I’m blessed. My wife treats me like I’m the best thing that has ever happened to her. It makes me want to love on her and make sure that she is loved everyday. She gives me the respect that I need and I lift her up on the pedestal that I built for her. 31 years in and we are still on our honeymoon
Ugh. My husband started hitting me from the beginning. I was blind “in love”. Realized after almost being killed by him that he must have NPD. He wanted me to PAY HIM for everything he did for me. He could compliment me one minute, then joke, then denigrate me the next, then hit me, then demand action. I will never believe what you describe here exists after 31 years, unless I see it.
I’ve tried that, my husband does the absolute bare minimum in every aspect of daily life. I’ll say thank you, I appreciate it. ANY time he does anything other than sit on FB on drink beer after work, or golf with friends. You know what that’s gotten me? Exactly nothing more and nothing less. I’ve also begged for help, and bitched. I’ll get maybe a week and that’s it. I get anxiety attacks from all the stress and still… nothing. Some people are just selfish
My experience is that when you say that to your husband it’s because he ignores your request, or even you begging for his assistance. It’s not because he isn’t doing something right. It’s because he’s not doing it at all.
I have said that to my husband many times, but it was said out of frustration because I have asked him many times to help me with something but he never did. So what else can I say but " never mind I'll do it my self ". When he does this I feel like I'm having to beg and I shouldn't have to bet for help from my husband.
I don't know your husband, i hope he is not an A-hole but look to how are you asking him. Don't be bossy, be sweet, this is better than begging. If you are doing things for him like cooking and meeting his needs in the bedroom I can't see why in the world he wouldn't do anything you want or need. If you are demanding or are bossy than forget it....
Same happened in my life he treated me as if I was a mistress to him, abused me, then he himself asked for divorce since his parents believed in his horoscope after his remarriage things will be fine for him like his business so he filed divorce initially I denied it and after 7 years of struggle and abuse I accept for mutual since I felt it was a trauma I was causing to myself nearly after 13 years of abusive marital relationship I got divorce and living the real life raised my son all alone now I am 52....
@@icookmyfood7363 so he abused you and he wanted to left you but you didn't want, you wanted to continue be abused ? If he always abused you why did you marry him? Why didn't you divorce after a year or two or three years? Even when he wanted to divorce you didn't accept, I don't understand since he was abusing you. You waited several years after he asked to divorce. I think you feel bitter and don't think any positive of him but you definitely weren't feeling like he was the ultimate abuser as all that happened. You wanted to stay married!
Never mind I will do it myself is usually said after asking for help and not getting it. Edit: Asking for help and WAITING for days/weeks or months for the job/project to be completed. The example being not asking for help and expecting the husband to drop everything unless it was something that was needing fixing quickly due to a safety issue.
True. It just goes to show there really must be two willing people in a marriage - if one is less bothered than the other, the dynamics will always be off and it's harder to find balance.
That’s true, but I believe he is addressing specific problem that all Men have and only a few women, Because women have children and their is alway purpose in insuring the survival of the species and society.
Yes, I ask my husband all the time to do something and he sometimes doesn’t respond back 😅. Sometimes he says I’m too needy when I barely ask him to do things. I think this particular man just didn’t feel needed with the women he encountered and associated with all men feeling this way
Kindness to each other is what the world needs. I really just want see Americans caring about each other again. That’s what I miss the most about my country.
Same with him expecting her to do all and be all while he is out camping/golfing/ playing poker with the boys. First it's he needs time to unwind, then he has too much to DO and home becomes his last option. When she leaves and the weeds are taller than the trees in the yard, the dishes are piled and you've got molded clothing and no one wants to deal with you... Men hmmm start being men and not overgrown boys. There's a problem with grown ass men still playing games, watching anime and porn.
@@lorireed8046women. Stop being men’s mothers and be their wives. The part you mentioned will take care of itself. Men need time away from you. Just like you need time away from him talking to your friends etc. that includes phone time talking to them.
I have been a widow for 13 years and the thing I love remembering about us, was me telling my beloved, after he did small fixings or solved a minor problem: “ What would I do without you?” I am sure now that that pleased him just as much as being told that I loved him 😍
@@stophittingyourself123 bless you: in Dante’s epic the divine Comedy: the access to Paradise for him is with a woman: Beatrice. Men and women are meant to complement each others with their virtues and natural gifts.🥰
Except we women are told that's not important, you aren't Worthy and that "job" you want done is dumb. I , literally, waited 8 YEAR'S for those book shelves to be done. The "garden" to be done and a simple job of the barstools for our bar to be fitted... STILL in their damned boxes as he ran off to help others build their fences and fix their roof Screw you .
That puts a smile on my face. The last woman I dated had a similar line, except it was, "what am I going to do with you?" which has the complete opposite effect.
This should be something normal instead of unusually remarkable. What does it mean when tons of men read this and think "wow, that would be nice to hear"?
Oh honey... you're supposed to greatfully accept what he gives, not ask for what you need... you have to gently move him to what you need... but be careful because if he catches you getting your needs met, you'll get called manipulative. Don't you know, women can't win? (To be read in a Sarcastic tone in case anyone thinks I'm serious)
Didn't appreciate my husband enough earlier in m our marriage. Then I made a determination to notice all his efforts and thank him......33 years of bliss.
How do you remain attracted to someone for 33 years? didnt he get bored of you at aome point or you him? didnt you want to try another flavor? or him wanting to to try another flavor?
I respect what you said, it's nice to see something concrete and positive being written amidst so much toxicity on the internet. All the best for both of you.
@Jamaal Cooper There’s always something to do around the house so take initiative. Or you can ask where she’d like you to help out, but really, the chores in the house are never finished so there are many ways to make yourself useful, especially once the children come.
True, all the “ strong, independent “ west women need men to do everything for them behind the scenes but dot appreciate what they do and in fact actively belittle and emasculate them
That is a stark reality, well-put: it applies to so much, so many. A good exercise to improve cognitive appreciation, gratefulness for that which we ought to be thankful for, even (especially) towards Almighty God, is: -Making the time, daily, to take stock in what went on throughout our day. Meaning, processing deliberate thinking upon that which we normally don’t consider being appreciative about. - take a few minutes every morning or night, to Write Down or digitally record Daily…yes, daily, 5 things we are thankful for. *Note: This is the important part: We cannot put down the same things we have, twice. At least, not in the same month! This forces soul searching, self-discovery, a brand new look at the goodness in our lives. It causes us to be aware throughout the day. We then begin paying attention to blessings we take for granted, not necessarily deliberately. We all are woefully distracted from the gift of appreciation and gratitude. The great thing is, we have capability to change that. And God is honored by our gratefulness. Being grateful for those in our lives, and all other blessings, changes things in us. And it affects our lives in a way that is helpful, by not becoming so entirely overwhelmed with the ugliness in the world, we lose hope in the things to come. Being grateful opens our minds, spirits. Refreshes the soul and spirit. Renews a right spirit in us. Grounds us. May the Mighty God of Israel be pleased, may our hearts be always thankful. 🙏🖖
@@chrissegeenot all - stop assuming all women are like this - assumptions lead to apathy on our part - it’s a two way street baby. BOTH need to give AND receive generously.
@@rikastin funny/sad you say that, most marriages headed for divorce the husband is needed but not appreciated. That's why the wife gets so much from the courts, plus maintenance and if there's kids involved child support.
Actually, the worst thing a husband can do is BLOW UP whenever a wife asks for help with something…and then she avoids asking for help, walking on eggshells to not erupt the volcano that is her husband. …and thus comes “never mind I’ll do it myself” or not asking at all for fear of that explosive anger…
So true. This might work with some me, but as we are all individuals it doesn’t work with all. My partner is like your. I tried the Rabbi way first. It simply didn’t work. Such generalisations are not natural laws written in stone.
Men get that way when they feel like they are being changed. Maybe he's always wanted a clean house and you are taking that away from him! And every time you ask him he thinks it's only to benefit you. Because it's never been to his benefit. So he feels cheated.
That is so true. I’ve been married 47 years this June. My husband loves to do things that make me happy and when I offer to help he responds with “What, you think I can’t do it “. I see it more clearly as time goes by. He has a very strong need to help and saying thank you to him means so much. Our relationship is very different from when we first got married. It’s so much better now.
The opposite is the truth When women demonize men for when they do stuff no matter how hard they try to get it right or if they dont do it immediately, they call it quits
Men don't want or need emotional support. We can give it, but we don't need it or want it. We want and need physical and practical things which will in turn be interpreted by us as emotional support. Want to emotionally support a man? Kiss him passionately every time he gets home, even if you're both getting home from work and are both dog tired. That will make him feel like he's come home to love and peace, and he'll be excited to do it every day. Want to isolate your man and make him feel terrible? Ask him repeatedly to talk about his feelings.
@@vedinthorn speak for yourself, I do need emotional support, not all men are the same. Likewise, stereotypes are changing, many real men are no longer shy about talking about their feelings or showing them when necessary.
