Why Does My Eating Disorder Want to Impress My Therapist?
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- Опубліковано 7 вер 2024
- I'm Kati Morton, a licensed therapist making Mental Health videos!
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I find this to apply to self harm also. I think i subconciously feel like I need to self harm more to justify why I'm worthy of being in therapy in the first place...why I'm worth her attention and time of day.
ilana0507 can relate to this on both side, self harm and ed. Always feeling the same
ilana0507 oh gosh I relate so much I try to do more and more damage bc I feel like i need to prove my pain :/ I dislike this therapist but I can't switch
yes, i agree 100% or that the therapist is upset with you when they are ready not. But that gives you a "reason" to do the behavior. I'm currently 67 days without sib
deborahtaylor14 that's awesome! keep it up. I'm also 4 and a half months clean of self-harm.
Same
OMG the first question is EXACTLY my problem, too!! And I always though that it was only me who thinks that way.
I hope the video was helpful!! xoxo
how about trying to impress your therapist like wanting her to see you as 'special' or as a friend or someone she thinks about alot? this is something I really struggle with! Also Kati love your videos they are super helpful and we need more people like you in the world!! xxx
THIS IS ME!
SAME
"Wanting to impress her' is an act of seeking validation. That is why DBT incorporates acceptance and validation strategies before targeting the behavior. Great topic.
I can relate so much to this question. Recently I fell that my therapist doesn't understand me. I don't really trust her anymore because at the end of every session she tells my parents everything I tell her so now I lie to her. But I still feel like I need to prove myself to her as she has started saying things like 'if your were really depressed than you wouldn't have gone out that day' etc I find it difficult as well because I haven't been diagnosed but she keeps throwing round the words eating disorder and anorexia. Thank you for the video! It was really helpful!
Loopy Lucy What on earth?! That's completely unethical and just doing a poor job of the basics. You need a new therapist!
Loopy Lucy um wtf that's against patient confidentiality
Sounds like time to look for a new therapist!
Loopy Lucy ; I agree completely against policy and shouldn't be done.
If you're under 18, your therapist has to share SOME things, but not everything. She's supposed to talk with you beforehand though... sounds like time to get a new therapist honestly...
Holy shit Kati when I was seeing a therapist a couple years ago and I dreaded telling her what progress or no progress I was making during session but I felt by mentioning any of those things it sounded like I was bragging or she wasn't doing a good job. It really hindered my sessions by not getting the support or information I needed. Thxs for the video Kati!!!
Don't have an eating disorder but Depression does sneaky stuff too. The thoughts lie and are irrational. People sometimes pretend they are okay with depression and can easily hide it from others
Totally!! Thank you so much for adding that in :) xoxo
I wish I had seen this video when my ED first started, because sometimes it felt like I tried to impress the therapist I was already seeing (for another issue).
I have recently told my friends about my eating disorder in hopes that it will motivate me to tell my parents and get help, I have found that it motivates my habits and restrictions in order to ‘prove’ I’m not faking. I feel more self conscious because I now know they will be looking at me while eating/not eating. I think it has backfired a bit.
I know this feeling, I told my doc I felt guilty after eating food and she said, "that's not what most people with eating disorders feel." So I'd try to go back and change what I said. Idk why she did that, I wasn't in competition with the other EDs she's seen, I was supposed to be honest
Kati, I love this improvement in the way that you display the questions next to you, as you answer it, so the audience can skip there if they want to. It's amazing. Keep up the good work!
Talking about that, I also love the jump cuts, they help to maintain our concentration
This was me completely, in my first ever therapy session, in which i was seeking help for trichotillomania, the therapist asked to see my hair. I had no bald spots, but my hair was quite short at the side/top of my hair, so i showed him how lengthy and choppy it was. I felt invalidated, as he asked me questions on depression and anxiety, the general questionnaire, i felt even worse, as i was pretty much fine. Apart from hair pulling everyday, which apparently wasn't evident or a big deal.
I ended up pulling out hair on purpose before the next therapy session with a new therapist because i was so worried it would happen again, and i had been convinced that my trichotillomania wasn't serious enough.
I changed therapists, i had a female closer to my age and not once did she ask to see my hair, and i felt validated, it helped massively.
