, one earth. Take good care of it, and you'll thank yourself later.
There's a lot more, but this is a comment that's waaaay too long as it is.
Literally, this video spoke a thousand words. Too much was taken away during the pandemic and pressure from course deadlines, plus other things played a big part. Also, I cannot recall even half of what I did back then - like, I did things on autopilot and won't recall most of it now. And especially for those who are international students, we do not have the support others will.
You are a very articulate storyteller. Love listening to your inner thoughts. Keep up the good work
My eldest has been with his partner for over 10 years. She’s wonderful and I love her, but she never wants to have children. She finds kids scary and doesn’t ever want to get pregnant. My son said he would one day like kids, but if she never changes her mind then they won’t have children because she makes decisions for her body. He loves her more than children that don’t exist
I really want to do this too. But instead I'm rushing to be stable which is going horrible because I'm very sickly and currently talking about surgeries to come. My family history with the women are very infertile too once past 26 and I want children. I want a family. But there's just so many things I need to face.
CHOOSING to have a child rn is simply irresponsible 🤷🏻♀️
People also call people sensitive for calling out a disgusting thing someone said, claiming it’s a joke. We haven’t gotten more sensitive, people have just normalized offensive and disturbing jokes!
You’re a wonderful man, and I bet anyone would be grateful, to be with you.