why I disappeared for two months [CC]
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- Опубліковано 9 тра 2022
- Why I've been gone, and what's next. Thank you. 💜
#MentalHealth #LifeUpdate #FootlessJo
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MY STORY //
Fourteen years of pain and failed ankle surgeries brought me to 2018, when I made the difficult decision to become a twenty-seven-year-old below-the-knee elective amputee. This channel has documented my journey adjusting to life with a visible disability as an amputee, and continues to be a haven to discuss physical and mental health!
MY PROSTHETIC LEG:
I use the Ossur ProFlex XC Torsion foot/ankle with a direct socket with passive vaccum suction.
MY AMPUTATION STORY:
Why Did I Lose My Leg? • HOW I BECAME AN AMPUTE...
How I Said Goodbye To My Leg: • COME WITH ME ON A GOOD...
Seeing My Amputated Leg for the First Time: • Seeing my amputated le...
Day in the Life of an Amputee: • A Day in the Life of a...
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The End Credit music is “Summer Snow” by Low Light/Nick Kingswell
Thank you so much for listening - you make a real difference in my life, you enable me to be able to do what I love, and I am beyond grateful!
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![Finally Telling the REAL Story: The Lawsuit Over My Amputation [CC]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/xNTBF2JTx7U/mqdefault.jpg)
![Finally Telling the REAL Story: The Lawsuit Over My Amputation [CC]](/img/tr.png)
I cannot imagine the pain of divorce plus losing two dogs…wow. heartbreaking in all ways. You don’t owe anyone an explanation, yet I am so glad you’ve shared.
True that 🤭
Yeah that sounds like a nightmare honestly. I feel for Jo.
Omg... Noooooo. I'm glad this was in my feed...
Awe... I'm so sorry dear.
All I know is... Probably like 6 or more months ago... When I first found this channel...
Once in a while I would click on the shorts you make... And thought it was so Kool...
All I can remember is one odd short you made... That said something like... You say.
Would you love me less if I. . . This... Would u still be with me if. . . that.. and a few other things...
And now... This is the very next thing I find... This is the very next thing I see...
Gosh... All I can say I am so so sorry. I feel, to an extent, your pain...
I have not lost a pet however since I was 20, 21... The dog my parents got me when I was 2. But I am going through some of the same feeling utterly lost... And for a very long time. More so than I ever thought possible.
After watching my parents do the substance problem thing, and have an abuse lead to divorce. Then right around that time, 15, 14... The friends I knew, were finding substances. So I started and go addicted and didn't really know it, just to young to understand it.
Then in 20s still the same. also find out very close family had pain medicine addiction, and so I became fully addicted by this time really. I look back now, I could have beat it in my late teens and early 20s. But I was Soooo broken, and didn't know what was wrong with me. And had no help really.
Tryed help mother raise my little brother, became "built in babysitter". Lol. I try talking to her about it now, but she won't have it. But I remember her disappearing for days at a time. And things of that kind. Anyway...
By my late 20s their was still something that bugged me everyday, and hearing you talk the way you did just then. Oh boy, 100 million percent that was me... For years... But the biggest thing that bugged me. Was I just seemed to be the one guy, that would repel, and appall females. Lol. It just seemed to be the one thing, that wasn't in the cards for me.
But anywho... My point is. I know that feeling of lostness. I'm now a bit older than you. Have no woman, no kids. And that's the one thing. All those years I thought . That's what I'm missing in my life. If I just had, what ALLLLL my friends seem to be able to not only find, but literally had zero issues finding. Took me many many years to handle such a thought, such a reality.
All I'm trying to say is, as someone who has had. Many years ago. Late teens. Had someone, and then went to that NO ONE feeling.
Like this quietness sucks... I do not deserve this feeling of lost.. and omg... So angry.
I'm rambling to much. I gotta stop.. lol
But after years of council and psych visits.. only since I hit 32 or so have I felt ok... Literally the first time in my life I feel not half bad. Yes I'm not better yet. Still going to counceling. But at least now I know WHAT needs council. What a semi clear head is. Or a head that at least found self worth.
And it hurts me to hear you say these things... But I can tell you have the know how to handle such feelings and thoughts. I now, know how to tell these things.
And I know you'll come back and be that goof... I see that you have the fortitude and mental knowhow. To at least. . . Keep Fighting the good fight.
@Jo, my heart goes out to you!! I’m so sorry for your losses and that you’re going through a divorce. Thank you for sharing! Take all the time you need to take care of YOURSELF and do what will be best for YOU. Sending you healing and positive thoughts and wishes! We will be here when you’re ready. 🙏🏼🖖
My parents are divorced and I have five siblings and we’re never together but I’ve been doing it for the past nine years yeah it sucks at least I got through it and you Can to
As JRR Tolkien once said “I will not say, do not weep, for not all tears are an evil.” Hang in there Jo. You have so many people who love and support you. 💜
💜💜💜💜💜
Tears are only water and plants need water to grow, but there must be sunlight too.
You are a fine piece of porcelain which has endured the heat of trial and trauma. You are bruised, battered, but like the art of Kintsugi, your cracks and scars are filled in with gold.
@@FootlessJo hi. Just wanted to say altough life throws you a lemon I noticed you almost have 800k subscribers. You are a motivation for many, thanks for your videos there are many in worse situations but I am sorry for what you had to go through.
When would tears be evil?
When you said “I know I can get through it, but I don’t want to” “I’m tired of being strong”. I felt that to the core. I have said that so so many times in my life. The thing about going through so many challenges is that each one feels harder than before, and it’s like your tolerance for adversity gets ground down the more you go through it. Lean into your support system and the things that make you happy. Feel good!
Well said. I hear this to my core. I have felt it. And though I don’t want anyone else suffering in 5his way, it is helpful just knowing I am not alone. Thank you for being vulnerable
I been saying that gor years now it's not easy it kills you inside and out day in and out 😞
Womens shelter for 2 months, homeless, awful divorce, protective order, and then a year later my cat dies from kidney cancer...it was hell. I am glad you safe and have a network of support!!