(Sorry if this is triggering, but maby u can relate?) A big big thank you kati!! Oh god I'm about to totally collapse because all the stuff happening rn in my life, and the whole "I'm not doing it for attention, but I still want to shock, so they listen and take me seriously" thing is such a big deal in all of it. I even took it to the point where I took my self not serious any more, I hurted (?) myself just to see if I still could do it... Because back then the whole sh thing was so crazy to me, and now it's completely normal for me, and I'm so scarred that I cant even shock myself any more. Like, it was a natural safety thing and now I don't even care any more...
anyways, greetings from Germany xx
i'm @ home I completely relate to this. . . Dealing with these feelings is impossible because it comes with so much guilt and shame... love to you from England ❤️
Oh gosh I feel this 💚 wishing you all the best 💚
i'm @ home Heyhey :) Ich kann einiges von dem, was du gesagt hast, sehr gut nachvollziehen. Und damit umzugehen bzw. eine Lösung dafür zu finden kann verdammt schwierig sein. Ich wünsche dir trotzdem alles alles Liebe und hoffe, dass es dir ganz bald besser geht. Ich kann dir nur sagen - gib nicht auf. Ganz besonders sollst du nicht dich selbst aufgeben. Manchmal verstehen wir uns selbst gar nicht mehr, aber das ist okay. Manchmal ist das einfach nur okay.
Ich bin mir sicher, dass du das schaffen wirst und bis dahin schicke ich dir ganz viel Kraft, sowie eine fette Gedankenumarmung! Stay strong xx
I love this video Kati, not only because of the helpfully information for people with eating disorders but the way it is presented.
This video looks amazing, really well edited. 😌
Yay!! Thank you so much for the positive feedback :) xox
I feel this for my general depression and anxiety disorders, but I also feel the opposite, like I have to tell her "I'm doing great!! look at how I'm improving!!" but when I get to a certain point of being better, then the "am I sick enough?? oh no I'm gonna be kicked out bc I'm not sick enough" fears come back. and the cycle continues.
I actually stopped therapy a while ago for this exact reason. I only seemed to be getting worse, so I just quit going. It's really great to see a video acknowledging this and explaining why it happens, thank you!
Preeeeeaach it kati. I have never ever in my life, despite trying as hard as I possibly could, was ever "sick enough". I still struggle with that thought process today but I remember that it doesn't matter if I'm not the sickest or even the most recovered, what matters is how I am feeling in the present moment and the actions I can take to make myself feel better.
all your videos address my biggest fears and make everything make sense. i feel so validated after watching you videos.
Thank you so much to the person who asked this question, and to you Kati for answering. It would have never occurred to me to raise such question, sadly because all this time ive been thinking I am simply very deranged for feeling and acting that way. Never thought other people could feel and do the same. I feel bad, but i think a little bit of the guilt has lift off because i now know im not the only one and that it is part of the illness. Thank you again.
I love how even though I saw it yesterday on Facebook, like I do every time I watch it twice 😂 once on UA-cam and once on Facebook 😶 I'm totally not strange or weird. Love your videos kati, thank you for making this content, you're helping us out lots xx
These feelings apply to all of my mental health issues, as well as my chronic illness. . . I'm not sure impress is the word I would describe the feeling as but I REALLY struggle with this feeling about everything. This really does apply to any mental illness or even physical illness as I have found. . .
I think I relate these feelings with my attachment issues stemming from childhood. For me, as much as I hate to admit it, my mental illness is looking for attention. . .
Your top is so lovely and cheery!the vid made me think , because I was told to see a GP/therapist for a possible eating disorder, and trying to decide if I am sick enough for a therapist for it has made my eating worse. From this video, it sounds like this thinking is fairly common, but it seems so irrational?
Saoirse Brennan listen to instinct. You know you need help. There is no "am I sick enough." Best of luck ❤️
Oh my goodness. Thank you so much for addressing this! The fact that I have felt/thought these things is really makes me feel so horrible about myself. When i was a lot younger in treatment I didn’t feel as bad about it but now that i am older i am disgusted with the fact that i feel the need to do that!
