How To Know A Relationship Is Over?

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  • Опубліковано 19 гру 2024

КОМЕНТАРІ • 161

  • @VirtuousWoman1143
    @VirtuousWoman1143 Рік тому +33

    ARGUMENTS BEGIN ALMOST EVERYTIME YOU SEE THEM. HE ALMOST SEEMS TO BE TOLERATING YOUR PRESENCE. LIKE HES ANNOYED WITH YOU.....

  • @unpredictable244
    @unpredictable244 Рік тому +193

    I was dating a "well rounded " person who ALWAYS reads. Very verse in a lot things but he lacked communication skills and conflict resolution. I told him no matter how many books you read, until you went to do the work in the relationship all of them will fail. I could never talk about hard conversations, I could never tell him how I felt. If there was an issue I couldn't say anything. As long as it was going "good" and "perfect", then he was comfortable with it. I love him so much but you can not survive OR thrive in a relationship like that. I asked for counseling and he said no. I asked for help and he felt like all I was doing was complaining. I fought for us by myself and he admitted that. 😔

    • @arikawi
      @arikawi Рік тому +27

      Textbook narcissist

    • @jessicalong6011
      @jessicalong6011 Рік тому +18

      Wow! I’m experiencing the exact same thing 😢 I’m sorry your going through it as well. Sending love your way ❤❤❤

    • @theehardpill
      @theehardpill Рік тому +19

      Literally same!!!!
      He told me after we broke up "As you were growing I should've been growing too." What I figured out is you can't expect everyone to work on themselves on your timeline and if they're unwilling to actively do that it's best to let them work and doing that is going to hurt like he'll because you know they COULD but WONT.

    • @CrystalJanelleTV
      @CrystalJanelleTV Рік тому +5

      Same!!! Word for word!!!!

    • @VirtuousWoman1143
      @VirtuousWoman1143 Рік тому +9

      DID U LEAVE HIM ?

  • @cytinachavis9157
    @cytinachavis9157 Рік тому +102

    Always wise advice. "Love is not found love is created and two humans were created to create and cultivate love." Tony Gaskins Jr.

  • @angierivera9541
    @angierivera9541 Рік тому +58

    I love how you mentioned that if you desire to take someone back you also have to forgive rather than make it a reason for you to be possessive over their actions and life.

  • @susanarsoniadou
    @susanarsoniadou Рік тому +28

    Disrespect in private is the portal to disrespect in public...Watch what is said behind closed doors..

  • @jessicascreenwritingservices
    @jessicascreenwritingservices Рік тому +60

    Great breakdown Tony! Verbal abuse can really put you in a dark place because those harmful words lead to negative self talk within the mind

  • @Godfavorsmi
    @Godfavorsmi Рік тому +66

    I just turned 30 & haven’t found a man I’m willing to make an effort for after they “messed” the relationship up/ not necessarily caught cheating but disrespect or being toxic. I honestly don’t put up for “too much” idk if that’s a good or bad thing but I don’t like to “settle” in life especially when I know I can do better !

    • @antaneshiamoore1547
      @antaneshiamoore1547 Рік тому +10

      I’m at this point and I’m 25 don’t want marriage or kids

    • @la6136
      @la6136 Рік тому +7

      Thats a good thing. If you don't feel like making an effort it means that man isn't good enough. He doesn't have enough good qualities to motivate you.

    • @kiaracouch9315
      @kiaracouch9315 Рік тому +4

      That's good! Just know you go be "alone" for a while and you will go through many men because they do the bare minimum and expect something for nothing

    • @Legacychaser_777
      @Legacychaser_777 Рік тому +1

      You are correct!

    • @msk7458
      @msk7458 Рік тому +2

      You are on the right path but just know that it will only get harder but worthwhile if you maintain your standards and fish in the right pond

  • @talaya2523
    @talaya2523 Рік тому +20

    Tony!
    Agreed....
    The relationship is over once you realize it started off as a lie. If I can't trust you, I can't be with you. Once you show me who you are, I believe you even when it hurts which means I must move on. Peace ✌️

  • @godsgrace2187
    @godsgrace2187 Рік тому +20

    I’ve been through several long term relationships & I’m not dealing with no cheating PERIODT. Been there done that…

  • @SewSoUnique
    @SewSoUnique Рік тому +10

    Mine been over for years and I spent too much time trying to revive it!! Done now!!!!!

