12-Step Program to Getting Over a Breakup | The Science of Love
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- Опубліковано 4 сер 2014
- Breakups are the worst. Whether you choose to break up with someone, or someone chooses to break up with you - it's devastating. This week we look into the science behind break ups, and put newly single participants through a program to help them feel better about themselves and their love life.
Created by: Mike Bernstein and Matt Pittman
Directed by: Mike Bernstein
Producer: Matt Pittman
Hosted by: Julian Huguet
Cinematographer: Yuki Noguchi
Production Designer: Flower Cole
Editor: Hector Padilla
1st AD: Basel Owies
Production Manager: William Cubbon
Production Coordinator: Rebecca Ma
Production Support: Nate Vaughn
Production Support: Ben Taylor
Gaffer | B Cam Op: Jarret Sexton
1st AC | DIT: Loie Russell-Templeton
Cam Op: Jon-Michael Mooney
Key Grip | Cam Op: Richie Yau
Art Director: Marcy Silver
Makeup: Taylor Tompkins
On Set Sound Mixer: Landon Orsillo
VFX & Title Sequence: Cameron Clark
Post Sound Designer & Mixer: Matt Schwartz
Colorist: Trevor Durtschi
Rapper: Justin Fabillar | www.bustinraps.com/
DJ: Matt Pittman
Featured Participants: Sky Siegel, Molly Perez, Addie Linter, Jameson Lovemore, Sarah Young
MUSIC:
Lullatone - All the optimism of early january
Lullatone - Finding a leaf in your girlfriends hair
Lullatone - Ah, it was in the garage after all
Lullatone - Cannonball Splash
Lullatone - A picture of your grandparents when they were young
Lullatone - prelude for a single snowflake under a streetlight, falling like a star
Lullatone - Tiny glaciers
Lullatone - look up! there is a perfect gradient in the top of that tree
Calm.com - 5 Minutes for Self-Acceptance
Francesco D'Andrea - Bad Ass
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I was okay at the beginning of the video but then that guy started to cry and im crying too :(
Same here 😭
Don't worry, I haven't seen any Soulpancake video yetthat didn't make me cry.
Ivy Le Tran too
Man when he got emotional, I really felt that to the core. There are still nights where I'm still in that state of emotion when my mind comes back to thinking about all the good times. It hurts..
+Jake Crabajales This is called looking through rose tinted glasses bro.
But trust me. I'm not one to judge, But weigh up the bad times in there too.
You're gonna be much stronger because of this.
5 year breakup over here. I think I've been through all the stages. I learned, more than anything, that you do have to fight for the things you care about, of course, but not too much. Love isn't something you should have to fight TOO hard for - the foundation, at least, should be easy and natural. If it is, you can get through anything. If it isn't, then you have to know when to let go. Positive things: a deep understanding of each other that nobody's ever reached before - and maybe ever again. We are soulmates, and it was difficult to learn that soulmates are not always romantic lovers. I'm glad we can remain good friends, and soulmates. I almost always forget I have value - what are my best qualities? I'm reliable, ambitious, funny. I'm passionate, caring a lot, about a lot of things. And I'm always trying to better myself, to think and expand and grow and learn. Thanks for giving me the time to think about my experience, Soul Pancake!
JESSA DOLL! Wait can i talk to you personally on how you turned your ex into a friend? Please. I'm in a similar situation and i truly feel like he's my soulmate, i still want us to be in each other's lives.
Broke up after nearly 5 years of relation. My heart bleeds. :'(
I'd never breakup with you SoulPancake!
See Billy Run thank you! that means a lot to us, and we can be in a open relationship... it's cool :)
@@Participant oh my goodness I'm new to your channel and I think you're absolutely gorgeous!!!
thank you😊✌
i was crying through most of this, but i ended it with laughter and it helped me feel better just watching.
Elizabeth (: We're so glad to hear that! :)
+Elizabeth (:
Me too, Like, Exactly like that.
Out of interest. I know this was a month ago.