I can really relate to this, even though I don't have an ED. I'm in trauma treatment, and for a long time I felt like my trauma was never "bad" enough. I hadn't earned my symptoms or my therapist's time.
When I was seeing a dietitian I thought I wasn’t sick enough to be there.
For me it seemed like the ED had the most control that first few weeks of treatment, it was resisting what I was trying to do to get better.
Remembering that people see therapists and dietitians when they are a healthy weight (I still see my ED nurse when I’m 6 years into recovery) helped a lot. I remember being sat in appointments, and the therapist would say something and the ED would be shouting at the therapist in my head.
watching kati counts as studying right??.... so much more interesting than the current chapter of my psych text book.
Hey Kati, I like that you mentioned ED being manipulative several times int he video. Just like many mental health diagnosis, the thoughts that are manifested from this condition can compel the person to continue repeating patterns of behaviors that at some point it can lead to a more critical condition followed by in need of a more intensive care for support. I always encourage my clients (I work with children and adolescence) to focus on using coping skills to manage anxiety, anger, feelings of hopelessness, and/or any other emotional/physical condition that may lead to risk. Thanks for touching base on ED, as always, your videos are great :).
I was literally just talking about this exact issue with my friend. I was being weighed by my therapist weekly, and i always felt like I needed to restrict so I would maintain or lose. I wanted him to know I was sick and was afraid that if I gained he wouldn't think I was sick enough or worthy to even go to therapy. @kati your answer is brilliant! I should have talked to my therapist about it, instead I found myself getting worse and quit treatment all togeather to avoid the ongoing validation The eating disorder was feeding off of.
I love the plain white background, it makes the vlog look nicer
Love the sleek blank background also x
Yay! I am so glad :) xxo
I have depression and ptsd (but I’m pretty sure it is cptsd), and always feel like as long as I haven’t been raped or beaten close to death, I have no justification for my suffering. People say “You weren’t violently punched, just slapped and hit a bit hard. So, what if the bullies at school hurt you so bad you bleed, it was long ago. What if every single friend almost to this point has been manipulative and horrible, what if your best friend of a decade as you thought was your sister still walks past you and wont even look at your face, it’s not that bad”. But when it comes to animals being hit, everyone loses their mind and starts campaign and stuff.
really interesting to hear you talk about the manipulation of an eating disorder. It's clear from what you said about impressing your therapist is a real issue for clients trying to impress their therapists. I wonder if it is also the case for other populations. For some going into therapy can be terrifying and they feel they have to be at 'rock bottom' in order to attend a session. Maybe they to try and impress their therapist to validate the scary decision to go to therapy in the first place. Great video!
I love the new layout/style of the video! Really professional!! Hope you're having a nice day xxxx
Wow, I feel like this apply to other mental illness/disorders as well. I had a hard time seeking help for my depression and anxiety cause I was wery confused and couldn't figure out if I really was "bad enough" to justify getting help - all while the thought of the "risk" of being too good and having to continue struggling on alone, was just fuling the negative thought patterns. So there were also the urge to be or act sicker or express/exaggerate (or maybe just be honest - cause still hard to know what you are dealing with when it is the first time dealing with anxiety/depression symptoms and everything that builds up slowly can be hard to recogbize) just to be able to be better - or get help to get better, which felt like a nessesity if it was going to work. Messed up minds are messed up 😅
is the self harm voice also as sneaky??
rim istanbouli Unfortunately yes
rim istanbouli As someone who self harms, the self harm voice is a lot like this.
TOTALLY!! So sneaky! Don't listen. xoxo
rim istanbouli in my experience, yes, it can be. I've often felt the need to self harm more, and even take photos of it (sickening I know I'm sorry??) or paint on fake cuts so I FEEL validated on the outside for what I'm feeling. I know it's kinda backwards thinking cuz our therapists WANT us to get better but at the same time I feel like I'm not worth much to her unless I'm in a constantly life threatening situation.
SO YES it is just as sneaky.
thanks I could really use this video. since I'm starting to go down that path again. Ed are really sneaky, I wish it would just go away. also could you make a video on how abduction can effect family life. xoxo
I'm so glad she addressed this
I feel like I have the opposite problem. I feel like I want to please my therapist and have her feel like she's doing good work and I'm getting better, so I try to minimize or don't talk about my destructive behavior. It's really fucked yo
This is a really great video- not just for people with ED. Also- I love the editing / extra things you did with this video! As always your videos are awesome!