@@ekscentar1 men haven't changed in 150,000 years in any meaningful way. Biology is biology and it trumps social circumstances every time. If you need emotional support and don't suffer from PTSD, check your testosterone levels.
My husband made endless cups of tea, washed dishes, took out household rubbish, fed the dogs, and was a great house painter. He hated cooking, and grocery shopping but if i was sick or not at home he would give it his best shot. I loved his puns and jokes. Miss you every day James❤
Some women want to do everything herself. Later she complains that no one helps out. If her friends take the help of their husbands & sons, she will object.
And that’s just it: it hasn’t failed either of you. The problem is when only one person is being appreciative or trying. You can’t do a marriage all on your own. I’ve been the hood wife trying to do it on my own for 15 years now. I’m glad you guys both figured out how simple life can be 👍
It is "sad" in the sense that men really do have to prove their worth. Every man knows it. "How much do you earn" is one of the most common questions asked while dating. If he doesn't earn a lot, there needs to be a reason: fireman, cop, soldier (all of which are potentially fatal jobs). Even school teacher might be a "justification" for earning too little. But under all other circumstances, he's immediately inferior. That's a reality all men live with. Women have their own struggles, and I'm not ignoring those, but if we're talking about men we should be totally honest about it.
@@josephlevine3045 I agree with everything you said. What’s even more sad is that it’s only recently when men started speaking out about their struggles that women are starting to get a glimpse of the pressures and struggles men live with. Many of us didn’t know men were affected by anything at all.
@@josephlevine3045 if your date is asking you how much do you make, you are dating the wrong kind of person. Finances are a topic to talk about waaaay into the relationship not just while dating.
It's a mind blowing statement but is very true. If you look @ how men attach their value to money or their penis or some level of minuscule stature & not their character, value systems or spiritual significance which is the core of a person smh it's obvious which is why most struggle to be a good spouse because they can't identify themselves so they definitely can't pour into you. It makes sense 🤷
What he's saying is very true but also there are some husbands after years of being married just doesn't help or assist or take her for granted, that's when she says "never mind I'll do it myself".
I did this, i accepted what he could give me but it never changed to giving me what I really needed. It was always brushing on the line of what he can do to keep me around.
For some yes, but it's been mentioned sometimes in this comment section. There needs to be ample opportunity to do it, and the rabbi also guided on what to do if you don't get it exactly the way you want.... Still be gracious. I'll say personally, my wife drastically reducing those 'I'll do it myself moments' has greatly improved the mood in the household as a whole. Even the child has become more compliant.
If he doesn't want to give you anything, then he's not marriage material. I mean, you can have a great time with a lot of men, but you're not in a relation ship with all of them. Comittment means that the other person wants to do his best for himself for you, for your family...
@@mattd3978 she may not say it anymore, but 8t doesn't mean she doesn't resent you if she is silently pulling way more weight.. . a s eventually that resentment will 8nevitably come back to bite you.
Or perhaps he has quit giving or offering because in the past what he gave or offered wasn't accepted or appreciated. You're likely making the exact point the guy in the video was talking about. 😅
This is very true. Unless you have a husband that doesn't value or appreciate anything from his wife. Women validate your men's feelings and yes, be thankful for him. But if you're giving your all, and he's giving nothing, it's time for a change. Speaking from present personal experience.
@kimlersue He didn't start out this way.. It's only been the last two and a half out of many that it's been this way.. So, not exactly sure what I did wrong.. But thank you..
Reading the comments I'm glad that I can see the difference between resentful and petty women and actual gems in society. To the ones that actually understand - thank you for keeping our hope alive and giving us something to fight for.
Then he needs to do what he said he was going to do in a timely manner. We only say that because we are hurt that what we have asked for was not important enough for him to do.
Sray as you are, for majority of men,,,really should stay living by themselves and never ever say to a woman..I love you... Many of them don't even know what that means and what responsibility comes with it,,😮 when they... ask!! Will you Merry marry me? 😮
Not all men are the same. Mine had me helping him all the time, but left me high and dry when I could have used his support. He left no gap in my life, just relief and less work.
@@asiadp Isn’t marriage supposed to be teamwork? Shouldn’t husband and wife work together and face life’s difficulties united? He couldn’t have fixed our roof without my help, he would have had to hire someone. Do you expect me to play princess and do nothing instead?
I always acknowledge everything my husband fixes around the house. He's a very handy man... and I'm so lucky to have him because he does what needs to be done right away! ❤❤❤
No offence but no woman will say that to you if you’re pulling your weight. Maybe you were useless ?? Cos I know I would probably say that if I had someone who made me feel like it was better to be alone.
@@cloudydays6277It just takes a cumulated bitter to say so. It might be from a prehistoric phase of life when the man for some reason has had his weak moments.
@@marylee2732 many of them are far from "good". A wife won't make your life if you yourself can't make yourself good, "needed", a wife is not end all be all
@@lornalong6468 Seems like your reply has nothing to do with my post. Please re-read my statement and tell me which part you actually take offense at. (Please name something that is actually there and not something you wrongfully inferred.)
I think what Lorna wanted to say was that it's not just true for men, but people in general. That women also want to be needed and appreciated by their partner. Only focusing on "how the man needs or wants to be treated in his relationship" without noting that most of these standards have to be set on both sides and that a good relationship reqiures reciprocity, so this kind of message seems to breed narcissistic entitlement within some men. Some men just see the message about how women are supposed to treat men, make life easier for men, accomodate the needs of men, be respectful and obedient to men and so on... without putting any expectations of what a man would have to bring to the table so that the woman would want to do all that for him. When men spread around messages like these, only listing demands for women without any clear standards for how they would threat their partner in return, they can come across as whiny children or entitled toxic duchebags and that just repells most women and futhers the divide between genders. Most women don't want to deal with a partner who only puts demands on them, they want a partner who can help them make their lives easier and more secure, who they can rely on to solve problems and accomodate them, so they can have the opportunity to focus on providing care for their children and extended family or pets and improve their living environment. If a man wants a stable relationship and children, he can't just put it on the woman as a demand, no woman wants to be in a position like this. He needs to show her, that he is able to provide the necessary conditions for her safety and wellbeing and the resources to create a space for the child to live and grow in and that he is determined to solve problems and overcome challenges on the way and work as a team toward the same goals with his partner. If those conditions are not met, most women would not even want to get pregnant. If they can't rely on their partner to help her, they are better off being single and working to create better living conditions for themselves, so they can feel secure on their own.
If you don’t want to hear those words, don’t put a woman in a position to say them to you. Be useful, proactive and have purpose so she won’t HAVE TO say what you claim you don’t want to hear.
If this is the way of a relationship, a husband will do the same. The woman must not put herself in a position where he tells her something she does not like
Men need 2 love themselves. You cant depend on others 2 make you happy or validate your existence or being or you will be disappointed. Be strong grandpa.
I can only understand why a wife would say, “Never mind, I’ll do it myself” is when she asks him to do something simple for her and her response is no response which is a sign of rejection from him.
I use to not want to bother him with my trivial little projects.... Since watching this months ago. I realized I was wrong and have, since then, ask him for help. I see his pride in his work and my heart swells with love for him. He is in his second yr. Of stage 4 prostrate cancer and won't be around to much longer and so I'm glad to give him the reins for as long as he can. Thank you for this message. ❤
May you both be blessed with all the time you need. Never lose faith. believe that he is getting better with all your heart. You might just be surprised. I wish you both well, peace and happiness.
Hi hope you see this, why would you say that sis, listen i have 2 steps for you, if you are willing to listen, try them, its tried and tested so he lives longer because its God's plan for marriages to last neh. Kindly let me know here if you would be interested. Warm Regards
Prayers for you, your husband, and your marriage!!! I am so sorry to hear that he is ill…tears just filled my eyes when I read that. I completely understand what you said about how your heart swells for this man of yours..our men are just absolutely everything to us..1,000,000 years would never be enough 💔❤
This is so true. Im still married for almost 19 years now even though we don't have a child because I needed him. I let him do the things he wants to do for me, like opening doors, buying me gifts, planing for vacay, even if he wants to switch jobs because he's not happy I supported him and in the end we lost our home yet he accomplished more after that. I told him he cannot die because I needed him alive than dead! We are happy. Note: i read John Gray's books and Dr Angeles before married. That helos.. and a lot of prayers. 🙏😊❤️
AMEN! My precious, wise Mama taught me this & it was one of the best pieces of advice she could have given me in how to honor, love, encourage & build up my husband.❤
Yes, and what about husbands who do not want to do nothing? I heard once "I want you because I know I've not to be concerned cause you do everything". I laught a lot and said "bye" to him.
