why we DO want kids (with good reason NOT to) | Melanie Murphy & Thomas
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- Опубліковано 12 вер 2024
- My husband to be Thomas and I sit down and chat through reasons to have children (and reasons NOT to have them, too), pregnancy planning etc...
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These comments are all SO INTERESTING! 1) what contraception method(S) do you use? 2) do you want kids? If so/if not - why? Xxx
Melanie Murphy . I really want kids but my boyfriend doesn’t/very unsure and it’s caused a lot of tension when we’ve talked about our future :/
I have two kids. My son is 3 and my daughter is 6 months. My husband and I will more than likely not have anymore biological children, but we also want to expand our family through foster care and adoption. I have the
Paragard IUD, which I had placed 8 weeks after our daughter was born. I love that it is long-term, hormone-free, and reversable.
Great video, me and my bf use the pill, natural planning,and pull out as an extra measure this has worked for the past 6 years but now we are looking into other methods (have endometriosis so it's a but tricky) we both really want to start a family one day, I'd love to be able to have a baby that has all our love and attention💚💚
our birth control is a vasectomy for my husband (after 2 kids)😉 and yes we used a reliable doctor, the procedure was done two years ago and I finally feel secure about it. Sooooo great to not need any type of contraception anymore. And shout out to my husband who chose to have the simple procedure done instead of making me go through the much more invasive one!
@@surlespasdondine yes major points to him! Seriously it's like 10 minutes for guys!
You guys are one of those couples that you just look at and are like they’d be such good parents( I am so jealous of your future kids )
Me too. Me too!!!!!💜✌
@@bridmcgrath3606 same. I honestly see such a big happy family for them. Melanie and Thomas seem like such lovely, caring people.
@@sassypants7536 absolutely!!! Have a great day.💜✌
this aged well :')
I don't want to have kids. It's not even the global warming, the financial cost, the obvious amount of time and energy that children require - I just don't want any kids. You can of course find rational arguments, but the baseline is just a feeling. I'm not good with kids, I don't find them cute and the more of our friends have children, the happier I am with my decision. I thought about it really hard a few years ago, because I wanted to make sure I didn't regret anything later. I'm also very relieved that I will never have to go through pregnancy and giving birth, btw, that's a nice add-on...
Being an "aunt" to our friends children is more than enough for my husband and me ;)
That's really cool, I totally agree with you
same! thanks for commenting this
Yeah, I’m exactly the same.
I really relate to you. I also have a lot of rational thoughts and arguments but in the end of the day, I just don't want kids. I also really don't want to be pregnant. The experiences in my family haven't been great with that but mostly I just don't want a kid around.
I want kids but at the same time I hate kids at this point in my life...
Just thinking about this makes me emotional but I wanted to tell you, Melanie, that having my kids healed me from my distorted relationship with my body and food 100%. I was so obsessed with the scale and not putting on weight etc. And then during pregnancy just seeing that every pound I was putting on it was GOOD for my baby that was growing inside of me. And after I came home from the hospital, it was a very healthy realization that the 15 kilos or so i weighed more than before were so unimportant compared to the 3 kilos my baby weighed, being happy when she put on a few hundred grams in a short time span, just seeing it all in a completely different light. My hips are larger now (the bones are wider apart), I have stretch marks and my whole frame looks different - but I do not obsess over that anymore because my body KICKED ASS during two pregnancies and two labors.🤗
This is so beautiful.
@@lynncrf This is what I'm hoping my body will do for me, this perspective change if I choose to have children. You have said it so well, that you become more grateful for what your body can do, instead of obsessing over changing it. I mean you grew a human in your own body, your organs rearranged themselves and then you pushed that baby out of you. That's pretty incredible!
I’m in the same boat as Thomas. As I am, I have no cravings or hankerings for kids, but if I meet the right person, if I fall in love with the right person, I can see myself wanting kids.
Same! Although, I really do want to have kids, I can’t imagine myself having children unless I’ve got the right person alongside me
Me too :)
Zoë Kam Same-
Same! I realized now that it's not that I don't want kids, it's just that I have to find the right person
I’m kind of pissed off to hear that you get so much pushback for wanting children, because I get lots of crap for not wanting any. There’s just no way to win here and really, everyone should just stop judging everyone else’s decisions on kids/family planning. It’s none of their business, anyway. Frankly, I think the population would probably balance out nicely if we could just stop shaming people for whatever decision they make in this matter and let everyone do what they like with their bodies, money and lives.
Thanks for making this video and speaking so openly about it!
rainygreymornings Why is your comment not at the top? Seriously!! Totally agree with you. I want children. My sister doesn’t. We both get shit for our decisions.