  • @godsgrace2187
    @godsgrace2187 Рік тому +17

    My head hurts 😂glad I’m single & peaceful 🙏🏾

    • @beefaye18
      @beefaye18 Рік тому +1

      IKR.....thank u God for deliverance ✌

  • @susanakaan810
    @susanakaan810 Рік тому +8

    Loyalty, honesty, trust, integrity.

  • @RoseMon3yy
    @RoseMon3yy Рік тому +13

    Wow my parents make 34 years of marriage March 30th as well, beautiful thing❤️🔑

  • @cassandralopez1162
    @cassandralopez1162 Рік тому +6

    So many of us women have been dragged ,drain and destroy Tony what you have is a calling you are doing a lot of good by sharing knowledge with us. I pray that the blood of Jesus will keep you. Thank you for taking the time to help those of us who may not have males to help us, understand this man journey. 🇧🇿🇧🇿 Belize in the house. Thank you Tony .

  • @janinepolanco319
    @janinepolanco319 Рік тому +13

    Yes, a video on when relationships end for a season!! Thank you

  • @cokeytate6022
    @cokeytate6022 Рік тому +34

    This was right on time thank you Tony Gaskins🖤

  • @qscott888
    @qscott888 Рік тому +9

    You’re so right…that one liner you said summed it right up.

  • @UhRealLife
    @UhRealLife Рік тому +13

    You are alright with me Tony! 👍👍 That is a good word right here!. Continued Blessings to you and your family. 🙏

  • @Alkada37
    @Alkada37 Рік тому +11

    Damn this hit home and it hit hard especially in the space that I’m in right now

  • @Blossom480
    @Blossom480 Рік тому +12

    Hey 👋🏽 Hey Mr. Gaskins… yes a needed conversation… When to break the delusion that the relationship is over…

  • @MWisdomWisdom
    @MWisdomWisdom Рік тому +5

    THANK GOD IM SINGLE 🙌😊🤞🙏👌.

  • @dshonette1
    @dshonette1 Рік тому +1

    #4 was confirmation that I made the right choice to leave & not look back! 14 years of learning how not to be treated. No looking back. Thank you Tony for all that you’re giving us ❤️

  • @rachelpowell5377
    @rachelpowell5377 Рік тому +2

    You hit the nail on the head.

  • @miriamescovar9786
    @miriamescovar9786 Рік тому +9

    Thank you for sharing your heart. I needed this reminder today. God bless

  • @fishstickbio594
    @fishstickbio594 Рік тому +40

    The relationship is over when this things are happening …..domestic violence , manipulation , coercive control , any type of street or over the counter drugs addiction , sex/ porn addiction , gambling addiction , heath problems , communication styles , not having a job …….etc

    • @beefaye18
      @beefaye18 Рік тому +6

      Damn 😂....they don't need to b in a relationship if that's the case 🏃

  • @atlfun08
    @atlfun08 Рік тому +10

    Yessssssss!! Exactly...this is work and a job. And if he doesn't want to do the work... He's saying fire me! I don't want this job...but I don't want to quit...cause it will look better if I can blame you for firing me. 😅

    • @delle3955
      @delle3955 Рік тому

      Ughhhhj😢 This is so real!

  • @iam6fifty
    @iam6fifty Рік тому +1

    If you speaking the truth you speaking for everyone

  • @chrissysam7949
    @chrissysam7949 Рік тому +3

    Thanks for the message Tony. Hit the nail on the head. You cannot work on a relationship alone.

  • @christineporter9914
    @christineporter9914 Рік тому +13

    Bro Tony this video came at the right time, thank you for speaking on this topic 🙏🏾❤️

  • @BlackPlightPeople
    @BlackPlightPeople Рік тому +31

    With all this good teaching, some of us are still in low self esteem in staying in unproductive relationship. Some of us complain but do not want to let go. I understand in some cases~however~no one should live in fear and abuse in any circumstance.