How are you feeling now?
currently not okay. but hopefully I'll be okay soon. thanks for asking
currently not okay. but hopefully I'll be okay soon. thanks for asking
currently not okay. but hopefully I'll be okay soon. thanks for asking
My break up is particularly hard on me. Really thought I found the one. I'm not okay with it at all because it doesn't make sense, we didn't have major issues. This is the hardest thing I've ever experienced.
Ayanna B. I'm going through the same thing, you aren't alone in this! stay strong
I hope it gets better for you. I know that's not much but i really do
I feel the same. She was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. We had been great then all of a sudden she didn't feel the same. It sucks but I know that we both can get through it. Just use this time to focus on you and don't be afraid to be selfish during this time.
Yeah I'm still trying to work it out but I think it's a lost cause and if things don't improve today I will have to let it go.
+Darian Morgan Same thing happen with me too but just happened a few days ago.
Julian, you are such a great host! Your have the ability to sit with people when they are vulnerable and just hold the space. So many hosts just try to make it about them but you strike a perfect balance between empathy and humor. I hope the whole team keeps up the great work!
It's been 7 months since we broke up and I still feel so much pain every day. Thank you for this video.
hugs
Stay strong :)
Fernando Herrera You're not alone. I feel you too :/ But we can get through this
Venus Villadelgado you are so sweet. I'm a lot better now but I do think about her every now and then. I just long for the day it doesn't hurt. And for the day I can fall in love with my best friend again...
Same here. Losing him as a boyfriend hurt like hell, but even more so when he said we couldn't be best friends anymore, just friends.
It was such a great honor to be a part of this. Julian is great, SoulPancake is wonderful, and I am a better person because of my participation in this project!
I just broke up today and I'm searching for this kind of stuff just to skip the sad feelings coming out of me, this was really pleasant to watch...
This video alone made me sub, turn on notifications, and binge watch everything.
Enjoy the binge watching! We'll bring the popcorn ;)
My gf and me broke up yesterday after 3 years as a couple. She was my first love, my first girlfriend. I could never imagine how hard this is, it's incredible. I don't know what to do, I don't even realize what happened and what went wrong, although I do know that it as necessary to end our relationship. It hurts so much, I can't even describe it. I guess the good thing about this huge sadness is that you can only be sad because you've been happy earlier. So that tells me that I had a great time. Still I don't want it to end... This sucks.
+Doppelkeks7 the only comfort I can offer you in the reassurance that it WILL get better... it always does
same here, there are no words to describe it
+doppelkeks7 I can totally understand you. We were together for 3 years too, my first love and first boyfriend too but while I was on a trip out of the country, he cheated on my. That sucks, I love him so much and I didn't want to end that, I also forgive him but he did it a second time. I told him that I couldn't be with him anymore and 3 days before we broke up, he was officially dating with the girl, and she already knew about us before all of this happened so i'm kinda like I can understand your feelings. Hope you feel good right now
+doppelkeks7 You couldn't say it any better!
+Doppelkeks7 I hope you are doing okay
"I gotta hand it to Brian... Because he was everything to me." 😭😭😭 I cried
Breaking up doesn't really make sense. Why would you want someone out of your life? My girlfriends or flings have always broken things off with me. Even if you don't want to officially date anymore, why would you not want to see that person ever again? I mean how can you go from being attracted to someone and enjoying their company, to just having no desire to be around them anymore? Think about it. That really doesn't make sense. You can never have too many friends or too much romance. Or too much love. I've never wanted someone completely out of my life. I could see if they were really mean or something, but otherwise, I don't get it.
In my case, it's too painful to keep them around, even if you do initiate the break-up. Sometimes circumstances make you break things off, but also sometimes you still love them but know that the love you have for them isn't the one you had for them at the beginning and they deserve that beginning love more than the love they got from you towards the end.