@@azraelinarakoczy7862 Ohk, really very sorry for your loss, don't worry he must be resting in heaven and he must be watching upon you and is still loving you from there, May God bless you and may he give you strength, peace and all the happiness and blessings
All I heard is this man say “men egos are fragile and they desire to be needed as they don’t know their purpose, as a woman it is your job to make him feel better about himself, so accept any small good gesture he may give even if it don’t really benefit you. It is the woman job to help the man feel better about himself” That is what I heard. I prefer a man just loving his wife and she loves him back. He praises her for all she does and she does the same. To put all the work on the wife is is not right. He needs to figure out how to be happy with self before he can be happy with a woman. 😌
One thing I value about my husband so much is that if I ask for something, he does it right away. I very rarely have to ask twice or say 'ill do it myself' bc he procrastinates. Sometimes I don't even directly ask I just mention something that would make me happy and he does it. Shows me that he loves me more than all the words in the world ❤
You are so lucky to have him. My husband is the opposite of I ask him or need him to do something he gets irritated and says he will get to it and by the time he feels like doing it I already got it done 😔
See this is how I am as a guy and yet I never got married, but even at work or when I dated, I loved doing things for others especially a woman that I love. Sadly I have too many other issues that keep me from marriage.
@@mom2suns857 there’s a reason it’s called being a ‘drama queen’ not king. Most women want to to be the centre of their own drama, most men just want a chill life. Women create drama when none exists.
"Woman, wanna get wifey for me, Your husband and man?" - "No, I really don't feel like it right now!" (.... fourth time that same week). "Man, do me that favor of fixing this stuff out there!" - "Oh, You know, wifey, I really don't feel like it right now!" Not "offering" anything goes a long way before she even recognizes.
Yup! That's why I built my daughter's little tikes car with an injured wrist. I did it but caused myself more pain. My husband when he got home from work : I would've done it. Me: you said you would do it last week. My husband: ohhhh yeah
Excuse me we women need that also!! When we make his favorite meal then at least say " Honey thank you that tasted great!!". It will motivate her to cook more often We women would love it if our man comes up and gives us a warm hug with no strings and say " I'm so in love with you!!". If only a man see the trash overflowing then take it out without his wife begging him to do it!! How's that for him feeling needed? Please
Take the trash 🗑️ out if you see it overflowing. You have 2 hands and 2 legs too. Don't wait for him to do it, and that'll play a part in him seeing that you're needed.
Men NEED to be needed. Women WANT to be wanted. Even if a woman can do it herself- if a man offers to help, and you want to do it yourself because you like it done your way then substitute what you're doing for a another option for him to help with. "It's OK, honey. I'll take care of it-- BUT, I really NEED help with [fill in the blank]." And THANK HIM. Now, if you have no substitute make sure you tell him you APPRECIATE his offer but what you would really NEED later is a cuddle on the couch and some popcorn. Or a cup of hot soup (can+microwave) etc. Try to use these two phrases: "I appreciate your HELP with..." and "I really like when you... it's something I NEED." Being NEEDED and HELPFUL, even if it's just his consult helps make a man feel worthwhile. A card with a note with the words NEED(ED), HERO, HELPER, HEAVEN SENT- makes a man a 🤴.
@@nightwishisthegreatestband6355 Yes. I hear you. But men are generally raised to not step in, with other "male's" tasks, unless that male ASKS FOR ASSISTANCE. Offering befr that can indicate that the assistant feels the other is weak or incompetent. Now, re to Women or "females". Many men might feel confused as to when to jump in, offer help or take over. Every relationship is different. I was mainly saying that it's important for Women to VERBALLY indicate or acknowledge their partner's/ spouse's contribution because MEN NEED TO HEAR IT. If I am wrong, then 🙏 I hope some Men, who comment here, will correct me.
Exactly! What none of the women bashing men in the comments are acknowledging are the Rabbi's words. The Rabbi said, men are incapable of justifying their own existence without being needed.These guys are angry because the Rabbi gave away a trade secret that's why they're on the offense now
After several months of marriage counseling I learned that my husband needs just as much emotional connection as I do. I learned that every time I was "to busy" to stop and see him or listen to him, it hurt him just as much as it hurts me when he treats me the same way. I learned that every time I, in so many little ways, let him know that he didn't quit hit my expectations it made him feel like a failure. I didn't know that I had spent YEARS pushing that man away all the while feeling as if he spent years pushing me away. We all bring so many hurts with us from childhood. The difference is we, as women, get to be emotional and angsty about it....men shove it down, box it up, and play the escape game about it. Everyone just needs to deal with their sh!t and be nice to each other.
Totally right ,my first wife pretty much like this ,I felt disrespected and yes I was just a breadwinner and I went into my cave and after 13 years it was over ! My Wife of 26 years now totally different ,kind understanding, resourceful and kind enough to help me bring up 4 children from my first marriage.😊
I’m too needed ,,wish I could have time to NOT be so damn “ needed”. Work a full time job, have an elderly mother with dementia and another family member depending on me..
No all human beings need to feel GOD and are made for His glory is what TORAH says. I don't know what this dude is preaching. They need to be truly loved and matter but not necessary or needed. God deserves to be needed and Humans who need to be needed have a pride issue. Females are more made to be helpful but that doesn't mean that is their sole burden. Helping their husbands feel needed is not their role. That is usurping GOD'S role in ways. GOD tells the Man His identity in their relationship and the wife comforts and helps meet/ support that connection! Like the Holy spirit they both have the same role and same words used in Hebrew for a reason. All Holy Unions have God at TOP. This video suggest women dislodge GOD for their husband's sake for incomplete identity and that isn't appropriate, it is like false religion
Exactly. Not only men all human beings want to feel needed loved and cared sometimes. Not only men. The level of such things may vary according to emotion circumstances health conditions etc
My mother always said...." if you want a job done right, do it urself".( She was married to a USA soilder, farmer , Father, fisherman , RR employee , Christian for over 50 years.)
@@yrevet An ego is necessary as an 'emotional self-defense'. Without it people will take advantage of you and treat you like a doormat. It can also motivate us to challenge ourselves and improve ourselves in various ways. But yes, ego can become excessive in some men. But then, they are the ones who seem to have no shortage of female interest.
@@lindenh2014, and yet, ego is exactly what separates a man from God. Oh, so people will take advantage of you? Poor you! Women have to face it 24/7/365 (mostly from men)...and somehow I cannot see us growing a massive ego as a defence mechanism. Poor little, insecure, fragile "men" (sounds more like spoiled toddlers, right?)
Isn’t it about time that we wake up and realize that sex, nationality, skin colour, or whatever physical differences we appear to be that we are in fact One and the same. The same feelings, the same needs, all desiring love. Love. Which is freedom, peace, kindness, acceptance, expression of our Divine Self. We have got to get past the exterior, perceptions, judgments, guilt, before we can express these qualities and then give all of the same to others 🙏❤️
@@trishwilliams3153different sexes obviously differ highly in some societal and behaviour ways. Women seem to be able to be more at ease with themselves while men desperately need to feel important and NEEDED. Women want a tall mssculine men, while men usually dont care or just want someone samesize or a lil bit shorter feminine woman. We have different sexual desires, aspirations for life etc. Etc.
@@trishwilliams3153If the sexes were truly the same, I wouldnt have to forsake all hopes of EVER feeling attractive or desired because I'm a short man lol
The biggest mistake here is thinking men need to feel needed more than women and assuming women say this without having asked many times and having been ignored before saying they will do it themselves.
The worst thing a husband can say to a wife is "You have to cater to my inferiority complex." Both adults in the relationship have to carry their own weight.
Had my husband not been serially unfaithful, I'd go out of my way to make him feel loved and needed. He started cheating while we were engaged so please don't trot out the tired old his cheating was your fault because you weren't meeting his needs! A man who wants his wife to need and appreciate him needs to be faithful.
I asked and asked OVER AND OVER AGAIN - FOR YEARS - and eventually gave up. “Never mind, I’ll do it myself” Is a statement of resignation. When you don’t get the help you need, you simply give up.
@@yagga8885 you’re being to simplistic. Yes, it’s a language thing. But this is part of what brings a couple to the point of no return. The husband MUST hear - AND act upon - his wife’s requests, so that it does not get to the point where the wife says “never mind, I’ll do it myself”. It’s pretty sad that a woman has to so carefully temper her remarks as to not bruise a man’s pride😡 If he is that easily emasculated - he’s got far more problems than what she needs to be burdened with. I know from experience… 🙄
I need my husband! He knows it. I ask for his help on many things. Same with my sons. On a farm, our men are very needed and appreciated. ‘By the sweat of your brow shall you eat your bread’. Rural life makes for a beautiful balance of appreciating each other. We are loved and necessary to each other.
I need his help so bad. I know he says to punish me for loving the kids instead of ignoring their needs, like him. he is a loser. the man he described is NOT A MAN. HE SOUNDS LIKE A HEARTLESS LOSER CHILD
@@arkeusalexander9054 women overall express more emotion, sure. But it is not the same as emotional instability/immaturity. You are mistaking emotions with the ability to regulate those emotions in a healthy way. Crying and expressing yourself is emotional health.
This is a phrase used by any wife who has already asked the husband something and never got it and finally she says she will do it herself! If men find it hard to listen to it they better provide the needs of his wife!