  • @jerelene21
    @jerelene21 Рік тому +6

    Glad to catch this information 😌

  • @hillmeli
    @hillmeli Рік тому +2

    Tony, it makes sense with the point you were making about Physical and Verbal Hurt. When someone physically hurts you...there is a MESSAGE they are projecting on to you from their heart unto your body that bruises you physically but speaks deeply INTO YOUR SPIRIT. The message that is being projected onto you is that you have no worth, you are less than. So, the thought 💭 that is planted in your mind can be placed there by VERBAL and by PHYSICAL pain. This is why words CUT DEEP...because Spiritually they are a sword cutting at you.

  • @lizvalenzuela4396
    @lizvalenzuela4396 Рік тому +5

    That's exactly 💯 right happened to me In a 28 year marriage

  • @SassyMye
    @SassyMye Рік тому

    Sometimes we just need to hear and have our thoughts confirmed. Thanks for always being direct and transparent.

  • @margyiphillips4931
    @margyiphillips4931 Рік тому +7

    When are you going to do a "Talks With Tony"? Thanks

  • @msladypmodel
    @msladypmodel Рік тому +8

    When u know u know

  • @natashajackson9302
    @natashajackson9302 Рік тому +1

    Thank you for this message

  • @alexistaylor5906
    @alexistaylor5906 Рік тому +8

    Man Tony I needed this even though I am not in a relationship currently. I still needed to hear “it’s over” and why.. idk why I always still have hope that he could change, because even with him getting sober and finding Jesus, he’s no where to be found as far as interest in me. Before he got out of rehab he was still texting me and saying he missed me etc.. I didn’t reply to it… strictly business about the kid.. wanted to see some actions over time and see how he would do out here back in the real world.. he’s doing good from what I know, just not with me. I’m trying with everything I got to let him go… in prayer faithfully.. keep me in yours and thank you for the solid advice

    • @thefacetsofdee8291
      @thefacetsofdee8291 Рік тому

      Perhaps once he got to know the Lord he realized that there was no solid foundation to your relationship or he’s really finding himself &needs time to himself, it could be many things. Maybe it’s time for you to really evaluate what the relationship was, & why. There’s no future in a one sided relationship. Draw nigh to God & He will to you, the Holy Spirit leads & guides in ALL truths even & especially in ourselves.

  • @BabyGirl_8
    @BabyGirl_8 Рік тому +9

    Please do a video on when a person who you were never in an exclusive relationship with gets mad when the situation is over and tries to act like there was more between you than there really was. It seems related to this topic. Some people just don't understand that dates, spending time together off and on, or even sex just doesn't qualify as a relationship these days and will try to drive you insane once you leave them alone even though they didn't see you as relationship/fiancé/wife material in the first place. It would be helpful if you also describe reasons why you shouldn't make a relationship exclusive. I had an experience where a guy judged me because I misspell words when I kept him from failing English. Like, he should have known there's nothing wrong with me just because I do stuff like mispell misspell when he passed English because of me. Make it make sense. Because I don't get it.

    • @n.Lenice
      @n.Lenice Рік тому +5

      In short, my opinion is men are territorial. Even if you've only had s3x, but maybe especially so, they believe you belong to them. Period.
      If they believe that you are better than them, even if you don't act like it, they will use any little flaw to make you feel low about yourself ---that's not just men, but insecure people as a whole - to answer your last question.

  • @qscott888
    @qscott888 Рік тому +4

    Happy Monday 👋🏽

    • @qscott888
      @qscott888 Рік тому

      @@dublingirl1691 👋🏽👋🏽

  • @noluthandocele4203
    @noluthandocele4203 Рік тому +5

    Here we go, I thought I chose right after waiting over two years it's 6 months in he still loves and adore me, love is there definitely from his side but not anymore from my side. Mainly because he lied about his religion he is Muslim im a Christian. And now he is trying to control what I wear and asking if I can be a "traditional" wife. Absolutely I'm not willing to try and I'm working on an exit strategy. Feels bad to be back in this situation.