I needed to hear this. The question of having or not having children has been on my mind a lot lately, and I find it incredibly hard to come to a decision as I don't really feel an emotional pull in either direction (as in, I'm not broody at all, but the thought of never having children doesn't feel comfortable either). Rationally, not having children makes a lot of sense. I don't particularly like other people's children, but judging by how much I care about my pets which are "just rats"... I'm worried I'll be reduced to a sobbing ball of anxiety from the moment I see a positive test right up until the child turns 25, and that's not a very appealing thought. On the other hand, the thought of never having children makes me a bit sad, and I don't really know what I'd do with the next (hopefully) 50/60 years of my life if I didn't have children. It's how I've always imagined my life, and I agree with you that it seems like a big challenge and fun adventure. Basically, I feel like I could regret either decision. It's good to hear some positive opinions/arguments for having children, they're harder to come by these days.
It would be really good to see a video on your channel about this broader subject, obviously you have the right to privacy and I totally respect that, if you want me to delete this comment let me know and I will
Loepsie omg thank you for sharing your feelings on this! I adore your channel and I loved meeting you back in 2015...what you wrote here could have been written by so many of my mates! They have such similar conflicting feelings xxxxx
@@melaniemurphyofficial Ahh thank you! I've been watching your videos consistently forever, but I rarely every comment 😅
A part of me wishes we didn't have as much of a say in whether we have children or not, like in the old days. I feel I'd handle it just fine if it just happened, but the fact that everything's a conscious decision now makes me feel like I have to be able to justify whatever road I choose. It's so haaard!
@@brokenvery3521 I've considered making a Tea Time video about the topic, but haven't gotten around to it yet. I feel like I need to articulate my thoughts perfectly if I choose to do that, and not quite sure I'm there yet. I did write a blog post on it a few years back, I believe! :)
Loepsi you have summed up exactly how I feel too so eloquently
Cannot feckin WAIT for the pregnancy and baby content yes gimmegimmegimme 💚💚💚
I don't want kids myself but I love babies, they're so cute and squishy. I'm planning to be like a babysitter for all my friend's and cousin's kids and be *the cool aunt*
I’m 26 and engaged . I don’t want kids in the slightest bit. My family is very upset over my decision . Anyway loved hearing your thoughts 💕
BunnyJanie your body, your life, your choice 💋
I’m 26 too, me and my partner are both anti-Natalist... that’s what made us connect with each other..I would rather adopt if we both are capable to support a child!
your life!!!
I don't personally want kids, but I think one of the most important things for kids growing up is to feel wanted and loved, and seeing people who are going to be able to provide that makes me so happy
When you guys have kids, I can’t wait for the honest parent experience videos, cause you guys are so real and I feel like other UA-camrs just sugarcoat parenthood and don’t talk about the bad parts as well as the good.
I don’t want my own babies but I’d LOVE to adopt. I just don’t want to get pregnant and give birth but I’d still love to be a mother. Also you and Thomas are going to be the BEST parents
I can totally relate! Adoption, maybe?
Sita S exactly I’d love to adopt. What about you?
@@grayde3903 Me too! But I'd prefer to have a partner so I can raise them in a traditional stable family. But if that doesn't work out, I think I might just adopt a child when I'm at a good place financially.
@@sitas9827 There might be fewer places you can adopt from if you adopt on your own, but it can still be done.
Sita S same if I adopt I want a partner for them to have two parents and I would want help.
I'm available for adoption, if you guys want a 30yo baby girl
ShantiLives 😍😂😂😂💚
For me personally I don't want to have kids and I dont see myself having them but I do help my sister with her 2 kids whenever I'm home and make sure I face time when I'm away at work
I had my daughter when I was 26 and she is the absolute best thing that has ever happened to me. There truly is nothing like it ❤️
I really do want kids! As an ecologist, it's so hard to justify my want to have a kid with the economics and environmental impact. I think my plan is to only have one kid, and if my partner and I want a second afterward, we'll adopt, because they'd already be in the world anyways and might as well give a kid a good life who's already on the planet. It's a weird guilty/desire thing to wrestle with.
just 1 biological kid is still very unjustifiable
To me, t's fascist ideology to force people to feel guilty about that...If good people have children , that is what will help tomorrow's world.... If all the ecologists stop having children , the planet will be populated by uneducated people , all the same... SO...
Here in japan, it’s actually encouraged to have more children, due to the rapidly decreasing birthdate and aging population. The ratio of older people to younger people is rapidly increasing, and they say that by 2025, for every person over 65, there will only be one person under 65, whereas in 1970, there were about 9 people under 65 for every 1 over. Which means that in the near future, there will only be one person under 65 to support one person over, which is a huge problem taking into consideration things like social security payments.
So here, they encourage people to have children by doing things to make raising and taking care of children easier and less of a hassle. Things like giving children free health care until high school(my town does that), building baby changing/feeding rooms in stores, giving childcare classes for free, free daycare systems for working parents, etc. So growing up in Japan, I always had the impression that people needed to have more children, but I guess that from a worldwide and environmental viewpoint, it’s the other way around.