This is what happened to me and eventually divorced ensued. Now I am with a woman who recognises and appreciates what I do and it gives me superstrength to grow and take even better care of her.
Some men need to act like a real husband & live with the wife in an understanding way. It goes both ways, treat others how you would want to be treated.
Married 38 years..got married when we were 18...we respect each other and always say thank you and i love you.And always ,always thank God for each other and pray.
I know this also. She learned that from the fem-nazi play book. The same rabid man hating manifesto gets passed around to good women to help turn others, so on and so on. Leaving shattered families across the land. They're told saying, "I don't need you" is empowering and tell the women to take great satisfaction in saying that to their spouse because it will have massive damaging effects on us. Basically we deserve it....
@@timothycushing5473 Let me guess .. Your divorced and its all her fault because she didn't give you an "atta boy" very time you put your beer down and pried yourself away from the TV
@@missmyapearl1592 Every time there is something posted on men’s concerns, or from men or about just men, some woman, like you say, “its not just men, its women too” Yes, that MAY be true, but that is not what we are talking about RIGHT NOW. A few years ago there was a symposium at a Canadian University about the the alarming suicide rate among men (4x the women’s rate) the feminists came out in protest, screaming at the young men who came out to see why their close friends killed themselves. Why is it always about you? Is your hatred of men that deep and profound?
i think all humans feel this way regardless if they are a man or a woman. one wants to have purpose and to feel they have done something that has made a difference.
My first husband couldn’t wait for me to say “Nevermind I’ll do it myself”. Then he got angry when I did everything for myself and decided I didn’t need him anymore. My second husband is a true partner, someone I can depend on, my best friend. Can’t imagine my life without him.
No, that actually is also correct. You never want your spouse to feel like he’s not able to do anything for you, because then he begins to feel like he’s just unworthy of love and affection but also you lose respect for each other that way as well. All of these sayings have a profound impact though, for sure.
@@AbundantGraceBeckons You're right about that, yes. But as many of the comments have already pointed out: usually when you say "Never mind, I'll do it myself." is after asked a lot times for some help and you didn't get it.
I’m blessed. My wife treats me like I’m the best thing that has ever happened to her. It makes me want to love on her and make sure that she is loved everyday. She gives me the respect that I need and I lift her up on the pedestal that I built for her. 31 years in and we are still on our honeymoon
This is beautiful ❤
Ugh. My husband started hitting me from the beginning. I was blind “in love”. Realized after almost being killed by him that he must have NPD. He wanted me to PAY HIM for everything he did for me. He could compliment me one minute, then joke, then denigrate me the next, then hit me, then demand action. I will never believe what you describe here exists after 31 years, unless I see it.
@@samschannelishpeople will do what u allow them to do
Amazing to hear, gives me hope.
@@tiana1017a very judgmental, unemphatic way of responding to someone.
I hope it made you feel better about yourself.
I’ve tried that, my husband does the absolute bare minimum in every aspect of daily life. I’ll say thank you, I appreciate it. ANY time he does anything other than sit on FB on drink beer after work, or golf with friends. You know what that’s gotten me? Exactly nothing more and nothing less. I’ve also begged for help, and bitched. I’ll get maybe a week and that’s it. I get anxiety attacks from all the stress and still… nothing. Some people are just selfish
My experience is that when you say that to your husband it’s because he ignores your request, or even you begging for his assistance. It’s not because he isn’t doing something right. It’s because he’s not doing it at all.
I have said that to my husband many times, but it was said out of frustration because I have asked him many times to help me with something but he never did. So what else can I say but " never mind I'll do it my self ". When he does this I feel like I'm having to beg and I shouldn't have to bet for help from my husband.
I do understand... some partners force us to say that.
Exactly. Alot of men are lazy
I don't know your husband, i hope he is not an A-hole but look to how are you asking him. Don't be bossy, be sweet, this is better than begging. If you are doing things for him like cooking and meeting his needs in the bedroom I can't see why in the world he wouldn't do anything you want or need.
If you are demanding or are bossy than forget it....
Same happened in my life he treated me as if I was a mistress to him, abused me, then he himself asked for divorce since his parents believed in his horoscope after his remarriage things will be fine for him like his business so he filed divorce initially I denied it and after 7 years of struggle and abuse I accept for mutual since I felt it was a trauma I was causing to myself nearly after 13 years of abusive marital relationship I got divorce and living the real life raised my son all alone now I am 52....
@@icookmyfood7363 so he abused you and he wanted to left you but you didn't want, you wanted to continue be abused ? If he always abused you why did you marry him? Why didn't you divorce after a year or two or three years? Even when he wanted to divorce you didn't accept, I don't understand since he was abusing you. You waited several years after he asked to divorce.
I think you feel bitter and don't think any positive of him but you definitely weren't feeling like he was the ultimate abuser as all that happened. You wanted to stay married!
Never mind I will do it myself is usually said after asking for help and not getting it.
Edit: Asking for help and WAITING for days/weeks or months for the job/project to be completed.
The example being not asking for help and expecting the husband to drop everything unless it was something that was needing fixing quickly due to a safety issue.
Exactly!!!
True. It just goes to show there really must be two willing people in a marriage - if one is less bothered than the other, the dynamics will always be off and it's harder to find balance.
MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY!!! 🤷🏿♀️🤷🏿♀️
So next time he gets amorous tell him to go do it himself........
Exactly
Praise and appreciation goes both ways.
So true
It should go both ways anyway. It seems that they seldom do.
That’s true, but I believe he is addressing specific problem that all
Men have and only a few women,
Because women have children and their is alway purpose in insuring the survival of the species and society.
Yes! However, women seldom give it!
Indeed!
I think the “never mind” is often said because he isn’t listening or responding.
He just doesn't care
@@wyleecoyotee4252 true. Reason to dump his a.
It’s all circumstantial, could be a bitchy wife. Could be a dickhead husband. Just because the husband isn’t listening doesn’t mean it’s his fault.
Yes, I ask my husband all the time to do something and he sometimes doesn’t respond back 😅. Sometimes he says I’m too needy when I barely ask him to do things. I think this particular man just didn’t feel needed with the women he encountered and associated with all men feeling this way
This type of "teaching" just gives men an excuse to be that way. Ridiculous
Kindness to each other is what the world needs. I really just want see Americans caring about each other again. That’s what I miss the most about my country.
It's there. You just have to focus on it instead of the latter
I'm sure when a wife says to her husband: " never mind, I'll do it by myself ", she has been asking for too long and he didn't.
Dat part 😂❤
What world are you living in... woman 'asking' - yeah, their all angel too! BS 💩🤡💩
Same with him expecting her to do all and be all while he is out camping/golfing/ playing poker with the boys. First it's he needs time to unwind, then he has too much to DO and home becomes his last option. When she leaves and the weeds are taller than the trees in the yard, the dishes are piled and you've got molded clothing and no one wants to deal with you... Men hmmm start being men and not overgrown boys.
There's a problem with grown ass men still playing games, watching anime and porn.
@@lorireed8046women. Stop being men’s mothers and be their wives. The part you mentioned will take care of itself. Men need time away from you. Just like you need time away from him talking to your friends etc. that includes phone time talking to them.
@@puttervids472 Which is not acknowledged. Seems one sided where men need their time alone and with their friends and women lose any support system.
I have been a widow for 13 years and the thing I love remembering about us, was me telling my beloved, after he did small fixings or solved a minor problem:
“ What would I do without you?”
I am sure now that that pleased him just as much as being told that I loved him 😍
@@stophittingyourself123 bless you: in Dante’s epic the divine Comedy: the access to Paradise for him is with a woman: Beatrice.
Men and women are meant to complement each others with their virtues and natural gifts.🥰
I am telling the same to my son, when he is helping me, he became so happy 😊
Except we women are told that's not important, you aren't Worthy and that "job" you want done is dumb. I , literally, waited 8 YEAR'S for those book shelves to be done. The "garden" to be done and a simple job of the barstools for our bar to be fitted... STILL in their damned boxes as he ran off to help others build their fences and fix their roof
Screw you .
That puts a smile on my face. The last woman I dated had a similar line, except it was, "what am I going to do with you?" which has the complete opposite effect.
This should be something normal instead of unusually remarkable. What does it mean when tons of men read this and think "wow, that would be nice to hear"?
One of the worst things my Husband said to me was..."in a minute." 16 months later the thing i needed done was still not done.
“In a ‘bit’” is how mine puts it. I always demand an answer for how long “a bit” is.
@@Fearlessly91 I just started counting, "one-one-thousand, etc." It still didn't make him move faster.
Oh honey... you're supposed to greatfully accept what he gives, not ask for what you need... you have to gently move him to what you need... but be careful because if he catches you getting your needs met, you'll get called manipulative. Don't you know, women can't win? (To be read in a Sarcastic tone in case anyone thinks I'm serious)
@@lindsaydiscovers9842have doesn't matter, I been widowed since 2018.