    • @beefaye18
      @beefaye18 Рік тому +1

      Wow.....dont do it...u will be a miserable puppet

    • @n.Lenice
      @n.Lenice Рік тому +4

      So he lied that he was Christian, but he's a Muslim? That's a heck of a lie. Dang. I'm not that familiar with Muslims but I'm pretty sure deceit is a sin in their book too. Wow. Hope you saw Tony's last vid about leaving toxic relationships.

    • @memememmee7794
      @memememmee7794 Рік тому

      @@n.Lenice yeah, a Muslim should be proud of his faith, not hiding it. Only in places like China and Turkmenistan do you have to lie and pretend you're not religious in order to avoid persecution. Red flags everywhere with these dang men

    • @kimberlyturner820
      @kimberlyturner820 Рік тому

      You love him. Stay. Focus on being a good Christian. He will eventually come around.
      You should call him out on lying to you about his religion but after you do that, forgive him and forget it. Never mention it again.

  • @cuniqueness
    @cuniqueness Рік тому +10

    Misery demands company
    As a adult any relationship you have should be determined the true nature by yourself. Bc if you not willing to invest in healing do not waste others time talking about it bc you venting @ that point which established judgement. 🙏🏽

    • @cuniqueness
      @cuniqueness Рік тому

      @pamjohn-zd5ux how can I help you?

  • @92Tweetylove
    @92Tweetylove Рік тому +3

    Thank you for this message! ❤️

  • @Ashleyrios3465-m4d
    @Ashleyrios3465-m4d 2 місяці тому +1

    Yes indeed

  • @lanegritabonita112
    @lanegritabonita112 Рік тому +1

    Thank you unc Tony

  • @phylliswilliams2391
    @phylliswilliams2391 Рік тому +2

    Thank you so much! I needed this tonight

  • @annettewilliams2398
    @annettewilliams2398 Рік тому +2

    Right on time. Thanks, Tony.

  • @thelmastraughter7043
    @thelmastraughter7043 Рік тому +2

    Broke a little bread, finito, I’m gone 😂😂😂😂😂😂 I love it lol

  • @leahbatts2302
    @leahbatts2302 Рік тому

    Just the video I needed. Just got out of a situation a few days ago where he got angry that he saw I was on hinge (didn’t even message anyone just had the app) even though he repeatedly said that he wouldn’t care if I went on dates and that we are just “friends” FOH 🙄

  • @teresaroquemore670
    @teresaroquemore670 Рік тому +2

    Amen after all this time we still have things to work thru look at all the stuff God deal with us on why can’t we deal with each other as if we are some intolerant God untitled only to our way our point of view what we want wow what if God got unwilling with us

  • @lwarfield52
    @lwarfield52 Рік тому +1

    This is good teaching! Love it!👍

  • @stephbell5102
    @stephbell5102 Рік тому +4

    Hello 👋🏾 and good evening

  • @chandraweekley5138
    @chandraweekley5138 Рік тому +5

    This hit home, thank you for this.

  • @tonjastandley375
    @tonjastandley375 Рік тому

    Needed to hear this🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾

  • @sheliasmith2884
    @sheliasmith2884 Рік тому

    Brilliant Tony on point.

  • @bbQueens22
    @bbQueens22 Рік тому +1

    Love the message

  • @stormyv.8890
    @stormyv.8890 Рік тому +12

    Just being honest.. if you really love someone... you're heart is with that person.. if you leave them.. you will leave without your heart.. sure.....you can get into another relationship 😔.. but the first person still holds your heart.. it what it is...

    • @kristelwalton3141
      @kristelwalton3141 Рік тому +11

      Your heart is yours... you give love, which may or may not be reciprocated. If you leave your heart with another person, that is your inner child wishing you could get acceptance from that person. The alternative is to know you loved them and accept that the time has passed. Give your whole heart to your current (or future) relationships.

    • @thelookout5802
      @thelookout5802 Рік тому

      How old are you? It is what it is indeed! Smh...