I really like the format for the question!
This is why I stopped going to therapy. My ED tries so hard to make me think I'm not sick enough, and it just made it worse. I feel better in knowing that it's not just me.
Brilliant. I listened to the episode on Ladies who Lunch. You were amazing !
Thanks Katy. This is so helpfull! ❤
This is a really interesting question!
Also, I love the style of this video! The very simplistic background and editing (jumpcuts ftw!), especially at 2:53 "it's just that - bullshit!", is really awesome!
this video is awesome.. so vivid as if i was talking to you in person 😍 thanks for that and everything else @kati
Aaah I didnt know that anyone else felt like this and im super relived that I'm not all alone. i don't have an ed but I get all these feelings with my other mental things. i dont really want to go into details aha.
just thank you so much for making this video 💚
The editing and quality of this video is so good!!
Great video as always. The editing in this video is awesome-so professional!
I use to feel like I had an eating disorder. And for a moment it felt like it because I put so much pressure on myself to lose weight that I would binge and stress that I'd always have to deal with that cycle. But now I don't worry so much about food. I still have some struggles but not like before.
I can totally relate! Great editing!
I really like the new style, very professional!
I sometimes have this desire to do more behaviors and see how my therapist reacts but it drives me crazy bc I still don’t really know why I do this. There are times I am on her team and share really good steps in recovery but then as things get tough, I restrict and want to impress her in some way. Not really sure why.
I love love love your shirt! Yellow is such an awesome color!!!💛
This hits home a bit too hard. Thans for making this video! ❤
hey Kati I love ur videos if u have not already could u Possibly make a video about transferring therapists like one leaves and u have to transfer. what should u say? do u start off with the new therapist where u left of with the old one? is it normal to be anxious the first few times u meet with the new therapist?
Also I kinda of relate to this in a way, but with my friends and family not a therapist. I feel like I try to "impress them" because if I shock them then it means I'm actually sick even though I don't think I'm sick .
I was on the way of recovery of my ED, but as it is EDNOS it was really hard to diagnose, so once I was just a little better I thought that even thou how much I asked my parents to get me psychological help, they seem to stop it thinking I was healthy now, when I asked again after a week it really stressed me out that they don't seem to care and now I feel like it came back cuz I just don't feel like anything is worth any effort. I didn't ate anything in 2 days and now I binged and I feel terrible and at this point I just wish I could have died peacefully before any of my ED came to light.
How can ED specialists understand so much about them? If they have never gone through it, they won’t know exactly how it feels to be caught up in it. Yes I know they go to school to learn about it but that is based on “facts about feelings”. How do they really know how to help us and know what to say to prevent us being triggered? I just don’t understand how anyone else can understand EDs if they’ve never been through it.
I was waiting for this to come out because it was a good question from the Livestream yesterday 😂
Kati, if you see this question I'm just wondering. Why do some therapist not think we have an ED when we are trying to get help, and telling them? I've had this issue and it's made things worse, which seems to be a trend with a lot of us. Just curious. Thanks!
Hi Kati, thank you so much for this, your videos are always so helpful :) Could you share your thoughts on structured eating in recovery from bulimia, whether you think it can be helpful or not, and how to do it wisely? If you have talked about it in some other video, can you link it? Thanks so much X
Such a good video! Also, you're nearing 200k, OMG!
I've never felt like my therapists took my ED seriously. Even now that I've been eating enough for quite a few years, with only minor relapses, I still feel unhealthy. I am still so insecure and I want to lose the weight all the time. I think, rationally, that they always took me seriously, but I never felt like they did at the moment.
You are so amazing. Thank you for your chanel
soon after my best friend had to go to a clinic because she had anorexia, i became anorexic too. it was a terrible time. eight months later, she came back and i had finally beaten my eating disorder. not because of my therapist. every session is the same: she says "so do you want to tell anything?" and i tell her how my week went. the end. is that a real therapy? i don't know. anyways, i overcame my disorder and everything was perfect. but my parents still want me to go there. i never tell my therapist what is going on in my head and i think she knows that so she tells my parents that it would be better if i kept coming. now the problem is, my best friend had a relapse and is back in the clinic and i became depressed. nobody knows about it. and i don't tell my therapist because i feel really uncomfortable talking to her. my life is a mess.