@@marierose214 It's not fascist. What will help tomorrow's world is educating the populace, not having babies that may or may not make a difference. (Also, that's a lot of pressure to put on a child - like, here, we birthed you to save the world). So, we should encourage better funding of public education and providing social support to people currently on the planet, in order to help them improve the world we live in.
that ecological reason is the dumbest thing I have ever heard of
Im constantly flipflopping between wanting kids and not wanting kids, if i do it wont be for years anyway (I'm 19) but I find this type of stuff super interesting so PLEASE more pregnancy/family themed videos!!!!
I wanted children until I became a teacher. I can't imagine going home to children after spending all day looking after them!
HAHAHAHAHAHA
I'm a homeschooling mum and it's hard being around a kid all the time but it's a passing phase and then I'll be sad when she is a teenager lol.
I'm a high school teacher and it's challenging for sure having two small kids and will be difficult having teenagers while working with teenagers... but I would have given up my job rather than giving up the idea of having my own kids. But of course that's completely personal, I know a few teachers that prefer not to have their own kids.
As a teacher in training or someone who would like to have a career working with children in some way, I feel this comment lol. I’m still debating whether or not I really want kids though.
@@family-peace-love I know parents of teenagers that are actually very proud to have gotten them to that age, i think it can be awesome to think what a great person this little baby/toddler/kid has grown up to be...
I hated and dreaded the thought of having children because I thought it would destroy my life, but now that I've met my boyfriend and realized what a healthy relationship is like, I've been thinking about having kids a lot!! More baby videos plz, haha
It's sad that you guys feel awkward about 'admitting' that you want to have kids. Why has wanting a family become such a bad thing?? It's absolutely instinctual and people shouldn't be shamed for it. You'll be fantastic parents!
It does really suck...it's a very recent thing, and I just wish we could all stop shaming each other for our choices! I TOTALLY disagree with those who roll their eyes at people who decide against having children...that's their right, they don't have to so why should they if they don't want to? But it's funny - those who hate being judged for not having kids, often judge those who do want kids. There's no point in stooping to that level, you can't combat judgementalism by taking part in it lol x
Kids are more hated than fascists nowadays... my heart aches.
do people want humans to die out???🤣🤣 so ridicilous!
get babies be happy!!
Is it a new thing? I have never seen being hated for having or thinking about having kids? Or maybe I don't have big enough circle. I am getting surprise with these comments. Someone please enlighten me.
green koko how old are you? Bc this is ongoing amongst millennials and zoomers. If you talk about these things with ppl in their twenties or younger, they'll all tell you the same things (kids are annoying and I hate them blah blah blah)
7:38 the way she talks about him is so lovely. i want to have a relationship like this
"So you mean you want to become less self centred."
"Yes."
hahaha I just love the complete honesty and zero self denial. :D
NOTHING in my life is better than being a mother. My children are 25 and 23 now and I have felt this way ever since they were born. I am very lucky to have a very good life anyway, fullfilling job, charming partner, health,... But I always knew I wanted to have kids and could hardly wait. And I was never disappointed.
I always feel so guilty. I'm 26 and have spent the last 6 years in my career, but I know very soon family is my goal. As an environmentally conscious feminist I do feel so much judgement and I have to explain myself for something so natural! Thanks for this video. I know I'm not the only one!
Nobodysaknowitall 💚💚💚
having one kid and adopting more is my plan. its environmentally conscious since youre not creating a whole lot of biological kids, but youre still experiencing everything. and you can focus on your career because if you're only having one kid, then you can give birth at 33/34/35 and still be okay
This was so refreshing to see a couple so deeply in love talking about how much they want kids. It seems the entire world doesn't want them and has every reason not to. But it's always been my biggest dream. I am studying to be a Medical Laboratory Scientist and my boyfriend is doing his masters in Medical Biophysics so we'll have our careers covered. As much as I love what I'm doing I don't think it could bring me the same fulfillment that creating new life and growing our family would. It also warmed my heart to see the similarities between my boyfriend and I and you and Thomas. I wholeheartedly feel my bf is the single most amazing, kind, warm and hilarious human I've ever met and neither of us can handle the thought of even a bug going through death or pain. Thank you so much for sharing, seeing the excitement and love beaming out of both of your eyes just filled my heart so much and made my day!
Parenthood really does change you - you learn how tough you are in life! And that's awesome!! I have an almost 5 year old daughter and she brightens up world - especially when she calls me her best friend or "the best mummy ever" 🥰
Mel, I too had body image issues and the day I gave birth I thanked my body for what it had done and was in awe at its potential.
Many blessings to you and Thomas 😘
I love children, I am a Montessori preschool teacher. I also love coming home and doing absolutely nothing. I'm selfish with my time and it wouldn't be fair to bring a child into that.