    • @n.Lenice
      @n.Lenice Рік тому +2

      The first love they say is the deepest. That's why we should fall in love with ourselves before anyone else. _You are love,_ the love you give is a gift. You leave the person, you've left a gift, not yourself.

  • @tayoriginal4067
    @tayoriginal4067 Рік тому +18

    When you're married, you're one. I'm married, and we are definitely not one. There's my answer...

    • @delle3955
      @delle3955 Рік тому +3

      😢 Exactly!

    • @kristelwalton3141
      @kristelwalton3141 Рік тому +1

      I was in a marriage where my husband refused to work on the relationship for the last 10 years. I've moved on and healed quite a bit now. This video helped me remember that I showed love the best I could. My ex was not able/willing to give me love, but I'm only in charge of myself.

  • @dianedorney5147
    @dianedorney5147 Рік тому

    Don't laugh married for thirty years, divorce over in three months, because I didn't want to TRY...you hit it my man...

  • @beefaye18
    @beefaye18 Рік тому +1

    🎶 SOMETIMES U GOT TO LOSE TO WIN AGAIN 🎶

    • @MWisdomWisdom
      @MWisdomWisdom Рік тому +1

      😊😊😊😊😊😊🤞👌. YES, BUT HOW MANY LOSSES CAN ONE WOMAN TAKE?

    • @beefaye18
      @beefaye18 Рік тому

      ​@@MWisdomWisdom IKR....😳

  • @dawnlittle9266
    @dawnlittle9266 Рік тому +1

    I've been with the same person 18 years and there is no compromise, he goes away without me, he silences his phone, he has many woman friends that I don't know. I've walked away and returned several times and always he's not going to do it again. Well he just booked a trip without me for the 6th time, I'm done and I know it's going to be hard

    • @kristelwalton3141
      @kristelwalton3141 Рік тому +3

      yep, it's time to stand up for yourself and let the world (and him) know YOU GOT YOUR OWN BACK!! Don't be ashamed for the standards you require of anyone you are laying down with!!! Clearly he knows he can get away with it so time for you to change the game. Good luck... you will be fine IN TIME. It takes time but there are 1000s of us who have come through to the other side and believe me it is WONDERFUL. God bless you.

    • @Esmeb89547
      @Esmeb89547 Рік тому +1

      He’s definitely cheating

  • @Kaymaxwelldevelops
    @Kaymaxwelldevelops Рік тому +11

    What if they say their trying but the actions aren’t adding up? Is that not being willing to do the work? Thanks for this video Tony

    • @jehannedufresne3998
      @jehannedufresne3998 Рік тому +7

      Dear, remember: actions speak louder than words. Get you a coach if you wanna work through it for help in seeing things for what it is...

    • @Kaymaxwelldevelops
      @Kaymaxwelldevelops Рік тому +7

      @@jehannedufresne3998 Thank you. I’m married and transitioning from a marriage is a lot more difficult than it’s presented to be especially when you never intended to divorce.

    • @kiaracouch9315
      @kiaracouch9315 Рік тому +2

      It's an excuse to buy him time to get away with the bare minimum that you have allowed and accepted since yall been together. If separating is better than divorcing try that if your heart is still in it.

    • @refusetolose7528
      @refusetolose7528 Рік тому

      Words are cheap.and effortless, anybody can say they want

  • @SoulBeauty1111
    @SoulBeauty1111 Рік тому +2

    Tony, what about if they are willing to go to counseling but expect me to pay (instead of going half) since it’s my idea?

  • @goddessk4610
    @goddessk4610 Рік тому +2

    I want to be with my partner but for some reason I just cannot get out of my head and away from my fears enough to be selfless. I've never had selfless I've always had to lean and depend on myself so obviously someone leaning on me isn't an easy thing for me. How do I step outside of what I've known for years into something completely different from what I've seen??

  • @TraciHudson2024
    @TraciHudson2024 Рік тому +1

    What about a wife that finding her purpose and finding Kindgom and the husband is not willing to be on the journey with her and he know God he pray but he have a problem

  • @arikawi
    @arikawi Рік тому +12

    well this guy doesn't even read, so i guess it was over before it even started. and who actually tells a woman that they don't read? he's for somebody, just not me. next!