Oh my. Are you ok?
@@brendanboiman I am! Starting a new job and studying! Things have gotten better, and I'm in therapy. Thanks for asking! ❤️
@@katrina5005 that is good. Really good. In happy for ya
@@brendanboiman Thanks! :)
“I know I have the capacity to get through this, I just don’t want to.” I feel this in my core. I’ve felt this before and no one has ever understood. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I wouldn’t wish that feeling on my worst enemy. Thank you for your honesty, it reminds me and others that we’re not alone and neither are you.
Yeah, that is a sentence I really understood so incredibly deeply. I definitely have felt like that. I never felt like anyone would understand it, so to hear Jo say that, I'm not happy that she's going through this, but happy that I wasn't the only one and that too, she is not alone.
I get it. I feel it almost every day. Some days I just don't wanna try anymore 😞 knowing my Littles have no one to care for them the way they need, is all that keeps me trying some days.
Keep swimming❤️ you're not alone
When my fiance died, I felt that so so much and brought me to tears when you said it
I started crying when she said that, ive never felt more connected or related or understood in that moment. Im so so so glad to know i am not alone in this
Divorce is hard, going through it currently and it’s really freaking brutal. Stick in there Jo. You’ve got this.
I am a caregiver to my husband who has a terminal illness. I also struggle with depression. I get it when you say you are tired of being strong. Me too. I am tired of being the cheerleader, keeping a happy face when I just don't want to deal with it anymore. I do it because I love my husband and I do it because I want to. But it is hard. So- I get it, but keep on keeping on!
I know this video it’s almost a year old. But, it genuinely made me cry. Jo seems like a very very good person who doesn’t deserved to go through all that pain. 😢
When I got shot and was half-dead in the hospital, my expectations for surviving were down to zero. I thought I was going to die, until I met another kid about my age named Jim, who had brain cancer. I'm on the Autism Spectrum and I ain't got that many friends. Jim said that I had a unique mind and I always saw the bigger picture. Whatever that means. If I'd have known that this would be the last time Jim and me was gonna talk, I'd of thought of something better to say, "Weather looks nice, don't it?" And he said, "Yeah it does. I wish I could enjoy it just one last time. Trey, why does cancer have to exist?" Then he said something to me that I ain't never going to forget, "I just wanna go home and die there." Jim said he wanted to be an astronaut commander and go to the moon someday, but instead, he died right there in the hospital. I only knew him about a week, but he was one of my best good friends. And even I know that ain't something you can just find around the corner. I don't talk about Jim very often, but I sure do think about him a lot. I think I survived because he kept my mind active.
I’m so sorry dude
As the parent of an autistic child, I get where you're coming from. But you know, different is good. It may be hard on you sometimes, but the world would be really boring if we were all the same.
Keep Jim’s memory alive mate. All you can do.
Please recognize that we need NO explanation. You are so hurt right now, and you deserve to feel loved so please know whenever you need a virtual hug, even if we aren’t there for you physically, we all keep you in our hearts and hope you know we love you.
Is there anything we can do for YOU? My wife and I are 70 and haven’t been through anything close to what you have gone through, but we understand you are a very good person who has gone through more than anyone we know. Maybe getting Sophie a new buddy would help you both. It sounds like you are having a perfectly reasonable reaction. Losing your loved ones was enough to fracture most people, and you seem to be holding together, hopefully to bridge this time of your life. I wouldn’t normally tell a “stranger” that I love them, but I love you and hope all the other “remote lovers” help you get to an even keel and can once again be experience the good things coming your way. Like we tell our three daughters, you are a force for good in an often crappy world. Our “fourth” daughter is our former Ukrainian exchange student who is living in Kiev (!). We can’t know what she is experiencing either, but support her as much as we can. We would be happy to welcome you as “daughter #5” ! Take care.
That is so sweet.
@@jenniemichienzie8463I agree! So sweet. May God bless us all who are here sharing our hearts and minds and wishing to support everyone.
“It’s okay to not be okay.” Sometimes you just aren’t. That’s okay.
"I'm so tired of being strong".
Wow. This video could not have come at a better time for me. You so powerful expressed everything I've been feeling but haven't been able to verbalize. For the last year I've been going to doctors multiple times a week, changing my diet drastically, going to the gym and trying to live every micro aspect of my life perfectly so I can get ahead of my severe skin problems. All that effort was dashed in less than a week when my skin flared up and I became sicker and sadder than I've been in a LONG time. I can't sleep anymore. Everything is painful. I'm drowning and for the first time in YEARS, I had suicidal thoughts. And they seemed so nice.
This video was profoundly timed and powerfully impactful. Thank you for sharing your hardship-- I'm so sorry you've gone through this. Hopefully it's some comfort to know that you are positively changing lives with your videos
I am so sorry for your troubles! Being tired of being strong is okay, be kind to yourself. I wish you all the best!
I’m sorry to hear you’re going through so much. It must feel like a lot. If you haven’t already, please consider reaching out to talk to a close friend, partner, family member or support service like a therapist to talk about how you’re feeling.
Please be sure you get the support you need. I am sad to read that you are having such dark thoughts. I hope doctors are able to help you resolve your skin problems, too.
Thank you all for your kind words. I have a good support system and I'm well looked after, it's just not an easy fix unfortunately
My heart aches, because just the other day, I said to my therapist *I feel like a helpless teenager*
I also see her, gaining momentum after a lifelong need of rest and healing
Early 30s, noone has it together because of age. God bless you all
In 2019 I lost the man who raised me, my grandfather. 5 weeks early I was dumped by the only woman I ever loved. Two weeks after, my family betrayed me and my mother, abandon us because of money...
All I can say to you is that it gets easier.
You don't need to be strong right now. Strength will come for you, and one day you will look back and feel proud of you.
Lots of love from Brazil
(Sorry for bad English)
Your English is well understood.
Que inglês ruim o que, tá perfeito isso aí broder
And your 2nd paragraph is perfect, Ale. I've been there too, Joe, it's ok to not be strong. just be, and after a while you'll find strength through friends, family, pets, life
@@ozymantiasVI obrigado amigo!