I really don't want to have kids and have never wanted them. I live in central Poland and every single person I know wants to start a family one day. And I've been verbaly attacked for my choice and told that I will change my mind so many times, to a point it's upsetting. There's a great Ted Talk titled: I don't want children - stop telling me I'll change my mind. I encourage anyone interested to have a listen;)
Up until recently I hadn't had a whole lot of reactions to my disinterest in procreation, just the ordinary "haha you'll change your mind one day!" (which is quite rude in itself but I digress).... until recently. I met my boyfriend's aunt for the first time and for some reason the subject came up. I kinda just said that I didn't want kids, and she turned to my boyfriend with a gross condescending smile and said "I'm sorry!" He said that he didn't really want kids either and she was like "oh but I know you do" and said a few more things that I didn't care to commit to memory. She was surprisingly unpleasant about it and I would have argued my point further if not for the fact that we were in a loud restaurant so conversation was difficult. Afterwards, when getting home, my boyfriend was pretty upset about her behavior and went on about how incredibly rude, not to mention severely inappropriate, she had acted. It made me feel good that he sort of defended me, took my side and shared my opinion of how shitty it is to not only question but straight up demean someone's decision not to have kids. And the fact that she did it all with that nasty smile, ugh... Needless to say I did not particularly like that lady.
@@KreeZafi I'm sorry you had to sit through that situation. I can imagine how unpleasent it was. It's good that you had an ally in your boyfriend. It's okay to have a different opinion, it's a shame when someone doesn't accept it and is rude about it. Thank you for sharing. Let's hope there are going to be less and less situations like that in the future:)
I think people obsessed with having children have nothing else to do in life.
Guys, I am so glad you made this video. I'm pregnant at the moment, I have loved being pregnant and none of my friends are ready for kids or don't want them. I mean its debatable whether I am even ready lol. My beliefs are that the world in over populated and I am extremely concerned about the climate so I had major guilt about getting pregnant. Me and my partner are doing our best at being as sustainable as possible by using cloth nappies etc. I feel like i just have to deal with the fact that the love I feel for this baby is selfishly overtaking my moral conflicts and I accept that... soz. Great video!
Dont have guilt! It's a fact that has spread like propaganda.
It takes 2 people to make 1 kid. So if everyone in the world had 1 kid. The population would decline in half.
If everyone has 2 kids, it will keep the population stable.
In order to increase the population, everyone would need to have three kids. And not all children survive to adulthood or to even have their own kids.
Not to mention infertile ppl, LGBTQ, natural disasters, wars etc.
Also currently there r many inhabitabed places so we r NOT overpopulated.
In fact many countries like Japan and europe have negative population growth.
And some countries have stabilized like china.
And as more countries are industrialized, population declines.
In fact, in the past it was considered a duty and a good deed to have a kid. You are giving another soul the opportunity you received. And are passing forward how someone selflessly took care of you.
I remember just before my husband and I got married, I was so desperate to start having kids, I felt like nothing else in my life felt as important anymore, like I had spent enough time and energy on ME, that I was ready to give it all to a little person...and it was still such a shock when my first one was born! They say your life changes 100% but (this is the way a friend of mine puts it) it actually changes 1000% - and nothing can prepare you for that. But then you adapt, and it becomes your new normal, and you wouldn't want it any other way♥️
I do want kids, a lot actually. I’ve always love kids and have a very maternal instinct. Am also a very driven person. I want 4 kids. People think am crazy when I tell them what I want . Am only 15 and yeah things will change as I get older, but something in my heart tell me am going to be a mom. I just know and I know no matter how hard it is I will work hard for that goal . I think at the end of the day we all know what we can/want to do/handle
My mom told me that even when I was a kid myself, I told her I would never have kids. I'm 28 now and that hasn't changed :D I don't like the idea of being pregnant, giving birth, babies, all the sacrifices I'd have to make,... Plus, there's already more than enough people in this world and enough children without a family, so I would much rather adopt (if I ever felt the urge to be a parent). 4-legged furbabies...that's more than enough for me! That being said, I'm confident you'll be amazing parents and am curious to see if you'll be raising your kids vegetarian (since Thomas doesn't eat meat). That would be awesome!
My boyfriend and I have been trying for 2 months I'm taking a pregnancy test tomorrow so excited and nervous 😬😅
Update we got a positive!!! So excited 😄
Congratulations! 🍸
Congratulations!
@@siobhanxxx100 Congratulations! :)
I'm so happy you're talking about this! It seems society hammers into us that having kids is just "what you do." You grow up, get married, have kids, die. I was around 13 when it occurred to me that I don't HAVE to have kids, it's 100 percent a choice and up to every individual. That was when I decided I did not want kids. The bulk of the "WHEN you have kids" comments came when I got engaged. I made it pretty clear when I was in my teens kids weren't in my life's plan, but anytime I'd hold a baby (my nieces/nephews) my dad was usually the one to say "are you SURE you don't want one of those?" I'd always reply without a moments hesitation "yep. I'm sure." My sweet husband got a vasectomy at my request a few months before we got married, and I made it a point to mention he had been surgically sterilized anytime anyone mentioned "oh, well, WHEN you have kids......" I was in my late 30's when I had my hysterectomy. I was absolutely thrilled when I learned I needed surgery to remove an organ I found completely useless to me. I dreaded, despised and hated each month when my period came. In my eyes, the only good thing about my menstrual cycle was that another egg was gone and I was that much closer to menopause. I felt so incredibly free the moment I woke up from the anesthesia after my hysterectomy. It's been a few years, and I'm still so grateful for the surgery. l feel like I finally have my life back.