    • @kristelwalton3141
      @kristelwalton3141 Рік тому

      That was my ex's excuse. I think it was because he was having yet another affair. I learned the hard way, but I finally stood up for my own standards and became comfortable with having my standards, even if it meant the end to my marriage and some other relationships too.

  • @VirtuousWoman1143
    @VirtuousWoman1143 Рік тому +4

    GROWN NOT A MINOR COULD MEAN ELDER ABUSE !!!

  • @millicentstollenwerck5239
    @millicentstollenwerck5239 Рік тому +2

    In my opinion, a man must treat me like a wife consistently before he marry me. He have to know for sure that I'm the one.

  • @joiagenae
    @joiagenae Рік тому +10

    I could probably forgive a kiss too but the way my mind is set up.. I'd think there was more to it lol.🤣🤣 (but that's probably my insecurities) All I think about is the show "The Game" where the football player told his gf he only kissed the woman knowing he was actually wearing her out 🤣🤣
    Most ppl will tell you about a kiss bc they don't think the other person will leave, but if they tell you about the full thing they know you might be gone lol

    • @beefaye18
      @beefaye18 Рік тому +2

      "IF U WANT TO NO IF HE LOVES YOU SO, ITS IN HIS KISS"......

    • @beefaye18
      @beefaye18 Рік тому

      Hmmm..."a kiss" means on lot😵

    • @joiagenae
      @joiagenae Рік тому +1

      ​@@beefaye18 I agree lol it's very intimate

    • @beefaye18
      @beefaye18 Рік тому

      @@joiagenae IKR...bump that ✌

  • @arikawi
    @arikawi Рік тому +10

    So wait the Pastor was cheating?!
    Oh Lord Jesus, it’s a fire!
    Hide ya wife, hide ya kids…😂
    Nah fa real, but my thing is if you’re telling the partner that you need to go to counseling as a stipulation in order to get back in good, umm I’m thinking 🤔 it’s going to be hard for you, going forward.
    Additionally, I’m seeing a major influx of narcissistic men using the same tactics to control women.
    I don’t know what’s going on but ladies keep your legs closed and eyes open until you can confirm his character, mindset, goals, and true intentions with you, and most of all God.
    Thanks brother Tony, great video.

    • @beefaye18
      @beefaye18 Рік тому +2

      😂😂😂😂 u silly....but 💯👈

  • @krystal2klear451
    @krystal2klear451 Рік тому

    How can someone get a consultation or session with you?

  • @montgomeryfamilychannelemm7948

    Gm😊💜

  • @eileendom5858
    @eileendom5858 Рік тому

    Need to know if he keeps going thru negativity and sort of depressed every month? What if it’s not about cheating but he keeps saying he can’t be cheerful all the time when I ask why isn’t he his cheerful self.

  • @Goodwillwinoverevil1984
    @Goodwillwinoverevil1984 Рік тому

    Um, he told me? Hehe.

  • @mariebarnes5714
    @mariebarnes5714 Рік тому

    Why would I go to counseling, when he
    won't stop his drinking probem!!! Waste of my time! He needs to go to AA!

  • @MWisdomWisdom
    @MWisdomWisdom Рік тому +2

    DANMN THIS IS RIGHT ON TIME... OKAY I GOT MY ANSWER EVEN THOUGH I ALREADY KNEW THE ANSWER THANK YOU && HE WASN'T MY MAN BUT DAMN. WELL I LEFT BECAUSE I DON'T TOLERATE DISRESPECT. I DON'T GIVE A DAMN WHAT THAT MAN HAS🙌🤞👌✌️. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS 🤞.

  • @stephanienelly90
    @stephanienelly90 Рік тому

    I saw the video of the gender reveal. She cursed at him so bad, it was embarrassing.

  • @VirtuousWoman1143
    @VirtuousWoman1143 Рік тому +5

    FORGIVENESS IS JESUS' BUSINESS NOT MINE... THATS THE LORD'S WORK !!!!