This was tough to watch. Don't like seeing good people go through it like this. I'm so unbelievably heart broken and sorry about the loss of your beautiful babies. Not to mention the breakup. Unfortunately for most of us this kind of pain is all too relatable, but you sharing with us let's us all know we're not alone, and neither are you. ❤
Losing a pet is so, SO hard and you are dealing with losing two plus divorce and aagh… I hear you on wanting to act like a teenager. It made me want to take my old car and speed on Pacific Coast Highway with the music blasting… 7 years ago, I was laid off from a 21-year job, and two days later, the Best Dog Ever died of a (known) heart condition. Devastating. My heart goes out to you. Thank you for sharing this.
Years ago I went through a period of devastation: a move across the country from my family, followed by prolonged unemployment, depression, cancer diagnosis and treatment, and the revelation of a genetic mutation that led me to have more body parts removed prophylactically. It was A LOT. I don't have any words of wisdom at all. Just a survivor here who appreciates you, your boldness, your authenticity. And a dog lover who knows just how gutted you must be.
So much love to you!
;-(
My words of wisdom, taken from the Beatles, are always “let it be”
I'm the primary caregiver for my 91 year old grandmother who has dementia and just found out last week that my mum has pancreatic cancer and has been told she has 3-6 months to live, along with a myriad of legal and financial issues going along with it all, and I am sick of hearing "be strong." I know it's intended to be supportive, but it has the opposite effect. This is a time of grief and pain and fear and we should be allowed to feel these emotions and express them, it is not weakness. Do what you have to do Joe, take time off youtube, surround yourself with people who are good for you, and be kind to yourself ❤️
Oh, my heart breaks for you. I lost my Mom to lung cancer in 2017. I was blessed to spend her last few months caring for her in her home. In 2019 we lost our 27 year old son to suicide. He hung outside in the heat in Arizona for a day and a half, so we couldn’t even view him to say goodbye. We lost my father in law that year as well. Then, this past October we learned my husband of 34 years had pancreatic cancer. Same diagnosis and time frame. He passed away January 3rd. My heart is broken beyond description. It’s okay to mourn. It’s okay to be exhausted. It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to break down and sob your heart out. I wish I could give you a hug. Sending you prayers instead. God bless….
Praying for you
My best medical experience was a nurse asking if i wanted a hug when i was trying not to cry. I hope you meet medical staff who have that same empathy. It's okay to not be okay.
@@vilyar122
Both of my senior parents have been temporarily hospitalized for fairly serious problems. Both events were since COVID. They both had largely positive experiences in the hospital, so I am so grateful to the hospital staff for taking good care of my parents.
Just the other day, my Mom mentioned that one of the nurses told her, "You're my easiest patient. I'm going to miss you when you leave." The nurse could tell that my Mom was trying not to talk to the nurse too much because she was busy.
@@sherrimiller5258 Sherri I am saddened to hear that you were hit with all this at all let alone in that short time frame. I am praying right now that you find easier roads ahead and know that our creator knows that you need those around you. That’s why I’m writing this. Know you are not alone.
You’ve had a lot of loss in a very short period of time, so it feels like the waves keep on crashing against you and you’re battered and exhausted. It’s okay if you need to take a break from working and focus on getting yourself to a healthier place mentally and emotionally. ❤
Jo, thank you sharing your thoughts and feelings. As an amputee and a divorcee I kind of understand something about what you are going through! I have found that listening to uplifting music helped me a lot when I struggle. May God bless you as you work through your issues and find new pathways to happiness and joy!!
Hey sweetheart, I lost my mom just before my birthday 3 years ago, and her dachshund passed away two years ago and I am a wreck. I am not well either. But I have been watching your videos and they have a positive effect on me. Thank you for your help. You will never be able to realize how much you have helped me. Thank you sweetheart you are my angel here on earth.
I fear to imagine what you are going through now... we are with you. We will never replace your babies, but - we are here...
Joe as a child of divorce I am a minute or so in and I understand, You don't need to explain yourself, Please take your time coming back and if you need to take more time off please do so
Divorce is not an easy thing it doesn't matter to me what it is I just hope you are okay and it does get better 😢
Sharing your struggle is helping me through mine
As a fellow dog mom, I'm sending you all the love and healing vibes I can.
The part of this that hit me the hardest was when you said "I know I can get through this, but I'm tired of going through hard things." I know exactly how that feels, Jo. I'm so incredibly sorry that you've had to go through all of this, let alone all at once. No one deserves this kind of pain. The fact that you're strong enough to even sit here and make a video and talk about it to strangers online is an inspiration. We'll all be here for you, Jo, and I'm really glad that you have friends and loved ones who are there for you, as well. From one broken person to another, I hear you. I understand you.
Beautifully said.
Exactly.... Sometimes I want to say - I don't want to be the strong one anymore!, I'm done, I'm tired, I'm lost.... Can't someone else take the wheel?
Sigh...then I remember that I can't abandon my son and do the best I can to keep the wheels on the road.
"I don't want to", such a profound statement that encapsulates everything I and so many people have felt faced with such hardship. It is depression at it's core and the one thing that is so hard to explain. "I know that I can but I don't want to" - I feel you, I hear you - the words cut down to my soul. I have been there. Don't give up. It's ok that you don't want to!!! I will end with the buddist saying that always comforts me when it is the darkest "This too shall pass". The "I don't want to" - it will eventually pass, just hang in there! Sending love and warm thoughts from Scandinavia .
I couldn't have said it better.
Something that really helped ne when I felt totally lost was my physician telling me: "you don't have to want to or be optimistic about your future. Until you want again I'm Here doing it dir you."
So I just want to offer that to you. I'm pretty sure we are a lot of people "wanting" for you until you want again yourself.
Lots of Love and strength vom Germany 💚
They also say " hang in there" is over used just as "been there done that" is overused. Depression guts you to the core. Its ok to say i don't want to do this, or be constructive. Keep destruction at bay and take your time.