Elissa Jordan
It would be painful if you desire them more than they desire you; that's true pain. But if you don't love them as much as you used to, then I don't see how it would be painful for you. It would be for them though. Also, I think not being around someone is itself painful.You said that they deserve the love you had at the beginning more than the love you had at the end. Well it's better to get some love than none at all. Now, not only are they not receiving the beginning love, they're not receiving any. I think that's still worse.
Elissa Jordan That's literally the reason why my girlfriend broke up with me. While it's hard to accept, it's really respectful and sensible. We wish each other the best
Ask my ex angry fiancé that.
sweetness583
Eh, my ex just told me he's been happier and freer now since he's left me. He's obviously better off without me. Some people really are better off alone. Some people really are toxic with certain people and can make their lives worse. There are scarier things than being single. If someone was verbally or physically abusive, would you stay with that person just so you wouldn't be alone? Obviously this isn't just about that - it's about people not loving someone and leaving them. You can't force yourself to love somebody, and to stay with someone you can't find a way to love is like lying to them. You BOTH need to enjoy your time together or it's not worth it. It'll hurt the other people who still feels for you but it's better than living a lie. Imagine living a long life with someone you can't love, no matter what. Imagine moving in with that person and starting a life with them. Imagine having kids with the person you don't love. Imagine raising kids who might one day grow up to find out that their mom or dad never loved, and maybe never even wanted, this outcome. Imagine being that child, realizing that everything was a lie or just done for convenience or because they felt like they "should". They "should" be together because why not? It's better than not having any love at all? Why work hard towards someone worth living with and molding a life together when you can just settle for a mediocre life with a mediocre person who can't make you happy?
Because you deserve better. And everyone deserves to be happy. Like I said, there's scarier things than being single. Once you get past the shitty part of being dumped, you start to realize that.
"He meant everything to me." I lost it... this guy was vocalizing everything I'm feeling right now. It hurts so much... I really miss him but at the same time... I feel so angry and upset about the whole thing. We spent so much time together and he led me on in the end. He was my best friend and it's all just gone now. I hate it... I just want to go back to how it was... even though it didn't work out and I'm angry... I've never been happier than when he was around.
I love this project! Especially this one going through a break up few months ago after 4 years this one really spoke to me! Thank you soul pancake!
I wasn't even broken up with, my biyfriend and I got in a fight a few weeks ago, which is rare, and I asked him if we were through he says he doesn't know then blocks me from Facebook. It's like our relationship, my feelings are just in limbo, this video helped... I'm pissed because everyone told me I could do soooo much better but I didn't listen. I want to burn everything of his I have in my possession, and I didn't even tell anyone about my breakup....that's probably why I'm rambling right now...I want to call him but he has never made an attempt to contact me. I feel at a loss.
+Brittney Brunner I'm so sorry that happened to you! Regardless of how bad the fight was, it is never okay to dismiss a person without so much as a word! I hope you're feeling better now. P.S. this guy sounds like he doesn't deserve you, so my advice would be to focus on self-improvement and acceptance. Who needs that dork right?? :p
You know what, I'm doing WAAY better than I was when I wrote this. I just read what I wrote and I was thinking, "oh girl, you were highly upset at the time.",haha I wish him the best and I have very little animosity towards him now. And you are quite right. Anyone has the right to leave someone, but at least tell them why. Because what is more painful than being abandoned, is knowing that you were never worth an explanation. So thank you for replying. Feels good to know someone cares. I needed this. I've joined a gym and started hiking. I still hurt just a bit but I'm human, not Wonder Woman haha God bless you Jenchubaka
Aww I'm so happy to hear you're already working at getting back on your feet! We all know how it feels girl! There are bound to be ups and downs but keep trekking on :D
I sure will. I know I'll be fine. Thanks Jenchubaka
he made me feel safe and i loved having somebody to love and (who i thought) loved me back
The Bearded guy at 05:30 make me Cry like little girl. :'-(
Ya my bf tried to break up with me. I was fine, told him to go ahead (bc his reason was absolutely ridiculous and damn insulting) and the next day when I woke up, I had a full on panic attack.