@@lindsaydiscovers9842 you mean I am not supposed to put a collar and leash on him? (
Love, respect, support, praise and appreciation goes both ways. :)
Yes both ways,not only eomen need pampering which they think is their birthright.
Didn't appreciate my husband enough earlier in m our marriage. Then I made a determination to notice all his efforts and thank him......33 years of bliss.
Respect, Queen 🫡 And, may things get even more blissful for the both of you.
I too learned this late in life too. I now appreciate every little thing that my husband does for me. ❤ love strong.
How do you remain attracted to someone for 33 years? didnt he get bored of you at aome point or you him? didnt you want to try another flavor? or him wanting to to try another flavor?
I respect what you said, it's nice to see something concrete and positive being written amidst so much toxicity on the internet.
All the best for both of you.
@@samoriab5999 We both had opportunities to try another flavor, but trying vanilla meant I could never go back to the best strawberry I had ever had.
Be useful, and you'll be needed.
How do people know your useful if your never needed?
@@jaamallObserve your surroundings. Ask. Use the fucking internet.
@Jamaal Cooper A good question 🤟. Just act first. People remember that. Then, word gets around.
@@gravypatron your missing steps, so randomly act? Remember supply and demand if there is no need, what are you servicing, what are you good for?
@Jamaal Cooper
There’s always something to do around the house so take initiative. Or you can ask where she’d like you to help out, but really, the chores in the house are never finished so there are many ways to make yourself useful, especially once the children come.
It is NOT a woman”s responsibility to make a man feel needed. That comes from within him
Wrong both need to feel loved
Women dont want any responsibility.
If you are unwilling to communicate to the person you love that you need them right there with you, you shouldn’t be in a relationship at all.
@@K3r0411 I’m still at, “It is not a woman’s responsibility to make a man feel needed.” 🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️
@@amritamuttoo6397 that’s a leap.
My protector, my provider, my rock is my husband.❤
I'm sorry
There's a big difference between being needed and being appreciated.
True, all the “ strong, independent “ west women need men to do everything for them behind the scenes but dot appreciate what they do and in fact actively belittle and emasculate them
That is a stark reality, well-put: it applies to so much, so many.
A good exercise to improve cognitive appreciation, gratefulness for that which we ought to be thankful for, even (especially) towards Almighty God, is:
-Making the time, daily, to take stock in what went on throughout our day. Meaning, processing deliberate thinking upon that which we normally don’t consider being appreciative about.
- take a few minutes every morning or night, to Write Down or digitally record Daily…yes, daily, 5 things we are thankful for.
*Note:
This is the important part:
We cannot put down the same things we have, twice. At least, not in the same month!
This forces soul searching, self-discovery, a brand new look at the goodness in our lives. It causes us to be aware throughout the day. We then begin paying attention to blessings we take for granted, not necessarily deliberately.
We all are woefully distracted from the gift of appreciation and gratitude. The great thing is, we have capability to change that. And God is honored by our gratefulness. Being grateful for those in our lives, and all other blessings, changes things in us. And it affects our lives in a way that is helpful, by not becoming so entirely overwhelmed with the ugliness in the world, we lose hope in the things to come.
Being grateful opens our minds, spirits. Refreshes the soul and spirit. Renews a right spirit in us. Grounds us.
May the Mighty God of Israel be pleased, may our hearts be always thankful. 🙏🖖
@@chrissegeenot all - stop assuming all women are like this - assumptions lead to apathy on our part - it’s a two way street baby.
BOTH need to give AND receive generously.
Being needed would be a nice first step before the marriage falls apart.
@@rikastin funny/sad you say that, most marriages headed for divorce the husband is needed but not appreciated. That's why the wife gets so much from the courts, plus maintenance and if there's kids involved child support.
Actually, the worst thing a husband can do is BLOW UP whenever a wife asks for help with something…and then she avoids asking for help, walking on eggshells to not erupt the volcano that is her husband.
…and thus comes “never mind I’ll do it myself” or not asking at all for fear of that explosive anger…
So true. This might work with some me, but as we are all individuals it doesn’t work with all. My partner is like your. I tried the Rabbi way first. It simply didn’t work. Such generalisations are not natural laws written in stone.
Snap 😢
Precisely
Men get that way when they feel like they are being changed. Maybe he's always wanted a clean house and you are taking that away from him! And every time you ask him he thinks it's only to benefit you. Because it's never been to his benefit. So he feels cheated.
@@lovetheNormlwow. That seems so childish and selfish.
That is so true. I’ve been married 47 years this June. My husband loves to do things that make me happy and when I offer to help he responds with “What, you think I can’t do it “. I see it more clearly as time goes by. He has a very strong need to help and saying thank you to him means so much. Our relationship is very different from when we first got married. It’s so much better now.
This is sweet. Just have to prepare for peaceful aging when he can’t be useful but need help.
This is bullshit regressive thinking the old man is peddling..
My ex husband never helped me do anything, he only helped his parents.
You’re literally lying, that is impossible
I notice how the world loves to give women advice (which is great) but no so much to man how to treat a woman.
Codependency is a real thing.
Also when a husband makes his wife feel incompetent then she won't ask him to do things 😞
Exactly 💯
@@denishiagee2955 Ah yes... poor innocent women BS!
@@shadowdawg04 It's not poor or innocent but bs yes it is. Now shadow that. 💣
The opposite is the truth
When women demonize men for when they do stuff no matter how hard they try to get it right or if they dont do it immediately, they call it quits
MAKES you feel incompetent?? Maybe just be thankful that you have a highly competent guy, also learn some skill yourself so you don’t feel useless.
Unfortunately in this age, men need to also acknowledge the emotional support women provide him and his kids. Women also need to feel appreciated!
Unfortunately?
Unfortunately , in this age, most men are more needy than a pregnant woman
Men don't want or need emotional support. We can give it, but we don't need it or want it. We want and need physical and practical things which will in turn be interpreted by us as emotional support.
Want to emotionally support a man? Kiss him passionately every time he gets home, even if you're both getting home from work and are both dog tired. That will make him feel like he's come home to love and peace, and he'll be excited to do it every day.
Want to isolate your man and make him feel terrible? Ask him repeatedly to talk about his feelings.
@@vedinthorn speak for yourself, I do need emotional support, not all men are the same. Likewise, stereotypes are changing, many real men are no longer shy about talking about their feelings or showing them when necessary.
@@ekscentar1 men haven't changed in 150,000 years in any meaningful way.
Biology is biology and it trumps social circumstances every time.
If you need emotional support and don't suffer from PTSD, check your testosterone levels.
its true i feel this deeply. i was really gutted when my buddy told me his woman said in an arguement that she just wanted him but didnt need him.😢
My husband made endless cups of tea, washed dishes, took out household rubbish, fed the dogs, and was a great house painter. He hated cooking, and grocery shopping but if i was sick or not at home he would give it his best shot. I loved his puns and jokes. Miss you every day James❤
❤😢
“Thank you honey, I really appreciate you “. Hasn’t failed either one of us in 30 years.
Amen. Us too..
Now that's a comment, I see the above comment ,had to make it about herself, you are the woman God intends to be his 30 year partner
Some women want to do everything herself. Later she complains that no one helps out. If her friends take the help of their husbands & sons, she will object.
Congrats on 30!! 😊
And that’s just it: it hasn’t failed either of you. The problem is when only one person is being appreciative or trying. You can’t do a marriage all on your own. I’ve been the hood wife trying to do it on my own for 15 years now. I’m glad you guys both figured out how simple life can be 👍
“Men can’t seem to justify their own existence”. That’s one of the saddest statements I’ve ever heard.
Right? But ya got all these comments from in a horrible relation people, going no no this post isnt about me me me
It is "sad" in the sense that men really do have to prove their worth. Every man knows it. "How much do you earn" is one of the most common questions asked while dating. If he doesn't earn a lot, there needs to be a reason: fireman, cop, soldier (all of which are potentially fatal jobs). Even school teacher might be a "justification" for earning too little. But under all other circumstances, he's immediately inferior.
That's a reality all men live with. Women have their own struggles, and I'm not ignoring those, but if we're talking about men we should be totally honest about it.
@@josephlevine3045 I agree with everything you said. What’s even more sad is that it’s only recently when men started speaking out about their struggles that women are starting to get a glimpse of the pressures and struggles men live with. Many of us didn’t know men were affected by anything at all.
@@josephlevine3045 if your date is asking you how much do you make, you are dating the wrong kind of person. Finances are a topic to talk about waaaay into the relationship not just while dating.
It's a mind blowing statement but is very true. If you look @ how men attach their value to money or their penis or some level of minuscule stature & not their character, value systems or spiritual significance which is the core of a person smh it's obvious which is why most struggle to be a good spouse because they can't identify themselves so they definitely can't pour into you. It makes sense 🤷
What he's saying is very true but also there are some husbands after years of being married just doesn't help or assist or take her for granted, that's when she says "never mind I'll do it myself".
I did this, i accepted what he could give me but it never changed to giving me what I really needed. It was always brushing on the line of what he can do to keep me around.