How’d you learn English?
I began watching your posts a few weeks ago. I am researching my options for living with an above the knee amputation. My life had always been extremely active, snowskiing, water-skiing, rollerblading, motorcycling, sailing, flyfishing and hiking. My accident that is causing my amputation was the result of an accident from 50 years ago.
My 4 children are trying to understand my emotions and my mental condition. Several times in my life I had reached 'the end of my rope.'
I am writing to tell you that your videos have helped me deal with my current situation.
Love to you.
Since April of 2018 I have lived 447 days in a hospital. Seven surgeries including 4 prosthetic knees. All because of an infection that was not responding to antibacterial or antibiotics.
Please keep working on this project. Many people are depending on your regular visits and posts. I talk about you all the time.
I am so in awe of you. This video is so raw and yet you’re very cognizant and aware. Even if you don’t feel it, you seem very well put together. I’m cheering you on from the other side of the screen. As much as it’s cliche, I still feel the need to say I’m sorry to hear about everything going on. Any one of those things would be life altering but all together, I wouldn’t want to imagine how it must feel. Just know you are loved and valued. Your sweet doggos may have crossed the rainbow bridge, but they will always be there to help comfort you. Be well and take care.
Oh, Jo. My heart is breaking for you. To echo your own words back at you, I love you and am thinking about you. Stay safe.
I went to a pet loss support group lead by my local hospice when one of my dog's died. I didn't expect much out of it at first but ultimately I was and still am glad I went. I'm quite a bit older than you and have lost numerous pets over my lifetime. I loved them all, they were as close to having children as I'll ever get. There were a few special ones though that decades later I still feel an ache in my heart when I think about them. Honestly, I was closer to my dogs Grimaldi and Oliver than I probably have been with any person (and I've been married twice). When Grimaldi had to be put down I left my car at the vet and walked 5 miles back to my house. I couldn't imagine driving, I couldn't imagine anything so I just walked and cried.
Oliver was the dog that saw me through my trauma, through my cancer though. He was such a chill boy but the week I was in the hospital after surgery he was frantic, somehow he knew something was wrong. When I got home I was confined to bed for 6 weeks and he laid by my side the entire time. Finally I was allowed an hour a day to be wheeled around in a wheelchair and my wife took me to a park down the street for a bit to feel the sunshine. When we got home Oliver had dug a hole all the way through the first layer of drywall by the door to try and get to me. He'd never been destructive before but he knew I was badly injured, I was broken and I needed him to protect me. When I finally healed up, at least as much as I was going to, he went back to his normal self - just the chill little happy guy he had always been. I had him another 7 years until he passed at 14.
Surgery... cancer did break me though, sometimes that which doesn't kill you doesn't make you stronger. After a few months they look the tubes out of my leg and the hole where the skin graft failed finally closed up. I was healed... at least on the outside. I had a few "good" months before the chronic pain set in - my body's rejection and hatred towards it's new configuration. 10 years later and things just seem to be getting worse. University specialists using words like "perplexed" and "unsure".
I don't frequent chronic pain sites online very often but every once in a while come across a person who is struggling and they ask what's the point? Why go on when it seems like all there is, is suffering. Because let's be real, sometimes that's all there is. Sometimes all the rainbows and puppy kisses in the world just aren't enough. It's a question I've stared down far too many times. For me the answer is this... I'm stubborn. I doesn't get to win. Fuck cancer, fuck surgery and fuck chronic pain. This is MY life and as shitty as it may seem, as painful as it is, it's still mine. I hate cancer, I hate surgery and I hate pain so I'll be damned if I let them beat me. They don't get to win.
I realize this is way too long and way too much of an overshare. My point is that I can relate to all the things. It's terrible. And sometimes all the loving, supportive, positive words just don't cut it (not that they aren't appreciated). Sometimes you just have to accept things are terrible and will be for a long time - some things maybe even forever. And no words will ever fix that. That's when you push through on spite. You keep moving, you keep breathing, you keep living just because you can. And things change, sometimes for the good, sometimes for bad but they will change. And during times when it seems all hope is lost, that stubbornness can keep you going as long as you want. Don't let it win. Just because.
I feel this comment so hard.
oh. yes. Stubbornness and pig-headed attitudes can sometimes carry you through. As an 85-yr old recently told me, growing old is about loss. You can either moan about what you lose (friends, partners, health, mobility, clarity of thought, pain-free days), or you can focus on what you still can do, and then enjoy doing those things. Also, I hear you about being closer to dogs than people--when I was divorced, there were no tears, and I moved on quickly. Then a short time later, one of my dear dogs died (17 yrs old), and there were lots of tears and wracking sobs that seemed to come out of nowhere (one day I pulled some bedsheets out of the cupboard and out fell a pillow slip that she had always liked to sleep on whenever I used it on my pillow--if anyone had been around they'd have seen a grown-up adult hugging a pillow slip and crying into it). But as you say, "Don't let it win. Just because".
I really needed to see this, thank you
💕
A long time ago, I had to put down my 100# yellow lab as I was coming to a decision that I had to pull the plug on a marriage that wasn’t healthy for us or our kids. As if the human stuff wasn’t bad enough, that dog had been my comfort and diversion for quite some time; in fact losing the support I drew from him was rather a final straw in the domestic decision making. The next 5-6 months were just awful all day every day, except for the odd moment when work or my kids would claim my conscious mind in the moment. But you know what? I came out the other side. Didn’t always feel like I would, but at a different level I knew I would, and I did, by faith and friends and grace. You will too.
About 22 years before that, I had come through the biggest earthquake of my life, in which I learned about being powerless over so much, and how my efforts to control so much inside me and around me were destroying me. I was taught then, by others who had been in the same boat, how to let go and let life carry me where I was supposed to go, instead of fighting to make it bend to my will.
Saddened to see you, or anyone, come into their own dark night of their soul. But glad to have stumbled on your socials, because you reminded me before seeing this piece that none of us escapes tragedies but we don’t suffer them alone. Sooooo…. I wrote this out to remind you that you do not suffer alone, and to thank you for being so candid about your current situation, and for sharing your great insights about it.