Never did I think I'd be searching on youtube how to get over a break up buy well here I am.. I just lost my girlfriend of 7 months. it was truly love at first sight when we first met. The pain of losing her is something I've never felt before. This video actually kind of helped.
The Science of Love is an awesome series! Always great content keep it up!
Brian Horan thanks!!
This was an awesome video. When the guy cried. I kind of cried. :'(
I was in the kitchen with some onion so when he cried my eye sweating got even worst
im done..im going to date a science guy now
a love scientist because they know better not to accidently "blow your ego up", they know better not to mess with emotional chemicals, and heart the wrong way. Surely they know what they're doing. LOL
Jesse Collin oh...well it was sort of a joke
Bill Nye?
I Mack I lol right.....
I Mack I Bill Bye The Love Guy ❤
This is the best episode of The Science of Love, hands down. Thanks guys
This helped me cope a bit. Thank you.
We are glad and you are very welcome
is it sad I watch this video every night and follow these steps to help me but everytime I watch this video and follow the steps I feel better and I don't feel so empty. thank you for making this video it's helped me a lot ❤️
Love is a drug don't overdose! Ohh yeahhh
Crazy. You see how these people and how they work through a breakup in different ways (broken, sad, angry) but you can see how they all feel the same pain. Jeez Louise.
You know what got me through?
This video. I felt real sympathy towards these people and I thought to myself I am not selfish and I do care about others. Unlike the way others made me out to be.
My best friend told me a few weeks ago he wanted to put our relationship on pause because the long distance thing was too depressing. I talked to him yesterday, and he clarified that he didn't want to do the long distance thing and that we were free to date whoever we wanted and talk to whoever we so pleased. I have learned so much from him the years we've been together and learned how to be a companion, a better friend and person. It's hard when you've tried with all that you have to give them all you've got, because then you forget to take care of yourself. When it becomes too much for the other person to hold you up and be that support you rely on so much, you have to let go. It's such a hard thing, when you feel this awful pain, and trusting someone with your heart again seems unthinkable. But you rise up and become strong again, and your heart learns, and grows, and moves past every awful section of your story. It doesn't seem or feel like a gift but it will be.
My boyfriend and I broke up 2 days ago and it was the most painful thing I've ever felt. We were previously on a break for 2 weeks before we made the decision and I was physically ill and throwing up and couldn't get myself to eat because every time I put food in my mouth I got really nauseous. The thing that's been keeping me going is knowing how many other people go through heart break and that it really does get better for them. So many people move on to find their true love when the pain finally goes away. I can't wait for the pain to go away. We were together for 3 and a half years so it really is a drastic change to have him in my life for so long and then just not there anymore. No more I love you's, kisses, hugs. And it sucks. And it really does feel like withdrawals from an addiction.
+Becca Roberts I feel so much better! I don't feel sad anymore and I've gotten to realize all the ways the break up was a good thing and I've met someone I have strong feelings for. Time really does heal all wounds (:
I'm also currently going through a very tough and rather unique break-up experience. (Fun fact, balling your eyes out during morning rush hour makes the commute seem shorter!)
One thing in this video that wasn't EXPLICITLY said, but we all should have noticed; we, the ones who've been rejected by the ones we loved so much, are NOT alone. This video shows the width and breadth of humanity that deal with heartbreak and loss. We are not alone. In going through my breakup, I constantly feel alone and isolated, making me even sadder. Which is bad when you're raising 2 kids alone now.
This video is great, I've watched it a couple of times now, thanks for creating this... now, time for some more meditation.
It gets better. As long as you're alive things can always get better. Hang in there.
Love can warp your judgement. Stand strong in your values
I will definitely send this to friends going through a break up.
I cried while watching this. My bf who I loved with all my heart. dumped me out of the blue tonight. I know how they feel. I feel the same. Crushed in a million peaces....
this is going to help me get through one of the hardest things that I've ever had to do...and I'm really happy that I found this video because now I know before hand how I can get through it... thank you so much
Wow! This is so good :) Simple steps, but so helpful. Only seeing the smiles on their faces at the end of the video brings me joy!