Depends on the man. If he doesn’t want to give anything or offer anything than you’re forced to do everything by yourself
For some yes, but it's been mentioned sometimes in this comment section. There needs to be ample opportunity to do it, and the rabbi also guided on what to do if you don't get it exactly the way you want.... Still be gracious.
I'll say personally, my wife drastically reducing those 'I'll do it myself moments' has greatly improved the mood in the household as a whole. Even the child has become more compliant.
If he doesn't want to give you anything, then he's not marriage material. I mean, you can have a great time with a lot of men, but you're not in a relation ship with all of them. Comittment means that the other person wants to do his best for himself for you, for your family...
@@mattd3978 she may not say it anymore, but 8t doesn't mean she doesn't resent you if she is silently pulling way more weight.. . a s eventually that resentment will 8nevitably come back to bite you.
Exactly! Even they'll feel relaxed that you don't expect anything from them.
Or perhaps he has quit giving or offering because in the past what he gave or offered wasn't accepted or appreciated. You're likely making the exact point the guy in the video was talking about. 😅
This is very true. Unless you have a husband that doesn't value or appreciate anything from his wife. Women validate your men's feelings and yes, be thankful for him. But if you're giving your all, and he's giving nothing, it's time for a change. Speaking from present personal experience.
What I heard was the Rabbi telling women up front how they might prevent their spouse from turning into THAT MAN. Sorry your's was that man.
@kimlersue He didn't start out this way.. It's only been the last two and a half out of many that it's been this way.. So, not exactly sure what I did wrong..
But thank you..
Am so over men trying to make women responsible for their feelings and behaviour.. f that. Do they do that for you? Reciprocity is the boundary.
@@inkdemon64mclemore57 pls don’t blame yourself.
@Peejums AMEN ...
Reading the comments I'm glad that I can see the difference between resentful and petty women and actual gems in society. To the ones that actually understand - thank you for keeping our hope alive and giving us something to fight for.
Then he needs to do what he said he was going to do in a timely manner. We only say that because we are hurt that what we have asked for was not important enough for him to do.
I'm glad I'm secure enough with myself that I don't need others to make me feel good about myself.
❤
This right here. We’re not on this earth to validate each other. We’re on this earth to be validated by God and God alone.
Amen 🙏
Sray as you are, for majority of men,,,really should stay living by themselves and never ever say to a woman..I love you... Many of them don't even know what that means and what responsibility comes with it,,😮 when they... ask!!
Will you Merry marry me? 😮
Not all men are the same. Mine had me helping him all the time, but left me high and dry when I could have used his support. He left no gap in my life, just relief and less work.
This is why you don’t help men…hopefully lesson learned
They kinda are
It's a two way street. Give only as much as what you can receive.
@@asiadp Isn’t marriage supposed to be teamwork? Shouldn’t husband and wife work together and face life’s difficulties united? He couldn’t have fixed our roof without my help, he would have had to hire someone. Do you expect me to play princess and do nothing instead?
@@sandywichmann9292 To each their own. Some people are okay with struggle love others set boundaries and stick to them
I always acknowledge everything my husband fixes around the house. He's a very handy man... and I'm so lucky to have him because he does what needs to be done right away! ❤❤❤
"Never mind I'll do it myself" gets almost instantaneous results for me cuz I ain't playing once I start sayin.
An ex told me “You can be easily replaced”. I immediately filed for a divorce.
No offence but no woman will say that to you if you’re pulling your weight. Maybe you were useless ?? Cos I know I would probably say that if I had someone who made me feel like it was better to be alone.
@@cloudydays6277 Given that she married and divorced an additional 5 times after we broke up, you may be right.
It's good that you know your worth, all thee best to you
@@cloudydays6277It just takes a cumulated bitter to say so. It might be from a prehistoric phase of life when the man for some reason has had his weak moments.
@@cloudydays6277I'm sorry, are you trying to justify emotional abuse? Tsk tsk.
Men need a *purpose* and need to be *needed.*
This is why many young men struggle today.
Yes they can’t find good women.
@@marylee2732 many of them are far from "good". A wife won't make your life if you yourself can't make yourself good, "needed", a wife is not end all be all
And women never need to feel valued & needed.....? In order to feed a man's ego.
Biggest load of nonsense & twisted thinking I ever heard.
@@lornalong6468 Seems like your reply has nothing to do with my post.
Please re-read my statement and tell me which part you actually take offense at.
(Please name something that is actually there and not something you wrongfully inferred.)
I think what Lorna wanted to say was that it's not just true for men, but people in general. That women also want to be needed and appreciated by their partner.
Only focusing on "how the man needs or wants to be treated in his relationship" without noting that most of these standards have to be set on both sides and that a good relationship reqiures reciprocity, so this kind of message seems to breed narcissistic entitlement within some men. Some men just see the message about how women are supposed to treat men, make life easier for men, accomodate the needs of men, be respectful and obedient to men and so on... without putting any expectations of what a man would have to bring to the table so that the woman would want to do all that for him. When men spread around messages like these, only listing demands for women without any clear standards for how they would threat their partner in return, they can come across as whiny children or entitled toxic duchebags and that just repells most women and futhers the divide between genders.
Most women don't want to deal with a partner who only puts demands on them, they want a partner who can help them make their lives easier and more secure, who they can rely on to solve problems and accomodate them, so they can have the opportunity to focus on providing care for their children and extended family or pets and improve their living environment.
If a man wants a stable relationship and children, he can't just put it on the woman as a demand, no woman wants to be in a position like this. He needs to show her, that he is able to provide the necessary conditions for her safety and wellbeing and the resources to create a space for the child to live and grow in and that he is determined to solve problems and overcome challenges on the way and work as a team toward the same goals with his partner.
If those conditions are not met, most women would not even want to get pregnant. If they can't rely on their partner to help her, they are better off being single and working to create better living conditions for themselves, so they can feel secure on their own.
This has to be some of the truest things Ive ever heard.
If you don’t want to hear those words, don’t put a woman in a position to say them to you.
Be useful, proactive and have purpose so she won’t HAVE TO say what you claim you don’t want to hear.
That message flew right over your head huh? Glad that there are women that actually understand how tf to treat their loved ones.
If this is the way of a relationship, a husband will do the same. The woman must not put herself in a position where he tells her something she does not like
Men need 2 love themselves. You cant depend on others 2 make you happy or validate your existence or being or you will be disappointed. Be strong grandpa.
LoL 😆 love it
😂😂😂😂😂 Facts
Yes!!!! Exactly!!!!
He might be old and looks wise, but he definitely wasn't spitting any facts
women and men both. we need to love ourselves and fund our respective happiness
I can only understand why a wife would say, “Never mind, I’ll do it myself” is when she asks him to do something simple for her and her response is no response which is a sign of rejection from him.
Yeah the rabbi doesnt understand that men get sick of nagging
@@bigol9223nor do you understand that women shouldn't have to nag in order to get some help.
@@bigol9223 yes, sorry to say but women nag to much, even when they don’t NEED to.
@@hardtogetnamehere- Define "nagging."
Don't come in I'm servicing a client is something far worse😂😂😂😂😂😂
The most beautiful piece of B.S. I had ever heard.
😂😂😂
I use to not want to bother him with my trivial little projects.... Since watching this months ago. I realized I was wrong and have, since then, ask him for help. I see his pride in his work and my heart swells with love for him. He is in his second yr. Of stage 4 prostrate cancer and won't be around to much longer and so I'm glad to give him the reins for as long as he can. Thank you for this message. ❤
May you both be blessed with all the time you need. Never lose faith. believe that he is getting better with all your heart. You might just be surprised. I wish you both well, peace and happiness.
Hi hope you see this, why would you say that sis, listen i have 2 steps for you, if you are willing to listen, try them, its tried and tested so he lives longer because its God's plan for marriages to last neh. Kindly let me know here if you would be interested. Warm Regards
Prayers for you, your husband, and your marriage!!! I am so sorry to hear that he is ill…tears just filled my eyes when I read that. I completely understand what you said about how your heart swells for this man of yours..our men are just absolutely everything to us..1,000,000 years would never be enough 💔❤
Hope he beats the odds and lives an even longer life with you...
Men are good for moving furniture. And that's about it.
Love, appreciation, gratitude and respect should be given mutually. ❤
True, true
This is so true. Im still married for almost 19 years now even though we don't have a child because I needed him. I let him do the things he wants to do for me, like opening doors, buying me gifts, planing for vacay, even if he wants to switch jobs because he's not happy I supported him and in the end we lost our home yet he accomplished more after that. I told him he cannot die because I needed him alive than dead! We are happy.
Note: i read John Gray's books and Dr Angeles before married. That helos.. and a lot of prayers. 🙏😊❤️
AMEN! My precious, wise Mama taught me this & it was one of the best pieces of advice she could have given me in how to honor, love, encourage & build up my husband.❤
Yes, and what about husbands who do not want to do nothing? I heard once "I want you because I know I've not to be concerned cause you do everything". I laught a lot and said "bye" to him.