Oh this is such a brilliant idea for a video, have not seen that ANYWHERE else! Most people who want kids don't explain why, because in our society it's still a given that you are "supposed" to have kids, and the only people to be honest about reasons not to have them are those who don't want them usually. I'm a mom of two lovely little girls but am very fierce about supporting women (and men) who DON'T want kids, for whichever reason.
Honestly, mine are 5 and 2, and I don't know with where our planet is headed whether I would have dared if I was starting now. At the same time I could never imagine not having them in my life. I just wish everyone could accept that just because a life choice works out for one person doesn't mean they should push it on others. I hope one day it can just be viewed as a choice where either of the two options (to have them or not to have them) is fine. One last thing: it drives me crazy when people call people who don't want kids selfish. I mean I do have to give up a lot for my kids, but I did have them for selfish reasons, because I wanted them. It's not a selfless act. And if I didn't, there is so much more I could do for other people in the world.
Its so funny how strong the biological pull is. I never really wanted kids before I met my current long term partner (we just celebrated three years together). About a year after we got together I, for the first time ever, got that strong biologically pull that I wanted to have kids. But not just any kids: I wanted to have OUR children together. Now I know that I have fertility issues with PCOS, and my partner's mother had fertility issues so we don't know if he will have fertility issues as well, but we are 100% up for adopting as well. We just want to have a family together
♥️ wishing you all the best! I had the same with my husband, know exactly what you mean!
This video has been so valuable. I've never actually sat down and thought PROPERLY about wanting kids, my instinct says I do but I've never thought about it in depth. My fiance and I have had brief discussions but never an in-depth conversation. We are still very much leading our own lives and agreed that it will be between 3 and 5 years before we start thinking about it, but now I feel that next time we're together a proper conversation would be really valuable. I'm incredibly excited for you guys!
Oh my god when you mentioned the watching Disney movies for the first time with your kids thing, oh wow, I can’t imagine how amazing that would be. I can’t wait to watch my children grow up with the same childhood movies and things that I grew up with. It’s like coming full circle. It made me smile just thing about it
I can’t wait to have a kid! I’m the same age as you but I’m single - I’ve already decided that if I don’t meet anyone in the next 5 of years then I’ll have one by myself.
listen I know this is years and years and years from now, but when the two of you laugh together so sweetly I just have a vision of what funny and beloved grandparents you two will be 😂
It’s refreshing to hear a young couple that wants children. I mean, it’s a fair argument to not want children, but it’s nice in a day in age where a lot of young people don’t want children, for someone to express the opposite.
I have a child and want more because I love feeling needed and taking care of people but it’s also awesome to see a tiny human that you made with your own body, learn how to do things. It’s so cool to watch my son turn things in his hand trying to figure out what it is. Ugh humans are awesome!
My daughter is year and a half and I adore her, but I must admit that I didn’t realize how difficult it would be to be a mother. It’s like a tattoo on your face, you should be certain that it’s what you want before you commit (c) I like your point about understanding that it’s a challenge rather than enjoyment, but of course it’s getting easier with time and surely it will bring a lot of fun and laughter in your life. The only thing I would recommend is to choose breastfeeding and put all the efforts it takes to keep it as long as it’s ok with you and your lifestyle, it can really ease everything from sleeping to traveling. I wish you good luck with your beautiful plans 💛
37 weeks pregnant here :) 32 years old and baby number two. Had two shit pregnancies and this will be the last but being a mum and having an amazing husband is more rewarding and fun then any partying I ever did. It does change your whole perception of life and makes you look at yourself on a much deeper level. We wanted a sibling for our 2 year old daughter. Don’t over think it, don’t think you need to be in tip top condition, I have had HG this time and haven’t been able to eat for half of my pregnancy, lost a lot of weight,gained it back, craving and wanting only bad food and not been able to take vitamins. We are at the stage with our toddler now where she is starting to talk and it’s just so rewarding and I’m totally obsessed. Your guys will be amazing! Just don’t look into it too much and let the love flow hehe x
I never loved my body until I was pregnant with my daughter, I had horrible body dysmorphia. I loved myself and wanting my stomach to grow was so different to me! Good luck you, guys ♥️ you are both such lovely people. Being a parent is wonderful fun, watching them even eat is so cool, like "I made that mouth and now she knows how to eat by herself." 😂
Your children will be so beautiful and you are going to be amazing, loving parents. 💚 I hope you will share the journey of motherhood with us as well.