Or be me and never have any to date. .-.
I grew 8 inches taller eating Ayurvedic Urea lmao your nickname
Well done! The Science of Love never stops to amaze me. I always walk away with something to think about. BRAVO on a great season!
Thank you so much. Just, I can't thank you enough. This was so comforting and it was just what I needed.
This made me feel 1000% better. Thank you guys so much!
You are truly amazing! Thank you for this incredible video!
I really want a punching bag lol
This one was really awesome!!! You guys rock!!! KEEP IT UP!!
I broke up with my girlfriend of 8 months a few days ago. over the last months she was practically living in my apartment, and we saw each other every day. In the end I had to face that i was not in love with her, no matter how well we were together. So braking up with hear broke me, because I lost my best friend. Over the last few days I having really let go or cried even though I felt close to it. I put on sad songs and tried to take time to feel. But I could not feel it. But this video did something:
at 0.31 the second the host says "feel it all" it put a fire in my hear. I could feel my eyes tearing up and my chin shaking. Something as simply as another guy saying "feel it all" got it started.
But the end of the video i way crying and letting the pain out. I have not had an honest good cry in many years. Thank you to this video.
Gosh. I guess sometimes you don't realize the emotions that are bottled up within you until you see them pouring out of someone else. Thank you for this.
This video really hit me hard. My boyfriend and just recently broke up. The hard part about it is that I still see him everyday! He and I live together and we have been together for 3 years.
The breakup was almost mutual. We just both realized that we are not meant for each other. We're VERY different....
It's hard because I've given so much of myself to him. I gave him all of my heart! However, even though it's so hard to get over him, I know that in time I will. Things will get better. I will discover more things about myself that I didn't know before.
I definitely learned so much from the relationship, and I'm thankful for that.
+April Maraon me and my bf just broke up too and we had the same reason as yours... We're not living together but we are in the same college class... Seeing each other almost everyday...
i really love this VDO.. thank you guys :')
this was great. i needed this, thankyou so much.
Thank you so much for this Video!!! it really helps. Much Love&Respect!!
After watching this.........it truly made me feel a lot better. Thank you.
This series never ceases to put a smile on my face! The rap at the end was especially heart warming! Thanks for amazing content :)
I needed this video tonight. Even when it's out of self-respect, and out of love and respect for the other person, it sucks to break up. Thank you SoulPancake.
I needed this like a month ago!! Thank you :D
My girlfriend broke up with me a few weeks ago, it was a long distance relationship which I knew from day one would a challenge and we spent over 4 months together, and those 4 months were the best of my life. She was my first ever girlfriend and we had so much fun together and helped each other through our issues in life, I thought I had it all. Then she broke up with me over small issues and lives been pretty shit since, the hardest part right now is letting her go, as I still love her. I wish the best of luck to everyone going through a break-up, they're tough but we all come out stronger, keep your spirits high. :)
Hey I'm going through the same thing. Everything happens for a reason, maybe that happened because soon, the one will come
So well done.This video had me to tears. Thank you so much.
I really needed this, I just really needed something to where I could keep the pain away of thinking about her again and again.
This hit me deep and I greatly appreciate that this is here. Thank you!
falling in love is the best thing that can happen to your life, but breaking up is one of the worst thing you can experience, specially if your married and have a children. we all have are strenght and weakness on our relationship. the best thing you can do is never forget who you are. pray, meditate etc. it wont happen fast it may takes weeks, months, years but have faith and be hopefull. i wish everyone of us will learn on our break ups and make us more stronger. God bless.
i really love this so much! It felt very real and heartfelt. Thank you
I love Science of Love, it's such a great concept
this was an amazing video! I havent been through a break up, but i had a terrible fight with my best friend of 7 years. 2 years later and im still angry and upset. Its time to face my emotions!
This video really helped my heart. Thank you.
thanks. i really needed this.