I appreciated everything that my husband did for me for the entire 29 years that we were married. I miss him so much. 🙏
Wishing you comfort, strength, and grace 🙏
Where did your husband go now??
@@bhoomikadhemare2639 He passed away on 01/22/19, 4 years and almost 5 months ago.
@@azraelinarakoczy7862 Ohk, really very sorry for your loss, don't worry he must be resting in heaven and he must be watching upon you and is still loving you from there, May God bless you and may he give you strength, peace and all the happiness and blessings
First positive comment I’ve seen. I’m sorry for your loss ❤
All I heard is this man say “men egos are fragile and they desire to be needed as they don’t know their purpose, as a woman it is your job to make him feel better about himself, so accept any small good gesture he may give even if it don’t really benefit you. It is the woman job to help the man feel better about himself” That is what I heard. I prefer a man just loving his wife and she loves him back. He praises her for all she does and she does the same. To put all the work on the wife is is not right. He needs to figure out how to be happy with self before he can be happy with a woman. 😌
Don't quit your day job ... psychology isn't for you
Exactly
C U Next Tuesday.....
@@jonesmorales-tu6kq😂 🎯
Everyone needs to feel needed, respected & adored!❤❤
One thing I value about my husband so much is that if I ask for something, he does it right away. I very rarely have to ask twice or say 'ill do it myself' bc he procrastinates. Sometimes I don't even directly ask I just mention something that would make me happy and he does it. Shows me that he loves me more than all the words in the world ❤
My mother told me "If you like something that your father do for you... do it the "diplomatic way" so that he think it is his own idea...😉
You are VERY LUCKY cuz most men are not like that at all.
You are so lucky to have him. My husband is the opposite of I ask him or need him to do something he gets irritated and says he will get to it and by the time he feels like doing it I already got it done 😔
See this is how I am as a guy and yet I never got married, but even at work or when I dated, I loved doing things for others especially a woman that I love. Sadly I have too many other issues that keep me from marriage.
@@kweaver1965the fact you complain on the internet about your husband kinda explains why he doesn’t want to do anything for you
The problem is that some men never offer anything, only just being bossy!
And drama!
@@mom2suns857 there’s a reason it’s called being a ‘drama queen’ not king. Most women want to to be the centre of their own drama, most men just want a chill life. Women create drama when none exists.
"Woman, wanna get wifey for me, Your husband and man?" - "No, I really don't feel like it right now!" (.... fourth time that same week).
"Man, do me that favor of fixing this stuff out there!" - "Oh, You know, wifey, I really don't feel like it right now!"
Not "offering" anything goes a long way before she even recognizes.
👏🏻👏🏻
@@manfredschmalbach9023try "wooing" your wife.
Good to see Santa keeping busy 😂.
Won't anyone talk about how pleasant his voice is?
Well when you repeatedly ask your man 25 times to do something and he doesn’t then you say what you need to say.
The sweetest woman can be turned into a nag this way.
@@medwayhospitalprotest their favorite BS term when it’s really about them not doing sh*t when asked. 😑
Exactly.
Yup! That's why I built my daughter's little tikes car with an injured wrist. I did it but caused myself more pain.
My husband when he got home from work : I would've done it.
Me: you said you would do it last week.
My husband: ohhhh yeah
@@medwayhospitalprotest That’s what has happened to me. After 26 years, I’m done asking 😢
Excuse me we women need that also!! When we make his favorite meal then at least say " Honey thank you that tasted great!!". It will motivate her to cook more often We women would love it if our man comes up and gives us a warm hug with no strings and say " I'm so in love with you!!". If only a man see the trash overflowing then take it out without his wife begging him to do it!! How's that for him feeling needed? Please
Take the trash 🗑️ out if you see it overflowing. You have 2 hands and 2 legs too. Don't wait for him to do it, and that'll play a part in him seeing that you're needed.
@@tr1707 You're on a video where women are being told to baby men into existence but your chastising women????
@@Maggiebenjee protecting and providing is also for babies but you don't seem to have a problem with carrying your hand in life.
@@Maggiebenjee?
I don't need to thank him for dishing out abuse, not appreciating everything I do, making me do everything and saying it's never enough
Men NEED to be needed. Women WANT to be wanted. Even if a woman can do it herself- if a man offers to help, and you want to do it yourself because you like it done your way then substitute what you're doing for a another option for him to help with. "It's OK, honey. I'll take care of it-- BUT, I really NEED help with [fill in the blank]." And THANK HIM. Now, if you have no substitute make sure you tell him you APPRECIATE his offer but what you would really NEED later is a cuddle on the couch and some popcorn. Or a cup of hot soup (can+microwave) etc. Try to use these two phrases: "I appreciate your HELP with..." and "I really like when you... it's something I NEED." Being NEEDED and HELPFUL, even if it's just his consult helps make a man feel worthwhile. A card with a note with the words NEED(ED), HERO, HELPER, HEAVEN SENT- makes a man a 🤴.
The fact that we even have to ask them to do basic adult tasks is a problem on it's own.
@@nightwishisthegreatestband6355
Yes. I hear you. But men are generally raised to not step in, with other "male's" tasks, unless that male ASKS FOR ASSISTANCE. Offering befr that can indicate that the assistant feels the other is weak or incompetent. Now, re to Women or "females". Many men might feel confused as to when to jump in, offer help or take over. Every relationship is different. I was mainly saying that it's important for Women to VERBALLY indicate or acknowledge their partner's/ spouse's contribution because MEN NEED TO HEAR IT.
If I am wrong, then 🙏 I hope some Men, who comment here, will correct me.
This man's voice brings peace to my soul
He emasculates himself.
Exactly! What none of the women bashing men in the comments are acknowledging are the Rabbi's words. The Rabbi said, men are incapable of justifying their own existence without being needed.These guys are angry because the Rabbi gave away a trade secret that's why they're on the offense now
After several months of marriage counseling I learned that my husband needs just as much emotional connection as I do.
I learned that every time I was "to busy" to stop and see him or listen to him, it hurt him just as much as it hurts me when he treats me the same way.
I learned that every time I, in so many little ways, let him know that he didn't quit hit my expectations it made him feel like a failure.
I didn't know that I had spent YEARS pushing that man away all the while feeling as if he spent years pushing me away.
We all bring so many hurts with us from childhood.
The difference is we, as women, get to be emotional and angsty about it....men shove it down, box it up, and play the escape game about it.
Everyone just needs to deal with their sh!t and be nice to each other.
Now this is a mature answer. God bless you!
Beautiful. Thanks for sharing! ❤
Relationships where you end up as flat mates that share a bed isn't good.
Totally right ,my first wife pretty much like this ,I felt disrespected and yes I was just a breadwinner and I went into my cave and after 13 years it was over ! My Wife of 26 years now totally different ,kind understanding, resourceful and kind enough to help me bring up 4 children from my first marriage.😊
Great wisdom! When our husbands retire, more than ever wives need to be aware of his need to be needed and useful. 👍💕
"all human beings need to feel needed!"
I’m too needed ,,wish I could have time to NOT be so damn “ needed”. Work a full time job, have an elderly mother with dementia and another family member depending on me..
No all human beings need to feel GOD and are made for His glory is what TORAH says. I don't know what this dude is preaching. They need to be truly loved and matter but not necessary or needed. God deserves to be needed and Humans who need to be needed have a pride issue.
Females are more made to be helpful but that doesn't mean that is their sole burden. Helping their husbands feel needed is not their role. That is usurping GOD'S role in ways. GOD tells the Man His identity in their relationship and the wife comforts and helps meet/ support that connection! Like the Holy spirit they both have the same role and same words used in Hebrew for a reason. All Holy Unions have God at TOP. This video suggest women dislodge GOD for their husband's sake for incomplete identity and that isn't appropriate, it is like false religion
@@amandachilds5290 religion is stupid made by primitive dummies who didn’t even know bacteria existed.
Exactly. Not only men all human beings want to feel needed loved and cared sometimes. Not only men. The level of such things may vary according to emotion circumstances health conditions etc
Not me
The worst thing a wife can say to her husband, “you are not the father.”
He didn’t living in the generation where women had a common tendency to be unfaithful. It was rare back then. So this isn’t even on his radar.
Yeah! Especially if he has already paid child support!!!
@@TheSpoobsno new thing.
True
@@stellawoods4272if he pays child support he has to have a dna check by law
My mother always said...." if you want a job done right, do it urself".( She was married to a USA soilder, farmer , Father, fisherman , RR employee , Christian for over 50 years.)
Wow, what a wise man he is.
True. Even with insecurities their ego is enormous.
sounds like compensation
@@yrevet An ego is necessary as an 'emotional self-defense'. Without it people will take advantage of you and treat you like a doormat.
It can also motivate us to challenge ourselves and improve ourselves in various ways.
But yes, ego can become excessive in some men. But then, they are the ones who seem to have no shortage of female interest.