I hope to have a family in the future and I totally agree with how nowadays saying you want a family always gets you bad comments/looks, people need to stop being so judgemental
Kids are fun. I can't see myself not having kids. I was like you Melanie: if I don't meet the right person I still want kids on my own. But I'm greatful because I found my love. He is the best. :)
You two are exactly the type of people who SHOULD have kids. Unlike a lot of people who do.
you're definitely going to be great parents. I wish you a healthy happy life.
Honestly I can’t rationally try to explain why I want to have kids, and there definitely are rational things that make me feel better about it (give the world people who can help solve the current crises, raise some badasses, etc), but ultimately I just...really want kids. And always have. It’s just something I’ve always felt deep in my heart, and my husband is the same way. And we do want to try to adopt or foster if we can (though the system is so messed up that it’s easier said than done), but we also do want to try and have at least one biological kid. I don’t know how to explain it, but it’s a thought that always gives me joy, the idea of having kids and raising them. And honestly, that’s enough for me.
I am so pleased that you are being sponsored by Natural Cycles. I have been using fertility awareness for the past 2 years and it has changed my life.
My husband and I have both agreed to not use contraception since our wedding night. We've been married a bit over a year and a half and I have yet to get pregnant. We're just trying to live a very natural lifestyle and birth control just isn't something we feel we want or need. Loved this video! We need more parents out there.
I know I’m a bit late in watching this, but great video as always!
I have 2 gorgeous kids. I had them because it’s what you do - I got married, so next step was have kids... not a great reason to have them, but they are hands down the best thing that has ever happened to me!!
In terms of the body image thing, I found that when the kids were young it made me feel a lot better about my body, but my kids are teens now, & I’m having to reaccept my body, which now has stretch marks, scars, and stretched boobs that are all as a result of having babies... & it’s hard to deal with!
I used to not want kids or even not to get married. Then 4 years ago my husband to be came along. He is amazing with kids and has always wanted them. I fell for him so hard that now I can't wait to start a family with him :) I think I just feel so secure and happy with him that I am not afraid anymore. I know he will be there next to me when things get tough. I just know it's going to be an amazing journey for the both of us. We are getting married in august and going to have kids soon after that.. so excited :)
Good for you! Prepare to be judged for every decision you make as a parent, that part sucks... But kids are amazing, they teach us so much about ourselves ❤️
Currently a challenge in my partner and I's relationship - when we first got together he used to be well keen on kids and I was unsure. Now, at 28 I am Super keen (even though, financially is not practical now) and he is unsure. Hopefully we end up on the same page soon 😋
I love this! You guys are so warm and welcoming to everyone! I live in Utah in the United States and I am regularly ostracized for not wanting children, but I do love children and understand why so many people want them. People assume you hate kids of you don’t want them and that is definitely not the case.
I love when you and Thomas do videos together it’s so cute!! Although kids are still a ways off, I think a cute funny name video would be awesome!! VIDEO IDEA: have Jess or someone pick out a bunch of names and you guys pull them out of a hat and say why you would or wouldn’t name your kid that!!
You two will be *amazing* parents and your babies will be so cute and grow up to be great people
😭😭💚💚
I think this is such a lovely video. You two definitely bounce off of each other so well. I never wanted kids. I personally, hate kids. They annoy the shit out of me. Last year I found out I was heavily pregnant. Id been religious with contraception, on three different types, and then I discovered I was about to have a baby. I still don't like kids, I look after my son and I love him but parenting isn't what fulfils me. Im a single parent and ive been extremely depressed whilst being "just a mum", so I went back to uni and also have a working from home job, im finally starting to enjoy my son now that I have something outside of him. I definitely won't have more children, I love my son and still feel the fierce protection/hopes for him/silly plans for his childhood, but I want more for myself too. I don't think I should be ashamed of this, I can still have a child and not like other people's children. I can still have a child and want more from my life. I wish it was more normalised to be free to feel however you want to about children, whether that's wanting kids or not wanting them. Good luck to you both! I hope this is a smooth journey for you
My partner & I definitely want to have kids. For us it's alllll about expanding our family and sharing love with little humans! We want to be able to give life to our kiddos. It's the least we can do since our parents blessed us with life! We definitely don't want too many kids, because of climate/ financial reasons. But 2 would be nice! Also sooo pumped for the pregnancy content (if you choose to share it ha)! Watching you is like seeing future me & it's awesome!
I do book club for my son with a bunch of moms and their kids, and literally the whole group of kids was walking in front of us one day to an event and one of the moms looks at me and goes "look a little army we made ourselves!" And it fucking kills me everytime 😂😂😂😂
It's so fun to see you with Thomas. You guys are always smiling at each other and it's so fun to watch!
Can I just say Mel I love your editing. It’s simple enough that it’s not distracting but it’s so clear how much thought and time goes into it ❤️ love u
I can feel the strong Irishness coming through the end of the video with Thomas singing "Goodbye good friends goodbye" from Bear in the Big Blue House! Staple of Irish childhood right there!