"I know I will get through this, but I don't know how to want to". You found words to describe it. Now it has a name it can be known, and maybe even tamed. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart for naming this thing that I have felt (am feeling) and probably will feel again.
I'm so sorry to hear you're going through such a difficult time right now. Life really isn't fair and it's totally okay to grieve and let yourself feel sadness sometimes. Take all the time you need to heal, but just know you still have a huge community of people that you've impacted and we'll always be here for you through tough times
@Doodle Date - Life is absolutely not fair! I’ve definitely had [my share] of challenges throughout my life and they never stop. But just yesterday I read a quote that made me LOL: “If life were fair, then horses would get to ride 50% of the time”. I know that’s silly at a time like this - with the world in chaos - but it helped for a few moments. I needed that. Peace to Jo and everyone in this community! 🖖
Jo, you have a couple of videos/shorts from only about 5 months ago ("Secret Dream Amputee Wife" Dec 2021) with your ex, where things seem so peachy. I've had a similar falling out with a loved one and the emptiness is real.
@@theart3813 Here's another quote: "I used to think it was awful that life was so unfair. Then I thought, wouldn't it be much worse if life *were* fair, and all the terrible things that happen to us come because we actually deserve them? So now, I take great comfort in the general hostility and unfairness of the universe."
Hey Joe, hope you start feeling better soon. Hang in there, things will get better. Even though it probably doesn’t feel like things will improve, they will, it may take time, but it will. We are all here for you.
Yes. So true
I'm 41, still trying to figure my life out, and not convinced most anyone else has done it either. Sending virtual hugs and a reminder that can never be said enough: it's okay to not be okay.
40 here. Ditto. Looking back to how my father and mother handled things, they didn't have it together either (and my family is filled with educated people). As life goes on, I'm learning more and more that the "get a degree, build an occupation, raise a family, stay at a company, retire." line of thinking is a myth. It didn't happy with my father nor my mother nor my uncles nor my grandfathers. Sure, some people have done it, but it's the exception and not the rule. Things like "occupation" is a man made construct. You wouldn't go "And there's the gene for being a glass blower." or "there's the gene for tax law litigation." Life, in essence is about enjoying life and finding a way to live and not suffer as you're doing it.
I just made a very similar comment. I am 40 years old and certainly don't have my shit together.
I think it's a huge myth that you have to "have life figured out by that and that age". Maybe some people really do it, but I think those are in the minority. Life is a life-long learning process.
Also 40 and it occurred to me recently that there might not be much point to life if we had it figured out
I'm 46 and things have just started to fall together in the last year. Even so, it's just the beginning.
I'm so sorry for your loss, losing an animal that's been there for you during your hard times is always tough. I lost both my mom and grandma in March two days apart and my life has been flipped over. So you're not alone in this and hope you feel better and heal in your own time.
"I'm so tired, on a core level, of hard things." I'm just catching up with this news now (after watching your episode with the new ankle joint today, which looks great). I can't feel your pain, but I can recognise the feeling you describe. I am glad to see the other episodes posted between these two I watched today, and I look forward to catching up with them, and then to keeping up. Much respect for the way you found to post this.
I am in my 70s now, and have been through the deaths of 4 pet cats. The pain and distress are intense, and I was also embarrassed to find myself bursting into sobs at random moments in front of other people, and even at work. You have all my sympathy. Your grief is what it is, and will last however long it lasts. Your grief comes from your love; there is no shame in it.
My cat ate lilies one day and I started balling when I thought I was going to lose him. I can only imagine. But at the same time, it’s part of life. I lost my brother and that was on a other level.
Dear, dear one, know that you are loved!
I have 3 Cats, two male desexed brothers, and a desexed female .
I have experienced physical pain in my spine .
These 3 curl into my spine then I sleep warmly
"So tired of being strong". Thank you for encapsulating how I am also feeling in that phrase. Wishing you the strength to persevere and the ability to choose when to stay tired and when to be energetic. You're allowed to feel tired, don't need to fight it. Recognizing it is a feat unto itself. All the best!
From a kindred spirit (I've been in chronic pain for 40 years) - March on little soldier. I'm sending hope and prayers your way. When you least expect it, the clouds will pass and you'll be equipped with new purpose.
Jo you have been through so many traumatic issues your whole life. Yet everything you've gone through has made you a much stronger person. You may not realize it but you are coping by just making this video. The surgeries, divorce, loss of your dogs. Most people wouldnt handle it as well as you. I feel for you and all of your struggles. Some people are so fortunate to never have gone through so much trauma. For them life comes easy. So they will never understand. May god bless you.
"everyone is going through shit, deal with it"
Damn doesn't that suck? Why do our brains tell us that? It's not helpful.
I'm glad you have support. That's something I have to struggle for.
Absolutely. I hate that we’ve all been conditioned to compare our suffering to others’ and thinking “oh it could always be worse”. But that devalues your own trauma and your own feelings. Your feelings are and always will be valid. If you feel hurt or sad or distraught or whatever else because of something you are going through that is completely valid. You are allowed to feel those things. I always have to remind myself that.
@@jasminelambert3753
Yeah I agree.
Imagine if someone lost 2 dogs and said to someone else, "You lost your dog? Just one dog? That's nothing. I lost 2 dogs."
That wouldn't make sense. Pain is pain. Loss is loss.
@@jasminelambert3753 yes!!!
I have been told that all my life.
@@UTU49 Exactly! In one month this year, I lost my soul mate dog, Zoe, and then I lost my husband (March 1st and April 2nd). Jo lost two dogs and got divorced. Imagine Jo thinking, for example, "well at least my husband is alive" or me thinking "at least I only lost one dog." That's not how we should think, but I think we've been taught to feel guilty for our pain and to compare it so we can "be grateful." It's toxic positivity. There's no comparison other than that we both went through awful things, and we're both in a similarly broken place. That allows me to have deep empathy and compassion for Jo. THAT should always be the focus- supporting each other and helping each other through things. My heart is absolutely broken for Jo, but it also meant a lot to feel a connection with someone who is in a similar place.