I relate so much! thank you
How much is this specific to eating disorders? That's not a struggle of mine, but I do sort of hide when things suck, and present a nice face for everything, then I worry that people think I'm lying when they see something's wrong, or that they'll think I'm playing it up whenever I let it show. It makes an urge to act out and "prove" that I'm fighting. Maybe just to prove that I've BEEN handling it well.
I don't mean to be disrespectful to the video and the importance, but where did you get your shirt? I love it!!
Yay! Great video 💖
Also love ur top! (:
I really really really really need help! I started ed recovery three weeks ago and it was nonstop binges until about a week ago they stopped feeling like binges and started feeling like regular overeating (still thousands of calories in one sitting). I keep seeing on the internet "it's okay to binge in recovery, you need it," and I feel like I'm using that as an excuse to eat and eat and eat.
Can you do a video on You Get Me (2017 Film) on Netflix. I'm interested in what Holly Viola's diagnosis would be. Love your vids!
Sorry Kati but would you be able to explain why I always get so very apologetic when i ever breakdown or just get sad thanks!
How do I bring up my relapse with self harm to my parents and therapist.
Betsy H you be honest. Say mum/dad/ therapist. I'm struggling with this issue again and Iv really tried to stop it but it's gotten out of hand again, I need help again because I can't do it on my own anymore xxx that's it babe, it's that simple okay. Just let the words come out and then breathe
hi Kati please can you do a video on religious OCD. blasphemy is something that links to this disorder. can you please do a video or can you answer my question please Kati, my question is I have reliable OCD for about 7 years only recently been diagnosed. is it possible that I can be doing on purpose even when it doesn't happen naturally the intrusive thought of blasphemy? hope that makes sense. xxxxx
I can't tell if I have an ed or if I just want one/fake it for attention like I have done with many things in the past. I was diagnosed in 2016 with it and admitted for being malnourished and underweight but I remember feeling happy as soon as my Dr admitted me, and from then on eating was fine. it's like I just wanted to achieve a hospital admission or something.
Love your channel❤❤❤❤
Kati. I have topic I do not know where to go to get the answer. I am chronically ill and a widower. The question is about dating when you are dependent on those around us. Is there a personality type that would be drawn to the ill. The chronically ill have limited abilities and energy, because of that dependence we make perfect victims to the unscrupulous. Are there personality traits that should avoided? Any help you give would be so helpful. Thank you for your videos. Bill
why is it so hard to convince professionals that you have social anxiety?
Hi there, I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling and not feeling validated. Maybe you don't have full fledged social anxiety though? Sometimes it's easy to think you fit a diagnosis like that without realizing the actual criteria. I'm not trying to make you feel worse, because whether or not you fit a diagnosis you deserve love and support.
I often think that mental health professionals like to see the symptoms in their office. Also, most don't take the time to offer assessments to see what it is you are actually struggling with. That's why it's so important to find the right therapist who understands you and is validating towards your experience. xoxo
Jane M Did you just try to tell that commentor that they probably don't have social anxiety?
one other thing that somebody could do if having their weight asks about is a massive trigger is say could you not ask me about my weight it makes my eating disorder act up
maybe if the therapist has to know contact the physicians instead and get the weight numbers that way
its just a thought since people with eating disorders usually have a team that might be a better way to go about it
thx so much for this ha bisky vid i know there are certain things i will fight on no matter what when it comes to my mental health and in some cases physical health just if i find it to be 100% pointless
The "unkown" - I mean who can answer that? But, I guess the unknown creeps into or can be a significant factor of everyday life. Change. I can be pretty minimal at times - if I were being minimal I guess I would say that, seemingly unlike a lot of guys, I don't find the feeling of acceleration that rewarding. If I used old english ethical language, I guess I mean I don't find the gravity of many situations probable to me. Yet, unlike a lot of girls, I'm not comfortable expressing that. To many life is natural...?