I feel the same way as thomas, I would love to have children but only provided I meet the person I want to share my life with! I have health issues too so that can be tricky to convince myself that this desire is okay, but hopefully I will meet someone understanding of that who wants to build with me 😊🙏🏻
I peaonally dont want kids being an uncle is enough love you melanie youll be a great mom
I used to not want kids, at least for a while, since I wanted to enjoy my life as a young adult as much as I could and didn’t want to grow up and all that crap, but now, (even though I’m only 17), I can’t wait to have kids. I don’t know what’s happened, but recently I watched a few of my old family videos with my parents and it just made me so happy and so freaking excited to have children of my own and go on family trips and take home videos and all that. My dad’s a huuuuuuge family man, always going on about how he has the best family anyone could ever ask for, and I’m pretty damn sure that he’s passed that family loving gene onto me, because my mom, on the other hand, says she initially didn’t really want to have kids, which is why they stopped at one.
I’m from Japan, so although altogether, it is said to be better to have less kids for the environment, the ratio of seniors to younger people in japan is increasing rapidly and it’s actually a really big problem right now, mostly economically. A lot of companies and cities and just the country in general, are actually trying to encourage people to have children, by making it easier to take care of them, if that makes sense? Like giving children and teens free healthcare, putting baby changing/feeding rooms in stores, things like that that hopefully make raising children easier and less of a hassle.
Also, although I really do want kids, I can’t imagine myself having any unless I’ve got the right person alongside me. So in that way, I’m kind of mix between you two. Because I do wanna have kids, even though I’ve yet to fall in love, but I don’t think I would unless I know it’s the right person. So here’s to hoping that I meet someone someday.
And the funny thing about the home video thing is, my dad took a LOT of videos, and a good chunk of them are of me crying for no reason and basically just being a horrible Satan child. And yet, I still want that. I want to experience every part of raising a child, the good and bad.
Melanie you are glowing, my love❤️ I’m so glad to see you and Thomas being so happy and feeling fulfilled.
You should know that you are such an inspiration to me, and your realness help me felling like it’s gonna be okay😌❤️
Wish for all of the best for you and Thomas in the future.
I didn’t want babies at all or if I ever was going to I wanted to be mid 30’s but I fell pregnant at 21 whilst on contraception, I turned 22 last month and my first baby is due in 2 weeks time. Sometimes life just turns into something you completely different from what you had planned but I couldn’t be happier and me and my partner are so excited
Thomas singing the big bear in the big blue house song at the end just gave me all of the cosy nostalgic feelings ☺️☺️
I didn't start trying to have kids tell I was in my 30s and I felt like it was the right time for me and my husband. Don't feel like you waited to long. It will happen when it supposed to.
OMG I can't wait for you guys to have a baby, I've literally grown up watching you and I feel so happy that you have gotten to this stage in your life :')
This is so similar to mine and my partners view of having kids! Although we are a lot younger with quite a big age difference anyway but looking forward to be in your position in a few years time 💚
I don't want kids because of the effects on my body and I don't think it would be a good idea for me personally, I want to learn to be happy before even considering it.
If you exercise the body returns back to normal, but your personal and love life are gone forever.
We’re going to start trying once I’ve completed my qualification at Christmas 😊 you guys are so in sync with your life plans along with us it’s insane! So good though because your content is always perfect for me to tune into haha!
Loved this video so much Mel! I’m at the same stage in my life preparing to start trying for kids, but other friends my age don’t seem to be on the same wavelength so it’s lovely to hear from someone who feels the same about starting a family. So excited to see where this journey takes you 💚
7:33 Who’s cutting onions ? This is so pure and sweet 💚
I'm only 19 years old and not wanting kids for another 10 years or so, but honestly i really like the idea of having older kids too? Like sure, small children are adorable, but imagine having a glass of wine and talking about life with ur 20y/o kid? That must be so cool too!
Har's one of the best parts that nobody seems to talk about. My mam and I became best friends when I became an adult. It was wonderful.
That's honestly the kind of thing I look forward to as well 🙂 like finding out what kind of *people* you made you know
Where I stand now with my mental health, I often worry I won't have the stability or willpower to be the kind of mother I want to be. And the kind of mother I never had myself. But, hopefully I will be witness to my own progress and change. I have time. And I really do want to be someone's mama. ♥️
Thank god someone else watched Bear in the Big Blue House!! It's one of those shows that none of my friends seem to remember!!!
I have always dreamed about carrying a child and raising a family, but that’s just me. It’s OKAY either way in my book! You do you ✨
Im 30 and I do want kids too, but my health is so bad i wouldnt be able to take care of them how i should. Being a patent is exhausting enough, so when you have fatigue on top of that - it will just end up an ugly mess. So ive come to terms that i probably will never have children. Ive dreamt of becoming a mom since i was like 12. So it not happening was very hard to accept..