It's ok to not be strong, it's ok to fall apart, it's ok to feel however you feel right now, it's ok to not know what to do or where to go from here. Just breathe and let yourself heal however you need to. We will always be here, there's no rush to create any new videos if you don't feel up to it, we completely understand and we will be here whenever you decide to come back. Sending virtual hugs and wishes for comfort and healing in this extraordinarily difficult time
I’ve lost everything too. Although different, very similar. I’m sending you a ton of love, thank you for being the rockstar that you are! 💜
Jo, I only recently discovered your channel. I don't know if you'll ever read this, but I'm disabled since birth. I'm 42 years old and have been working actively with myself for my whole adult life. Still I feel that you've taught me a lot. I'm so very grateful for your openness and the way that you willingly share both the moments of light and darkness with us. Complete strangers on the Internet. I've gone through something similar to what you're in right now, and I will not tell you that everything is going to be OK because honestly, you never know that. But I can promise you that there will come a day when you will feel better. Please take care. I and many others care for you, genuinely.
I am sitting here crying my eyes out! I had a Below knee amputation in February and discovered your videos by chance. I binge watched them all - you have been such an inspiration! I wish I could take your pain away. I lost my pitbul Bruno three years ago and still. I cry over him every day. Every day! It is OK not to be ok. Sending you lots of LOVE and LIGHT. Thank you for guiding and helping me through my amputation.
I hope you feel better soon!
I couldn't help you, even if I wanted to. But please feel hugged, if you want.
My condolences on losing your dear Sully and Sadie. With everything else it just seems so unfair for this to happen.
My deep condolences.. 💦
I had a bilateral below the knee 2 years ago and today I came across your channel. I can't imagine what You're going through.Thank you for sharing . You're strong and you will get through this. Alot of good is comming you're way.
Aww Jo, I’m so sorry you’re having such a rubbish time of it just now. I’m sitting in bed watching this and am so amazed by your candour and how honest you are. I have not actually before come across someone else explain the distinction between being able to function and cope and simply not wanting to; it’s something I’ve felt before and just thought that nobody else would ever get it because people don’t talk about that. So thank you for saying that.
Be angry, throw fits, scream, break shit. it's okay to not be strong. Just don't hurt yourself. In no world would the future Jo look back and be sorry you didn't take your life. Have a day, Jo, probably not a great day, or a even a good day, just a day. Live one more day, and one more day after that.
I just about cried when I read this. There were so many times when I almost didn't have a day.
@@GlitterEnby Poor thing. Do you want to talk about it? I can give you my contact info if you don't feel comfortable discussing it in the youtube comments.
Indeed. Nothing wrong with it.
I haven't heard anyone on the internet reflect my thoughts so well regarding "I know how to, but I don't want to", this is how I have been feeling for years and years. Love you lots ❤️
So heartbreaking. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'm so glad you have a great support system. Lots of prayers & love.
I'm so sorry for all that you're going through. Sending you love and healing energy. 💜
I’ve never heard someone else express that feeling before . Of knowing that you can get through something because you’ve done it so many times but you just feel done. I’m so so sorry that you feel that way.. it is such a unique hopelessness… I’m not sure what to say other than I hope you get to the point where you want to try again and, of course, you are not alone
I've currently started on a book called "Constructive Wallowing". I've only just got started but so far the point is that sometimes, maybe even often, you just have to let yourself sit in the painful, hard emotions and feelings. Trying to put on a brave face or a positive attitude is often more damaging and self-destructive. When my young cousin died in a drowning accident I let my grief run its course. It took three years to come to a place of "moving on" for lack of a better term. I unashamedly let my grief take its time and as long as I was eating and remembering to take a shower sometimes I felt justified in being a little bit selfish and taking my time rolling through the ugliness of loss and despair. "I don't want to" is totally valid and you don't have to override that for anyone. Many people won't understand it. But plenty of people do understand it. You're not alone in the darkness but you don't have to switch on the flood lights if that's not the best thing for you right now. I hope you find your way back to yourself. The struggle is finding your way back to yourself not back to your tribe or family or community. How to do that, I confess I don't know. Sometimes it just happens. Other times we have to struggle our way through jungle and fog and alligator infested swamp before we see a glimmer of the self that wants to live again.
Thank you for expressing the struggle in this way. I have, at times, reacted to grief in this way, but seeing this summarized in black and white gives me a sense of relief somehow. Much appreciate...
Thank you for being so vulnerable with us. The pain you’re going through right now must be so hard. It’s understandable not wanting to keep going through the hard things but I am glad that you are. I am glad you are here.
Thank you for being real. It so helpful to those of us that are going through, or have gone through deep grief and transition. It's a big deal. This video was a gift.
Crushing. Words cannot express my sympathy for your situation.
We love you Jo, know it’s ok to take time off and when you come back, all your subscribers will be right here where you left us❤️ Lots Of Love From South Africa 🇿🇦
I’m glad you’re here. My heart aches for your losses. Thanks for sharing your story ❤️
I just finished binge watching all your shorts. You're incredible, even on the worst days, and it's inspiring. Not saying you're positive on those days, or brave, or cheerful, or optimistic. I'm saying you're INCREDIBLE. Because you're being open about it and still pushing through. Just know it changes people's lives.
Your honesty and transparency (and generally likeable personality) is the reason I follow you. I have so much respect for you maintaining those qualities throughout so many hardships. I’m confident your community here will continue to support and encourage you, as you deserve for all you give.
yes she is an amazing woman. handling a horse accident. amputation, lost pup and divorce she will rise above.
"Sad and confused" seems like what every single person would feel in your shoes. I completely understand the depths of Depression and not wanting to get better. Praying for you. Thanks so much for sharing so deeply.
Her SHOE. Single shoe.
@@dracon501 way to keep it classy Dan. Sometimes the CL are silent
I love how you say I'm tired but still have that heavy strength in you to say this words. thank you. we will be here
That took a lot of courage to do. Enough said. Keep going. Hope to see you soon in the next video.