This is right on! Thank you. I was wondering if I could ask a question - LONG time viewer, subscribed this year and recent paltry Patreon patron. What do you think are the main differences in treating eating disorders when the client is younger or older? So maybe 16 versus 45. I was treated as an adolescent and have had a rather traumatic relapse as an adult (I still feel about four and don't have adult things like a family or house). Dang it! How does your approach differ and do you think it's at all different for either age group? When you are older, is it harder to see a future? Thank you for all you do Ringer of the Great Cow Bell! #KatiFAQ
Uff felt so alone with this thoughts •.•`
where is the younow video from yesterday, I had to leave early 😥
love your top. you look so radiant and sun kissed :)
Hey Kate rob from Australia 🇦🇺.. I njoy yr videos. I've been diagnosed with schizofrenia but I don't have this. I'm forced to get a paliperidone injection 💉 once a month. Medications have ruined my life. All I can say to others out there from my experience is never use mental health medications they will ruin yr mind and body.
Anyhow Luv your stuff Kate... Not sure if you have already but would like to see a video on how dangerous the medications are
can you make a video about to the bone? it was really triggering :(
Could you please, please do a review of To the Bone on Netflix? I haven't watched it, and I don't think I should. I just want to know your take on it and if you think it would be triggering for people struggling/recovering from an eating disorder.
@Jenna Beth if you really don't think you should watch and or can't entertain the thought of it. I know I don't know you personally nor you're situation! Me personally it did mess with my Thought -Processes
This is me af and my psychologist doesn’t even diagnose things like that, she says it’s traits of what’s going on and not a .. I can’t explain 😹
I can relate to this also. I just recently (on Monday this week) told my doctor about my bulimia and before i did i have been restricting trying to loose more weight because i was worried i didn't look sick enough. I haven't binged and purged in nearly a week also, but iv been severely restricting to the point now i dont feel hungry and have to force myself to eat something and i cant even finish the food on my plate. My GP sent me straight to the emergency psychiatrist and he has put me on prozac, this is my 3rd day on it and today iv been feeling kind of hyper, like im on speed and i cant sleep at night since the first day taking it, is that normal? I was told it takes a few weeks to work so maybe it's some sort of placebo effect and im just imagining it. But right now it's 1am and i cant sleep.....
Hey Kati, I have a question for you and I was wondering if you could make a video of this. What happened if a person said they have Suicide ideation. would they need to go straight to the hospital or should they tell a close friend or a therapist?
I'm feeling the same, that I have to "impress" my therapist. You're talking about the ED like it's a person, as we'd have kinda like a demon inside.
Hey Kati! I was wondering what your thoughts were on the new movie To The Bone.
My therapist recently asked me why I continue seeking treatment. She said I'm not like her clients who are mandated to see her (therapy or jail) and that I'm not like the adolescents she works with (parents make them go). It made me question why I am there and if I should keep reaching out for support from her. I'm kind of like wtf- and what do I do? Any advice on this?
hey Kati! , can you do a video on the movie To The Bone? I want to know what's your thoughts on it , thnx
this is unrelated to the video, but do you have any advice on bringing up the possibility of having bpd to a therapist? i've been seeing my therapist for 9 months now, and while it has helped and we have a comfortable chemistry i havent made much progress, and i feel like the symptoms of borderline might apply to me more than just the anxiety and depression ive been treated for. i know many therapists dont like talking directly about diagnosis and that many dont like to treat borderline patients at all, so i was just wondering if you had any tips on how to phrase it in a way that doesn't seem like self diagnosing (cause i dont know if i have it i just really want an evaluation) or attention seeking, i guess
Is food addiction an eating disorder or does that fall under addiction?
can an eating disorder come from wanting to be skinnier? everything that I've read, and researched, said that eating disorder come from a lack of control. does this mean that they can't come from societies standards?
I witnessed someone after a failed attempt at suicide a few days ago. Is this grounds to try and get my first appointment pushed up? I'm having a hard time handling it.
oh my God i thought i was the only one… i’ll purposely wear leggingz and big sweatshirts to show how much smaller im getting. its so sad.
Where could I ask a question to Kati?