I totally understand that people wanna do it cause it’s challenging and, as you said, “I’m done with that, what’s the next thing?” but as an early childhood educator I see so many people having kids just to prove themselves something instead of thinking about the child in things like allowing them to make their own choices, to be whoever they wanna be, etc. So the best advice I could give you is really think about the responsibility it is to educate and bring up another human being and please think about him/her as that - another human being - instead of a “mini version of yourself” or an extension of yourself. That will save you from disappointment (you’d be amazed to know how many people criticize their own kids instead of valuing them for who they are) and will actually make you enjoy the experience even more. Good luck guys❤️
This is somewhat unrelated to this video but seeing the way you two interact and just how in love you are is giving me so much clarity. The respect and adoration emanating from you two is so inspiring and has reminded me of what a healthy relationship looks like after just getting out of something extremely toxic and emotionally abusive. It had unfortunately become my new normal and I was even feeling sad about ending it but this just gave me so much hope. Thank you 💛
Can't wait for you to be pregnant, and have babies and to watch all the videos about them, I'm so excited for you 💚
I feel like I want to have a kid someday, but currently I don’t feel ready for that stage yet, though I know many people my age who already have children.
I know someone who said that but had 5 children and now they became unhappy,divorced and single and without child support,just saying from experience,children are scary....
For me
Jwagin Jwagin Children are very scary and it takes a lot of effort to take care of them! Certainly it’s not for everyone
Same with my, my bff is my age and she has two kids, while im still single and dating
I come to your channel to purge myself from rest of social media. Everything you talk about is so real and grounding, but not overwhelming and makes me feel like everything will be alright. Also, cause I have anxiety when I see you two, I feel relieved that anxiety doesn't have to overwhelm my relationships and life.
Before getting pregnant, I used natural cycles for contraception and it was amazing. It made trying for a baby much much easier as I was so in tune with my body. I got pregnant in one month of trying. Good luck for you going forward! Yes to taking the vitamins ahead of time, I was taking them for around 4 months prior to conception! I'm now 19 weeks pregnant and I already feel that my life has so much more meaning, I'm happier and more content!
Charlotte B amazing! 😍😍😍
Life is simply better with kids :) Good luck to you and Thomas!
I’ve just recently come off the Ortho Evra patch just a few weeks ago. I really want to have kids with my partner, it’s crazy how things change when you meet the right person. I’d love to have a little me and a little him 😍 I’m 21, we live together and he already has a 3 year old from a previous relationship and we have such a good relationship with each other 😊
I think it’s important to remember that if you want children it’s so important not to stress about it. The more you think about getting pregnant the longer it may take because you put too much pressure on yourself. What will be will be, just let it happen 😊
Hey! Guess what? I’m pregnant!
I’m got pregnant at 30 and had my baby at 31 don’t wait too long it look us 2 years and 2 miscarriages to get our little babe. I know children is not for everyone but at the same time it’s so much more joy than I ever imagined 😍
I've never wanted kids and I'm constantly being judged for it or being told I'll change my mind. I'm now in my 30s and still don't want kids, though I do occasionally feel broody which is weird when I know that's not what I want or what would be best for a possible baby. And if I did change my mind I'd foster or adopt as there are so many unwanted children needing love (not judging those who do want kids, I just wish they'd stop judging those of us who choose not to).
i do want kids but i want to adopt, i am a special need teacher and see so many of my students that come from broken homes and horrible living situations of abuse or that live in crisis centra because they cant live at home. If i can even help a few kids out and give them a lovely and stable home i would be happy. So just adopting from my own country (the netherlands)
This video had me laughing, crying and just staring in awe lol. My boyfriend was rather confused as to what was making me feel so many emotions haha! I love this video so much and your relationship is the best. Your future kids will be hilarious and so lucky! :)
Having kids really is a personal choice. I have 2 and to anyone that wants them I will say it’s the best thing I’ve ever done and to anyone that doesn’t I’d say yes I understand cos it’s so much work and it’s not for everyone and it’s not a decision you should make lightly x
Amen! same!!!
I’m a young mom I have a son and a daughter who are 2 and 4 months and I’m 21 and I was judged highly for making a choice to become a parent at a young age but I can honestly say I truly found my purpose in life after having children, your whole world changes. It’s incredibly difficult but it’s the most rewarding thing in the world, I wish you, Thomas and your future family all the health and happiness 💜
We've been trying a while, and while age does affect ease and risk quite a lot, its different for everyone. The menopause can vary wildly - wife knows someone who has no eggs left beyond 25th birthday, but another woman who's last period was at age 63 - heads up, theres a big genetic component - find out when your mum goes/went through menopause to have a fair idea when you will (if you have uterus). Theres a lot of ageism in the fertility industry too unfortunately.
And now you're pregnant! You're gonna be a great mom I'm so happy for you 💚