Jo, I’m 55 and want to share that the idea that we reach an age when we have our shit together is kind of a myth. As another woman who chose not to have children and chose to end my marriage the thing that helped was recognizing my self efficacy. Loosing the dogs in the way you did was such a blow on that, I can’t imagine. So proud of you for going back to the basics of self care. It is a great example for all of us. Thank you for sharing your journey. We all need to remember that when bad things happen the path through grief is real and unavoidable but it is a path.
I understand what you're going through. I'm much older than you but I went through basically the same thing 20 years ago. I had a Doberman named Daisy. She was my baby girl. She died soon after my divorce of 23 years of marriage. My condolences to you. It takes time to get back to normal. Good luck.
53 year old man here... Please let me validate everything you just said.
“I am so tired. I am so tired of being strong.” I relate to this so much, it’s a terrifying feeling and I hope it doesn’t last long. We’re here for you, I’m so sorry that your life has been so difficult lately
Thank you - you are making such a difference by sharing yourself honestly. You will never know how much your words/honesty help.
Jo, you’re so real! Thank you for putting a face to depression and how genuine and real struggles can be!
Hi Jo. I'm so sorry you're going through all of this all at once. I know you know (because you said so), but just sending another reminder that we are here for you and we love you. I know I'll be watching your content regardless of if you're smiling or not. Your videos have often inspired me and helped me through difficult times. I'll also still be sticking around if you need more of a break! 💚
I second everything in this comment.
As someone who has had a marriage fall apart and lost fur family members, I cannot begin to imagine both of those things happening at once. I was devastated by both. During my divorce, my mum took me to the recycling centre with a load of old jars etc. Dropping them into the recycling boxes and hearing them smash was incredibly therapeutic and harmed nobody. Sometimes it's okay to feel like breaking stuff.
Thank you for your honest and raw update, keep moving forward. Not alone. 🙏
This one brought me to tears and I want to say thank you for it. I have been the same "tired and numb" and to feel emotions again is a gift. You are an inspiring person, never change who you are. Thank you again.
Oh, I can’t even imagine where your heart and head are at right now. Losing your heart dog is a level of pain so many people don’t understand.
I lost mine 3 days before I made a life changing move and it broke me.
As for the puppy, I’m so so sorry. ❤️
I went though a traumatizing divorce many years ago and I still struggle with those emotions from time to time.
I’m so proud of you for recognizing your emotions and feelings, that’s never easy. ❤️ Take your time.
So glad to see you around again Jo. Please know how loved and appreciated you are ♥️
🍎
You've just described exactly what I'm going through and feel rn, I've found it so difficult to articulate, thank you so much for this video ❤️ please don't feel that you owe us any explanation or more content, we'll be here regardless. Sending you love x
Thank you for sharing more of your story. So sorry for all of your losses and for past pain that present circumstances have brought back up again. ❤🙏
“It came to me that every time I lose a dog they take a piece of my heart with them. And every new dog who comes into my life gifts me with a piece of their heart. If I live long enough, all the components of my heart will be dog, and I will become as generous and loving as they are.”
i really appreciate your honesty because on UA-cam and social media in general it’s not very common for people to admit they’re genuinely not okay. hope you’ll find your reason to keep going❤️
I can't believe I'm seeing this so late. I'm deeply sorry about everything. My parents have been divorced for my entire life, and it's been kinda rough. My dog, Petey died last February. I miss him everyday, but he was really sick. I've been dealing with mental health stuff, and I totally feel you. We're all here for you, and thank you so much for sharing with us. You got this, and I hope life is getting better.
Thanks for sharing this, Jo 😢I’m sorry for your losses and glad you’ve got support 🕊 You’re a good person, we love you 💗
You're handling things a lot better than I would have
I've been extremely depressed these last few weeks and as much as it sucks and as much as I hate to see you struggling as much as you do right now, I somehow feel a little less alone for a moment. So thank you for being so true and vulnerable.
Hang in there. ❤
same here
@@Sarah_Grant thank you. I'm trying... 🥺❤
@@friedose4099 sending hugs! ❤
@@rebekkacoustic4329 Thank you 🤗
Thank you Jo for just talking and being real in this video. I appreciate you just sitting and showing where you're at. You're NOT alone. Sending you lots of love, peace in your heart and understanding through all your questions, you'll find yourself again.
Very sorry to hear that you're dealing with all this pain and heartache. Sending prayers for peace and comfort.
You don't owe anyone, online or otherwise, apologies or forced happiness. Your healing through all this is more important, Jo, and we will be here to support you.
💜💜💜💜💜
take care of yourself, on my own at 60 after a long marriage, yes I have a nice gf now, but I have learned to enjoy being at my condo alone, sending hugs and compassion, I lost my poodle at 13 last year, it is a devastating, I know, your UA-cam family is here for you.
Brutally and beautifully honest and raw.
Praying for you girl.
Love from an old girl who was very touched and concerned listening to your story. Give your dog a big cuddle. Healing will come.
Thank you for being the most powerful video I saw on youtube today. I can empathize so much with being in that place of knowing you can but realizing you just don't want to. hope you will give yourself the time and find the ways.
“I just don’t want to”. That is so relatable. Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing.
So heartbreaking to hear what's going on... just a volley of traumatic events that are so awful to deal with individually, but having to deal with so much so soon would beat anyone down.
A lot of what you've said I empathize with, I hear you. I know you "logically" know what to do and coping mechanisms and all that, but damn it's tough.
I know you already mentioned this in the video, but for me, I need someone around even if I don't want to be with them. Like I want to be alone, but not by myself...know what I'm saying?
Even though you've gone to some friends houses and called for help, I hope you can just have a trusted someone that can just be THERE. with you.
You've heard all the platitudes of comfort before, but I hope you keep hanging in there.
your amazing! I don't have time to finish this video yet. but my heart goes out to you. I can't imagine. I'm very sorry your going through this.
Grief is so soul crushing, and you have been recently crushed multiple times Jo. So impressed at how self aware and open you are to talk here.