Wow! This is really an amazing video, i think you described my feeling perfectly, and it helps to understand the why behind it all
Love, love, love this! This is amazing
I just really want to thank whoever came up with this and helped create it. Already you've helped a lot of us so much. Thank you❤
Thank you from the bottom of my slowly healing heart!! This video really lifted me out of the pits. I plan on using this advice. Thanks and much love.
This is great video where the science of love helps our heartbroken participants to feel better and help to get over breakups. As I continue to watch their video till the end, I observed that the participants seem to have an increase level of happiness with themselves.
Definitely hits home after breaking up with my ex 3 months ago after a year and a half! It truly makes all the difference to think of the relationship as a learning experience and finding out what you can take from it. Then you realize how much better it made you as a person and then, when you're ready, you can start taking what you learned and putting that optimism into future relationships!
Thank you so much for this amazing video. Just broke up yesterday and the pain is unimaginable. But this video really helped me to get some perspective on things. ❤️
I hope there will be more Science of Love videos! I really love it!
Most of us would go through the emotions of hate, self-loathe, sadness, hung up and a few other more. This is definitely a good and positive way to help the process of getting over a relationship. It's worth the share! Love the vid :)
I hope they film more science of love videos. they help you even if you're going through a slightly different thing. my current situation isn't exactly reflected in any of the vids, but it really does help to see what science has to say, and how it makes you feel a bit brighter - even if just for a while
Oh this is amazing on every possible level! Julian, I just love you. Please can we be best friends?! You and this show and this episode are going to help and heal so many people. Thank you so much!! Now off to share this with everyone I know!!
So great. I love this!
This is very informative and inspirational I now understand what are the things that we need to know about getting over a breakup.
You guys are like heaven you make us realized the things that we really need to understand and let us change it for the better. Keep it up and God bless you more!
teared up really really badly, so thank you soulpancake! love from singapore.
Thank you... that was amazing. You made my day :3 ♡
thanks SoulPancake for these kinds of videos! I adore this series! I CANNOT WAIT FOR SEASON 2!!
this video helped me out so much a few months ago, my boyfriend of 2 years and i broke up and at that point in time i needed everything this video had to offer more than anything. I still have my moments where I feel lost and confused, but I'm doing much much better.
Thank you so much for this video.
Thank you guys very much it just helps alot.
Thank you for this, it gives me hope and now I have something to do to help this healing process.
this video actually helped,
for me it was really hard experiencing a break up and I'm still struggling through it but knowing that there are ways to over come it and that there are also other people that are struggling through it in a way makes me feel like I'm nit alone. yes it really sucks that I'm not with the same person anymore and yes it really hurts but I have to look at the positive side of things. And even typing this comment actually kind of helps too.
I think this was one of the best videos. Even I was happy for them. :D
Good job guys :)
this is so helpful, really, thank you so much. My ex and I broke up two days ago, it was non ldr for a little less than a year and then he left for college 3 years ago, distance isnt really what made us break up, he had some issues with himself and told me he needed space, I am so devastated that he wouldn't let me help him. I feel so empty right now, he was my first love and I was his... I hope I can heal soon.
thank you for this video
thanks needed this!!!
You are amazing! I love your videos ❤️👏🏼
I watched this video and I feel 45% more happier. definitely the best advise. After my break up... I needed this
This made total sense and helped me to see things in a more positive light after my break up.
Awesome Series...Truly Helpful :)
OMG I'm going through this phase of anxiety, I'm so confused, don't wanna accept things. And is making me literally sick, I'm having a sort of flu, my colon is killing me, etc. F**K LOVE!!!
Yuuuup recently been there and done that. The gentleman talking about his ex named Brian really got to me.
aw, man. this made me feel things.
you're the best, SoulPancake.
I LOVE THIS THANKYOUUU👌
This just made me smile.. Thanks
I broke up with my first "
love" two months ago
It's been a rough 8 weeks, this video has actually helped / given me a vague guide or direction. Thank you x