That is why they HAVE a huge ego. Because they are insecure. If men were secure in their masculinity, little things would not hurt it.
@@lindenh2014 , this is accurate.
@@lindenh2014, and yet, ego is exactly what separates a man from God. Oh, so people will take advantage of you? Poor you! Women have to face it 24/7/365 (mostly from men)...and somehow I cannot see us growing a massive ego as a defence mechanism. Poor little, insecure, fragile "men" (sounds more like spoiled toddlers, right?)
This is a human quality
It actually works well both ways
Women also want to feel needed and appreciated 🙏❤️
Isn’t it about time that we wake up and realize that sex, nationality, skin colour, or whatever physical differences we appear to be that we are in fact One and the same. The same feelings, the same needs, all desiring love. Love. Which is freedom, peace, kindness, acceptance, expression of our Divine Self. We have got to get past the exterior, perceptions, judgments, guilt, before we can express these qualities and then give all of the same to others 🙏❤️
@@trishwilliams3153different sexes obviously differ highly in some societal and behaviour ways. Women seem to be able to be more at ease with themselves while men desperately need to feel important and NEEDED. Women want a tall mssculine men, while men usually dont care or just want someone samesize or a lil bit shorter feminine woman. We have different sexual desires, aspirations for life etc. Etc.
@@trishwilliams3153If the sexes were truly the same, I wouldnt have to forsake all hopes of EVER feeling attractive or desired because I'm a short man lol
Women will never shutup but argue everywhere
@@motod1866
Instead of letting you argue all the time and everywhere without ever shutting up
He’s a wise old boy 👍
The biggest mistake here is thinking men need to feel needed more than women and assuming women say this without having asked many times and having been ignored before saying they will do it themselves.
Woman are needed without question.
The worst thing a husband can say to a wife is "You have to cater to my inferiority complex." Both adults in the relationship have to carry their own weight.
Would love to be in your cold, legalistic household 😂
@Acts-1322
Must be lovely in your/ your wife's doll house
@@elza1830 actually yes, it's a snug fit but great for all 5 of us. Freshly painted too! 😍
Totally agree with you! 👍
“Men can’t seem to justify their own existence” dang that’s deep .
Had my husband not been serially unfaithful, I'd go out of my way to make him feel loved and needed. He started cheating while we were engaged so please don't trot out the tired old his cheating was your fault because you weren't meeting his needs!
A man who wants his wife to need and appreciate him needs to be faithful.
And kind, thoughtful, compassionate. In other words, a MAN.
Many women divorce men bc they've asked them to do something 50 times amd they don't listen!
They divorce because they have another guy waiting in the wings.
@@oemj7147 Because...read above. 🙄
@@oOIIIMIIIOo Because they are looking for reasons to justify the cheating.
Especially in today's Western society, too many women want to be the boss and run everything. Men get quickly tired of that.
@@oemj7147 Totally right, men are sweet innocent angels who are not notorious for cheating.
I get tired of being told I have to treat my grown ass man like a child, I have four children already!
How is what he said mean you have to treat him like a child ? 🤦🏽♂️
That's not what he said ... he said respect your husband if you even have one
I always told him.i needed him an I always tried to make him comfortable, feel safe etc. An still nothing it just didn't work out 😢
Amen thank you so so much. Ill be sure to keep this in mind for my husband
I tell my husband "I appreciate you" just as much as I say "I love you."
So you rarely say either 🤣
He treats you well, as men should. I'm so happy for you!❤
Lucky man.
Me too. I appreciate you, i love you, and i respect you is always in my vocabulary for mines ❤
Show a man you love him and tell him that you appreciate him and he will always put you first and never leave.
I asked and asked OVER AND OVER AGAIN - FOR YEARS - and eventually gave up.
“Never mind, I’ll do it myself” Is a statement of resignation. When you don’t get the help you need, you simply give up.
....and then they cry because they feel we don't give them enough sex.
It’s a language thing. That’s not what he means
@@yagga8885 you’re being to simplistic.
Yes, it’s a language thing. But this is part of what brings a couple to the point of no return.
The husband MUST hear - AND act upon - his wife’s requests, so that it does not get to the point where the wife says “never mind, I’ll do it myself”.
It’s pretty sad that a woman has to so carefully temper her remarks as to not bruise a man’s pride😡
If he is that easily emasculated - he’s got far more problems than what she needs to be burdened with.
I know from experience… 🙄
EXACTLY!
I need my husband! He knows it. I ask for his help on many things. Same with my sons. On a farm, our men are very needed and appreciated.
‘By the sweat of your brow shall you eat your bread’. Rural life makes for a beautiful balance of appreciating each other. We are loved and necessary to each other.
Best car number plate I ever saw and which made me laugh was.....'CHATTEL' 🙏😂(man driver)
We dont emasculate them, they do it to themselves.
Stop placing men's emotional instability as our problem to maintain or fix.
Exactly! I have got enough to do without having to see to his ego. I have been married 34 years by the way. My motto is 50-50
I need his help so bad. I know he says to punish me for loving the kids instead of ignoring their needs, like him. he is a loser. the man he described is NOT A MAN. HE SOUNDS LIKE A HEARTLESS LOSER CHILD
❤
What you just described is generally as woman's stuff especially when it comes to emotional instability.
@@arkeusalexander9054 women overall express more emotion, sure. But it is not the same as emotional instability/immaturity.
You are mistaking emotions with the ability to regulate those emotions in a healthy way. Crying and expressing yourself is emotional health.
This is a phrase used by any wife who has already asked the husband something and never got it and finally she says she will do it herself! If men find it hard to listen to it they better provide the needs of his wife!
This is what happened to me and eventually divorced ensued. Now I am with a woman who recognises and appreciates what I do and it gives me superstrength to grow and take even better care of her.
Some men need to act like a real husband & live with the wife in an understanding way. It goes both ways, treat others how you would want to be treated.
Our marriage changed forever the day I started telling him how much I appreciated him and whay he did or does
You're being smart
Married 38 years..got married when we were 18...we respect each other and always say thank you and i love you.And always ,always thank God for each other and pray.
When God is in it; you can't go wrong!😊❤
Congratulations 🙏🏽♥️ Amen
cuts deep when she said I don't need you. all I do is sacrifice for my family.
I know this also. She learned that from the fem-nazi play book. The same rabid man hating manifesto gets passed around to good women to help turn others, so on and so on. Leaving shattered families across the land.
They're told saying, "I don't need you" is empowering and tell the women to take great satisfaction in saying that to their spouse because it will have massive damaging effects on us. Basically we deserve it....
Such wise words, thank you!
The comment section just makes me more thankful for my husband and family.
Don't listen to the haters
@@crohunter100they're not haters cause they're telling the truth! 🤦
It's FACTS, and most people can't handle that! 🤷
Me too 😊
True love is probably the most rare and coveted thing that life has to offer
The comment section makes me more thankful for my single life than ever....
We all need to feel needed and appreciated .. it's not just men.
You had to do it. Feminists ALWAYS bring the conversation back to them.
@@timothycushing5473 Let me guess .. Your divorced and its all her fault because she didn't give you an "atta boy" very time you put your beer down and pried yourself away from the TV
@@missmyapearl1592 Every time there is something posted on men’s concerns, or from men or about just men, some woman, like you say, “its not just men, its women too” Yes, that MAY be true, but that is not what we are talking about RIGHT NOW. A few years ago there was a symposium at a Canadian University about the the alarming suicide rate among men (4x the women’s rate) the feminists came out in protest, screaming at the young men who came out to see why their close friends killed themselves. Why is it always about you? Is your hatred of men that deep and profound?
Why is your female ego getting hurt?
@@ridhamatri9447 ohh are you butt hurt about what I said ? I'm sure the guy who post this will kiss your boo boo for you
If he couldn’t justify his existence before me, how can I make him feel needed?
True ❤😊thank you sir.
i think all humans feel this way regardless if they are a man or a woman. one wants to have purpose and to feel they have done something that has made a difference.
My first husband couldn’t wait for me to say “Nevermind I’ll do it myself”. Then he got angry when I did everything for myself and decided I didn’t need him anymore. My second husband is a true partner, someone I can depend on, my best friend. Can’t imagine my life without him.
I'm pretty sure you saw what that first husband was about, but you chose to marry him anyway.
Its not only for men, its for every single individual
Yes
I thought the worst thing to say was: “It’s fine, I didn’t need you anyways.” That hurts more than anything really…
That's what I was waiting for too 😅 Thought he was going to say something like that. He used the wrong sentence imo, bit dissapointing.
No, that actually is also correct. You never want your spouse to feel like he’s not able to do anything for you, because then he begins to feel like he’s just unworthy of love and affection but also you lose respect for each other that way as well. All of these sayings have a profound impact though, for sure.
@@AbundantGraceBeckons You're right about that, yes. But as many of the comments have already pointed out: usually when you say "Never mind, I'll do it myself." is after asked a lot times for some help and you didn't get it.
That's what I was expecting him to say.