Grief cannot be sped up, or short circuited. One day at a time with friends and guides.
Love, Ralph
I don't know that any UA-cam comment is going to help with any of what you're going through but I just wanted to say that for me, you've been a ray of sunshine in a world where one was needed and I sincerely appreciate that. Everything you're feeling is valid. Whatever you need to do to take care of yourself is okay. We'll all be here when you're ready to come back with your best foot forward. You're a champ, Jo. And champs get to shower when they dang well feel like it. Heart emoji.
This is exactly how I feel but couldn't find the words to express.
What a tragedy. I can't imagine.
Thank you for sharing and for being. Sending care and prayers. The world is better having you in it.
Jo, I have where you are at and I am there again. Very touching video. Thank you for being honest.
Your welfare is your top priority. Anyone who gets upset with you for doing what you need isn't worth your time, nor do they deserve your wonderful content. I hope things start getting a lot better for you.
Like so many others here, I'm happy to do whatever I can to help you. Being patient is about the simplest thing. Take all the time you need.
I'm so sorry that happened, I can honestly really relate to what you're going through. I was born with a super rare kidney and liver disease and in my life (I'm 33 y/o now) I have had 3 different kidney transplants and 1 liver transplant along with a combined total of 11 years on dialysis between my transplants. My first transplant was at 13 and my life has steadily gone downhill from there. I lost the first kidney to pneumonia and was on dialysis for 3 years waiting for a new kidney, my second transplant lasted me just under 6 years and that was lost to a severe staph infection I picked up in the hospital after a minor surgery. Than I was back on dialysis for just under 8 years, that is when everything fell hard. I developed 3 different bone diseases from dialysis when took me from being very mobile to being able to only walk about maybe 150ft before having to sit because the pain gets so bad. I live in constant pain every day and have been very depressed for the last 7 or 8 years. About 2 years after losing my second transplant I met a girl on a dating site and I truly thought she was the one because like me she had a transplant and I figured that if anyone would be able to understand what I was going through it would be her and for the first year it seemed fantastic. After being together for that year we got married and about 7 months later my health took a sharp turn and my liver started to fail at a much faster rate so now not only did I need to find a new kidney I also had to find a new liver as well and on top of that since it was my third transplant the risk was exponentially higher. The only hospital in the entire country that would take on my case was Cleveland Clinic. I was optimistic though because she was standing by me so I knew I could get through anything. About 3 months later she went to visit her family about an hour away and stay with them for a week, when she came back she told me that her sisters husbands best friend was there and she fell in love with him and she told me "I'm sorry but it's all too much for me and I'm too scared that I'm going to wake up one morning and find your dead next to me in bed." and just like that she left. That was mid 2016, In Sept 2017 I got the call for a new kidney/liver. The recovery was one of the worst experiences of my life, not because of pain, but because I was actually abused in the ICU, I'm not going to go into too much detail because this comment is already long enough but the short version is while I was intubated I was not turned from my back for almost 2 full days and developed a stage 4 backside wound on my tailbone that when they took me to surgery to clean and get a better look at it they said the skin just came right off and you could see down to my actual bone. Also my surgical site on my stomach became infected and all together I spend 6 months in the hospital before I was able to go home. (2 months in the ICU, 2 months on the regular floor, than 2 more months on a rehab floor because I had basically lost all my muscle mass and strength).
I found your channel a while back and found it super inspirational, you have such an amazing attitude and outlook despite what you have been through. I try to keep positive but I really can't look in the mirror anymore because I'm disgusted with the person looking back at me. I know it's not my fault but I lost everything that made me who I am. As much as I hate to admit it, I'm pretty sure I am going to be alone for the rest of my life, I have far too much baggage, too many medical issues, I'm disabled and can't work a normal job, I'm basically the exact opposite of what most girls looks for in a guy. After I found your channel I wanted to make a channel to share my stories and experiences like you have but I have huge self confidence issues and get discouraged so easily and after I made that channel and uploaded a video telling some of my story it didn't get any views after a month of being up and in my typical self hating way of thinking I just deleted the channel. I'm sorry to write such a long comment but I just wanted to share that I can relate and let you know if you ever need an ear to listen or to vent to I'm happy to, and that goes for anyone reading this comment, the one positive thing I have always been able to say about myself is that I have always been told what a great listener I am. Again I'm so sorry about everything that has happened to you recently.
You are such a warrior! I was reading your story with the thought “is it still about the same person?”. Hold on! Hobbies can help sometimes more than having another person around :) And views on UA-cam are depending on so many criteria as well as the UA-cam algorithm, so how good you are is not proportional with the views ;) maybe you should try it again, just for yourself, for sharing, without big expectations, as a place to talk :) Wish you all the best!
@@GalyaMikhnyova Thank you, you're too kind 🙂 The YT thing is a good idea I just get so self conscious on camera now bc of how much all the surgeries and stuff changed me and its hard for me to look at myself and love what I see like I used to. There are also a lot of very mean people online that make it harder. I really do appreciate your words though 😊
Sometimes just existing is hard and exhausting and painful. I’m sorry you have been in that place. Thank you for your courage to speak so openly about where you are. I couldn’t help but relate to that ‘very, very unwell’ state. I was there last Fall after several losses that culminated in the loss of my dad. I didn’t realize until watching this video that I’m coming out the other side of that. Listening to you, All I wanted was to hug you and encourage you. I’m a dog mom, and deal with disability and chronic pain from an injury (in fact, my 3rd back surgery is scheduled for next week). My dogs are a huge part of my coping skills. They listen, love me, distract me, force me to take care of them, and never leave my side. Ever. I can’t imagine losing them so close together. Sending love, support, healing thoughts, and much respect. ❤️
You are heard, and loved! Thank you for your openness and honesty… I struggle with anxiety and totally understand the exhaustion of trying to stay “strong” and overcome the struggles. Sometimes “time” healing the pain can’t come fast enough yet the process is what brings us exactly what we need. We love you ! Sending strength, love and hugs!